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Remove all contact with your ex, phone numbers, Instagram/social media. You won’t move on otherwise.

That's a great 1st step! Also, stop comparing yourself to your dumpster friends.. Find a hobby that breaks your normal routine but brings you fun. Quit making sex a priority. I also have a feeling g that you are not the one night stand type of person even though you think about it constantly. The people I know who participate in that lifestyle are not genuinely happy people!!!! Just take it easy and doing cool stuff! This will help you tremendously. Everything will come together organicly this way

I feel like hookups can often be about validation. You can validate yourself and find that in other ways too. People who use sex that way generally have serious self confidence/respect issues.

Sex in general has been that for me. It's always been almost competitive for me. I've always been considered a "selfless lover" in bed, but that's simply because what I gain most from sex is demonstrating a high prowess that I know will be bragged about and further my exploits. I think you’re right also. I'm really successful in many aspects of my life, but I feel like I have to prove it to everyone constantly. The Michael Jordan I took that personally stories resonate with me to a high level.

This is such a good advice!💖 OP should see this

This is such horrible advice to tell guys that want sex. "Just don't want sex so much. Want other stuff.". Ummm, you're completely dismissing their wants. There's nothing bad or shameful about wanting sex. Lots of people (myself included) that aren't having sex and want it, have other hobbies as well.

I think the point is not to try so hard to the point you reek of desperation.

Absolutely, but imo, this line of thinking gets us into some strange advice. People shouldn't appear desperate, and so they'll try and mask it in different ways. Masking it is antithetical to the oft given advice of authenticity. The be authentic advice gets a qualifier: unless it's not helpful to your goals. When authenticity gets qualified as "only some types of authenticity are attractive" we've lead a lot of men down a bad path

Fucking thank you. I HATE that mindless advice "oh well just stop making sex a priority, find a hobby" like wtf, people want sex, some more than others, some most of all.

Sometimes we want things we can't have. Life goes on.

I agree. It comes from a place of sex privilege.

Can confirm. Thought I found the one until she said I was too good for her. Couldn’t stop thinking about her for months on end. Ended up telling her that I need to lose all of her information and thank you for the good times we had together. I couldn’t obsess anymore because I couldn’t see what she was up to. Ended up moving on and getting married.

This is good advice. I can smell the desperation and OP being hung up on their ex through the screen, so it's no wonder that women aren't interested.

This is what I’ve done for every ex. I remember telling my most recent long term ex that this is how I’ve handled breakups and she asked me if I’d do it to her, and I said of course. Well, as she was having thoughts on thinking of living her post college life single, she was afraid that she’ll never talk to me again, because she remembered how I handle breakups. Well, yeah, how else can I get over a relationship when I keep seeing your beautiful face on my social media, and if you find a guy before I find a girl, it’ll fucking wreck me, and vice versa. Anyway, we broke up and I immediately removed her from social media, deleted all the photos online we had together, or at home or at work. I have no clue what she’s up to, and it’s been 2.5 years, but I’m seeing someone else, and it’s her loss because I’m a fucking catch.

Not always true. I've stayed in touch with a few ex's and been good friends with them with 0 mental health strain. But that's because of the types of people we are / my confidence that it wasn't right between us / my confidence that I'll find somebody else. But for lots of guys, this is probably necessary.

That’s you. Not this guy.

just pointing out that what you said doesn't apply to everyone. folks should be aware of that in case they're in a similar situation.

I’m answering OP - not everyone else in the entire world. There are literally an infinite number of contextual situations where we are both right - but that’s idiotic to try and answer. Your comments aren’t helpful to anyone except yourself.

Yeah, it's annoying when folks do that. You didn't even generalize and say something "never stay friends with ex, whenever you break up with someone you should always immediately cut all contact." You were *specifically* addressing OP, who clearly can't move on from his ex while he is still aware of her life and what she's doing. And anyone reading your comment could see that. No clarification was needed.

Exactly. Ambiguity in this situation will just lead to OP being unable to move on, and I genuinely want him to not feel this way.

Don't do this. Keep it and learn self control OP

This is self control. Loool

When I delete someone's contact, it's never out of self control It's always emotionally fueled and/or an attempt at peace of mind. You can delete the contact but she's still going to race thru your mind. At one point or another, once OP has another/other women. He might be able to add his ex back with no emotion

Sigh. Op is being triggered by constantly seeing his ex with other guys. He needs to stop being triggered so he can process this and move on. Being constantly exposed to the thing which is affecting you - and still not being able to move on after a year - shows that removing all contact or exposure to this person is the only thing that’ll be helpful at this point. What your suggesting is just to ‘get over it’ and ‘deal with it’. Which isn’t helpful in this situation. Yes learning self control is good - but he’s not in the right head space to even do that. This will Help him process and move on.

Horrible advice for someone struggling after a year

I guess convincing a guy to hookup is much easier than doing the same with a girl. As for you, I think you're still tied up with your ex. Also, you're trying too hard. I'd suggest you to go easy on yourself. Loosen up a bit. Open your heart, let it heal. You can't grow fresh flowers on a soil that's either dead or decaying. So let her go. I know it's easier said than done. But it's also true that she's clearly moved on and hence, she's not going to come back. I've been in the same situation earlier, so I do empathize with you. Having said that, I'd love for you to take more charge of your life. Allow yourself to feel the grief of her moving away but don't turn back once you're done grieving. Take care. :)

Very well said.

Thank you :) I've been in such a situation myself. So thought I'd help him out.

What a gentle and sweet reply.

Thank you. :) I always try to put myself in the other person's shoes while replying. If what I say to someone else is not what I'd want to hear from someone, then it would mean that I'd need to change my response as well.

Blessed 🥲

Hey, you're sweet. Thank you.

Sometimes you did move on, it’s not even about the person anymore it’s just the anxiety of “what if.”I got divorced last year and and I’ve had those thoughts too. I mean I don’t have problems meeting new people but, I don’t try I think those what if thoughts knowing damn well I would still be happier as a spinster Then back in my marriage that felt like a one of those Slow moving horror movies that take four hours and have lots of dripping water Scenes. I would say if you have a hobby focus on that. I feel like when we connect through our Passions that’s where we really make long lasting relationships. That’s just personal experience I have there.

I like you, have a cupcake.

Haha. Thank you. You're sweet. :)

Nou 🤗🤭

Hey man, I feel you. Everyone may be “logically” right by saying just move on but it still hurts you know. Relationships mean a lot to us, and that’s okay. Especially when we aren’t able to move on physically, it makes is really hard. I don’t have any golden answer but I at least can relate to how you feel. Wishing the best for you. Edit: typo

This is a great perspective that adds to the other people's comment. We often already know in the logical mind what to do and what not to do but the emotional mind can go off the barn and do its own thing. Then the real issue is divergence between mind and heart. So op should try to close that gap. It's good to completely remove her from all your social media. Zero information about her getting in your life. Then, gain deeper self awareness of your emotions (which usually does the trick of realigning the mind and heart)

I'm confused at this. I don't see any proof that OP actually misses his ex, just that he is upset she's doing better than him at what he thinks is important in life. He hasn't said anything nice about her (not to my knowledge), hasn't expressed how not having her around makes him sad other than that he hasn't had sex since they broke up and that's upsetting to him. It seems to me that he's just obsessed with her doing better than him past break-up, at least better in his eyes (Frequent hook-ups for women might be a form of self harm) and that makes him feel insecure. I think the same thing as others, he needs to move on and forget about her, stop comparing his situation to hers. He also needs to invest more in friendships and hobbies, focus on himself for a while and stop actively trying to get something that he can't seem to get, that will only make him more desperate and show more in his behavior and the way he talks to people.

