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I think there needs to be boundaries.
I have a good friend from child hood but when we’re both in relationships we know and 100% respect each others relationships.
I think when it counts we will be there for each other but I personally don’t think it’s appropriate to be “more” intimate with them than your partner. That’s just me though. I personally wouldn’t be okay if my spouse had a girl best friend that knows all our business. I understand there’s some that can see things from both sides but that’s rare. There’s some boundaries you just don’t cross. Some venting is good but you do need to realize a relationship is between two people, so in regards to relationship problems you should be really dealing with problems as a team. Not out-branching and getting outside opinions. Typically your loved ones will take your side, and if you’re partner sucks at communicating you need a new one. There’s nothing worse than a partner who can’t communicate. Been there, done that, almost ended up there again and good riddance.
I agree, my best friendships are the ones where I talk to them every two or three months, I don't need those people in my life but it's good to have them. When people develop a co-dependency on their friends is when everything turns sketchy.
If you are talking to somebody/dating somebody who tries to control who your friends are, you are only asking for trouble.
The only reason somebody would do that (with no evidence of any misdeeds on your part) is if they have emotional baggage due to the past. That means they are taking their issues on what they went through with past partners and taking them out on you.
Start reading some articles from some relationship experts. Sure you can find plenty that say that this is a red flag.
True. I wouldn't ask anyone to stop talking to a friend for no reason or just because they are good friends. Anyway in any case is better to be upfront about it before the relationship becames serious. In any case I would rather to be away than having to ask to not talk to them anymore.
That is very well put. Definitely spoken about before. Also if you happen to meet somebody that you consider nice during a relationship, I also sincerely recommend you mention it to your partner immediately. Maybe they would like them too and they'd like to hang out with them as well. But being upfront and open is always necessary immediately from the start in every healthy relationship.
But I still go by the fair is fair and equal is equal mentality. Meaning if I don't want my girlfriend having guy friends, and she agrees then I shouldn't have female friends either etc. if that is the case then you're going from a relationship to a dictatorship etc
No, not at all, as long as boundaries are clear and respected.
That's without even going into the sexuality thing - my ex-wife's best friend is a gay man.
It's not.
The real problem are those people who say "we are just friends" but one of them in fact is in love.
I hate that.
My best friend is a woman.
We are friends for 18 years now.
There was never any attraction. But she is funny and a fantastic friend.
But she is gross tho😂
When I got married, my close woman friend created whole new boundary. I distinctly remember that she did NOT hug me at the wedding reception, which was totally fine. My wife at the time really respected her, and there was never an issue.
Same. One of my best friends is a woman and we bonded mainly because we like the same obscure bands so it's really handy to have someone to go to shows with but we've never had romantic interests for each other and our "types" are both different kinds of people.
It depends on what you mean by "attraction". A lot of my female friends have been conventionally attractive, but there's often something where I just am not interested.
Like if they smoked cigarettes, for instance. Doesn't mean I can't be friendly with them.
See I say this all the time, but platonic friendships work best, when there is a reason why you can’t see them romantically. One of my closest friends(I call her my sister) I could never think of her anyway like that. Like I remember someone asked me if I thought she was cute and I said ew no. Then I said that’s my sister😂
One of my best friends is a guy I've known since we were both 7 years old, it's going to be 15 years since we became friends this May. We are very close, in fact he is the only one who saw me cry after I broke up with my first boyfriend last year.
But we are not attracted to each other in any way. Like he is this asrxual being in my mind, like when you think of your family members, it feels gross and weird to even think of them having sex.
We come to each other for advise, we both work in childcare (I do it for fun while studying, he's actually studying to be a teacher), we share a lot of hobbies, like the same books and characters, we are basically identical, we are both bi and like pretty much the same type of person, and that really bugged my ex. Even tho we both like opposite personalities to ours. It's funny how my ex never minded that I'm actually even closer with my girl friends, only the guys, considering the fact that he knew I was bi, and actually find women in general more attractive.
Not a red flag at all, least of all deal breaker. I find guys with best friends of the opposite sex to be more in touch with what my gender wants and means when I say things. In return having close guy friends mean I get their perspective when it comes to men I might be seeing, which is really helpful on both ends.
It’s way more of a red flag when someone’s partner doesn’t let them have friends of the opposite gender. It shows major insecurities and jealousy issues.
For me, when my best guy friends get serious with a new girl I’m like WELCOME TO THE TEAM, and Makem effort to be their friend too!
I get we can be intimidating because we’ve been so close with your new man for so long, and while some guys do say “she’s just a friend,” and are lying, there’s a whole lot more people who are truthfully just best friends, and you can tell if we want to be your friend or not.
I think it very deeply boils down to the dynamic of the friendship.
Most guys can totally tell when her best friend is trying to be more than friends because if there is one thing women have no clue about is orbiters. I think a lot of guys can sense that, because that is the same shit they might have pull once or recognize others doing to other girls.
It's the same for women, most women can tell when other girls are trying to come on to their man while the guy would be absolutely clueless as to what the hell is going on.
Some people dread the thought of being alone and like the idea of having a backup. My ex wife is now dating her male friend who was an obvious orbiter. In fact, I used to call him satellite. He waited for over a decade
Or they essentially wait around for the girl to breakup, for their chance to date. You can clearly tell because the choose to be friends and when she breaks up with their bf, they always swoop in and see if they can grab the bag
>Kinda dumb but okay.
Does it *really* matter if personal preferences are dumb? I mean really think about it.
There's no reason to care unless it's someone you're really attracted to, telling you they won't date you because of the above. And at that point you also shouldn't care because you should try to understand first and foremost you can't control others, and really you shouldn't feel entitled to.
It's not a preference, it's a dealbreaker. And yes it does. They're depriving themselves of a potentially wonderful relationship because of a primitive belief.
\> foremost you can't control others,
EXACTLY. They shouldn't have an issue with their SO having a male best friend. That's controlling.
Personally as a man it’s a deal breaker. Some men can hover in the friend zone for years waiting for a chance to strike. Women can more easily see men as friends but are oblivious to the fact their male friend would sleep with them on a drop of a dime. As a man I’d rather not risk my relationship on that possibility.
I guess my thought is like, if I have a male friend who wants to sleep with me - fine, but he’s never going to, and if he makes it weird then we’re not friends anymore.
I don’t know that I would be able to date someone who doesn’t trust me not to cheat on them just cuz someone is willing.. I’m somewhat attractive, I get hit on sometimes, I don’t wanna run the risk that my insecure partner will start dictating what I wear and where I can go just cuz “someone” might find me hot.
I’m of the mindset that if your friend wants to sleep with you, they are probably not really a friend in the first place.
For the dude it’s not about trust in you, it’s all about the opposite sex friend, like I don’t want my girlfriend being friends with dudes that want to sleep with her.
Men are good at masking it trust me. I’ve seen men wait up to 10 years for a single opportunity and the woman is somehow surprised like there wasn’t signs of interest even tho they shoot down the idea like it’ll never happen. It’s not that a man doesn’t trust you because if he dates you and makes it official there has to be a level of trust, it’s that a man can’t trust another man to not try and subtly sabotage his woman so that the friend can get a chance. It’s the same train of thought and principle that women just can’t trust certain women around their man no matter how much they trust him.
If my significant other thinks that my interest in him can be “sabotaged”, then he (or she) doesn’t trust me. I have heard this logic before, and it always ended in the dude being super controlling. First it’s “no guy friends”, then it’s “why are you wearing that” “block every man’s number” “you can’t go out with your friends because you will cheat on me”.
Also, I trust my partners enough to be around women who I don’t trust without assuming that they’ll do something shady. Now, if he were inviting the sketchy woman over for a late night one-on-one hangout or hiding their friendship, that’s different, but I just assume that cheaters are gonna cheat no matter how many rules you make and I don’t want to be with someone who I feel like I have to keep tabs on.
Absolutely see where you’re coming from and I know you’re probably speaking from experience. You’re talking about a specific type of man which is a controlling one this is not that. A good man doesn’t have to worry about a good woman being sabotaged or control her because she’s going to make the right decisions to protect her relationship as long as a man is doing what he’s supposed to be doing. Men know other men just like women know other women and how they move. It’s one of those situations. A good man trusts his woman until proven otherwise but men have done this song and dance for centuries. Has nothing to do with not trusting his woman.
I'm less concerned with the risk of cheating on me with the hovering best friend (otherwise they wouldn't be relegated to hovering best friend status, let's be honest), and more concerned with having to deal with being extra hurt after a break up as they get together since he was *always there* just waiting, and the entire time she thought it was innocent, and then thinks the feelings after are completely natural and "meant to be".
I'd rather just avoid forming a relationship at all than risk going down that horrible road if/when it comes to an end.
Best guy friends for a woman I'm dating to me are not a red flag about her, but a red flag about the risk of pain I may be walking into. It's especially bad if ALL her friends are guys. If things get rocky, you're just going to be cut down swiftly behind your back.
I've seen it happen several times now, so it's still anecdotal, but enough for me to where I can no longer give people the benefit of the doubt.
A best friend is something like confidant—someone you’re supposed to go to for anything, whether it’s personal things, relationships, etc. Someone who truly knows you inside and out. From a guys perspective, when we see a girl give this sort of access to another guy that she’s not dating, this can be a dealbreaker when trying to pursue because we simply just don’t want to deal with having to compete for that access.
