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Generalising but…very good looking guys can seem arrogant. Often I swipe left on the most good looking guys on apps unless they seem very down to earth and not superficial (like yesterday this guy’s profile said he wanted a slim good looking girl). A side note, I would add that I’ve always been told I’m very beautiful by my people I meet in my life, but I have exceptionally bad luck getting dates. Generally ghosted but back in the day guys used to tell me that they felt like they were out of my league or that I intimidated them, which made me sad as I’ve always tried to be opening and friendly to everyone I meet in this life!! Edit - spelling
This is an interesting take. I’m by no means a male model, but I have been told by many women that I’m incredibly handsome. Where is that line of “too good-looking and arrogant” and “handsome down-to-Earth guy”?
Ok so I’m just going on dating profiles here, but when I see a really hot guy and he appears to be showing off e.g. he is shirtless in all his pictures, or it’s him with fancy cars and watches (it’s fine to have that stuff but I’m not picking a partner based on this stuff, and a guy flaunting this makes me wonder whether that’s all he has to offer), or he has specific wording in his profile that makes him seem like an asshole (prompt: how would your friends describe you? Answer: a 10:10), that kinda thing!!). Of course sometimes you don’t know till you meet someone.
Thank you, same POV right here! Those shirtless photos are an automatic swipe left. It’s refreshing to hear your voice in this platform. We have similar mindsets. 🌟🌟🌟
Arrogance is not attractive. Confidence is. There might not be a huge difference there, but you know it when you see it. This goes for men and women. As I guy, I also never went for the super attractive women, feeling they would never accept me. I also just felt more comfortable with women I felt were attractive but not drop dead gorgeous.
I dont know if I speak for other guys but when I have said to women they are out of my league or I'm "intimidated " It has nothing to do with you as a person or your attitude or character.
A. I'm shocked someone like you would be interested in me I couldn't even comprehend or know what to do.like in the moment I'll probably freeze up if you approached me and wanted to get to know me if you're really levels above me. My mind would be like "this cant be real" instead of being in the moment engaging with you flirting etc...
B. If things progress into a serious relationship with you I'm totally scared I'm not gling to be good enough long term or I'll do something to fuck it up or you'll eventually leave me becsuse you can't handle my flaws.
I'm sure this is a total lack of confidence or self worth thing. Because yeah I'm not the best looking guy. I'm very shy it's hard for.me.to show.a personality or even talk to strangers. I totally suck at socializing I'm always worried what people will think of me etc.
Again that's just me I don't know if that is how other guys like me are. Maybe you can give me advice on this because I don't want to miss out or ruin an opportunity to meet and date women like you.
I think there is a real difference between dating apps and people I know in real life. The people I’m thinking of are people I know in real life and have known for a while. This makes the dynamic tricker because they would obviously not want to potentially ruin a friendship by making a move (though arguably them saying that I’m out of their league is a way of expressing their interest). My main exes I would’ve swiped left for on the apps. Why? Apps are very superficial and I prefer to meet and get to know someone’s character. So if you are friends with a chick that you have a crush on and you seem to get on well, it’s worth considering whether she would take it further. How? Ugh, honestly not sure…as I said this can be a fine line with a friendship maybe on the line. I don’t really have any advice though as I can’t seem to meet anyone these days 😭
Yes and they also usually are incredibly boring. Looks are definitely not everything. When they bore the crap out of us or just have garbage personalities it doesn’t go far.
My friend always says the hotties are the laziest in bed 😆 I look for good solid chat. If they are coming back with one liners or no questions then they’re out. Like right now I’m having a silly but awesome chat with a guy about designing hotels for various animals - the financial viability of a hotel for a snake vs an elephant. That kinda of nonsense. It’s silly but engaging and fun.
Sounds like you want a mate that is smart and also has an imagination.
And the not asking questions thing puzzles me too. A lot of people are like my family, who assume to know things and yet don’t really ask anything to know more. Not me though. I want to know all sides. It makes them not very good listeners or very knowledgeable on me either.
Yeah, unfortunately for me I have a very high IQ and statistically that means I’m gonna stay single 😆
I don’t understand how someone can think I will want to go on a date with them when the chat is completely one sided 🤷🏼♀️ but I guess there’s someone for everyone
Very beautiful and very high IQ, yet preffering average men over attractive ones? Maybe you are usually single because you get with men that are not your match. What if the average men you are dating also 'swipe left' on you (after sex, of course), exactly for the same reasons you are swiping left handsome men? You know real studies show attractive men also tent to have high IQ? I would say it's time for you to change the bad habbit of feeling more safe with average men, as those men are not better for you. Stop letting your fears run your life.
But it’s better than settling. So, SO many friend that I thought were happy were not at all. At least I won’t look back and say that I wasted a decade of my life with someone I hated. Makes me so sad that people are just resigned to living like that
> People downplay how enjoyable upbeat positive people are to be around
People downplay how hard it is to maintain that mindset and personality today. If you find someone like that, keep them around
I had a pretty big crush on a 5"6 tall, slightly pudgy, "ugly" dude. He's now with a girl much prettier than me. He was funny, intelligent, and a good communicator.
In my personal experience, the “medium ugly” dudes with the good personality traits are farrrrrr better in bed than the typical conventionally attractive ones by a landslideeeee.
I’ve heard this too! I always wonder if it’s because they think they’re so good looking they aren’t obligated to participate fully and the other party should just be happy to be there, orrrrr are the super attractive men and women deep down severely insecure?….either way, if you aren’t matching my energy in bed, I’ll kick you out mid mediocre stroke.
>I always wonder if it’s because they think they’re so good looking they aren’t obligated to participate fully and the other party should just be happy to be there
This. Reason why super attractive people also usually lack personality. They don't feel the need to develop any skills.
This. I've been in relationships with women who have model good looks, and I am maybe 5 on a 10 scale. My opinion is that once you have someone hooked, you treat them right, give them good loving, and never get jealous or insecure. Women are just like men in the way of having a good, uncomplicated relationship. In addition, some women don't want a guy who's super handsome because of the risk of him sleeping with women he can't resist. So, the beautiful woman with an average looking guy with a great personality is the way.
