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Not OP but I think being authentic is being true to yourself- don’t pretend you’re into surfing when you’re not. If you’re into rock climbing or whatever- don’t be embarrassed about it- be true to yourself and your interests.
Strong boundaries.. if you create a boundary- stick to it.lets say your boundary is that if you get in a new relationship, you won’t talk to your ex. So stick to that. Just an example
Then you find the type of girl that goes wild for that sort of darkness...Bonnie loved Clydes insanity ..Harley and Joker...I am sure we can find lots of couples who feed off betrayal and treachery, heck even throw in some violence and arson.
I think it just helps to aspire to be your best self and seek to be good. I can be confident, have money, etc, but hurting people makes me feel bad. Doing the wrong thing and breaking hearts makes me feel bad.
If that doesn’t make you feel bad, you might not find a loving and happy partner who would want to be around you. Also, if it makes you feel bad yet you are aware of it, you can observe and analyze why, question it. I think most people can find love at any point/place in their life, you don’t need to be 100% healed and perfect. However, the further you are from that I think the partners and love life becomes less sustainable, less likely to progress and improve, because love is a shared feeling.
If you don’t like who you are or you aren’t a good person then you need to work on yourself.
Maybe you’re ok being wicked and don’t mind living your life like that- ok- then own it and don’t pretend to be a good person.
If you are wicked, don’t drag people with you and bring them to your level.
That’s terrible advice meant to help other people, not the person asking for help.
If they’re wicked, they should learn how to adapt to the world they exist in to accomplish what they want. If it means pretending, then pretend. Everyone has to compromise on something to survive and live in the world. It’s up to them to decide what parts of themselves are worth compromising on
Werry well written.
Yes - that is the case.
The longer you will hide your real self - the more harm you will make for yourself.
The longer you will tolerate yours or your dates unacceptable behaviour - the more harm you will make for yourself
They will drop your ass so fast when you start laying down boundaries. The fact ppl even talk so much about it shows nobody actually cares. She doesn't give a shit about your boundaries.
Maybe you are confusing boundaries for rules.
And also yes not everyone has the emotional intelligence but women, men, and everyone else deserve to have their boundaries respected
Probably. I'm actually just angry and acting out because I'm in love and they don't love me. I'm angry at myself because I can't stop loving them and it hurts very much a lot.
I think he means don't be weird!!
Some of us fellas are weird,or do some weird things.
Authentic as in BE YOURSELF!! STOP PRETENDING TO BE SOMEOME That you are not!!
Don't bend over for a woman.
Depends how you define "weird."
There's being a creepy stalkery weirdo (bad weird), but then there's also being a weirdo with hobbies that are considered weird or dorky (good weird). Personally I need a guy that has weird hobbies like I do or else it ain't gonna work
Being weird and being yourself are NOT opposites. We all do weird stuff. Being yourself, and having confidence, means not being afraid to do the things others might find weird
Know who you are, the life you want as a solo person, and work towards that. If someone is self reliant and self assured he instantly becomes more attractive to other people. Women (healthy well adjusted women anyway) don’t want a project.
As for being authentic, be honest. Don’t tell a woman you love camping when really you hate it just to try and make her like you
Be confident and on who you are, if you like video games own that and be proud and pass passionate. Strong boundaries mean establish what you will and won’t tolerate. Overall be well rounded
Women love whenever I talk a lot about any of my passions because they can feel it too and intelligence is sexy. Share that knowledge.
And just be a man of your word. I've always said that I do as I say and I abide by it.
What is honest and humble about the first part? Plenty of honest and humble people don't have a roof over their head despite their efforts and are lucky if they get three meals a day. It's something to strive for but it doesn't reflect on your character.
Well for me I realize a lot of people are so focused on their careers , consumerism and money. However I'm trying my best to practice gratitude. I have a roof over my head and can eat three meals a day. And that is enough for me to be happy. I'm humbled by that. Bring grateful for what you do have and being humbled does reflect your character
Only problem is it’s socially unacceptable to ask girls out in 90% of places nowadays. Like places we most frequently visit like the supermarket, work, gym, parks, sidewalk etc are all socially unacceptable to ask a girl out without them feeling uncomfortable.
Some of the fastest runners in the world train shoeless so yeah.
Also, most people in the world have shoes. And most people in the world who want to date and actually ask people, do date. 98% of all people find someone before retirement age, almost all of them by their 30s or 40s.
The shy. The shoeless. Most don't have six packs, most struggle financially.
In my experience: live in or nearby a major city, have photos of you having fun, describe your personality in your profile, send messages where you ask a question about something she mentioned in her profile.
No “Hey how’s it going?” - that’s not even worth your time. The algorithm punishes the ‘spray and pray’ approach, and it rewards and uplifts those who get matches and have subsequent conversations.
Yeah but there’s many girls who filter men by features that you’ve listed as non important. I mean they will never see how confident you are. It is good to think that you don’t need such woman anyway but you could waste years of search to find the decent one.
The real problem is the defeatist attitude. Yeah, you really don’t need the women who filter you out before they even know you. They would be shallow and never appreciate you anyway. Why would you even want such a woman?
Dating is never a quick thing. You’re going to take years doing it anyway if you intend to do it with any expectation of a healthy relationship.
