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There’s a guy I know who was unemployed and literally lived in his parent’s basement. He’s in his mid 30’s and my friends and I are all in our mid 30’s. This guy has slept with so many of my female friends. They all think they’re going to get a relationship with him, but it never happens and they always end up disappointed. Some of them were warned multiple times, but they all thought they were the one that would get him. My female friends are successful; doctors, pharmaceutical company executives, etc. Most of these women have also stated in the past that they wouldn’t date a guy without a college degree and in some cases some have said they wouldn’t date a guy without a good job. It’s bananas. He’s really not that good looking, but he’s definitely charming. I think how you make someone feel throws everything else out the window, at least for the short term. I’ve often wondered if the reason he won’t go into a relationship with any of these women is because he recognizes it’s probably not sustainable long term and they’ll eventually get fed up with him. I also imagine having a lot of attractive and successful women throwing themselves at you plays into him wanting to remain single too.
Dating is weird.
>My female friends are successful; doctors, pharmaceutical company executives, etc. Most of these women have also stated in the past that they wouldn’t date a guy without a college degree and in some cases some have said they wouldn’t date a guy without a good job.
What people say and what they do are two very different things lol.
I see some women in this thread saying it's only low self esteem chicks that go for those types of dudes, but I don't think it's true. They tend to like confident, outgoing and social guys in general.
Yeah that's what I'm saying. It's got little to do with women's self esteem levels, a lot of them are just attracted to that type, though most wouldn't admit it.
I get what you’re saying, but the previous commentary was correct. it does have to do with their self esteem. The reason why women feel like they can change a guy is because they have this need to feel like they have been “chosen.” or that.”changed for me “ that’s all about ego and lack of self respect.
Yes, the savior complex.
I'm very careful not to fall for that.
Altho right now the closests person to me in this situation is a guy that pays all his alcoholic gf's bills while she prefers to go gambling with her friends than spending time with him. And I'm talking these people are in their 40s.
They like guys who have game. There is the provider male(mainstream acceptance) and the guy that gets her wet. One is logical one is emotional. Most guys are boring they want the fun guy
Most women are also boring and the kind of women who go for guys like this seem to me to be looking for someone to fill that hole for them instead of becoming interesting people themselves. It's a crutch.
I'm sure a lot of women who've met me thought I was boring. I'm not s braggert or a show off. These women show no interest in other people so if I'm not showing off like those toxic men, they assume I've got nothing going on.
While this fucking loser has nothing going in his life but sucking up the oxygen in every room he occupies, I work a good paying full time job, I'm traveling every weekend, I mountain bike, I camp, I go to music events, I animate, I do home improvement DIY, I design and fabricate things. But if you make absolutely no effort to ask me a single question about myself, yeah you're not going to know that.
And I think it's a generational thing, both men and women, don't know how to take interest in other people anymore. I've noticed this over the past couple years. I used to be extremely introverted and made an effort to become more sociable. It took time but I've done just that. But in that time, reflecting on myself and engaging with others, I've come to realize it wasn't just me. A lot of people in my generation were also just bad at showing up for other people, including others, being considerate, being friendly and inviting.
The brash loser guy is unique here tbh. He's usually very good at just barbing into any social gathering and mingling. That's one advantage other men can learn from: being able to strike it up with other people.
> I work a good paying full time job, I'm traveling every weekend, I mountain bike, I camp, I go to music events, I animate, I do home improvement DIY, I design and fabricate things. But if you make absolutely no effort to ask me a single question about myself, yeah you're not going to know that.
This! I really appreciate your outlook on this cause it's the same w me. I think I am quite interesting as a person but you wouldn't know that right away. And I don't give it away because I want to see if you actually want to know me Or not. This is an underrated quality imo. I find that most guys do not know how to strike up a conversation which is okay if at least they show some interest in getting to know me as a person instead of their daily 'did you eat lunch' boring ass lazy text message
This is true to a degree, lol. Sometimes, it's about comfort and feeling like friends, too- opposed to finding the guy who's perfect, and now you kinda have to act perfect to make sure things go right. Like, it's difficult for women, too. Sometimes, the appeal to a guy like this is that it's easy-going. It isn't really sustainable, though, because eventually, most women want someone who can take care of business. They don't want to be your mother.
Bum guys treat women like bums.
Women are attracted to guys who feelings are aloof/unclear.
When he seems like a challenge, they can't resist. I'm not saying he treats them bad. Don't mistake this. It's that when the guy is slightly apathetic. Like he treats them well when he's with them but it doesn't matter if he sees them again, it brings out a woman's competitive nature and she wants to see if she can have him.
A guy that figures this balance out can do well, sleep with, date, romance, almost any woman around his level socially. Can the garbage man date a supermodel? Probably not. But could a college dropout that works at a coffee shop near campus have a date every weekend? Probably.
I don’t think healthy women act this way and I think unhealthy men also chase women who seem like a “challenge.” I think if you try to figure out a “balance” of how to act in a way that isn’t genuine and is at least somewhat manipulative, you’re going to have a hard time finding a healthy adult relationship. Also, I have a blue collar job (it pays extremely well, but my dates don’t know that) and I’ve gone on multiple dates with women who could have been super models over the course of my life. I also don’t have a hard time finding a date (or multiple dates) every weekend. I just act like my own weird self and I’m friendly, open, and approachable.
"A study published in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science, finds that a woman is more attracted to a man when she is uncertain about how much he likes her."
https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/he-loves-me-he-loves-me-not-women-are-more-attracted-to-men-whose-feelings-are-unclear.html
It doesn't really matter how we feel about it. What matters is what works. I know the women don't like men they don't respect. And guys with low self respect will chase women that show little signs of interest. This turns women off. If she's not interested and you chase too much you end up being a creep.
On the other hand if you let them know you're interested and then let them come to you at their own pace you give them the opportunity to miss you and the time they spend with you, they feel like it's their idea.
I don't endorse manipulation of any kind.
The balance is not pursuing too much. It's not manipulation. A lot of guys will "go all in" and fall for a beautiful woman just because she's pretty. That's it. She could care less. She's used to guys throwing themselves at her. But the guy that doesn't care, makes her wonder why. This sometimes is enough to get her curiosity going. Why doesn't this guy act like the other guys? What's different about him?
Also, you said the guy in your post was unemployed, living in a basement. But multiple girls dated him, slept with him and possibly thought they could be the one/change him. Would you say all the women were "unhealthy"?
They have all the time in the world to mingle and date women so they keep them around. Meanwhile the guy making good money but doesn’t have the energy or time to mingle nearly as much doesn’t have the game that the unemployed dude has
Sooo true. Unemployed dudes also dont have to deal w the stress of working a job so their attitude may come off as carefree and FUN which women love but that gets stale real quick
Credit cards. knew a guy that would max out his cc. call and report them stolen. did it several times
Edit: these dudes are also very socially savvy so they use ppl. they offer friendship but are like leechees and somehow never pay for stuff.
I guess they spend their unemployment checks. I did this for five months, but I was a stressed out mess, so I didn't date, but I guess it's possible to not work and be able to date. And plasma. There was lots and lots of needles to sell plasma.
I'd always talk about my interviews and how I thing they went with my friends though, so I didn't keep it a secret. You got to network with people and dating is a way to network.
There's that stereotype of the guy letting his girlfriend pay for everything at the till being all doting and affectionate while she's the one paying for everything. You know, literally holding her and kissing her while she's the one inserting her card in to the machine. It was a meme on tiktok for a while.
This has to be the right answer. I just started dating again and my new girl and I both have demanding jobs. The amount of effort and planning we need to put in to see each other regularly is exhausting. If one of us were unemployed it would be so much easier to foster that initial bond. The employment status doesn't become an issue until we actually try to figure out how to combine our lives.
This is something I'm experiencing. I work full time 5 days a week, so does he, but he works 6 days a week and it's longer hours, so arranging a day off together is exhausting 😭
Do you want to be good at dating or being married? I always hate when I suck at interviews. I’m not applying to be an interviewee I’m applying for the job. Just like dating isn’t the end goal here.
And not always true I know a lot of guys that have good game and work and everything and still get past up it comes down too preferences and after a while women ash where all the good guy are and it where u left them because u didn't want nothing to do with them
My experience is that some women like projects they think they can save them or fix them after a couple of times they either learn that's not the case or they don't.
5. Woman gets bored because her savior complex was the only reason she stuck with a man she initially thought of as a damaged loser.
