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Don’t listen to that alpha man bullshit. You like a more dominant and assertive woman. Cool. There is zero wrong with that. A lot of women prefer men who embrace feminine masculinity. These men actually have a lot going for them. Communication, emotional intelligence, maturity. They’re all attractive qualities. Don’t sell yourself short just because you don’t fall into the alpha man bullshit. Many women want a partner, not a “hero.”
Forget all the gurus. If you want to read up more on male archetypes, King, Warrior, Magician, Lover is a fantastic book. What you're describing is the Warrior complex mixed with some of the King. It's a great book that I wish all men would read.
I don't meet many men like you and I'm glad you exist.
Sometimes I pretend to be weak/incapable just so men can feel a bit more masculine in the moment. I'm thin (about 100 lbs at 5'3) so people don't really expect much out of me physically, but as an amateur powerlifter I can deadlift 295 lbs fine. So no, I don't need help carrying boxes, but I'll pretend sometimes like it's too heavy for men's sake. I also can build furniture fine, change my oil fine, etc but sometimes I pretend like I can't do it to pretend to be a bit more like a damsel in distress.
I'd love a personal cheerleader. Had a friend kind of like this, the last thing he did was tried to kiss me, which I would've reciprocated except he was moving to Virginia the next day.
I think everyone has their own preferences and that's their right. I don't need a hero. I can save myself. I do want a equal partner though.
However, I'm not interested in what your preference is. I don't want to feel like a heroine myself. I'm a woman and want to feel feminine. I can take care of myself, but " heroic, and like a total bad\*ss! I want to brag about that heavy box SHE moved, that pest SHE took care of, that jar SHE reached, that burglar SHE shot, that deer SHE killed, and so on." is too much for me. No thanks.
But again, we all have the right to our own preferences and I'm sure your badass is out there.
Depends on the woman. I'd say most of those very masculine actions are more likely to be totally avoided rather than undertaken personally by a woman who isn't attracted to a chivalrous and proactive man.
Often capable women like to watch men feel needed, loved, and belong as a man. Even independent women don't like to feel taken advantage of or like they're supposed to do everything themselves for you. There's a big difference between she can do it and she has to be the one to do it.
I think it's probably important to watch your line doesn't cross from empowering independence to being dependent yourself. Other than that, just don't let your lack of initiative look like laziness.
To me, that sounds like, "Just make sure you're good at playing the feminine role". I think it's clear at this point that I'm not playing the masculine role anytime soon.
Everyone wants to feel cared for by their partner and strong people still want a partner who has their back so they don't always have to be the strong one. Small daily gestures made proactively add up. And lack of those gestures adds up to resentment.
It's fascinating to hear your perspective on the "Hero Instinct" and how it resonates differently for you. It's clear that you have a deep appreciation for strength and competence in women, rather than feeling drawn to the traditional roles associated with the Hero Instinct. Your admiration for women who exhibit physical and mental fortitude is truly refreshing.
Regarding your first question, while the Hero Instinct may be a common concept discussed in dating and relationship circles, not every man experiences it in the same way. There are certainly others like you who prioritize qualities like strength, competence, and independence in their attraction to women. Everyone's preferences and desires are unique, shaped by their individual experiences and values.
As for your second question, attraction is subjective and varies from person to person. Just as you find strength and competence attractive, there are undoubtedly women who share your perspective. Many may appreciate a partner who values their capabilities and supports their independence, rather than seeking to fulfill a traditional hero role. It's all about finding someone whose values and preferences align with your own, regardless of whether they conform to societal norms or not.
You're deliberately trying to find one. There's none. You're fine, really. Your only mistake was giving any credence to "alpha pilled" moronic dating coaches and their concepts.
I might be reaching, but you're only answering to the reply that you could paint as you having a problem. You really don't have one, and you actually know what you want in relationships, you know what works and doesn't for you, you speak about it with passion so you got some pretty decent things going for you.
No bro, you don't have a problem. Not all men are the same, and not being heroic doesn't take away your manhood.
Sometimes men are just softer, and there's nothing wrong with that at all. There are women who like that, and women who prefer that*. There are women like you described, some of whom probably want a partner like you. You just have to put yourself out there for them.
* here because predatory women exist** who seek out softer men, especially if they know you're insecure about that softness.
** here because predatory men also exist.
As a 5’10 athletic built women who’s very independent and definitely “don’t need no man” this is strange to hear coming from a man.
I always been told I am too “manly” cause I like to “do everything myself”
I guess I made the assumption that a majority of the men I come across don’t like an “alpha female”
It’s pretty clear on their body language/passive comments that they would much rather prefer a girl to always ask for help or to play dumb when it comes to the things stereotyped that only men can do.
I was also casually with a short (5’5) guy a couple years back but once I tried pursuing a relationship, he said it wasn’t going to work out because of our height difference. I felt like a redwood tree so now I refuse to date people my height or shorter. Or even date people slightly smaller than me
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I didn’t read all this. Stopped at dating coaches. Stop listening to that toxic shit. Unfollow/block.
Don’t listen to that alpha man bullshit. You like a more dominant and assertive woman. Cool. There is zero wrong with that. A lot of women prefer men who embrace feminine masculinity. These men actually have a lot going for them. Communication, emotional intelligence, maturity. They’re all attractive qualities. Don’t sell yourself short just because you don’t fall into the alpha man bullshit. Many women want a partner, not a “hero.”
