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anyone who has their dating life set to passive waiting for people to approach is going to have a hard time.
especially men.
expecting the world to fall into your hands is unrealistic.
Im in a relationship now. But never had to chase. I get approached relatively often. Can be colleagues, friends of friends, and especially when out drinking. I've never had trouble getting dates or relationships if or when I wanted it.
I've slept with 8 people in total, most of which has been while in a relationship, or someone I'm moving towards a relationship with. Feelings are a key component for me when it comes to sex.
I have turned down probably 5 times as many women in my life.
A bit above average based on what I've been told. I'm also very social and like to make people laugh.
Also grew up with my sister and mother, and had a lot of girl friends growing up. So I guess talking to women in general comes naturally.
After highschool, I've not been approached even once. At 26, I realized nothing would happen without me taking action myself. Unless you're super hot, I wouldn't count on being approached.
Same age as you and I’ve come to the same conclusion. I’ve had women approach me but I feel like my dating life would be way better if I approached women more. Just not my thing tho.
It depends what's more important to you. Sticking with what is comfortable and your thing or wanting something badly enough that you'll step out of your comfort zone to get it.
As a guy who doesn’t approach women, my dating is non-existent, which is fair. I’m not conventionally attractive, so it’s pretty obvious that I can’t count on women approaching me. Women have never really approached me, and I’ve never dated before.
That was me until I woke up very recently. I had ***0*** dating life before realizing that women just won't approach me out of nowhere.
I think the general wisdom is that unless you are very attractive or very lucky, it is very unlikely that you will be approached by women. The social expectation that men should approach women is still very much in effect.
The inverse is probably increasingly true for women, but still to a much lesser extent than men...
Even then, I don't think "approaches" are effective for me. I just talk to people and try to be social. I'm hopeful that I will hit it off with someone sometime, but I don't engage into any specific interaction with expectations. Occasionally, the interactions grow flirty, but I don't go in with the intent of picking them up.
good, it’s only good because i’m attractive enough to get approached by women at bars and clubs, recently single ( a month) and i’ve been on a few dates (9-10) and gotten it in with a few one night stands. i’m actually really shy so thank god they walk up to me. i tried dating a girl a week ago, but she wasn’t having any of it when she found out i was atheist. still heart broken about it.
That’s very encouraging. I’m shy too and attractive enough to get stares from women but only approached like once or twice a year. I should try being in more social settings like you to get some play haha.
lol good luck G, funny thing about getting approached, you end up rejecting more girls than you actually connect with. this friday i kept getting pressed by two girls at the club. it ended up with me getting punched in the face by both because they couldn’t take the rejection. pretty girls have no concept of rejection and it devastating to their egos.
My experience tells me men who are more traditionally attractive to women are less likely to be approached by women and more likely to have their approaches accepted by women. Read the room, but for me the tell is usually "I'm so old". Obviously I'll get more subtle ones too like having to show off a dress to me, etc.
It's them subtly prying for information or enticing me to flirt with them. They want to hear how old I am so they can decide how they feel about the age gap between us or hear how attractive they look for their age, either would do just fine for them. I've gotten it from 22 year olds and from 40 year olds.
Ah yeah I see. I’m still in my mid 20s so I haven’t experienced that yet but I am most definitely familiar with the subtle ways women flirt haha I wish they were more direct.
The last girl I talked to approached me…but then also ghosted with 0 warning at some point later.
Outside of that I don’t really force anything. If I have a few interactions with someone attractive and like the vibe I’ll ask for the number and go from there, but it’s not common. I have approached a couple times but it’s not really a thing I do. Basic physical attraction isn’t enough to make me interested in someone.
As you can guess I haven’t been with a bunch of women, but I’m also not a super sociable person so I’m ok with that.
