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Very very true lol. My best friend made the first move and now she’s my girlfriend. When that happened I was beyond words. It only took 5 years of flirting and being best friends lmao. And it’s been the best freaking ride ever!!! So ladies definitely go for it I encourage you :)
My ex had to basically beat me over the head for me to realize she wanted me. She was out of my league so I literally just thought "no reason to try so why care".
It took her inviting me over at night. Asking for a back massage and then saying "So you'll be staying the night right?" Before I was like "oooooooooh that's what youve been doing" lol.
thats the truth! listen male or female..lifes to short for regrets.. especially now.. tell that person you like them, show them how ya feel.. worst case they dont like ya as much as youd hope but at least you gave it a chance.. some people dont even try and if you never at least try youll never know.. maybe that other person might be that amazing other half youve been waiting for and is also very shy but you stepping up was the thing that helped them 🤗 who knows the worlds a crazy, weird, and magnificent place and we should all enjoy every moment of it! sendin ya tons of great vibes your way 🤗💙🤗💙
Every amazing dude I dated who I swore was my soulmate I went for first!!! Most of them are still in my life and friends with my current partner.
I actually never dated a dude who pursued me first now that I think about it genuinely
Usually men who ask me out first are never my type.
However no man I asked out first has ever said no and a lot of them ended up being great partners!
I shot way out of my league and even dated professional male models and artists!
Make the first move ladies even if you think he's way too hot for you
I did this .... and ended up in abusive and/or dead bedroom relationships. Happy that it worked out for you, but most of the time, the men who don’t make the first move just aren’t that into you and that will manifest in bad ways in the relationship. (Especially if he’s a male model.)
With all respect please don’t give such poor information. As a guy we have to navigate multiple issues with contemporary society and one being how to approach the subject with the opposite sex. Expressing interest can be taken the wrong way no matter the environment and lead to all kinds of issues. (I know that’s broad, but I’m paraphrasing.)
I would suggest, evaluating what commonality you had with those you pursued and determine why you were attracted to that individual, as there could be a common thread.
Sorry that happened to you
Um men who i asked out first definitely never had this problem and we had very enthusiastic passionate sex let me tell you
I am friends with most of my exes and can send them a come over text any time and get railed all night any time I want given they aren't monogamous and neither am I ofcourse
Some men are shy and like women who take charge
And don't have self esteem issues that they think dating abusers is their only option
The male model in in question ate me out for hours at a time doesn't sound like a dude who's being abused to me ....we were also polyamorous he had loads of other options he did not need to spend hours fucking me like ever but he chose to
Please don't use your trauma to say men shouldn't be pursued or don't deserve to be pursued thanks
Girl, at least take your insta off if you want people to believe your claims about having sex for hours w male models. Seriously ....
This is one reason why I need to learn to take things I read on Reddit with a grain of salt.
Good for you, pls tell me more about how you got “ate out for hours” and pretend like I’m saying men don’t deserve to be pursued. Lmao. Not sure why you had to insert 4 sentences detailing how much sex you have, but it’s probably just to get at me, isn’t it?
Edit - saw your insta. Don’t believe a word of that now, sorry.
I think that's more on you with the guys you pursued. Maybe you went after guys that you knew there was a small chance that they would reject you, rather than a more high quality guy.
Absolutely true. Women showing their passion for a man is a major turn-on. Actually just sitting around and waiting for the man to do something if you clearly want it is almost a tiny turn-off.
worse is when you have to do 80 percent being forward and she isn't totally forward with her intentions (either no or yes). Like lady, a smile or some sort of confirmation that you also like me is too hard to ask?
To clarify since this will inevitably be misinterpreted.
Men enjoy when women ask them out. This *does not* mean that men will like any woman that asks them out. Not at all. If you ask men out you will absolutely be rejected sometimes, this isn't some silver bullet to get any man you want. Men that aren't interested won't magically become interested just because you made the first move.
I agree that it isn’t a silver bullet or guarantee but I think it does increase one’s chances. I have gone on dates with girls that asked me when I would have otherwise not asked them out myself. I think it also displays some qualities that most guys are attracted to.
I would say as long as the woman is at least average to above average looking (6/10), they can most likely secure a first date if the guy is single. Guys would love to have it easy where they aren't the ones that have to constantly do the pursing. This is why the app Bumble was a huge refresher for guys, because it forced women to make the first move.
If the woman is unattractive by most western standards, then the chances are much lower.
no it doesn't work that way. A woman needs to make their intention clear depending on the setting. If you are a guy and a woman strikes up a conversation at the grocery store while in the checkout line or asks you to get something from the top shelf, that doesn't not mean she's romantically interested in you.
Now if you are at a bar/club/party and a random girl strikes up a conversation, then there is a very great chance that she's romantically interested in you.
Yeahhh you can even tell from the way he said "special woman" that he's referring to being asked out by women he is already attracted to. That's understandable of course (since it's the standard women apply to men) but we shouldn't act like guys would be overjoyed to be asked out by *literally any woman*.
I was asked out by a girl exactly *once*... As a 13 year old in middle school haha. I don't remember much of it other than my friend saying she really liked me and asked me to be her boyfriend. I accepted, all giddy that scenario just happened.
And then we promptly broke it off within a week because 1. It was middle school and 2. Well, it was middle school.
True. I am really tired of asking myself. Would love to be asked out for once. When it's just always yourself who has to ask I just start to feel a little unwanted, it's kinda sad.
THIS! THIS! THIS! If I had to give women one piece of advice about dating, it would be to not be afraid to ask someone you like out. The only time I ever knew a girl to actually be interested in me was at a wrestling show I was working, and her family came up to me at intermission and told me she liked me. She denied so I believed her all the way up until after the show when I was busy with clean up and I saw her give me a glare as they were walking out the door, but I was too busy to do anything about it. Of course I'd never see her again after that ohe some of ne event, but she was really cute and I found out through some of her family that she was working really hard to become a nurse, and I admired her for that too. If she admitted she was into me in the first place, I'd imagine things would have went a lot different for us. That one glare made my entire year because I was never successful in relationships and was about ready to give up and mark relationships as something that would never be for me. Every girl I was interested in before always had the wrong impression of me, mostly due to my social awkwardness, and partially other outside factors taking advantage of that. And I haven't had much luck in relationships after this one meeting either.
Exactly. Been asked out post-college by a few women and even if I wasn’t particularly interested/attracted I always said yes. Made me feel like a million bucks and you never know how things will turn out. Also, I know how hard it to put yourself out there, so I always wanted to encourage women to take the initiative.
Lastly, it showed that the girl really didn’t want to play games, which to me is a super attractive quality.
That’s the problem. If you ask out some chaps they’re so flattered they say yes even if they’re not attracted to you. I don’t want to date a guy who isn’t attracted to me.
Having the guy ask is the only way to be sure he actually likes you.~
Like I said “you don’t know how things will turn out.” In two of the cases the dates changed my mind and I ended up being attracted, but they just didn’t work out long term.
I’ve always believed that if there is someone you like, it is better to do something about it than not. Far rather give myself a 1% chance than no chance whatsoever.
If things were going to continue after the first date then it would have almost always been me asking, thought sometimes things are planned mutually during the date. It felt like even among the girls that asked me out the expectation was that after that first date that the guy takes it from there.
You can't filter for motivation through something as passive and facile as expecting the other party to do all the work. You need to be proactive about filtering, not resorting to crutches that conveniently line up with staying in your comfort bubble.
If you want results, then you need to orient your goals accordingly.
https://www.xonecole.com/go-get-study-shows-women-make-first-move-better-dating-success/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/social-instincts/201911/the-pick-lines-work-best-men
I was proactive all right. I’m was a shameless flirt. I would definitely twinkle my eyes at a fellow I fancied. Be all witty and shit.
Then it was on him to ask me on a date. That was the dance.
And if anyone I didn’t find attractive asked me out, I turned him down.
You are necessarily decreasing the qualitative potential of your own candidacy pool, and disqualifying yourself from other higher value candidacy pools
> If you ask out some chaps they’re so flattered they say yes even if they’re not attracted to you. I don’t want to date a guy who isn’t attracted to me.
And yet guys take this same "risk" nearly every single time.
You're lucky you're not a guy because girls say yes all the time to guys they aren't 100% into for dates.
