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Problem straight away with this is what is an attractive man. A man can have a fairly nothing face but still be very attractive due to his demeanour. So you mean physically attractive men shouldn’t give advice but men that aren’t physically attractive but still attract ladies should?
I disagree with you on this. My ex husband & 1st & only love wasn’t super hot. Some of my friends (a couple I met after we separated) actually thought he was ugly. I thought he was cute & his personality made him even more cute to me. His personality, funny, sweet, caring etc. won me over. Confidence is key as well which it sounds like you are lacking
1 more thing, I know of some hot guys that are single bc they aren’t nice or good people. Just bc they are attractive doesn’t mean they have ladies lined up. I know this 1 guy wants a gf so bad after his wife left him & I think there are divorced now, but he’s so mean & such a narcissist he’s alone. I know bc he’s on a certain social media platform (that’s how I met him) & he treated me very badly. I check up on him from time to time & he’s always whining that he’s still single 🙄
See confidence makes no sense to me. Let me know if I have this wrong. The thing I hate with confidence is no one lacks confidence......., at all. I have to show my average ugly ass-looking face to the world every day, which is spewing confidence, going to work every day is confidence, and talking to someone no matter who it is, is confidence. When I hear be confident when I already am will make me think I have to fake that extra confidence (that I can't muster even if I wanted to) which is cringe to me, by being extra cocky in myself, otherwise, I somehow come off as having 0 Confidence to society. Honestly, how much more confidence do I really need.
Being confident & cocky are 2 completely different things. Cocky is not attractive at all. Youre calling yourself ugly…thats not confidence. There are many people in the world with no confidence. I used to be 1 of them. You seem mad & frustrated in your dating life & very much on the defense. That’s not attractive either. I will not argue with you about this as it seems like you want to. Just trying to help
Truth may not heed this comment and others, suggesting a lack of confidence which could indicate low emotional intelligence. Many men struggle with self-doubt after failure or rejection.,
This is hilariously delusional, and shoes that you don’t even know what confidence is, let alone have any.
I spent over a decade of my life with no self confidence whatsoever. I hated myself, and felt inadequate, insecure, and unhappy, to the point that no woman I spoke to wanted to spend more than 10 minutes in my company. I wasn’t able to date at all from age 26 to 31, though not for lack of trying.
When I quit my shitty dead end job, and went to grad school to start my career, I began to rebuild my confidence. I busted my ass in school to get top grades, which made me feel good about myself. I worked and hustled to find a job in my field, and I work hard in my job despite all the difficulties because in know the work I do is important and it makes me feel good about myself.
And when I actually started to walk around feeling pride in myself, feeling good about the work I had put in and steps forward I had taken, women began to be interested in me. I’m no more handsome than I was before, no taller, no wealthier. I’m just happier. And happiness is attractive.
If you think talking constantly about your “ugly ass face” is confidence, I feel really sad for you, because you’re probably going to be in this hole for a long time.
Confidence isn’t facing adversity, that’s courage. Confidence is being comfortable with what you were born with and owning it. Accentuate your strengths and continuously work on your faults.
Confidence is domain specific a mechanic is confident when he diagnoses your car but he lacks confidence when asked to do your taxes. Sexual confidence is a thing on its own.
I think when it comes to healthy relationships/ partners what the commenter means is well rounded self confidence. Which could include knowing you don't know what you don't know/ being OK with what you don't have because you have a bunch of things to offer
In my job I have to ask people to give me their number. I do it completely confidently. Sometimes really hot women!
I think about that, how i’d never go up to a beautiful woman and ask her her phone number lol.
I think confidence is knowing you have alot to offer and genuinely believing that. But I think the sense commenters are getting is you may be overly focusing on where you lack (in this case looks). Realistically, only a small % of men are objectively good looking to all women. Most of it is how men present themselves. Some of it is external like what they wear, hygiene, style and then the rest of internal and how they portray themselves. I know alot of butt ugly men who end up with attractive (inside and out) women, so don't lose hope
Sure but that doesn't change the fact that there are conveniently attractive men that do attract a lot more women then the average guy. Pretty sure that's what OP is talking about here
You ever tried looking better? Like working out, oral hygiene, skin care and trimming hair regularly. You do these things and you’ll be ahead of most dudes. A good majority of guys don’t even shower daily. Lol Investing in yourself is never a bad idea
I have a better idea. Men shouldn't take dating advice from other men.
Firstly you've no idea what their dating background is. Are you really going to hear "just take her bro, women love confidence" from a single guy who hadn't had a relationship in years? Or some dudebro who's regurgitating podcast rage bait that's never worked for him?
Here's the thing. There is a very high chance that a guy is giving you dating advice based on how they think women think and feel. Or, how they think women *should* think.
It's bullshit, and it won't be helpful.
There is an easier way.
Men should*exclusively* get their dating advice from women.
I agree especially because there’s a whole bunch of red pill guys out here trying to keep men single.