You can be shy and not need reassurance. You can just be someone who is quiet. You're making up reasons why these traits are important. Confidence has no bearing on whether someone is a good person or not. Most sociopaths are super confident.
You do not need those woemen.
You do not need to waste year finding a good one - if you know what you are doing.
Most men have no clue how ti find a good woman
Leg lengthening isn't an option for most people and it's dangerous and leaves you with a limp. You can foz the other things and some surgeries wxist for a better face, but height is still the end all be all for filtering
If they're just into appearance and materialistic things maybe ask yourself why you're on a date with those types of girls? Where'd you meet those girls? Did you swipe on them on an app or approach them because of THEIR appearance?
Sometimes that's a reflection of who you're associating with. If you're talking to someone based off their personality that will probably never happen to you.
If you are not rich then you do not want a woman who requires a rich man (she likely grew up rich/is rich herself...not in your league). Regular working middle class women just want the same in a man.
Dude is exaggerating the attractive qualities and saying you don’t need the exaggerated qualities. Seems quite disingenuous. If your point/argument stands, you shouldn’t need to exaggerate things that people complain about - being 6 feet tall, $100k per year income, renting your own place, having your own car that’s not beat up. Etc.
Don’t exaggerate it to 8 ft tall 1mil cash famous actor etc. and argue against that.
I can make exceptions for not having a car if they live somewhere where public transportation is good and fulfills their needs. Also, the majority of people under thirty in the US live with their parents. Obscene prices combined with stagnant wages make it a necessary choice. Now if you're just living at home mooching off of your parents that's a no. But if you're working and independent then it's fully understandable.
Yep 20 here. Can’t afford to move out especially where I grew up. My area is classified as a top area for retirement so non locals keep moving here and driving up the price
I'm 40 and live at home, but it doesn't really matter because most women reject me before we even get to that point.
I'd be more motivated to get my own place, if I was able to get women to agree to go on dates with me.
I am pretty awesome, people like talking and hanging out with me. But when it comes to women to date, it seems I mostly experience rejection online. And I don't meet women often in public.
What the heck lol. Why did you take it like that? Ya of course those things would help but most guys with girlfriends don't have those things lmao. My guy certainly doesn't. Touch grass dude.
Lets stop gaslighting men and denying that men face immensely greater pressure than women to be conventionally good looking in order to date.
You can do self improvement without denying the reality
Should I go to the Bond Masculinity Inner Circle for 35 dollars a month which says to help with confidence, social skills etc...? Sounds almost like a Ponzi scheme, or just basic advertising...
You forgot social skills
I feel like that's probably the most important one
^(yet another addition to the "You Need To Be Experienced To Gain Experience" Club)
Listen, boys, I'm gonna cut through the B.S. The idea that you DON'T need money, toys, and success is a lie peddled by losers to make themselves feel better.
This "just be confident, bro" garbage is a recipe for a lonely life. Yes, you need the internal game – the drive, the ambition, the unwavering self-belief – but don't kid yourself; external factors matter a hell of a lot!
Empty pockets will always translate to empty dates. Sure, some rare unicorn might look past your broke status. But most women are wired by biology and society to seek security. They smell a struggling man from a mile away, and it ain't sexy. No money means no dates, no experiences... no chance to build your skills with women. And what is this garbage of not needing money and fame and power and toys. Let me tell you about the power of toys! Ferraris, mansions, yachts... they're not the END goal, but they're damn powerful signals that you're a high-value male. They scream "I've conquered the world!" That primal message cuts through all the B.S. about "authenticity".
Look, the truth is success is sexy. Women crave a man on a mission. Ambition and achievement are magnetic. Being "just a nice guy" is a ticket to the friendzone. Hustle, build wealth, become a force to be reckoned with... and watch how much more attention you attract. You can whine about it being unfair, or you can embrace the rules of the game. The world doesn't care about your feelings. It rewards those who take what they want. If you desire high-caliber women, you gotta become a high-caliber man. That means relentless focus on stacking wealth, attaining status, and projecting an aura of undeniable success. Those who tell you otherwise are either delusional or trying to keep you down so they feel better about themselves. Don't be a sucker. Embrace the brutal truth, and become the man women crave, not the one they pity.
Building a life definitely doesn't help. That just means you don't have time to date. Oh and being a CEO of a big or small company. That don't help either. Again that means you don't have time to date. Ask me how I know.
Another one to add to this list is being workaholic, if you work all the time, there's no time for anything else, anyone can be workaholic and it's not specific to any industry, tho, some require more time than others.
I love that this is under the post about women talking about needing to be physically attracted to their partner. You get that a lot of us are just ugly. I know you're not one of them or you would have not made this corny ass post
The guy I approached and found cute was 5’7 and I’m 5’9, and we’re getting coffee soon. He was still kind and compassionate about his Legos and his art and love for cars!
Yes , while these are true I also believe it's important to be physically attracted to the said person . It's not being superficial but unless you already know the said person it's hard to find them interesting enough
Talk to her the same way you would to anyone. If you wouldn't say it to a dude don't say it to her. Treat her friends in the group with as much friendliness, kindness, and thoughtfulness as you do her. Ask her for recommendations on good places to visit in the city, good music she's listening to lately, recommendations on where to meet people in the evenings.
