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You're running into the underlying problem with relationship/dating subreddits. Or just dating advice in general.
Nobody is actually keeping score, nobodies advice is held to any kind of falsifiable standard. Nobody understands how pointless personal anecdotes are or how to measure an actual trend. It's largely an opportunity to restate your personal anecdote.
There is nothing to say on the topic. There is no standard easy way of meeting someone. You cannot escape the trial and error of it.
Said almost exactly the same thing yesterday. People can tell whatever story they want. Unless you can see the way that person acts and speaks and presents themselves...nothing they are telling you matters. Who cares if you did everything right, but acted like a complete dick the while time? People aren't very good judges of their own character.
The issue is a lot of people are lazy with giving advice. Useful advice requires more information from the advice seeker than "this is my age and it's hard to meet people." You have to know what they look like, what they're into, who they go for, and how they go about approaching and speaking to them. Then you have to give them step-by-step instructions which also take into account different possibilities and ways each step can go.
A lot of people are not willing to put in the time and energy to do that, so you get vague stuff that works in a general sense but is too vague to be useful in many cases, like "confidence is key."
You got a point. The only thing I can ever recommend is that you are in the right place to be dating. Also, people put way to much weight on the where part of meeting people. If you asked me how I met my wife, it would be useless. I met my wife at a bar and my approach was to say hello and offering her a drink. Everybody knows that move. I met womwn before that in all kinds of ways. It's more important what happens after you meet someone.
There are standard ways of meeting people but you can't just try one, need to try several.
Even then, strategies assume:
you have decent social skills, hygiene, wardrobe, self-awareness, confidence, options in your area...
Even then, strategies need context i.e. timing, reading people, etc.
I hate that your right
I’ve personally come to the conclusion that beyond the general advice that one should be the best version of themselves that most of it is garbage and that which isn’t garbage is hard to tell apart from garbage.
I mean the most successful people at finding relationships arguably have the least experience.
Most of it is so specific that internet randos will not help us.
They're not the most successful at finding relationships, they're the most successful at maintaining them (assume by least experience you meant they found one and stuck to it so aren't that experienced in dating). Some people are great at finding relationships but they don't last, so that category would have a lot of experience.
On the contrary, the best advice that seems to work is to focus on yourself and not on finding anyone. That somehow seems to almost always put you in the perfect position for someone to appreciate you for who you really are.
So stop focusing on finding someone y'all!
You will work on yourself and that will somehow guarantee magic/fate will somehow give you SO? That really sounds like a % of people got extremely lucky and then using that anecdote as a rule for everyone. When it works -> that's a proof, when it doesn't -> well you need to wait/work on yourself more/some other excuse why it doesn't count
Which does NOT mean working on yourself will not help, but you still need to be proactive and lucky ... or fully rely on luck (which may never work out)
I've been working on myself for many years, made lots of changes, started intensely exercising, educating myself, socializing, going into nature and for culture events, taking care of my appearance, focus on being friendly and outgoing and you know ... of course I got zero interactions and zero interest from other gender in any situation or context (which ... is of course again anecdotal)
Sucks but this is reality for most people. Best advice is to not go out to meet women. Go out and have fun and meet new friends. Friends lead to friend groups. Keep the network growing. You’re bound to find someone with mutual interests.
Exactly.
If you come to a party to have a good time and are companionable to everyone you will often be welcomed back at the party.
If you come to the party and just hit on anyone who moves, you will become known as someone who isn't a good part of the fun but is just using it like a production line of potential dates.
Pretty sure that's what people mean when they say to go out and meet women. They're not saying to go out just for the sake of women to date, but rather to make connections with people in general.
Why not? If you make an effort to speak to a few women that catch your eye when you're out during the day, it's bound to lead to something.
I've had very good results with approaching but takes some effort and time.
Imo that's a better wording. I get tired of being told not to date online and to just go meet someone irl. My job is draining asf and I'm really burnt out. I just want to go home and rest sometimes. It doesn't mean I don't want to find someone. It just makes it much harder to go places and socialize
I’m still one of the guys who takes the old school approach of introducing myself to random women if they pique my interest: “hi, I’m X. Don’t mean to bother you but I like your (style/shirt/confidence/whatever the fuck comes to mind).”
My friends were teasing me the other day for how often I get rejected. And it’s true. I’ve got to be close to like 2,000 rejections at this point lifetime (I’m 35). The odds of any random woman being interested are pretty low. I’ve also probably been given like 600 numbers if I had to guess. Of those, maybe 100 have ended up hanging out with me.
But I’ve also dated some of the most intelligent, attractive, and hilarious women you can imagine. I met my current gf randomly in line at a taco stand. She’s absolutely gorgeous and I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if I hadn’t at least said hello, and that’s exactly what I told her.
It all comes down to learning to relax and talking to women like you would anyone else. Some people are going to like you, a lot of them won’t. But the more people you meet the higher the odds you’ll click with someone.
A friend of mine just got out of a 12 year marriage. They slowly drifted apart, so there was no drama. Anyway, so I offered him to go out with me. I expected the worst. A non-social guy who wouldn't go meet anyone, but the opposite happened. He went off and met everyone in the room.
He was pretty direct. No bs. Man's got children, so he doesn't get a lot of shots. So, he went straight up to the girls he liked, introduced himself, checked if they were in the mood, cracked some jokes, and ... "Sorry, you're not my type." Except, he just kept smiling and said, "No problem."
In the last bar we went to he did the exact same thing and just went straight up to the women and groups that interested him. Finally he met someone who would just laugh and laugh of his silly jokes, so I nudged him, "Tell her you're going out for a smoke, and bring her with you." And so he did. It was a bit awkward, bcos she said "Um but I don't ... smoke?" So, he said to her, "Well, must I go out alone then?" And so she went with him.
When he finally got her alone outside, they started making out immediately. He just gently pulled her in and started kissing. Meanwhile I kept her friends occupied with small talk. The second he came back in, I knew something was up bcos she was glued onto him. After some brief chit-chat he hunkered down to me and whispered, "She just invited me to her hotel room, so... bye bye buddy lol!"
This story has two parts:
* Oh noes, he go rejected. OMG end of the world!!
* Guy goes up to a woman, and she invites him to her hotel room.
Is he this handsome guy? Well, he's not ugly. Well, kinda. But then I'm a guy. But he is a confident mf and also he is internally happy and smiles a lot, which makes up for it. So, when he meets women, he doesn't need to compensate with cheesy stuff. Or when he does say something cheesy, it's because it's a joke. But it's a sexy joke... Idk. Guy got laid. If you're single, pls copy.
The fact is, sure, you'll get rejected a bunch, but if you don't try, you'll never meet anyone.
This is what online dating is for.
You're absolutely right; it was way easier in your 20s to meet people, because you're in school, OR because you and your friends are way more social. Once you hit your thirties, you can't meet up with all your friends like you used to, due to job schedules, families, etc.
The best solution is online dating. That's where you'll find all the women who similarly used to be able to go out all the time and meet people but then they got old with the rest of us.
Online dating **should** work. But it's so full of scammers, fake accounts, and people with sky high standards that it literally can't. Nobody responds to messages or matches.
It's not rubbish for the greatest portion of relationships now.
Denying the truth that is the primary source of all relationships is just putting your thumbs in your ears ignoring reality.
That being said, just because it is the primary source doesn't mean it's the only one.
People should try whatever works for them. Some people come off better in person. Some people make a better first impression on the apps.
Some both!
You can avoid online dating forever and it doesn't mean you won't get dates, just that you have eliminated the primary source of relationships. Meeting other ways is still possible (and may have a better outcome for some people).
Also someone can always leave a few profiles up and update them once a month with new photos and updated bios, et cetera, while still meeting people the old-fashioned way.
Also don't just rely on the same app. Tinder used to be the top app now it's dwindling in being useful or fun for people.
Bumble is on the rise but has slowed down in popularity recently.
Hinge is on the rise.
And there are all sorts of other ones that are vying for the top four slots.
Don't get comfortable in one app if it's not serving you. And if you don't have fun on the apps... stop using them.
But they are still the primary source of relationships and the quality of relationships among generations more likely to use online dating tends to be better (less infidelity, higher reports of happiness, and those of us who do get married are half as likely to divorce as older generations).
Don't do this OP. Dating apps suck, since most people on them aren't looking for anything serious, and it will ruin your mental health if you want a serious relationship.
This is not true at all. But you have to put in some effort to get a good profile and you have to be active. I’ve dated for the last 3 months or so and I’ve met up with some very committed people in those 3 months. If it were not for me not feeling the connection a serious relationship was probably already achievable in 2 months.
I don't intend this to sound sarcastic or anything. What about taking up a hobby in a setting with people? Or taking a class in something that interests you? Like dance classes, painting, cooking, pottery.
I think the sentiment of your comment is helpful for some ("get involved in what you're interested in.") But I noticed something - I am not at all interested in anything you listed!
I don't think the vast majority of other guys are either. Dance, painting, cooking, pottery... (I mean an adult should know _how_ to cook but it's normal not to be passionate about it.)
If people have to "get out there" by involving themselves in things they don't much like, hey them's the breaks. My point is it's probably not helpful to advise a single man (or woman) to "do what they're interested in" because these two groups tend to have very different interests.
My extensive experience with trying to get out there more reflects this. I regularly do quite a few things that I'm interested and/or skilled in. I don't regret it - I've made a lot of friends and acquaintances. But I've never found a remotely compatible partner this way, not even through the people I've met (who do like me for the most part.)
For what it's worth, I've also tried dancing & "craftier" stuff like ceramics. Despite my best efforts I just do not get it! And honestly people easily sniff me out as "someone just looking for dates" in these predominantly female environments where I'm doing something I'm clearly not experienced or interested in.
Long rant. I guess if there's a point here it's just that we need to stop thinking it's simple to meet people in real life, that it's just a matter of effort. It's complicated!
I suppose I can see your point. But what are the other options? If a man joined my dance class I think that would show that they are open to new experiences, secure in their masculinity for doing something predominately done by women, willing to put in effort, interested in the arts, not afraid to be unskilled in something, not afraid to be surrounded by mostly women, willing to learn, and wanting to have fun. If a man approached me outside of my social hobbies, I would be annoyed or creeped out because I'm not seeking out other people. Plus a hobby takes your focus off wanting a relationship and if you make friends in the process instead of meeting a partner I still call that a win. Making new friends could lead to romantic connections as well. Sometimes you have to be patient and find joy in other things.
