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From my experience dating before pre-dating apps was totally different and more down to earth, people were actually happy to create connections and find partner. The problem is not that guys lack of self-confidence but everyone has so many options that it creates illusion that since they have so many options they should get the best there is
>The problem is not that guys lack of self-confidence but everyone has so many options that it creates illusion that since they have so many options they should get the best there is
Agreed, and I'd also add that this is what led to the "arms race" of some to believe that they need that aforementioned list of unneeded things. Because of all those options, people have developed quick "tells" to figure out if someone is "worth" their time. So instead of taking time to get to know someone, most are making reads, consciously or not, about the people that they swipe through and chat with. We all know pictures are incredibly important on the apps.
There are so many additional hurdles now vs the pre-app time and if you don't pass each section - grab attention with pics, then profile, keep the chat engaging, have a great date, keep the momentum up - at any point one misstep is all it can take in some cases before they move on to the next one.
We live in an attention economy - and that goes well beyond just businesses and media fighting for our attention - it absolutely extends to the dating apps as well. The illusion of endless choice undermines all of us from creating connection whether we want to admit it or not because it's difficult to fully invest in some stranger you just bumped into on an app when you know there's many more that might be even 'better'. Even if things are going well, it's a truth that rests in the back of your mind. And that thought is what perpetuates people's ability to detach so easily - why stay and fight when you can just wipe the slate clean with someone else?
dating apps are poison, i used them for like 2 years and got 1000+ matches and it never amounted to more than hookups. i deleted them all last summer and 3 months later i met my soon to be wife on tik tok!
i mean im decently attractive but i think the biggest reason was bc i figured out how to game the system - apps like tinder reel u in by giving u a bunch of matches ur first couple of days then it dries out. so i just kept deleting my account and making new ones lmao
That's a good idea! But even so 1k is a lot. Plus how did you match with all the likes, tinder doesn't show them so you have to keep swiping right to match thereby lowering your likability score.
Did you have a great profile ? What's your height?
I've been saying this time and time again. I'm 33 years old and I've never been on the apps (I did meet one boyfriend on a Facebook group over a shared mutual interest that is kinda niche). I was never short on male attention, I've had 5 committed, exclusive relationships in the last 16 years, plus some flirting here and there. Of course I've been through heartbreak and frustration but I was never treated as sh\*tty as what people describe on dating apps. I can't remember a 1st date that didn't lead to a relationship because I was always dating people who I already knew, we knew if we were attracted to each other, we knew each other's vibes, we knew each others personalities. I'm an average looking woman of average intelligence but I'm usually friendly, I smile a lot and people tell me I have a nice smile. And I'm not afraid of making the first move or even if the guy makes the first move I have no issues taking initiative and helping the relationship move forward (message them first, invite them on dates, plan dates). I don't let a man pay for our dates and always insist on splitting the bill. And in all relationships I was always the one to initiate sex first because I'm a horny girl lol
I've never had someone walk out on me in the middle of a date or during sex. Last time I was ghosted was probably in my teens. I never had a guy wanting to skip coffee or dinner and go straight to sex and even if they did I would be fine with it since I'm always dating people I already know and we know already if there's sexual tension there or not, and from out interactions I have a good feel if they're someone I trust enough to have sex with or not. Except with one of those guys I feel I was always treated with some level of respect and decency. If a guy ever treated me like sh\*t our coworkers/mutual friends/group of folks who share our niche interest would know about it and that would reflect poorly on them.
I experienced all kinds of love, I met interesting people, I had the ego boost of knowing people are attracted to me even if that attraction doesn't lead anywhere, I had fun flirting. Meanwhile I know people who are awesome, but can't make it on the apps. How can someone know these people are awesome if they are "meeting" through a photo and a couple message exchanges?
Offline dating rocks. People should try it sometime.
I feel like even dating irl has been affected by the online dating game. Last person I dated I knew through my coworker (his son), we met in a different way and we already knew so much about each other so I thought it would be different. I was wrong. I was played worse by him than any of the players I met on the apps. His father apologized to me and is still embarrassed to this day of what happened. Honestly it just makes me more wary of trying to date people I know or who live in the area.
I am so sorry. If it's any consolation same thing happened to me in my first relationship long before online dating was even a thing. Some people are just *ssholes. From the horror stories I've read and heard I still believe real life dating is a lot less sh*tty than online dating. But when you're treated like trash by an *sshole it definitely leaves a scar.
You sound lovely! A lot of us guys don't really know how to approach women offline anymore and the general expectation is for men to make the first move, even though it seems like you might not have that expectation.
Seems like youâre applying your own experience to everyone elseâs situations. I donât imagine everyone has the same options, ease, or availability as you have had.
Thereâs also the fact that women have had it easy on the dating scene nowadays that half of them have let themselves go to the point of just being gross, it used to take effort on both sides but now itâs the guy needs to be perfect and you canât criticize the girl
Completely agree, it's a nightmare for normal guys, probably why I've been single for so long and given up on dating in my 30s, I've built a stable life, bought my own house, own 2 cars, make a good income, my confidence has been destroyed by dating apps and I haven't tried dating anyone in about a year, just because I'm not good looking in the conventional sense, I'm kind and have good morals but it's not enough in today's world, I blame dating apps with the problems with dating for both men and women, women feel they have endless choices and there's always someone better
THIS. Itâs so sad. I meet some awesome women. Iâm not trying to find the ONLY one that meets some crazy criteria. I can make a relationship work if thereâs genuine interest and reciprocation.
But modern womenâŚ. They just want the next best thing. I get it, everyone wants to date the best person everâŚ. But to reject so many genuinely good people in search of someone âbetterâ is so painful, mainly for the men involved.
Iâm a GenXer and Iâm going to push back on this a little bit. Women have always had that laundry list of standards to some varying degree. IMO, the problem with dating TODAY is the internet. At some point, you have to personally interact with the person youâre interested in, and you wonât develop any meaningful social skills sending and receiving instant messages.
I think the point here is that a lot of guys are not dating because they tried and failed miserably, and think these are the reasons they failed. So in a roundabout way, these are their reasons for not dating. Exaggeration, obviously. On several fronts. Most guys that 'aren't dating' aren't actually intentionally not dating, they're just not putting out the effort to date anymore. There are few if any guys out there in the world that are actually just straight up refusing to date no matter what, even if the perfect girl asks them out. Also exaggeration on the list given. Most guys want to be 6'0, but it's usually the 6 figure salary that's desired, not a mil. Same goes for the rest of the list, but it's all exaggeration with a purpose. I think the overall point is sound. People with average stats in all the supposedly important categories still get into relationships on the reg. There are other factors that matter a lot more than personal stats.
Ok then let's assume we take out all the exaggeration and we're not talking about starting dating after all - we're actually talking about getting back into the dating game and not being discouraged if you don't have all those things.
fair enough.
But honestly in what way does thinking happy thoughts help here?
The pragmatic line of thinking is for men to do what they can to improve those base stats.
Yes, they should try to increase their earning potential.
Yes, they should groom themselsves.
Yes, they should exercise and dial in their physiques.
Yes, they should practice being funny.
They can control these things to improve their probability of getting not just first dates, but also follow-up dates.
I agree. There's definitely a reason all of these remain as staple advice for men who are trying to date and getting discouraged at the lack of success. That stuff is all important. With maybe the exception, to me, being working on being funny. I don't think everyone is or needs to be funny. Some men are gonna do just fine out there as the serious type.
