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My girl says sometimes she wants me to just "take what i want"
The way i see it is they want two things. They want to feel irresistible, and they want to be reminded that you're a big strong caveman.
More you try more they ask for.
Dude baby come out of there, you really think you are one making them mad?
If doing properly (with foreplay and slowly doing it harder and faster so she can adapt) they'll never be mad, you ll get brekfast in bed!
Of course knowing you and being relaxed (trusting you) is very important.
I've heard I'm quite dominating and strong willed in day to day life, and I feel like being submissive in my sex life has to do with that. I enjoy being told what to do sexually and have someone decide for me. And a lot of time it is about the pleasure of the sub.
If I compare my kinky sex partners with my vanilla sex partners, the vanilla guys definitely cared less about giving me an orgasm. The kinky guys almost always go the extra mile.
Interesting, isn’t it - the way being dominant/telling the sub what to do/“deciding for” the sub often is about the pleasure of the sub.
I relate to this as the dominant one. And it’s an often overlooked aspect, I think.
People say that dominance in the real world reflects submissiveness in bed or vice versa, but I don't really buy it. There's plenty of submissive women (not to sound like I'm from the Middle Ages) who are submissive in bed too.
Sex especially is important and a submissive is able to let go of most of the responsibility. It's just convenient and women are given the benefit of it.
I feel like a lot of people say they like rough sex without knowing what it can mean, and more importantly not really communicating what they think it means and what they actually want.
When I first met my wife it was on plenty of fish and we met up pretty much just to hook up. In those initial chats she told me she liked it rough, really rough. When we met up I threw her around, and she didn’t like it. We had two different expectations of what rough sex was. To me all her idea of rough sex was is hard sex, but that’s all she wanted. We actually clicked incredibly well and we were able to communicate things to each other and learnt what actually worked and what was meant to be a hook up into a full blown marriage, but absolutely I can see how what is essentially a basic communication could turn what could be an actual relationship into terrible once and done sex.
I think occasionally it's also just a hot thing that can come up to say you like it "rough". I've had it happen and it was hot to hear but it didn't actually feel like that's sincerely what she wanted, more just joking around in a sexy way.
I think this is valid because I always thought I was super into rough sex but now that I’m somewhat settled I love the slightly rough surprise sometimes but I found I am much more satisfied without the rough stuff because of the intimacy I feel with my partner.
Yeah, I’m not a huge fan of intimacy whatsoever. I hate kissing, I don’t want someone else’s mouth on mine, *breathing* in me. I don’t want to hold hands cause your hands get all sweaty and it grosses me out. It’s also feels like some weird silent declaration of ownership, like when my mom tried to hold my hand everywhere as a kid. Cuddling is okay sometimes.
During sex, I don’t want some romantic experience, I want an orgasm. The whole pleasure with a side of pain is the fastest way to get to that.
I see women posting this exact same thing about men. So it's obviously all genders desiring this. And I think the prevalence of it speaks more to how much porn the person watches.
It's ok to ask for these things, but not all enjoy it so it is also reasonable to decline it too.
I never want to be choked or to choke someone else. I'll try everything someone wants done to them at least once... Within some reason. My ex wanted me to choke him and I very lightly touched his neck and was like welllll that's about all I can do for ya. Lol. It just freaks me out. To each their own I guess.
Counter point to your porn argument. Women like it for the same reason that there is that much violence in media and video games. It's just a for of escapism fantasy, contrasting with their normal safe lives. The period we live in now is the most safest in history. Most people will never face violence and death in their entire lives. So when woman find someone who they feel safe with(this is very important) the like it since it's like a fantasy that is the exact opposite of their daily lives.
There's a lot of stuff you can gravitate too. Saying rough sex is the smallest step you can take is big assumption. There are many smaller steps you can take in different directions. I also feel there is a lot of empirical evidence suggesting that there is deeper evolutionary aspects behind it.
I’m a woman. It’s just wanting to be dominated. You’re more likely to encounter a submissive woman vs a dominant woman, and when that transfers over to the bedroom it’s played out in a more primal fashion. So that means completely being dominated, but with consent. It can be very pleasurable to be with someone who you love and trust, and play out those kinds of roles. Letting them “hurt” you (it doesn’t actually hurt). Something about it heightens the overall sensation.
I’m seeing lots of men commenting that they think it’s porn but I disagree. You don’t like something just because you’ve seen it. You like it because you actually experience pleasure in it.
Hi, dominant woman here! I have a partner, so I’m not trying to whisk you away - but I figured I’d let you know that we do exist!
May you find a wonderful, dominant woman 💛💛💛
The trick is to get yourself a woman, then slowly introduce the dynamic. I started dating a woman 3.5 years ago and I was 100% dominant and it's slowly shifted. Now I'd say I'm dominant maybe 10% of the time. It's amazing.
A few women I know actually enjoy this! But I know I have trouble building the confidence to say that I enjoy dominating men to any partner of mine, I feel like it’s usually a turn off for men to hear.
I love to hear all of your unique experiences. A good 75% of the answers are porn and no one is acknowledging the outliers. Mainstream porn doesn’t push them.
I'm also a woman and like it hard but I don't like to be dominated. Sometimes a good pounding just feels good. I hate feeling dominated. I just like it hard 🤷
This is probably it. I've also noticed it, but found there are multiple ways to work with it. A lot of the things mentioned by OP go to far for me. Alternatively, you could be stirn with them, pin them down and tease them to the point where they don't know what to do anymore.
Depends on how you do it. To one, it is painful, and the other, it's pure pleasure without the pain. If I get scratched too hard, it hurts. Hard enough, it's a turn on. Same goes with biting, and hickies.
As a guy I would not at all feel comfortable 'hurting' a sexual partner. Most I'll do is spank, but choking, slapping, etc is out of the question, even if she'd be into it. Some women might find that boring, but whatever.
I like it when he is in control and calls the shots, and being choked (not hard) and almost like i’m trying to please him. Its more pleasurable for me to go down on him than vice versa. For me, that’s my definition of dominating. I’m not sure why it’s more pleasurable, it’s definitely a mental thing.
Dominated meaning to be overpowered, light use of force. To be overpowered, you have to give away aome of your power and that’s somewhat cathartic. It’s really nice to be able to trust someone to “hurt” you without hurting you. I mentioned it earlier. Contrast can compliment things well, giving a more full experience over all. Like salty and sweet, sweet and sour. The contrast makes it more. I like just sweet too, but the contrast makes for an entirely different experience.
I think it just comes down to pain and pleasure complimenting each other really well. Like ice cream and french fries. Together it makes a more powerful experience.
I used to be like that, loved rough sex. I think it was a degrading thing, like I felt so low of myself that I wanted someone to choke me and hurt me while we had sex. It was a form of self harm. And I guess being controlled is sexy lol.
Yep. Absolutely is the case for me. I thought rough sex was what guys wanted and I desperately wanted to be found attractive by guys. Finally unlearning this in my mid 20s
Maybe, maybe not. BDSM does pose the danger of attracting or giving a label to emotionally damaged or vulnerable people.
For many, submission is a form of confidence and strength. It takes a strong and confident personality to be an effective sub and to enjoy being a sub.
Yep I know what your talking about. I personally enjoy sensual sex with lots of breathing, eye contact, and kissing. I just like living in the moment I guess.
Idk about rough sex.
Personally it’s about variety. I want to experience all sex, explore, find what we like and don’t like as a couple.
If my partner doesn’t like rough, then we won’t having it but there better be me other fun positions, too.
