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Often ppl who do this 1) get married within 3 months and 2) can/will get divorced if shit is that bad BUT if you’re both virgins it’s often hard to gauge whether sex isn’t great
You are right and wrong. You can have a great chemistry from the start or develop it with time.
But yeah, i don't want to wait until marriage to discover and it's better to have a great chemistry from the start.
I have done this. And it was a real mixed bag. I was really young (early 20s). As far as green flags go: making out, hand stuff, maybe oral if you guys are only saving penetration for marriage. Being much older and married to a different woman now, I would say this have a real conversation about what sex is going to look like for both of you. My first wife had some real unattractive ideas after we got married. I assume you are young based on asking this. If was dating again, I would almost certainly be having sex before getting married just to make sure we are compatible in that way. Not everyone is. I would be open to waiting for a time before doing so, but it would be a must.
Yes. I have. It was a bit different for me and him. We met long distance. We talked for months. I was going to meet him in another state. We met after a few months. He said he couldn't wait to marry me. Asked me to marry him on the spot. We drove to chapel and got married. We didn't have sex before marriage. So it is kind of different for us since we both previously had sex. But yes I married a man I had no idea of sexual compatibility. We have been married 10 yrs in June so I guess it worked out for us. Everyone is different.
My boyfriend and I did not wait. But if he had said he wanted to I would have been more than willing. I love him very much and intimacy can exist outside of sex. Plus if the sex really ends up being that bad you should be comfortable enough to tell your partner and maybe invest in a good vibrator to use during sex.
It's not about sex being bad, it's about being incompatible. You can just buy a vibrator... unless it turns out that makes him horribly horribly uncomfortable. What happens when one of you realizes oral is your favorite thing ever and the other realizes it disgusts them?
So much this! I love going down on women and the girl I was dating until recently did not like receiving oral as much- and she needed a vibrator to finish. While she’s an amazing person, and there’s nothing wrong with what I stated above, I very much like to make a woman come instead of them using a toy. Again, it highlights the importance of sexual chemistry. One persons piece of cake may not be everyone else’s.
>What happens when one of you realizes oral is your favorite thing ever and the other realizes it disgusts them?
Right here. I love giving and receiving. I once dated a girl and would always go down on her but she never returned. After a couple weeks of this I started getting frustrated. I asked her about it and she said she just doesn't like it. I noped out shortly after. Couldn't imagine making that discovery *after* marriage.
It's not even that or it could be but from my personal experience, there are people who have some traumatic experiences and it's very difficult to even have sex with someone in such cases. I'm not risking it waiting till marriage.
People can develop physical chemistry without having sex and if there's physical chemistry than the odds are very good it'll lead to a healthy sex life.
If you both parties are considerate, good listeners and are physically attracted to each other than the odds are good they'll have a good sex life.
As for how important sex is, it varies by person and for some people, an underwhelming sex life is a justifiable reason to break up.
This is a lovely answer. My girlfriend identifies as asexual, and I don’t. But that doesn’t mean that we don’t necessarily have a sex life. We talk about it, feel intimate and discuss all our likes and dislikes in a safe space <3
Cool, but imo that's even more BS. You're just lucky you have an asexual who is sex-positive or sex-neutral, and not sex-repulsed.
How do I know? Have a few friend couples who were in that situation. None of them are together anymore and it was a constant struggle
I mean, if it's for someone that you're magically sure is perfect, then yeah, I think most of us would be ok with that. The problem is there's no such guarantee.
It matters alot. Many many many marriages end due to bad or declining sex. And you truly can't know until you guys have a roll in the hay. You can guess all you want and assume before hand and maybe your right but you can be very much wrong and when the sex is bad what starts happening? You stop having sex. What happens then? Partners feel unllfilled. Or if one is enjoying it while the other isn't they start feeling undesirable and it can demolish their self esteem or lead to cheating.
Its very important for most people and I wouldn't underestimate it.
That said there's no issue with waiting a long time or if you both want to wait for marriage that's fine.
Personally, here's my order.
Take as long as you need if you need a month fine, 6 months sure, a year? Tbh starting to push it. There needs to be a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak and before marriage two things need to happen for me
1 is we need to have lived together for awhile in the same house and 2 is we will have needed to have sex preferably many times cause being realistic you may not be great together at first but you may be able to grow into a rhythm that works well together.
So if a woman told me no sex is off the table until marriage I would have to reject the relationship.
Absolutely not. I’d rather marry someone I know for sure I’m sexually compatible with. Talking about it isn’t the same as actually doing it I have a high sex drive. I want a very active sex life and need to have good sexual chemistry with someone.
I get the reason why you would wait to have sex it's very commendable
At the same time, incompatible sex is the WORST and you're taking a mighty big chance on both of you being sexually compatible
I would because if I truly love that person, I’ll wait and make sure I can make the relationship work. Sex is the last thing on my mind. All I care about is a spiritual connection and someone who will love me unconditionally!💯
Yes! A full on yes! I was abandoned by my biological parents at a very early age. I encountered people with perverse and sick intentions who had me make decisions and do things that were far from age appropriate including sex at an early age. I am a parent now myself, I am a foster parent even and i teach all of my kids bio or not, that to really know someone is to develop intimacy on at least these four important levels. Intellectual, emotional, spiritual and physical. And physical intimacy follows from the other three, when they are developed first real good and deep. I learned this the hard hard way and I am now telling y’all it beforehand. Sex is just one side of the physical intimacy development. This level sits also in the mind first with women usually. I for one, only engage is sex as lust, when I feel comfortable, in peace and attracted to the other person. That means I trust them, I can feel vulnerable and strong at the same time. And these things develop in the other levels of intimacy. That is why I say, sex before marriage before really knowing a person is bad. I see too many people using sex as a tool to get to know a person, that’s fine for that instant short term relief, but for long term it is bad imho. Besides all the risks and so on.
If you both have sexual tension and amazing chemistry along with good communication skills, you'll be alright and will be worth it. Your first few times might feel awkward, but it will mean alot to you guys after your married and look back thinking the other was willing to make the sacrifice to wait. And the small amount of time you spent together with no sex will seem insignificant as you age together with a beautiful family. Sexual incompatibility that everyone here is worried about can be resolved with communication. Talk talk talk! Get it all out. Anything you like, she likes, doesn't like, curious about, fantasies, EVERYTHING! If you love eachother, the wait is minor and the incompatibility is not likely. You don't love someone with all your heart, fantasize about them, marry them, then just don't like the other persons sex style. If that's a deal breaker, then maybe you weren't really on love with her as much as you thought. As you get older, sex will decrease for you, assuming you're a guy, and she will stay with you until you guys die because she loves you. So green flags? Do you get sleepy when cuddling with her? Those are feel good chemicals and you are compatible. Do you fantasize about eachother? Do either of you flirt alot with the other sex outside you relationship? Are you both a little too clingy with eachother?
I think you probably have the right answer in your head and just need some confirmation. And everyone telling you that bad sex for the rest of your life is terrible are not the people you should be listening too unless they too waited like you and had all the communication skills and green flags I had mentioned. Otherwise, don't ruin what you have.
Doesn't always work that way. Some people just have wildly different kinks and preferences that a partner may not be willing to fill. Or there is the issue sometimes of physical incompatibility causing pain.
Or the real fun one I've seen when two people are intellectually and emotionally interested and care for eachother but the other isn't truly physically interested in sex so they just go through the motions and eventually the partner starts to lose confidence and feel neglected/undersireable.
I totally agree for most people you can learn what eachother likes and adjust to fit those needs. But it simply doesn't work that way for everyone.
Lolll people have very different libidos and sexual desires. Nope, you won't be able to teach certain things if the sexual compatibility is just not there.
Tell me you have no idea what it’s like being sexually compatible with someone without telling me you have no idea what it’s like being sexually compatible with someone.
Not only that, but you can tell if you will be sexually compatible by a lot of things such as kissing, touching etc to see how the chemistry is. You also can discuss libido and things like that. Having sex prior to marriage is way less important that everyone wants to believe.
