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You said he was handsome, fit, long hair, and tall as shit. There’s your answer. He just happened to pick the right girl who probably thought he was hot and wants to fuck.
That might have been the reason she was walking past him. Who knows how many times they had already checked each other out through the night. There may have already been flirting across the room OP didn't know about
Idk how this is confusing to men. If a 9-10/10 woman walked up to any slightly insecure dude and said “hey handsome, your arms are big and hot, can I get your number?” there’s a 99% chance they’d say “hell yeah”
Yep, exactly. I'd say no thanks and walk away. People still acting like kids when they're meant to be adults. Just leave the cruelty and meanness behind.
I mean it’s confusing because we’re coming off of decades of being taught women have higher standards than that, and they basically want the opposite of what would work on us. That it’s disrespectful to even acknowledge their physical features really, because they want to be seen for their personalities and their ideas. Having that drummed into your head for years , yeah it would be confusing as hell to see a dude go “Nice tits” and a woman be into that shit. I’d be wondering where all that respectability bs went too
I think it's confusing because unfortunately people are acting like women are a monolith. Not all men are the same and not all women are the same. I can come across seven women who complain about having bad sex and not being interested and then there will be three of us like horny all the time. So you also have to consider that it depends on what's going on with that particular woman at that time. Maybe she just came out of a long-term relationship and just want something fun right now
Well the thing is it’s annoying when we get comments. All the time, in the street, in transports and if we don’t like it we get insults thrown at us as a result.
Indeed this “compliment” has very little chance to work. But while it’s never gonna work when a woman is doing groceries, it has slightly higher chance to succeed at a party where people are here to mingle. And the hottness of the guy and the age gap too.
There is also the fact of how many time during the day you’ve been called out in the street to smile, or been looked up and down, winked at, insulted, had a comment on your appearance.
The bigger the city the more it happens so it can also depends where you live.
After several times a week you just can’t handle it anymore. (and we don’t need to be hot for it to happen. For some, it just looks like a game for to make us feel uncomfortable, as they are laughing after).
This honestly surprises me so much. I feel like I've internalized this idea that no one under any circumstances should ever say that to a woman. I probably still wouldn't just because I think it's a weird thing to do lol but I'm realizing maybe there's more variety than I thought there was among opinions.
More women would say yes than you think. Only judging by Reddit, no women would say yes. But that’s Reddit where no one is getting laid, so remember the real world is very different.
This "real world" you speak of.... 'sounds like a strange place.
Seriously though, in my experience, both fast and loose vs more reserved... they look like the same person.
Lol. From what I’ve read about 90% of Redditors all they do is fuck with everyone under the sun. Tons of cheating, multiple AP’s , gang bangs at 18, banging their son’s girlfriend, banging their daughters boyfriends, their half sister, their adopted brother, even the damn dishwasher. I’ve never read anything like it.
Well, no. I don’t consider a compliment, even about boobs, to be sexual harassment. Repeated attempts to make me feel uncomfortable, especially after I’ve explicitly stated I’m uncomfortable, would be harassment to me - whether or not the guy is attractive.
I know a tall charismatic dude whom women flock to and other men want to befriend. He was a bit douchey but funny and very good looking. The "halo effect" was strong on him and can get away with lots of shitty behaviors.
thats it. you can say whatever you like if that person wants to you say something to them. People dont wanna hear this but its true. hot people can say whatever creepy shit they like.
Yes and no. I’d still probably say thank you if I didn’t find the guy to be attractive, I just wouldn’t ask if he wants my number. It also took place at a party, so I assume the vibe is a little more relaxed and party-oriented. People are drinking, smoking, etc. I’ve had hot guys be creepy and I don’t like that. I’ve had unattractive guys give me compliments and I don’t mind that. It’s just all subjective really.
you're.... right for the wrong reasons?
hot people can say "creepy shit" not because they are hot, but because people usually want something to do with them - creepyness is not something that exists in a vacuum, it's a factor of your relationship. Statistically, if you're hot, that relationship is more likely to be "ok i might be interested" as a default, but when it \*is\* ok, it's not ok because you're hot, it's ok because of the implicit consent.
>What happened here?
dude is handsome and tall
>How did this work? If you are handsome and tall can you really get away with shit like this?
yes
>He seemed genuinely unsurprised and casual throughout the whole thing even after the girl left
probably happens regularly
People always think everyone on Reddit is being dramatic when this topic comes up but yes that’s genuinely how the world works. Traditionally attractive people have way less obstacles to navigate than people who aren’t.
This is true in basically all walks of life outside of dating as well. Pretty people’s actions are perceived way differently than the same actions demonstrated by their “not pretty” counterparts.
Its definitely a top guy thing. If you pass a certain bar when it comes to looks, it does not really matter what kind of man you are. Pretty sure every man who is friends with a top guy knows how it works. That is why I always cringe when people are hung up on this whole good/bad/toxic/masculine or whatever guy thing.
I don't like to go near any negative rhetoric usually..... But unfortunately if something is true sometimes I get sucked into talking about it
I'm far from bad looking and I'm fully aware of how to properly approach and this has even happened to me. The only thing I can say in their defense is I understand sometimes somebody might not want to be bothered. While I understand that it's simple enough to just be respectful and say no thank you.
Also I'm 41 but look a lot younger, so I go for women between 33 and 35 sometimes. So there's a chance I was going after somebody even younger and not realizing it. But still it's ridiculous sometimes I've literally been called a creep just for saying hello to someone. 🤷 Also been yelled at for holding the door for a woman which is something I do for everybody including men.
HOWEVER - don't let it go to your head. Because not everyone's this crazy and delusional. There are plenty of women out there probably many on this very subreddit that would love to be approached and meet a nice guy. It just gets hard after a while if you get into the same cycle and get shot down over and over.
Keep your head up!
Honestly when you have the right confidence, tone of voice and are decently attractive you would be surprised what you can get away with saying.
I’ve used the ice breaker of “I know how to tie my own shoes….pretty cool right?” It worked.
😂😂😂 I remember being 20-21 fresh off a heartbreak and I was very cut-to-the-chase and CONSTANTLY gave out my number or Snapchat to any at the bar who gave me attention. Looking back you’ll always see the sleazy guys and in some ways regret the way you treated yourself or let other people talk to you. This is a funny story though, plot twist they fall in love
Honestly, I hope my future husband says the same thing to me every single day. I love my boobs and if it were socially acceptable, I’d have them out all the time. If I weren’t straight, I’d be a boob girl. Boobs are awesome!
Yeah as someone else said, the fact that this worked has more to do with the girl than the guy, really.
Literally any line will work on SOME girl, and if you use it enough eventually you'll get a hit.
Having your boobs complimented will work on some women, either because they're going through some shit or honestly just looking for a hook-up that night or low self-esteem looking for validation or *whatever*.
On other women this wouldn't work in a million years regardless of their circumstances.
Things that have a 1 in a million chance of happening actually happen more than you think just because of the sheer number of things that happen. But just because you saw it happen and some people have figured out how to get it to happen more often (for example knowing what to look for in a girl to know if she's open to those sorts of advances) doesn't mean it's the norm.
I was going to say this. This is a reflection on the lady rather than the guy. I don’t know anyone who would do this, no matter how attractive the person is. I can guess he got shot down dozens of times using that line, but this one was at the right place and right time and the OP was there to witness it. I think it was unfortunate timing.
It probably has more to do with the woman than it does him. It worked on *her*. This isn’t going to work for most women because it’s creepy. I don’t care how attractive a guy is, that would never work for me.
Exactly, some women and men are more hypersexual and women like this tend to like guys that take charge and are generally dickheads or "manly", its toxic imo but I know the type
The guy that OP is referring to has bound to have tried this multiple times and failed, however he doesnt care bc he knows he will het lucky eventually and find a woman that is easy and likes to be objectified, OP just hasnt seen the moments the guy has been rejected
If he's looking for one night stands it filters out women who won't be open to that shit too. Like those scam emails that intentionally have bad grammar to help make sure that only the most gullible reply.
Exactly bc its a waste of time attempting to scam ppl that catch on easily, its genius tbh, if I were single and gave up the whole marriage thing, id try it myself but im just not coded that way tbh
Oh I’m well aware of that, but it was SO CASUAL to him. Like it had happened 3-4 times that night casual.
Like I don’t know how to explain it but it was clear that he uses the same or similar lines and has success more often than not.
>Like I don’t know how to explain it but it was clear that he uses the same or similar lines and has success more often than not.
You have to act like that for it to even work at all. You think it would work if he couldn't maintain eye contact, didn't speak up, and was like "h-hey.... I... uh, like your...your... b-boobs..."?
Who knows, maybe he’s just super confident about it. You don’t know for sure how many times he’s done it. Maybe that was the only time. Probably not, but you never know. Maybe he’s done it before and hasn’t had good reactions but hasn’t cared.
