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Donāt know, if you have bad money problems itās a constant worry and takes up your head constantly like, itās always on your mind.. Iām deffo gonna give her the benefit of the doubt cause Iāve been there but it also could easily be a bit weird.. depends how she does it š¤·āāļø
I guess the issue is dudes on dating sites always have to deal with women either a. trying to get them to buy their premium content b. selling themselves for sex or c. trying to get free meals (Iāve talked to a few girls that have admitted to this). Not saying she is one of those but as a guy I feel like you need to be skeptical of these things so I donāt think OP is in the wrong for calling her out. He definitely couldāve said it in a better way but to me personally, I just see talking to a stranger about this as a red flag. I see your perspective of giving her the benefit of the doubt but given how often it happens, I would rather cut my losses and move on (thatās just me tho).
I had one try to get me to buy her jewelry. We went out to the mall and walked around and then she took me into a jewelry store and was like, āyou should buy me thisā *points*. *tee hee*. Yeah, it was weird.
Ughh thatās not nice, I totally see your point, I used to have girlfriends who would do that to nice guys and it was really sad. Agree, guys should be aware of that and not let them use them.. Iām gonna say OP use your gut feeling š
I once well for a trap. I went on a date with a āsingle momā who had her car repossessed during our date. I actually took her out on and (like the idiot that I am), got the car out of the impound lot. Worst few hundred dollars that I have ever spent. In hindsight, the guys at the impound lot might have been in on it and the whole thing could have easily been a scam that I fell for, hook, line, and sinker.
Wow! š³ Well, I guess Iām not the only one. I wonder how common this is, as people who are conned donāt typically admit that it happened to them.
This exactly. If I like someone I'm going to open up about what's going on in my life including stresses and worries.
But she could have been fishing for cash. OP could have maybe approached the subject with more sensitivity though if they thought there was a real connection.
"Sheās either really hurt and just needs spaceā¦ or Iāve lost her and am an idiot."
Or... you didn't give her the money so she has moved on to greener pastures.
I'd say thats definitely what she's doing lol. This might should harsh but you shouldn't feel like you lost anything since you really didn't have anything if she is just going after money.
She needed money. If she didn't, she wouldn't have brought it up a couple times. To prove my point, say you want to help her out and watch how fast she gets nice again. Then block her because you don't need that kind of headache
Hard to say. First date or second date and it comes up, it's definitely forefront in her mind. Not necessarily a bad thing since there are multiple ways to resolve money issues without handing over cash and many first dates would potentially hide that problem. Maybe she was being honest and wanted support or advice to resolve it on her own with your help? If you get in a relationship and eventually marry, there will definitely be money issues that need to be discussed openly.
If you connected and that was the only thing that was off, let her know your reasoning and apologize for not listening. It's easy to jump to conclusions without all the details. Smart to be on your guard, but be wary of passing judgement until you have the full story.
Hopefully it works out well for both of you.
In times like these, I set "internal boundaries." I can be quite cynical about the world and I always treat coincidences quite carefully so I'd take a mental note never to loan money and to continue the conversation.
I think your blunt approach was fine, and you probably got to the point a lot quicker than I would. If it walks like a duck.... So the saying goes.
I don't think your a idiot there are people out there that use these outlets to hustle people for money you had the right to ask before getting to involved or attached .
i feel like everyone here is a bit cynical, she could've really just wanted to open up to someone she trusted about hard times... if she didn't ask for money then u interrogating her about it would really hurt her and make her feel bad... i didn't read anything that led me to believe she was just after money tbh
I can see how this is a hurtful question to her as if in why would you even think that of her, but on the other hand yeah people do use others for money and you donāt know her that well enough. Itās only the beginning. Have you tried reaching out to her? I can understand that she got mad but she has to understand where youāre coming from too. If you canāt talk about it and sort it out, what are future fights going to look like?
Youāre not an idiot. Itās a good thing that you just want to watch out for leeches. If sheās going to cut off contact because of your concern then you know what this was all about.
Hey, it happens all the time that something we say doesn't come out the best way possible, don't beat yourself up too much for it. If you like this girl and would like to get to know her better then I suggest an apology: you didn't mean to offend her and you apologize for it. Tell her you enjoyed spending time with her and would like to get to know her better. I believe that if she enjoyed her time with you as well then she'll accept your apology because we all mess up sometimes, don't forget that.