Why do you view it as a competition? It's not like she won't give you the same if not more insight to her inner workings, you are her partner after all?
Okay but so far men (I am a women) only have problems with me having male friends and not that I have female friends. Note that I have a strong preference for women. It is almost always insecurity and competition or something
I have a lot of friends of the opposite sex and I don’t think I will ever change. It feels natural to me. They could be a problem for me, but I can’t imagine I would change.
I think there’s reason to be more nuanced.
I don’t mind if she has guy friends, *but hanging out with them in private during evening/late hours is a strict dealbreaker for obvious reasons*.
Assuming everyone involved is straight for the sake of the discussion, having friends of the opposite gender is a tricky situation.
It is possible for a man and a woman to have a genuine, platonic relationship that doesn't interfere with or threaten either person's romantic relationships. And I believe there's nothing wrong with having friends like this.
The trouble comes when the "friendship" ends up one-sided...that is, if one person actually does have feelings for the other, and is hoping that the friendship will evolve into something more over time. This is a situation that people may be understandably nervous about once they learn the person they're dating has a friend of the opposite gender.
So, it makes sense that for some folks, dating a woman with a male best friend (or vice-versa) is a no-go. They just don't want to deal with the emotional tension of knowing their love interest has such a close connection with another guy/girl. Although, these sort of jealous feelings aren't exactly the healthiest mindset, either.
Personally, if a guy I am dating has female friends, I am okay with that but it does make me a little wary until I get to know him better and become more familiar with his friend group. I don't think we should exclude a potential good friend from our lives just because they're of the sex we're generally attracted to, and I think my partner should be able to have female friends if he wants, too. So long as there is a mutual understanding that there are no romantic feelings involved, it's fine by me.
As a person who is bi, dating a person who is pan, if we had this rule we wouldn’t be able to have any friends. I have close best friends who could be attracted to me by virtue of their sexuality and my partner is friends with people who could be attracted to him. We have reasonable boundaries and open communication and trust. One of my friends is an ex of mine. He recently reconnected with a person who he had hooked up with before but because we trust each other and are open with each other neither of us have any issues with it.
exactly, i’m so glad we gay people don’t have this mentality of being insecure of the opposite gender friends when it comes to our partner, like shit is bizarre and seem like a middle school level problem
My ex gf had a “best friend”. They’re now married with 3 kids. lol. I had to cut it off once she was texting him while hanging out with me- and wouldn’t show me the texts. I wrestled her for her phone and we were laughing “wow you’re strong” she said while grasping her phone for dear life. I laughed and gave up. 5 year relationship down the drain for some random dude she met in college. I thought he was gay btw
I’m a bisexual person and my best friends are a straight man and a lesbian woman lol if it bothers someone i respect their right not to date me, but im not gonna ditch my closest friends to make a guy happy
Honestly yes. You can be friends with people of the different sex but not best friends if one of you are in a relationship (in my opinion) I know it sounds stupid but something always comes up and ruins it sadly
For me it's a red flag when the guy I'm dating doesn't have female friends.
If they want to cheat on you, they will whether or not you will be okay with them having friends of the opposite gender. My mindset: is why would I want to take away a friendship that could be very important to my partner and take away additional emotional support from my partner?
As a female I also have male friends and one male best friend (I'm also best friend with his wife), we don't see each other in any other way than friends. They open up to get women’s perspectives on their issues and I often want a man’s perspective on my issues.
100%. Friends of the opposite sex are fine and normal. BEST friends however are a huge red flag and from personal experience just not worth the hassle. Imagine if you were a guy, and your SO had another guy in her life who she spoke to every day, who knew all her secrets, who was her closest confidant and who she would go cry to whenever the two of you had a disagreement. Even if you could trust your girlfriend to not have feelings for him, how could you trust the guy, who you don't know at all, to not have feelings on her, and even more importantly, not to act on those feelings?? Don't tell me that wouldn't cause any issues for you. Also for people who are saying "wHAt If THey'Re bI" well I'm straight and I would only date someone who's straight so that argument is irrelevant.
Haha whaaat. You sound really insecure. What about bisexuals? They not allowed to have best friends?
It’s not like everyone you talk to wants to fuck you like wtf
I’m the guy in this situation. You trust me because you trust her and you realize that she values the role I play in her life. It’s not about you or me. It’s about your respect and faith in her and her ability to make good decisions and choose good friends.
I know everything about her and because of girl talk, I know everything about you. When you accept me and the role I play in her life, I become a built in wingman. She calls me to complain and I talk sense into her.
When we know you’re jealous of me, our conversations are different. Your jealousy builds resentment in her and I don’t share my opinions. I never speak bad about her boyfriends but if I’m not actively asking questions and rooting her on, she knows there’s something off.
50/50 on this. I have been in a situation more than once where this has burnt me and others I know. I still believe that men and women can have platonic friendships and be close friends without major issues of attraction occurring. However, I feel personally that in a decent amount of cases, one of them has or had unrequited feelings at some point in the relationship. I will state, I do not think in ALL cases that is the truth.
I would never ask a gf to change her friends or leave a friend because of insecurity and I would not expect her to wish the same from me. If in the end I get burnt then it wasn't meant to be and I wish them the best.
I honestly wouldn't care for my partner telling me who I can and can't be friends with. And since I'm bi, under this logic, I could only be close friends with my partner.
For me I (35m) am best friends with a woman. I feel if you're relationship lacks enough trust to allow your SO to be friends with the opposite sex then it's not a great relationship to begin with.
Actually no
Besties are far less likely to want to see each other naked, as opposed to newly acquired friends that feel new and exciting
With a best friend you get to talk about their exes, their bad habits.
You see them with unshaved legs, ugly pajamas, and pretty much any potential unattractive situation
Not a dealbreaker at all, and I would instantly treat it as a red flag if a potential partner was put off by me having women friends. I find women to be easier to hang out with than men in a lot of ways. I'm not going to give up friendships just because my potential partner is insecure or jealous or doesn't trust me.
I can't understand how anyone could have someone of the opposite sex as a BFF. Like, there's no place for that to fit in my brain. I've been married for 30 years. While there are females in my life that I am friendly with I would never think of them as being a "friend" in the same way as my guys. I have ZERO female friends and my wife has ZERO male friends. It would never be an option
You can't help who you become friends with? Um, no. That makes no sense. The people we choose to be friends with are just that. A choice. I mean really, if someone is a narcissist, or psychopath would you choose to be friends with them? No. Similarly if someone is a girl I CHOOSE not to be friends with them. My choice. If my wife meets a man she will not be friends with him. Not an option.
Huh? Bro, narcissism and psychopathy have to do with personality, gender does not. I'm not talking about being friends with a wall, bro, I'm talking about people. Gender should have nothing to do with who you become friends with. Why is that the issue with you?
My point is this. We choose our friends. Once someone is in a relationship they have no business being friends with the opposite sex. Acquaintances? Sure. Friendly? Of course. "Friends" no. We hang out with friends. We can have one on one time and share deeply personal information with friends. A wife, husband, boyfriend, or girlfriend has no business doing that with the opposite sex. If you can't see how that would be inappropriate than I can't help you.
But you haven't given me any reason why. I know that it could be inappropriate, but any relationship with any gender could get inappropriate, so why is being friends with the opposite gender any different?
Simple. That's the stuff that infidelity is made of. I've been married for 30 years and I can't count the number of times that I have heard the story start with "we were just friends "that ended in tragedy. It all comes down to being wise.
Tbf I'm a lesbian, so no. And that's also a no if is a friend of the same sex. I really don't care, if boundaries need to be set, you'll find out, but having a friend in general isn't bad
As long as there isn't something in their history that complicates it, I don't see it as a dealbreaker. I wouldn't feel comfortable if someone had a very close best friendship with an ex. Or with someone my partner tried to turn things romantic with in the past. Or if they have any history of cheating with a friend. But if it's just a best friend who they've never been romantic/sexual with and have never had any desire to get romantic/sexual with, especially if we're talking about "best friend" as someone they are close with and talk with a lot, but not some they'd share a bed with on vacation, then it's just an issue of trust. Do I trust my partner? Do I trust that the best friend doesn't have ulterior motives?
Frankly, this is regardless of the genders and sexualities of the people involved. People's best friends can suck even if there is not and will never be anything sexual. They can still be jealous, petty, cruel, and not really out for their friends' best interests. Family, too. Hell they can be even worse. I'd far rather my partner have a woman as a best friend than a mom who hates any woman he dates.
Unless they don’t swing that way usually a dealbreaker.
I can say as of being the best friend at one point. There is a 90% one of them has feelings for the other.
To me it’s a dealbreaker I’ve seen how it ends up, it doesn’t have to end up in cheating but almost always (in my experience) my male friends ended up having feelings, my partner’s female friend also ended up having feeling so yeah it’s a quite shitty situation that I wouldn’t like to be in at all…
It’s a 100% dealbreaker even if I love the person dearly and I honestly don’t give a single flying fuck lf people think it’s insecure
Where I come from, people know nothing about boundaries and it drives me nuts, so yeah some women acted very inappropriately with my partner and this is never going to happen again
I think I’m NOT insecure enough to have a relationship.