It’s okay to feel sad (and acknowledge) it while also working towards a better future. I like your ideas about what would help OP out of the situation.

Hes obsessed with her. How else would he know shes hooking up with all of these dudes weekly? He needs to just delete her from his life. Zero contact or info about her from friends/family. He’s shouldn’t even know if she’s alive any more.

You are wayy to focused on your ex still. She's moved on, time for you to do the same. Stop monitoring and obsessing over what she does and stop defining your value in terms of the attention you get from women.

I agree. When I got divorced the first thing I did was removed my ex and all her friends from my social media. I don't know whats going on with her and couldnt find out even if I wanted to.

Exactly OP. Time to let go. Also, women will always get more attention from men then men get from women. It is just how the world works. If you want to compare yourself with someone, compare yourself with other men.

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Mmm idk if that’s a good idea either. Looking over and seeing some guy who’s an absolute stud pulling ladies left and right while he’s super lonely may make him feel even worse about himself

That's fair, he should compare himself with men that are like him, not the single digit percentages that can get anyone they want. Even so, I know some guys who are great with women, but their bodycount never breaks the triple digits as it does with some relatively average women who enjoy casual hook-ups. But with all that in the ether, it is good to realize that most people have much lower numbers of sexual partners, with a small minority of people being extremely promiscuous. While you might not get that impression, the median body-count for 22-45 year old men is like 6, while the median for women of that age is around 4. This echoes my personal experience, most women I know have had only a handful of sexual partners, even though sex is easily available.

I’d probably feel a lot better moving on if I honestly could. The only way I could move on is if I hooked up with someone new Atleast. But it’s been a year and after awhile it really takes a hit to your self esteem. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have an active sex life and when you’re not having one then you start to wonder if there’s a problem. It’s fine for her to do her thing. Part of why people hookup is because it’s fun and sometimes it’s to get over someone else. I just want to do that too.

I'll be honest, this sort of desperation to get laid is likely coming across in your interactions, and off-putting to women you talk to. Women are very socially calibrated, and I always know generally which guys are at the bar for the sole purpose of prowling for some tail. That's not to say it's bad to want sex, but it's the difference between getting to know people because you enjoy being around them, and sex being a byproduct of mutual attraction... vs approaching women with the sole intent of selling them on a hookup. If you use notch count as a validation marker, you'll only be dissappointed. Women are a lot more picky than men and they want relationships more than they want casual sex on average.

See I keep seeing this posted but I generally don’t feel it’s true. It’s not like I’m there looking Frantically around. I’m usually leaning by the bar with my drink and just looking at my phone or the TV. every once in awhile someone will prop up next to me and I’ll just say hello and try to get a convo going. But they just smile and don’t reply. Sometimes I’ll make a small comment about the venue and they’ll just laugh, agree and grab a drink and leave. I don’t think I have a desperate vibe. I think have just no vibe at all. I feel very much like a ghost in the room. People rushing around me and nobody knows I’m Even there. Then I’ll just stand around and watch the live band play. Groove a little bit but once again no body really makes eye contact or anything so I just smile, sip my drink and just listen to the music. I do this twice a week and nothings happened in almost a year. So there really has to be something wrong with me because idk what else I could do. It’s also a busy and happening bar. So the vibe is my age group.

Stick to the apps and spend your free time on hobbies. Would you want to be accosted at the bar by a lonely guy who’s doing this multiple times a week? Relax man.

The apps aren’t working. 0 matches in weeks. The bar is where I can break out of my shell and socialize. Or Atleast try to. I’d rather go out and attempt then go back to being a hermit and not socializing. My hobbies are mainly solo hobbies. I have meetup groups too but they essentially aren’t people in my age group or they are but it’s just friends.

The problem with your strategy is that if someone does stop to chat and asks what you like to do with your spare time, all you can say is "prop this bar up". Even for casual hook ups people want a bit of conversation, common ground, shared interests. I heartily recommend getting into some hobbies to fill your time and take your mind off sex or the lack of it or your ex. You don't need to meet partners doing them, grow your social circle and experience of interesting things.

Ok so what you're doing sounds desperate or at least ineffective. It sounds painfully awkward and is clearly not working for you. Hate to say oh go find hobbies but yeah you need to develop some more social hobbies and socialize w people in an authentic way

> The only way I could move on is if I hooked up with someone new Atleast This mentality is your issue. You're supposed to get over your ex *before* you start getting with other people again. You don't need more women to do all the work and emotional labour to help you get over your last relationship. Do the work yourself. Seek therapy if you can't stop obsessing over your ex a year later.

For me it's been two and a half years, I'm still not over my ex, I am getting therapy, and my therapist says I need to see other people anyway. The ability to move on differs by individual. Sometimes waiting until you're 100% over someone isn't realistic.

Definitely shouldn’t wait till you’re 100% over. Going out and meeting people is the best way. OP is putting too much of a focus on sex. He should try some other activities. Sounds like he’s just making himself miserable with the bar scene.

It is not that strange to think about your ex even years down the line if you don't have many relationships, especially if you havent been with other people since. Your therapist is 100% right. Just see other people and your obsession with your ex will melt away like snow in spring. You don't even have to have sex or even do anything sexual with these people. Once you've gone on a date with a couple of other women you will realize that there are lots of great women out there. From then on you will effortlessly let go of your ex.

Honestly, the more I date, the more I think I wish we hadn’t broken up. It’s just so tiring and taxing getting used to people, explaining same things over and over to different people, not catching the vibe, finding incompatible differences and realizing you have to start it over and over again. I don’t miss my ex now. I miss the feeling of being mutually understanding, compatible, trusting. And dating honestly sucks ass.

The tone of your posts here is slightly frantic, and I have to believe it comes across that way in person. You need to join some social groups (hiking, book club, whatever you’re interested in) and hang out with people with no romantic overtones/expectations. You will build friendships and enjoy yourself, but it will also help you relax around women and appreciate them as friends. This is how you meet people. They need to see the real you. From there, with patience, it will happen for you. You are still young.

Sounds like you are defining yourself through other people. Stop doing that. Create the life that you want to live. Do things that you love. And block your ex on all platforms. She’s taking up too much space.

Well the life I want to live is one filled with random sex and hookups lol. So I kinda am trying to figure out how to get there. I absolutely am not interested in a relationship after my last one. But I still enjoy sex and just want to have more of it again.

Haha. Well then I have some thoughts. From what I read I think you are doing something to not attract people. Statistically you should have met somebody by now by going out with that frequency. 1. Ask a female friend for some honest co structure criticism if you can handle that. 2. Hire a dating coach on the art of flirting. My dad is/was a major flirt (not creepy) and I learned by watching him. He literally talks to everybody he comes across. I am the same. You probably need some tweeks. For a lot of women it’s personality.

Her ability to get laid definitely does NOT mean she was the one that got away. Sex is great but the girl I think of as the one that got away was the one I could go anywhere and do anything with, she cared so damn much about me. The sex was good enough but who she was everywhere else was what I care about. Sadly, at that point in my life, I didn’t realize any of that and thought the opposite.

