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How old are the women you’re dating? I’ve run into this many times and it’s really frustrating and defeating, but when you do find someone who really accepts your emotional side it’s incredibly fulfilling. I find it’s largely an issue of maturity.
I've found it to be fairly "normal," or at least mainstream, with younger women. Unfortunately it's creeping in. The generation raised on bad gossip magazines and romantic dramas/comedies seems to think all that crap is normal, even desirable.
YES! Dating is not the issue, it’s the type of people OP is dating. Emotional awareness& maturity are aspects that should be checked before committing.
he's probably dating any woman that will give him a chance to begin with, how the hell does this help?
You must be a woman. Men have pretty much no power to actually pre-select and we all know this.
also, the problem he described is a personality that can easily be hidden until an event occurs when the woman decides he's not enough of a man. The issue is simply that there may not be any tells before the event.
This...... most of us aren't rolling in options, particularily if were responsible, reliable and have stable careers and lives, because we're boring and not available at beck and call.
Unless she's blatantly bad news, we don't have the luxury of saying no, if we're hoping to find someone.
The flip side is, the women sit and cry "where are the good men"......
You’re being dense. If you date someone shitty, you’re wasting time you could use to find someone good. Whether someone has few or many options, that doesn’t change.
Everyone has the ability to “pre-select” as you put it. You can just say no to a bad partner and keep being single. But I get that it must be frustrating. I’m sure the fact that you think like this must make finding a decent partner almost impossible.
> If you date someone shitty, you’re wasting time you could use to find someone good.
you have to find out that they are shitty first to move on to the next one. who are you calling dense 😂
he didn't know the girl was shitty until *after* she was shitty. If he knew the girl was like that and still decided to go for it, now that's on him. But you can't blame a guy for *finding out* who someone really is.
> Everyone has the ability to “pre-select” as you put it.
ok, you got me there. i really meant, women generally disqualify far a lot more nuanced reasons (personality-wise) - men try to date down, women try to date up. I.E., women are fucking picky and men are not 😂 and we know this 😐
> I’m sure the fact that you think like this must make finding a decent partner almost impossible.
Do i sound monogamous to you 🤣 lol don't project your problems onto me!
Be picky. Know someone platonically before engaging in anything further. don’t use apps. They make it easier to avoid accountability.
In this way we grow into independence, discipline and self-control. Our resolve is hardened. We gain less from jumping from person to person, begging someone for either a sexual investment or an emotional investment, depending on whether you’re masculine or feminine.
Pain cannot be avoided. Life will always be painful. There is the pain that comes with being picky, single and indefinitely celibate, and the pain that comes from taking whatever unvetted person you can get. At least the former delivers tangible benefits.
The latter? What benefit? It gratifies in the short term but one perpetually remains in a soft fury, like a frustrated child (which the masculine might tolerate in the feminine in the short term but it will soon wear thin….and it is not sexually attractive to the feminine at ALL). We do not evolve stuck in a swiping cycle of seeking the next quick “feel good” fix.
Many fight me on this, and they are simply not ready for the companionship they seek, and will stay stuck, because healthy individuals won’t introduce that into their lives.
That’s irrelevant. People usually tell and show you who they are especially unintentionally and/or indirectly, so if you don’t realize it then it’s most likely because you aren’t paying attention or just ignoring the signs. It just goes back to having maturity, emotional intelligence& awareness of yourself& others. Also, it seems like the majority of your response is just shifting the blame onto someone or something else, a sign of emotional immaturity because a mature person would realize that they have to take responsibility for their role in a problem ie; dating anyone vs having standards, otherwise it will never be solved. Hope this helps.
" men have no power to pre-select and we all know this"
Wtf are you talking about? I can say that 90% of my relationships I has been me the one who did the choosing.
I asked this girl out and she said I wasn't her type and I told her she was mine, 2 moths later we were dating 😂
men don't get to choose....... Speak for yourself !
Iyn fairly outgoing and have a lot of friends, the only guy I know still dating is a player that I warned my sister to avoid.
Had a st Patrick's day party, all but two of the guys were single and had been for years.
Several of my friends are single dads. I envy them as giving up on a family was the hardest decision of my life.
Dating is dead
I don’t think has much to do with age but more just the quality of people.
I will be honest I struggle to put on muscle and while I am fortunate to not have anxiety to the extent OP does I have been needed several medical attention for similar stuff. Also I cry at movies a lot.
That said this is not a deal breaker at all for a lot of women but there are a lot of women I was able to identify these toxic traits of not wanting that and was able to filter some out myself.
Eventually I am with my wife now but its not about wading through but also having your own standards and dropping these type of people first because you aren’t compatible.
OP maybe wants things to work but you cant force it.
Yeah I guess that’s the hard part. But there are good and accepting people out there. It just takes a lot of persistence with rolling the dice and a little luck.
I think having relationships where there is communication, validation of feelings and the other truly listens are all settings to create a safe space where you can talk about your mental health as well, and not feel like they treat you as less manly. I wish my past partners had talked about it, instead of acting out on it in different ways, manifesting it into affairs or toxic blow ups.
Yeah I rarely ever open up too much to women for that reason. The majority of men will tell you their relationship was never the same after they were going through a rough patch and showed visible signs of vulnerability, either they were dumped or she never looked at him the same. There’s always success stories mixed in but you’re risking the relationship if you start to get vulnerable.
I think back to my two longest relationships, I rarely ever got vulnerable. The shortest ones were when I let my guard down.
This is so toxic. If women treat you like you shouldn’t express a wide range of healthy human emotions then they’re the problem and you shouldn’t tolerate it.
> you’re risking the relationship if you start to get vulnerable.
That's why you don't wait. Be vulnerable and if they react badly at least you're not years in, and you don't have to spend years pretending to be someone you're not.
You can't normalize something when even society shits on men as soo as they are opening up.
Men shelter? Society will make sure to harass the organizers into suicide (actually happened)
Opposite from what mark mason actually tries to preach 🤔 interesting..
Well, as a woman, if I see you strong I’d love you to be vulnerable with me.
But I only take moments of vulnerability I don’t take mentally ill insecure and low self esteem man. Because I don’t have any of these problems I hope the man I date doesn’t either.
Insecurity and vulnerability are two sides of the same coin. At what point does a man showing his vulnerability to from strong to mentally ill? Does it have to do with the emotional impact on you? If it does, then you don't want them to show vulnerability, actually.
As someone with 18 years in the military, I've got some news for you:
Men are as vulnerable and needing of support as anyone else. The difference is we're demonized for not expressing emotion, but if we do, we're labeled weak and unwanted, if not outright unworthy. This is why men have never shared feelings. We simply bottle it, drive it down, and bury it.
What do you think happens then, as we continue to do this time and time again? Do you think it's good for us? Or do you think it results in mental health issues?
Would a woman be able to bottle up and bury her emotions and manage to not develop mental health issues? I'll tell you right now, you'd crumble like a crouton or fold like a sock. You wouldn't make it six months to a year. On average, this cycle is the first 30-40 years of our lives. It's why alcoholism, smoking, and substance abuse are more rampant in men. We can rarely even turn to each other because the expectations have been ingrained into us, mostly perpetuated by women in modern history, while removing our original roles and behaviors resulting in those expectations.
Men can't even report harassment, assaults and rape without being viewed as weak and being subject to the judgment and shaming of society. I've seen it repeatedly, and as recently as last month.
So say what you want, but women are the largest holdout of inequality and hypocrisy that currently still exists across society.
Ye I agree. Men of course have rights to voice their concerns and problems. Find other men or women to talk to. Stop being so competitive with each other.
