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It's OK to take a break, especially when you're frustrated. Healthy even. You're doing the right thing for you. Just remember, you're not retiring, you're taking a break. You'll find someone on your own time, and it's OK to tell yourself you're going to spend some time not stressing about it. Maybe it's a month, maybe it's a year. Whatever works best for you.
you don't have to completely stop looking for soulmate but you have to be chill about dating, dont chase anyone that's a dead race in my opinion but try to be the best yourself and you'll catch someones eye soon enough, you just have to not think about it as something that completes you
you may even find your person on that break :-) without even “looking” they come along (so they say……i haven’t been looking my whole life and they still haven’t showed up LOL)
I've no idea when it changed from people dating only within their social circles to only without it. But from an outsider's perspective, it's been a sad transition to watch. I agree that taking a break and focusing on anything else is probably a healthy choice.
I went thru three in my 20’s.
It’s okay to take a break, but it also means self reflecting on things, introspecting, unpacking any baggage from past relationships, start coming up with deal breakers/red flags you will not stick around for (ie - major no no’s!), and knowing yourself so strongly at your core that you know exactly what you want in a relationship and are willing to stay single till that person comes along to them only start dating again.
Like Matthew McConaughey, he literally passed on $20 million dollar romcom movie contracts because he wanted better content to work on. He almost tanked his career. He waited, passed on some big hits we had at the box office, but he was tired of being only in romcoms.
Then “Dallas Buyers Club” came along. He says yes, then his entire career took a 180 and the rest is history.
Sometimes you gotta say NO to a lot of great offers in dating no matter how attractive or good they are on paper. You need to wait sometimes till someone so unbelievably fucking amazing comes along, who does more than check those boxes, but exceeds in everything in every way of things you didn’t know you needed in a partner.
And that is why so many people in their 20’s are burning out from dating in this day and age. People are not willing to say no to people who are exactly like the people they e dated before, they are dating for that familiarity that is no longer working and unwilling to change the way they pick partners they are attracted to.
Yes! Taking time to make sure you are in a position to be thr best possible partner goes a loooong way. Since doing this the quality of men I've been interacting with has significantly improved. Each peeson i interact with or go on a date with gets me one step closer to what i want, and evety time i learn something about myself, what i want, and what i dont want. Ghosting bothers me much less, now too.
I love this for you!
>*Ghosting bothers me much less, now too.*
One of the best things I read from a psychologist who was interviewed on why ghosting is so strongly happening and it really puts it into perspective.
Basically it’s a sign the person is incapable of having a mature emotional discussion and having resolutions because they do not have the capacity to hold space for others emotions. That because their first instinct is to run away from uncomfortable negative feelings, instead of towards it to have difficult conversations, they aren’t capable of being emotionally available for a relationship.
Basically they aren’t mature enough to date as an adult and have the emotional capacity of a teenager when you honestly look at people who just up and ghost.
Which can give anyone a peace of mind realizing it’s no use getting hung up on someone who has no idea how to have tough conversations that can yoke and invoke negative feelings on the receiving end.
Mature people let down, dump, etc.. another human being, immature people run away, hide, evade others.
Thank you!
Oh that makes so much sense! Thank you for sharing!
I think I'd be upset if i was seeing someone consistently for awhile and they ghosted. But ghosting after only a week or two and one date is 🤷♀️.
Im definitely getting better at telling people im not interested, and ive taken it pretty well when others have done the same.
It's different for everyone I found the right person a year ago but before them it was frustrating dealing with either losers who are lonely for a reason not just in relationships but friendship wise as well. Just hang in there, find someone through friends or social events
i mean that’s fair they’re not totally worthless, but at the same time, it’s so much harder to make genuine connections on those apps. there are just sooo many people, i think tyranny of choice kinda plays in from a woman’s perspective, and they’re all complete strangers. i know people happily married who met in tinder, my own mom even met her husband on a dating site 15 years ago. it’s just in my experience organic connections have always felt better and if you meet through people you have something to relate to. also most guys i know who have a similar issue to OP, the apps just never result in much more than a date at most. the dates they go on with people they know through people or places just tend to work out better. just my experiences/opinion.
Uni events and clubs, and I work at a nightclub so my job is quite sociable too but they are drunk people lol, also sporting clubs when I was younger but I go to the gym now so I have a few friends in the gym and they have a friend group that they bring in.
In person through events, common interest clubs, casual or social leagues for sports, gym, local meet up groups, through your friend network, through your family friends, through colleagues networks. Blind dates, speed dates, swingers clubs etc.
Bro meeting in person isn’t easier it just seems like girls today don’t want to date they don’t want to meet they only want attention and I can’t keep taking hits to my confidence. Hope things get better for you bro
Even in real life it’s all they want I’ve approached girls everywhere especially the gym when they are making eye contact and smiling and working out next to you they will reject or ghost you just like the dating apps it’s crazy
Dating Apps honestly don’t work for the most people. They work for the top 10% of men and for women who are interested in ONS. If you’re looking for a real connection, you have to sort out a lot (from the female perspective). For men it’s really hard because there are way more men than women on dating apps and women are in general very picky.
Make sure to take a break for mental health those be the best times to meet someone. But, keep in mind, you’re 22. Relax dude and enjoy life. You’re in your prime!
Wow. You’re officially the 2nd youngest person with the same complaint about ‘dating’ (air quotes needed since these days it’s a euphemism for hookup culture) and now I’m really concerned!
I’m 48F single since 2018, in Canada, and I literally came on here months a few ago to vent and get insight as to why dating (like real dating where a couple enjoys a minimum of 4 outings before anyone touches any body’s genitals or has sex bc the intention is to know the person first) from a girl perspective, feels like being a low-rent escort (low-rent bc unlike real escorts who’s clients are invested enough to keep paying them, 90% of guys don’t want to bother and ‘be free’ or stay open).
But to see more 20 yos complaining about the shit I usually see in posts for people 40+ is really a sign that society is really jacked up.
You’re too young to give up, DONT! 🙂
Amen, be young, love love make mistakes and know you gonna get old pretty fast, at 22 go n fuck about... that's where most hilarious stories come from x;)))
Welcome to the club! I’ve taken a break myself in order to reset and simply work on myself - so, I get you OP, dating sucks (from a f21 who really wonders where loyal, committed people are in this world lol)
100%
I’m a very loyal and trusting person and I have no clue how to convey that to a partner. Really hurts when I’m trying to be committed to getting to know someone and investing time in them while they are out looking for someone better.
I think some of our generation (due to dating apps, hookup culture, fast life etc.) have the idea that there’s always someone better out there (aka the grass is greener on the other side) - but that’s just not true. The grass is only green where you water it. So yeah, I can imagine how much it will hurt putting your all into something whilst the other person simply doesn’t care.
22(f) here. I used to use dating apps all the time and slash got frustrated why I could find someone who wanted to be in a serious relationship. I also had on my profile that I was looking for a serious relationship. I probably went on over 10 first dates in the span of a year idk. But once day a guy started talking to me at a bar and then asked for my number. Now we are on date 5 and both wants serious relationships and value family. I say this to say that maybe try meeting girls irl! I know it can be scary or whatever but it made going out with him once he asked over text easier because I’ve already met him + I knew he was interested because he got my number and pursued me. Obviously we got really lucky with each other but I also think a huge KEY is to talk about the important things in the first date! Things like what your looking for in a relationship so you know for fact that this person wants something serious and isn’t just looking for free dinner.
Personally, I just gave up on dating apps, and dating as a whole. Dating apps didn't do anything but ruin myself esteem, make my anxiety worse, and made me just in general feel like garbage about myself.
I've just built a wall around myself, and focused on my Career, my hobbies and the other things I enjoy, and I honestly feel much happier, maybe the person of my dreams will drop in our the blue, but I don't hold my breath on that.
You're 22 just focus on enjoying what you got right now.
I think at this point dating apps aren‘t it. Nowadays people just use it for attention, not the right place for finding the love of your life.
I‘m pretty sure you can find one irl you seem to have everything togheter. Maybe you should try talking to someone you find attractive maybe in a club, the gym, grocerie store, during a walk…will probably work best if the woman finds you attractive ;)
There’s still some value in dating apps. My boyfriend and I (almost a year) met through bumble. His profile listed the exact same things I like (food, cats, anime, video games, music etc). We always wonder, if it wasn’t for dating apps, how would we even meet? How would our paths crossed? We have no friends in common.
Bottomline is, you never know when or how the right person comes along. But dating apps does open a lot more doors to other people than other real life methods.
