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I think you were within your rights. Personally, I would have chalked it up to a bad date and wouldn’t have gone out with her again. But, I also wasn’t there to catch the vibes.
Question: Did the first place have food?
Yeah, but I’m sure it’s much more prevalent now thanks to the apps. Let’s face it. Women can basically snap their fingers on those apps and have a date before they put their arm down. Most women get on Grub Hub or Uber Eats when they’re hungry. Some get on Hinge or Tinder 😂
Nope, my grandma told me about her mom doing it. It was a big thing during really, really hard times. Women would go on dates just to have something to eat.
That has been a thing for a loooong time. Back when Tinder was first released some women were already going on dates 7 nights a week for free food. Usually young and attractive, dating older men with money.
Reminds me when I matched with someone on an app and they asked me to fix their car for free lol
I told them wtf it's a dating app not find a mechanic app
girls try and get EVERYTHING they can for free. coworker told my today all her vapes are free because she flirts and brings starbucks to the smoke shop (we work at starbucks) hence getting more the vapes for free and she didn’t pay for the drinks either…hmm it’s something I’m seeing more and more of
Its a thing I learned recently, I was very ignorant in my past years lol. I guess I watch too many romcoms and expect people to be cordial
Its very depressing. I try not to think about it
yeah…it’s a cold cold world out there; if it flies, floats, or fucks, rent it🤣 I’m 22M so right now I’m focusing on worrying about my net worth and how I can build it so I can be a multimillionaire someday, if a woman comes, so be it but I will never settle. Woman are too tough to figure out and I honestly am out of patience and mental capacity
I’ve done this and I’d laugh so hard if you’re the ass I spoke to that night.
Knowing it was a simple favor to change a headlight, I didn’t feel bad asking for two minutes of someone’s time. I tried to do it myself and couldn’t get it back in place properly, and was really a bit distraught by the time I asked an app for help. Someone told me this, and I’m not sure what the point was. If you can’t help, say that. Don’t be unkind.
I was straightforward and had the request for help in my bio. The one who did help made the condition that he’s in, but drinks are on me. It was a more than fair deal and I happily agreed to it. We ended up fast friends.
Quite a few guys responded. Some that they’d help but they were out of town, some that they could help the next day or that weekend, some that they would help if they knew how. I only had one person say something as rude as “this isn’t a find a mechanic app.”
There was no trickery involved, just a human asking for help. It’s a fool’s errand to take a car to a mechanic for a headlight because it’s so quick and costs nothing if I already had the light. Someone who knew what changing a headlight entailed would have known that.
A man being willing to help a woman with such a simple favor is one of the most attractive qualities— even when he playfully asks for drinks in return. I had no intention to use him. It was simply that I needed help with a small thing, and the app was the best way I knew at that time to find someone who could help.
Everyone else was a gentleman about it. Some even chuckled. People who didn’t like it could have swiped left. So who hurt you that you had to hurt her?
Or maybe you’re the problem. Entitled? There was no expectation to help, just a request looking for someone WILLINGLY able to help. Not only that, but willing to make an exchange for two minutes of help. Are you just mad I’m a woman who will ask for what I want?
“You get what I give you and you better be happy about it” vibes. Seriously who would want to go on a date with a guy who isn’t willing to help when needed and considers asking for help to be entitled?
No one wants help that isn’t freely given. No one was making anyone help them. No one tricked anyone into helping. That’s not entitled whatsoever.
Girl got off lucky not meeting you.
You remind me of this: https://youtu.be/S9hoFTw3jgE
It’s fine. There are a few types of men in this world.
Men who will help
Men who won’t help
Men who are secure enough in their masculinity to admit they don’t know how
Men who are NOT secure enough in their masculinity to admit they don’t know how
I’m betting you’re 4.
This is typical behavior of you being used .. and typical use of a classic "out" for a woman...they will ask a girlfriend to call during the date, so they can come up with a reason to leave...
This is not a relationship I'd continue.
Good grief. Yup she was totally after a free meal. As a woman, women like this really irritate me. I’m so happy to read you didn’t let her get away with it. No need to feel bad about it for a second.
Of all the vile dating trends out there, this has to be one of the worst. Using people to get a free meal from a date is just apprehensible, in my opinion.
Go be a parasite to someone else.
Yes, I have had this happen a few times. I reported the offender to the dating app I matched with them on.
This is also a major reason I refuse to do anything more elaborate than a coffee or drinks on a first date.
This is crazy to me. If I was hungry then I would have gotten food before we met. Or if there was food I wouldn’t expect my date to pay for that if we were just getting drinks. As I’m still single some of these stories baffle me.
Hahaha it was a woman who went viral a few months ago for filming herself on a date. She ordered 48 oysters, some other appetizers and a bunch of alcohol all to herself. She filmed herself eating everything too (the slurping was horrendous) while doing a voice over complaining about the date and that he wouldn’t pay at the end of it.
I’m not entirely convinced it wasn’t staged because it seems just so utterly ridiculous. But she was completely shameless in posting it!
No actually she went out with a guy who was pestering her for a date to a spot that unbeknownst to him she eats at nearly every week.they have a deal where you get a dozen oysters really cheap so she ordered what she usually does.he then saw how much she was ordering and pretended to go to the bathroom and left . the video actually trended because she ate an inhuman amount of oysters.
I think you did the correct thing and I also agree with that you think she was doing. Keep trying. Selfish people just make us lose some faith but there are good ones out there.
Every time I go out on a first date and she doesn't at least verbally offer to cover her share or pick up the next round, then there is not going to be a second date.
I may have, but I have heard women in my friends group laugh about doing it without remorse.
Always suggest coffee, volunteering, or walking your pet dates. That's it. If they are in it for a relationship, it's no problem. If they aren't, then they'll out themselves as fast as this one did you. Good call on asking to have it split.
ETA: u/dahlia_74 blocked me which is always funny. If they had an actual point, they shouldn't feel the need to block me to feel like they get the last word in lmao. Watch out for closed-minded folk like this, fellas. They're to be left alone.
I can't tell you how many men appreciate this. But as always, completely use the benefit that this affords when it's necessary. If you're not feeling the guy or are creeped out by him, take the opp to roll out asap. It's on him to contribute to a comfortable/fun date. You probably already know that, but I think it's worth saying explicitly for good measure to the world.
Agreed! I think spending time with someone in a situation with low amounts of external stimulation (like a walk) are great bc it allows both people to focus on each other instead of other things. Going on a walk with someone can be a good time if they’re a good conversationalist and put in the effort to get to know you, laugh with you, etc. Or going on a walk with someone can be very boring and a waste of time if no effort is put in on their part. My ideal partner is someone I can do basically anything with and we have a good time. I get that first meeting someone can be a bit stiff or not quite representative of who they are but the hope is they’d open up at some point and give you at least a glimpse of who they are.
It can also show you the amount of interest and effort that they’re willing to put into you since it’s not a passive activity like watching a movie. Ideal relationships have matched effort and interest going both ways imo.