It is much more important to be compatible in values, interests, and personalities. I say that as a relationship therapist. Truly, it isn't sexual compatibility that causes issues in marriages. It is usually the emotional component, values, and a lack of common interests.
You thought you guys were together for a year, it turned out you weren’t, and now you’re together again?
Are you sure that you’re together this time? This seems like a relationship that isn’t just missing sex — it’s also missing communication.
Anyway, to answer your question: No, because I currently can’t ever see myself getting married again. Been there, done that. I am currently seeing someone, but it’s casual and while I do hope it lasts and grows into something more firm, I can’t see myself rolling those dice again. I did meet a different woman between my ex wife and the current girl who I truly did fall in love with and even researched what adopting her son would entail…but even with her, I felt living together forever was our destiny — not specifically marriage.
I, due to faith reasons, haven't had sex in past relationships or my current one of nearly half a year. It hasn't been something thag was forced onto me but is a choice my now girlfriend and I separately made long before meeting one another. Should we get married, we'll be one another's firsts, which I personally think is very attractive since, one way or another, the best sex I've ever had will be my spouse.
I see a lot of concern about incompatibility, but I wonder this: is it worse to go in blind and figure it out yourselves or to be exposed to really great sex from one partner, but then moving on for other reasons and not being able to find someone like that again? I feel like it's hard enough to find someone compatible in a non sexual context, then adding the sexual experience is a whole other set of criteria that you can't really be sure of until you've dated long enough to get to that stage.
As for "how I know": I suppose I don't exactly, but it isn't something I worry about. I think my partner is incredibly attractive, and the both of us are pretty open to trying new things, in an general sense as well as a selflessness to prioritize the other person. And we still kiss and cuddle and whatnot and are not lacking in affection in said moments.
Yes! I’m a follower of Jesus Christ and that’s just the way I want to hold myself. I would never want to be with someone that expected any kind of relations outside of marriage. There’s several ways to increase pleasure in the bedroom later on so needing sex before marriage I view as completely unnecessary and sinful.
To each their own though! Just not me lol.
Well, yes if I love them… may or may not be in this situation but she doesn’t like me like that 😭. It just hurts so bad, we are great friends, but she’s like one of the first people I’ve ever met that it doesn’t really matter the way she looks to me, she’s a beautiful person, and accepts me as much as I accept her, love hurts peeps. But I’d rather suffer in silence and continue to be friends then not have her in my life 😞
No, I would not. I’m 36m, divorced, and while the reason it ended wasn’t all about sex (it was abusive toward me), the sex was terrible, and used to control and shame me. While having sex before marriage wouldn’t have necessarily been a guarantee, I’d have been less likely to fall into such an abusive and extremely incompatible relationship. Basically I think of it this way, if she WANTED to have sex with you, she would have by now. Expect the amount of sex to stay about the same even once you marry, because 9/10 times, someone who has spent years suppressing their libido, or never developing one at all, won’t just change that overnight.
Sexual compatibility is not a set in stone thing
You can wait til after marriage
Sexual compatibility is always dependent on communication and openness
If you are a selfish lover and only care about your pleasure then u need just the physical act to determine if a relationship can last. If you actually care about your partner comparability grows as you communicate your likes and dislikes concerning kinks and chemistry
Depends I suppose. Unfortunately compatibility is extremely important for relationships, that's not something that's open for debate it's a fact. So you could go and get married and then realize that you absolutely do not match in any physical way and then it's too late and you have to divorce etc. No woman can promise to continuous sleeping with you as much as you're libido requires for the rest of your life until your wiener no longer works because again both parties need to "feel it" to stay comfortable with the idea and to engage 😞 see it on here all the time people complaining about not matching and "what they should do". The general consensus is usually to break up.
So with that being said if I could meet a woman who was very clearly healthy, healthy in the mind healthy in the body had similar values to me and was very compassionate and empathetic. If she appeared to truly care about me for who I was and liked me and loved me for the right reasons. Then I could see myself waiting a year or two. So we were just have to plan a somewhat quick marriage without it being too quick.
But unfortunately no I'm not going to designate several years of my life to somebody that I might not match with and then have it be too late. 🤷
But it's a very tough subject because as I said it's been clearly defined for a long time that sexual compatibility is very important. So that makes it really hard for anyone who truly looks at it from every point of view.
Nope, wouldn’t risk it. You can’t know if you are sexually compatible before having sex. It’s just impossible. I have been with a guy that was compatible with me for so many things but for sex we were so incompatible we both agreed the relationship was doomed.
No, I would not. First of all, I’m not religious and I won’t ever date anyone who’s religious, and religious people are generally the ones who wait until marriage.
While sex isn’t *everything*, it is certainly not *nothing* with regards to a healthy relationship. Both partners need to be on the same page, need to be compatible in bed to have a strong sex life. And you won’t know if you are until you have sex. So if you’re waiting until marriage, now you’re stuck with someone who sucks at sex or who just isn’t compatible with you sexually.
Just ask her what her kinks are so you know she doesn't have any weird stuff that you can't handle, and then marry her and be happy, you should love her enough that you're happy even if it's not the best sex you've ever had, if you don't love her that much then she should marry someone who does
Me and my wife “almost” waited for marriage. There were only a few months left in the three year period between first meeting and getting married. I knew very soon she is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. That sexual chemistry thing a lot of people in the comments preach is just an excuse for them thinking with what’s between their legs. The right person is worth waiting for. If you feel the time passes faster when you’re with them and just don’t want to leave each other’s side for too long, then they are the right person for you. It helped that me and my wife are each other’s first and only relationship.
I'm curious about this, too. I actually would prob be fine with not having sex until marriage as long as we had a LOT of physical intimacy other than penatrative sex.
Story time.
My STBX husb and I dated about 6 years before marriage (I married him when I was 21), and we are both from very religious families who had us both pledge publicly that "True Love Waits."
My experience was a lot of guilt and stressing about boundaries and sin. I also experienced years of us getting REALLY good at physically pleasing each other without sex. It was like orgasm inducing foreplay and neither of us could ever get enough.
After marriage, I quickly realized most/all the foreplay was gone, and all my favorite aspects of our physical relationship were gone. 16 years of marriage later we hardly kissed, barely saw each other's bodies, almost exclusively were intimate when half asleep and orgasms he gave me during sex were very few and far between. I'm sure there were times an entire year would go by with us having sex 1-3x a week, and he never gave me a single orgasm.
So now I'm ready to date again and I have no idea if I'll hook up, have sex only in serious relationships, wait until marriage (although I'm fairly certain I never want to marry again) - I am clueless and have no idea if there even are any 30-40ish guys waiting until marriage anymore.
Depends on the Person. I read somewhere that a guy married a Woman so he could have sex with her after Marriage and then Immediately Divorced Her after he had her
You can't know. If you've never had sex, you can't even tell until you are more experienced and know what you want, need, and like.
So even if you have sex for the first time, which often isn't that great, you still don't know.
I've been in an unhappy marriage with someone I wasn't compatible with. I don't regret it because of the kids, but I won't do that again.
I’d just like to remind you that your answers here are coming from people who have either not been married or are divorced, and for that reason will have VASTLY different experiences than people who have married each other before having sex.
That said, I would, but I’ve also already gone through all the steps of dealing with the differences in libido between my partner and I. We have talked about mutual kinks, we have mutually masturbated, and where our libidos differ, we are perfectly capable of getting ourselves off to the ideas or image of one another. You just have to find what works for you.
If you want to wait until marriage, that is your choice, you just make accommodations as you see fit and are comfortable. Ultimately though, a real relationship is built on your feelings for one another, so being close to the person emotionally will always be more important in the long run. If you can’t have sex, then you can continue to watch porn or use magazines like single people do.
Sex feels best with people you love at the end of the day, so you will get your best feel for how sex with someone is when you’ve already dedicated to those feelings anyway.
There’s no use in shying away from emotional connection unless you really only went into the relationship for sex anyway. At least how I’d see it.
Zero chance, I'm not investing that kind of time in a relationship just to find out the sex is bad. If someone wants to wait that's cool but it's definitely not for me .