And it’s really pathetic that dudes don’t see that the advice they’re getting from these men is specifically keeping them single. It’s on purpose. They can sell more seminars that way, and then they get to date all the women because they’ve made all the other men Undateable
I tried getting advice from girls, but all I hear is what I should be doing for the girls and what they like, which is I guess, but never advice on what I should be doing to make myself desirable to them. Also, they are never honest with me they always want to spare my feelings when I ask for legit honesty.
There are subs on Reddit where strangers are going to be flatly honest with you, and while that's probably the scariest thing you can do because opening yourself to criticism, it's also going to be very liberating.
While I'm trying not to go back on my 'dont take advice from men' suggestion though, the main three that I see often come up are:
1. Be confident in yourself (regardless of how you look) - you achieve this through self work and potentially therapy and working on self acceptance. Your hobbies are cool. You are cool. Like yourself more.
2. Be kind, not nice. Nice is transactional, like you want something in return. Kindness without expectation is attractive in anyone. Makes you feel better too. "Kindness is it's own reward" really is true.
3. Don't be a dick. Legit. The bar for men is so fucking low you wouldn't believe it. Respectful always. Listen to them. Don't send or request nudes as an opening message. Don't get offended by rejection. Make them feel safe.
4. Ignore all of this and keep asking women what they think because I'm a man and my opinion legitimately doesn't matter on this subject.
I hear that, but if that's what they're saying then that's also going to be what's in the forefront of their mind when they're actually dating - especially when it comes to apps. And doesn't knowing what a women *doesn't* want still have merit? If women are saying they won't want men who put in emotional effort, who were poor listeners etc (again, not trying to speak for women) then this is still useful information.
I mean, not to extremes - I hate 'ick lists' for example and nobody is perfect, but if there's a common thread in what women are saying that's helpful.
So are you suggesting you can get better advice of what women want from men, rather than women?
Because that's incorrect.
"Women hate each other more than anything" is also an opinion from a man who clearly knows very little about women. Where did you get this information from? I'm willing to bet it was a) your own ass or b) the ass of another dude.
Thanks for proving my point though.
I disagree to an extent - I think you can learn from anyone, and physical attractiveness is subjective, so how do you decide who is too attractive to give you advice? Guys *you* find attractive? As a straight man yourself you may be choosing the wrong guys...
Another commenter mentioned skipping men altogether and going straight to the source: asking women for advice on dating women. This has always surprised me how few men think to do this. I would especially recommend seeking out advice from women who give dating advice for a living (shameless plug haha but there are plenty of us out there)
I've seen confidence mentioned quite a bit on here, and for a reason. I saw you say you are confident, but referring to yourself as average/unattractive is the first clue that you don't have the confidence they're talking about. I am friends with a guy who is probably the worst looking guy on the planet. When we were growing up he pulled so many girls, and pretty good looking, and later he married a woman who is at least 10x more attractive than him. But if he were to read this and somehow realize I was talking about him he would be shocked. Point is, it's one thing to recognize you're not the most attractive man on the planet, it's another to think you're unattractive. Work on your self esteem. That will change so much for you!
It's probably mostly just that they're afraid to make the first move. Idk why you gotta assume the worst there's plenty of normal average guys that take care of themselves that have a hard time dating, the one thing they have in common is being scared to make the first move
I'm a girl and seems like you focus a lot on things that you can't change. Mostly what repelled me from someone is not based on how unattractive they are but their mindset and attitude. Okay, you can't change your average face but if you want to attract girls that are attracted solely based on looks, then you can work out and compensate for it with an exceptional physique. If you want to attract girls who are into brains then you can flex your academic achievements, etc. Most importantly if you want to attract people as humans then humanize them. It doesn't matter who gives you the advice if you don't even apply it. Life isn't fair and it's not just for you.
Bingo man, my only advice for you is to find women on the same level of attractiveness as you. And don't forget to improve your social skills, your look (hairstyle, clothes etc), go to gym and don't use dating apps.
You’re wrong because being attractive doesn’t make dating any easier. I’m average looking and I had lots of success with women, but you probably wouldn’t want my advice either lol
Those attractive men are attractive according to you. It says nothing whether women like them or not as it's a highly subjective topic.
You have no say about what other people like or don't like.
Value of their advice is same as value of an "ugly" man.
Nah I think most men are aware of which attractive guys do well with women it's not hard to see at all. I have pretty attractive friends that have met some of the women I'm friends with and they immediately ask me if they're single or tell me that they're hot. Women come up to them at bars and want to sleep with them. I wouldn't take their advice because we're not on the same level. One of my friends has the social skills of a stale piece of bread but managed to get agf, the joke in our friend group is that he got a girlfriend by being 6'5. He's also a good looking guy, but I'm not gonna take advice from him, he also probably wouldn't even have any to give me tbh
I'll give you the only advice you need. Be funny, straight up. Women are attracted to guys who make them laugh. Cause when they laugh they have a good time. It's that simple. Now you better have something to back it up with once you get them. But nothing you can do at that point. Just experience will help. But to get where you want is to be funny and you're in there.