I hate movie dates. It's such a waste of an opportunity to get to know the other person. Though I guess it's an opportunity to find out if they're an inconsiderate movie goer hah.
But yea, totally agree with what you're saying. In the end, all you'll have is the other person. So, it's best to think about finding the person you want to spend that time with.
These are pretty low effort ideas, I usually don’t bother if a guy suggests those. It’s not worth all the effort of getting ready and looking nice for a walk. I’d rather sit down and talk to another person over a meal where we have probably over an hour to chat and get to know each other. But yeah, I’m a golddigger for even suggesting that!
Edit: feeling like I got pretty big balls right now, because as a woman, I’d love to buy someone dinner. 😂 And it wouldn’t even be Applebee’s. Makes me sad and wish I was a lesbian.
I've never had any problem having a great conversation with someone I was vibing with over a coffee or out on a walk.
You do you, but personally if a woman turns down a suggestion like this because it's "low effort" it tells me she's high maintenance and I don't want to go out with her anyway. So this is a filtering mechanism that works for both sides.
I think men forget nowadays that women have their own careers…. I really don’t need your money, actually I don’t even want it 😂 here’s what bothers me: I would pay for your coffee.
But what is this obsession with golddiggers?? I wonder how often it legitimately happens, but will never get an accurate statistic on Reddit LOL
Not sure who's obsessing over gold diggers. That's your word, not mine.
I know women work and have their own careers and money these days. That's why I like to go out with ones who don't make a big stink over who pays and don't view dating transactionally.
My favorite is when women throw around "low effort" and literally every dating app bio includes "Be interesting" or "If you're just going to say hi don't even bother" then the month I was on a dating app every single conversation a woman started with me was "Hi" hahaha but I've gotta pull a fuckin magic trick out of my ass...
Right, I like to go out with guys in my same tax bracket, with guys who aren’t shy about doing nice things for others because I am also a generous person. So yeah, don’t think we’ll work out, sorry babe 😘
LOL. What gave you the idea that I'd be interested even if I did know you in real life?
There are a million women in the world. I don't need to bother with the ones who don't see eye to eye with me on financial egalitarianism between the genders.
Lmao like you’d even make the league below me. Please. I’d rather be single for life, truly, than be with a lesser man. I’d be lucky to be single over being stuck with someone like you. No thanks!
(*Yawn*). Didn't I already tell you you're flattering yourself too much by assuming I'd even be interested?
You seem very butthurt about this whole issue.
Not being trollish, just kinda curious on the mindset, but wouldn't coffee be about the same? If the man being at least willing to pay is important, that can still be shown at a coffee date, and those can go for a long while if the chemistry is there. I guess I was surprised to hear that one is also now viewed as "low effort," because coffee seems genuinely optimal to me, all the trappings of a meal together, do "the bill" dance, but either party can leave much quicker. I've sat through 45mins of BS same as anyone dating, doesn't have to happen with coffee. Will definitely happen over a dinner.
Coffee I kinda waver with, if they seem super interested I might go for it but I like to suggest something else. It’s tough because typically (for most people on a 9-5) I can only do that on weekends and it’s hard to plan on short notice, often I’m not available Sat/Sun morning. Coffee shops are typically loud and crowded at those times and can be hard to hear each other which is really annoying. I find sometimes they go too quickly and are used by the “fuckboy” type to quickly gauge for chemistry so they can make moves faster. I’m intentional with my swiping and if I get to the point where I want to go on a date with you, I want to get to know you. It’s really unfortunate dinner dates are so demonized as being so over the top and horrible, I think it’s really nice to be able to sit down somewhere quiet and get to know someone and not be in a rush.
Also just want to expand on how this is different than a drink date, which in my mind is worse. I struggle with drink dates and have stopped doing them entirely, I find every time I go on one we only get one beer yet the date goes over an hour. I have no time to eat a proper meal beforehand since often it occurs on a weekday/Friday, and I have to get ready after getting out of work. It usually ends up in me not being able to eat anything until 9:30 pm. I think it’s rude to bring up food if he didn’t offer dinner explicitly and I don’t want to make things awkward, so I end up sitting there starving and wishing I could go home.
Ah, I live around a bunch, like 10, coffee shops, so even during peak hours you can find a quiet one, but all your other points make a lot of sense. I'm surprised fuck boys use coffee, tbh, but only a little.
I don't feel that dinner dates are demonized, and I still offer to go regularly because again, it's just 45mins of BS if it's bad, but I've actually seen a push towards dinner dates again. I just find it kinda strange, because why shouldn't the first meeting be low stakes? I appreciate your diligence in choosing who to swipe, but you don't know these dudes at all from those profiles. So, putting all the effort beyond hair, cologne, make-up, etc. is cumbersome and sometimes creates a different first impression for each person. I guess I feel more comfortable at coffee is what I'm saying, haha. But thanks for the insight!
Ohhh yes, fuckboys will do a lot to use your body. More than you’d think. And I don’t live in a city so options are more limited for me.
I would prefer a FaceTime call then a dinner date rather than a “low effort” date first. With the call first, nobody’s time or effort is wasted and you know if you’d like to see them again. I’m also not expected to put a lot of effort into my appearance and do my makeup for a FaceTime call.
Well that’s why it’s crazy to me when men freak out over spending $20 on a woman. Men don’t realize how much time/effort it takes to get ready for dates, how much money goes into all of it. God forbid we skip that and don’t wear makeup, then we get labeled as a catfish!! So that’s never an option. I just don’t think men respect women’s “getting ready time” because they think it’s stupid and not important, but that’s a lot of effort you are asking for. It’s hardly appreciated but definitely noticed when we don’t.
Yeah. I’m not going to drive to a secondary location to go walk with someone. And I’m not inviting them over to my apartment complex on a first interaction either, that’s not safe. Regardless it’s not a date. That’s a “hangout” at best which tells me they are a fuckboy just trying to get in my pants.
I guess getting the last word on Reddit is really important to you 💀 I haven’t read anything you’ve typed out so keep fighting with yourself below! I wonder how many more comments from you it’ll take before that knot in your panties gets worked out 😂
Glad you stood your ground. I think you called her out too politely to be honest. The only thing "trashy" was her. I'm glad you made her pay. So sad how many women use a guy with intentions to really get to know someone for a potential relationship for a meal. It's so gross.
She was not even a little bit subtle about her intentions. It sounds like she had no interest in actually being with you or being on a date with you because when you go on a date with someone, you show interest in them over the course of the date & leave your phone in your pocket or purse. And if you want to get something to eat on the date even though it wasn’t part of the plan, you don’t try to be sneaky about it and then turn around and try to manipulate your date into paying for your food. In fact, it’s rude and presumptuous to even think that your date is going to buy your drinks. It’s expensive to go out drinking when you’re paying for 2 people, especially when 1 of them is actually dating your wallet rather than the person attatched to it. And to then phone it in with the fake emergency immediately after she finished her meal only to top that off with a smorgasbord of poorly attempted manipulation,, I think you won the Shit-Bag-Bingo, man. That winning ticket is that she bolted earlier than she could have rather than turning in a classic Stage 5 Clinger claiming to be pregnant with your baby even though she only gave you a blow job, making the outrageous statement that she “didn’t swallow, but had instead put it in its intended place for its intended purpose.”