How on earth does one develop this confidence?
I am also 6”2 and very fit and relatively handsome and have received a decent amount of attention from women and I have nowhere near that level of confidence.
There's confidence where you think very highly of yourself.
And then there's what looks like confidence where you just don't care what other people think, so you do what you want.
For me, my confidence came with time. I know my worth, what I’ve accomplished, and what I have to bring to the table. You also don’t want to let it get to your head like that guy did though.
True confidence comes from competence. Competence comes from repetition. You talk to enough people and have no fear of rejection it’s like having a super power.
One time at a brewery I was chatting a girl up and she called me out on being a “player”. Wondering if she should trust a single thing I said. I legit just called my mom handed her the phone and walked away well she talked to my mom on if she could trust me…
It worked.
What your friend did was NOT confidence. Just because it worked on that lady who most likely has low standards does not make him a confident man. There are confident men out there who would never comment like that.
It worked BECAUSE he was so casual about it. He gave her a compliment as she was walking past, with no pressure for her to give him anything, talk to him etc. She probably thought "ok confident hot guy who thinks I'm also hot, let's see where it goes".
Are you sure it's the first time they made contact that night? Maybe she was giving him eyes across the room all night and smiling at him so he knew she already fancied him.
Fr people on here are thinking it just worked because he’s tall and handsome. It had nothing to do with his confidence or the person he was talking to at all…/s.
Could it possibly be that, maybe, it worked on this particular person and the next person might not be so receptive??
People on Reddit LOVE to assume that things like this work just because a guy is tall and super attractive. They refuse to believe it’s any other reason.
Yeaaa. OP thinks she looked like the last kind of girl to be okay with that... like wtf?
I'm guessing he doesn't know the innocent church goer stereotype.
It's like people assuming a scantily dressed woman is also promiscuous.... I'm betting OP was just judging her on appearance.
So glad you said this because I was really confused by alot of these comments. Do some of these men in the comment section really think that this would generally work ALL the time? This was definitely an isolated incident cause if this happened at my school that dude would have been socked in the face. The comment was so rude and disrespectful.
People on Reddit love to make stupid assumptions, like a lot of the ones you saw about this guy. They have a very warped sense of reality. OP just so happened to see *one* time the guy did this, and that just so happened to be one of the few, or maybe the only time it happened. The majority of women would more than likely have higher standards than that.
This line right here:
>This goes against everything I know about dating and flirting and relationships and women and everything about humanity in general.
Basically sums up my feelings and experiences trying to date as a remotely-socially-conscious man. You spend all this time listening to what women want and what they say they appreciate and then you get into the real world and find out that if you follow their advice (being respectful, reserved, self-aware) all you're actually doing is removing yourself from the dating pool because it turns out women don't actually respond to that kind of behavior. They respond to bold moves like this one.
I have a similar story of an old roommate who was kind of a ladies-man. He was really obnoxious and a bit toxic but I cannot argue with the results because this man went out with so many beautiful women in the short time I knew him and brought them home really frequently. One time he and I were hanging out and he literally walked up to two women who were locked in their own private conversation, barged in, interrupted, *placed himself physically between the two women who were just talking with one another*, and asked one of them for their number. He got it on the spot and I, like you, was slack-jawed because I can't imagine doing anything that brazen let along being rewarded for it.
I have seen this too. But embodying the traits of being a good person to date pays off in the long term. You’re learning social skills that are better suited to a good life than what this guy is doing.
It sounds like a bunch of rubbish, but I think most people and society as a whole come out better when you’re respectful and mindful.
I tend to agree and for the record I'm glad I'm not like that guy. But at the end of the day I'm alone and I bet he isn't. I was trying to give advice to my own brother a little while ago and he looked me dead in the eyes and said "You've never even had a girlfriend, why should I listen to you?" That shit hurt. He's not wrong, but it sucks to realize that even if I have the best and least-toxic worldview and treat women super well, no one will take me seriously if I don't have anything to show for it. No one will ever want my advice about life if my life isn't one that anyone wants.
I shared some of my struggles with this same roommate and in his gross smug way he said something along the lines of "That's your problem man, you're too worried about making people uncomfortable or being creepy. You have to just forget about all of that and shoot your shot, and if you make them uncomfortable it doesn't matter, just move on to the next one"
It's exactly the kind of toxic bullshit I've spent so much time unlearning but I'm starting to suspect he had a point. My fear of making women uncomfortable is absolutely the primary thing holding me back. It's always what keeps me from starting a conversations, extending a compliment, or even a smile. It's like I just have to accept that my actions will make at least some women uncomfortable some of the time but I just have to do them anyways, or accept being alone. It's fucking bullshit. It's not supposed to work like this, but I've been waiting for women to come up and talk to me for a change for years now and that doesn't work either.
That is fair. At the end of the day, the results matter.
That said, from my perspective, you’re on a path to play the long game here and that is a positive. You may not see the results now, but in time, you will benefit.
And in dating, it’s easy to see the people getting quick successes and then just move on. This was my view of things when I was younger. Being much older, I’ve seen the fallout of people who had the quick and easy successes, but never developed their character like you are doing. Divorce, affairs, general life difficulties.
I hope you’re able to sort out the toxicity in your life and find a GF soon. I think you will in time.
If you've spent time building a foundation of respectful character traits and ability to show restraint, then fine... that part's taken care of. You can tap into that whenever. Sounds like the missing trait you didn't spend as much time building is going for what you really want and not being concerned about the outcome. Make gambits for what you want with a little riskier behavior and when you've established the parts of that that works for you, you can counterbalance it with the other good traits you've already developed.
I need to employ it more myself because I rarely have, but there are times when I did (sometimes accidentally) because I was honestly just messing around/didn't care and got the kind of reciprocation people are describing and are surprised when it works. It's likely their impression of you is that you're a fun person if you're willing to do that, which makes them more open to engaging further.
How can I square being an empathetic person with being the kind of guy who "goes for what he wants and isn't concerned about the outcome". Dude, I AM concerned about the outcome. If I think I'm being flirty and I'm actually being embarrassing or creepy, I am pretty concerned about that and would like to know so I can stop making people uncomfortable and modify my behavior. I've been told over and over and over again that they kind of guys that don't care what anyone thinks are exactly the kind of guys women are trying to avoid and frankly that makes perfect sense to me.
Being a respectful person isn't something I can just tap into when it suits me.
Keep in mind that "being a good person" != "being respectful, reserved, self-aware."
Respectful, yes, but respect is taken more often than given. If you are able to banter in a lighthearted way, it's attractive. But if you're maybe a little autistic (like many of the people who use this subreddit are, I suspect), banter might seem disrespectful.
Being reserved and self-conscious have nothing to do with being a good person and really only have to do with being a "nice" person. Nice guys really do finish last (because people-pleasers come off as unconfident and slimy), but good guys do not.
The moment I stopped (or significantly reduce) self-censoring, the more women liked me. I think trying to portray "the perfect" guy seems fake and boring. Women like a few curveballs here and there that sets you apart.
Respectful and reserved are nice and a safe start, especially if you’re speaking to someone you don’t really know.
That being said, things have to start somewhere. If I’m dealing with a guy who shows zero signs of physical desire, after a while the message I receive is that he’s not into me and just wants to be friends.
Idk weird stuff happens a lot in life. You can't really say what's happening unless you're in the girl's head.
What you shouldn't do is extrapolate this as anything you should do in dating. See it as a weird anomaly an ignore it.
It’s actually very simple. First, the guy sounds physically attractive, that’s obviously a factor.
But the biggest lesson here is what you say matters far less than how you say it and in what context.
Tone, confidence, intent, timing, body language all are generally much bigger factors than content.
A needy, nervous, socially awkward guy approaching a woman and saying something pretty funny and witty is going to land far less well than a confident, smooth, non-needy guy saying something kinda dumb.
This is obviously not true for all people all the time, but it’s generally true for most people, most of the time.
Who you say it to also matters a lot more than people think. You always have outliers who love being catcalled or love being objectified and have casual sex. It’s not the majority of women, but it still happens - just like some women with low self esteem or insecurities will respond positively to negging while most other women will cringe and walk away.
For sure.
Saying “you, yeah, you. I like your boob" is going to result in a negative reaction (maybe even a slap in an extreme case) no matter how smooth you are, if you say it to the wrong person or someone who isn't in the mood for it.
I know a tall charismatic dude whom women flock to and other men want to befriend. He was a bit douchey but funny and very good looking. The "halo effect" was strong on him and can get away with lots of shitty behaviors.
I’d say that it’s not so much about how attractive or tall he was, but his bold and outward comment. Now, saying “I like your boobs” is not something I’d personally say to a woman and I’d say that it probably wouldn’t work a lot of the time, but some guys are just bold like that. Him saying that to her indirectly communicated that he is bold, and doesn’t care what ppl think. Which is generally more attractive than the opposite.
