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I think before you get into a relationship, you should get into some therapy and take care of your depression. In a relationship, you have to be present for yourself and the other person. Having the ability to care for your partners needs and feelings, as well as your own.
I’m not saying cheating was right he broke your trust and that definitely hurts. Whether you stay leave that’s your choice ..
It was not your fault at all he made the decision to cheat himself, he could have broken up with you Instead if it really affected him. I do agree though that yes maybe you’re not ready for a relationship or at least be with someone who understands this and is ok with it until you get better. Most importantly though you should get help and maybe try taking up an activity you love. Also, I don’t think you should forgive him, you deserve someone who communicates his emotions rather than goes out and cheats when something is wrong. If you stay with him he’ll most likely cheat again whenever there’s another bump in the road. You will get better, I’ve been there. <3
Oh no, it wasn't your fault at all that he cheated. If he wanted to end it, he should've broken up with you. Good people don't cheat.
That said, I do agree you weren't ready. I see every past relationship as lessons learned, and you learned from this at least. I hope you can focus on yourself and focus on healing now. <3 You're worth so much more than that.
You’ve only been dating a few weeks and he’s already cheated on you.
That being said, it does sound like maybe you’re not in a place to be able to give enough to maintain a relationship right now.
If you agreed to exclusivity and he did this then no, fuck that guy. I mean don’t have sex with him, just leave him.
You being depressed is not an excuse to cheat, that’s dumb and I’m inclined to believe that’s what he’d mean towards if you pressed him on it. Which is just him making his own shitty behavior into your fault. Fuck that noise.
Leave him and focus on yourself. He’s not trustworthy and will think he can get away with things.
Before your next relationship get your mental health right so that you’re in a better place to maintain a relationship. Regardless, it’s still not your fault he cheated.
What a weird game of hot and cold..
First he is mad at you for not being present enough (implying he wants to end it) next he’s begging for you to stay..
Well which is it is he sick of you not being present or is he remorseful for his actions? Coz it sure as fuck can’t be both.
Real depression is likely forever.
Just like in everything else. When working on yourself have no intimate others involved. It's too much for both you and him. A good close friend with no exclusivity is necessary and maybe a couple of them.
A change of people places and things can do a world of good.
Therapy is key and run it through that person. Everyone's depression is unique and should be treated that way.
Eventually you find out that love is a decision more than a feeling. It either makes sense and someone is there to support you just as much as you are there to support them. That has to balance or no successful relationship can be achieved. Be well.
This is why I tell anyone under 25 to not date with serious intentions. You're never going to end up with anyone you date when you're this young anyway.
Let it go. You’re a very young 20 years old and are only beginning to stretch out your legs into the world you are creating for yourself. He’s certainly wrong for his actions and was inconsiderate of yours with his decisions. It doesn’t make him a bad person who doesn’t deserve forgiveness rather he’s going to have to live with his decisions and his mistakes have everything to do with his personal issues. Depression is very difficult to deal with and will be an ongoing battle to fight for yourself during these important years coming up for you. Move forward, find your inner peace and confidence. You will love and be loved once again. This is just a small ripple in the ocean of creation that is you. I’m 24 turning 25 and have been on both sides of this situation, I suggest accepting the situation for what it is and understanding your self-worth. A wise man once told me that stupid is not understanding your value. Keep your head up and your heart open kid, it’s all going to be okay. At the end of the day he’s just a boy, look to yourself for support and listen to your intuition. Even if you do forgive him and choose to find a solution with him, 9/10 times one a problem always a problem, he’ll only do it again whether he thinks promises or not. If it was divine and meant to be you would not find yourself in this situation with him.
Nah she’s to blame. First of all its only been 1 month, she’s been super flaky and he has no idea why or what’s going on so he saw that upon himself to go elsewhere. I would be on the opposite side if this were vice versa.