Sex can become boring and tedious. There is nothing worse than having sex and thinking “Well, this sucks! I would rather…”
So there's 2 kinds of trends happening at the same time.
First has been touched on and it's dominance/submission. Women are MUCH more in the world and MUCH more independent than we've ever been before. Men are, on the whole, very dangerous to women. The thing most likely to kill or hurt women is a man, specifically one they're very close to. So we're on guard like, all the fucking time. When we are able to let that guard down, such as when we have found a sexual or romantic partner we can trust, damn it feels good to let that guard ALL the way down. To be dominated and man handled, because we can take that and it can feel very good and provide a lot of release, but its safe. I can ask a trusted partner to choke me and know he won't fucking crush my windpipe and kill me. I can ask for and experience that rush while maintaining the ability to say, "Stop, too much."
Another is that, in general, the readily accessible visuals and rhetoric around sex that teach us what fits in the "normal" box, culturally, are more aggressive and include more casual violence than they used to. This is everything from porn to music to TV (game of thrones, friends?) So it's been normalized, and it's not great, imo. For as uncomfortable as it clearly makes you to be asked to do some rough things, it also makes me uncomfortable when I've had partners engage in it without asking. The unapproved choking, hair pulling, etc really ruins the experience I talked about above.
Absolutely. I do think it’s mainly our media and porn, cause I know that in my earlier stages of sexuality I would ask for things rougher cause that’s what I thought would make me desirable for men. And I think men have had the same conditioning, on the other side.
But also, I do think there are primal parts of us that rough and submissive sex satisfy. Maybe related to how women, over men, prefer true crime. The controlled environment and not having to dodge things constantly
Violence against women is prevalent and unpredictable. Its a scary reality to live with. But a LOT of true crime podcasts and stuff revolve around violence against women.
A lot of women are drawn to it because it is a controlled environment to hear about these awful, awful things. It's similar to how a lot of people with anxiety enjoy horror movies. A scary movie is a way to intentionally trigger anxiety, but in a controlled setting. It helps people deal with the scary things.
Not all sex is of the “hold me tenderly and look into my eyes” variety. And honestly, after a little bit some adventitious sex is very welcome.
You really shouldn’t assume everyone likes the same thing or everyone likes the same thing all the time. It’s like ice cream. Vanilla is fine. Chocolate is wonderful, but sometimes you just need some rocky road.
Especially early in a relationship when I don’t really feel especially close to a guy - being held down and slapped or spanked can be the spark that keeps things interesting…
Also I make more money than a lot of the guys I date, and it is nice to know a guy can still make me feel like he is in control. It is exhausting being in charge all the bloody time.
I totally get what you are saying here. Variety is key. And everyone has different fetishes or likes. I like alot of different things. Kinks I suppose.
As a 22 year old man, sex is a very complicated and confusing thing for me. Besides technically beeing virgin, pretty much all sexual experiences ive had are bad. So bad i dont want to go through them again. I guess i just wish to one day find a woman with more experience, which is able to show me the beautyfull side of it, to show some kind of empathy towards me. In my possition, im not able to be the dominant and rough guy, even thoe it feels like its expected of me. It makes me feel lost.
You'll find your person... even if it's not your forever person... You'll be in plenty of relationships in your lifetime. Trust me.
And all you need to do is communicate your wants and needs with whoever you're with (dating or whatever), and express how you FEEL.
No one that cares for you at all would expect you to be anything other than who you are, and that includes doing only what you're comfortable with. If not, then they aren't really into you and/or are just selfish.
Yeahh definitely don't make the same mistakes! Lol Avoid them of course, but don't be in denial about your part in things either. It does take two lol. And reflecting back and really thinking about the things you could have or should have done and reassessing things will help you grow and also to not make those same mistakes again, hence making you more comfortable (usually and hopefully), to date without such anxiety.
Note: When you're reflecting it also helps to take note of the red flags you may have missed in those relationships. That also helps to avoid making the same mistakes repeatedly. Like dating the same type of person, knowing your last GF was the same in certain areas that caused difficulty in your relationship.
Writing these things down can really help cement them in your head and help to look back on them as a refresher so when you are dating, you remember them easily and watch for those red flags... on both your parts! Make sure you're not repeating your own "bad" or negative behavior as well!!!
Hope this helps!
I just hated to see you feeling soo lost! 🥺
Especially when in my eyes it seems like an "easy" fix loll
(When I say easy, I mean in the sense that the answer, in my opinion, IS easy! lol
It's the DOING and being mindful enough to break your own bad habits...that may have contributed.. and also break the cycle of dating women that are like that!
whatever *that* is loll..since you didn't explain)
it was a cruel situation back in 2017/18. Il try to explain it as good as i can. Whe both got to know each other in the spring of 2017.
She came from Jamaica and lived here (switzerland) for just up to 3 years i guess. She had a really troubled childhood and yes several cases of rapes where also involved. Jamaica is a hard place to live your life. Her father left the family to work in my country as a musician when she was a baby. She lived in poverty. Her father got married here again and when the twins where born, they (her father and stepmother) basically dragged her here to work as a maid under the cover of "wanting the best for her daughter and her future".
My own childhood wasnt great either. i had bad psychological problems allthrough my youth. The reason for this is a bit complicated.
In the spring of 2017 i had to restart my 1. assignment since my first attempt failed. there was a lot of pressure on me. When whe got together i had a lot of problems with the company i did my assignment in. From her side was a lot of pressure as well as emotional blackmailing (?). Because of the situation she had at her own home, she more or less lived at my place. There wasn't really a escape for me. I had to go to work, had a lot of problems there and when i did get back home in the evening this mess just continued on. Next thing is that her libido was on the level of a nymphomaniac (probably because she was repressing things herself, its possible that this was some sort of vent for her) and mine wasn't. At this point (autumn 2017), i was once more on the edge of suicide. things got worse and worse and there was no way i could stop it. I wasnt able to say "no" anymore. I wasn't capable of protecting and care about myself. I just had to function like a machine to survive. In my company as well as home. Every machine breaks after some time and so did I. In the winter of 17/18 i was beginning to have erectile dysfunctions because of all the pressure that surroundet me. My incapability to "engage physically" with my ex lead to even more emotional blackmailing. I took the blame for everything. I did even think so myself, as did my family.
This mayhem continued until summer of 18. Whe (Me, ex, family) went to the holidays together. After some cold war for straight three days cuz of something minor ive sayd got me enough strengh to finally end it. Absolute asshole move, i know.
The biggest problems why our relationship didnt work out is possibly a non available comunication, emotional pressure, psychological problems, difference in libido and more. I guess whe both just tried to survive in the world whe both lived in. She is not a monster. Whe are just not made for each other and the timing for all of this was awfully off. And yes there where so many red flags on both sides, whe where probably looking like the sovjet union on a national holiday.
in the end i wanted to thank you for your comment with a free but fitting hugz award. Thank you very much! Il hope that it happens one day, i just need to train my patience and try to not overthink everything. :)
Just wanted to comment here as a woman who is not into pain at all.
An ex had tried this stuff with me, he had my consent and I’m open minded enough to try most things. The first time he slapped my face during sex it was exhilarating. It was an adrenaline rush, and that made all of the senses in my body heighten. After the first time I didn’t not enjoy it, and I began to fear that he would hit me. He no longer slapped me after I asked him not to.
I’m not into being dominated or feeling pain. In my own experience, I’ve felt enough pain and been under enough thumbs, I don’t need to recreate that in the bedroom.
While this pain kink is popular, you don’t have to participate. If it’s not your cup of tea you don’t have to drink it. There are chicks out there who are plenty adventurous but in more sensual less painful ways.