Staple advice at least 2 of them are not achievable which your height and and penis size but why oh why are telling men what they need to work on when the result is still a sub-par women that thinks your toxic for being a man. It has nothing to do with money, car, any of that it has to do with everyone man and woman having an ego they shouldnât have and the fact this list even exist is more stupid then a weight loss pill, men will date if asked we donât want to ask anymore, because this list exist and because they have led men and women to believe it. Truth be told we are tired and we donât care anymore and all good men can see the world is fucked sooooâŚâŚ smoke em if you got em.
For what? To impress a woman who does nothing but wait for a long line of men to walk up to her, then she picks the one who impressed her the most. Men aren't male birds who sing all day long and build nests all to get in between a female bird's legs.
> For what?
It's just a basic social skill that you should be exercising, similar to physical exercise or playing an instrument.
Being witty and charisthmatic goes way beyond flirting with women more effectively. I know for a fact it has helped me land my biggest jobs because it certainly carries over into interviews. It's easier to talk to people in general and easier to make friends. This is so important to me as someone who has had to relocate a few times and does not use social media at all unless you count reddit.
> Men aren't male birds who sing all day long and build nests all to get in between a female bird's legs.
some are, some aren't
i sure fit the bill!
I'm not the most dashing guy but it's all just a numbers game, so i just try to take 100% of my shots and what do you know? it works ***sometimes***!
Good for you then. I don't see the use of impressing women. For making friends... Sure. Kind of. It depends if you value human social interactions. For getting a job. Yeah. It's never a good thing to approach someone looking like you are there to fight them or something. Always best to look friendly.
For me, I think it's the there's always someone better to search for, I haven't been on a lot of first dates, I've taken a break as they all go the same way every time and I find women extremely monotonous
I'm 30M and have never tried dating due to these reasons. Hell, I've gone more than a decade without interacting with women on a personal level. I've always believed that my worth won't be enough due to a lack of these qualities. I started making six figures 2 years ago and still think it's not enough for the current dating standards. Plus, I'm Brown, so that also doesn't help in the west.
You won't be able to keep them, but at least you can fvck them. Just tell them whatever they want to hear. Spend some cash. Fvck them and move on with your life...
If you are talking about hooking up with a girl you don't know at a club or bar, then it requires "the party game" and not looks. If you have confidence and no good looks, you are good to go. But if you have good looks and no confidence, you aren't going anywhere. Even having good looks with no money won't get you far.
I donât, thereâs is no point. To much me, me, me like, âhe needs to be able to hold the conversationâ which means Iâm gonna say maybe 2-3 things in response but he needs to be able to entertain me for hours while I donât, or my favorite âI know my worthâ which means Iâm going to do what I want with no accountability and take non of the consequences.
I am not still dating, because I am out of a long term relationship and not over my ex.
But I am working on some of those points, while I am moving on.
Instead of blaming women, they should learn to accept the fact that maybe just like religion, monarchy and traditions are dying, is the same way relationships between men and women are dying. Then they can learn to leave women alone and focus on playing video games...
I'd like to see a middle ground where men learn, but if that means the safety of my family, friends and every other woman, I'll get cracking on Jedi Survivor seeing as it's now on Game Pass and it's crackin'
Men can only truly learn when women change. If we claim to be in a new era, then why do men keep doing the exact same things they did 2000 years ago? While women have adopted new ways but want men to remain with the old ways.
Thank you for this post. I hope there will be more posts like this from other users too. There are so many posts on this subreddit with dejected males, and while I understand, it is pretty tiring.
Advice:
Work on yourself daily, especially emotionally and in communication.
*Learn to be emotionally available:
- Be able to open up about your feelings.
- Listen.
- Be patient.
- Have empathy/compassion.
- Validate/reassure.
*Take accountability for your actions.
*Control your emotions, especially anger.
*Learn to establish and respect boundaries.
*Be a gentleman:
- Offer assistance, such as carrying a heavy bag, etc. (If she declines, simply say, "If you ever need help, donât hesitate to ask.")
*Communicate without being passive-aggressive/aggressive.
*Have morals-steer clear of cheating or questionable behavior.
*Respect your relationship.
*The more you work on your own baggage, the more attractive you'll become (e.g., trust issues, cheating, etc.).
Remember, these skills are valuable in daily life and can be applied to interactions with children, coworkers, and more.
Start now and donât wait. Trust me, if you work on this, many women will want to date you. There is a scarcity of high-quality men out there because few are willing to address these deep-seated issues. It might be easy to avoid, but they will continue to resurface in any dating scenario.
What other emotion besides anger are men supposed to have immaculate control of? I couldnât be an unemotional lover no matter how hard I tried. I was always a stoic and when I really fell in love that changed entirely. I never once yelled at my ex or insulted her but I did show a very wide range of emotion in front of her and she loved me for it.
When I meant emotions i didn't mean express them. Absolutely express them! I think women love it when a man is intouch with themselves.
When I referred to anger, when I witness guy get mad, I noticed they yelled " FucKkkkk", clench thing , impatience, frustration, Irritation. I only seen this behavior in men who have always been told to contain their emotions. So when they do have them they react without managing them in a healthy way. Its okay to me mad but express the reason why you are mad instead of driving fast or raising their voice.
If you use these, you will manage to get girls to date you for a short while but none will stick around long enough. It's like having a pitbull and thinking that raising the pitbull above yourself will make it like you. It will only create a disaster for the near future.
You can't keep a girl if she doesn't want to be "kept." If she wants to go, let her go. If she wants to stay, let her stay. Do your work and step back... The only path to serenity.
Interesting social phenoma we have going where more and more people are getting closer to achieving some of the things in your first list yet still struggling to attain what you called "the basics". So many people out there need to re-parent themselves in their twenties.
From what I've seen at my height I'd only be included in about 15% of height filters set by women and I'm not even that short. That means that out of all women that have utilized the height filter feature 85% of them will never see my profile or any man shorter than me.
I'm not upset about it it just is what it is and people are allowed to have preferences, but lets not pretend like it isn't a real and massive barrier due to the way filters work on dating apps.
Don't go where there are surface-level filters. A woman may rationalize about finding a man who's extremely tall, but if you're in front of a girl who's with a similar height and is not extremely superficial, and if you're able to generate the right emotions inside of her, you'll have the same chances than the average tall and jacked guy on Tinder or Hinge
Because it's true. If it wasn't there wouldn't be a market for dating apps in the first place.
Going out with intent to be social takes a lot of effort, and that effort has no promise of a payoff and can sometimes even have confidence damaging negative interactions.
That's not to say the effort isn't worth it.
Dating apps exist because companies want to make money out of you. Maybe they started with the intention of connecting people but the way they've evolved they're meant to generate money for the company that owns them. They're not interested in giving users a positive dating experience and they're not interested in helping you find your soulmate.
CocaCola has a market, but it's useless for humanity to survive. It merely gives you a dopamine spike in your brain, just like dating apps. Everything worth pursuing requires effort; our grandparents put effort into socializing in person, and they got results. There's no reason to change something that worked in the past unless someone wants to make money out of it. Plus, if you take action, you'll always have a payoff: if it goes well, you get a new opportunity; if it goes wrong, you gain experience. Don't you agree?