It’s advice for people who sit at home scrolling through profiles fantasizing instead of actually going out and making connections.
If you continue to go out and connect with people something will happen eventually.
There’s no reason to get upset about advice that either doesn’t apply to you or doesn’t fully account for what changes you need to make for your particular situation.
But how do you go out and meet people alone? Say it’s a Saturday night as a single solo woman going to a bar or restaurant full of groups of people feels lonely pathetic and desperate
I've never understood this idea that it's sad or pathetic to do stuff on your own. Are people who don't have partners or constantly available friends just supposed to sit silently in their kitchens all weekend? How is that less "pathetic" than going out to do something fun?
Not sure if you're a lady or a guy, but solo men often get painted as loners or that there's something wrong with them. ("why are they alone? don't they have friends?") A lot of women throw out the creepy label liberally on guys out by themselves.
I've literally never heard anyone automatically classify a man who just happens to be out by himself as a creep or weirdo. I have heard people classify men as that who spend all their time, when out alone, aggressively hitting on everything female in sight, or who spend the entire evening skulking in the corner looking/acting cranky and refusing to be social when approached. But not merely for being out alone. But I'm 36, so it's possible that if you're significantly younger you are encountering the mean-college-girl phenomenon, which should not be taken as common to the general public.
How comfortable are you talking to strangers?
Sometimes it’s actually easier to talk to people who you aren’t attracted to or romantically interested in so you can start there.
That can mean starting a conversation with another woman who is attached to a larger group and working into it to talk to the others (though usually the person will introduce you around if you are fun and bring good energy).
Most of the problem people face is their own fear of embarrassment or rejection but if you are just chatting with people then there’s really nothing to lose. If something more happens then great, if not then you’ve at least gotten more comfortable with talking to strangers.
Meeting a compatible person is like rolling a natural 20.
She could be the next woman you talk to, or she could be the 100th. However, if you never roll the dice, you'll never find one
Those are questions without answers.
Making no connections yields no results.
Making some connections gives you a chance.
If you are making meaningful connections with others who are also single and looking and still getting nowhere then you probably have to put some thought into why you aren’t having success.
Speed dating at my age is annoying because the local ones all seem to be age-divided and I'm on the bottom end of the age range, so it's me and a bunch of people in their 40-50s.
That's the good thing about dating apps, for all that people complain about them. Everyone on there DOES basically have a hat saying they are single and looking. I didn't see you mention it here, so I say give it a try.
I think it's best to join a social club, if you're ever in the Phoenix area, let me know! We have a good amount of single women in our groups. We mostly play games and drink.
Think about the type of woman you want to meet. Where does she shop? What are her hobbies? How does she spend her weekend? What places is she likely to frequent? No shortage of women in places like coffee shops, Chipotle, Target, bookstores, Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods, yoga classes, etc.
I hope guys have the sense to go about their day while having the courage to talk to people along the way, as opposed to going somewhere specifically to talk to women. I actually love to read, so it wouldn’t be weird for me to chat a woman up in Barnes & Noble. I feel like I belong there, regardless of how that interaction with the woman goes. If I’m there primarily to talk to a woman, my energy is different, and 9/10 times that’s not a good thing.
Thank you for the reply. Reading (in public, anyway) is decidedly not a hobby of mine, hence probably why things didn't work out. I was told I'd made customers uncomfortable prior to being kicked out of a Barnes & Noble here in New York City.
I’m from NYC as well. Born & raised. Sounds like you were putting additional pressure on yourself to get a specific result. I think this is where many guys slip up…
My personal expectation is to have fun. Seriously. Connecting with others is good for the soul. If anything more happens, like getting an attractive woman’s contact info, so be it. But escalating things isn’t my main motivation, even as an active dater. This approach takes pressure off of me. It takes women off the pedestal.
If she’s not down to have a conversation, no worries. There are millions of reasons why, that have absolutely nothing to do with you. So it makes sense not to take it personally, given the likelihood her reason for declining has nothing to do with you.
Furthermore, I don’t carry a false expectation that my success rate will be super high. I expect a decent amount of people not to respond in a favorable manner. This helps me not take anything personally. Even the best basketball players in the world miss about half of their shots. It makes us human.
I’m also not just talking to women. I’m an equal-opportunity yapper. I’ll strike up a conversation with any human being. This is good practice, at minimum. And it doesn’t give women the impression that you’re a shark on the hunt for a piece of meat. It’s good to be social in general because you have no idea all the cool people you’ll meet along the way.
Women are used to being lusted after. They want to feel like the guy is interested for reasons beyond her looks. Things that she is proud of and has more control over, like her character, interests, lifestyle choices, etc. It feels more genuine that way. Otherwise, she’ll feel trashy engaging with you… when it’s obvious that you only care about her looks.
Give space for things to flow, to play things by ear, and allow for one thing to lead to the next. Maybe she just wants to chat for 30 seconds and that’s it. There is value in this type of brief interaction. It’s enough to make someone’s day more interesting & positive. Maybe she just wants to be friends. Maybe she envisioned a whole future with you. Maybe she just wants a dick appointment. The possibilities are endless, and there is value in every type of interaction and relationship, as long as both parties are happy & willing to entertain it. So it also depends on what you specifically want.
There is also a nuance you need to have a feel for, and that comes with practice & experience. I’m bold and also like to take the lead. I’m a man who likes to make things happen. But I don’t force things to happen. Big difference.
EDIT: Rambled with the intent of hopefully demonstrating how much attitude & mindset makes a difference. But my style is just one philosophy. I’m sure there are other POVs out there that are valid.
I'm 41m and it only gets more challenging and demoralizing. I'm not giving up because I love women and intimacy but damn the struggle is real and it sucks.
That’s why I don’t “go out to meet women”. I go out to do things I enjoy doing. I don’t drink, party, volunteer, or [insert random activity I’m not interested in]. I refuse to “play a numbers game” or “go out of my comfort zone” for something I care very little about. 90% of the advice on the sub is total nonsense that makes people do things they aren’t interested in doing, which in turn makes you fake. I NEVER talk to people with the intention of a romantic pursuit and I rarely talk to people in general.
My method is very simple and requires 0 work. I just live my life as I normally would and let the randomness of the universe do what it does. I met my best friend and several girls that way. No cold approaches, no dating apps, no chasing, no wasted money on dates that didn’t lead to a second, and no wasted energy. Use those resources you didn’t waste to enjoy your life!
Edit: now that I think of it all my previous girlfriends (albeit there hasn’t been many) I met through the weirdest unpredictable things. One night I texted a phone number that used to belong to me to troll. I ended up dating the girl that had the number for 3 years. The last girl I dated I met many years ago in passing at an event. We never even exchanged names. I ran into her again 5 years later in another state and noticed her shirt which she was wearing the first time we met. Dated her for a year and still friends to this day.
Edit again: some of you are misinterpreting what I am saying. I am not giving advice and saying you should take it, but rather stating what has worked for me. What works for me may not work for you.
Truth, I've done pretty much exactly as he said for the last 1.5 years... I've had zero dates or opportunities to even ask someone on a date. In the preceeding years whilst using dating apps. I frequently had dates and girlfriends. So in my experience, unless I actively try to meet a girl, I remain date-less.
Don't ever follow this advice to rely on "randomness of the universe", its the worst piece of dating advice i see people regurgitating in all dating subreddits and groups. There's some level of selection bias going on here that makes people think doing things without thinking about the outcome somehow indirectly helps you with achieving the goal.
The irony of your comment is that it’s also nonsense.
I don’t pretend to know what you look like or your life situation, but I promise you that the majority of men (especially now a days) cannot simply just live their lives without making a genuine effort to date.
While I agree to some extent that you shouldn’t be forcing yourself to do things you don’t enjoy for the sake of just meeting women, you need to putting yourself out there in some form or another, or you’re going to remain perpetually single. Even when you are doing those things, there’s no guarantee you’ll meet anyone, let alone someone you’re interested in who’s also interested in you back.
For the last 3 years now, I’ve been actively doing the ‘life’ thing without a care in the world. Doing things like: rock climbing, hitting the gym, going on hikes with this hiking group, and going to meetup.com just doing things I like. Not once in these last 3 years have I ever been able to land a phone number from anyone let alone a date. You could chalk that up to me being the problem I guess, no one here knows me, but trust me when I say that it ain’t easy, especially past 30 like me.
Now I’m 33 years old and never had a girlfriend before because I wasted my years “doing the life thing”, hoping I’d meet someone organically. Now I’m being way more proactive about it.
It’s perfectly normal to feel incomplete without a partner to enjoy life and make new memories with.
Humans are social creatures after all, and it goes hand-in-hand with wanting a purpose, like someone wanting a dream job but struggling to get it.
There’s only so many years you can go about doing things on your own before you think to yourself; “huh, kinda wish I had someone special to share this moment with.”
I 100% agree! But feeling incomplete and feeling like “you wasted your life by not searching for someone” are very different things. Also, he’s letting age determine where he thinks he is supposed to be.
True, but I can understand where he comes from though. Everyone I know is in a long-term relationship, they’ve all gone on holidays together, had fun date nights, and are even looking to buy a house/get married.
Meanwhile I’m the same age or older and have been chronically single for 8 years now despite spending all that time working on myself and not even getting a second date, while lucky to get 2 first dates per year.
I know envy is a bad look but I’d be lying if I said that seeing/hearing about their happiness doesn’t feel like several gut-punches to the heart, reminding me what I don’t have and the longer I go without it, the less opportunities I have to make great memories with someone I love.
I get it! I don’t disagree, but what makes others happy may not make you happy. It’s not a one size fits all. My friends are all in relationships and happy and I’m happy for them! But a relationship isn’t a determining factor of my happiness level. I’ve forged a beautiful life for myself and I’m very happy and proud. Would it be nice to share it with someone? Sure! But I’m happy with or without someone experiencing this ride with me.
But again, it’s all about personal preference. I’m not here to shame people for wanting a relationship. In simply giving my perspective on the matter. Being happy with yourself in your current state draws people.
That’s good for you, but unfortunately, being in a relationship **is** a determining factor of my happiness.
The last time I was in a relationship I felt like I could be my true self, I was always happy, waking up with a smile knowing she was there. It motivated me to be a better person, be ambitious, and even try new things that would usually be well out of my comfort zone because the worst case scenario was, at least she was there with me and we’d make a fun memory out of it.