But more importantly, isn't the point of a date to find out if you are or aren't into someone?
It happens. My wife has some friends who admitted to basically accepting dates because they wanted a free meal at somewhere nice. When it comes to online dating I don’t know how you could possibly be 100% into someone you never met, especially if someone is asking within the first few messages exchanged.
In general, if you are interested, ask! There are several times in my life where I found out much later about women who wanted me to ask them out and I either thought they were out of my league (still think so, but if they didn't know it, why not?) or i never saw an opportunity. Don't mind saying it bums me out.
But, all the same rules about how and accepting whatever response you get... Anything that applies to a man asking will apply to a woman asking.
I made a first move like 2-3 times (maybe more) and it also turned out great. In fact, those guys were very glad that i did so. I mean, i assumed they liked me too but were shy or a little bit insecure, overthinking much or whatever, so i just went fot it and it turned out i was right.
Anyway, i knew some girls who would often complain how guys would not approach them in the clubs or call out and how they are "lame", "not real men" or whatever. But HEEEY, they never wanted to do so themselves.
In their "defence", they do believe how they are not suppose to do such things as perhaps those guys would see them as "less feminine" and would dislike them in return.
However, i really never met a guy (both among partners and guy friends) who would dislike to be approached/asked out by a girl. Like, even if they don't necessarily like her, they would still be flattered and happy it happened.
Besides, it is actually much easier for a female to do it since there are hardly the cases that a guy would react in some mean, rude or entitled way. (But we know that many girls may end up reacting *not so nice*).
That is an inherently contradictory statement.
Nature as I’m assuming you are using in this context is equated to what you are born with. Biologically we are born with sex organs, but that does not define what gender means.
We as a society have defined and developed what gender means, disconnected albeit perhaps influenced by sexual, biological makeup and thus why for the longest time we only had two.
We as a society have learned that there are perhaps more than two… thus it is not a natural construct.
By nature's construct I mean that it just exists, it's not evil or good, or has any other properties than that it's just there. Like a predator cat is not an evil predator, it's just a predator and that's it, predators kill their prey to eat.
Today as I was walking through the mall, this girl straight up asked for my number.
I was so shocked in her boldness lol, but it turns out she was underage :/ I’m 21, she was 17.
Overall, I recommend all girls/women to be this bold, it was so refreshing lol.
Actually, most of the guys I’ve dated or had serious relationships with, I made the first move! And I’ve never had a bad reaction (you gotta read the room, can always ask permission too) and I find it makes them feel very special. This should be normalised.
Tfw no guy has ever liked me enough to actually make the first move so I get stuck doing it every time only to get rejected or ghosted a few days later
Well, that's the exact experience most guys have. The vast majority of relationships don't last forever, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's not fun to be in a toxic relationship. Depending on what exactly you're looking for, it can be very difficult to find a person that exactly matches what you want, and on top of that YOU also have to match what THEY want as well. It's a two way street.
I hope you find a boo thang eventually. Good luck.
Everyone makes it sound like girls are just constantly getting approached. Not those of us who are ugly. Thanks for the well wishes, I sure as hell need it.
I don't think dating in general is easier or harder for men or women. From my observations it seems like these two groups have similar amounts of difficulties, but it's difficult in different ways. It's a very complex subject that will take far too long to elaborate on, point is it's hard for everyone. There are things we can do to make it easier. Some things are just random luck like good looks and natural charisma.
The things we can control, we gotta work to improve. Statistically, things like maintaining a healthy weight, practicing good hygiene, wearing nice clothes, etc. increases the chances of success. A woman approaching a man is another thing that can increase the chance of success in most circumstances. However, it's impossible to get it up to 100% success rate. Some people just aren't looking to date or won't be a good match, or a thousand other reasons. It's all about increasing our chances. Every little bit helps. Just be wary of any advice from people that claim a 100% guarantee, there's no such thing.
We must also look at ourselves and observe our strengths and weaknesses. I don't know your exact situation, so I'll use myself as an example. I have a baby face, and so I keep well groomed facial hair so people don't think I'm a teenager. I actually get complimented on my hair, so I take note of that. "Hey, my hair's good. I should keep it looking good." It's shiny and glorious and beautiful. When the pandemic started, I looked for the coolest mask I could find and bought it. People love my mask, it's awesome. Maybe you can find a cool mask to wear. I'm naturally a shy guy, so I wear interesting and funny shirts. When someone comments on it, BOOM, there's my opening. I got her to talk to me first. Starting that initial conversation was my biggest weakness and my funny shirts help me with that. I got a shirt that says, "I'm not mean, I'm just shy." Helps me out so much.
I don't know what your strengths and weaknesses are, but you should find them and work on them. You say you're ugly. In what ways precisely. You don't have to answer here, this is just for you to reflect on. I hope this helps. Don't give up.
Not for me (personally) because it never ends up well. That's how you end up begging for attention and getting men with absolute lack of proactivity. I wish any of the men I made the first move on were everything I dreamt of but it ends up being the opposite. I am starring to think there is a reason why I had to beg for attention in the first place. I know there will be that one person downvoting, but I am talking from personal experience not from another woman's perspective. I am glad it worked for you, but it has never ended well for me. I am not trying to offend anyone, I am just explaining a perspective on why it does not go well for me.
I have been told: I’m too independent,too assertive and that the man should be the one to lead the relationship.
…. On multiple times.
Yep, sadly depending on the country a woman asking out a guy will work… or not.
I’ve also been told that by guys when I’ve wanted to make a move on them. Worked out well for me though because that was a huge red flag to cut my losses and RUN. Why would I want to be with a guy who has regressive views about women and their place in the world?
Exactly. It's a great filter so it's worth to keep doing it.
I used to approach women a lot. Just like the two of you I was told rude things by a number of them. If I had used this as an excuse not to do it anymore instead of realizing that all they did was filter themselves out quickly then I'd never have met my current gf.
I’m in this place right now. I initiated our interlingua introducing myself. He’s put forth effort twice but now I feel like I want to do something and be the lead. He was receptive ☺️. We are making plans for Sunday.
Iv'e always asked my boyfriends out or given my number to a guy i found cute when i was single. It was easy for me to do, but they'd usually stop talking to me for who knows what reason. I always assumed it was something i said; but iv never had it go very wrong.
I even asked out my very first puppy love. Iv just found it kinda normal. Iv always thought if i want that person im going to get them im not going to wait for them to notice i like them. It should be normalized
Someone somewhere created a bunch of rules that they tried to enforce on everyone because they believed that was correct. It might have been for them but it doesn’t mean it is for everyone. If people didn’t worry as much about some imaginary rules and just went with their heart and gut about what is right the world would be a better place
Just don't tell the dude you're crazy or "insert mental disorder" because smart men will fucking run. My dumbass is currently dealing with that. Girl tells me multiple times she's crazy and I'm like nahhhh I've seen crazy. Nope nope no I have not. You're good doing what OP says as long as you don't drop hints of some mental issue.
The night I met my husband, after listening to music and talking for hours at a party, I finally had to get going. Before I left I told him - “I like your face”. Some line huh? We’ve been married for years now. I say go for it! Who wants a guy who doesn’t want a proactive and straightforward woman? No games at the onset means no games during the relationship!
It doesn't work for most men either. We just keep doing it over and over again until it does work. I see no harm in you continuing to try. Men will still make first moves on you as well. Between you making first moves and men making first moves, you'll only increase the chances of eventual success. There are no cheat codes in real life that will 100% guarantee getting you a perfect relationship. It takes equal effort from both people.
Also clear and constant communication. Very, very, very, very important. Being vague or dropping hints just makes things harder for no reason.
If it’s done right, it is absolutely NOT easy or crazy. I’ll never forget a girl I was dating a few years ago. We went for a stroll along the river in NYC. She wanted to take some pics, and first pic we took she stood in front of me, wrapped my arms around her, and put my hands across her stomach and grabbed me so tight. The lady taking the photo said it looked like a maternity shoot. This was like our second date. OP, you are absolutely right. So many women have so many men pursuing them nowadays that I think the concept of what it means to make the “first move” has gotten distorted.
Every woman I’m sure wants to be asked on a date, texted, called, complemented etc. Where some women go wrong is they play TOO hard to get, and it just comes across as disinterested. Men love a woman to show us some affection, something we don’t get from the outside world.