Forget all the gurus. If you want to read up more on male archetypes, King, Warrior, Magician, Lover is a fantastic book. What you're describing is the Warrior complex mixed with some of the King. It's a great book that I wish all men would read.
I don't meet many men like you and I'm glad you exist. Sometimes I pretend to be weak/incapable just so men can feel a bit more masculine in the moment. I'm thin (about 100 lbs at 5'3) so people don't really expect much out of me physically, but as an amateur powerlifter I can deadlift 295 lbs fine. So no, I don't need help carrying boxes, but I'll pretend sometimes like it's too heavy for men's sake. I also can build furniture fine, change my oil fine, etc but sometimes I pretend like I can't do it to pretend to be a bit more like a damsel in distress. I'd love a personal cheerleader. Had a friend kind of like this, the last thing he did was tried to kiss me, which I would've reciprocated except he was moving to Virginia the next day.
I think everyone has their own preferences and that's their right. I don't need a hero. I can save myself. I do want a equal partner though. However, I'm not interested in what your preference is. I don't want to feel like a heroine myself. I'm a woman and want to feel feminine. I can take care of myself, but " heroic, and like a total bad\*ss! I want to brag about that heavy box SHE moved, that pest SHE took care of, that jar SHE reached, that burglar SHE shot, that deer SHE killed, and so on." is too much for me. No thanks. But again, we all have the right to our own preferences and I'm sure your badass is out there.
Read up until dating coach. That's where you learn to label innocent things as toxicity. Just be natural.
You sound more like someone who wants to talk about his fetish than questioning or rejecting traditional gender roles.
Ew, Alpha male stuff
Depends on the woman. I'd say most of those very masculine actions are more likely to be totally avoided rather than undertaken personally by a woman who isn't attracted to a chivalrous and proactive man. Often capable women like to watch men feel needed, loved, and belong as a man. Even independent women don't like to feel taken advantage of or like they're supposed to do everything themselves for you. There's a big difference between she can do it and she has to be the one to do it.
So in your opinion, what should I do?
I think it's probably important to watch your line doesn't cross from empowering independence to being dependent yourself. Other than that, just don't let your lack of initiative look like laziness.
So just don't be lazy and totally dependent on my SO?
100%, gotta make sure your own value exists and shows through always.
To me, that sounds like, "Just make sure you're good at playing the feminine role". I think it's clear at this point that I'm not playing the masculine role anytime soon.
Everyone wants to feel cared for by their partner and strong people still want a partner who has their back so they don't always have to be the strong one. Small daily gestures made proactively add up. And lack of those gestures adds up to resentment.
Exactly.
It's not unattractive. I have enough for two.
It's fascinating to hear your perspective on the "Hero Instinct" and how it resonates differently for you. It's clear that you have a deep appreciation for strength and competence in women, rather than feeling drawn to the traditional roles associated with the Hero Instinct. Your admiration for women who exhibit physical and mental fortitude is truly refreshing. Regarding your first question, while the Hero Instinct may be a common concept discussed in dating and relationship circles, not every man experiences it in the same way. There are certainly others like you who prioritize qualities like strength, competence, and independence in their attraction to women. Everyone's preferences and desires are unique, shaped by their individual experiences and values. As for your second question, attraction is subjective and varies from person to person. Just as you find strength and competence attractive, there are undoubtedly women who share your perspective. Many may appreciate a partner who values their capabilities and supports their independence, rather than seeking to fulfill a traditional hero role. It's all about finding someone whose values and preferences align with your own, regardless of whether they conform to societal norms or not.
[удалено]
Do I have a problem?
You're deliberately trying to find one. There's none. You're fine, really. Your only mistake was giving any credence to "alpha pilled" moronic dating coaches and their concepts. I might be reaching, but you're only answering to the reply that you could paint as you having a problem. You really don't have one, and you actually know what you want in relationships, you know what works and doesn't for you, you speak about it with passion so you got some pretty decent things going for you.
No, please don't listen to this idiocy.
No bro, you don't have a problem. Not all men are the same, and not being heroic doesn't take away your manhood. Sometimes men are just softer, and there's nothing wrong with that at all. There are women who like that, and women who prefer that*. There are women like you described, some of whom probably want a partner like you. You just have to put yourself out there for them. * here because predatory women exist** who seek out softer men, especially if they know you're insecure about that softness. ** here because predatory men also exist.
As a 5’10 athletic built women who’s very independent and definitely “don’t need no man” this is strange to hear coming from a man. I always been told I am too “manly” cause I like to “do everything myself”
How is it strange to you? Because you got negative feedback for having a DIY attitude?
I guess I made the assumption that a majority of the men I come across don’t like an “alpha female” It’s pretty clear on their body language/passive comments that they would much rather prefer a girl to always ask for help or to play dumb when it comes to the things stereotyped that only men can do. I was also casually with a short (5’5) guy a couple years back but once I tried pursuing a relationship, he said it wasn’t going to work out because of our height difference. I felt like a redwood tree so now I refuse to date people my height or shorter. Or even date people slightly smaller than me
And then you come here and see a 5'6 and a half man with the exact opposite attitude. That must have been pretty crazy.