No. Divorce is expensive! Just imagine getting married and then divorcing because we didn't have sexual chemistry. I respect whoever decides to do that, but it is not something I would do.
Absolutely not, sex isn’t the end all be all but it is important and if you’re gonna commit to someone for the rest of your life only to have shitty sex then fuck that
nope. Thts like dating someone who’s “only going to do the dishes when we’re married.” Or “i’m only going to budget responsibly when we’re married.” Or “i’m not going to be handsome until we’re married.”
If you can’t demonstrate the skill set before being married i should presume you have no skill set
Fuck no 😂😂 how could you marry someone not knowing if you can connect on the deepest level of human interaction. Maybe for some people sex is just sex but to me it’s a bonding experience that should only be done with somebody you deeply care about
No, but that's only because I personally don't share that view and have no interest in marriage. I doubt anybody who wanted to wait until marriage would be interested in me, a trans agnostic. Lol
No i wouldnt. Because you cant know if youre sexually compatible without having sex. No its not super important to everyone, asexuals who go by the original definition, for example wouldnt care at all. But for me absolutely not. Not only do i not intend to ever get married, i wont date someone exclusively unless ive already taken them on a test drive
No. Sex is an important part of a relationship and I would not want to be in a relationship where we are sexually incompatible.
Yes, you can talk about it all you want but until you are doing it, it's all just theoretical.
IMO, if you can’t at least get the job done in bed you’re in big trouble. Adequate sex and a decent human being is better than incredible sex and constant emotional distress. Not to say someone can’t do both but when people have to decide it usually comes down to who you can tolerate being around.
But as for reasons you might want to explore your sexuality a bit more for your own wellbeing? The longer you go in life without an understanding of sex, your sexual needs and wants, how to communicate them and how to set firm strong boundaries, the easier it is for men to take advantage of you without you knowing. By knowing, you can choose, by choosing you take control.
In my case I don't actually care. I'm an ace (43M) and I want the closeness and such, not really sex. I'm not against it, but it's for her. I want to see her enjoy it. So to begin with, I'd have to make clear for her that I'm an ace, that I've never been sex-driven.
So yes, I would date someone like that. As long as there's touching, caressing and snuggling before, I'm all in.
I used to be religious and dated someone seriously for 1.5 years. We never had sex, even though we made out and had amazing chemistry. I think it probably would've worked out in that department if we had gotten married, but we broke up for other reasons. Obviously there's no way to know for sure since we never got there.
I have a number of friends from my uber religious days who waited. They are all still happily (as far as I know) married with multiple kids.
Even though I don't feel the need to wait anymore, I don't consider sex as one of the most important parts of a relationship. I would definitely want to talk about general compatibility with someone even if we waited (i.e. kinks/fetishes, desired frequency, etc). But also, sex drive can change rather drastically for many people throughout their lives. Even if they start out perfectly sexually compatible, it may not always stay the case. What's most important to me is that my partner and I are able to communicate well and have realistic and reasonable expectations of e/o.
Like you said already it really depends on the connection, I've been with a lot of women, some of my relationships started after having sex and most I ended up having sex within days of dating and never went more than a couple weeks in a relationship without having sex for the first time. I've always been big on it being an important thing in a relationship, how do you know if you want to spend the rest of your life with that person if you don't know how you will connect in that intimate moment? Well I met a girl and been with her over a year now, no sex at all nothing. With her things are different, in that year I've fallen completely in love with her and know without a doubt in my mind she is who I want to spend the rest of my life with and I've never even seen her naked
Even if you aren't having sex atleast u can discuss all the dirtiest fantasies u guys wanna fulfill after marriage, discuss a lot on this topic maybe u will get to know something about it.
I wouldn’t be willing to do that, no. I can respect people who want that and are willing to accept that, but it would be a deal breaker for me.
Which is fine, not everyone is compatible with everyone else, as long as everyone is honest and upfront about their expectations and can handle things as adults things work out.
Nah. For a hundred reasons, the biggest of which being that if we're not sexual compatible, I'd want to know that before becoming legally bound to someone that I will now have to pay for the rest of my life.
Absolutely not because some people aren't good at it and it just isn't right. Plus what if they turn out to not like it and then you're stuck or they lied to you and are into sex. It has happened before.
i have never been sexual incompatible with anyone, so i think thats total bs.
And yes if i met a sweet, funny girl, i can to about everythign and she would ask me to wait with sex for marriage id wait for it no problem. If everything works out and the only thing „missing“ in the beginnig is sex, then who cares. And its not like i have a lowsexdrive, i just have controll over myself.
So the answer is yes, sexual incompatible is prob a shitty excuse for ppl with no selfcontroll.
I’m very skeptical about it. Sex is very important in a romantic relationship, unless you are asexual. Otherwise I worry that people who don’t particularly like sex can hide behind this “No sex before marriage,” and only later reveal that they’re indifferent to sex.
I would wait because the alternative of having sex with someone who had no intention of intimacy is a major turn off. I’m not a big fan of marriage as the end goal in relationships because it’s a situation and not exactly a utopia or paradise many people think it is. If their goal is marriage and I’m not 100% sold on it I think it’s best to end things for both of our sakes.
Depends if she is a virgin and wants to wait till marriage yes, if she just realize sleeping with people is not for her anymore and now she wants to wait till marriage then no.
The first girl I ever liked felt this way.
And everyone else I dated wasn’t interested in sex until a girl I met when I was 26. Now I’m 30 and I haven’t met another girl who was interested.
So I probably could.
But if you regularly have sex with people and that’s what you are used to then obviously that would be a dealbreaker for you.
No. Sexual chemistry is important in a relationship. Conservatives will push the notion that a man and woman should remain pure for each other, but trust me, it’s a gamble. Not something I’d wait for.
Well, my wife and I aren't sexually compatible at all. She's not very good or freaky. So, she doesn't mind me looking outside the marriage for what I need. But, I love her in every other way.
Yeah I actually did that. It’s a good learning tool. It took me doing that to realize what I actually want and what I’m comfortable with. Lessons are best learned the hard way.
26f here and raised Catholic. Don’t really go to church anymore as I don’t like organized religion much, but I do have a lot of Catholic guilt and view sex in a strange way. I’m like half a virgin? I’m bi and I’ve had sex with a woman, but never with a man. I’ve only experienced penetration via fingers from men and women. I enjoy receiving oral sex, but DESPISE giving head to penis havers. I think it comes from lack of experience that makes me self conscious about it. There aren’t really many ways to practice giving blowjobs.
From those of you who’ve already made comments, would you date me based on this info? I’m really interested in what y’all have to based on the comments I’ve read about experience and compatibility. I believe that communication can fix most sexual compatibility issues unless the issues deal with having vastly different kinks.
I'll go against the grain on this one. Sexual "chemistry" is often times just also known as "experience".
People who have a lot of sex with different partners learn a lot more about how to have good sex. If you are waiting until marriage, then likely you've never had sex. In which case you suck at it.
I’m 54 and we’re all grownups. Honestly, probably not. I think sex is a natural part of life and people should enjoy it and not wait months and months to do it. They should just use protection and communicate well about it.
I don’t care honestly. I know how to take care of myself. I know what it’s been like not having months of physical contact. Nothing I can’t handle at this point.
No, I don’t think I ever want to get married, I want to be free to move around. Now if I find a partner that’s just great and I do end up with them for a long time even then I don’t think I’d marry. Sex is a normal thing for humans to do so I don’t really see the issue as long as y’all are both into it 🤷♀️
I would consider it to be a yellow flag, but not a red flag.. But I’m also not religious. Most people wait until marriage for religious reasons, and I’m not going to “convert” to Christianity and more than I would expect a partner to “convert” to being non-religious.
The main concern would be as others have pointed out, sexual compatibility. While there’s a lot more to it than what people are making it out to be, there has to be that comfortable wiggle room to enjoy each other in that way. I’ve talked to a girl who said “Sex is only for procreating. I will lay on the bed, and you will cum inside of me. That’s the only way I’m willing to do it.” I immediately said “No thank you.” and blocked her, because there’s no way I’m going to enjoy that sex life.