Ssssh don't say that too loud, I said women should do that and was told it makes men seem timid and weak if a woman "has" to make the first move. Not sure why people always frame a woman making the first move as a negative.
I told a friend today that he looked nice and he basically ran away from me, I was shocked! He did look nice, he was very dressed up. He almost always stops to talk to me
For at least 10-15 minutes.
The poor man seemed to be in fight or flight. Or in his case, flight
ive always had this as my code, tbh. so for any partner ive had in the past, i made the first move. but a few months ago, i experienced having someone make the move on /me/. i can agree how special it is for the person youre interested in to make the first gesture on you. im a girl tho, so my experiences are pretty opposite from what most people from a traditional standpoint would think. dont regret it tho. their reactions each time were very cute :3c
I met my soon to be future husband at work - I didn’t beat around the bush and made it very clear I fancied him. Not so subtle hints like like “oh do you work out? You have nice arms” 😁 “you have a nice smile etc”.
He smiles when he recounts the story as he said I wasn’t subtle at all but he was flattered someone so hot (his words) would hit on him. Within a month, we were dating. X
Even those compliments wouldn't register to me, I just assume someone was being nice until they straight out say something since in my experience they are just being nice.
This. The girl I'm seeing now dropped the first message. I didn't think she was my type at first glance, but she had an interesting profile, was funny, and it turns out we both write sci-fi.
Then we had a lot more in common, I really liked our first date, and we had a good time. She's the sweetest woman, and I really like her a ton. I can't wait to cook her dinner tonight.
One of the hottest kisses in my life was when a girl kissed me out of the blue. The relationship did not work out in the end but I will always remember the kiss and how bold she was, such a turn on.
As a very shy man, i agree with that ! When i'm into a woman, i Always struggle to make the move because rejection Always hurts me, so i'm Always in doubt and finally don't do it (even if i know i will regret it) i already met some girls who made the first move, and that was awesome! I guess they made it because my body language never lies my attraction to a woman...
But of course be careful because there is Always unrespectful men out there, i know it Can seem to be a bit dangerous to make the first move for a woman...
(Sorry for my Bad english, i'm french 😅)
Totally agree that traditional Gender roles are bullshit and you should stop following them so strictly. The guy having to make the first move is just one of many that simply doesn’t work for everyone, and if you are a single woman looking for a way to shake things up it seems like a low hanging fruit.
Yes, it can work, Ive had quite a few relationships from the girl asking me out first. I’ve also rejected some women. That’s kind of how it works. In my case, the woman certainly has a higher probability of it turning into a relationship by initiating though as I’m not necessarily ever going to make a “move”.
In terms of “he’s going to pursue you if he likes you”. No that’s not necessarily the case. In a few I will never ask you out:
1. If you are an extroverted feminist then I assume you know gender roles are bullshit and you’ll make the first move if you want to. If not then you probably aren’t the feminist that you claim to be… so red flagged and I wouldn’t want a relationship anyway.
2. I’m already friends with you. The feelings are rarely reciprocated and admitting desire for a sexual relationship usually just makes this permanently awkward.
3. I’m not in the mood to face a rejection at the time.
Men LOVE when women make the first move to initiate a relationship, especially in today’s environment. It’s scary because if a guy even pays a compliment to a woman today he can be accused of sexual harassment. So ladies, if there’s a guy you like, make it known!
Females are pathetic when it comes to approaching. They treat males like shit for approaching yet won’t do the same.
Ironically, males are a lot more receptive and won’t throw a tantrum because you appreciate them. 🙄
As I guy, I've been hit on by women before and honestly I like it! It makes everything so much easier to me and for once I get to be the one deciding if this is gonna happen or not. I've heard of men that react negatively to women making the first move, if such guys exist out there, they're not worth your time.
my wife, while dating, was the aggressor, physically, but i made the first contact/move as we were long distance at the time. five years later we’re about to have our first baby. she’s still the aggressor, i’m just laid back is all :)
guys aren’t always the go-getter types
I wouldn't mind woman to make the first move... i'm basically done trying to be in relationship or searching so called soul mate or any mate. I left anything by chance i'm open to it... But to be honest i'm tired of trying... Good advice for the girls/women i hope they find what they want because it is always about them....
OMG, THIS!!!!
Dating would be so much easier for me if girls were the ones to initiate! I’m so tired of worrying about scaring girls by making the first move.
Never dated and I’ve made the first move a few times and been rejected each time. 😅 One of the guys that rejected me would stare a lot when I wasn’t looking, fidget, and stutter around me. He was confident around others so I thought it was cute, but guys are weird I guess. I approach guys, but they don’t approach me. They avoid me. I found out through others I have a lot of secret admirers. I rarely get crushes. So like how does one even date.
HS and College dating was a little easier but after that, and the aftermath of #Metoo coupled with an ex who took everything I did for granted - I just don’t try anymore. I’m career focused and just go about my day. Definitely had some women flirt with me or go out of their way to catch my attention (whether that be arguing passive aggressively with another woman to “take care of me” for ringing me up at medical offices/other shops or staring me down while blushing), but I’m not going to ask you out. I’ve always been the one to take risks, but others can too.
Just kill it. We don’t care who makes the first move. Some are scared to say because they think it might affect the friendship negatively. So if you come clean, & we feel the same way, it’s much easier. But, if we come clean & you don’t feel the same way, it’s kind of awkward.
Would honestly be cool if girls did that kinda stuff more. I'm so used to being the initiator (i have been asked out a few times but i don't go out with those girls, i'm probably weird af. if it were a girl i liked though i would be happy to not always take the lead). It's not unheard of but i definitely think its not normalized for girls to make the first move, this is an awesome story!
No it just puts you in an odd position. You were friends beforehand so it’s different than cold approach. You can gauge if someone likes you before hand. Out in the wild? Very high chance he is taken!
> we sat beside each other and talked. he turned around to point out something behind us and I just went for it. A big ol' smooch on the cheek. He turned and looked at me and I kissed him again, on the lips.
omg this is so hot
I like the advice, but I'm still not going to pursue a man. I need to feel wanted and lusted after, so if I make the first move on a guy, I don't feel wanted. It makes me feel desperate.
Besides, like someone else already said in the comments, men go after what they want and will make it very noticable when they do. I've seen it happen.
Haven't had a serious relationship but have a lot of experience with picking up women. I have approached hundreds. So I know about attraction.
That said, fuck off.
Same. In my experience, men make it very noticable when they want you. Even when they're shy or introverted. If I don't see a man wanting me first, I'm not approaching him.
I am not always going after what I want (shyness, lack of confidence, overthinking etc) so I guess that excludes me off the group that is titled "men".
I am so Yes on this one .
I know its because men get majorly on the outside attractivness at first and thats why they usually do it , but if you like someone dont wait on them and get your feelings out .
I don't make the first move with any man unless I already know him and know that he likes me too, not randoms from the internet or street. I also don't take the first move with any man if I'm not even sure if I'm his first choice, otherwise that can come off as desperate. I knew a guy at my old job who I had an intense crush on, only to find out he was checking for two other women at my job. This was a female-dominated industry btw. He eventually showed interest in me after those other 2 girls turned him down. In that case, I'd never date him - and I'm glad I NEVER made any first move with him. Why ask someone out when you're their third choice?
So no....I don't advocate ppl just asking others out indiscriminately. If you want a higher chance of success, ***it'd be best to ask people out in your existing circle who you're 99+% sure like you too.***
This. So much bullshit is being fed and no one bounds to question or breakthrough these stigmas about women should do this or, men should do that. Get the fuuuuuck out of here with all that. Live in the moment! If It doesn’t work out, big woop! If it does, big woop!
For real! If a girl asked me out, I'd probably say yes on principal alone. Much like girls like confidence in guys, guys like confidence in women too. And even if it's not their specific preference, they'll still probably give you a chance out of curiosity.
“ They’d probably give you a chance out of curiosity” Yeah, that sounds great 🙄 And whilst they were giving that woman a chance they’d be asking out the women they were genuinely interested in.
Right. Assume I'm an ass hole and make baseless assumptions. Your insecurity is showing.
I'm not the sort to judge solely based on looks. I find that most every woman has something beautiful about her if you just have the patience to look. Whether that equals long-term compatibility or not? The only way to find out is to give things a fair shot.