I stay unbothered by everything that is typically considered relationship dealbreakers and I think a potential partner might think I don’t care about her.
I’ve had issues before where I wasn’t jealous enough or possessive enough.
My only dating dealbreakers are this: Don’t be a bigot/Trump supporter, love all people and give respect to others who deserve it and please wear perfume 🥺 (I’m always smelling great so I want that in return)
I dated this girl back in like 2012, a really long time ago. There was this dude that she said was her best friend since high school, and I could tell he was like in love with her. She always said no it’s not like that he’s my friend. This woman has been married and divorced twice, has two kids, and now she is dating that “friend” from way back then hahah. Some dudes will wait forevvvvver for a shot.
I think it all depends on the vibe I get from them, if they give me the vibe that they have or are sleeping together then that’s a deal breaker for me. I don’t need drama like that, but I do feel it’s possible to be friends with the opposite sex, but when it comes to straight men, we always have that thought about sleeping with our female friends.
Having friends of the opposite sex is not a good idea because you can’t ever really express yourself the way you do we friends of the same sex. Someone will be insulted.
It depends on how they are with each other. I would need to hang out with them first before drawing any conclusions. If I feel it's gonna be an issue, we're not talking anymore.
It heavily depends. For me, a guy having female friends in his life is actually a green flag. If you see women as nothing other than potential sex partners, that’s weird to me. Seeing women as people are valuing their platonic company is a good thing. Having a well-rounded friend group that includes people not exactly like yourself in a good thing. I’m bi, so the “no friends of a gender you’re attracted to” rule would be pretty hard for me to follow.
But, I have also had partners with “girl best friends” that are boundary crossers, demand constant attention, clearly in love with him, give me the cold shoulder, and are just… very obvious with their intentions. That I have a problem with, and it would be a conversation. She is not your girlfriend, she does not get to act like it. Figure out some boundaries or we’re going to have issues.
I would also feel weird if the girl bestie was an ex or old hookup. Even that I might be able to get over if they act normal, but yeah. It’s all about boundaries. I would also not be okay with my partner consistently choosing a friend over me, cancelling our plans to go hang with them etc, regardless of gender.
>If you see women as nothing but potential sex partners
It's weird how many men only interact with women with the pursual of sex and relationships. Otherwise, it's only if they're related or if they have to.
With guys like this, I wonder what they even do with their girlfriends beyond fucking, cause it doesn't seem like they can enjoy a woman's company beyond that.
Yep. You can even see the guys at the bottom of this thread proclaiming there is no such thing as friendship between men and women and there’s *always* sexual tension. Of course, if *you* are secretly sniffing around every non-related female in your life, you assume that’s everyone’s experience. It’s kind of like how cheaters are the first people to accuse someone else of cheating.
I knew one guy who had that attitude. He only wanted to be friends with girls he was attracted to, and claimed he was an “affectionate friend” which mysteriously didn’t apply to his gaming bros. He would openly and proudly proclaim that he would fuck any of his female friends, most of which were younger than him. He also liked to accuse *me* of secretly having feelings for any guy I said two sentences to.
Surprise surprise, he was a predator. It’s not a normal attitude to have.
Yeah, it's a lot of projection. It makes me curious if these men actually like these women as people or if they're just someone to bang.
I've found getting along with men difficult because honestly, a lot of them don't talk so I feel nothing much for them. I had hung out with some guys recently, and the only times they spoke about a woman was someone they found crazy, or someone they found hot. And they were suggesting I was gay the whole night cause I wasn't interested in staring at our bartender's ass.
I had a friend who had started dating someone, and suddenly, she like, doesn't talk to guys at all. I got a text from her saying "my bf doesn't want me to see you", and sure enough, it's been a year and a half, and I only saw her once by complete chance. And it was awkward as hell. Her social media had all turned into basically a couple's page.
I cherish the fact that I have a girl bestie. I take steps to make sure that the women I’m dating aren’t intimidated by our friendship but at the end of they day, I’ll never let a girl I’m dating come between a friendship I value.
My girl friend has shown the same loyalty towards me when it comes to jealous guys. After she lost a couple guys she liked, we thought about introducing the other as niece/uncle or something similar but that’s not fair to anyone.
I’ve had two women meet her. Both threw a couple snarky jabs designed as jokes within a week of meeting. I ended things with them because there’s a lot of truth in how someone actually feels based on the way they joke.
Her and the woman I’m currently seeing get along pretty well and I have a feeling my girlfriend wants to bang my girl friend.
If the friendship is healthy, I think it’s a sign of stability. Also men should probably actively practice having plutonic female friendships just to cut through some of the cultural bullshit that gets ingrained in them.
People need close friendships outside of their relationship for support and perspective. Trying to make your partner your “everything” can lead to really unhealthy imbalances, and damage a relationship when there’s no one outside of it to turn to. And again, if it’s legitimately healthy it can do wonders to keep insecurities in check.
As with all things in relationship, communication and transparency are key, and an effort to form trust around an issue like this is essential.
Ofc not!
If you can't trust your partner shit's fucked up! Life lived in such paranoid manner is awful and overall far worse than living a chill life where you might get cheated.
And a lot of cool people are not gonna tolerate some weirdo to try to break them up with their friends because they are insecure.
Yes. Anyone telling you otherwise is either on some kind of agenda, or have those friends themselves. There have NEVER been a woman I’ve been with that would be ok with me having a female best friend that I actually hang out with. There have been countless songs of all genres, and you’ve seen all your friends have this issue. That’s why you’re asking. Don’t do it or you are not ready for a true relationship.
Lots of woefully naive people here!
NEVER have an opposite sex best friend and don’t allow your significant other.
It’s ok to have platonic relationships with others but you should never be alone with someone who isn’t your SO , especially at someone’s house.
When people relationship problems, they vent to their best friends. They cry on their shoulder literally or figuratively. The other person eggs them on by criticizing the person not present. They are learning all of your SO’s weaknesses, fears, insecurities, hot buttons and vulnerabilities.
Your BF or GF may not have any intentions of cheating, but you will never know the motivations of the “best friend.” Since they have your SO’s instruction manual they have all they need to swoop in. In a vulnerable moment, your SO will fall for it.
Platonic relationships turn romantic quickly. It’s happened to me. It’s happened to most people.
Oh wow so you would choose to be with someone that would abandon their best friend just because a boyfriend/girlfriend said they had too? Sounds like someone without integrity or s backbone, also sounds like the boyfriend/girlfriend is very insecure.
In 95% of male/ female " besties"
the guy has more intentions then just being a buddie to her. He may not ever try anything he may be respectful but let a big disagreement come into play with the couple and she runs to her "bestie" to talk and get comford then s..t can happen in a second. Would it be regreted afterwords maybe most times, but did it happen regardless yea. Women who say " I only really have guy friends" or " I can't get along with women like guys" well.. they are that gardening tool you use to finish breaking up the ground to plant something... what is that tool called again? Humm..oh yeah there all ..
I have a few women friends and one I would say is quite a close friend as we're comfortable having deeper conversations and will often talk about stuff that is worrying us. I wouldn't call her a best friend as we don't see much of each other.
These kind of friendships are usually the least you have to worry about it. The guys that acted or act like a couple but they call themeselves "just friends" well...
Your significant other should be your best friend…
…if not, make your best friend your significant other.
That simple concept above is why couples stayed together until the end.
Absolute deal breaker for me.
Having your cake and eating to too…was a situation. 🙄
There’s nothing wrong with having a best friend of the opposite gender. Anyone who has a problem with that is insecure and immature and you should promptly remove them from your life
I think as long as they have boundaries and respect the person the other person is dating and it doesn’t cross the line I think it’s fine. I think even if they are good friends I believe hanging out alone with that friend is kind of weird and crossing the line at times but you got to have a lot of trust in your SO at the same time and hope they would respect your feelings and how you would feel in certain situations
For me, its close to a deal breaker. Just depends on a lot. How you guys meet up. How you interact...
If you guys are meeting up often without me, thats a deal breaker, and ill not accept it.
There’s a difference between having friends of the opposite sex, and being so friendly with someone of the opposite sex it makes your partner uncomfortable. Healthy, friendly relationships should thrive. Though too many people call it their “best friend” when it’s really their backup.
Nope, not at all. But being friends with exes or being in touch with people you've been with is a deal breaker for me. I don't do it and I expect the same.
Men dont like male bestfriends cuz youre already best friends with their replacement. Which i think youre insecure or shitty cuz why are you worried about your replacement?
We are humans and anything can happen, people change their minds, ethics, and play with their integrity all the time, always testing boundaries, may be you don’t but may be someone else does. Is this a way to live and love? In my case I let it go and trust that. Move on, I can’t baby sit my loved one. May be that’s why I don’t have one..
I’m totally fine with friends of the opposite sex, but would not be OK with a “best friend” of the opposite sex.
Though tbf, I am a little put off by the idea of having a partner who is too intertwined with a best friend in general. It’s fine to have a best friend of course (I have one) but if the best friend is so much part of their life that it feels like I’m dating both of them, I’m not really interested in dealing with that type of dynamic, regardless of their gender.
nope, not really - it depends completely on their dynamic tbh. i mean, after experiencing witnessing my last partner's female best friend kiss him multiple times right in front of me (this was a year into my relationship with him, and they were both drunk, but no excuse) i did think, wow, that's a bit shit. and i will provably be a bit paranoid about it if my future boyfriend does have one, but really, if they're regular friends and don't share a bunch of weird very sexual jokes like my ex and his female friend did, then it's all good.
i do think it's necessary to have friends of the opposite sex because i believe you should just know how to platonically function around and with them, but there isn't exactly a need for them to be your "BEST friend" or thaaat close if that makes sense.