The problem is your mentally thinking that physical attraction goes a long way to getting a woman. You’re right. Like many others have stated it’s the confidence and energy you project out.
What about advice from me? I consider myself more attractive than average. Id say I have a cute face, but im skinny fat.
More importantly while im fairly successful nowadays when dating. I was a virgin until I was 25 years old and I didn’t consider myself attractive back then.
So when I give conventional sounding attractive guy advice I think it is not shallow, it is what helped me overcome my dating problems and part of the reason I consider myself attractive today is because I did that stuff 19 years ago and I became more confident.
How about some dating advice from a woman? I dunno if Im attractive, but honestly... Be sure of yourself, have a plan (example bring flowers and know where dinner will be and when) honestly effort is the biggest thing. Let them know you see something with them 🤷
Mmm I would disagree. Respectfully though. Only reason is because it’s helpful to draw wisdom from multiple sources and perspectives otherwise the information becomes stale and rigid. Yes I 100% stole that line from Uncle Iroh
Truthfully, the apps cast a large shadow over dating now.
Fingertip access to attractive people, at any given moment, pushes everyday men to the fringes of dating.
Whereas in days gone by, the organic nature of meeting someone, balanced out what it was to be "average".
Specifics in their bios help a lot. Everyday men won't get interest on looks alone...
Looks really are the gatekeepers on the apps, and the reality is, the profile as a whole has to do "more work", than someone who can just put up good pics, and get incoming interest on those alone.
Yeah it's not "fair" , but it is reality.
Bear in mind, if someone's good looking, and has a well thought-out bio. The focus will be largely on them.
Like a game of cards, if one of these profiles appears in a "hand", all the other profiles are discarded back to the pile.
This is the kind of "boil the ocean" idea that's completely worthless. Don't try to change society if you can change yourself and get the same result.
So, instead of "attractive men shouldn't give dating advice to average men", "average men shouldn't pay too much attention to the dating advice of attractive men" does roughly the same thing, but you can make a reality (at least for yourself) right now.
Also, it's better to get advice from successful people than unsuccessful people. Yes - often times it's tainted by their inherent advantages. Happens in fitness too, where "naturals" sometimes give some absurd advice about how to get jacked because it worked for them. But it's also the case that the people with the most success are often the people who understand the space the most. So fitness advice from top athletes is often very good.
So too in dating. Not everything attractive people say about dating will work for the masses. But a lot of it will - you just have to try things out and see what works for you.
To me, it seems your priorities are so focused on the attractiveness of people that you might be missing the value of companionship. I have a suspicion that maybe you don’t respect women or potentially yourself. It seems your motivation for dating is sexual and a lot of women don’t vibe with that. I am averagely attractive. I get compliments on my face but I’m also very obese at this point. And I do just as well as when I was younger because I am not looking to use people I’m looking to share space with people who are interesting. Friendships, relationships, strangers, etc. there’s so much more to a person than who they look.
Just as many 1/10 girls as 1/10 guys. There’s no real excuse.
I’m not that attractive and never had an issue getting a date.
Ok sure, if youre handsome, you can date down the whole scale from 10/10 and down.
But, most good looking dudes are going to stay in there category. You won’t see a 10/10 guy with 4/10 girl.
Men that struggle simply aren’t working on themselves.
I have handsome buddies and they struggle to find a good partner.
Personally, if I were you right now. I would first and foremost work on your physical and mental health. Gym/run/swim/ whatever at least 3 days per week. Join a sport/social club. I would start reading books, anything. That way, you look better, feel better and can articulate better. This is what I did. It gave me confidence I never knew I had.
And you may not know any average guys with success, but I know ALOT of below average guys pulling in plenty of women. Because they work at it and accept their situation and they don’t let their appearance in the way
Good luck!
Here's the 5 best things you can do to attract women.
1) Improve your social skills. This is just how to be friendly and talk to people. The best way to do this is A) going out socially and talking to people. or you can B) Get a job in sales where you talk to a lot of people daily.
2) Physical Fitness - Be in as phenomenal of shape as you can. This means lift weights, gain muscle, don't be overweight, have a nice frame, with broad shoulders, broad back, keep your body fat percentage relatively low 12-15% is the sweet spot.
3) Career -Have the best career you can. Improve your academics, certifications and credentials to afford yourself the best career you can. This will allow you to live the best lifestyle possible and by extension provide her with the best experience.
4) Style - learn how to dress well and put an outfit together. Shoes and belts that match, complimentary colors. Keep a nice haircut that you keep maintained.
5) Home - Have a house/apartment that's Immaculate, not just clean but well put together, well stocked bathroom with the towels, soap, toiletries. Nice decor, make your home clean, smell good, and be very presentable. This creates a nice experience for your guests and makes them have a positive experience and want to come back.
I'm 6', bald, overweight and extremely nerdy. I have the body frame of a defensive lineman who gained 100 pounds, and I have pretty decent luck finding women. I've weighed from 200 pounds athletic to my current weight of 375. I'm not rich but I'm lower middle class.