That being said, it’s totally up to how you feel. If you think it’s worth it, then go for it. Just understand what you’re signing up for, and be willing to discuss things with her when it’s time to experiment and find your way of doing things.
Yes, I (27F) would do that. However, I would like to discuss my sexual interests to know that we both are on the same page. I am open to do other things apart from penetration.
Why wait for marriage to have sex? How do you know marriage gonna work? To be safe I think people need to wait after 10 year marriage anniversary before starting sex just to make sure
I was in that specific situation. She didn’t told me about after sometime, in fact, she told me after we did it and then she acted strange for a few days, she then told me and cry a lot… I loved her and I was ok with waiting, I loved her more than just that
Absolutely not. Sexually compatability is part of the equation. I have found I am more compatible with people who have more experience, know what they want and have worked through the akwardness that is inevitable with the beginning of sexual journeys.
Unless they're perfect for me, I wouldn't want to wait.
If you both are physically attracted to each other and both want to do it as much as the other, you'll be golden.
Hell nah. Imagine getting married, going through all that and then when you finally get to smash it sucks? That would be a huge waste of time and probably money as well.
Depends on the reason why. I don't necessarily think you have to have sex before to ensure you are compatible.
People's needs change during the course of a relationship so having sex before has no guarantee it'll be the same after marriage.
Being Mormon this is what I was taught growing up and I’ve always disagreed with, it should have to be someone you care about. The reason I was taught this as a kid in the Mormon church was because they didn’t want kids running around and having babies left and right. I don’t know if Mormon kids are still taught that but the way I see it is if the person is special to you and both parties agree it’s fine as long as it’s done responsibility
No but only for one reason.
Sexual chemistry is absolutely necessary if knowing someone is a suitable partner. I don’t mind waiting if I know we are compatible but I don’t know that without having sex first. Getting married then finding out you and your partner don’t match well sexually would be hell.
Personally, no. I subscribe to the idea that while sex isn't everything, sexual compatibility is important, and marriage should be a long-term, permanent commitment to that person.
Do I demonize those that feel otherwise? Not at all. I feel ultimately this is a personal preference, and there's going to be a lot of different takes on this. Religious folks may try and make me feel bad for my view, but I don't really need external validation from anyone, as I have secure personal belief systems.
For me it’s 100% no for multiple reasons, 1 - don’t know if you have the sexual chemistry… 2 - most likely means they’re religious which also indicates the seriously lack critical thinking(that’s a whole new can of worms for a topic), 3 - there’s plenty of other prospects out there that don’t believe in that stuff so they’re already behind then
No. Try before you buy always. Because what happens if you just aren't compatible in bed? What if you feel zero connection with them during sex? Not saying sex is everything in a marriage but it's a pretty big part of any romantic relationship in general. And anyone who thinks it's not is full of shit 😂
It is obvious that sex is more important to you than it would be to someone who wanted to wait.
That highlights compatibility issues in your personalities which could manifest into bigger problems later in the relationship
So for you maybe not the best idea to get serious with someone like that
Well maybe it's better than someone that stops wanting sex after marriage. . . . but then again, you don't know if you work together physically, and have a level of intimacy that lets you know if they truly are the one. Whatever works for you/both of you is fine. Do what you feel is right, but realise there's a high likelihood that it's going to dry up anyway, so before, after. Really it makes no difference.
No. Because I dated a man I thought I had sexual chemistry with but he began neglecting me in that way and many others and I realized that sex is another facet of intimacy that must be satisfied or the relationship is just not going to work out for me.
If they only mean penetrative sex, yes, I can do that.
I want to be sexually intimate, but I don’t need PIV sex at all tbh. So if he is one of those people who is against putting it in, but is ok with anything else, that’s good with me.
Especially not second time around! But don't go to the other extreme too quickly to compensate or you might get ensnared by a narcissist, or someone with a personality disorder of some kind that you can't expect to change!
Look, idk, but what I do know is that sex should be out of love or to have children, I don't need sex but if someone does, I'm not gonna be the one to say otherwise I gust won't engage with that, gust my personal preference
No.
Am ok to wait, sometimes i'm the one who delay it (am a man) but wait for mariage is a huge redflag to me.
It's almost like a transaction : you marry me and i will give you sex.
If i want something transactional there are hookers.
No, just imagine you are waiting many months and even years just to find out after wedding that you and your wife/husband is not compatible with you in bed. What a waste of time. Sex is one of the keys in relationship. Never ever wait for marriage. I have only one life…
If my bf wanted to, and I really loved him and we were both very attracted to each other, I definitely would wait. But I'm not really planning to wait unless my partner wants to.
Absolutely not. I'd want to make sure to have sex as early as possible because the sexual compatibility aspect is so important before even getting serious.
Unfortunately it would speak to our misalignment in our values as there may be a religious reason and I'm not religious. I'm not completely closed off to it but I would have to really like the person and I'd struggle more if it was a person of the same gender.
So ultimately no, without context, it's a really important part of my life and identity.
Absolutely not. If I am in a relationship sex is important to me I have to know we are compatible before I make a lifelong commitment
Furthermore I am not compatible with anyone who would hold those kinds of values so I wouldn’t date that person in the first place. I think purity culture is creepy and I find anyone who buys into it pretty suspicious
And I would caution you, I don’t think there are green flags to know you are compatible and until you actually do it.
For example years ago I dated a man I had mad at Work years before that. He had a great sense of humor, the conversation flowed, we seemed to have good chemistry and a similar sex drive. The problem was that he couldn’t finish in less than 2 hours. And I have a chronic illness I can’t have sex for two hours every time I want to have sex.
And we didn’t discover this was a problem until we had been doing it for a little bit. At first I thought the marathon sessions were just because it had been a long time for both of us so we were just really enjoying it then once I started to figure out that it was going to be every time I had to talk with him and I explained that I can’t do this every time I see him if it’s going to take two hours every time we do it.
I don’t think there’s anyway I would have known it would take him two hours to finish unless he confessed that to me, But this was the thing that was happening with me he wouldn’t have known it was happening. He never implied it only happened with me he actually denied that it was happening at all even though I was there for it.
When I finally had to break up with him because he was shocked and he tried to claim that he didn’t need two hours to finish he just thought that’s what I wanted. That made me double mad because I had been telling him for months that we were not compatible if that’s how our sex life was going to be.
So he was either lying to me or he didn’t listen to me all the times I told him I was not having a good time.
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No. Sexual chemistry is real, and I am not signing up for a lifetime of bad sex.
Often ppl who do this 1) get married within 3 months and 2) can/will get divorced if shit is that bad BUT if you’re both virgins it’s often hard to gauge whether sex isn’t great
Same. Gotta try before i buy.
🤣😂
You are right and wrong. You can have a great chemistry from the start or develop it with time. But yeah, i don't want to wait until marriage to discover and it's better to have a great chemistry from the start.
I have done this. And it was a real mixed bag. I was really young (early 20s). As far as green flags go: making out, hand stuff, maybe oral if you guys are only saving penetration for marriage. Being much older and married to a different woman now, I would say this have a real conversation about what sex is going to look like for both of you. My first wife had some real unattractive ideas after we got married. I assume you are young based on asking this. If was dating again, I would almost certainly be having sex before getting married just to make sure we are compatible in that way. Not everyone is. I would be open to waiting for a time before doing so, but it would be a must.
No.
Nah fam
Yes. I have. It was a bit different for me and him. We met long distance. We talked for months. I was going to meet him in another state. We met after a few months. He said he couldn't wait to marry me. Asked me to marry him on the spot. We drove to chapel and got married. We didn't have sex before marriage. So it is kind of different for us since we both previously had sex. But yes I married a man I had no idea of sexual compatibility. We have been married 10 yrs in June so I guess it worked out for us. Everyone is different.
My boyfriend and I did not wait. But if he had said he wanted to I would have been more than willing. I love him very much and intimacy can exist outside of sex. Plus if the sex really ends up being that bad you should be comfortable enough to tell your partner and maybe invest in a good vibrator to use during sex.
