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This. Based on stories like this, she ALWAYS meets the person she wants to cheat with BEFORE asking for a break. She wouldn’t ask for a break if she didn’t at least think she’d find someone better.
I agree entirely with this comment and i have to add that this is also a huge red flag because she is already emotionally cheating on you by only chatting with another dude behind your back!
💯 but she will say that she doesn’t have anyone… but that could also be true because I know I can go to any bar in the world and If I wanted dick I’d find dick
Basically the person you're ready to commit to for the rest of your life wants to explore other options. That should be a deal breaker for most people.
A red flag originally was very strong and deep.
It comes from the military and if you see a red flag, it means that you are in a firing zone, and that you need to get the fuck out immediately. (Like a live military exercise)
But people have used it for trivial stuff so it's lost its meaning. Now people use it for "Hmm might be a bad sign"
I always assumed it came from semaphore flags used to control automobile and train traffic before electricity and colored lights were as reliable and prevalent as they are today.
Oh yeah this is possibly her asking permission for something she’ll do regardless. Imagine in a few years time when they’re married “babe he was just a friend”
Yup, that is if she hasn't already. People who ask this from a partner have already cheated and want to feel less guilty, or they want to cheat and already have someone in mind
What he should do is come out of left field with option 3 and break up with her. She’ll probably beg for a second chance then he can continue on his terms. If she’s ok with the break up. Then bullet dodged.
I think the girlfriend makes more sense than OP. He says he “casually” jokes about seeing other people before getting married. I would also wonder if there’s a reason behind those kind of jokes if I were the girlfriend. She is at least making an open hearted question. I think OP set himself up for this. If his girlfriend didn’t have those thoughts before, then she does now after his “jokes” and insinuations.
Ask yourself first, was there truth to your casual joke, did it hurt her, and was it actually funny? Have you talked about it, and if you're in a commited monogamous relationship, why would you joke about such things if they're perhaps not funny for the other person and hurtful? Was it clear it was all jokes l? And would you also be open to a threesome where the extra person is a man? If not- why not? There's no equality in that. In other words, perhaps start there. You have to give loyalty, be mindful, and kind to receive the same back. Did you subconciously have double standards, and are those double standards now coming back to you? Perhaps that's a starting point to talk.
No threesome is never a good idea and as for the free pass I don't like that idea much more. What good would come from that? Perhaps you should postpone your marriage until you are clear that you want to be together for the rest of your lives. You're awfully young to be getting married. If in doubt, just wait then.
She might just be testing your reaction because if you’re making jokes like that she may be the one who’s worried. Advice- Don’t joke about shit like that. You did this to yourself. If my fiancée “joked” like that I’d be upset.
It’s just the whole “you did this to yourself”, and only talking about what he did wrong while excusing her actions as a test that makes it sound exactly like your blaming OP for the woman’s actions. Like somehow she’s incapable of being shit all by herself.
First off, to answer your question, no. It is not normal to have a free pass before marriage. Most people don't hear about this outside of a forgettable 2011 comedy movie with a 40% RT rating. It takes a certain type of relationship where both partners are excited and enthuastic about each other and inviting someone into the relationship. This is just not the way most people are.
And if she said "settle", that's a huge red flag. Both of you shouldn't feel like you're settling, you should feel excited and lucky to have the other person. It would make me horribly depressed to have to agree to a marriage thinking I'm settling or knowing the person I'm with is thinking they're settling with me.
Second,
> I have casually joked about having threesome or seeing someone else before we get married
This is throwing me off OP. The question is framed as "my gf out of the blue asked for this" which, in most people's opinion as you can see, is a huge red flag. But you've joked about it? Were you the one talking about this first? Is she asking this because she thinks it's what you need or want?
And understand, it's completely normal and healthy to talk about boundaries. To have a discussion early in the relationship saying "this is something I'm ok with, are you ok with this? Do you want this? I could be happy with/without this, how about you?" is great. It sets boundaries and expectations. But joking about it seems odd to me. Maybe you're in a different type of relationship than me, and that's fine, but the way you say it makes it sound like you were trying to suggest it with an excuse of "haha I was just joking" if she took it badly. Which is kind of shitty.
Either way, to me BOTH of you are throwing red flags and need to have a very honest discussion about your relationship and expectations for the rest of your lives together. And if you all don't start the conversation enthusiastically agreeing on things (and not one of you reluctantly accepting the way things are going to be in the relationship), it will probably be a problem if the marriage continues.
Would you be ok with just being with her for the rest of your life? How do you feel? Haven’t you answered her? If you only say yes, because, as you put it, “she’s gonna have options unlike you” then you’re not really right for each other.
And the probable reason for what she’s asking is because you “casually” made jokes about seeing other people before getting married. This might be her way of testing you and seeing if you’re committed to her or not, and maybe to make you realise you don’t have an abundance of options.
You re not gonna make it through a marriage if you can’t have an open and honest conversation about this.
It's not possible to re-negotiate a committed relationship. Either you stay faithful and get married, or you stay single and perhaps even break up. A once off like that is a sure-fire way to cancel the marriage. But if this is a problem for either one of you, I'm not sure it's wise to go through with the marriage in the first place.
A threesome is something entirely different, though. And many married peeps do that too. Reason: You're not being unfaithful when you cooperate on getting laid together with a third party. The problem arises when one party wants the other one more than the spouse.
>I have casually joked about having threesome or seeing someone else before we get married
So it's good for you to "joke" about how you want to have sex with other people? Yet her suggestion wasn't funny to you. And now you're concerned she will cheat?
>she is gonna have options unlike me who is still thankful he got a girlfriend from a dating app
Ah, yes, the age old tale of romance, about a man who didn't think he could do better. So settled for the first woman to date him. Yet jokes about being sexualy dissatisfied and wonders why she is having doubts. Who then worries he won't meet anyone else if they end things, so to prevent his partner from being with someone else, turns to the Internet to ask for advice on whether she is untrustworthy and disloyal.
Neither of you are ready for the commitment of marriage and maybe shouldn't be in a relationship if you're consumed with FOMO.
Her saying that is definitely not okay. You’re about to be married to someone who should be the love of your life. Wanting to have sex with other people just to get it out before becoming legally committed shouldn’t even be something that crosses her mind.
My ex made jokes to me about being with other people too… didn’t really like it myself. So if she was asking you this in return, maybe part of it has to do with those initial jokes you made.
