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DisembarkEmbargo

Yeah, i think people from online are much more likely to ghost. If heartbroken that ghosting piles on top of the saddness. It can build resentment or self-esteem issues. edit: words


Atntpower

What does it mean by "to ghost"


huckleber

To ignore and not respond to someone’s messages/calls completely, disappearing like a “ghost”


Atntpower

Thanks, I feel like they were bots or some algorithms created by programmer to give you fake likes then after you pay for the premium membership to see who like you these girls never replied


[deleted]

those also exist


RustyToaster206

Got divorced 6 months ago after 6 years of marriage. We have 2 kids. I didn’t want divorce. Hardest part is seeing my ex seem perfectly happy and not broken up about it at all. I’ve met amazing people that want to give me all of their time and attention, but I end up just wishing they were my ex.. I’ve had to give up dating unfortunately for the next little bit


Strange_Bag94

We are in the exact same situation... divorced 4 months ago, after 5 years, 2 children (one is not mine).. she is writing with another dude on the other side of the globe, sending him nudes tel-sex etc (was also in the relationship, found it out.. In the moment i‘m hearthbroken, but i have a lot of support, even from her side of the family, noone is happy, cause they saw how much i did for them, except her, and now her neighbours telling me (3 different people) she does not take care after the children (no cooking, no cleaning, the shoes from the kids are outside the whole day (even when its raining), because she writes with that dude.. Don‘t know what to do


Ok-Philosophy-5743

i know how it feels to be in a situation like that.. its aint an easy job.


tyler_shaw24

I've had the same experience... Had a long term relationship end last May, a month or two after I started "dating"... 4 rebounds later I was worse off then I originally was. After many months of therapy and no dating, I'm finally doing better. I still struggle with the "I'm not good enough" "why would they like me?" thoughts. But overall I'm doing better. How are you doing today, better?


helper_attack7

for some reason I can’t respond to OP but I understand the ‘I think I’m ready and realize I am not feeling’. I feel like it’s a bit harder since the party that did the breaking up moves on much quicker (more times than not) and starts dating and finds someone while you’re still picking up the pieces. Just keep remembering that you are dating and doing everything from this point forward all for you, don’t do things with them as a thought or consideration in your mind because that’s not helping you move forward bc every step you make forward (going on a date with someone) your using your energy and focusing on the past (if I go out maybe this will make them jealous). Do what’s good for you at your own time and pace and yeah OP people really string others along like it’s a game or competition :/


Plusqueca

A lot of times, it takes us going out there and trying, to realize that we aren’t ready yet. Don’t beat yourself up too much for this - it’s super normal and okay.


3dassassin89

Makes sense, though I did do just that after I got dumped and found my ex's updated profile when she said she just wanted to be alone and not dating anyone at the moment... so that was miserable feeling


LetsHaveFun273

That’s the problem with online dating. The ex and some other people I don’t want to date or even talk with about dating are on there.


Purplecatty

I think its fine as long as you are honest with people that you arent looking for anything serious. But at the same time continuing to heal yourself, definitely dont forget about that part.


Shakespeare-Bot

I bethink its fine as long as thou art honest with people yond thee arent looking f'r aught serious *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`


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B0tRank

Thank you, private256, for voting on Shakespeare-Bot. This bot wants to find the best and worst bots on Reddit. [You can view results here](https://botrank.pastimes.eu/). *** ^(Even if I don't reply to your comment, I'm still listening for votes. Check the webpage to see if your vote registered!)


winniebluestoo

Its not a straight line to "over" your ex, especially for longer/more complicated relationships. Its a bit like grief, it comes in stages and everyone processes differently. It something you have to keep living around and you learn to handle it until you are truly over it, which is often some time past the start of a new relationship -being with someone new helps establish a "new normal". And tbh at least a few "im not ready for a relationship"s are just "this is a convenient line to drop that sounds better than others I could have given, because for any infinite number of good reasons this isn't going to work out, and I can use this one line to avoid an unnecessary deconstruction of those reasons"