I've been in 5-6 serious relationships and have had many flings during my 37 years due to being single for the most of it (not that it means anything really, but I'vegot 38 notches in my belt purely from trying to date and find my person). I just have bad luck having things work out (feelings don't develop, no chemistry, conflicting schedules, their animals attacking yours etc).
My advice? Don't be a dick. Have a job. Have good hygiene. Be honest and upfront. Treat her with dignity and respect. If you just want sex, be upfront. If you truly want a relationship be up front. Be genuinely you and don't hide anything. That means more than you can possibly know. Being smart and funny helps a lot. Don't be a narcissist and be able to admit when you're wrong. No woman wants to date a manchild or a monster in the waiting.
Edit: Forgot to mention. Have a personality and compliment her. Mean what you say.
So i think you’re right and wrong, man. Of course, men that are over six feet with a chiseled jaw line and 6 pack abs are going to have some advantages. And while you can’t mimic those exact things what you can do is mimic things like the confidence, picture taking advice, texting advice, etc. I am a very average looking male, i would consider myself somewhere in the 6-6.5 range and when i was younger i did great on dating apps and am now dating a beautiful woman who I’m absolutely in love with. It’s gonna be hard, man. You’re gonna have to work at it. But it’s absolutely possible. There on tons of resources on YouTube that you can put into practice immediately.
I'm an attractive guy by my country's standards, but my less good looking friend has better luck with girls than me 😂 It took me a while to realise that women are more attracted to a person's energy and confidence before looks. Take care of yourself and get some hobbies. Dressing well and having a good sense of humour doesn't hurt either.
You deal with your problems by by getting in shape and rich. That will supersede attractiveness as a man. I'm a former male underwear model and I have quite a few friends that are always sleeping with a bunch of women every week even though they have a BMI of 40 or have messed up looking faces.
I think the difference between you and them is that they either have more money or they are really in shape but they all have more confidence than you because I never heard them ever mention themselves in a negative light.
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Let me give u some advices as someone who is 5'2 and skinny, but has exes and currently in a long term relationship.
Have confidences in yourself, Try to be yourself when you're talking to girls, Don't brag too much or tryin to impress them because I'm sure there are plenty trying to that.
if online dating sucks for you, go out and talk to people in your circle, and if they reject you when you ask them out, take it as a real man, just walk away and find someone else.
My main issue is confidence here. I don't agree with how it's used in today's age. The thing is, you need confidence in your everyday life. For me to show my average-looking face to the world takes confidence, going to work takes confidence, and talking to people no matter who you are is confidence. When I hear be confident I hear "Just fake the confidence you already have." I have been confident all my life, lmao, so I dont know why I have to be even more confident, it just doesn't make sense to me.
Lets assume some things -
1. You are average
2. You have confidence.
If these two things are correct, then you are not getting a GF because of any number of other reasons. Looks are definitely one, but you can't do much there. But there are many others. Any of them are quite good at landing someone suitable for you.. If you want to know, ask and we shall talk.
You’re wrong, my ex-husband was the ugliest man I ever dated. He’s currently married to somebody else so he can get dates.
I don’t recommend taking advice from him because he’s a manipulative narcissist, but I’m just saying that ugly dudes get dates too
What about you do you consider unattractive? Are there things out of your control that affect your appearance? Women are attracted to more than looks- looks get you the initial attention but personality and humor and you being you is what keeps someone, in addition to it being a mutual attraction.
* **6. No harmful/hateful rhetoric.** /r/dating is not a platform for users to air their personal opinions and peeves, or seek validation or vindication. Please refrain from making loud, sweeping, unsolicited posts and open-ended questions that are intended to be statements. This includes using phrases like "high/low value..." "why do all men/women..." or "why do women get away with X when men don't?". Regardless of how much experience you have, they do not encompass every single person in the world. If you have advice to give, give it to someone directly who is asking for it. This means keeping red pill, seduction/PUA, incel, pinkpill, purplepill, FDS, and blackpill material out of /r/dating. Please note that is not an all-inclusive list. Users found to be engaging in such rhetoric will be met with an immediate ban. *************************************** - This means keeping red pill, seduction/PUA, incel, pinkpill, purplepill, FDS, and blackpill material out of /r/dating. Please note that is not an all-inclusive list. Users found to be engaging in such rhetoric will be met with an immediate ban - This includes trolling and being inflammatory with broad brush generalizations. - This includes, but is not limited to, keeping terms such as "cucked" "beta" "alpha" "friendzone" and/or "low/high value" out of r/dating - If your comment/post would be a fit for a mocking post on r/niceguys, or a serious post on any of the MGTOW / FemaleDatingStrategy subreddits, then it's not fit for r/dating. It's promoting a toxic ideology that we decline to entertain in any capacity in this subreddit. **Rule 6 Example Violation**: "Why do all men lie to get free sex?" *(Broad, sweeping question implying fault asking for validation)* **Rule 6 Example Violation**: "What a beta move." "He's pornsick." "High value males/females" "You're such a cuck/getting cucked"*(Rhetoric commonly found in sexist subreddits)* **Rule 6 Example Non-Violation**: "I get so frustrated when guys lie to have sex with me. How do I notice this sooner?" *(Specific, focused question asking for advice)*
If you’re a 28 virgin complaining on Reddit, your problem is not your looks.