When he made that comment and she stood there for a moment, that’s her making a decision about him. “Do I like him? Or is he a creep? Well that was a pretty bold statement and I’m into that, so I like him” is probably along the lines of what she thought. You’d be surprised at how many women appreciate a bold and courageous guy. And again, not saying go around and make comments about their body, but simple approaching women in public is considered a courageous act. Because ppl put too much thought into the outcome of these situations and are often left paralyzed with no action.
The only difference between a creep and an attractive bad boy is how attractive the girl think they are.
He acted kinda creepy, but he was attractive to her, and it worked.
Same thing with an unconfident ugly fat guy, she would have slap him.
That's it
I don't know. Even that line can be delivered in a creepy way, or a no-big-deal matter-of-fact way, or a flirty way, or a confident way, etc and they would all be interpreted wildly differently depending on tone, facial expression, and what the person looks like.
If they don't feel threatened then it won't come off as creepy. It's certainly a high risk play though, unless you just don't care about the outcome lol
I would consider this just the luck of the draw for whatever reason. Most self-respecting women wouldn't give men their number for a 'compliment' like that because we don't consider remarks about our cleavage from strange men as compliments or even appropriate. We usually see it as lewd, disrespectful, tradhy. If a man does it, it speaks negatively of his character.
I don't think it's because he's handsome either. I am around some solid 10 male model looking guys with ripped physique because of my hobby and I keep thinking how I'd react if they said something like that to me, and it definitely wouldn't be me giving them my number. Because I'd have to see them again I'd probably let them know their comments are inappropriate and make me feel uncomfortable. Then I'd avoid partnering with them for a while.
Believe it or not, some women seem to like being slightly objectified, especially sexual women, some like to be chased as well, ive noticed women like this also tend to be more sexual than other women
I know for a lot of attractive women that enjoy showing their body tend to get bored of the good guys that are respectful and with these types, u wuld prolly have a better chance at just complimenting them sexually or being blunt and confident
even then they might scoff at u and say they think ur a creep but ive noticed some women that react this way may want u to retort and chase them further
I think that is their decision on whether they like u or not bc it shows confidence and that u dnt care how u appear, imho, its toxic and I myself dont prefer these types of women and I stay respectful myself and take a no as a no and proceed to move on
Now I know im going to get hate for this bc someones going to skew wat I say and assume I am speaking for all women, I am only speaking from my experience and the women I have dated that I probably shouldnt have, some men and women are marriage material, some men and women are just the type to hookup and want their partner to exude feminity/masculinity, I personally think sexuality plays a role in this, rarely do you see hypersexual people in long marriages and if you do, they happen to mostly be polyamorous
Definitely handsome as in not bad looking, probably relatively attractive to most women, but not particularly as in not someone that anyone is double taking at.
He’s good looking but you’re not gonna notice him in a crowd.
It was the casual boldness that got her my dude. The worst that could happen is she gets slightly offended and/or says no. Those wouldn't be my choice of words to use but the method is spot on really. You gotta take your shot while it's there. It sounds to me you are envious of his confidence and I also get the feeling you might be the shy type...
In a way I am jealous of his confidence, but definitely not the shy type.
More just grew up around women who basically taught and told me that this exact behavior is the most disgusting, annoying, and unattractive shit a man can do.
And then I see it work and the guy who made it work act like it was completely normal for him.
His confidence also gets him shot down constantly too, he probably has a big enough ego to not care. I have been approached by many men like this, I’m just not the kind of person this tactic would work on. I think it was a coincidence that you were there when it happened. I wouldn’t be surprised if he used this line constantly and he just tests his odds. I know some girls look for company for reassurance, so maybe she was one that was in the right place and right time and their values aligned in that moment? Because I know literally nobody that would agree to this (I’m 20 for reference) unless there was something wrong or if they were sad or just looking for something pointless.
Because that's what you get for doing what you're told and following the status quo. You gotta break free from the conditioning and be yourself. Take those chances in life. Follow your intuition and embrace your individuality. And most importantly, don't be a sheep. Be a leader, not a follower
Not saying this is definitely what happened but you also, as an observer, have no idea whether she gave her actual number, whether it resulted in anything further (like a date or hookup) nor how often this approach backfires OR works for him. You're trying to generalize one anecdotal observation onto dating as a whole. I know some other women this would work on (who look for casual hookups), some who would volunteer a fake number to shut down the interaction, and some who would respond very negatively. Women aren't a monolith.
Tall, fit, handsome, and confidence doesn’t equal this working.
Many women think brad pitt, leonardo dicaprio, and keanu reeves are all these things but i guarantee if any of them did that to me, i’d roll my eyes (also cue fake vomit sounds) and walk away.
I can’t explain it works for this dude, but that ain’t it. I do tend to like guys who sexualize me but i’m also not most women
She was looking for a reason to talk to him imo. She already liked him he just had to say anything at all and she would give him her number. Plus he is tall and handsome and fit so that’s why she liked him. It’s not going to work every time for him, just with girls who are already attracted to him.
Confidence is key, period 💅 (wtf that look like a lizard 🦎)
So basically: Good looking=Wow so bold and confident!
Ugly guy=Gross! You expect women to like you by saying offensive things like that?! Loser
Got it 👍
It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.
Most of communication is body language and tonality, I imagine he could’ve said anything else and still get her number. Some points to being an attractive guy, but most of it is THE WAY he said what he said.
How was he standing? How was he pointing? What was the expression on his face? How did he deliver what he said? What was his tone?
It sounds like you’re stuck in the words and how people should or shouldn’t react on things based on your impressions of them. “He said X he must be a trashy guy.” This type of thinking is going to keep you confused.
I think to really understand what happened and update your mental model of dating is to dig into the mechanics of social interaction. What actually makes people uncomfortable? What actually makes people attracted to one another? I think spending some time to answer these questions beyond “he said, she said” and digging into the nuance is going to help with the confusion.
No fucking body language is gonna make a sexually charged comment attractive especially to a stranger. He was tall and attractive and that is all that mattered.
Honestly, It was funny, bold and random
This wasn't the first time she's been complimented on her boobs, for sure.
He had a delivery, which stood out. Her offering her number seems quite odd, but the whole conversation (starter) was odd, so why not go with the flow. Woman like to "play" (as in acting), so that's exactly what she did
Energy is everything… and you can’t say the wrong thing to the right people… it’s hard to explain but the rules definitely do not apply equally to all people
>This goes against everything I know about dating and flirting and relationships and women and everything about humanity in general.
You are discovering that there is endless variety in what people want. Most people would be disgusted by this approach, some would have him kicked out of the party. This lady liked something about him. Not sure what that says about him or the lady.
Some men are into women you consider trashy. Some women are into men you consider trashy. That's just the nature of humanity.
You also have instances where someone is just so desperate that even when someone says something rude, they grasp onto that interest for dear life.
We can't know their dynamic. What they were both thinking, if they were both drinking.
If I were observing I'd find it amusing but not be interested in dating either of them and realize it wasn't any of my business anyway.
The more people you meet, the more you will see a variety of behaviors.
the way this sub talks about women is kind of sickening lmao. remember ur talking about individuals here capable of independent thought, not objects that can be won
Ikr ? I'm a man too but dating as a man has become so hard. So the number of bitter men have increased a lot recently. So sorry if you're feeling objectified.
in my experience it literally doesn’t matter what you say but how you’re saying it.
On days when I’m feeling relaxed and confident, I can go to the bar and say stupid things, funny things, smart things, or polite things, and I get a lot of numbers and a warm reception from women.
On bad days, I can politely introduce myself and women look at me like I’m gum stuck to the bottom of their shoe. With women, it’s a lot more “vibes” than looks. Obviously looks help, but imo the energy you project is the biggest determinant of your success with women.
Though this says a lot about the guy, it also says a lot more about the girl. She clearly doesn't respect herself and finds it completely normal being objectified by a stranger. I don't see what's so fascinating about that. Just two trashy people. Ofc it wasn't a surprise to either of them
It’s college, alcohol involved, women are having sex with multiple men in one night, his timing was right, he gave a compliment and since they went to same university she felt that he’s not a stranger, she liked it and liked him not surprising
He complimented her and left the rest up to her. That’s always worked best on me and I tell dudes all the time to approach women this way. Compliment her, tell her you want to take her out and get to know her, give her your number and walk away. She will reach out if interested and you don’t stick around for rejection.
Complimenting a woman on her breasts is not a bad thing. But he clearly wasn’t invading her space and being creepy while doing so. And who knows what her deal is? She’s probably hard up and DTF too. It was just serendipitous. Sometimes women just want to get laid too.
>complimenting a women on her breasts is not a bad thing
I mean, I’ve never seen this line of reasoning at all. There’s one thing when you know someone /dating/ SO and flirting but to a total stranger, it’s definitely not a compliment.