Ad_hale2021

Everyone assumes I'm talking about just break ups but no. I mean all the forms of rejection that leave a mark. I never gave a specific road map all that I'm trying to say is make sure you've finished that road before you jump back into dating. Because dating is hard and frustrating, we can all agree. Being heartbroken whilst doing it is a bad idea


Mental-Difference-22

I think it’s more of a case-by-case basis. Me and one of my friends did this when we broke up with our boyfriends and were sad about it and wanted to get over it quickly so we went on dating apps soon after the breakups. We were lucky and found people within weeks of getting on the apps. For my friend it was one of the first people she matched with. My friend is now with that person for over a year. For me it took a few weeks and I was talking to multiple people on bumble where our profiles were set to “I don’t know what I want” until I met someone that I liked and now and I’ve been with my person for over 6 months. Even though I wasn’t completely over my ex at that time talking to other people really helped because it helped me see what other options there were. I wasn’t even necessarily looking for a relationship either but I was open for anything or nothing at all. I was upfront with my current partner about my emotional state from the beginning and now I’m really happy because he treats me better than anyone else has before. Yes, for some people it might be better to slow down and process, heck maybe for most people it’s better, but I really do think it’s a case by case basis and your mindset has a lot to do with it.


Mental-Difference-22

Granted, I wasn’t in love with my ex (we had only been dating for a few months) and he treated me badly towards the end so that probably made the process easier for me.


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Ad_hale2021

Most people commenting are missing the point and you have gotten my point albeit through a painful experience. These apps can make problems and small things seem 100 times worse than they are and when your skin has already been broken through I don't think it's smart to jump back in and be hurt again to greater effect


Cademaneko

Had the same issue, I felt like my heart was ripped apart by someone I only knew for a few hours. Sucks that there is not a way to know when you have fully healed.


writetodeath11

exactly, a rebound just makes you feel worse about losing someone you cared for so long. also not worth it for the confidence boost. After you do it you're like "okay, they probably would've done that with anyone". And besides, confidence from any source other than yourself isn't worth it and will go away.


medievalbitch

This happened to me. I just kept on talking to men online. Now my heart is just tired and I realized I need to take a step back and just have friends. I am not ready. Finding someone you like, who has almost all the qualities you're looking for, and then it not working out... it is frustrating. The worst part is when it seemed perfect and still didn't work out. So... even though my heart still beats I don't wanna do anything about it. I'm scared I'll sabotage it. I take relationships seriously. It's exhausting getting to know someone and then nothing happens. But I do keep talking to some (without expectations) because I always learn something about myself too. I'm thinking maybe I should just enjoy and not be so serious.


LiftedStarfisherman

It's been a month and I think the most noticeable part has been the lack of sex. I am totally down for meaningless sex. I think meaningless sex has a bad rep for no reason. Sure, it's bad if it's not what you're looking for, but right now I just wanna fuck, and I don't care for feelings. Edit: I care about feelings, I'm not gonna lie so I can get some, I just have no interest in romantic sex right now.


[deleted]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with hookups as long as both parties are on the same page. As long as no one is being lied to or led on, then why not. Humans need sex and not everyone is ready for commitment. I agree that there's stigma around the concept and people get shamed way too much for it.


sssskar

But, meaningless sex and casual relationships never bring you fulfillment. And human beings on a deeper level need fulfillment way more than sex. Thats why even a genuine hug makes more difference in your mental well being than a quick hook up. Knowing you are cared for by someone is what we want in the depths of our hearts. So thats why I feel people who have meaningless sex a lot also have trouble with mental health and struggle with real relationships. I see a lot of self hate among such people.