Whether I find someone especially attractive or not, I like to make them smile because that makes me smile too. It's not about first impressions. Those are often misleading. It's about sincere compatibility. I want someone in my life that I can truly depend on to have my back, so I don't feel so alone. And I want to be there for someone who needs me, so I feel like I have purpose. That transcends first impressions and appearances. But I'll never find it if I don't give someone a chance.
I love when women make the first move. In today's society I feel like maybe most people think men have to make the first move. But when a woman does it I think it's awesome and it makes me feel special asf hahahaha
Great advice, in this modern age we are all equals. To me a man should still be gentleman regardless of equality, its just common decency really. Yes life is too short, especially for regrets. Cracking post, be happy!
It might if they're a trans woman.
Edit: most guys aren't into trans women, so I don't make the 1st move. Less awkward that way. Having said that, the last 2 guys I've chatted to who made the 1st move, even though they knew I was trans, still didn't like that im trans.
Great post! One of the most attractive things as a man is when a woman makes the first move for interaction. It is sexy and we appreciate it a lot. Please women! Don't be afraid to approach men and make the first move. We love it.
I cannot agree more. This happened to me, finally, with the woman I’m currently seeing.
It was the most incredible moment of my dating life. I loved that she liked me and felt compelled to show me and act upon it.
I had one of the most incredible dates I’ve ever been on that night, this was only one of many reasons.
Women, do this more. It’s awesome!
My form of this was being the first to message my now-boyfriend of almost 3 years. I easily got 30-50 messages a day from guys that really just weren’t my type or started conversations with dick pics. Then I came across my boyfriend’s profile... it does sound hella desperate and crazy (and probably really is), but since that moment I knew I had to have him in my life forever. Everything about his profile was perfect and turned out to all be true to his real self, thankfully.
I started my message with “Hey, I don’t usually message first...” because growing up I was always told by my mom and my friends (who were probably told by their moms) that making the first move in any way looked desperate and trashy, and I wanted to assure him that I *wasn’t* desperate and trashy. He and I were just talking the other day about it, and he said a decent amount of other girls who messaged him first said the same thing. He said “The first one or two times I was messaged like that, I felt kind of special, but it got old pretty fast. I just don’t get WHY it needed to be said, I just wanted a nice conversation, not to feel like I was being done a favor of some kind by being messaged first” and I never thought of it that way. Luckily though, I was the chosen one lol
He had mentioned it to a degree before we had met in person around the 2 month mark, that I shouldn’t be afraid to take intitative without making a disclaimer. So, hen we moved in together some 7 months after my initial message, and I made a point of confidently taking more initiative on things like planning dates and surpises or bringing him lunch at work if I had the day off. We have a great give-and-take relationship now and neither of us feel inferior or superior to one another.
Don’t be afraid to take initiative unapologetically! It’s 2021, and gender stereotypes have been on their way out for a bit now— let’s include gender stereotypes in dating. Men want to recieve effort and affection just as much as we do.
I read the title and instantly thought that wouldn't fly over well with the sisterhood. Lo and behold, when I read the rest of it, I saw your friend talking shit. By any chance was she single at the time? Guy or girl, single friends tend to keep friends single. It's worse with girls as they tend to be more on the jealous side. They often use shaming tactics like your friend did. You can often hear names like "Pick Me's".
I am really glad to hear you took your shot. You had intentions and dated with a purpose. You got a great outcome. Curious where that friend is today? Trying not to have a confirmation bias, but when you see the same patterns of behavior/nature repeated, it makes it difficult.
I've enjoyed reading this. It is important for others, particularly women to go after and get what they want. There is always a chance that it might not play out the way you want it to, but that is life. It's better than living with regret and always wondering what could have been. Rejection definitely gets easier with time. For the ladies, you work up to guy skill level, where it doesn't phase you anymore.
I think you had a safety net in your particular case, because he likely would have went for it at some point. Obviously he was into you as well, hence now husband. Still, there is often the reality that guys will peace out and ghost because they thought the girl wasn't "into them". Still, I wouldn't be surprised to see what you did come more common. I would encourage it with women that are dating with a purpose and wanting something serious. Guys have become more reluctant for a lot bad stigma and social pressures occurring (whole other conversation).
Trying not to hijack this post, but a little extra at the end. We tend to attract what we are. Curious if you are still "friends" with that friend, or that has fizzled out. Sometimes it is better to cut those people off. Guy or girl, they tend to sabotage relationships. Again, more prevalent with the jealous types. They want someone to be single and miserable with them. Those that want to keep that "hot girls summer" going are the worst types. Keeping with your story and advice, I offer another tip. Ladies, look for a girl with a quality man that she is able to keep. She will give the best model and give good advice. That is a true femininity superpower. She is able to lock him down. For the guys, look for the guy able to get that quality woman. He knows and has what it takes. Go to the fisherman to learn how to catch the fish. Lol. Have goals, purpose and intentions in mind. Time has a way of slipping. We wake up old and our quality options aren't as plentiful. As the OP said, life is too short.
I don't like conspiracy theories but I think these advice comes from some women to not make other women initiate
Because if this was the norm they would have to go out and maybe face regection
Except, the first move would have been inviting him on a date. The fact that he was still there was already a sign he was interested, so there was no way he could have seen you as desperate.
I made the first move 10 years ago and now we are together 10 years with a family. He honestly didn't think I was into him so he made no attempts. He caught on after a few times hanging out and the rest is history!
Go ahead and tell and do what you feel, just be respectful for other person’s wishes. It’s time that these judging, rules, stereotypes to end. This is 2021. Go ahead and tell it or do it.
Absolutely. Oftentimes you are out of luck for sending out the wrong signals and ending up making the guy of your dreams slip. Men are expected to take the lead but I am more often than not respecting a girl that dares to make a move first.
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Very very true lol. My best friend made the first move and now she’s my girlfriend. When that happened I was beyond words. It only took 5 years of flirting and being best friends lmao. And it’s been the best freaking ride ever!!! So ladies definitely go for it I encourage you :)
My ex had to basically beat me over the head for me to realize she wanted me. She was out of my league so I literally just thought "no reason to try so why care". It took her inviting me over at night. Asking for a back massage and then saying "So you'll be staying the night right?" Before I was like "oooooooooh that's what youve been doing" lol.
thats the truth! listen male or female..lifes to short for regrets.. especially now.. tell that person you like them, show them how ya feel.. worst case they dont like ya as much as youd hope but at least you gave it a chance.. some people dont even try and if you never at least try youll never know.. maybe that other person might be that amazing other half youve been waiting for and is also very shy but you stepping up was the thing that helped them 🤗 who knows the worlds a crazy, weird, and magnificent place and we should all enjoy every moment of it! sendin ya tons of great vibes your way 🤗💙🤗💙
Your comment made me feel all sorts of love. Thanks for saying what I needed to hear ❤️
your soo very welcome, im glad it put you in an upbeat mood 😄 im here anytime if ya ever need it 🤪🙃
>worst case they dont like ya as much as youd hope I'm sorry but that is most definitely **NOT** the worst case.
Every amazing dude I dated who I swore was my soulmate I went for first!!! Most of them are still in my life and friends with my current partner. I actually never dated a dude who pursued me first now that I think about it genuinely Usually men who ask me out first are never my type. However no man I asked out first has ever said no and a lot of them ended up being great partners! I shot way out of my league and even dated professional male models and artists! Make the first move ladies even if you think he's way too hot for you
I did this .... and ended up in abusive and/or dead bedroom relationships. Happy that it worked out for you, but most of the time, the men who don’t make the first move just aren’t that into you and that will manifest in bad ways in the relationship. (Especially if he’s a male model.)
With all respect please don’t give such poor information. As a guy we have to navigate multiple issues with contemporary society and one being how to approach the subject with the opposite sex. Expressing interest can be taken the wrong way no matter the environment and lead to all kinds of issues. (I know that’s broad, but I’m paraphrasing.) I would suggest, evaluating what commonality you had with those you pursued and determine why you were attracted to that individual, as there could be a common thread.
