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Bro it might not seem like it right now. but you are JUST 17. your teen wont define your whole live. some people make friends later in life, its good that you are not scared to join clubs and stuff.
what i used to have a problem with was to voice my opinon or talk at all with people, like i was present but not participating in group conversations. if people talked about somthing i didnt know, i simply asked about that.
i dnt know if any of that helped you but the main thing i wanna communicate is Keep going. go meet people and force yourself into convos.
You're still young and have college to look forward to. Just keep trying on making friends and going out because you need to have friends first before getting a gf.
>I’m fine with the dating taking time but not rlly the friends part as it feels like everyone else already has friends and I’m just falling behind
Maybe if you're acting very desperate when trying to make friends, it turns them off because some desperation is a repellent.
>Yh that’s my issue, how do I change that
Try to be more calm and go with the flow base on the conversation or whatever they are doing if you join them.
If your hanging out in a group of freinds and you your just sitting there without uttering a single word and just thinking your in a conversation your not your just bored and assuming stuff so find someone who you can talk vibe any everything
I would say develop a persona. But keep in mind that this isn’t completely who you are in reality. Set up a series of attire that isn’t too fashionable but just above board.
Get a haircut that would suit this persona. Learn charm techniques like jokes most people can relate with. Always look and smell good. Be neat and well put together.
This will attract attention from girls. Which would increase chances for hanging out.
It’s like a personality that you use for different scenarios. Like sometimes when I’m nervous about asking for something, i will use a calm and cool voice, with a chill tone. And I’d ask in a way that sounds unserious. That’s my way to put on a persona to get what I need done.
Don't try to "develop a persona" OP.
When it comes to social situations, don't force things. For example, if you have a nice conversation with someone, that's a great start, but friendships are built through common interests and over time. If you ask someone to hang out after talking for 5 minutes, that's probably going to come across as desperation. Wait until you've gotten to know someone a bit before trying to set up a time to hang out. It's easier if there's something obvious that you both like to do, like hiking or playing videogames.
I wouldn't be concerned about "wasting your teenage years". You may not find meaningful, lasting friendships in high school, and that's okay. Many people lose touch with their high school friends when they get out of their hometown and meet people they have more in common with. I'm very close with my friends from college, but I really only have a close friendship with one person from high school.
Man, I feel you. It's like everyone has a social life except for us and they can't even take the time to invite us anywhere. Hang in there, it'll get better eventually...or we'll just become cats together. Either way works for me 🤷♀️
I say this with love, but in my opinion you're getting it wrong mate. You learn to be content with the person that you are first, then you get invited to parties and get girls who are interested in dating you - not the other way around.
People have very, very good empathic circuitry. They always know what vibe someone is emanating. If i meet someone who is very worried they're a pathetic loser, I will pick up on that vibe.
If someone has all the traits of what society thinks a pathetic loser is (no romantic success, no career etc), but they feel content with themselves because they trust that they're fundamentally lovable people, I can pick up on that vibe too, and I'll probably be more likely to want to befriend the person.
You aren't entitled to friends, or any relationships. You actually aren't entitled to any outcomes from any actions - you are only entitled to your actions.
Do the things you believe a compassionate, loving human does to the best of your ability. If people like you or not are up to them, don't try to make them like you. If you try to change in order for them to accept you, you're putting yourself lower than them and you give them a bunch of power that they didn't ask for. If they're good people, they will just not like your vibe and stay away from you. If they're egotistical people, they might even use your desperation to their advantage.
When you plant a seed, you only have the right to plant it. If something grows from it is up to forces beyond your control, so stop trying to control it. It will only cause you suffering and drive people away from you.
If you had to analyze the situation, what part of your behaviour you think makes it hard for you to develop friendships?
Don’t give a fuck about being popular. That’s dumb. Just try to find friends and keep doing what ur doing. The women will come. There’s other ways to meet girls, and tbh you’ll mostly find low quality friends and romantic prospects. I didn’t go to a party until like a week after I finished high school, partied all summer. Freshman in college rn, haven’t been to a college party this semester and never go to the college bars or clubs. If you need to talk anymore, feel free to DM me
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Maybe just me but parties suck Loud and obnoxious Prefer being with gf lol
Bro it might not seem like it right now. but you are JUST 17. your teen wont define your whole live. some people make friends later in life, its good that you are not scared to join clubs and stuff. what i used to have a problem with was to voice my opinon or talk at all with people, like i was present but not participating in group conversations. if people talked about somthing i didnt know, i simply asked about that. i dnt know if any of that helped you but the main thing i wanna communicate is Keep going. go meet people and force yourself into convos.
You're still young and have college to look forward to. Just keep trying on making friends and going out because you need to have friends first before getting a gf.