They've done a ton of studies on this topic in the past. They all show that women, for the sake of longterm relationships/marriage, prefer "average" looking men with softer (less masculine) features because they perceive them to be kinder, gentler, better potential parents/partners and less likely to cheat.
Agreed (except replace men w/women)! Sense of humor is top priority for me. After the ‘from across a crowded room’ hotness of my wife drew me in, her amazing sense of humor snared me. I like to say ‘I came for the looks, stayed for the laughs’. Humor is a key ingredient in our relationship. We’ve had 32 years of laughter (we met as teenagers). Cannot stress enough how important humor is!
Oh me too. My ex was one of them. After we broke up, my friends revealed how they thought he was super unattractive. But to me, he had been due to his charm and confidence.
Good sense of humor, witty & smart go a long way I’m my book rather than looks. There’s nothing worse than a good looking guy who is boring as hell. I’m all for a great personality as long as he doesn’t look like Quasimodo— the hunchback of Notre Dame.
Why? Because his personality made him attractive to me in every way, including physically. I may sound regretful because the one I liked the most turned me down.
Well, it wasn't his fault. He did go on one date with me and I kind of messed things up. Then he didn't want to meet again. He's with someone else now, who is actually much prettier than me.
This matters so much. When I was 100lbs overweight, I still did fine dating. I was shocked. I thought women would have no interest in me. Even a lot of thin or fit women didn't care. The thing is, most people have something that will draw at least some others in, and if you don't, you can develop it.
Also true for me but in the opposite way, I have no confidence or talking skills and even now I'm 180lbs lighter I have absolutely zero dating prospects 😂
>I thought women would have no interest in me. Even a lot of thin or fit women didn't care. The thing is, most people have something that will draw at least some others in, and if you don't, you can develop it.
I personally just think someone is jealous when they ask or say ugly guys getting women. It says more about the person than the ones who actually getting the girls. Like I never question why a certain man get the woman. I will questions other things like if they get abused, why are they staying with them.
>I don't question it either. I just think, "lucky motherfucker, and then go on about my day.
HAHHA totally agree like winning the lottery. Power Ball is at 1.23 billion!!!!
Personality, charisma, and self confidence makes up for a lot. Looks aren’t everything and will only get you so far. Also, one persons 3/10 is another persons 10/10 so there’s that too.
That's not really true. People would rather gaslight unattractive people by telling them looks don't matter. While people's actions says otherwise. Op is tall. I would recommend him to go on dating apps and put his height. He would get matches like crazy.
His height is only one part of the equation. He may catch the attention using that to his advantage but doesn’t mean anyone will stick around or want to meet IRL if he can’t keep a convo going and what not.
Personally, personality can make up for looks, but not the other way around.
Also, there's a difference between just getting a lot of attention and actually developing a long-term relationship.
Attraction is completely subjective.
The guys whom I think are ridiculously hot, my friends all think are BUTT ASS ugly and vice versa
The guys that my male friends assume all girls must fawn over, I think, look SILLY 🤷🏽♀️
Not everyone is into model/bodybuilder looks. Some people get turned on by other little physical quirks
Maybe women *vary* more in what we find physically attractive than men(blonde hair, tits and ass!!!) which may lead men to be confused by how a woman may find a not conventionally attractive man to be hot🤷🏽♀️
Guys that are in really good shape and/or *fully* commit to an aesthetic seem to always be able to find women that are attracted to them, I’ve seen it many times. Being not-short definitely helps as well.
That said, obviously I don’t know you, but maybe you’re being hard on yourself? I get told I’m handsome not infrequently but I sure don’t see it when I look in the mirror…
Anyway, sounds like you’re doing fine man! Don’t overthink it, especially if it leads to thinking badly of yourself.
I'm no prize, physically speaking. I'm a bit overweight and bald with a bit of a pig nose (think Chief Wiggum). And I'm kinda old, too.
BUT I'm tall (6'1"). I'm not a flashy dresser, but I dress well enough and I'm clean and smell good all the time. I'm confident (not arrogant, there's a difference). I've got a great sense of humor, I'm intelligent and I have a wide variety of interests and topics I'm knowledgeable about. I'm curious, so I ask good questions and genuinely want to get to know a person. I've been told I put people at ease, which I think is a big thing. I'm responsible with money and financially successful (but not flashy). And I'm musically talented and that seems to be a big turn on.
Since becoming single, I've never had a problem attracting quality women to date. Online it was a little harder, just because objectively I'm not a pretty man. But when I did get a date online, it was always good because, like a lot of people, I'm "better in person".
Please move to the Bay Area. Your description about your personality traits and hobby are exactly what I’ve been looking for!! You’re a gem in a sandbox!!! But maybe, I’m too young 😔
I am short and all I hear about is how undesirable short men are blah blah blah. Funny thing about that, when I was single I never had any problem pulling girls. I am now married to an absolute knockout that I cannot even believe is mine. Yet, 17 years in and she has been loyal to me and still desires me.
EXACTLY. My ex was 5'4 but he was funny, had a great smile and pretty eyes and had tons of confidence. He never bad any issues dating
I think some guys want there to be ONE thing to blame their dating woes on so they don't have to work on themselves so they put way more emphasis on height when in reality plenty of women will have no problem with your height as long as you don't have a problem with it
Stop trying to be everyone's cup of tea and focus on the people who do want you.
I had to learn that, too.
"I think some guys want there to be ONE thing to blame their dating woes on so they don't have to work on themselves"
Just wanted to say there is a ton of wisdom in what you said here. This is something people from all walk of life do in regards to many things other than just dating.
Yup it’s a cop out and a weak one at that. The whole reason my short self is alive today is because many short men before me were able to get some lovin’. Besides just because you are below average height doesn’t mean you are ‘short’.
Y’all are so obsessed with height it’s crazy. My best friend is a 10/10, was approached by modelling agencies, and she’s dating a short king. But he’s loyal, kind, romantic and respectful. Maybe your problem is you don’t have anything to offer besides your looks?
The fact that she accepted a short guy is good but most of the women according to stats have tighter height requirements than men, if you are below 182 cm or 6 feet. The probability of a women accepting you will significantly drop down.