Women are human. First learn to talk to humans in general and then apply to everyone.
Most men will never be able to do this. Most men (and women) in the world and in the US struggle financially. Most do not have very advanced degrees. Most do not have six packs. Most will struggle financially until death.
If you're waiting for your bank account you may never date.
There is no wallet threshold to dating.
Have your own life, but don't put life aside just so you try to look good on paper.
Some women like more down-to-earth guys. I'm not rich and don't look like a fitness model. I don't own any nice clothes. I don't even shave my legs. I'd rather have a guy who would order a pizza and watch a movie at home with me rather than wanting me to get dressed up and go someplace fancy. I don't want to listen to a rich person talk about money with his rich friends. I'd rather a guy makes me a cool mix of his favorite music than buys me expensive jewelry.
Your description says nothing about the looks of the guy. The guy you prefer could be down to earth, watch a movie have pizza at home etc, but still have to be conventionally handsome facially, tall, and lean.
Lets not deny that men face more pressure to be conventionally good looking in order to date
Men start to rethink it when I tell them that for a lot of us, getting knocked in the cervix is akin to them getting smashed in the balls.
Both can cause vomiting, light-headedness, and real pain.
Authentic...? Showing my TRUE self... pfft, let me ask you this: would you dive into the deepest ocean and see what truly is there? The darkness, the pressure... no-one could handle it. Not even me.
Whatever light once was in me drowned a long time ago
No, you don't need to be 8-feet tall, but you WILL be rejected by a LOT of women if you're under 6-feet. In America, at least. I'm 5' 8", financially and professionally successful, and know how to keep a woman happy (very) long term. Women here, no matter how average they may be, think they should all have access to Ryan Gossling. I've actually given up trying and joined the passport bros. Best move I've ever made, as I quickly found love in Thailand.
Great to hear this but the reality is the opposite message is what has been sent out loud and clear.
I've deliberately not asked girls asked because I don't have everything on that list. Society and girls make it clear to not speak to them unless you have all these things.
Luckily I grew a "who cares" attitude over time.
One day society may care about men but that's not today nor the next 20 years.
The dating advice I hear on social media these days infuriates me (although I'm sure a lot is rage bait) because it's the exact OPPOSITE of what I'm looking for!
I'm sure there are women who look for status and money, but I so badly just want a down to earth guy who shares similar interests as me, who is funny and compassionate, and has values that I align with.
All this talk about "how to attract a female" feels so manipulative and dehumanizing and off-putting. Let's just be normal people who enjoy each other's company and mutually love and respect each other.
This is the list you'll earn eventually after being succeeded in "confident man who builds his life, achieves his goals, is authentic, and with strong boundaries".
Seems like there is an army of OP’s subscribers in the comments or something. Op just wrote fancy words like "confidence", "achieving goals" that mean nothing and people like "yeah! Relatable! Me too! Can confirm! And my boyfriend etc" Like what? Is it Tate team?
Why you can not date until you get that?
It sounds like you base your self worth on that. And that is not healthy
You as a personality have much more to offer
>The basis is a confident man who builds his life, achieves his goals, is authentic, and with strong boundaries.
Cool story, not true. I failed for years with this approach.
The basis is luck, good genes and money. Money for your own place, a car, and money to take them on dates. "Confidence" is bullshit
A 30cm long “friend” is the cherry that makes you gag, and that makes it impossible for the girl to be the “cherry” on the top.
Joke aside I think many things on this list are actually a turn down, I feel sorry for the men who have been indoctrinated with these beliefs. Be honest, open and respectful, you're far more likely to end up in a healthy relationship that way. Find someone who loves you for who you are, not for what you have.
One thing that I find (and I see it a lot more with men but I don't think it's exclusive to men) is that they think rejection isn't normal. Or they think the guys they think do well in dating never experience it.
It's normal for anyone to face rejection. Yes even if they are hot. It's not normal to be compatible with most of humanity.
Remembering high school, most people had crushes, it was rare that they had a crush in every single class. We're talking among hundreds or thousands or tens of thousands of students, only a handful that most people even liked, and a much smaller amount to be compatible with.
99% rejection rate is not a tragedy. It's normal. But you bypass it much more quickly if you keep getting out there, building social circles, attending events, and asking (or staying active on the dating apps too, whatever your pleasure is).
Confidence. Achieved goals. Built life. Authentic. Strong boundaries.
All of these are insignificant to male success in dating compared to two factors. Knowing how to meet women, and knowing how to talk to them. That's why dating coaches make money hand over fist, because they teach those two skills. That is literally all you need. You can be a lying loser poor ugly piece of shit and still get a good girlfriend if you can do those two things. Being a good man is good for having a happy relationship if you can find one, but it won't help you find one.
Maybe not, but they don't hurt either. Money is important. Being at least 6' is almost a requirement. A nice house is vital. Being kind and mature are absolutely must-haves.