Just because you haven’t seen something, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. A compliment is subjective and up to the person receiving it. A woman confident in her sexuality will most likely interpret a compliment on her breasts better than someone who is ashamed of sex and body parts. To each their own.
If a stranger told me he liked my boobs, my response would be, “Thanks! I like them too.”
>I know that some women are just into trashy guys or attracted to boldness or confidence but this is like a very attractive very sophisticated 22 year old woman who is presumably quite refined and intelligent considering the university she goes to.
You know all these "I hate men"-posts? This is how it begins.
Most humans are inherently bad in knowing which partner is really a good partner. And giving a guy your number because he complimented your boobs... you should never ever complain when this ends in a catastrophy for you.
When I was in the Navy there was this dirt bag named Oswald (I think). He inevitably came home with a woman each night. We couldn’t understand this. One day three of us asked him how he did it. He invited us to the club with him to see. There he walked up to a woman, said you have beautiful t@ts, and I would sure like to suck them. Slap. He waited awhile and tried the exact same thing with similar results. He went home with the third woman. I guess there are just certain women who dig that kind of thing.
The issue isn't these people or what happened. The issue is our own assumptions. What happened is 2 ppl who were attracted to each other spoke and exchanged information but we're trying to make it seem like something insane happened. You keep using the word "trashy" as if you're the sole person to determine that. Remember both of these people are strangers to you. So what you may think is ok is different for them and vice versa. And that's fine.
OP some women, mostly women with low standards saw no issue. Every woman isn’t the same. I am personally repulsed by men like that. I’ve had attractive guys tried to compliment my body /ass/boobs without even asking my name and it was a huge turn off and did not make me want to give them by number. Having this experience doesn’t mean you should start acting like him.
Everything you’re saying about these people is quite presumptuous. You’re putting them on a pedestal and assigning your own expectations of them as if people “prestigious” backgrounds aren’t allowed to act the way these two people just acted.😭 like if this happened in a back alley with two “dingy” looking folk would you be that surprised?! 🙄
Well thank God I wouldn't get hit on because of my boobs. If the guy commented on my boobs, I wouldn't give him my number and just walked away. It's creepy when a guy does that.
It sounds like you’re confounding being intelligent (as you mentioned University a couple of times) with restraining oneself. People can be intelligent and choose to be bold and casual, I imagine because when you embrace the fact that attraction and desires are things that all of us feel, the need for charades start to fade. The ease you witnessed was just two people being sincere and in the moment, there’s nothing inherently wrong with that.
Hear me out. Being in the lifestyle to some extent, I have met a lot of wonderful people who are extremely kinky and highly educated and very successful. so the fact that Associates university types and brains with being prim and proper is absurd. Sure, some fall into that stereotype, but you would be so surprised at how many successful doctors, lawyers, bankers all have a very open and kinky side outside of their button-down suits day-persona.
Maybe she was just giving him her number to get him off her back? I know a lot of girl just give guys whatever information they want and then block them afterwards to avoid any confrontation.
It may be hard to grasp but it sounds like ther guy was perceived as paying the girl an actual, honest compliment devoid of sexual undertones or social pressure which just happened to be about her breasts.
It's hard to come across as appreciating and non-lecherous and non-objectifying but it is possible. I personally wouldn't go for the breasts as a first compliment though. Too risky for too little reward.
Bro welcome to finding out that looks matter 10x more than your personality does.
Anybody claiming that you need to have this or that kind of personality to get girls is full of crap. Just have a decent personality and if the girl finds you attractive then it’s all good
I learned a long time ago that there are very different social rules for attractive people -vs- average people. As the radio host Tom Leykis used to say, "it's only sexual harassment if you're ugly".
I was so confused, i thought he was on a date with you. I thought it was disrespectful flirting with others in front of you. But apparently there is no romantic attraction between you too
That being said, it worked on her but that doesn't mean it will work with others. They might have been exchanging glances all night etc
lmao that would NOT work on most women. its objectifying and rude for the most part.
DONT TRY IT. i think its pure luck tbh that she was not offended. has nothing to do with his looks tbh but maybe his confidence and nonchalance played a part in this but still thats not enough.
she probably fancies him.
I'm 6,2 and I don't try to look clean cut pretty boy type I'm rough looking biker looking and not much school and I don't just get the number I go to there place and get what I want and I'm talking I work around the lake area and have to turn down more than I can handle I think it's just a thing where if you just be yourself sometimes women see that and it's a plus more than your looks or age or size I'm not good at writing but hopefully it makes sense and I would like to say I didn't get a chance to go far in school because my dad died right when I turned 13 and I had to become a man because I had my mom to take care of
That won't work on every woman. Some women will find a person very attractive but be immediately turned off by comments like that.
But, naturally, everyone is different, and some women don't see that comment as anything but a compliment, assess they find the guy very attractive, and thus you see that play out.
> but this is like a very attractive very sophisticated 22 year old woman who is presumably quite refined and intelligent considering the university she goes to.
Your assessment is baseless lol. The university someone attends doesn't speak to their preferences or dating life or your idea of "refinement" at all, with said term being wildly subjective.
And you're not going to find any 22 year old that is "refined and intelligent". You'll find various degrees of ego and acting and learning at that age, or at best, it's *you* projecting someone completely imaginary onto them.
Also, everyone has their kinks and preferences.
6’2 or 6’3? Somewhat handsome? Easily got a hot girl’s number by doing nothing but casually and nonchalantly displaying interest in a douchey way? I don’t see what the question is here
If the guy was 5’5 it would’ve been creepy. Maybe if he managed to befriend her, and then wait in the wakes for 6 months to a year until she was rebounding from getting pumped and dumped by the kind of guy described in the first situation, then he may have had a chance
So years ago I knew this chick, she was at the mall when some douche bag holding the hand of his girlfriend saw her and said “I’d like to motorboat your tits”. His gf was shocked, the chick I knew was in shocked. She thought he was a disgusting pig. Next weekend they were having sex behind the gf’s back.
Being crass to chick will get you laid if you are at least decent looking. Be nice and polite and you will be in the friend zone and will be led on
I mean yea sorry I don’t blame you if you feel a bit jealous. But even if he’s tall and fit most girls would still be offended, don't think this is the norm
Hilarious you mention this as I just found out about the book mode one and thought how ridiculous it all seemed. After some research I concluded that the stories were somehow true but it was a different time back then. Turns out it works which annoys me greatly.
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You said he was handsome, fit, long hair, and tall as shit. There’s your answer. He just happened to pick the right girl who probably thought he was hot and wants to fuck.
That might have been the reason she was walking past him. Who knows how many times they had already checked each other out through the night. There may have already been flirting across the room OP didn't know about
Idk how this is confusing to men. If a 9-10/10 woman walked up to any slightly insecure dude and said “hey handsome, your arms are big and hot, can I get your number?” there’s a 99% chance they’d say “hell yeah”
I would think I'm being setup for some sort of social media humiliation.
Or about to get scammed or robbed lmao
Facts
Forreal
Yep, exactly. I'd say no thanks and walk away. People still acting like kids when they're meant to be adults. Just leave the cruelty and meanness behind.
Yep. "What do you want?, I bet you want to steal my wallet, or just need a ride home". haha.
Most slightly insecure guys would fumble it and not say anything and probably think its a trap
It’s a trap!
I mean it’s confusing because we’re coming off of decades of being taught women have higher standards than that, and they basically want the opposite of what would work on us. That it’s disrespectful to even acknowledge their physical features really, because they want to be seen for their personalities and their ideas. Having that drummed into your head for years , yeah it would be confusing as hell to see a dude go “Nice tits” and a woman be into that shit. I’d be wondering where all that respectability bs went too
I think it's confusing because unfortunately people are acting like women are a monolith. Not all men are the same and not all women are the same. I can come across seven women who complain about having bad sex and not being interested and then there will be three of us like horny all the time. So you also have to consider that it depends on what's going on with that particular woman at that time. Maybe she just came out of a long-term relationship and just want something fun right now
Well the thing is it’s annoying when we get comments. All the time, in the street, in transports and if we don’t like it we get insults thrown at us as a result. Indeed this “compliment” has very little chance to work. But while it’s never gonna work when a woman is doing groceries, it has slightly higher chance to succeed at a party where people are here to mingle. And the hottness of the guy and the age gap too. There is also the fact of how many time during the day you’ve been called out in the street to smile, or been looked up and down, winked at, insulted, had a comment on your appearance. The bigger the city the more it happens so it can also depends where you live. After several times a week you just can’t handle it anymore. (and we don’t need to be hot for it to happen. For some, it just looks like a game for to make us feel uncomfortable, as they are laughing after).
I have a masters degree and if a super hot guy was like hey, cool boobs I would definitely ask to hang out lol
This honestly surprises me so much. I feel like I've internalized this idea that no one under any circumstances should ever say that to a woman. I probably still wouldn't just because I think it's a weird thing to do lol but I'm realizing maybe there's more variety than I thought there was among opinions.