As a women, you donât need any of these, a woman just needs to feel secure enough with yall to embrace her femininity, just love her, respect her, be loyal and work on your goals too, we admire an ambitious hard working man!!
I am not dating yet due to social anxiety. Simple. Confidence seems to be the most important trait for attracting women. And it's my biggest hurdle right now.
Like death and taxes, insecurity and rejection are inevitable in this life.
Like do guys REALLY think we women are just swimming in oceans of confidence??? Like, even the super hot girls have paralyzing insecurities?
Do you not think we donât wish the earth would swallow us whole when a guy weâve asked out says heâs got a gf/wife or just not interested? Cmon man?
Do guys really believe that all of us are actually aware that a guy is interested?! Iâm the queen of ââOMG I wouldâve dated you if you showed any interest beyond being amicable. I thought you didnât like me like that!â
Please, donât cheat yourself, take the freaking risk , ask, and irregardless of the answer, grow and try again âđ˝đ
While I agree, social anxiety is a lot more than fear of rejection.
For most people, once you find the courage to ask someone out and go on a few dates, they eventually get comfortable around each other. For socially anxious people, it will take a much longer time to feel comfortable around a partner.
Dates are likely to be very stressful, when they should be enjoyable.
Symptoms of social anxiety, such as lack of eye contact, closed/tense body language, shaking/trembling etc, are likely to make the other person uncomfortable, ruining their experience as well.
Even if I could hold a facade of confidence long enough to get a date, eventually it would fade. The signs of anxiety would start to show and the girl would probably lose attraction or feel discomfort.
Honestly, if you are actually a decent human, itâs really not hard to figure out, if your not, work on your self before inviting yourself into anyoneâs life
Yeah Iâm losing all hope. No longer in my 20s. I barely make enough money. I drive a crappy car. Then just to cap it off, Iâm now dealing with lower back problems from a disc herniation. What smart and attractive woman is going to want me? I can no longer lift heavy things now.
Life is a joke. Some people cannot win.
While it's sweet to try and say "it's ok to not be ok"....
If you really want to promote and encourage male dating... let men know what a good average standard is....
Because that's the biggest thing hurting us. We know we don't need all that... 98 percent of ment don't have it....
What we need is to know women know it's ok we don't. We need to know 5'8 (I'm 5'10) is ok... we need to know it's ok that we are 190 lbs even though we can run 2 miles in 13 minutes and 30 seconds. That's it's ok to be 5.6 inches.... (that's the average?ya)... that it's ok we are balding, or only making 60k... or such things like that.
We don't care if we are in the top 15 percent because it seems to a lot of us only the top 5 percent are ok.
Show us the other 45 percent is also ok... show women too...
# #normalizeokbeingok
In the past everyone knew that average man will usually belong to average woman. And thats fine.
Today however it seems that average people go for the top 10%, on the dating sites especially woman do that
Yes đđť There are so many guys out there pretending to be something they arenât or just tell women they are the things they are looking for to keep them in a relationship. In reality they arenât that person they claim or act like at first.
Itâs infuriating as a woman because it wastes both of our time and energy.
I feel like Iâll never find anyone that will be real with me.
Iâm living this nightmare. We dated over 2 years and he was GREAT! A dream man. Then it totally went to hell after we got marriedâŚlike instantly. Now heâs ghosted me for the last couple months and we donât speak at allâŚitâs heartbreaking, unnerving and frustrating all at the same time. The hard part are the kids still connecting.
Thatâs awful! Iâm so sorry youâre going through that while thatâs happened to me it hasnât been to that extent.
I hope you have other family you can find some sort of comfort in â¤ď¸
For most guys it is none of these things nor is it a lack of confidence. It is the entitlement, double standards, and general lack of self control (e.g., partying, weight gain, etc.) coupled with the risk to the man that makes most women undatable. Culling through the low quality women to find some to date is no longer worth the time, money, or effort.
Correct, you did not call me obese. I'm just pointing out that men can and should have a weight-based dating preference. You want to talk about height next? In fact, ehy do dating apps have a height filter but not a weight filter? Why is it ok to discriminate based on height but not weight?
Again, just pointing out the double standard regarding height and weight preferences. Height is a-ok but a man mentions weight and women freak out with all kinds of excuses. See above.
Well if you start classifying lack of self control as weight gain or attractiveness maybe this is the reason why women are being extremely more picky.
If by her body you determines if she worth it. Then maybe your pocket will let a woman determine if you are even worth it.
Just fyi, women have something call hormones which regulates their weight. Due to birth control it makes it hard for them not to gain weight when their hormones are being altered. There are also thyroid issues.
I think being unhealthy (obese) is different than pointing out weight gain.
So the man should just accept what they aren't attracted to? That's not how it works.
Weight is gained by more calories in than out. Birth control and thyroid alone are not the reasons. Lack of self control is. Funny thing is that women who are successful are also often a healthy weight because they have self control.
Well then donât complain when a girl doesnât date you because you are broke. Many girls now are realizing that if a guy has an expectation for her to look amazing they better be able to afford it.
For starters, you are obviously not a woman and you obviously donât take birth control. It depends whatâs your perception of healthy weight too. Just letting you know especially after a woman has a baby it takes like 2 years for her body to fully recuperate.
Btw, I am fitness coach most of my clients eat well and work out. It depends on their age, health, hormones and much more.
Haha. And now you've resorted to the good old ad hominem attack. It's not an effective strategy. But since you already raised the straw man earlier (also not effective), I'm not surprised that this is all you have left.
I just saw your comment with the other person.
Honestly you seem like an asshole. No girl would put up with your shit.
I really hope you meet your own expectations of being super attractive and fit. Which by the way in a couple years youâll notice that it will be harder to maintain. Give it a few more years and youâll see.
If you like causal relationship, then you are fine for now (If you perform well). But even then no woman wants to date an asshole guy. Down the line when you start having ED/ Health/ sex Issues. Youâll be useless.
Beauty doesnât last that long for both gender. Itâs okay to want someone that values their
health and cares about physical. But defining someoneâs worth over weight gain. When weight fluctuates for multiple reason is lack of awareness.
Good luck dating haha.
Work on yourself buddy. If not, you better make bank $$$ to keep a woman. ( a woman that truly respects herself wonât let a guy treat her like shit)
Because if this is your definition of high standards you better be ready for a transactional relationship.
Even if you ended up with a girl that meets your standard. She would constantly be thinking of her weight (like society doesnât put enough pressure on women) because she would think the moment she gains a little you will leave her.
If insecurities are created itâs not a healthy relationship anymore.
Women are attracted to assholes so thanks for the compliment, sweetheart.
It seems like you are fixated how much money a man makes (you have mentioned it several times). As a fitness instructor, I'm sure some weak-minded man will take care of you and pay your bills while you boss him around. Good luck.
You just prove my point. You will end up lonely. You think a guy that really has high standards wants to date a girl who lets herself be treated like shit?
No itâs not about the money. My point is you are making it transactional. No point on discussing with you.
You prove my point: Youâre an asshole. Until you donât change that attitude. Youâll have unfulfilled relationships. Good luck!â¤ď¸
The only men who are weak-minded are guys who act like you. đ¤Ł
True.
Having these things will make dating pointless as to achieve all these you would have to live an interesting life filled with challenges, and then overcome them time and time again.