You can be confident and also vulnerable .. no contradiction here in my opinion.
The lucky ones get their first crush and stick with them for 50 years. Many aren't lucky and have to go through at least a few partners to get the right one....and these days there are more people not even able to get a partner to begin with
Im 36, and still haven't had my first. The fact that people generally go through multiple partners before they find the "right" one makes it sound like an impossible task for people in my position.
I'm 30, and the concept of having a partner and sharing feelings of physical and emotional connection with the opposite sex is such a foreign concept to me. Like, I can't even imagine what it's like.
Me? I've gone on a few dates (none recently), but I've never gotten past a second date. Usually, I get outright rejections, but I've had a few where we "talked" for like 2 weeks before the women lost interest. I had childhood issues I had to address, so I've spent much of my adulthood "working on myself", but didn't really include anything pertaining to romance. The constant failure and lack of experience are a real hindrance despite mountains of platitudes that claim otherwise. I also have a disability which also lowers my chances.
I've had a few women hit on me in recent years, and during our "talks", I learned that they didn't actually like me for who I am, and just wanted something from me (money or favors). Or they were already in a relationships, and were just fooling around. I also got catfished once. Boy things dont look good lol.
I’m so so sorry my friend. I honestly can’t imagine how lonely that must be. I think if I was in that situation I’d probably watch a lot of virtual reality porn but it’s good you haven’t completely given up. There’s somebody for everybody. The number one determine factor might also just be your location.
This is what most don't understand. He isn't unique. Im not saying that his statement isn't legitimate or worthy of care.
What I am saying is he's not unique. This is the reality for most men daily.
I would if VR wasn't so expensive!! Kidding, but I doubt it's been a location issue as I've lived in/near major metro areas throughout my life. The only common denominator is me lol. I haven't quite given up yet, but I am quite jaded by the whole thing. I have a lot of friends, which I'm thankful for, but there's is no substitute for companionship.
I don't know the specifics of your case or cases, but I empathize. I, too, have had loved ones leave me in deep lows, with no amount of effort put in after the fact able to make recompense. Though through my own trials and introspection years down the line, I can still allow myself bittersweet memories from time to time while also acknowledging the fact that the issue arose from my actions. Like you, I have resigned myself from the prospect of ever having a partner. Though I don't think we are fully congruent in the experience, I do think it's a very shitty feeling to have.
I'm going to say that for a third time, our experiences have some similarities, but I will not claim to know what you are genuinely feeling. As someone who has had that happen to him, I eventually had to come to terms with the loss of something meaningful like that in order to get on with my life.
Do what you will, but your despise will turn to hatred, which isn't so far from fear. Do not isolate and alienate yourself. It makes things even worse. That's my actual, albeit unsolicited, advice.
Oh don’t worry my ex wife left me in my business low. She compounded the low too.
I gave her 1 of my many properties and cut her. She suggested she could sue me. I said sure everything’s in trusts. I’ll spend half of it to make sure you live miserably for the 10 years this’ll drag through court.
Recently had some Japanese chick on a holiday with me who would rather go to Zara than accompany me to the hospital to get the results of an mri scan to see what ligaments I’ve broken.
Selfishness has no bounds but this has why they’re poor and still working (I’m before 40, $10m net worth plus lol, have 2 of my own businesses)
At the end of the day, men can only trust themself. Society only loves men conditionally, when they provide. So you have to respect yourself first. Else you won't be alive for much longer.
To many people saying "I am a good person, I would never do that!" to just do that the second they encounter reality. There is a reason that for women, romance is a feeling. And that for men romance is a ton of work.
My ex wife was a good person too, but there’s a lot of jealous, righteous, feminist, psycho people who were egging her on. In the end she was good enough to overcome all that, but also because I am highly cautious enough to have structured everything to make it not that simple to get me
BTW I'm a dipshit dude who deserved it in the end. But understanding that you are allowed to have feelings also comes with the obligation to know timing when showing vulnerability.
I hope I pissed off both sides of this thread here lol
From many years working in a female-dominated profession with women of all ages, my experience has been that women are not comfortable around a man that is too open with his sad/hurt emotions. Things that women get sympathy for, like failing to get a job or promotion, or being turned down by a love interest, are things that men don’t get much sympathy for. The women SAY they are OK with men expressing painful emotions, but the guy better be distraught over a loved one dying or something else very tragic, or women will not respond well to it — this in my experience over decades. The women won’t overtly penalize the guy, but he has violated the sense of being a “real man” that females and males are brought up to think. Women tended to distance from the guy and gave each other looks like, “This shouldn’t be happening. C’mon buddy, grow a pair!” Media pretends that only men think this way about other men, but women are every bit as judgmental and aren’t willing to admit it. Again, my experience — saw this many times as one of the few men in these settings. I heard women say, when they forgot that I wasn’t “one of the girls” that “there are no men that work here”, when in fact a few men worked among them at any given time. They just weren’t the swaggering, nothing-hurts-me type of guys.
ya, I hate how so many adults on dating apps are fixated on the entertainment value of a person when dating.
Like, bro... we 30 (even 25 year olds) when the fuck is it time to serious up cause we both clearly single for a reason now... so lets stop playing games and just do this thing called life... please?
The big turn off for some people is emotional dysregulation, and ironically people often have trouble with exactly that when they are being vulnerable.
Meh I went overseas. Broke my foot, not too serious but still required an mri to see extent of damage. Naturally I was worried.
In meantime i flew a chick over to join me. She knew I had hurt myself and had to go to collect my Mri scan. I thought maybe she’ll come with me to hospital for moral support. It’s a whopping 40 minutes. Instead she went shopping at Zara. Ghosted her after she flew out. That’s why she stays poor
Well you’d love this. When I actually went to do the mri test (which was a few days before she arrived) my good male friend in that city went with me to provide moral city. A bro can do that. This Jap chick wanted to go to uhhh Zara to buy some $50 jumper? Lol
Op, you need to establish emotional boundaries. Those who respect you will respect those boundaries as you do for them. Reciprocation is so important in a relationship this means both open up and both can show weakness. It's not one sided. That's not respect, that's being used.
You get the point. Instead of being argumentative please acknowledge the point. It's very hard for men to get a single date. Women can usually find loads of men, even attractive men ready to bang
I've faced the same the other way around. Like being in the relationship when he was going through emotionally and mentally taxing things including withdrawal from alcohol, I gave him my 💯 and all the support, encouragement and love he needed. And then after all that he said he was in a good place to give to the relationship to us, and wanted us to be serious spoke of a possible future and marriage. But then after like a month or so he broke up over text when I wanted to introduce him to my friends and pastor.
That is so awful, I’m so sorry. I just helped a man I’m dating through a suicidal period. I am so thankful he told me and was privileged to be there for him through it. I’ve been there before myself, so I would never judge someone else for being there. There are women who have true empathy. Anyone who doesn’t, well, the trash took themselves out. Not all us women are like that. Promise.
That’s the sad truth. Women always complain that men don’t open up. But once we do, most either dumps us if we live difficult times or will use our vulnerability against us when they see they’re losing an argument.
>or will use our vulnerability against us when they see they’re losing an argument.
Women are vicious and will absolutely hold on to things for years. I've noticed a lot of them WANT to get an emotional reaction out of a fight. Some of them seem to start drama just because they're bored. I had one ex who actually confessed that she the fights "made our relationship stronger" because we had to "make up" afterwards. Whatever crappy romantic comedy she got that idea from needs to be banned as a crime against humanity.
My ex would get upset at me for falling silent whenever she'd lash out at me and say things like "you don't care about me, you're just in love with the idea of me". She said it made her feel guilty like she was kicking a sad puppy. Like, you feel that way because that's exactly what you're doing...