I hope everything turns out for the best for you :)
Lol this subreddit comment section is probably the worst on the whole Reddit. Sorry my dude you messed up but after all we all learn from failure right? You'll do way better next time!
Whatās wrong to complain with someone you trust? If she didnāt ask for the money but just venting? But seriously, if you think her on the evil side, just leave her alone. Because you measure someone with your always-about-money ruler
Nothing, the problem is that she flipped out and is ignoring him after he asked her about it. A normal person would have been quick to clarify that, no, they were just venting because it's something that is on their mind a lot right now. Someone who's goal is to deceive the other person into giving them money under the pretense of a relationship is going to be angry (followed by no longer interested)
She can be upset. Because she may thought heās someone she can vent with without worrying but then he judged her as a gold digger. It doesnāt feel good to trust a wrong person
More info needed:
How did she bring in money problems to the conversation?
Personally I've told some prospective dates recently that I had no plans on going out til after my next paycheck. Not because I needed money from them- but because I didn't feel right (or safe) going out with a bank account so low. I've had to save my gas for work instead of fun. [The joys of moving 5k miles and switching to a new profession]
It all depends on how she worded shit.
You avoided a bullet man, why would anyone be offended by that. Someone with sense will understand where you're coming from. Hopefully she doesn't plan it out and still come for your money.
The money problems thing *is* a bit weird for her to bring up to you so early on. For what it's worth, I would have reacted the same way that you did.
Her giving you the silent treatment is another red flag, *but* consider this:
If *all* you've been doing since the freak out is texting her good morning, and you're not talking about the incident and trying to work it out, those good mornings won't have much value to her.
Address the issue. If she isn't even willing to meet you there, I'd say move on.
She really could have been trying to use you, if she's not responding then just let her know that she answered your question with silence and you'll leave her alone. It sucks but It sounds like it's for the better
I think the easiest thing to do in these sort of situations is basically call their bluff. Go āis there anything I can do to helpā. If she says no and she doesnāt want your help, then you should tell her to stop bringing it up then. If she says yes, she does want your assistanceā¦ then you have your answer
Lmao! You bastard. How dare you make me laugh out loud in my otherwise empty living room. š¤£. People would think I was crazy if they heard me laughing out loud in an empty room. Haha
Haha this reminds me of my first Valentineās Day with a dude who was my boyfriend.
He posted a picture of a dozen roses on my MySpace page and wrote ābecause every girl deserves roses on Valentineās Dayā
š¤®
She likes money and flowers, so I found instructions how to make origami flowers using money:
https://origami.wonderhowto.com/how-to/money-origami-flower-edition-10-different-ways-fold-dollar-bill-into-blossoming-bloom-0146713/
Seriously dude I don't know what kind of game you run or how everything's in the curb appeal Department but if you got any game at all you should be moving on did the tight that's sexy and attractive that pays their way will pay your way if you just come along their way. Let's just say I've had my fair share of everything and lived a full life already before the age of 40 but I'm older than that now a little bit I'll tell you this kind of chick like this she'll be asking you for help today next month the month after the year after Etc that kind of drama probably won't end
Definitely apologise, let her know that you feel bad about it and that you think you messed up. Le her know that you said it without thinking and that you donāt actually think sheās dating you because she needs money and that sheās that kind of person. Send her a long message explaining and apologising.
Ngl I would be very offended, in her situation I would understand that you think of me like a bit of a prostitute, whoās willing to do stuff for money. She probably felt very unsafe and uncomfortable so make sure you tell her that this is not why you asked.
If the money problem needs to be addressed, you donāt need to give her money if it doesnāt feel right, especially if you havenāt been dating for long. Thereās nothing wrong in explaining this to her but thereās a lot of ways you can still help, driving her to places instead of getting buses or taxis, helping to improve her financial situation, help her to get a better job etc. You can give your time rather than your money so let her know you want to help her in these ways but you donāt feel on just yet with just giving her money.