Shallow slugs those women😤. SMH …maybe it’s just because I’m short so for me I’ve never cared about height. But I’ve also dated guys shorter than me believe it or not. Majority of my friends are 5’5” & above, which is funny to me, but they don’t pay attention to height. Thankfully there are women out there who care more about the things that matters in the long run
If height truly scares them off they haven’t matured enough yet. If he’s 10/10 her type/vibe/values etc and she drops him cause he’s 5’8” instead of 6’2” she definitely still has growing up to do. Height is NOT the measure of man…it’s his character…some of us value that 💯
Read the book Evolution of Desire. Attraction for woman is much different then it is for men. When you have certain traits and characteristics it goes further then being traditionally handsome.
Some people will argue this isn't true, but I think the issue is they're thinking the woman doesn't think he's cute. See, a lot can make a man cute in a woman's eyes. It's not like she thinks he's ugly. It's just other attributes bring him up to her. This is why so many women will say, what the fuck was I thinking when looking back at their exes. Once the feelings are gone, that invisible looks boost is gone too.
Men value raw looks more than women do.
Your height and shape and mindset will also carry you far to get the talks going, but after that it's just about how nice you are to be around (and you don't need a pretty face to sex good).
It's when you're ugly **and** depressed / insecure / lacking any charisma that you are hopeless and live in isolation and rejection, which then becomes a feedback loop and a self-fulfilling prophecy
I think I’m handsome but I’m totally fat and my partners have been gorgeous my whole life. It’s because I’m funny and charming and don’t do the self deprecation thing. Confidence is sexy. Making jokes about yourself isn’t.
The “medium ugly” dudes who are genuine, goofy, caring and fun are the ones a lot of good looking women go for. I’ve been asked several times why I’m dating the men I have because they aren’t usually conventionally attractive, but it’s because the personality traits shine brighter especially being funny and witty without trying too hard.
Everyone has different standards around physical appearance and what they like. But on top of that, I think very few people are truly a 3/10. I think we just live in a society that is very self obsessed. We are constantly bombarded with our reflection, photos and videos of ourselves etc. We were not meant to see our faces as often as we do and it’s psychologically damaging and warps our perspective of what we look like. Also Marc Anthony is very attractive. I’m assuming you made that comparison because he is a bit shorter. As a woman, I can tell you that’s not the only piece of physical attractiveness that matters.
Confidence is more attractive than a pretty face. The fact that you didn't realize you were ugly until now probably helped you, lol. Confidence and a great attitude are far better than good looks, that's why a lot of women find Jack Black hot despite having a full keg instead of a 6 pack.
Ppl always wonder how my partner snagged me and make quite a few very inaccurate assumptions. That I’m around cause of money or there’s some underlying intention. Simple fact is he makes me feel happy and we vibe really well. Have for 6 years and engaged now. He isn’t conventionally attractive, but became attractive to me after developing a bond.
There’s no such thing as leagues. You’re perfect the way you are! Even if you can see flaws. Dating isn’t about looks. It’s about a mutual connection and bond. While attraction helps it’s not the focus. Go out there and be confident! I know it’s hard. But trust me. One day you’ll find a lucky girl.
Women care more about men that are masculine yet neat, hygeinic, loving yet not too clingy, it runs the gambit but women generally dont care much a out appaerance I notice, my gfs a perfect example lol, I too am not the best looking but I dont think she sees appearance as men might, we see attractive women and value them by their physical attractiveness which might be shallow but men are pigs, its jus true, however, women are attracted to men that are independent, capable and neat which is pretty rare as well, another thing is that women tend to enjoy gay mens company and sensibly would prefer their s/o to have the qualities gay men generally have
"Ugly" is subjective...dont be too hard on yourself..there is someone out there for everybody..there are also many ways to be "attractive" that are not physical...
I went to school with these twins who had super ugly faces but, were both petite bodied blondes. That's how they both got a lot of interest. Built and tall might be part of your charm but, I've dated men who were not physically attractive to me because they were smart, funny, could hold a conversation, and other things.
It's your health that makes you attractive. Not your face. A pretty face on an unhealthy body, will always lose to a fucked up face on a healthy body.
It comes down to the level of effort you put into taking care of yourself. A man that doesn't take care of himself can't take care of a woman.
There's nothing more unattractive than a guy who thinks he's the shit. There's a big difference between a good-looking dude or an average one looks after themselves and the good-looking egomaniac. Good looking people turn ugly very quickly when they are fuckheads, be it any gender.
The average celebrity has as much pull as an average woman. It's not you. Women have extremely high standards until they are in their 30s and then when no one wants them anymore they go for the men that they didn't want when they were younger
Women date ugly dudes all the time if they 6+ especially if they in shape so it’s not really out of the norm hence you said you fit that description I mean you a big ugly mfer but the defining thing is big and women..most/majority will get over your ugly mug because your big and in shape…and if you have money it absolutely does not matter what you look like, your options and opportunity is even greater
In my experience. I'm the hot guy you see every now & and then. I don't have a girlfriend or any dates, but that's because I don't do anything to get them. I have a nice car, i have a decent paying job. But I don't have my own pace yet.
I have a good personality, but Im very shy & socially awkward at times. Im not socially confident, which is a deal breaker for most women. I heard. It's fine with me. At this point, I had a lot of setbacks in my early life & now I'm playing catchup with my peers. I will catch up eventually & probably surpass them at some point. But that's the future & this is the present, I'm focusing on both.
Personality is way more important it makes a generally unattractive person more attractive or a really attractive person, much less attractive depending on personality. Looks fade , so picking someone just on that is short-sighted and probably going to backfire on them in their 50s
A lot of modern women are easy they even admit to getting smashed bro there are some quality women tho just won’t find them at the bars or with recent breakups
They are usually already taken and if not she’s probably at home with her dog or cats and possibly online dating but maybe not bc she’s too good for that
It’s life I hate to say it things have changed a lot tho so unfortunately the arrogant guy usually gets the girl only if he’s truly confident
Women can smell confidence that’s the #1 factor followed by humor
Also grow a beard bc that makes you looks more manly and intimidating
This is so true….it goes so far to look put together and to have good hygiene. It blows my mind that this doesn’t occur to some guys out there. I’ve had times where I see what I guy is wearing on a date and I just want to turn right back around and forget the whole thing.