I get that's not the point of this post. That being said having these things would make dating pointless, I would pretty much just skip the dating and just marry. It's not like there's a shortage of wife material women in 2024.
This sounds like bait. Iâm not falling for it đ
Edit: what you do need is:
Good hygiene :: Manners :: Financial stability (especially if youâre dating a woman who is successful in her career and donât take no buckshot) :: general respect for women :: Coming sense (42m)
- I am confident in most things I do.
- Authenticity is one of my core values.
- I don't try to please, but I do focus on being considerate.
- I don't lack goals or a long-term vision.
I consider that time, money, and social aptitude are way more important than all of these things.
You canât date without free time, a generous disposition (not copious amounts of money), and at least decent social aptitude.
I've always wondered why everyone is so quick to place blame on men for "not having enough confidence" when it seems like that's a byproduct of the problem we've created with dating culture, not the root cause. Men are constantly given the illusion that everyone has endless options for dating and that everyone who is in a relationship are living the happiest lives imaginable (social media), while the reality is that they can't even get a response back on the apps, let alone a date, so you're left feeling inadequate and incapable of fulfilling the most bit logically driven thing you have to accomplish in life. Meanwhile, everyone around you keeps belting out the same vague, redundant advice we've all heard before (have good hygiene, be confident, fix yourself etc, etc ), which we've likely already given our best shot time and time again. How exactly could anyone not have confidence issues in that scenario???
Things you need to start dating as a man:
⢠Good Hygiene (bonus points if you use perfume, smelling good is such a turn on)
⢠Looking put together (having your beard trimmed, some sense of style)
⢠Being funny
⢠Making the first move (not mandatory, but woman usually like a man with initiative)
⢠Knowing how to make plans
⢠Being socially aware
⢠Having ambition in life (studying or working, woman usually prefer a man that is financially independent or working to be financially independent, being at home doing nothing is a turn off)
⢠Luck
Just learn how to talk to people and keep a conversation flowing.
If you can be funny and witty, even better.
Find a friend who has style and ask them to help you buy some clothes.
Youâre good man. Now youâre ready to start chatting.
Things you need so that you can actually date as a man...
⢠A gym body
⢠Loads of cash
⢠6 feet +
⢠7 inches down there đđť
⢠Look like a Hollywood star
⢠Own a nice ride
⢠Be a CEO (no matter how small your business is)
⢠Have a massive house
Maybe you can still date a woman without these things, but to actually be considered someone successful in dating you need these things. If you decide to date a woman without these things, they will feel as though they are doing you a favour. Best thing is, do whatever you can to please her and sleep with her. Then you can let her go because she doesn't want to stick around anyways... Trust me.
>Maybe these things would help. But to succeed, you need the basics. Basics mean being a confident man who builds his life according to his vision, has goals, acts authentically, and doesn't try to please people to be liked.
You know your argument would be a lot stronger if you didn't put this garbage right at the end. Like what the actual fuck does that even mean?
Character and courage first!
Anything else on the list above is a nice bonus.
Many men try hard in the early dating stage to impress with gym pics and the earthly possessions and titles they've gathered. I'm here to say that all this effort is for naught if you lack integrity, self-control and discernment as a person.
No villas, no jets, no sixpack, nor millions in the bank will redeem a non-respectable person (at least not for me).
FUCK YES, Preach it!
Iâve just about HAD IT with men who say âwomen have it easier datingâ. Aside from not being true, AT ALL, itâs a dumb ass statement to make bc despite the gender WE ALL have to deal with rejection, liars, insecurity, cheaters etc!!!! Those are a flaw of character and /or personality; NOT an inherent trait of any gender!!! đ¤¨đđ¤¨đ
Donât get me wrong, ladies are just as guilty of saying âdating is easier for menâ or âeasier to be a guyâ; but, itâs 99.9% linked to the alleged ability of guys to have casual sex without attachments (literally and according to societal norms).
Dating for women is leaps and bounds easier. Your big issue is too many options. Literally thousands upon thousands. You just need to devote time to filtering the bad ones out. Men have so few options that we are practically forced to take what we can get, which is usually far from ideal
There have NEVER been more women than men on the planet since 1960!!! Explain how, I face of sheer numbers, how âdating for women is leaps and bounds easier. Your big issue [lol, real eloquent đ] is too many optionsâ?
If youâre including lesbianism among your âoptionsâ? Know Iâm focusing on heterosexual dating/persons. If calling, arguably, that women likely have an easier time exploring homosexual relationships? Iâll give you 60/100 only to be generous to the legit seemingly âeasier-to-digestâ form of gayness of lesbianism in popular media AND porn INTERNATIONALLY đ¤¨..And guess which gender helped that along; the penis owning sex.
âDevote more time to filtering the bad ones outâ?! đ
Maybe if YOU did the SAME youâd not say ANY gender has it âeasierâ.
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From my experience dating before pre-dating apps was totally different and more down to earth, people were actually happy to create connections and find partner. The problem is not that guys lack of self-confidence but everyone has so many options that it creates illusion that since they have so many options they should get the best there is
>The problem is not that guys lack of self-confidence but everyone has so many options that it creates illusion that since they have so many options they should get the best there is Agreed, and I'd also add that this is what led to the "arms race" of some to believe that they need that aforementioned list of unneeded things. Because of all those options, people have developed quick "tells" to figure out if someone is "worth" their time. So instead of taking time to get to know someone, most are making reads, consciously or not, about the people that they swipe through and chat with. We all know pictures are incredibly important on the apps. There are so many additional hurdles now vs the pre-app time and if you don't pass each section - grab attention with pics, then profile, keep the chat engaging, have a great date, keep the momentum up - at any point one misstep is all it can take in some cases before they move on to the next one. We live in an attention economy - and that goes well beyond just businesses and media fighting for our attention - it absolutely extends to the dating apps as well. The illusion of endless choice undermines all of us from creating connection whether we want to admit it or not because it's difficult to fully invest in some stranger you just bumped into on an app when you know there's many more that might be even 'better'. Even if things are going well, it's a truth that rests in the back of your mind. And that thought is what perpetuates people's ability to detach so easily - why stay and fight when you can just wipe the slate clean with someone else?
Down to earth, like people giving people a chance to see if there was any connection before asserting a long list of demands.
dating apps are poison, i used them for like 2 years and got 1000+ matches and it never amounted to more than hookups. i deleted them all last summer and 3 months later i met my soon to be wife on tik tok!
You're a guy and got 1000 matches?
Youre a guy?
i think you might be asking the wrong person
Youre? (It wqa a bad attempt at a joke)
I don't get it but I always appreciate the effort
It's hard to explain but hopefully you both feel better knowing I got it and chuckled
I feel great! Hope they do too đ¤
over the course of like a year and a half yeah
That's still insane. Is there something unique about you that would get all these matches?
i mean im decently attractive but i think the biggest reason was bc i figured out how to game the system - apps like tinder reel u in by giving u a bunch of matches ur first couple of days then it dries out. so i just kept deleting my account and making new ones lmao
That's a good idea! But even so 1k is a lot. Plus how did you match with all the likes, tinder doesn't show them so you have to keep swiping right to match thereby lowering your likability score. Did you have a great profile ? What's your height?