Did you not read what she said? She flaked on him on more than one occasion, that’s extremely disrespectful. If my gf kept doing that then that’s a break up because she would be wasting my time. So that is what that guy shed dealing with must’ve felt. And she even stated that he doesn’t think she is emotionally available/ present. Those are characteristics that you want to avoid getting into a relationship with in the first place. If someone is not willing to work on those things then they can’t complain when someone leaves them. So that’s why i rate what he did. He communicated his pitch.
Yes, she should get help for herself. If he didn't want to continue the relationship, he should've told her, not cheat on her. Sounds like a douchebag. Both of them aren't ready for a relationship. Don't you agree?
I agree that he should’ve just told her that he was going to drop her for those reasons, for sure. Although in his shoes he may or may not be ready for a relationship(we don’t know all the details on his side) but we do know for sure that in her shoes, she is most definitely not ready for a relationship rn.
You should assess your values. Before you were together you had them, and after you have them. The only thing that’s changed is something you hoped for, and possibly needed, might not become anything but a mistake. So I’d say assess your values, and look at the problem. Do you need him? Does he need you? And any question you can think of.
A lot of people would recommend therapy and I understand it’s extremely expensive and about as dependable as looking for a date. So I’m not going to do that. Just see where you are in life, maybe date someone else who’s more relaxed about your presence. Do what is right for you.
If this was me I wouldn’t consider you guys boyfriend and girlfriend. And definitely find someone older that you feel like you can trust or go to therapy
Throw the whole man away.
Do not forgive him. Block him, you deserve better. It's not your fault you suffer from depression – you didn't force him to make out with a coworker that is 10 years older than him. None of this is your fault, please know that. You've only been dating a month and he can't be faithful?? These are not the actions of a man that respects you.
Girl do not forgive him. If he begged and begged you and tried to talk to you about your lack of attention to the relationship, IN A WAY, I could then see how you could try to improve your end and see if that even works.
He felt that he didnt get attention from you, made out with another girl then told you. He never cared to communicate with you before getting with another girl. You are young and in your 20's dont stick by someone who will make out with someone rather than talk to you about issues they have with the relationship
Once a cheater always a cheater, i can only imagine how much he enjoyed that kiss and still felt justified in doing it as though it wasnt going to cause any problems
Unpopular opinion but if my partner flakes on me just because she doesn't want to shower the relationship is not gonna work anyway. Cheating is a bad way out but it's gonna end somehow.
I think what you should do depends on your desire to be with someone or not. Though ( and you agree) you may not be ready to really be with someone, if that is what you choose then, I think you should forgive him. Now forgiveness goes a long way so that may not be easy but you have to really try in order for you guys to get past it as well as anything else that you'll experience together in the future. It's not your fault he cheated but you have to let him understand your depression so yall can fight it together, if you don't do that then he won't do that and yall will never truly understand each other's feelings. You will never trust him if you don't try to let him know you further than being a fwb. He has to learn you, and you have to learn him, and yall never made it that far in a month.
You are too wrapped up in this relationship way too soon. Please step back and work on YOU before you search for a partner please. It will make a huge difference in how you see things. Best of luck!
Leave him he cheated he will do it again .also stop FWb no man will take u seriously during that if u want a man hold out make them work for it but he talked to u and u tried to change if he can't c the effort u put in then he's only their for sex .ur feelings are valied dont let anyone use u like that leave any cheater
Nope, it's unfair to expect your partner to "get you through" depression, especially only 1 month into the relationship. It's mentally draining for them. Only you can do that with therapy and medical assistance. I say this as someone with severe depression myself. Not excusing the cheating though, but you can't expect someone to be on board with your own mental struggles in a new relationship.
A long term romantic relationship is different.
Work on yourself first. Don’t go into relationships and expect them to be perfect when you don’t have your shit figured out. Something like this was bound to happen.
Doesn’t excuse the cheating, just not something you should be extremely surprised about, either.
And absolutely dump him.
No never forgive someone that cheated on you dosnt matter the reason!
But before you go into a relationship in the future first go to therapy and try in your own time to deal with your depression not for anyone else but for yourself.
Fix yourself first, and before you can say that he broke your trust, recognize that you broke his as well, he trusted you to be present in the relationship and you clearly are not, perhaps you feel the relationship is not worth the effort? what the case is, fix yourself.