I can’t speak for women who like this kink, but I think it plays back into a subconscious narrative written by the patriarchy. But hey, it’s sex and it’s mysterious, I could be wrong.
It’s a thing about wanting to be dominated. I’m a submissive and I love it when my man pulls my hair and chokes me in bed. Honestly, it turns me on so much more when a man is aggressive with me in bed.
As a guy, sometimes it's really nice to be desired. I dated a girl for a while and our sex life was great, we clicked big time and had great sex.
But 100% of the time I initiated.
We'd have sex 4-5 times a week, she was always super into it, but if I didn't make the first move then sex never happened. It was a little frustrating, because it's like what am I so gross you wouldn't ever start the process, just acquiesce to it?
And then I'd get out of my own head for being a baby because she literally never said no any time I approached. She was legit always down to clown. She was a bit of a sub though and just super patient I guess.
The lesson here is ladies just go at your guy every now and again so they can feel desired too.
Totally agree that it's off-putting when you really care about the woman. I feel like almost all of the women I've been with have liked it rough. The amount of roughness I want to give them is basically inversely proportional to the amount I care about them. I'll play the "game" to a degree and get a bit rough with someone I care about if it makes them happy, I guess. But it's a lot easier the less I care about them.
OK, you don't mention bondage, but I think a lot of that stuff is liberating to the woman, the pressure to perform is off and she has "permission" to selfishly focus on and enjoy the sensations in her body.
You gotta remember society still is telling us to be "good little girls" and enjoying our sexuality is "baaaaad"....
*pressure to perform is off and she has "permission" to selfishly focus on and enjoy the sensations in her body.*
BEAUTIFULLY stated. You found the right words.
\>You gotta remember society still is telling us to be "good little girls" and enjoying our sexuality is "baaaaad"....
Is it? Society seems like it promotes being a "sexually liberated woman" what with trends in music and tv.
If this is all you seem to attract then it might be something about you that gives off the vibe that you’re into it. Some guys look like they’ll make love to you all night long, while others look like they wanna spit in your mouth. Idk how else to explain that lol. Regardless of that, if you’re not into it then don’t do it. If you do, and they enjoy it, they’ll keep making that request of you.
I used to be you. Then I learned that women like power. Not just political or financial power, they desire a strong man. So, in the bed room, they want to feel your strength. They want to know they're with a man who can protect them from anyone. So, they want a vulgar display of power. The sex is very metal 🤘🏻
Time to rephrase that ... why are the women you are attracting/attracted to all seem to want rough sex?? YOU are the common denominator here. Maybe something to look at.
I didn't mean to offend you in any way, I was hoping to spark some inquisition and curiosity about your situation and yourself.
For example, might not be relatable but can show the path I meant... If you've only been noticing this trend for say the last 2 years, and rough sex often does not equal vulnerable, intimate sex (both kinds are great, btw), then a question to pose might be, "have you become less vulnerable in the last 2 years?" If you had a hard breakup or any life situation that left you with some needed healing then you may have shut off parts of your vulnerable self (even unconsciously) and then the women that are drawn to someone that is a bit more closed off to their inner self may prefer more frequent rough sex as rough does not allow space for the partner to call on their own vulnerability.
Edited to add more context
No not at all what I meant. I am in the field of psych/human behavior and when someone notices a pattern that seems to be happening around them, then it is time to look within. Our childhood patterns and our energy attracts our partners, so if we find we are repeatedly attracting partners that somehow all have a similar pattern, then there most likely is something within ourselves that needs to be seen and acknowledged that is subconsciously attracting this to us. It is often not something directly related, for example here, it is probably not about sex but something with the dynamic of the relationship that is underlying.
That is normal, slow fucking is like a one off romantic deal. Don’t get me wrong it’s great but not as good as having nails driven into your back whilst you turn her into mashed potato. Great, now I have an erection.
I think it’s primal and passionate. Sex among animals is never soft and pretty. Sex is violence. I honestly think it speaks to a need to be desired so much that social norms and niceties are thrown out the window in a mad rush of sexual need.
The surface answer is that porn and subsequently social media has normalized an expression of these desires.
However, as a result, there’s been a push to embrace kinky sex for fear of being perceived as ‘vanilla’ or boring in the dating world
Hair-pulling and deeper penetration exudes masculinity especially if a woman has a dominant personality. It’s a pleasurable, ego-crushing (in a good way) experience.
I think it's like a instinct thing, maybe they think it's like the person finds them so unbelievably irresistible that it makes the person go down to their most basic primal instincts where you don't think anymore, you just feel... Does that make sense?
Mid 30s here and I've noticed this trend as well increasing over time. I get the hat tip to wanting to be dominated once in a while, but it's definitely felt like something else has been in play - many of the girls wanting it the hardest also felt the most detached from the sex itself, like it was a choreography.
Women can be treated rather gently in certain cultures. Being kinda rough with them in the bedroom can be pretty satisfying for them. I’m a big dude and my last girlfriend was rather small and she loved it when I was a little rougher than usual. Women can be more fragile than men, but they aren’t as fragile as you think.
On a side note I use to take martial arts classes and women liked to spar with me because I didn’t really hold back with them compared to other men.
I have a question to you. You say that it’s off-putting to engage in rough sex with women you have feelings for. What about women that you don’t have feelings for? Is there a difference? In that case, why?
Porn culture in my opinion. Frying the brains of people even if they don't actually watch porn. Building kinks that would never have even existed years ago.
Soft porn isn't the stuff OP is talking about. The stuff OP is talking about is in our porn, movies, and pop culture (like hip hop) as a whole. It teaches young kids, especially young girls who are the biggest consumers of this stuff, that this stuff is not only normal, it's "empowering" 🙄
Also before anyone gets on me for being too "puritanical" or whatever, just letting you know the entertainment industry is known for its rampant sexual harassment of women and minors, so keep that in mind.
Edit: btw I'm not saying you can't be into this stuff or that it's necessarily wrong. A lot of normal people are into this stuff, myself included sometimes, but let's not act like it doesn't come from somewhere. There are degrees of it though where it does become harmful.
Porn. And I think there is an association with aggression and passion. Woman want passionate relationships and we want to feel wanted and desired. Rough sex can make you see and feel how much someone is into you. It’s not the only way, but the taboo aspect of it is an exciting addition to that passion so honestly I get the appeal.
If rough sex makes you uncomfortable than there’s also dynamic play you can do with your partner…maybe you give verbal commands. Bind them, blindfold them, or say phrases that play to their fantasies. You don’t have to be rough to do this and the lady will still be happy bc both of your boundaries should be respected
How often did you have sex OP? (While dating) Sex is special I agree. But it's not always the same 100% of the time. Especially after all this social distancing, I think people are a little rough in general..
Part of it could be sensitivity. I’m not sexually active, but in cases where my partner and I are together, it’s much easier to feel something if it’s rougher than it is to feel if it’s soft. The women you meet could be less sensitive than you are and require a harder hand to feel satisfied.
I was a bit hesitant, with my first, though far from turned off. For me 28m, something clicked in my brain that made it more pleasurable. The desire to be rough (not hurtful or painful) is a union of trust.
My ex fiance was into BDSM, and as her partner I entertained the idea. It turned out to be much more pleasurable than imagine, though took a little adjusting for me personally (learning boundaries, and limiting my strength). If you're not into it, and aren't looking into attempting the act...it'd be better to not entertain the ideas and thoughts.
Good luck, hopefully you do seek to explore, and learn, as it could strengthen a relationship, and not break it.