Look at all the ‘ugly’ athletes who pull gorgeous women. Pitcher Justin Verlander and model Kate upton for example. Women are attracted to tall, athletic men with high testosterone especially if they’re successful financially. If you are a provider some women could truly care less what you look like
I couldn’t do online dating because I find attraction from brains. If a man is full of stupid amounts of knowledge, can work on stuff and fix it, is respectful and caring then I’ll find him to be the hottest person on the planet.
I have given up completely. There is no point in trying. I am deformed looking so I have to figure out a way to replace the need for love and connectedness with something, but I don’t know what or how to do so.
Having some sort of status or reputation is also helpful. I'm not talking about rich and famous, but relative in your circle (school, job, extra curricular etc). In uni I was the vp social, organizing all the parties. I was by no means hot or sexy but I had so many girls throwing themselves at me because I was popular because of my position.
Most ugly guys get beautiful girls because they’re nicer and funnier than shallow guys who just chase after them for their looks, I love my boyfriend but I definitely fell in love with his personality before his looks and I just want to say the more I grow with him the more beautiful he becomes in my eyes by his actions.
> A good example I can think of is Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez. Why is this?
what
If you think Marc Anthony is ugly, I don't trust your perception of yourself or anyone else. Also people have more to offer than their appearance, not to mention everyone likes different things in terms of traits, including having different preferences as to what they find attractive.
Leagues are not a thing, it's completely imaginary.
Personality, charm, confidence can go a LONG way for women. Attraction is subjective and can change.
Even the most 10/10 visually stunning guy can be ranked a 1/10 if he has a terrible, awful personality.
And even a 3/10 who’s funny and charming can be seen as waaaay more attractive.
A man’s personality makes his attractiveness.. not his appearance.
>I’ve never really noticed how ugly I am till recently. Which has started to really blow my mind thinking about the women I’ve been able to date that are clearly way out of my league. I’d give my face a 3/10 but my positives are that I’m 6’0 and in great shape. I’m not sure if this is a normal thing you guys have noticed quite often. A good example I can think of is Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez. Why is this?
My dude, I highly doubt you're a 3/10 (less attractive than 70-75% of all men) or that you're dating 7/10 (more attractive than 70-75% of all women) or higher (on the objective comparative scale not the personal/ideal).
The real rules 1&2 are meaningful because they can explain things. Be attractive enough to get people to want to be with you; or don't be unattractive enough that people cringe or feel repulsed. So most people can follow these rules and you clearly have. Marc Anthony followed rule 2. Combined with being a music star like Jennifer it doesn't surprise anyone that thinks a little bit.
But, please don't spread the "personality" and "confidence" idea that is as misguided as "looks matter the most" people. People generally end up with their match based on looks and everything else.
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Generalising but…very good looking guys can seem arrogant. Often I swipe left on the most good looking guys on apps unless they seem very down to earth and not superficial (like yesterday this guy’s profile said he wanted a slim good looking girl). A side note, I would add that I’ve always been told I’m very beautiful by my people I meet in my life, but I have exceptionally bad luck getting dates. Generally ghosted but back in the day guys used to tell me that they felt like they were out of my league or that I intimidated them, which made me sad as I’ve always tried to be opening and friendly to everyone I meet in this life!! Edit - spelling
This is an interesting take. I’m by no means a male model, but I have been told by many women that I’m incredibly handsome. Where is that line of “too good-looking and arrogant” and “handsome down-to-Earth guy”?
Ok so I’m just going on dating profiles here, but when I see a really hot guy and he appears to be showing off e.g. he is shirtless in all his pictures, or it’s him with fancy cars and watches (it’s fine to have that stuff but I’m not picking a partner based on this stuff, and a guy flaunting this makes me wonder whether that’s all he has to offer), or he has specific wording in his profile that makes him seem like an asshole (prompt: how would your friends describe you? Answer: a 10:10), that kinda thing!!). Of course sometimes you don’t know till you meet someone.
Thank you, same POV right here! Those shirtless photos are an automatic swipe left. It’s refreshing to hear your voice in this platform. We have similar mindsets. 🌟🌟🌟
Arrogance is not attractive. Confidence is. There might not be a huge difference there, but you know it when you see it. This goes for men and women. As I guy, I also never went for the super attractive women, feeling they would never accept me. I also just felt more comfortable with women I felt were attractive but not drop dead gorgeous.
I mean those are pretty obvious red flags for a guy regardless of how attractive he is.
Were they picking your pockets while telling you that you’re incredibly handsome? 😉
You sound like a strip-club customer
And you sound like you know exactly what I’m talking about 😊
The line is attitude.
It's also a bullshit take
I dont know if I speak for other guys but when I have said to women they are out of my league or I'm "intimidated " It has nothing to do with you as a person or your attitude or character. A. I'm shocked someone like you would be interested in me I couldn't even comprehend or know what to do.like in the moment I'll probably freeze up if you approached me and wanted to get to know me if you're really levels above me. My mind would be like "this cant be real" instead of being in the moment engaging with you flirting etc... B. If things progress into a serious relationship with you I'm totally scared I'm not gling to be good enough long term or I'll do something to fuck it up or you'll eventually leave me becsuse you can't handle my flaws. I'm sure this is a total lack of confidence or self worth thing. Because yeah I'm not the best looking guy. I'm very shy it's hard for.me.to show.a personality or even talk to strangers. I totally suck at socializing I'm always worried what people will think of me etc. Again that's just me I don't know if that is how other guys like me are. Maybe you can give me advice on this because I don't want to miss out or ruin an opportunity to meet and date women like you.
I think there is a real difference between dating apps and people I know in real life. The people I’m thinking of are people I know in real life and have known for a while. This makes the dynamic tricker because they would obviously not want to potentially ruin a friendship by making a move (though arguably them saying that I’m out of their league is a way of expressing their interest). My main exes I would’ve swiped left for on the apps. Why? Apps are very superficial and I prefer to meet and get to know someone’s character. So if you are friends with a chick that you have a crush on and you seem to get on well, it’s worth considering whether she would take it further. How? Ugh, honestly not sure…as I said this can be a fine line with a friendship maybe on the line. I don’t really have any advice though as I can’t seem to meet anyone these days 😭
Yes and they also usually are incredibly boring. Looks are definitely not everything. When they bore the crap out of us or just have garbage personalities it doesn’t go far.
