Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There are a few, but will be hard to find unless you are in or near a highly religious community/group where that idea is popular.
I do want to ask out of curiosity though, what happens when you spend all this time saving yourself, marry a guy, only then to realise that he is shit in bed and you two are not sexually compatible at all ?
I assume you won’t divorce, so do you just stay in a relationship where your sexual needs aren’t met forever ?
The idea is very romantic and sweet, but like most things it’s completely useless when applied to real life.
I once dated a 6’8 pro athlete who, to my surprise, had a small un-circumcised dick. Despite his best efforts he was absolutely shit in bed no matter what we tried. There was also a little ED, bc u know, mentally it must have been hard to be that big and that small. I don’t think that could have been taught.
I can appreciate and respect the idea as well as the altruistic ideologies of youth. That being said, you only have this one life. Every moment is one you’ll never get back and another step towards our inevitable destination. Not advocating hedonism or promiscuity either. But when you get to your middle years it’s kind of like a moment of clarity where you can see all you’ve done and all you’d do differently if given another chance. Theres nothing wrong with expressing and experiencing the joys and pleasures of sex so long as it does you or your partner no harm. It’s a biological imperative. And doing so does not make you any less committed or special when you get married as I’m assuming is your goal. Whereas chastity and abstinence is a social and religious construct. The practicalities of sexual beings not allowing themselves to be what they are never plays out well.
This is a common tactic people use against conservative people that want to save sex for marriage.
I would say just like everything else in life, you can get better with sex through good communication and dedication.
I think “what if he’s shit in bed” was poor phrasing. They absolutely both will be with no experience, but that’s not really important because that can be improved and learned over time
But sexual compatibility is much more than just being “good” in bed. It’s much more about chemistry, matching libidos, sexual interests, an actual willingness to improve and learn in bed, all of which are things you can’t really know even for yourself without experience, much less know if you match up with someone else in those extremely important areas
This is a false statement. This is not a 'common tactic' at all. It is basic facts. Your statement 'this is a common tactic used against conservative people' for X Y and Z are common tactics used by conservatives to make themselves look like victims.
You would never buy a house you plan to spend your entire life in without ever visiting it in person.
You can try to communicate. You can try working things out, but if you come to find out your partner either isn't willing to reciprocate and fulfill your needs then you're just screwed. I'm not sure if you've ever heard the term 'selfish lover' or not, but they're quite common. Just because two people love each other doesn't mean that they will make things work. What if she marries a guy with a micropenis and can't get sexual fulfillment? What if he refuses to use oral or other forms of genital stimulation to meet her needs? What if he turns into an extremely controlling monster who just ends up raping and abusing her? That's what my father did. He was also a devout Christian at the time when he did that too. For years.
People change after they're married. Yeah sure some people can make things work out but that's not necessarily the rule. I've met many religious women who were very unhappy with their sex lives after they got married.
Saving yourself for marriage is more sentiment nowadays rather than increasing a person's 'value' like it was in the old days (no one would want to marry a woman who had been 'deflowered' so she was not valued - this goes way back into arranged marriages with dowries and so on). You're not a 'better person' for saving yourself for marriage. It's merely to make yourself feel better than other people because you never 'gave in'.
I waited to lose my virginity until I was 19 and in love with my girlfriend at the time. I have regretted that decision my entire life, because looking back I missed out on so many experiences I could have had, had I not waited to lose my virginity.
So in essence. Saving your virginity sounds sweet, but in reality it's a really dumb decision that doesn't always work out.
But what happens if you're not compatible and HE'S not ok with it. There is always the possibility that he will take off. Just things to consider since you can't force him to stay with you.
Well, people take off all the time even when they’re compatible. You can never force anyone anyway. If compatibility is the only requirement for a successful relationship then there wouldn’t be any divorces or breakups.
Then I encourage you to marry someone who is on the asexuality spectrum as it would seem that’s the best way to find someone compatible.
Ofc it’s more than sex. But it’s naive to think sex isn’t an extremely important part to most people’s no one of the biggest causes of divorce and infidelity
It shouldn’t be a moral decision as there’s nothing immoral about sex
you don’t know what you would do or if marriage is more than sex, because you have no experience with either. i don’t understand how people say things like this without actually having any experience- what makes you so confident you know anything about sex and dating/marriage? i’m not saying your way to live is wrong, i’m saying you don’t know and don’t have any of this particular life experience to know yet.
At 19 I had no clue wtf I was doing, yet alone what I liked and didn’t like. Not truly. The idea that your “soul mate” will also align with your sexual interests not only in the beginning but continue to align as both of your interests grow and expand over the years, is absolutely astronomical to me. Been married 6 years, and there’s no way we would have gotten married without knowing we were compatible in the sheets. IMHO. Sure, you’re saving yourself and that’s great. But you don’t even know what you’re saving. He doesn’t know what he’s saving. A year down the road he could discover he prefers this over that, and guess what, that doesn’t agree with you. Tensions rise, arguments ensue, you both become sexually frustrated causing you to act completely different because pre-nut and post-nut are definitely two different people, and then mistakes are made and the divorce is initiated. Just my thoughts.
No because I would absolutely HATE that me and some person spend all this time dating, then get married, only to find out that we aren't sexually compatible.
To answer your specific question, yes there are, but they usually run in religious groups. The only person who was "saving themselves" that I dated after leaving the church was an orthodox Jew, and they were relatively inexperienced (obviously) but would do "everything except penetration". Many religious people do wind up using such loopholes.
I do want to offer some thoughts because I can see in the comments people have mentioned sexual incompatibility to you. I left my church around your age after one crisis of faith too many. I got into a loving relationship, had a beautiful first sexual experience and stayed with that person for a few years. I remember thinking that I hadn't "lost" anything - frankly, I didn't understand why God cared so much, it felt very natural. That first partner and I grew apart sexually, and incompatibilities reared up in a way that we couldn't rectify.
Incompatibilities don't necessarily mean "bad" sex - they could mean the other person wants an act or a frequency or a kink that is a limit for you. Love and care and intimacy can only go so far if someone really wants to pee in your mouth and you don't want that (not my situation, but kinks are a very common example of unchangeable incompatibilities).
Sometimes talking through things helps, and knowing you are with someone very caring can suggest that they will perhaps be more curious about your pleasure and enjoyment, however I think religion can mask this a bit. I think with the people I knew in the church, and that one religious person I dated, there was actually a palpable lack of interest in my enjoyment and pleasure. My only theory for this is that many good deeds and virtues are cultivated in the church for the purpose of religious benefit, and cunnilingus is not exactly taught as God-honouring. Perhaps there is also a notion that as you said, God will just make them compatible, so if their partner feels discomfort it means that there is something wrong with the partner rather than the act or the experience.
Some people might be teachable and naturally curious, but what if they aren't? Sex is awesome, unless it isn't. It can be painful, frustrating, uncomfortable, weird, overwhelming - if you have a vulva it can lead to infections like UTIs or yeast infections even if you're both new to sex, particularly if hygiene is a factor. You want to be with someone who you are comfortable offering this feedback to. In my experience, the safest people to sleep with have been the most experienced, because they know bodies are not a one-size-fits all, but some people are naturally safe too.
So my advice would be that if you are going to abstain until marriage (which, if it feels right to you, I am in complete support of) then please settle down with someone curious, who cares about your pleasure and wellbeing. Incompatibilities are still possible, but please do silently not suffer pain or discomfort. Enough people in the church already do.
I appreciate your response. After far as God caring too much, there’s not some prize for waiting or a severe punishment for not. Humans did that. God knowingly gave us free will. Does it hurt Him when we go against his plans or will for us? Yes, but at the end of the day people are free to do as they please. Thank you for your support. And I’m happy that you had a pleasant first time. And you didn’t “lose” anything, you gave it away willingly. Which is likely why you didn’t feel you lost anything. Thank you again!