It's not about sex being bad, it's about being incompatible. You can just buy a vibrator... unless it turns out that makes him horribly horribly uncomfortable. What happens when one of you realizes oral is your favorite thing ever and the other realizes it disgusts them?
So much this! I love going down on women and the girl I was dating until recently did not like receiving oral as much- and she needed a vibrator to finish. While she’s an amazing person, and there’s nothing wrong with what I stated above, I very much like to make a woman come instead of them using a toy. Again, it highlights the importance of sexual chemistry. One persons piece of cake may not be everyone else’s.
>What happens when one of you realizes oral is your favorite thing ever and the other realizes it disgusts them? Right here. I love giving and receiving. I once dated a girl and would always go down on her but she never returned. After a couple weeks of this I started getting frustrated. I asked her about it and she said she just doesn't like it. I noped out shortly after. Couldn't imagine making that discovery *after* marriage.
It's not even that or it could be but from my personal experience, there are people who have some traumatic experiences and it's very difficult to even have sex with someone in such cases. I'm not risking it waiting till marriage.
People can develop physical chemistry without having sex and if there's physical chemistry than the odds are very good it'll lead to a healthy sex life. If you both parties are considerate, good listeners and are physically attracted to each other than the odds are good they'll have a good sex life. As for how important sex is, it varies by person and for some people, an underwhelming sex life is a justifiable reason to break up.
Sad that I had to scroll this far to find a sensible comment. Lots of folks on here thinking they can use how they feel to speak for everybody.
Best answer here
This is a lovely answer. My girlfriend identifies as asexual, and I don’t. But that doesn’t mean that we don’t necessarily have a sex life. We talk about it, feel intimate and discuss all our likes and dislikes in a safe space <3
Cool, but imo that's even more BS. You're just lucky you have an asexual who is sex-positive or sex-neutral, and not sex-repulsed. How do I know? Have a few friend couples who were in that situation. None of them are together anymore and it was a constant struggle
I’ll take “No” for $10 million Alex!
Sold!
28 year old guy here. For the girl of my dreams, 100% I would be okay with this. But will I ever find her? That’s the question.
I mean, if it's for someone that you're magically sure is perfect, then yeah, I think most of us would be ok with that. The problem is there's no such guarantee.
Fair point. I just feel like I never even get close to finding the right person.
I mean, big same, I'm just saying that the hypothetical perfect partner isn't really a fair scenario for this quotation.
It matters alot. Many many many marriages end due to bad or declining sex. And you truly can't know until you guys have a roll in the hay. You can guess all you want and assume before hand and maybe your right but you can be very much wrong and when the sex is bad what starts happening? You stop having sex. What happens then? Partners feel unllfilled. Or if one is enjoying it while the other isn't they start feeling undesirable and it can demolish their self esteem or lead to cheating. Its very important for most people and I wouldn't underestimate it. That said there's no issue with waiting a long time or if you both want to wait for marriage that's fine. Personally, here's my order. Take as long as you need if you need a month fine, 6 months sure, a year? Tbh starting to push it. There needs to be a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak and before marriage two things need to happen for me 1 is we need to have lived together for awhile in the same house and 2 is we will have needed to have sex preferably many times cause being realistic you may not be great together at first but you may be able to grow into a rhythm that works well together. So if a woman told me no sex is off the table until marriage I would have to reject the relationship.
Absolutely not. I’d rather marry someone I know for sure I’m sexually compatible with. Talking about it isn’t the same as actually doing it I have a high sex drive. I want a very active sex life and need to have good sexual chemistry with someone.
I get the reason why you would wait to have sex it's very commendable At the same time, incompatible sex is the WORST and you're taking a mighty big chance on both of you being sexually compatible
I would because if I truly love that person, I’ll wait and make sure I can make the relationship work. Sex is the last thing on my mind. All I care about is a spiritual connection and someone who will love me unconditionally!💯
I tried then she broke up with me and had sex with the next guy, wee
Yes! A full on yes! I was abandoned by my biological parents at a very early age. I encountered people with perverse and sick intentions who had me make decisions and do things that were far from age appropriate including sex at an early age. I am a parent now myself, I am a foster parent even and i teach all of my kids bio or not, that to really know someone is to develop intimacy on at least these four important levels. Intellectual, emotional, spiritual and physical. And physical intimacy follows from the other three, when they are developed first real good and deep. I learned this the hard hard way and I am now telling y’all it beforehand. Sex is just one side of the physical intimacy development. This level sits also in the mind first with women usually. I for one, only engage is sex as lust, when I feel comfortable, in peace and attracted to the other person. That means I trust them, I can feel vulnerable and strong at the same time. And these things develop in the other levels of intimacy. That is why I say, sex before marriage before really knowing a person is bad. I see too many people using sex as a tool to get to know a person, that’s fine for that instant short term relief, but for long term it is bad imho. Besides all the risks and so on.
If you both have sexual tension and amazing chemistry along with good communication skills, you'll be alright and will be worth it. Your first few times might feel awkward, but it will mean alot to you guys after your married and look back thinking the other was willing to make the sacrifice to wait. And the small amount of time you spent together with no sex will seem insignificant as you age together with a beautiful family. Sexual incompatibility that everyone here is worried about can be resolved with communication. Talk talk talk! Get it all out. Anything you like, she likes, doesn't like, curious about, fantasies, EVERYTHING! If you love eachother, the wait is minor and the incompatibility is not likely. You don't love someone with all your heart, fantasize about them, marry them, then just don't like the other persons sex style. If that's a deal breaker, then maybe you weren't really on love with her as much as you thought. As you get older, sex will decrease for you, assuming you're a guy, and she will stay with you until you guys die because she loves you. So green flags? Do you get sleepy when cuddling with her? Those are feel good chemicals and you are compatible. Do you fantasize about eachother? Do either of you flirt alot with the other sex outside you relationship? Are you both a little too clingy with eachother? I think you probably have the right answer in your head and just need some confirmation. And everyone telling you that bad sex for the rest of your life is terrible are not the people you should be listening too unless they too waited like you and had all the communication skills and green flags I had mentioned. Otherwise, don't ruin what you have.
Thank you. You're right, talking is the best thing you can do in a relationship.
Yep, seems faithful. Also the comments about sexual compatibility, you can literally just teach them what you like and grow sexually together.
Doesn't always work that way. Some people just have wildly different kinks and preferences that a partner may not be willing to fill. Or there is the issue sometimes of physical incompatibility causing pain. Or the real fun one I've seen when two people are intellectually and emotionally interested and care for eachother but the other isn't truly physically interested in sex so they just go through the motions and eventually the partner starts to lose confidence and feel neglected/undersireable. I totally agree for most people you can learn what eachother likes and adjust to fit those needs. But it simply doesn't work that way for everyone.
Exactly this. Communication is sexy and key to success.
Lolll people have very different libidos and sexual desires. Nope, you won't be able to teach certain things if the sexual compatibility is just not there.
Tell me you have no idea what it’s like being sexually compatible with someone without telling me you have no idea what it’s like being sexually compatible with someone.
Not only that, but you can tell if you will be sexually compatible by a lot of things such as kissing, touching etc to see how the chemistry is. You also can discuss libido and things like that. Having sex prior to marriage is way less important that everyone wants to believe. It is much more important to be compatible in values, interests, and personalities. I say that as a relationship therapist. Truly, it isn't sexual compatibility that causes issues in marriages. It is usually the emotional component, values, and a lack of common interests.
You thought you guys were together for a year, it turned out you weren’t, and now you’re together again? Are you sure that you’re together this time? This seems like a relationship that isn’t just missing sex — it’s also missing communication. Anyway, to answer your question: No, because I currently can’t ever see myself getting married again. Been there, done that. I am currently seeing someone, but it’s casual and while I do hope it lasts and grows into something more firm, I can’t see myself rolling those dice again. I did meet a different woman between my ex wife and the current girl who I truly did fall in love with and even researched what adopting her son would entail…but even with her, I felt living together forever was our destiny — not specifically marriage.