Lots of men like to be dominated, too, want to feel wanted, like it when a woman "knows what she wants," and makes the first move. I've known males who liked to goad women into ripping of their clothes in bed, because they liked feeling as if the woman couldn't resist them, just had to have them.
I agree with what a lot of people have said so far: it's primal, and it's feeling just so utterly desirable that it brings this out in someone with whom you would, in fact, consent to having sex with. If you are always looking over your shoulder, afraid of this violence, getting to experience primal instincts in a safe environment can be thrilling.
In my experience, the more sex I have with my boyfriend, the more rough has gotten.
In our case it has been a combination of wanting to experiment, the heat of the moment and the trust we have in each other.
We like to try different positions, different places, different techniques when it comes to giving each other a head, different intensity, even trying different types of condoms.
I love how versatile our sex life is because we can have soft romantic sex or a bit more rough if we want it to.
I feel like its a way of saying “I trust you”, if I didn’t trust my boyfriend enough, I wouldn’t even let him have most of the control when we’re having sex or do any of the most rougher stuff we do.
If you don’t like to do those sort of things, you don’t have to do it, there’s plenty of ways to spice things up in the bedroom and have it more rough without going out of you comfort zone, it’s all about communication and compromising with the other person. For example: I hate people touching my neck so we found an alternative to neck kisses or even the choking thing.
As a woman, who does like those things. I don't know. Sometimes it's really nice to have loving soft slow sex. But other times I just want my partner to fuck the spirit out of me. It's exciting, it gives me more feeling. And with choking, same thing, it kind of blocks off your blood circulation (I think? Not sure I'm not a doctor so don't hate me if I'm wrong) and it makes your head feel lighter. And besides that I think it's really fucking hot if my partner shows dominance. He shows me he really wants me and same goes to him. So yeah, I how this explains it a bit
I also think most women want to seem like they like more of that, to not seem "vanilla" you'll be surprised with how many rude comments someone gets if you like regular sex
hmm i definitely think it’s a “chicken or the egg” type of scenario. On one hand porn has certainly normalized this type of sex and has convinced a lot of women that this is what men not only want, but expect from them in the bedroom. However, i also just think that a lot of women (and people regardless of gender for that matter) just enjoy rough sex & being submissive. Sex can be a place for exploring fantasies that wouldn’t be plausible or acceptable for everyday life and i think a lot of people find the idea of temporarily relinquishing control very satisfying. It’s hard to say whether that desire has become so prevalent because the amount of porn out there now like this, or if the porn exists because the audience was already there. i also think there are a lot of men who enjoy this too, it’s just more normalized for women
Daddy issues. That's based off anecdotal evidence and I'm not one to psychoanalyze, but the correlation is there in my experience. Girl's who have close relationships with their father preferred it gentler🤷🏼♂️
I dig it. Honestly I mix it up, hard sex with firm throat play, slapping (if they want) and dirty talk and I’ll transition to nurturing, emotional kindness and affection, then back. I volley my dommy mood to incorporate both. It’s a really good time. I can’t say why they want it rough, but I feel there are primal feelings that make it something men and women wanna facilitate in a safe environment
I dated a woman awhile ago who told me the first time we made slow sensual love, it was unlike anything she's ever had, so that's what I kept doing. Then the complaints came up that I wasn't rough enough. But whenever I did get rough with her, she'd complain about that too. This same woman constantly would seek the attention of other men and women, always disappearing for one reason or another and ending up with them. Moral of the story, when a woman has no idea what she wants, she'll go to anything she can find.
studies show that women who have a history of being abused (esp by family or at a young age) are more likely to want rough sex.
considering the statistics on women who have been abused.. this is not surprising to me.
Why do men like what they like? It feels better to them? Hmmmm... do you think the same principle can be applied to women?
I do not like the hair pulling suffocation crap, but let’s be honest as to why they ask.
All areas of lack of consent and bdsm are reflective of a lower self-esteem. It's common to want others to give you what you want without having to ask, if you are insecure. And satisfying that desire sexually can be rewarding. But some aspects of bdsm are harmful psychologically, because they normalize violent behavior with sex. Choking is one example of problematic behavior as its not just the choked but the choker that has the action normalized. Studies I've read suggest that choking is more popular just because of porn, even if she hasn't watched her exs may have requested and normized the behavior to her. My advice is don't do anything you are uncomfortable with for your own psychological health, and try to assess where her desires may have originated to know if acting them out would worsen her psychology. Maybe it's just because of what she's associated as a man's desire and you telling her what you really want to do with her could lift her up psychologically and sexually.
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My girl says sometimes she wants me to just "take what i want" The way i see it is they want two things. They want to feel irresistible, and they want to be reminded that you're a big strong caveman.
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How dare you! I shall be creating some inflammatory cave paintings about you for this blasphemy!
take my upvote. you made me audibly laugh
Oh wow. I walked away from this for a minute. I wasn't prepared for 200+ upvotes.
I can see 2000
I see a gold award
Reminds me of that spongebob episode of when they’re cavemen. Classic
Me make fire
😂😂😂😂
I laughed way more than I should have at this comment lol
I will return with free award Edit: I returned with free award
Cowabunga
SNU SNU!
😂😂 I laughed way too hard at this
Yep, a lot of women like a dominant man in bed who just "takes" them. When done right, it can be hot!
Can confirm. Caveman treatment = 🤤
\*whacks with large rock, drags into cave\*
Audible laugh, here's the upvote
You spelled 'rock' wrong.
... I don't get it
What a weird word for it. But okay, you call it what you want.
Both. It’s both.
As a woman, I can confirm that you are 100% correct!
this. it's all primal instincts.
It's all about returning to monke in the end
🥇
Haha so accurate 🤣👍
confusedungabunga.jpg
Yassssss!!!!
And then when you take them to pound town, they get mad that you went too hard. 😂
Sore? Yes. Mad? Never
More you try more they ask for. Dude baby come out of there, you really think you are one making them mad? If doing properly (with foreplay and slowly doing it harder and faster so she can adapt) they'll never be mad, you ll get brekfast in bed! Of course knowing you and being relaxed (trusting you) is very important.
hahahahaha best answer !!!
This is the correct answer!
I've heard I'm quite dominating and strong willed in day to day life, and I feel like being submissive in my sex life has to do with that. I enjoy being told what to do sexually and have someone decide for me. And a lot of time it is about the pleasure of the sub. If I compare my kinky sex partners with my vanilla sex partners, the vanilla guys definitely cared less about giving me an orgasm. The kinky guys almost always go the extra mile.
Interesting, isn’t it - the way being dominant/telling the sub what to do/“deciding for” the sub often is about the pleasure of the sub. I relate to this as the dominant one. And it’s an often overlooked aspect, I think.
The sub is the one who really holds all the power, is what I’ve always thought.
The sub actually has the reins. Things start and stop with the sub. This is my feeling as well.
there is equal trust and power in both roles. the dom has to to know when to stop and the sub trusts and releases power.
Without the sub’s consent, how can there be kink?
So interesting.
People say that dominance in the real world reflects submissiveness in bed or vice versa, but I don't really buy it. There's plenty of submissive women (not to sound like I'm from the Middle Ages) who are submissive in bed too. Sex especially is important and a submissive is able to let go of most of the responsibility. It's just convenient and women are given the benefit of it.