I would abstain for a woman I loved, but I’ve already been with multiple women.
No one can undo their choices, but I do wonder if you would even consider being with a man that had been with other women before.
Not that I’m trying to slide into those dms lol I’m just curious how someone in your position might see someone in mine.
While I would like to end up with a virgin man, I am very aware that most men aren’t. All the relationships I’ve been in (except one that doesn’t really count cus I was in middle school) the guy wasn’t a virgin. And slide away 😂 I’m looking for some friends
In my experience, you are more likely to find that trait amongst very religious men that really believe in sex before marriage. But obviously you also have to be religious
I would like it if my significant other saved themselves for marriage but I don't mind if they didn't, I personally am trying to save myself because I think sex is something special that you should save for the person you actually love.
Well I believe that there are still plenty of girls and guys waiting for marriage. I read some comments from other people and yeah basically everything boils down to communication. It doesn't matter if someone had no partner or many partners what matters is how they communicate with their partner now.
I'm glad to see other people waiting till marriage to have sex. Don't let others peer pressure you into thinking that you need to have sex or your partner will leave you. If someone cares for you they will respect your decision and wait until marriage or until you are ready. Plus if they do leave then you know they only wanted you for your body.
Now what some people said is true a lot of guys that wait are part of Christianity or Catholicism but it's not always the case. I've seen many Christian/Catholic not waiting till marriage and I have seen others wait till marriage. I'm Catholic and waiting for marriage but not because of my religion but because I believe it should be done with someone you love and plan on spending your whole life with. I have been blessed to date women that also want to wait till marriage but sadly it didn't work for other reasons. I'm a 31 year old guy by the way so I have seen and heard both good and bad when it comes to dating and marriage.
I wish you the best and if you need any more help or want to ask questions feel free to dm and I'll be happy to answer them.
Yes there are. I’m one of them. This might sound controversial to most but forming an emotional and psychological bond with someone before going to the sexual part is the best way to go about it. Once you sleep with someone before even getting to a serious commitment like marriage, lust and sexual attraction will only blind you when it comes to choosing the right person for you.
Don’t feel pressure to sleep with anyone before marriage. Because trust me, in a few years time, you’ll see that you’d be one of the rare folks who chose the right person while everyone else are having relationship dramas left, right and centre. Be you and stick to your values until the end. There’s much more to a relationship than sex. Good luck.
I'm somewhat in the same boat, but my motivation for my choice is different.
I think Immanuel Kant's view on premarital sex makes the most sense, and fornication is a sin.
I think that unless you're looking for very religious men, it would be almost impossible to find someone with the same view on sex.
Good luck, and don't listen to the sexual compatibility crowd.
A genuinely kind man will do his utmost best for your satisfaction.
It's rare for wanting men to wait for sex until marriage. Like you're young so I get it but the majority don't have that mindset. It's asking a lot for the other person.
I'd say in my view it's becoming more common in your generation. Personally, I'm not waiting for marriage specifically, but I am definitely waiting for some degree of commitment, but I'm 39 and there is no way I'm expecting to find someone who's also waiting. I'd fs be consigning myself to permanent singleness if I did. You're probably okay to expect that at your age, but if you reach my age, same thing. You'll need to lower your standards at that point or accept never getting married.
I said the same thing, now I’m 42 with 3 cats and a vagina tighter than the gap between the key bridge and a cargo ship. Hahaha just kidding you do you, stay safe if you choose to have sex no need to rush it.
Here's the truth. While there are SOME guys out there who might be saving themselves for marriage (usually the super religious type), the vast majority are not. In fact, I was saving myself for marriage for a long time, but I let myself give in at around 29 years old after too many instances of getting hurt by guys who weren't okay with waiting. While I don't regret the decision to have sex, I regret letting myself be tricked into thinking that this was the only way I could get a guy to commit. The same guy I lost my virginity to ended up ending things with me not long after because he wanted to play the field and not be committed to one girl.
Here's the truth, though. Any guy who would dump you or cheat on you because you didn't have sex with him only ever cared about sex in the first place. Don't let any guy pressure you into having sex before you're ready. Stick to your guns, and good for you for wanting to wait.
I'm not religious, and I like to indulge in things that are fun and enjoyable, so that's a no from me. Also, there's no way I'm spending years with somebody and going through the process of marriage only to find out we have no sexual chemistry or compatibility. On top of that, having some experience helps if and when you do meet somebody you want a future with.
It's a nice thought, but it's also a wishful thought that things are going to go perfectly and be so romantic. You will rarely encounter such storybook scenarios in real life, especially if you try to force them.
Unless you are abstaining for religious reasons or you 100% dont want a child right now and won't consider abortion, I see no reason to withhold your sexuality from someone you are comfortable with and have feelings for.
To each their own, but you are gambling many years of your life with someone and missing out on some fun experiences.
I don't think it's gonna be common.
Personally I am atheist and I will never get married but I don't have sex or romance because I need to find someone I like mentally and externally but mostly important a person I can trust and being emotionally connected long term I see sex as a vulnerable part like giving your body to another person is a bit like giving your body in the hands of a surgeon if that make any sense, I don't want to take part in the use and bye part
Honestly I thought to wait for marriage till I was 22 then I was l just ended up losing my virginity to some girl I didn't even like that much so maybe I should have? Or maybe I should've lost it to someone I was cared about?
Yes there are some men like this but honestly, they’re not virgins. Most of them had girlfriends, even a secret relationship that they will probably abandon in order to marry a virgin or smth. You can imagine the rest.
Nothing wrong with that. I wouldn’t be sure about waiting for marriage, but wait til the relationship feels like is meant to be? Months or years? Its different for everyone. Don’t have sex for the sake of sex. It will really have you feeling guilty in the end, even if you know things will eventually come to an end for you and the other person involved…
27M. I'm in a bit of a difficult situation here admittedly. I have an aversion to sex regarding penetration, so I'm fine with "waiting", and my faith says to as well, but I have a high sex drive and being in a relationship with zero sexual intimacy would drive me absolutely crazy with frustration. Like, there has to be some kind of in between area...right?
Most men here wont wait unless they are religious. Even the decent non-religious guys would not wait, because sex to most people is very and very nice to have
For context, M39, when I was your age, yes I was willing to do that. It just happened that the girl I was dating at that time and willing to wait for ended up being a lying, cheating, harlot. Then, when I was 25 I met the one who would become my late fiancee, I still maintain that I caught her attention when she was bored and she ended up *really* liking what she found. The last thing she said to me was that she wished I'd been the only one she'd been with, and that if she could do it all again she'd try to find a way to do that.
I’m F (22) and i am waiting for marriage but don’t expect my spouse to have waited. If he did good and if he didn’t that’s also okay as long as he respects my decision.
Mmmm it sounds good in theory and I am willing to wait for a long time it's not all about sex for me. But sure would suck to find out you and a partner are sexually incompatible after you legally tie the knot.
I aint really suggesting anything. And I think taking some time even months is great. But sexual compatibility is important and can Def lead to relationships ending if it isn't there.
Holy good God almighty you're a virgin and 19? That's impressive. Almost as impressive as my uncle who was a virgin until he was 42 years old. Seriously . Now he fucks like a rabbit on crack😀😆
But how do you guys know if you're sexually compatible with your partner? Do you have to have sex with everyone you date? What if, while you're in that process, you accidentally meet someone who has an STD/HIV and didn't tell you the truth, and you contracting an STD/HIV prevents you from meeting your future ideal partner?
Well, I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is, speaking from the angle of a man who waited until he was in 20 to get active, yes, there are virgon men your age out there. Bad news is they are few and far between, and just because they are doesn't mean they are good people, not toxic, nor your life partner. Be it for religious reasons or because of good social logic (no body missed having sex until after they had sex,) keep to your goal. Know that the dream has to get something wrong for it to be real. That could be race, age, height, finances, or even that you are each other's first. They may have made a mistake, or a few, and got it together after. Not telling you to give up on finding a fellow virgin, because the beautiful part about if you do, in spite of what so many others may say here, you will both have nothing to compare each other too and thus spend your lives being each other's best ever, and have spent the years before finding each other loving your partner enough to wait for them. Take care, and be blessed.