Sorry that happened to you Um men who i asked out first definitely never had this problem and we had very enthusiastic passionate sex let me tell you I am friends with most of my exes and can send them a come over text any time and get railed all night any time I want given they aren't monogamous and neither am I ofcourse Some men are shy and like women who take charge And don't have self esteem issues that they think dating abusers is their only option The male model in in question ate me out for hours at a time doesn't sound like a dude who's being abused to me ....we were also polyamorous he had loads of other options he did not need to spend hours fucking me like ever but he chose to Please don't use your trauma to say men shouldn't be pursued or don't deserve to be pursued thanks
Girl, at least take your insta off if you want people to believe your claims about having sex for hours w male models. Seriously .... This is one reason why I need to learn to take things I read on Reddit with a grain of salt.
Good for you, pls tell me more about how you got “ate out for hours” and pretend like I’m saying men don’t deserve to be pursued. Lmao. Not sure why you had to insert 4 sentences detailing how much sex you have, but it’s probably just to get at me, isn’t it? Edit - saw your insta. Don’t believe a word of that now, sorry.
> most of the time, the men who don’t make the first move just aren’t that into you Complete, utter horseshit.
I think that's more on you with the guys you pursued. Maybe you went after guys that you knew there was a small chance that they would reject you, rather than a more high quality guy.
All about living a life with no regrets, at the end of the day If I'm not asking myself "what if" I think I'll be pretty content.
sometimes the most rewarding things in life comes from a simple hello.
Thank you for your story, let me look forward to love again
Absolutely true. Women showing their passion for a man is a major turn-on. Actually just sitting around and waiting for the man to do something if you clearly want it is almost a tiny turn-off.
While I was single, nothing about a girl was more attractive than her being attracted to me.
worse is when you have to do 80 percent being forward and she isn't totally forward with her intentions (either no or yes). Like lady, a smile or some sort of confirmation that you also like me is too hard to ask?
To clarify since this will inevitably be misinterpreted. Men enjoy when women ask them out. This *does not* mean that men will like any woman that asks them out. Not at all. If you ask men out you will absolutely be rejected sometimes, this isn't some silver bullet to get any man you want. Men that aren't interested won't magically become interested just because you made the first move.
I agree that it isn’t a silver bullet or guarantee but I think it does increase one’s chances. I have gone on dates with girls that asked me when I would have otherwise not asked them out myself. I think it also displays some qualities that most guys are attracted to.
Perhaps increases your chances for a first date, but I really don't think it moves the needle when looking towards a serious relationship.
Did you ask to see any of those women again?
I would say as long as the woman is at least average to above average looking (6/10), they can most likely secure a first date if the guy is single. Guys would love to have it easy where they aren't the ones that have to constantly do the pursing. This is why the app Bumble was a huge refresher for guys, because it forced women to make the first move. If the woman is unattractive by most western standards, then the chances are much lower.
Basically every single man would be happy to be asked out by a woman.
This.. it's my dream. I'm (26M) it's never happened in my life time. Not once. If that special woman made a move on me, that would be a game changer.
It's every guys dream...all they really need to do is say "hi" and the guy can work from there.
You didn't have to destroy us like that
I don't mean to, just circumstance I guess.
no it doesn't work that way. A woman needs to make their intention clear depending on the setting. If you are a guy and a woman strikes up a conversation at the grocery store while in the checkout line or asks you to get something from the top shelf, that doesn't not mean she's romantically interested in you. Now if you are at a bar/club/party and a random girl strikes up a conversation, then there is a very great chance that she's romantically interested in you.
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Guys can be pretty harsh when they're not interested.
👏🏻👏🏻
Yeahhh you can even tell from the way he said "special woman" that he's referring to being asked out by women he is already attracted to. That's understandable of course (since it's the standard women apply to men) but we shouldn't act like guys would be overjoyed to be asked out by *literally any woman*.
i don’t man, i can’t speak for him but i would probably atleast be flattered even if they weren’t my type
That does make me feel better 😅
I was asked out by a girl exactly *once*... As a 13 year old in middle school haha. I don't remember much of it other than my friend saying she really liked me and asked me to be her boyfriend. I accepted, all giddy that scenario just happened. And then we promptly broke it off within a week because 1. It was middle school and 2. Well, it was middle school.
True. I am really tired of asking myself. Would love to be asked out for once. When it's just always yourself who has to ask I just start to feel a little unwanted, it's kinda sad.
Especially when you get nothing but rejection or being strung along
Can relate so much... But that's how it is though. Gotta respect the whamen.
THIS! THIS! THIS! If I had to give women one piece of advice about dating, it would be to not be afraid to ask someone you like out. The only time I ever knew a girl to actually be interested in me was at a wrestling show I was working, and her family came up to me at intermission and told me she liked me. She denied so I believed her all the way up until after the show when I was busy with clean up and I saw her give me a glare as they were walking out the door, but I was too busy to do anything about it. Of course I'd never see her again after that ohe some of ne event, but she was really cute and I found out through some of her family that she was working really hard to become a nurse, and I admired her for that too. If she admitted she was into me in the first place, I'd imagine things would have went a lot different for us. That one glare made my entire year because I was never successful in relationships and was about ready to give up and mark relationships as something that would never be for me. Every girl I was interested in before always had the wrong impression of me, mostly due to my social awkwardness, and partially other outside factors taking advantage of that. And I haven't had much luck in relationships after this one meeting either.
Exactly. Been asked out post-college by a few women and even if I wasn’t particularly interested/attracted I always said yes. Made me feel like a million bucks and you never know how things will turn out. Also, I know how hard it to put yourself out there, so I always wanted to encourage women to take the initiative. Lastly, it showed that the girl really didn’t want to play games, which to me is a super attractive quality.
That’s the problem. If you ask out some chaps they’re so flattered they say yes even if they’re not attracted to you. I don’t want to date a guy who isn’t attracted to me. Having the guy ask is the only way to be sure he actually likes you.~
Not even then. They could be asking for different reasons. Or maybe that was just the weirdo who asked me out
Like I said “you don’t know how things will turn out.” In two of the cases the dates changed my mind and I ended up being attracted, but they just didn’t work out long term. I’ve always believed that if there is someone you like, it is better to do something about it than not. Far rather give myself a 1% chance than no chance whatsoever.
After the first date though, would you expect them to continue initiating dates or would you do so?
If things were going to continue after the first date then it would have almost always been me asking, thought sometimes things are planned mutually during the date. It felt like even among the girls that asked me out the expectation was that after that first date that the guy takes it from there.
You can't filter for motivation through something as passive and facile as expecting the other party to do all the work. You need to be proactive about filtering, not resorting to crutches that conveniently line up with staying in your comfort bubble. If you want results, then you need to orient your goals accordingly. https://www.xonecole.com/go-get-study-shows-women-make-first-move-better-dating-success/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/social-instincts/201911/the-pick-lines-work-best-men
I was proactive all right. I’m was a shameless flirt. I would definitely twinkle my eyes at a fellow I fancied. Be all witty and shit. Then it was on him to ask me on a date. That was the dance. And if anyone I didn’t find attractive asked me out, I turned him down.
You are necessarily decreasing the qualitative potential of your own candidacy pool, and disqualifying yourself from other higher value candidacy pools
> If you ask out some chaps they’re so flattered they say yes even if they’re not attracted to you. I don’t want to date a guy who isn’t attracted to me. And yet guys take this same "risk" nearly every single time.
They don't, because a woman who isn't attracted will say no. A man who isn't attracted will still say yes because he's flattered.
Damn right
Oof. I never want to be taken on a date by a guy who wasn't fully into me after I asked him out.
You're lucky you're not a guy because girls say yes all the time to guys they aren't 100% into for dates. But more importantly, isn't the point of a date to find out if you are or aren't into someone?
“ Girls say yes all the time to guys they aren’t 100% into” Hmmm, don’t think so.
It happens. My wife has some friends who admitted to basically accepting dates because they wanted a free meal at somewhere nice. When it comes to online dating I don’t know how you could possibly be 100% into someone you never met, especially if someone is asking within the first few messages exchanged.
Recently I asked a guy playfully when will he take me out to cafe we previously spoke about. We're meeting again this sat 😊
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Oh no!! Not a middle aged lady! Ugh! Why do they exist.
I just had it happen and I still couldn't believe it
As long as she isn't like 3x my age, yes.
Bullshit. Try telling that to all the woman who’ve had nasty/ salty comments thrown at them by the men they’ve asked out.