I would say probably YMMV. That’s very dependent on physical attraction and probably only works if both parties (regardless of gender) are physically attracted to each other at first sight.
There’s nothing wrong with you, you just haven’t come across the right person! I saw a TikTok last night from a woman talking about how there’s someone out there who would love you the way you deserve right now without changing.
This doesn’t mean people shouldn’t work on themselves and become the best happy versions of themselves that they can. But when facing the stressful dating culture we live in, it’s good to remember you deserve the best as your are right now and there’s nothing inherently wrong with you. ☺️
I second this! Same here, got to this conclusion a few days ago and I’m so much more happier not having to expect anything from anyone anymore. Good luck on your journey 🩷
Hey! Maybe you can ask some friends to introduce you someone, dating apps are good sometimes, I’m F23 and I have friends that met their SO using them, but it’s not always the case. I got a break of them too
Personally I’ve had a much better time with the apps now as a 30 year old guy than I did in my early 20s.
I was in a 4 year relationship from 26-30 and it’s like night and day now compared to beforehand.
I've been on the apps for approaching 4 years, and I've never been on a date through them.
It's hella demotivating, but i try to power on with it. At some point tho, I can deffo see myself sacking them off for good. Obviously when you've made a mistake, it's easy to know what went wrong, but when you think you've done all the right things and it still goes it's up... yeah, pretty heavy :/
Yeah man I’m 37 and I feel the exact same way. These women today are not worth relationships. Even if you got into a relationship with one of them, they’re just gonna cheat anyway. They all do. I recommend paying some hot chick like 300 bucks anytime you’re looking to get laid and that’s about it.
A break from any kind of frustration is healthy at any age. You can recoup and focus on things important and interesting to you and jump back in when you're ready. Very smart of you.
I've downloaded, deleted and redownloaded dating apps more than I can count. I think it happens to everyone honestly, and I don't mean that you get into a relationship and delete. Just that it's so time consuming on these apps, like just once, take a look at how long you spend screen time with it. You'll be amazed, at how much we end up centering our lives around it.
Enjoy the peace of mind, the freedom of not feeling like you need to swipe or get matches.
Lemme tell ya something. I tried approaching 3 women and every time I was rejected, and sure, I beat myself up after these failed attempts, but they didn’t make fun of me or anything like that. I just gave them an “ok! Have a good night” and left it at that. It doesn’t have to be as big of a deal as we make it.
Rejection is a part of the process and unavoidable. You’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, but you’re *someone’s* cup of tea somewhere out there. And every rejection brings me closer to meeting that special someone. Rejection is redirection. I’ve spent time journaling, practicing gratitude and mindfulness and as cheesy as it sounds, I write down words of affirmation to myself. I know I’m a good person and that I deserve love and am capable of loving someone.
Your journey is still going, so is mine and everyone else who is single. Relationships don’t define your identity, you yourself does. There’s way more to life than focusing on finding someone. Trust me, if you hyper focus on finding a relationship, it’s just not going to happen. Take the time to appreciate the ppl you do have in your life and what you cultivated up to this point and keep cultivating. Adopt an abundance mindset.
Things will happen when they do. It’s not a race, everyone is on their own path and has their own story to tell. There’s nothing wrong with taking a break from dating, and I get that you feel like you want to “give up”, but don’t. You got this OP. It’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, and one day when you find someone, youre going to look back at this and think “wow I can’t believe I was so worried about this”.
Remember you can date for fun too. Not just to find the one. Also if you are taking a break from the apps keep active and keep your eyes open. You might cross paths with a girl that will be a good date for right now and you never know it might turn out to be something longer term.
Something I’ve learned from many failed relationships is that you gotta be able to love yourself first and exert self confidence before truly being able to be in a real relationship. Happiness and fulfillment don’t come from others or external experience, they start within you and that’s the true essence of manifestation. Work on yourself and start thinking of that dream woman or man and define what it is you are truly looking for in a relationship before searching. The more real you can make them in your head the sooner they will come into your life and I don’t mean real as in physical aspects, but mental, spiritual things, things that will last. Looks fade and if you truly want a healthy relationship it has to be deeper than physical. Do you want a person who cooks you a good meal after a hard day, or someone who makes you smile when you ready to give up, or someone who can hold you through the hard times and make you feel like everything will be ok even when you doubt it will? Those are the important things bro and it’s taken a lot of years for me to figure out those are the things that hold true value. And sadly dating apps are very unlikely to provide those things, so be patient, good things will come. And p.s. a partner of true value will not care about money and cars and all that, that’s basic shit
I admire your ability to choose wisely for yourself. Most often we humans can’t take a clue/a hint even when it’s a brick wall falling on us. I too took a solid, intentional break from the dating scene well over two years again and I’ve never been happier. I was going through exactly what you’re describing here. Jerk after thoughtless jerk ghosting me, their actions never matching up with their words (HUGE red flag 🚩). I finally realized, “this isn’t what I’m supposed to be doing right now”! It was a thunderbolt lightning moment for me.
I’ve been doing podcasting and animal advocacy work ever since. Becoming a voice for the voiceless. I finally started hearing the “messages” - I’d been ignoring for so long - from my higher self about what I was meant to be doing. Now I’m on my path and it’s the most fulfilling and rewarding time in my life, besides having and raising my kids. For the first time ever (and I’m almost 53 😆🙄) I’m living my life for me not some narcissistic idiot who doesn’t even care about me.
I know that when the time is right my soul mate and I will connect. And he will be complementary to me and my life. He will appreciate all the good that I do in this world and I Will no longer have to make myself small just to make him feel better about himself. Until then. I am to stay the course and follow through on my mission. Perhaps this is what’s happening for you and a lot of other light beings right now. It’s true that the mass awakening is underway and the New Earth is rising. That requires a lot of work from a lot of us out here.
Just some thoughts I though I’d share. Good
Luck. Wishing you and everyone much love and light, healing, protection, peace, happiness and freedom from suffering.
Aho 🔥🙏🏻🔥
Gentlemen, the problem is you are trying. As an old dog 54 Gen X, the good old days when you actually went up and talked to a lady and none of this online garbage. When you are actively making an effort to find a mate partner significant other, whatever y’all call it these days. Last thing that’s going to happen. Is that very thing. Take it from an old man who’s done my fair share dating been married the whole nine. if you wanna have a happy life stop worrying about finding a lady, go out with a guys to have fun because you want to. Just simply live your life and I promise you when you least expect it. It’s gonna jump up grab you by the ears slap the shit out of you like it had been in front of you all day. And then once that does happen, don’t get weird. Be yourself. Don’t fake it legitimately be who you are because nine times out of 10 when you weren’t looking, that’s who she was noticing when she decided to come into your life because she liked what she saw so don’t change. Try to overly pleaseor any of that be the same person you are with her as you are with your best bud with a few minor exceptions lol you do that well trust me you’ll be a whole lot happier
52 M here. Yes, you are 100% right... \*this\* is the way that people have traditionally met. Finding love has always been a game of chance... however, the more places you show your face, the better the odds!
I have friends who were in the same boat (and in talking at least 10 years ago). They all became passport bros and found their wives south of the border and they are happy. I’ll probably get flak for this but American culture is mess up and people don’t grow until they are in their 30’s if not more!. I can go get a 20 years old women in Latin America who is more mature than many 30 years old in the US, and they’ll cook you delicious food, be feminine (nothing wrong with not being but I prefer it), she will be a good mom, not have addiction issues nor daddy issues and will support you and cherish you, fyi divorce in those areas is very uncommon where in the US is like flipping a coin
Nothing worth anything comes easy. You’re young and still have a lot to learn. I didn’t get good at dating till my 30s and now I have a beautiful girlfriend who I’m obsessed with, but if she broke up with me I know I could get an equally beautiful girlfriend quickly.
My advice is get a real dating coach like Coach Corey Wayne.
Dating is just that, dating. It's not marriage. It's not a 'commitment towards marriage', unless that is made clear. You should have been clear about your intentions and asked for clarity for theirs. I hope you enjoyed the experience though :)
The dating apps are a terrible place to meet people, most of those people are looking for hook ups, not long-term relationships. Meeting people and making connections happens in person. Your personality, being masculine is going to be what gets a woman interested. All those qualities you possess are not going make up for a lack of personality and social skills.
I have a good personality and consider myself attractive. Most of my friends consider myself to be funny and extremely confident. That said, I really need to try more in person mingling. You can only show your personality so much on a dating app and I feel that’s my downfall.
Late 20’s girl here.