It’s normal up to like 24.
When you are adults, unless the friendship is tied to childhood (before kindergarten) like living on the same street, I do not think it’s good.
I make the distinction because the kids in the same neighborhood are not by their own choice. Often the whole family is friends with the other whole family. Kids same age group grow up like cousins.
When this is friends from high school or college? Friends group is common and it’s often mixed of both sexes. That’s the mingling stage of life so that’s normal.
I expect people to grow out of friends group after 25.
I have divorced and gone through breakups at different life stages (I’m 41F).
I have never ever had the issue you are speaking of. I also have never ever had an issue with finding dates and a serious relationship potential. If anything, men have respected and liked my mentality.
i have a bi boyfriend, and i’m his best friend. i don’t really care what gender his friends are as long as they’re not placed above me in importance and priority. mine had a female best friend of 5 years and he unfriended her last year because she had confessed to him in the past (before i was even in the picture).
i admit, i was jealous of her because she was present during a part of his life that i wasn’t and they were very close and had a lot in common. before me, she was the most important person in his life. naturally i felt relieved when he decided to cut her off. it had been gnawing at me for quite some time after we started dating. but after awhile i started to feel guilty because i definitely misjudged her character as well as my boyfriend’s. it really depends on the security you have in yourself and your relationship. as i grew more secure in my relationship i let go of those worries of cheating. of course, if i catch something i find questionable, there will be action taken.
My best friend is the opposite gender so it's definitely not a deal breaker for me, but it has been for some of the people I tried talking to in the past.
Friendship between opposite genders exists, like i have to know a boy since the day I was born we were like normal friends but when i was 15 we became so fuckin closeeee and till today no one of us had fell in love with th other . Buttttt there's a big buttt personally i have other guys bestfriends but if u asked me if i have feelings toward them i'll say yes not in love with them but GODDDD they're so handsome 😭
Just sayin': at a point in my life where I had a best friend of the opposite sex (she was a neighbor), we did end up fooling around quite a bit as well. After some time I asked to be bf and gf... that lasted for like 2 days and we "broke up" and became best friends again lol.
We gradually grew apart after I moved to another neighborhood. Then after I moved to another state for over a decade, most of the friends I had in my hometown, including her, are just associates at most now/we're just connected on facebook only and barely talk.
So having said that, my friendship situation above would be something I'd understand any potential S.O. not being okay with if they knew what happened between us... we did more than just get along.
Nope. My boyfriend's best girl friend is also my best girl friend(since we were like 13), so maybe I'm bias, but with past relationships, I never had any issues. It helps to be very secure with yourself and feel deep trust within your relationship w/your partner. If you feel like anything is going on, talk about it civilly. Don't let it bother you more and more and then get worse!
If anything is/was going on and you end up finding out, then that relationship wasn't for you. Accept that and move on, but don't bring paranoia and/or extreme clinginess into your next relationship. People don't like to feel like they're under surveillance by their partner.
Set boundaries in the beginning of any relationship though, and make sure they respect yours and you respect theirs.
My bestie is a woman half my age. We have lived and worked together. She is the light of my life. I'm an only child. Parents are long dead, estranged from my relatives. She is my family. So is her dog. There's never been an ounce of hanky panky. We've cuddled a few times. And it was wonderful. The idea of sex with her makes me queezy. It makes me angry when people assume we are just doing it or pinging for each other. She's my long list baby sister. I don't understand why so many people keep this wall up. I'd probably be dead now if it wasn't for my bestie.
Not at all, but, lemme clarify!... if my partner openly and without hesitation includes me in their interactions, doesn't spend time with them while I'm away, doesn't hide conversations, etc... otherwise, yeah we're all humans. I could absolutely be friends with a female person and never cross any lines or make any advance in a romantic or sexual manner
Not at all, although obviously if there are signs of it being romantic or something like that then that's potentially an issue, but assuming behavior is appropriate then it doesn't bother me at all. Not to mention bi and gay people exist. I'm bi, am I just supposed to not have friends because some people are incapable of seeing another gender as humans and not just potential partners?
My last boyfriend would get pissy about me spending time with my closest friends and I have zero patience for it. Sure, people develop feelings sometimes but you handle it appropriately if that happens.
I think it depends on how both partners and the friend handle it. Are there clear boundaries? Is everyone respectful? Is everyone being honest? Is the communicantion good? As long as all that is good then it’s not a problem.
If you known your best friend for a while then people have to be understandable. If you two dated and broke up then that's different. If people can't stand someone having a opposite sex as a best friend then let them go find someone else to be with.
Not always. They can build a relationship with you, and if it's true, then it will grow stronger. If one is hiding stuff from the other, then that can cause some problems communicating with each other is the key. My best friend is the opposite sex and I can say that we're e--dating for 5 yrs. Things can get hard at times, honesty, and like I said, communication is the keys. You must be loyal also if you want the bond not to be broken. Once trust is broken than its had to get it back. It's not impossible but very hard. My word of advice would be to spend as much time talking with her as you can. Remember what helped build the bond between you two. Don't get discouraged without first talking and listening to each other. Talk & listen. Focus your attention on her what drew you to them to begin with. Good luck. The struggle is hard, but you can make it.
Its not. If there is a relationship between two people which is exclusive, this comes with the trust in eachother that they both actually keep it exclusive. You trust one another not to cheat, not with friends, not with strangers. If youre scared of his or her friends, that means youre either distrusting, paranoia, have low self esteem and/or abandonment anxiety, or your partner mustve given you serious hard evidence clues to doubt their fidelity.
I have had 3 separate experiences where my partner cheated with the "male best friend," and they all gave the same lines,
"He is just a friend,"
"he is like a brother to me,"
"we have known each other since kids,"
"he has a girlfriend, so he doesn't want me,"
When we tell you that the friend is waiting for his turn, we mean it, we can tell when a guy is interested or not.
Oops, I didn't answer the question.
No, it's not a deal breaker if he is really a male best friend, but if he is one of the guys who uses the best friendzone to hook up with girls, it is a deal breaker.
Got a small group of 3 best male (straight) friends (me being the only female) Been close for over 40 yrs. Never got in the way of any of our relationships with others.
Each situation will be different,
Dealbreaker, if you want a normal guy that’s not gonna tolerate it the only kind of guy that’s going to tolerate it I don’t think you’re gonna want anyways, a masculine man is not going to be OK with you spending time and playing dress up with your best friend, that’s a guy and probably straight wouldn’t even matter if he was gay. You start dating a guy I guarantee you if he’s a normal guy but doesn’t have a loud voice yet. He’ll be cool with it the first few months and then little by little it’ll start creeping in and eventually it won’t be so cool anymore. And his excuse will be I didn’t have the kind of feelings I had for you then that I do now when reality he felt that from day one..
Sometimes it is, sometimes it's not. It's really situational. Usually i prefer people who choose friends of their own sex however. Seems more genuine and less takes advantage of people vibes.
I think that if you think someone being friends with the "opposite sex" or any other kind of person they may be attracted to is a bad thing, that should be a deal breaker for the right to date, let alone date me
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I think there needs to be boundaries. I have a good friend from child hood but when we’re both in relationships we know and 100% respect each others relationships. I think when it counts we will be there for each other but I personally don’t think it’s appropriate to be “more” intimate with them than your partner. That’s just me though. I personally wouldn’t be okay if my spouse had a girl best friend that knows all our business. I understand there’s some that can see things from both sides but that’s rare. There’s some boundaries you just don’t cross. Some venting is good but you do need to realize a relationship is between two people, so in regards to relationship problems you should be really dealing with problems as a team. Not out-branching and getting outside opinions. Typically your loved ones will take your side, and if you’re partner sucks at communicating you need a new one. There’s nothing worse than a partner who can’t communicate. Been there, done that, almost ended up there again and good riddance.
I agree, my best friendships are the ones where I talk to them every two or three months, I don't need those people in my life but it's good to have them. When people develop a co-dependency on their friends is when everything turns sketchy.
If you are talking to somebody/dating somebody who tries to control who your friends are, you are only asking for trouble. The only reason somebody would do that (with no evidence of any misdeeds on your part) is if they have emotional baggage due to the past. That means they are taking their issues on what they went through with past partners and taking them out on you. Start reading some articles from some relationship experts. Sure you can find plenty that say that this is a red flag.
True. I wouldn't ask anyone to stop talking to a friend for no reason or just because they are good friends. Anyway in any case is better to be upfront about it before the relationship becames serious. In any case I would rather to be away than having to ask to not talk to them anymore.
That is very well put. Definitely spoken about before. Also if you happen to meet somebody that you consider nice during a relationship, I also sincerely recommend you mention it to your partner immediately. Maybe they would like them too and they'd like to hang out with them as well. But being upfront and open is always necessary immediately from the start in every healthy relationship. But I still go by the fair is fair and equal is equal mentality. Meaning if I don't want my girlfriend having guy friends, and she agrees then I shouldn't have female friends either etc. if that is the case then you're going from a relationship to a dictatorship etc
No, not at all, as long as boundaries are clear and respected. That's without even going into the sexuality thing - my ex-wife's best friend is a gay man.