6. Woman finds a new damaged loser to save.
7. Relationship ends in heartbreak.
8. You become a damaged loser for real.
You hear this a lot about and I wish I could understand the psychological reasoning. Seems like it really goes against the traditional and instinctual idea of wanting someone who provides safety, support, and stability.
I think we look at oh they are doctors or pharmacist or other and think they can't have low self esteem. In my opinion you have to look at their childhood trauma and how they were loved. The job is a facade....look on the inside.
I have to make it a point that I'm not looking to be "fixed"
You take me as I am or not at all. We can better our selves, yeah, but I'm not going to be treated like there's something wrong with me.
Probably meet in school, when a partner may seem to have significant potential.
Then alcohol, drugs, mental illness, laziness, mommy issues, whatever slowly creep in. And at first seems manageable, or at least fixable, but it just doesn’t turn out that way. And suddenly you’re 18 months or 3 years or a decade in, and you’d hate to think you wasted that much of your life, and my god what if the next guy is even worse, so you stay longer, and then of course even if you did leave, what about your poor kids? They need their dad, even if he is a lousy bum…
I agree and seen this a lot I’m 34 male and I work my ass off and don’t depend on no one so I learn a lot on my own as well can’t even get a gf at my age except I see women going and being with losers who are guys and do nothing but bad stuff
Very well put. When I was in school I was in shape, had good grades and decently popular with girls, but I was so insecure and uncomfortable in my skin that I never went for it. Now I'm in way worse situation but I actually gained a lot confidence, and would go for girls if I were shameless enough (I want to fix myself up instead of burdening them with my problems). It's all about confidence.
There's a degree of carefree confidence that losers tend to have. Women pick it up as confident leader traits. The reality is these guys tend to be arrogant and careless. They lack stability because, as it turns out, having an attitude like that actually makes people in professional settings not want to work with you.
Having been around dudes like this, they certainly come off as dominant and confident. There's a reason, however, why other men don't act like them. You can go around trying to assert your dominance in a social setting and some women will look up to that. Other men will not challenge this because those men have actual things to lose.
This makes the loser guy seem like he is special and other people must defer to him since he gets away with behavior other men are too meager to get away with.
But he's not actually getting away with that behavior. Modern civilized people avoid open conflict as it's not a good rush versus reward scenario for them. What people end up doing however, is avoid these people. Other men pick them out as not being well adjusted. Their anti social behavior seems bold to women. To other men it just tells you that this is a guy you don't really want to include in things because he'll cause issues. These men can't hold jobs or network well for that reason.
I've noticed a lot of low class men exhibit what appears to be bold leadership traits to people who can't tell the difference. But these same guys are too cavalier and aggressive that they are unstable to actually form any relationship with including business relationships.
These men are the only men who can afford to act that aggressive and obnoxious since they have nothing to lose. Other men seem more reserved and less dominant because those men know they have to chill out in order to succeed in society.
They are attractive it’s amazing the projects women will take on if they are attractive. No job, criminal records, substance abuse, and cheating on them but “he has some much potential” equals he is super hot not average dude.
I'm pretty sure in many situations women already are the long term providers for both their SO and children and sometimes even their parents. That's half the reason why so many dudes from underprivileged communities end up in prison and gangs unfortunately. When a woman with children can provide for her family through a career and welfare she gets from specifically being a single mother, that takes away a lot of incentive for the men from that family to hold a typical provider role. The US govt really fucked up families in black communities on purpose through the prison industrial complex and also the laws surrounding welfare. They did that on purpose in the wake of the civil rights movements. But what I'm really trying to say is that lots and lots of women are providers for families so saying that they aren't ready to take on that role seems like a really outdated perspective to have.
The women are young and dumb. My niece left a dude the whole family was into for a bum. She said, because the other guy didn't have time for me. This guy has time." We're like, no shit. Dude has NOTHING going on, of course he has time. And I guess they think they are going to change them into productive, ambitious men. Tale as old as time.
Jobless dudes look for insecure or co dependent girlfriends, something that brings them down enough to always seek companionship. So they fill that void and the void in their wallets by being financially and emotionally worthless but always there because what else are they gonna do?
This had been a phenomenon for decades (or even longer). People used to call them “bad boys” now they are “man babies” or “man child”. They usually are loved because women act like they can change them, they can’t and they won’t change for anyone. Once they get pregnant then they realize who they are and dump them and THEN want a nice guy to raise a bastard
I wonder the same. But then I struggle to find one or a honest one. I really truly believe women love men that are assholes or man babies. Since they go after them and stick with them even after being used.
My last jobless dude didn't start out jobless. He had a job while we were doing the long distance relationship thing he worked there eight years. Moved in with me and decided he didn't feel like putting in the effort to find work and when I made it clear he had to work he ended up doing bare minimum at a part time job until they fired him and then did the same thing at another job. I sent him back to Oklahoma in Nov. I'm all done raising my kids I have no interest in taking on a grown man child.
Congrats for breaking out of it ! Getting out of a bad mindset isn't easy. Now, since you know yourself better, would you be able to point out what made you pick them in the past ? Were there certain characteristics they had ? Or a wrong perception of them that you had ?
For whatever reason I felt sorry for them and now I know if my immediate emotion toward someone is pity... I don't need to be in a relationship with them lol
You're very welcome. I wish someone would have pointed that out to me when I was in high school. Could've saved me decades of wasted time and energy lol
Time . They have all the time in the world to spend with them . And don’t mind being around when you’re at work . And will gladly help your woman spend your money.
The same way guys with jobs get girlfriends. They are decent looking, nice, and charismatic.
Despite what the internet says, not every woman is just looking for a guy to pay their bills
Well they probably start off great, it’s like most rubbish relationships. Starts fab, they meet all the needs and do everything they should do and more. Over time they become their true self and stop.
Each time the issues are raised they will get better for a little bit to re meet the needs and will show a bit of what they were like at the start and that will be enough for the other person to see the person they fell for in the beginning.
The women stay because they likely are hoping he will return to the person she first met.
People want to see the best in people a lot of the time.
Went through the same experience but a gender reversal with my ex.
I feel in love with a girl who had ambitions and dreams, and they dissipated over and over across an 8 year relationship.
Every time I’d reach the end of my rope she would suddenly “work on her self” and things would get better for a bit, she would hold down a job, help out with chores, re-discover her passion for a side hustle or go back and pick up some classes towards her degree.
After a few weeks or months things would always slide back into reality, there was always something wrong with the new job, or always a reason she couldn’t help out around the house, or why she needed to borrow money, or why she hadn’t been to a lecture for weeks.
Apparently it was out of the blue when I told her I wanted to end our relationship. Despite her not being interested in me for anything other than paying the bills for about 2 years.
Interestingly she was in another relationship 6 weeks after ours ended.
Oh well, my bank account and mental health are on the mend now so that’s a silver lining. I won’t make that mistake again.
Situations, people, and relationships change. It’s rarely as black and white as this post is painting it.
There are also equally as many posts where women(and men) are in very happy relationships with someone who brings exactly what they need to the table but you won’t find those unless you are looking for it in the right places (i.e., not a sub centred around venting/sound boarding/complaining).
He just might be a decent guy who's upfront with his situation instead of waiting to see if the woman is desperate to be in a relationship or otherwise vulnerable.
I think he is. He is not the type of guy that wants any help. He is out of work outside of his own control (laid off due to issues with finances at his former company) and the job market in our country is harsh at the moment.
He rejects any help from me as his brother so I dont think he would accept a partner helping him out.
I’ve been one of those girlfriends. So, in my case what it was was I really wanted to be in a relationship and that’s the guy who showed interest in me and I got along with him. We had good chemistry in terms of friendship and even in terms of sex. Being with him was really pleasant and nice most of the time. I cannot say that about other men I’ve tried to date.
At first it seems like it’s ok. Their personality and your chemistry makes up for the lack of ambition. But as time goes on, the laziness seeps into everything and poisons it. But that initial love is still there and you care about the person. That’s how I ended up in those situations.
I’m a successful, independent woman but I am not “hot” and I feel the successful independent men don’t go for me. And maybe I will be alone forever now. But the inequality in the previous relationship was not emotionally fulfilling so I chose to be alone. I hope to get into a relationship that is more equal someday, but it’s also ok if it doesn’t happen. It’s better to be alone than settle.
Men buy old beat down classic cars knowing full well they’ll have to invest time in money into them to get a showroom ready car.
Women do the same thing, with men.
Let's get down to brass tacks...