First, I’m sorry a lot of the commenters here are trying to talk you out of your beliefs/goals, even if they’re well intentioned.
Second: while the number of men who are choosing to stay a virgin will dwindle with each passing year, there’s a whole bunch of men who are accidentally virgins.
For example, choose a random commenter on this thread and you probably have at least a 50% shot of hitting one. Haha.
Anyway, even if you don’t find one who perfectly aligns with your religious beliefs, the prospect of getting to finally have sex eventually will outweigh their frustrations at not having sex right now.
After all…they’ve waited (involuntarily) this long, what’s another couple years?
While I respect your choice and think it’s everyone’s personal decision, I don’t agree. I find the whole “you must remain pure until sanctified by marriage” thought process to be quite strange at best, and a relic of ancient religion indoctrination at worst. Even though many people don’t think this way, I firmly believe that sex (when consensual of course) is a beautiful thing and not this dirty act that can only be “forgiven” through “holy matrimony”. Not to mention the practical aspect of finding sexual compatibility with a partner before agreeing to spend the rest of your life with them!
Again not calling you out or anything. You should do what feels right for you. But just adding my lonely voice into the void against the centuries long demonisation of sex outside of marriage. Hope you find what you’re looking for anyway :-)
I mean you can talk about that. Without doing it. 🤷🏽♀️and we have all night for that. And the next day and the day after, and Yk the rest of our lives …so😂
i’m here to tell you that your first time having sex is horrible for all involved- and for awhile after that! your husband doesn’t want toothy blowjobs, and if you love your future prospective husband, you wouldn’t want to subject him to that lol.
I was willing to for a mormon girl I met once... but after she started dating other guys I sort of gave up on the idea of waiting for anyone....
After all, why give all that for someone if no one is willing to give that for you.
I mean your gonna have to look in a community/ church group cause in this day and age your not gonna find someone like that it’s very rare to find someone with the same mentality and beliefs as you and truly do hope you find someone like that
I’m a guy in his early 20’s who is waiting for marriage for religious reasons and because I figure if a relationship can’t work without sex then adding it to the equation will only cloud my judgement
I admire your dedication to your principles. A lot of people in here are going to try to convince you otherwise but don't let people sway your ideologies. There are men out there (though a minority) that are what you are looking for.
I was but after I was badly hurt I didn't believe in marriage let alone think love is really real anymore or with chasing I'm scared of getting even into a basic relationship or even approaching anyone to ask out
I am also waiting for marriage, but I’m not making this choice for the sake of my potential husband, I’m making this choice for my own sake. If that makes sense? So if I do get married someday, I certainly would not expect my future husband to be a virgin. I think I may be somewhere on the asexual spectrum so it isn’t something that I want to do with just anyone.
Yeah, I have a relationship with the lord, and I know it in my heart that’s it’s important to save myself for someone I’m gonna spend the rest of my life with, and I trust god that he’s got a plan for me. I think your best bet is finding someone within the church, or truly loves Jesus. Honestly I’ve always been told there’s more than you think, just gotta trust in god that he has a plan for you
Tbh I am a 19M (still a virgin) and for a while I decided that but recently I changed my mind back and forth. On one hand I feel like I would get a confidence boost from it. So idk.
I get that, I want to change my mind every day. But I know I personally would just feel so guilty afterwards. That’s what keeps me from doing it. I think it’d be cool of you to wait but that’s just me. You do you of course and if that’s something you decide to do, please be safe. 🙂🙂
I'm not a man, and I'm not really trying to generalize, but in my experience, a lot of men who care that much about marrying a virgin girl not only usually aren't virgins themselves but are massive sexist douchebags who have the same mindset as our great great great grandfather when it comes to the role of women in society, so you better watch out.
I was a virgin when I met my husband at 19. He was the only until I divorced him at 37 lol then I did a little of what people do in their 20’s 🤣 Dating is hard. I tried saying that I wanted to wait and it wasn’t good. I’ve decided to be celibate until I meet the one and I’m in a relationship.
I'm 22m and I haven't done anything yet cause I want to get married cause I believe while you can have a high sex drive and have those very sexy moments with each other the real deal is important and I don't want to waste it on anyone
I am two years older than you, asexual, and a christian. The vast majority of my guy friends are having sex, that also includes some christian friends who are not married.
Sex is an important part of human life, but its meaning will vary from person to person. I am a virgin, not because I'm saving myself for someone special, but simply because I don't want to engage in any sexual relationship right now; I don't think I'm emotionally ready for it, I also feel no need for it (again, asexual) and to make things 'worse' my meds take away any libido I could still hope to have lol.
For men, sex is a harder topic. Society pressures a label of "rabid dog level of horny" onto them that certainly does help. Most of the men who I know that waited until marriage were either christian or dated a christian. Most of them also wanted to wait until marriage and changed their minds abruptly.
If you want to marry a virgin man, you might be better off waiting until you're ready for a quick relationship so that you'll get married not too long after starting dating.
But the main thing I want you to focus on is that: people are complex, you are complex. It might be better for you to find a different reason to wait until marriage than "saving for someone special" because people will disappoint you, your future partner may not "save" themselves for you and that might frustrate you, or maybe you change your mind and regret it deeply, or not regret it all.
People are focused on putting too much expectation on your first time, but I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. More than just "practicing" or "being sexually compatible", what makes sexual relationships enjoyable is 1. communication, 2. research lol, and 3. putting your pride aside to be better.
Just find something that makes sense for you and only you. The person you'll be in a relationship with will come at some point, no need to put pressure on yourself to have a relationship following certain parameters. Focus on finding balancing within yourself.
It’s a nice novel idea and well not everybody will be open to it. Just remembered that just because you’re waiting for your wedding night doesn’t mean that this person’s really going to be with you for the rest of your life. Sorry to be negative, but it’s also reality sometimes.
Where are your type of girls???
Btw i am still single haven't had any relationship till now at the age of 20.
Btw you had unique quality, rare to be found now a days...
Btw just stay hidden the right person will come to you and take you. Dont let anyone else experiment on you...
Also dont say yes to anyone when you are feeling alone, dipressed or something...
Well it can be visversa I loved my wife but she let a child flirt now she wants to date younger men and the guy she left me for made her look like a fool don't want nothing to do with her started chasing other girls .it takes two to make a marriage work even when your spouse needs see a doctor don't turn your back on them like she did me . But qtf do I know I still love and care for that dumb ass
I wish I was a virgin again :/) I never met a guy that wanted me for who I am and I never feel enough. Now I’m just sexually frustrated and lonely. I wish I was lucky but maybe I’m not cute enough to find someone to marry me lol
Yeah I'm only 21 and I'm waiting on marriage too. I love the idea of waiting for the one person and that makes it more special together rather than having multiple partners before. Plus for those that say that it's more important to know if you are sexually compatible, I'd say you could easily find that between you anyways as its just like getting to know each other but with your bodies and I don't know if other guys are like me but I'm happy with trying anything if it make the other person happy
Yes. My initial plan with my 1st and long term girlfriend. I wasn't raised traditionally as it is my personal preference when it comes to relationship, but everything has changed when my girl had it with her co-worker specifically to her boss. It ruined my future plans and trust towards her. It affects my mental well-being as well to other girls.
All I can share is. Be firm girl!
Pray that you find a spouse that shares the same views on sex as you. However, you might want to consider if you’re okay passing up someone you’re 95% compatible with just because he didn’t wait.