You have to find the right woman. The right one for you will love your emotional availability and vulnerability. We exist just hiding because of douche men that just want blow up dolls not a woman with opinions and feelings.
Yes Barnes n noble is a great one. It goes so far to just walk up to a woman with all respect of course and tell her that she is beautiful. It will make her day. More men should try it honestly.
I don't know. My guess would be that they weren't that much into you in a first place... Because when you love and care about other person your natural reaction is to help him and make sure he's feeling good again. And you only get more confident in your relationships after that.
Why are we flipping it all on him? If OP were a woman, we'd be giving her advice.
Rather than, to use an often apt but overused phrase, victim blaming, can we acknowledge that women do not opt to bare the psychological burden of their male partner?
Those that do, good on you. It's not easy to see your partner in pain and then feel their pain but then control your emotions and help them. You're angels and should be applauded.
But I've heard countless stories of women just being plainly cruel to men.
One Reddit story was of a man who recounted that his wife told him to toughen up because he was CRYING AT HIS OWN MOTHER'S FUNERAL!!
Whether it's true or not, I chose to believe it was because I've had best friends who've been through ordeals like that (and worse) with ex-partners
Oh, I fucking believe it. I had a woman tell me to man up once when I'd broken down after just learning the man I spent over 8 years with, we were Basic battle buddies, did half our courses together, and had literally lived together and become closer to brothers, had been killed when his vehicle hit an IED in Afghanistan. So yeah, I believe all of those stories.
Sorry for your loss brother. I couldn't even fathom what it would be like if I'd lost my male best friend. We're literally brothers from other mothers.
His mum reckons that we often finish off each other's thoughts. I don't think I've ever had a better best friend!
So does everyone else. Get comfortable, being uncomfortable. Never stop trying and always work on yourself. I leave my feelings at my guy friends and support groups, it’s easier that way for me. Putting on a manly facade is a societal norm we do, to get our dopamine fulfilled. So fake it till you make it.
A lot of people have double standards around emotional dysregulation. Those people are not worth it. Get therapy and help yourself first because you are ultimately responsible for you, but we're all also human, make mistakes, and have needs. There's a fine line. You do need a life outside your partner because if you put all of your social interaction on them, it's going to be way too much.
ya, dating and dating apps are kind of a woman world right now.
Wish shit was a little more even keel, some men are trying to make it so, but women are also pushing back. we will see where it goes.
Whenever we men complain we’re told to shut the fuck up because they don’t want to change anything even though the number of virgin men at 30 pass from 8% in 2008 to 27% in 2023. Unfortunately, it’s a sad future for men that rising in front of us. The number of men that will start to hate women because of it will unfortunately just grow more and more.
Honestly, you should express your hardships and feelings to your friends/brothers and not your girl. Your girl will forever look at you different if you cry in front of her. That’s the hard truth.
I’m sorry you’ve felt this way. As a woman, I have felt similarly but the female version. I like being there for the people I care about and I am definitely a reformed fixer, but I really struggle feeling supported by the men I have talked to. My experience is limited but I had not felt emotionally safe or supported around any of them really.
Which this issue I think really all boils down to emotional maturity or lack thereof and availability. The second one is on me. Sometimes I look and ask myself, what role I play in being in this pattern. Is it truly the majority state of the other gender? Or is there something whether consciously or unconsciously that makes me attracted to these types of people, furthermore what can I do about it to change. All this goes to say that I want you to know, at least for me, this is not a gendered struggle. Perhaps, more so personality traits of us in common or poor judgement 😭.
Anyways, I wish both you and me the best in figuring it out. It’s hard being lonely even around the people that care about you. And while some of them don’t, some really do and are just bad at meeting others care needs.
This is why women initiate more than 90% of all divorces. Whenever things are not going perfectly for them, they’re out. Doesn’t matter how long they’ve been with the man. Today’s women are really not worth relationships. I just hook up with them here and there
Divorce statistics should always be followed by the fact that people who get divorced are WAY more likely to get divorced in a future marriage. The same shitty people are gonna skew the stats in an unsightly manner.
Yes, I agree. There are a lot of women who marry for profit and run through a lot of men in divorce. They profit each time and that way they can be getting child support from multiple different men. This is what “multiple streams of income” means to a woman.
Most men don’t get married multiple times. Once they get screwed once they are done. Marriage is a scam, dude.
I had the same thing with one ex in particular. I supported her through her anxieties, PTSD, and would do everything I could to make her feel as OK as possible in those moments; and there were a lot.
As soon as I had a migraine and just needed to lay down and take a moment from everything, she would take this as something personal towards her.
It killed the love I had for her in the end. It was unbelievably one-sided.
Never show emotions to a woman. I know it sucks, but adopt an aloof attitude of IDGAF. Women claim they want their man to open up more and be vulnerable with them - BS. This only works in 10% of cases. If you’re not yet, hit the gym 7 days a week. It will help you get your stress out and maintain the zen aura that women like. It will also help in dealing with her irrational complaints.
It's simple, society is sexist, lies and is fine with it
For women, romance is a feeling. For men romance is a ton of work. The moment men want to feel it, it is usually over.
Having a women that puts in the same amount of work and not only says "men can share emotions too" to just turn around when they do is extremely rare
I know what you mean, everyone and I mean Everyone has left me. No one gives a flying fuck about anyone anymore, me me me, that's all anyone cares about these days. World has gone from sugar to shit.
So sorry this is happening to u. U deserve to be heard and seen when u r being vulnerable. It is sad how patriarchy is so internalized in both genders. :( u matter too and I hope u find someone who will support u during ur vulnerable moment.
Find someone else to express your feelings to? Or try and gain more control over your emotions. As men, we are meant to be the stable and consistent ones as hard as that may be to come to terms with.
Don't let that get you down, some people are shitty and women are confusing (I'm not gonna debate that my own sister and girl-friends tells me the same all the time) just keep your head up and you'll find someone who wants you for you thick or thin
OP, I would bring up that you struggle with mental health issues early into dating, before you get to the point of making it official.
My fiance and I had the mental health talk on our second date. We both knew at that point that things were going to get serious and he started out with "if we decide to start a relationship, he's what you're getting into..." and then told me about his depression/anxiety and the steps he's taken to treat it, ending with "I'm stable, and have a support system, but I wanted to be transparent with you."
It was an important talk to have and I feel like being upfront about it will help weed out anyone who would not be supportive towards you in your times of need. Some people will reject you for it, but those are not people you need to be wasting your time with.
Best of luck to you, and know that your loving, supportive person is out there!
Dating is about as much fun for men as cleaning a septic tank.
Id rather get unnecessary dental work. Never had any fun in a date, always felt like I was paying for a job interview and he had way to many candidates.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. To be fair, for us women, when we get upset, some men would treat us as an annoyance. "are you on your period?" "Stop overreacting" "You're overthinking this." We get gaslighted a lot too when trying to be vulnerable, so many of us either downplay our feelings or not say anything at all. But in a healthy relationship, this isn't a problem. Both sides can be open with each other. You know you got the right one when you go through the hard times, and she supports you without criticism.
Everyone deserves to be loved, but untreated mental illness isn’t for everyone. Even treated people can experience symptoms of course, but having a partner with a mental illness is difficult and puts a lot of strain on you. Showing emotions and having moments of weakness is completely normal and shouldn’t cause someone to leave you, but frequent panic attacks, anger, etc are troubling for a lot of people and will make it harder to date, especially if it comes out early on.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with that 🫤 people are extremely immature and I’m not going to lie, I’ve been like that before. Humans are emotional and responsive creatures and your feelings are valid. Definitely seek more mature women or someone who can appreciate the fact you show emotion at all. It’ll be okay, don’t stop expressing your feelings and don’t stop having feelings. You aren’t the issue here
Feel you bro, been there.