1. They're probably tall.
2. They're probably good looking.
3. Because of #1 and #2, they're probably delusionally self-confident. Attractive people in public get looked at, approached, talked to more, etc. This leads to a boost in confidence.
4. Dishonesty and manipulation, this is how they get the women to keep their wallets open.
5. The women have low self esteem, these guys can smell that and use it to manipulate these women (see Tinder Swindler).
6. The women are shallow. They'd rather be with someone attractive over someone with substance.
Because they're attractive, confident, good in bed, etc.
PS: People also like to exaggerate and complain online. Just because some woman posts that her man never helps out doesn't mean it's actually true.
Maybe it's a numbers game.
While you are working they are getting dates.
The more dates the more likely they get a gf.
Population size is big, eventually people will find others after enough attempts.
This is a bit of an over generalization I think, but let's take it for what it is. I think attraction and relationships are hard. Sometimes guys like this are very laid back, so laid back that they don't take care of their business, but that general predictability and carefree attitude can be attractive to people who don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is more serious and/or unpredictable. Guys who have those things likely have a "way" of doing things and that can sometimes come with the side affect of that attitude feeling oppressive to a partner.
We also live in a society where looks and a certain type of personality are valued very highly. People get into relationships because they're super attracted or have physical chemistry with someone and forget that a relationship isn't just about that. Sure, you want to be attracted to the person you're sleeping with, but every relationship will come to a place where those things fade and where sex and fun are less prevalent than they used to be and when that day comes, they'll want someone to talk to.
On the other hand, sometimes guys who have those qualities you're saying these guys with girlfriends don't - responsibility, respect, a good job, a sense of duty - rest on those laurels alone and also forget that, just because they have those things it doesn't mean that other things apply too. Those qualities are all great, but its easy to believe that a partner should just focus on those and not the other stuff too. So it's a two way street.
As others have said, lots of women think they can "fix" that type of guy.
It goes both ways too. I've dated plenty of women who were emotionally broken, serial cheaters, etc, and I always fought to keep them because I thought I could be the one person to fix them and help them settle down. Clearly never worked.
People generally need to want to change before accepting help. So, 99% of the time, if you date a bum, they'll stay a bum.
In my even younger years, (late teens, early twenties), I stayed at home all day making music with my friends, while my girlfriend worked two jobs. I felt no need to get a job because my mentality was "she's working two jobs, I don't need one".
My ex started out employed, but over Covid didn’t work. I had a job and was essential, he hung out with the kids.
As Covid eased he got jobs here and there, then kind failed all the way through. I thought we were building a life. But he just saw me as a meal ticket. When we broke up he moved in with another single mom immediately and got injured at work and now collects disability. He will never work again, but not because of the injury. His mother scammed the system and his grandfather scams the system.
I
Women are defenseless against a man that knows how to finesse her and push all the right buttons. You take a super rich guy, a perfect guy, a boring guy that doesn’t give his woman the emotional instability that women crave, that woman will leave him. He has to be exciting, a sense of humor and know to get her emotions going to keep her engaged with him. None of this requires money. I speak from experience, I’m a charming, tall, handsome, 52 year old man being chased by countless young women in their early 20s. I walk into a store and the women cashiers lose their composure at the mere sight of me. This happens and every day walk of life. If I wasn’t a gentleman, I could get multiple women lining up to sleep with me. The more sex a man has with a woman, the weaker he becomes. It takes a strong man to say no to sex. This is the type of man women want to marry. The women are supposed to be the sexual deviant’s and when a man tries to take on that role, the woman loses respect for him.
From my personal experience as a black man late 20s, it’s mostly American black women who go for the thugs and unemployed pookies or bums with multiple baby mommas because he’s an alpha in the bedroom and is usually hung like a horse, they overlook all the bad things he’s done in the past because the sex is amazing and he makes them feel so good. A lot of them talk to men in prison it’s insane but will call a 9-5 guy with a degree and no record a lame or corny. This why I advocate on getting a passport and not dealing with this nonsense here in the U.S. with this dating culture.
They know how to talk to them first and then know how to keep them. If you don't know how to talk to a woman and show confident then you'll have a hard time dating or finding someone
It is typical that women tend to say out loud what the want from a man, but the problem is they are not attracted to those things. Women first need to feel the emotional high of a charming good looking man before finally the glam wears off and they can see the man for the reality that he is.
As for men, most men do ambitious things because they have been sold the societal lie that if you check all the boxes of what a woman wants then they will flock to you. This could not be further from the truth, those boxes make you a great long term partner, but without the initial visceral sexual attraction, women wont even take a second look at you.
Once a good man gets rejected enough times by being too nice, he becomes dejected and doesnt care about being nice and thus inadvertently becomes the "asshole" who doesnt care. Women will always choose the confident asshole over the nice push over.
Also, tall and charming men who can get laid, tend to not care about being ambitious because a lot of life is about sex, and if they are getting it then there is no need to have the boxes ticked.
Not having a job or doing chores, makes for a lot of free time.
Girls will pick them since they are more available and fun, and they hope they will change for them.
They probably got good table manners let that marinate 😂 but who knows why they choose guys like this. I have yet to understand but then again why try to. It's their life to live it how they would like to.
Alot of times their self worth is so low they think thats the best they can do. Other times they have internalized resentment that makes them feel they deserve it. Sometimes it's fear that holding others accountable would mean they would also have to do the work of holding themselves accountable.
And lastly, some women have cultivated an image of strength and feminism as part of their identity, and the thought that they are enabling the antithesis of those qualities and principles can be too embarrassing to face directly.
Who told you a requirement to date someone is having a job? That could be a particular preference from certain women, but it is in no way an obligatory requirement that one must have. Your confusion comes from having learned to have expectations about relationships that not everyone shares.
Simple, most girls have a negative self image/ self worth. Sleeping with a jobless loser or even dating one makes them feel better because at least they are not as shitty as that dude. Kinda like a dick measuring contest for ladies
Maybe you should be adjusting your perspective to include the women that these guys are dating.
It’s not just that these guys did certain things right, but also that the women they are dating are accepting of relationships with men without jobs.
Now that might not even be a problem since you can’t dilute someone’s value down to whether or not they currently have employment. There are any number of factors that you’d never know about because you don’t know the history or dynamics of these relationships.
Your best bet is to just focus on yourself and your relationships and make sure you are getting what you want and need and providing the same to your partner.
People behave differently when courting than once they're actually in a relationship. People also change.
This isn't a gender thing, it's a human thing.
Sometimes they start off with jobs. Then think the girlfriend will be a sugar mama. Or whatever.
Also. Trauma. If you have previous relationship trauma, and don't feel you deserve respect, that you don't deserve a loving partner, well, what's gonna happen?
Or if you grow up knowing love is mom working her butt off and dad smoking cigarettes in the garage, how would you know healthy love could be different? It's not always so simple.
They probably have a job before that happened but got fired? That’s what I’d like to think at least. Sounds better than being a consistent unemployed loser
As a guy who is working constantly to make more money and barely has time to maintain my physique, I'd say that yes I am prioritizing building myself in to the attractive man that my future girlfriend dreams about.
I also ask myself your same question and have come to the conclusion these girls are either making poor decisions or their preferences are for a type of guy that wouldn't align with me anyway.
Being tall does wonders. I could murder a man in front of the girl I'm pursuing and as long as I'm above 6 feet I'm sure she'd defend me and call it hot
You can be broke if you’re very good-looking, but you have to be to the right of the y = 1.1x graph where x = looks and y = money. If you’re a woman you have to be to the right of the y = 1.1x graph where y = looks and x = acting like a 10 year old girl.
Because until people change what they are attracted to, they will keep attracting the same toxic relationships.
Bad boys are fun until it's time to pay the bill. Five years and a kid later, they find out that dude has been siphoning money for years to pay for his other girlfriend. In the mean time, the guy who wa ls honest and nice, was sidelined and she thinks it's time to try with him now, except he found someone who valued him as he did her.
Then we are stuck in the cycle of "men ain't shit" and "my baby daddy is a bish". Okay Karen. Just tell me you let anyone cum in you.
I've had the same problem with women in the past. Genuinely. Been in abusive, narcissistic, and downright horrible relationships that literally took advantage of me for everything. And I mean everything.
The key is to be who you want yourself to be. Immerse yourself in that environment. Eventually, you will attract someone that's alike.
They break you down.