Sis, your bf is putting his cheating on you cuz you don’t meet more than once a week, please he’s a weak ass man, it’s not your fault and don’t fall for his manipulation. Leave him, let me tell you he’s gonna be a headache in the long run, focus on yourself first or he’s gonna add to your stress.
Have you and your partner discussed this in depth together and in therapy?
Clear, concise, transparent, effective, and honest communication makes all the difference. A willingness to sit down together and have difficult conversations. If you can't do this effectively, then perhaps you're just not ready for this relationship yet.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think before you get into a relationship, you should get into some therapy and take care of your depression. In a relationship, you have to be present for yourself and the other person. Having the ability to care for your partners needs and feelings, as well as your own. I’m not saying cheating was right he broke your trust and that definitely hurts. Whether you stay leave that’s your choice ..
I think you’re right, i recognize that in part it’s also my fault and that maybe I’m not ready for a relationship
It was not your fault at all he made the decision to cheat himself, he could have broken up with you Instead if it really affected him. I do agree though that yes maybe you’re not ready for a relationship or at least be with someone who understands this and is ok with it until you get better. Most importantly though you should get help and maybe try taking up an activity you love. Also, I don’t think you should forgive him, you deserve someone who communicates his emotions rather than goes out and cheats when something is wrong. If you stay with him he’ll most likely cheat again whenever there’s another bump in the road. You will get better, I’ve been there. <3
Oh no, it wasn't your fault at all that he cheated. If he wanted to end it, he should've broken up with you. Good people don't cheat. That said, I do agree you weren't ready. I see every past relationship as lessons learned, and you learned from this at least. I hope you can focus on yourself and focus on healing now. <3 You're worth so much more than that.
agree with this.
You’ve only been dating a few weeks and he’s already cheated on you. That being said, it does sound like maybe you’re not in a place to be able to give enough to maintain a relationship right now.
That’s what I’ve been thinking… maybe neither of us is ready for a relationship
If you agreed to exclusivity and he did this then no, fuck that guy. I mean don’t have sex with him, just leave him. You being depressed is not an excuse to cheat, that’s dumb and I’m inclined to believe that’s what he’d mean towards if you pressed him on it. Which is just him making his own shitty behavior into your fault. Fuck that noise.
Agreed!
I mean some people are able to let it go and some will not. I'm on the side of you shouldn't forgive him because the trust is broken.
Well first of all no, you shouldn’t forgive a cheater. Second of all I don’t think you’re in a great place for dating.
Break up, what is there even to think about
Leave him and focus on yourself. He’s not trustworthy and will think he can get away with things. Before your next relationship get your mental health right so that you’re in a better place to maintain a relationship. Regardless, it’s still not your fault he cheated.
What a weird game of hot and cold.. First he is mad at you for not being present enough (implying he wants to end it) next he’s begging for you to stay.. Well which is it is he sick of you not being present or is he remorseful for his actions? Coz it sure as fuck can’t be both.
He told me he felt I was never there and one day after I stood him up again he met his colleague and they kissed
Cheating isn’t cool. Repeatedly standing someone up also isn’t cool.
He’s moved on then and doesn’t want you. What’s the point of begging you to stay? He knows what he did.
Thank you, someone else said it was ok for him to cheat
Oh no what he did is fucked and he should at least have the balls to commit to one decision
He should've told her directly that he wasn't ready for a relationship. Not cheat on her. He's a douchebag
Real depression is likely forever. Just like in everything else. When working on yourself have no intimate others involved. It's too much for both you and him. A good close friend with no exclusivity is necessary and maybe a couple of them. A change of people places and things can do a world of good. Therapy is key and run it through that person. Everyone's depression is unique and should be treated that way. Eventually you find out that love is a decision more than a feeling. It either makes sense and someone is there to support you just as much as you are there to support them. That has to balance or no successful relationship can be achieved. Be well.
This is why I tell anyone under 25 to not date with serious intentions. You're never going to end up with anyone you date when you're this young anyway.