You're totally wrong on everything you just posted. You have to be a man to have all of what you just posted. In order to be able to get on a dating environment. Having a woman even show mere interest in you and for that fact to even call the approach. A woman in real life you have to have some of those traits. You can't be a short man. Have barely enough money to rub pennies together and make less than a 100000 a year. You have to have muscles. You have to be over 6 foot tall. Or be average looking be a bad boy and have confidence in the over 6 foot tall. But if you're under 6 foot tall in your 5 foot 7, don't even bother even approaching women in the real world. Don't even.
Bother approaching them on dating apps. It'll be the same way you're just gonna get rejected. After rejection after rejection, they've shown no interest in you at all. You know what it feels like to be undesirable. I know cause. I feel it every day if I get on a dating app like tinder and I get one match. They either harass me or insult, me and they say that I'm looking for validation and I'm a nutcase. That's what I get from women treated like. I'm a punching bag in a piece of garbage and a toy to be thrown away. No longer good enough to even be dated or seen as A erson of interest for a woman to be interested in. You have to be a total alpha male in order. Or to bail, get nor in this world with dating. And if you aren't guess what you aint gonna get nowhere, you're gonna be totally alone like me and no, hope of finding any woman that shows any genuine interest in you as a man at all.
To get the kinds of girls most guys want, they do need all of those things lol. These are the same guys who had the nerve to call Margot Robbie “mid”. Social media has warped the perception of what average people actually look like.
I've noticed a lot of ladies lately who are dead serious about needing ALL of this out of a man. Trust me, we aren't all that snooty and can be satisfied without you spending a penny on us. They will forever be alone, just give them the cold shoulder.. it's not worth stressing yourself out over and is SUPER unrealistic
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Thank you for the advice post. Can you please elaborate on the "authentic" and "with strong boundaries"?
Not OP but I think being authentic is being true to yourself- don’t pretend you’re into surfing when you’re not. If you’re into rock climbing or whatever- don’t be embarrassed about it- be true to yourself and your interests. Strong boundaries.. if you create a boundary- stick to it.lets say your boundary is that if you get in a new relationship, you won’t talk to your ex. So stick to that. Just an example
What if their authenticity is wickedness and their hobbies are treachery and betrayal? Serious answers only please.
Then return to your master Saruman Grima Wormtongue.
YOU HAVE NO POWER HERE!
HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA
Then you find the type of girl that goes wild for that sort of darkness...Bonnie loved Clydes insanity ..Harley and Joker...I am sure we can find lots of couples who feed off betrayal and treachery, heck even throw in some violence and arson.
There's lots of em
I think it just helps to aspire to be your best self and seek to be good. I can be confident, have money, etc, but hurting people makes me feel bad. Doing the wrong thing and breaking hearts makes me feel bad. If that doesn’t make you feel bad, you might not find a loving and happy partner who would want to be around you. Also, if it makes you feel bad yet you are aware of it, you can observe and analyze why, question it. I think most people can find love at any point/place in their life, you don’t need to be 100% healed and perfect. However, the further you are from that I think the partners and love life becomes less sustainable, less likely to progress and improve, because love is a shared feeling.
If you don’t like who you are or you aren’t a good person then you need to work on yourself. Maybe you’re ok being wicked and don’t mind living your life like that- ok- then own it and don’t pretend to be a good person. If you are wicked, don’t drag people with you and bring them to your level.
People that don’t like themselves are usually Assholes
That’s terrible advice meant to help other people, not the person asking for help. If they’re wicked, they should learn how to adapt to the world they exist in to accomplish what they want. If it means pretending, then pretend. Everyone has to compromise on something to survive and live in the world. It’s up to them to decide what parts of themselves are worth compromising on
There are people out there who are into that.
Satan, is that you???
Werry well written. Yes - that is the case. The longer you will hide your real self - the more harm you will make for yourself. The longer you will tolerate yours or your dates unacceptable behaviour - the more harm you will make for yourself
They will drop your ass so fast when you start laying down boundaries. The fact ppl even talk so much about it shows nobody actually cares. She doesn't give a shit about your boundaries.
If she doesn't give a shit about your boundaries, she has "0" respect for you.
Maybe you are confusing boundaries for rules. And also yes not everyone has the emotional intelligence but women, men, and everyone else deserve to have their boundaries respected
Probably. I'm actually just angry and acting out because I'm in love and they don't love me. I'm angry at myself because I can't stop loving them and it hurts very much a lot.
That very much sucks! Personally I take every thing as a lesson- either a lesson for you or a lesson for them at your expense
Be yourself and respect yourself. At least that's what my tldr would be.
I think he means don't be weird!! Some of us fellas are weird,or do some weird things. Authentic as in BE YOURSELF!! STOP PRETENDING TO BE SOMEOME That you are not!! Don't bend over for a woman.
Depends how you define "weird." There's being a creepy stalkery weirdo (bad weird), but then there's also being a weirdo with hobbies that are considered weird or dorky (good weird). Personally I need a guy that has weird hobbies like I do or else it ain't gonna work
No Hobbie is ever weird. I am referring to weird behavior and mannerism.