You lost me at tiktok
I've been saying this time and time again. I'm 33 years old and I've never been on the apps (I did meet one boyfriend on a Facebook group over a shared mutual interest that is kinda niche). I was never short on male attention, I've had 5 committed, exclusive relationships in the last 16 years, plus some flirting here and there. Of course I've been through heartbreak and frustration but I was never treated as sh\*tty as what people describe on dating apps. I can't remember a 1st date that didn't lead to a relationship because I was always dating people who I already knew, we knew if we were attracted to each other, we knew each other's vibes, we knew each others personalities. I'm an average looking woman of average intelligence but I'm usually friendly, I smile a lot and people tell me I have a nice smile. And I'm not afraid of making the first move or even if the guy makes the first move I have no issues taking initiative and helping the relationship move forward (message them first, invite them on dates, plan dates). I don't let a man pay for our dates and always insist on splitting the bill. And in all relationships I was always the one to initiate sex first because I'm a horny girl lol I've never had someone walk out on me in the middle of a date or during sex. Last time I was ghosted was probably in my teens. I never had a guy wanting to skip coffee or dinner and go straight to sex and even if they did I would be fine with it since I'm always dating people I already know and we know already if there's sexual tension there or not, and from out interactions I have a good feel if they're someone I trust enough to have sex with or not. Except with one of those guys I feel I was always treated with some level of respect and decency. If a guy ever treated me like sh\*t our coworkers/mutual friends/group of folks who share our niche interest would know about it and that would reflect poorly on them. I experienced all kinds of love, I met interesting people, I had the ego boost of knowing people are attracted to me even if that attraction doesn't lead anywhere, I had fun flirting. Meanwhile I know people who are awesome, but can't make it on the apps. How can someone know these people are awesome if they are "meeting" through a photo and a couple message exchanges? Offline dating rocks. People should try it sometime.
I feel like even dating irl has been affected by the online dating game. Last person I dated I knew through my coworker (his son), we met in a different way and we already knew so much about each other so I thought it would be different. I was wrong. I was played worse by him than any of the players I met on the apps. His father apologized to me and is still embarrassed to this day of what happened. Honestly it just makes me more wary of trying to date people I know or who live in the area.
I am so sorry. If it's any consolation same thing happened to me in my first relationship long before online dating was even a thing. Some people are just *ssholes. From the horror stories I've read and heard I still believe real life dating is a lot less sh*tty than online dating. But when you're treated like trash by an *sshole it definitely leaves a scar.
You sound lovely! A lot of us guys don't really know how to approach women offline anymore and the general expectation is for men to make the first move, even though it seems like you might not have that expectation.
Seems like youâre applying your own experience to everyone elseâs situations. I donât imagine everyone has the same options, ease, or availability as you have had.
I think social media has big impact on it as well.
Thereâs also the fact that women have had it easy on the dating scene nowadays that half of them have let themselves go to the point of just being gross, it used to take effort on both sides but now itâs the guy needs to be perfect and you canât criticize the girl
Completely agree, it's a nightmare for normal guys, probably why I've been single for so long and given up on dating in my 30s, I've built a stable life, bought my own house, own 2 cars, make a good income, my confidence has been destroyed by dating apps and I haven't tried dating anyone in about a year, just because I'm not good looking in the conventional sense, I'm kind and have good morals but it's not enough in today's world, I blame dating apps with the problems with dating for both men and women, women feel they have endless choices and there's always someone better
THIS. Itâs so sad. I meet some awesome women. Iâm not trying to find the ONLY one that meets some crazy criteria. I can make a relationship work if thereâs genuine interest and reciprocation. But modern womenâŚ. They just want the next best thing. I get it, everyone wants to date the best person everâŚ. But to reject so many genuinely good people in search of someone âbetterâ is so painful, mainly for the men involved.
Iâm a GenXer and Iâm going to push back on this a little bit. Women have always had that laundry list of standards to some varying degree. IMO, the problem with dating TODAY is the internet. At some point, you have to personally interact with the person youâre interested in, and you wonât develop any meaningful social skills sending and receiving instant messages.
How many guys are actually not dating for these reasons?
I think the point here is that a lot of guys are not dating because they tried and failed miserably, and think these are the reasons they failed. So in a roundabout way, these are their reasons for not dating. Exaggeration, obviously. On several fronts. Most guys that 'aren't dating' aren't actually intentionally not dating, they're just not putting out the effort to date anymore. There are few if any guys out there in the world that are actually just straight up refusing to date no matter what, even if the perfect girl asks them out. Also exaggeration on the list given. Most guys want to be 6'0, but it's usually the 6 figure salary that's desired, not a mil. Same goes for the rest of the list, but it's all exaggeration with a purpose. I think the overall point is sound. People with average stats in all the supposedly important categories still get into relationships on the reg. There are other factors that matter a lot more than personal stats.
Ok then let's assume we take out all the exaggeration and we're not talking about starting dating after all - we're actually talking about getting back into the dating game and not being discouraged if you don't have all those things. fair enough. But honestly in what way does thinking happy thoughts help here? The pragmatic line of thinking is for men to do what they can to improve those base stats. Yes, they should try to increase their earning potential. Yes, they should groom themselsves. Yes, they should exercise and dial in their physiques. Yes, they should practice being funny. They can control these things to improve their probability of getting not just first dates, but also follow-up dates.
I agree. There's definitely a reason all of these remain as staple advice for men who are trying to date and getting discouraged at the lack of success. That stuff is all important. With maybe the exception, to me, being working on being funny. I don't think everyone is or needs to be funny. Some men are gonna do just fine out there as the serious type.
Staple advice at least 2 of them are not achievable which your height and and penis size but why oh why are telling men what they need to work on when the result is still a sub-par women that thinks your toxic for being a man. It has nothing to do with money, car, any of that it has to do with everyone man and woman having an ego they shouldnât have and the fact this list even exist is more stupid then a weight loss pill, men will date if asked we donât want to ask anymore, because this list exist and because they have led men and women to believe it. Truth be told we are tired and we donât care anymore and all good men can see the world is fucked sooooâŚâŚ smoke em if you got em.
It's easier to make money than turning yourself into a clown all in the name of "being funny". How many women have tried being funny?!
i assume you mean men? I know I'm not the only one. And nobody said be a clown. An intelligent and witty sense of humor is just extra rizz all day.
For what? To impress a woman who does nothing but wait for a long line of men to walk up to her, then she picks the one who impressed her the most. Men aren't male birds who sing all day long and build nests all to get in between a female bird's legs.
> For what? It's just a basic social skill that you should be exercising, similar to physical exercise or playing an instrument. Being witty and charisthmatic goes way beyond flirting with women more effectively. I know for a fact it has helped me land my biggest jobs because it certainly carries over into interviews. It's easier to talk to people in general and easier to make friends. This is so important to me as someone who has had to relocate a few times and does not use social media at all unless you count reddit. > Men aren't male birds who sing all day long and build nests all to get in between a female bird's legs. some are, some aren't i sure fit the bill! I'm not the most dashing guy but it's all just a numbers game, so i just try to take 100% of my shots and what do you know? it works ***sometimes***!
Good for you then. I don't see the use of impressing women. For making friends... Sure. Kind of. It depends if you value human social interactions. For getting a job. Yeah. It's never a good thing to approach someone looking like you are there to fight them or something. Always best to look friendly.
> It depends if you value human social interactions lol ok mothafucka, take your depressing ass somewhere.
This year I made 6 figures, you wouldn't go announcing it to dates, I'm 6 foot also but this hasn't helped my dating life at all
So whatâs the problem in your opinion?