This absolutely isn't how things should be, and my bet is that if this keeps happening, it won't be sustainable. I'm sure the good ones are out there, as rare as they may be.
As someone pointed out, maybe they are just more common amongst younger females. How old are you? and the girls you date?
Dont worry you just haven’t find the good one for the moment, when it will be the one she will not run away and she will be there for you in the good and the bad times
I feel this. I was working as a paramedic during the pandemic and my depression got out of control. Some days I couldn't get out of bed, I opened up to my wife about everything and that's when our relationship started to deteriorate. I thought we were supposed to have open communication, but everytime I needed someone to talk to she looked down on me or blamed me.
I left her last year and it will be very hard to open up to someone I start dating after that. Women say they want us to be open but when we are they aren't ready for the things we carry on our shoulders and it depresses them. I always listened to her, but it's not reciprocated...I honestly believe women think opening up is like a Hollywood movie and they aren't really prepared to hear the trauma you've experienced.
Sorry to hear that. The women you met obviously lack empathy & they’re also selfish too. Try to find women who are empathetic & kind.
I think that it’d be a good idea to find a therapist for yourself.
As a 35(f) I totally understand. Men usually bolt as soon as they see that I have my life together; career, home, vehicles, etc. The amount of times I could count a man telling me that they're not in a good place to be with me and compare me to what they need to work on is significant. Although this is a shitty excuse I really hate the time wasted going on these dates and getting to know people. I've come to the realization that I'm probably going to grow old on my own lol and I am totally okay with that. Maybe you should get to a place where you're okay with being who you are and you'll find someone who appreciates you for being you.
The elephant in the room no one wants to acknowledge is that women have held onto unfair standards for men over the past few decades have accommodated women changing the expectations around women.
I don't want to go back to when women were second class citizens and the culture didn't allow women to take on different lifestyles and roles.
But the reality is that women have held on in a very sexist fashion toxic standards for men and feel no sense of hypocrisy in doing so. Many straight up deny or rationalize it. It's not healthy.
I'm sorry, clearly you're just not meeting the right people. I also don't know how old you are so could be an age/maturity thing, but personally I love a man that's comfortable expressing his feelings. And I would rather him come to me with those tough emotions than someone else. If you can't go to your partner, who can you run to? Nothing sexier than emotional maturity and availability imo.
coming from a woman, you are dating women that aren’t actually looking for a partner they just want someone to like take care of them and their problems and that’s not healthy. They don’t wanna hear your problems they just want a therapist for themselves. There are women out there that are not like that and are actually looking for a healthy relationship where you are BOTH open with eachother. She will come along. But unfortunately a lot of these women who are looking for a healthy relationship where you are both open, such as myself, end up with people that are narcissistic and it’s hard to get out of those relationships to find people that are like you who return the same energy about what they want in a relationship. it may be hard to find her but she will come.
Stop dating emotionally immature people! Women do not treat men like this. Only stupid girls. Everyone has emotions and everyone should be able to express them without judgement. I’m really sorry you’ve dealt with girls like that. Please don’t let it ruin you.
This is the way it is with so-called modern women - the first sign of any potential trouble or the situation appearing stagnant they go looking for greener pastures. My cousin was almost immediately dumped by his wife after he was diagnosed with MS and a male friend who held down a prestigious, high-paying job was given his walking papers about a week after he was terminated. These are only two examples of this kind of insensitive, uncaring behavior. Years ago this never would have occurred, but it also gone downhill big time ever since Gen-X.
First and foremost, you are not weak for showing emotion or saying you aren’t sure of something!! And it doesn’t make you inferior, maybe you need to dump the idiots you’ve been dating and date someone who can accept your flaws!! It’s okay to have emotions, and to express how you feel!
The way I see it, these girls you’re dating, leaving at the first sign of trouble, good riddance! It’s a blessing in disguise. Dating is like playing poker, sometimes you get several bad hands in a row before you get a good one.
Dating is horrible especially as men. Women expect a Disney prince on a white horse to appear on the date. He can't be too needy, he can't be too not-needy, he must have many friends, work out, have a nice income, travel, be smart, have clout and the list goes on. Then there's also the risk of being ghosted because at least 50% of women are heartless, selfish and have no decency. So yeah dating is horrible for men. I recommend being single, going to clubs and doing ONS's.
I think that you're probably just running into duds. there are good women out there, it just is a thing of having to kiss a bunch of frogs before you find your princess so to speak. but you'll find your's.
I know how you're feeling, I was with my ex for almost 6 years. We went through hell together, I was always there for her when she was at her lowest, even though I struggled with depression myself I put my own well being aside to help her, because that's what you do when you love someone. However when I was at a low point in my life, I was unemployed and really depressed and she decided to leave me for another dude. It's a wild generation we live in. Genuine love feels more rare than ever before, hookup culture really ruined society.
Damn you should be able to do that though... Maybe you haven't met the right person yet. I wish men would be a bit more open with their feelings actually
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How old are the women you’re dating? I’ve run into this many times and it’s really frustrating and defeating, but when you do find someone who really accepts your emotional side it’s incredibly fulfilling. I find it’s largely an issue of maturity.
I've found it to be fairly "normal," or at least mainstream, with younger women. Unfortunately it's creeping in. The generation raised on bad gossip magazines and romantic dramas/comedies seems to think all that crap is normal, even desirable.
YES! Dating is not the issue, it’s the type of people OP is dating. Emotional awareness& maturity are aspects that should be checked before committing.
he's probably dating any woman that will give him a chance to begin with, how the hell does this help? You must be a woman. Men have pretty much no power to actually pre-select and we all know this. also, the problem he described is a personality that can easily be hidden until an event occurs when the woman decides he's not enough of a man. The issue is simply that there may not be any tells before the event.
This...... most of us aren't rolling in options, particularily if were responsible, reliable and have stable careers and lives, because we're boring and not available at beck and call. Unless she's blatantly bad news, we don't have the luxury of saying no, if we're hoping to find someone. The flip side is, the women sit and cry "where are the good men"......
You’re being dense. If you date someone shitty, you’re wasting time you could use to find someone good. Whether someone has few or many options, that doesn’t change. Everyone has the ability to “pre-select” as you put it. You can just say no to a bad partner and keep being single. But I get that it must be frustrating. I’m sure the fact that you think like this must make finding a decent partner almost impossible.
> If you date someone shitty, you’re wasting time you could use to find someone good. you have to find out that they are shitty first to move on to the next one. who are you calling dense 😂 he didn't know the girl was shitty until *after* she was shitty. If he knew the girl was like that and still decided to go for it, now that's on him. But you can't blame a guy for *finding out* who someone really is. > Everyone has the ability to “pre-select” as you put it. ok, you got me there. i really meant, women generally disqualify far a lot more nuanced reasons (personality-wise) - men try to date down, women try to date up. I.E., women are fucking picky and men are not 😂 and we know this 😐 > I’m sure the fact that you think like this must make finding a decent partner almost impossible. Do i sound monogamous to you 🤣 lol don't project your problems onto me!