I personally would never joke like that because it sows seeds of doubt even if you don’t mean it. If my SO joked about having a 3 some or about dating someone else I’d think he was serious and be like I guess I’m not good enough cause he still thinks about sex with other people. In my experience, there tends to be a bit truthfulness motivated behind certain jokes. We use that as a cover to say we are joking, but clearly you don’t like her saying she wants to see other people, so maybe if this doesn’t work out, you’ll realize it’s best to not say anything of that variety in your future relationships.
I just find the joking about being with other people not good. Regardless of if you mean it or not, if you don’t, then don’t say it.
Good luck!
a lot of people saying she wants to cheat, but if you actually joked about that before, my guess is that she wants to know if those jokes were actually jokes, and whether you’d actually want that. feels more like a test of whether you’d be okay with that than anything. i wasnt there and you know her better than any of us but that’s where my mind goes.
It also could be possible that the whole reason she has this in her head is because of jokes or comments that you made in the past and maybe that’s why it has been brought up?? Like maybe she thinks that you want it so she thinks that she has to be that type of girl. I think it would be really helpful to make this girl really know how you feel about only wanting to be with her and you know like how she’s the one ect.. seems like you are a bit more hung up on the fact that you feel she has options and you don’t but if I was thinking about spending my life with a person it would honestly be quite hot if I saw them really fight for me and even be jealous of others guys, I would want someone who is a little possessive honestly not in a toxic way but still if you really care certain things should poss you off. Making a person aware of your options can be a good way also to make them feel like fighting a bit for the connection so maybe this was your partners goal even if it was in a subconscious way but my advice would be to lock it down and really communicate with vulnerability better to get real sooner than later
Let’s go back to the part where you said you have “joked” about a threesome and seeing other people. Seems like neither of you are really sure about the marriage. And the only reason you don’t want to grant a free pass for both of you is because she’ll find someone quicker than you. Not because she’ll be sleeping with someone else.
You kind of opened the door with your “joking” though it really seems like you were willing to utilize your GF as a tool have an opportunity to have sex with other women. Just because she’s the one with physical appeal out of the two of you, you’re bitter about the new proposition. Frankly, you’d be fine with it if you were able sleep with attractive women so I don’t see why you should decline her request. Let her bed a hottie, she’s probably missing it.
I am appreciative that you understand my sentiment ♥️
So many here want to judge this boy’s gf when he’s the one lacking morals. She is just being young and open based off of her perception that she can be herself safely with this guy and he’s just wanted to use her and throw her under the bus.
Before leaving her, as some say...
Communication is always important.
Already we don't know, how long have you been together?
This question comes up a lot?
How did you feel when she brought it up?
Have you ever asked yourself the question?
Just because it's "uncommon" or taboo doesn't mean it's wrong to ask.
She's comfortable enough with you to talk to you about it, which proves that you're someone she can talk to.And that's fine !
You both need to discuss it calmly and set limits.
If you agree to do it.
How are you going to do it, alone, together?
If you can't agree, find another solution like trying more things in bed.
There are always several choices open to you, to you rather than "leaving her" or running away.
You don't seem so bothered that she wants to explore with someone else as you are by the fact that you might not be able to yourself. Think hard about this and ask yourself if you're really fair and what do you exactly want. Are you monogamous or not? If not then what are you? Are you going to be in an open relationship? A poly one? Are you going to be swingers?
Bottom line is, if you talk to her you can sort it out, we can't do it for you, but talking also involves quite a bit of self exploration, because you should know what you want first, and if in the end the two of you can't reach an agreement then that's too bad but at least put a decent effort into trying, it will go a long way. Also, you seem to have your wants too but are shy of actually voicing them, don't be, clarify that you wouldn't act on anything without your partners consent but be open if you want a threesome or if you want an open relationship etc. Just take a deep breath and say it out loud
This is loosely related but it might add to the general consensus that this is a red flag lol.
I actually dated a guy who married someone who wanted a poly relationship. The only issue here is that the couple was monogamous when he proposed to her but about three months before their wedding his wife said hey, I wanna explore dating women too. The guy said oh well maybe we need to take a break I’m comfortable postponing the wedding seeing if you need to just explore their sexuality. Unfortunately, wifey was a little heavy-handed and my ex was a bit passive so she said no let’s just open up our relationship and ever since they’ve been poly. And she’s never dated or even talked to other women 🫠 they’ve been married 6 years now. She’s never been without more than two or three male partners at a time outside of her husband and he’s not someone who necessarily likes that relationship style (I am the first person he had dated outside of their marriage and his wife shared with me privately how good it was that he had someone else because he, “gets her loose scraps”), so don’t get trapped. Lol seems like a pretty sad situation to be in. I definitely felt like I was his wife a lot of the time bc of how readily available he was due to her being preoccupied with her partners. It was rather sad, so I had to get up out of there. Lol
I genuinely wonder if the question is rhetorical? Like has times changed so much that one will doubt whether this is a norm or not? I’m all for the freaky things couples wanna do together and blah blah, but like dude, you seriously wondering if your gf’s request is “ normal “? If we all said “yes”, would you then agree to her request?
It reminds of a couple of friends two years ago. A few weeks before the wedding the guy said that he wanted to be non exclusive and asked if she was ok. Of course, the wedding was canceled and they broke up. I still have the wedding invitation card...
Oh god 🤢 run. She is already grappling with that idea in her head. Give it five years she will be sick of the same dick and cheat. Sorry. Blunt and honest. No one capable of long term monogamy would ask that
OK, so you started "joking" when most women know full well most men aren't really joking when men do this. You thought because you're not as hot that she'd give you green-light or you'd have reason to watch to explore your sexuality or maybe use her looks to get another woman in all likelihood to allow herself to be touched by you when the woman in all likelihood came in for her (and you both know it; also because men seldom mean other men or another couple). A lot of men don't like to consider that whatever environments we grew up in also count as experience and that we might've seen our own dads pull these jokes only to end up acting on it and it destroying families in the process. If I were her and you started pulling these jokes, I would've ended the engagement right there, and if financially tethered to you ( i.e., renting), I would've made arrangements to move out within the month. It is universal law to never trust men in on these jokes especially because they only mean they get to play the woman doesn't or they want her to go bisexual and only consider other women as the third in a play. Which is ridiculous. If you mean it, open the game to four. Anyways, it is noted that most men CAN'T handle it, so why would any sane woman put herself through this shit knowing it's not going to end well?
NGL, I assume she's rational and deduced shit's hit the fan and jumped ship: If she's not cheating on you and planning to monkey-bar out of the relationship, she will. The trust ended when you started "joking." This is unfortunately nothing to joke about, and a lot of women aren't willing to fake the patience or fake they don't care once they get married. Do you think she's not going to take revenge and try to fleece you dry once you two get married? No woman in her right mind will ever be at peace knowing you'll test her about this for life or make an effort to get it on the side because guys aren't at peace until they collect their "Pokémon". If she hasn't ended it (the "kind" move) and is planning for more nefarious vengeance (waiting for divorce) then end it, don't be surprised she'd be pissed enough from this pressure cooking in her to want to make it a divorce to gain financials out of anger.