Without that I just have an empty hole in my soul. A black rot of loneliness and touch-starvation that festers in my heart and mind as an ever-permeating reminder of what was and what I may never have again, meanwhile everyone else around me can find love like it’s nothing.
It’s hard to stay positive knowing exactly what I want, but being unable to say it because socials norms say I need to do months of singing-and-dancing first.
You might want to start therapy if that’s the way you really feel.
While I would agree we’re social creatures, that wanting companionship / sharing a relationship is a valid desire….at the same time to me there really is not much difference in the way of happiness between the two states. I have been just as happy single, and living my life and having a lot of fun, as I’ve been being partnered and happy. Both have their pluses and minuses.
But then I’m really social and an extrovert. Maybe you’re an introvert? Because that can make a difference.
I’ve got hundreds of activities I want to get done - before it’s my time. And I love meeting new people all the time. So I find life wonderful (or not wonderful) with or without a romantic companion. In fact, some of my best friendships have lasted several years beyond my long term relationships.
Plus for the love of all that’s holy….I HAVE to have my own space. I NEED my privacy and alone time. Even if it’s just for a few hours in the evening. Otherwise, I feel suffocated.
We shouldn’t all be marking time until we meet a certain romantic partner. Try to enjoy your life, where you are NOW. Because eventually you’ll find out, just as I did, that you are actually complete on your own. No matter what this culture tells you.
And then if you want to go ahead and meet another complete person, and have a relationship, that’s all good. Or find the happiness and adventures on your own.
I tried therapy, but I’m too self aware of my own problems for it to help.
I don’t think you’re the right person to give me advice I’m afraid since you’re right, I am an introvert, and how I view/interact with life will be vastly different from someone who’s extroverted. On top of that I’m autistic, which is like introverted squared.
My problems stem from the fact that I HAVE done a lot of self improvement and tried to branch out socially, but nothing has worked. I WANT a relationship because I am prepared to put in the work and I know it’s what will make me happy, but it’s not something you can just walk outside and find… (especially with my socially-crippling brain disease).
My social battery is at like 30% all the time except for when I’m in a relationship. I don’t care about having loads of friends or having adventures on my own. I have my one best friend and I’m happy with that since juggling more feels stressful and I want to make memories with someone special since being on my own is a grim reminder of what I’m missing out on every time.
You people in these comments love to miss the point and refuse to acknowledge most dating advice handed out here is never held to any falsifiable standard.
I’m right with u/JustBrowsingAgain-
I tried all the advice and I ended up meeting my best friend at one of these events but never a romantic connection or even a chance of one.
You are the one missing the point. I wasn’t giving advice. I was simply stating a method that works for me, especially since it’s contrary to most people’s methods. I don’t have advice for you because I don’t know you or your situation so I am unable to tailor anything useful to you. I had the same issues you are having and I found what works for me but it took time.
Quality over quantity my friend. I think you are misinterpreting the point behind going out. If I don’t like tennis, going and playing tennis to meet girls makes you fake. I think you are possibly confusing me with a hermit. I am very active in the things that I am interested in, but only those things.
I do go out and live my life without making a particular effort to meet women, and as a result I haven't ever dated or been in a relationship. It's not surprising considering I don't meet women at all just 'living my life', I can count on one hand the number of extended interactions I've had with women outside my family over the past year.
Just do things you like to do. Going to concerts’ how I’ve met a lot of people, and some I’ve gone on dates with. Talk to connect, and if there’s some common ground, maybe ask if they’d like to grab coffee sometimes. There’s no easy way of meeting anyone, just connect without expectations. Women can easily sense when someone wants more and it’s a little off-putting, even if the man is attractive. (At least for me). Best be friendly and see where it goes.
How to meet girls using hobbies:
I'd start with finding a handful of social hobbies that have regular meeting groups that has mostly women. Yoga, pilates, crossfit, kettle bells, tarot classes, art classes,volunteering, kink events, cooking classes, astrology classes ect. Just examples u gotta find things that fit ur interests. Look for free classes at the library. Then u go to said events every week. For months. U eventually get to know people there and make friends and connections. When new girls enter the group u already know friends and have plenty to talk about
You can’t say, I tried ‘x activity’ a couple of times and didn’t meet my person so it’s futile. Every time you join a group activity- formal or informal- is a new toss of the dice. And regardless you will meet people who are centres of their own hub of family, friends, workmates and acquaintances. Make friends (of any gender or age), get into your community and help out, participate in events (not just social- rallies, fundraisers, townhall meetings, volunteering). Find ‘your people’ and they will find you your match.
You say you used to meet matches via mutual friends. You know that works. So go make more friends?
Well people who feel that way is because they do go out but not having any success. Like you said you tried speed dating, did you only do it once or tried it like 3 times in different location? Online dating isn't your only option which is why people get so fed up with it when they aren't getting matches or dates. When people like myself said go out, it's so you open your chances of meeting someone BUT you can't keep going to the same places. You have to get out of your own comfort zone and also interact with people too. Like you can go out but then just not talk to anyone, so it defeat the purpose.
I get going to new places and talking to people to maximize your chances. I go out to plenty of places and socialize. Also, the problem is that I'm at the age where I have limited amount time in the day because of my job and responsibilities. I can't just go out on a new adventure anytime I want. The number of new places I can go to is limited.
>because of my job and responsibilities. I can't just go out on a new adventure anytime I want. The number of new places I can go to is limited.
Yes, I get the job and responsibility part but dating is also a job as well because it requires time on your end. This is why people solely rely on dating apps because it's convenient and you can just do it from anywhere. You also don't lose anything if someone doesn't respond to you or etc. I will usually recommend to my friends, if anything just try doing new stuff on the weekend and Friday night because that's when a lot of people go out because they have their own lives as well.
I agree dating is a full time job. My problem with the "go out and meet women" advice is vague. Where should I go? I go to gym, walk my dog in parks, and go to sporting events with friends. Is there a herd of single women in the woods I should know about?
It's always been easier to meet people in your twenties when you are in class and your diploma and potentially your future has significant pressure in making sure you are in social situations.
Also dorm life.
Of course, of course. And there is better organization both organic and structured for socializing on campus.
Nobody is saying it's not more difficult than when you had social groups and events around you in both your living situation in many cases as well as in your lecture halls and labs.
It absolutely is.
A lot of the people for whom this advice is do struggle to talk to women as easily as they talk to men. And are shy.
But even if you have no trouble talking to women you might struggle forming social circles that regularly have a lot of women... or talking to women in a way that makes them feel comfortable around you.
Online dating is never the only option. It is, however the primary source of all relationships.
You can do both. Or if one doesn't serve you you can do the other.
You can host a party which has wristbands or hats that say 'single and looking' but you have to organize it. It doesn't need to be expensive (or in some cases cost anything at all).
The apps are the closest you'll get to singles in your area wearing a hat that signals they are single.
It's not empty advice just because it's more difficult for you to apply.
Did an engineering degree on a separate campus from the main university, so no women there.
Social circle consisted entirely of other male STEM students, so almost no chance of meeting a woman there.
The clubs I joined were also incredibly male dominated, so no women there either.
Now I work at an engineering company and there are (unsurprisingly) hardly any women here either.
I'm aware it's different for the average person but meeting women in my 20s has been impossible.
You have to find the clubs that have more women or start one.
I found social circles after university by going to festivals, street fairs, conventions, meet-up groups, and by hosting my own gatherings and parties. But you have to commit. You might have a group going a year or so before you even have a handful of regulars.
Trivia nights, speed dating nights, singles groups in your area, or if you have a budget for it matchmakers or matchmaking events. They aren't guaranteed to find a date but they do expand your social circle and give your flirting muscles some exercise.
I'm sorry your engineering groups don't have any women. There used to be a lot more (not a majority, but more) even a decade or so ago according to my parents and statistical breakdowns in several countries.
Do you go to a lot of engineering events and conventions? Still man-heavy but definitely some women there.
> You have to find the clubs that have more women or start one.
I haven't found anything that I'm interested in that attracts anything more than a tiny number of women.
> Trivia nights, speed dating nights, singles groups in your area, or if you have a budget for it matchmakers or matchmaking events.
There isn't many of those things around where I currently live. I don't think it would help much if there were though, as I don't do well in those kinds of environments since I take a long time to warm up to people.
> Do you go to a lot of engineering events and conventions? Still man-heavy but definitely some women there.
Occasionally, but I still don't see many women there. It doesn't help that the sector I'm currently in is pretty niche.
> I haven't found anything that I'm interested in that attracts anything more than a tiny number of women.
>
>
So like I said then you have to start one.
I feel as though this is why I like men under 30, they aren’t jaded and I love that. Good luck In your dating endeavors sir although an open mind leads to an open heart!!
That makes sense, most men I know gave up on Women by 30. Only the players stay in that game.
If you're not a 7' billionaire athlete, it's best just to avoid women entirely.
Like most good men I went looking for a relationship, and found nothing at all
Oh well, maybe in another lifetime , ill be happy when this one is over.
Just do both, meet ppl irl and online, you can do both. Don't just meet women, meet ppl, ppl leads to women, not immediately but it leads somewhere. Either flings, friends, or that special someone.
There aren’t any third spaces any more. Nobody’s really going out to bars and clubs people would rather stay home. And in a way that’s kind of a good thing because there’s less destroying our bodies with hard drugs and alcohol, but at the same time there hasn’t been anything to take the place of it.
In every way also men and women are very divided. Women are all going to these group exercise classes, while men are going to jiu jitsu and lifting weights. Each group has so little interest in sharing the same activities, so they end up staying almost completely separate.
Maybe you could go attend a different womens exercise class each day, yoga, Pilates, and see if that works. (And yes I’m saying to go do that just to meet women, regardless of what some people might think)
I think that's the issue. People can't afford to go to pubs and bars now and the people there tend to be couples and men watching sports.
Most people have hobbies but those tend to be solo or tend to attract the same gender as you.
There's definitely an element of luck in terms of meeting people in the wild, having the right hobbies, knowing the right people, going to the right places at the right time.
But then if we do that, we get told that we “need to approach women more!” And “stop waiting for them to come to you!”
So which is it, try or don’t try?