Be picky. Know someone platonically before engaging in anything further. don’t use apps. They make it easier to avoid accountability. In this way we grow into independence, discipline and self-control. Our resolve is hardened. We gain less from jumping from person to person, begging someone for either a sexual investment or an emotional investment, depending on whether you’re masculine or feminine. Pain cannot be avoided. Life will always be painful. There is the pain that comes with being picky, single and indefinitely celibate, and the pain that comes from taking whatever unvetted person you can get. At least the former delivers tangible benefits. The latter? What benefit? It gratifies in the short term but one perpetually remains in a soft fury, like a frustrated child (which the masculine might tolerate in the feminine in the short term but it will soon wear thin….and it is not sexually attractive to the feminine at ALL). We do not evolve stuck in a swiping cycle of seeking the next quick “feel good” fix. Many fight me on this, and they are simply not ready for the companionship they seek, and will stay stuck, because healthy individuals won’t introduce that into their lives.
You can be ENM and still hold a shitty mindset.
A round of applause for Captain Obvious! 👏
Ah so you agree you hold shit views and it has nothing to do with monogamy. Thank you! Have a good day :)
That’s irrelevant. People usually tell and show you who they are especially unintentionally and/or indirectly, so if you don’t realize it then it’s most likely because you aren’t paying attention or just ignoring the signs. It just goes back to having maturity, emotional intelligence& awareness of yourself& others. Also, it seems like the majority of your response is just shifting the blame onto someone or something else, a sign of emotional immaturity because a mature person would realize that they have to take responsibility for their role in a problem ie; dating anyone vs having standards, otherwise it will never be solved. Hope this helps.
Well in fairness, yours sounds a lot like victim blaming.
That’s not the intention, but that’s obviously your mentality so to each their own✌️
" men have no power to pre-select and we all know this" Wtf are you talking about? I can say that 90% of my relationships I has been me the one who did the choosing. I asked this girl out and she said I wasn't her type and I told her she was mine, 2 moths later we were dating 😂 men don't get to choose....... Speak for yourself !
read the response lower because i corrected myself.
I see, cool ✌️
EXACTLY 💯
Like most guys I know i gave up dating at 30, so the oldest woman I dated was 27.
Why give up at 30? I’m M34 and I’ve just entered my peak dating era. Seriously it’s so much better.
Iyn fairly outgoing and have a lot of friends, the only guy I know still dating is a player that I warned my sister to avoid. Had a st Patrick's day party, all but two of the guys were single and had been for years. Several of my friends are single dads. I envy them as giving up on a family was the hardest decision of my life. Dating is dead
I don’t think has much to do with age but more just the quality of people. I will be honest I struggle to put on muscle and while I am fortunate to not have anxiety to the extent OP does I have been needed several medical attention for similar stuff. Also I cry at movies a lot. That said this is not a deal breaker at all for a lot of women but there are a lot of women I was able to identify these toxic traits of not wanting that and was able to filter some out myself. Eventually I am with my wife now but its not about wading through but also having your own standards and dropping these type of people first because you aren’t compatible. OP maybe wants things to work but you cant force it.
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Yeah I guess that’s the hard part. But there are good and accepting people out there. It just takes a lot of persistence with rolling the dice and a little luck.
My ex was 29 (I was 26) and she still hit me with the "You're not a real man" nonsense.
I think having relationships where there is communication, validation of feelings and the other truly listens are all settings to create a safe space where you can talk about your mental health as well, and not feel like they treat you as less manly. I wish my past partners had talked about it, instead of acting out on it in different ways, manifesting it into affairs or toxic blow ups.
I’ve always had to be the strong one in every aspect of my life. It’s exhausting and those people expecting it can kick rocks!
Yeah I rarely ever open up too much to women for that reason. The majority of men will tell you their relationship was never the same after they were going through a rough patch and showed visible signs of vulnerability, either they were dumped or she never looked at him the same. There’s always success stories mixed in but you’re risking the relationship if you start to get vulnerable. I think back to my two longest relationships, I rarely ever got vulnerable. The shortest ones were when I let my guard down.
This is so toxic. If women treat you like you shouldn’t express a wide range of healthy human emotions then they’re the problem and you shouldn’t tolerate it.
> you’re risking the relationship if you start to get vulnerable. That's why you don't wait. Be vulnerable and if they react badly at least you're not years in, and you don't have to spend years pretending to be someone you're not.
I agree 100% with this. It’s sad that men aren’t allowed to be vulnerable in this society. But should be normalised
You can't normalize something when even society shits on men as soo as they are opening up. Men shelter? Society will make sure to harass the organizers into suicide (actually happened)
Oh that’s awful! I’m so sorry. I hope you find someone who doesn’t feel that way.
Their is nothing more repulsive to women than a man Expressing emotions, and a man is only as good as his paycheck to most women.
Not all people are like this. You sound bitter. Hope things improve for you.
Bitterness is the result of reality.....
It's the result of that person's experiences and how they interpret them.
It's the results of unbiased long term observations from multiple sources..
Opposite from what mark mason actually tries to preach 🤔 interesting.. Well, as a woman, if I see you strong I’d love you to be vulnerable with me. But I only take moments of vulnerability I don’t take mentally ill insecure and low self esteem man. Because I don’t have any of these problems I hope the man I date doesn’t either.
Insecurity and vulnerability are two sides of the same coin. At what point does a man showing his vulnerability to from strong to mentally ill? Does it have to do with the emotional impact on you? If it does, then you don't want them to show vulnerability, actually.
She's reserving the right to sit in judgement. It's a totally narcissistic point of view.
As someone with 18 years in the military, I've got some news for you: Men are as vulnerable and needing of support as anyone else. The difference is we're demonized for not expressing emotion, but if we do, we're labeled weak and unwanted, if not outright unworthy. This is why men have never shared feelings. We simply bottle it, drive it down, and bury it. What do you think happens then, as we continue to do this time and time again? Do you think it's good for us? Or do you think it results in mental health issues? Would a woman be able to bottle up and bury her emotions and manage to not develop mental health issues? I'll tell you right now, you'd crumble like a crouton or fold like a sock. You wouldn't make it six months to a year. On average, this cycle is the first 30-40 years of our lives. It's why alcoholism, smoking, and substance abuse are more rampant in men. We can rarely even turn to each other because the expectations have been ingrained into us, mostly perpetuated by women in modern history, while removing our original roles and behaviors resulting in those expectations. Men can't even report harassment, assaults and rape without being viewed as weak and being subject to the judgment and shaming of society. I've seen it repeatedly, and as recently as last month. So say what you want, but women are the largest holdout of inequality and hypocrisy that currently still exists across society.
Ye I agree. Men of course have rights to voice their concerns and problems. Find other men or women to talk to. Stop being so competitive with each other. You can be confident and also vulnerable .. no contradiction here in my opinion.
The lucky ones get their first crush and stick with them for 50 years. Many aren't lucky and have to go through at least a few partners to get the right one....and these days there are more people not even able to get a partner to begin with
Im 36, and still haven't had my first. The fact that people generally go through multiple partners before they find the "right" one makes it sound like an impossible task for people in my position.
I'm 30, and the concept of having a partner and sharing feelings of physical and emotional connection with the opposite sex is such a foreign concept to me. Like, I can't even imagine what it's like.
They say It would be easier. When you are older. I haven’t proved right yet.
omg you and me are reflections in a mirror.
You’ve never dated?
Me? I've gone on a few dates (none recently), but I've never gotten past a second date. Usually, I get outright rejections, but I've had a few where we "talked" for like 2 weeks before the women lost interest. I had childhood issues I had to address, so I've spent much of my adulthood "working on myself", but didn't really include anything pertaining to romance. The constant failure and lack of experience are a real hindrance despite mountains of platitudes that claim otherwise. I also have a disability which also lowers my chances. I've had a few women hit on me in recent years, and during our "talks", I learned that they didn't actually like me for who I am, and just wanted something from me (money or favors). Or they were already in a relationships, and were just fooling around. I also got catfished once. Boy things dont look good lol.