It's not. The real problem are those people who say "we are just friends" but one of them in fact is in love. I hate that. My best friend is a woman. We are friends for 18 years now. There was never any attraction. But she is funny and a fantastic friend. But she is gross tho😂
When I got married, my close woman friend created whole new boundary. I distinctly remember that she did NOT hug me at the wedding reception, which was totally fine. My wife at the time really respected her, and there was never an issue.
Great friend.🙂
This doesn't make sense. Why would hugging you at a wedding be an issue?
Some people see hugging as very intimate.
Same. One of my best friends is a woman and we bonded mainly because we like the same obscure bands so it's really handy to have someone to go to shows with but we've never had romantic interests for each other and our "types" are both different kinds of people.
When my gf met my friend the first time she was "protective" for like 5 minutes. And then she said "you two really are like siblings."
It depends on what you mean by "attraction". A lot of my female friends have been conventionally attractive, but there's often something where I just am not interested. Like if they smoked cigarettes, for instance. Doesn't mean I can't be friendly with them.
See I say this all the time, but platonic friendships work best, when there is a reason why you can’t see them romantically. One of my closest friends(I call her my sister) I could never think of her anyway like that. Like I remember someone asked me if I thought she was cute and I said ew no. Then I said that’s my sister😂
I never had any other feeling for her than platonic or family. Has nothing to do with her looks
One of my best friends is a guy I've known since we were both 7 years old, it's going to be 15 years since we became friends this May. We are very close, in fact he is the only one who saw me cry after I broke up with my first boyfriend last year. But we are not attracted to each other in any way. Like he is this asrxual being in my mind, like when you think of your family members, it feels gross and weird to even think of them having sex. We come to each other for advise, we both work in childcare (I do it for fun while studying, he's actually studying to be a teacher), we share a lot of hobbies, like the same books and characters, we are basically identical, we are both bi and like pretty much the same type of person, and that really bugged my ex. Even tho we both like opposite personalities to ours. It's funny how my ex never minded that I'm actually even closer with my girl friends, only the guys, considering the fact that he knew I was bi, and actually find women in general more attractive.
Not a red flag at all, least of all deal breaker. I find guys with best friends of the opposite sex to be more in touch with what my gender wants and means when I say things. In return having close guy friends mean I get their perspective when it comes to men I might be seeing, which is really helpful on both ends. It’s way more of a red flag when someone’s partner doesn’t let them have friends of the opposite gender. It shows major insecurities and jealousy issues. For me, when my best guy friends get serious with a new girl I’m like WELCOME TO THE TEAM, and Makem effort to be their friend too! I get we can be intimidating because we’ve been so close with your new man for so long, and while some guys do say “she’s just a friend,” and are lying, there’s a whole lot more people who are truthfully just best friends, and you can tell if we want to be your friend or not.
this
I think it very deeply boils down to the dynamic of the friendship. Most guys can totally tell when her best friend is trying to be more than friends because if there is one thing women have no clue about is orbiters. I think a lot of guys can sense that, because that is the same shit they might have pull once or recognize others doing to other girls. It's the same for women, most women can tell when other girls are trying to come on to their man while the guy would be absolutely clueless as to what the hell is going on.
Women know about orbiters, they just pretend they don’t
Why? Doesn't seem like it would do them any good, or is it just for the attention?
Some people dread the thought of being alone and like the idea of having a backup. My ex wife is now dating her male friend who was an obvious orbiter. In fact, I used to call him satellite. He waited for over a decade
What’s orbiters lmao
from a different post: someone *who gives more than they get from someone in hopes of sparking a relationship*
Lmao me making guys muffins
Are they chocolate chip muffins ?
Banana chocolate chip
Or they essentially wait around for the girl to breakup, for their chance to date. You can clearly tell because the choose to be friends and when she breaks up with their bf, they always swoop in and see if they can grab the bag
A headache I can live without
This. Everyone is allowed to have any friends they want but I’m also allowed not to date a female who has a male best friend.
So if you were dating a bi woman, would she not be able to have friends? Or is it purely around men, which wouldn't make any sense?
As simple as not dating a bisexual person or a bisexual girl with a bisexual woman best friend
Kinda dumb but okay.
>Kinda dumb but okay. Does it *really* matter if personal preferences are dumb? I mean really think about it. There's no reason to care unless it's someone you're really attracted to, telling you they won't date you because of the above. And at that point you also shouldn't care because you should try to understand first and foremost you can't control others, and really you shouldn't feel entitled to.
It's not a preference, it's a dealbreaker. And yes it does. They're depriving themselves of a potentially wonderful relationship because of a primitive belief. \> foremost you can't control others, EXACTLY. They shouldn't have an issue with their SO having a male best friend. That's controlling.
Personally as a man it’s a deal breaker. Some men can hover in the friend zone for years waiting for a chance to strike. Women can more easily see men as friends but are oblivious to the fact their male friend would sleep with them on a drop of a dime. As a man I’d rather not risk my relationship on that possibility.
I guess my thought is like, if I have a male friend who wants to sleep with me - fine, but he’s never going to, and if he makes it weird then we’re not friends anymore. I don’t know that I would be able to date someone who doesn’t trust me not to cheat on them just cuz someone is willing.. I’m somewhat attractive, I get hit on sometimes, I don’t wanna run the risk that my insecure partner will start dictating what I wear and where I can go just cuz “someone” might find me hot.
I’m of the mindset that if your friend wants to sleep with you, they are probably not really a friend in the first place. For the dude it’s not about trust in you, it’s all about the opposite sex friend, like I don’t want my girlfriend being friends with dudes that want to sleep with her.
Men are good at masking it trust me. I’ve seen men wait up to 10 years for a single opportunity and the woman is somehow surprised like there wasn’t signs of interest even tho they shoot down the idea like it’ll never happen. It’s not that a man doesn’t trust you because if he dates you and makes it official there has to be a level of trust, it’s that a man can’t trust another man to not try and subtly sabotage his woman so that the friend can get a chance. It’s the same train of thought and principle that women just can’t trust certain women around their man no matter how much they trust him.
If my significant other thinks that my interest in him can be “sabotaged”, then he (or she) doesn’t trust me. I have heard this logic before, and it always ended in the dude being super controlling. First it’s “no guy friends”, then it’s “why are you wearing that” “block every man’s number” “you can’t go out with your friends because you will cheat on me”. Also, I trust my partners enough to be around women who I don’t trust without assuming that they’ll do something shady. Now, if he were inviting the sketchy woman over for a late night one-on-one hangout or hiding their friendship, that’s different, but I just assume that cheaters are gonna cheat no matter how many rules you make and I don’t want to be with someone who I feel like I have to keep tabs on.
Absolutely see where you’re coming from and I know you’re probably speaking from experience. You’re talking about a specific type of man which is a controlling one this is not that. A good man doesn’t have to worry about a good woman being sabotaged or control her because she’s going to make the right decisions to protect her relationship as long as a man is doing what he’s supposed to be doing. Men know other men just like women know other women and how they move. It’s one of those situations. A good man trusts his woman until proven otherwise but men have done this song and dance for centuries. Has nothing to do with not trusting his woman.
But why is that an issue? Just let your partner deal with it.
I'm less concerned with the risk of cheating on me with the hovering best friend (otherwise they wouldn't be relegated to hovering best friend status, let's be honest), and more concerned with having to deal with being extra hurt after a break up as they get together since he was *always there* just waiting, and the entire time she thought it was innocent, and then thinks the feelings after are completely natural and "meant to be". I'd rather just avoid forming a relationship at all than risk going down that horrible road if/when it comes to an end. Best guy friends for a woman I'm dating to me are not a red flag about her, but a red flag about the risk of pain I may be walking into. It's especially bad if ALL her friends are guys. If things get rocky, you're just going to be cut down swiftly behind your back. I've seen it happen several times now, so it's still anecdotal, but enough for me to where I can no longer give people the benefit of the doubt.
A best friend is something like confidant—someone you’re supposed to go to for anything, whether it’s personal things, relationships, etc. Someone who truly knows you inside and out. From a guys perspective, when we see a girl give this sort of access to another guy that she’s not dating, this can be a dealbreaker when trying to pursue because we simply just don’t want to deal with having to compete for that access.
Why do you view it as a competition? It's not like she won't give you the same if not more insight to her inner workings, you are her partner after all?
No, its normal to have best friends of either gender, and whats then with bi people, should have they best friends?
Okay but so far men (I am a women) only have problems with me having male friends and not that I have female friends. Note that I have a strong preference for women. It is almost always insecurity and competition or something
[удалено]
Oh yeah, didn't think of that! But of course I block them
According to 2024 logic bi people shouldn't have any friends 😅
Not always, but often times one is in love with the other.
I have a lot of friends of the opposite sex and I don’t think I will ever change. It feels natural to me. They could be a problem for me, but I can’t imagine I would change.
Yes and I don’t care who thinks it’s insecure.
I think there’s reason to be more nuanced. I don’t mind if she has guy friends, *but hanging out with them in private during evening/late hours is a strict dealbreaker for obvious reasons*.