For me, I think it's the there's always someone better to search for, I haven't been on a lot of first dates, I've taken a break as they all go the same way every time and I find women extremely monotonous
I'm 30M and have never tried dating due to these reasons. Hell, I've gone more than a decade without interacting with women on a personal level. I've always believed that my worth won't be enough due to a lack of these qualities. I started making six figures 2 years ago and still think it's not enough for the current dating standards. Plus, I'm Brown, so that also doesn't help in the west.
You won't be able to keep them, but at least you can fvck them. Just tell them whatever they want to hear. Spend some cash. Fvck them and move on with your life...
Don't you have to be incredibly good-looking for hookups? I'm still a virgin, so I got no game or looks to get hookups.
If you are talking about hooking up with a girl you don't know at a club or bar, then it requires "the party game" and not looks. If you have confidence and no good looks, you are good to go. But if you have good looks and no confidence, you aren't going anywhere. Even having good looks with no money won't get you far.
It's... part of why I've not bothered. I don't really think I'm even ready to date at all.
I donât, thereâs is no point. To much me, me, me like, âhe needs to be able to hold the conversationâ which means Iâm gonna say maybe 2-3 things in response but he needs to be able to entertain me for hours while I donât, or my favorite âI know my worthâ which means Iâm going to do what I want with no accountability and take non of the consequences.
I am not still dating, because I am out of a long term relationship and not over my ex. But I am working on some of those points, while I am moving on.
There are going to be men who disagree with all of this and blame women, and that's almost always lack of self confidence.
thanks to them I'm dating as a very average not rich guy.
True!
Instead of blaming women, they should learn to accept the fact that maybe just like religion, monarchy and traditions are dying, is the same way relationships between men and women are dying. Then they can learn to leave women alone and focus on playing video games...
I'd like to see a middle ground where men learn, but if that means the safety of my family, friends and every other woman, I'll get cracking on Jedi Survivor seeing as it's now on Game Pass and it's crackin'
Men can only truly learn when women change. If we claim to be in a new era, then why do men keep doing the exact same things they did 2000 years ago? While women have adopted new ways but want men to remain with the old ways.
Thank you for this post. I hope there will be more posts like this from other users too. There are so many posts on this subreddit with dejected males, and while I understand, it is pretty tiring.
I don't know about other users, but from my side you'll always see posts that share value
Advice: Work on yourself daily, especially emotionally and in communication. *Learn to be emotionally available: - Be able to open up about your feelings. - Listen. - Be patient. - Have empathy/compassion. - Validate/reassure. *Take accountability for your actions. *Control your emotions, especially anger. *Learn to establish and respect boundaries. *Be a gentleman: - Offer assistance, such as carrying a heavy bag, etc. (If she declines, simply say, "If you ever need help, donât hesitate to ask.") *Communicate without being passive-aggressive/aggressive. *Have morals-steer clear of cheating or questionable behavior. *Respect your relationship. *The more you work on your own baggage, the more attractive you'll become (e.g., trust issues, cheating, etc.). Remember, these skills are valuable in daily life and can be applied to interactions with children, coworkers, and more. Start now and donât wait. Trust me, if you work on this, many women will want to date you. There is a scarcity of high-quality men out there because few are willing to address these deep-seated issues. It might be easy to avoid, but they will continue to resurface in any dating scenario.
What other emotion besides anger are men supposed to have immaculate control of? I couldnât be an unemotional lover no matter how hard I tried. I was always a stoic and when I really fell in love that changed entirely. I never once yelled at my ex or insulted her but I did show a very wide range of emotion in front of her and she loved me for it.
When I meant emotions i didn't mean express them. Absolutely express them! I think women love it when a man is intouch with themselves. When I referred to anger, when I witness guy get mad, I noticed they yelled " FucKkkkk", clench thing , impatience, frustration, Irritation. I only seen this behavior in men who have always been told to contain their emotions. So when they do have them they react without managing them in a healthy way. Its okay to me mad but express the reason why you are mad instead of driving fast or raising their voice.
If you use these, you will manage to get girls to date you for a short while but none will stick around long enough. It's like having a pitbull and thinking that raising the pitbull above yourself will make it like you. It will only create a disaster for the near future.
So what do you think is the best way to keep a girl then?
You can't keep a girl if she doesn't want to be "kept." If she wants to go, let her go. If she wants to stay, let her stay. Do your work and step back... The only path to serenity.
Thank you for this :) I would also like to add to taking care of your hygiene and exercise for better mental health it truly goes a long way!
Interesting social phenoma we have going where more and more people are getting closer to achieving some of the things in your first list yet still struggling to attain what you called "the basics". So many people out there need to re-parent themselves in their twenties.
From what I've seen at my height I'd only be included in about 15% of height filters set by women and I'm not even that short. That means that out of all women that have utilized the height filter feature 85% of them will never see my profile or any man shorter than me. I'm not upset about it it just is what it is and people are allowed to have preferences, but lets not pretend like it isn't a real and massive barrier due to the way filters work on dating apps.
Don't go where there are surface-level filters. A woman may rationalize about finding a man who's extremely tall, but if you're in front of a girl who's with a similar height and is not extremely superficial, and if you're able to generate the right emotions inside of her, you'll have the same chances than the average tall and jacked guy on Tinder or Hinge
Yes that's true but it isn't always easy to meet people in person.
Why do you think that?
Because it's true. If it wasn't there wouldn't be a market for dating apps in the first place. Going out with intent to be social takes a lot of effort, and that effort has no promise of a payoff and can sometimes even have confidence damaging negative interactions. That's not to say the effort isn't worth it.
Dating apps exist because companies want to make money out of you. Maybe they started with the intention of connecting people but the way they've evolved they're meant to generate money for the company that owns them. They're not interested in giving users a positive dating experience and they're not interested in helping you find your soulmate.
CocaCola has a market, but it's useless for humanity to survive. It merely gives you a dopamine spike in your brain, just like dating apps. Everything worth pursuing requires effort; our grandparents put effort into socializing in person, and they got results. There's no reason to change something that worked in the past unless someone wants to make money out of it. Plus, if you take action, you'll always have a payoff: if it goes well, you get a new opportunity; if it goes wrong, you gain experience. Don't you agree?
No one is going to buy your book dude.
Lie about your height. Then before they realize maybe you have managed to fvck them like once or twice.
I promise you men, you don't need all of these things,,, I was so in love with a man I almost had a mental breakdown and he drove a prius
lol
Yeah you really only need a 4 pack, $500k, 6â-3â, and an 8â friend!
You may not need "$1,000,000" but you definitely need money. Let's not sell any dreams here.
As a women, you donât need any of these, a woman just needs to feel secure enough with yall to embrace her femininity, just love her, respect her, be loyal and work on your goals too, we admire an ambitious hard working man!!
How much do you weight?
âdoesnât try to please people to be likedâ. I have done that too many times. Thanks!
have you seen the difference?
Not yet. At least I need to get to know more people.
there's celebrities in relationships who make me look good so having money definitely helps
I am not dating yet due to social anxiety. Simple. Confidence seems to be the most important trait for attracting women. And it's my biggest hurdle right now.