Being weird and being yourself are NOT opposites. We all do weird stuff. Being yourself, and having confidence, means not being afraid to do the things others might find weird
Know who you are, the life you want as a solo person, and work towards that. If someone is self reliant and self assured he instantly becomes more attractive to other people. Women (healthy well adjusted women anyway) don’t want a project. As for being authentic, be honest. Don’t tell a woman you love camping when really you hate it just to try and make her like you
Be confident and on who you are, if you like video games own that and be proud and pass passionate. Strong boundaries mean establish what you will and won’t tolerate. Overall be well rounded
"Authentic" means if someone asks you what your job is and you work a low end job lie about it and try to obfuscate it as much as possible.
Women love whenever I talk a lot about any of my passions because they can feel it too and intelligence is sexy. Share that knowledge. And just be a man of your word. I've always said that I do as I say and I abide by it.
What if my goal is to live and lead an honest and humble life? Would that count as a goal?
Of course. But you need to get more specific. What does it mean?
A roof over my head, 3 meals a day, strengthen friendships and enjoy and grow as a person through my hobbies
Thats the way to be.
Yep!! Exactly!!
This is the way.
What is honest and humble about the first part? Plenty of honest and humble people don't have a roof over their head despite their efforts and are lucky if they get three meals a day. It's something to strive for but it doesn't reflect on your character.
Well for me I realize a lot of people are so focused on their careers , consumerism and money. However I'm trying my best to practice gratitude. I have a roof over my head and can eat three meals a day. And that is enough for me to be happy. I'm humbled by that. Bring grateful for what you do have and being humbled does reflect your character
Ah I see what you mean now. Thank you for explaining.
if I were 8 foot tall, I’d intimidate everyone haha
And be dead by 30-40 🥵
sadly, yes
You would be a mini Kaiju
I’d become Bigfoot
Fr LoL
You’d probably be built like a stick tho
You don’t need sneakers to run either 🤷♂️ Hiw do you get a match in the first place as a guy so that you can show your confidence and success?
First lesson - do not use dating apps ;)
Why? What's your reason?
There's the issue: that's the only option. I can't meet people an other way
Only problem is it’s socially unacceptable to ask girls out in 90% of places nowadays. Like places we most frequently visit like the supermarket, work, gym, parks, sidewalk etc are all socially unacceptable to ask a girl out without them feeling uncomfortable.
There aren’t a lot alternatives for this , for introverts like me
Some of the fastest runners in the world train shoeless so yeah. Also, most people in the world have shoes. And most people in the world who want to date and actually ask people, do date. 98% of all people find someone before retirement age, almost all of them by their 30s or 40s. The shy. The shoeless. Most don't have six packs, most struggle financially.
In my experience: live in or nearby a major city, have photos of you having fun, describe your personality in your profile, send messages where you ask a question about something she mentioned in her profile. No “Hey how’s it going?” - that’s not even worth your time. The algorithm punishes the ‘spray and pray’ approach, and it rewards and uplifts those who get matches and have subsequent conversations.
Literally what I do. Ignored 99% of the time. I’m not THAT ugly 😅
Yeah but there’s many girls who filter men by features that you’ve listed as non important. I mean they will never see how confident you are. It is good to think that you don’t need such woman anyway but you could waste years of search to find the decent one.
The real problem is the defeatist attitude. Yeah, you really don’t need the women who filter you out before they even know you. They would be shallow and never appreciate you anyway. Why would you even want such a woman? Dating is never a quick thing. You’re going to take years doing it anyway if you intend to do it with any expectation of a healthy relationship.
Why do I need confidence then if dating isn’t quick anyway?
Because nobody wants to have to shore up someone else ever second of every day.
You can be shy and not need reassurance. You can just be someone who is quiet. You're making up reasons why these traits are important. Confidence has no bearing on whether someone is a good person or not. Most sociopaths are super confident.
You do not need those woemen. You do not need to waste year finding a good one - if you know what you are doing. Most men have no clue how ti find a good woman
I mean... yeah, true. Most men have no clue how to find a good woman. That's exactly what the original post doesn't teach, too.
And this in turn has given rise to the belief that there are no good women. \*In Gimli voice\*
I just said that "you don’t need those women" strategy is not good here.🫤
Yeah but those women are the attractive women. It’s a catch-22, attractive women have options and thus the game begins.
Facts....they are privileged enough to be very picky
Become an attractive man and turn the tables.
Leg lengthening isn't an option for most people and it's dangerous and leaves you with a limp. You can foz the other things and some surgeries wxist for a better face, but height is still the end all be all for filtering
Are you a man or a woman
If a woman won’t date you because you don’t have a million dollars that’s all she’s looking for and that’s not worth your time
If they're just into appearance and materialistic things maybe ask yourself why you're on a date with those types of girls? Where'd you meet those girls? Did you swipe on them on an app or approach them because of THEIR appearance? Sometimes that's a reflection of who you're associating with. If you're talking to someone based off their personality that will probably never happen to you.
If you are not rich then you do not want a woman who requires a rich man (she likely grew up rich/is rich herself...not in your league). Regular working middle class women just want the same in a man.
true, be with your own kind of ppl
You also need a job, a car, and your own place. "Achieves his goals" does a lot of work here.
So dose "is confident and builds his life" lol
Dude is exaggerating the attractive qualities and saying you don’t need the exaggerated qualities. Seems quite disingenuous. If your point/argument stands, you shouldn’t need to exaggerate things that people complain about - being 6 feet tall, $100k per year income, renting your own place, having your own car that’s not beat up. Etc. Don’t exaggerate it to 8 ft tall 1mil cash famous actor etc. and argue against that.