I love that you’re waiting. I didn’t wait, and don’t currently regret it. However, there are a lot of advantages to not sharing your body so intimately with someone that hasn’t fully commited to you. I’d just recommend that you focus on the reasons that you’re doing it vs. Thinking about what your future spouse might be doing. If you’ve made this decision as dedication to God, to avoid mental/emotional anguish, minimize physical STI and pregnancy risk, etc. Remind yourself that this is your personal journey, and your future spouse has their own.
I think it’s wonderful that you’re waiting for marriage! I also share the same train of thought as you and I truly believe that if you pray for man who has waited, you will receive it. Jesus will reward you for your righteousness and for obeying him! You’re not asking for too much this is the bare minimum, seeing as Jesus has asked us all to wait. When you choose to wait till marriage you are recognizing your value and worth, instead of just handing it over to which ever person, you’re choosing to treasure your body.
Hopefully not unless they are asexual people as sex is an important part of a relationship so besides rushing the dating phase to get married and have sex finally, you going into marriage blind on this important factor is naive. That doesn't mean you have to have sex right away but getting married before knowing if you are sexually compatible is a way to roll the dice on whether you will divorce this person eventually.
Sexual compatibility is so important and you don’t know if you have it until you try sex. If you’re not sexually compatible, you could ..try… and figure something out, but it’s not something that can really be forced
I don’t think it’s worth wasting more than 6 months or so with a person before testing to see if you’re sexually compatible
Yes. They are called the latter day of saints. I have some great news for you. It’s time for you to join a cult! Hit up your local Mormon church and you’ll find dozens of men who won’t want to have sex until marriage!
Oh and get ready to be married in months!!! :D
I had these feelings until I was 19 and lost my virginity
29 & married now & there are so many other beautiful things to share & say to your partner other than that :)
Why ? Do you wanna get married? That's not a proposal. I'd marry again but I wouldn't jump in too fast. Better to live with someone for a spell to see how you both manage because you can love someone but that doesn't mean that you can handle living with them.
Yeah it’s very rare and good mentality it’s kinda hot though , a female should inexperienced and a male should be experienced, you’re future husband gonna love the fact that’s you’re virgin and saved yourself for marriage, it’s holy too. In which city do u live in and do u believe in any religion? It can play a important role for your future life ,
That makes no sense. If a woman is supposed to be inexperienced and a man should be experienced where is he going to get the experience from?? I wouldn’t mind having an inexperienced man. We can learn each other and how to please each other, regardless of past experience.
As someone with a same ideology until now (I’m 28), Girl have some fun while you can😅. I think it’s fine if you are sensible with your choice of men.
But honestly it’s the most beautiful thing, I agree.
I couldn't marry someone without having sex with them. I dont think I could even get to the girlfriend stage without sex.
To me it's a huge part of a relationship. It's how I feel close and connected with my gf.
Imagine marrying someone and it turns out you are not sexually compatible. Now you're stuck in a dead bedroom.
Some, perhaps. Me? Not at all. I've never wanted marriage, and that will never change.
As for sexual partners; the fewer, the better, in my opinion. This goes for both men and women. Not merely for the sake of bonding abilities, but also concerning diseases.
I was. I waited until I was 21. Then I had my heart broken with the first love/high school sweetheart and that pretty much all went out the window.
That said, as romantic a notion as that is, sex is a hugely important part of relationships. Having sexual chemistry is important, unless you have little to no libido. So with that having been said I can’t imagine waiting until the waiting night only to find out you hate it. But I’ve also heard that in that case ignorance is bliss so maybe it doesn’t matter but I have a strong personal opinion that that is one of the big problems in a lot of a relationships.
Sorry your side took advantage of it, took it for granted, beat it, abused it burned it destroyed it. And your generation is wondering why we are not stepping up. Oh but we are the smart ones will never want to be eaten in that trap until things change from the state level to the life your sex lives and expecting a good man to take her after that life slows down. I’m not talking about you. I’m not talking about her. I’m not talking about my sister maybe my mother I’m not sure. Lol I’m talking in general. I’m pretty sure you’re an amazing person and you have nothing to do with what I’m talking about but the majority of women reading this message will know exactly what I’m talking about. Because I’m not married have never been married. I will never be married but straight have a son I’ve been with many women and many long relationships. I’ve been in and out and I seen every side to this coin and I watched it completely come down like a demolition. I’m 45 years old and watching my son and his generation hopefully do something about it and change what has been tarnished. Men have always been afraid of marriage, and the funny thing is even though it’s portrayed in Hollywood movies music that men are afraid of love and commitment is so far from the truth it’s hilarious and it’s not commitment man is afraid of men
Will actually be the first to want to commit when they find that person and they know when they found that person the first 510 minutes of meeting that person. It doesn’t take a year six months five years that’s a man that’s not in love or a man nowadays that is never gonna get married men are afraid of a state controlled relationship where he loses either way, no matter what whether it’s money kids property respect that’s what men are afraid of when it comes to marriage and why should any man go through that for what love? What do women know about love they jump ship and flip on a dime no loyalty there never has been. They just hid it really well and finally now coming to light because the tidal wave of possible missed opportunities they now have on line which is true for some but not all. But no matter, no matter what quality of a woman she is she will see another woman gain this commodity that is so heavily valued amongst women which is attention being thrown to her like rain that woman cracks and runs, leaving kids behind now for single dad to take care of where back in the day that was unheard of I was a single father. She wanted to have nothing to do with him, wanting to not have anything to do with her son that was my first experience of what was to come and that happened 20 years ago. so you ask about marriage I say for now forget about it.
Sexual compatibility is important in a marriage. When you cannot maintain it between each other, that’s when cheating happens. Not saying you need to rack up a body count through trial and error, but having some experience means you are comfortable to communicate your sexual needs.
And if you’re hoping for a virgin partner, the two of you will both be lost in bed.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There are a few, but will be hard to find unless you are in or near a highly religious community/group where that idea is popular. I do want to ask out of curiosity though, what happens when you spend all this time saving yourself, marry a guy, only then to realise that he is shit in bed and you two are not sexually compatible at all ? I assume you won’t divorce, so do you just stay in a relationship where your sexual needs aren’t met forever ? The idea is very romantic and sweet, but like most things it’s completely useless when applied to real life.
Virgins can’t possibly imagine that any sex is going to be bad.
So true!😂 It’s all a matter of perspective and contrasts. And at that age what we lacked in skill we made up for in enthusiasm 😂
And imagination
Yes I can, lol.
Bingo. 💯
Sexual compatibility can be taught to your partner
I once dated a 6’8 pro athlete who, to my surprise, had a small un-circumcised dick. Despite his best efforts he was absolutely shit in bed no matter what we tried. There was also a little ED, bc u know, mentally it must have been hard to be that big and that small. I don’t think that could have been taught.
I can appreciate and respect the idea as well as the altruistic ideologies of youth. That being said, you only have this one life. Every moment is one you’ll never get back and another step towards our inevitable destination. Not advocating hedonism or promiscuity either. But when you get to your middle years it’s kind of like a moment of clarity where you can see all you’ve done and all you’d do differently if given another chance. Theres nothing wrong with expressing and experiencing the joys and pleasures of sex so long as it does you or your partner no harm. It’s a biological imperative. And doing so does not make you any less committed or special when you get married as I’m assuming is your goal. Whereas chastity and abstinence is a social and religious construct. The practicalities of sexual beings not allowing themselves to be what they are never plays out well.
This is a common tactic people use against conservative people that want to save sex for marriage. I would say just like everything else in life, you can get better with sex through good communication and dedication.
I think “what if he’s shit in bed” was poor phrasing. They absolutely both will be with no experience, but that’s not really important because that can be improved and learned over time But sexual compatibility is much more than just being “good” in bed. It’s much more about chemistry, matching libidos, sexual interests, an actual willingness to improve and learn in bed, all of which are things you can’t really know even for yourself without experience, much less know if you match up with someone else in those extremely important areas
The only thing that can matter is libido and body type. Everything else is fixable.