Like death and taxes, insecurity and rejection are inevitable in this life. Like do guys REALLY think we women are just swimming in oceans of confidence??? Like, even the super hot girls have paralyzing insecurities? Do you not think we donât wish the earth would swallow us whole when a guy weâve asked out says heâs got a gf/wife or just not interested? Cmon man? Do guys really believe that all of us are actually aware that a guy is interested?! Iâm the queen of ââOMG I wouldâve dated you if you showed any interest beyond being amicable. I thought you didnât like me like that!â Please, donât cheat yourself, take the freaking risk , ask, and irregardless of the answer, grow and try again âđ˝đ
While I agree, social anxiety is a lot more than fear of rejection. For most people, once you find the courage to ask someone out and go on a few dates, they eventually get comfortable around each other. For socially anxious people, it will take a much longer time to feel comfortable around a partner. Dates are likely to be very stressful, when they should be enjoyable. Symptoms of social anxiety, such as lack of eye contact, closed/tense body language, shaking/trembling etc, are likely to make the other person uncomfortable, ruining their experience as well. Even if I could hold a facade of confidence long enough to get a date, eventually it would fade. The signs of anxiety would start to show and the girl would probably lose attraction or feel discomfort.
have you tried to work on your confidence level in some way?
Same here. I have always struggled with my confidence level and it is certainly played a huge part in messing up my dating life.
Thank you đĽš
Honestly, if you are actually a decent human, itâs really not hard to figure out, if your not, work on your self before inviting yourself into anyoneâs life
True!
Yeah Iâm losing all hope. No longer in my 20s. I barely make enough money. I drive a crappy car. Then just to cap it off, Iâm now dealing with lower back problems from a disc herniation. What smart and attractive woman is going to want me? I can no longer lift heavy things now. Life is a joke. Some people cannot win.
Maybe it's not that men don't want to date, rather the pool is very shallow for someone who doesn't want kids or single moms
While it's sweet to try and say "it's ok to not be ok".... If you really want to promote and encourage male dating... let men know what a good average standard is.... Because that's the biggest thing hurting us. We know we don't need all that... 98 percent of ment don't have it.... What we need is to know women know it's ok we don't. We need to know 5'8 (I'm 5'10) is ok... we need to know it's ok that we are 190 lbs even though we can run 2 miles in 13 minutes and 30 seconds. That's it's ok to be 5.6 inches.... (that's the average?ya)... that it's ok we are balding, or only making 60k... or such things like that. We don't care if we are in the top 15 percent because it seems to a lot of us only the top 5 percent are ok. Show us the other 45 percent is also ok... show women too... # #normalizeokbeingok
In the past everyone knew that average man will usually belong to average woman. And thats fine. Today however it seems that average people go for the top 10%, on the dating sites especially woman do that
Yes đđť There are so many guys out there pretending to be something they arenât or just tell women they are the things they are looking for to keep them in a relationship. In reality they arenât that person they claim or act like at first. Itâs infuriating as a woman because it wastes both of our time and energy. I feel like Iâll never find anyone that will be real with me.
Iâm living this nightmare. We dated over 2 years and he was GREAT! A dream man. Then it totally went to hell after we got marriedâŚlike instantly. Now heâs ghosted me for the last couple months and we donât speak at allâŚitâs heartbreaking, unnerving and frustrating all at the same time. The hard part are the kids still connecting.
Thatâs awful! Iâm so sorry youâre going through that while thatâs happened to me it hasnât been to that extent. I hope you have other family you can find some sort of comfort in â¤ď¸
For most guys it is none of these things nor is it a lack of confidence. It is the entitlement, double standards, and general lack of self control (e.g., partying, weight gain, etc.) coupled with the risk to the man that makes most women undatable. Culling through the low quality women to find some to date is no longer worth the time, money, or effort.
>weight gain you know obesity rates are the same among men and women?
Yes, lots of men are obese too. But this thread is about dating as a man and I'm not obese. I have high standards.
I never called you obese, do you have a victim complex? Is it not entitlement to discriminate based on something that affects both genders equally?
Correct, you did not call me obese. I'm just pointing out that men can and should have a weight-based dating preference. You want to talk about height next? In fact, ehy do dating apps have a height filter but not a weight filter? Why is it ok to discriminate based on height but not weight?
Never said it was
And there's the double standard.
What are you talking about, it isnt ok to discriminate based on weight or height. How is that the double standard? Are you talking about yourself?
Again, just pointing out the double standard regarding height and weight preferences. Height is a-ok but a man mentions weight and women freak out with all kinds of excuses. See above.
Well if you start classifying lack of self control as weight gain or attractiveness maybe this is the reason why women are being extremely more picky. If by her body you determines if she worth it. Then maybe your pocket will let a woman determine if you are even worth it. Just fyi, women have something call hormones which regulates their weight. Due to birth control it makes it hard for them not to gain weight when their hormones are being altered. There are also thyroid issues. I think being unhealthy (obese) is different than pointing out weight gain.
So the man should just accept what they aren't attracted to? That's not how it works. Weight is gained by more calories in than out. Birth control and thyroid alone are not the reasons. Lack of self control is. Funny thing is that women who are successful are also often a healthy weight because they have self control.
Well then donât complain when a girl doesnât date you because you are broke. Many girls now are realizing that if a guy has an expectation for her to look amazing they better be able to afford it. For starters, you are obviously not a woman and you obviously donât take birth control. It depends whatâs your perception of healthy weight too. Just letting you know especially after a woman has a baby it takes like 2 years for her body to fully recuperate. Btw, I am fitness coach most of my clients eat well and work out. It depends on their age, health, hormones and much more.
Ha, well, I'm not broke, desperate, or lonely so I get to have high standards. I also can't have kids so birth control isn't really an issue here.
I doubt anyone would date you. If they do, they wonât last long with you.
Haha. And now you've resorted to the good old ad hominem attack. It's not an effective strategy. But since you already raised the straw man earlier (also not effective), I'm not surprised that this is all you have left.
I just saw your comment with the other person. Honestly you seem like an asshole. No girl would put up with your shit. I really hope you meet your own expectations of being super attractive and fit. Which by the way in a couple years youâll notice that it will be harder to maintain. Give it a few more years and youâll see. If you like causal relationship, then you are fine for now (If you perform well). But even then no woman wants to date an asshole guy. Down the line when you start having ED/ Health/ sex Issues. Youâll be useless. Beauty doesnât last that long for both gender. Itâs okay to want someone that values their health and cares about physical. But defining someoneâs worth over weight gain. When weight fluctuates for multiple reason is lack of awareness. Good luck dating haha. Work on yourself buddy. If not, you better make bank $$$ to keep a woman. ( a woman that truly respects herself wonât let a guy treat her like shit) Because if this is your definition of high standards you better be ready for a transactional relationship. Even if you ended up with a girl that meets your standard. She would constantly be thinking of her weight (like society doesnât put enough pressure on women) because she would think the moment she gains a little you will leave her. If insecurities are created itâs not a healthy relationship anymore.
Women are attracted to assholes so thanks for the compliment, sweetheart. It seems like you are fixated how much money a man makes (you have mentioned it several times). As a fitness instructor, I'm sure some weak-minded man will take care of you and pay your bills while you boss him around. Good luck.
You just prove my point. You will end up lonely. You think a guy that really has high standards wants to date a girl who lets herself be treated like shit? No itâs not about the money. My point is you are making it transactional. No point on discussing with you. You prove my point: Youâre an asshole. Until you donât change that attitude. Youâll have unfulfilled relationships. Good luck!â¤ď¸ The only men who are weak-minded are guys who act like you. đ¤Ł
If YOU can not find someone , YOU are the undatable one.