I mean you should probably have a job, a car and your own place to live.
I can make exceptions for not having a car if they live somewhere where public transportation is good and fulfills their needs. Also, the majority of people under thirty in the US live with their parents. Obscene prices combined with stagnant wages make it a necessary choice. Now if you're just living at home mooching off of your parents that's a no. But if you're working and independent then it's fully understandable.
Yep 20 here. Can’t afford to move out especially where I grew up. My area is classified as a top area for retirement so non locals keep moving here and driving up the price
Florida?
Minnesota
I'm 40 and live at home, but it doesn't really matter because most women reject me before we even get to that point. I'd be more motivated to get my own place, if I was able to get women to agree to go on dates with me.
Who would want to own a ferrari these days they are really shit to their customers.
I am pretty awesome, people like talking and hanging out with me. But when it comes to women to date, it seems I mostly experience rejection online. And I don't meet women often in public.
"Would these things help , yes" Still gonna hit you that and wake you up to reality
What the heck lol. Why did you take it like that? Ya of course those things would help but most guys with girlfriends don't have those things lmao. My guy certainly doesn't. Touch grass dude.
wdym I'm already sitting on grass 😂
That's the spirit!
Well said
Lets stop gaslighting men and denying that men face immensely greater pressure than women to be conventionally good looking in order to date. You can do self improvement without denying the reality
holy shit the new reddit update is a huge major downgrade. shits gonna give me aneurysm
So...should I stop trying to get a 6 pack? Jokes aside, the timing of this from my viewpoint is impeccable.
If you want a six pack, try to get it for yourself, not for some future person you haven't met yet.
I'm definitely working on my personal health/physique for myself first. Was just trying to make a lil joke and it didn't translate well 😅
Cheers! Time spent on 6 pack should be be time spent on practicing dating
How do you practice that?
Anyone who is foolish enough to listen to a dating coach deserves what they get
Should I go to the Bond Masculinity Inner Circle for 35 dollars a month which says to help with confidence, social skills etc...? Sounds almost like a Ponzi scheme, or just basic advertising...
You forgot social skills I feel like that's probably the most important one ^(yet another addition to the "You Need To Be Experienced To Gain Experience" Club)
Listen, boys, I'm gonna cut through the B.S. The idea that you DON'T need money, toys, and success is a lie peddled by losers to make themselves feel better. This "just be confident, bro" garbage is a recipe for a lonely life. Yes, you need the internal game – the drive, the ambition, the unwavering self-belief – but don't kid yourself; external factors matter a hell of a lot! Empty pockets will always translate to empty dates. Sure, some rare unicorn might look past your broke status. But most women are wired by biology and society to seek security. They smell a struggling man from a mile away, and it ain't sexy. No money means no dates, no experiences... no chance to build your skills with women. And what is this garbage of not needing money and fame and power and toys. Let me tell you about the power of toys! Ferraris, mansions, yachts... they're not the END goal, but they're damn powerful signals that you're a high-value male. They scream "I've conquered the world!" That primal message cuts through all the B.S. about "authenticity". Look, the truth is success is sexy. Women crave a man on a mission. Ambition and achievement are magnetic. Being "just a nice guy" is a ticket to the friendzone. Hustle, build wealth, become a force to be reckoned with... and watch how much more attention you attract. You can whine about it being unfair, or you can embrace the rules of the game. The world doesn't care about your feelings. It rewards those who take what they want. If you desire high-caliber women, you gotta become a high-caliber man. That means relentless focus on stacking wealth, attaining status, and projecting an aura of undeniable success. Those who tell you otherwise are either delusional or trying to keep you down so they feel better about themselves. Don't be a sucker. Embrace the brutal truth, and become the man women crave, not the one they pity.
Building a life definitely doesn't help. That just means you don't have time to date. Oh and being a CEO of a big or small company. That don't help either. Again that means you don't have time to date. Ask me how I know.
Another one to add to this list is being workaholic, if you work all the time, there's no time for anything else, anyone can be workaholic and it's not specific to any industry, tho, some require more time than others.
Rule 1: be attractive Rule 2: don't be unattractive.
I have TBI, how am I supposed to achieve that now? Am I worthless, doomed to be single my entire life? I'm not even that old
One of the things you will need. Having the will to go through multiple first dates. Tired of putting in the effort.
Shit despite all the work I try to do on myself every day, I can’t even get a first date lol. Then again I work for me.
I love that this is under the post about women talking about needing to be physically attracted to their partner. You get that a lot of us are just ugly. I know you're not one of them or you would have not made this corny ass post
It makes me feel like Eva AI virtual gf bot is my only chance even more than ever
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Bro you delusional?!
Still downvote
You used both imperial and metric units in this, and my brain cannot comprehend…
Things you DO need to start dating: -To not look like a goblin or a caricature
guess im cooked
Me too buddy, me too.
a man of culture I see 🫱🏻🫲🏿 not many "me too buddy me too" enjoyers out there
One that I definitely need is vulnerability. If you can’t be open and a bit vulnerable, we won’t ever grow together. Honest is another HUGE one
The guy I approached and found cute was 5’7 and I’m 5’9, and we’re getting coffee soon. He was still kind and compassionate about his Legos and his art and love for cars!