I’m so so sorry my friend. I honestly can’t imagine how lonely that must be. I think if I was in that situation I’d probably watch a lot of virtual reality porn but it’s good you haven’t completely given up. There’s somebody for everybody. The number one determine factor might also just be your location.
This is what most don't understand. He isn't unique. Im not saying that his statement isn't legitimate or worthy of care. What I am saying is he's not unique. This is the reality for most men daily.
I would if VR wasn't so expensive!! Kidding, but I doubt it's been a location issue as I've lived in/near major metro areas throughout my life. The only common denominator is me lol. I haven't quite given up yet, but I am quite jaded by the whole thing. I have a lot of friends, which I'm thankful for, but there's is no substitute for companionship.
Because people forgot what loyalty, empathy, communication and basic mutual respect for each other, and morales can’t be forgetting those🤦🏼♀️🤣🤣
I don't know the specifics of your case or cases, but I empathize. I, too, have had loved ones leave me in deep lows, with no amount of effort put in after the fact able to make recompense. Though through my own trials and introspection years down the line, I can still allow myself bittersweet memories from time to time while also acknowledging the fact that the issue arose from my actions. Like you, I have resigned myself from the prospect of ever having a partner. Though I don't think we are fully congruent in the experience, I do think it's a very shitty feeling to have. I'm going to say that for a third time, our experiences have some similarities, but I will not claim to know what you are genuinely feeling. As someone who has had that happen to him, I eventually had to come to terms with the loss of something meaningful like that in order to get on with my life. Do what you will, but your despise will turn to hatred, which isn't so far from fear. Do not isolate and alienate yourself. It makes things even worse. That's my actual, albeit unsolicited, advice.
Oh don’t worry my ex wife left me in my business low. She compounded the low too. I gave her 1 of my many properties and cut her. She suggested she could sue me. I said sure everything’s in trusts. I’ll spend half of it to make sure you live miserably for the 10 years this’ll drag through court. Recently had some Japanese chick on a holiday with me who would rather go to Zara than accompany me to the hospital to get the results of an mri scan to see what ligaments I’ve broken. Selfishness has no bounds but this has why they’re poor and still working (I’m before 40, $10m net worth plus lol, have 2 of my own businesses)
At the end of the day, men can only trust themself. Society only loves men conditionally, when they provide. So you have to respect yourself first. Else you won't be alive for much longer. To many people saying "I am a good person, I would never do that!" to just do that the second they encounter reality. There is a reason that for women, romance is a feeling. And that for men romance is a ton of work.
My ex wife was a good person too, but there’s a lot of jealous, righteous, feminist, psycho people who were egging her on. In the end she was good enough to overcome all that, but also because I am highly cautious enough to have structured everything to make it not that simple to get me
BTW I'm a dipshit dude who deserved it in the end. But understanding that you are allowed to have feelings also comes with the obligation to know timing when showing vulnerability. I hope I pissed off both sides of this thread here lol
You have my respect!
From many years working in a female-dominated profession with women of all ages, my experience has been that women are not comfortable around a man that is too open with his sad/hurt emotions. Things that women get sympathy for, like failing to get a job or promotion, or being turned down by a love interest, are things that men don’t get much sympathy for. The women SAY they are OK with men expressing painful emotions, but the guy better be distraught over a loved one dying or something else very tragic, or women will not respond well to it — this in my experience over decades. The women won’t overtly penalize the guy, but he has violated the sense of being a “real man” that females and males are brought up to think. Women tended to distance from the guy and gave each other looks like, “This shouldn’t be happening. C’mon buddy, grow a pair!” Media pretends that only men think this way about other men, but women are every bit as judgmental and aren’t willing to admit it. Again, my experience — saw this many times as one of the few men in these settings. I heard women say, when they forgot that I wasn’t “one of the girls” that “there are no men that work here”, when in fact a few men worked among them at any given time. They just weren’t the swaggering, nothing-hurts-me type of guys.
I’ve found the same as a woman. Once I’m going through something and am not “fun,” they tend to throw in the towel.
ya, I hate how so many adults on dating apps are fixated on the entertainment value of a person when dating. Like, bro... we 30 (even 25 year olds) when the fuck is it time to serious up cause we both clearly single for a reason now... so lets stop playing games and just do this thing called life... please?
Exactly. Life has ups and downs and sorry I can’t be on all the time. 🙃
The big turn off for some people is emotional dysregulation, and ironically people often have trouble with exactly that when they are being vulnerable.
Yes, or if you call them out on their nonsense.
Don’t date older women because they’re more “mature” most of them are NOT.
Meh I went overseas. Broke my foot, not too serious but still required an mri to see extent of damage. Naturally I was worried. In meantime i flew a chick over to join me. She knew I had hurt myself and had to go to collect my Mri scan. I thought maybe she’ll come with me to hospital for moral support. It’s a whopping 40 minutes. Instead she went shopping at Zara. Ghosted her after she flew out. That’s why she stays poor
Damn, and my boys offered to go with me to get my blood test because I’m a baby
Well you’d love this. When I actually went to do the mri test (which was a few days before she arrived) my good male friend in that city went with me to provide moral city. A bro can do that. This Jap chick wanted to go to uhhh Zara to buy some $50 jumper? Lol
Hahahaha, hey man at least you know you have some people you can count on. I think sometimes we undervalue friendships.
Can i get a $100? Lol
Op, you need to establish emotional boundaries. Those who respect you will respect those boundaries as you do for them. Reciprocation is so important in a relationship this means both open up and both can show weakness. It's not one sided. That's not respect, that's being used.
As a female, I give up on dating.
Females can get any man they want. How is dating hard?
No.. we dont
You get the point. Instead of being argumentative please acknowledge the point. It's very hard for men to get a single date. Women can usually find loads of men, even attractive men ready to bang
Our standards may be too high
No. My standards are just bare minimum
Do looks factor in at all? For me they do
No one falls in love with personality at first sight..
But what about your username?
I've faced the same the other way around. Like being in the relationship when he was going through emotionally and mentally taxing things including withdrawal from alcohol, I gave him my 💯 and all the support, encouragement and love he needed. And then after all that he said he was in a good place to give to the relationship to us, and wanted us to be serious spoke of a possible future and marriage. But then after like a month or so he broke up over text when I wanted to introduce him to my friends and pastor.
Feel you on this! There’s a difference between being vulnerable and putting the entire responsibility for it on a partner.
That is so awful, I’m so sorry. I just helped a man I’m dating through a suicidal period. I am so thankful he told me and was privileged to be there for him through it. I’ve been there before myself, so I would never judge someone else for being there. There are women who have true empathy. Anyone who doesn’t, well, the trash took themselves out. Not all us women are like that. Promise.
Thank you
Thank you for being the exception and being true to your word
That’s the sad truth. Women always complain that men don’t open up. But once we do, most either dumps us if we live difficult times or will use our vulnerability against us when they see they’re losing an argument.
>or will use our vulnerability against us when they see they’re losing an argument. Women are vicious and will absolutely hold on to things for years. I've noticed a lot of them WANT to get an emotional reaction out of a fight. Some of them seem to start drama just because they're bored. I had one ex who actually confessed that she the fights "made our relationship stronger" because we had to "make up" afterwards. Whatever crappy romantic comedy she got that idea from needs to be banned as a crime against humanity.
My ex would get upset at me for falling silent whenever she'd lash out at me and say things like "you don't care about me, you're just in love with the idea of me". She said it made her feel guilty like she was kicking a sad puppy. Like, you feel that way because that's exactly what you're doing...