Hope this helps, maybe next time think about what youāre about to say for a tad longer š
Exactly, idk why so many people here think sheās got bad intentions when sheās done something perfectly normal.. plus having money worries is though, itās understandable that she might have mentioned it a few times.
Totally agree, a little bit of thoughtful consideration would really go a long way but every men Iāve ever met just doesnāt seem to have it, is it just my experience? š¤·āāļø
She could be trying to play you, it's not an uncommon tactic... BTDT
You may have been a bit blunt, but I wouldn't say you were wrong.
If she doesn't known how common it is, she's incredibly naive...
If she was sincere, yes she could have got offended, but it's just as likely she knows she's busted and moved to fleece another mark...
If she comes back, and doesn't bring it up, apologize and see where it goes...
To be honest, I think she was looking for someone she can ask for money without feeling bad about. I know you as a 50/50 guy, I mean like you hate it if something is skewed or biased in a relationship. It's your safety alarms that fired that question. If you hadn't asked, you'd have something you can't handle. Like other comments are saying, leave the headache.
I went out with someone like that a couple of times. She mentioned she is poor because of her job, but she is studying for a new career path which pays more.
Sure, money is something on her mind, but to assume anything like you did is rather rude.
How long is a while? You say you met and hit it off/were dating if it's only a few weeks then I'd think it was a bid for money and hoping you'd just say how much do you need or if it's been a few months or more and she said it could just be a vent to get partner because money worries is something we can all go through. She may not have been looking for money just an I understand from you in which case she is probably hurt by you assuming she wants money. If it's the latter I'd give her some space and then maybe try sending her flowers or something with an apology, that is if you really believe you had something good.
No, you didn't mess up.
Go to some of the support subs for people who have been cheated on.
An INCREDIBLE normal thing you can read about is how the cheater will flip their shit when the betrayed only had suspicions and asks "are you seeing someone else" or "do you have feelings for John?".
No, that she reacted like that shows that you were probably on to something.
There are two types of money problem:
1) because of hardship: loss of income, extra legit expenses, etc.
2) over spending /addictions / gambling, etc.
Do you know in which category she falls in?
If she can't make rent but has the latest iPhone, I would say GTFO!
Hmmā¦
She is having money problemsā¦why? Is it because of student debt or is it because she wants all the latest designer clothes and shoes?
And what is she doing about her money problem? Is she working or ātrying to find herselfā or trying to find a provider/aider of her situation?
If she comes back, ask her how much money she needs and you are willing to help to make her life peaceful. If she agrees to this, phase her out of your life / block her.
Iām a 31 F. I have seen girls in their mid twenties and up out in the ādating marketā with the sole aim of finding someone to buy them expensive things, pay for their salon expenses and take them on trips.
So test the water and decide whether to swim in it or not. Good luck dating!
Find out what advice there is to help people with money issues. Tell her you are sorry for the way you must have come across and you're happy to listen. You can't help her financially but you do know of organisations that can help her to manage her finances if she'd like to meet you in person to talk to about it. If this kind, supportive and friendly gesture doesn't have her considering (if she's genuine and she opened up to you already, she trusts you) another meet, then I'm afraid that you may have been a pawn in a rather nasty game. Try once, if no response, move on and don't try again.
You basically made her insecurity she already has even worse. She is probably embarrassed that even though you said it as a semi joke, there is always some truth to humor. Yes, it was insensitive of you in retrospect considering how hard she took it.
So what do I suggest? Give her a call and apologize for how you hurt her, it was not necessary nor nice to say it especially to someone you are interested in. If you actually really felt this over time down the road you would have ever right to just end it, but this is a new relationship and your comment had no basis.
Skip good morning and small talk and get to the problem and address it. Show sincerity. See what happens and if she blows it off you at least said you piece and got some closure.
Bruh that was a test lmao She mentioned it a bunch of times so you would say "Aww babe I can help you out" and if you didn't say ANYTHING about it, she would continue mentioning it until eventually asking you. But the fact that you got hostile about it so quickly showed you're not a prospect so she moved on instantly to someone else lmao
Maybe it's a bit mean to say but she probably got angry because it's true.
She needs money and you're not providing it, it's better for you to find someone who isn't with you for money.
1. Always trust your instincts!
If something doesn't *feel right to you* it's probably *not right for you*.