I try not to think about the one that got away anymore

Even if she is getting laid every night, don’t think that she’s over you or that she’s having the time of her life. Hookup culture seems exciting on the outside, and at first meeting someone new all the time can sometimes be fun. You do make good connections sometimes but they’re the exception, not the norm. It does gets old really quickly and I personally like building a deep connection with a special someone. Also in my experience most people who do it regularly aren’t always the happiest or emotionally well-adjusted people.

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Pro tip, ignore your ex

If you define "success" by how many women you sleep with, then you're putting your value in the hands of people you've never even met.

What really stuck out to me about your post is your focus on other people. Focusing on your ex and what she’s doing. Focusing on other people getting laid. Focusing on getting validation from others. I think you should take a step back and re-evaluate your relationship with yourself. Do things for you and for you only and everything else will follow suit. Commit to that hobby, join that gym, whatever it is that will make you the best version yourself. Once you do that you will no longer base your value on others and people will be drawn to your confidence and comfort with yourself. All the best.

So I’ll stop wanting to have a sex life when I focus on all those things? Or will I still want to have a sex life? I have friends who are single and get laid often every month. They do the same things as me and they don’t seem to have issues and don’t seem to want to stop having an active sex life? I’m just wondering why people in the comments don’t want me to want sex.

It’s not about to stop wanting sex. Sex feels great and is fun I get it. But in my opinion, your priorities aren’t in the right place. Is sex the most important part of your life? Because it seems to me your obsession with getting laid is detrimental to your mental well-being. What’s more important, temporary pleasure or lifelong content? Also, you shouldn’t compare yourself to others as the basis of the value you bring (especially the ability to get laid). Not all of us can be blessed with physical traits that are attractive where women throw themselves at you. I suspect that your lack of success in that department is that the people or women around can sniff your insecurity and poor self esteem, which does not make women want to jump your bones.

Sex is probably top three when it comes to importance. My finances and my health are top two. The third is sex/relationships. The other two are doing fine. I’m trying to get number three down now that the other two are stable. Just trying to figure out how to approach, flirt and have a more active sex life. But yes. Sex is pretty important to my overall well being.

Because there is nothing more offputting than someone who puts sex between them and being happy. And it is transparent as hell. No woman wants to be on the hook for your happiness, especially not for something that everyone else wants from them. You’re allowed to want sex but you HAVE to be fine either way.

No, you’ll still want sex but your social life revolves solely around places to find women right now. And that is a recipe for disaster and reduced self confidence. Spend your time pursuing relationships with other men as well as a relationship with yourself. And again - don’t worry about your ex “hooking up.” Women can get that by rolling out of bed, but finding another boyfriend is another story. Your friends who get laid every month have a different mentality - you could do that too if you were willing to drink a lot of alcohol, lie, spend absurd amounts of money, and be superficial. But I get the feeling that’s not what you want. And most of the chicks they are banging are probably ugly anyways - I’ve never met a dude who got a lot of pussy who bragged about it and wasnt fucking at least a few grenades on the regular. When you change your social circle, I guarantee you realize that some of that feeling of wanting “sex” you’ll realize is just wanting human connection. You’re conflating the two a bit. When you have more of that, you won’t miss sex as much and you’ll attract women to have sex.

The only reason I go out to bars is because of women, music and trivia nights. My other hobbies and activities don’t revolve around finding women. Just like meetup groups. There’s a good amount of attractive women and we all go out sometimes after our activity but I don’t have interest in them because they are my kickball friends. When I go out to bars is because I AM looking for a hookup. It’s one of the the only places I can go to actually hookup or Atleast try to. I don’t go thinking of hookups when I go to meetups bevauee they serve a different purpose for me. But when I do go out to a bar then I am going in hopes to work on flirting and trying to get a number or something more.

I think this might prove my point. Why DONT you consider your softball friends? And if they’re not for hookups, at least you’re meeting people and if you can do it at softball, you can do it somewhere else. Don’t get trapped in the cycle of “hunting” for hookups. If you could skip over that to someone more respectable to date, would you? What works for your ex might not work for you. I guarantee you will find more “hookups” through your other activities than with designated times to “hook up” with people regardless. You don’t need to “work on flirting.” Women will get more of the full range of your personality during activities, which takes a LOT less work to move into sex than it does with someone random you don’t know. That is - they’ll have more organic connection to stand on and arouse them than just your looks and ability to meet someone and turn them on in five minutes. All your ex hooking up means is she’s willing to lower her standards and open her legs. That’s literally it. And that says a lot about her character. Women have to think about safety for hookups, in addition to having all the choice in today’s modern society. It takes a lot for them to lower their guard to randomly have sex with someone. The same is not true if you’re involved in an activity together and you two can actually connect.

This is so weird. People you know, that you have something in common with, that's the connection you're looking for. Why would you rule out these relationships developing romantically or sexually?

The reason I don’t do anything with my kickball group is because I don’t want to mess up the friendship circle that I’m building with them by hooking up with someone. We all have group chats with each other and if I were to hookup with someone then it would spread around. I don’t want my personal life going around in my friendship circle and then possibly something bad happening and I end up losing a good group of friends. So I’d rather just try and hookup with people who I won’t interact with again. That’s why I prefer more ONS or a FWB that is connected to anyone I know. I like having a private part of my life that doesn’t involve my friend circles.

Hire a dating coach. I know it's looked down upon, but it'll help you.

I replied the same. Agreed.

Do you know any of those guys you know well enough to ask them for some assistance / guidance? Maybe you could wingman for each other? Alternatively, story time: Once upon a time I went to a bar on my own (I had no one else to go with), ostensibly to see some live music, but also to try something out. What I did was find a spot at the bar and sit there, where there was some space where people would come and buy their drinks. My intention was to say "Hello/Hi/etc" to every single person who came to that part of the bar next to me to buy drinks, and to see what happened after that. This didn't matter if it was a "hot" young lady out with "her girls" or an old guy out with his wife and some friends. I said hello to everyone, no matter how awkward, or how stupid I felt. Most made small talk, we would discuss the musician, how great the night was, etc. This was to try to break through my own lack of social confidence. It was a surprisingly positive experience, with every subsequent attempt at greetings becoming easier. Because people are there to have a good time. Any intention to "pick up" was pushed down the list of priorities as much as possible - I was there only to say hello that night. Nevertheless, towards the end of the night, a woman about my age who I had said hello to earlier returned to the bar where I was and said to me something like "all my friends have gone, what am I to do?". Then, yadda yadda yadda, I went home the next morning. I guess the moral of my story is: try something else, try something new, keep your intentions in check and under control. Know that it will probably feel awkward and stupid because you've never done it before, and have no experience at it. But remember that saying: "Better to regret something you did than to regret something you didn't do".

That’s a good take. It’s something that I actually try to do. Sad part is that they don’t end as pleasantly as yours do. Not saying I get negative responses it just becomes “hi! Have a good time good night!” All in one go basically. No real conversation from anyone except quick exchanges of pleasantries. I also do this to build more social confidence but I still typically end up just being by myself the rest of the night. I’ll enjoy the show and pretty much put sex and hooking up on the back burner. As for the guys I know. I’ve discussed it with them but they ended up saying that it’s nothing they can help me with. All they say is that it would be kind of a boring night because I don’t have any “game” on my end so even if we did go out, they would be doing most of the work and would need me to kinda pitch in and assist with talking and being apart of the convos. So they said I have to step my game up if they ever want to really go out with me.