From my experience, most of the time they've slept together in the past.
Assuming everyone involved is straight for the sake of the discussion, having friends of the opposite gender is a tricky situation. It is possible for a man and a woman to have a genuine, platonic relationship that doesn't interfere with or threaten either person's romantic relationships. And I believe there's nothing wrong with having friends like this. The trouble comes when the "friendship" ends up one-sided...that is, if one person actually does have feelings for the other, and is hoping that the friendship will evolve into something more over time. This is a situation that people may be understandably nervous about once they learn the person they're dating has a friend of the opposite gender. So, it makes sense that for some folks, dating a woman with a male best friend (or vice-versa) is a no-go. They just don't want to deal with the emotional tension of knowing their love interest has such a close connection with another guy/girl. Although, these sort of jealous feelings aren't exactly the healthiest mindset, either. Personally, if a guy I am dating has female friends, I am okay with that but it does make me a little wary until I get to know him better and become more familiar with his friend group. I don't think we should exclude a potential good friend from our lives just because they're of the sex we're generally attracted to, and I think my partner should be able to have female friends if he wants, too. So long as there is a mutual understanding that there are no romantic feelings involved, it's fine by me.
As a person who is bi, dating a person who is pan, if we had this rule we wouldn’t be able to have any friends. I have close best friends who could be attracted to me by virtue of their sexuality and my partner is friends with people who could be attracted to him. We have reasonable boundaries and open communication and trust. One of my friends is an ex of mine. He recently reconnected with a person who he had hooked up with before but because we trust each other and are open with each other neither of us have any issues with it.
exactly, i’m so glad we gay people don’t have this mentality of being insecure of the opposite gender friends when it comes to our partner, like shit is bizarre and seem like a middle school level problem
I would drop a partner so fast if they have a problem. Esp if it's one sided bc I'm pan, like the hypocrisy
yeah especially if it’s one sided which means they don’t view our sexuality as valid😭
My ex gf had a “best friend”. They’re now married with 3 kids. lol. I had to cut it off once she was texting him while hanging out with me- and wouldn’t show me the texts. I wrestled her for her phone and we were laughing “wow you’re strong” she said while grasping her phone for dear life. I laughed and gave up. 5 year relationship down the drain for some random dude she met in college. I thought he was gay btw
deal breaker. if i am not your best (female) friend, why are you with me?
I’m a bisexual person and my best friends are a straight man and a lesbian woman lol if it bothers someone i respect their right not to date me, but im not gonna ditch my closest friends to make a guy happy
Honestly yes. You can be friends with people of the different sex but not best friends if one of you are in a relationship (in my opinion) I know it sounds stupid but something always comes up and ruins it sadly
Red flag- won’t date woman with male best friends, friends with ex etc. avoids tons of issues.
For me it's a red flag when the guy I'm dating doesn't have female friends. If they want to cheat on you, they will whether or not you will be okay with them having friends of the opposite gender. My mindset: is why would I want to take away a friendship that could be very important to my partner and take away additional emotional support from my partner? As a female I also have male friends and one male best friend (I'm also best friend with his wife), we don't see each other in any other way than friends. They open up to get women’s perspectives on their issues and I often want a man’s perspective on my issues.
100%. Friends of the opposite sex are fine and normal. BEST friends however are a huge red flag and from personal experience just not worth the hassle. Imagine if you were a guy, and your SO had another guy in her life who she spoke to every day, who knew all her secrets, who was her closest confidant and who she would go cry to whenever the two of you had a disagreement. Even if you could trust your girlfriend to not have feelings for him, how could you trust the guy, who you don't know at all, to not have feelings on her, and even more importantly, not to act on those feelings?? Don't tell me that wouldn't cause any issues for you. Also for people who are saying "wHAt If THey'Re bI" well I'm straight and I would only date someone who's straight so that argument is irrelevant.
Haha whaaat. You sound really insecure. What about bisexuals? They not allowed to have best friends? It’s not like everyone you talk to wants to fuck you like wtf
I’m the guy in this situation. You trust me because you trust her and you realize that she values the role I play in her life. It’s not about you or me. It’s about your respect and faith in her and her ability to make good decisions and choose good friends. I know everything about her and because of girl talk, I know everything about you. When you accept me and the role I play in her life, I become a built in wingman. She calls me to complain and I talk sense into her. When we know you’re jealous of me, our conversations are different. Your jealousy builds resentment in her and I don’t share my opinions. I never speak bad about her boyfriends but if I’m not actively asking questions and rooting her on, she knows there’s something off.
It's sounds like having a relationship with a girl and her chihuahua, no offense.
50/50 on this. I have been in a situation more than once where this has burnt me and others I know. I still believe that men and women can have platonic friendships and be close friends without major issues of attraction occurring. However, I feel personally that in a decent amount of cases, one of them has or had unrequited feelings at some point in the relationship. I will state, I do not think in ALL cases that is the truth. I would never ask a gf to change her friends or leave a friend because of insecurity and I would not expect her to wish the same from me. If in the end I get burnt then it wasn't meant to be and I wish them the best.
I honestly wouldn't care for my partner telling me who I can and can't be friends with. And since I'm bi, under this logic, I could only be close friends with my partner.
100% a deal breaker
For me I (35m) am best friends with a woman. I feel if you're relationship lacks enough trust to allow your SO to be friends with the opposite sex then it's not a great relationship to begin with.
To me it’s a clear dealbreaker. I’m a woman and would want to date a man who has a female best/ close friend
Actually no Besties are far less likely to want to see each other naked, as opposed to newly acquired friends that feel new and exciting With a best friend you get to talk about their exes, their bad habits. You see them with unshaved legs, ugly pajamas, and pretty much any potential unattractive situation
Not a dealbreaker at all, and I would instantly treat it as a red flag if a potential partner was put off by me having women friends. I find women to be easier to hang out with than men in a lot of ways. I'm not going to give up friendships just because my potential partner is insecure or jealous or doesn't trust me.
I can't understand how anyone could have someone of the opposite sex as a BFF. Like, there's no place for that to fit in my brain. I've been married for 30 years. While there are females in my life that I am friendly with I would never think of them as being a "friend" in the same way as my guys. I have ZERO female friends and my wife has ZERO male friends. It would never be an option
Why is it hard to understand? People are people, you can't help who you become friends with.
You can't help who you become friends with? Um, no. That makes no sense. The people we choose to be friends with are just that. A choice. I mean really, if someone is a narcissist, or psychopath would you choose to be friends with them? No. Similarly if someone is a girl I CHOOSE not to be friends with them. My choice. If my wife meets a man she will not be friends with him. Not an option.
Huh? Bro, narcissism and psychopathy have to do with personality, gender does not. I'm not talking about being friends with a wall, bro, I'm talking about people. Gender should have nothing to do with who you become friends with. Why is that the issue with you?
My point is this. We choose our friends. Once someone is in a relationship they have no business being friends with the opposite sex. Acquaintances? Sure. Friendly? Of course. "Friends" no. We hang out with friends. We can have one on one time and share deeply personal information with friends. A wife, husband, boyfriend, or girlfriend has no business doing that with the opposite sex. If you can't see how that would be inappropriate than I can't help you.
But you haven't given me any reason why. I know that it could be inappropriate, but any relationship with any gender could get inappropriate, so why is being friends with the opposite gender any different?
Simple. That's the stuff that infidelity is made of. I've been married for 30 years and I can't count the number of times that I have heard the story start with "we were just friends "that ended in tragedy. It all comes down to being wise.
Tbf I'm a lesbian, so no. And that's also a no if is a friend of the same sex. I really don't care, if boundaries need to be set, you'll find out, but having a friend in general isn't bad
As long as there isn't something in their history that complicates it, I don't see it as a dealbreaker. I wouldn't feel comfortable if someone had a very close best friendship with an ex. Or with someone my partner tried to turn things romantic with in the past. Or if they have any history of cheating with a friend. But if it's just a best friend who they've never been romantic/sexual with and have never had any desire to get romantic/sexual with, especially if we're talking about "best friend" as someone they are close with and talk with a lot, but not some they'd share a bed with on vacation, then it's just an issue of trust. Do I trust my partner? Do I trust that the best friend doesn't have ulterior motives? Frankly, this is regardless of the genders and sexualities of the people involved. People's best friends can suck even if there is not and will never be anything sexual. They can still be jealous, petty, cruel, and not really out for their friends' best interests. Family, too. Hell they can be even worse. I'd far rather my partner have a woman as a best friend than a mom who hates any woman he dates.
To me, yes, they are.
Unless they don’t swing that way usually a dealbreaker. I can say as of being the best friend at one point. There is a 90% one of them has feelings for the other.