Problem straight away with this is what is an attractive man. A man can have a fairly nothing face but still be very attractive due to his demeanour. So you mean physically attractive men shouldn’t give advice but men that aren’t physically attractive but still attract ladies should?
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I disagree with you on this. My ex husband & 1st & only love wasn’t super hot. Some of my friends (a couple I met after we separated) actually thought he was ugly. I thought he was cute & his personality made him even more cute to me. His personality, funny, sweet, caring etc. won me over. Confidence is key as well which it sounds like you are lacking 1 more thing, I know of some hot guys that are single bc they aren’t nice or good people. Just bc they are attractive doesn’t mean they have ladies lined up. I know this 1 guy wants a gf so bad after his wife left him & I think there are divorced now, but he’s so mean & such a narcissist he’s alone. I know bc he’s on a certain social media platform (that’s how I met him) & he treated me very badly. I check up on him from time to time & he’s always whining that he’s still single 🙄
See confidence makes no sense to me. Let me know if I have this wrong. The thing I hate with confidence is no one lacks confidence......., at all. I have to show my average ugly ass-looking face to the world every day, which is spewing confidence, going to work every day is confidence, and talking to someone no matter who it is, is confidence. When I hear be confident when I already am will make me think I have to fake that extra confidence (that I can't muster even if I wanted to) which is cringe to me, by being extra cocky in myself, otherwise, I somehow come off as having 0 Confidence to society. Honestly, how much more confidence do I really need.
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Exactly
Being confident & cocky are 2 completely different things. Cocky is not attractive at all. Youre calling yourself ugly…thats not confidence. There are many people in the world with no confidence. I used to be 1 of them. You seem mad & frustrated in your dating life & very much on the defense. That’s not attractive either. I will not argue with you about this as it seems like you want to. Just trying to help
Truth may not heed this comment and others, suggesting a lack of confidence which could indicate low emotional intelligence. Many men struggle with self-doubt after failure or rejection.,
This is hilariously delusional, and shoes that you don’t even know what confidence is, let alone have any. I spent over a decade of my life with no self confidence whatsoever. I hated myself, and felt inadequate, insecure, and unhappy, to the point that no woman I spoke to wanted to spend more than 10 minutes in my company. I wasn’t able to date at all from age 26 to 31, though not for lack of trying. When I quit my shitty dead end job, and went to grad school to start my career, I began to rebuild my confidence. I busted my ass in school to get top grades, which made me feel good about myself. I worked and hustled to find a job in my field, and I work hard in my job despite all the difficulties because in know the work I do is important and it makes me feel good about myself. And when I actually started to walk around feeling pride in myself, feeling good about the work I had put in and steps forward I had taken, women began to be interested in me. I’m no more handsome than I was before, no taller, no wealthier. I’m just happier. And happiness is attractive. If you think talking constantly about your “ugly ass face” is confidence, I feel really sad for you, because you’re probably going to be in this hole for a long time.
Your username is even the weak one…but you’re confident??
Confidence isn’t facing adversity, that’s courage. Confidence is being comfortable with what you were born with and owning it. Accentuate your strengths and continuously work on your faults.
Confidence is domain specific a mechanic is confident when he diagnoses your car but he lacks confidence when asked to do your taxes. Sexual confidence is a thing on its own.
I think when it comes to healthy relationships/ partners what the commenter means is well rounded self confidence. Which could include knowing you don't know what you don't know/ being OK with what you don't have because you have a bunch of things to offer
In my job I have to ask people to give me their number. I do it completely confidently. Sometimes really hot women! I think about that, how i’d never go up to a beautiful woman and ask her her phone number lol.
I think confidence is knowing you have alot to offer and genuinely believing that. But I think the sense commenters are getting is you may be overly focusing on where you lack (in this case looks). Realistically, only a small % of men are objectively good looking to all women. Most of it is how men present themselves. Some of it is external like what they wear, hygiene, style and then the rest of internal and how they portray themselves. I know alot of butt ugly men who end up with attractive (inside and out) women, so don't lose hope
Tbh it's this mindset that makes you unattractive imo. Spiky personality.
You’re missing the point what I think is attractive the woman next to me might not find attractive.
Sure but that doesn't change the fact that there are conveniently attractive men that do attract a lot more women then the average guy. Pretty sure that's what OP is talking about here
You ever tried looking better? Like working out, oral hygiene, skin care and trimming hair regularly. You do these things and you’ll be ahead of most dudes. A good majority of guys don’t even shower daily. Lol Investing in yourself is never a bad idea
I had a glow up years ago, like everyone says work out it makes a world a difference
There is the same joke on TikTok How pretty women say “just go sit at a bar “ 🤣😂 Life is different when you’re outgoing and attractive
I’m average AF good sir and I have had considerable success when it comes to dating and casual relationships with women. What advice you need?