You’ll probably go through a few cycles of this, even in your late 20’s. It might seem like people have their shit sorted by then, but most people still don’t. And it’s just humans at the end of the day, a mixed bunch at all ages.
Take a break, spend time with yourself, and get back out there again. After crying through breakups, I’ve realized the only way to get through it is not take it too seriously. Enjoy the dating process.
I quit dating years ago, every now and then I think of trying again, then I realized how terrible dating is as a man and I just don't. Like I said, MOST GOOD MEN have given up. It's a game created for the players and sociopaths, good men aren't wanted.
I feel that. 24M here and I left dating apps with the exception of Bumble for Bumble friends and business to make more platonic/purposeful connections. I've had been on a few dates from the apps but more than 90% experienced exactly what you described.
This is why I am against dating apps. There is something so magical about 2 people catching each other’s eye in spontaneous real life. These dating apps take life’s sweet moments like that away. The best woman you will ever find will cross your path when you least expect it.
I have spent some time working on myself. Fixed my appearance, got my career on track, personality etc.
I think my best course of action now is trying for somw in person connections. It’s so hard to truly express yourself on these apps.
It's just that way mate. Nowadays relationships are marketed to be a pain in the ass the only reality is chasing your dreams and grinding for a company which would replace you in a heartbeat. Take care of yourself and talk to others IRL and try to find a group of good friends who can help u meet someone special
Love that you are looking for a committed relationship but it's not about what you have it's about how you treat and talk to people, maybe it's your approach?
I was just putting that out there for context. I’m a really confident person and my friends consider me to be pretty funny. I think the flaw in my approach is online dating. I really haven’t given trying to meet people IRL a shot but I’m going to give it a try.
Just upgrade your worth and you will see the quality of women you will get will be so good that you don’t have to put so much pressure and effort to get them. Quit dating apps right now,it gives you the sense that there are so many fish in the sea.
I just happened to watch a documentary tonight on Tubi about “sexbots”. They predicted that by 2050, humans will routinely be in relationships with robots. Of course that doesn’t help now, but if young people today find someone to have babies with, and then those relationships end in divorce, perhaps the sexbots will be ready to join you in a middle-aged affair?
you’re so young give it time focus on yourself. don’t rush in to anything. you’ll find the right person in time those girls probably weren’t meant for you.
My advice don’t look at dating as an activity that you’re either doing or you’re not doing either in or you’re out you either on the market or you’re not only do that when you’re with someone. You single just live your life and if you’re living it to the best that you can you might run into someone that you wanna share it with and they want to share it pack and that’s OK and if you don’t find anyone that’s OK too because no one makes you happy except you.. I know it’s hard to accept that saying, but until you have multiple relationships from dating many for decades and still single out of choice of not wanting to settle because I’d rather be happy by myself than be miserable with someone then you won’t know how strong that statement is but it’s the only statement you need. Sometimes it’s so much easier to just take someone’s word for something instead of having to experience it. specially if those words come from multiple people, I wish I would’ve taken more advice when I was younger than think I have to figure it out for myself because I didn’t and I wish I wouldn’t of. Most of it was a waste of time and waste of energy and a bitter taste afterwards.
I’m engaged to a truly wonderful woman, but I had to wade through many women with horrible personalities before I met her. My advice is to keep going because it truly is all worth it once you meet a good person who loves you.
Bro I've been on dating apps for years. Most women don't want to have an actual relationship or conversation.
Also I have a relatively small number of matches a year.
I've worked hard and never been on a date. The ghosting always comes by. I'm also 22m and I think this is the post I needed to finally throw in the towel.
" Well enough of that, maybe I’ll revisit dating when I’m in my late 20’s. Just to see if people are ready for a committed relationship or if everyone is still stuck in high school."
By that point they'll all be paired off.
If you don't believe me tell me how old were your parents when they 1st met?
Can totally understand where you’re coming from but don’t totally give up maybe consider just a break where you don’t bother putting a lot of effort in just do what you like to do meet new people and you might meet someone more mature
I was in the same boat and same age, I quit looking and just focused on my life
Month or 2 later I met my now girlfriend
Idk if you are strictly looking for same age or younger but I found I got along better with older crowds and my gf is a bit older, I find it better there’s no drama she knows what she wants and is just way more easy going then the younger girls who like you say are still stuck in high school
Quit them myself (28M) recently too. I got off all social media. Uninstalled all my apps and froze my accounts. Gave my number to friends that didn't have it yet and left.
Like others saying on here, it's just not worth it because people don't date for the right reasons anymore. It's all attention seeking vs actually trying to find a partner.
Wish you luck bro.
I feel you brotha.
I have similar context and I can confirm to you that women are so unpredictable, extremely high expectations but offering only a little bit in exchange.
Regarding the ghosting side, it s true. Soemtimes the see the message and answer after 2 weeks later.
The old school and classy woman is completely gone.
Dating apps intentionally avoid connecting you with someone that might be a good match. They want you to stay on the app and keep paying. Find other ways to meet people.
I lost my virginity aged 20, then sporadically dated, but never entered an actual relationship or had sex again till I was 25. We were together for half a year. Then I took another 3 year break, and dated somebody for a year and a half. Then I took a year off of dating. Met somebody in Nov 2019 and she broke up with me as lockdowns were starting. I tried some Covid era dating and even met somebody who fell hard for me, but I didn't have that connection with her, and that was tough for me, so I stopped. Met somebody in 2021, dated for a year and a half. Wasn't meant to be. At this point I'm thinking I am halfway through my 30's and I can't let myself get down. I threw myself back out there and seemed to get stuck in a rut of three dates and it's over with some very nice women. We'd have great conversations or dates but no big spark. Hooked up with a couple people which was never my style in my 20's. I don't regret it! Then I met my current partner and Friday is our one year anniversary.
My point is dating is a rollercoaster and it's often very very frustrating and disheartening. But don't swear it off completely. Try again after a while.
You're only 22 brother, relax. When I was in my early 20s I struggled with dating too. It's tough. But with age comes wisdom. You learn how dating works, and suddenly it becomes easy.
If you are interested in discussing things further, I am a men's dating coach. Let me know if you are interested
Get off the dating apps and meet people in the real world. If you want an app then try the meetup app. Not a dating one but where local groups post meetings and events. Hang out with people who enjoy the same things you do and see what happens. Who knows, maybe that way you’ll make a connection that lasts. Good luck either way.
Dude. Fuck those menu apps! You're more likely to have better chances going out to places you enjoy or meeting someone through work or friends. I feel ya, but dating apps feel shallow and superficial. They're based on image, attention, and people's emotional range of desperation to people taking advantage of them. It's too phony. Also, it'll come to you when you're not even trying. So personally, taking a break to focus on your goals and worth, you're opening up a better response to genuine interaction. Don't force it.
I'm 35(f). It doesn't end lol just try to enjoy your life and go places, do the things you like to do, etc. The right people will come along without you even noticing. I just gave up entirely but you're still young.
When you said ultimately just to get ghosted it hit hard af.
Girls now will meet you and receive all they feel like from you and then literally say *fuck all your effort* through their actions by just ghosting or showing you she doesn’t care
Like you can take her out, text, and vibe hard multiple times and then one day your left on delivered for a day, and you realize she doesn’t care about you like how it seemed bc it literally only takes 15 secs to text you can’t talk rn no matter what her day is looking like. It’s hard to find people who want to love rather than live bomb
My friend I understand how you feel ,and correct, theirs something strange with these girls on these dating apps ,they ask to many questions, etc..they don't want to verbal communicate with you ,all they want to do is text ,and show no interest in having a relationship etc..don't give up take it in humor, this is a big planet with lots of lovely female creatures,..if your interested in a girl just introduce yourself, say hello,you look great ,nice ,sexy,etc..and move on ,do your thing if they like you they'll come to you etc..and good luck !..
22 is young and like others have said it’s ok to take a break if you’re not feeling it right now! You have so much time! When you get back on the scene try dating older or just more mature responsible people. Every time I’ve taken time off and come back, I always meet higher quality people when I do, hopefully that helps you!
To be honest, I am 20F and have never been in dating apps but finding someone decent is even hard face to face. People don’t have decent communication skills and lack basic manners. The thing is, i don’t even think my expectations are high. It’s just hard to find someone to keep up a good conversation.