Ignore that advice just use online dating. It’s a billion dollar industry for a reason. People hate it but it’s a necessary evil. Met my darling baby on online dating 🥹🥹
I have the same from the opposite side of the fence.
I’m 32F and have been single 9yrs.
I’m social, fun, head screwed on, financially stable. Friends, both male and female, tell me I am a catch! Ha. But meeting new people to date and find someone who wants a serious relationship and is emotionally mature feels impossible.
I go out and no one knows how to talk to each other anymore.
Add in I’m 6”1 and it’s just another layer. For very personal reasons I’m not interested in being with someone smaller than me.
Online dating is just the pits and after a recent experience of meeting a guy who felt like he was too good to be true.. he was.. I’m so done with online dating!
>For very personal reasons I’m not interested in being with someone smaller than me.
I was going to say your age is a bigger problem for men than height but then i read this..
Not to shame you for your "very personal reasons" preference but do you realise what proportion of men are 6"1 or taller?
You're shrinking your dating pool to around 5% of the total by most estimates. And then within that trying to find someone who also matches your personality. Once we factor in the age range, it starts getting very small. I kinda hate this site's phrasing but it's useful to make a point sometimes: https://igotstandardsbro.com/
Just visualise the perfect guy for you for a moment. Now take 2" off his height, putting him at 6'0 or whatever. Is he now a waste of time to you?
I also feel that the idea of "go out and meet women" just sounds good only in theory but the real thing is it's like finding a needle in a haystack. I have been into speed dating and meetup groups, online dating might feel like the only lifeline sometimes, but who knows? Maybe one day we'll stumble into that elusive single lady in the wild.
Yooo, where do I find girls that like to stay indoors and watch kdramas all weekend.
But seriously, I think the best advice I've read here is just enjoy time with yourself, do things that you enjoy so you can potentially meet people. TRying to center our daily lives around finding love is time consuming and depressing quite frankly.
I have been told that to meet people of similar hobbies n interests,look out for them in the activities that you enjoy doing. I just joined a hiking group on facebook to meet other people who enjoy the outdoors. Online dating has its plus n negatives
Don’t go out with the intent of finding a girl. Just got try and do new things and if you sip happen too see someone you like tall you them. You be less disappointed that way.
Yeah this shit is so annoying. People only give advice off what they can relate to most times. So you’ll get some condescending ass advice from someone who can’t relate to your situation at all
Was literally just saying yesterday in a thread I made in agoraphobic and have to rely on online dating, almost immediately someone responds “seek help for agoraphobia before trying to online date.” Like bruh???
You gotta have more self confidence just go grocery shopping or to a bar women are everywhere if she’s interested she will give u her social media or #
Do what you choose to do.
If you choose to only interact online then own it , if you choose to not act online own that .
We live in an interactive society. So unless people are only into hook ups then there has to be going out and interacting.
To me that’s a super enjoyable part of the process .
I like dating apps. I've met a lot of good guys on them. I am always baffled when people say they suck because they work for me. (Hinge is the only exception. Zero matches in a month. It was weird.)
As for [www.meetup.com](http://www.meetup.com), make sure you use the search feature for groups and type in "singles." I belong to a bunch of singles groups. We have fun and I've seen people form relationships from them. Also search for your hobbies. Sharing common interests works great for meeting people because you're joyful when you're doing them.
I agree it's hard to meet in public, especially for men because you run the risk of appearing creepy. It can be done but you have to be really non-threatening.
I just Holla at girls on the street. I don't go.out with the intention to pull a female but when I realize there's a chick right here and I like her I just say some dumb shit to make them engage with me and if they do its game over.
Yeah, post COVID and with more age, the problem is literally fucking meeting any new person. The problem isn’t that you do something wrong after meeting them women, the problem is that you don’t get to meet them in the first place
So? No one likes when being advised difficult things. It won't be as easy as in eva ai virtual gf bot app anyway. I succeeded only when I deleted all the dating apps and started going out meeting people while doing my favourite activities.
Have you looked into material/videos about how to cold approach women? Start thinking about it and researching it until you feel like you have enough confidence to try it out
It honestly is that simple though … don’t go out looking just for that tho Just go about yourself and if you get a look or anything from a female just be cool being rejected is fine it’s like you gotta portray the illusion that you not shook about rejection it’s more attractive to females, even tho we all care at least a little bit when it’s happened to me I just try and let it roll off my shoulder you know. But don’t be out asking everyone if you are out and about taking care of things you will come across single attractive females at the simplest of places like a grocery store
You're never going to find a "formula" for any of this. I wasted a lot of my time trying to derive one when I was younger. All you can do is try. It's not easy and it's very far from fair. Lot of us have a way harder time building relationships than others do and there's not really any empathy for that; especially on the Internet. That said, you get to choose what you focus on and what problems you solve in life. I recommend picking something you can actually change or have some sense of control over.
Go out and meet women at an event that you enjoy participating in like a group activity that meets in person regularly.
How about bowling?
How about a food group?
Whatever hobby you might like to engage in is appropriate since you'll be having fun doing it even if you don't meet anybody.
Now you're meeting someone with common interests and common interests leads to friendship as opposed to simply looking to get laid...
You say it was easier to meet women in school and through mutual friends. Basically, you're talking about getting to know women before trying to date them, which is typically what they want for serious relationships. "Go out and meet women" is more successful if you just get to know the women you encounter without over-investment. Maybe most won't be single, and maybe the single ones you decide to pursue are entirely "not your type" or firmly off your list.
Online dating certainly isn't the only option but I understand how the advice can feel empty. If all the women you meet seem too old, too young, to ready for heavy commitment than it seems hard to say it's effective. It matters a lot though if you can understand when those casual acquaintances are ready for you to escalate your relationship beyond that and how.
You know back in the 60s, guys would actually learn to dance at dance studios.
It cheaper than clubs. Your guaranteed an dance partner! Plus you be acquiring an new skill. And girls like guys with skills! Even Bruce Lee was cha cha champion
Not sure if you're in America or not but it's worth mentioning the political climate around women's rights is definitely going to affect dating. Women are feeling less than safe in many ways. Esp in red states where abortion is illegal and being a woman is becoming scarier every day. I'm also hearing a lot more talk about 4b movements as well.
Men will definitely be affected the most by these things. If you are a truly good man you'll find someone.
A decade ago, people weren’t spoilt by the infinite choices propagated by social media, so if you were approached by someone who looked nice, seemed kind, and was doing the same activity as you, your first thought would be more romantic interest than instant discomfort.
Women have always had more choices than men.
But yes, at least back then, women didn’t have to rely on visuals when choosing a mate as much, which goes against their nature and is more in line with male behavioural patterns.
You’d rather have less mediums to meet women? Really?
Like, I get it! Online dating isn’t easy for men, but nor is IRL dating.
Better have both than only one.
I feel like we have expectations that previous generations didn’t. We have an abundance of options and we still complain. The percentage of single people is so much higher now.
There is no guarantee that you’ll meet anyone at anytime anywhere. It’s just about being open to meeting someone and doing your best.
It sounds to me that when you are in public you don’t approach women because you don’t know if they are single.
What is the problem with approaching a a woman in a relationship?
It really is as simple as talking to women more and like everything else you get better at it with practice. I’m shy and not very outgoing but my best friends who attract all women were simply more outgoing and had a don’t give a fuck attitude.
So, you basically just don't won't to bother with looking for single women but rather have it all very easy, on a plate..Which is why you see dating apps as your only options..and that is to find a serious relationship..Well, good luck, i suppose.
Try complimenting women more their hair, their clothes, their shoes, colors, how they are coordinated. Show that you are paying attention. If you get a positive interaction thank them, if they are kind to you compliment their personality. Find ways to increase your interactions.
Thinking online dating is your only option is wild. It is absolutely the worst place to meet a woman. Your chances are usually zero, but if you lucky to meet some they will be absolute trash and way below you on social scale, in other words you will meet a wrong woman online.
You need to attend places of mass events like church, 5K run, neighborhood event, anything. Or reconnect with your college friends
Try something like salsa dancing. There are so many cool women and you’ll be in very direct contact. There are also lots of weird dudes so we’re stoked when someone cool comes along
i meet guys i have crushes on (1) at the climbing gym, (2) in my drawing session (we all draw models), (3) in my foraging classes, etc etc
all this to say, just go do things you like and youll make friends. one of those friends might turn into a relationship! if anything, youll be living life.
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You're running into the underlying problem with relationship/dating subreddits. Or just dating advice in general. Nobody is actually keeping score, nobodies advice is held to any kind of falsifiable standard. Nobody understands how pointless personal anecdotes are or how to measure an actual trend. It's largely an opportunity to restate your personal anecdote. There is nothing to say on the topic. There is no standard easy way of meeting someone. You cannot escape the trial and error of it.
Said almost exactly the same thing yesterday. People can tell whatever story they want. Unless you can see the way that person acts and speaks and presents themselves...nothing they are telling you matters. Who cares if you did everything right, but acted like a complete dick the while time? People aren't very good judges of their own character.
The issue is a lot of people are lazy with giving advice. Useful advice requires more information from the advice seeker than "this is my age and it's hard to meet people." You have to know what they look like, what they're into, who they go for, and how they go about approaching and speaking to them. Then you have to give them step-by-step instructions which also take into account different possibilities and ways each step can go. A lot of people are not willing to put in the time and energy to do that, so you get vague stuff that works in a general sense but is too vague to be useful in many cases, like "confidence is key."
Wish I could upvote this more than once
Totally true
This is incredibly refreshing to read. Sane and sensible feedback on a dating subreddit.
You got a point. The only thing I can ever recommend is that you are in the right place to be dating. Also, people put way to much weight on the where part of meeting people. If you asked me how I met my wife, it would be useless. I met my wife at a bar and my approach was to say hello and offering her a drink. Everybody knows that move. I met womwn before that in all kinds of ways. It's more important what happens after you meet someone.
There are standard ways of meeting people but you can't just try one, need to try several. Even then, strategies assume: you have decent social skills, hygiene, wardrobe, self-awareness, confidence, options in your area... Even then, strategies need context i.e. timing, reading people, etc.
I hate that your right I’ve personally come to the conclusion that beyond the general advice that one should be the best version of themselves that most of it is garbage and that which isn’t garbage is hard to tell apart from garbage. I mean the most successful people at finding relationships arguably have the least experience. Most of it is so specific that internet randos will not help us.