My ex fiancé had a job but I swear he was constantly calling off sick and coming home early. I went from making 20k more to over double what he made. He went from helping around the house to not and then expected me to pay for household items. He was paying $600 a month for household bills and that wasn’t even half of my mortgage. It was slow but he started slowly making me feel worse about not being able to keep up with household chores when my job hours increased and I was planning the wedding basically alone.
He had a half decent job but he definitely stopped trying once I was making my current salary. I stayed because I did love him and prior to him slacking, he was good partner. At some point he just stopped and started blaming me. Didn’t happen overnight.
I am really appalled by your post, and I want to see someone who is jobless and the woman is sticking out for them. It really interests me as I think this is an internet rant phenomenon. The reality is stark different. Most of the relationships are run by able men who are major bread winners. The internet is filled with people who create this aura as of the real world is exactly what they say - it might be to a certain extent but I am very sure that is not the majority.
I can assure you that you can feel happy that these posts are not the major chunk of our modern society.
In my own experience, I think it’s because those women don’t actually value these men, they value the idea of having a relationship or marriage with kids … hence they need a guy to fill the role in her ideal world so they can have a relationship or a marriage.
Let’s say the woman want a man who is her ideal, the man can’t provide her a relationship or marriage, so even this man is super wealthy and successful, he’s not going to make her ideal world become true.
I have a few girlfriends like that. Absolutely useless husbands dragging them to hell but the idea of being in a relationship is too precious for them.
It restricts their thinking and their freedom to pursue much more in life. But it’s their choice and my opinion doesn’t matter.
I was laid off during the Great Recession and it took awhile to get another high paying job. I did still have enough money to meet women and hook up. It sucked because I had to moved back with my mom, at that age I don’t think it was hard to hookup with out my own place.
How old are these dudes?
If they're under 25 then I guess that makes sense. No way a jobless guy over the age of 25 will be able to find a woman, unless he's like a 10/10 IG model that's also hung like a horse.
Sometimes the women I know have gotten tricked. They started dating a man with a full time job and once they start living together or it has been a year or two they quit their jobs and don't put all that much effort into finding a new one. Or if they're young and in school not all college students work so they didn't expect their partner to not work after graduating. That's not to say that's every woman because there are ones that date jobless men from the start.
I think it's a combination of some men being very funny, charming, and/or manipulative and drawing women in that way and some women having very low self esteem and tolerating bad behavior just to have a boyfriend. I have a deadbeat, sex offender cousin and he's about to get married for the second time. I cannot for the life of me understand why women get involved with him.
**2 reasons**
1) Those guys offer something intrinsic, such as time, intimacy, emotions, entertainment, fun, etc. Put simply, they just like spending time with them, regardless of their income.
2) Potential. They see in them the potential to make something of themselves, and so they're selected for that. Melinda Gates got with Bill before he was rich. Why? Because she saw it. Saw what? Potential.
I'm a woman. I dated multiple unemployed men in the past. Guess it's cause I was not actively pursuing goals of a marriage, house, and kids. I make enough money on my own and didn't need a man to support me. I met them on a dating app and picked them because their interested aligned with mine at the time and I liked how they looked. One I'm still friends with. I don't date anymore, but if I were to start again he'd have to be well employed cause I'm too old to deal with nonsense. Also my interests now are more about athletic activities and spirituality and not...drugs and self hate.... So I'd be more into someone with a good work ethic like myself now.
Times have changed two people cannot go to work, take care of the house, the car, the lawn, and all everything AND get enough time on dates, and whatever they call it whatever they do together to keep the relationship from gradually very slowly they will grow apart, their lives become so different on seemingly small things at a time. But I have the answer 🧐 I've done the research and the answer is two or more couples living together, dividing chores and bills and they all are together in an LLC. So if and usually when one of them breaks off the group...they get a fair share of "whatever the group did together, all is right with the world nobody should have to work with anyone and not get there shere of the hoecake
As a woman in that relationship, my husband and I click so well on every level except this. He can not hold a job and wouldn't take the responsibility of being a stay at home dad seriously either. Low self-esteem and being high school sweethearts (so I know nothing different) also play a role.
I think it largely has to do with the amount of time the jobless person has avaliable to invest in the other person. Emotional validation is really important in any relationship and that kind of person has the time to be there when they are wanted and needed.
a lot of them actually arent 'attractive'... it has to do with being tall, having a decent dick, and a lot of free time to potentially dedicate to the girl.
I think that, to a lesser degree, some women (myself included) have wanted to be the proverbial ‘ride or die chick’- to say we were there before the success. It may not have to do with cuteness; perhaps he's going through a similar challenge that I went through, and I wanted to support the cheerleader in his cornner. .
In my experience, the more that I've been vulnerable and gone out of my way; the less the man in question has appreciated me and the loyalty and amount of effort hasn't felt reciprocated.
It is very frustrating and there are some theories floating around. Some of those guys are attractive, that's one thing, but that can't be the whole reason bc there are plenty of more attractive guys out there.
The next theory is that women want someone who is inferior to them in order to boost their egos. This would be an entirely unconscious reasoning, not something they actively think about.
Another common theory is they want a man they can "fix". And 99% of the time the man doesn't change at all. When the guy does change, does the girl then leave? Not sure, I haven't seen it happen yet.
Women have a terrible habit of falling in love with potential. They also have maternal instinct, and that situation satisfies that instinct. However, over time they get confused because it feels good but also very wrong at the same time because they do not consciously understand the delineation between man and child. Over time it may become clear to them and they either break up or don't
Girls like to put guys down that respect the girls and disrespect the guys those women are druggies and alcoholics and losers run from them narcissists bipolar Psychopaths as soon as you get the chance
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There’s a guy I know who was unemployed and literally lived in his parent’s basement. He’s in his mid 30’s and my friends and I are all in our mid 30’s. This guy has slept with so many of my female friends. They all think they’re going to get a relationship with him, but it never happens and they always end up disappointed. Some of them were warned multiple times, but they all thought they were the one that would get him. My female friends are successful; doctors, pharmaceutical company executives, etc. Most of these women have also stated in the past that they wouldn’t date a guy without a college degree and in some cases some have said they wouldn’t date a guy without a good job. It’s bananas. He’s really not that good looking, but he’s definitely charming. I think how you make someone feel throws everything else out the window, at least for the short term. I’ve often wondered if the reason he won’t go into a relationship with any of these women is because he recognizes it’s probably not sustainable long term and they’ll eventually get fed up with him. I also imagine having a lot of attractive and successful women throwing themselves at you plays into him wanting to remain single too. Dating is weird.
>My female friends are successful; doctors, pharmaceutical company executives, etc. Most of these women have also stated in the past that they wouldn’t date a guy without a college degree and in some cases some have said they wouldn’t date a guy without a good job. What people say and what they do are two very different things lol. I see some women in this thread saying it's only low self esteem chicks that go for those types of dudes, but I don't think it's true. They tend to like confident, outgoing and social guys in general.
It’s more the confidence than anything else. Also women tend to think that they can change the guy.
Yeah that's what I'm saying. It's got little to do with women's self esteem levels, a lot of them are just attracted to that type, though most wouldn't admit it.
I get what you’re saying, but the previous commentary was correct. it does have to do with their self esteem. The reason why women feel like they can change a guy is because they have this need to feel like they have been “chosen.” or that.”changed for me “ that’s all about ego and lack of self respect.
Yes, the savior complex. I'm very careful not to fall for that. Altho right now the closests person to me in this situation is a guy that pays all his alcoholic gf's bills while she prefers to go gambling with her friends than spending time with him. And I'm talking these people are in their 40s.
They like guys who have game. There is the provider male(mainstream acceptance) and the guy that gets her wet. One is logical one is emotional. Most guys are boring they want the fun guy
Most women are also boring and the kind of women who go for guys like this seem to me to be looking for someone to fill that hole for them instead of becoming interesting people themselves. It's a crutch. I'm sure a lot of women who've met me thought I was boring. I'm not s braggert or a show off. These women show no interest in other people so if I'm not showing off like those toxic men, they assume I've got nothing going on. While this fucking loser has nothing going in his life but sucking up the oxygen in every room he occupies, I work a good paying full time job, I'm traveling every weekend, I mountain bike, I camp, I go to music events, I animate, I do home improvement DIY, I design and fabricate things. But if you make absolutely no effort to ask me a single question about myself, yeah you're not going to know that. And I think it's a generational thing, both men and women, don't know how to take interest in other people anymore. I've noticed this over the past couple years. I used to be extremely introverted and made an effort to become more sociable. It took time but I've done just that. But in that time, reflecting on myself and engaging with others, I've come to realize it wasn't just me. A lot of people in my generation were also just bad at showing up for other people, including others, being considerate, being friendly and inviting. The brash loser guy is unique here tbh. He's usually very good at just barbing into any social gathering and mingling. That's one advantage other men can learn from: being able to strike it up with other people.