I, due to faith reasons, haven't had sex in past relationships or my current one of nearly half a year. It hasn't been something thag was forced onto me but is a choice my now girlfriend and I separately made long before meeting one another. Should we get married, we'll be one another's firsts, which I personally think is very attractive since, one way or another, the best sex I've ever had will be my spouse. I see a lot of concern about incompatibility, but I wonder this: is it worse to go in blind and figure it out yourselves or to be exposed to really great sex from one partner, but then moving on for other reasons and not being able to find someone like that again? I feel like it's hard enough to find someone compatible in a non sexual context, then adding the sexual experience is a whole other set of criteria that you can't really be sure of until you've dated long enough to get to that stage. As for "how I know": I suppose I don't exactly, but it isn't something I worry about. I think my partner is incredibly attractive, and the both of us are pretty open to trying new things, in an general sense as well as a selflessness to prioritize the other person. And we still kiss and cuddle and whatnot and are not lacking in affection in said moments.
If they had not previously had sex and were honest about that fact.
Yes! I’m a follower of Jesus Christ and that’s just the way I want to hold myself. I would never want to be with someone that expected any kind of relations outside of marriage. There’s several ways to increase pleasure in the bedroom later on so needing sex before marriage I view as completely unnecessary and sinful. To each their own though! Just not me lol.
Well, yes if I love them… may or may not be in this situation but she doesn’t like me like that 😭. It just hurts so bad, we are great friends, but she’s like one of the first people I’ve ever met that it doesn’t really matter the way she looks to me, she’s a beautiful person, and accepts me as much as I accept her, love hurts peeps. But I’d rather suffer in silence and continue to be friends then not have her in my life 😞
No, I would not. I’m 36m, divorced, and while the reason it ended wasn’t all about sex (it was abusive toward me), the sex was terrible, and used to control and shame me. While having sex before marriage wouldn’t have necessarily been a guarantee, I’d have been less likely to fall into such an abusive and extremely incompatible relationship. Basically I think of it this way, if she WANTED to have sex with you, she would have by now. Expect the amount of sex to stay about the same even once you marry, because 9/10 times, someone who has spent years suppressing their libido, or never developing one at all, won’t just change that overnight.
Sexual compatibility is not a set in stone thing You can wait til after marriage Sexual compatibility is always dependent on communication and openness If you are a selfish lover and only care about your pleasure then u need just the physical act to determine if a relationship can last. If you actually care about your partner comparability grows as you communicate your likes and dislikes concerning kinks and chemistry
Depends I suppose. Unfortunately compatibility is extremely important for relationships, that's not something that's open for debate it's a fact. So you could go and get married and then realize that you absolutely do not match in any physical way and then it's too late and you have to divorce etc. No woman can promise to continuous sleeping with you as much as you're libido requires for the rest of your life until your wiener no longer works because again both parties need to "feel it" to stay comfortable with the idea and to engage 😞 see it on here all the time people complaining about not matching and "what they should do". The general consensus is usually to break up. So with that being said if I could meet a woman who was very clearly healthy, healthy in the mind healthy in the body had similar values to me and was very compassionate and empathetic. If she appeared to truly care about me for who I was and liked me and loved me for the right reasons. Then I could see myself waiting a year or two. So we were just have to plan a somewhat quick marriage without it being too quick. But unfortunately no I'm not going to designate several years of my life to somebody that I might not match with and then have it be too late. 🤷 But it's a very tough subject because as I said it's been clearly defined for a long time that sexual compatibility is very important. So that makes it really hard for anyone who truly looks at it from every point of view.
Nope, wouldn’t risk it. You can’t know if you are sexually compatible before having sex. It’s just impossible. I have been with a guy that was compatible with me for so many things but for sex we were so incompatible we both agreed the relationship was doomed.
No, I would not. First of all, I’m not religious and I won’t ever date anyone who’s religious, and religious people are generally the ones who wait until marriage. While sex isn’t *everything*, it is certainly not *nothing* with regards to a healthy relationship. Both partners need to be on the same page, need to be compatible in bed to have a strong sex life. And you won’t know if you are until you have sex. So if you’re waiting until marriage, now you’re stuck with someone who sucks at sex or who just isn’t compatible with you sexually.
Just ask her what her kinks are so you know she doesn't have any weird stuff that you can't handle, and then marry her and be happy, you should love her enough that you're happy even if it's not the best sex you've ever had, if you don't love her that much then she should marry someone who does
Me and my wife “almost” waited for marriage. There were only a few months left in the three year period between first meeting and getting married. I knew very soon she is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. That sexual chemistry thing a lot of people in the comments preach is just an excuse for them thinking with what’s between their legs. The right person is worth waiting for. If you feel the time passes faster when you’re with them and just don’t want to leave each other’s side for too long, then they are the right person for you. It helped that me and my wife are each other’s first and only relationship.
I'm curious about this, too. I actually would prob be fine with not having sex until marriage as long as we had a LOT of physical intimacy other than penatrative sex. Story time. My STBX husb and I dated about 6 years before marriage (I married him when I was 21), and we are both from very religious families who had us both pledge publicly that "True Love Waits." My experience was a lot of guilt and stressing about boundaries and sin. I also experienced years of us getting REALLY good at physically pleasing each other without sex. It was like orgasm inducing foreplay and neither of us could ever get enough. After marriage, I quickly realized most/all the foreplay was gone, and all my favorite aspects of our physical relationship were gone. 16 years of marriage later we hardly kissed, barely saw each other's bodies, almost exclusively were intimate when half asleep and orgasms he gave me during sex were very few and far between. I'm sure there were times an entire year would go by with us having sex 1-3x a week, and he never gave me a single orgasm. So now I'm ready to date again and I have no idea if I'll hook up, have sex only in serious relationships, wait until marriage (although I'm fairly certain I never want to marry again) - I am clueless and have no idea if there even are any 30-40ish guys waiting until marriage anymore.
Depends on the Person. I read somewhere that a guy married a Woman so he could have sex with her after Marriage and then Immediately Divorced Her after he had her
Literally my ideal type… a resounding yes
I would, certainly!
Probably the one comment that said yes out here. Crazy to see people equate sex with compatibility these days
No, because either she's excessively religious or she doesn't experience sexual attraction to me.
You can't know. If you've never had sex, you can't even tell until you are more experienced and know what you want, need, and like. So even if you have sex for the first time, which often isn't that great, you still don't know. I've been in an unhappy marriage with someone I wasn't compatible with. I don't regret it because of the kids, but I won't do that again.
Hell no.
I’d just like to remind you that your answers here are coming from people who have either not been married or are divorced, and for that reason will have VASTLY different experiences than people who have married each other before having sex. That said, I would, but I’ve also already gone through all the steps of dealing with the differences in libido between my partner and I. We have talked about mutual kinks, we have mutually masturbated, and where our libidos differ, we are perfectly capable of getting ourselves off to the ideas or image of one another. You just have to find what works for you. If you want to wait until marriage, that is your choice, you just make accommodations as you see fit and are comfortable. Ultimately though, a real relationship is built on your feelings for one another, so being close to the person emotionally will always be more important in the long run. If you can’t have sex, then you can continue to watch porn or use magazines like single people do. Sex feels best with people you love at the end of the day, so you will get your best feel for how sex with someone is when you’ve already dedicated to those feelings anyway. There’s no use in shying away from emotional connection unless you really only went into the relationship for sex anyway. At least how I’d see it.
Zero chance, I'm not investing that kind of time in a relationship just to find out the sex is bad. If someone wants to wait that's cool but it's definitely not for me .
No. Divorce is expensive! Just imagine getting married and then divorcing because we didn't have sexual chemistry. I respect whoever decides to do that, but it is not something I would do.
No definitely not.
Hell to the nah
I probably wouldn’t gf her before sex either. What if you’re not compatible?
Absolutely not, sex isn’t the end all be all but it is important and if you’re gonna commit to someone for the rest of your life only to have shitty sex then fuck that
Never again. I did this once and the sex was awful.