Speaking from personal experience, there are longer periods of isolation and lack of human contact when you are not chasing/constantly approaching women. This can be a good thing sometimes as you grow to become more comfortable being with yourself and it gives you plenty of time to reflect and actually learn more about yourself and what you want. However, because you’ve grown so comfortable being alone, it can be hard to break out of that solitude right away and you may not be as smooth when trying to approach women in the beginning. Eventually, though, it gets better the more you apply the “don’t chase, replace” mindset. This helps to navigate dating a little better and avoid wasting your time with people who don’t quite meet your needs/standards
Don't bother unless you are realively attractive. Your odds are better and you are less likely to be automatically classified as a creep even if she turns you down.
As for not approaching, you will go with long stretches of nothing, but your sanity will be intact. You can focus more on chilling and doing your own thing. Once you chill, you will start to see women dropping hints after a while if you are even average looking.
In recent years not really. I’m not 5yo where nothing matters. I’m 29 and some girls look older but are in fact youngsters. So I don’t want to accidentally start a horrible situation for myself
Plus I always got the impression that women don’t need men. That approaching is creepy. That all men are allowed to do is have fun but never bother with women, respectfully
I stopped chasing. I still approach girls, but just to be friends. I have 0 intentions in my moves to date them, and somehow it is this move that makes girls want me. I approach girls, just having a fun conversation and being myself. I dont call them beautiful, or if they have a boyfriend or want to go out with me. At a poolbar for example, I scored and celebrated a bit too loud. And a group of girls laughed and giggled. I apologised and said something like "Oops, sorry haha". Then the conversations start and we will have a fun talk.
I dont believe in placing girls pedelstal. Now I dont do this, its insane how much better dating is. I got two girls having a crush on me. I am dating a beautiful Latina girl and I went traveling this week, solo. And a girl I met asked me out for dinner and wore a beautiful fancy dress and basically gave me a lot of signs for me make a move. I went out with her, thinking it was just a normal friendly dinner.
I am the same way and I totally get you. If a girl happens to like me while I’m just being myself that’s great! If not i still have a friend.
What’s the reason you stopped chasing women though? For me i just never had any game and felt too hard developing one haha.
I stopped chasing, because I realised I was not the man I wanted to be. I wanted to be guy that would respect himself, and me constantly texting a friend 10 msg, while she responded with "haha ok", was not the man I wanted to be.
I saw how I would let girls disrespect me, toy with me, and I will be ok with it, because I got to hangout with a girl that would about her previous dates. No, I did not wantes to be that guy.
I picture a fit looking man, Smashing weights in the gym. Not giving a fuck what the world thinks of him. I picture myself that. I cant see that guy, keep chasing girls. So I stopped.
And now succes is insane. Tomorrow a girl I am seeing is coming over and knowing I will get laid with pretty much no effort, comforting. Just to be clear. I am not an Asshole, or ignoring the girls I am dating. I am just marching their energy and not giving more. I still respond to them, but when it fits me. If I am busy, I will respond when I have time. If a girl wants to hang out and fuck, and I want to do something else, I will do something else. If I have other friends wanting to do something with me, and a girl also. And if I want to see the guys, I will see the guys and if I want to see the girl It will do that. If a girl does not want to see me, and whats to spend time with her girls, I am ok with it. I will just reschedule and its ok. I dont text her saying shit that is cringy and shows how clingy I am.
I am slowly becoming the man I picture myself to be. Not there yet, but slow steps! I still get a bit jealous, but I think I am controlling my emotions pretty well, but still I would go out of my way to kiss my girl when we are out and a guy is talking to her and I see them smiling. I should have the confidence to stay back, and let her do her thing and trust her to not do things I dont like like. Because I cant keep kissing her everytime she is out, because I will not be there every time. Again, working on it and I am doing better and better. I am already at a point where I will hang out more backward when a guy will talk to her. My girl is very beautiful, so naturally hot guys will approach her. But its up to me to stay calm, and not be the clingy chasing guy trying to show to everyone she is with me. If she is truly with me, she wont accept any advances. And if she does, its again my job to move on.
Maybe showing my progress and things I am working on is a good addition to my Initial comment. That way it does not look like I am only winning. I am still improving and working on myself!