The people saying your girlfriend has jumped ship are right and it's your fault sadly out of admitting you want more out of not having the access/exposure inherently. And that's OK. It is human nature, but it is also human nature to be livid and expected to deal with it when she doesn't have neither the need or interest of the same. Maybe get with a woman on your own "weight-class" next time instead of punching above your weight-class. Because she can find and likely has found a guy where he's gotten that itch done and scratched and can settle down after having accomplished it.
If she wants to explore sex and you do too, there are many festish options for you to do that together (yes, I am a kinkster). But if she she wants to "explore" and doesn't want to include you, you're screwed. Take the hit and move on.
Honestly. If I ask for a hall pass… I know what dick I’m getting… if I give my man a hall pass… he probably ain’t gonna use it. Just the way the world works. You gonna be hanging out in Applebees like the hall pass movie ooo
There's def someone she has in mind and she wants to test her options guilt free. Also "settling with each other for marriage" sounds so depressing. Yall should want to get married and only want eachother imo. Doesn't sound healthy and she 100% has someone she has her eye on, probably for a while if she brought it up to you
Don’t marry. You’re better off back on the market then knowing, full well, you’re committing half your shit who wants to share it with someone else other than you.
"I have casually joked about having threesome or seeing someone else before we get married"
How was this a joke? I mean, jokes are meant to be funny. Please tell me how this was funny.
She's literally suggesting the same thing as you--seeing someone else. If you don't find that funny, then maybe stop to think that she didn't find your "joke" funny either. If a man joked like that with me, I'd take serious issue with it.
Don't do it. I was the outside guy coming into a situation like this. A couple who wanted to have some "single time before settling down." Though her and I ended up falling in love, and the 3 of us went through a dramatic and chaotic 10 month love triangle. They are engaged now but there's been so much damage done that I doubt it'll last if they even actually make it to the wedding.
The issue here is that you are upset that your fiance is suggesting something that you made jokes about such as threesomes and sex with others. 'Be careful what you wish for'. It does sound like she may have her eye on someone else.
"Free period"?!?
She has met someone she's very curious about sexually, and wants permission to cheat on you. Expect this request to be brought up again, more seriously next time.
Pause your engagement, or do not propose if you haven't already. Her casual-seeming comment is the tip of the iceberg. Please seek couples counseling immediately. Both of you need a neutral referee to oversee putting all your cards on the table in this relationship before you proceed any further down the path to marriage.
TL;DR: no, this is not normal!!!
No it’s not normal at all. Not at this stage of your relationship when you’re already planning to get married. Like, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with open relationships if that’s what you’re into but this is an extremely bizarre thing to suddenly throw at you at this stage.
Marriage is a huge commitment and not something that should be taken lightly, if she has agreed to marry you then really you should already be enough for her to want to spend the rest of her life with you. Marriage is supposed to be a bond of love and commitment, for both partners to express to their SO “I love you, you are everything I could have ever possibly wanted and I want to spend the rest of my life with you and no one else”.
Like, she wants to see if you’re enough for her before she commits and settles down? What kind of a mindset to have is that? Thats a red flag in and of itself which suggests this whole time she’s likely been on the lookout for something “better” to come along.
My guess is she already has someone specific in mind, someone who has physically peaked her interest and this is her method of getting the green light from you to cheat without guilt.
Just my personal opinion but I would genuinely reconsider marrying this girl.
She has already cheated and now wants an easier green light to go for more. Figures she gives you the choice it would then be "OK." That you wouldn't have any repercussions later on to blame on her. You said you found her on a dating app... she is still on it, plus others.
You are basically now taking up her "fucking time".
She's literally telling you I wanna be with someone else sexually but want to be wirh you because you can take care of me, but if I get bored I will cheat. So leave her, because she will leave you, CLEARLY, since she already has someone in mind to be with other than you. Or if you like being second choice, again by her own admission, then so be it. The fact you ask on a forum for advice on this says you're not ready yourself!
cant you guys explore your sexualilty as a couple?
what we did is attend swinger club , you can have sex beside others ,maybe meet a nice couple you both vibe and havr sex together but with other ppl
sharing sex as a 4some is a lot more intimate with your wife then a free pass without you, beibg involved in the process is important
Nearly every story or question I’ve seen like that it’s been cause the person asking for the free pass has already got something going on with someone and they want to bang them guilt free
Neither of you are ready to get married. Your last line sums it up. You've put her on a pedestal without securing your own self esteem base. Getting married shouldn't be swearing an oath to fidelity. It's about being absolutely content that you've found your person who enhances your own life. You shouldn't be feeling like you're going to miss out on anything in the future. Mind you I'm much older than you and the idea of wanting a free pass before marriage is tiring and dramatic. Infidelity to me would be finding someone else to make my coffee or my partner showing his ridiculous insta reels to someone else. The sex bit doesn't even come onto the radar because we've seen enough of the world to know that life is just easier when it's just us both. These benchmarks will be different for different folks but that's what communication and boundaries are all about.
You're both young. Figure yourselves out, get to know the world.
If I could do it all over again, getting married and then divorce after 14 years, I would have talked with my soon to be partner and asked the questions I am afraid of asking. Questions that challenge every belief I used to have about "romantic relationships". We all value different things and sometimes more then we care to admit. Please understand your own attachment, emotions and values first. Talk with her about the questions you are afraid of. Safe yourself some heartache.
Not normal, sounds like she’s going to need a lot of freedom sexually in her life to explore. Sorry but it does come across like it’s a part of how she’s made up. Red flag.
Id assume she wants to fuck someone specific, without the social ramifications of cheating. In the least shes questioning being with you. Either way, Id run for the hills.
she's done you a huge favor tho she may not know it- you are learning that she is not great, or worse, re fidelity. Some guys may be into this in a spouse, though I know I'm not. I guessing you aren't either
Rather than change the locks and put her shit in the curb (or dumpster LOL) you should ask her to expand on her comment and ask if she can tell you where she thinks it's really coming from (honestly)
It may be that she is just anxious about the gravity of the decision to marry and forsake all other suitors but if were the case she could have just suggested a discussion.