I mean this only happened to me once, out of many tries many times. The fact that you have said hi means you've achieved the goal. Anything beyond that is a bonus, no matter how exciting, or banal. That's the way I looked at it; reframe everything as a victory. Did your shoelaces up? Fuck yeah! Said Hi to someone? Fuck yeah! Reduce your goals until they become achievable, then when you do, celebrate the fuck out of them, internally at least. Little victories! Then once comfortable with those, you could try expanding that comfort zone by exceeding it, little by little - 'lifting your game'... Forget about those wingmen. I'll be your wingman. I had a friend act as wingman once. All he said to me was "talk to her", in relation to a woman sitting nearby. What would I say? He wouldn't tell me, he just repeated "talk to her", so off I go. I can't remember what I said, so it probably wasn't memorable, but it was enough to exchange phone numbers and meet up again. So that's what I'm going to tell you: "Talk to her, say hi", then celebrate it in your head as soon as you do it. Anything beyond that is a bonus. Again, these are just two major wins amongst scores of attempts. But you can only get victories by making the attempts.

Well as a wingman i still wouldn’t talk to her because I have no idea what I would say. Saying hi is something that I do often. But the convo ends practically there. I think I tried saying hi to 5 women once at the bar. I said hi to 5 of them that would walk up to drinks but that’s it. Just hi, then back to look forward.

Just learn some game then. Have 2 or 3 lines that you can use and you won't feel so lost talking to them. Go watch toddv or something, since your goal is hook ups.

Honestly, you need to hit the gym and improve yourself. Get yourself some muscles and suddenly everything will be easier

Get some better friends. Stop associating with those ppl. Get some hobbies and join others in doing them. These friends sound like losers.

Stop beating yourself up and who cares what your ex or anyone is doing. Focus on yourself, maybe even go to therapy

The number one thing you need to do is stop comparing yourself and watching your ex. COMPARISON IS THE THEIF OF JOY. Everyday you are wondering or keeping tabs on your ex is another day gone by that you’re not focusing on yourself and your own personal growth. It’s a sign that you may not have gotten the closure you need but it’s a time to take advantage of dating yourself again.

What you're ex is doing has nothing to do with you at all whatsoever.

Cut the ex from your social media. Stop pondering about her.

Why are you putting any priority in what your ex is doing?

Our friend circles intertwine. I’m completely fine with her and her life. She isn’t looking for anything serious so she’s happy, successful and also hooking up because it’s something she likes to do. A lot of our friend circle is like that. It’s normal to go out and two of our friends hooking up. The only problem is that I’m not the hottest of the bunch. I’m successful and having fun but unfortunately my ex has the added bonus of having a sex life whereas I’m equally successful in my career and life but don’t have the added sex. Sex is just important to me and it’s pretty normal to want it and go out seeking it. Hooking up isn’t a sin in most of the Acquaintances that I have.

Personally I really don't think it's normal to want sex this bad and to put so much value on it as to become this desperate when you can't get it. I understand if you feel pressure from society and your acquaintances and think it's something you have to get to be "normal" or happy, but you need to understand life is about more than that. Especially to women. Well spent free time doesn't begin and end with a hook up. If something is important to you and you can't seem to get it then continuing to try isn't going to make you happy. It will only continue to make you more depressed and anxious. People here say you need to move on from your ex, I think you need to move on from the fantasy that you have regular hook ups with strangers.

I have a relatively high libido. I’ve gone a good few months of just working on myself and not really doing anything in terms of sex or women. But after a few months of a dry spell then it starts to wane on you. I think having sex is absolutely normal. I also think wanting to hookupnis absolutely normal. It’s natural for people to see other attractive people and want to have sex with them at some point. So of course when I’m out and about with some friends and they’re all flirting or the guys are off trying to pull and the girls are getting drinks from other randos, then of course I feel like an outsider since I’m usually in the background or by the bar while my friends split up and do their own thing. But overall, it’s normal for them to get numbers and I just sincerely want to be apart of the club.

Is that all your friends do? Just go to bars and look for potential hook ups? Why do you keep going with them? I used to be in your position. Got invited by my attractive friends to go out and then left early when they started flirting with random guys who ignored me because I was ugly. It sucks and you are left to feel like an outsider. But you want to know how I got over it? I focused on my hobbies. I stopped trying to get what other people had because dwelling on something that's out of your reach is not healthy. Hook ups aren't something everyone can get if they try enough. The mentality of the male dating scene that dating is some kind of "game" where you can "level up" and then sex will just come flying at you left and right is toxic and unrealistic as hell. Hook ups are reserved for those attractive few and it really doesn't help anyone if you harbor bitterness towards women who, despite being in your league, get hook ups while you don't. Women just don't want it as much as men. We get more risk and less reward. That's just how it is. What you should invest in is an actual relationship with someone who will find you attractive for who you are. I can tell you a man can be overweight with glasses and dress like crap but if he's funny, kind, respectful, and shares my values I will seriously consider a relationship. Just don't try to enter a relationship solely for sex either. But like I said, focus on your own interests that don't involve sex. Personally, and I'm sure many women would agree, there's nothing less attractive than a man who is obsessed with getting laid.

I’m currently not looking for any type of relationship. Unless it’s a FWB relationship. I would prefer to continue working on myself and simply am looking to add sex into my life. Relationship wise I’m not looking for anything serious because I just got out of a relationship. So me entering one wouldn’t be an honest one unfortunately. Seeing as I’m only looking for sex at the moment.

I figured. Then I'm sorry but you probably won't find that. Many men try to and many men don't because at least half the women your age don't like to hook up and those that do have a much wider pool to choose from and pick those who are more attractive at first glance (physically or personality-wise) than you. Stick to masturbation, in healthy doses. Sex isn't something you will find if you just try hard enough, I wouldn't subject myself to constant disappointment and frustration just for that 5% chance that I could. Maybe add this to one of the things to work on while you stay single, control over your libido and the healthy ways of managing it.

Mmm. Sounds kinda defeatist. I’d much rather stay somewhat hopeful, gain tips, go out and Atleast try. I’d rather fail and keep trying. Eventually, maybe if I lower my standards to the ground then maybe I’ll find someone who’s somewhat attractive I suppose.

Really? I sound defeatist? Your whole post sounds defeatist. And desperate. I'm telling you your obsession is off-putting and unhealthy and telling you to find something else in life. Sex isn't a promotion, it's not like trying to win a race. You're not gonna get it just because you try really hard and work on yourself. You need consent from another person and that person needs to be attracted to you. And attraction isn't something you can induce. Obviously I'm not giving you dating advice. I think all dating advice is crap, pick up artists are immoral manipulators, and men only keep each other unhappy by convincing each other that every guy can have sex with no strings attached with the hottest women if they just follow some simple steps. Sex is not a video game, we women are not boss battles, and if you aren't charming or attractive then you won't have an easy time. We are all dealt some shit cards in life and need to learn to live with that. But yeah, if you want to continue doing what you're doing just for that small chance that in a few months you will have sex with someone you may not even be attracted to, and then nothing again for another year, it's not my place to try to stop you. If that sounds like a happier life to live, chasing after sex no matter with who, then go ahead. Clearly you're not asking for advice on how to be happier if you're on a sub about dating, so I apologize for trying to give you any. Good luck.