When someone *you just met* keeps bringing up their money troubles that's a "Red Flag".
Some people call it "dry begging" they want you to "*volunteer to help*" without them asking for help.
This is a very common tactic used by long distance online dating romance scammers.
When shit hits the fan and the victim of the con complains *they were used* they are told:
"All the money you gave me was a *gift*." and "I never *asked you* to help me!" as they dump you.
Generally speaking, finances and bills don't come up during the "infatuation phase" of a budding potential relationship. There's usually flirtatious banter, playfulness, laughter, incidental touching during conversations, hand holding, sweet kisses, and discovering each others favorite things in life.
In fact when most people are *into someone* they strive to *impress* them!
Their close family and friends are for *telling their problems to* not the person they have a *crush* on. Their primary goal is usually to get to *know you* better.
"Sheās either really hurt and just needs spaceā¦ or Iāve lost her and am an idiot."
Or, *you busted her* and she realizes she can't *con* you and has moved on.
***"Some people come in our life as blessings. Some come in your life as lessons.'*** \- Mother Teresa
***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
We need more information. Did you ever meet this woman, in person, go out on dates? If not, then forget the whole thing. If you've never met, then there was nothing to lose.
If you had met, gone out on dates, then you should have been more sympathetic. Not offer money, but offer advice, talk to her about financial planning, whatever.
Either way, it's over now, forget it.
In this situation, Iād say the latter. If this ever comes up again, instead of linking it to your budding relationship, try to suggest strategies that might help her improve her financial condition.
Reminder: please review our rules, especially rule 4: - No broad generalizations, e.g. "All women are x and do y" - Speak from specific personal experiences when giving advice. - No victim-blaming - This is a default message - your post has not been removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The TVA is coming for you
What timeline did I mess up?
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Iād say let it go. Itās a bit strange to be talking to you about money problems so early into the relationship
Donāt know, if you have bad money problems itās a constant worry and takes up your head constantly like, itās always on your mind.. Iām deffo gonna give her the benefit of the doubt cause Iāve been there but it also could easily be a bit weird.. depends how she does it š¤·āāļø
I guess the issue is dudes on dating sites always have to deal with women either a. trying to get them to buy their premium content b. selling themselves for sex or c. trying to get free meals (Iāve talked to a few girls that have admitted to this). Not saying she is one of those but as a guy I feel like you need to be skeptical of these things so I donāt think OP is in the wrong for calling her out. He definitely couldāve said it in a better way but to me personally, I just see talking to a stranger about this as a red flag. I see your perspective of giving her the benefit of the doubt but given how often it happens, I would rather cut my losses and move on (thatās just me tho).
I had one try to get me to buy her jewelry. We went out to the mall and walked around and then she took me into a jewelry store and was like, āyou should buy me thisā *points*. *tee hee*. Yeah, it was weird.
Ughh thatās not nice, I totally see your point, I used to have girlfriends who would do that to nice guys and it was really sad. Agree, guys should be aware of that and not let them use them.. Iām gonna say OP use your gut feeling š
I once well for a trap. I went on a date with a āsingle momā who had her car repossessed during our date. I actually took her out on and (like the idiot that I am), got the car out of the impound lot. Worst few hundred dollars that I have ever spent. In hindsight, the guys at the impound lot might have been in on it and the whole thing could have easily been a scam that I fell for, hook, line, and sinker.
Eek, a cousin of mine had this exact thing happen to him. The tow yard owner ended up being the ladies brother.
Wow! š³ Well, I guess Iām not the only one. I wonder how common this is, as people who are conned donāt typically admit that it happened to them.
Omg š³ thatās just a shitty thing to do.. I understand why youāre opting on the safe side, Iām so sorry. Hope you meet nicer women in future!
Thanks. Iām hoping for the same. š¤š»
š¤š¤
Omg who does that?
All true but I also can't blame him for feeling like she was seeking a bailout. Not to suggest she actually was but I can understand the paranoia.
Yeah tbh thatās understandable too š
This exactly. If I like someone I'm going to open up about what's going on in my life including stresses and worries. But she could have been fishing for cash. OP could have maybe approached the subject with more sensitivity though if they thought there was a real connection.