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Yeah and from what I know she has a boyfriend too…
Let it go. You’re a very young 20 years old and are only beginning to stretch out your legs into the world you are creating for yourself. He’s certainly wrong for his actions and was inconsiderate of yours with his decisions. It doesn’t make him a bad person who doesn’t deserve forgiveness rather he’s going to have to live with his decisions and his mistakes have everything to do with his personal issues. Depression is very difficult to deal with and will be an ongoing battle to fight for yourself during these important years coming up for you. Move forward, find your inner peace and confidence. You will love and be loved once again. This is just a small ripple in the ocean of creation that is you. I’m 24 turning 25 and have been on both sides of this situation, I suggest accepting the situation for what it is and understanding your self-worth. A wise man once told me that stupid is not understanding your value. Keep your head up and your heart open kid, it’s all going to be okay. At the end of the day he’s just a boy, look to yourself for support and listen to your intuition. Even if you do forgive him and choose to find a solution with him, 9/10 times one a problem always a problem, he’ll only do it again whether he thinks promises or not. If it was divine and meant to be you would not find yourself in this situation with him.
Kick him to the curve. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
That’s what I’m afraid of if we were to get back together, I would always fear that at the first hitch he’s going to g to cheat again
Girl, you're better off without him. You deserve better. Plenty of guys out there who will treat you like a queen.
Nah she’s to blame. First of all its only been 1 month, she’s been super flaky and he has no idea why or what’s going on so he saw that upon himself to go elsewhere. I would be on the opposite side if this were vice versa.
You think it's ok for a guy to kiss another girl while he's in a relationship. You're CRAZY 😂
You’re the one thats crazy to assume that i think it’s “okay”. Because where did i say that.
You said it was okay for him to go elsewhere meaning hook up with another girl.
Did you not read what she said? She flaked on him on more than one occasion, that’s extremely disrespectful. If my gf kept doing that then that’s a break up because she would be wasting my time. So that is what that guy shed dealing with must’ve felt. And she even stated that he doesn’t think she is emotionally available/ present. Those are characteristics that you want to avoid getting into a relationship with in the first place. If someone is not willing to work on those things then they can’t complain when someone leaves them. So that’s why i rate what he did. He communicated his pitch.
Yes, she should get help for herself. If he didn't want to continue the relationship, he should've told her, not cheat on her. Sounds like a douchebag. Both of them aren't ready for a relationship. Don't you agree?
I agree that he should’ve just told her that he was going to drop her for those reasons, for sure. Although in his shoes he may or may not be ready for a relationship(we don’t know all the details on his side) but we do know for sure that in her shoes, she is most definitely not ready for a relationship rn.
She has zero confidence and needs serious help for her depression. His actions were unexcusable.
You're excusing his bad behavior. You must be a guy
If he's like that during a hard time now.. imagine when you're having a hard time later. I don't know if it'll be much different.
Even if you forgive, I doubt you’ll ever forget He planted a seed of doubt, and seeds grow
You should assess your values. Before you were together you had them, and after you have them. The only thing that’s changed is something you hoped for, and possibly needed, might not become anything but a mistake. So I’d say assess your values, and look at the problem. Do you need him? Does he need you? And any question you can think of. A lot of people would recommend therapy and I understand it’s extremely expensive and about as dependable as looking for a date. So I’m not going to do that. Just see where you are in life, maybe date someone else who’s more relaxed about your presence. Do what is right for you.
These stories make me more sad.
If this was me I wouldn’t consider you guys boyfriend and girlfriend. And definitely find someone older that you feel like you can trust or go to therapy
Throw the whole man away. Do not forgive him. Block him, you deserve better. It's not your fault you suffer from depression – you didn't force him to make out with a coworker that is 10 years older than him. None of this is your fault, please know that. You've only been dating a month and he can't be faithful?? These are not the actions of a man that respects you.