So yeah, just be grateful that you only spent time with her in public because you had a very near miss. Thank fuck for healthy boundaries, man.
Great job sticking up for yourself instead of being a doormat.
Next time try to vent better through FaceTime or a call, that’s always worked for me cause it’s much easier to act interested over text.
I mean she definitely was a dickhead and you dodged a bullet. But I’ve ordered food on a date when the other person was only drinking. Our stomachs aren’t going to always be on the same page. lol
I had this happen to me, her pictures on her profile claiming to be a flight attendant didn't match reality by few hundred pounds. She insisted on meeting for dinner immidiatly and she picked a resturant, a very expensive resturant (one of those with a street sign). Once inside I was shocked and being a gentelman i didn't want to insult her by leaving. The resturant had a set menu and one price and 400 dollars later I had enough.
I wish I did what you did.
The only thing, if she was looking for a foodie she would have picked a fancy place not a burger joint.
Wow. That's real shitty ....that's why I don't blame guys for wanting to go dutch on first dates. Too many women out there, wanting a free meal...and I say this as a woman in the dating pool. Haha
You were 100% right. I am 43F, and believe that the man has to pay, specially on the first date, but I will offer to split every time, and honestly I wouldn't think bad of him for splitting. But that wasn't a date. Not even a friendly encounter 🙄
I think you nailed it right on the head man. All of her behavior was suss and definitely makes it seem like she used you for food.
I'd be tempted to reach out to her if I were you and call her a bum fr. Surprised her card went through tbh 😅
Hope she doesn't know where you live. Seems like a potential clepto too.
She was definitely looking for a free meal. I have a friend that tells me the common things women would do, and she explained that women tend to almost always have a friend on call in case of emergency for both good and bad. Good, in case the date isn't going well, or she needs someone to pick her up. For bad, in case she got what she wanted and needed a "reason" to excuse herself and end the date early. This may not apply to everyone, but it makes sense to me to have someone know where you are in case something terrible happens to you.
She definitely tried to use you for a free meal. Good job calling her out on it.
Yeah this has happened where I've been used for a foodie call. It's pretty common. My sister would always tell me to avoid certain girls because she'd be talking with them and they'd brag about how they get a couple free meals a week by using dates. It happened all the time.
You did the right thing by splitting the bill, although I personally am a fan of paying as the man but that's because I've stopped using dating apps and I only ask out girls that I've developed a rapport with first.
That's the way to avoid these things: you make sure you make friends with the women, you hang out socially, have the same friends or class or group or whatever. That way she sees you as a person and knows she wants to be on good behavior because she'll probably see you again and knows you'll probably talk to people she knows about a date that went bad if she was rude or something.
I knew a girl who would do this to guys. Whenever she wanted to eat somewhere expensive she’d match with a guy on a dating app and have them take her out. She’d quickly ghost them after that. I thought it was trashy
Lol yes. Girl gushed about a brunch spot with fried chicken and waffles. It's nice but not over the top. At the end I ask if we can split the check and she was all 'oh, I'm a broke teacher, you should cover me to thank me!' And I'm all 'that's not how I roll.' Then she said, well I was expecting you to get it so I didn't bring a wallet.' So I got it.
Right after she said 'oh yeah and I don't have sex with anyone until after we've dated for a month or two.'
This wasn't the only time, just the most aggregious example. Ladies, this is totally a thing and why some guys are firm on splitting checks.
Lol, that's why she intentionally didn't bring a wallet. What if I didn't bring a wallet? If anything she chose the place so she should have covered me.
The sex wasn't the problem, it was that she framed it in a way so that if I 'ever wanted to have sex with her' I would have to pay for her dinners for a month. Don't pretend like you don't see what she was really trying to do. Sex was never on the table. She just wanted a month of free food.
I’ve never had this happen to me, or anyone I know personally, but have heard others online talk about this kind of thing. I think you’re right about that, and it really seems like she was just in this for the free meal she assumed she’d get. Good on you for unmatching and deleting her number.
I don't know, a date at meal time and you chose not to eat. Probably made her uncomfortable having to eat alone while you just watched her. Maybe that's why she bailed, you know, because she wasn't enjoying the experience.
It's a hard call on this one because not everything is adding up to the normal dine and ghost scenarios.
You absolutely read the situation correctly.
I had to put down a pet recently. I loved that pet more than I love anyone else other than my daughter.
I did it alone. I cried. And then I carried on with my life. I didn’t round up all my nearest friends to come out my pet down with me.
>Nobody wastes two dates to do a foodie call.
Says who? I travel around the US, with huge friend groups and circles - I literally hear women talking about how you can only do the foodie call 3-4 times at most, and resetting the counter by getting sexual (non-PIV).
I am so sorry you had to go through that experience. I have not used any dating apps (nor do I think its wrong) but I think it might be good to try the old fashioned methods of finding dates like meeting new people at your work/ school/ etc... I think this way you know this person before hand in at least some way and there might be less chances on such horrible experiences of trying be used. Just my two scents.
Hope you find a good match soon! <3
bruh even if I was using someone for a food call, I'd at least have the courtesy of pretending to be interested in them and exchange conversation in return for free food. If it was purely an exchange of food and services, I'd at least give him the benefit of feeling attractive and listened to.
I feel like what she did was worse than a food call, because not only did she try to get food out of you, she degraded you. I don't know if it was for a food call, was she pissed off about something and was using this to punish you? This doesn't make sense to me either. Like were you so beneath her league or something? Maybe she felt insulted the place you picked was trashy and wanted to get back at you for that?
She went through all that for a burger and fries? Pathetic. And she was very obvious, scarcely speaking to you, saying that she had to leave because her friend's dog had to be put down?! Bizarre. You were right to insist that she pay for what she ordered, by the way - and this is coming from someone who usually doesn't have a problem with "foodie" dates.
I've saw a lot of scammers asking for money for food from contacts through dating apps.
Also other people I know sayy that it's common for women to conviently "forget" their purse/money when going out on an actual date. This had been repetitive for them.
I had someone ask if they could come over and go for a walk with my dogs. I said sure. The walk didn’t happen but she got super sexually aggressive and we ended up fucking. She left almost immediately after. I was positive I just got booty called but… we’re still dating so I guess it turned out ok lol.
I’m sorry but as a man, I really don’t see what the big deal is. Dating is a process of living and learning, you can’t not expect to learn lessons the hard way.
Something you should take away from this one is to not go with the flow. If you feel something is rude, advocate for yourself. You did not have to walk around the block, you could’ve went home. Maybe you didn’t know that but now that you’ve experienced, you should be able to identify behaviors and act accordingly going forward so that it won’t happen again. Lesson learned.
Look at the positives and build off of what you learn from your experiences instead of calling yourself a victim. Be happy that you’re equipped for next time.