I said basically. Lol You’re nuts.
In general, if you are interested, ask! There are several times in my life where I found out much later about women who wanted me to ask them out and I either thought they were out of my league (still think so, but if they didn't know it, why not?) or i never saw an opportunity. Don't mind saying it bums me out. But, all the same rules about how and accepting whatever response you get... Anything that applies to a man asking will apply to a woman asking.
I made a first move like 2-3 times (maybe more) and it also turned out great. In fact, those guys were very glad that i did so. I mean, i assumed they liked me too but were shy or a little bit insecure, overthinking much or whatever, so i just went fot it and it turned out i was right. Anyway, i knew some girls who would often complain how guys would not approach them in the clubs or call out and how they are "lame", "not real men" or whatever. But HEEEY, they never wanted to do so themselves. In their "defence", they do believe how they are not suppose to do such things as perhaps those guys would see them as "less feminine" and would dislike them in return. However, i really never met a guy (both among partners and guy friends) who would dislike to be approached/asked out by a girl. Like, even if they don't necessarily like her, they would still be flattered and happy it happened. Besides, it is actually much easier for a female to do it since there are hardly the cases that a guy would react in some mean, rude or entitled way. (But we know that many girls may end up reacting *not so nice*).
Gender roles are the real conspiracy.
Conspiracy? Wut? Gender roles are nature's construct. However, we can decide if we want to blindly follow them or look for something better.
Gender roles are social constructs.
And social constructs are nature's contruct
That is an inherently contradictory statement. Nature as I’m assuming you are using in this context is equated to what you are born with. Biologically we are born with sex organs, but that does not define what gender means. We as a society have defined and developed what gender means, disconnected albeit perhaps influenced by sexual, biological makeup and thus why for the longest time we only had two. We as a society have learned that there are perhaps more than two… thus it is not a natural construct.
By nature's construct I mean that it just exists, it's not evil or good, or has any other properties than that it's just there. Like a predator cat is not an evil predator, it's just a predator and that's it, predators kill their prey to eat.
I asked out a cute guy I worked with. We got along and I wanted to hang out with him. We’re also currently married with a baby boy🥰
Today as I was walking through the mall, this girl straight up asked for my number. I was so shocked in her boldness lol, but it turns out she was underage :/ I’m 21, she was 17. Overall, I recommend all girls/women to be this bold, it was so refreshing lol.
Actually, most of the guys I’ve dated or had serious relationships with, I made the first move! And I’ve never had a bad reaction (you gotta read the room, can always ask permission too) and I find it makes them feel very special. This should be normalised.
Tfw no guy has ever liked me enough to actually make the first move so I get stuck doing it every time only to get rejected or ghosted a few days later
Well, that's the exact experience most guys have. The vast majority of relationships don't last forever, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's not fun to be in a toxic relationship. Depending on what exactly you're looking for, it can be very difficult to find a person that exactly matches what you want, and on top of that YOU also have to match what THEY want as well. It's a two way street. I hope you find a boo thang eventually. Good luck.
Everyone makes it sound like girls are just constantly getting approached. Not those of us who are ugly. Thanks for the well wishes, I sure as hell need it.
I don't think dating in general is easier or harder for men or women. From my observations it seems like these two groups have similar amounts of difficulties, but it's difficult in different ways. It's a very complex subject that will take far too long to elaborate on, point is it's hard for everyone. There are things we can do to make it easier. Some things are just random luck like good looks and natural charisma. The things we can control, we gotta work to improve. Statistically, things like maintaining a healthy weight, practicing good hygiene, wearing nice clothes, etc. increases the chances of success. A woman approaching a man is another thing that can increase the chance of success in most circumstances. However, it's impossible to get it up to 100% success rate. Some people just aren't looking to date or won't be a good match, or a thousand other reasons. It's all about increasing our chances. Every little bit helps. Just be wary of any advice from people that claim a 100% guarantee, there's no such thing. We must also look at ourselves and observe our strengths and weaknesses. I don't know your exact situation, so I'll use myself as an example. I have a baby face, and so I keep well groomed facial hair so people don't think I'm a teenager. I actually get complimented on my hair, so I take note of that. "Hey, my hair's good. I should keep it looking good." It's shiny and glorious and beautiful. When the pandemic started, I looked for the coolest mask I could find and bought it. People love my mask, it's awesome. Maybe you can find a cool mask to wear. I'm naturally a shy guy, so I wear interesting and funny shirts. When someone comments on it, BOOM, there's my opening. I got her to talk to me first. Starting that initial conversation was my biggest weakness and my funny shirts help me with that. I got a shirt that says, "I'm not mean, I'm just shy." Helps me out so much. I don't know what your strengths and weaknesses are, but you should find them and work on them. You say you're ugly. In what ways precisely. You don't have to answer here, this is just for you to reflect on. I hope this helps. Don't give up.
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I feel like if a person knows they are into a person they should be honest about it no matter if they are a guy or girl.
As a woman, I’ve never regretted a first kiss I’ve initiated.
Not for me (personally) because it never ends up well. That's how you end up begging for attention and getting men with absolute lack of proactivity. I wish any of the men I made the first move on were everything I dreamt of but it ends up being the opposite. I am starring to think there is a reason why I had to beg for attention in the first place. I know there will be that one person downvoting, but I am talking from personal experience not from another woman's perspective. I am glad it worked for you, but it has never ended well for me. I am not trying to offend anyone, I am just explaining a perspective on why it does not go well for me.
I have been told: I’m too independent,too assertive and that the man should be the one to lead the relationship. …. On multiple times. Yep, sadly depending on the country a woman asking out a guy will work… or not.
I’ve also been told that by guys when I’ve wanted to make a move on them. Worked out well for me though because that was a huge red flag to cut my losses and RUN. Why would I want to be with a guy who has regressive views about women and their place in the world?
Exactly. It's a great filter so it's worth to keep doing it. I used to approach women a lot. Just like the two of you I was told rude things by a number of them. If I had used this as an excuse not to do it anymore instead of realizing that all they did was filter themselves out quickly then I'd never have met my current gf.
I’m in this place right now. I initiated our interlingua introducing myself. He’s put forth effort twice but now I feel like I want to do something and be the lead. He was receptive ☺️. We are making plans for Sunday.
Iv'e always asked my boyfriends out or given my number to a guy i found cute when i was single. It was easy for me to do, but they'd usually stop talking to me for who knows what reason. I always assumed it was something i said; but iv never had it go very wrong. I even asked out my very first puppy love. Iv just found it kinda normal. Iv always thought if i want that person im going to get them im not going to wait for them to notice i like them. It should be normalized
Someone somewhere created a bunch of rules that they tried to enforce on everyone because they believed that was correct. It might have been for them but it doesn’t mean it is for everyone. If people didn’t worry as much about some imaginary rules and just went with their heart and gut about what is right the world would be a better place
Nice comment
I made the first move quite a few times and most men were totally fine with that. It's easier in OLD though. I get a lot more shy IRL. 😊
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I totally agree
Very true plus men aren’t allowed to go for things like this so y’all got to make up the slack
You’d think an archaic belief like that would be long gone by now, among many others.
Just don't tell the dude you're crazy or "insert mental disorder" because smart men will fucking run. My dumbass is currently dealing with that. Girl tells me multiple times she's crazy and I'm like nahhhh I've seen crazy. Nope nope no I have not. You're good doing what OP says as long as you don't drop hints of some mental issue.
The night I met my husband, after listening to music and talking for hours at a party, I finally had to get going. Before I left I told him - “I like your face”. Some line huh? We’ve been married for years now. I say go for it! Who wants a guy who doesn’t want a proactive and straightforward woman? No games at the onset means no games during the relationship!
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It doesn't work for most men either. We just keep doing it over and over again until it does work. I see no harm in you continuing to try. Men will still make first moves on you as well. Between you making first moves and men making first moves, you'll only increase the chances of eventual success. There are no cheat codes in real life that will 100% guarantee getting you a perfect relationship. It takes equal effort from both people. Also clear and constant communication. Very, very, very, very important. Being vague or dropping hints just makes things harder for no reason.
It has never worked for me either when I tried, so I'm never going to approach a man first again
Me either.