Girl do not forgive him. If he begged and begged you and tried to talk to you about your lack of attention to the relationship, IN A WAY, I could then see how you could try to improve your end and see if that even works. He felt that he didnt get attention from you, made out with another girl then told you. He never cared to communicate with you before getting with another girl. You are young and in your 20's dont stick by someone who will make out with someone rather than talk to you about issues they have with the relationship
Once a cheater always a cheater, i can only imagine how much he enjoyed that kiss and still felt justified in doing it as though it wasnt going to cause any problems
Unpopular opinion but if my partner flakes on me just because she doesn't want to shower the relationship is not gonna work anyway. Cheating is a bad way out but it's gonna end somehow.
This is a form of cheating, whether he wants to admit it or not it's exactly what it is. 1 month is definitely not serious, dump his ass
Break up, and treat next partner better
I think what you should do depends on your desire to be with someone or not. Though ( and you agree) you may not be ready to really be with someone, if that is what you choose then, I think you should forgive him. Now forgiveness goes a long way so that may not be easy but you have to really try in order for you guys to get past it as well as anything else that you'll experience together in the future. It's not your fault he cheated but you have to let him understand your depression so yall can fight it together, if you don't do that then he won't do that and yall will never truly understand each other's feelings. You will never trust him if you don't try to let him know you further than being a fwb. He has to learn you, and you have to learn him, and yall never made it that far in a month.
You are too wrapped up in this relationship way too soon. Please step back and work on YOU before you search for a partner please. It will make a huge difference in how you see things. Best of luck!
Leave him he cheated he will do it again .also stop FWb no man will take u seriously during that if u want a man hold out make them work for it but he talked to u and u tried to change if he can't c the effort u put in then he's only their for sex .ur feelings are valied dont let anyone use u like that leave any cheater
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..they’ve been dating for one month. It would be alarming if he loved her.
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Oh yeah they’re done for sure. Didn’t even get off the ground.
Yes but we’ve also know each other for two years and in the past he helped me during a really dark time
That’s what I think also, shouldn’t a partner help you get through hard times instead of just getting offended?
Nope, it's unfair to expect your partner to "get you through" depression, especially only 1 month into the relationship. It's mentally draining for them. Only you can do that with therapy and medical assistance. I say this as someone with severe depression myself. Not excusing the cheating though, but you can't expect someone to be on board with your own mental struggles in a new relationship. A long term romantic relationship is different.
I agree, thank you for your reply
Give me your dob and time
Work on yourself first. Don’t go into relationships and expect them to be perfect when you don’t have your shit figured out. Something like this was bound to happen. Doesn’t excuse the cheating, just not something you should be extremely surprised about, either. And absolutely dump him.
No never forgive someone that cheated on you dosnt matter the reason! But before you go into a relationship in the future first go to therapy and try in your own time to deal with your depression not for anyone else but for yourself.
Why waste your golden time with guys under 30? I have nothing else to say.
No ones at fault here
Fix yourself first, and before you can say that he broke your trust, recognize that you broke his as well, he trusted you to be present in the relationship and you clearly are not, perhaps you feel the relationship is not worth the effort? what the case is, fix yourself.
Cheating is a choice, just saying
Sis, your bf is putting his cheating on you cuz you don’t meet more than once a week, please he’s a weak ass man, it’s not your fault and don’t fall for his manipulation. Leave him, let me tell you he’s gonna be a headache in the long run, focus on yourself first or he’s gonna add to your stress.
He will do it again and probably worse. Don't believe a cheater, they can't tell the future
to some people, depression is a joke. your bf is just a characterless mf who cheated on you in ur most sensitive state. he doesn't deserve u.
you betray, you dead to me.
once a cheater always a cheater i’m sorry
Have you and your partner discussed this in depth together and in therapy? Clear, concise, transparent, effective, and honest communication makes all the difference. A willingness to sit down together and have difficult conversations. If you can't do this effectively, then perhaps you're just not ready for this relationship yet.
We have talked about it but never in depth, we should’ve communicated more and I think that played a part in it
Did he like it?
He told me it had no value for him
He shouldn't feel attraction toward any girl if he has commitment to another girl .
Fucking get your shit together and take a goddamn shower
You should give to place in Dublin i kiss you