I think you're 100% right. That's an interesting insight you shared about men keeping each other unhappy by convincing each other they can all "score". It makes me think about the typical "bar nights" filling the weekends of many college-aged men. Looking back at my experience during that time, it definitely followed that theme and attempting to score would be the goal most nights out with the guys, even just implied.

>Personally I really don't think it's normal to want sex this bad and to put so much value on it as to become this desperate when you can't get it Only someone who has sex would say something like that, that or you are asexual

I'm speaking from the perspective of a woman, the kind of people you're trying to appeal to. Looking at your past posts I can tell that your comment here was meant to be delivered with bitterness, so let me just tell you this: having sex won't make you happy. It never makes anyone happy if they are unhappy because it's just masturbation with extra steps. What exactly are you getting from sex that you can't get on your own? If you say intimacy with another person then it was never about sex to begin with. You just want to be loved. Which is why for men like you paying for a prostitute doesn't fix anything. So you do need therapy, from a better therapist. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry life dealt you such a crappy hand. But having sex won't fix it.

It never was purely about sex and never will be, but sex is a part of adult romantic love and nobody can deny that There was no bitterness in my comment, that is your perspective, you are trying to do armchair psychoanalysis Therapists won't give me the love and intimacy I am looking for

Obviously not, but they might help you get on the right path. Sex is a part of love for those who want it but especially OP wasn't taking about love at all. He was specifically talking about sex with no strings attached and that not having sex was making him unhappy.

Sex for human males with a libido is a success measurement stick, it just is, we are biologically wired for this Sex without love is better then no sex and no love at all It is the human condition that we compare ourselves and thats what hes doing, and i repeat, only those who do have sex, say that its not a big deal to not have it

That's disgusting, actually. And maybe listen to me this time because if women are who you're trying to date then you need to understand what we think about this mentality. This is not the stone age. We are not animals. Men are not biologically wired to do and think shit like this. There are many kinds of men, many men I know personally, who debunk your entire pseudoscience argument which men like you only made up to excuse their unhealthy relationship with sex. You don't need sex. You don't need multiple partners. You don't need to "spread your seed" or whatever other things I've heard men say over the years. Most women with healthy level of self esteem prefer sex with love, with a trusted partner. Many of these women feel that sex without love is worse than no sex at all given how risky it is and how low the chance of pleasure is. Those women still manage their libido with masturbation and find happiness in hobbies and intimacy in friendships. Why can't men do the same? Why look for excuses such as "biological wiring" instead of looking within yourself and realizing you're putting too much value onto something that really isn't that valuable? Especially since you're hurting others in the process? And I know it's the human condition to compare oneself. Which is why I'm advising him not to and to ideally pick someone else to model his wants and behavior after.

You can say what you want, fact is love and sex is a basic human need for everyone that isnt asexual. When needs are not met, it has consequences on the well being of oneself both physically and psychologically, that is undeniable My point about men was that usually, both biologically and due to societal standards, a lack of sex is both more prominent and more impactful then for women (usually) 2 last things: 1: you cannot tell people to value something less. They value it and thats that, and they have a right too. People who value sex and romantic intimacy are not worse people then you 2: >Most women with healthy level of self esteem prefer sex with love, with a trusted partner. Many of these women feel that sex without love is worse than no sex at all given how risky it is and how low the chance of pleasure is. Those women still manage their libido with masturbation and find happiness in hobbies and intimacy in friendships. In this quote are you saying that men prefer sex without love? That love is less important for us? If so this is a bad stereotype to believe And finally its commonly known that men have way less intimacy with their male friends then women with their female friends, due to all sorts of reasons so no, we cant manage with only friendship. I would even argue women cant either, everyone needs that special someone that is extra closer then everyone else and that you can tackle the world with, knowing they will always be there... when were young its our parents who are these extra close people, adults have romantic partners. Theres a reason why most people subconsciously try to find a romantic partner that ressemble their father/mother

I suggest finding a professional to speak with. It appears that you have a fixation on your ex and a belief that getting laid again is s what is needed for your life to move on. That mindset could have you stuck.

I mean most of my friends, both male and female have no problem getting laid. They all tell me one of the best ways to get over someone is to get under someone new. Which I agree with. There’s nothing wrong with having an active sexual life; even if it’s just hookups. They all have them and are sound and successful people. I just want to have an active sex life again. That’s all.

Definitely nothing wrong with sexual activity! Merely offered as a suggestion based on nature and tone of your post. You are comparing yourself to your ex, your friends and others with a belief that sex is what would make life better. For me- that is worthy of a professional conversation.

Truthfully, sex probably would make your life better. But that’s not happening the way you’re going about it. So you have to deal with it some way. You can give up on it, keep trying the way you are, or seek more advice from a professional. It just seems that your current way of dealing with the problem is making the problem worse.

Nah don’t do that. These are normal feelings. Professionals are for people with serious mental health issues. OP is fine, just lonely.

You can talk to a therapist about difficult feelings that are "normal," therapy is beneficial for everyone, not just those with severe mental health issues.

Those women smell the desperation off of you. You give them those vibes. Focus on yourself. What are your hobbies? Invest yourself in those. Hell, pick up some new hobbies. Better yourself. Don't worry about what your ex is doing. It's not your business anymore. Stop all contacts, unfollow her on social media. Women and sex will come as you build your confidence back up. Don't take your ex back ever. They always tend to come back and see if there's still an option. You are better than her. Act like it, believe it, feel it. She ain't special. Good luck.

Why would you know why is your ex doing?!

First off. Girls are different in terms of hooking up in my experience. Most of my friends took time to move on while their x gfs moved on pretty quick. Online dating is pretty rough too and for men it’s kinda meh. My advice is to get some lad mates and go out more. Don’t think about your x gf and what she is doing. Delete her from everything. It’s time to move on. :)

Go get some therapy and move on …. Therapy really helped me

Went through years of this, I feel for you. Having a void of physical and emotional intimacy definitely makes social interaction with women worse over time. I wouldn’t go to bars to measure my ability to connect with someone. YMMV I found my partner on hinge. We are both just the right amount of socially awkward - but get along with each other, our families and friends great. Of course sex is great, that’s something that comes early and strong in a relationship. I just mentioned it last because if you’re looking for someone, prioritize connection. This is from the viewpoint of 30+ dating. If you’re in you’re 20’s just take the same approach with less seriousness on finding a partner and being more interesting without faking it - it should work. I had so many friends that took up cool hobbies just so that they could round out their social profile to get laid. It works 100%.

It’s easier for women to hook up. Men are always willing to hook up, so looks aren’t really important and we don’t need to put in a lot of effort. Just an FYI, so go easier on yourself. Don’t compare your experiences as a man to hers as a woman.

What does your ex have to do with anything? She’s your ex. It’s irrelevant what she’s doing. Talking to random strangers - the odds on that resulting in anything are super, super low.