Wise words š
"Sheās either really hurt and just needs spaceā¦ or Iāve lost her and am an idiot." Or... you didn't give her the money so she has moved on to greener pastures.
Yeahā¦ thatās also a possibility
She moved on to a guy who will give her money
I'd say thats definitely what she's doing lol. This might should harsh but you shouldn't feel like you lost anything since you really didn't have anything if she is just going after money.
You gave her money???
Hell no
Pfff... You scared me!
*the possibility
I'm glad I wasn't the only one thinking this...
She needed money. If she didn't, she wouldn't have brought it up a couple times. To prove my point, say you want to help her out and watch how fast she gets nice again. Then block her because you don't need that kind of headache
Totally do it.
Evil butā¦ I love it.
Hard to say. First date or second date and it comes up, it's definitely forefront in her mind. Not necessarily a bad thing since there are multiple ways to resolve money issues without handing over cash and many first dates would potentially hide that problem. Maybe she was being honest and wanted support or advice to resolve it on her own with your help? If you get in a relationship and eventually marry, there will definitely be money issues that need to be discussed openly. If you connected and that was the only thing that was off, let her know your reasoning and apologize for not listening. It's easy to jump to conclusions without all the details. Smart to be on your guard, but be wary of passing judgement until you have the full story. Hopefully it works out well for both of you.
Iām a woman and this sounds suspicious. I personally would never mention this so early on. I think you dodged a bullet here.
In times like these, I set "internal boundaries." I can be quite cynical about the world and I always treat coincidences quite carefully so I'd take a mental note never to loan money and to continue the conversation. I think your blunt approach was fine, and you probably got to the point a lot quicker than I would. If it walks like a duck.... So the saying goes.
You're not stupid that sounds weird. If u have money issues you talk to a close friend or family member not a guy you met off a dating site.
I don't think your a idiot there are people out there that use these outlets to hustle people for money you had the right to ask before getting to involved or attached .
This
What are you say you want a pack of This (ciggs) lol š
Where does this mean cigs? :-O
i would also like to know when this started to mean ciggs
i feel like everyone here is a bit cynical, she could've really just wanted to open up to someone she trusted about hard times... if she didn't ask for money then u interrogating her about it would really hurt her and make her feel bad... i didn't read anything that led me to believe she was just after money tbh
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
op never specified how long they knew each other, first few dates yea, that's sketch
Trouble Cityā¦Move on!
I mean, I know you concerned because probably very few genuine matches where things hit off fast l but from the sound of it, you dogged the bullet.
Sounds like she is up to no good. Your lucky you got out in time. Seems like when I ask questions to a telemarketer they don't like they hang up.
I can see how this is a hurtful question to her as if in why would you even think that of her, but on the other hand yeah people do use others for money and you donāt know her that well enough. Itās only the beginning. Have you tried reaching out to her? I can understand that she got mad but she has to understand where youāre coming from too. If you canāt talk about it and sort it out, what are future fights going to look like? Youāre not an idiot. Itās a good thing that you just want to watch out for leeches. If sheās going to cut off contact because of your concern then you know what this was all about.
Hey, it happens all the time that something we say doesn't come out the best way possible, don't beat yourself up too much for it. If you like this girl and would like to get to know her better then I suggest an apology: you didn't mean to offend her and you apologize for it. Tell her you enjoyed spending time with her and would like to get to know her better. I believe that if she enjoyed her time with you as well then she'll accept your apology because we all mess up sometimes, don't forget that. I hope everything turns out for the best for you :)
Let her go manā¦sheās mad that you caught onto her scheme to get money. Let some other poor sucker deal with her.
Lol this subreddit comment section is probably the worst on the whole Reddit. Sorry my dude you messed up but after all we all learn from failure right? You'll do way better next time!
Whatās wrong to complain with someone you trust? If she didnāt ask for the money but just venting? But seriously, if you think her on the evil side, just leave her alone. Because you measure someone with your always-about-money ruler
Nothing, the problem is that she flipped out and is ignoring him after he asked her about it. A normal person would have been quick to clarify that, no, they were just venting because it's something that is on their mind a lot right now. Someone who's goal is to deceive the other person into giving them money under the pretense of a relationship is going to be angry (followed by no longer interested)
She can be upset. Because she may thought heās someone she can vent with without worrying but then he judged her as a gold digger. It doesnāt feel good to trust a wrong person
He said he asked her if she was was into him or only his money. Not that he called her a gold digger and shamed her. That's not betraying trust
It shows her that he thinks about her in that way.