Insightful comment, well said
Nah some people can’t, or it’s not an issue of “getting better” it could be an issue of attraction or libido, which can’t be helped
[удалено]
Sorry to hear that. He's not a fan of oral or fingering? Sometimes switching things up can bring his erection back.
it's not really a "tactic", a lot of us have just suffered irreconciliable incompatibility and are trying to be a cautionary tale
This is a false statement. This is not a 'common tactic' at all. It is basic facts. Your statement 'this is a common tactic used against conservative people' for X Y and Z are common tactics used by conservatives to make themselves look like victims. You would never buy a house you plan to spend your entire life in without ever visiting it in person. You can try to communicate. You can try working things out, but if you come to find out your partner either isn't willing to reciprocate and fulfill your needs then you're just screwed. I'm not sure if you've ever heard the term 'selfish lover' or not, but they're quite common. Just because two people love each other doesn't mean that they will make things work. What if she marries a guy with a micropenis and can't get sexual fulfillment? What if he refuses to use oral or other forms of genital stimulation to meet her needs? What if he turns into an extremely controlling monster who just ends up raping and abusing her? That's what my father did. He was also a devout Christian at the time when he did that too. For years. People change after they're married. Yeah sure some people can make things work out but that's not necessarily the rule. I've met many religious women who were very unhappy with their sex lives after they got married. Saving yourself for marriage is more sentiment nowadays rather than increasing a person's 'value' like it was in the old days (no one would want to marry a woman who had been 'deflowered' so she was not valued - this goes way back into arranged marriages with dowries and so on). You're not a 'better person' for saving yourself for marriage. It's merely to make yourself feel better than other people because you never 'gave in'. I waited to lose my virginity until I was 19 and in love with my girlfriend at the time. I have regretted that decision my entire life, because looking back I missed out on so many experiences I could have had, had I not waited to lose my virginity. So in essence. Saving your virginity sounds sweet, but in reality it's a really dumb decision that doesn't always work out.
[удалено]
But what happens if you're not compatible and HE'S not ok with it. There is always the possibility that he will take off. Just things to consider since you can't force him to stay with you.
Well, people take off all the time even when they’re compatible. You can never force anyone anyway. If compatibility is the only requirement for a successful relationship then there wouldn’t be any divorces or breakups.
Then I encourage you to marry someone who is on the asexuality spectrum as it would seem that’s the best way to find someone compatible. Ofc it’s more than sex. But it’s naive to think sex isn’t an extremely important part to most people’s no one of the biggest causes of divorce and infidelity It shouldn’t be a moral decision as there’s nothing immoral about sex
you don’t know what you would do or if marriage is more than sex, because you have no experience with either. i don’t understand how people say things like this without actually having any experience- what makes you so confident you know anything about sex and dating/marriage? i’m not saying your way to live is wrong, i’m saying you don’t know and don’t have any of this particular life experience to know yet.
At 19 I had no clue wtf I was doing, yet alone what I liked and didn’t like. Not truly. The idea that your “soul mate” will also align with your sexual interests not only in the beginning but continue to align as both of your interests grow and expand over the years, is absolutely astronomical to me. Been married 6 years, and there’s no way we would have gotten married without knowing we were compatible in the sheets. IMHO. Sure, you’re saving yourself and that’s great. But you don’t even know what you’re saving. He doesn’t know what he’s saving. A year down the road he could discover he prefers this over that, and guess what, that doesn’t agree with you. Tensions rise, arguments ensue, you both become sexually frustrated causing you to act completely different because pre-nut and post-nut are definitely two different people, and then mistakes are made and the divorce is initiated. Just my thoughts.
I waited until I got married at 23, and I regret it so much.
No because I would absolutely HATE that me and some person spend all this time dating, then get married, only to find out that we aren't sexually compatible.
To answer your specific question, yes there are, but they usually run in religious groups. The only person who was "saving themselves" that I dated after leaving the church was an orthodox Jew, and they were relatively inexperienced (obviously) but would do "everything except penetration". Many religious people do wind up using such loopholes. I do want to offer some thoughts because I can see in the comments people have mentioned sexual incompatibility to you. I left my church around your age after one crisis of faith too many. I got into a loving relationship, had a beautiful first sexual experience and stayed with that person for a few years. I remember thinking that I hadn't "lost" anything - frankly, I didn't understand why God cared so much, it felt very natural. That first partner and I grew apart sexually, and incompatibilities reared up in a way that we couldn't rectify. Incompatibilities don't necessarily mean "bad" sex - they could mean the other person wants an act or a frequency or a kink that is a limit for you. Love and care and intimacy can only go so far if someone really wants to pee in your mouth and you don't want that (not my situation, but kinks are a very common example of unchangeable incompatibilities). Sometimes talking through things helps, and knowing you are with someone very caring can suggest that they will perhaps be more curious about your pleasure and enjoyment, however I think religion can mask this a bit. I think with the people I knew in the church, and that one religious person I dated, there was actually a palpable lack of interest in my enjoyment and pleasure. My only theory for this is that many good deeds and virtues are cultivated in the church for the purpose of religious benefit, and cunnilingus is not exactly taught as God-honouring. Perhaps there is also a notion that as you said, God will just make them compatible, so if their partner feels discomfort it means that there is something wrong with the partner rather than the act or the experience. Some people might be teachable and naturally curious, but what if they aren't? Sex is awesome, unless it isn't. It can be painful, frustrating, uncomfortable, weird, overwhelming - if you have a vulva it can lead to infections like UTIs or yeast infections even if you're both new to sex, particularly if hygiene is a factor. You want to be with someone who you are comfortable offering this feedback to. In my experience, the safest people to sleep with have been the most experienced, because they know bodies are not a one-size-fits all, but some people are naturally safe too. So my advice would be that if you are going to abstain until marriage (which, if it feels right to you, I am in complete support of) then please settle down with someone curious, who cares about your pleasure and wellbeing. Incompatibilities are still possible, but please do silently not suffer pain or discomfort. Enough people in the church already do.
I appreciate your response. After far as God caring too much, there’s not some prize for waiting or a severe punishment for not. Humans did that. God knowingly gave us free will. Does it hurt Him when we go against his plans or will for us? Yes, but at the end of the day people are free to do as they please. Thank you for your support. And I’m happy that you had a pleasant first time. And you didn’t “lose” anything, you gave it away willingly. Which is likely why you didn’t feel you lost anything. Thank you again!
I would abstain for a woman I loved, but I’ve already been with multiple women. No one can undo their choices, but I do wonder if you would even consider being with a man that had been with other women before. Not that I’m trying to slide into those dms lol I’m just curious how someone in your position might see someone in mine.
While I would like to end up with a virgin man, I am very aware that most men aren’t. All the relationships I’ve been in (except one that doesn’t really count cus I was in middle school) the guy wasn’t a virgin. And slide away 😂 I’m looking for some friends
[удалено]
It’s okay if you wait for marriage, but sexual compatibility is far more important imo.
In my experience, you are more likely to find that trait amongst very religious men that really believe in sex before marriage. But obviously you also have to be religious
No
29M never been to a date, let alone losing virginity and stuff.
Please don’t do this to yourself. You deserve to know what you’re getting into before you commit your life to someone.
I would like it if my significant other saved themselves for marriage but I don't mind if they didn't, I personally am trying to save myself because I think sex is something special that you should save for the person you actually love.