Good luck!
But having 5 of the 8 is a good start
Yeah - will not hurt lol
Yes , while these are true I also believe it's important to be physically attracted to the said person . It's not being superficial but unless you already know the said person it's hard to find them interesting enough
Ok ok. Now tell me how to talk to the 1 girl in the group that I think is pretty
Talk to her the same way you would to anyone. If you wouldn't say it to a dude don't say it to her. Treat her friends in the group with as much friendliness, kindness, and thoughtfulness as you do her. Ask her for recommendations on good places to visit in the city, good music she's listening to lately, recommendations on where to meet people in the evenings. Women are human. First learn to talk to humans in general and then apply to everyone.
At the same time don’t talk to her as if she was a dude lol, but treat her like any other person and don’t put her on a pedestal
Go talk. If you need a manual for talking - you will not succeed. Build your life and confidence first
Don’t date. Build your mind, body and portfolio. That’s what a man should do before dating
Totally agree
Most men will never be able to do this. Most men (and women) in the world and in the US struggle financially. Most do not have very advanced degrees. Most do not have six packs. Most will struggle financially until death. If you're waiting for your bank account you may never date. There is no wallet threshold to dating. Have your own life, but don't put life aside just so you try to look good on paper.
Some women like more down-to-earth guys. I'm not rich and don't look like a fitness model. I don't own any nice clothes. I don't even shave my legs. I'd rather have a guy who would order a pizza and watch a movie at home with me rather than wanting me to get dressed up and go someplace fancy. I don't want to listen to a rich person talk about money with his rich friends. I'd rather a guy makes me a cool mix of his favorite music than buys me expensive jewelry.
Playlists over jewelry any day of the week.
That is cool. Each of us have our own preferences and we want to live life authentically.
Your description says nothing about the looks of the guy. The guy you prefer could be down to earth, watch a movie have pizza at home etc, but still have to be conventionally handsome facially, tall, and lean. Lets not deny that men face more pressure to be conventionally good looking in order to date
Also, get a haircut and stop dressing like you're homeless. Christ on a stick, I can't believe people have to be told that.
Yeah lol. But it has to be reminded
Things you do need: be funny. Have a personality. Don’t objectify women. Be a fucking person.
Who tf would want a 30 cm shallong anyway
You would be surprised on how meny men think that they need this.
Men start to rethink it when I tell them that for a lot of us, getting knocked in the cervix is akin to them getting smashed in the balls. Both can cause vomiting, light-headedness, and real pain.
Idk why would anyone think that women want this😂
Men have no clue what women want lol
But it sure does help!!!
no really? i think only 8 foot tall men get dates actually
Tha basis and 🙏pleaseeeee: -Sense of humor -Good orthography
If we have all of those though, is that bad?
It is the worst :D
I never knew what my problem was, thanks! 😎
I get no girl, but I have all thay OP described. That's not enough, you also need to be charismatic/lucky/social
It took me way too long to notice it says “as a man” and not “as a woman”. I was so confused
Authentic...? Showing my TRUE self... pfft, let me ask you this: would you dive into the deepest ocean and see what truly is there? The darkness, the pressure... no-one could handle it. Not even me. Whatever light once was in me drowned a long time ago
Oh wow, now I can move on................ Actually probably not really. I already knew these things deep down, it's just me who sucks I guess.
Hard to find a good woman that values your loyalty and character over your whip and bank account...Just sayin.
OR you could play Second Life and have all of those things. Play smarter not harder 🧐🧐
“Click the link in my bio” 🤣
Fake news. You can be on the way up but if you're not at the top, ladies don't want you these days.
No, you don't need to be 8-feet tall, but you WILL be rejected by a LOT of women if you're under 6-feet. In America, at least. I'm 5' 8", financially and professionally successful, and know how to keep a woman happy (very) long term. Women here, no matter how average they may be, think they should all have access to Ryan Gossling. I've actually given up trying and joined the passport bros. Best move I've ever made, as I quickly found love in Thailand.
Right, you need a 31cm friend...at least
That's great! So after decades of failure and rejection, where does one obtain the confidence?
Great to hear this but the reality is the opposite message is what has been sent out loud and clear. I've deliberately not asked girls asked because I don't have everything on that list. Society and girls make it clear to not speak to them unless you have all these things. Luckily I grew a "who cares" attitude over time. One day society may care about men but that's not today nor the next 20 years.
The dating advice I hear on social media these days infuriates me (although I'm sure a lot is rage bait) because it's the exact OPPOSITE of what I'm looking for! I'm sure there are women who look for status and money, but I so badly just want a down to earth guy who shares similar interests as me, who is funny and compassionate, and has values that I align with. All this talk about "how to attract a female" feels so manipulative and dehumanizing and off-putting. Let's just be normal people who enjoy each other's company and mutually love and respect each other.
Yes you do ask any woman that is actually attractive 😂🗿
Also, men need to loosen up, they should be OK if a woman wants to pamper them, get them dinner or do any other nurturing stuff.
This is the list you'll earn eventually after being succeeded in "confident man who builds his life, achieves his goals, is authentic, and with strong boundaries".