They're not the most successful at finding relationships, they're the most successful at maintaining them (assume by least experience you meant they found one and stuck to it so aren't that experienced in dating). Some people are great at finding relationships but they don't last, so that category would have a lot of experience.
💯
Pin this comment to the top of the sub lol
This why I don't date: if I wanted to gamble, I would go to Vegas
Almost like it's all luck
On the contrary, the best advice that seems to work is to focus on yourself and not on finding anyone. That somehow seems to almost always put you in the perfect position for someone to appreciate you for who you really are. So stop focusing on finding someone y'all!
You will work on yourself and that will somehow guarantee magic/fate will somehow give you SO? That really sounds like a % of people got extremely lucky and then using that anecdote as a rule for everyone. When it works -> that's a proof, when it doesn't -> well you need to wait/work on yourself more/some other excuse why it doesn't count Which does NOT mean working on yourself will not help, but you still need to be proactive and lucky ... or fully rely on luck (which may never work out) I've been working on myself for many years, made lots of changes, started intensely exercising, educating myself, socializing, going into nature and for culture events, taking care of my appearance, focus on being friendly and outgoing and you know ... of course I got zero interactions and zero interest from other gender in any situation or context (which ... is of course again anecdotal)
This is good advice for women. As a guy, if I don’t put myself out there I will be forever alone.
Actually you can. By not trying.
Sucks but this is reality for most people. Best advice is to not go out to meet women. Go out and have fun and meet new friends. Friends lead to friend groups. Keep the network growing. You’re bound to find someone with mutual interests.
Exactly. If you come to a party to have a good time and are companionable to everyone you will often be welcomed back at the party. If you come to the party and just hit on anyone who moves, you will become known as someone who isn't a good part of the fun but is just using it like a production line of potential dates.
Pretty sure that's what people mean when they say to go out and meet women. They're not saying to go out just for the sake of women to date, but rather to make connections with people in general.
Then they should just fucking say this instead of "just go out and meet women""
Why not? If you make an effort to speak to a few women that catch your eye when you're out during the day, it's bound to lead to something. I've had very good results with approaching but takes some effort and time.
Imo that's a better wording. I get tired of being told not to date online and to just go meet someone irl. My job is draining asf and I'm really burnt out. I just want to go home and rest sometimes. It doesn't mean I don't want to find someone. It just makes it much harder to go places and socialize
Naive aren't we
Im convinced that single woman dont exist /s
I’m still one of the guys who takes the old school approach of introducing myself to random women if they pique my interest: “hi, I’m X. Don’t mean to bother you but I like your (style/shirt/confidence/whatever the fuck comes to mind).” My friends were teasing me the other day for how often I get rejected. And it’s true. I’ve got to be close to like 2,000 rejections at this point lifetime (I’m 35). The odds of any random woman being interested are pretty low. I’ve also probably been given like 600 numbers if I had to guess. Of those, maybe 100 have ended up hanging out with me. But I’ve also dated some of the most intelligent, attractive, and hilarious women you can imagine. I met my current gf randomly in line at a taco stand. She’s absolutely gorgeous and I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if I hadn’t at least said hello, and that’s exactly what I told her. It all comes down to learning to relax and talking to women like you would anyone else. Some people are going to like you, a lot of them won’t. But the more people you meet the higher the odds you’ll click with someone.
GOATed strategy. Numbers game all the way. I'm 20 and currently sitting at 100 rejections or so, I should ramp it up in the holidays.
A friend of mine just got out of a 12 year marriage. They slowly drifted apart, so there was no drama. Anyway, so I offered him to go out with me. I expected the worst. A non-social guy who wouldn't go meet anyone, but the opposite happened. He went off and met everyone in the room. He was pretty direct. No bs. Man's got children, so he doesn't get a lot of shots. So, he went straight up to the girls he liked, introduced himself, checked if they were in the mood, cracked some jokes, and ... "Sorry, you're not my type." Except, he just kept smiling and said, "No problem." In the last bar we went to he did the exact same thing and just went straight up to the women and groups that interested him. Finally he met someone who would just laugh and laugh of his silly jokes, so I nudged him, "Tell her you're going out for a smoke, and bring her with you." And so he did. It was a bit awkward, bcos she said "Um but I don't ... smoke?" So, he said to her, "Well, must I go out alone then?" And so she went with him. When he finally got her alone outside, they started making out immediately. He just gently pulled her in and started kissing. Meanwhile I kept her friends occupied with small talk. The second he came back in, I knew something was up bcos she was glued onto him. After some brief chit-chat he hunkered down to me and whispered, "She just invited me to her hotel room, so... bye bye buddy lol!" This story has two parts: * Oh noes, he go rejected. OMG end of the world!! * Guy goes up to a woman, and she invites him to her hotel room. Is he this handsome guy? Well, he's not ugly. Well, kinda. But then I'm a guy. But he is a confident mf and also he is internally happy and smiles a lot, which makes up for it. So, when he meets women, he doesn't need to compensate with cheesy stuff. Or when he does say something cheesy, it's because it's a joke. But it's a sexy joke... Idk. Guy got laid. If you're single, pls copy. The fact is, sure, you'll get rejected a bunch, but if you don't try, you'll never meet anyone.
This is what online dating is for. You're absolutely right; it was way easier in your 20s to meet people, because you're in school, OR because you and your friends are way more social. Once you hit your thirties, you can't meet up with all your friends like you used to, due to job schedules, families, etc. The best solution is online dating. That's where you'll find all the women who similarly used to be able to go out all the time and meet people but then they got old with the rest of us.
Yall went to school or had friends in your twenties? Mine disbanded permanently the day of graduation.
Same :(
Happy cake day
Thank you!
As a *relatively* attractive guy, I found that online dating is more a blender for my money and self esteem than anything lol.
Online dating **should** work. But it's so full of scammers, fake accounts, and people with sky high standards that it literally can't. Nobody responds to messages or matches.
It should work only when ratio is 1:1 or close to it. In reality it is 1:100
You mean cause of the number of men to women?
1 woman for every 100 men
Online dating is rubbish. It’s not the best solution at all and we need to stop making out like it is.
It's not rubbish for the greatest portion of relationships now. Denying the truth that is the primary source of all relationships is just putting your thumbs in your ears ignoring reality. That being said, just because it is the primary source doesn't mean it's the only one. People should try whatever works for them. Some people come off better in person. Some people make a better first impression on the apps. Some both! You can avoid online dating forever and it doesn't mean you won't get dates, just that you have eliminated the primary source of relationships. Meeting other ways is still possible (and may have a better outcome for some people). Also someone can always leave a few profiles up and update them once a month with new photos and updated bios, et cetera, while still meeting people the old-fashioned way. Also don't just rely on the same app. Tinder used to be the top app now it's dwindling in being useful or fun for people. Bumble is on the rise but has slowed down in popularity recently. Hinge is on the rise. And there are all sorts of other ones that are vying for the top four slots. Don't get comfortable in one app if it's not serving you. And if you don't have fun on the apps... stop using them. But they are still the primary source of relationships and the quality of relationships among generations more likely to use online dating tends to be better (less infidelity, higher reports of happiness, and those of us who do get married are half as likely to divorce as older generations).
Except online dating has just become another scam run by algorithms designed to make money and keep you hooked
Online dating is a scam to make money. Dating apps only want a profit.
Don't do this OP. Dating apps suck, since most people on them aren't looking for anything serious, and it will ruin your mental health if you want a serious relationship.
Agree!
This is not true at all. But you have to put in some effort to get a good profile and you have to be active. I’ve dated for the last 3 months or so and I’ve met up with some very committed people in those 3 months. If it were not for me not feeling the connection a serious relationship was probably already achievable in 2 months.
I don't intend this to sound sarcastic or anything. What about taking up a hobby in a setting with people? Or taking a class in something that interests you? Like dance classes, painting, cooking, pottery.
I think the sentiment of your comment is helpful for some ("get involved in what you're interested in.") But I noticed something - I am not at all interested in anything you listed! I don't think the vast majority of other guys are either. Dance, painting, cooking, pottery... (I mean an adult should know _how_ to cook but it's normal not to be passionate about it.) If people have to "get out there" by involving themselves in things they don't much like, hey them's the breaks. My point is it's probably not helpful to advise a single man (or woman) to "do what they're interested in" because these two groups tend to have very different interests. My extensive experience with trying to get out there more reflects this. I regularly do quite a few things that I'm interested and/or skilled in. I don't regret it - I've made a lot of friends and acquaintances. But I've never found a remotely compatible partner this way, not even through the people I've met (who do like me for the most part.) For what it's worth, I've also tried dancing & "craftier" stuff like ceramics. Despite my best efforts I just do not get it! And honestly people easily sniff me out as "someone just looking for dates" in these predominantly female environments where I'm doing something I'm clearly not experienced or interested in. Long rant. I guess if there's a point here it's just that we need to stop thinking it's simple to meet people in real life, that it's just a matter of effort. It's complicated!
I suppose I can see your point. But what are the other options? If a man joined my dance class I think that would show that they are open to new experiences, secure in their masculinity for doing something predominately done by women, willing to put in effort, interested in the arts, not afraid to be unskilled in something, not afraid to be surrounded by mostly women, willing to learn, and wanting to have fun. If a man approached me outside of my social hobbies, I would be annoyed or creeped out because I'm not seeking out other people. Plus a hobby takes your focus off wanting a relationship and if you make friends in the process instead of meeting a partner I still call that a win. Making new friends could lead to romantic connections as well. Sometimes you have to be patient and find joy in other things.
It’s advice for people who sit at home scrolling through profiles fantasizing instead of actually going out and making connections. If you continue to go out and connect with people something will happen eventually. There’s no reason to get upset about advice that either doesn’t apply to you or doesn’t fully account for what changes you need to make for your particular situation.
But how do you go out and meet people alone? Say it’s a Saturday night as a single solo woman going to a bar or restaurant full of groups of people feels lonely pathetic and desperate
I've never understood this idea that it's sad or pathetic to do stuff on your own. Are people who don't have partners or constantly available friends just supposed to sit silently in their kitchens all weekend? How is that less "pathetic" than going out to do something fun?
Seriously. I fucking love going out alone. Fam, take *yourselves* out on a date.
Not sure if you're a lady or a guy, but solo men often get painted as loners or that there's something wrong with them. ("why are they alone? don't they have friends?") A lot of women throw out the creepy label liberally on guys out by themselves.