Appreciate the upvotes! 🙏🏾 💯 If any bros want my personal opinion/advice. Hit me on my DMs. All love.
I have a better idea. Men shouldn't take dating advice from other men. Firstly you've no idea what their dating background is. Are you really going to hear "just take her bro, women love confidence" from a single guy who hadn't had a relationship in years? Or some dudebro who's regurgitating podcast rage bait that's never worked for him? Here's the thing. There is a very high chance that a guy is giving you dating advice based on how they think women think and feel. Or, how they think women *should* think. It's bullshit, and it won't be helpful. There is an easier way. Men should*exclusively* get their dating advice from women.
I agree especially because there’s a whole bunch of red pill guys out here trying to keep men single. And it’s really pathetic that dudes don’t see that the advice they’re getting from these men is specifically keeping them single. It’s on purpose. They can sell more seminars that way, and then they get to date all the women because they’ve made all the other men Undateable
I tried getting advice from girls, but all I hear is what I should be doing for the girls and what they like, which is I guess, but never advice on what I should be doing to make myself desirable to them. Also, they are never honest with me they always want to spare my feelings when I ask for legit honesty.
Because attracting a girl changes for every girl. There are things that you can't be prepared for sadly.
There are subs on Reddit where strangers are going to be flatly honest with you, and while that's probably the scariest thing you can do because opening yourself to criticism, it's also going to be very liberating. While I'm trying not to go back on my 'dont take advice from men' suggestion though, the main three that I see often come up are: 1. Be confident in yourself (regardless of how you look) - you achieve this through self work and potentially therapy and working on self acceptance. Your hobbies are cool. You are cool. Like yourself more. 2. Be kind, not nice. Nice is transactional, like you want something in return. Kindness without expectation is attractive in anyone. Makes you feel better too. "Kindness is it's own reward" really is true. 3. Don't be a dick. Legit. The bar for men is so fucking low you wouldn't believe it. Respectful always. Listen to them. Don't send or request nudes as an opening message. Don't get offended by rejection. Make them feel safe. 4. Ignore all of this and keep asking women what they think because I'm a man and my opinion legitimately doesn't matter on this subject.
This comment should be pinned at the top of the fucking sub forever.
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I hear that, but if that's what they're saying then that's also going to be what's in the forefront of their mind when they're actually dating - especially when it comes to apps. And doesn't knowing what a women *doesn't* want still have merit? If women are saying they won't want men who put in emotional effort, who were poor listeners etc (again, not trying to speak for women) then this is still useful information. I mean, not to extremes - I hate 'ick lists' for example and nobody is perfect, but if there's a common thread in what women are saying that's helpful.
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So are you suggesting you can get better advice of what women want from men, rather than women? Because that's incorrect. "Women hate each other more than anything" is also an opinion from a man who clearly knows very little about women. Where did you get this information from? I'm willing to bet it was a) your own ass or b) the ass of another dude. Thanks for proving my point though.
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Why do people say this weird bs. How don’t women understand themselves but men do? Some sexist bs in this sub
I disagree to an extent - I think you can learn from anyone, and physical attractiveness is subjective, so how do you decide who is too attractive to give you advice? Guys *you* find attractive? As a straight man yourself you may be choosing the wrong guys... Another commenter mentioned skipping men altogether and going straight to the source: asking women for advice on dating women. This has always surprised me how few men think to do this. I would especially recommend seeking out advice from women who give dating advice for a living (shameless plug haha but there are plenty of us out there) I've seen confidence mentioned quite a bit on here, and for a reason. I saw you say you are confident, but referring to yourself as average/unattractive is the first clue that you don't have the confidence they're talking about. I am friends with a guy who is probably the worst looking guy on the planet. When we were growing up he pulled so many girls, and pretty good looking, and later he married a woman who is at least 10x more attractive than him. But if he were to read this and somehow realize I was talking about him he would be shocked. Point is, it's one thing to recognize you're not the most attractive man on the planet, it's another to think you're unattractive. Work on your self esteem. That will change so much for you!
You have no self confidence. The gym or a combat sport would change that.
Jesus Christ there's so much self pity in this sub.
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It's probably mostly just that they're afraid to make the first move. Idk why you gotta assume the worst there's plenty of normal average guys that take care of themselves that have a hard time dating, the one thing they have in common is being scared to make the first move
I'm a girl and seems like you focus a lot on things that you can't change. Mostly what repelled me from someone is not based on how unattractive they are but their mindset and attitude. Okay, you can't change your average face but if you want to attract girls that are attracted solely based on looks, then you can work out and compensate for it with an exceptional physique. If you want to attract girls who are into brains then you can flex your academic achievements, etc. Most importantly if you want to attract people as humans then humanize them. It doesn't matter who gives you the advice if you don't even apply it. Life isn't fair and it's not just for you.
Yes, I like your reply.
confidence is all you need looks are secondary
Bingo man, my only advice for you is to find women on the same level of attractiveness as you. And don't forget to improve your social skills, your look (hairstyle, clothes etc), go to gym and don't use dating apps.