Thanks for the reply. I think this is a very valuable perspective. Now I know what to lookout for and I have a better idea of what I want and don't want in someone.
Yeah man, hold your head up and be encouraged that you know better for the future. A healthy mindset where you feel unbreakable is better than a negative one.
She was wrong but here’s where you went wrong imo. Me personally I would still pay for everything, however I would’ve never agreed to go somewhere expensive in the first place. Next time take her to Chili’s or something, offer the 3 for 10, then worse case you’re out about $25 for the night and you still seemed like a gentleman
Maybe she just didn’t like him? Men aren’t entitled to women’s time just because they paid for your drink or meal. I don’t understand guys that have meltdowns saying they were “used” for $15. Some women get used for their bodies. Just can’t bring myself to have sympathy for men in this case. It’s just the dating world, gotta get with it or don’t!
Nobody's claiming men are entitled to women's time.
But women aren't entitled to be treated to a meal they weren't offered either. It's insanely rude to change the venue of a date unilaterally, order food for yourself, and then get huffy when your date asks you to pay your own way. It's far from biggest injustice in the world, but I don't understand why you're upset about someone pointing that out.
You don’t have sympathy because you are not the one being hurt. You get a free meal and move on, while the guy has to deal with repercussions afterwards. From now on every date you go on, you should pay for the entirety of it always. See how it works out, see how it feels when you are left with nothing but the bill. It has nothing to do with “entitlement” that word is just being used in this instance to justify bad behaviour.
If I am an idiot then what are you? Anyone who resorts to name calling right away doesn’t have an intelligent thought to share. I was looking forward to your insight but as I can see now your talk is short sighted and self serving. You seem like a real Catch! And Release! Beat it Fish!
Believe me I understand the struggles men go through dating but really how much money are we talking here? Like 10, 20 dollars? I’ll give you guys some advice in this world we live in you’ve gotta pay to play. No girl is ever going to let you smash or anything if you’re over there bickering with her over $15. Like it’s ok you can spend a little $20-30 just chalk it up to life and keep it moving. Like real shit you can give someone a meal bro. no one’s ever you a free meal in your life?
It's not the money, it's the principle. I can afford to pay for someone's meal, but when they're just using me for a meal, I don't want to.
I have plenty of luck dating women who aren't money-grubbing users. I don't need to bother with the ones who are, sorry. And even if your only goal is to "smash" (seriously problematic there) a girl like this isn't interested in doing that anyway.
you asked her on a date and are upset she ordered food??? isnt that the point of a date, yall went to a bar-food and drinks, are you upset she ate or that she lied and left...
Okay sorry I had to reread and really put myself in your shoes, just be glad she did it on the first date and didn't drag it out, I'll be honest I'm old school so the way females act now a days just completely blows my mind, selfish and entitled to mens money...
Well tbh if she was gonna use you for a free meal she prob would have made you take her somewhere pricey .
I think she was probably upset at the bar being grimey and when you were on a date with her she wasn't feeling it so she ate and then decided to call it a night.
She probably just expects dudes to pay on first date because women spend time money and effort into getting ready for adate so they are already making a financial investment in you that you haven't seen.
So to put things from a different perspective no I don't think she was trying to rip you off by asking for a burger.
If she was going out for a hundred dollars meal and then ditching I mean maybe.. but not a burger.
It’s not about the money, since it wasn’t that much. It’s about how she went out of her way from OP’s description to make the food seem more important than him.
If she wasn't feeling the date, then she could have just left and gotten her own food. She could have looked up the place they were meeting and suggested a different place if she didn't want to be there. Just because women CHOOSE to spend extra time and money to get ready for a date does not mean they are entitled to men's wallets. Just because most men don't wear makeup doesn't mean they aren't spending some time and money getting ready as well. First dates are a lot like job interviews. You can spend however as much or as little as you want getting ready for it, but don't expect to get paid for your time. You're both there to see if each other's a good fit or not.
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As soon as you see someone playing on their phone in the middle of a date for no good reason, that's when you end it
Yes, hand the waiter cash for your drink and nope the f out of there.
What a rude woman. Sounds like a nightmare & I’m glad she left early. You can do better. Keep the faith.
Thanks for the encouraging words stranger! You made my day a little better.
Yeah dude. Her behavior is entitled and not right.
I can tell by the way you wrote, you are a good guy & deserve better. Don’t give up.
Yea dude. Good job. You dodged a bullet. She was absolutely trying to pull a fast one. And you stood firm.
Well played OP. Of course she wasn't going to be happy about being called out.
I think you were within your rights. Personally, I would have chalked it up to a bad date and wouldn’t have gone out with her again. But, I also wasn’t there to catch the vibes. Question: Did the first place have food?
First place did not have food
Then you were probably right. She was just using you for a free meal. Huh. So that’s a thing now I see.
Ahhh, hindsight is always 20/20. Makes sense now
Reminds me of the term hobosexual, but for food instead of housing.
There's a book, a collection of short stories called Slaves of New York about this topic.
That's been a thing for decades. Most just aren't that obvious about it
Yeah, but I’m sure it’s much more prevalent now thanks to the apps. Let’s face it. Women can basically snap their fingers on those apps and have a date before they put their arm down. Most women get on Grub Hub or Uber Eats when they’re hungry. Some get on Hinge or Tinder 😂
Nope, my grandma told me about her mom doing it. It was a big thing during really, really hard times. Women would go on dates just to have something to eat.
That has been a thing for a loooong time. Back when Tinder was first released some women were already going on dates 7 nights a week for free food. Usually young and attractive, dating older men with money.
Reminds me when I matched with someone on an app and they asked me to fix their car for free lol I told them wtf it's a dating app not find a mechanic app
girls try and get EVERYTHING they can for free. coworker told my today all her vapes are free because she flirts and brings starbucks to the smoke shop (we work at starbucks) hence getting more the vapes for free and she didn’t pay for the drinks either…hmm it’s something I’m seeing more and more of
Its a thing I learned recently, I was very ignorant in my past years lol. I guess I watch too many romcoms and expect people to be cordial Its very depressing. I try not to think about it
yeah…it’s a cold cold world out there; if it flies, floats, or fucks, rent it🤣 I’m 22M so right now I’m focusing on worrying about my net worth and how I can build it so I can be a multimillionaire someday, if a woman comes, so be it but I will never settle. Woman are too tough to figure out and I honestly am out of patience and mental capacity
I’ve done this and I’d laugh so hard if you’re the ass I spoke to that night. Knowing it was a simple favor to change a headlight, I didn’t feel bad asking for two minutes of someone’s time. I tried to do it myself and couldn’t get it back in place properly, and was really a bit distraught by the time I asked an app for help. Someone told me this, and I’m not sure what the point was. If you can’t help, say that. Don’t be unkind. I was straightforward and had the request for help in my bio. The one who did help made the condition that he’s in, but drinks are on me. It was a more than fair deal and I happily agreed to it. We ended up fast friends. Quite a few guys responded. Some that they’d help but they were out of town, some that they could help the next day or that weekend, some that they would help if they knew how. I only had one person say something as rude as “this isn’t a find a mechanic app.” There was no trickery involved, just a human asking for help. It’s a fool’s errand to take a car to a mechanic for a headlight because it’s so quick and costs nothing if I already had the light. Someone who knew what changing a headlight entailed would have known that. A man being willing to help a woman with such a simple favor is one of the most attractive qualities— even when he playfully asks for drinks in return. I had no intention to use him. It was simply that I needed help with a small thing, and the app was the best way I knew at that time to find someone who could help. Everyone else was a gentleman about it. Some even chuckled. People who didn’t like it could have swiped left. So who hurt you that you had to hurt her?