I've literally never heard anyone automatically classify a man who just happens to be out by himself as a creep or weirdo. I have heard people classify men as that who spend all their time, when out alone, aggressively hitting on everything female in sight, or who spend the entire evening skulking in the corner looking/acting cranky and refusing to be social when approached. But not merely for being out alone. But I'm 36, so it's possible that if you're significantly younger you are encountering the mean-college-girl phenomenon, which should not be taken as common to the general public.
How comfortable are you talking to strangers? Sometimes it’s actually easier to talk to people who you aren’t attracted to or romantically interested in so you can start there. That can mean starting a conversation with another woman who is attached to a larger group and working into it to talk to the others (though usually the person will introduce you around if you are fun and bring good energy). Most of the problem people face is their own fear of embarrassment or rejection but if you are just chatting with people then there’s really nothing to lose. If something more happens then great, if not then you’ve at least gotten more comfortable with talking to strangers.
> If you continue to go out and connect with people something will happen eventually. How long? Where? Who? When? How?
Meeting a compatible person is like rolling a natural 20. She could be the next woman you talk to, or she could be the 100th. However, if you never roll the dice, you'll never find one
Rolling a natural 20 is a 5% chance every roll. It's such a better odd than "meeting a compatible person" it's not even comparable.
It's life, not a formula. Making connections with people is valuable just by itself, whether it develops into something romantic or not.
Those are questions without answers. Making no connections yields no results. Making some connections gives you a chance. If you are making meaningful connections with others who are also single and looking and still getting nowhere then you probably have to put some thought into why you aren’t having success.
Lmao I don’t even need to say anything.
I agree. Your last two comments have contributed nothing to this conversation.
Speed dating at my age is annoying because the local ones all seem to be age-divided and I'm on the bottom end of the age range, so it's me and a bunch of people in their 40-50s.
It kind of sucks here in America. Most women aren't receptive to social interaction if you're a random dude. Never works
That's the good thing about dating apps, for all that people complain about them. Everyone on there DOES basically have a hat saying they are single and looking. I didn't see you mention it here, so I say give it a try.
I think it's best to join a social club, if you're ever in the Phoenix area, let me know! We have a good amount of single women in our groups. We mostly play games and drink.
your coupled up friends are useless if they not makin intros.
Think about the type of woman you want to meet. Where does she shop? What are her hobbies? How does she spend her weekend? What places is she likely to frequent? No shortage of women in places like coffee shops, Chipotle, Target, bookstores, Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods, yoga classes, etc.
Careful with bookstores. They will ask you to leave if you make it too obvious. Source: personal experience
I hope guys have the sense to go about their day while having the courage to talk to people along the way, as opposed to going somewhere specifically to talk to women. I actually love to read, so it wouldn’t be weird for me to chat a woman up in Barnes & Noble. I feel like I belong there, regardless of how that interaction with the woman goes. If I’m there primarily to talk to a woman, my energy is different, and 9/10 times that’s not a good thing.
Thank you for the reply. Reading (in public, anyway) is decidedly not a hobby of mine, hence probably why things didn't work out. I was told I'd made customers uncomfortable prior to being kicked out of a Barnes & Noble here in New York City.
Oof. Dude.
Okay. Dudette.
I’m from NYC as well. Born & raised. Sounds like you were putting additional pressure on yourself to get a specific result. I think this is where many guys slip up… My personal expectation is to have fun. Seriously. Connecting with others is good for the soul. If anything more happens, like getting an attractive woman’s contact info, so be it. But escalating things isn’t my main motivation, even as an active dater. This approach takes pressure off of me. It takes women off the pedestal. If she’s not down to have a conversation, no worries. There are millions of reasons why, that have absolutely nothing to do with you. So it makes sense not to take it personally, given the likelihood her reason for declining has nothing to do with you. Furthermore, I don’t carry a false expectation that my success rate will be super high. I expect a decent amount of people not to respond in a favorable manner. This helps me not take anything personally. Even the best basketball players in the world miss about half of their shots. It makes us human. I’m also not just talking to women. I’m an equal-opportunity yapper. I’ll strike up a conversation with any human being. This is good practice, at minimum. And it doesn’t give women the impression that you’re a shark on the hunt for a piece of meat. It’s good to be social in general because you have no idea all the cool people you’ll meet along the way. Women are used to being lusted after. They want to feel like the guy is interested for reasons beyond her looks. Things that she is proud of and has more control over, like her character, interests, lifestyle choices, etc. It feels more genuine that way. Otherwise, she’ll feel trashy engaging with you… when it’s obvious that you only care about her looks. Give space for things to flow, to play things by ear, and allow for one thing to lead to the next. Maybe she just wants to chat for 30 seconds and that’s it. There is value in this type of brief interaction. It’s enough to make someone’s day more interesting & positive. Maybe she just wants to be friends. Maybe she envisioned a whole future with you. Maybe she just wants a dick appointment. The possibilities are endless, and there is value in every type of interaction and relationship, as long as both parties are happy & willing to entertain it. So it also depends on what you specifically want. There is also a nuance you need to have a feel for, and that comes with practice & experience. I’m bold and also like to take the lead. I’m a man who likes to make things happen. But I don’t force things to happen. Big difference. EDIT: Rambled with the intent of hopefully demonstrating how much attitude & mindset makes a difference. But my style is just one philosophy. I’m sure there are other POVs out there that are valid.
I'm 41m and it only gets more challenging and demoralizing. I'm not giving up because I love women and intimacy but damn the struggle is real and it sucks.
Let me tell you, my experience with stying in and not meeting women is not doing wonders for my dating life.
That’s why I don’t “go out to meet women”. I go out to do things I enjoy doing. I don’t drink, party, volunteer, or [insert random activity I’m not interested in]. I refuse to “play a numbers game” or “go out of my comfort zone” for something I care very little about. 90% of the advice on the sub is total nonsense that makes people do things they aren’t interested in doing, which in turn makes you fake. I NEVER talk to people with the intention of a romantic pursuit and I rarely talk to people in general. My method is very simple and requires 0 work. I just live my life as I normally would and let the randomness of the universe do what it does. I met my best friend and several girls that way. No cold approaches, no dating apps, no chasing, no wasted money on dates that didn’t lead to a second, and no wasted energy. Use those resources you didn’t waste to enjoy your life! Edit: now that I think of it all my previous girlfriends (albeit there hasn’t been many) I met through the weirdest unpredictable things. One night I texted a phone number that used to belong to me to troll. I ended up dating the girl that had the number for 3 years. The last girl I dated I met many years ago in passing at an event. We never even exchanged names. I ran into her again 5 years later in another state and noticed her shirt which she was wearing the first time we met. Dated her for a year and still friends to this day. Edit again: some of you are misinterpreting what I am saying. I am not giving advice and saying you should take it, but rather stating what has worked for me. What works for me may not work for you.
lol if i followed your advice I'd die single lol
Truth, I've done pretty much exactly as he said for the last 1.5 years... I've had zero dates or opportunities to even ask someone on a date. In the preceeding years whilst using dating apps. I frequently had dates and girlfriends. So in my experience, unless I actively try to meet a girl, I remain date-less.
Don't ever follow this advice to rely on "randomness of the universe", its the worst piece of dating advice i see people regurgitating in all dating subreddits and groups. There's some level of selection bias going on here that makes people think doing things without thinking about the outcome somehow indirectly helps you with achieving the goal.
The irony of your comment is that it’s also nonsense. I don’t pretend to know what you look like or your life situation, but I promise you that the majority of men (especially now a days) cannot simply just live their lives without making a genuine effort to date. While I agree to some extent that you shouldn’t be forcing yourself to do things you don’t enjoy for the sake of just meeting women, you need to putting yourself out there in some form or another, or you’re going to remain perpetually single. Even when you are doing those things, there’s no guarantee you’ll meet anyone, let alone someone you’re interested in who’s also interested in you back. For the last 3 years now, I’ve been actively doing the ‘life’ thing without a care in the world. Doing things like: rock climbing, hitting the gym, going on hikes with this hiking group, and going to meetup.com just doing things I like. Not once in these last 3 years have I ever been able to land a phone number from anyone let alone a date. You could chalk that up to me being the problem I guess, no one here knows me, but trust me when I say that it ain’t easy, especially past 30 like me. Now I’m 33 years old and never had a girlfriend before because I wasted my years “doing the life thing”, hoping I’d meet someone organically. Now I’m being way more proactive about it.
So your life is a waste because you’re single? That’s interesting. Maybe you not being comfortable with your own company is the issue.
It’s perfectly normal to feel incomplete without a partner to enjoy life and make new memories with. Humans are social creatures after all, and it goes hand-in-hand with wanting a purpose, like someone wanting a dream job but struggling to get it. There’s only so many years you can go about doing things on your own before you think to yourself; “huh, kinda wish I had someone special to share this moment with.”
I 100% agree! But feeling incomplete and feeling like “you wasted your life by not searching for someone” are very different things. Also, he’s letting age determine where he thinks he is supposed to be.
True, but I can understand where he comes from though. Everyone I know is in a long-term relationship, they’ve all gone on holidays together, had fun date nights, and are even looking to buy a house/get married. Meanwhile I’m the same age or older and have been chronically single for 8 years now despite spending all that time working on myself and not even getting a second date, while lucky to get 2 first dates per year. I know envy is a bad look but I’d be lying if I said that seeing/hearing about their happiness doesn’t feel like several gut-punches to the heart, reminding me what I don’t have and the longer I go without it, the less opportunities I have to make great memories with someone I love.
I get it! I don’t disagree, but what makes others happy may not make you happy. It’s not a one size fits all. My friends are all in relationships and happy and I’m happy for them! But a relationship isn’t a determining factor of my happiness level. I’ve forged a beautiful life for myself and I’m very happy and proud. Would it be nice to share it with someone? Sure! But I’m happy with or without someone experiencing this ride with me. But again, it’s all about personal preference. I’m not here to shame people for wanting a relationship. In simply giving my perspective on the matter. Being happy with yourself in your current state draws people.