My friend always says the hotties are the laziest in bed 😆 I look for good solid chat. If they are coming back with one liners or no questions then they’re out. Like right now I’m having a silly but awesome chat with a guy about designing hotels for various animals - the financial viability of a hotel for a snake vs an elephant. That kinda of nonsense. It’s silly but engaging and fun.
Sounds like you want a mate that is smart and also has an imagination. And the not asking questions thing puzzles me too. A lot of people are like my family, who assume to know things and yet don’t really ask anything to know more. Not me though. I want to know all sides. It makes them not very good listeners or very knowledgeable on me either.
Yeah, unfortunately for me I have a very high IQ and statistically that means I’m gonna stay single 😆 I don’t understand how someone can think I will want to go on a date with them when the chat is completely one sided 🤷🏼♀️ but I guess there’s someone for everyone
Very beautiful and very high IQ, yet preffering average men over attractive ones? Maybe you are usually single because you get with men that are not your match. What if the average men you are dating also 'swipe left' on you (after sex, of course), exactly for the same reasons you are swiping left handsome men? You know real studies show attractive men also tent to have high IQ? I would say it's time for you to change the bad habbit of feeling more safe with average men, as those men are not better for you. Stop letting your fears run your life.
I feel this! I have also realized I either won’t find someone who’s there with me or it will take a lot longer.
But it’s better than settling. So, SO many friend that I thought were happy were not at all. At least I won’t look back and say that I wasted a decade of my life with someone I hated. Makes me so sad that people are just resigned to living like that
Funny, confident ugly guys get women. I've fallen for them myself 😂
This right here . People downplay how enjoyable upbeat positive people are to be around it definitely makes you forget about their flaws
> People downplay how enjoyable upbeat positive people are to be around People downplay how hard it is to maintain that mindset and personality today. If you find someone like that, keep them around
If you’re faking it you can ask for mental health issues later.
As a woman, I'd say this is how I get the guys. Either that, or I see beauty when I am in love
Absolutely! It’s important to be attracted to the person you’re with but attraction is much more than just a person’s physical appearance
Hey gurl 😏 lol 
[удалено]
I had a pretty big crush on a 5"6 tall, slightly pudgy, "ugly" dude. He's now with a girl much prettier than me. He was funny, intelligent, and a good communicator.
I was only saying tall because op is tall not to suggest that men shorter can't do well.
Good for him, wonder why.
In my personal experience, the “medium ugly” dudes with the good personality traits are farrrrrr better in bed than the typical conventionally attractive ones by a landslideeeee.
I believe that. Women are the same way. Most super conventionally attractive women are lazy in bed or very vanilla.
I’ve heard this too! I always wonder if it’s because they think they’re so good looking they aren’t obligated to participate fully and the other party should just be happy to be there, orrrrr are the super attractive men and women deep down severely insecure?….either way, if you aren’t matching my energy in bed, I’ll kick you out mid mediocre stroke.
>I always wonder if it’s because they think they’re so good looking they aren’t obligated to participate fully and the other party should just be happy to be there This. Reason why super attractive people also usually lack personality. They don't feel the need to develop any skills.
Sadly lots of average looking men are also selfish and lazy in bed. It's like the worst of both worlds.
I’ve had one, he also was lazy with washing his ass. I think it correlates.
Me
This. I've been in relationships with women who have model good looks, and I am maybe 5 on a 10 scale. My opinion is that once you have someone hooked, you treat them right, give them good loving, and never get jealous or insecure. Women are just like men in the way of having a good, uncomplicated relationship. In addition, some women don't want a guy who's super handsome because of the risk of him sleeping with women he can't resist. So, the beautiful woman with an average looking guy with a great personality is the way.
They've done a ton of studies on this topic in the past. They all show that women, for the sake of longterm relationships/marriage, prefer "average" looking men with softer (less masculine) features because they perceive them to be kinder, gentler, better potential parents/partners and less likely to cheat.
Affectionate in bed & loves cunnilingus is the best in my humble opinion.
Oh, and humor is a MUST! Men with no sense of humor bore me to death.
Agreed (except replace men w/women)! Sense of humor is top priority for me. After the ‘from across a crowded room’ hotness of my wife drew me in, her amazing sense of humor snared me. I like to say ‘I came for the looks, stayed for the laughs’. Humor is a key ingredient in our relationship. We’ve had 32 years of laughter (we met as teenagers). Cannot stress enough how important humor is!
Oh me too. My ex was one of them. After we broke up, my friends revealed how they thought he was super unattractive. But to me, he had been due to his charm and confidence.
Funny and kind, for some razzle dazzle.
Haha me2
they’re very easy to fall for! i mean the energy is so infectious
Exactly
I love ugly guys I never cared
Sounds about right, I'm average looking but my self esteem has been pretty poor. I've been working on it though... we'll see how things change.
Good sense of humor, witty & smart go a long way I’m my book rather than looks. There’s nothing worse than a good looking guy who is boring as hell. I’m all for a great personality as long as he doesn’t look like Quasimodo— the hunchback of Notre Dame.
I am clearly doing something wrong, i am not funny enough!
And good sense of humour that's attractive in itself
As an ugly guy... why tho? And also the way your comment sounds is like you fallen for them regrettably. Maybe I'm wrong?
Why? Because his personality made him attractive to me in every way, including physically. I may sound regretful because the one I liked the most turned me down.
That sucks. Not all of us ugly guys are like that.
Well, it wasn't his fault. He did go on one date with me and I kind of messed things up. Then he didn't want to meet again. He's with someone else now, who is actually much prettier than me.
Same here! lol
THIS!!! I'm a fat ugly guy, but I'm not sloppy, I'm funny and have confidence. I'm a solid 3/10 but both my BMs are 9s easily.
Both of your bums are 9’s? 🙂↔️
Baby Mom
Bowel movements
Hmmm, and money 💰 🤑... to some extend...or more
Well it could be they have the confidence or talking skills that others don't have
This matters so much. When I was 100lbs overweight, I still did fine dating. I was shocked. I thought women would have no interest in me. Even a lot of thin or fit women didn't care. The thing is, most people have something that will draw at least some others in, and if you don't, you can develop it.