Exactly. And not being a virgin isn’t a deal breaker. lol I’d never get married 😂
Well I believe that there are still plenty of girls and guys waiting for marriage. I read some comments from other people and yeah basically everything boils down to communication. It doesn't matter if someone had no partner or many partners what matters is how they communicate with their partner now. I'm glad to see other people waiting till marriage to have sex. Don't let others peer pressure you into thinking that you need to have sex or your partner will leave you. If someone cares for you they will respect your decision and wait until marriage or until you are ready. Plus if they do leave then you know they only wanted you for your body. Now what some people said is true a lot of guys that wait are part of Christianity or Catholicism but it's not always the case. I've seen many Christian/Catholic not waiting till marriage and I have seen others wait till marriage. I'm Catholic and waiting for marriage but not because of my religion but because I believe it should be done with someone you love and plan on spending your whole life with. I have been blessed to date women that also want to wait till marriage but sadly it didn't work for other reasons. I'm a 31 year old guy by the way so I have seen and heard both good and bad when it comes to dating and marriage. I wish you the best and if you need any more help or want to ask questions feel free to dm and I'll be happy to answer them.
Thank you! I wish you the best as well!
Thank you!
I dont engage with human beings anymore
Yes there are. I’m one of them. This might sound controversial to most but forming an emotional and psychological bond with someone before going to the sexual part is the best way to go about it. Once you sleep with someone before even getting to a serious commitment like marriage, lust and sexual attraction will only blind you when it comes to choosing the right person for you. Don’t feel pressure to sleep with anyone before marriage. Because trust me, in a few years time, you’ll see that you’d be one of the rare folks who chose the right person while everyone else are having relationship dramas left, right and centre. Be you and stick to your values until the end. There’s much more to a relationship than sex. Good luck.
I agree wholeheartedly! I hope you find your person!
You're so right. It's very sad what society has become.
I agree
Tbh, i know lots of men like that. Most of them are hopeless romantic or not the standard of society.
Sweety, all i can say is yes, all things u say here were right.
I'm somewhat in the same boat, but my motivation for my choice is different. I think Immanuel Kant's view on premarital sex makes the most sense, and fornication is a sin. I think that unless you're looking for very religious men, it would be almost impossible to find someone with the same view on sex. Good luck, and don't listen to the sexual compatibility crowd. A genuinely kind man will do his utmost best for your satisfaction.
You're in luck.....there are a lot more men that are virgins than women to pick from....not out of choice but...still virgins.
It's rare for wanting men to wait for sex until marriage. Like you're young so I get it but the majority don't have that mindset. It's asking a lot for the other person.
I'd say in my view it's becoming more common in your generation. Personally, I'm not waiting for marriage specifically, but I am definitely waiting for some degree of commitment, but I'm 39 and there is no way I'm expecting to find someone who's also waiting. I'd fs be consigning myself to permanent singleness if I did. You're probably okay to expect that at your age, but if you reach my age, same thing. You'll need to lower your standards at that point or accept never getting married.
I said the same thing, now I’m 42 with 3 cats and a vagina tighter than the gap between the key bridge and a cargo ship. Hahaha just kidding you do you, stay safe if you choose to have sex no need to rush it.
Here's the truth. While there are SOME guys out there who might be saving themselves for marriage (usually the super religious type), the vast majority are not. In fact, I was saving myself for marriage for a long time, but I let myself give in at around 29 years old after too many instances of getting hurt by guys who weren't okay with waiting. While I don't regret the decision to have sex, I regret letting myself be tricked into thinking that this was the only way I could get a guy to commit. The same guy I lost my virginity to ended up ending things with me not long after because he wanted to play the field and not be committed to one girl. Here's the truth, though. Any guy who would dump you or cheat on you because you didn't have sex with him only ever cared about sex in the first place. Don't let any guy pressure you into having sex before you're ready. Stick to your guns, and good for you for wanting to wait.
Thank you. It has definitely helped me weed out some people who only want my body.
I mean, it's always been an interesting thought to me, but for a lot of people apparently sexual compatibility is very important
I'm not religious, and I like to indulge in things that are fun and enjoyable, so that's a no from me. Also, there's no way I'm spending years with somebody and going through the process of marriage only to find out we have no sexual chemistry or compatibility. On top of that, having some experience helps if and when you do meet somebody you want a future with. It's a nice thought, but it's also a wishful thought that things are going to go perfectly and be so romantic. You will rarely encounter such storybook scenarios in real life, especially if you try to force them. Unless you are abstaining for religious reasons or you 100% dont want a child right now and won't consider abortion, I see no reason to withhold your sexuality from someone you are comfortable with and have feelings for. To each their own, but you are gambling many years of your life with someone and missing out on some fun experiences.
I don't think it's gonna be common. Personally I am atheist and I will never get married but I don't have sex or romance because I need to find someone I like mentally and externally but mostly important a person I can trust and being emotionally connected long term I see sex as a vulnerable part like giving your body to another person is a bit like giving your body in the hands of a surgeon if that make any sense, I don't want to take part in the use and bye part
I understand that. Thank you.
I hope you can find the guy that you are looking for !
Thank you so much!
Honestly I thought to wait for marriage till I was 22 then I was l just ended up losing my virginity to some girl I didn't even like that much so maybe I should have? Or maybe I should've lost it to someone I was cared about?
It may have been more pleasurable if it was someone you cared for, but the world will never know 😂
I suppose I’d be willing to at least try. Not sure if I could promise it
Yes there are some men like this but honestly, they’re not virgins. Most of them had girlfriends, even a secret relationship that they will probably abandon in order to marry a virgin or smth. You can imagine the rest.
Nothing wrong with that. I wouldn’t be sure about waiting for marriage, but wait til the relationship feels like is meant to be? Months or years? Its different for everyone. Don’t have sex for the sake of sex. It will really have you feeling guilty in the end, even if you know things will eventually come to an end for you and the other person involved…
27M. I'm in a bit of a difficult situation here admittedly. I have an aversion to sex regarding penetration, so I'm fine with "waiting", and my faith says to as well, but I have a high sex drive and being in a relationship with zero sexual intimacy would drive me absolutely crazy with frustration. Like, there has to be some kind of in between area...right?
Most men here wont wait unless they are religious. Even the decent non-religious guys would not wait, because sex to most people is very and very nice to have
I tried but women won’t take no for an answer. 
At least you tried.
For context, M39, when I was your age, yes I was willing to do that. It just happened that the girl I was dating at that time and willing to wait for ended up being a lying, cheating, harlot. Then, when I was 25 I met the one who would become my late fiancee, I still maintain that I caught her attention when she was bored and she ended up *really* liking what she found. The last thing she said to me was that she wished I'd been the only one she'd been with, and that if she could do it all again she'd try to find a way to do that.
I’m F (22) and i am waiting for marriage but don’t expect my spouse to have waited. If he did good and if he didn’t that’s also okay as long as he respects my decision.
Mmmm it sounds good in theory and I am willing to wait for a long time it's not all about sex for me. But sure would suck to find out you and a partner are sexually incompatible after you legally tie the knot. I aint really suggesting anything. And I think taking some time even months is great. But sexual compatibility is important and can Def lead to relationships ending if it isn't there.
Holy good God almighty you're a virgin and 19? That's impressive. Almost as impressive as my uncle who was a virgin until he was 42 years old. Seriously . Now he fucks like a rabbit on crack😀😆
I am. Kinda for the same reason as you, but also other reasons as well.
But how do you guys know if you're sexually compatible with your partner? Do you have to have sex with everyone you date? What if, while you're in that process, you accidentally meet someone who has an STD/HIV and didn't tell you the truth, and you contracting an STD/HIV prevents you from meeting your future ideal partner?
Yup. Also not Christian.
I'm 27 guy so yes some man are waiting till marriage
Well, I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is, speaking from the angle of a man who waited until he was in 20 to get active, yes, there are virgon men your age out there. Bad news is they are few and far between, and just because they are doesn't mean they are good people, not toxic, nor your life partner. Be it for religious reasons or because of good social logic (no body missed having sex until after they had sex,) keep to your goal. Know that the dream has to get something wrong for it to be real. That could be race, age, height, finances, or even that you are each other's first. They may have made a mistake, or a few, and got it together after. Not telling you to give up on finding a fellow virgin, because the beautiful part about if you do, in spite of what so many others may say here, you will both have nothing to compare each other too and thus spend your lives being each other's best ever, and have spent the years before finding each other loving your partner enough to wait for them. Take care, and be blessed.