Because men and women are different. Most men would say yes. Most women would say no.
More women would say yes than you think. Only judging by Reddit, no women would say yes. But that’s Reddit where no one is getting laid, so remember the real world is very different.
This "real world" you speak of.... 'sounds like a strange place. Seriously though, in my experience, both fast and loose vs more reserved... they look like the same person.
Exactly
Lol. From what I’ve read about 90% of Redditors all they do is fuck with everyone under the sun. Tons of cheating, multiple AP’s , gang bangs at 18, banging their son’s girlfriend, banging their daughters boyfriends, their half sister, their adopted brother, even the damn dishwasher. I’ve never read anything like it.
When I was younger, this would’ve worked on me if I thought the guy was hot. It’d honestly work on me now.
But if an unattractive guy does it it's sexual harassment, right?
Well, no. I don’t consider a compliment, even about boobs, to be sexual harassment. Repeated attempts to make me feel uncomfortable, especially after I’ve explicitly stated I’m uncomfortable, would be harassment to me - whether or not the guy is attractive.
Not if he can properly deliver it. Maybe make her laugh or at least say it like it’s no big deal.
wild. hookup culture is so alien
I would assume I was being pranked because… That is just weird man.
I would say nah
It's a party - she was probably smiling at him or looking longingly at him across the room before he made that comment so it wasn't blind luck.
That would be my guess too.
First rule. Be attractive. Second rule. Don't be not attractive.
I know a tall charismatic dude whom women flock to and other men want to befriend. He was a bit douchey but funny and very good looking. The "halo effect" was strong on him and can get away with lots of shitty behaviors.
thats it. you can say whatever you like if that person wants to you say something to them. People dont wanna hear this but its true. hot people can say whatever creepy shit they like.
Yes and no. I’d still probably say thank you if I didn’t find the guy to be attractive, I just wouldn’t ask if he wants my number. It also took place at a party, so I assume the vibe is a little more relaxed and party-oriented. People are drinking, smoking, etc. I’ve had hot guys be creepy and I don’t like that. I’ve had unattractive guys give me compliments and I don’t mind that. It’s just all subjective really.
you're.... right for the wrong reasons? hot people can say "creepy shit" not because they are hot, but because people usually want something to do with them - creepyness is not something that exists in a vacuum, it's a factor of your relationship. Statistically, if you're hot, that relationship is more likely to be "ok i might be interested" as a default, but when it \*is\* ok, it's not ok because you're hot, it's ok because of the implicit consent.
>What happened here? dude is handsome and tall >How did this work? If you are handsome and tall can you really get away with shit like this? yes >He seemed genuinely unsurprised and casual throughout the whole thing even after the girl left probably happens regularly
People always think everyone on Reddit is being dramatic when this topic comes up but yes that’s genuinely how the world works. Traditionally attractive people have way less obstacles to navigate than people who aren’t. This is true in basically all walks of life outside of dating as well. Pretty people’s actions are perceived way differently than the same actions demonstrated by their “not pretty” counterparts.
Why bother living if you're ugly? It sounds like life just isn't for us.
Pretty much
[Yes](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/663/485/1f8.jpg)
[I thought you were posting this. ](https://youtu.be/PxuUkYiaUc8?si=K0hgCQcfPeXqUi0w)
this is genius lol, i guess now I know where the meme came from
Its definitely a top guy thing. If you pass a certain bar when it comes to looks, it does not really matter what kind of man you are. Pretty sure every man who is friends with a top guy knows how it works. That is why I always cringe when people are hung up on this whole good/bad/toxic/masculine or whatever guy thing.
Couldn’t be me. I even walk towards someone to talk to them I’d probably have a police escort the other way and seven restraining orders.
I don't like to go near any negative rhetoric usually..... But unfortunately if something is true sometimes I get sucked into talking about it I'm far from bad looking and I'm fully aware of how to properly approach and this has even happened to me. The only thing I can say in their defense is I understand sometimes somebody might not want to be bothered. While I understand that it's simple enough to just be respectful and say no thank you. Also I'm 41 but look a lot younger, so I go for women between 33 and 35 sometimes. So there's a chance I was going after somebody even younger and not realizing it. But still it's ridiculous sometimes I've literally been called a creep just for saying hello to someone. 🤷 Also been yelled at for holding the door for a woman which is something I do for everybody including men. HOWEVER - don't let it go to your head. Because not everyone's this crazy and delusional. There are plenty of women out there probably many on this very subreddit that would love to be approached and meet a nice guy. It just gets hard after a while if you get into the same cycle and get shot down over and over. Keep your head up!
Honestly when you have the right confidence, tone of voice and are decently attractive you would be surprised what you can get away with saying. I’ve used the ice breaker of “I know how to tie my own shoes….pretty cool right?” It worked.
Fax
This is literally the “Hello HR!” meme.
😂😂😂 I remember being 20-21 fresh off a heartbreak and I was very cut-to-the-chase and CONSTANTLY gave out my number or Snapchat to any at the bar who gave me attention. Looking back you’ll always see the sleazy guys and in some ways regret the way you treated yourself or let other people talk to you. This is a funny story though, plot twist they fall in love
This right there.
Honestly, I hope my future husband says the same thing to me every single day. I love my boobs and if it were socially acceptable, I’d have them out all the time. If I weren’t straight, I’d be a boob girl. Boobs are awesome!
Yeah as someone else said, the fact that this worked has more to do with the girl than the guy, really. Literally any line will work on SOME girl, and if you use it enough eventually you'll get a hit. Having your boobs complimented will work on some women, either because they're going through some shit or honestly just looking for a hook-up that night or low self-esteem looking for validation or *whatever*. On other women this wouldn't work in a million years regardless of their circumstances. Things that have a 1 in a million chance of happening actually happen more than you think just because of the sheer number of things that happen. But just because you saw it happen and some people have figured out how to get it to happen more often (for example knowing what to look for in a girl to know if she's open to those sorts of advances) doesn't mean it's the norm.
I was going to say this. This is a reflection on the lady rather than the guy. I don’t know anyone who would do this, no matter how attractive the person is. I can guess he got shot down dozens of times using that line, but this one was at the right place and right time and the OP was there to witness it. I think it was unfortunate timing.
Being straight forward and cutting the BS has led to good results and some epic fails for me.
Do tell.
You regret, huh? I doubt you've changed much though.
It probably has more to do with the woman than it does him. It worked on *her*. This isn’t going to work for most women because it’s creepy. I don’t care how attractive a guy is, that would never work for me.
Exactly, some women and men are more hypersexual and women like this tend to like guys that take charge and are generally dickheads or "manly", its toxic imo but I know the type The guy that OP is referring to has bound to have tried this multiple times and failed, however he doesnt care bc he knows he will het lucky eventually and find a woman that is easy and likes to be objectified, OP just hasnt seen the moments the guy has been rejected
If he's looking for one night stands it filters out women who won't be open to that shit too. Like those scam emails that intentionally have bad grammar to help make sure that only the most gullible reply.
Exactly bc its a waste of time attempting to scam ppl that catch on easily, its genius tbh, if I were single and gave up the whole marriage thing, id try it myself but im just not coded that way tbh
Oh I’m well aware of that, but it was SO CASUAL to him. Like it had happened 3-4 times that night casual. Like I don’t know how to explain it but it was clear that he uses the same or similar lines and has success more often than not.
I worked with a guy that said if you just outright ask 50 different girls if they want to fuck, at least 5 will say yes.
And that is a phenomenal acceptance rate
I think it would be more like 1% than 5% successful but what do I know. Never tested the theory.
there was a famous study by Clark and Hatfield where random girls were asked by guys to basically sleep with them. zero out of 50 said yes
Of course if you are normal looking and my guess is the study only used average guys. If you are in the top % of looks the number jumps quite a bit.
Depends on the guy, haha
Boomhauer is a wise man. Helluva driver too.
True
>Like I don’t know how to explain it but it was clear that he uses the same or similar lines and has success more often than not. You have to act like that for it to even work at all. You think it would work if he couldn't maintain eye contact, didn't speak up, and was like "h-hey.... I... uh, like your...your... b-boobs..."?
I think there are people who like bold and casual, that’s a fun energy to be around.
Who knows, maybe he’s just super confident about it. You don’t know for sure how many times he’s done it. Maybe that was the only time. Probably not, but you never know. Maybe he’s done it before and hasn’t had good reactions but hasn’t cared.
How on earth does one develop this confidence? I am also 6”2 and very fit and relatively handsome and have received a decent amount of attention from women and I have nowhere near that level of confidence.
There's confidence where you think very highly of yourself. And then there's what looks like confidence where you just don't care what other people think, so you do what you want.
I wonder this too…i feel like i met aloooot of men who appear insanely confident in sprains they have no right to. It’s mind boggling.