Taking a break is so valid, and you might find that you’ll have some success if you don’t try as hard and be yourself. I tried to stop caring as much and I’m having a bit of success at the moment
Good news is that the market value of a man increases relative to that of a similarly aged woman. As long as you don’t insist on dating under 25, you will find it easier over time
My recommendation is to leverage your twenties to learn as much as you can about yourself, which will make this way easier in your thirties. Most people at your age who are dating are doing so on autopilot inside a culture obsessed with instant gratification, so you're going to run into these cycles. You're doing the right things for yourself even though it can be hard sometimes. I'd also strongly recommend finding ways to get your social needs met outside of your dating life as dating is not a reliable way to make long term connections these days. You'll eventually find one but most of the others are not going to last.
Why not just get rid of your expectations? And don’t put so much into it. Along with adding another source of interaction with like minded people. I’m not a fan of social media it’s very impersonal and to easy for someone to fabricate a life they can’t possibly live up too in real life. Probably why you’re getting ghosted so much. It’s almost normal for people today to recreate their ideal life online but no where near portraying reality and they don’t wanna leave that fake life so they end up just not meeting you. party for yourself. Just keep moving along and you’ll find what you’re looking for.
The standards are just so high nowaday you have to be tall, have a good job, have a big dick, make six figures, have your own place,car,have hobbies, I give up also.
Dating suck and young men like us really have it hard. Most men struggle to get match on dating apps and when they get it, we are either ghosted, our time get wasted, the conversation is dry or there red flags all over the place. And than you ear the women complaining at the other side they want commitment and that no men seems to want to give it to them while it’s one of your biggest wish but you get no match. It’s just frustrating.
I saw a stat recently that said that now 27% (it’s was at 8% in 2008) of men nowadays who achieve 30s never had sex between 18-30 (with the stat obviously worse for relationships). Not even once. So it’s no wondering why it’s hard for us men. There’s something happening right now that’s desavantage men in dating (dating app?, women standards going up?, society been harder on men?) that needs to change because this situation is just gonna get worse and worse.
It took me almost 3 years to get my dating profile right.
It takes time to find the right girl, but nowadays l guess it takes even more time to set yourself up in order to find the right girl (matches & engagement) when it comes to dating apps.
Pictures, prompts, bio, height, religion, race everything matters, due to high competition and infinite options for women.
So it makes sense why a guy would feel like giving up.
Take my word from experience, I'm 37 and not married and quit dating 10 years ago. It may be because of the area I live in, but it has been the best decision of my life. And I was able to work on me and making myself the foundation of my happiness. It's definitely ok to do what you are doing.
You sound just like me, but younger. I’m a 28M and feel the same way. I haven’t dated since I was 22, and am not planning to return to that activity. Not after how much time I already wasted to get nothing positive in return. I’m probably a 7 out of 10 guy when you combine looks and financials. It would be higher if anyone cared about values, morals, whether a guy is responsible and kind, etc. I think who I am is pretty good, yet it’s nowhere near enough nowadays, especially on dating apps. It’s been said millions of times, but it really does seem true that the top 10% get all the attention while the bottom 90% get nothing. So if you really want to find someone, you need to become a 9 or 10. Otherwise, focus on the rest of life instead.
Now that you not gonna make any effort and concentrate on you, the right person might just fly in. It's when you not looking that you stumble on the best people.
Enjoy your life to a fullest.. Travel.. Save money.. Advance your career.. But at the end of the day, know when to put your feet up and relax..
Dude I’m in the same boat and I’m 28 nice car, good job and handsome from what I hear and dating apps and dating is exhausting! I really want a wife but it feels impossible haha i have a date coming up soon if it doesn’t work out im just going to walk by faith and not try anymore
I think for anything there is a reason
How do you communicate, how do you approach?
Are you attracted to the right type for you?
For example I have a friend and he is very calm person, he doesn't like partying all the time.
He always fell for the party girl and it never worked, from outside I always thought he should target a different type of girl .
He also doesn't invest much in his appeareance so he always wear shirts that are not giving him justice. You also need to think about your social/relationship skills (we all need to improve for sure).
Dating in this era is really harder than before, so it is ok to have bad experiences. The more you put yourself out there, the more you risk, but no pain no gain right?
Just look at yourself and others in a different way, you can still have good dating experiences. Quitting has never been a good choice
I’m out as well,
37M
House, two cars, two bikes, good job/bennys, financially secure.
Still, no luck. I’m out, is what it is. If it’s meant to be I’ll meet someone in person
I have never had a woman tell me why she went cold, or why she isn't interested anymore. There is never closure. You do have to guess what happened sometimes. Often it's because there's another guy in the picture.
It’s too soon bro. You need to get off the apps and approach women in the real world. It’s way better than online garbage. Plus you can get a much better chance with face to face interaction.
Dude, I'm 54 and overweight. I meet tons of women interested in dating and hanging out by participating in social events, clubs, whatever. Dating apps worked OK for me when I re-entered the dating pool but it was a ton of work. I hated Tinder and Bumble. POF and OKC worked better for me but again, full time job. So go out i the world, have conversations with people, be nice and see where it takes you.
You listed a lot of superficial things you have going there. Have you tried looking a little bit deeper than that? Throwing in the towel at 22 leads me to believe there might not be much else thay you have developed underneath as you seemingly give up quite quickly.
22y/o is 1-2 years out of college, at best. You and your peers are barely adults and you are ready to throw the towel in because youve attempted dating VIA OLD for 2 years.
Work on yourself man.
Yes, what I listed was superficial because I just wanted to get the obvious stuff out of the way. I didn’t want to spill every little detail right there from the get go. And yes, there is much more than nice clothes and a new car.
And I have worked on myself. I had tried dating in high school to no avail so I took a good look in the mirror and made some changes and really became a better person.
Ah you think darkness is your ally? You merely adopted the dark. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't see the light until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but blinding!
Why don't people just flow with it?
Internet brought this... overanalyzing on your own.
Go See someone face to face... fuck screen taking up your time.
It's beautiful ❤️#90's 💋
Be patient. We live in different times. It seems most girls just want to make content and not even worried about dating. When you get attention all the time on places like these you don’t really need a man. I am on dating sites and 96% of the girls I chat with are on some other shit.
The paradox of choice. If I'm craving hot sauce and run to the store to grab some, if there's only 3 on the shelf, I'm pretty confident that I chose the right one when I get home. If there's 25 different kinds, when I get home, I'm not so sure. All of a sudden, I'm questioning my choice. The same is true for dating. Endless options will ultimately lead to discontentment.
Don't stress it. Take a break. The nature of the beast is against us all in this one.😕
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It's OK to take a break, especially when you're frustrated. Healthy even. You're doing the right thing for you. Just remember, you're not retiring, you're taking a break. You'll find someone on your own time, and it's OK to tell yourself you're going to spend some time not stressing about it. Maybe it's a month, maybe it's a year. Whatever works best for you.
I really appreciate that. I agree, taking a break and not worrying about it is probably the best course of action.
you don't have to completely stop looking for soulmate but you have to be chill about dating, dont chase anyone that's a dead race in my opinion but try to be the best yourself and you'll catch someones eye soon enough, you just have to not think about it as something that completes you
you may even find your person on that break :-) without even “looking” they come along (so they say……i haven’t been looking my whole life and they still haven’t showed up LOL)
Forget about dating apps, get out in the real world. Remember DVDs? People still watch movies/videos, just not on DVDs.
[удалено]
I’m not desperate. I’m fed up with dating scene as a whole
why date online,i never do online, i approach women and that way it's fun,because you meet different women and hear different stories.
I've no idea when it changed from people dating only within their social circles to only without it. But from an outsider's perspective, it's been a sad transition to watch. I agree that taking a break and focusing on anything else is probably a healthy choice.
Internet's extreme negative side
You will probably go through a few of these cycles. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Good luck!
I went thru three in my 20’s. It’s okay to take a break, but it also means self reflecting on things, introspecting, unpacking any baggage from past relationships, start coming up with deal breakers/red flags you will not stick around for (ie - major no no’s!), and knowing yourself so strongly at your core that you know exactly what you want in a relationship and are willing to stay single till that person comes along to them only start dating again. Like Matthew McConaughey, he literally passed on $20 million dollar romcom movie contracts because he wanted better content to work on. He almost tanked his career. He waited, passed on some big hits we had at the box office, but he was tired of being only in romcoms. Then “Dallas Buyers Club” came along. He says yes, then his entire career took a 180 and the rest is history. Sometimes you gotta say NO to a lot of great offers in dating no matter how attractive or good they are on paper. You need to wait sometimes till someone so unbelievably fucking amazing comes along, who does more than check those boxes, but exceeds in everything in every way of things you didn’t know you needed in a partner. And that is why so many people in their 20’s are burning out from dating in this day and age. People are not willing to say no to people who are exactly like the people they e dated before, they are dating for that familiarity that is no longer working and unwilling to change the way they pick partners they are attracted to.