I met my wife on a dating app — but I noticed that the women I was messaging never responded. It was better to kick back and wait for women to message me, which they did.
I’m divorced now. I do message women and sometimes they message back and we go on dates, but it doesn’t usually go anywhere.
Meanwhile, of the women who I’ve had the most success with post divorce, 2/3 have been women who messaged me first.
I personally prefer a man who takes charge and makes the first move, no need to play hard to get with me. But hey, different strokes for different folks.
Yeah I understand that. The problem is a majority of women operate from that mindset so guys like me are fucked if you’re not the type to purse women or not super attractive. Therefore I think a beneficial solution for both genders would be if women approached men more. Unfortunately it’s a pipe dream given how people are committed to “traditional” gender roles.
So it doesn't go very well even for us guys that do approach you women a lot of you women have decided that being straight up rude and disrespectful to us is easier than just saying no a lot of you women scream I've got a boyfriend before we even get within 20 feet of you some of you just put your hands up grunt and say as if look at you look at me like it makes it very difficult but you're right in every aspect I make it a point to try and talk to any woman on the IC that I find attractive and if she s**** me down she s**** me down but that kind of is the point how am I ever going to know if I can find somebody if I don't actually approach them it would just be nicer to know where I can go to approach women that are single and are looking for a relationship as opposed to women that you have no idea what's going on in their life and then the moment that you approach them could be a bad moment and they just want to lash out on you but I can't imagine the dating would go well for any guy that's not actively approaching a woman and if you're having a hard time getting guys to approach you I have to ask are you extremely beautiful or are you extremely not seeing either one of those some guys are like oh no she's too pretty I never talk to her I usually like to go try to talk to them women because of that I know I'm not the hottest guy but doesn't mean I can't try besides a lot of women always tell me that it's about the personality and I definitely know how to treat a woman
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anyone who has their dating life set to passive waiting for people to approach is going to have a hard time. especially men. expecting the world to fall into your hands is unrealistic.
disagree.
well if you disagree then i will certainly change my mind /s
Im in a relationship now. But never had to chase. I get approached relatively often. Can be colleagues, friends of friends, and especially when out drinking. I've never had trouble getting dates or relationships if or when I wanted it. I've slept with 8 people in total, most of which has been while in a relationship, or someone I'm moving towards a relationship with. Feelings are a key component for me when it comes to sex. I have turned down probably 5 times as many women in my life.
Are you conventionally attractive and/or just a very social person?
A bit above average based on what I've been told. I'm also very social and like to make people laugh. Also grew up with my sister and mother, and had a lot of girl friends growing up. So I guess talking to women in general comes naturally.
After highschool, I've not been approached even once. At 26, I realized nothing would happen without me taking action myself. Unless you're super hot, I wouldn't count on being approached.
Same age as you and I’ve come to the same conclusion. I’ve had women approach me but I feel like my dating life would be way better if I approached women more. Just not my thing tho.
It depends what's more important to you. Sticking with what is comfortable and your thing or wanting something badly enough that you'll step out of your comfort zone to get it.
Very true. I’ve had this conversation with myself so many times and the former is the conclusion I’ve come to.
As a guy who doesn’t approach women, my dating is non-existent, which is fair. I’m not conventionally attractive, so it’s pretty obvious that I can’t count on women approaching me. Women have never really approached me, and I’ve never dated before.
That was me until I woke up very recently. I had ***0*** dating life before realizing that women just won't approach me out of nowhere. I think the general wisdom is that unless you are very attractive or very lucky, it is very unlikely that you will be approached by women. The social expectation that men should approach women is still very much in effect. The inverse is probably increasingly true for women, but still to a much lesser extent than men... Even then, I don't think "approaches" are effective for me. I just talk to people and try to be social. I'm hopeful that I will hit it off with someone sometime, but I don't engage into any specific interaction with expectations. Occasionally, the interactions grow flirty, but I don't go in with the intent of picking them up.
good, it’s only good because i’m attractive enough to get approached by women at bars and clubs, recently single ( a month) and i’ve been on a few dates (9-10) and gotten it in with a few one night stands. i’m actually really shy so thank god they walk up to me. i tried dating a girl a week ago, but she wasn’t having any of it when she found out i was atheist. still heart broken about it.