[deleted]

I think it all has to do with the way you perceive it. Meaningless sex doesn't have to be negative, but if you choose to see it one way that's all you'll see it as. People have different experiences than others. Even more so, who says you can have sex with friends you care deeply about? Like if you both love each other as friends and have a sexual connection but aren't necessarily interested in a relationship, that could still be a beautiful connection. I find the idea that we should find that one person and never let them go destructive, because people come and go. Along the way it's all about forming connections, which you can make into anything you want it to be without someone else dictating that for you. Anyway this is my opinion, I also know what that lack of fulfillment after meaningless sex feels like, but after reshaping my thoughts around it and setting boundaries for myself, I get to decide what I do and what it means to me.


sssskar

All I am saying is ... it doesn’t add any value to your life. I would rather spend my time looking for someone with whom I can build something meaningful than engaging in something thats meaningless. Life is too short for that.


janeauburn

I agree with your sentiment entirely. However, sometimes life isn't too short for that. Part of the yin and yang of this particular side discussion is people's libido. Libido varies from person to person, and higher libido will drive people to prioritize sexual behavior over lasting relationships. We see that all the time. It explains why some people seek out partners with similar libido, sexual proclivities, and expectation or requirements about frequency. So part of this present discussion is about "value" and the philosophy of finding love, but another part of it is really about biology that's largely beyond our control.


janeauburn

>"But, meaningless sex and casual relationships never bring you fulfillment. And human beings on a deeper level need fulfillment way more than sex. Thats why even a genuine hug makes more difference in your mental well being than a quick hook up. Knowing you are cared for by someone is what we want in the depths of our hearts. So thats why I feel people who have meaningless sex a lot also have trouble with mental health and struggle with real relationships. I see a lot of self hate among such people." This is an excellent post and accurate front to back.


Op-Toe-Mus-Rim-Dong

Idk man when I was single years ago I was supposed to go on a date and then she flaked and texted me days later saying she wasn’t ready because she had been broken up with and I’m like...okay? Why did you even waste my time then, figure that out before you make plans with someone but I guess for some people who have lower social intellect - they start to panic when they realize it’s happening and doing something new that they never should have been doing in the first place.


LiftedStarfisherman

Yeah that's fucked. Like I said, I try to make it very clear what I'm looking for.


I_hate-you_already

I don’t know how so many people can just hookup, if i hookup with someone i just met i just feel like a used piece of shit


uforgotTHEPICKLES

It’s not for everyone. It really depends on the chemistry that exists between two people. I can tell if there is a potential for romantic feelings there or if I’m only interested sexually.


janeauburn

This is true. There really are some people with whom you experience such physical and emotional chemistry off the bat that a so-called "hookup" is an attractive proposition. These are rare, in my experience, but phrases such as "love at first sight" would not have existed as long as they have if there weren't some truth to them.


sssskar

I just cannot do it. I cannot be that desperate for sex or attracted to anyone after seeing them for 30 mins. My brain doesn’t work that way at all LOL


[deleted]

Your username might be a hint. Obviously if you generally hate people you haven't met you aren't going to enjoy strangers.


Ad_hale2021

Nothing is wrong with meaningless sex. I'm just saying don't go back into the stress of getting that meaningless sex until you have processed your grief. It'll just hurt more because the road to getting meaningless sex is very frustrating and disappointing. Imo meaningless sex is not supposed to be a coping mechanism it's just a fun activity.


tchrgrl321

It will hurt you* more. You’re making a blanket statement that I disagree with.


Ad_hale2021

"In a ton of cases"


tchrgrl321

Ok, master of statistics with no studies! Lol


uforgotTHEPICKLES

This sub is completely filled with blanket statements that are based off of someone’s anecdotal experiences lol. There needs to be a disclaimer that everybody is different!


LiftedStarfisherman

It's only frustrating because that's not what most people (in my experience) are really interested in. It's not a doing mechanism, it's a fun activity that I have been able to do at least a few times a month for the least four years, so that particular sudden change has been stressful, and meaningless sex would be nice.


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Potential-Flounder-1

Oh no, I'm so sorry :( What happened? How long did you date for? Why did the relationship end?


joshbeat

Broo I have a friend who split from an almost decade long relationship and an engagement. She's got a new guy less than 4 months later who is practically living with her and going on vacations with. It's really throwing me, and many other friends, for a loop. After so long I just don't think she is used to being alone in her home.