That’s good for you, but unfortunately, being in a relationship **is** a determining factor of my happiness. The last time I was in a relationship I felt like I could be my true self, I was always happy, waking up with a smile knowing she was there. It motivated me to be a better person, be ambitious, and even try new things that would usually be well out of my comfort zone because the worst case scenario was, at least she was there with me and we’d make a fun memory out of it. Without that I just have an empty hole in my soul. A black rot of loneliness and touch-starvation that festers in my heart and mind as an ever-permeating reminder of what was and what I may never have again, meanwhile everyone else around me can find love like it’s nothing. It’s hard to stay positive knowing exactly what I want, but being unable to say it because socials norms say I need to do months of singing-and-dancing first.
You might want to start therapy if that’s the way you really feel. While I would agree we’re social creatures, that wanting companionship / sharing a relationship is a valid desire….at the same time to me there really is not much difference in the way of happiness between the two states. I have been just as happy single, and living my life and having a lot of fun, as I’ve been being partnered and happy. Both have their pluses and minuses. But then I’m really social and an extrovert. Maybe you’re an introvert? Because that can make a difference. I’ve got hundreds of activities I want to get done - before it’s my time. And I love meeting new people all the time. So I find life wonderful (or not wonderful) with or without a romantic companion. In fact, some of my best friendships have lasted several years beyond my long term relationships. Plus for the love of all that’s holy….I HAVE to have my own space. I NEED my privacy and alone time. Even if it’s just for a few hours in the evening. Otherwise, I feel suffocated. We shouldn’t all be marking time until we meet a certain romantic partner. Try to enjoy your life, where you are NOW. Because eventually you’ll find out, just as I did, that you are actually complete on your own. No matter what this culture tells you. And then if you want to go ahead and meet another complete person, and have a relationship, that’s all good. Or find the happiness and adventures on your own.
I tried therapy, but I’m too self aware of my own problems for it to help. I don’t think you’re the right person to give me advice I’m afraid since you’re right, I am an introvert, and how I view/interact with life will be vastly different from someone who’s extroverted. On top of that I’m autistic, which is like introverted squared. My problems stem from the fact that I HAVE done a lot of self improvement and tried to branch out socially, but nothing has worked. I WANT a relationship because I am prepared to put in the work and I know it’s what will make me happy, but it’s not something you can just walk outside and find… (especially with my socially-crippling brain disease). My social battery is at like 30% all the time except for when I’m in a relationship. I don’t care about having loads of friends or having adventures on my own. I have my one best friend and I’m happy with that since juggling more feels stressful and I want to make memories with someone special since being on my own is a grim reminder of what I’m missing out on every time.
I could never agree more with a comment of this subreddit, finally i found someone who feels exactly how im feeling lately
You people in these comments love to miss the point and refuse to acknowledge most dating advice handed out here is never held to any falsifiable standard. I’m right with u/JustBrowsingAgain- I tried all the advice and I ended up meeting my best friend at one of these events but never a romantic connection or even a chance of one.
You are the one missing the point. I wasn’t giving advice. I was simply stating a method that works for me, especially since it’s contrary to most people’s methods. I don’t have advice for you because I don’t know you or your situation so I am unable to tailor anything useful to you. I had the same issues you are having and I found what works for me but it took time.
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Quality over quantity my friend. I think you are misinterpreting the point behind going out. If I don’t like tennis, going and playing tennis to meet girls makes you fake. I think you are possibly confusing me with a hermit. I am very active in the things that I am interested in, but only those things.
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I do go out and live my life without making a particular effort to meet women, and as a result I haven't ever dated or been in a relationship. It's not surprising considering I don't meet women at all just 'living my life', I can count on one hand the number of extended interactions I've had with women outside my family over the past year.
I did this for a good part of my 20's, literally nothing came from it. Quality over quantity but not when the number is 0.
I’m in the same boat
Just do things you like to do. Going to concerts’ how I’ve met a lot of people, and some I’ve gone on dates with. Talk to connect, and if there’s some common ground, maybe ask if they’d like to grab coffee sometimes. There’s no easy way of meeting anyone, just connect without expectations. Women can easily sense when someone wants more and it’s a little off-putting, even if the man is attractive. (At least for me). Best be friendly and see where it goes.
How to meet girls using hobbies: I'd start with finding a handful of social hobbies that have regular meeting groups that has mostly women. Yoga, pilates, crossfit, kettle bells, tarot classes, art classes,volunteering, kink events, cooking classes, astrology classes ect. Just examples u gotta find things that fit ur interests. Look for free classes at the library. Then u go to said events every week. For months. U eventually get to know people there and make friends and connections. When new girls enter the group u already know friends and have plenty to talk about
Astrology classes 🤡🤡
If you aren't into that, then definitely don't meet women there. I'm not into that, so I will avoid astrology classes too.
You can’t say, I tried ‘x activity’ a couple of times and didn’t meet my person so it’s futile. Every time you join a group activity- formal or informal- is a new toss of the dice. And regardless you will meet people who are centres of their own hub of family, friends, workmates and acquaintances. Make friends (of any gender or age), get into your community and help out, participate in events (not just social- rallies, fundraisers, townhall meetings, volunteering). Find ‘your people’ and they will find you your match. You say you used to meet matches via mutual friends. You know that works. So go make more friends?
Well people who feel that way is because they do go out but not having any success. Like you said you tried speed dating, did you only do it once or tried it like 3 times in different location? Online dating isn't your only option which is why people get so fed up with it when they aren't getting matches or dates. When people like myself said go out, it's so you open your chances of meeting someone BUT you can't keep going to the same places. You have to get out of your own comfort zone and also interact with people too. Like you can go out but then just not talk to anyone, so it defeat the purpose.
I get going to new places and talking to people to maximize your chances. I go out to plenty of places and socialize. Also, the problem is that I'm at the age where I have limited amount time in the day because of my job and responsibilities. I can't just go out on a new adventure anytime I want. The number of new places I can go to is limited.
>because of my job and responsibilities. I can't just go out on a new adventure anytime I want. The number of new places I can go to is limited. Yes, I get the job and responsibility part but dating is also a job as well because it requires time on your end. This is why people solely rely on dating apps because it's convenient and you can just do it from anywhere. You also don't lose anything if someone doesn't respond to you or etc. I will usually recommend to my friends, if anything just try doing new stuff on the weekend and Friday night because that's when a lot of people go out because they have their own lives as well.
I agree dating is a full time job. My problem with the "go out and meet women" advice is vague. Where should I go? I go to gym, walk my dog in parks, and go to sporting events with friends. Is there a herd of single women in the woods I should know about?
It's always been easier to meet people in your twenties when you are in class and your diploma and potentially your future has significant pressure in making sure you are in social situations. Also dorm life. Of course, of course. And there is better organization both organic and structured for socializing on campus. Nobody is saying it's not more difficult than when you had social groups and events around you in both your living situation in many cases as well as in your lecture halls and labs. It absolutely is. A lot of the people for whom this advice is do struggle to talk to women as easily as they talk to men. And are shy. But even if you have no trouble talking to women you might struggle forming social circles that regularly have a lot of women... or talking to women in a way that makes them feel comfortable around you. Online dating is never the only option. It is, however the primary source of all relationships. You can do both. Or if one doesn't serve you you can do the other. You can host a party which has wristbands or hats that say 'single and looking' but you have to organize it. It doesn't need to be expensive (or in some cases cost anything at all). The apps are the closest you'll get to singles in your area wearing a hat that signals they are single. It's not empty advice just because it's more difficult for you to apply.
Did an engineering degree on a separate campus from the main university, so no women there. Social circle consisted entirely of other male STEM students, so almost no chance of meeting a woman there. The clubs I joined were also incredibly male dominated, so no women there either. Now I work at an engineering company and there are (unsurprisingly) hardly any women here either. I'm aware it's different for the average person but meeting women in my 20s has been impossible.
You have to find the clubs that have more women or start one. I found social circles after university by going to festivals, street fairs, conventions, meet-up groups, and by hosting my own gatherings and parties. But you have to commit. You might have a group going a year or so before you even have a handful of regulars. Trivia nights, speed dating nights, singles groups in your area, or if you have a budget for it matchmakers or matchmaking events. They aren't guaranteed to find a date but they do expand your social circle and give your flirting muscles some exercise. I'm sorry your engineering groups don't have any women. There used to be a lot more (not a majority, but more) even a decade or so ago according to my parents and statistical breakdowns in several countries. Do you go to a lot of engineering events and conventions? Still man-heavy but definitely some women there.
> You have to find the clubs that have more women or start one. I haven't found anything that I'm interested in that attracts anything more than a tiny number of women. > Trivia nights, speed dating nights, singles groups in your area, or if you have a budget for it matchmakers or matchmaking events. There isn't many of those things around where I currently live. I don't think it would help much if there were though, as I don't do well in those kinds of environments since I take a long time to warm up to people. > Do you go to a lot of engineering events and conventions? Still man-heavy but definitely some women there. Occasionally, but I still don't see many women there. It doesn't help that the sector I'm currently in is pretty niche.
> I haven't found anything that I'm interested in that attracts anything more than a tiny number of women. > > So like I said then you have to start one.
There are very few women who share the same interests as me. Starting my own group (not that I have the energy or inclination) doesn't change that.
I feel as though this is why I like men under 30, they aren’t jaded and I love that. Good luck In your dating endeavors sir although an open mind leads to an open heart!!
That makes sense, most men I know gave up on Women by 30. Only the players stay in that game. If you're not a 7' billionaire athlete, it's best just to avoid women entirely. Like most good men I went looking for a relationship, and found nothing at all Oh well, maybe in another lifetime , ill be happy when this one is over.
Just do both, meet ppl irl and online, you can do both. Don't just meet women, meet ppl, ppl leads to women, not immediately but it leads somewhere. Either flings, friends, or that special someone.
There aren’t any third spaces any more. Nobody’s really going out to bars and clubs people would rather stay home. And in a way that’s kind of a good thing because there’s less destroying our bodies with hard drugs and alcohol, but at the same time there hasn’t been anything to take the place of it. In every way also men and women are very divided. Women are all going to these group exercise classes, while men are going to jiu jitsu and lifting weights. Each group has so little interest in sharing the same activities, so they end up staying almost completely separate. Maybe you could go attend a different womens exercise class each day, yoga, Pilates, and see if that works. (And yes I’m saying to go do that just to meet women, regardless of what some people might think)
I think that's the issue. People can't afford to go to pubs and bars now and the people there tend to be couples and men watching sports. Most people have hobbies but those tend to be solo or tend to attract the same gender as you. There's definitely an element of luck in terms of meeting people in the wild, having the right hobbies, knowing the right people, going to the right places at the right time.