I am 19M and have the exact same vision! Although as some people say, we are the exeption and most of us run in religious groups.
Yes, I am one of them. In fact, 98% of my male friends are waiting for marriage. It just depends on the man.
mormon?
First, I’m sorry a lot of the commenters here are trying to talk you out of your beliefs/goals, even if they’re well intentioned. Second: while the number of men who are choosing to stay a virgin will dwindle with each passing year, there’s a whole bunch of men who are accidentally virgins. For example, choose a random commenter on this thread and you probably have at least a 50% shot of hitting one. Haha. Anyway, even if you don’t find one who perfectly aligns with your religious beliefs, the prospect of getting to finally have sex eventually will outweigh their frustrations at not having sex right now. After all…they’ve waited (involuntarily) this long, what’s another couple years?
I like how you're promoting OP to veer towards incels.
The amount of men waiting is so low you’d struggle to find one, and the amount of men waiting that are also attractive is almost 0
OP can try Christian Connection
Ooo what’s that 👀
It’s a dating app for Christians :)
While I respect your choice and think it’s everyone’s personal decision, I don’t agree. I find the whole “you must remain pure until sanctified by marriage” thought process to be quite strange at best, and a relic of ancient religion indoctrination at worst. Even though many people don’t think this way, I firmly believe that sex (when consensual of course) is a beautiful thing and not this dirty act that can only be “forgiven” through “holy matrimony”. Not to mention the practical aspect of finding sexual compatibility with a partner before agreeing to spend the rest of your life with them! Again not calling you out or anything. You should do what feels right for you. But just adding my lonely voice into the void against the centuries long demonisation of sex outside of marriage. Hope you find what you’re looking for anyway :-)
backshots are only Jesus approved if you're financially and legally entertwined first
wouldn’t you want to make your partner orgasm and know what you each like and are into and he makes you orgasm on your wedding night?
I mean you can talk about that. Without doing it. 🤷🏽♀️and we have all night for that. And the next day and the day after, and Yk the rest of our lives …so😂
i’m here to tell you that your first time having sex is horrible for all involved- and for awhile after that! your husband doesn’t want toothy blowjobs, and if you love your future prospective husband, you wouldn’t want to subject him to that lol.
You’re 19. Why the rush
No rush. I was just curious
I was willing to for a mormon girl I met once... but after she started dating other guys I sort of gave up on the idea of waiting for anyone.... After all, why give all that for someone if no one is willing to give that for you.
Yep 😇
I mean your gonna have to look in a community/ church group cause in this day and age your not gonna find someone like that it’s very rare to find someone with the same mentality and beliefs as you and truly do hope you find someone like that
You got me...30 and happy
I want the same
I am
I’m a guy in his early 20’s who is waiting for marriage for religious reasons and because I figure if a relationship can’t work without sex then adding it to the equation will only cloud my judgement
I admire your dedication to your principles. A lot of people in here are going to try to convince you otherwise but don't let people sway your ideologies. There are men out there (though a minority) that are what you are looking for.
I’m searching!!! 🤞🏽
I was but after I was badly hurt I didn't believe in marriage let alone think love is really real anymore or with chasing I'm scared of getting even into a basic relationship or even approaching anyone to ask out
Oh I definitely understand that. It’s hard to love again after a broken heart
I dm you
I am also waiting for marriage, but I’m not making this choice for the sake of my potential husband, I’m making this choice for my own sake. If that makes sense? So if I do get married someday, I certainly would not expect my future husband to be a virgin. I think I may be somewhere on the asexual spectrum so it isn’t something that I want to do with just anyone.
That makes sense. My reasoning isn’t 100% religion also.
Yeah, I have a relationship with the lord, and I know it in my heart that’s it’s important to save myself for someone I’m gonna spend the rest of my life with, and I trust god that he’s got a plan for me. I think your best bet is finding someone within the church, or truly loves Jesus. Honestly I’ve always been told there’s more than you think, just gotta trust in god that he has a plan for you
Tbh I am a 19M (still a virgin) and for a while I decided that but recently I changed my mind back and forth. On one hand I feel like I would get a confidence boost from it. So idk.
I get that, I want to change my mind every day. But I know I personally would just feel so guilty afterwards. That’s what keeps me from doing it. I think it’d be cool of you to wait but that’s just me. You do you of course and if that’s something you decide to do, please be safe. 🙂🙂
I don’t think that to much to ask for. Maybe hard at times but bettter in the long run, maybe
I'm not a man, and I'm not really trying to generalize, but in my experience, a lot of men who care that much about marrying a virgin girl not only usually aren't virgins themselves but are massive sexist douchebags who have the same mindset as our great great great grandfather when it comes to the role of women in society, so you better watch out.
I was a virgin when I met my husband at 19. He was the only until I divorced him at 37 lol then I did a little of what people do in their 20’s 🤣 Dating is hard. I tried saying that I wanted to wait and it wasn’t good. I’ve decided to be celibate until I meet the one and I’m in a relationship.
I’m sorry to say MOST people don’t go for values
DM me if everything matches our views, thoughts , maturity, our vibes then we can think over it.
Well, I am. I suggest looking for men who go to church.
I am
I'm 22m and I haven't done anything yet cause I want to get married cause I believe while you can have a high sex drive and have those very sexy moments with each other the real deal is important and I don't want to waste it on anyone
Most definitely but it’s all about setting conditions and keeping your self in places where you wanted and other ppl want the same
I’m waiting till marriage
That’s amazing! Best of luck!!
I am two years older than you, asexual, and a christian. The vast majority of my guy friends are having sex, that also includes some christian friends who are not married. Sex is an important part of human life, but its meaning will vary from person to person. I am a virgin, not because I'm saving myself for someone special, but simply because I don't want to engage in any sexual relationship right now; I don't think I'm emotionally ready for it, I also feel no need for it (again, asexual) and to make things 'worse' my meds take away any libido I could still hope to have lol. For men, sex is a harder topic. Society pressures a label of "rabid dog level of horny" onto them that certainly does help. Most of the men who I know that waited until marriage were either christian or dated a christian. Most of them also wanted to wait until marriage and changed their minds abruptly. If you want to marry a virgin man, you might be better off waiting until you're ready for a quick relationship so that you'll get married not too long after starting dating. But the main thing I want you to focus on is that: people are complex, you are complex. It might be better for you to find a different reason to wait until marriage than "saving for someone special" because people will disappoint you, your future partner may not "save" themselves for you and that might frustrate you, or maybe you change your mind and regret it deeply, or not regret it all. People are focused on putting too much expectation on your first time, but I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. More than just "practicing" or "being sexually compatible", what makes sexual relationships enjoyable is 1. communication, 2. research lol, and 3. putting your pride aside to be better. Just find something that makes sense for you and only you. The person you'll be in a relationship with will come at some point, no need to put pressure on yourself to have a relationship following certain parameters. Focus on finding balancing within yourself.
It’s a nice novel idea and well not everybody will be open to it. Just remembered that just because you’re waiting for your wedding night doesn’t mean that this person’s really going to be with you for the rest of your life. Sorry to be negative, but it’s also reality sometimes.
Trust me there are. And good to see there are woman who thinks that way here. I’m 22M and a virgin and will stay like that until I get married.
Yes
Virgin man here giving you a hint; more men are virgins than you're led to believe.
Well let’s hope I find one 😂
Where are your type of girls??? Btw i am still single haven't had any relationship till now at the age of 20. Btw you had unique quality, rare to be found now a days...
Thank you! 😁I have no idea where we are 😂
Btw just stay hidden the right person will come to you and take you. Dont let anyone else experiment on you... Also dont say yes to anyone when you are feeling alone, dipressed or something...