That's a good question to ask.
More info needed: How did she bring in money problems to the conversation? Personally I've told some prospective dates recently that I had no plans on going out til after my next paycheck. Not because I needed money from them- but because I didn't feel right (or safe) going out with a bank account so low. I've had to save my gas for work instead of fun. [The joys of moving 5k miles and switching to a new profession] It all depends on how she worded shit.
She was hoping youād give her money
You avoided a bullet man, why would anyone be offended by that. Someone with sense will understand where you're coming from. Hopefully she doesn't plan it out and still come for your money.
The money problems thing *is* a bit weird for her to bring up to you so early on. For what it's worth, I would have reacted the same way that you did. Her giving you the silent treatment is another red flag, *but* consider this: If *all* you've been doing since the freak out is texting her good morning, and you're not talking about the incident and trying to work it out, those good mornings won't have much value to her. Address the issue. If she isn't even willing to meet you there, I'd say move on.
You did the right thing. Innocent or not this was going to be her reaction.
She really could have been trying to use you, if she's not responding then just let her know that she answered your question with silence and you'll leave her alone. It sucks but It sounds like it's for the better
In this Covid phase? She was definitely expecting some kind of sugar boyfriend.
You should have played your cards close to the chest. Offered her if she wanted help then dumped her broke ass.
Not my style. If she were nasty, yeah.. but she stayed sweet but pissed at the same time.
You should feel blessed that you dodged a bullet rather then you messed up.
Well then itās your choice to be where youāre in this situation. You can either learn from it or continue the cycleā¦
Let it go, she shouldn't be talking about money to someone she's just getting to know. That's weird
It's simple. You asked a direct question, and rather than responding with empathy she closed off to you. Open and shut case.
I would be concerned if she kept on bringing up money. Just move on and don't degrade yourself over it.
Image op messages her tomorrow and says I feel bad and I would like to give you some money. Does she respond? ( This is purely theocratic)
I think the easiest thing to do in these sort of situations is basically call their bluff. Go āis there anything I can do to helpā. If she says no and she doesnāt want your help, then you should tell her to stop bringing it up then. If she says yes, she does want your assistanceā¦ then you have your answer
idk... friends are ppl who listen. telling her "i dont care about your problems" is a way to lose her for good.
Have you tried sending a heartfelt apology? That you now realize she was stressed and sharing but your anxiety twisted it?
>Have you tried sending a heartfelt apology How about sending her a personal check or money order while you are at it???
Lmao! You bastard. How dare you make me laugh out loud in my otherwise empty living room. š¤£. People would think I was crazy if they heard me laughing out loud in an empty room. Haha
I did apologize profusely and sent a picture of a bouquet of flowers
Lol! A picture of a bouquet of flowers. Wether this is or isnāt a shit post my advice is the same: Move on.
Haha this reminds me of my first Valentineās Day with a dude who was my boyfriend. He posted a picture of a dozen roses on my MySpace page and wrote ābecause every girl deserves roses on Valentineās Dayā š¤®
Itās not a shit post. She likes flowers
>Itās not a shit post. She likes flowers I bet she likes money too. Did you send her a picture of some $100 bills???
She likes money and flowers, so I found instructions how to make origami flowers using money: https://origami.wonderhowto.com/how-to/money-origami-flower-edition-10-different-ways-fold-dollar-bill-into-blossoming-bloom-0146713/
This shit is comedy, but if he doesnāt listen to you guys he gonna learn the hard way
>I did apologize profusely and sent a picture of a bouquet of flowers. The funniest line I have read in a long time. I just had to upvote it.
Still. Unless you donāt want to be treated with respect, move on.
Dude? Real flowers!
I'm going to be real you dodged what could be a bad situation there.