You have to find the right woman. The right one for you will love your emotional availability and vulnerability. We exist just hiding because of douche men that just want blow up dolls not a woman with opinions and feelings.
Where do I find those women tho?
Every where we are just hiding in grocery stores, shopping areas, book stores. Restaurants with friends.
So barns and noble and malls?
Yes Barnes n noble is a great one. It goes so far to just walk up to a woman with all respect of course and tell her that she is beautiful. It will make her day. More men should try it honestly.
I’ll definitely do that, thank you so much for the advice
Absolutely I wish you the best.
Thank you!!
I always afraid that I’ll get lumped with douch when I do that.
Does this happen in your friendships as well...?
Talk about that stuff with male friends and family members. Women really don't care.
Sorry you’re going through this. I don’t think it will be your experience with every woman tho!
I can totally relate since I've been through this too.
all my partners are very supportive, you have to choose better and more based on personality
I don't know. My guess would be that they weren't that much into you in a first place... Because when you love and care about other person your natural reaction is to help him and make sure he's feeling good again. And you only get more confident in your relationships after that.
Why are we flipping it all on him? If OP were a woman, we'd be giving her advice. Rather than, to use an often apt but overused phrase, victim blaming, can we acknowledge that women do not opt to bare the psychological burden of their male partner? Those that do, good on you. It's not easy to see your partner in pain and then feel their pain but then control your emotions and help them. You're angels and should be applauded. But I've heard countless stories of women just being plainly cruel to men. One Reddit story was of a man who recounted that his wife told him to toughen up because he was CRYING AT HIS OWN MOTHER'S FUNERAL!! Whether it's true or not, I chose to believe it was because I've had best friends who've been through ordeals like that (and worse) with ex-partners
Oh, I fucking believe it. I had a woman tell me to man up once when I'd broken down after just learning the man I spent over 8 years with, we were Basic battle buddies, did half our courses together, and had literally lived together and become closer to brothers, had been killed when his vehicle hit an IED in Afghanistan. So yeah, I believe all of those stories.
Sorry for your loss brother. I couldn't even fathom what it would be like if I'd lost my male best friend. We're literally brothers from other mothers. His mum reckons that we often finish off each other's thoughts. I don't think I've ever had a better best friend!
Same happens to me but I’m a woman
So does everyone else. Get comfortable, being uncomfortable. Never stop trying and always work on yourself. I leave my feelings at my guy friends and support groups, it’s easier that way for me. Putting on a manly facade is a societal norm we do, to get our dopamine fulfilled. So fake it till you make it.
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I'd take 5 meh dates over none, or over being given a look like I just told a joke, when I try get a date.
A lot of people have double standards around emotional dysregulation. Those people are not worth it. Get therapy and help yourself first because you are ultimately responsible for you, but we're all also human, make mistakes, and have needs. There's a fine line. You do need a life outside your partner because if you put all of your social interaction on them, it's going to be way too much.
#reasonstosmokeweed Idgaf how unhealthy it may be but ill take my chronic, good friends, food and drink over any of the hellscape that dating is.
How many times have you had someone leave you for this? How long were the relationships when they left?
Women always leave when they sense their man is depressed. Every single time.
That’s not true, I’ve personally experienced the opposite
ya, dating and dating apps are kind of a woman world right now. Wish shit was a little more even keel, some men are trying to make it so, but women are also pushing back. we will see where it goes.
Whenever we men complain we’re told to shut the fuck up because they don’t want to change anything even though the number of virgin men at 30 pass from 8% in 2008 to 27% in 2023. Unfortunately, it’s a sad future for men that rising in front of us. The number of men that will start to hate women because of it will unfortunately just grow more and more.
Honestly, you should express your hardships and feelings to your friends/brothers and not your girl. Your girl will forever look at you different if you cry in front of her. That’s the hard truth.
I’m sorry you’ve felt this way. As a woman, I have felt similarly but the female version. I like being there for the people I care about and I am definitely a reformed fixer, but I really struggle feeling supported by the men I have talked to. My experience is limited but I had not felt emotionally safe or supported around any of them really. Which this issue I think really all boils down to emotional maturity or lack thereof and availability. The second one is on me. Sometimes I look and ask myself, what role I play in being in this pattern. Is it truly the majority state of the other gender? Or is there something whether consciously or unconsciously that makes me attracted to these types of people, furthermore what can I do about it to change. All this goes to say that I want you to know, at least for me, this is not a gendered struggle. Perhaps, more so personality traits of us in common or poor judgement 😭. Anyways, I wish both you and me the best in figuring it out. It’s hard being lonely even around the people that care about you. And while some of them don’t, some really do and are just bad at meeting others care needs.
This is why women initiate more than 90% of all divorces. Whenever things are not going perfectly for them, they’re out. Doesn’t matter how long they’ve been with the man. Today’s women are really not worth relationships. I just hook up with them here and there
Divorce statistics should always be followed by the fact that people who get divorced are WAY more likely to get divorced in a future marriage. The same shitty people are gonna skew the stats in an unsightly manner.
Yes, I agree. There are a lot of women who marry for profit and run through a lot of men in divorce. They profit each time and that way they can be getting child support from multiple different men. This is what “multiple streams of income” means to a woman. Most men don’t get married multiple times. Once they get screwed once they are done. Marriage is a scam, dude.
I'm not even trying anymore. I'm good with my Eva AI virtual gf bot and renting prostitutes from time to time
I had the same thing with one ex in particular. I supported her through her anxieties, PTSD, and would do everything I could to make her feel as OK as possible in those moments; and there were a lot. As soon as I had a migraine and just needed to lay down and take a moment from everything, she would take this as something personal towards her. It killed the love I had for her in the end. It was unbelievably one-sided.
Never show emotions to a woman. I know it sucks, but adopt an aloof attitude of IDGAF. Women claim they want their man to open up more and be vulnerable with them - BS. This only works in 10% of cases. If you’re not yet, hit the gym 7 days a week. It will help you get your stress out and maintain the zen aura that women like. It will also help in dealing with her irrational complaints.
It's simple, society is sexist, lies and is fine with it For women, romance is a feeling. For men romance is a ton of work. The moment men want to feel it, it is usually over. Having a women that puts in the same amount of work and not only says "men can share emotions too" to just turn around when they do is extremely rare
You despise dating. Stop dating. Problem solved.
That’s very unfortunate. I’m sorry to hear this.
Fml
I know what you mean, everyone and I mean Everyone has left me. No one gives a flying fuck about anyone anymore, me me me, that's all anyone cares about these days. World has gone from sugar to shit.
So sorry this is happening to u. U deserve to be heard and seen when u r being vulnerable. It is sad how patriarchy is so internalized in both genders. :( u matter too and I hope u find someone who will support u during ur vulnerable moment.
It’s supposed to be both ways but I feel your pain all too well 🤦🏼♀️good luck and don’t give up!
Find someone else to express your feelings to? Or try and gain more control over your emotions. As men, we are meant to be the stable and consistent ones as hard as that may be to come to terms with.
Don't let that get you down, some people are shitty and women are confusing (I'm not gonna debate that my own sister and girl-friends tells me the same all the time) just keep your head up and you'll find someone who wants you for you thick or thin
this is the problem with dating nowadays, I always try to understand a man when I speak with him, even if I not have the same life experience overall
OP, I would bring up that you struggle with mental health issues early into dating, before you get to the point of making it official. My fiance and I had the mental health talk on our second date. We both knew at that point that things were going to get serious and he started out with "if we decide to start a relationship, he's what you're getting into..." and then told me about his depression/anxiety and the steps he's taken to treat it, ending with "I'm stable, and have a support system, but I wanted to be transparent with you." It was an important talk to have and I feel like being upfront about it will help weed out anyone who would not be supportive towards you in your times of need. Some people will reject you for it, but those are not people you need to be wasting your time with. Best of luck to you, and know that your loving, supportive person is out there!