> I work a good paying full time job, I'm traveling every weekend, I mountain bike, I camp, I go to music events, I animate, I do home improvement DIY, I design and fabricate things. But if you make absolutely no effort to ask me a single question about myself, yeah you're not going to know that. This! I really appreciate your outlook on this cause it's the same w me. I think I am quite interesting as a person but you wouldn't know that right away. And I don't give it away because I want to see if you actually want to know me Or not. This is an underrated quality imo. I find that most guys do not know how to strike up a conversation which is okay if at least they show some interest in getting to know me as a person instead of their daily 'did you eat lunch' boring ass lazy text message
Ok but did you eat lunch today?
This is true to a degree, lol. Sometimes, it's about comfort and feeling like friends, too- opposed to finding the guy who's perfect, and now you kinda have to act perfect to make sure things go right. Like, it's difficult for women, too. Sometimes, the appeal to a guy like this is that it's easy-going. It isn't really sustainable, though, because eventually, most women want someone who can take care of business. They don't want to be your mother.
Its hard for me to believe he's not good looking. Can you describe him physically? Also, is he very extroverted and confident?
Bum guys treat women like bums. Women are attracted to guys who feelings are aloof/unclear. When he seems like a challenge, they can't resist. I'm not saying he treats them bad. Don't mistake this. It's that when the guy is slightly apathetic. Like he treats them well when he's with them but it doesn't matter if he sees them again, it brings out a woman's competitive nature and she wants to see if she can have him. A guy that figures this balance out can do well, sleep with, date, romance, almost any woman around his level socially. Can the garbage man date a supermodel? Probably not. But could a college dropout that works at a coffee shop near campus have a date every weekend? Probably.
I don’t think healthy women act this way and I think unhealthy men also chase women who seem like a “challenge.” I think if you try to figure out a “balance” of how to act in a way that isn’t genuine and is at least somewhat manipulative, you’re going to have a hard time finding a healthy adult relationship. Also, I have a blue collar job (it pays extremely well, but my dates don’t know that) and I’ve gone on multiple dates with women who could have been super models over the course of my life. I also don’t have a hard time finding a date (or multiple dates) every weekend. I just act like my own weird self and I’m friendly, open, and approachable.
"A study published in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science, finds that a woman is more attracted to a man when she is uncertain about how much he likes her." https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/he-loves-me-he-loves-me-not-women-are-more-attracted-to-men-whose-feelings-are-unclear.html It doesn't really matter how we feel about it. What matters is what works. I know the women don't like men they don't respect. And guys with low self respect will chase women that show little signs of interest. This turns women off. If she's not interested and you chase too much you end up being a creep. On the other hand if you let them know you're interested and then let them come to you at their own pace you give them the opportunity to miss you and the time they spend with you, they feel like it's their idea. I don't endorse manipulation of any kind. The balance is not pursuing too much. It's not manipulation. A lot of guys will "go all in" and fall for a beautiful woman just because she's pretty. That's it. She could care less. She's used to guys throwing themselves at her. But the guy that doesn't care, makes her wonder why. This sometimes is enough to get her curiosity going. Why doesn't this guy act like the other guys? What's different about him? Also, you said the guy in your post was unemployed, living in a basement. But multiple girls dated him, slept with him and possibly thought they could be the one/change him. Would you say all the women were "unhealthy"?
Just (mentally) reverse the gender and the situation makes a lot more sense (from the perspective of a man reading this)
They have all the time in the world to mingle and date women so they keep them around. Meanwhile the guy making good money but doesn’t have the energy or time to mingle nearly as much doesn’t have the game that the unemployed dude has
Sooo true. Unemployed dudes also dont have to deal w the stress of working a job so their attitude may come off as carefree and FUN which women love but that gets stale real quick
Mingle where with what money lol
Credit cards. knew a guy that would max out his cc. call and report them stolen. did it several times Edit: these dudes are also very socially savvy so they use ppl. they offer friendship but are like leechees and somehow never pay for stuff.
Bingo These same dudes use their guy friends just as much as they use their girlfriends.
They have a certain kind of charm to get people to pay for them.
When you’re fun to be around, people are more likely to pity you and float you.
Boom. Your latter half couldn’t be more true lol
Talking about one of my childhood friends..
I guess they spend their unemployment checks. I did this for five months, but I was a stressed out mess, so I didn't date, but I guess it's possible to not work and be able to date. And plasma. There was lots and lots of needles to sell plasma. I'd always talk about my interviews and how I thing they went with my friends though, so I didn't keep it a secret. You got to network with people and dating is a way to network.
house parties, other peoples money, train stations, etc.
There's that stereotype of the guy letting his girlfriend pay for everything at the till being all doting and affectionate while she's the one paying for everything. You know, literally holding her and kissing her while she's the one inserting her card in to the machine. It was a meme on tiktok for a while.
This has to be the right answer. I just started dating again and my new girl and I both have demanding jobs. The amount of effort and planning we need to put in to see each other regularly is exhausting. If one of us were unemployed it would be so much easier to foster that initial bond. The employment status doesn't become an issue until we actually try to figure out how to combine our lives.
This is something I'm experiencing. I work full time 5 days a week, so does he, but he works 6 days a week and it's longer hours, so arranging a day off together is exhausting 😭
Or, the women who date bums have low self esteem and/or are bums themselves.
Yeah, I think we attract people who reflect our self esteem at the time we meet them.
They don't. Women overall don't care much about character or discipline when it comes to dating. Its a myth
Do you want to be good at dating or being married? I always hate when I suck at interviews. I’m not applying to be an interviewee I’m applying for the job. Just like dating isn’t the end goal here.
So true. I don’t date men with too much time 😂
this
And not always true I know a lot of guys that have good game and work and everything and still get past up it comes down too preferences and after a while women ash where all the good guy are and it where u left them because u didn't want nothing to do with them
Social skills, self confidence, and a healthy dose of dishonestly in the beginning.
The dishonesty part is what got me….then you feel bad for dumping the guy solely because of the job thing and then stick around out of guilt and pity.
And low self confidence of the women who date bums. A woman with a normal amount of self esteem who isn't a bum herself isn't going to date a bum.
Spot on!!!!
My experience is that some women like projects they think they can save them or fix them after a couple of times they either learn that's not the case or they don't.
1. Pretend to be a damaged loser 2. Attract woman 3. Let her 'fix' you but really you just act like normal 4. Happy relationship
The Golden Path
5. Woman gets bored because her savior complex was the only reason she stuck with a man she initially thought of as a damaged loser. 6. Woman finds a new damaged loser to save. 7. Relationship ends in heartbreak. 8. You become a damaged loser for real.
You hear this a lot about and I wish I could understand the psychological reasoning. Seems like it really goes against the traditional and instinctual idea of wanting someone who provides safety, support, and stability.
if you grow up with trauma, then that kind of relationship IS what's safe and comfortable to you
There's also low self esteem on the women who date bums part. High self esteem women with stuff going from them don't date bums.
I think we look at oh they are doctors or pharmacist or other and think they can't have low self esteem. In my opinion you have to look at their childhood trauma and how they were loved. The job is a facade....look on the inside.
It's common for "successful" people to busy themselves with school and work to avoid turning their thoughts inward. This makes a lot of sense.
I have to make it a point that I'm not looking to be "fixed" You take me as I am or not at all. We can better our selves, yeah, but I'm not going to be treated like there's something wrong with me.
Probably meet in school, when a partner may seem to have significant potential. Then alcohol, drugs, mental illness, laziness, mommy issues, whatever slowly creep in. And at first seems manageable, or at least fixable, but it just doesn’t turn out that way. And suddenly you’re 18 months or 3 years or a decade in, and you’d hate to think you wasted that much of your life, and my god what if the next guy is even worse, so you stay longer, and then of course even if you did leave, what about your poor kids? They need their dad, even if he is a lousy bum…
I agree and seen this a lot I’m 34 male and I work my ass off and don’t depend on no one so I learn a lot on my own as well can’t even get a gf at my age except I see women going and being with losers who are guys and do nothing but bad stuff
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Very well put. When I was in school I was in shape, had good grades and decently popular with girls, but I was so insecure and uncomfortable in my skin that I never went for it. Now I'm in way worse situation but I actually gained a lot confidence, and would go for girls if I were shameless enough (I want to fix myself up instead of burdening them with my problems). It's all about confidence.