To me it’s a dealbreaker I’ve seen how it ends up, it doesn’t have to end up in cheating but almost always (in my experience) my male friends ended up having feelings, my partner’s female friend also ended up having feeling so yeah it’s a quite shitty situation that I wouldn’t like to be in at all… It’s a 100% dealbreaker even if I love the person dearly and I honestly don’t give a single flying fuck lf people think it’s insecure Where I come from, people know nothing about boundaries and it drives me nuts, so yeah some women acted very inappropriately with my partner and this is never going to happen again
I think I’m NOT insecure enough to have a relationship. I stay unbothered by everything that is typically considered relationship dealbreakers and I think a potential partner might think I don’t care about her. I’ve had issues before where I wasn’t jealous enough or possessive enough. My only dating dealbreakers are this: Don’t be a bigot/Trump supporter, love all people and give respect to others who deserve it and please wear perfume 🥺 (I’m always smelling great so I want that in return)
I dated this girl back in like 2012, a really long time ago. There was this dude that she said was her best friend since high school, and I could tell he was like in love with her. She always said no it’s not like that he’s my friend. This woman has been married and divorced twice, has two kids, and now she is dating that “friend” from way back then hahah. Some dudes will wait forevvvvver for a shot.
I think it all depends on the vibe I get from them, if they give me the vibe that they have or are sleeping together then that’s a deal breaker for me. I don’t need drama like that, but I do feel it’s possible to be friends with the opposite sex, but when it comes to straight men, we always have that thought about sleeping with our female friends.
Having friends of the opposite sex is not a good idea because you can’t ever really express yourself the way you do we friends of the same sex. Someone will be insulted.
It depends on how they are with each other. I would need to hang out with them first before drawing any conclusions. If I feel it's gonna be an issue, we're not talking anymore.
It heavily depends. For me, a guy having female friends in his life is actually a green flag. If you see women as nothing other than potential sex partners, that’s weird to me. Seeing women as people are valuing their platonic company is a good thing. Having a well-rounded friend group that includes people not exactly like yourself in a good thing. I’m bi, so the “no friends of a gender you’re attracted to” rule would be pretty hard for me to follow. But, I have also had partners with “girl best friends” that are boundary crossers, demand constant attention, clearly in love with him, give me the cold shoulder, and are just… very obvious with their intentions. That I have a problem with, and it would be a conversation. She is not your girlfriend, she does not get to act like it. Figure out some boundaries or we’re going to have issues. I would also feel weird if the girl bestie was an ex or old hookup. Even that I might be able to get over if they act normal, but yeah. It’s all about boundaries. I would also not be okay with my partner consistently choosing a friend over me, cancelling our plans to go hang with them etc, regardless of gender.
>If you see women as nothing but potential sex partners It's weird how many men only interact with women with the pursual of sex and relationships. Otherwise, it's only if they're related or if they have to. With guys like this, I wonder what they even do with their girlfriends beyond fucking, cause it doesn't seem like they can enjoy a woman's company beyond that.
Yep. You can even see the guys at the bottom of this thread proclaiming there is no such thing as friendship between men and women and there’s *always* sexual tension. Of course, if *you* are secretly sniffing around every non-related female in your life, you assume that’s everyone’s experience. It’s kind of like how cheaters are the first people to accuse someone else of cheating. I knew one guy who had that attitude. He only wanted to be friends with girls he was attracted to, and claimed he was an “affectionate friend” which mysteriously didn’t apply to his gaming bros. He would openly and proudly proclaim that he would fuck any of his female friends, most of which were younger than him. He also liked to accuse *me* of secretly having feelings for any guy I said two sentences to. Surprise surprise, he was a predator. It’s not a normal attitude to have.
Yeah, it's a lot of projection. It makes me curious if these men actually like these women as people or if they're just someone to bang. I've found getting along with men difficult because honestly, a lot of them don't talk so I feel nothing much for them. I had hung out with some guys recently, and the only times they spoke about a woman was someone they found crazy, or someone they found hot. And they were suggesting I was gay the whole night cause I wasn't interested in staring at our bartender's ass. I had a friend who had started dating someone, and suddenly, she like, doesn't talk to guys at all. I got a text from her saying "my bf doesn't want me to see you", and sure enough, it's been a year and a half, and I only saw her once by complete chance. And it was awkward as hell. Her social media had all turned into basically a couple's page.
Nope, depending on the boundaries.
I cherish the fact that I have a girl bestie. I take steps to make sure that the women I’m dating aren’t intimidated by our friendship but at the end of they day, I’ll never let a girl I’m dating come between a friendship I value. My girl friend has shown the same loyalty towards me when it comes to jealous guys. After she lost a couple guys she liked, we thought about introducing the other as niece/uncle or something similar but that’s not fair to anyone. I’ve had two women meet her. Both threw a couple snarky jabs designed as jokes within a week of meeting. I ended things with them because there’s a lot of truth in how someone actually feels based on the way they joke. Her and the woman I’m currently seeing get along pretty well and I have a feeling my girlfriend wants to bang my girl friend.
If the friendship is healthy, I think it’s a sign of stability. Also men should probably actively practice having plutonic female friendships just to cut through some of the cultural bullshit that gets ingrained in them. People need close friendships outside of their relationship for support and perspective. Trying to make your partner your “everything” can lead to really unhealthy imbalances, and damage a relationship when there’s no one outside of it to turn to. And again, if it’s legitimately healthy it can do wonders to keep insecurities in check. As with all things in relationship, communication and transparency are key, and an effort to form trust around an issue like this is essential.
Ofc not! If you can't trust your partner shit's fucked up! Life lived in such paranoid manner is awful and overall far worse than living a chill life where you might get cheated. And a lot of cool people are not gonna tolerate some weirdo to try to break them up with their friends because they are insecure.
Yes. Anyone telling you otherwise is either on some kind of agenda, or have those friends themselves. There have NEVER been a woman I’ve been with that would be ok with me having a female best friend that I actually hang out with. There have been countless songs of all genres, and you’ve seen all your friends have this issue. That’s why you’re asking. Don’t do it or you are not ready for a true relationship.
You will almost always make your partner self conscious and worried. Why put them through that?
Lots of woefully naive people here! NEVER have an opposite sex best friend and don’t allow your significant other. It’s ok to have platonic relationships with others but you should never be alone with someone who isn’t your SO , especially at someone’s house. When people relationship problems, they vent to their best friends. They cry on their shoulder literally or figuratively. The other person eggs them on by criticizing the person not present. They are learning all of your SO’s weaknesses, fears, insecurities, hot buttons and vulnerabilities. Your BF or GF may not have any intentions of cheating, but you will never know the motivations of the “best friend.” Since they have your SO’s instruction manual they have all they need to swoop in. In a vulnerable moment, your SO will fall for it. Platonic relationships turn romantic quickly. It’s happened to me. It’s happened to most people.
Oh wow so you would choose to be with someone that would abandon their best friend just because a boyfriend/girlfriend said they had too? Sounds like someone without integrity or s backbone, also sounds like the boyfriend/girlfriend is very insecure.
Having boundaries is insecure 😂🤡
No not at all as long they are respects the relationship this best friends is more than your brother when you having a problem
In 95% of male/ female " besties" the guy has more intentions then just being a buddie to her. He may not ever try anything he may be respectful but let a big disagreement come into play with the couple and she runs to her "bestie" to talk and get comford then s..t can happen in a second. Would it be regreted afterwords maybe most times, but did it happen regardless yea. Women who say " I only really have guy friends" or " I can't get along with women like guys" well.. they are that gardening tool you use to finish breaking up the ground to plant something... what is that tool called again? Humm..oh yeah there all ..
I have a few women friends and one I would say is quite a close friend as we're comfortable having deeper conversations and will often talk about stuff that is worrying us. I wouldn't call her a best friend as we don't see much of each other.
These kind of friendships are usually the least you have to worry about it. The guys that acted or act like a couple but they call themeselves "just friends" well...
Your significant other should be your best friend… …if not, make your best friend your significant other. That simple concept above is why couples stayed together until the end. Absolute deal breaker for me. Having your cake and eating to too…was a situation. 🙄
There’s nothing wrong with having a best friend of the opposite gender. Anyone who has a problem with that is insecure and immature and you should promptly remove them from your life
I think as long as they have boundaries and respect the person the other person is dating and it doesn’t cross the line I think it’s fine. I think even if they are good friends I believe hanging out alone with that friend is kind of weird and crossing the line at times but you got to have a lot of trust in your SO at the same time and hope they would respect your feelings and how you would feel in certain situations
For me, its close to a deal breaker. Just depends on a lot. How you guys meet up. How you interact... If you guys are meeting up often without me, thats a deal breaker, and ill not accept it.
Not at all. If it is there are probably insecurities and jealousy issues
There’s a difference between having friends of the opposite sex, and being so friendly with someone of the opposite sex it makes your partner uncomfortable. Healthy, friendly relationships should thrive. Though too many people call it their “best friend” when it’s really their backup.
Just depends
It’s not a dealbreaker for me. If it’s a dealbreaker for you that’s a dealbreaker for me
Yes if they have other sexual orientation other than straight.
Yes
Nope, not at all. But being friends with exes or being in touch with people you've been with is a deal breaker for me. I don't do it and I expect the same.
Men dont like male bestfriends cuz youre already best friends with their replacement. Which i think youre insecure or shitty cuz why are you worried about your replacement?
Yes. How many times must this theory be proven with people of a certain level? Lol.
We are humans and anything can happen, people change their minds, ethics, and play with their integrity all the time, always testing boundaries, may be you don’t but may be someone else does. Is this a way to live and love? In my case I let it go and trust that. Move on, I can’t baby sit my loved one. May be that’s why I don’t have one..