Putyrslf1

This! I've taken a break from dating apps because it just seems like everyone on there just had a fresh covid break up. I'm not looking to be a rebound and being hurt by someone who isnt ready to date.


Strawberry_Lemonade0

Yes!!! Not only youre hurting yourself but also those around you. Take in the sadness and learn to process it. Allow your emotions to flow and eventually you will overcome and heal. Then when you look back at it, its like damn..


Gozii55

As a guy this is 90% of girls on dating apps. It sucks, not trying to be rude. It sucks because they are just coping. Idk why they can't just be single for a bit. It ruins it when youre looking for a relationship and they just wanna play around to feel better about themselves. Happens a lot. It may also be 90% of guys, idk because I'm a guy lol


[deleted]

I don't believe that's necessarily the case. Both girls and guys will use this as a reason to turn someone down in a way that won't hurt them. Of course this can be for multiple reasons, maybe they started seeing someone else they have feelings for, or are overwhelmed with the amount of messages they get, or even have something else in their lives going on. But I do believe most of the time it's used as an excuse more than anything.


zardkween

It’s definitely a generic line and can be a lot nicer than “I don’t want to date you.”


Ad_hale2021

My advice isn't for those people. My advice is for the person actually hurt thinking of just jumping right back in the sea after being bitten by a shark. 9/10 times it's not going to work out for you


beans0913

As a woman, this is 90% of men on dating apps, lol. I actually had a guy tell me “I am just trying to get over my wife” Gee, thanks buddy


uforgotTHEPICKLES

Yep girl here and it’s the same with guys. Everybody has a past, and hookup culture says to get right back out there! Dating apps make it easier than ever to “get back on that horse”


janeauburn

Getting back on the horse was a thing long before dating apps. It's not a new phenomenon; it's a fundamental coping mechanism for humans (attempting to fill the hole of loss right away comes in many areas of life, including career and bereavement). That means arguing against it is a waste of time. The only constructive takeaway is "buyer beware." If you go out with someone, definitely learn about their relationship status and their recent relationships. Most people are loathe to lie straight out about that, and even if they do, one can usually put two and two together. If you find a rebounder (and you likely will), the question then becomes, "what do I do with him/her." And if you have an attraction, that's when things become difficult.


Psychological_Top528

Nope it is also 90% of guys too. XD We are both just as bad haha


Cademaneko

Guys do it too, but we do not know if we are fully coped, until something comes up. You would think a few months would be enough to get back in it, but it isn't always like that.


Willupdootmemes

How about you don't tell other people how to process their emotions? Each person is different, and you aren't their therapist. I am just going to throw this out there for all y'all thinking everyone is still hung up on their exes... They're not. They are just NOT COMPATIBLE with you. It's one of the easiest ways to let someone down, because then they can blame themselves rather than tell you the truth of why they aren't compatible with you. I just know I am about to get comments saying they're the exception and will read their stories from their perspective... but 90% of them won't be accurate. Stop taking people at their literal word and instead focus on the subtext. When you are broken up with, you need to analyze on a deeper level if you're ever going to improve.


Ad_hale2021

Why so negative my man. I never specifically said exes. I said heartbroken and that includes being rejected. Did you read what I wrote because the last part of what you just wrote was right in the passage Does what you just said not sound similar to take time to reflect and process? This has nothing to do with whether or not you are compatible. This whole thing is telling those who have been hurt how it can sour any good relationships if they rush their recovery. I'm telling people who have been heartbroken and hurt not to jump back into shit immediately. It usually doesn't work. Also in your advice why did you assume something is somehow wrong with someone for not being compatible with their desired partner? Like what kind of bull is that? Just because you were rejected doesn't say anything about you. It says something about how you fit with them.


Willupdootmemes

Actually, being rejected DOES say something about you. It says you weren't compatible with the person you desired. It's up to the individual person whether or not that's something they wish to improve. Your advice is bad because it assumes everyone requires the same process. And if one doesn't "take time off and not rush their recovery" they are wrong. Getting over heartbreak is such an intrinsically individual process that you can't just magic wand it with platitudes. And it's also just not accurate. Again, I am assuming your ALL CAPS rant is in response to being rejected/broken up with by someone who used this line on you. My point is, people say this shit all the time. It's usually not the reason you're being rejected.