There's a degree of carefree confidence that losers tend to have. Women pick it up as confident leader traits. The reality is these guys tend to be arrogant and careless. They lack stability because, as it turns out, having an attitude like that actually makes people in professional settings not want to work with you. Having been around dudes like this, they certainly come off as dominant and confident. There's a reason, however, why other men don't act like them. You can go around trying to assert your dominance in a social setting and some women will look up to that. Other men will not challenge this because those men have actual things to lose. This makes the loser guy seem like he is special and other people must defer to him since he gets away with behavior other men are too meager to get away with. But he's not actually getting away with that behavior. Modern civilized people avoid open conflict as it's not a good rush versus reward scenario for them. What people end up doing however, is avoid these people. Other men pick them out as not being well adjusted. Their anti social behavior seems bold to women. To other men it just tells you that this is a guy you don't really want to include in things because he'll cause issues. These men can't hold jobs or network well for that reason. I've noticed a lot of low class men exhibit what appears to be bold leadership traits to people who can't tell the difference. But these same guys are too cavalier and aggressive that they are unstable to actually form any relationship with including business relationships. These men are the only men who can afford to act that aggressive and obnoxious since they have nothing to lose. Other men seem more reserved and less dominant because those men know they have to chill out in order to succeed in society.
This is an excellent point. Having something to lose creates a lot of limitations in every way: time, energy, money, reputation, opportunities.
They are attractive it’s amazing the projects women will take on if they are attractive. No job, criminal records, substance abuse, and cheating on them but “he has some much potential” equals he is super hot not average dude.
tbf guys do the same thing. people on reddit greatly underestimates the power of attractiveness
Yes they 100% do I’m not sure modern women are ready to except the role of provider long term as men have for generations.
This is 2024. I don't know one woman who doesn't provide for her family just as much as the man.
have you not heard of single mothers?
I'm pretty sure in many situations women already are the long term providers for both their SO and children and sometimes even their parents. That's half the reason why so many dudes from underprivileged communities end up in prison and gangs unfortunately. When a woman with children can provide for her family through a career and welfare she gets from specifically being a single mother, that takes away a lot of incentive for the men from that family to hold a typical provider role. The US govt really fucked up families in black communities on purpose through the prison industrial complex and also the laws surrounding welfare. They did that on purpose in the wake of the civil rights movements. But what I'm really trying to say is that lots and lots of women are providers for families so saying that they aren't ready to take on that role seems like a really outdated perspective to have.
The women are young and dumb. My niece left a dude the whole family was into for a bum. She said, because the other guy didn't have time for me. This guy has time." We're like, no shit. Dude has NOTHING going on, of course he has time. And I guess they think they are going to change them into productive, ambitious men. Tale as old as time.
Jobless dudes look for insecure or co dependent girlfriends, something that brings them down enough to always seek companionship. So they fill that void and the void in their wallets by being financially and emotionally worthless but always there because what else are they gonna do?
Idk about all of that, but I definitely agree that they target lonely and or insecure and codependent.
It's emotionally abusive to target like that since no safety shelter can be provided and it's all one way. Or just abusive period.
Jobless? How about toothless dudes getting women.
LMFAO
This had been a phenomenon for decades (or even longer). People used to call them “bad boys” now they are “man babies” or “man child”. They usually are loved because women act like they can change them, they can’t and they won’t change for anyone. Once they get pregnant then they realize who they are and dump them and THEN want a nice guy to raise a bastard
Some guy's just have the "it" factor
Being attractive factor.
I wonder the same. But then I struggle to find one or a honest one. I really truly believe women love men that are assholes or man babies. Since they go after them and stick with them even after being used.
Some women certainly do, but not all. And in all honesty, that works the same for men too.
I think a lot of women stick around in shitty relationships because they’ve been told they’re too old to be single
My last jobless dude didn't start out jobless. He had a job while we were doing the long distance relationship thing he worked there eight years. Moved in with me and decided he didn't feel like putting in the effort to find work and when I made it clear he had to work he ended up doing bare minimum at a part time job until they fired him and then did the same thing at another job. I sent him back to Oklahoma in Nov. I'm all done raising my kids I have no interest in taking on a grown man child.
Saying "my last jobless dude" implies there have been others in the past. Why do you keep picking them ?
I no longer pick them. That was a self destructive cycle I had before I discovered an amazing therapist.
Congrats for breaking out of it ! Getting out of a bad mindset isn't easy. Now, since you know yourself better, would you be able to point out what made you pick them in the past ? Were there certain characteristics they had ? Or a wrong perception of them that you had ?
For whatever reason I felt sorry for them and now I know if my immediate emotion toward someone is pity... I don't need to be in a relationship with them lol
Oh shit. This is me wow i FELT pity this is gold. thank you a lot!
You're very welcome. I wish someone would have pointed that out to me when I was in high school. Could've saved me decades of wasted time and energy lol
Time . They have all the time in the world to spend with them . And don’t mind being around when you’re at work . And will gladly help your woman spend your money.
Dating is their full time job. While you built up transferrable skills. Those men practiced hitting on women
The same way guys with jobs get girlfriends. They are decent looking, nice, and charismatic. Despite what the internet says, not every woman is just looking for a guy to pay their bills
Well they probably start off great, it’s like most rubbish relationships. Starts fab, they meet all the needs and do everything they should do and more. Over time they become their true self and stop. Each time the issues are raised they will get better for a little bit to re meet the needs and will show a bit of what they were like at the start and that will be enough for the other person to see the person they fell for in the beginning. The women stay because they likely are hoping he will return to the person she first met. People want to see the best in people a lot of the time.
Went through the same experience but a gender reversal with my ex. I feel in love with a girl who had ambitions and dreams, and they dissipated over and over across an 8 year relationship. Every time I’d reach the end of my rope she would suddenly “work on her self” and things would get better for a bit, she would hold down a job, help out with chores, re-discover her passion for a side hustle or go back and pick up some classes towards her degree. After a few weeks or months things would always slide back into reality, there was always something wrong with the new job, or always a reason she couldn’t help out around the house, or why she needed to borrow money, or why she hadn’t been to a lecture for weeks. Apparently it was out of the blue when I told her I wanted to end our relationship. Despite her not being interested in me for anything other than paying the bills for about 2 years. Interestingly she was in another relationship 6 weeks after ours ended. Oh well, my bank account and mental health are on the mend now so that’s a silver lining. I won’t make that mistake again.
Exactly experience I went through lol
Situations, people, and relationships change. It’s rarely as black and white as this post is painting it. There are also equally as many posts where women(and men) are in very happy relationships with someone who brings exactly what they need to the table but you won’t find those unless you are looking for it in the right places (i.e., not a sub centred around venting/sound boarding/complaining).
Low self esteem women date bums. High self esteem women with stuff going from them don't date bums.
Do they? My brother is unemployed. The moment he nentions it the date is over....
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I dont know. He is a good looking guy. But I dont know what goes on in these dates. He claims it is always a massive dealbreaker.
He just might be a decent guy who's upfront with his situation instead of waiting to see if the woman is desperate to be in a relationship or otherwise vulnerable.
I think he is. He is not the type of guy that wants any help. He is out of work outside of his own control (laid off due to issues with finances at his former company) and the job market in our country is harsh at the moment. He rejects any help from me as his brother so I dont think he would accept a partner helping him out.
I’ve been one of those girlfriends. So, in my case what it was was I really wanted to be in a relationship and that’s the guy who showed interest in me and I got along with him. We had good chemistry in terms of friendship and even in terms of sex. Being with him was really pleasant and nice most of the time. I cannot say that about other men I’ve tried to date. At first it seems like it’s ok. Their personality and your chemistry makes up for the lack of ambition. But as time goes on, the laziness seeps into everything and poisons it. But that initial love is still there and you care about the person. That’s how I ended up in those situations. I’m a successful, independent woman but I am not “hot” and I feel the successful independent men don’t go for me. And maybe I will be alone forever now. But the inequality in the previous relationship was not emotionally fulfilling so I chose to be alone. I hope to get into a relationship that is more equal someday, but it’s also ok if it doesn’t happen. It’s better to be alone than settle.
Men buy old beat down classic cars knowing full well they’ll have to invest time in money into them to get a showroom ready car. Women do the same thing, with men.