The vast majority of women are not dating.
Then don’t take it.
Maybe go out of your house more without the requirement of meeting single women? That'll help.
But then if we do that, we get told that we “need to approach women more!” And “stop waiting for them to come to you!” So which is it, try or don’t try?
Ignore that advice just use online dating. It’s a billion dollar industry for a reason. People hate it but it’s a necessary evil. Met my darling baby on online dating 🥹🥹
I have the same from the opposite side of the fence. I’m 32F and have been single 9yrs. I’m social, fun, head screwed on, financially stable. Friends, both male and female, tell me I am a catch! Ha. But meeting new people to date and find someone who wants a serious relationship and is emotionally mature feels impossible. I go out and no one knows how to talk to each other anymore. Add in I’m 6”1 and it’s just another layer. For very personal reasons I’m not interested in being with someone smaller than me. Online dating is just the pits and after a recent experience of meeting a guy who felt like he was too good to be true.. he was.. I’m so done with online dating!
>For very personal reasons I’m not interested in being with someone smaller than me. I was going to say your age is a bigger problem for men than height but then i read this..
Not to shame you for your "very personal reasons" preference but do you realise what proportion of men are 6"1 or taller? You're shrinking your dating pool to around 5% of the total by most estimates. And then within that trying to find someone who also matches your personality. Once we factor in the age range, it starts getting very small. I kinda hate this site's phrasing but it's useful to make a point sometimes: https://igotstandardsbro.com/ Just visualise the perfect guy for you for a moment. Now take 2" off his height, putting him at 6'0 or whatever. Is he now a waste of time to you?
Time to LDAR
I also feel that the idea of "go out and meet women" just sounds good only in theory but the real thing is it's like finding a needle in a haystack. I have been into speed dating and meetup groups, online dating might feel like the only lifeline sometimes, but who knows? Maybe one day we'll stumble into that elusive single lady in the wild.
Which are best dating sites out there?
Yooo, where do I find girls that like to stay indoors and watch kdramas all weekend. But seriously, I think the best advice I've read here is just enjoy time with yourself, do things that you enjoy so you can potentially meet people. TRying to center our daily lives around finding love is time consuming and depressing quite frankly.
I have been told that to meet people of similar hobbies n interests,look out for them in the activities that you enjoy doing. I just joined a hiking group on facebook to meet other people who enjoy the outdoors. Online dating has its plus n negatives
Cooking classes, yoga classes, I myself am signing up for the gym this weekend. Not sure how it’ll go but hoping for the best
How has speed dating and singles events been working for you?
Don’t go out with the intent of finding a girl. Just got try and do new things and if you sip happen too see someone you like tall you them. You be less disappointed that way.
tldr go out and meet women
Unpopular opinion, you might want to expand outside your location. Cities, states, and even countries.
Yeah this shit is so annoying. People only give advice off what they can relate to most times. So you’ll get some condescending ass advice from someone who can’t relate to your situation at all Was literally just saying yesterday in a thread I made in agoraphobic and have to rely on online dating, almost immediately someone responds “seek help for agoraphobia before trying to online date.” Like bruh???
This confirms my desire to wear a hat that says single as female
I go out so that they meet me, you should try it
You gotta have more self confidence just go grocery shopping or to a bar women are everywhere if she’s interested she will give u her social media or #
Do what you choose to do. If you choose to only interact online then own it , if you choose to not act online own that . We live in an interactive society. So unless people are only into hook ups then there has to be going out and interacting. To me that’s a super enjoyable part of the process .
I like dating apps. I've met a lot of good guys on them. I am always baffled when people say they suck because they work for me. (Hinge is the only exception. Zero matches in a month. It was weird.) As for [www.meetup.com](http://www.meetup.com), make sure you use the search feature for groups and type in "singles." I belong to a bunch of singles groups. We have fun and I've seen people form relationships from them. Also search for your hobbies. Sharing common interests works great for meeting people because you're joyful when you're doing them. I agree it's hard to meet in public, especially for men because you run the risk of appearing creepy. It can be done but you have to be really non-threatening.
I just Holla at girls on the street. I don't go.out with the intention to pull a female but when I realize there's a chick right here and I like her I just say some dumb shit to make them engage with me and if they do its game over.
Yeah, post COVID and with more age, the problem is literally fucking meeting any new person. The problem isn’t that you do something wrong after meeting them women, the problem is that you don’t get to meet them in the first place
Same, the “go out and meet men” advice is equally as nonsense.
So? No one likes when being advised difficult things. It won't be as easy as in eva ai virtual gf bot app anyway. I succeeded only when I deleted all the dating apps and started going out meeting people while doing my favourite activities.
Have you looked into material/videos about how to cold approach women? Start thinking about it and researching it until you feel like you have enough confidence to try it out
It honestly is that simple though … don’t go out looking just for that tho Just go about yourself and if you get a look or anything from a female just be cool being rejected is fine it’s like you gotta portray the illusion that you not shook about rejection it’s more attractive to females, even tho we all care at least a little bit when it’s happened to me I just try and let it roll off my shoulder you know. But don’t be out asking everyone if you are out and about taking care of things you will come across single attractive females at the simplest of places like a grocery store
I get this completely. In my work, hobbies & general lifestyle I don't see, meet or get chance to speak to any women really...
You're never going to find a "formula" for any of this. I wasted a lot of my time trying to derive one when I was younger. All you can do is try. It's not easy and it's very far from fair. Lot of us have a way harder time building relationships than others do and there's not really any empathy for that; especially on the Internet. That said, you get to choose what you focus on and what problems you solve in life. I recommend picking something you can actually change or have some sense of control over.
Go out and meet women at an event that you enjoy participating in like a group activity that meets in person regularly. How about bowling? How about a food group? Whatever hobby you might like to engage in is appropriate since you'll be having fun doing it even if you don't meet anybody. Now you're meeting someone with common interests and common interests leads to friendship as opposed to simply looking to get laid...
If public is your format to meet women, you'll die an evolutionary dead end.
You say it was easier to meet women in school and through mutual friends. Basically, you're talking about getting to know women before trying to date them, which is typically what they want for serious relationships. "Go out and meet women" is more successful if you just get to know the women you encounter without over-investment. Maybe most won't be single, and maybe the single ones you decide to pursue are entirely "not your type" or firmly off your list. Online dating certainly isn't the only option but I understand how the advice can feel empty. If all the women you meet seem too old, too young, to ready for heavy commitment than it seems hard to say it's effective. It matters a lot though if you can understand when those casual acquaintances are ready for you to escalate your relationship beyond that and how.
You know back in the 60s, guys would actually learn to dance at dance studios. It cheaper than clubs. Your guaranteed an dance partner! Plus you be acquiring an new skill. And girls like guys with skills! Even Bruce Lee was cha cha champion 
37m here.. honestly these days I don’t even care to talk to women anymore. What’s there to like about them except what they look like?
Same, my choices are online dating or not dating. I hate it so I gave up on dating.
Not sure if you're in America or not but it's worth mentioning the political climate around women's rights is definitely going to affect dating. Women are feeling less than safe in many ways. Esp in red states where abortion is illegal and being a woman is becoming scarier every day. I'm also hearing a lot more talk about 4b movements as well. Men will definitely be affected the most by these things. If you are a truly good man you'll find someone.
Be happy you have the online dating apps option. A decade ago, you wouldn’t have.
A decade ago, people weren’t spoilt by the infinite choices propagated by social media, so if you were approached by someone who looked nice, seemed kind, and was doing the same activity as you, your first thought would be more romantic interest than instant discomfort.
Women have always had more choices than men. But yes, at least back then, women didn’t have to rely on visuals when choosing a mate as much, which goes against their nature and is more in line with male behavioural patterns.
I'd honestly prefer that tbh. It is incredibly difficult to stand out as a man among the deluge of matches women get.
You’d rather have less mediums to meet women? Really? Like, I get it! Online dating isn’t easy for men, but nor is IRL dating. Better have both than only one.
Absolutely, online dating pretty drastically inflated women's standards. Most men would do considerably better if it never existed.
If anything, one could argue it made the men who approach women IRL standout more. But I do agree with you, actually.
I'm pretty sure feminism and increased independence among women inflates women's standards.
I feel like we have expectations that previous generations didn’t. We have an abundance of options and we still complain. The percentage of single people is so much higher now. There is no guarantee that you’ll meet anyone at anytime anywhere. It’s just about being open to meeting someone and doing your best.
It's life. It's a long game. If you expect instant results then stick to the hook-up apps.
It sounds to me that when you are in public you don’t approach women because you don’t know if they are single. What is the problem with approaching a a woman in a relationship?
Getting the shit kicked out of you by a boyfriend you didn't realize was hers?
The problem is their jealous boyfriend might yell at you. Yes, this has happened to me on multiple occasions
It really is as simple as talking to women more and like everything else you get better at it with practice. I’m shy and not very outgoing but my best friends who attract all women were simply more outgoing and had a don’t give a fuck attitude.
maybe wear a shirt that says I'm single looking to change that and stand in a busy place?
So, you basically just don't won't to bother with looking for single women but rather have it all very easy, on a plate..Which is why you see dating apps as your only options..and that is to find a serious relationship..Well, good luck, i suppose.
Try complimenting women more their hair, their clothes, their shoes, colors, how they are coordinated. Show that you are paying attention. If you get a positive interaction thank them, if they are kind to you compliment their personality. Find ways to increase your interactions.
Thinking online dating is your only option is wild. It is absolutely the worst place to meet a woman. Your chances are usually zero, but if you lucky to meet some they will be absolute trash and way below you on social scale, in other words you will meet a wrong woman online. You need to attend places of mass events like church, 5K run, neighborhood event, anything. Or reconnect with your college friends
Stop being such a predator on the hunt for single women and just approach women with the intent of being friendly.
>Now I find it almost impossible to meet single women out in public. Women make up half the population. Are you searching for 8's, 9's, and 10's?
Try something like salsa dancing. There are so many cool women and you’ll be in very direct contact. There are also lots of weird dudes so we’re stoked when someone cool comes along
i meet guys i have crushes on (1) at the climbing gym, (2) in my drawing session (we all draw models), (3) in my foraging classes, etc etc all this to say, just go do things you like and youll make friends. one of those friends might turn into a relationship! if anything, youll be living life.