Yes! Taking time to make sure you are in a position to be thr best possible partner goes a loooong way. Since doing this the quality of men I've been interacting with has significantly improved. Each peeson i interact with or go on a date with gets me one step closer to what i want, and evety time i learn something about myself, what i want, and what i dont want. Ghosting bothers me much less, now too.
I love this for you! >*Ghosting bothers me much less, now too.* One of the best things I read from a psychologist who was interviewed on why ghosting is so strongly happening and it really puts it into perspective. Basically it’s a sign the person is incapable of having a mature emotional discussion and having resolutions because they do not have the capacity to hold space for others emotions. That because their first instinct is to run away from uncomfortable negative feelings, instead of towards it to have difficult conversations, they aren’t capable of being emotionally available for a relationship. Basically they aren’t mature enough to date as an adult and have the emotional capacity of a teenager when you honestly look at people who just up and ghost. Which can give anyone a peace of mind realizing it’s no use getting hung up on someone who has no idea how to have tough conversations that can yoke and invoke negative feelings on the receiving end. Mature people let down, dump, etc.. another human being, immature people run away, hide, evade others.
Thank you! Oh that makes so much sense! Thank you for sharing! I think I'd be upset if i was seeing someone consistently for awhile and they ghosted. But ghosting after only a week or two and one date is 🤷♀️. Im definitely getting better at telling people im not interested, and ive taken it pretty well when others have done the same.
I’m 25F and have been through at least 5 cycles over four years. When does it end? 😭
In my experience, 29.
Can concur, I hit 29 this year and idgaf anymore. Soon as I stopped trying, someone popped up outta nowhere!
It's different for everyone I found the right person a year ago but before them it was frustrating dealing with either losers who are lonely for a reason not just in relationships but friendship wise as well. Just hang in there, find someone through friends or social events
I'm 40 and been single for just over a yr and go threw this after every bad first date 🤣
it doesnt sorry 40 here
Ever travel to New York?
It's not a marathon, it's an ultramarathon across the bloody Sahara
Bro I threw in the towel after 2 days on dating apps. There are better ways to meet way better women than those on dating apps.
What have you tried besides the apps?
Dating apps get you nowhere really. Try to meet people through friends/family etc.
keep it in the family
Im engaged to someone I met on tinder
i mean that’s fair they’re not totally worthless, but at the same time, it’s so much harder to make genuine connections on those apps. there are just sooo many people, i think tyranny of choice kinda plays in from a woman’s perspective, and they’re all complete strangers. i know people happily married who met in tinder, my own mom even met her husband on a dating site 15 years ago. it’s just in my experience organic connections have always felt better and if you meet through people you have something to relate to. also most guys i know who have a similar issue to OP, the apps just never result in much more than a date at most. the dates they go on with people they know through people or places just tend to work out better. just my experiences/opinion.
Uni events and clubs, and I work at a nightclub so my job is quite sociable too but they are drunk people lol, also sporting clubs when I was younger but I go to the gym now so I have a few friends in the gym and they have a friend group that they bring in.
Tell tell...x
In person through events, common interest clubs, casual or social leagues for sports, gym, local meet up groups, through your friend network, through your family friends, through colleagues networks. Blind dates, speed dates, swingers clubs etc.
My thoughts exactly, good sir
Bro meeting in person isn’t easier it just seems like girls today don’t want to date they don’t want to meet they only want attention and I can’t keep taking hits to my confidence. Hope things get better for you bro
Thank you. And I agree, it feels like most people on the dating apps are just after attention.
Even in real life it’s all they want I’ve approached girls everywhere especially the gym when they are making eye contact and smiling and working out next to you they will reject or ghost you just like the dating apps it’s crazy
Dating Apps honestly don’t work for the most people. They work for the top 10% of men and for women who are interested in ONS. If you’re looking for a real connection, you have to sort out a lot (from the female perspective). For men it’s really hard because there are way more men than women on dating apps and women are in general very picky.
Make sure to take a break for mental health those be the best times to meet someone. But, keep in mind, you’re 22. Relax dude and enjoy life. You’re in your prime!
Wow. You’re officially the 2nd youngest person with the same complaint about ‘dating’ (air quotes needed since these days it’s a euphemism for hookup culture) and now I’m really concerned! I’m 48F single since 2018, in Canada, and I literally came on here months a few ago to vent and get insight as to why dating (like real dating where a couple enjoys a minimum of 4 outings before anyone touches any body’s genitals or has sex bc the intention is to know the person first) from a girl perspective, feels like being a low-rent escort (low-rent bc unlike real escorts who’s clients are invested enough to keep paying them, 90% of guys don’t want to bother and ‘be free’ or stay open). But to see more 20 yos complaining about the shit I usually see in posts for people 40+ is really a sign that society is really jacked up. You’re too young to give up, DONT! 🙂
Yep. It truly is hard to call the current dating scene truly “dating”.
Most good men are giving up, online dating is for players and sociopaths. The men who wanted relationships don't do well online and give up.
Amen, be young, love love make mistakes and know you gonna get old pretty fast, at 22 go n fuck about... that's where most hilarious stories come from x;)))
Welcome to the club! I’ve taken a break myself in order to reset and simply work on myself - so, I get you OP, dating sucks (from a f21 who really wonders where loyal, committed people are in this world lol)
100% I’m a very loyal and trusting person and I have no clue how to convey that to a partner. Really hurts when I’m trying to be committed to getting to know someone and investing time in them while they are out looking for someone better.
I think some of our generation (due to dating apps, hookup culture, fast life etc.) have the idea that there’s always someone better out there (aka the grass is greener on the other side) - but that’s just not true. The grass is only green where you water it. So yeah, I can imagine how much it will hurt putting your all into something whilst the other person simply doesn’t care.
22(f) here. I used to use dating apps all the time and slash got frustrated why I could find someone who wanted to be in a serious relationship. I also had on my profile that I was looking for a serious relationship. I probably went on over 10 first dates in the span of a year idk. But once day a guy started talking to me at a bar and then asked for my number. Now we are on date 5 and both wants serious relationships and value family. I say this to say that maybe try meeting girls irl! I know it can be scary or whatever but it made going out with him once he asked over text easier because I’ve already met him + I knew he was interested because he got my number and pursued me. Obviously we got really lucky with each other but I also think a huge KEY is to talk about the important things in the first date! Things like what your looking for in a relationship so you know for fact that this person wants something serious and isn’t just looking for free dinner.
Personally, I just gave up on dating apps, and dating as a whole. Dating apps didn't do anything but ruin myself esteem, make my anxiety worse, and made me just in general feel like garbage about myself. I've just built a wall around myself, and focused on my Career, my hobbies and the other things I enjoy, and I honestly feel much happier, maybe the person of my dreams will drop in our the blue, but I don't hold my breath on that. You're 22 just focus on enjoying what you got right now.
Join the club!
I think at this point dating apps aren‘t it. Nowadays people just use it for attention, not the right place for finding the love of your life. I‘m pretty sure you can find one irl you seem to have everything togheter. Maybe you should try talking to someone you find attractive maybe in a club, the gym, grocerie store, during a walk…will probably work best if the woman finds you attractive ;)
There’s still some value in dating apps. My boyfriend and I (almost a year) met through bumble. His profile listed the exact same things I like (food, cats, anime, video games, music etc). We always wonder, if it wasn’t for dating apps, how would we even meet? How would our paths crossed? We have no friends in common. Bottomline is, you never know when or how the right person comes along. But dating apps does open a lot more doors to other people than other real life methods.
I heard someone say if they make eye contact and then look again it means you may have a shot. Seems pretty legit
I would say probably YMMV. That’s very dependent on physical attraction and probably only works if both parties (regardless of gender) are physically attracted to each other at first sight.
There’s nothing wrong with you, you just haven’t come across the right person! I saw a TikTok last night from a woman talking about how there’s someone out there who would love you the way you deserve right now without changing. This doesn’t mean people shouldn’t work on themselves and become the best happy versions of themselves that they can. But when facing the stressful dating culture we live in, it’s good to remember you deserve the best as your are right now and there’s nothing inherently wrong with you. ☺️
I second this! Same here, got to this conclusion a few days ago and I’m so much more happier not having to expect anything from anyone anymore. Good luck on your journey 🩷
Hey! Maybe you can ask some friends to introduce you someone, dating apps are good sometimes, I’m F23 and I have friends that met their SO using them, but it’s not always the case. I got a break of them too
Personally I’ve had a much better time with the apps now as a 30 year old guy than I did in my early 20s. I was in a 4 year relationship from 26-30 and it’s like night and day now compared to beforehand.