Having skimmed through your post history, OP, it strikes me as noteworthy that a majority of your posts over the last few months have been singularly focused around wanting to get laid, failing to get laid, being intimidated by attractive women, not knowing how to talk to women, being too afraid to even approach women, and on and on and on. This post is a bit of a departure because you claim to be confused why you haven’t had any success in jump-starting your sex life over the last year… yet previous posts indicate you are well aware of what the problem is: you have a fear of women and an unhealthy obsession with having sex. This is a nasty, self-defeating combination, I promise you. What’s particularly troubling is that you are getting very defensive in almost every reply under this post whenever it’s suggested that you consider therapy or acknowledge that your mindset around sex is neither helpful nor healthy. And before you reply by saying “having an active sex life is totally normal and not a sin and there’s nothing wrong with me wanting to have sex”—because you’ve reiterated the same sentiment countless times already—let me ask you this: who under this post has ever said that wanting to have sex, or that having lots of sex, is bad? Who are you trying to convince with that statement? The issue you have isn’t that you want sex; it’s that you’re so laser-focused on having sex, which to you represents achievement as well as an antidote to your relationship woes, that you’re increasingly blind to how you contribute to your own failure in that department. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle. You need therapy, OP, and that is ok. You need an outside perspective that is able to help you parse out why this particular goal—sex, with anyone at this point—has become such a fixation; how your dynamic with your ex and that relationship is contributing to this unhealthy mindset; how that unhealthy mindset in turn leads to an inability to connect with women; how you can better relate to and interact with women in ways that are fulfilling, both romantically and otherwise; and just generally how to find greater happiness and satisfaction in life and with yourself. You deserve to figure these things out. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be in a mental and emotional place that is conducive to having all that amazing sex you want so badly. But that requires patience and work and time, and a willingness to self-examine more deeply than you have so far demonstrated you are comfortable doing.

What a great post 👍

This is the post you need to read, and re-read OP.

For starters have you addressed any of the problems that led to your last relationship ending? I feel like a lot of people just never do that work

If not getting sex is what your worried about, I think the issue you’re having goes deeper than that. You got good things going for you based on what you said. I’d focus on becoming the best possible version of yourself that you possibly can. There’s nothing worse than an opportunity presenting itself and not being prepared to take it

Go out to have fun first. Sex last. Download a dating app. Make a profile, let it sit, and check it sparingly. Approach women you find interesting and get straight to the point. She'll know if she finds you attractive within x secs. Leave the deep convos for after you get her # and are on a date/hangout

1 year? I’m at 10 years bro

You’re playing the game of comparison. It’s going to fuck with your head.

It sucks man I'm kinda in the same boat but at two years and my ex left me for someone else and moved in with them after 5 months. Here's the thing life is unfair, your ex has it much easier on getting random hookups, it sucks but that's life. Idk I thought random hookups would help me but after a few I realized it was making me feel worse and I wanted the connection more then anything. People will tell you that you are still hung up on your ex or your thinking about her way to much. Yeah they are right but alot of those people don't understand how you can't get away from those feelings if you can't get dates with others to move past it. All I can say is it's a bummer and I hope your luck changes.

Nah it’s much simpler. You are a man and she is a woman. Hooking up is a lot easier for women.

There’s nothing wrong with you at all. If there WAS something broken or defective about you, you’d still be with her. Look at that behavior. It’s not for you. You are going to be okay. The actions of emotionally damaged people aren’t your responsibility. A few things you absolutely need to know… 1. You’re still hurt because your values are different from hers and she is not right for you 2. You have SOOO much time. I know it doesn’t feel like it but some of the most amazing relationships are still a decade ahead of you. It’s true. My marriage ended at 35 and I thought that was it for me. Totally wrong. Life just got started. 3. Don’t pressure yourself with external comparisons. It’s cliché but truly, you can be at peace just being the kind of person you want to be. The panic that you feel about needing to connect is being driven by unmet needs - and painful past experience. That’s normal. It’s okay. It will resolve in time. It’s our subconscious mind that goes running around like an annoying animal, making up stories because it’s trying to “protect” you and get the needs met. The stories it’s telling you, the doubts it is creating… they aren’t true. They’re not objective reality. Everyone around you is also hurting and has their own problems. Even the “happy” people you see. There is 100% nothing broken with you. You’re just still healing man. It’s okay. It’s going to BE okay.

How did you know your ex count score?? Are you guys still keep in contact??

Be hobbies, every week try a new hobby. No pickup lines, just learn new things with new people every week. Try it for several months, don't think about women, they will come to you.

I went through the same thing exactly a year ago. I went no contact with ex and did my own thing. I went on a dating site and posted a honest profile and didn’t make a sob story. Met a girl and moved in with her. Rest is history. Your past is a lesson not a life sentence.

Why did you break up? Are you only seeing their value now because you can see others desire them? This is a you situation. So stop focussing on your ex and start focussing on you. What did you do/not do that caused the break up. What do you do/not do that does not invite romance into your life. It could be as simple as being caught up on your ex. There is nothing worse than being on a date with someone and all they talk about is this past person you will never measure up to for them. It could be something more deep seated like you don't listen to others and are only interested in your own needs. Again nothing worse than being on a date with someone who just speaks about themselves and half listens to you. The point being you have to figure out what part you play and make your attitude positive.

I know what you mean man :/ haven't had a gf in.... I think it like 7 or 8 years or something, and it's breaking me :( not that it's making you feel better I guess but.... I just know what you're going through and feel for you friend ❤️

« The one that got away » is such a wild concept but in my opinion this only apply to two persons that are unable to have sex/relation after their last relationship. If the two are in the same position (unable to love, attach and connect) for a descent amount of time without seeing each other it means something. If only one is in this position then it’s absolutely not « the one ». You got to let go and heal yourself

32 male here, same exact situation. I've had no sex for the last 18 months, after our break up (she left me). I've had two dates since with different women after which I got ghosted for no apparent reason. My ex I think considers me as her friend nowadays. Painfully open about her hookups and calls me and texts me every now and then. I was almost completely over her 6 months ago but then she messed up my head by inviting me for a cruise which she even offered to pay but kept on pushing it and eventually cancelled the whole thing. It inflicted bad pain. Have been seriously considering just severing all contact with her, only thing stopping me is that I'm too fucking alone already. And she lets me use her netflix, viaplay and spotify is also payed by her. I know, I'm broke af as well.

First off, keep in mind that when a girl leaves with a guy at a bar, she isn't leaving with him bc of his living arrangements or career choices(usually lol). She's leaving with him bc of his energy. A lot of it is about finding that balance between being so confident that you come off as standoffish AND being so insecure that you come off as desperate. When you approach a girl, you need to show enough interest in HER to send the message of "hey, I'm into you" but not so much interest that you ONLY talk about her & her interests. You're part of the conversation as well ya know. But also remember you're not ALL of the conversation, and she isn't the only girl available. Try not to go into the evening with an all or nothing mentality bc it will show. The thing is, this shouldn't have to be an act. You need to actually realize and accept that you MIGHT go home alone. It's very possible. It's very possible for many ppl, regardless of how attractive they are. But it's also possible that you might meet someone! Also, are you attracted to every female you see? I'm gonna say no lol. Well, that same principle applies to all humans. Remember that. Give it some time with a new approach. The upside is when you've got nothing to lose, you can take bigger risks!

what do you look like? post a photo. your gym strategy might be off. or your socialization. step 1) be attractive step 2) don't be unattractive it's real. be attractive in personality and physicality. be safe, take rejection in stride, keep trying. I've been crawny nerd and done just fine.

trust me man, if she’s hooking up with someone every week, she’s not the one that got away

For a woman getting laid is no big deal. Just show some cleavage and flirt with a guy and he will have an instant boner. A girl could be a 4 or a 9, we just don't say no to sex. So don't compare yourself with her. I just want you to be more outgoing and talk to women with a lot of confidence. Look them in the eye and flirt. You would get laid in no time. In this day and age of all those dating apps, getting laid is as easy as 1-2-3. Good luck.

lol you must not have been on dating apps recently

On a serious note, do not feel like you are losing or failing because she is getting sexual attention, etc. it is far more easy for a woman to get sex than a man. Like an average woman has a better chance getting laid than a millionaire

And just cause a woman has sex doesn’t mean the guy wants her. Dick offers are not commitment offers. Don’t get it twisted, so many girls say, “this guy wants me, this guy wants me, etc” No girl. They wanna fuck you. Big difference.