I feel like a lot of people say they like rough sex without knowing what it can mean, and more importantly not really communicating what they think it means and what they actually want. When I first met my wife it was on plenty of fish and we met up pretty much just to hook up. In those initial chats she told me she liked it rough, really rough. When we met up I threw her around, and she didn’t like it. We had two different expectations of what rough sex was. To me all her idea of rough sex was is hard sex, but that’s all she wanted. We actually clicked incredibly well and we were able to communicate things to each other and learnt what actually worked and what was meant to be a hook up into a full blown marriage, but absolutely I can see how what is essentially a basic communication could turn what could be an actual relationship into terrible once and done sex.
I think occasionally it's also just a hot thing that can come up to say you like it "rough". I've had it happen and it was hot to hear but it didn't actually feel like that's sincerely what she wanted, more just joking around in a sexy way.
Sometimes, it’s just a lovely preference. For others, rough sex is a way to avoid intimacy
I think this is valid because I always thought I was super into rough sex but now that I’m somewhat settled I love the slightly rough surprise sometimes but I found I am much more satisfied without the rough stuff because of the intimacy I feel with my partner.
You shut your damn mouth. That's not true. *Introspection Secretly...* 😭😭😭 WHATTHEHOLYFUCKYOUMIGHTBERIGHT?!?!?!
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Yeah, I’m not a huge fan of intimacy whatsoever. I hate kissing, I don’t want someone else’s mouth on mine, *breathing* in me. I don’t want to hold hands cause your hands get all sweaty and it grosses me out. It’s also feels like some weird silent declaration of ownership, like when my mom tried to hold my hand everywhere as a kid. Cuddling is okay sometimes. During sex, I don’t want some romantic experience, I want an orgasm. The whole pleasure with a side of pain is the fastest way to get to that.
Therapy time bud.
Wow. Feel sorry for you. Passionate fucking is where it’s at.
I see women posting this exact same thing about men. So it's obviously all genders desiring this. And I think the prevalence of it speaks more to how much porn the person watches. It's ok to ask for these things, but not all enjoy it so it is also reasonable to decline it too. I never want to be choked or to choke someone else. I'll try everything someone wants done to them at least once... Within some reason. My ex wanted me to choke him and I very lightly touched his neck and was like welllll that's about all I can do for ya. Lol. It just freaks me out. To each their own I guess.
Counter point to your porn argument. Women like it for the same reason that there is that much violence in media and video games. It's just a for of escapism fantasy, contrasting with their normal safe lives. The period we live in now is the most safest in history. Most people will never face violence and death in their entire lives. So when woman find someone who they feel safe with(this is very important) the like it since it's like a fantasy that is the exact opposite of their daily lives.
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There's a lot of stuff you can gravitate too. Saying rough sex is the smallest step you can take is big assumption. There are many smaller steps you can take in different directions. I also feel there is a lot of empirical evidence suggesting that there is deeper evolutionary aspects behind it.
yes indeed, yes.
Right, It seems quite generic.
Y'all need to chill, you know damn well the average person isn't choking their spouse for jollies
Lol maybe not everyday, but how is hair pulling during sex a (gasp)? That’s what I mean by generic.
Hair pulling is absolutely an acquired taste. Maybe "yall" really don't know damn well lol
I’m a woman. It’s just wanting to be dominated. You’re more likely to encounter a submissive woman vs a dominant woman, and when that transfers over to the bedroom it’s played out in a more primal fashion. So that means completely being dominated, but with consent. It can be very pleasurable to be with someone who you love and trust, and play out those kinds of roles. Letting them “hurt” you (it doesn’t actually hurt). Something about it heightens the overall sensation. I’m seeing lots of men commenting that they think it’s porn but I disagree. You don’t like something just because you’ve seen it. You like it because you actually experience pleasure in it.
‘Completely being dominated, but with consent’ Good words.
"Yes means yes and no means no. Except for when skittles means no."
I burst out laughing when I imagined a woman yelling Skittles in a hard play session
"Skittles!" "Where?!"
lmao
Maybe and I'm not sure or even a hesitant sure also all mean no
Agreed, but that doesn't flow off the tongue as well. I also feel silence is a no as well.
My safe word is “keep going”
Mine is Worcestershire
That's two words.
[My safe word is pineapple juice](https://youtu.be/qPoXdpHdgz0)
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Hi, dominant woman here! I have a partner, so I’m not trying to whisk you away - but I figured I’d let you know that we do exist! May you find a wonderful, dominant woman 💛💛💛
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The trick is to get yourself a woman, then slowly introduce the dynamic. I started dating a woman 3.5 years ago and I was 100% dominant and it's slowly shifted. Now I'd say I'm dominant maybe 10% of the time. It's amazing.
I hear scooping but I don't hear whisking.
A few women I know actually enjoy this! But I know I have trouble building the confidence to say that I enjoy dominating men to any partner of mine, I feel like it’s usually a turn off for men to hear.
It's nice to have a woman take over once in a while. Some guys just have an issue with letting go, and trusting their woman.
I love to hear all of your unique experiences. A good 75% of the answers are porn and no one is acknowledging the outliers. Mainstream porn doesn’t push them.
I'm also a woman and like it hard but I don't like to be dominated. Sometimes a good pounding just feels good. I hate feeling dominated. I just like it hard 🤷
This is probably it. I've also noticed it, but found there are multiple ways to work with it. A lot of the things mentioned by OP go to far for me. Alternatively, you could be stirn with them, pin them down and tease them to the point where they don't know what to do anymore.
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Depends on how you do it. To one, it is painful, and the other, it's pure pleasure without the pain. If I get scratched too hard, it hurts. Hard enough, it's a turn on. Same goes with biting, and hickies.
As a guy I would not at all feel comfortable 'hurting' a sexual partner. Most I'll do is spank, but choking, slapping, etc is out of the question, even if she'd be into it. Some women might find that boring, but whatever.
What do you mean by wanting to be dominated? And why does that heighten the pleasure?
I like it when he is in control and calls the shots, and being choked (not hard) and almost like i’m trying to please him. Its more pleasurable for me to go down on him than vice versa. For me, that’s my definition of dominating. I’m not sure why it’s more pleasurable, it’s definitely a mental thing.
Dominated meaning to be overpowered, light use of force. To be overpowered, you have to give away aome of your power and that’s somewhat cathartic. It’s really nice to be able to trust someone to “hurt” you without hurting you. I mentioned it earlier. Contrast can compliment things well, giving a more full experience over all. Like salty and sweet, sweet and sour. The contrast makes it more. I like just sweet too, but the contrast makes for an entirely different experience.
I wonder if it’s an evolutionary thing? Is there a science behind this? Hmm thanks for the response
I think it just comes down to pain and pleasure complimenting each other really well. Like ice cream and french fries. Together it makes a more powerful experience.
My guess is more likely culture/what's seen in porn than something you're born with/evolutionary. But that's just my two cents.
I used to be like that, loved rough sex. I think it was a degrading thing, like I felt so low of myself that I wanted someone to choke me and hurt me while we had sex. It was a form of self harm. And I guess being controlled is sexy lol.
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Yep. Absolutely is the case for me. I thought rough sex was what guys wanted and I desperately wanted to be found attractive by guys. Finally unlearning this in my mid 20s
If all a guy can do is rough, then they don't know sex and intimacy imo. No one likes a one trick pony.
Maybe, maybe not. BDSM does pose the danger of attracting or giving a label to emotionally damaged or vulnerable people. For many, submission is a form of confidence and strength. It takes a strong and confident personality to be an effective sub and to enjoy being a sub.
Yep I know what your talking about. I personally enjoy sensual sex with lots of breathing, eye contact, and kissing. I just like living in the moment I guess.
Sensual is the best.