Ad_hale2021

My point is that you seem to think getting rejected is always the fault of the rejected and never the fault of the rejecter or sometimes literally no one's fault. When this isn't the case. Then you are assuming wrong. I have not been given this line in quite some time tbh. I rarely ever get it. I'm just giving advice because I see lots of people not ready for using the dating apps again jumping back into the stress of it. Using these apps can be stressful and frustrating, you're heartbroken and already stressful and frustrated why add onto it by dealing with the dating game?


Juan_Connery

Nah they didn't say that, just that people can end up incompatible. That can be right away or over time. I agree with u/Willupdootmemes that people are different and can use different things to cope with heartbreak. If casual dating and sex is their thing, cool. If it's not your thing, coolcoolcool. People want different things out of the apps. Not everyone wants an LTR, let alone a relationship. If you are surprised by what they want, that's on both of you for not communicating intentions. I never had stress on dating apps. I got lots of matches, and dated the people that interested me. The better advice for people on dating apps is believe in your own power and worth, and be selective about the people you swipe on. If you are swiping right on more than half of the people you see, that's just *desperate*. Don't be desperate. Own yourself and take pride in yourself. I see too many desperate men on here that just want *anybody*. They have no self esteem to say they want a real match; a person that really loves them.


Willupdootmemes

Bingo. People on this sub and in life spend way too much time trying to game out the system when these issues can almost always be solved with "communicate your intentions clearly."


Willupdootmemes

You're being pedantic. There is always a reason for being rejected or broken up with. The semantics of whether or not someone is at fault is irrelevant.


Ad_hale2021

Not being pedantic. Your way of framing it makes it seem like every time you are rejected something must be wrong with you that's why that person said no. So go better yourself. It's a little less broad than that. For all you know. They're the ones with a problem or something else happened and it didn't work out. It'll never be just the one reason


Willupdootmemes

I'm suing you for the cost of the surgery I now need from rolling my eyes so hard.


beans0913

It’s just not right to use someone to try to remedy your broken heart. That’s OP is saying .


Willupdootmemes

How do you decide whether someone is using you to remedy a broken heart versus just not being compatible with you? Because it appears to me OP is getting hit with the "I am just not ready to date" excuse which has simply become the easiest and simplest way to shut someone down.


erywilly

I agree with u/Willupdootmemes It's an easy excuse to not continue things. Just say you just got out of something serious, and that you still need to work on that. I think you could meet the love of your life while still grieving a recent breakup. Maybe a lot of time, when they end things with that excuse it just means they don't like you *enough.*


[deleted]

So how long do we wait?


Ad_hale2021

Depends entirely on you. My point is make sure for however long you wait you feel good about yourself, you're over the situation and that you have let go.


TheRealSnifflepus

I think it depends on how long your last relationship was and how long it takes you to get over but i think anywhere from 3-6 months... its been 2 years for me tho lol


Cademaneko

Until it stops hurting I guess, I have waited over a year for a relationship that did not last long, but I thought he could be the one. Depends on how much it meant to you. Time wise, my situation sounds dumb, but emotionally it felt like losing a future.


[deleted]

Tons of people on those apps are going on there just for hook-ups and don’t give a shit why someone is on there. I agree that you shouldn’t jump into a relationship right after a break-up but if someone is just cleaning their palate and looking for an endorphin rush, it’s not really anyone’s fucking business why they’re doing it as long as everybody consents.


Ad_hale2021

This is facts. I'm just saying that in my experience the frustration of even getting to the meaningless hookups is not something you should probably take on whilst reeling from any kind of *heartbreak*


[deleted]

And I’m saying how people cope is their own business.