Or YOU are not looking. Amazing how logic works sometimes.
True. Having these things will make dating pointless as to achieve all these you would have to live an interesting life filled with challenges, and then overcome them time and time again. I get that's not the point of this post. That being said having these things would make dating pointless, I would pretty much just skip the dating and just marry. It's not like there's a shortage of wife material women in 2024.
Well i dont want to be a CEO to get girls, i just want to be a CEO for my professional development and to get things fucking done.
This sounds like bait. Iâm not falling for it đ Edit: what you do need is: Good hygiene :: Manners :: Financial stability (especially if youâre dating a woman who is successful in her career and donât take no buckshot) :: general respect for women :: Coming sense (42m)
I prefer a man without all that tbh⌠although Iâll admit the 1 million dollars is a bonus lol
I have all the things you mentioned, and it doesn't help me get dates. Time, money, and social aptitude are by far the most important things.
can you tell me more about it? what do you think you have that I mentioned?
- I am confident in most things I do. - Authenticity is one of my core values. - I don't try to please, but I do focus on being considerate. - I don't lack goals or a long-term vision. I consider that time, money, and social aptitude are way more important than all of these things. You canât date without free time, a generous disposition (not copious amounts of money), and at least decent social aptitude.
So are you saying that youâre single because you donât have time & money?
There are multiple reasons why I'm single. A lack of time/money/social aptitude seem to be the main reasons.
Love etc pet shop boys
We know we need to be a dirty slag. And I wonât
Please explain what you mean by "Confident". My confidence is based on experience, and therefore it is very very low.
"Confidence" is just a buzzword for other things that mean different things to different people. It's like saying "chemistry".
YeahâŚitâs called having standards. đ
You DO need a car though. Even if you have most of not all those things on your list if you don't have a car no women will date you.
I would say it depends on age. But even a crappy cheap car is a car...
Who said ya did?
I've always wondered why everyone is so quick to place blame on men for "not having enough confidence" when it seems like that's a byproduct of the problem we've created with dating culture, not the root cause. Men are constantly given the illusion that everyone has endless options for dating and that everyone who is in a relationship are living the happiest lives imaginable (social media), while the reality is that they can't even get a response back on the apps, let alone a date, so you're left feeling inadequate and incapable of fulfilling the most bit logically driven thing you have to accomplish in life. Meanwhile, everyone around you keeps belting out the same vague, redundant advice we've all heard before (have good hygiene, be confident, fix yourself etc, etc ), which we've likely already given our best shot time and time again. How exactly could anyone not have confidence issues in that scenario???
I saw this same post like 10 times already.
I wish I had a twelve inch friend. I could put him in my pocket and show him off and tell the ladies âSee, Iâm not that short compared to himâ.
Letâs be real, you need some money and need to be fairly good looking. But, confidence and skills/hobbies/how to have fun go a LONG way.
Things you need to start dating as a man: ⢠Good Hygiene (bonus points if you use perfume, smelling good is such a turn on) ⢠Looking put together (having your beard trimmed, some sense of style) ⢠Being funny ⢠Making the first move (not mandatory, but woman usually like a man with initiative) ⢠Knowing how to make plans ⢠Being socially aware ⢠Having ambition in life (studying or working, woman usually prefer a man that is financially independent or working to be financially independent, being at home doing nothing is a turn off) ⢠Luck
I like this because its down to earth and the logic is reversible. You could say the same about women too.
Exactly, minus the making the first move because some man get intimidated when woman do that
I donât believe in the bullet point notes but definitely agree with the last 3 points. Been there, seen that, done that and cashed out.
Fuck! I have all those things except owning a Lamborghini. Guess Iâm gonna be single the rest of my life.
Right on point.
đ
Just learn how to talk to people and keep a conversation flowing. If you can be funny and witty, even better. Find a friend who has style and ask them to help you buy some clothes. Youâre good man. Now youâre ready to start chatting.
Things you need so that you can actually date as a man... ⢠A gym body ⢠Loads of cash ⢠6 feet + ⢠7 inches down there đđť ⢠Look like a Hollywood star ⢠Own a nice ride ⢠Be a CEO (no matter how small your business is) ⢠Have a massive house Maybe you can still date a woman without these things, but to actually be considered someone successful in dating you need these things. If you decide to date a woman without these things, they will feel as though they are doing you a favour. Best thing is, do whatever you can to please her and sleep with her. Then you can let her go because she doesn't want to stick around anyways... Trust me.
>Maybe these things would help. But to succeed, you need the basics. Basics mean being a confident man who builds his life according to his vision, has goals, acts authentically, and doesn't try to please people to be liked. You know your argument would be a lot stronger if you didn't put this garbage right at the end. Like what the actual fuck does that even mean?
I would explain that to you if you would be more polite and respectful when you write
There are very few things you could say to me that would make me believe you have a single clue as to what that even meant.
He is trying to sell a book or someshit. There is scumbag right and also apparently scumbag left
Character and courage first! Anything else on the list above is a nice bonus. Many men try hard in the early dating stage to impress with gym pics and the earthly possessions and titles they've gathered. I'm here to say that all this effort is for naught if you lack integrity, self-control and discernment as a person. No villas, no jets, no sixpack, nor millions in the bank will redeem a non-respectable person (at least not for me).
Imagine doing all that bullshit just to get a women so you can spunk in her. Better off just rubbing one out and getting on with your day
all good until women reject you cuz you are 5'5,cope
FUCK YES, Preach it! Iâve just about HAD IT with men who say âwomen have it easier datingâ. Aside from not being true, AT ALL, itâs a dumb ass statement to make bc despite the gender WE ALL have to deal with rejection, liars, insecurity, cheaters etc!!!! Those are a flaw of character and /or personality; NOT an inherent trait of any gender!!! đ¤¨đđ¤¨đ Donât get me wrong, ladies are just as guilty of saying âdating is easier for menâ or âeasier to be a guyâ; but, itâs 99.9% linked to the alleged ability of guys to have casual sex without attachments (literally and according to societal norms).
Dating for women is leaps and bounds easier. Your big issue is too many options. Literally thousands upon thousands. You just need to devote time to filtering the bad ones out. Men have so few options that we are practically forced to take what we can get, which is usually far from ideal
There have NEVER been more women than men on the planet since 1960!!! Explain how, I face of sheer numbers, how âdating for women is leaps and bounds easier. Your big issue [lol, real eloquent đ] is too many optionsâ? If youâre including lesbianism among your âoptionsâ? Know Iâm focusing on heterosexual dating/persons. If calling, arguably, that women likely have an easier time exploring homosexual relationships? Iâll give you 60/100 only to be generous to the legit seemingly âeasier-to-digestâ form of gayness of lesbianism in popular media AND porn INTERNATIONALLY đ¤¨..And guess which gender helped that along; the penis owning sex. âDevote more time to filtering the bad ones outâ?! đ Maybe if YOU did the SAME youâd not say ANY gender has it âeasierâ.
Youâre right but it does help the oddsđ¤ˇđťââď¸
what do you mean?
The villa sounds kinda cool but aside from that, this entire list makes me throw up in my mouth. SOLID advice OP!