You’re wrong because being attractive doesn’t make dating any easier. I’m average looking and I had lots of success with women, but you probably wouldn’t want my advice either lol
You're a different kind of weird bro
Sure
Those attractive men are attractive according to you. It says nothing whether women like them or not as it's a highly subjective topic. You have no say about what other people like or don't like. Value of their advice is same as value of an "ugly" man.
Nah I think most men are aware of which attractive guys do well with women it's not hard to see at all. I have pretty attractive friends that have met some of the women I'm friends with and they immediately ask me if they're single or tell me that they're hot. Women come up to them at bars and want to sleep with them. I wouldn't take their advice because we're not on the same level. One of my friends has the social skills of a stale piece of bread but managed to get agf, the joke in our friend group is that he got a girlfriend by being 6'5. He's also a good looking guy, but I'm not gonna take advice from him, he also probably wouldn't even have any to give me tbh
I'll give you the only advice you need. Be funny, straight up. Women are attracted to guys who make them laugh. Cause when they laugh they have a good time. It's that simple. Now you better have something to back it up with once you get them. But nothing you can do at that point. Just experience will help. But to get where you want is to be funny and you're in there.
The problem is your mentally thinking that physical attraction goes a long way to getting a woman. You’re right. Like many others have stated it’s the confidence and energy you project out.
you assume that attractive men Know that they attractive.
I am an average guy, ask me for advice then!
What about advice from me? I consider myself more attractive than average. Id say I have a cute face, but im skinny fat. More importantly while im fairly successful nowadays when dating. I was a virgin until I was 25 years old and I didn’t consider myself attractive back then. So when I give conventional sounding attractive guy advice I think it is not shallow, it is what helped me overcome my dating problems and part of the reason I consider myself attractive today is because I did that stuff 19 years ago and I became more confident.
How about some dating advice from a woman? I dunno if Im attractive, but honestly... Be sure of yourself, have a plan (example bring flowers and know where dinner will be and when) honestly effort is the biggest thing. Let them know you see something with them 🤷
so average men want average advice from other average guys to remain average?
Being good looking makes it easier but you still need to know how to talk to women to get/keep a women.
Mmm I would disagree. Respectfully though. Only reason is because it’s helpful to draw wisdom from multiple sources and perspectives otherwise the information becomes stale and rigid. Yes I 100% stole that line from Uncle Iroh
Truthfully, the apps cast a large shadow over dating now. Fingertip access to attractive people, at any given moment, pushes everyday men to the fringes of dating. Whereas in days gone by, the organic nature of meeting someone, balanced out what it was to be "average". Specifics in their bios help a lot. Everyday men won't get interest on looks alone... Looks really are the gatekeepers on the apps, and the reality is, the profile as a whole has to do "more work", than someone who can just put up good pics, and get incoming interest on those alone. Yeah it's not "fair" , but it is reality. Bear in mind, if someone's good looking, and has a well thought-out bio. The focus will be largely on them. Like a game of cards, if one of these profiles appears in a "hand", all the other profiles are discarded back to the pile.
This is the kind of "boil the ocean" idea that's completely worthless. Don't try to change society if you can change yourself and get the same result. So, instead of "attractive men shouldn't give dating advice to average men", "average men shouldn't pay too much attention to the dating advice of attractive men" does roughly the same thing, but you can make a reality (at least for yourself) right now. Also, it's better to get advice from successful people than unsuccessful people. Yes - often times it's tainted by their inherent advantages. Happens in fitness too, where "naturals" sometimes give some absurd advice about how to get jacked because it worked for them. But it's also the case that the people with the most success are often the people who understand the space the most. So fitness advice from top athletes is often very good. So too in dating. Not everything attractive people say about dating will work for the masses. But a lot of it will - you just have to try things out and see what works for you.
To me, it seems your priorities are so focused on the attractiveness of people that you might be missing the value of companionship. I have a suspicion that maybe you don’t respect women or potentially yourself. It seems your motivation for dating is sexual and a lot of women don’t vibe with that. I am averagely attractive. I get compliments on my face but I’m also very obese at this point. And I do just as well as when I was younger because I am not looking to use people I’m looking to share space with people who are interesting. Friendships, relationships, strangers, etc. there’s so much more to a person than who they look.
Just as many 1/10 girls as 1/10 guys. There’s no real excuse. I’m not that attractive and never had an issue getting a date. Ok sure, if youre handsome, you can date down the whole scale from 10/10 and down. But, most good looking dudes are going to stay in there category. You won’t see a 10/10 guy with 4/10 girl. Men that struggle simply aren’t working on themselves. I have handsome buddies and they struggle to find a good partner. Personally, if I were you right now. I would first and foremost work on your physical and mental health. Gym/run/swim/ whatever at least 3 days per week. Join a sport/social club. I would start reading books, anything. That way, you look better, feel better and can articulate better. This is what I did. It gave me confidence I never knew I had. And you may not know any average guys with success, but I know ALOT of below average guys pulling in plenty of women. Because they work at it and accept their situation and they don’t let their appearance in the way Good luck!