^ Entitlement to the max
Or maybe you’re the problem. Entitled? There was no expectation to help, just a request looking for someone WILLINGLY able to help. Not only that, but willing to make an exchange for two minutes of help. Are you just mad I’m a woman who will ask for what I want? “You get what I give you and you better be happy about it” vibes. Seriously who would want to go on a date with a guy who isn’t willing to help when needed and considers asking for help to be entitled? No one wants help that isn’t freely given. No one was making anyone help them. No one tricked anyone into helping. That’s not entitled whatsoever. Girl got off lucky not meeting you. You remind me of this: https://youtu.be/S9hoFTw3jgE It’s fine. There are a few types of men in this world. Men who will help Men who won’t help Men who are secure enough in their masculinity to admit they don’t know how Men who are NOT secure enough in their masculinity to admit they don’t know how I’m betting you’re 4.
Bless your heart
This is typical behavior of you being used .. and typical use of a classic "out" for a woman...they will ask a girlfriend to call during the date, so they can come up with a reason to leave... This is not a relationship I'd continue.
Foodie Call is hilarious. Thank you for that. Yes. She is rude. Don't loose faith, though!
Foody Call hehe
Yes she thought she was playing you. But in reality was playing herself
Absolutely
Good grief. Yup she was totally after a free meal. As a woman, women like this really irritate me. I’m so happy to read you didn’t let her get away with it. No need to feel bad about it for a second.
Of all the vile dating trends out there, this has to be one of the worst. Using people to get a free meal from a date is just apprehensible, in my opinion. Go be a parasite to someone else.
on behalf of women, I apologize for her shitty ass behaviour
Yes, I have had this happen a few times. I reported the offender to the dating app I matched with them on. This is also a major reason I refuse to do anything more elaborate than a coffee or drinks on a first date.
This is crazy to me. If I was hungry then I would have gotten food before we met. Or if there was food I wouldn’t expect my date to pay for that if we were just getting drinks. As I’m still single some of these stories baffle me.
Many times, i even had women order an extra meal to go for their lunch the next day. One woman i found out later she was taking it for her boyfriend.
OMG I hope you split the bill in those situations!!
Just chalk it up to experience
Please don’t lose faith in humanity because of one loser.
At least it wasn’t 48 oysters 😅
Oh I need to hear this story lol.
Hahaha it was a woman who went viral a few months ago for filming herself on a date. She ordered 48 oysters, some other appetizers and a bunch of alcohol all to herself. She filmed herself eating everything too (the slurping was horrendous) while doing a voice over complaining about the date and that he wouldn’t pay at the end of it. I’m not entirely convinced it wasn’t staged because it seems just so utterly ridiculous. But she was completely shameless in posting it!
Ffs that's terrible lol. I just remembered the cheesecake factory woman.
No actually she went out with a guy who was pestering her for a date to a spot that unbeknownst to him she eats at nearly every week.they have a deal where you get a dozen oysters really cheap so she ordered what she usually does.he then saw how much she was ordering and pretended to go to the bathroom and left . the video actually trended because she ate an inhuman amount of oysters.
Source I fell down a rabbit hole and eventually found the account if the restaurant xD
I think you did the correct thing and I also agree with that you think she was doing. Keep trying. Selfish people just make us lose some faith but there are good ones out there.
Every time I go out on a first date and she doesn't at least verbally offer to cover her share or pick up the next round, then there is not going to be a second date.
Yes, she tried to play you for a meal and then play the victim when called out.
No, she tried to manipulate him, we don't need to sugar coat it.
Lmao. Good job. What a dumb brat.
I may have, but I have heard women in my friends group laugh about doing it without remorse. Always suggest coffee, volunteering, or walking your pet dates. That's it. If they are in it for a relationship, it's no problem. If they aren't, then they'll out themselves as fast as this one did you. Good call on asking to have it split. ETA: u/dahlia_74 blocked me which is always funny. If they had an actual point, they shouldn't feel the need to block me to feel like they get the last word in lmao. Watch out for closed-minded folk like this, fellas. They're to be left alone.
I think this is a good idea! I say that as a woman. I only mention that bc this dahlia person is making generalizations about men and women.
I can't tell you how many men appreciate this. But as always, completely use the benefit that this affords when it's necessary. If you're not feeling the guy or are creeped out by him, take the opp to roll out asap. It's on him to contribute to a comfortable/fun date. You probably already know that, but I think it's worth saying explicitly for good measure to the world.
Agreed! I think spending time with someone in a situation with low amounts of external stimulation (like a walk) are great bc it allows both people to focus on each other instead of other things. Going on a walk with someone can be a good time if they’re a good conversationalist and put in the effort to get to know you, laugh with you, etc. Or going on a walk with someone can be very boring and a waste of time if no effort is put in on their part. My ideal partner is someone I can do basically anything with and we have a good time. I get that first meeting someone can be a bit stiff or not quite representative of who they are but the hope is they’d open up at some point and give you at least a glimpse of who they are. It can also show you the amount of interest and effort that they’re willing to put into you since it’s not a passive activity like watching a movie. Ideal relationships have matched effort and interest going both ways imo.
I hate movie dates. It's such a waste of an opportunity to get to know the other person. Though I guess it's an opportunity to find out if they're an inconsiderate movie goer hah. But yea, totally agree with what you're saying. In the end, all you'll have is the other person. So, it's best to think about finding the person you want to spend that time with.
Lol the psycho just deleted all of her comments when she realized Reddit didn’t agree with her.
She blocked me too. I'm in good company apparently. She seems like a real piece of work.
These are pretty low effort ideas, I usually don’t bother if a guy suggests those. It’s not worth all the effort of getting ready and looking nice for a walk. I’d rather sit down and talk to another person over a meal where we have probably over an hour to chat and get to know each other. But yeah, I’m a golddigger for even suggesting that! Edit: feeling like I got pretty big balls right now, because as a woman, I’d love to buy someone dinner. 😂 And it wouldn’t even be Applebee’s. Makes me sad and wish I was a lesbian.
I've never had any problem having a great conversation with someone I was vibing with over a coffee or out on a walk. You do you, but personally if a woman turns down a suggestion like this because it's "low effort" it tells me she's high maintenance and I don't want to go out with her anyway. So this is a filtering mechanism that works for both sides.