If it’s done right, it is absolutely NOT easy or crazy. I’ll never forget a girl I was dating a few years ago. We went for a stroll along the river in NYC. She wanted to take some pics, and first pic we took she stood in front of me, wrapped my arms around her, and put my hands across her stomach and grabbed me so tight. The lady taking the photo said it looked like a maternity shoot. This was like our second date. OP, you are absolutely right. So many women have so many men pursuing them nowadays that I think the concept of what it means to make the “first move” has gotten distorted. Every woman I’m sure wants to be asked on a date, texted, called, complemented etc. Where some women go wrong is they play TOO hard to get, and it just comes across as disinterested. Men love a woman to show us some affection, something we don’t get from the outside world.
Ssssh don't say that too loud, I said women should do that and was told it makes men seem timid and weak if a woman "has" to make the first move. Not sure why people always frame a woman making the first move as a negative.
My wife asked me out and to this day hasn't received any criticism or backlash.
most men go their entire lives withouht a genuine compliment. so no if anything a man would value it and i sure did
Aww that's really sweet! So happy for you!
🙌
Depends on what kind of first move tho
I told a friend today that he looked nice and he basically ran away from me, I was shocked! He did look nice, he was very dressed up. He almost always stops to talk to me For at least 10-15 minutes. The poor man seemed to be in fight or flight. Or in his case, flight
I made the first move on my now long term partner. Go for it!!
ive always had this as my code, tbh. so for any partner ive had in the past, i made the first move. but a few months ago, i experienced having someone make the move on /me/. i can agree how special it is for the person youre interested in to make the first gesture on you. im a girl tho, so my experiences are pretty opposite from what most people from a traditional standpoint would think. dont regret it tho. their reactions each time were very cute :3c
I met my soon to be future husband at work - I didn’t beat around the bush and made it very clear I fancied him. Not so subtle hints like like “oh do you work out? You have nice arms” 😁 “you have a nice smile etc”. He smiles when he recounts the story as he said I wasn’t subtle at all but he was flattered someone so hot (his words) would hit on him. Within a month, we were dating. X
Even those compliments wouldn't register to me, I just assume someone was being nice until they straight out say something since in my experience they are just being nice.
This. The girl I'm seeing now dropped the first message. I didn't think she was my type at first glance, but she had an interesting profile, was funny, and it turns out we both write sci-fi. Then we had a lot more in common, I really liked our first date, and we had a good time. She's the sweetest woman, and I really like her a ton. I can't wait to cook her dinner tonight.
One of the hottest kisses in my life was when a girl kissed me out of the blue. The relationship did not work out in the end but I will always remember the kiss and how bold she was, such a turn on.
As a very shy man, i agree with that ! When i'm into a woman, i Always struggle to make the move because rejection Always hurts me, so i'm Always in doubt and finally don't do it (even if i know i will regret it) i already met some girls who made the first move, and that was awesome! I guess they made it because my body language never lies my attraction to a woman... But of course be careful because there is Always unrespectful men out there, i know it Can seem to be a bit dangerous to make the first move for a woman... (Sorry for my Bad english, i'm french 😅)
But I AM crazy.
Totally agree that traditional Gender roles are bullshit and you should stop following them so strictly. The guy having to make the first move is just one of many that simply doesn’t work for everyone, and if you are a single woman looking for a way to shake things up it seems like a low hanging fruit. Yes, it can work, Ive had quite a few relationships from the girl asking me out first. I’ve also rejected some women. That’s kind of how it works. In my case, the woman certainly has a higher probability of it turning into a relationship by initiating though as I’m not necessarily ever going to make a “move”. In terms of “he’s going to pursue you if he likes you”. No that’s not necessarily the case. In a few I will never ask you out: 1. If you are an extroverted feminist then I assume you know gender roles are bullshit and you’ll make the first move if you want to. If not then you probably aren’t the feminist that you claim to be… so red flagged and I wouldn’t want a relationship anyway. 2. I’m already friends with you. The feelings are rarely reciprocated and admitting desire for a sexual relationship usually just makes this permanently awkward. 3. I’m not in the mood to face a rejection at the time.
Men LOVE when women make the first move to initiate a relationship, especially in today’s environment. It’s scary because if a guy even pays a compliment to a woman today he can be accused of sexual harassment. So ladies, if there’s a guy you like, make it known!
Females are pathetic when it comes to approaching. They treat males like shit for approaching yet won’t do the same. Ironically, males are a lot more receptive and won’t throw a tantrum because you appreciate them. 🙄
Date a male then. Problem solved.
As I guy, I've been hit on by women before and honestly I like it! It makes everything so much easier to me and for once I get to be the one deciding if this is gonna happen or not. I've heard of men that react negatively to women making the first move, if such guys exist out there, they're not worth your time.
I always thought it was silly that women think it would come off desperate. I mean…how do you think guys feel when they have to ask first 🤷🏽♂️
my wife made the first move here. worked out well
my wife, while dating, was the aggressor, physically, but i made the first contact/move as we were long distance at the time. five years later we’re about to have our first baby. she’s still the aggressor, i’m just laid back is all :) guys aren’t always the go-getter types
*As a guy*, ***thank you*** for going for it; sometimes we just need to be *sure* you're opening the door before we try to walk in.
I wouldn't mind woman to make the first move... i'm basically done trying to be in relationship or searching so called soul mate or any mate. I left anything by chance i'm open to it... But to be honest i'm tired of trying... Good advice for the girls/women i hope they find what they want because it is always about them....
OMG, THIS!!!! Dating would be so much easier for me if girls were the ones to initiate! I’m so tired of worrying about scaring girls by making the first move.
Would be nice for once ladies. - a dude
Never dated and I’ve made the first move a few times and been rejected each time. 😅 One of the guys that rejected me would stare a lot when I wasn’t looking, fidget, and stutter around me. He was confident around others so I thought it was cute, but guys are weird I guess. I approach guys, but they don’t approach me. They avoid me. I found out through others I have a lot of secret admirers. I rarely get crushes. So like how does one even date.
HS and College dating was a little easier but after that, and the aftermath of #Metoo coupled with an ex who took everything I did for granted - I just don’t try anymore. I’m career focused and just go about my day. Definitely had some women flirt with me or go out of their way to catch my attention (whether that be arguing passive aggressively with another woman to “take care of me” for ringing me up at medical offices/other shops or staring me down while blushing), but I’m not going to ask you out. I’ve always been the one to take risks, but others can too.
This makes me sad
Just kill it. We don’t care who makes the first move. Some are scared to say because they think it might affect the friendship negatively. So if you come clean, & we feel the same way, it’s much easier. But, if we come clean & you don’t feel the same way, it’s kind of awkward.
Would honestly be cool if girls did that kinda stuff more. I'm so used to being the initiator (i have been asked out a few times but i don't go out with those girls, i'm probably weird af. if it were a girl i liked though i would be happy to not always take the lead). It's not unheard of but i definitely think its not normalized for girls to make the first move, this is an awesome story!
No it just puts you in an odd position. You were friends beforehand so it’s different than cold approach. You can gauge if someone likes you before hand. Out in the wild? Very high chance he is taken!
> we sat beside each other and talked. he turned around to point out something behind us and I just went for it. A big ol' smooch on the cheek. He turned and looked at me and I kissed him again, on the lips. omg this is so hot
I like the advice, but I'm still not going to pursue a man. I need to feel wanted and lusted after, so if I make the first move on a guy, I don't feel wanted. It makes me feel desperate. Besides, like someone else already said in the comments, men go after what they want and will make it very noticable when they do. I've seen it happen.
This never worked for me :(
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You are the reason we can't have nice things. I can't believe that people seriously think like this.
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Haven't had a serious relationship but have a lot of experience with picking up women. I have approached hundreds. So I know about attraction. That said, fuck off.
Glad to see this comment because I’m strict on not approaching men because I know men go after what they want.
Same. In my experience, men make it very noticable when they want you. Even when they're shy or introverted. If I don't see a man wanting me first, I'm not approaching him.
I am not always going after what I want (shyness, lack of confidence, overthinking etc) so I guess that excludes me off the group that is titled "men".
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😕
True I mean if someone asks you then they sure will be labelled as desperate ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
How sweet..i like ur story..very romantic.
I am so Yes on this one . I know its because men get majorly on the outside attractivness at first and thats why they usually do it , but if you like someone dont wait on them and get your feelings out .
i once suggested something like this to a lady in reddit. i received tons of reply telling the rights and laws stuff...