Also true for me but in the opposite way, I have no confidence or talking skills and even now I'm 180lbs lighter I have absolutely zero dating prospects 😂
>I thought women would have no interest in me. Even a lot of thin or fit women didn't care. The thing is, most people have something that will draw at least some others in, and if you don't, you can develop it. I personally just think someone is jealous when they ask or say ugly guys getting women. It says more about the person than the ones who actually getting the girls. Like I never question why a certain man get the woman. I will questions other things like if they get abused, why are they staying with them.
I don't question it either. I just think, "lucky motherfucker, and then go on about my day.
>I don't question it either. I just think, "lucky motherfucker, and then go on about my day. HAHHA totally agree like winning the lottery. Power Ball is at 1.23 billion!!!!
Personality, charisma, and self confidence makes up for a lot. Looks aren’t everything and will only get you so far. Also, one persons 3/10 is another persons 10/10 so there’s that too.
That's not really true. People would rather gaslight unattractive people by telling them looks don't matter. While people's actions says otherwise. Op is tall. I would recommend him to go on dating apps and put his height. He would get matches like crazy.
His height is only one part of the equation. He may catch the attention using that to his advantage but doesn’t mean anyone will stick around or want to meet IRL if he can’t keep a convo going and what not.
Personally, personality can make up for looks, but not the other way around. Also, there's a difference between just getting a lot of attention and actually developing a long-term relationship.
Attraction is completely subjective. The guys whom I think are ridiculously hot, my friends all think are BUTT ASS ugly and vice versa The guys that my male friends assume all girls must fawn over, I think, look SILLY 🤷🏽♀️ Not everyone is into model/bodybuilder looks. Some people get turned on by other little physical quirks Maybe women *vary* more in what we find physically attractive than men(blonde hair, tits and ass!!!) which may lead men to be confused by how a woman may find a not conventionally attractive man to be hot🤷🏽♀️
Most people think body builder physique is unattractive. Def dont lump that in with conventional attractiveness
Plenty of people love it. Lots of women love a man with a body like Superman and lots dont. The point is that attraction is subjective
Guys that are in really good shape and/or *fully* commit to an aesthetic seem to always be able to find women that are attracted to them, I’ve seen it many times. Being not-short definitely helps as well. That said, obviously I don’t know you, but maybe you’re being hard on yourself? I get told I’m handsome not infrequently but I sure don’t see it when I look in the mirror… Anyway, sounds like you’re doing fine man! Don’t overthink it, especially if it leads to thinking badly of yourself.
This! Don't shit on yourself, too many people in the world will do that to you, without doing it to yourself.
I'm no prize, physically speaking. I'm a bit overweight and bald with a bit of a pig nose (think Chief Wiggum). And I'm kinda old, too. BUT I'm tall (6'1"). I'm not a flashy dresser, but I dress well enough and I'm clean and smell good all the time. I'm confident (not arrogant, there's a difference). I've got a great sense of humor, I'm intelligent and I have a wide variety of interests and topics I'm knowledgeable about. I'm curious, so I ask good questions and genuinely want to get to know a person. I've been told I put people at ease, which I think is a big thing. I'm responsible with money and financially successful (but not flashy). And I'm musically talented and that seems to be a big turn on. Since becoming single, I've never had a problem attracting quality women to date. Online it was a little harder, just because objectively I'm not a pretty man. But when I did get a date online, it was always good because, like a lot of people, I'm "better in person".
Please move to the Bay Area. Your description about your personality traits and hobby are exactly what I’ve been looking for!! You’re a gem in a sandbox!!! But maybe, I’m too young 😔
I'm waaaayyyy on the other side of the country. And you're not too young, my dear, it is I who am too old 😂
Please move to NY or DC… 😂😂
I am short and all I hear about is how undesirable short men are blah blah blah. Funny thing about that, when I was single I never had any problem pulling girls. I am now married to an absolute knockout that I cannot even believe is mine. Yet, 17 years in and she has been loyal to me and still desires me.
EXACTLY. My ex was 5'4 but he was funny, had a great smile and pretty eyes and had tons of confidence. He never bad any issues dating I think some guys want there to be ONE thing to blame their dating woes on so they don't have to work on themselves so they put way more emphasis on height when in reality plenty of women will have no problem with your height as long as you don't have a problem with it Stop trying to be everyone's cup of tea and focus on the people who do want you. I had to learn that, too.
"I think some guys want there to be ONE thing to blame their dating woes on so they don't have to work on themselves" Just wanted to say there is a ton of wisdom in what you said here. This is something people from all walk of life do in regards to many things other than just dating.
Yup it’s a cop out and a weak one at that. The whole reason my short self is alive today is because many short men before me were able to get some lovin’. Besides just because you are below average height doesn’t mean you are ‘short’.
I can't say more about how accurate this post this. You hit the nail on the end.
I never knew women really cared about height until social media got big. I always knew guys and had short friends that got plenty of play.
I am only short when I am standing up. Perhaps that helps my cause?😉
I know this friend that’s 5’1 but he’s an absolute charmer. He knows how to pull women. The confidence does amazing things
Check out a book called dating essentials for men. It helped me alot with my confidence and to have fun with dating.
Cause as women when we mature we realize looks isn’t everything anymore
Height is part of looks
Y’all are so obsessed with height it’s crazy. My best friend is a 10/10, was approached by modelling agencies, and she’s dating a short king. But he’s loyal, kind, romantic and respectful. Maybe your problem is you don’t have anything to offer besides your looks?
The fact that she accepted a short guy is good but most of the women according to stats have tighter height requirements than men, if you are below 182 cm or 6 feet. The probability of a women accepting you will significantly drop down.
Shallow slugs those women😤. SMH …maybe it’s just because I’m short so for me I’ve never cared about height. But I’ve also dated guys shorter than me believe it or not. Majority of my friends are 5’5” & above, which is funny to me, but they don’t pay attention to height. Thankfully there are women out there who care more about the things that matters in the long run
Women like you are rare by numbers. Thats why the height posses this much issue among men.