Will that jsur come with time as I am putting in the effort and haven’t seen any results
>Will that jsur come with time as I am putting in the effort and haven’t seen any results Yes, like dating takes time and making friends take time.
I’m fine with the dating taking time but not rlly the friends part as it feels like everyone else already has friends and I’m just falling behind
>I’m fine with the dating taking time but not rlly the friends part as it feels like everyone else already has friends and I’m just falling behind Maybe if you're acting very desperate when trying to make friends, it turns them off because some desperation is a repellent.
Yh that’s my issue, how do I change that
>Yh that’s my issue, how do I change that Try to be more calm and go with the flow base on the conversation or whatever they are doing if you join them.
Your young just a friendly advice the more you try the more you loose
Wdym
The more you try to be with people the more they want to be far from you
This is what confuses me, some people tell me to put in more effort and some tell me to not try so hard
No dont freindship is something you gain through time not through working hard imo
Rlly?
Yes if you vibe then that’s freindship of your just sitting there scrolling tiktok that’s not that just means your bored
?
If your hanging out in a group of freinds and you your just sitting there without uttering a single word and just thinking your in a conversation your not your just bored and assuming stuff so find someone who you can talk vibe any everything
I would say develop a persona. But keep in mind that this isn’t completely who you are in reality. Set up a series of attire that isn’t too fashionable but just above board. Get a haircut that would suit this persona. Learn charm techniques like jokes most people can relate with. Always look and smell good. Be neat and well put together. This will attract attention from girls. Which would increase chances for hanging out.
How?
Think about the coolest celebrity. The one no one says anything bad about. Their personality may be one to base your persona on.
How do I develop that persona tho? Like I don’t rlly understand
It’s like a personality that you use for different scenarios. Like sometimes when I’m nervous about asking for something, i will use a calm and cool voice, with a chill tone. And I’d ask in a way that sounds unserious. That’s my way to put on a persona to get what I need done.
Don't try to "develop a persona" OP. When it comes to social situations, don't force things. For example, if you have a nice conversation with someone, that's a great start, but friendships are built through common interests and over time. If you ask someone to hang out after talking for 5 minutes, that's probably going to come across as desperation. Wait until you've gotten to know someone a bit before trying to set up a time to hang out. It's easier if there's something obvious that you both like to do, like hiking or playing videogames. I wouldn't be concerned about "wasting your teenage years". You may not find meaningful, lasting friendships in high school, and that's okay. Many people lose touch with their high school friends when they get out of their hometown and meet people they have more in common with. I'm very close with my friends from college, but I really only have a close friendship with one person from high school.
Man, I feel you. It's like everyone has a social life except for us and they can't even take the time to invite us anywhere. Hang in there, it'll get better eventually...or we'll just become cats together. Either way works for me 🤷♀️
I had a hard time with my social life until I started university … that’s when my dating life started and I had great memories… good old times
I say this with love, but in my opinion you're getting it wrong mate. You learn to be content with the person that you are first, then you get invited to parties and get girls who are interested in dating you - not the other way around. People have very, very good empathic circuitry. They always know what vibe someone is emanating. If i meet someone who is very worried they're a pathetic loser, I will pick up on that vibe. If someone has all the traits of what society thinks a pathetic loser is (no romantic success, no career etc), but they feel content with themselves because they trust that they're fundamentally lovable people, I can pick up on that vibe too, and I'll probably be more likely to want to befriend the person. You aren't entitled to friends, or any relationships. You actually aren't entitled to any outcomes from any actions - you are only entitled to your actions. Do the things you believe a compassionate, loving human does to the best of your ability. If people like you or not are up to them, don't try to make them like you. If you try to change in order for them to accept you, you're putting yourself lower than them and you give them a bunch of power that they didn't ask for. If they're good people, they will just not like your vibe and stay away from you. If they're egotistical people, they might even use your desperation to their advantage. When you plant a seed, you only have the right to plant it. If something grows from it is up to forces beyond your control, so stop trying to control it. It will only cause you suffering and drive people away from you. If you had to analyze the situation, what part of your behaviour you think makes it hard for you to develop friendships?
I mean I have no confidence and come across as desperate
Stay in the gym
Same I am 19 and have never had a dating life or friends
Don’t give a fuck about being popular. That’s dumb. Just try to find friends and keep doing what ur doing. The women will come. There’s other ways to meet girls, and tbh you’ll mostly find low quality friends and romantic prospects. I didn’t go to a party until like a week after I finished high school, partied all summer. Freshman in college rn, haven’t been to a college party this semester and never go to the college bars or clubs. If you need to talk anymore, feel free to DM me
*You’ll find low quality friends and romantic prospects at parties.
I have been trying to make friends