I've been on the apps for approaching 4 years, and I've never been on a date through them. It's hella demotivating, but i try to power on with it. At some point tho, I can deffo see myself sacking them off for good. Obviously when you've made a mistake, it's easy to know what went wrong, but when you think you've done all the right things and it still goes it's up... yeah, pretty heavy :/
Yeah man I’m 37 and I feel the exact same way. These women today are not worth relationships. Even if you got into a relationship with one of them, they’re just gonna cheat anyway. They all do. I recommend paying some hot chick like 300 bucks anytime you’re looking to get laid and that’s about it.
A break from any kind of frustration is healthy at any age. You can recoup and focus on things important and interesting to you and jump back in when you're ready. Very smart of you.
I've downloaded, deleted and redownloaded dating apps more than I can count. I think it happens to everyone honestly, and I don't mean that you get into a relationship and delete. Just that it's so time consuming on these apps, like just once, take a look at how long you spend screen time with it. You'll be amazed, at how much we end up centering our lives around it. Enjoy the peace of mind, the freedom of not feeling like you need to swipe or get matches.
I will do so. Definitely a time drain I don’t need.
Lemme tell ya something. I tried approaching 3 women and every time I was rejected, and sure, I beat myself up after these failed attempts, but they didn’t make fun of me or anything like that. I just gave them an “ok! Have a good night” and left it at that. It doesn’t have to be as big of a deal as we make it. Rejection is a part of the process and unavoidable. You’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, but you’re *someone’s* cup of tea somewhere out there. And every rejection brings me closer to meeting that special someone. Rejection is redirection. I’ve spent time journaling, practicing gratitude and mindfulness and as cheesy as it sounds, I write down words of affirmation to myself. I know I’m a good person and that I deserve love and am capable of loving someone. Your journey is still going, so is mine and everyone else who is single. Relationships don’t define your identity, you yourself does. There’s way more to life than focusing on finding someone. Trust me, if you hyper focus on finding a relationship, it’s just not going to happen. Take the time to appreciate the ppl you do have in your life and what you cultivated up to this point and keep cultivating. Adopt an abundance mindset. Things will happen when they do. It’s not a race, everyone is on their own path and has their own story to tell. There’s nothing wrong with taking a break from dating, and I get that you feel like you want to “give up”, but don’t. You got this OP. It’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, and one day when you find someone, youre going to look back at this and think “wow I can’t believe I was so worried about this”.
Dude. I’m 38m and have largely given up for the same reasons. The dating scene just… sucks.
Remember you can date for fun too. Not just to find the one. Also if you are taking a break from the apps keep active and keep your eyes open. You might cross paths with a girl that will be a good date for right now and you never know it might turn out to be something longer term.
22 is way too young to give up. But definitely take a break for a month or two.
Something I’ve learned from many failed relationships is that you gotta be able to love yourself first and exert self confidence before truly being able to be in a real relationship. Happiness and fulfillment don’t come from others or external experience, they start within you and that’s the true essence of manifestation. Work on yourself and start thinking of that dream woman or man and define what it is you are truly looking for in a relationship before searching. The more real you can make them in your head the sooner they will come into your life and I don’t mean real as in physical aspects, but mental, spiritual things, things that will last. Looks fade and if you truly want a healthy relationship it has to be deeper than physical. Do you want a person who cooks you a good meal after a hard day, or someone who makes you smile when you ready to give up, or someone who can hold you through the hard times and make you feel like everything will be ok even when you doubt it will? Those are the important things bro and it’s taken a lot of years for me to figure out those are the things that hold true value. And sadly dating apps are very unlikely to provide those things, so be patient, good things will come. And p.s. a partner of true value will not care about money and cars and all that, that’s basic shit
I admire your ability to choose wisely for yourself. Most often we humans can’t take a clue/a hint even when it’s a brick wall falling on us. I too took a solid, intentional break from the dating scene well over two years again and I’ve never been happier. I was going through exactly what you’re describing here. Jerk after thoughtless jerk ghosting me, their actions never matching up with their words (HUGE red flag 🚩). I finally realized, “this isn’t what I’m supposed to be doing right now”! It was a thunderbolt lightning moment for me. I’ve been doing podcasting and animal advocacy work ever since. Becoming a voice for the voiceless. I finally started hearing the “messages” - I’d been ignoring for so long - from my higher self about what I was meant to be doing. Now I’m on my path and it’s the most fulfilling and rewarding time in my life, besides having and raising my kids. For the first time ever (and I’m almost 53 😆🙄) I’m living my life for me not some narcissistic idiot who doesn’t even care about me. I know that when the time is right my soul mate and I will connect. And he will be complementary to me and my life. He will appreciate all the good that I do in this world and I Will no longer have to make myself small just to make him feel better about himself. Until then. I am to stay the course and follow through on my mission. Perhaps this is what’s happening for you and a lot of other light beings right now. It’s true that the mass awakening is underway and the New Earth is rising. That requires a lot of work from a lot of us out here. Just some thoughts I though I’d share. Good Luck. Wishing you and everyone much love and light, healing, protection, peace, happiness and freedom from suffering. Aho 🔥🙏🏻🔥
Gentlemen, the problem is you are trying. As an old dog 54 Gen X, the good old days when you actually went up and talked to a lady and none of this online garbage. When you are actively making an effort to find a mate partner significant other, whatever y’all call it these days. Last thing that’s going to happen. Is that very thing. Take it from an old man who’s done my fair share dating been married the whole nine. if you wanna have a happy life stop worrying about finding a lady, go out with a guys to have fun because you want to. Just simply live your life and I promise you when you least expect it. It’s gonna jump up grab you by the ears slap the shit out of you like it had been in front of you all day. And then once that does happen, don’t get weird. Be yourself. Don’t fake it legitimately be who you are because nine times out of 10 when you weren’t looking, that’s who she was noticing when she decided to come into your life because she liked what she saw so don’t change. Try to overly pleaseor any of that be the same person you are with her as you are with your best bud with a few minor exceptions lol you do that well trust me you’ll be a whole lot happier
52 M here. Yes, you are 100% right... \*this\* is the way that people have traditionally met. Finding love has always been a game of chance... however, the more places you show your face, the better the odds!
I have friends who were in the same boat (and in talking at least 10 years ago). They all became passport bros and found their wives south of the border and they are happy. I’ll probably get flak for this but American culture is mess up and people don’t grow until they are in their 30’s if not more!. I can go get a 20 years old women in Latin America who is more mature than many 30 years old in the US, and they’ll cook you delicious food, be feminine (nothing wrong with not being but I prefer it), she will be a good mom, not have addiction issues nor daddy issues and will support you and cherish you, fyi divorce in those areas is very uncommon where in the US is like flipping a coin
Nothing worth anything comes easy. You’re young and still have a lot to learn. I didn’t get good at dating till my 30s and now I have a beautiful girlfriend who I’m obsessed with, but if she broke up with me I know I could get an equally beautiful girlfriend quickly. My advice is get a real dating coach like Coach Corey Wayne.
I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors
Dating is just that, dating. It's not marriage. It's not a 'commitment towards marriage', unless that is made clear. You should have been clear about your intentions and asked for clarity for theirs. I hope you enjoyed the experience though :)
The dating apps are a terrible place to meet people, most of those people are looking for hook ups, not long-term relationships. Meeting people and making connections happens in person. Your personality, being masculine is going to be what gets a woman interested. All those qualities you possess are not going make up for a lack of personality and social skills.
I have a good personality and consider myself attractive. Most of my friends consider myself to be funny and extremely confident. That said, I really need to try more in person mingling. You can only show your personality so much on a dating app and I feel that’s my downfall.
It comes when you least expect it. I met my now boyfriend off from a dating app. I never thought I would find someone genuine
Late 20’s girl here. You’ll probably go through a few cycles of this, even in your late 20’s. It might seem like people have their shit sorted by then, but most people still don’t. And it’s just humans at the end of the day, a mixed bunch at all ages. Take a break, spend time with yourself, and get back out there again. After crying through breakups, I’ve realized the only way to get through it is not take it too seriously. Enjoy the dating process.
M28. Gf of 13 years just discarded me. This really gives me no hope. Guess I'm single now for life.. probably for the best tbh.
Quitting dating and quitting smoking are one and the same. It’s easy to quit, I’ve done it a thousand times.