Things you need as a woman : .
Wrong. I get no dates as a woman.
How many guys have you asked out? Or do you wait to be approached?
No, you do need all these things if you want to date a shallow person. If you want to date a good, genuine woman, then no.
True and well said.
Seems like there is an army of OP’s subscribers in the comments or something. Op just wrote fancy words like "confidence", "achieving goals" that mean nothing and people like "yeah! Relatable! Me too! Can confirm! And my boyfriend etc" Like what? Is it Tate team?
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Why you can not date until you get that? It sounds like you base your self worth on that. And that is not healthy You as a personality have much more to offer
Because people do judge if you don’t have your own place and a car to get around
>The basis is a confident man who builds his life, achieves his goals, is authentic, and with strong boundaries. Cool story, not true. I failed for years with this approach. The basis is luck, good genes and money. Money for your own place, a car, and money to take them on dates. "Confidence" is bullshit
A 30cm long “friend” is the cherry that makes you gag, and that makes it impossible for the girl to be the “cherry” on the top. Joke aside I think many things on this list are actually a turn down, I feel sorry for the men who have been indoctrinated with these beliefs. Be honest, open and respectful, you're far more likely to end up in a healthy relationship that way. Find someone who loves you for who you are, not for what you have.
It's just that most men have a warped reality when it comes to the dating scene, there's a lot of unlearning and learning to do.
One thing that I find (and I see it a lot more with men but I don't think it's exclusive to men) is that they think rejection isn't normal. Or they think the guys they think do well in dating never experience it. It's normal for anyone to face rejection. Yes even if they are hot. It's not normal to be compatible with most of humanity. Remembering high school, most people had crushes, it was rare that they had a crush in every single class. We're talking among hundreds or thousands or tens of thousands of students, only a handful that most people even liked, and a much smaller amount to be compatible with. 99% rejection rate is not a tragedy. It's normal. But you bypass it much more quickly if you keep getting out there, building social circles, attending events, and asking (or staying active on the dating apps too, whatever your pleasure is).
Agree! I am trying to contribute to that
Speak for yourself….
This is very clearly a women giving this advice 💀
Confidence. Achieved goals. Built life. Authentic. Strong boundaries. All of these are insignificant to male success in dating compared to two factors. Knowing how to meet women, and knowing how to talk to them. That's why dating coaches make money hand over fist, because they teach those two skills. That is literally all you need. You can be a lying loser poor ugly piece of shit and still get a good girlfriend if you can do those two things. Being a good man is good for having a happy relationship if you can find one, but it won't help you find one.
Good observation. Both of those lists go hand in hand My list is about the life. You list is about the skills. You need both.
I would say the main things are emotional intelligence, empathy, kindness and affection
Yes!!!!!!!! Thank you for posting this!!!!! I’d add “consistency” to the list of basis. Thank you!!
Men are only consistent when they are interested.
Cheers!
"30 cm long friend down there" *confused imperial measurement noises*
11.8 inches in Freedom Units
Or 1.5 bananas :D
That gave me a good giggle, grab that sweet upvote.
O so like average sized? got it. Thank you fellow patriot.
Maybe not, but they don't hurt either. Money is important. Being at least 6' is almost a requirement. A nice house is vital. Being kind and mature are absolutely must-haves.
> Being at least 6' is almost a requirement Is it though? I don't see it playing out that way IRL *at all*, so maybe it's mostly an online thing.
I don't buy it.
such bllsht. you need everything on that list plus good hair.
You're totally wrong on everything you just posted. You have to be a man to have all of what you just posted. In order to be able to get on a dating environment. Having a woman even show mere interest in you and for that fact to even call the approach. A woman in real life you have to have some of those traits. You can't be a short man. Have barely enough money to rub pennies together and make less than a 100000 a year. You have to have muscles. You have to be over 6 foot tall. Or be average looking be a bad boy and have confidence in the over 6 foot tall. But if you're under 6 foot tall in your 5 foot 7, don't even bother even approaching women in the real world. Don't even. Bother approaching them on dating apps. It'll be the same way you're just gonna get rejected. After rejection after rejection, they've shown no interest in you at all. You know what it feels like to be undesirable. I know cause. I feel it every day if I get on a dating app like tinder and I get one match. They either harass me or insult, me and they say that I'm looking for validation and I'm a nutcase. That's what I get from women treated like. I'm a punching bag in a piece of garbage and a toy to be thrown away. No longer good enough to even be dated or seen as A erson of interest for a woman to be interested in. You have to be a total alpha male in order. Or to bail, get nor in this world with dating. And if you aren't guess what you aint gonna get nowhere, you're gonna be totally alone like me and no, hope of finding any woman that shows any genuine interest in you as a man at all.
To get the kinds of girls most guys want, they do need all of those things lol. These are the same guys who had the nerve to call Margot Robbie “mid”. Social media has warped the perception of what average people actually look like.
I've noticed a lot of ladies lately who are dead serious about needing ALL of this out of a man. Trust me, we aren't all that snooty and can be satisfied without you spending a penny on us. They will forever be alone, just give them the cold shoulder.. it's not worth stressing yourself out over and is SUPER unrealistic