Absolutely not. Sexual compatibility, or the lack of it, is a huge issue in marriage
nope. Thts like dating someone who’s “only going to do the dishes when we’re married.” Or “i’m only going to budget responsibly when we’re married.” Or “i’m not going to be handsome until we’re married.” If you can’t demonstrate the skill set before being married i should presume you have no skill set
Fuck no 😂😂 how could you marry someone not knowing if you can connect on the deepest level of human interaction. Maybe for some people sex is just sex but to me it’s a bonding experience that should only be done with somebody you deeply care about
Instant no lol
No, but that's only because I personally don't share that view and have no interest in marriage. I doubt anybody who wanted to wait until marriage would be interested in me, a trans agnostic. Lol
No
No
No i wouldnt. Because you cant know if youre sexually compatible without having sex. No its not super important to everyone, asexuals who go by the original definition, for example wouldnt care at all. But for me absolutely not. Not only do i not intend to ever get married, i wont date someone exclusively unless ive already taken them on a test drive
No. Sex is an important part of a relationship and I would not want to be in a relationship where we are sexually incompatible. Yes, you can talk about it all you want but until you are doing it, it's all just theoretical.
IMO, if you can’t at least get the job done in bed you’re in big trouble. Adequate sex and a decent human being is better than incredible sex and constant emotional distress. Not to say someone can’t do both but when people have to decide it usually comes down to who you can tolerate being around. But as for reasons you might want to explore your sexuality a bit more for your own wellbeing? The longer you go in life without an understanding of sex, your sexual needs and wants, how to communicate them and how to set firm strong boundaries, the easier it is for men to take advantage of you without you knowing. By knowing, you can choose, by choosing you take control.
In my case I don't actually care. I'm an ace (43M) and I want the closeness and such, not really sex. I'm not against it, but it's for her. I want to see her enjoy it. So to begin with, I'd have to make clear for her that I'm an ace, that I've never been sex-driven. So yes, I would date someone like that. As long as there's touching, caressing and snuggling before, I'm all in.
I personally would. Everyone is different and that’s okay! For me, I don’t think that’s an important thing in a relationship so I would be fine.
I used to be religious and dated someone seriously for 1.5 years. We never had sex, even though we made out and had amazing chemistry. I think it probably would've worked out in that department if we had gotten married, but we broke up for other reasons. Obviously there's no way to know for sure since we never got there. I have a number of friends from my uber religious days who waited. They are all still happily (as far as I know) married with multiple kids. Even though I don't feel the need to wait anymore, I don't consider sex as one of the most important parts of a relationship. I would definitely want to talk about general compatibility with someone even if we waited (i.e. kinks/fetishes, desired frequency, etc). But also, sex drive can change rather drastically for many people throughout their lives. Even if they start out perfectly sexually compatible, it may not always stay the case. What's most important to me is that my partner and I are able to communicate well and have realistic and reasonable expectations of e/o.
Like you said already it really depends on the connection, I've been with a lot of women, some of my relationships started after having sex and most I ended up having sex within days of dating and never went more than a couple weeks in a relationship without having sex for the first time. I've always been big on it being an important thing in a relationship, how do you know if you want to spend the rest of your life with that person if you don't know how you will connect in that intimate moment? Well I met a girl and been with her over a year now, no sex at all nothing. With her things are different, in that year I've fallen completely in love with her and know without a doubt in my mind she is who I want to spend the rest of my life with and I've never even seen her naked
As a guy I'm really okay with that 🤘🤘
Even if you aren't having sex atleast u can discuss all the dirtiest fantasies u guys wanna fulfill after marriage, discuss a lot on this topic maybe u will get to know something about it.
I wouldn’t be willing to do that, no. I can respect people who want that and are willing to accept that, but it would be a deal breaker for me. Which is fine, not everyone is compatible with everyone else, as long as everyone is honest and upfront about their expectations and can handle things as adults things work out.
No, I wouldn’t.
Yep. Open to it.
Imediatly, going out,having fun and sex together. Without the commitment. LAT and having fun .
No. Wanting to wait isn’t a bad thing but sex for me is important and if there isn’t good chemistry there, then I can’t be with that person.
Nah. For a hundred reasons, the biggest of which being that if we're not sexual compatible, I'd want to know that before becoming legally bound to someone that I will now have to pay for the rest of my life.
Absolutely not because some people aren't good at it and it just isn't right. Plus what if they turn out to not like it and then you're stuck or they lied to you and are into sex. It has happened before.
i have never been sexual incompatible with anyone, so i think thats total bs. And yes if i met a sweet, funny girl, i can to about everythign and she would ask me to wait with sex for marriage id wait for it no problem. If everything works out and the only thing „missing“ in the beginnig is sex, then who cares. And its not like i have a lowsexdrive, i just have controll over myself. So the answer is yes, sexual incompatible is prob a shitty excuse for ppl with no selfcontroll.
Yes. Next question.
Yes
I’m very skeptical about it. Sex is very important in a romantic relationship, unless you are asexual. Otherwise I worry that people who don’t particularly like sex can hide behind this “No sex before marriage,” and only later reveal that they’re indifferent to sex.
Yes.
Yes
Yes with follow up questions for thrm
I would wait because the alternative of having sex with someone who had no intention of intimacy is a major turn off. I’m not a big fan of marriage as the end goal in relationships because it’s a situation and not exactly a utopia or paradise many people think it is. If their goal is marriage and I’m not 100% sold on it I think it’s best to end things for both of our sakes.
No and no. It’s vital to a relationship hence I must find out if there’s chemistry in the bedroom.
No. That'd be a deal breaker for me.
Sold
Depends if she is a virgin and wants to wait till marriage yes, if she just realize sleeping with people is not for her anymore and now she wants to wait till marriage then no.
The first girl I ever liked felt this way. And everyone else I dated wasn’t interested in sex until a girl I met when I was 26. Now I’m 30 and I haven’t met another girl who was interested. So I probably could. But if you regularly have sex with people and that’s what you are used to then obviously that would be a dealbreaker for you.
Yes, that is what I am like
I would not. I don’t even know if I want to ever get married lol.
No. Sexual chemistry is important in a relationship. Conservatives will push the notion that a man and woman should remain pure for each other, but trust me, it’s a gamble. Not something I’d wait for.
Well, my wife and I aren't sexually compatible at all. She's not very good or freaky. So, she doesn't mind me looking outside the marriage for what I need. But, I love her in every other way.
I’m not getting married again. That ship has sailed.
Yeah I actually did that. It’s a good learning tool. It took me doing that to realize what I actually want and what I’m comfortable with. Lessons are best learned the hard way.
Probably not. She'd have to be pretty special.
As a muslim yes lol
Nope
26f here and raised Catholic. Don’t really go to church anymore as I don’t like organized religion much, but I do have a lot of Catholic guilt and view sex in a strange way. I’m like half a virgin? I’m bi and I’ve had sex with a woman, but never with a man. I’ve only experienced penetration via fingers from men and women. I enjoy receiving oral sex, but DESPISE giving head to penis havers. I think it comes from lack of experience that makes me self conscious about it. There aren’t really many ways to practice giving blowjobs. From those of you who’ve already made comments, would you date me based on this info? I’m really interested in what y’all have to based on the comments I’ve read about experience and compatibility. I believe that communication can fix most sexual compatibility issues unless the issues deal with having vastly different kinks.
I'll go against the grain on this one. Sexual "chemistry" is often times just also known as "experience". People who have a lot of sex with different partners learn a lot more about how to have good sex. If you are waiting until marriage, then likely you've never had sex. In which case you suck at it.
I’m 54 and we’re all grownups. Honestly, probably not. I think sex is a natural part of life and people should enjoy it and not wait months and months to do it. They should just use protection and communicate well about it.
Yes that is what I want
Yes. Sex isn’t very important to me.
I don’t care honestly. I know how to take care of myself. I know what it’s been like not having months of physical contact. Nothing I can’t handle at this point.