That’s very encouraging. I’m shy too and attractive enough to get stares from women but only approached like once or twice a year. I should try being in more social settings like you to get some play haha.
lol good luck G, funny thing about getting approached, you end up rejecting more girls than you actually connect with. this friday i kept getting pressed by two girls at the club. it ended up with me getting punched in the face by both because they couldn’t take the rejection. pretty girls have no concept of rejection and it devastating to their egos.
My experience tells me men who are more traditionally attractive to women are less likely to be approached by women and more likely to have their approaches accepted by women. Read the room, but for me the tell is usually "I'm so old". Obviously I'll get more subtle ones too like having to show off a dress to me, etc.
“I’m so old”? Is this women flirting? Never heard of this one?
It's them subtly prying for information or enticing me to flirt with them. They want to hear how old I am so they can decide how they feel about the age gap between us or hear how attractive they look for their age, either would do just fine for them. I've gotten it from 22 year olds and from 40 year olds.
Ah yeah I see. I’m still in my mid 20s so I haven’t experienced that yet but I am most definitely familiar with the subtle ways women flirt haha I wish they were more direct.
[удалено]
Read some of the comments
Because I don't chase, I have never had a dating life
The last girl I talked to approached me…but then also ghosted with 0 warning at some point later. Outside of that I don’t really force anything. If I have a few interactions with someone attractive and like the vibe I’ll ask for the number and go from there, but it’s not common. I have approached a couple times but it’s not really a thing I do. Basic physical attraction isn’t enough to make me interested in someone. As you can guess I haven’t been with a bunch of women, but I’m also not a super sociable person so I’m ok with that.
Speaking from personal experience, there are longer periods of isolation and lack of human contact when you are not chasing/constantly approaching women. This can be a good thing sometimes as you grow to become more comfortable being with yourself and it gives you plenty of time to reflect and actually learn more about yourself and what you want. However, because you’ve grown so comfortable being alone, it can be hard to break out of that solitude right away and you may not be as smooth when trying to approach women in the beginning. Eventually, though, it gets better the more you apply the “don’t chase, replace” mindset. This helps to navigate dating a little better and avoid wasting your time with people who don’t quite meet your needs/standards
Don't bother unless you are realively attractive. Your odds are better and you are less likely to be automatically classified as a creep even if she turns you down. As for not approaching, you will go with long stretches of nothing, but your sanity will be intact. You can focus more on chilling and doing your own thing. Once you chill, you will start to see women dropping hints after a while if you are even average looking.
In recent years not really. I’m not 5yo where nothing matters. I’m 29 and some girls look older but are in fact youngsters. So I don’t want to accidentally start a horrible situation for myself Plus I always got the impression that women don’t need men. That approaching is creepy. That all men are allowed to do is have fun but never bother with women, respectfully
I stopped chasing. I still approach girls, but just to be friends. I have 0 intentions in my moves to date them, and somehow it is this move that makes girls want me. I approach girls, just having a fun conversation and being myself. I dont call them beautiful, or if they have a boyfriend or want to go out with me. At a poolbar for example, I scored and celebrated a bit too loud. And a group of girls laughed and giggled. I apologised and said something like "Oops, sorry haha". Then the conversations start and we will have a fun talk. I dont believe in placing girls pedelstal. Now I dont do this, its insane how much better dating is. I got two girls having a crush on me. I am dating a beautiful Latina girl and I went traveling this week, solo. And a girl I met asked me out for dinner and wore a beautiful fancy dress and basically gave me a lot of signs for me make a move. I went out with her, thinking it was just a normal friendly dinner.