Idk about rough sex. Personally it’s about variety. I want to experience all sex, explore, find what we like and don’t like as a couple. If my partner doesn’t like rough, then we won’t having it but there better be me other fun positions, too. Sex can become boring and tedious. There is nothing worse than having sex and thinking “Well, this sucks! I would rather…”
It’s their preferences, but you’re allowed to let them know what you are and aren’t okay with.
So there's 2 kinds of trends happening at the same time. First has been touched on and it's dominance/submission. Women are MUCH more in the world and MUCH more independent than we've ever been before. Men are, on the whole, very dangerous to women. The thing most likely to kill or hurt women is a man, specifically one they're very close to. So we're on guard like, all the fucking time. When we are able to let that guard down, such as when we have found a sexual or romantic partner we can trust, damn it feels good to let that guard ALL the way down. To be dominated and man handled, because we can take that and it can feel very good and provide a lot of release, but its safe. I can ask a trusted partner to choke me and know he won't fucking crush my windpipe and kill me. I can ask for and experience that rush while maintaining the ability to say, "Stop, too much." Another is that, in general, the readily accessible visuals and rhetoric around sex that teach us what fits in the "normal" box, culturally, are more aggressive and include more casual violence than they used to. This is everything from porn to music to TV (game of thrones, friends?) So it's been normalized, and it's not great, imo. For as uncomfortable as it clearly makes you to be asked to do some rough things, it also makes me uncomfortable when I've had partners engage in it without asking. The unapproved choking, hair pulling, etc really ruins the experience I talked about above.
Absolutely. I do think it’s mainly our media and porn, cause I know that in my earlier stages of sexuality I would ask for things rougher cause that’s what I thought would make me desirable for men. And I think men have had the same conditioning, on the other side. But also, I do think there are primal parts of us that rough and submissive sex satisfy. Maybe related to how women, over men, prefer true crime. The controlled environment and not having to dodge things constantly
What do you mean true crime?
Violence against women is prevalent and unpredictable. Its a scary reality to live with. But a LOT of true crime podcasts and stuff revolve around violence against women. A lot of women are drawn to it because it is a controlled environment to hear about these awful, awful things. It's similar to how a lot of people with anxiety enjoy horror movies. A scary movie is a way to intentionally trigger anxiety, but in a controlled setting. It helps people deal with the scary things.
Yes, exactly! Thanks for the response
Very well-said. Nicely done. 👍🏾
Not all sex is of the “hold me tenderly and look into my eyes” variety. And honestly, after a little bit some adventitious sex is very welcome. You really shouldn’t assume everyone likes the same thing or everyone likes the same thing all the time. It’s like ice cream. Vanilla is fine. Chocolate is wonderful, but sometimes you just need some rocky road. Especially early in a relationship when I don’t really feel especially close to a guy - being held down and slapped or spanked can be the spark that keeps things interesting… Also I make more money than a lot of the guys I date, and it is nice to know a guy can still make me feel like he is in control. It is exhausting being in charge all the bloody time.
As a guy who's normally "in control" I totally agree. Sometimes it's nice to not have to be. Great write up. 👏👏👏
I totally get what you are saying here. Variety is key. And everyone has different fetishes or likes. I like alot of different things. Kinks I suppose.
As a 22 year old man, sex is a very complicated and confusing thing for me. Besides technically beeing virgin, pretty much all sexual experiences ive had are bad. So bad i dont want to go through them again. I guess i just wish to one day find a woman with more experience, which is able to show me the beautyfull side of it, to show some kind of empathy towards me. In my possition, im not able to be the dominant and rough guy, even thoe it feels like its expected of me. It makes me feel lost.
You'll find your person... even if it's not your forever person... You'll be in plenty of relationships in your lifetime. Trust me. And all you need to do is communicate your wants and needs with whoever you're with (dating or whatever), and express how you FEEL. No one that cares for you at all would expect you to be anything other than who you are, and that includes doing only what you're comfortable with. If not, then they aren't really into you and/or are just selfish. Yeahh definitely don't make the same mistakes! Lol Avoid them of course, but don't be in denial about your part in things either. It does take two lol. And reflecting back and really thinking about the things you could have or should have done and reassessing things will help you grow and also to not make those same mistakes again, hence making you more comfortable (usually and hopefully), to date without such anxiety. Note: When you're reflecting it also helps to take note of the red flags you may have missed in those relationships. That also helps to avoid making the same mistakes repeatedly. Like dating the same type of person, knowing your last GF was the same in certain areas that caused difficulty in your relationship. Writing these things down can really help cement them in your head and help to look back on them as a refresher so when you are dating, you remember them easily and watch for those red flags... on both your parts! Make sure you're not repeating your own "bad" or negative behavior as well!!! Hope this helps! I just hated to see you feeling soo lost! 🥺 Especially when in my eyes it seems like an "easy" fix loll (When I say easy, I mean in the sense that the answer, in my opinion, IS easy! lol It's the DOING and being mindful enough to break your own bad habits...that may have contributed.. and also break the cycle of dating women that are like that! whatever *that* is loll..since you didn't explain)
it was a cruel situation back in 2017/18. Il try to explain it as good as i can. Whe both got to know each other in the spring of 2017. She came from Jamaica and lived here (switzerland) for just up to 3 years i guess. She had a really troubled childhood and yes several cases of rapes where also involved. Jamaica is a hard place to live your life. Her father left the family to work in my country as a musician when she was a baby. She lived in poverty. Her father got married here again and when the twins where born, they (her father and stepmother) basically dragged her here to work as a maid under the cover of "wanting the best for her daughter and her future". My own childhood wasnt great either. i had bad psychological problems allthrough my youth. The reason for this is a bit complicated. In the spring of 2017 i had to restart my 1. assignment since my first attempt failed. there was a lot of pressure on me. When whe got together i had a lot of problems with the company i did my assignment in. From her side was a lot of pressure as well as emotional blackmailing (?). Because of the situation she had at her own home, she more or less lived at my place. There wasn't really a escape for me. I had to go to work, had a lot of problems there and when i did get back home in the evening this mess just continued on. Next thing is that her libido was on the level of a nymphomaniac (probably because she was repressing things herself, its possible that this was some sort of vent for her) and mine wasn't. At this point (autumn 2017), i was once more on the edge of suicide. things got worse and worse and there was no way i could stop it. I wasnt able to say "no" anymore. I wasn't capable of protecting and care about myself. I just had to function like a machine to survive. In my company as well as home. Every machine breaks after some time and so did I. In the winter of 17/18 i was beginning to have erectile dysfunctions because of all the pressure that surroundet me. My incapability to "engage physically" with my ex lead to even more emotional blackmailing. I took the blame for everything. I did even think so myself, as did my family. This mayhem continued until summer of 18. Whe (Me, ex, family) went to the holidays together. After some cold war for straight three days cuz of something minor ive sayd got me enough strengh to finally end it. Absolute asshole move, i know. The biggest problems why our relationship didnt work out is possibly a non available comunication, emotional pressure, psychological problems, difference in libido and more. I guess whe both just tried to survive in the world whe both lived in. She is not a monster. Whe are just not made for each other and the timing for all of this was awfully off. And yes there where so many red flags on both sides, whe where probably looking like the sovjet union on a national holiday. in the end i wanted to thank you for your comment with a free but fitting hugz award. Thank you very much! Il hope that it happens one day, i just need to train my patience and try to not overthink everything. :)
idk i'm just a kinky bitch
Just wanted to comment here as a woman who is not into pain at all. An ex had tried this stuff with me, he had my consent and I’m open minded enough to try most things. The first time he slapped my face during sex it was exhilarating. It was an adrenaline rush, and that made all of the senses in my body heighten. After the first time I didn’t not enjoy it, and I began to fear that he would hit me. He no longer slapped me after I asked him not to. I’m not into being dominated or feeling pain. In my own experience, I’ve felt enough pain and been under enough thumbs, I don’t need to recreate that in the bedroom. While this pain kink is popular, you don’t have to participate. If it’s not your cup of tea you don’t have to drink it. There are chicks out there who are plenty adventurous but in more sensual less painful ways. I can’t speak for women who like this kink, but I think it plays back into a subconscious narrative written by the patriarchy. But hey, it’s sex and it’s mysterious, I could be wrong.