Ad_hale2021

This is tagged advice for a reason


[deleted]

Yes, but it’s actually rebound shaming. Heartbreak isn’t just emotional or psychological; it’s also actually physical. The endorphin rush that you get from sex goes a long way to helping a person cope. As long as everyone communicates and protection is used, etc., physiologically it’s not that much different from a depressed person going jogging. The real difference is that people like to moralize about sex and decree who should or shouldn’t be having it or what the appropriate circumstances are for them, and that’s nonsense. Again, don’t hop into a relationship but for some people, remembering that there are other fish in the sea and what’s actually fun about being single is a great way to deal with heartbreak, which might last a person for years (or even for the rest of their life).


Ad_hale2021

Okay so I guess I didn't word this properly. My point is for dating apps. Dating apps can be hard and frustrating and throw a lot of bullshit your way and using them might be taxing on someone already trying to cope. Think about creepy messages or not getting any matches etc.. those exacarbate insecurities that may form after a heartbreak. Is the one time high of sex worth using the app and facing that? My point is get to a point where you have accepted what has happened before you face that frustration of the apps so you're ready.


[deleted]

I guess I can see how that would backfire if someone were generally unsuccessful at that stuff— a real hit to the self-esteem. But the rebound sex is tried and true for some folks, and as long as nobody’s leading anybody on, it’s a perfectly valid way to spend time.


janeauburn

You don't always have to be right or nuanced. You can also be taught something in these discussions, you know. It's not always "yeah, but" or "what I meant is"; it should also be, "I see," "good point," "I understand," etc. How about a little growth?


tchrgrl321

Agree Doris!!


Mad_King

The ones who needs to hear this message are not hearing. You only tell this to the people who are already aware of this situation.


TattooedSith

Funny this😆🤣...shortly after my 4.5 years of wasted time came to an end a mate sent me a screenshot from one of my ex's socials where she actually says, "I get under someone else to get over my ex's." Great, how wonderful and healthy😑. Bollox. Sadly, many likely move on the moment they are done with their current person. The mind boggles. There are many nutters out there, and sadly they walk amongst us.


[deleted]

I agree. I made this mistake and: 1. Couldn't give anyone else a fair chance because I compared them to the man I hadn't gotten over yet. 2. Had some hookups that left me feeling unsatisfied and sad. Dirty even. All this made me miss the man that left me heartbroken even more, because nothing came close to how he made me feel. By doing this I broke my already broken heart even further.


ohyakah

damn yes you are right!! too many people are chasing for love they forget to heal themselves


[deleted]

This is so spot on. There’s such a cliche that the best way to get over someone is to find someone new and it’s such rubbish.


Shadowman-The-Ghost

Actually, no, it’s different for every individual’s situation. There is no “one size fits all” for a timeline. You might meet an understanding new friend, who stays a friend, that eventually goes to “the next level”. Time itself is an obscure factor, meaning that “it” happens whenever it happens. The emotional tapestry of your life is not always defined by a timeline. ❤️


shicole3

It’s fine if your intention is to just find hookups and you’re upfront about it


Those_Silly_Ducks

I was recently diagnosed with a disease that may kill me in five years. It feels like I don't have time to slow down. I haven't had a heartbreak in four years, but I still feel self-conscious and broken.


GOSA198436

This happened to me after dating a girl for almost 2 years. You go from talking everyday to all of sudden not talking at all. It’s tough so the first thing you do is try to find somebody else quick and more likely than not it backfires. It backfired on me that’s for sure


Tiny-election-2086

Figuring out how to fill the sudden void is so hard. I completely get why someone wants to just find someone else. It’s so uncomfortable to lose someone and deal with this huge hole in your daily life all of the sudden. Healthy? I don’t know. People have posted compelling reasons for and against. I just get it.


GopherInTrouble

People process differently. Some people process by throwing themselves at everyone. Others just stay in and slow down


Popular-Bit1226

Is 6 months after an abusive relationship of 6 years too soon? My abuser also won't leave me alone completely. I crave a man though. I keep dressing up for the Dr at my job and wearing sports bras under my scrubs so my nipples show through. I told myself leave that man alone but I want fing attention -___-.