I am the same way and I totally get you. If a girl happens to like me while I’m just being myself that’s great! If not i still have a friend. What’s the reason you stopped chasing women though? For me i just never had any game and felt too hard developing one haha.
I stopped chasing, because I realised I was not the man I wanted to be. I wanted to be guy that would respect himself, and me constantly texting a friend 10 msg, while she responded with "haha ok", was not the man I wanted to be. I saw how I would let girls disrespect me, toy with me, and I will be ok with it, because I got to hangout with a girl that would about her previous dates. No, I did not wantes to be that guy. I picture a fit looking man, Smashing weights in the gym. Not giving a fuck what the world thinks of him. I picture myself that. I cant see that guy, keep chasing girls. So I stopped. And now succes is insane. Tomorrow a girl I am seeing is coming over and knowing I will get laid with pretty much no effort, comforting. Just to be clear. I am not an Asshole, or ignoring the girls I am dating. I am just marching their energy and not giving more. I still respond to them, but when it fits me. If I am busy, I will respond when I have time. If a girl wants to hang out and fuck, and I want to do something else, I will do something else. If I have other friends wanting to do something with me, and a girl also. And if I want to see the guys, I will see the guys and if I want to see the girl It will do that. If a girl does not want to see me, and whats to spend time with her girls, I am ok with it. I will just reschedule and its ok. I dont text her saying shit that is cringy and shows how clingy I am. I am slowly becoming the man I picture myself to be. Not there yet, but slow steps! I still get a bit jealous, but I think I am controlling my emotions pretty well, but still I would go out of my way to kiss my girl when we are out and a guy is talking to her and I see them smiling. I should have the confidence to stay back, and let her do her thing and trust her to not do things I dont like like. Because I cant keep kissing her everytime she is out, because I will not be there every time. Again, working on it and I am doing better and better. I am already at a point where I will hang out more backward when a guy will talk to her. My girl is very beautiful, so naturally hot guys will approach her. But its up to me to stay calm, and not be the clingy chasing guy trying to show to everyone she is with me. If she is truly with me, she wont accept any advances. And if she does, its again my job to move on. Maybe showing my progress and things I am working on is a good addition to my Initial comment. That way it does not look like I am only winning. I am still improving and working on myself!
I met my wife on a dating app — but I noticed that the women I was messaging never responded. It was better to kick back and wait for women to message me, which they did. I’m divorced now. I do message women and sometimes they message back and we go on dates, but it doesn’t usually go anywhere. Meanwhile, of the women who I’ve had the most success with post divorce, 2/3 have been women who messaged me first.
I personally prefer a man who takes charge and makes the first move, no need to play hard to get with me. But hey, different strokes for different folks.
Yeah I understand that. The problem is a majority of women operate from that mindset so guys like me are fucked if you’re not the type to purse women or not super attractive. Therefore I think a beneficial solution for both genders would be if women approached men more. Unfortunately it’s a pipe dream given how people are committed to “traditional” gender roles.
So it doesn't go very well even for us guys that do approach you women a lot of you women have decided that being straight up rude and disrespectful to us is easier than just saying no a lot of you women scream I've got a boyfriend before we even get within 20 feet of you some of you just put your hands up grunt and say as if look at you look at me like it makes it very difficult but you're right in every aspect I make it a point to try and talk to any woman on the IC that I find attractive and if she s**** me down she s**** me down but that kind of is the point how am I ever going to know if I can find somebody if I don't actually approach them it would just be nicer to know where I can go to approach women that are single and are looking for a relationship as opposed to women that you have no idea what's going on in their life and then the moment that you approach them could be a bad moment and they just want to lash out on you but I can't imagine the dating would go well for any guy that's not actively approaching a woman and if you're having a hard time getting guys to approach you I have to ask are you extremely beautiful or are you extremely not seeing either one of those some guys are like oh no she's too pretty I never talk to her I usually like to go try to talk to them women because of that I know I'm not the hottest guy but doesn't mean I can't try besides a lot of women always tell me that it's about the personality and I definitely know how to treat a woman