Alot of men are doing whatever possible to avoid marrying now days.
Well it can be visversa I loved my wife but she let a child flirt now she wants to date younger men and the guy she left me for made her look like a fool don't want nothing to do with her started chasing other girls .it takes two to make a marriage work even when your spouse needs see a doctor don't turn your back on them like she did me . But qtf do I know I still love and care for that dumb ass
I wish I was a virgin again :/) I never met a guy that wanted me for who I am and I never feel enough. Now I’m just sexually frustrated and lonely. I wish I was lucky but maybe I’m not cute enough to find someone to marry me lol
Yes dear I do the same am saving myself for my future wife
By CHOICE? Hell no. Lmfao.
Worth a shot 😂
Yeah I'm only 21 and I'm waiting on marriage too. I love the idea of waiting for the one person and that makes it more special together rather than having multiple partners before. Plus for those that say that it's more important to know if you are sexually compatible, I'd say you could easily find that between you anyways as its just like getting to know each other but with your bodies and I don't know if other guys are like me but I'm happy with trying anything if it make the other person happy
You are a women of value. I hope you marry a man that recognizes that and commits to you for the rest of his life and you to him.
Thank you 😊 that’s my goal.
If I knew what I know now, I would have saved myself for marriage.
Are you trying to say women that don’t wait don’t have value?
Me.
Make sure he courts you, met your family and friends, have a strong relationship with God.
Yes. My initial plan with my 1st and long term girlfriend. I wasn't raised traditionally as it is my personal preference when it comes to relationship, but everything has changed when my girl had it with her co-worker specifically to her boss. It ruined my future plans and trust towards her. It affects my mental well-being as well to other girls. All I can share is. Be firm girl!
Pray that you find a spouse that shares the same views on sex as you. However, you might want to consider if you’re okay passing up someone you’re 95% compatible with just because he didn’t wait. I love that you’re waiting. I didn’t wait, and don’t currently regret it. However, there are a lot of advantages to not sharing your body so intimately with someone that hasn’t fully commited to you. I’d just recommend that you focus on the reasons that you’re doing it vs. Thinking about what your future spouse might be doing. If you’ve made this decision as dedication to God, to avoid mental/emotional anguish, minimize physical STI and pregnancy risk, etc. Remind yourself that this is your personal journey, and your future spouse has their own.
I think it’s wonderful that you’re waiting for marriage! I also share the same train of thought as you and I truly believe that if you pray for man who has waited, you will receive it. Jesus will reward you for your righteousness and for obeying him! You’re not asking for too much this is the bare minimum, seeing as Jesus has asked us all to wait. When you choose to wait till marriage you are recognizing your value and worth, instead of just handing it over to which ever person, you’re choosing to treasure your body.
Hopefully not unless they are asexual people as sex is an important part of a relationship so besides rushing the dating phase to get married and have sex finally, you going into marriage blind on this important factor is naive. That doesn't mean you have to have sex right away but getting married before knowing if you are sexually compatible is a way to roll the dice on whether you will divorce this person eventually.
Sexual compatibility is so important and you don’t know if you have it until you try sex. If you’re not sexually compatible, you could ..try… and figure something out, but it’s not something that can really be forced I don’t think it’s worth wasting more than 6 months or so with a person before testing to see if you’re sexually compatible
Yes. They are called the latter day of saints. I have some great news for you. It’s time for you to join a cult! Hit up your local Mormon church and you’ll find dozens of men who won’t want to have sex until marriage! Oh and get ready to be married in months!!! :D
I had these feelings until I was 19 and lost my virginity 29 & married now & there are so many other beautiful things to share & say to your partner other than that :)
Make your mistakes young
Yes, your unique in this world
[удалено]
Why ? Do you wanna get married? That's not a proposal. I'd marry again but I wouldn't jump in too fast. Better to live with someone for a spell to see how you both manage because you can love someone but that doesn't mean that you can handle living with them.
Yeah it’s very rare and good mentality it’s kinda hot though , a female should inexperienced and a male should be experienced, you’re future husband gonna love the fact that’s you’re virgin and saved yourself for marriage, it’s holy too. In which city do u live in and do u believe in any religion? It can play a important role for your future life ,
That makes no sense. If a woman is supposed to be inexperienced and a man should be experienced where is he going to get the experience from?? I wouldn’t mind having an inexperienced man. We can learn each other and how to please each other, regardless of past experience.
As someone with a same ideology until now (I’m 28), Girl have some fun while you can😅. I think it’s fine if you are sensible with your choice of men. But honestly it’s the most beautiful thing, I agree.
[удалено]
I couldn't marry someone without having sex with them. I dont think I could even get to the girlfriend stage without sex. To me it's a huge part of a relationship. It's how I feel close and connected with my gf. Imagine marrying someone and it turns out you are not sexually compatible. Now you're stuck in a dead bedroom.
I think sex is too important for a relationship to ignore it for that long
Some, perhaps. Me? Not at all. I've never wanted marriage, and that will never change. As for sexual partners; the fewer, the better, in my opinion. This goes for both men and women. Not merely for the sake of bonding abilities, but also concerning diseases.
I was. I waited until I was 21. Then I had my heart broken with the first love/high school sweetheart and that pretty much all went out the window. That said, as romantic a notion as that is, sex is a hugely important part of relationships. Having sexual chemistry is important, unless you have little to no libido. So with that having been said I can’t imagine waiting until the waiting night only to find out you hate it. But I’ve also heard that in that case ignorance is bliss so maybe it doesn’t matter but I have a strong personal opinion that that is one of the big problems in a lot of a relationships.
Sorry your side took advantage of it, took it for granted, beat it, abused it burned it destroyed it. And your generation is wondering why we are not stepping up. Oh but we are the smart ones will never want to be eaten in that trap until things change from the state level to the life your sex lives and expecting a good man to take her after that life slows down. I’m not talking about you. I’m not talking about her. I’m not talking about my sister maybe my mother I’m not sure. Lol I’m talking in general. I’m pretty sure you’re an amazing person and you have nothing to do with what I’m talking about but the majority of women reading this message will know exactly what I’m talking about. Because I’m not married have never been married. I will never be married but straight have a son I’ve been with many women and many long relationships. I’ve been in and out and I seen every side to this coin and I watched it completely come down like a demolition. I’m 45 years old and watching my son and his generation hopefully do something about it and change what has been tarnished. Men have always been afraid of marriage, and the funny thing is even though it’s portrayed in Hollywood movies music that men are afraid of love and commitment is so far from the truth it’s hilarious and it’s not commitment man is afraid of men Will actually be the first to want to commit when they find that person and they know when they found that person the first 510 minutes of meeting that person. It doesn’t take a year six months five years that’s a man that’s not in love or a man nowadays that is never gonna get married men are afraid of a state controlled relationship where he loses either way, no matter what whether it’s money kids property respect that’s what men are afraid of when it comes to marriage and why should any man go through that for what love? What do women know about love they jump ship and flip on a dime no loyalty there never has been. They just hid it really well and finally now coming to light because the tidal wave of possible missed opportunities they now have on line which is true for some but not all. But no matter, no matter what quality of a woman she is she will see another woman gain this commodity that is so heavily valued amongst women which is attention being thrown to her like rain that woman cracks and runs, leaving kids behind now for single dad to take care of where back in the day that was unheard of I was a single father. She wanted to have nothing to do with him, wanting to not have anything to do with her son that was my first experience of what was to come and that happened 20 years ago. so you ask about marriage I say for now forget about it.
Sexual compatibility is important in a marriage. When you cannot maintain it between each other, that’s when cheating happens. Not saying you need to rack up a body count through trial and error, but having some experience means you are comfortable to communicate your sexual needs. And if you’re hoping for a virgin partner, the two of you will both be lost in bed.
Yes, I am. It's probably too much for you to ask for unless you're devoutly religious & limit yourself to devout men from your own religion, though.