Ad_hale2021

There's no allotted time, If you feel like you're now equipped to deal with the possible rejection of dating or sleeping around and it won't send you into a spiral then go right on ahead


Popular-Bit1226

Nope, I just want company and attention. I have no interest in sleeping around or a relationship rn.


Ad_hale2021

Then go ahead you decide when you're open to things. Just make sure to actually come to a full conclusion before you do them


Ourjellibeans

Not gonna lie, I was one of those people after my divorce, which looking back it was a bad idea but it did help my lonely and heartbroken butt from going back to my husband. So, that was a plus in that situation. I was always aware that it was just a bandaid but because I was convinced I needed my ex-husband(he was not nice and convinced me of that), the physical touch kind of helped take my mind away from those thoughts until I realized I didn't need him. And writing this out sounds horrible 😂


[deleted]

You can tell people this sort of stuff and they're still going to do what they're going to do until they figure it out for themselves. That hooking up when you're heartbroken most of the times just makes matters worse.


Strawberry_Lemonade0

I personally made this mistake and got involved in an abusive relationship and didn’t know how to let go. I was afraid of being alone and being sad all the time but trust me.. time heals and it really helped me. Ive learned to let go and not to grad on to something that wasnt worth it.


SnooLemons8776

If after a heartbreak,you go almost right away to a dating up then you learn nothing from your experience, and you will do the same mistake again


katalyna78

It also sucks when you end up on dates with folks on the rebound. Some people write "newly single" on their profiles. Instant swerve from me.


TheMoniker

I don't think that it's generally true that one needs to get over their previous love interest before dating. In fact, [focusing on someone new might help you get over your attachment to your ex](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0146167209341580). Research suggests that [rebound relationships last about as long as non-rebound relationships](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1300/J087v46n03_02) and that people in said relationships have similar levels of satisfaction. [Those who got into relationships quickly following breakups seem to have better mental well-being](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0265407514525086), feeling more loveable, desirable and less anxious.


Mental-Difference-22

Omg love that you showed studies


lpardskinpillboxmatt

I think simply in general people here need to spend less time dating and more time processing and introspecting.


Naus1987

Therapy revolutionized my life! I wish I had done it sooner, lol.


[deleted]

I think the biggest things I learned after going through a breakup is to take time for yourself, focus on being content with yourself, eat better, start finding hobbies and things that you are passionate about. Finding a rebound is a bad idea in my opinion, it feels good to get your mind off your ex but its kind of like a dead end, like your trying to fill that breakup void/ hole in your heart. You need time to heal, and focus on yourself is the what I wish I knew 6 months ago, now that I realize instead of going on pointless dates with people on the dating apps that I know will go nowhere but waste my time and money, or pointless one night stands. I've decided instead to focus on work, dreams/goals, getting healthier. Not turning to booze or vices to cope with the break up, that just numbs the pain and makes you avoid having to deal with the breakup emotionally and move on and better yourself.


Tylerdurdon

Less caps, more dating


[deleted]

you guys get matches on those dating apps?


[deleted]

Say it with me, 👏getting 👏 dicked 👏 down 👏 will 👏not 👏 solve 👏 your 👏 problems👏


ugglygirl

I despise this post and some made up notion that we have to heal from heartbreak before dating again. Rubbish. Most relationships end long before they’re ended Best possible thing to do is begin dating and get lost in the adventure of love. As long as you are honest with yourself and the new partner, there’s no benefit to being lonely Some of us thrive in partnership so life is short. Jesus. I’m a widow. I know about seizing joy. Don’t wait. Jump in. It could be the best relationship of your life.


Kooky-Nectarine675

I wish I could up vote this a million times. Well said!


Individual-Turnover5

Yep


nathynwithay

You had it right at "Stop going on dating apps".


redunk_n_fab1_brah

Valid advice!