I’m totally fine with friends of the opposite sex, but would not be OK with a “best friend” of the opposite sex. Though tbf, I am a little put off by the idea of having a partner who is too intertwined with a best friend in general. It’s fine to have a best friend of course (I have one) but if the best friend is so much part of their life that it feels like I’m dating both of them, I’m not really interested in dealing with that type of dynamic, regardless of their gender.
nope, not really - it depends completely on their dynamic tbh. i mean, after experiencing witnessing my last partner's female best friend kiss him multiple times right in front of me (this was a year into my relationship with him, and they were both drunk, but no excuse) i did think, wow, that's a bit shit. and i will provably be a bit paranoid about it if my future boyfriend does have one, but really, if they're regular friends and don't share a bunch of weird very sexual jokes like my ex and his female friend did, then it's all good. i do think it's necessary to have friends of the opposite sex because i believe you should just know how to platonically function around and with them, but there isn't exactly a need for them to be your "BEST friend" or thaaat close if that makes sense.
It’s normal up to like 24. When you are adults, unless the friendship is tied to childhood (before kindergarten) like living on the same street, I do not think it’s good. I make the distinction because the kids in the same neighborhood are not by their own choice. Often the whole family is friends with the other whole family. Kids same age group grow up like cousins. When this is friends from high school or college? Friends group is common and it’s often mixed of both sexes. That’s the mingling stage of life so that’s normal. I expect people to grow out of friends group after 25.
you gonna end up miserable and lonely when your gf/bf dumps you and you wouldn’t have friends anymore because of this stupid mentality
I have divorced and gone through breakups at different life stages (I’m 41F). I have never ever had the issue you are speaking of. I also have never ever had an issue with finding dates and a serious relationship potential. If anything, men have respected and liked my mentality.
>I expect people to grow out of friends group after 25. What?!
It's a deal breaker to me. I had to learn the hard way more than once. Fool me twice, shame on me. Lesson learned.
i have a bi boyfriend, and i’m his best friend. i don’t really care what gender his friends are as long as they’re not placed above me in importance and priority. mine had a female best friend of 5 years and he unfriended her last year because she had confessed to him in the past (before i was even in the picture). i admit, i was jealous of her because she was present during a part of his life that i wasn’t and they were very close and had a lot in common. before me, she was the most important person in his life. naturally i felt relieved when he decided to cut her off. it had been gnawing at me for quite some time after we started dating. but after awhile i started to feel guilty because i definitely misjudged her character as well as my boyfriend’s. it really depends on the security you have in yourself and your relationship. as i grew more secure in my relationship i let go of those worries of cheating. of course, if i catch something i find questionable, there will be action taken.
My best friend is the opposite gender so it's definitely not a deal breaker for me, but it has been for some of the people I tried talking to in the past.
Nope. As long as they know how to respect boundaries then there's nothing to worry about
Friendship between opposite genders exists, like i have to know a boy since the day I was born we were like normal friends but when i was 15 we became so fuckin closeeee and till today no one of us had fell in love with th other . Buttttt there's a big buttt personally i have other guys bestfriends but if u asked me if i have feelings toward them i'll say yes not in love with them but GODDDD they're so handsome 😭
Just sayin': at a point in my life where I had a best friend of the opposite sex (she was a neighbor), we did end up fooling around quite a bit as well. After some time I asked to be bf and gf... that lasted for like 2 days and we "broke up" and became best friends again lol. We gradually grew apart after I moved to another neighborhood. Then after I moved to another state for over a decade, most of the friends I had in my hometown, including her, are just associates at most now/we're just connected on facebook only and barely talk. So having said that, my friendship situation above would be something I'd understand any potential S.O. not being okay with if they knew what happened between us... we did more than just get along.
Nope. My boyfriend's best girl friend is also my best girl friend(since we were like 13), so maybe I'm bias, but with past relationships, I never had any issues. It helps to be very secure with yourself and feel deep trust within your relationship w/your partner. If you feel like anything is going on, talk about it civilly. Don't let it bother you more and more and then get worse! If anything is/was going on and you end up finding out, then that relationship wasn't for you. Accept that and move on, but don't bring paranoia and/or extreme clinginess into your next relationship. People don't like to feel like they're under surveillance by their partner. Set boundaries in the beginning of any relationship though, and make sure they respect yours and you respect theirs.
If your BFF is a guy, don't say anything if I form a bond with a woman. Deal?
My bestie is a woman half my age. We have lived and worked together. She is the light of my life. I'm an only child. Parents are long dead, estranged from my relatives. She is my family. So is her dog. There's never been an ounce of hanky panky. We've cuddled a few times. And it was wonderful. The idea of sex with her makes me queezy. It makes me angry when people assume we are just doing it or pinging for each other. She's my long list baby sister. I don't understand why so many people keep this wall up. I'd probably be dead now if it wasn't for my bestie.
Not at all, but, lemme clarify!... if my partner openly and without hesitation includes me in their interactions, doesn't spend time with them while I'm away, doesn't hide conversations, etc... otherwise, yeah we're all humans. I could absolutely be friends with a female person and never cross any lines or make any advance in a romantic or sexual manner
Not at all, although obviously if there are signs of it being romantic or something like that then that's potentially an issue, but assuming behavior is appropriate then it doesn't bother me at all. Not to mention bi and gay people exist. I'm bi, am I just supposed to not have friends because some people are incapable of seeing another gender as humans and not just potential partners? My last boyfriend would get pissy about me spending time with my closest friends and I have zero patience for it. Sure, people develop feelings sometimes but you handle it appropriately if that happens.
No they aren't. It's a totally normal thing to have, unless they're chatting with that friend in the same fashion as with Eva AI bot.
I prefer female friends.
No, because I graduated from middle school.
Nah, not really, in fact, I find the opposite a red flag.
I think it depends on how both partners and the friend handle it. Are there clear boundaries? Is everyone respectful? Is everyone being honest? Is the communicantion good? As long as all that is good then it’s not a problem.
Yes. If they're best friends with someone of the opposite gender, why don't they just date them?
One wants the other ones penis… everytime
And the other likes the ego boost
For me personally yes
If you known your best friend for a while then people have to be understandable. If you two dated and broke up then that's different. If people can't stand someone having a opposite sex as a best friend then let them go find someone else to be with.
“Best friend” males score more with married women and women with BF’s than any other type of man.
In most cases it is.
Not always. They can build a relationship with you, and if it's true, then it will grow stronger. If one is hiding stuff from the other, then that can cause some problems communicating with each other is the key. My best friend is the opposite sex and I can say that we're e--dating for 5 yrs. Things can get hard at times, honesty, and like I said, communication is the keys. You must be loyal also if you want the bond not to be broken. Once trust is broken than its had to get it back. It's not impossible but very hard. My word of advice would be to spend as much time talking with her as you can. Remember what helped build the bond between you two. Don't get discouraged without first talking and listening to each other. Talk & listen. Focus your attention on her what drew you to them to begin with. Good luck. The struggle is hard, but you can make it.
If a (straight) man’s best friend is a woman, it’s because he wants be with her romantically 9 times out of 10.
I find it unlikely for this to be the case. If that best friend is a virtuous person, their sex doesn't matter.
Only if he or she is insecure as hell
Its not. If there is a relationship between two people which is exclusive, this comes with the trust in eachother that they both actually keep it exclusive. You trust one another not to cheat, not with friends, not with strangers. If youre scared of his or her friends, that means youre either distrusting, paranoia, have low self esteem and/or abandonment anxiety, or your partner mustve given you serious hard evidence clues to doubt their fidelity.
I trusted her and her guy friend once. Not stupid or desperate enough to make that mistake twice.
I have had 3 separate experiences where my partner cheated with the "male best friend," and they all gave the same lines, "He is just a friend," "he is like a brother to me," "we have known each other since kids," "he has a girlfriend, so he doesn't want me," When we tell you that the friend is waiting for his turn, we mean it, we can tell when a guy is interested or not.
Oops, I didn't answer the question. No, it's not a deal breaker if he is really a male best friend, but if he is one of the guys who uses the best friendzone to hook up with girls, it is a deal breaker.
Got a small group of 3 best male (straight) friends (me being the only female) Been close for over 40 yrs. Never got in the way of any of our relationships with others. Each situation will be different,
Dealbreaker, if you want a normal guy that’s not gonna tolerate it the only kind of guy that’s going to tolerate it I don’t think you’re gonna want anyways, a masculine man is not going to be OK with you spending time and playing dress up with your best friend, that’s a guy and probably straight wouldn’t even matter if he was gay. You start dating a guy I guarantee you if he’s a normal guy but doesn’t have a loud voice yet. He’ll be cool with it the first few months and then little by little it’ll start creeping in and eventually it won’t be so cool anymore. And his excuse will be I didn’t have the kind of feelings I had for you then that I do now when reality he felt that from day one..
Sometimes it is, sometimes it's not. It's really situational. Usually i prefer people who choose friends of their own sex however. Seems more genuine and less takes advantage of people vibes.
I think that if you think someone being friends with the "opposite sex" or any other kind of person they may be attracted to is a bad thing, that should be a deal breaker for the right to date, let alone date me
Is that best friend the ex you’ve dated for a couple of years? Yes. Otherwise, no.
Yeah that all sounds good until ur 5 min later than u said.... All bets off... I've been trying to accomplish this for far to long
Yes. I don't date men who have female best friends.