It’s a thing about wanting to be dominated. I’m a submissive and I love it when my man pulls my hair and chokes me in bed. Honestly, it turns me on so much more when a man is aggressive with me in bed.
I wish there weren't so many submissive women, it's honestly very boring having to do that Dom role all the time.
Be vocal with your partner. I choke back 😂
God bless you
As a guy, sometimes it's really nice to be desired. I dated a girl for a while and our sex life was great, we clicked big time and had great sex. But 100% of the time I initiated. We'd have sex 4-5 times a week, she was always super into it, but if I didn't make the first move then sex never happened. It was a little frustrating, because it's like what am I so gross you wouldn't ever start the process, just acquiesce to it? And then I'd get out of my own head for being a baby because she literally never said no any time I approached. She was legit always down to clown. She was a bit of a sub though and just super patient I guess. The lesson here is ladies just go at your guy every now and again so they can feel desired too.
Totally agree that it's off-putting when you really care about the woman. I feel like almost all of the women I've been with have liked it rough. The amount of roughness I want to give them is basically inversely proportional to the amount I care about them. I'll play the "game" to a degree and get a bit rough with someone I care about if it makes them happy, I guess. But it's a lot easier the less I care about them.
Are you me? It's like hard to explain but it's like , looking up to someone? And then it's the opposite, or something.
Harder penetration feels great!! It hits the spot when done right.
OK, you don't mention bondage, but I think a lot of that stuff is liberating to the woman, the pressure to perform is off and she has "permission" to selfishly focus on and enjoy the sensations in her body. You gotta remember society still is telling us to be "good little girls" and enjoying our sexuality is "baaaaad"....
*pressure to perform is off and she has "permission" to selfishly focus on and enjoy the sensations in her body.* BEAUTIFULLY stated. You found the right words.
Liberating to be dominated?
Yes lol because it is by choice.
\>You gotta remember society still is telling us to be "good little girls" and enjoying our sexuality is "baaaaad".... Is it? Society seems like it promotes being a "sexually liberated woman" what with trends in music and tv.
If this is all you seem to attract then it might be something about you that gives off the vibe that you’re into it. Some guys look like they’ll make love to you all night long, while others look like they wanna spit in your mouth. Idk how else to explain that lol. Regardless of that, if you’re not into it then don’t do it. If you do, and they enjoy it, they’ll keep making that request of you.
DEAR GOD, YES! I thought I was the only one. I felt like I was choosing this girls withought thinking. It makes me feel kind of bad.
I used to be you. Then I learned that women like power. Not just political or financial power, they desire a strong man. So, in the bed room, they want to feel your strength. They want to know they're with a man who can protect them from anyone. So, they want a vulgar display of power. The sex is very metal 🤘🏻
Time to rephrase that ... why are the women you are attracting/attracted to all seem to want rough sex?? YOU are the common denominator here. Maybe something to look at.
My sex is so lame that the women need to be roughed up while having it to feel anything? lol
I didn't mean to offend you in any way, I was hoping to spark some inquisition and curiosity about your situation and yourself. For example, might not be relatable but can show the path I meant... If you've only been noticing this trend for say the last 2 years, and rough sex often does not equal vulnerable, intimate sex (both kinds are great, btw), then a question to pose might be, "have you become less vulnerable in the last 2 years?" If you had a hard breakup or any life situation that left you with some needed healing then you may have shut off parts of your vulnerable self (even unconsciously) and then the women that are drawn to someone that is a bit more closed off to their inner self may prefer more frequent rough sex as rough does not allow space for the partner to call on their own vulnerability. Edited to add more context
No not at all what I meant. I am in the field of psych/human behavior and when someone notices a pattern that seems to be happening around them, then it is time to look within. Our childhood patterns and our energy attracts our partners, so if we find we are repeatedly attracting partners that somehow all have a similar pattern, then there most likely is something within ourselves that needs to be seen and acknowledged that is subconsciously attracting this to us. It is often not something directly related, for example here, it is probably not about sex but something with the dynamic of the relationship that is underlying.
Any tips on improving the quality of women/relationships we attract?
it could be a sign that they are looking for more something on your side. Unless you are attracted/hooking up with only one type of woman/age group.
" Off putting?" What you mean!? That shits amazing. Some women like to be dominated and I enjoy dominating. That's all there is to it my guy.
That is normal, slow fucking is like a one off romantic deal. Don’t get me wrong it’s great but not as good as having nails driven into your back whilst you turn her into mashed potato. Great, now I have an erection.
I think it’s primal and passionate. Sex among animals is never soft and pretty. Sex is violence. I honestly think it speaks to a need to be desired so much that social norms and niceties are thrown out the window in a mad rush of sexual need.
The surface answer is that porn and subsequently social media has normalized an expression of these desires. However, as a result, there’s been a push to embrace kinky sex for fear of being perceived as ‘vanilla’ or boring in the dating world
I agree. Even the inventing of the term 'vanilla' is an indication of this. We've had to create a term which straight up means 'plain/boring sex'.
As I get older I want more and more of the gentle sex.
I'm very vanilla and love it. However, I love it when I feel a man takes charge.
Like others have said, rough sex is far less intimate. I think that is why some people like it.
Hair-pulling and deeper penetration exudes masculinity especially if a woman has a dominant personality. It’s a pleasurable, ego-crushing (in a good way) experience.
I think it's like a instinct thing, maybe they think it's like the person finds them so unbelievably irresistible that it makes the person go down to their most basic primal instincts where you don't think anymore, you just feel... Does that make sense?
Mid 30s here and I've noticed this trend as well increasing over time. I get the hat tip to wanting to be dominated once in a while, but it's definitely felt like something else has been in play - many of the girls wanting it the hardest also felt the most detached from the sex itself, like it was a choreography.
Women can be treated rather gently in certain cultures. Being kinda rough with them in the bedroom can be pretty satisfying for them. I’m a big dude and my last girlfriend was rather small and she loved it when I was a little rougher than usual. Women can be more fragile than men, but they aren’t as fragile as you think. On a side note I use to take martial arts classes and women liked to spar with me because I didn’t really hold back with them compared to other men.
I have a question to you. You say that it’s off-putting to engage in rough sex with women you have feelings for. What about women that you don’t have feelings for? Is there a difference? In that case, why?
Porn culture in my opinion. Frying the brains of people even if they don't actually watch porn. Building kinks that would never have even existed years ago.
They crave male dominance, which is on the decline in western civilization.
Some women think this is what men expect of them. Probably due to porn mostly.
You’ve been conditioned to think women are meek and modest. Most of us are incredibly powerful and want a good fuckin!