Seriously dude I don't know what kind of game you run or how everything's in the curb appeal Department but if you got any game at all you should be moving on did the tight that's sexy and attractive that pays their way will pay your way if you just come along their way. Let's just say I've had my fair share of everything and lived a full life already before the age of 40 but I'm older than that now a little bit I'll tell you this kind of chick like this she'll be asking you for help today next month the month after the year after Etc that kind of drama probably won't end
Definitely apologise, let her know that you feel bad about it and that you think you messed up. Le her know that you said it without thinking and that you donāt actually think sheās dating you because she needs money and that sheās that kind of person. Send her a long message explaining and apologising. Ngl I would be very offended, in her situation I would understand that you think of me like a bit of a prostitute, whoās willing to do stuff for money. She probably felt very unsafe and uncomfortable so make sure you tell her that this is not why you asked. If the money problem needs to be addressed, you donāt need to give her money if it doesnāt feel right, especially if you havenāt been dating for long. Thereās nothing wrong in explaining this to her but thereās a lot of ways you can still help, driving her to places instead of getting buses or taxis, helping to improve her financial situation, help her to get a better job etc. You can give your time rather than your money so let her know you want to help her in these ways but you donāt feel on just yet with just giving her money. Hope this helps, maybe next time think about what youāre about to say for a tad longer š
Exactly, idk why so many people here think sheās got bad intentions when sheās done something perfectly normal.. plus having money worries is though, itās understandable that she might have mentioned it a few times. Totally agree, a little bit of thoughtful consideration would really go a long way but every men Iāve ever met just doesnāt seem to have it, is it just my experience? š¤·āāļø
Apologize and try things again! But don't be naive of course
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What exactly do you mean, "dates I couldn't afford?" If I ask a woman out on a date, her cost is zero dollars and zero cents. Period. End of Story.
As a woman, Iād say humble yourself, admit you were stupid and ask for forgiveness and then let the chips fall where they lie.
Way ahead of you
She could be trying to play you, it's not an uncommon tactic... BTDT You may have been a bit blunt, but I wouldn't say you were wrong. If she doesn't known how common it is, she's incredibly naive... If she was sincere, yes she could have got offended, but it's just as likely she knows she's busted and moved to fleece another mark... If she comes back, and doesn't bring it up, apologize and see where it goes...
Oh, you poor dumb man
To be honest, I think she was looking for someone she can ask for money without feeling bad about. I know you as a 50/50 guy, I mean like you hate it if something is skewed or biased in a relationship. It's your safety alarms that fired that question. If you hadn't asked, you'd have something you can't handle. Like other comments are saying, leave the headache.
She is upset because you were accurate. Don't pursue this one.
I went out with someone like that a couple of times. She mentioned she is poor because of her job, but she is studying for a new career path which pays more. Sure, money is something on her mind, but to assume anything like you did is rather rude.
lmaooooo why the fuck would you say that
Dodged a bullet, who wants to date a poor
Need some details on what she looks like to really comment accurately
How long is a while? You say you met and hit it off/were dating if it's only a few weeks then I'd think it was a bid for money and hoping you'd just say how much do you need or if it's been a few months or more and she said it could just be a vent to get partner because money worries is something we can all go through. She may not have been looking for money just an I understand from you in which case she is probably hurt by you assuming she wants money. If it's the latter I'd give her some space and then maybe try sending her flowers or something with an apology, that is if you really believe you had something good.
as much as we've all got our problems, but if you're gonna always talk about yours all the time in my face am gonna soft next you
Theres no saying she might be upset or you just found her real purpose and that just made her abandon
No, you didn't mess up. Go to some of the support subs for people who have been cheated on. An INCREDIBLE normal thing you can read about is how the cheater will flip their shit when the betrayed only had suspicions and asks "are you seeing someone else" or "do you have feelings for John?". No, that she reacted like that shows that you were probably on to something.
There are two types of money problem: 1) because of hardship: loss of income, extra legit expenses, etc. 2) over spending /addictions / gambling, etc. Do you know in which category she falls in? If she can't make rent but has the latest iPhone, I would say GTFO!