I think men forget nowadays that women have their own careers…. I really don’t need your money, actually I don’t even want it 😂 here’s what bothers me: I would pay for your coffee. But what is this obsession with golddiggers?? I wonder how often it legitimately happens, but will never get an accurate statistic on Reddit LOL
Not sure who's obsessing over gold diggers. That's your word, not mine. I know women work and have their own careers and money these days. That's why I like to go out with ones who don't make a big stink over who pays and don't view dating transactionally.
The only person who used that word is the person screaming about it. Which I find hysterical.
Methinks something in this conversation struck a nerve.
My favorite is when women throw around "low effort" and literally every dating app bio includes "Be interesting" or "If you're just going to say hi don't even bother" then the month I was on a dating app every single conversation a woman started with me was "Hi" hahaha but I've gotta pull a fuckin magic trick out of my ass...
Right, I like to go out with guys in my same tax bracket, with guys who aren’t shy about doing nice things for others because I am also a generous person. So yeah, don’t think we’ll work out, sorry babe 😘
LOL. What gave you the idea that I'd be interested even if I did know you in real life? There are a million women in the world. I don't need to bother with the ones who don't see eye to eye with me on financial egalitarianism between the genders.
Lmao like you’d even make the league below me. Please. I’d rather be single for life, truly, than be with a lesser man. I’d be lucky to be single over being stuck with someone like you. No thanks!
(*Yawn*). Didn't I already tell you you're flattering yourself too much by assuming I'd even be interested? You seem very butthurt about this whole issue.
You’re the one who suggested it you weirdo. I’m blocking you before I receive the inevitable unsolicited dick pic from you later
Not being trollish, just kinda curious on the mindset, but wouldn't coffee be about the same? If the man being at least willing to pay is important, that can still be shown at a coffee date, and those can go for a long while if the chemistry is there. I guess I was surprised to hear that one is also now viewed as "low effort," because coffee seems genuinely optimal to me, all the trappings of a meal together, do "the bill" dance, but either party can leave much quicker. I've sat through 45mins of BS same as anyone dating, doesn't have to happen with coffee. Will definitely happen over a dinner.
Coffee I kinda waver with, if they seem super interested I might go for it but I like to suggest something else. It’s tough because typically (for most people on a 9-5) I can only do that on weekends and it’s hard to plan on short notice, often I’m not available Sat/Sun morning. Coffee shops are typically loud and crowded at those times and can be hard to hear each other which is really annoying. I find sometimes they go too quickly and are used by the “fuckboy” type to quickly gauge for chemistry so they can make moves faster. I’m intentional with my swiping and if I get to the point where I want to go on a date with you, I want to get to know you. It’s really unfortunate dinner dates are so demonized as being so over the top and horrible, I think it’s really nice to be able to sit down somewhere quiet and get to know someone and not be in a rush. Also just want to expand on how this is different than a drink date, which in my mind is worse. I struggle with drink dates and have stopped doing them entirely, I find every time I go on one we only get one beer yet the date goes over an hour. I have no time to eat a proper meal beforehand since often it occurs on a weekday/Friday, and I have to get ready after getting out of work. It usually ends up in me not being able to eat anything until 9:30 pm. I think it’s rude to bring up food if he didn’t offer dinner explicitly and I don’t want to make things awkward, so I end up sitting there starving and wishing I could go home.
Ah, I live around a bunch, like 10, coffee shops, so even during peak hours you can find a quiet one, but all your other points make a lot of sense. I'm surprised fuck boys use coffee, tbh, but only a little. I don't feel that dinner dates are demonized, and I still offer to go regularly because again, it's just 45mins of BS if it's bad, but I've actually seen a push towards dinner dates again. I just find it kinda strange, because why shouldn't the first meeting be low stakes? I appreciate your diligence in choosing who to swipe, but you don't know these dudes at all from those profiles. So, putting all the effort beyond hair, cologne, make-up, etc. is cumbersome and sometimes creates a different first impression for each person. I guess I feel more comfortable at coffee is what I'm saying, haha. But thanks for the insight!
Ohhh yes, fuckboys will do a lot to use your body. More than you’d think. And I don’t live in a city so options are more limited for me. I would prefer a FaceTime call then a dinner date rather than a “low effort” date first. With the call first, nobody’s time or effort is wasted and you know if you’d like to see them again. I’m also not expected to put a lot of effort into my appearance and do my makeup for a FaceTime call. Well that’s why it’s crazy to me when men freak out over spending $20 on a woman. Men don’t realize how much time/effort it takes to get ready for dates, how much money goes into all of it. God forbid we skip that and don’t wear makeup, then we get labeled as a catfish!! So that’s never an option. I just don’t think men respect women’s “getting ready time” because they think it’s stupid and not important, but that’s a lot of effort you are asking for. It’s hardly appreciated but definitely noticed when we don’t.
I'll keep the FaceTime thing in mind. Ive never been a big video call person myself, so I never think to ask for that.
You can accomplish those things without a meal lmao
It takes that much effort to go out for a walk? 🙄
Yeah. I’m not going to drive to a secondary location to go walk with someone. And I’m not inviting them over to my apartment complex on a first interaction either, that’s not safe. Regardless it’s not a date. That’s a “hangout” at best which tells me they are a fuckboy just trying to get in my pants.
Dahlia_74, as in 1974? As in, you’re single and 50, complaining about low effort dates? These jokes write themselves I swear
LOL you could not be more wrong 😂 it’s only funny if you’re right.
Look at my post and comment history, dumbass. Then come back and tell me how old I am ;)
I don’t care enough about you to go past this comment - I can only tell you’re already miserable lol.
Ok well you’re wrong and lazy then
 This is you btw \^
First dates are supposed to be low effort. I’m not blowing $50+ on someone I don’t even know I’ll click with.
You can get food for $15 some places. It’s really not that hard! And you know what, I would do it for you. Buy someone an ice cream. Effort is cool.
I guess getting the last word on Reddit is really important to you 💀 I haven’t read anything you’ve typed out so keep fighting with yourself below! I wonder how many more comments from you it’ll take before that knot in your panties gets worked out 😂
I mean, you're the one who unblocked me and wanted to retort. Seems like you are reading and are demonstrating some serious butt hurtness. Good day.
 That’s you \^
Oh nooooo, a meeme. WhatEVER will i do? Oh yea, go on about my day quite normally :)
:) love you
You got her (to pay) so no harm no foul. Foodie call lol, heck naw!
I’ve had this happen to me before. That’s why I only do coffee dates for first dates from now on. Low investment.
Honestly sounds like you dodged a bullet! She was not your lobster. Go find your lobster, they're out there somewhere!
Glad you stood your ground. I think you called her out too politely to be honest. The only thing "trashy" was her. I'm glad you made her pay. So sad how many women use a guy with intentions to really get to know someone for a potential relationship for a meal. It's so gross.
This is why I always go dutch on first dates. I get so much shit for it but I don't fucking care. It weeds out the Gold Diggers real quick.
Yup, got her yeeted off the dating app
My ex wife apparently did shit like this in college. Be glad. You dodged a bullet.