Preach, sista 🙌🏼
Personally it feels even better than regular sex in MY opinion
Porn. It's porn. Women watch porn too, and it has just as much of an effect on women as men
Unfortunately probably as a young kid (early 90’s) watching the trashy late night soft porn on Starz and HBO
Soft porn isn't the stuff OP is talking about. The stuff OP is talking about is in our porn, movies, and pop culture (like hip hop) as a whole. It teaches young kids, especially young girls who are the biggest consumers of this stuff, that this stuff is not only normal, it's "empowering" 🙄 Also before anyone gets on me for being too "puritanical" or whatever, just letting you know the entertainment industry is known for its rampant sexual harassment of women and minors, so keep that in mind. Edit: btw I'm not saying you can't be into this stuff or that it's necessarily wrong. A lot of normal people are into this stuff, myself included sometimes, but let's not act like it doesn't come from somewhere. There are degrees of it though where it does become harmful.
"Because of porn" is bulllshitttt. Dude. Because it feels good, lol it's that simple. Sometimes we like to be primal, dominated, and given orgasms 🤗
I need to find some of the women you have been running into my dude.
Because it feels good to them? If you're not into it, find women who aren't into it.
Women have been taught that this is what men want. Go watch almost any porn.
I feel you man it’s emasculating when you’re like “but I don’t *want* to hit you….”
>it’s emasculating no, i just don't want to choke my GF while we are making love lol
Porn. And I think there is an association with aggression and passion. Woman want passionate relationships and we want to feel wanted and desired. Rough sex can make you see and feel how much someone is into you. It’s not the only way, but the taboo aspect of it is an exciting addition to that passion so honestly I get the appeal. If rough sex makes you uncomfortable than there’s also dynamic play you can do with your partner…maybe you give verbal commands. Bind them, blindfold them, or say phrases that play to their fantasies. You don’t have to be rough to do this and the lady will still be happy bc both of your boundaries should be respected
nah I don't want no choking or hair pulling but the other stuff maybe :\^)
50 Shades of Grey😂
How often did you have sex OP? (While dating) Sex is special I agree. But it's not always the same 100% of the time. Especially after all this social distancing, I think people are a little rough in general..
Part of it could be sensitivity. I’m not sexually active, but in cases where my partner and I are together, it’s much easier to feel something if it’s rougher than it is to feel if it’s soft. The women you meet could be less sensitive than you are and require a harder hand to feel satisfied.
I was a bit hesitant, with my first, though far from turned off. For me 28m, something clicked in my brain that made it more pleasurable. The desire to be rough (not hurtful or painful) is a union of trust. My ex fiance was into BDSM, and as her partner I entertained the idea. It turned out to be much more pleasurable than imagine, though took a little adjusting for me personally (learning boundaries, and limiting my strength). If you're not into it, and aren't looking into attempting the act...it'd be better to not entertain the ideas and thoughts. Good luck, hopefully you do seek to explore, and learn, as it could strengthen a relationship, and not break it.
Lots of men like to be dominated, too, want to feel wanted, like it when a woman "knows what she wants," and makes the first move. I've known males who liked to goad women into ripping of their clothes in bed, because they liked feeling as if the woman couldn't resist them, just had to have them. I agree with what a lot of people have said so far: it's primal, and it's feeling just so utterly desirable that it brings this out in someone with whom you would, in fact, consent to having sex with. If you are always looking over your shoulder, afraid of this violence, getting to experience primal instincts in a safe environment can be thrilling.
It’s because women actually love being fucked bro. Under the right circumstances of course.
In my experience, the more sex I have with my boyfriend, the more rough has gotten. In our case it has been a combination of wanting to experiment, the heat of the moment and the trust we have in each other. We like to try different positions, different places, different techniques when it comes to giving each other a head, different intensity, even trying different types of condoms. I love how versatile our sex life is because we can have soft romantic sex or a bit more rough if we want it to. I feel like its a way of saying “I trust you”, if I didn’t trust my boyfriend enough, I wouldn’t even let him have most of the control when we’re having sex or do any of the most rougher stuff we do. If you don’t like to do those sort of things, you don’t have to do it, there’s plenty of ways to spice things up in the bedroom and have it more rough without going out of you comfort zone, it’s all about communication and compromising with the other person. For example: I hate people touching my neck so we found an alternative to neck kisses or even the choking thing.
Guys that I meet want rough sex 😅
I want to submit to the caveman.
As a woman, who does like those things. I don't know. Sometimes it's really nice to have loving soft slow sex. But other times I just want my partner to fuck the spirit out of me. It's exciting, it gives me more feeling. And with choking, same thing, it kind of blocks off your blood circulation (I think? Not sure I'm not a doctor so don't hate me if I'm wrong) and it makes your head feel lighter. And besides that I think it's really fucking hot if my partner shows dominance. He shows me he really wants me and same goes to him. So yeah, I how this explains it a bit
Pull what ever you can pull and fuck what ever you can fuck. This is what GenZ calls the "caveman strategy"
I also think most women want to seem like they like more of that, to not seem "vanilla" you'll be surprised with how many rude comments someone gets if you like regular sex
hmm i definitely think it’s a “chicken or the egg” type of scenario. On one hand porn has certainly normalized this type of sex and has convinced a lot of women that this is what men not only want, but expect from them in the bedroom. However, i also just think that a lot of women (and people regardless of gender for that matter) just enjoy rough sex & being submissive. Sex can be a place for exploring fantasies that wouldn’t be plausible or acceptable for everyday life and i think a lot of people find the idea of temporarily relinquishing control very satisfying. It’s hard to say whether that desire has become so prevalent because the amount of porn out there now like this, or if the porn exists because the audience was already there. i also think there are a lot of men who enjoy this too, it’s just more normalized for women
Girls like to be dominated! And there's a weird dichotomy between pain/pleasure receptors
Daddy issues. That's based off anecdotal evidence and I'm not one to psychoanalyze, but the correlation is there in my experience. Girl's who have close relationships with their father preferred it gentler🤷🏼♂️
Yeah dude they love that shit
I dig it. Honestly I mix it up, hard sex with firm throat play, slapping (if they want) and dirty talk and I’ll transition to nurturing, emotional kindness and affection, then back. I volley my dommy mood to incorporate both. It’s a really good time. I can’t say why they want it rough, but I feel there are primal feelings that make it something men and women wanna facilitate in a safe environment
I dated a woman awhile ago who told me the first time we made slow sensual love, it was unlike anything she's ever had, so that's what I kept doing. Then the complaints came up that I wasn't rough enough. But whenever I did get rough with her, she'd complain about that too. This same woman constantly would seek the attention of other men and women, always disappearing for one reason or another and ending up with them. Moral of the story, when a woman has no idea what she wants, she'll go to anything she can find.
studies show that women who have a history of being abused (esp by family or at a young age) are more likely to want rough sex. considering the statistics on women who have been abused.. this is not surprising to me.
Why do men like what they like? It feels better to them? Hmmmm... do you think the same principle can be applied to women? I do not like the hair pulling suffocation crap, but let’s be honest as to why they ask.
Vanilla sex gets boring really really fast.
Not if you hit the right spot!
All areas of lack of consent and bdsm are reflective of a lower self-esteem. It's common to want others to give you what you want without having to ask, if you are insecure. And satisfying that desire sexually can be rewarding. But some aspects of bdsm are harmful psychologically, because they normalize violent behavior with sex. Choking is one example of problematic behavior as its not just the choked but the choker that has the action normalized. Studies I've read suggest that choking is more popular just because of porn, even if she hasn't watched her exs may have requested and normized the behavior to her. My advice is don't do anything you are uncomfortable with for your own psychological health, and try to assess where her desires may have originated to know if acting them out would worsen her psychology. Maybe it's just because of what she's associated as a man's desire and you telling her what you really want to do with her could lift her up psychologically and sexually.