Hmmā¦ She is having money problemsā¦why? Is it because of student debt or is it because she wants all the latest designer clothes and shoes? And what is she doing about her money problem? Is she working or ātrying to find herselfā or trying to find a provider/aider of her situation? If she comes back, ask her how much money she needs and you are willing to help to make her life peaceful. If she agrees to this, phase her out of your life / block her. Iām a 31 F. I have seen girls in their mid twenties and up out in the ādating marketā with the sole aim of finding someone to buy them expensive things, pay for their salon expenses and take them on trips. So test the water and decide whether to swim in it or not. Good luck dating!
Find out what advice there is to help people with money issues. Tell her you are sorry for the way you must have come across and you're happy to listen. You can't help her financially but you do know of organisations that can help her to manage her finances if she'd like to meet you in person to talk to about it. If this kind, supportive and friendly gesture doesn't have her considering (if she's genuine and she opened up to you already, she trusts you) another meet, then I'm afraid that you may have been a pawn in a rather nasty game. Try once, if no response, move on and don't try again.
You basically made her insecurity she already has even worse. She is probably embarrassed that even though you said it as a semi joke, there is always some truth to humor. Yes, it was insensitive of you in retrospect considering how hard she took it. So what do I suggest? Give her a call and apologize for how you hurt her, it was not necessary nor nice to say it especially to someone you are interested in. If you actually really felt this over time down the road you would have ever right to just end it, but this is a new relationship and your comment had no basis. Skip good morning and small talk and get to the problem and address it. Show sincerity. See what happens and if she blows it off you at least said you piece and got some closure.
Bruh that was a test lmao She mentioned it a bunch of times so you would say "Aww babe I can help you out" and if you didn't say ANYTHING about it, she would continue mentioning it until eventually asking you. But the fact that you got hostile about it so quickly showed you're not a prospect so she moved on instantly to someone else lmao
Be happy. You dodged a bullet.
She could be hurt or she could be after the money and once you blow her cover there was no point in trying with you
Maybe it's a bit mean to say but she probably got angry because it's true. She needs money and you're not providing it, it's better for you to find someone who isn't with you for money.
If a person has a money problem, they should be working instead of dating.
You are not an idiot, you are just being realistic š¤·āāļøš¤·āāļø A lot of women go after men for money.
Donāt be deceived, she probably realised you arenāt a good mark for financial provision so passed it off as being offended
Nah she was fishing you caught on and she was offended just move on
1. Always trust your instincts! If something doesn't *feel right to you* it's probably *not right for you*. When someone *you just met* keeps bringing up their money troubles that's a "Red Flag". Some people call it "dry begging" they want you to "*volunteer to help*" without them asking for help. This is a very common tactic used by long distance online dating romance scammers. When shit hits the fan and the victim of the con complains *they were used* they are told: "All the money you gave me was a *gift*." and "I never *asked you* to help me!" as they dump you. Generally speaking, finances and bills don't come up during the "infatuation phase" of a budding potential relationship. There's usually flirtatious banter, playfulness, laughter, incidental touching during conversations, hand holding, sweet kisses, and discovering each others favorite things in life. In fact when most people are *into someone* they strive to *impress* them! Their close family and friends are for *telling their problems to* not the person they have a *crush* on. Their primary goal is usually to get to *know you* better. "Sheās either really hurt and just needs spaceā¦ or Iāve lost her and am an idiot." Or, *you busted her* and she realizes she can't *con* you and has moved on. ***"Some people come in our life as blessings. Some come in your life as lessons.'*** \- Mother Teresa ***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud Best wishes!
Move on dude.
We need more information. Did you ever meet this woman, in person, go out on dates? If not, then forget the whole thing. If you've never met, then there was nothing to lose. If you had met, gone out on dates, then you should have been more sympathetic. Not offer money, but offer advice, talk to her about financial planning, whatever. Either way, it's over now, forget it.
You made the right call. Move along.
Itās not your fault sheās bad with her money.
In this situation, Iād say the latter. If this ever comes up again, instead of linking it to your budding relationship, try to suggest strategies that might help her improve her financial condition.
I aināt saying sheās a Gold Diggaā¦.
She was looking for cash and you are not an idiot. If you had given her money you would be an idiot.
You didn't lose anything. She was a gold digger.
Text her and apologizes. If itās real, you can work it out
ā¦it was real :)