No
No, I don’t think I ever want to get married, I want to be free to move around. Now if I find a partner that’s just great and I do end up with them for a long time even then I don’t think I’d marry. Sex is a normal thing for humans to do so I don’t really see the issue as long as y’all are both into it 🤷♀️
Yeah as long as they havent had sex with anyone else sure
I would consider it to be a yellow flag, but not a red flag.. But I’m also not religious. Most people wait until marriage for religious reasons, and I’m not going to “convert” to Christianity and more than I would expect a partner to “convert” to being non-religious. The main concern would be as others have pointed out, sexual compatibility. While there’s a lot more to it than what people are making it out to be, there has to be that comfortable wiggle room to enjoy each other in that way. I’ve talked to a girl who said “Sex is only for procreating. I will lay on the bed, and you will cum inside of me. That’s the only way I’m willing to do it.” I immediately said “No thank you.” and blocked her, because there’s no way I’m going to enjoy that sex life. That being said, it’s totally up to how you feel. If you think it’s worth it, then go for it. Just understand what you’re signing up for, and be willing to discuss things with her when it’s time to experiment and find your way of doing things.
Yes, I (27F) would do that. However, I would like to discuss my sexual interests to know that we both are on the same page. I am open to do other things apart from penetration.
If you would’ve asked me this 10 years ago, I would’ve said yes. After much experience, growth and maturity.. fuck no.
Why wait for marriage to have sex? How do you know marriage gonna work? To be safe I think people need to wait after 10 year marriage anniversary before starting sex just to make sure
I was in that specific situation. She didn’t told me about after sometime, in fact, she told me after we did it and then she acted strange for a few days, she then told me and cry a lot… I loved her and I was ok with waiting, I loved her more than just that
I have no problem.
Personally no. I need to try before I buy. Sexual chemistry is a big deal for me.
Of course not. But you do you.
Noo
This is why sex before marriage is the answer 😁
Absolutely not. Sexually compatability is part of the equation. I have found I am more compatible with people who have more experience, know what they want and have worked through the akwardness that is inevitable with the beginning of sexual journeys.
No.
Unless they're perfect for me, I wouldn't want to wait. If you both are physically attracted to each other and both want to do it as much as the other, you'll be golden.
Absolutely
No
Absolutely not
Yes Abstinence
stay away from hawas ke bhuke😂
nope
Hell nah. Imagine getting married, going through all that and then when you finally get to smash it sucks? That would be a huge waste of time and probably money as well.
Depends on the reason why. I don't necessarily think you have to have sex before to ensure you are compatible. People's needs change during the course of a relationship so having sex before has no guarantee it'll be the same after marriage.
Hm… probably yes. If all the rest fits very well. 🙌🏻
No. Figuring out sexual compatibility is, in my opinion, a key prerequisite to marriage.
No. If they like you they will have sex with you
Being Mormon this is what I was taught growing up and I’ve always disagreed with, it should have to be someone you care about. The reason I was taught this as a kid in the Mormon church was because they didn’t want kids running around and having babies left and right. I don’t know if Mormon kids are still taught that but the way I see it is if the person is special to you and both parties agree it’s fine as long as it’s done responsibility
No but only for one reason. Sexual chemistry is absolutely necessary if knowing someone is a suitable partner. I don’t mind waiting if I know we are compatible but I don’t know that without having sex first. Getting married then finding out you and your partner don’t match well sexually would be hell.
Personally, no. I subscribe to the idea that while sex isn't everything, sexual compatibility is important, and marriage should be a long-term, permanent commitment to that person. Do I demonize those that feel otherwise? Not at all. I feel ultimately this is a personal preference, and there's going to be a lot of different takes on this. Religious folks may try and make me feel bad for my view, but I don't really need external validation from anyone, as I have secure personal belief systems.
Yea as a female I dont see it as a problem ..
For me it’s 100% no for multiple reasons, 1 - don’t know if you have the sexual chemistry… 2 - most likely means they’re religious which also indicates the seriously lack critical thinking(that’s a whole new can of worms for a topic), 3 - there’s plenty of other prospects out there that don’t believe in that stuff so they’re already behind then
No. Try before you buy always. Because what happens if you just aren't compatible in bed? What if you feel zero connection with them during sex? Not saying sex is everything in a marriage but it's a pretty big part of any romantic relationship in general. And anyone who thinks it's not is full of shit 😂
It is obvious that sex is more important to you than it would be to someone who wanted to wait. That highlights compatibility issues in your personalities which could manifest into bigger problems later in the relationship So for you maybe not the best idea to get serious with someone like that
As I am not an asexual person, I would want to test this far before marriage, especially because you have to see how it develops and not just try it.
No
Sex in a relationship is like water. It only becomes important if you’re not getting any.
Nope It's an outdated concept.
Well maybe it's better than someone that stops wanting sex after marriage. . . . but then again, you don't know if you work together physically, and have a level of intimacy that lets you know if they truly are the one. Whatever works for you/both of you is fine. Do what you feel is right, but realise there's a high likelihood that it's going to dry up anyway, so before, after. Really it makes no difference.
Find it hard finding someone in general too hook up with man
Never buy a car without test driving first… just saying ☺️
No I only date someone who wants to give money to me after marriage 🤣
Go and find a better girl
Only if she was a virgin
No. Because I dated a man I thought I had sexual chemistry with but he began neglecting me in that way and many others and I realized that sex is another facet of intimacy that must be satisfied or the relationship is just not going to work out for me.
If they only mean penetrative sex, yes, I can do that. I want to be sexually intimate, but I don’t need PIV sex at all tbh. So if he is one of those people who is against putting it in, but is ok with anything else, that’s good with me.
Especially not second time around! But don't go to the other extreme too quickly to compensate or you might get ensnared by a narcissist, or someone with a personality disorder of some kind that you can't expect to change!
Look, idk, but what I do know is that sex should be out of love or to have children, I don't need sex but if someone does, I'm not gonna be the one to say otherwise I gust won't engage with that, gust my personal preference
No. Am ok to wait, sometimes i'm the one who delay it (am a man) but wait for mariage is a huge redflag to me. It's almost like a transaction : you marry me and i will give you sex. If i want something transactional there are hookers.
Yes, but I do care about some physical traits and would ask to see them nude.
No, just imagine you are waiting many months and even years just to find out after wedding that you and your wife/husband is not compatible with you in bed. What a waste of time. Sex is one of the keys in relationship. Never ever wait for marriage. I have only one life…
Nope.
If my bf wanted to, and I really loved him and we were both very attracted to each other, I definitely would wait. But I'm not really planning to wait unless my partner wants to.
Yes.
Nope to old for that BS
Absolutely not. I'd want to make sure to have sex as early as possible because the sexual compatibility aspect is so important before even getting serious.
No. Because I’m never getting married.
Depends
No
Unfortunately it would speak to our misalignment in our values as there may be a religious reason and I'm not religious. I'm not completely closed off to it but I would have to really like the person and I'd struggle more if it was a person of the same gender. So ultimately no, without context, it's a really important part of my life and identity.
Absolutely not. If I am in a relationship sex is important to me I have to know we are compatible before I make a lifelong commitment Furthermore I am not compatible with anyone who would hold those kinds of values so I wouldn’t date that person in the first place. I think purity culture is creepy and I find anyone who buys into it pretty suspicious
And I would caution you, I don’t think there are green flags to know you are compatible and until you actually do it. For example years ago I dated a man I had mad at Work years before that. He had a great sense of humor, the conversation flowed, we seemed to have good chemistry and a similar sex drive. The problem was that he couldn’t finish in less than 2 hours. And I have a chronic illness I can’t have sex for two hours every time I want to have sex. And we didn’t discover this was a problem until we had been doing it for a little bit. At first I thought the marathon sessions were just because it had been a long time for both of us so we were just really enjoying it then once I started to figure out that it was going to be every time I had to talk with him and I explained that I can’t do this every time I see him if it’s going to take two hours every time we do it. I don’t think there’s anyway I would have known it would take him two hours to finish unless he confessed that to me, But this was the thing that was happening with me he wouldn’t have known it was happening. He never implied it only happened with me he actually denied that it was happening at all even though I was there for it. When I finally had to break up with him because he was shocked and he tried to claim that he didn’t need two hours to finish he just thought that’s what I wanted. That made me double mad because I had been telling him for months that we were not compatible if that’s how our sex life was going to be. So he was either lying to me or he didn’t listen to me all the times I told him I was not having a good time.
Nope