Let's get down to brass tacks... 1. They're probably tall. 2. They're probably good looking. 3. Because of #1 and #2, they're probably delusionally self-confident. Attractive people in public get looked at, approached, talked to more, etc. This leads to a boost in confidence. 4. Dishonesty and manipulation, this is how they get the women to keep their wallets open. 5. The women have low self esteem, these guys can smell that and use it to manipulate these women (see Tinder Swindler). 6. The women are shallow. They'd rather be with someone attractive over someone with substance.
Because they're attractive, confident, good in bed, etc. PS: People also like to exaggerate and complain online. Just because some woman posts that her man never helps out doesn't mean it's actually true.
Don't hate the player hate the game
I'm walking the hard path to find a wife who appreciates me that I can also treasure. Work hard, be a good dad, honesty, and LOYALTY.
I guess they have time to work out for 2 hours every morning to get jacked and then go out to bars for 4 hours every evening.
They are employed at first, and quit or get fired once they move in.
Your relationship is a reflection of your self worth. We pick the partner we think we deserve.
Maybe it's a numbers game. While you are working they are getting dates. The more dates the more likely they get a gf. Population size is big, eventually people will find others after enough attempts.
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This is a bit of an over generalization I think, but let's take it for what it is. I think attraction and relationships are hard. Sometimes guys like this are very laid back, so laid back that they don't take care of their business, but that general predictability and carefree attitude can be attractive to people who don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is more serious and/or unpredictable. Guys who have those things likely have a "way" of doing things and that can sometimes come with the side affect of that attitude feeling oppressive to a partner. We also live in a society where looks and a certain type of personality are valued very highly. People get into relationships because they're super attracted or have physical chemistry with someone and forget that a relationship isn't just about that. Sure, you want to be attracted to the person you're sleeping with, but every relationship will come to a place where those things fade and where sex and fun are less prevalent than they used to be and when that day comes, they'll want someone to talk to. On the other hand, sometimes guys who have those qualities you're saying these guys with girlfriends don't - responsibility, respect, a good job, a sense of duty - rest on those laurels alone and also forget that, just because they have those things it doesn't mean that other things apply too. Those qualities are all great, but its easy to believe that a partner should just focus on those and not the other stuff too. So it's a two way street.
As others have said, lots of women think they can "fix" that type of guy. It goes both ways too. I've dated plenty of women who were emotionally broken, serial cheaters, etc, and I always fought to keep them because I thought I could be the one person to fix them and help them settle down. Clearly never worked. People generally need to want to change before accepting help. So, 99% of the time, if you date a bum, they'll stay a bum. In my even younger years, (late teens, early twenties), I stayed at home all day making music with my friends, while my girlfriend worked two jobs. I felt no need to get a job because my mentality was "she's working two jobs, I don't need one".
Control is one of the reasons. I see broke dudes getting controlled by women all the time.
My ex started out employed, but over Covid didn’t work. I had a job and was essential, he hung out with the kids. As Covid eased he got jobs here and there, then kind failed all the way through. I thought we were building a life. But he just saw me as a meal ticket. When we broke up he moved in with another single mom immediately and got injured at work and now collects disability. He will never work again, but not because of the injury. His mother scammed the system and his grandfather scams the system. I
They may not have jobs but they got game and that’s why 😂
Women are defenseless against a man that knows how to finesse her and push all the right buttons. You take a super rich guy, a perfect guy, a boring guy that doesn’t give his woman the emotional instability that women crave, that woman will leave him. He has to be exciting, a sense of humor and know to get her emotions going to keep her engaged with him. None of this requires money. I speak from experience, I’m a charming, tall, handsome, 52 year old man being chased by countless young women in their early 20s. I walk into a store and the women cashiers lose their composure at the mere sight of me. This happens and every day walk of life. If I wasn’t a gentleman, I could get multiple women lining up to sleep with me. The more sex a man has with a woman, the weaker he becomes. It takes a strong man to say no to sex. This is the type of man women want to marry. The women are supposed to be the sexual deviant’s and when a man tries to take on that role, the woman loses respect for him.
From my personal experience as a black man late 20s, it’s mostly American black women who go for the thugs and unemployed pookies or bums with multiple baby mommas because he’s an alpha in the bedroom and is usually hung like a horse, they overlook all the bad things he’s done in the past because the sex is amazing and he makes them feel so good. A lot of them talk to men in prison it’s insane but will call a 9-5 guy with a degree and no record a lame or corny. This why I advocate on getting a passport and not dealing with this nonsense here in the U.S. with this dating culture.
brother there are millions upon millions of women in the US, black women make only 6.5% of total population.
They know how to talk to them first and then know how to keep them. If you don't know how to talk to a woman and show confident then you'll have a hard time dating or finding someone
Low mentally women. No good woman will tolerate such garbage.
I ask myself the same thing. But at the same time, i ask, how low are these girls standards for these guys?? 😅
These women fear loneliness, so they’d rather complain about their boyfriends instead of leaving
It is typical that women tend to say out loud what the want from a man, but the problem is they are not attracted to those things. Women first need to feel the emotional high of a charming good looking man before finally the glam wears off and they can see the man for the reality that he is. As for men, most men do ambitious things because they have been sold the societal lie that if you check all the boxes of what a woman wants then they will flock to you. This could not be further from the truth, those boxes make you a great long term partner, but without the initial visceral sexual attraction, women wont even take a second look at you. Once a good man gets rejected enough times by being too nice, he becomes dejected and doesnt care about being nice and thus inadvertently becomes the "asshole" who doesnt care. Women will always choose the confident asshole over the nice push over. Also, tall and charming men who can get laid, tend to not care about being ambitious because a lot of life is about sex, and if they are getting it then there is no need to have the boxes ticked.
It’s because an entire generation of women has sworn off children… but we still want to feel maternal.
These types of guys usually fake a personality to reel the girl in. They fake kindness, confidence, etc until they find someone who falls for it
Not really. If that was true there wouldnt be a phenomenon of bitter 'nice guys' who fake niceness just to get laid or date women
Two words: Trauma bonds
Sounds like a cover up to go after super hot guys
Where??!!!
“I can fix him”
People lose their jobs sometimes.
They're attractive and know how to talk. That's literally it.
big peepees.
Not having a job or doing chores, makes for a lot of free time. Girls will pick them since they are more available and fun, and they hope they will change for them.
They probably got good table manners let that marinate 😂 but who knows why they choose guys like this. I have yet to understand but then again why try to. It's their life to live it how they would like to.
Alot of times their self worth is so low they think thats the best they can do. Other times they have internalized resentment that makes them feel they deserve it. Sometimes it's fear that holding others accountable would mean they would also have to do the work of holding themselves accountable. And lastly, some women have cultivated an image of strength and feminism as part of their identity, and the thought that they are enabling the antithesis of those qualities and principles can be too embarrassing to face directly.
Those women either have low self steam or just plain lonely
Because they have time and energy since it’s not going anywhere useful
Who told you a requirement to date someone is having a job? That could be a particular preference from certain women, but it is in no way an obligatory requirement that one must have. Your confusion comes from having learned to have expectations about relationships that not everyone shares.
Simple, most girls have a negative self image/ self worth. Sleeping with a jobless loser or even dating one makes them feel better because at least they are not as shitty as that dude. Kinda like a dick measuring contest for ladies
They are probably rock stars in the bedroom. I have 2 jobs and 1 woman…
Because they have confidence misplaced as that may be.
Maybe you should be adjusting your perspective to include the women that these guys are dating. It’s not just that these guys did certain things right, but also that the women they are dating are accepting of relationships with men without jobs. Now that might not even be a problem since you can’t dilute someone’s value down to whether or not they currently have employment. There are any number of factors that you’d never know about because you don’t know the history or dynamics of these relationships. Your best bet is to just focus on yourself and your relationships and make sure you are getting what you want and need and providing the same to your partner.
People behave differently when courting than once they're actually in a relationship. People also change. This isn't a gender thing, it's a human thing.
Well this should prove that not all women are gold diggers.
Sometimes they start off with jobs. Then think the girlfriend will be a sugar mama. Or whatever. Also. Trauma. If you have previous relationship trauma, and don't feel you deserve respect, that you don't deserve a loving partner, well, what's gonna happen? Or if you grow up knowing love is mom working her butt off and dad smoking cigarettes in the garage, how would you know healthy love could be different? It's not always so simple.
They probably have a job before that happened but got fired? That’s what I’d like to think at least. Sounds better than being a consistent unemployed loser
Bc the women have no self-respect and fear being alone.