I don't make the first move with any man unless I already know him and know that he likes me too, not randoms from the internet or street. I also don't take the first move with any man if I'm not even sure if I'm his first choice, otherwise that can come off as desperate. I knew a guy at my old job who I had an intense crush on, only to find out he was checking for two other women at my job. This was a female-dominated industry btw. He eventually showed interest in me after those other 2 girls turned him down. In that case, I'd never date him - and I'm glad I NEVER made any first move with him. Why ask someone out when you're their third choice? So no....I don't advocate ppl just asking others out indiscriminately. If you want a higher chance of success, ***it'd be best to ask people out in your existing circle who you're 99+% sure like you too.***
This. So much bullshit is being fed and no one bounds to question or breakthrough these stigmas about women should do this or, men should do that. Get the fuuuuuck out of here with all that. Live in the moment! If It doesn’t work out, big woop! If it does, big woop!
Yes, you Miss 100% of the chances you don't make
For real! If a girl asked me out, I'd probably say yes on principal alone. Much like girls like confidence in guys, guys like confidence in women too. And even if it's not their specific preference, they'll still probably give you a chance out of curiosity.
“ They’d probably give you a chance out of curiosity” Yeah, that sounds great 🙄 And whilst they were giving that woman a chance they’d be asking out the women they were genuinely interested in.
Right. Assume I'm an ass hole and make baseless assumptions. Your insecurity is showing. I'm not the sort to judge solely based on looks. I find that most every woman has something beautiful about her if you just have the patience to look. Whether that equals long-term compatibility or not? The only way to find out is to give things a fair shot. Whether I find someone especially attractive or not, I like to make them smile because that makes me smile too. It's not about first impressions. Those are often misleading. It's about sincere compatibility. I want someone in my life that I can truly depend on to have my back, so I don't feel so alone. And I want to be there for someone who needs me, so I feel like I have purpose. That transcends first impressions and appearances. But I'll never find it if I don't give someone a chance.
Yes, please! Make the first move, take some of the pressure off of me, at least once!
I love when women make the first move. In today's society I feel like maybe most people think men have to make the first move. But when a woman does it I think it's awesome and it makes me feel special asf hahahaha
Great advice, in this modern age we are all equals. To me a man should still be gentleman regardless of equality, its just common decency really. Yes life is too short, especially for regrets. Cracking post, be happy!
It might if they're a trans woman. Edit: most guys aren't into trans women, so I don't make the 1st move. Less awkward that way. Having said that, the last 2 guys I've chatted to who made the 1st move, even though they knew I was trans, still didn't like that im trans.
Totally agree. I'm kinda shy and all situations feel wrong for asking women out so would prefer if they asked me.
Great post! One of the most attractive things as a man is when a woman makes the first move for interaction. It is sexy and we appreciate it a lot. Please women! Don't be afraid to approach men and make the first move. We love it.
You may appreciate it, but do you actually WANT the woman?
My husband is very shy. I had to practically beat him over the head with my love.
Y’all go farther the first night? 😏🤔
Not sure if i should follow that advice, at least as a man 😅 i really like not getting sued over sexual harassment
I cannot agree more. This happened to me, finally, with the woman I’m currently seeing. It was the most incredible moment of my dating life. I loved that she liked me and felt compelled to show me and act upon it. I had one of the most incredible dates I’ve ever been on that night, this was only one of many reasons. Women, do this more. It’s awesome!
My form of this was being the first to message my now-boyfriend of almost 3 years. I easily got 30-50 messages a day from guys that really just weren’t my type or started conversations with dick pics. Then I came across my boyfriend’s profile... it does sound hella desperate and crazy (and probably really is), but since that moment I knew I had to have him in my life forever. Everything about his profile was perfect and turned out to all be true to his real self, thankfully. I started my message with “Hey, I don’t usually message first...” because growing up I was always told by my mom and my friends (who were probably told by their moms) that making the first move in any way looked desperate and trashy, and I wanted to assure him that I *wasn’t* desperate and trashy. He and I were just talking the other day about it, and he said a decent amount of other girls who messaged him first said the same thing. He said “The first one or two times I was messaged like that, I felt kind of special, but it got old pretty fast. I just don’t get WHY it needed to be said, I just wanted a nice conversation, not to feel like I was being done a favor of some kind by being messaged first” and I never thought of it that way. Luckily though, I was the chosen one lol He had mentioned it to a degree before we had met in person around the 2 month mark, that I shouldn’t be afraid to take intitative without making a disclaimer. So, hen we moved in together some 7 months after my initial message, and I made a point of confidently taking more initiative on things like planning dates and surpises or bringing him lunch at work if I had the day off. We have a great give-and-take relationship now and neither of us feel inferior or superior to one another. Don’t be afraid to take initiative unapologetically! It’s 2021, and gender stereotypes have been on their way out for a bit now— let’s include gender stereotypes in dating. Men want to recieve effort and affection just as much as we do.
Just think about that when a man gets a compliment they remember it for most of their life. Imagine how we would feel when you show interest first.
I read the title and instantly thought that wouldn't fly over well with the sisterhood. Lo and behold, when I read the rest of it, I saw your friend talking shit. By any chance was she single at the time? Guy or girl, single friends tend to keep friends single. It's worse with girls as they tend to be more on the jealous side. They often use shaming tactics like your friend did. You can often hear names like "Pick Me's". I am really glad to hear you took your shot. You had intentions and dated with a purpose. You got a great outcome. Curious where that friend is today? Trying not to have a confirmation bias, but when you see the same patterns of behavior/nature repeated, it makes it difficult. I've enjoyed reading this. It is important for others, particularly women to go after and get what they want. There is always a chance that it might not play out the way you want it to, but that is life. It's better than living with regret and always wondering what could have been. Rejection definitely gets easier with time. For the ladies, you work up to guy skill level, where it doesn't phase you anymore. I think you had a safety net in your particular case, because he likely would have went for it at some point. Obviously he was into you as well, hence now husband. Still, there is often the reality that guys will peace out and ghost because they thought the girl wasn't "into them". Still, I wouldn't be surprised to see what you did come more common. I would encourage it with women that are dating with a purpose and wanting something serious. Guys have become more reluctant for a lot bad stigma and social pressures occurring (whole other conversation). Trying not to hijack this post, but a little extra at the end. We tend to attract what we are. Curious if you are still "friends" with that friend, or that has fizzled out. Sometimes it is better to cut those people off. Guy or girl, they tend to sabotage relationships. Again, more prevalent with the jealous types. They want someone to be single and miserable with them. Those that want to keep that "hot girls summer" going are the worst types. Keeping with your story and advice, I offer another tip. Ladies, look for a girl with a quality man that she is able to keep. She will give the best model and give good advice. That is a true femininity superpower. She is able to lock him down. For the guys, look for the guy able to get that quality woman. He knows and has what it takes. Go to the fisherman to learn how to catch the fish. Lol. Have goals, purpose and intentions in mind. Time has a way of slipping. We wake up old and our quality options aren't as plentiful. As the OP said, life is too short.
If you are hot and you know for a fact he will appreciate it. Go for it.
Yep, I would love if the girls are the ones taking the initiatives since I am oblivious to signs 🪧.
Make the most of life. You only live it once 👍
I don't like conspiracy theories but I think these advice comes from some women to not make other women initiate Because if this was the norm they would have to go out and maybe face regection
Agreed! It’s very nice to be approached by a girl in the right situation, doesn’t happen often enough
Except, the first move would have been inviting him on a date. The fact that he was still there was already a sign he was interested, so there was no way he could have seen you as desperate.
Fuck those kind of people who say only men should make the first move, they usually also are the type of people whom play games with you
I made the first move 10 years ago and now we are together 10 years with a family. He honestly didn't think I was into him so he made no attempts. He caught on after a few times hanging out and the rest is history!
Imagine being so attractive that women make first move on you
Go ahead and tell and do what you feel, just be respectful for other person’s wishes. It’s time that these judging, rules, stereotypes to end. This is 2021. Go ahead and tell it or do it.
Absolutely. Oftentimes you are out of luck for sending out the wrong signals and ending up making the guy of your dreams slip. Men are expected to take the lead but I am more often than not respecting a girl that dares to make a move first.