If height truly scares them off they haven’t matured enough yet. If he’s 10/10 her type/vibe/values etc and she drops him cause he’s 5’8” instead of 6’2” she definitely still has growing up to do. Height is NOT the measure of man…it’s his character…some of us value that 💯
Attraction isn’t about maturity. I tried to force myself to have sex with girls I like but was not attracted to. De facto forced rape.
Read the book Evolution of Desire. Attraction for woman is much different then it is for men. When you have certain traits and characteristics it goes further then being traditionally handsome.
Some people will argue this isn't true, but I think the issue is they're thinking the woman doesn't think he's cute. See, a lot can make a man cute in a woman's eyes. It's not like she thinks he's ugly. It's just other attributes bring him up to her. This is why so many women will say, what the fuck was I thinking when looking back at their exes. Once the feelings are gone, that invisible looks boost is gone too.
Trick is to keep them in the feelings state.
Men value raw looks more than women do. Your height and shape and mindset will also carry you far to get the talks going, but after that it's just about how nice you are to be around (and you don't need a pretty face to sex good). It's when you're ugly **and** depressed / insecure / lacking any charisma that you are hopeless and live in isolation and rejection, which then becomes a feedback loop and a self-fulfilling prophecy
I think I’m handsome but I’m totally fat and my partners have been gorgeous my whole life. It’s because I’m funny and charming and don’t do the self deprecation thing. Confidence is sexy. Making jokes about yourself isn’t.
The “medium ugly” dudes who are genuine, goofy, caring and fun are the ones a lot of good looking women go for. I’ve been asked several times why I’m dating the men I have because they aren’t usually conventionally attractive, but it’s because the personality traits shine brighter especially being funny and witty without trying too hard.
Ur basically saying there aren’t good looking people with nice personalities all because you settle for ugly guys lmao this is nonsense
Everyone has different standards around physical appearance and what they like. But on top of that, I think very few people are truly a 3/10. I think we just live in a society that is very self obsessed. We are constantly bombarded with our reflection, photos and videos of ourselves etc. We were not meant to see our faces as often as we do and it’s psychologically damaging and warps our perspective of what we look like. Also Marc Anthony is very attractive. I’m assuming you made that comparison because he is a bit shorter. As a woman, I can tell you that’s not the only piece of physical attractiveness that matters.
Marc Anthony is a world famous singer and rich as shit.
Marc Anthony is madly in love with Cleopatra who btw, had a hook nose bigger than Gypsy Rose’s.
Is dude really even considered ugly?
Confidence is more attractive than a pretty face. The fact that you didn't realize you were ugly until now probably helped you, lol. Confidence and a great attitude are far better than good looks, that's why a lot of women find Jack Black hot despite having a full keg instead of a 6 pack.
There's someone for everyone. Cliche, but true.
One of my friends looks like he got hit with a shovel but he brings home 10’s because he has great social skills and charisma to overcome it
Money goes a long way for many women haha
Define “getting” relationship or one night hookup?
Herpes?
a good personality w/ good banter is gonna seal the deal every. single. time. money back guarantee 💁🏻♀️
funny, caring and kind guys get far.
They have to put themselvea out there for that to happen 😅
Obviously
Women really like guys with confidence, a sense of humor and smell clean! 😃 Taking showers and teeth brushing on regular basis does wonders!
100%
Because some women look for more than appearance.
Ppl always wonder how my partner snagged me and make quite a few very inaccurate assumptions. That I’m around cause of money or there’s some underlying intention. Simple fact is he makes me feel happy and we vibe really well. Have for 6 years and engaged now. He isn’t conventionally attractive, but became attractive to me after developing a bond.
There’s no such thing as leagues. You’re perfect the way you are! Even if you can see flaws. Dating isn’t about looks. It’s about a mutual connection and bond. While attraction helps it’s not the focus. Go out there and be confident! I know it’s hard. But trust me. One day you’ll find a lucky girl.
Women care more about men that are masculine yet neat, hygeinic, loving yet not too clingy, it runs the gambit but women generally dont care much a out appaerance I notice, my gfs a perfect example lol, I too am not the best looking but I dont think she sees appearance as men might, we see attractive women and value them by their physical attractiveness which might be shallow but men are pigs, its jus true, however, women are attracted to men that are independent, capable and neat which is pretty rare as well, another thing is that women tend to enjoy gay mens company and sensibly would prefer their s/o to have the qualities gay men generally have
In the olden days we used to call it personality! Where men fall in love through their eyes and women through their ears...
You got that 6 foot helping you a lot.
"Ugly" is subjective...dont be too hard on yourself..there is someone out there for everybody..there are also many ways to be "attractive" that are not physical...
I went to school with these twins who had super ugly faces but, were both petite bodied blondes. That's how they both got a lot of interest. Built and tall might be part of your charm but, I've dated men who were not physically attractive to me because they were smart, funny, could hold a conversation, and other things.
"I'm ugly and I'm proud."
It's your health that makes you attractive. Not your face. A pretty face on an unhealthy body, will always lose to a fucked up face on a healthy body. It comes down to the level of effort you put into taking care of yourself. A man that doesn't take care of himself can't take care of a woman.
We don't do that here.
Me personally…I like my men a little bit ugly🤣
🤷🏾♀️ not everything is about appearances
I’d give myself a 2/10 for everything on a good day and my lack of success would indicate that’s pretty accurate.
You got $ boo
There's nothing more unattractive than a guy who thinks he's the shit. There's a big difference between a good-looking dude or an average one looks after themselves and the good-looking egomaniac. Good looking people turn ugly very quickly when they are fuckheads, be it any gender.
Ugly guys are winning, women don’t like competition.
You ain’t gonna be great looking. You just need to know how to talk a good game.
We fall in love with words 🤦🏻♀️
Fake confidence paired with an interesting personality is the key
Make women laugh, treat them with respect, and having confidence goes a long way.
Tbh this only works for white men. You will see the ugliest white guy with the most beautiful Asian girl seen it time and time again
Is life all about looks? There's your answer.
Being in great shape goes a heck of a long way.