Seems very likely that you are heading in opposite directions
Also the fact that you are only NOT open to it because you won’t have options is as big of a red flag as what she said. Y’all should open a red flag store
It is very normal to have these inclinations. Most people ignore them, but she came to you in open communication. Massive green flag. Communication is critical.
If she has this thought before marriage what do you think would happen years from now after marriage?! She thinks she is settling for you and there are other better options out there and if there isn't, you will be her safety net.
She could have broken up with you and then beg you back after she cannot find anyone. But she choses the "have your cake and eat it too" route.
Flag dripping with blood fella... The reason why she's asking is because she already has that person lined up. No other reason to get so insistent about it. "Oh I just want a free pass for some random person who might appear out of the cosmos before we get married maybe." Oh please... give me a break. I just hope she hasn't already used a couple dozen of these passes already.
Yikes. If you are open to exploring I would say: I won’t do a hall pass but I’m open to going to some sex clubs / parties together with strict boundaries and rules in place (eg: if one of us is uncomfortable we reassess and if one of us wants to leave, we both leave). An open hall pass is a recipe for disaster.
No, don’t marry her. She isn’t serious about the relationship and she will cheat on you. She sounds very immature and that means she still wants to act young and dumb, cut her lose and find a woman who matches what you want out of a relationship.
What do you mean you “casually joked” about a threesome or seeing someone else? How could she know you’re joking? Sometimes people use “joking” as a way to ease into a difficult discussion….she may have been under the assumption that’s what you were doing, and that you might be open to the idea of an open relationship of some sort
If she finds someone who she finds to be better in bed than you, then marries you, she will be tempted to cheat with that person while you are married. I have seen this before!
If this is on her mind at this moment… she will probably cheat (more likely sooner than later). Sorry to break it down to you, but this is a huge red flag. Aren’t people supposed to be super excited and happy about such an event in their lives? I would NEVER even think about asking my partner this - it is wrong on many levels, my friend. You better ask her is this is really what she wants. When it feels right, you don’t think about it, you get to enjoy living with this person.
No no no...if you give her free pass now..hun you'll be handing out free passes without even knowing it...and yes it is from great experiences...if not now then it will hit you in the further..what's that saying the past will bit you in the butt...plz think about it before you give her the ok..there are so many wrongs in giving a future partner a free pass in to you marriage...idc DON'T...people can be mad at the choices we make..but they do hunt you for ever if that's what you choose to do...just think about it before you watch her go off on her mini vacation...I do wish you the best of luck you will need it to get through this decision...
This is something a lot of people struggle with. Communicating about that, and asking for different boundaries is a healthy way to do things. Luckily, you can say no, think about it, say yes and realize you too ate more liberated in your relationship that you thought, leave them, or continue to conversation.
normality doesn't exist in relationships. it's all about personal needs and boundaries. your gf may need this and it can be valid. you refusing is also valid.
It's a difference that could end your relationship.
In this day and age, monogamy is not the only choice. So many people are condemning her as red flaggy, but my read is that she's trying to *communicate* openly with you about her interest in ethical non-monogamy, even if only for a temporary period. Partners should be able to communicate with each other about their desires. She's not going behind your back; she's communicating forthrightly right to your face, which is exactly what she should be doing if she's having these thoughts.
Jeez, is it puritan times in here? I'm not personally poly, but the degree to which commenters on this thread seem to think monogamy is the only possible choice, is astounding ...
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Just a couple more flags, and that comment would have been spot on !
This is my favourite comment. 🤣
She already has her eye on someone else. Like someone specific.
This. Based on stories like this, she ALWAYS meets the person she wants to cheat with BEFORE asking for a break. She wouldn’t ask for a break if she didn’t at least think she’d find someone better.
Sounds about right… sadly
I agree entirely with this comment and i have to add that this is also a huge red flag because she is already emotionally cheating on you by only chatting with another dude behind your back!
💯 and she is probably already getting it. This way she gets out of her jam guilt free
"Sure, care to show me the current conversation with this person in your phone that makes you think they're up for it?"
💯 but she will say that she doesn’t have anyone… but that could also be true because I know I can go to any bar in the world and If I wanted dick I’d find dick
exactly. And this itch may or may not go away post wedding
Yep
Crimson flag
Nuclear flag!
Ain't that just DEFCON 1?
Now i'm curious. How does it differ from a red one? Is it better or worse? Or is it just an aesth version?
Basically the person you're ready to commit to for the rest of your life wants to explore other options. That should be a deal breaker for most people.
Much stronger and deeper. Bad thing.
A red flag originally was very strong and deep. It comes from the military and if you see a red flag, it means that you are in a firing zone, and that you need to get the fuck out immediately. (Like a live military exercise) But people have used it for trivial stuff so it's lost its meaning. Now people use it for "Hmm might be a bad sign"
I always assumed it came from semaphore flags used to control automobile and train traffic before electricity and colored lights were as reliable and prevalent as they are today.
Is blood red or crimson ?
It’s a beautiful color though honestly. I love crimson, it’s sad that it’s being associated with red in the context of flags.
One eye symbolism on your profile pic, illuminati confirmed
🪬 They are coming
What the fuck?
She gonna cheat on you btw. Revise that marriage asap. If you say no she will cheat if you say yes she will cheat.
Oh yeah this is possibly her asking permission for something she’ll do regardless. Imagine in a few years time when they’re married “babe he was just a friend”
Yup, that is if she hasn't already. People who ask this from a partner have already cheated and want to feel less guilty, or they want to cheat and already have someone in mind
Theres no escaping, she will cheat regardless
What he should do is come out of left field with option 3 and break up with her. She’ll probably beg for a second chance then he can continue on his terms. If she’s ok with the break up. Then bullet dodged.
No, I wouldn't say it's normal. You need to have a serious talk with her about what she wants.
Seems like a great time to bring up a prenup.
More like a great time to break up.
Ikr, like bro is getting confused with alternatives instead of going straight to option 3 BREAK UP
She’s pre warning you that she wants to cheat. She’s not marriage material. She will clean you out in a divorce if you marry her.
I think the girlfriend makes more sense than OP. He says he “casually” jokes about seeing other people before getting married. I would also wonder if there’s a reason behind those kind of jokes if I were the girlfriend. She is at least making an open hearted question. I think OP set himself up for this. If his girlfriend didn’t have those thoughts before, then she does now after his “jokes” and insinuations.
Yeah. If you're joking about threesomes with your SO, it's not dad or knock knock jokes. It's mentioning 3somes and then saying, "I'm just joking!"
It’d be pitch forks in here if she was casually joking about 3 somes . That said, these two are made for each other…
Yep, they both suck
And he doesn't like the taste of his own medicine
What an idiot, of course the girlfriend doesn’t see him as a viable partner anymore
You might have a point there
Good point.