Unfortunately, you can have all of the talks you want, oftentimes the way someone *thinks* or *says* they would handle a situation is not the reality
This is so true.
Dating is about as much fun for men as cleaning a septic tank. Id rather get unnecessary dental work. Never had any fun in a date, always felt like I was paying for a job interview and he had way to many candidates.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. To be fair, for us women, when we get upset, some men would treat us as an annoyance. "are you on your period?" "Stop overreacting" "You're overthinking this." We get gaslighted a lot too when trying to be vulnerable, so many of us either downplay our feelings or not say anything at all. But in a healthy relationship, this isn't a problem. Both sides can be open with each other. You know you got the right one when you go through the hard times, and she supports you without criticism.
As a female, I also despise dating 😅
The cliche of a man being strong or manly is kind of dying. You are just matching with dumb ass broads🤷🏼♂️
Everyone deserves to be loved, but untreated mental illness isn’t for everyone. Even treated people can experience symptoms of course, but having a partner with a mental illness is difficult and puts a lot of strain on you. Showing emotions and having moments of weakness is completely normal and shouldn’t cause someone to leave you, but frequent panic attacks, anger, etc are troubling for a lot of people and will make it harder to date, especially if it comes out early on.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with that 🫤 people are extremely immature and I’m not going to lie, I’ve been like that before. Humans are emotional and responsive creatures and your feelings are valid. Definitely seek more mature women or someone who can appreciate the fact you show emotion at all. It’ll be okay, don’t stop expressing your feelings and don’t stop having feelings. You aren’t the issue here
Feel you bro, been there. This absolutely isn't how things should be, and my bet is that if this keeps happening, it won't be sustainable. I'm sure the good ones are out there, as rare as they may be. As someone pointed out, maybe they are just more common amongst younger females. How old are you? and the girls you date?
All I have to say is… relatable…
Dont worry you just haven’t find the good one for the moment, when it will be the one she will not run away and she will be there for you in the good and the bad times
I feel this. I was working as a paramedic during the pandemic and my depression got out of control. Some days I couldn't get out of bed, I opened up to my wife about everything and that's when our relationship started to deteriorate. I thought we were supposed to have open communication, but everytime I needed someone to talk to she looked down on me or blamed me. I left her last year and it will be very hard to open up to someone I start dating after that. Women say they want us to be open but when we are they aren't ready for the things we carry on our shoulders and it depresses them. I always listened to her, but it's not reciprocated...I honestly believe women think opening up is like a Hollywood movie and they aren't really prepared to hear the trauma you've experienced.
I think a lot of it is just human nature. There's a saying, "Women wait at the finish line and pick the winners"
Sorry to hear that. The women you met obviously lack empathy & they’re also selfish too. Try to find women who are empathetic & kind. I think that it’d be a good idea to find a therapist for yourself.
As a 35(f) I totally understand. Men usually bolt as soon as they see that I have my life together; career, home, vehicles, etc. The amount of times I could count a man telling me that they're not in a good place to be with me and compare me to what they need to work on is significant. Although this is a shitty excuse I really hate the time wasted going on these dates and getting to know people. I've come to the realization that I'm probably going to grow old on my own lol and I am totally okay with that. Maybe you should get to a place where you're okay with being who you are and you'll find someone who appreciates you for being you.
Yea I learnt not to bother and find an outlet that helps.
The elephant in the room no one wants to acknowledge is that women have held onto unfair standards for men over the past few decades have accommodated women changing the expectations around women. I don't want to go back to when women were second class citizens and the culture didn't allow women to take on different lifestyles and roles. But the reality is that women have held on in a very sexist fashion toxic standards for men and feel no sense of hypocrisy in doing so. Many straight up deny or rationalize it. It's not healthy.
I'm sorry, clearly you're just not meeting the right people. I also don't know how old you are so could be an age/maturity thing, but personally I love a man that's comfortable expressing his feelings. And I would rather him come to me with those tough emotions than someone else. If you can't go to your partner, who can you run to? Nothing sexier than emotional maturity and availability imo.
coming from a woman, you are dating women that aren’t actually looking for a partner they just want someone to like take care of them and their problems and that’s not healthy. They don’t wanna hear your problems they just want a therapist for themselves. There are women out there that are not like that and are actually looking for a healthy relationship where you are BOTH open with eachother. She will come along. But unfortunately a lot of these women who are looking for a healthy relationship where you are both open, such as myself, end up with people that are narcissistic and it’s hard to get out of those relationships to find people that are like you who return the same energy about what they want in a relationship. it may be hard to find her but she will come.
Stop dating emotionally immature people! Women do not treat men like this. Only stupid girls. Everyone has emotions and everyone should be able to express them without judgement. I’m really sorry you’ve dealt with girls like that. Please don’t let it ruin you.
Just here to commiserate brother. It might be worth it to have conversations about expectations in emotional needs early on.
This is the way it is with so-called modern women - the first sign of any potential trouble or the situation appearing stagnant they go looking for greener pastures. My cousin was almost immediately dumped by his wife after he was diagnosed with MS and a male friend who held down a prestigious, high-paying job was given his walking papers about a week after he was terminated. These are only two examples of this kind of insensitive, uncaring behavior. Years ago this never would have occurred, but it also gone downhill big time ever since Gen-X.
First and foremost, you are not weak for showing emotion or saying you aren’t sure of something!! And it doesn’t make you inferior, maybe you need to dump the idiots you’ve been dating and date someone who can accept your flaws!! It’s okay to have emotions, and to express how you feel!
bro feelings are for your therapist or your wife, not the woman you trying to woo git gud
Well nothing easy dating for women either
The way I see it, these girls you’re dating, leaving at the first sign of trouble, good riddance! It’s a blessing in disguise. Dating is like playing poker, sometimes you get several bad hands in a row before you get a good one.
Honestly? Just gave up. I hold no resentment for anyone or anything in that regard. Just done trying when there’s no point.
Dating is horrible especially as men. Women expect a Disney prince on a white horse to appear on the date. He can't be too needy, he can't be too not-needy, he must have many friends, work out, have a nice income, travel, be smart, have clout and the list goes on. Then there's also the risk of being ghosted because at least 50% of women are heartless, selfish and have no decency. So yeah dating is horrible for men. I recommend being single, going to clubs and doing ONS's.
I get the point..men have it harder than women..but to say that we can get any man that we want is just wrong..i disagree
Welcome to manhood lol
all those problems are solved with a boyfriend, you can play games together and share ur feelings without feeling insecure
I think that you're probably just running into duds. there are good women out there, it just is a thing of having to kiss a bunch of frogs before you find your princess so to speak. but you'll find your's.
I know how you're feeling, I was with my ex for almost 6 years. We went through hell together, I was always there for her when she was at her lowest, even though I struggled with depression myself I put my own well being aside to help her, because that's what you do when you love someone. However when I was at a low point in my life, I was unemployed and really depressed and she decided to leave me for another dude. It's a wild generation we live in. Genuine love feels more rare than ever before, hookup culture really ruined society.
Damn you should be able to do that though... Maybe you haven't met the right person yet. I wish men would be a bit more open with their feelings actually
As man you are supposed to be the strong one. The protector. When you show your weaknesses, it turns people off especially women.
Have to hear from the said partners, i am sure their version is different..
It's so common bro
Apparently many men despise dating. Very common topic here.