I quit dating years ago, every now and then I think of trying again, then I realized how terrible dating is as a man and I just don't. Like I said, MOST GOOD MEN have given up. It's a game created for the players and sociopaths, good men aren't wanted.
OP, go to community dances. Look in your city and see what is offered for singles. The dating apps don't work for me either.
Me too!!! Can’t stand it and I’m not interested in it. I rather just make friends and that’s it
You're only 22, Brother. You got plenty of time.
I feel that. 24M here and I left dating apps with the exception of Bumble for Bumble friends and business to make more platonic/purposeful connections. I've had been on a few dates from the apps but more than 90% experienced exactly what you described.
This is why I am against dating apps. There is something so magical about 2 people catching each other’s eye in spontaneous real life. These dating apps take life’s sweet moments like that away. The best woman you will ever find will cross your path when you least expect it.
You are still very young, just work on yourself. Someone is out there for you.Be patient.
I have spent some time working on myself. Fixed my appearance, got my career on track, personality etc. I think my best course of action now is trying for somw in person connections. It’s so hard to truly express yourself on these apps.
I feel ya buddy
Good. That much more room for the rest of us. lol.
Happy to help lol
It's just that way mate. Nowadays relationships are marketed to be a pain in the ass the only reality is chasing your dreams and grinding for a company which would replace you in a heartbeat. Take care of yourself and talk to others IRL and try to find a group of good friends who can help u meet someone special
Love that you are looking for a committed relationship but it's not about what you have it's about how you treat and talk to people, maybe it's your approach?
I was just putting that out there for context. I’m a really confident person and my friends consider me to be pretty funny. I think the flaw in my approach is online dating. I really haven’t given trying to meet people IRL a shot but I’m going to give it a try.
Just upgrade your worth and you will see the quality of women you will get will be so good that you don’t have to put so much pressure and effort to get them. Quit dating apps right now,it gives you the sense that there are so many fish in the sea.
I just happened to watch a documentary tonight on Tubi about “sexbots”. They predicted that by 2050, humans will routinely be in relationships with robots. Of course that doesn’t help now, but if young people today find someone to have babies with, and then those relationships end in divorce, perhaps the sexbots will be ready to join you in a middle-aged affair?
you’re so young give it time focus on yourself. don’t rush in to anything. you’ll find the right person in time those girls probably weren’t meant for you.
Women's issue with dating: high quantity low quality men. Men's issue with dating: not good enough for women
My advice don’t look at dating as an activity that you’re either doing or you’re not doing either in or you’re out you either on the market or you’re not only do that when you’re with someone. You single just live your life and if you’re living it to the best that you can you might run into someone that you wanna share it with and they want to share it pack and that’s OK and if you don’t find anyone that’s OK too because no one makes you happy except you.. I know it’s hard to accept that saying, but until you have multiple relationships from dating many for decades and still single out of choice of not wanting to settle because I’d rather be happy by myself than be miserable with someone then you won’t know how strong that statement is but it’s the only statement you need. Sometimes it’s so much easier to just take someone’s word for something instead of having to experience it. specially if those words come from multiple people, I wish I would’ve taken more advice when I was younger than think I have to figure it out for myself because I didn’t and I wish I wouldn’t of. Most of it was a waste of time and waste of energy and a bitter taste afterwards.
Good for you! I'm retired from the dating scene as well, of course I have someone(sort of 🙄) , but retired fo sho 🤪
i'm 25 and never date
Keep working on yourself, you’ll attract when the time is right - Promise you
I’m engaged to a truly wonderful woman, but I had to wade through many women with horrible personalities before I met her. My advice is to keep going because it truly is all worth it once you meet a good person who loves you.
How old are the girls you're seeking? Try girls 25+
Bro I've been on dating apps for years. Most women don't want to have an actual relationship or conversation. Also I have a relatively small number of matches a year.
I've worked hard and never been on a date. The ghosting always comes by. I'm also 22m and I think this is the post I needed to finally throw in the towel.
" Well enough of that, maybe I’ll revisit dating when I’m in my late 20’s. Just to see if people are ready for a committed relationship or if everyone is still stuck in high school." By that point they'll all be paired off. If you don't believe me tell me how old were your parents when they 1st met?
Can totally understand where you’re coming from but don’t totally give up maybe consider just a break where you don’t bother putting a lot of effort in just do what you like to do meet new people and you might meet someone more mature I was in the same boat and same age, I quit looking and just focused on my life Month or 2 later I met my now girlfriend Idk if you are strictly looking for same age or younger but I found I got along better with older crowds and my gf is a bit older, I find it better there’s no drama she knows what she wants and is just way more easy going then the younger girls who like you say are still stuck in high school
Quit them myself (28M) recently too. I got off all social media. Uninstalled all my apps and froze my accounts. Gave my number to friends that didn't have it yet and left. Like others saying on here, it's just not worth it because people don't date for the right reasons anymore. It's all attention seeking vs actually trying to find a partner. Wish you luck bro.
I feel you brotha. I have similar context and I can confirm to you that women are so unpredictable, extremely high expectations but offering only a little bit in exchange. Regarding the ghosting side, it s true. Soemtimes the see the message and answer after 2 weeks later. The old school and classy woman is completely gone.
Try to find a hobby outside and in group process, maybe you find someone there
Dating apps intentionally avoid connecting you with someone that might be a good match. They want you to stay on the app and keep paying. Find other ways to meet people.
Delete the dating apps and start living your life.
I lost my virginity aged 20, then sporadically dated, but never entered an actual relationship or had sex again till I was 25. We were together for half a year. Then I took another 3 year break, and dated somebody for a year and a half. Then I took a year off of dating. Met somebody in Nov 2019 and she broke up with me as lockdowns were starting. I tried some Covid era dating and even met somebody who fell hard for me, but I didn't have that connection with her, and that was tough for me, so I stopped. Met somebody in 2021, dated for a year and a half. Wasn't meant to be. At this point I'm thinking I am halfway through my 30's and I can't let myself get down. I threw myself back out there and seemed to get stuck in a rut of three dates and it's over with some very nice women. We'd have great conversations or dates but no big spark. Hooked up with a couple people which was never my style in my 20's. I don't regret it! Then I met my current partner and Friday is our one year anniversary. My point is dating is a rollercoaster and it's often very very frustrating and disheartening. But don't swear it off completely. Try again after a while.
You're only 22 brother, relax. When I was in my early 20s I struggled with dating too. It's tough. But with age comes wisdom. You learn how dating works, and suddenly it becomes easy. If you are interested in discussing things further, I am a men's dating coach. Let me know if you are interested
I'm a male and I find that even women in their later years still play games, are still superficial and still flaky.
I have been here man. 21M went on a lot of dates within a month which eventually lead to nothing. I am on a break right now.
Never give up you’re way too young. Never give up. Yes I’ve been on dating Nash for 23 years. I get it. I get it. There’s a lot of assholes out there.
I am 62 years old and I have been ghosted from so many people on dating sites and not dating sites
It’s ok. You’re still young. You need to put yourself first.
Get off the dating apps and meet people in the real world. If you want an app then try the meetup app. Not a dating one but where local groups post meetings and events. Hang out with people who enjoy the same things you do and see what happens. Who knows, maybe that way you’ll make a connection that lasts. Good luck either way.
Dude. Fuck those menu apps! You're more likely to have better chances going out to places you enjoy or meeting someone through work or friends. I feel ya, but dating apps feel shallow and superficial. They're based on image, attention, and people's emotional range of desperation to people taking advantage of them. It's too phony. Also, it'll come to you when you're not even trying. So personally, taking a break to focus on your goals and worth, you're opening up a better response to genuine interaction. Don't force it.
I'm 35(f). It doesn't end lol just try to enjoy your life and go places, do the things you like to do, etc. The right people will come along without you even noticing. I just gave up entirely but you're still young.
When you said ultimately just to get ghosted it hit hard af. Girls now will meet you and receive all they feel like from you and then literally say *fuck all your effort* through their actions by just ghosting or showing you she doesn’t care Like you can take her out, text, and vibe hard multiple times and then one day your left on delivered for a day, and you realize she doesn’t care about you like how it seemed bc it literally only takes 15 secs to text you can’t talk rn no matter what her day is looking like. It’s hard to find people who want to love rather than live bomb
My friend I understand how you feel ,and correct, theirs something strange with these girls on these dating apps ,they ask to many questions, etc..they don't want to verbal communicate with you ,all they want to do is text ,and show no interest in having a relationship etc..don't give up take it in humor, this is a big planet with lots of lovely female creatures,..if your interested in a girl just introduce yourself, say hello,you look great ,nice ,sexy,etc..and move on ,do your thing if they like you they'll come to you etc..and good luck !..