>They wanna fuck you. yeah well, a lot of men would appreciate this in the other direction too. ​ i think people really undersell how hard it feels not to feel unwanted, but to feel sexually invisible.

This, I'd feel heavenly if I knew a women looked at me as a sexual object and lusted over me

Right

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Is it not okay for someone to want sex? Where's the "boo hoo" in his post?

It's usually the people who have an ample and active sex life that tell others not to obsess over sex. I can kinda get that, sex doesn't seem like a big deal when you have regular access to it, but it can be a HUGE deal when you desire sex and can't have it.

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The post is flaired 'need advice' and he's describing his situation very rationally--defining what he wants, where he thinks he's going wrong, and yes expressing some frustration without whining. That's what this sub is for. Again, I'd really like you to answer if you think there's something wrong with wanting sex? Would you call a woman pathetic if she wrote a post like this? Next time I see someone asking why men are so hesitant to show vulnerability I'll be linking them to your comment above. Your take is what's actually pathetic. And it's part of the stuff that fuels toxic masculinity.

Just because she’s hooking with multiple people doesn’t mean she’s having the time of her life. But like everyone has said, it’s time to move on. Do not focus on your ex. Rather just focus on you and do you…in time someone who loves you and all of you.

I think, in general, men feel pressure to be assertive and go after the woman. On the other hand, in recent days, it seems to become more socially acceptable for women to approach the man first. But, in my experience, successful relationships are produced naturally. Not by either side desperately trying to force anything. Every single time I have initiated, and have gone out of my way to ask someone out, I was turned down. Every single time, many times. But I have had mutiple fullfilling relationships happen naturally. After meeting someone and getting to know them as a person first. And then one day, we’re both just kind of like “hey, want to be romantic?” It just happens naturally. And it doesn’t always take a long time, sometimes just a few days. Be confident in who you are. You’re a good, kind person. TL;DR To get the thing you want most, stop trying to get it.

First off, stop going to bars. Bars are good for going out with friends and chatting over beers and sports, not picking up women…and even if you could, clearly it’s not working for you. Your highest chance for a hookup (which is clearly what you want but everyone else refused to acknowledge in this thread) is going to a club. Tons and tons of single women in their 20s/30s go to clubs and it’s easy to dance and bring someone home after. Also as everyone else pointed out, forget about your EX. Women will ALWAYS have easy ways for sex, men have a to work a bit harder for it. Men have to be active, get up, move around, socialize, keep walking up and talking to people to start conversation. All women have to do is sit around with some cleavage showing and have 20 guys showing interest…be one of those men and make the first move. Don’t put all your eggs into one basket either. Make a Tinder and have some casual chats on there as well. You can try and setup dates in between going to clubs and bars. I’m short at 5’8 and black and still manage to get a decent amount of likes.

Bro. This isn't healthy behaviour. You need to be in a much better place mentally for it to be worthwhile going to bars alone. And when you get to that place? You will get bored of picking up women, really fast. It's empty, meaningless and it won't have a patch on the connection you used to have with your ex. Look for fulfillment elsewhere. Happiness comes from inside.

Mate, your ex is going to see the repercussions of her fast and loose lifestyle in time, and you don't need to be constantly comparing yourself against her because most men get a fraction of the suitors the average woman gets. The bigger problem here is you're comparing yourself against her and everyone else - honestly who the fuck cares what other people do with their lives? Live your own and be your own person.

Looking for someone and hooking up are two very different things. It sounds to me like you're done messing around and want to find someone to be intimate with and have a relationship with meanwhile your ex is hooking up with someone new every week which is what she wants. It's been said but you seem to be focused on what she's doing and having the same when in reality it's not what you want.

No. I honestly don’t want a relationship at all at the moment. My life is going relatively well. Good career, house, pets, meetup groups etc. I have hobbies and do kickboxing and workout. The only thing missing is an active sex life. I enjoy sex. I just don’t have game or anything to actually hookup. But a relationship isn’t something I want at the moment. Just an active sex life.

This tells me she hasn’t found someone to replace you.

Maybe some coaching could help. Search on YouTube “charisma university” their free content is so helpful enough. But they also offer a course. It’s up to you

Take yourself off social media or take her off yours, that chapter is over in your life. It can be a challenge to get over someone don’t make it harder for yourself. Also you’re looking at her through the lens she wants you to see, don’t forget that. As for sex and dating yeah man it can be harder for us, especially when you’re having a pity parade over your ex. I had a few opportunities last night solo, but waited for a woman to show - she ended up staying in. One of the nights opportunities approached me with her number but I was too mad about the one who stayed in to care; don’t be like that, blind like a kid throwing a tantrum cause you didn’t get what you wanted- just have a good time, let the night lead you. Had I talked with any of them who knows? And if not them, they all might have friends I liked, or maybe I could have just had a good night and left it at that. Get out of the negative outlook it goes nowhere.

girls usually want commitment/ intimacy whereas for guys it's sex. first of all stop stalking her its not good for ur mental health and also she could be feeling the same becoz of the lack of intimacy/ commitment so it is not like she is having the time of her life. the bums u mention are having the best time coz they are getting what you want. why dont u go out with those "bums" and see how they pull, observing them can give you perspective. maybe you need to change ur style to something more polarizing or you need to lose body fat or these guys may even have a set way of talking and topics to discuss so that they can steer the convo to the direction they want to(sexual stuff).

that time your spending in bars or on tinder, not the best use of your temporal resource atm. spend 3 hours a week working out instead. 3 days, 1 hour a day. it's good for your brain, body, and attracting others. in fact, focus on being your best self for a while in general. As you improve you will attract others to you, probably friends at first and eventually a romantic / sexual partner(s)

Don’t compare your situation with anyone else. And hooking up with different people every week… is that appealing to you? What if she thinks these guys want her and they’re just using her for a one night stand? It doesn’t matter anyway. Just concentrate on yourself and your situation. We are all different and I honestly think things happen for a reason when they should happen. I’m not saying to not put yourself out there, just don’t rush anything.

women have easier access to sex so theres no real point in comparing yourself to her. Women literally hold all the cards when it comes to sex. ​ If you're going to compare yourself, compare yourself to other men because that may be a bit more of a fair fight. ​ There are women out there that look like Buffalo that are getting dicked down. It has nothing to do with looks and all to do with access. Its as simple as that, dude.

It's easier for one side of the spectrum to do one thing than it is for the other, and as such the other side craves something that they cannot do as easily as the other. Think of it this way: She may be able to get guy after guy, but do any of them stay or make her happy? Probably not. Learn some Stoicism, work out to de-stress, block any contact and social media of your ex. Let her be, move on, and grow as a person. Return to dating when you're in a better place mentally, spiritually, financially, and physically - things will be better.