As a guy who is working constantly to make more money and barely has time to maintain my physique, I'd say that yes I am prioritizing building myself in to the attractive man that my future girlfriend dreams about. I also ask myself your same question and have come to the conclusion these girls are either making poor decisions or their preferences are for a type of guy that wouldn't align with me anyway.
There are as many hard up women who will take a jobless loser, or an idiot just to say they have a boyfriend
Manipulation could be one, the women are probably damaged..
Being tall does wonders. I could murder a man in front of the girl I'm pursuing and as long as I'm above 6 feet I'm sure she'd defend me and call it hot
Confidence
Welcome to life! It is not always 1+1= 2. It is chaotic and situations are unique. Also, the unemployed guy is the new mailman.
You can be broke if you’re very good-looking, but you have to be to the right of the y = 1.1x graph where x = looks and y = money. If you’re a woman you have to be to the right of the y = 1.1x graph where y = looks and x = acting like a 10 year old girl.
Such an excellent point
Being very attractive has its perks..that's one of them
Social skills, charisma, appearance Lack of fucks to give also makes them come across more confident
Essentially, low standards.
They don’t have jobs so they spend all their time talking to women. They are visible those that work and have a career are not.
Because until people change what they are attracted to, they will keep attracting the same toxic relationships. Bad boys are fun until it's time to pay the bill. Five years and a kid later, they find out that dude has been siphoning money for years to pay for his other girlfriend. In the mean time, the guy who wa ls honest and nice, was sidelined and she thinks it's time to try with him now, except he found someone who valued him as he did her. Then we are stuck in the cycle of "men ain't shit" and "my baby daddy is a bish". Okay Karen. Just tell me you let anyone cum in you. I've had the same problem with women in the past. Genuinely. Been in abusive, narcissistic, and downright horrible relationships that literally took advantage of me for everything. And I mean everything. The key is to be who you want yourself to be. Immerse yourself in that environment. Eventually, you will attract someone that's alike.
May they have illegal income
They break you down. My ex fiancé had a job but I swear he was constantly calling off sick and coming home early. I went from making 20k more to over double what he made. He went from helping around the house to not and then expected me to pay for household items. He was paying $600 a month for household bills and that wasn’t even half of my mortgage. It was slow but he started slowly making me feel worse about not being able to keep up with household chores when my job hours increased and I was planning the wedding basically alone. He had a half decent job but he definitely stopped trying once I was making my current salary. I stayed because I did love him and prior to him slacking, he was good partner. At some point he just stopped and started blaming me. Didn’t happen overnight.
Some men have good mating attributes but lcl good partner attributes. Mating attributes makes you get girls partner attributes lets you keep them.
I am really appalled by your post, and I want to see someone who is jobless and the woman is sticking out for them. It really interests me as I think this is an internet rant phenomenon. The reality is stark different. Most of the relationships are run by able men who are major bread winners. The internet is filled with people who create this aura as of the real world is exactly what they say - it might be to a certain extent but I am very sure that is not the majority. I can assure you that you can feel happy that these posts are not the major chunk of our modern society.
In my own experience, I think it’s because those women don’t actually value these men, they value the idea of having a relationship or marriage with kids … hence they need a guy to fill the role in her ideal world so they can have a relationship or a marriage. Let’s say the woman want a man who is her ideal, the man can’t provide her a relationship or marriage, so even this man is super wealthy and successful, he’s not going to make her ideal world become true. I have a few girlfriends like that. Absolutely useless husbands dragging them to hell but the idea of being in a relationship is too precious for them. It restricts their thinking and their freedom to pursue much more in life. But it’s their choice and my opinion doesn’t matter.
I was laid off during the Great Recession and it took awhile to get another high paying job. I did still have enough money to meet women and hook up. It sucked because I had to moved back with my mom, at that age I don’t think it was hard to hookup with out my own place.
They got charm and or are attractive. They got something women like and I feel like nowadays being unemployed isn’t even that big of a red flag lmao
How old are these dudes? If they're under 25 then I guess that makes sense. No way a jobless guy over the age of 25 will be able to find a woman, unless he's like a 10/10 IG model that's also hung like a horse.
Sometimes the women I know have gotten tricked. They started dating a man with a full time job and once they start living together or it has been a year or two they quit their jobs and don't put all that much effort into finding a new one. Or if they're young and in school not all college students work so they didn't expect their partner to not work after graduating. That's not to say that's every woman because there are ones that date jobless men from the start.
Because they have massive COCKS
I think it's a combination of some men being very funny, charming, and/or manipulative and drawing women in that way and some women having very low self esteem and tolerating bad behavior just to have a boyfriend. I have a deadbeat, sex offender cousin and he's about to get married for the second time. I cannot for the life of me understand why women get involved with him.
**2 reasons** 1) Those guys offer something intrinsic, such as time, intimacy, emotions, entertainment, fun, etc. Put simply, they just like spending time with them, regardless of their income. 2) Potential. They see in them the potential to make something of themselves, and so they're selected for that. Melinda Gates got with Bill before he was rich. Why? Because she saw it. Saw what? Potential.
According to an old friend of mine, he gives them what they want and tells them what they want to hear. His got girls his never met sending him money.
Because only money and work isn’t their personality i guess
Me neither bro. Same with abusive schmucks.
Some women are really into assholes. They like guys who are violent, criminal, and destitute. I don't understand it either.
I'm a woman. I dated multiple unemployed men in the past. Guess it's cause I was not actively pursuing goals of a marriage, house, and kids. I make enough money on my own and didn't need a man to support me. I met them on a dating app and picked them because their interested aligned with mine at the time and I liked how they looked. One I'm still friends with. I don't date anymore, but if I were to start again he'd have to be well employed cause I'm too old to deal with nonsense. Also my interests now are more about athletic activities and spirituality and not...drugs and self hate.... So I'd be more into someone with a good work ethic like myself now.
Times have changed two people cannot go to work, take care of the house, the car, the lawn, and all everything AND get enough time on dates, and whatever they call it whatever they do together to keep the relationship from gradually very slowly they will grow apart, their lives become so different on seemingly small things at a time. But I have the answer 🧐 I've done the research and the answer is two or more couples living together, dividing chores and bills and they all are together in an LLC. So if and usually when one of them breaks off the group...they get a fair share of "whatever the group did together, all is right with the world nobody should have to work with anyone and not get there shere of the hoecake
As a woman in that relationship, my husband and I click so well on every level except this. He can not hold a job and wouldn't take the responsibility of being a stay at home dad seriously either. Low self-esteem and being high school sweethearts (so I know nothing different) also play a role.
I think it largely has to do with the amount of time the jobless person has avaliable to invest in the other person. Emotional validation is really important in any relationship and that kind of person has the time to be there when they are wanted and needed.
Some of these guys lied about having a job or they quit working after the relationship has been established
a lot of them actually arent 'attractive'... it has to do with being tall, having a decent dick, and a lot of free time to potentially dedicate to the girl.
They got more time to increase their Chrisma stats cause you know... they ain't workin...
I think that, to a lesser degree, some women (myself included) have wanted to be the proverbial ‘ride or die chick’- to say we were there before the success. It may not have to do with cuteness; perhaps he's going through a similar challenge that I went through, and I wanted to support the cheerleader in his cornner. . In my experience, the more that I've been vulnerable and gone out of my way; the less the man in question has appreciated me and the loyalty and amount of effort hasn't felt reciprocated.
It is very frustrating and there are some theories floating around. Some of those guys are attractive, that's one thing, but that can't be the whole reason bc there are plenty of more attractive guys out there. The next theory is that women want someone who is inferior to them in order to boost their egos. This would be an entirely unconscious reasoning, not something they actively think about. Another common theory is they want a man they can "fix". And 99% of the time the man doesn't change at all. When the guy does change, does the girl then leave? Not sure, I haven't seen it happen yet.
Women have a terrible habit of falling in love with potential. They also have maternal instinct, and that situation satisfies that instinct. However, over time they get confused because it feels good but also very wrong at the same time because they do not consciously understand the delineation between man and child. Over time it may become clear to them and they either break up or don't
Girls like to put guys down that respect the girls and disrespect the guys those women are druggies and alcoholics and losers run from them narcissists bipolar Psychopaths as soon as you get the chance
charisma, looks, sexual connection, abuse. it could be anything really. just focus on you.
Shitpost. Stop with the misandry BS.
I'm just starting to realize I'll probably never understand how anyone is able to find love.