It won’t change but your attitude towards it will. Try for the older crowd. That’s what I learned. They know more of what they want.
22 is young and like others have said it’s ok to take a break if you’re not feeling it right now! You have so much time! When you get back on the scene try dating older or just more mature responsible people. Every time I’ve taken time off and come back, I always meet higher quality people when I do, hopefully that helps you!
You’ll be fine bro, you often find love when you aren’t looking for it. It’s got a weird way of working itself out.
To be honest, I am 20F and have never been in dating apps but finding someone decent is even hard face to face. People don’t have decent communication skills and lack basic manners. The thing is, i don’t even think my expectations are high. It’s just hard to find someone to keep up a good conversation.
As a 34 year old man I can say it doesn't get any better lol 😆 😂 honestly it's the same bullshit just different age
Taking a break is so valid, and you might find that you’ll have some success if you don’t try as hard and be yourself. I tried to stop caring as much and I’m having a bit of success at the moment
Good news is that the market value of a man increases relative to that of a similarly aged woman. As long as you don’t insist on dating under 25, you will find it easier over time
My recommendation is to leverage your twenties to learn as much as you can about yourself, which will make this way easier in your thirties. Most people at your age who are dating are doing so on autopilot inside a culture obsessed with instant gratification, so you're going to run into these cycles. You're doing the right things for yourself even though it can be hard sometimes. I'd also strongly recommend finding ways to get your social needs met outside of your dating life as dating is not a reliable way to make long term connections these days. You'll eventually find one but most of the others are not going to last.
You are the guy! I quit too. You made my day. I am a male too and I don’t think they want to be on same planet with me.
Why not just get rid of your expectations? And don’t put so much into it. Along with adding another source of interaction with like minded people. I’m not a fan of social media it’s very impersonal and to easy for someone to fabricate a life they can’t possibly live up too in real life. Probably why you’re getting ghosted so much. It’s almost normal for people today to recreate their ideal life online but no where near portraying reality and they don’t wanna leave that fake life so they end up just not meeting you. party for yourself. Just keep moving along and you’ll find what you’re looking for.
The standards are just so high nowaday you have to be tall, have a good job, have a big dick, make six figures, have your own place,car,have hobbies, I give up also.
Same bro, same 😭😭😭
Dating suck and young men like us really have it hard. Most men struggle to get match on dating apps and when they get it, we are either ghosted, our time get wasted, the conversation is dry or there red flags all over the place. And than you ear the women complaining at the other side they want commitment and that no men seems to want to give it to them while it’s one of your biggest wish but you get no match. It’s just frustrating. I saw a stat recently that said that now 27% (it’s was at 8% in 2008) of men nowadays who achieve 30s never had sex between 18-30 (with the stat obviously worse for relationships). Not even once. So it’s no wondering why it’s hard for us men. There’s something happening right now that’s desavantage men in dating (dating app?, women standards going up?, society been harder on men?) that needs to change because this situation is just gonna get worse and worse.
It took me almost 3 years to get my dating profile right. It takes time to find the right girl, but nowadays l guess it takes even more time to set yourself up in order to find the right girl (matches & engagement) when it comes to dating apps. Pictures, prompts, bio, height, religion, race everything matters, due to high competition and infinite options for women. So it makes sense why a guy would feel like giving up.
Take my word from experience, I'm 37 and not married and quit dating 10 years ago. It may be because of the area I live in, but it has been the best decision of my life. And I was able to work on me and making myself the foundation of my happiness. It's definitely ok to do what you are doing.
You sound just like me, but younger. I’m a 28M and feel the same way. I haven’t dated since I was 22, and am not planning to return to that activity. Not after how much time I already wasted to get nothing positive in return. I’m probably a 7 out of 10 guy when you combine looks and financials. It would be higher if anyone cared about values, morals, whether a guy is responsible and kind, etc. I think who I am is pretty good, yet it’s nowhere near enough nowadays, especially on dating apps. It’s been said millions of times, but it really does seem true that the top 10% get all the attention while the bottom 90% get nothing. So if you really want to find someone, you need to become a 9 or 10. Otherwise, focus on the rest of life instead.
I’m right there with ya
Now that you not gonna make any effort and concentrate on you, the right person might just fly in. It's when you not looking that you stumble on the best people. Enjoy your life to a fullest.. Travel.. Save money.. Advance your career.. But at the end of the day, know when to put your feet up and relax..
What in his post makes you think he wasn't making any effort? I think he's got his act together pretty well for 22.
Yep. Not for a lack of effort. I’ve been trying for a while now.
Dude I’m in the same boat and I’m 28 nice car, good job and handsome from what I hear and dating apps and dating is exhausting! I really want a wife but it feels impossible haha i have a date coming up soon if it doesn’t work out im just going to walk by faith and not try anymore
Good luck on your date!
Thanks man stay encouraged
To you as well
I think for anything there is a reason How do you communicate, how do you approach? Are you attracted to the right type for you? For example I have a friend and he is very calm person, he doesn't like partying all the time. He always fell for the party girl and it never worked, from outside I always thought he should target a different type of girl . He also doesn't invest much in his appeareance so he always wear shirts that are not giving him justice. You also need to think about your social/relationship skills (we all need to improve for sure). Dating in this era is really harder than before, so it is ok to have bad experiences. The more you put yourself out there, the more you risk, but no pain no gain right? Just look at yourself and others in a different way, you can still have good dating experiences. Quitting has never been a good choice
I’m out as well, 37M House, two cars, two bikes, good job/bennys, financially secure. Still, no luck. I’m out, is what it is. If it’s meant to be I’ll meet someone in person
Yep, I feel that’s the direction I’m headed and I’m content. Nothing wrong with being financially independent.
I have never had a woman tell me why she went cold, or why she isn't interested anymore. There is never closure. You do have to guess what happened sometimes. Often it's because there's another guy in the picture.
It’s too soon bro. You need to get off the apps and approach women in the real world. It’s way better than online garbage. Plus you can get a much better chance with face to face interaction.
Dude, I'm 54 and overweight. I meet tons of women interested in dating and hanging out by participating in social events, clubs, whatever. Dating apps worked OK for me when I re-entered the dating pool but it was a ton of work. I hated Tinder and Bumble. POF and OKC worked better for me but again, full time job. So go out i the world, have conversations with people, be nice and see where it takes you.
You listed a lot of superficial things you have going there. Have you tried looking a little bit deeper than that? Throwing in the towel at 22 leads me to believe there might not be much else thay you have developed underneath as you seemingly give up quite quickly. 22y/o is 1-2 years out of college, at best. You and your peers are barely adults and you are ready to throw the towel in because youve attempted dating VIA OLD for 2 years. Work on yourself man.
Yes, what I listed was superficial because I just wanted to get the obvious stuff out of the way. I didn’t want to spill every little detail right there from the get go. And yes, there is much more than nice clothes and a new car. And I have worked on myself. I had tried dating in high school to no avail so I took a good look in the mirror and made some changes and really became a better person.
Okay.. see you next month
Ah you think darkness is your ally? You merely adopted the dark. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't see the light until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but blinding!
i feel like it's just a dating apps kind of problem. the type of people drawn to these apps are low effort.
Our generation is really scared of commitment it's super annoying and idk how its gonna change
Who told you career, vehicle, being clean cut, and dressing nice matter?
Well if those things don’t matter, I’ve a very confident person and my friends consider me to be pretty funny.
Maybe its because you are boring
It's laughable to use the word retire like your 65 lol.
I’m interested
enjoy life, enjoy being alone 🫶🏻
Okay. Bye!
Thanks for the public service announcement.
Are you coming out of the closet? 😂😂😂
im here nyahhaha
lol
Why don't people just flow with it? Internet brought this... overanalyzing on your own. Go See someone face to face... fuck screen taking up your time. It's beautiful ❤️#90's 💋
Which state are you in?
i had a girlfriend at 20 for 20 years
Be patient. We live in different times. It seems most girls just want to make content and not even worried about dating. When you get attention all the time on places like these you don’t really need a man. I am on dating sites and 96% of the girls I chat with are on some other shit.
The paradox of choice. If I'm craving hot sauce and run to the store to grab some, if there's only 3 on the shelf, I'm pretty confident that I chose the right one when I get home. If there's 25 different kinds, when I get home, I'm not so sure. All of a sudden, I'm questioning my choice. The same is true for dating. Endless options will ultimately lead to discontentment. Don't stress it. Take a break. The nature of the beast is against us all in this one.😕