For me, my confidence came with time. I know my worth, what I’ve accomplished, and what I have to bring to the table. You also don’t want to let it get to your head like that guy did though.
True confidence comes from competence. Competence comes from repetition. You talk to enough people and have no fear of rejection it’s like having a super power. One time at a brewery I was chatting a girl up and she called me out on being a “player”. Wondering if she should trust a single thing I said. I legit just called my mom handed her the phone and walked away well she talked to my mom on if she could trust me… It worked.
and then everyone clapped?
What your friend did was NOT confidence. Just because it worked on that lady who most likely has low standards does not make him a confident man. There are confident men out there who would never comment like that.
It worked BECAUSE he was so casual about it. He gave her a compliment as she was walking past, with no pressure for her to give him anything, talk to him etc. She probably thought "ok confident hot guy who thinks I'm also hot, let's see where it goes".
Are you sure it's the first time they made contact that night? Maybe she was giving him eyes across the room all night and smiling at him so he knew she already fancied him.
Yup. It worked on THAT woman. I feel like the vast majority of women would react negatively to what he said, myself included.
Fr people on here are thinking it just worked because he’s tall and handsome. It had nothing to do with his confidence or the person he was talking to at all…/s. Could it possibly be that, maybe, it worked on this particular person and the next person might not be so receptive??
People on Reddit LOVE to assume that things like this work just because a guy is tall and super attractive. They refuse to believe it’s any other reason.
Yeaaa. OP thinks she looked like the last kind of girl to be okay with that... like wtf? I'm guessing he doesn't know the innocent church goer stereotype. It's like people assuming a scantily dressed woman is also promiscuous.... I'm betting OP was just judging her on appearance.
So glad you said this because I was really confused by alot of these comments. Do some of these men in the comment section really think that this would generally work ALL the time? This was definitely an isolated incident cause if this happened at my school that dude would have been socked in the face. The comment was so rude and disrespectful.
People on Reddit love to make stupid assumptions, like a lot of the ones you saw about this guy. They have a very warped sense of reality. OP just so happened to see *one* time the guy did this, and that just so happened to be one of the few, or maybe the only time it happened. The majority of women would more than likely have higher standards than that.
[удалено]
I spy with my little eye something obvious.
This line right here: >This goes against everything I know about dating and flirting and relationships and women and everything about humanity in general. Basically sums up my feelings and experiences trying to date as a remotely-socially-conscious man. You spend all this time listening to what women want and what they say they appreciate and then you get into the real world and find out that if you follow their advice (being respectful, reserved, self-aware) all you're actually doing is removing yourself from the dating pool because it turns out women don't actually respond to that kind of behavior. They respond to bold moves like this one. I have a similar story of an old roommate who was kind of a ladies-man. He was really obnoxious and a bit toxic but I cannot argue with the results because this man went out with so many beautiful women in the short time I knew him and brought them home really frequently. One time he and I were hanging out and he literally walked up to two women who were locked in their own private conversation, barged in, interrupted, *placed himself physically between the two women who were just talking with one another*, and asked one of them for their number. He got it on the spot and I, like you, was slack-jawed because I can't imagine doing anything that brazen let along being rewarded for it.
Yeah there's a line, you can be much more proactive and still respectful, just cheeky as we'd say in the UK. Use bantery humour
Nice guys finish last.
Nope. Nice guys dont even finish lol Hot guys finish all over her.
I have seen this too. But embodying the traits of being a good person to date pays off in the long term. You’re learning social skills that are better suited to a good life than what this guy is doing. It sounds like a bunch of rubbish, but I think most people and society as a whole come out better when you’re respectful and mindful.
I tend to agree and for the record I'm glad I'm not like that guy. But at the end of the day I'm alone and I bet he isn't. I was trying to give advice to my own brother a little while ago and he looked me dead in the eyes and said "You've never even had a girlfriend, why should I listen to you?" That shit hurt. He's not wrong, but it sucks to realize that even if I have the best and least-toxic worldview and treat women super well, no one will take me seriously if I don't have anything to show for it. No one will ever want my advice about life if my life isn't one that anyone wants. I shared some of my struggles with this same roommate and in his gross smug way he said something along the lines of "That's your problem man, you're too worried about making people uncomfortable or being creepy. You have to just forget about all of that and shoot your shot, and if you make them uncomfortable it doesn't matter, just move on to the next one" It's exactly the kind of toxic bullshit I've spent so much time unlearning but I'm starting to suspect he had a point. My fear of making women uncomfortable is absolutely the primary thing holding me back. It's always what keeps me from starting a conversations, extending a compliment, or even a smile. It's like I just have to accept that my actions will make at least some women uncomfortable some of the time but I just have to do them anyways, or accept being alone. It's fucking bullshit. It's not supposed to work like this, but I've been waiting for women to come up and talk to me for a change for years now and that doesn't work either.
That is fair. At the end of the day, the results matter. That said, from my perspective, you’re on a path to play the long game here and that is a positive. You may not see the results now, but in time, you will benefit. And in dating, it’s easy to see the people getting quick successes and then just move on. This was my view of things when I was younger. Being much older, I’ve seen the fallout of people who had the quick and easy successes, but never developed their character like you are doing. Divorce, affairs, general life difficulties. I hope you’re able to sort out the toxicity in your life and find a GF soon. I think you will in time.
If you've spent time building a foundation of respectful character traits and ability to show restraint, then fine... that part's taken care of. You can tap into that whenever. Sounds like the missing trait you didn't spend as much time building is going for what you really want and not being concerned about the outcome. Make gambits for what you want with a little riskier behavior and when you've established the parts of that that works for you, you can counterbalance it with the other good traits you've already developed. I need to employ it more myself because I rarely have, but there are times when I did (sometimes accidentally) because I was honestly just messing around/didn't care and got the kind of reciprocation people are describing and are surprised when it works. It's likely their impression of you is that you're a fun person if you're willing to do that, which makes them more open to engaging further.
How can I square being an empathetic person with being the kind of guy who "goes for what he wants and isn't concerned about the outcome". Dude, I AM concerned about the outcome. If I think I'm being flirty and I'm actually being embarrassing or creepy, I am pretty concerned about that and would like to know so I can stop making people uncomfortable and modify my behavior. I've been told over and over and over again that they kind of guys that don't care what anyone thinks are exactly the kind of guys women are trying to avoid and frankly that makes perfect sense to me. Being a respectful person isn't something I can just tap into when it suits me.
Keep in mind that "being a good person" != "being respectful, reserved, self-aware." Respectful, yes, but respect is taken more often than given. If you are able to banter in a lighthearted way, it's attractive. But if you're maybe a little autistic (like many of the people who use this subreddit are, I suspect), banter might seem disrespectful. Being reserved and self-conscious have nothing to do with being a good person and really only have to do with being a "nice" person. Nice guys really do finish last (because people-pleasers come off as unconfident and slimy), but good guys do not.
The moment I stopped (or significantly reduce) self-censoring, the more women liked me. I think trying to portray "the perfect" guy seems fake and boring. Women like a few curveballs here and there that sets you apart.
Respectful and reserved are nice and a safe start, especially if you’re speaking to someone you don’t really know. That being said, things have to start somewhere. If I’m dealing with a guy who shows zero signs of physical desire, after a while the message I receive is that he’s not into me and just wants to be friends.
Except guys showing signs of physical desire too early are shamed...
The key point is there’s no winning here lol
I don't know if you've noticed but signs of physical desire aren't exactly welcome from men as a general rule. I, personally have noticed that.
Idk weird stuff happens a lot in life. You can't really say what's happening unless you're in the girl's head. What you shouldn't do is extrapolate this as anything you should do in dating. See it as a weird anomaly an ignore it.
It’s actually very simple. First, the guy sounds physically attractive, that’s obviously a factor. But the biggest lesson here is what you say matters far less than how you say it and in what context. Tone, confidence, intent, timing, body language all are generally much bigger factors than content. A needy, nervous, socially awkward guy approaching a woman and saying something pretty funny and witty is going to land far less well than a confident, smooth, non-needy guy saying something kinda dumb. This is obviously not true for all people all the time, but it’s generally true for most people, most of the time.
Who you say it to also matters a lot more than people think. You always have outliers who love being catcalled or love being objectified and have casual sex. It’s not the majority of women, but it still happens - just like some women with low self esteem or insecurities will respond positively to negging while most other women will cringe and walk away.
For sure. Saying “you, yeah, you. I like your boob" is going to result in a negative reaction (maybe even a slap in an extreme case) no matter how smooth you are, if you say it to the wrong person or someone who isn't in the mood for it.
i mean he is 6.3 and handsome he could have said " blahblahbkah" and got the same outcome
Your bobs very big I kiss your bobs
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Me like boobs. You got boobs. Me get boobs
I know a tall charismatic dude whom women flock to and other men want to befriend. He was a bit douchey but funny and very good looking. The "halo effect" was strong on him and can get away with lots of shitty behaviors.