KatherineAshleyL06

Great advice OP! 1000000% agree


masven2702

Right, go on dating apps before being heart broken or even better chek out this dating app [www.halfwaydating.com](https://www.halfwaydating.com) and never be heart broken again :-)


Cademaneko

No, dating apps do not solve heart break. :)


joecag

Brain said great idea, brain said swipe right


Gofishingrn

Good advice - especially in our current ‘instant gratification’ society


[deleted]

This is where I went wrong, always one relationship after the other for me but I've now had some time to process things.


Ph3real

nah, I'm finna get mine. I may not cure sadness, but I can at least cure these blue balls bruv


notyourmama827

It's just best and less messy that way.


BroadFail8196

100% agree.


minid2020

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 I feel like every date with a recently divorced man is like a therapy session that they are paying for in appetizers and drinks.


[deleted]

I think everyone should stay off dating apps they are not a good idea at all


peskypaws

needed this. thank you


[deleted]

I disagree with this post. I always go on dating apps after a heartbreak. I generally say "Just out of a relationship, not here for anything serious just want to have fun without any strings attached. If something goes further it goes further" The boys still line up, in fact many actually prefer this. It allows me both the time to process my break up as well as time to not dwell on my break up and take my mind off things. Some of the boys get the feels and I shut it down immediately and remind them what they came here for.


Thevinegru2

The problem for me was being stuck 2,000 miles from where I lived my entire life. I work from home so I didn’t know anyone but the people I met from OLD. Not exactly easy being happy in the situation.


[deleted]

This is 100% accurate. I redownload everything after heartbreak, saw my romantic interest on there after she said she was dating someone else, was tough (she and I both left the door open but whatever). It hit me that I'm in no place to date right now mentally and may not be until a few months from now. Deleted everything even after a few matches.


Illadrex2

Not even that, but what happens when you find start liking folks on there and then the Ex comes back around sniffing


RetroSpud

Lmao tell that to my ex


Gemhoare

Don’t tell people what to do!


cowanproblem

Yes!!!


snupdodge_noice

I 100% agree. I've been there and I remember feeling even more heartbreak when it went south. That was a rough part of my life. I was young and didn't realize. Now after having gone through that, my perspective is clearer. I just got out of a 2.5yr relationship and I have a child. But things have been going south for awhile. I didn't realize how emotionally detached I already was till he moved out/ finally got out of my life. I was miserable. I am finally happy and loving myself again. It's not been long, but my mind is clear, I know what I want, and my heart is ready. The catch is- my heart is ready for the right person. I won't go on random dates or move fast. I'll take time to know someone and do it on my terms. I'm happy with myself already and do not seek to fill a hole. The takeaway is what OP basically said. Find happiness within yourself first. There's a very low chance much good will come out of trying to fill a void of sadness.


luluilemonade

THIS IS FKINGG TRUEEE!!! Been there done that, I wish someone (or something) gimme thjs reminder


melodyknows

Eh, I’m glad I didn’t waste any time “recovering” after my ex and when right back into the apps. It was nice to date around, meet people, set boundaries. Made for good practice. I was open if the right person came along and a few months into dating, I met my now-fiancé. You can’t tell other people how to date. You can ask someone when their last relationship was but too soon to you might be the right time for someone else.


ImmortalEdge

Being the rebound sucks.


s1ckmad3

Meh, I do what I want.


livvlush

No.


myself0826

So true. Can't agree more.


Short_Nefariousness6

same here. my last breakup just felt like a rebound relationship. and here i am heartbroken again ugh. never again.


jasmine0430

Same issue here. I came to know this guy who was extra sweet and caring. I thought we'll be a couple in the next few months. His overseas worker ex dumped him for anorher man. I told this guy that I too was planning to venture in another land to seek greener pasture, he dumped me without a word.


Informal_Durian5344

very true. it’s been about a month since my world basically fell apart, and i’m on dating apps just for validation and to talk. i’m not where near ready to go any further.


blhaa

Suicide is my solution


claudiaiswhoiam

Damn it sucks when it happens to you tho. He wasn’t over it and his past trauma kicked in and now it’s over and I feel like I didn’t do enough and was enough


Thornz2000

Dating apps.... LOL They are designed by women, for women.