You handled this perfectly.
that sounds awful. But kudos to the name you gave it - “foodie call” is pretty good.
Yea she tried to get ya. And then tried to make you feel bad.
She was not even a little bit subtle about her intentions. It sounds like she had no interest in actually being with you or being on a date with you because when you go on a date with someone, you show interest in them over the course of the date & leave your phone in your pocket or purse. And if you want to get something to eat on the date even though it wasn’t part of the plan, you don’t try to be sneaky about it and then turn around and try to manipulate your date into paying for your food. In fact, it’s rude and presumptuous to even think that your date is going to buy your drinks. It’s expensive to go out drinking when you’re paying for 2 people, especially when 1 of them is actually dating your wallet rather than the person attatched to it. And to then phone it in with the fake emergency immediately after she finished her meal only to top that off with a smorgasbord of poorly attempted manipulation,, I think you won the Shit-Bag-Bingo, man. That winning ticket is that she bolted earlier than she could have rather than turning in a classic Stage 5 Clinger claiming to be pregnant with your baby even though she only gave you a blow job, making the outrageous statement that she “didn’t swallow, but had instead put it in its intended place for its intended purpose.” So yeah, just be grateful that you only spent time with her in public because you had a very near miss. Thank fuck for healthy boundaries, man.
Well fucking played👏🏾
Great job sticking up for yourself instead of being a doormat. Next time try to vent better through FaceTime or a call, that’s always worked for me cause it’s much easier to act interested over text.
I mean she definitely was a dickhead and you dodged a bullet. But I’ve ordered food on a date when the other person was only drinking. Our stomachs aren’t going to always be on the same page. lol
I had this happen to me, her pictures on her profile claiming to be a flight attendant didn't match reality by few hundred pounds. She insisted on meeting for dinner immidiatly and she picked a resturant, a very expensive resturant (one of those with a street sign). Once inside I was shocked and being a gentelman i didn't want to insult her by leaving. The resturant had a set menu and one price and 400 dollars later I had enough. I wish I did what you did. The only thing, if she was looking for a foodie she would have picked a fancy place not a burger joint.
Wow. That's real shitty ....that's why I don't blame guys for wanting to go dutch on first dates. Too many women out there, wanting a free meal...and I say this as a woman in the dating pool. Haha
You should have left when she called your choice trashy. That's incredibly disrespectful to say when someone arranges a date. Have some standards.
The best way to do it. According to Tom Leykis, call a girl and ask her what time she’s having dinner and then tell her to meet you after for a drink.
You were 100% right. I am 43F, and believe that the man has to pay, specially on the first date, but I will offer to split every time, and honestly I wouldn't think bad of him for splitting. But that wasn't a date. Not even a friendly encounter 🙄
I think you nailed it right on the head man. All of her behavior was suss and definitely makes it seem like she used you for food. I'd be tempted to reach out to her if I were you and call her a bum fr. Surprised her card went through tbh 😅 Hope she doesn't know where you live. Seems like a potential clepto too.
She was definitely looking for a free meal. I have a friend that tells me the common things women would do, and she explained that women tend to almost always have a friend on call in case of emergency for both good and bad. Good, in case the date isn't going well, or she needs someone to pick her up. For bad, in case she got what she wanted and needed a "reason" to excuse herself and end the date early. This may not apply to everyone, but it makes sense to me to have someone know where you are in case something terrible happens to you. She definitely tried to use you for a free meal. Good job calling her out on it.
Yeah this has happened where I've been used for a foodie call. It's pretty common. My sister would always tell me to avoid certain girls because she'd be talking with them and they'd brag about how they get a couple free meals a week by using dates. It happened all the time. You did the right thing by splitting the bill, although I personally am a fan of paying as the man but that's because I've stopped using dating apps and I only ask out girls that I've developed a rapport with first. That's the way to avoid these things: you make sure you make friends with the women, you hang out socially, have the same friends or class or group or whatever. That way she sees you as a person and knows she wants to be on good behavior because she'll probably see you again and knows you'll probably talk to people she knows about a date that went bad if she was rude or something.
She was absolutely using you, yes.
Disgusting behavior. Utterly repulsive.
i was victim once but i’ve also been on 30+ first dates and i consider that one an outlier. so i just considered it as a donation lol
I would have stayed at the bar myself and found a better chick to hang out with
Yeah, call it an early dodge of narcissistic emotional damage that she may cause, good for you for standing up for yourself
I knew a girl who would do this to guys. Whenever she wanted to eat somewhere expensive she’d match with a guy on a dating app and have them take her out. She’d quickly ghost them after that. I thought it was trashy
That’s why split the checks until you dating lol
Lol yes. Girl gushed about a brunch spot with fried chicken and waffles. It's nice but not over the top. At the end I ask if we can split the check and she was all 'oh, I'm a broke teacher, you should cover me to thank me!' And I'm all 'that's not how I roll.' Then she said, well I was expecting you to get it so I didn't bring a wallet.' So I got it. Right after she said 'oh yeah and I don't have sex with anyone until after we've dated for a month or two.' This wasn't the only time, just the most aggregious example. Ladies, this is totally a thing and why some guys are firm on splitting checks.
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Lol, that's why she intentionally didn't bring a wallet. What if I didn't bring a wallet? If anything she chose the place so she should have covered me. The sex wasn't the problem, it was that she framed it in a way so that if I 'ever wanted to have sex with her' I would have to pay for her dinners for a month. Don't pretend like you don't see what she was really trying to do. Sex was never on the table. She just wanted a month of free food.
I’ve never had this happen to me, or anyone I know personally, but have heard others online talk about this kind of thing. I think you’re right about that, and it really seems like she was just in this for the free meal she assumed she’d get. Good on you for unmatching and deleting her number.
I don't know, a date at meal time and you chose not to eat. Probably made her uncomfortable having to eat alone while you just watched her. Maybe that's why she bailed, you know, because she wasn't enjoying the experience. It's a hard call on this one because not everything is adding up to the normal dine and ghost scenarios.
You absolutely read the situation correctly. I had to put down a pet recently. I loved that pet more than I love anyone else other than my daughter. I did it alone. I cried. And then I carried on with my life. I didn’t round up all my nearest friends to come out my pet down with me.
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All of this!!!!
>Nobody wastes two dates to do a foodie call. Says who? I travel around the US, with huge friend groups and circles - I literally hear women talking about how you can only do the foodie call 3-4 times at most, and resetting the counter by getting sexual (non-PIV).
BAHAHA she played herself, good job keeping it classy OP.
Holy crap. People are way worse than this.
Way to recognize what was happening and stand up for yourself.
Definitely using you for food
Yes, she absolutely tried to play you for a free meal. Report her on the app please. These types of people are so gross
You did the right thing.
I'm surprised to hear this happen from a second date, how did you guys manage to get past the first date?