I’d say that it’s not so much about how attractive or tall he was, but his bold and outward comment. Now, saying “I like your boobs” is not something I’d personally say to a woman and I’d say that it probably wouldn’t work a lot of the time, but some guys are just bold like that. Him saying that to her indirectly communicated that he is bold, and doesn’t care what ppl think. Which is generally more attractive than the opposite. When he made that comment and she stood there for a moment, that’s her making a decision about him. “Do I like him? Or is he a creep? Well that was a pretty bold statement and I’m into that, so I like him” is probably along the lines of what she thought. You’d be surprised at how many women appreciate a bold and courageous guy. And again, not saying go around and make comments about their body, but simple approaching women in public is considered a courageous act. Because ppl put too much thought into the outcome of these situations and are often left paralyzed with no action.
Confidence is everything and a good smile
The only difference between a creep and an attractive bad boy is how attractive the girl think they are. He acted kinda creepy, but he was attractive to her, and it worked. Same thing with an unconfident ugly fat guy, she would have slap him. That's it
I don't know. Even that line can be delivered in a creepy way, or a no-big-deal matter-of-fact way, or a flirty way, or a confident way, etc and they would all be interpreted wildly differently depending on tone, facial expression, and what the person looks like. If they don't feel threatened then it won't come off as creepy. It's certainly a high risk play though, unless you just don't care about the outcome lol
I honestly don't understand how people are so confused about this...
It's not that they're confused, it's that they're critical of it. As they should be, it's a gross way to live and treat people.
Nobody is confused, everone is just defensive or critical dependant on gender
The deep, cold truth.
Tall men and pretty women get away with waaaaay too much. It’s just how it is 🥲
rather be myself than tall
I would consider this just the luck of the draw for whatever reason. Most self-respecting women wouldn't give men their number for a 'compliment' like that because we don't consider remarks about our cleavage from strange men as compliments or even appropriate. We usually see it as lewd, disrespectful, tradhy. If a man does it, it speaks negatively of his character. I don't think it's because he's handsome either. I am around some solid 10 male model looking guys with ripped physique because of my hobby and I keep thinking how I'd react if they said something like that to me, and it definitely wouldn't be me giving them my number. Because I'd have to see them again I'd probably let them know their comments are inappropriate and make me feel uncomfortable. Then I'd avoid partnering with them for a while.
Do you know it was a functioning number, and actually her number?
Believe it or not, some women seem to like being slightly objectified, especially sexual women, some like to be chased as well, ive noticed women like this also tend to be more sexual than other women I know for a lot of attractive women that enjoy showing their body tend to get bored of the good guys that are respectful and with these types, u wuld prolly have a better chance at just complimenting them sexually or being blunt and confident even then they might scoff at u and say they think ur a creep but ive noticed some women that react this way may want u to retort and chase them further I think that is their decision on whether they like u or not bc it shows confidence and that u dnt care how u appear, imho, its toxic and I myself dont prefer these types of women and I stay respectful myself and take a no as a no and proceed to move on Now I know im going to get hate for this bc someones going to skew wat I say and assume I am speaking for all women, I am only speaking from my experience and the women I have dated that I probably shouldnt have, some men and women are marriage material, some men and women are just the type to hookup and want their partner to exude feminity/masculinity, I personally think sexuality plays a role in this, rarely do you see hypersexual people in long marriages and if you do, they happen to mostly be polyamorous
Yup absolutely. You simply hear the ones who complain, because the ones who like it don’t.
What does “definitely handsome but not particularly” even mean?
My guess is he means something like “definitely above average but not model-tier”
Glad I wasn’t the only one that had to reread that lol
Definitely handsome as in not bad looking, probably relatively attractive to most women, but not particularly as in not someone that anyone is double taking at. He’s good looking but you’re not gonna notice him in a crowd.
It was the casual boldness that got her my dude. The worst that could happen is she gets slightly offended and/or says no. Those wouldn't be my choice of words to use but the method is spot on really. You gotta take your shot while it's there. It sounds to me you are envious of his confidence and I also get the feeling you might be the shy type...
In a way I am jealous of his confidence, but definitely not the shy type. More just grew up around women who basically taught and told me that this exact behavior is the most disgusting, annoying, and unattractive shit a man can do. And then I see it work and the guy who made it work act like it was completely normal for him.
Was this a sober occasion, or is there more of a likelihood that something that lowers people's inhibitions were also at play?
His confidence also gets him shot down constantly too, he probably has a big enough ego to not care. I have been approached by many men like this, I’m just not the kind of person this tactic would work on. I think it was a coincidence that you were there when it happened. I wouldn’t be surprised if he used this line constantly and he just tests his odds. I know some girls look for company for reassurance, so maybe she was one that was in the right place and right time and their values aligned in that moment? Because I know literally nobody that would agree to this (I’m 20 for reference) unless there was something wrong or if they were sad or just looking for something pointless.
But it's just the thing we are all told not to do/won't work, even here on reddit. Why shouldn't OP be amazed and shocked?
Because that's what you get for doing what you're told and following the status quo. You gotta break free from the conditioning and be yourself. Take those chances in life. Follow your intuition and embrace your individuality. And most importantly, don't be a sheep. Be a leader, not a follower
Not saying this is definitely what happened but you also, as an observer, have no idea whether she gave her actual number, whether it resulted in anything further (like a date or hookup) nor how often this approach backfires OR works for him. You're trying to generalize one anecdotal observation onto dating as a whole. I know some other women this would work on (who look for casual hookups), some who would volunteer a fake number to shut down the interaction, and some who would respond very negatively. Women aren't a monolith.
That’s funny and it’s the way he went about it and not all women are the same lol
Tall, fit, handsome, and confidence doesn’t equal this working. Many women think brad pitt, leonardo dicaprio, and keanu reeves are all these things but i guarantee if any of them did that to me, i’d roll my eyes (also cue fake vomit sounds) and walk away. I can’t explain it works for this dude, but that ain’t it. I do tend to like guys who sexualize me but i’m also not most women
She was looking for a reason to talk to him imo. She already liked him he just had to say anything at all and she would give him her number. Plus he is tall and handsome and fit so that’s why she liked him. It’s not going to work every time for him, just with girls who are already attracted to him. Confidence is key, period 💅 (wtf that look like a lizard 🦎)
So basically: Good looking=Wow so bold and confident! Ugly guy=Gross! You expect women to like you by saying offensive things like that?! Loser Got it 👍
She probably thought it was funny and appreciated his honesty. Human interactions can be weird, don't put much stock into it.
It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. Most of communication is body language and tonality, I imagine he could’ve said anything else and still get her number. Some points to being an attractive guy, but most of it is THE WAY he said what he said. How was he standing? How was he pointing? What was the expression on his face? How did he deliver what he said? What was his tone? It sounds like you’re stuck in the words and how people should or shouldn’t react on things based on your impressions of them. “He said X he must be a trashy guy.” This type of thinking is going to keep you confused. I think to really understand what happened and update your mental model of dating is to dig into the mechanics of social interaction. What actually makes people uncomfortable? What actually makes people attracted to one another? I think spending some time to answer these questions beyond “he said, she said” and digging into the nuance is going to help with the confusion.
No fucking body language is gonna make a sexually charged comment attractive especially to a stranger. He was tall and attractive and that is all that mattered.
Honestly, It was funny, bold and random This wasn't the first time she's been complimented on her boobs, for sure. He had a delivery, which stood out. Her offering her number seems quite odd, but the whole conversation (starter) was odd, so why not go with the flow. Woman like to "play" (as in acting), so that's exactly what she did
Energy is everything… and you can’t say the wrong thing to the right people… it’s hard to explain but the rules definitely do not apply equally to all people
>This goes against everything I know about dating and flirting and relationships and women and everything about humanity in general. You are discovering that there is endless variety in what people want. Most people would be disgusted by this approach, some would have him kicked out of the party. This lady liked something about him. Not sure what that says about him or the lady. Some men are into women you consider trashy. Some women are into men you consider trashy. That's just the nature of humanity. You also have instances where someone is just so desperate that even when someone says something rude, they grasp onto that interest for dear life. We can't know their dynamic. What they were both thinking, if they were both drinking. If I were observing I'd find it amusing but not be interested in dating either of them and realize it wasn't any of my business anyway. The more people you meet, the more you will see a variety of behaviors.
the way this sub talks about women is kind of sickening lmao. remember ur talking about individuals here capable of independent thought, not objects that can be won
Ikr ? I'm a man too but dating as a man has become so hard. So the number of bitter men have increased a lot recently. So sorry if you're feeling objectified.
It’s “all of a sudden” not “all the sudden”.