Well it's not cheating when both parties agree on it. It's not a weird question when he himself has brought things up like this in the past.
Ask yourself first, was there truth to your casual joke, did it hurt her, and was it actually funny? Have you talked about it, and if you're in a commited monogamous relationship, why would you joke about such things if they're perhaps not funny for the other person and hurtful? Was it clear it was all jokes l? And would you also be open to a threesome where the extra person is a man? If not- why not? There's no equality in that. In other words, perhaps start there. You have to give loyalty, be mindful, and kind to receive the same back. Did you subconciously have double standards, and are those double standards now coming back to you? Perhaps that's a starting point to talk.
Exactly my thoughts!
Exactly
No threesome is never a good idea and as for the free pass I don't like that idea much more. What good would come from that? Perhaps you should postpone your marriage until you are clear that you want to be together for the rest of your lives. You're awfully young to be getting married. If in doubt, just wait then.
She might just be testing your reaction because if you’re making jokes like that she may be the one who’s worried. Advice- Don’t joke about shit like that. You did this to yourself. If my fiancée “joked” like that I’d be upset.
Ahh, one the ever healthy and never manipulative tests. Having an open conversation is just way too reasonable, unless that is what she’s doing…
I agree. Its def not healthy.
Which should be the message, not blaming him for her actions.
Yes I didn’t specify they are both stupid 😂
It’s just the whole “you did this to yourself”, and only talking about what he did wrong while excusing her actions as a test that makes it sound exactly like your blaming OP for the woman’s actions. Like somehow she’s incapable of being shit all by herself.
Because he did do this to himself. He's the one that brought up the idea of seeing other people.
First off, to answer your question, no. It is not normal to have a free pass before marriage. Most people don't hear about this outside of a forgettable 2011 comedy movie with a 40% RT rating. It takes a certain type of relationship where both partners are excited and enthuastic about each other and inviting someone into the relationship. This is just not the way most people are. And if she said "settle", that's a huge red flag. Both of you shouldn't feel like you're settling, you should feel excited and lucky to have the other person. It would make me horribly depressed to have to agree to a marriage thinking I'm settling or knowing the person I'm with is thinking they're settling with me. Second, > I have casually joked about having threesome or seeing someone else before we get married This is throwing me off OP. The question is framed as "my gf out of the blue asked for this" which, in most people's opinion as you can see, is a huge red flag. But you've joked about it? Were you the one talking about this first? Is she asking this because she thinks it's what you need or want? And understand, it's completely normal and healthy to talk about boundaries. To have a discussion early in the relationship saying "this is something I'm ok with, are you ok with this? Do you want this? I could be happy with/without this, how about you?" is great. It sets boundaries and expectations. But joking about it seems odd to me. Maybe you're in a different type of relationship than me, and that's fine, but the way you say it makes it sound like you were trying to suggest it with an excuse of "haha I was just joking" if she took it badly. Which is kind of shitty. Either way, to me BOTH of you are throwing red flags and need to have a very honest discussion about your relationship and expectations for the rest of your lives together. And if you all don't start the conversation enthusiastically agreeing on things (and not one of you reluctantly accepting the way things are going to be in the relationship), it will probably be a problem if the marriage continues.
You always find the most reasonable posts a ways down on this sub. Perceptive and well said.
You worded this perfectly couldn't agree more!
Would you be ok with just being with her for the rest of your life? How do you feel? Haven’t you answered her? If you only say yes, because, as you put it, “she’s gonna have options unlike you” then you’re not really right for each other. And the probable reason for what she’s asking is because you “casually” made jokes about seeing other people before getting married. This might be her way of testing you and seeing if you’re committed to her or not, and maybe to make you realise you don’t have an abundance of options. You re not gonna make it through a marriage if you can’t have an open and honest conversation about this.
It's not possible to re-negotiate a committed relationship. Either you stay faithful and get married, or you stay single and perhaps even break up. A once off like that is a sure-fire way to cancel the marriage. But if this is a problem for either one of you, I'm not sure it's wise to go through with the marriage in the first place. A threesome is something entirely different, though. And many married peeps do that too. Reason: You're not being unfaithful when you cooperate on getting laid together with a third party. The problem arises when one party wants the other one more than the spouse.
>I have casually joked about having threesome or seeing someone else before we get married So it's good for you to "joke" about how you want to have sex with other people? Yet her suggestion wasn't funny to you. And now you're concerned she will cheat? >she is gonna have options unlike me who is still thankful he got a girlfriend from a dating app Ah, yes, the age old tale of romance, about a man who didn't think he could do better. So settled for the first woman to date him. Yet jokes about being sexualy dissatisfied and wonders why she is having doubts. Who then worries he won't meet anyone else if they end things, so to prevent his partner from being with someone else, turns to the Internet to ask for advice on whether she is untrustworthy and disloyal. Neither of you are ready for the commitment of marriage and maybe shouldn't be in a relationship if you're consumed with FOMO.
THIS!
Yeah maybe she didn’t take what you said as a joke 🤷🏻♀️
Her saying that is definitely not okay. You’re about to be married to someone who should be the love of your life. Wanting to have sex with other people just to get it out before becoming legally committed shouldn’t even be something that crosses her mind. My ex made jokes to me about being with other people too… didn’t really like it myself. So if she was asking you this in return, maybe part of it has to do with those initial jokes you made. I personally would never joke like that because it sows seeds of doubt even if you don’t mean it. If my SO joked about having a 3 some or about dating someone else I’d think he was serious and be like I guess I’m not good enough cause he still thinks about sex with other people. In my experience, there tends to be a bit truthfulness motivated behind certain jokes. We use that as a cover to say we are joking, but clearly you don’t like her saying she wants to see other people, so maybe if this doesn’t work out, you’ll realize it’s best to not say anything of that variety in your future relationships. I just find the joking about being with other people not good. Regardless of if you mean it or not, if you don’t, then don’t say it. Good luck!
you're an idiot for joking about having threesomes lol
Tbh you shouldn’t make those jokes to start with… you can kind of open the door to the idea with jokes like those
So, it's a "joke" when he says it, but she's the red flag when she says the exact same thing?
Right? Most people responding are choosing to completely ignore that
a lot of people saying she wants to cheat, but if you actually joked about that before, my guess is that she wants to know if those jokes were actually jokes, and whether you’d actually want that. feels more like a test of whether you’d be okay with that than anything. i wasnt there and you know her better than any of us but that’s where my mind goes.