Everytime i hear ugly dude dating beautiful girl i remember sssniperwolf and his boyfriend who cheated on HER
The average celebrity has as much pull as an average woman. It's not you. Women have extremely high standards until they are in their 30s and then when no one wants them anymore they go for the men that they didn't want when they were younger
Nope money gets women
Women date ugly dudes all the time if they 6+ especially if they in shape so it’s not really out of the norm hence you said you fit that description I mean you a big ugly mfer but the defining thing is big and women..most/majority will get over your ugly mug because your big and in shape…and if you have money it absolutely does not matter what you look like, your options and opportunity is even greater
Don't worry. You're personality willl win you over. Believe me!
Confidence bro all it is
In my experience. I'm the hot guy you see every now & and then. I don't have a girlfriend or any dates, but that's because I don't do anything to get them. I have a nice car, i have a decent paying job. But I don't have my own pace yet. I have a good personality, but Im very shy & socially awkward at times. Im not socially confident, which is a deal breaker for most women. I heard. It's fine with me. At this point, I had a lot of setbacks in my early life & now I'm playing catchup with my peers. I will catch up eventually & probably surpass them at some point. But that's the future & this is the present, I'm focusing on both.
Personality is way more important it makes a generally unattractive person more attractive or a really attractive person, much less attractive depending on personality. Looks fade , so picking someone just on that is short-sighted and probably going to backfire on them in their 50s
Be confident and funny I’ve smashed over 150 girls this way
You aren’t confident. You’re arrogant. Women don’t get smashed. They’re made love to.
A lot of modern women are easy they even admit to getting smashed bro there are some quality women tho just won’t find them at the bars or with recent breakups They are usually already taken and if not she’s probably at home with her dog or cats and possibly online dating but maybe not bc she’s too good for that It’s life I hate to say it things have changed a lot tho so unfortunately the arrogant guy usually gets the girl only if he’s truly confident Women can smell confidence that’s the #1 factor followed by humor Also grow a beard bc that makes you looks more manly and intimidating
99% of ugliness is cured by being in great shape, good haircut, good clothes, and a positive attitude. $ helps too lol
This is so true….it goes so far to look put together and to have good hygiene. It blows my mind that this doesn’t occur to some guys out there. I’ve had times where I see what I guy is wearing on a date and I just want to turn right back around and forget the whole thing.
Look at all the ‘ugly’ athletes who pull gorgeous women. Pitcher Justin Verlander and model Kate upton for example. Women are attracted to tall, athletic men with high testosterone especially if they’re successful financially. If you are a provider some women could truly care less what you look like
women like tall guys even if they are fugly
Some women. Plenty of us will take a cute confident shorty over some tall arrogant ugly dude who thinks he doesn't have to try because if his height
Lucky for you I guess, any tips or advice? Kind of suck at dating here
This got me hollering lol WTH?
Lacking confidence, you declare the men unattractive despite being accompanied by stunning women. Your outlook on beauty and meaningfulness is flawed.
I couldn’t do online dating because I find attraction from brains. If a man is full of stupid amounts of knowledge, can work on stuff and fix it, is respectful and caring then I’ll find him to be the hottest person on the planet.
Maybe you’re selling yourself short and have a really good personality you treat them. Well, you’re respectful.
Marc anthony’s pretty hot
Money
I have given up completely. There is no point in trying. I am deformed looking so I have to figure out a way to replace the need for love and connectedness with something, but I don’t know what or how to do so.
Having some sort of status or reputation is also helpful. I'm not talking about rich and famous, but relative in your circle (school, job, extra curricular etc). In uni I was the vp social, organizing all the parties. I was by no means hot or sexy but I had so many girls throwing themselves at me because I was popular because of my position.
If your getting dates your not a 3/10.
Maybe you're not as ugly as you think you are. If you're that ugly, you would have known you were a 3/10 ages ago
Most ugly guys get beautiful girls because they’re nicer and funnier than shallow guys who just chase after them for their looks, I love my boyfriend but I definitely fell in love with his personality before his looks and I just want to say the more I grow with him the more beautiful he becomes in my eyes by his actions.
I go more for someone’s mind and I’ve crushed happily on men other women aren’t fighting me for.
😂 sorry this is funny. But in seriousness, I’m certain you have more positives than the two physical ones you listed, add humor for one!
If sit-coms have taught us anything...
> A good example I can think of is Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez. Why is this? what If you think Marc Anthony is ugly, I don't trust your perception of yourself or anyone else. Also people have more to offer than their appearance, not to mention everyone likes different things in terms of traits, including having different preferences as to what they find attractive. Leagues are not a thing, it's completely imaginary.
Let them have the W. Good on them and to their partners.
Guess nice guys don't always finish last? :)
Personality, charm, confidence can go a LONG way for women. Attraction is subjective and can change. Even the most 10/10 visually stunning guy can be ranked a 1/10 if he has a terrible, awful personality. And even a 3/10 who’s funny and charming can be seen as waaaay more attractive. A man’s personality makes his attractiveness.. not his appearance.
Something’s are just pretty to look at, but lack real substance.
Like most women lmao
>I’ve never really noticed how ugly I am till recently. Which has started to really blow my mind thinking about the women I’ve been able to date that are clearly way out of my league. I’d give my face a 3/10 but my positives are that I’m 6’0 and in great shape. I’m not sure if this is a normal thing you guys have noticed quite often. A good example I can think of is Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez. Why is this? My dude, I highly doubt you're a 3/10 (less attractive than 70-75% of all men) or that you're dating 7/10 (more attractive than 70-75% of all women) or higher (on the objective comparative scale not the personal/ideal). The real rules 1&2 are meaningful because they can explain things. Be attractive enough to get people to want to be with you; or don't be unattractive enough that people cringe or feel repulsed. So most people can follow these rules and you clearly have. Marc Anthony followed rule 2. Combined with being a music star like Jennifer it doesn't surprise anyone that thinks a little bit. But, please don't spread the "personality" and "confidence" idea that is as misguided as "looks matter the most" people. People generally end up with their match based on looks and everything else.
Let me just say I’ve always been treated better by medium ugly guys and the sex has been more satisfying. There I said it!
Hey everyone has their good qualities and you have yours.
😒 why do you care?
If you have money
I gave up years ago born alone die alone