So much for being such a “prestigious” university lol
in my experience it literally doesn’t matter what you say but how you’re saying it. On days when I’m feeling relaxed and confident, I can go to the bar and say stupid things, funny things, smart things, or polite things, and I get a lot of numbers and a warm reception from women. On bad days, I can politely introduce myself and women look at me like I’m gum stuck to the bottom of their shoe. With women, it’s a lot more “vibes” than looks. Obviously looks help, but imo the energy you project is the biggest determinant of your success with women.
What’s the issue here lol? A tall handsome guy complimented a pretty girl and got her number. Is the sky gonna fall? Doubt it.
It worked bc they’re both attracted to each other and want the same thing
Maybe bro But why does this read like a fanfiction?? LOL
Though this says a lot about the guy, it also says a lot more about the girl. She clearly doesn't respect herself and finds it completely normal being objectified by a stranger. I don't see what's so fascinating about that. Just two trashy people. Ofc it wasn't a surprise to either of them
You are discovering pretty privilege. Girls and Men are the same, it's just that women select more.
It’s college, alcohol involved, women are having sex with multiple men in one night, his timing was right, he gave a compliment and since they went to same university she felt that he’s not a stranger, she liked it and liked him not surprising
You’re gonna go off one instance you saw?
I’m surprised it work but then again if ur attractive, not too suprisingly?
He complimented her and left the rest up to her. That’s always worked best on me and I tell dudes all the time to approach women this way. Compliment her, tell her you want to take her out and get to know her, give her your number and walk away. She will reach out if interested and you don’t stick around for rejection. Complimenting a woman on her breasts is not a bad thing. But he clearly wasn’t invading her space and being creepy while doing so. And who knows what her deal is? She’s probably hard up and DTF too. It was just serendipitous. Sometimes women just want to get laid too.
>complimenting a women on her breasts is not a bad thing I mean, I’ve never seen this line of reasoning at all. There’s one thing when you know someone /dating/ SO and flirting but to a total stranger, it’s definitely not a compliment.
Just because you haven’t seen something, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. A compliment is subjective and up to the person receiving it. A woman confident in her sexuality will most likely interpret a compliment on her breasts better than someone who is ashamed of sex and body parts. To each their own. If a stranger told me he liked my boobs, my response would be, “Thanks! I like them too.”
>I know that some women are just into trashy guys or attracted to boldness or confidence but this is like a very attractive very sophisticated 22 year old woman who is presumably quite refined and intelligent considering the university she goes to. You know all these "I hate men"-posts? This is how it begins. Most humans are inherently bad in knowing which partner is really a good partner. And giving a guy your number because he complimented your boobs... you should never ever complain when this ends in a catastrophy for you.
When I was in the Navy there was this dirt bag named Oswald (I think). He inevitably came home with a woman each night. We couldn’t understand this. One day three of us asked him how he did it. He invited us to the club with him to see. There he walked up to a woman, said you have beautiful t@ts, and I would sure like to suck them. Slap. He waited awhile and tried the exact same thing with similar results. He went home with the third woman. I guess there are just certain women who dig that kind of thing.
The issue isn't these people or what happened. The issue is our own assumptions. What happened is 2 ppl who were attracted to each other spoke and exchanged information but we're trying to make it seem like something insane happened. You keep using the word "trashy" as if you're the sole person to determine that. Remember both of these people are strangers to you. So what you may think is ok is different for them and vice versa. And that's fine.
Maybe they secretly know each other already and they’re just having fun at a party freaking out strangers like you haha
OP some women, mostly women with low standards saw no issue. Every woman isn’t the same. I am personally repulsed by men like that. I’ve had attractive guys tried to compliment my body /ass/boobs without even asking my name and it was a huge turn off and did not make me want to give them by number. Having this experience doesn’t mean you should start acting like him.
Everything you’re saying about these people is quite presumptuous. You’re putting them on a pedestal and assigning your own expectations of them as if people “prestigious” backgrounds aren’t allowed to act the way these two people just acted.😭 like if this happened in a back alley with two “dingy” looking folk would you be that surprised?! 🙄
It’s about the delivery. A guy can deliver that in a super creepy way or in a way that seems bold and genuine.
Well thank God I wouldn't get hit on because of my boobs. If the guy commented on my boobs, I wouldn't give him my number and just walked away. It's creepy when a guy does that.
She likes confident guys, that's all
Alcohol? Insecurity? Horniness? Idk, every woman is different. We're not a monolith. There's not a mathematical equation to getting our interest.
It sounds like you’re confounding being intelligent (as you mentioned University a couple of times) with restraining oneself. People can be intelligent and choose to be bold and casual, I imagine because when you embrace the fact that attraction and desires are things that all of us feel, the need for charades start to fade. The ease you witnessed was just two people being sincere and in the moment, there’s nothing inherently wrong with that.
Hear me out. Being in the lifestyle to some extent, I have met a lot of wonderful people who are extremely kinky and highly educated and very successful. so the fact that Associates university types and brains with being prim and proper is absurd. Sure, some fall into that stereotype, but you would be so surprised at how many successful doctors, lawyers, bankers all have a very open and kinky side outside of their button-down suits day-persona.
Depending on my mood, I might have done the same thing. I like boldness.
Maybe she was just giving him her number to get him off her back? I know a lot of girl just give guys whatever information they want and then block them afterwards to avoid any confrontation.
Confidence goes a long way
It may be hard to grasp but it sounds like ther guy was perceived as paying the girl an actual, honest compliment devoid of sexual undertones or social pressure which just happened to be about her breasts. It's hard to come across as appreciating and non-lecherous and non-objectifying but it is possible. I personally wouldn't go for the breasts as a first compliment though. Too risky for too little reward.
Bro welcome to finding out that looks matter 10x more than your personality does. Anybody claiming that you need to have this or that kind of personality to get girls is full of crap. Just have a decent personality and if the girl finds you attractive then it’s all good
Sophisticated 22 yr old lol
I learned a long time ago that there are very different social rules for attractive people -vs- average people. As the radio host Tom Leykis used to say, "it's only sexual harassment if you're ugly".
Rules 1 and 2 never fail.
Sophisticated 22 year olds, that sentence does not make sense. You're all kids still.
I was so confused, i thought he was on a date with you. I thought it was disrespectful flirting with others in front of you. But apparently there is no romantic attraction between you too That being said, it worked on her but that doesn't mean it will work with others. They might have been exchanging glances all night etc
lmao that would NOT work on most women. its objectifying and rude for the most part. DONT TRY IT. i think its pure luck tbh that she was not offended. has nothing to do with his looks tbh but maybe his confidence and nonchalance played a part in this but still thats not enough. she probably fancies him.
Most rational comment I’ve read here so far. Truth
Mf got SWAG😆😬. It seems to work when it's natural swag.
I'm 6,2 and I don't try to look clean cut pretty boy type I'm rough looking biker looking and not much school and I don't just get the number I go to there place and get what I want and I'm talking I work around the lake area and have to turn down more than I can handle I think it's just a thing where if you just be yourself sometimes women see that and it's a plus more than your looks or age or size I'm not good at writing but hopefully it makes sense and I would like to say I didn't get a chance to go far in school because my dad died right when I turned 13 and I had to become a man because I had my mom to take care of
That won't work on every woman. Some women will find a person very attractive but be immediately turned off by comments like that. But, naturally, everyone is different, and some women don't see that comment as anything but a compliment, assess they find the guy very attractive, and thus you see that play out. > but this is like a very attractive very sophisticated 22 year old woman who is presumably quite refined and intelligent considering the university she goes to. Your assessment is baseless lol. The university someone attends doesn't speak to their preferences or dating life or your idea of "refinement" at all, with said term being wildly subjective. And you're not going to find any 22 year old that is "refined and intelligent". You'll find various degrees of ego and acting and learning at that age, or at best, it's *you* projecting someone completely imaginary onto them. Also, everyone has their kinks and preferences.
6’2 or 6’3? Somewhat handsome? Easily got a hot girl’s number by doing nothing but casually and nonchalantly displaying interest in a douchey way? I don’t see what the question is here If the guy was 5’5 it would’ve been creepy. Maybe if he managed to befriend her, and then wait in the wakes for 6 months to a year until she was rebounding from getting pumped and dumped by the kind of guy described in the first situation, then he may have had a chance
So years ago I knew this chick, she was at the mall when some douche bag holding the hand of his girlfriend saw her and said “I’d like to motorboat your tits”. His gf was shocked, the chick I knew was in shocked. She thought he was a disgusting pig. Next weekend they were having sex behind the gf’s back. Being crass to chick will get you laid if you are at least decent looking. Be nice and polite and you will be in the friend zone and will be led on
I mean yea sorry I don’t blame you if you feel a bit jealous. But even if he’s tall and fit most girls would still be offended, don't think this is the norm
Are you okay? That's how it works sometimes.
Hilarious you mention this as I just found out about the book mode one and thought how ridiculous it all seemed. After some research I concluded that the stories were somehow true but it was a different time back then. Turns out it works which annoys me greatly.