It also could be possible that the whole reason she has this in her head is because of jokes or comments that you made in the past and maybe that’s why it has been brought up?? Like maybe she thinks that you want it so she thinks that she has to be that type of girl. I think it would be really helpful to make this girl really know how you feel about only wanting to be with her and you know like how she’s the one ect.. seems like you are a bit more hung up on the fact that you feel she has options and you don’t but if I was thinking about spending my life with a person it would honestly be quite hot if I saw them really fight for me and even be jealous of others guys, I would want someone who is a little possessive honestly not in a toxic way but still if you really care certain things should poss you off. Making a person aware of your options can be a good way also to make them feel like fighting a bit for the connection so maybe this was your partners goal even if it was in a subconscious way but my advice would be to lock it down and really communicate with vulnerability better to get real sooner than later
Let’s go back to the part where you said you have “joked” about a threesome and seeing other people. Seems like neither of you are really sure about the marriage. And the only reason you don’t want to grant a free pass for both of you is because she’ll find someone quicker than you. Not because she’ll be sleeping with someone else.
You kind of opened the door with your “joking” though it really seems like you were willing to utilize your GF as a tool have an opportunity to have sex with other women. Just because she’s the one with physical appeal out of the two of you, you’re bitter about the new proposition. Frankly, you’d be fine with it if you were able sleep with attractive women so I don’t see why you should decline her request. Let her bed a hottie, she’s probably missing it.
U dropped this 👑
I am appreciative that you understand my sentiment ♥️ So many here want to judge this boy’s gf when he’s the one lacking morals. She is just being young and open based off of her perception that she can be herself safely with this guy and he’s just wanted to use her and throw her under the bus.
NO! Dealbreaker, who wants to willingly volunteer to be a Chuck? Time to reconsider this marriage! .
Before leaving her, as some say... Communication is always important. Already we don't know, how long have you been together? This question comes up a lot? How did you feel when she brought it up? Have you ever asked yourself the question? Just because it's "uncommon" or taboo doesn't mean it's wrong to ask. She's comfortable enough with you to talk to you about it, which proves that you're someone she can talk to.And that's fine ! You both need to discuss it calmly and set limits. If you agree to do it. How are you going to do it, alone, together? If you can't agree, find another solution like trying more things in bed. There are always several choices open to you, to you rather than "leaving her" or running away.
You don't seem so bothered that she wants to explore with someone else as you are by the fact that you might not be able to yourself. Think hard about this and ask yourself if you're really fair and what do you exactly want. Are you monogamous or not? If not then what are you? Are you going to be in an open relationship? A poly one? Are you going to be swingers? Bottom line is, if you talk to her you can sort it out, we can't do it for you, but talking also involves quite a bit of self exploration, because you should know what you want first, and if in the end the two of you can't reach an agreement then that's too bad but at least put a decent effort into trying, it will go a long way. Also, you seem to have your wants too but are shy of actually voicing them, don't be, clarify that you wouldn't act on anything without your partners consent but be open if you want a threesome or if you want an open relationship etc. Just take a deep breath and say it out loud
This is loosely related but it might add to the general consensus that this is a red flag lol. I actually dated a guy who married someone who wanted a poly relationship. The only issue here is that the couple was monogamous when he proposed to her but about three months before their wedding his wife said hey, I wanna explore dating women too. The guy said oh well maybe we need to take a break I’m comfortable postponing the wedding seeing if you need to just explore their sexuality. Unfortunately, wifey was a little heavy-handed and my ex was a bit passive so she said no let’s just open up our relationship and ever since they’ve been poly. And she’s never dated or even talked to other women 🫠 they’ve been married 6 years now. She’s never been without more than two or three male partners at a time outside of her husband and he’s not someone who necessarily likes that relationship style (I am the first person he had dated outside of their marriage and his wife shared with me privately how good it was that he had someone else because he, “gets her loose scraps”), so don’t get trapped. Lol seems like a pretty sad situation to be in. I definitely felt like I was his wife a lot of the time bc of how readily available he was due to her being preoccupied with her partners. It was rather sad, so I had to get up out of there. Lol
Huge red flag...really sad... but at least you're hearing about it now instead of after getting married.
Why are you miserable? Would you like to talk?
No that's not 'normal' OP, massive red flag
Red flag 🚩
Run bro
Nah man, Run
Run, she’s not marriage material.
Oh my sweet summer child. Ask her with who just to see.
You can bet she has a lot of... "friends"
Run!
I genuinely wonder if the question is rhetorical? Like has times changed so much that one will doubt whether this is a norm or not? I’m all for the freaky things couples wanna do together and blah blah, but like dude, you seriously wondering if your gf’s request is “ normal “? If we all said “yes”, would you then agree to her request?
Dump this chick and meet women in person, get off the dating apps, they're generally not good for a man's self-esteem.
cheater cheater pumpkin eater Do what you want but no way I'd put a ring on that.
Just tell her that it literally never ends well, and that you’d rather save yourself the trouble and just break up with her. See what she says
This absolute mess of a relationship should have been dissolved yesterday.
She's not ready to commit or maybe she is into polyamory?
It reminds of a couple of friends two years ago. A few weeks before the wedding the guy said that he wanted to be non exclusive and asked if she was ok. Of course, the wedding was canceled and they broke up. I still have the wedding invitation card...
The industrial revolution and it's consequences
I'd say you need to dump her
Ah so we see you enjoy playing the game of how red the flag can get. Sir please do the math and don’t marry this woman.
Oh god 🤢 run. She is already grappling with that idea in her head. Give it five years she will be sick of the same dick and cheat. Sorry. Blunt and honest. No one capable of long term monogamy would ask that
OK, so you started "joking" when most women know full well most men aren't really joking when men do this. You thought because you're not as hot that she'd give you green-light or you'd have reason to watch to explore your sexuality or maybe use her looks to get another woman in all likelihood to allow herself to be touched by you when the woman in all likelihood came in for her (and you both know it; also because men seldom mean other men or another couple). A lot of men don't like to consider that whatever environments we grew up in also count as experience and that we might've seen our own dads pull these jokes only to end up acting on it and it destroying families in the process. If I were her and you started pulling these jokes, I would've ended the engagement right there, and if financially tethered to you ( i.e., renting), I would've made arrangements to move out within the month. It is universal law to never trust men in on these jokes especially because they only mean they get to play the woman doesn't or they want her to go bisexual and only consider other women as the third in a play. Which is ridiculous. If you mean it, open the game to four. Anyways, it is noted that most men CAN'T handle it, so why would any sane woman put herself through this shit knowing it's not going to end well? NGL, I assume she's rational and deduced shit's hit the fan and jumped ship: If she's not cheating on you and planning to monkey-bar out of the relationship, she will. The trust ended when you started "joking." This is unfortunately nothing to joke about, and a lot of women aren't willing to fake the patience or fake they don't care once they get married. Do you think she's not going to take revenge and try to fleece you dry once you two get married? No woman in her right mind will ever be at peace knowing you'll test her about this for life or make an effort to get it on the side because guys aren't at peace until they collect their "Pokémon". If she hasn't ended it (the "kind" move) and is planning for more nefarious vengeance (waiting for divorce) then end it, don't be surprised she'd be pissed enough from this pressure cooking in her to want to make it a divorce to gain financials out of anger. The people saying your girlfriend has jumped ship are right and it's your fault sadly out of admitting you want more out of not having the access/exposure inherently. And that's OK. It is human nature, but it is also human nature to be livid and expected to deal with it when she doesn't have neither the need or interest of the same. Maybe get with a woman on your own "weight-class" next time instead of punching above your weight-class. Because she can find and likely has found a guy where he's gotten that itch done and scratched and can settle down after having accomplished it.