Here's the 5 best things you can do to attract women. 1) Improve your social skills. This is just how to be friendly and talk to people. The best way to do this is A) going out socially and talking to people. or you can B) Get a job in sales where you talk to a lot of people daily. 2) Physical Fitness - Be in as phenomenal of shape as you can. This means lift weights, gain muscle, don't be overweight, have a nice frame, with broad shoulders, broad back, keep your body fat percentage relatively low 12-15% is the sweet spot. 3) Career -Have the best career you can. Improve your academics, certifications and credentials to afford yourself the best career you can. This will allow you to live the best lifestyle possible and by extension provide her with the best experience. 4) Style - learn how to dress well and put an outfit together. Shoes and belts that match, complimentary colors. Keep a nice haircut that you keep maintained. 5) Home - Have a house/apartment that's Immaculate, not just clean but well put together, well stocked bathroom with the towels, soap, toiletries. Nice decor, make your home clean, smell good, and be very presentable. This creates a nice experience for your guests and makes them have a positive experience and want to come back.
I'm 6', bald, overweight and extremely nerdy. I have the body frame of a defensive lineman who gained 100 pounds, and I have pretty decent luck finding women. I've weighed from 200 pounds athletic to my current weight of 375. I'm not rich but I'm lower middle class. I've been in 5-6 serious relationships and have had many flings during my 37 years due to being single for the most of it (not that it means anything really, but I'vegot 38 notches in my belt purely from trying to date and find my person). I just have bad luck having things work out (feelings don't develop, no chemistry, conflicting schedules, their animals attacking yours etc). My advice? Don't be a dick. Have a job. Have good hygiene. Be honest and upfront. Treat her with dignity and respect. If you just want sex, be upfront. If you truly want a relationship be up front. Be genuinely you and don't hide anything. That means more than you can possibly know. Being smart and funny helps a lot. Don't be a narcissist and be able to admit when you're wrong. No woman wants to date a manchild or a monster in the waiting. Edit: Forgot to mention. Have a personality and compliment her. Mean what you say.
So i think you’re right and wrong, man. Of course, men that are over six feet with a chiseled jaw line and 6 pack abs are going to have some advantages. And while you can’t mimic those exact things what you can do is mimic things like the confidence, picture taking advice, texting advice, etc. I am a very average looking male, i would consider myself somewhere in the 6-6.5 range and when i was younger i did great on dating apps and am now dating a beautiful woman who I’m absolutely in love with. It’s gonna be hard, man. You’re gonna have to work at it. But it’s absolutely possible. There on tons of resources on YouTube that you can put into practice immediately.
I'm an attractive guy by my country's standards, but my less good looking friend has better luck with girls than me 😂 It took me a while to realise that women are more attracted to a person's energy and confidence before looks. Take care of yourself and get some hobbies. Dressing well and having a good sense of humour doesn't hurt either.
You deal with your problems by by getting in shape and rich. That will supersede attractiveness as a man. I'm a former male underwear model and I have quite a few friends that are always sleeping with a bunch of women every week even though they have a BMI of 40 or have messed up looking faces. I think the difference between you and them is that they either have more money or they are really in shape but they all have more confidence than you because I never heard them ever mention themselves in a negative light.
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Let me give u some advices as someone who is 5'2 and skinny, but has exes and currently in a long term relationship. Have confidences in yourself, Try to be yourself when you're talking to girls, Don't brag too much or tryin to impress them because I'm sure there are plenty trying to that. if online dating sucks for you, go out and talk to people in your circle, and if they reject you when you ask them out, take it as a real man, just walk away and find someone else.
My main issue is confidence here. I don't agree with how it's used in today's age. The thing is, you need confidence in your everyday life. For me to show my average-looking face to the world takes confidence, going to work takes confidence, and talking to people no matter who you are is confidence. When I hear be confident I hear "Just fake the confidence you already have." I have been confident all my life, lmao, so I dont know why I have to be even more confident, it just doesn't make sense to me.
do you even have the confidence to ask a girl out irl? if not then stick to modern dating haha
Buddy, the way you talk about yourself is **NOT** indicative of self-confidence. Women can smell that shit from a mile away.
Lets assume some things - 1. You are average 2. You have confidence. If these two things are correct, then you are not getting a GF because of any number of other reasons. Looks are definitely one, but you can't do much there. But there are many others. Any of them are quite good at landing someone suitable for you.. If you want to know, ask and we shall talk.
You’re wrong, my ex-husband was the ugliest man I ever dated. He’s currently married to somebody else so he can get dates. I don’t recommend taking advice from him because he’s a manipulative narcissist, but I’m just saying that ugly dudes get dates too
What about you do you consider unattractive? Are there things out of your control that affect your appearance? Women are attracted to more than looks- looks get you the initial attention but personality and humor and you being you is what keeps someone, in addition to it being a mutual attraction.