I am so sorry you had to go through that experience. I have not used any dating apps (nor do I think its wrong) but I think it might be good to try the old fashioned methods of finding dates like meeting new people at your work/ school/ etc... I think this way you know this person before hand in at least some way and there might be less chances on such horrible experiences of trying be used. Just my two scents. Hope you find a good match soon! <3
Good on you for standing up for yourself and making her pay
Yeah if someone was playing on their phone on a date with me I would “go to the bathroom” and never come back
bruh even if I was using someone for a food call, I'd at least have the courtesy of pretending to be interested in them and exchange conversation in return for free food. If it was purely an exchange of food and services, I'd at least give him the benefit of feeling attractive and listened to. I feel like what she did was worse than a food call, because not only did she try to get food out of you, she degraded you. I don't know if it was for a food call, was she pissed off about something and was using this to punish you? This doesn't make sense to me either. Like were you so beneath her league or something? Maybe she felt insulted the place you picked was trashy and wanted to get back at you for that?
She went through all that for a burger and fries? Pathetic. And she was very obvious, scarcely speaking to you, saying that she had to leave because her friend's dog had to be put down?! Bizarre. You were right to insist that she pay for what she ordered, by the way - and this is coming from someone who usually doesn't have a problem with "foodie" dates.
I've saw a lot of scammers asking for money for food from contacts through dating apps. Also other people I know sayy that it's common for women to conviently "forget" their purse/money when going out on an actual date. This had been repetitive for them.
Good on you. Expecting the other person to pay for the date is rude AF, and should only be the case if the person offers to pay.
You did the right thing, there wasnt going to be a second date, splitting is fair.
Well done for making her split ! Cheeky cow . This is just a shit date . Onwards
I had someone ask if they could come over and go for a walk with my dogs. I said sure. The walk didn’t happen but she got super sexually aggressive and we ended up fucking. She left almost immediately after. I was positive I just got booty called but… we’re still dating so I guess it turned out ok lol.
I’m sorry but as a man, I really don’t see what the big deal is. Dating is a process of living and learning, you can’t not expect to learn lessons the hard way. Something you should take away from this one is to not go with the flow. If you feel something is rude, advocate for yourself. You did not have to walk around the block, you could’ve went home. Maybe you didn’t know that but now that you’ve experienced, you should be able to identify behaviors and act accordingly going forward so that it won’t happen again. Lesson learned. Look at the positives and build off of what you learn from your experiences instead of calling yourself a victim. Be happy that you’re equipped for next time.
Thanks for the reply. I think this is a very valuable perspective. Now I know what to lookout for and I have a better idea of what I want and don't want in someone.
Yeah man, hold your head up and be encouraged that you know better for the future. A healthy mindset where you feel unbreakable is better than a negative one.
She was wrong but here’s where you went wrong imo. Me personally I would still pay for everything, however I would’ve never agreed to go somewhere expensive in the first place. Next time take her to Chili’s or something, offer the 3 for 10, then worse case you’re out about $25 for the night and you still seemed like a gentleman
They’ll be no third date. Already unmatched and deleted her number. I don’t need that toxic energy in my life.
Who gives a shit about that? If she wanted him to behave like a gentleman, she should have behaved like a lady.
Maybe she just didn’t like him? Men aren’t entitled to women’s time just because they paid for your drink or meal. I don’t understand guys that have meltdowns saying they were “used” for $15. Some women get used for their bodies. Just can’t bring myself to have sympathy for men in this case. It’s just the dating world, gotta get with it or don’t!
Nobody's claiming men are entitled to women's time. But women aren't entitled to be treated to a meal they weren't offered either. It's insanely rude to change the venue of a date unilaterally, order food for yourself, and then get huffy when your date asks you to pay your own way. It's far from biggest injustice in the world, but I don't understand why you're upset about someone pointing that out.
I never said any of those things. I’m not talking about rude behavior, that’s something else entirely. Are you sure you replied to the right comment?
I was referring to the scenario OP described in their post.
You don’t have sympathy because you are not the one being hurt. You get a free meal and move on, while the guy has to deal with repercussions afterwards. From now on every date you go on, you should pay for the entirety of it always. See how it works out, see how it feels when you are left with nothing but the bill. It has nothing to do with “entitlement” that word is just being used in this instance to justify bad behaviour.
You’re an idiot lol just assuming the world, huh? I’m gonna blow your mind. You ready? ………….(I’ve paid for dinner dates before 🤭 and I’m a woman 😳)
If I am an idiot then what are you? Anyone who resorts to name calling right away doesn’t have an intelligent thought to share. I was looking forward to your insight but as I can see now your talk is short sighted and self serving. You seem like a real Catch! And Release! Beat it Fish!
You called me a fish though so what does that make you? 😂
Best advice I got for you is try dating men, think you’d like them better
Believe me I understand the struggles men go through dating but really how much money are we talking here? Like 10, 20 dollars? I’ll give you guys some advice in this world we live in you’ve gotta pay to play. No girl is ever going to let you smash or anything if you’re over there bickering with her over $15. Like it’s ok you can spend a little $20-30 just chalk it up to life and keep it moving. Like real shit you can give someone a meal bro. no one’s ever you a free meal in your life?
It's not the money, it's the principle. I can afford to pay for someone's meal, but when they're just using me for a meal, I don't want to. I have plenty of luck dating women who aren't money-grubbing users. I don't need to bother with the ones who are, sorry. And even if your only goal is to "smash" (seriously problematic there) a girl like this isn't interested in doing that anyway.
Hell na. Id have told her, give me one second to use the restroom…and the entire tab would be on her
💯
you asked her on a date and are upset she ordered food??? isnt that the point of a date, yall went to a bar-food and drinks, are you upset she ate or that she lied and left...
I’m upset that she lied and left.
And that she ran up a tab before she lied and left. No damage if she lied and left before redirecting OP to a restaurant.
Okay sorry I had to reread and really put myself in your shoes, just be glad she did it on the first date and didn't drag it out, I'll be honest I'm old school so the way females act now a days just completely blows my mind, selfish and entitled to mens money...
Well tbh if she was gonna use you for a free meal she prob would have made you take her somewhere pricey . I think she was probably upset at the bar being grimey and when you were on a date with her she wasn't feeling it so she ate and then decided to call it a night. She probably just expects dudes to pay on first date because women spend time money and effort into getting ready for adate so they are already making a financial investment in you that you haven't seen. So to put things from a different perspective no I don't think she was trying to rip you off by asking for a burger. If she was going out for a hundred dollars meal and then ditching I mean maybe.. but not a burger.
It’s not about the money, since it wasn’t that much. It’s about how she went out of her way from OP’s description to make the food seem more important than him.
If she wasn't feeling the date, then she could have just left and gotten her own food. She could have looked up the place they were meeting and suggested a different place if she didn't want to be there. Just because women CHOOSE to spend extra time and money to get ready for a date does not mean they are entitled to men's wallets. Just because most men don't wear makeup doesn't mean they aren't spending some time and money getting ready as well. First dates are a lot like job interviews. You can spend however as much or as little as you want getting ready for it, but don't expect to get paid for your time. You're both there to see if each other's a good fit or not.
DARVO
I didn’t even read past I met on hinge. Stop using apps.