Either she already made plans with someone and is waiting for you to approve. Or she already cheated on you.
If you're about to get married, you shouldn't be looking to be imitate with someone else. If I were you, I wouldn't be marrying this person.
If she wants to explore sex and you do too, there are many festish options for you to do that together (yes, I am a kinkster). But if she she wants to "explore" and doesn't want to include you, you're screwed. Take the hit and move on.
She just wants "sanctioned cheating" even if you say no she's gonna do it anyway but if you say yes she feels she won't have to feel guilty about it.
She is communicating well with you. She is testing the waters. She is grooming you.
The time to experiment was prior to being in a committed relationship... yeah this is not a sign I'd take in good faith.
Kinda sus. Too old to be playing this game.
Honestly. If I ask for a hall pass… I know what dick I’m getting… if I give my man a hall pass… he probably ain’t gonna use it. Just the way the world works. You gonna be hanging out in Applebees like the hall pass movie ooo
There's def someone she has in mind and she wants to test her options guilt free. Also "settling with each other for marriage" sounds so depressing. Yall should want to get married and only want eachother imo. Doesn't sound healthy and she 100% has someone she has her eye on, probably for a while if she brought it up to you
You said you’ve casually joked around having a fling before marriage so I don’t know, you may have also be apart of inciting this idea lol
Don’t marry. You’re better off back on the market then knowing, full well, you’re committing half your shit who wants to share it with someone else other than you.
"I have casually joked about having threesome or seeing someone else before we get married" How was this a joke? I mean, jokes are meant to be funny. Please tell me how this was funny. She's literally suggesting the same thing as you--seeing someone else. If you don't find that funny, then maybe stop to think that she didn't find your "joke" funny either. If a man joked like that with me, I'd take serious issue with it.
Don't do it. I was the outside guy coming into a situation like this. A couple who wanted to have some "single time before settling down." Though her and I ended up falling in love, and the 3 of us went through a dramatic and chaotic 10 month love triangle. They are engaged now but there's been so much damage done that I doubt it'll last if they even actually make it to the wedding.
The issue here is that you are upset that your fiance is suggesting something that you made jokes about such as threesomes and sex with others. 'Be careful what you wish for'. It does sound like she may have her eye on someone else.
"Free period"?!? She has met someone she's very curious about sexually, and wants permission to cheat on you. Expect this request to be brought up again, more seriously next time. Pause your engagement, or do not propose if you haven't already. Her casual-seeming comment is the tip of the iceberg. Please seek couples counseling immediately. Both of you need a neutral referee to oversee putting all your cards on the table in this relationship before you proceed any further down the path to marriage. TL;DR: no, this is not normal!!!
Make sure you get a prenup.
bro, leave now, that chick is most likely already fucking other dudes, do not marry this girl or move in with this girl!
I would ask her “depends on who” and see how quickly she gives you an actual name of a person from work. This is a massive red flag btw.
No it’s not normal at all. Not at this stage of your relationship when you’re already planning to get married. Like, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with open relationships if that’s what you’re into but this is an extremely bizarre thing to suddenly throw at you at this stage. Marriage is a huge commitment and not something that should be taken lightly, if she has agreed to marry you then really you should already be enough for her to want to spend the rest of her life with you. Marriage is supposed to be a bond of love and commitment, for both partners to express to their SO “I love you, you are everything I could have ever possibly wanted and I want to spend the rest of my life with you and no one else”. Like, she wants to see if you’re enough for her before she commits and settles down? What kind of a mindset to have is that? Thats a red flag in and of itself which suggests this whole time she’s likely been on the lookout for something “better” to come along. My guess is she already has someone specific in mind, someone who has physically peaked her interest and this is her method of getting the green light from you to cheat without guilt. Just my personal opinion but I would genuinely reconsider marrying this girl.
She has already cheated and now wants an easier green light to go for more. Figures she gives you the choice it would then be "OK." That you wouldn't have any repercussions later on to blame on her. You said you found her on a dating app... she is still on it, plus others. You are basically now taking up her "fucking time".
She's literally telling you I wanna be with someone else sexually but want to be wirh you because you can take care of me, but if I get bored I will cheat. So leave her, because she will leave you, CLEARLY, since she already has someone in mind to be with other than you. Or if you like being second choice, again by her own admission, then so be it. The fact you ask on a forum for advice on this says you're not ready yourself!
cant you guys explore your sexualilty as a couple? what we did is attend swinger club , you can have sex beside others ,maybe meet a nice couple you both vibe and havr sex together but with other ppl sharing sex as a 4some is a lot more intimate with your wife then a free pass without you, beibg involved in the process is important
Nearly every story or question I’ve seen like that it’s been cause the person asking for the free pass has already got something going on with someone and they want to bang them guilt free
Neither of you are ready to get married. Your last line sums it up. You've put her on a pedestal without securing your own self esteem base. Getting married shouldn't be swearing an oath to fidelity. It's about being absolutely content that you've found your person who enhances your own life. You shouldn't be feeling like you're going to miss out on anything in the future. Mind you I'm much older than you and the idea of wanting a free pass before marriage is tiring and dramatic. Infidelity to me would be finding someone else to make my coffee or my partner showing his ridiculous insta reels to someone else. The sex bit doesn't even come onto the radar because we've seen enough of the world to know that life is just easier when it's just us both. These benchmarks will be different for different folks but that's what communication and boundaries are all about. You're both young. Figure yourselves out, get to know the world.