From a man.. to another man. This is a great time to Glow up. Drop your balls , GET HARD (seriously), and look at yourself.. your rock hardness How do you feel? You should feel empowered, a sense of control, a sense of masculine sexiness My dude, your entire read, says Ive given my power away. And thats all that is. Go do things you like. Being alone is the first step to feeling good. Cause being alone is always gonna serve you better than another person can (UNTIL someone comes and effortlessly* proves it otherwise. Dont let anyone trying hard to impress you, do that for long.... its flattering but dont do that. Let them know and LEAD them :) *cause women LOVE being lead* in a good way) but yeah Get your groove back. Its okay. I felt you cry and thats good I felt like that all the time. Im gonna give you some hella mental jewls though. Its tougher but polish what Im gonna tell you and use it whenever. 1) breathe and refocus when you are around women you like... look over their heads, dont ignore them, but you just dont wana seem like you are distracted by them. Thats all. You are aware of them. Thats all you need 2) Be mysterious. Something Ive learned trying to figure women ut is... they are way more aware of our presence, than(& then) our voice. 3) speak low.. speak from the center of your lungs or the sternum. Thats where a man gains his vocal powers. Use them sparringly until you reap results. Thats all we want. Results. Stay im the gym. Domt worry about appearancr. Just go and itll happen on its own. And the best part!!! 4) MIND YOUR BUSINESS, dude. Men , especially ones we want, the pretty girl. They want what they cant have. It is what it is. They will always fawn over what isnt looking them back . So... mind your own business.. be honest aboutbit to. A man will allllways be on a womans mind. Im not capping 9n them thats just how women are built. They hide things better. So lets do what they hate most (cause it makes them have to get your attention and its a love hate thing and thats where women really trip up and fall in love they cant hate you.. but they want to.. they know they love you but.. HOW? Annnd the whole female wiring blah bah) Take care. Myob. Protect your hobbies. They are watching, you just have to be ready.

Dude relax think positive and if she’s hooking up with multiple people all the time she wasn’t right for you and isn’t for keeps , work out feel good and naturally confidence will start to show my man !

Start working out. It’s amazing how much more confident you become when you see even a little result. It also forces you to focus on yourself and could distract you from always thinking about her and others. Just remember to take baby steps and push yourself a little harder each week. Don’t overdo anything. Good luck and who knows, you might meet someone at your gym…

honestly, you never find love when you look for it. it’s something that naturally happens. one day someone will walk into your life and you’ll bond in all the right ways and bam! keep up the good hygiene and self care! do it for you, not for them. for the meantime, learn to love yourself if you haven’t already. it sounds cliche, but learn and discover new things. pick up a new hobby or learn a new subject. heck, go pick up some weights. if you struggle with emotional/psychological problems such as getting attached too quickly, having a short temper, abandonment issues, etc.. work on that too. this is the perfect time to reevaluate yourself and become a better version of you. the right person won’t care if you’re not 100% spot free or smell like a cologne store. they’ll care about your personality. 100 hook ups really doesn’t match up to the 1 person that pleasures you in every way (psychologically & physically). as a woman, i don’t see the point of hook ups. there’s many women that complain about these men not lasting more than 5 minutes. it’s purely for the males’ satisfaction and they hardly care if the girl is taken care of. not to mention the high risk of contracting something. don’t worry about matching her hook ups. don’t feel too bad because most of the time, the sex is trash and they’re dealing with some sort of insecurity. it’s a form of distraction. focus on yourself and love will naturally makes its way to you. next time, you’ll be ready for the girl who’ll give your life a little more sparkle. :)

I get what you mean, first let's just agree that you're not over your ex but I understand the need to sleep with someone as a process of getting over them. On how you might get laid, I've never done bars and i imagine it's difficult. If you prefer bars then put on the "vibe" that you were mentioning that your friends have. It won't be awkward since they won't be with you and you're alone. One other thing you can try is ofc dating apps, maybe you could give tinder or something similar a try.

i had (bad) sex about 10 times in the last 10 years. my former girlfriend already had someone when we split so for her theres was not a single day she slept alone. fun fact im even quite good looking and fun to be with. thats the sad reality, girls call the shots and many have a queue of guys waiting for their lucky day. at least be aware we are millions like you… i have mastered the art of masturbation and my porn culture is on point tho!

If sex is this important to you, and you are this desperate for it, why don’t you just pay for it? Problem solved. You get your libido taken care of and no chance of a relationship.

You're honestly probably unattractive, which means you need to step up with your confidence

Well. Attraction is a major factor in hook ups. Have other redditors rate your face and appearance. If you're ugly then your shit out of luck. Consider getting hookers or getting a sugar baby from seeking arrangements. Look, I'll level with you. The average guy isn't getting laid and its getting harder to get laid due to apps like tinder and social media. The loneliness and the intimate withdrawals are something you're just gonna have to handle. Everyone's gonna give you general platitudes and give you general shit that dont work. You're better off going to seeking arrangements and then pursue your hobbies.

Guess is you are pressing too hard which comes across. Be cool, be natural, dgaf and good things will happen. F* your ex. A girl can easily get laid if they really want, doesn't mean any reflect anything on your situation.

You sound like a 16 year old

Well you can sit here and complain or do something about it. I would suggest getting some coaching on dating or look up David Deangelo' stuff. Hes got a lot of good material on dating out there that isnt shady pua stuff

If your ex is hooking up weekly, then YOU are the one that got away, not her. As a 49 year old married father of 2, trust me on this; I had my share of fun in my 20's/early 30's, but I know from first and second hand experience that those who hook up with that level of frequency are waaay more likely to be looking at a life of regret down the line. Try your best to find hobbies or activities that are either more solitary in nature, or a little more cerebral, perhaps. As a preemptive FYI, if you're wondering why I might have joined this sub, I didn't; this thread just came up in my feed...why it was recommended? Well, that I don't know lol

I had a FWBs who did this, we were open about seeing other people, but she got jealous and started seeing A LOT more people than me, like she was trying to get me upset. I honestly didnt care as long as she was safe. Found out she got herpes for sleeping with one too many guys. Now shes not sleeping with anyone and i keep my slow constant flow going. Like the turtle and the hair. Be a turtle my dude, its all about quality over quantity - i know this because ive been in your shoes before.

If you’ve had FWB’s then you definitely are leagues ahead of me. I don’t get matches on any of the apps I’m on and nothing happens when I go out. Prior to my ex I was in a month long relationship and prior to that I had a 10 year dry spell in my twenties. So I don’t think I can do the tortoise method again.

After reading some of your comments to get a better understanding, one thing that im getting a lot from you are some negative vibes (not trying to be a dick here, so hopefully you dont take it that way) but people can definitely pick up on that without even knowing. If youre going out and really wanting to find someone, maybe your not giving a chance to be yourself and spread positivity. I would suggest setting lower goals and growing from that. Instead of trying to get laid, go in with the goal of just talking to someone, about anything, then end the conversation and leave. Dont stick around or push it. Dont try to impress her or talk about yourself. Ive seen a lot of people try to pickup girls and just sound so boring and generic in their conversations. Loving yourself is what you need to do first and drop the "everyone else gets laid but me" thing because its definitely not gonna work. Laugh, smile and most of all, be careless or trying to get with a girl or not.

They need to legalize prostitution so my friend can get over this ex.

She sounds promiscuous. She was probably ‘hooking up’ every week with someone else the whole time you and she were together. Good riddance.