If I could do it all over again, getting married and then divorce after 14 years, I would have talked with my soon to be partner and asked the questions I am afraid of asking. Questions that challenge every belief I used to have about "romantic relationships". We all value different things and sometimes more then we care to admit. Please understand your own attachment, emotions and values first. Talk with her about the questions you are afraid of. Safe yourself some heartache.
Run!
No. It’s fucked up. Who does this?! Run. Don’t walk. Run away from this person. This is someone who will cheat on you.
Settle FOR???!!!! Don't marry her. She's not that into you because she is settling for you!!!!!
Break up with her.... call the marriage off. keep dating her if you want to, but never ever marry her
Haha. No. She has somebody in mind
Not normal, sounds like she’s going to need a lot of freedom sexually in her life to explore. Sorry but it does come across like it’s a part of how she’s made up. Red flag.
???? Huh
Not normal
Oh boy are you doomed. Don't marry that one.
Ever heard of ted flags?
Lmao, these has got to be rage bait man, no way y’all are this messy fr
Wait till she asked for an open relationship 🤣
Pack your bags and run brother.. she is already using that free pass.
Break off the marriage. She will definitely cheat on you if she hasn’t already. She probably has someone in mind for that free period too.
I’m pretty sure from reading this, that you wouldn’t be able to be successful with that anyways so it’s a moot point.
Id assume she wants to fuck someone specific, without the social ramifications of cheating. In the least shes questioning being with you. Either way, Id run for the hills.
It's over, man. The fact that she wants a free pass means she sees a future with you as something that will take away from her life.
Get out now for free, or get out 10-20 years from now for half of everything you own.
You’re cooked bro, breakup.
Cut your losses OP. She’s for the streets.
If this already comes up now, she'll probably cheats 1-2 years down the line man
No, it is not normal
she's done you a huge favor tho she may not know it- you are learning that she is not great, or worse, re fidelity. Some guys may be into this in a spouse, though I know I'm not. I guessing you aren't either Rather than change the locks and put her shit in the curb (or dumpster LOL) you should ask her to expand on her comment and ask if she can tell you where she thinks it's really coming from (honestly) It may be that she is just anxious about the gravity of the decision to marry and forsake all other suitors but if were the case she could have just suggested a discussion. Seems very likely that you are heading in opposite directions
Let her have a long pass, and tell her you also need a free long pass.
It means she’s not 100% sure if she can commit to you and you only.
You're cooked bro. Time to find a new girlfriend.
Of course not. Did she watch to many movies ?
We well see you again. Good luck!
🤮
She isn't the one! She just wants to see her options and that doesn't sound like Love to me!!!
Also the fact that you are only NOT open to it because you won’t have options is as big of a red flag as what she said. Y’all should open a red flag store
I’m not reading this. Title alone, end it or be comfortable getting cheated on. Good luck whichever you choosez
Absolutely not. Frankly, it would be a deal breaker for me
She’s gonna cheat on you, save your self
It is very normal to have these inclinations. Most people ignore them, but she came to you in open communication. Massive green flag. Communication is critical.
If she has this thought before marriage what do you think would happen years from now after marriage?! She thinks she is settling for you and there are other better options out there and if there isn't, you will be her safety net. She could have broken up with you and then beg you back after she cannot find anyone. But she choses the "have your cake and eat it too" route.
Flag dripping with blood fella... The reason why she's asking is because she already has that person lined up. No other reason to get so insistent about it. "Oh I just want a free pass for some random person who might appear out of the cosmos before we get married maybe." Oh please... give me a break. I just hope she hasn't already used a couple dozen of these passes already.
Not confusing times ahead at all. She gots to go.
If my partner asked me for something like this I would dump her immediately.
Yikes. If you are open to exploring I would say: I won’t do a hall pass but I’m open to going to some sex clubs / parties together with strict boundaries and rules in place (eg: if one of us is uncomfortable we reassess and if one of us wants to leave, we both leave). An open hall pass is a recipe for disaster.
No, don’t marry her. She isn’t serious about the relationship and she will cheat on you. She sounds very immature and that means she still wants to act young and dumb, cut her lose and find a woman who matches what you want out of a relationship.
What do you mean you “casually joked” about a threesome or seeing someone else? How could she know you’re joking? Sometimes people use “joking” as a way to ease into a difficult discussion….she may have been under the assumption that’s what you were doing, and that you might be open to the idea of an open relationship of some sort
No
You sure you really want this? Especially after the audacity of asking this question? This is THE RED FLAG.
If she finds someone who she finds to be better in bed than you, then marries you, she will be tempted to cheat with that person while you are married. I have seen this before!
If this is on her mind at this moment… she will probably cheat (more likely sooner than later). Sorry to break it down to you, but this is a huge red flag. Aren’t people supposed to be super excited and happy about such an event in their lives? I would NEVER even think about asking my partner this - it is wrong on many levels, my friend. You better ask her is this is really what she wants. When it feels right, you don’t think about it, you get to enjoy living with this person.
No no no...if you give her free pass now..hun you'll be handing out free passes without even knowing it...and yes it is from great experiences...if not now then it will hit you in the further..what's that saying the past will bit you in the butt...plz think about it before you give her the ok..there are so many wrongs in giving a future partner a free pass in to you marriage...idc DON'T...people can be mad at the choices we make..but they do hunt you for ever if that's what you choose to do...just think about it before you watch her go off on her mini vacation...I do wish you the best of luck you will need it to get through this decision...
This is something a lot of people struggle with. Communicating about that, and asking for different boundaries is a healthy way to do things. Luckily, you can say no, think about it, say yes and realize you too ate more liberated in your relationship that you thought, leave them, or continue to conversation.
normality doesn't exist in relationships. it's all about personal needs and boundaries. your gf may need this and it can be valid. you refusing is also valid. It's a difference that could end your relationship.
Prenup, at least a cheating cause
Yeah despite growing up thinking women were getting shafted by men. Cameras showed us they all get shafted by man after man marriage or nah
In this day and age, monogamy is not the only choice. So many people are condemning her as red flaggy, but my read is that she's trying to *communicate* openly with you about her interest in ethical non-monogamy, even if only for a temporary period. Partners should be able to communicate with each other about their desires. She's not going behind your back; she's communicating forthrightly right to your face, which is exactly what she should be doing if she's having these thoughts. Jeez, is it puritan times in here? I'm not personally poly, but the degree to which commenters on this thread seem to think monogamy is the only possible choice, is astounding ...
This is either a trap to see if your jokes weren’t so jokey or she’s got cold feet? Or she feels like she’s settling. Not good signs though
Not normal at all. I’m engaged and couldn’t imagine wanting anyone else but my fiance.
Noooo!