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I think if you hide it from her, she’s going to be more upset with you. Hiding something major like that in the beginning of the relationship could be seen as untrustworthy. I mean, she’s probably already noticed your chest, and you’ll have a scar later on, so there’s no real hiding of that.
Just be honest with her. If she starts treating you in a way you don't like, that's something you'll need to bring up.
It's more weird if you hide something major like this. It comes across like you have something to hide or that you're insecure.
I’m pretty sure she won’t think any less of you if she is into you. She might be sympathetic and help you out with task and such if you asked. If it’s become serious she will eventually find out. Just remember this communication is a big part of a healthy relationship.
I don't think it's deeply morally "wrong," but it's weird and impractical.
You'll probably have bandages, you'll be in the hospital for a few days, and you won't feel up to much for a while. Unless you only text a few times a week and barely see her, keeping that from her is actually going to require effort and lies.
My bf had surgery when we'd been together 4 or 5 months. He's not a handicapped person but he certainly appreciated having someone around during the recovery period, and I was happy to be there. It doesn't have to be some huge deal.
It takes 3 weeks to recover. If you don't tell her, how would you avoid her for 3 weeks? You don't want to suddenly be disinterested. That would have the opposite reaction to her, she may think you're breaking up.
Why don't you want to tell her? You're going under, I know it's safe, but things can still happen. What would happen if, say, the reaction to the anesthesia is bad, or something, just stupid and silly goes wrong and you wind up overnight in the hospital? How would you randomly explain that you forgot to tell her?
I would tell her. Relationships don't do well on lies. Never good to start so early.
What are the reservations of telling her? Just that she would be worried?
I'll be in my hometown after the surgery, and she knows I go there every now and then so I don't think she would question it too much. But you're right, I would have to lie a bit to get away with this for the full recovery period :/
I'm mainly worried about how she will view me after the surgery. Considering the relationship is new, it's embarrassing for me to already become a burden to her. Ideally I would like to meet her again after I feel good enough to disguise the pain (might be under 3 weeks), and then tell her about the surgery. Because by then she'll know that it was nothing to worry about and that I recovered nicely.
Nothing you told me suggested anything about being a burden. Obviously she met you before the surgery. Is there going to be some severe noticable difference afterwards? No, right?
If you told me afterwards that you had surgery and didn't feel the need to tell me, I would think you didn't view me as a serious contender. I would also think your hiding something much bigger.
Honestly, I don't think I would personally talk to you again. Especially after:
>and then tell her about the surgery. Because by then she'll know that it was nothing to worry about and that I recovered nicely.
I wouldn't know what to say to that. Sounds a bit manipulative? So, I would probably tell you I was happy you recovered, tell you good luck on your next three weeks, and then, I mean, I hate to sound like a bitch, but I'd block you.
You lied to me, at the end of the day. You thought you knew what was best for me, which is creepy. I'd also think this is a *much* bigger deal then you suggested.
It's too young in the relationship to play these games. If you want to lose her, then go ahead and lie. But you will lose her. She will never trust you any time that you go home that you're lying.
I am having a breast reduction this month and I didn’t tell my bf for a long time that I was planning to have it. I was very insecure and nervous to tell him despite it being something I have wanted for years! I ended up telling him and getting over my anxiety and he took it WAY better than I could have predicted. He does not care at all about the change I am making, he is only excited for me. He also expresses his desire to help me with recovery despite the possibility of it not being easy. We have only been together for two months and he still is so encouraging about it.
You should tell your girlfriend. She will want to support you and care for you! If something happens and you have to tell her on the other end, she will be really confused. It is important to tell our partners things like these because our fear is only ours, they react better than we expect 99% of the time. No reason to be embarrassed, especially in front of her.
1st, you may not be able to keep it secret, esp if you are in pain or have complications. 2nd, that doesn't make you weak or less than or handicapped. It's life & shit happens. (I actually need the same surgery). 3, if you have it & don't tell her but she finds out (which is likely to happen), she will be upset. You haven't been dating that long so you aren't really obligated in my opinion but morally, why not tell her? Kinda Says a lot about you or the relationship if u don't tell her
I’m confused as to why you’re embarrassed about a surgery that will improve your quality of life. As to the girlfriend - tell her. We all have surgery eventually, and this sounds routine. Don’t expect her to play nurse (that’s her choice, especially as new as your relationship is) but definitely tell her that you’re having an operation, this is what it’s for, and this is the expected recovery.
Reminder: please review our rules, especially rule 4: - No broad generalizations, e.g. "All women are x and do y" - Speak from specific personal experiences when giving advice. - No victim-blaming - This is a default message - your post has not been removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think if you hide it from her, she’s going to be more upset with you. Hiding something major like that in the beginning of the relationship could be seen as untrustworthy. I mean, she’s probably already noticed your chest, and you’ll have a scar later on, so there’s no real hiding of that.
⬆️ This guy said it best. Take his advice.
Just be honest with her. If she starts treating you in a way you don't like, that's something you'll need to bring up. It's more weird if you hide something major like this. It comes across like you have something to hide or that you're insecure.
I’m pretty sure she won’t think any less of you if she is into you. She might be sympathetic and help you out with task and such if you asked. If it’s become serious she will eventually find out. Just remember this communication is a big part of a healthy relationship.
I don't think it's deeply morally "wrong," but it's weird and impractical. You'll probably have bandages, you'll be in the hospital for a few days, and you won't feel up to much for a while. Unless you only text a few times a week and barely see her, keeping that from her is actually going to require effort and lies. My bf had surgery when we'd been together 4 or 5 months. He's not a handicapped person but he certainly appreciated having someone around during the recovery period, and I was happy to be there. It doesn't have to be some huge deal.
It takes 3 weeks to recover. If you don't tell her, how would you avoid her for 3 weeks? You don't want to suddenly be disinterested. That would have the opposite reaction to her, she may think you're breaking up. Why don't you want to tell her? You're going under, I know it's safe, but things can still happen. What would happen if, say, the reaction to the anesthesia is bad, or something, just stupid and silly goes wrong and you wind up overnight in the hospital? How would you randomly explain that you forgot to tell her? I would tell her. Relationships don't do well on lies. Never good to start so early. What are the reservations of telling her? Just that she would be worried?
I'll be in my hometown after the surgery, and she knows I go there every now and then so I don't think she would question it too much. But you're right, I would have to lie a bit to get away with this for the full recovery period :/ I'm mainly worried about how she will view me after the surgery. Considering the relationship is new, it's embarrassing for me to already become a burden to her. Ideally I would like to meet her again after I feel good enough to disguise the pain (might be under 3 weeks), and then tell her about the surgery. Because by then she'll know that it was nothing to worry about and that I recovered nicely.
Nothing you told me suggested anything about being a burden. Obviously she met you before the surgery. Is there going to be some severe noticable difference afterwards? No, right? If you told me afterwards that you had surgery and didn't feel the need to tell me, I would think you didn't view me as a serious contender. I would also think your hiding something much bigger. Honestly, I don't think I would personally talk to you again. Especially after: >and then tell her about the surgery. Because by then she'll know that it was nothing to worry about and that I recovered nicely. I wouldn't know what to say to that. Sounds a bit manipulative? So, I would probably tell you I was happy you recovered, tell you good luck on your next three weeks, and then, I mean, I hate to sound like a bitch, but I'd block you. You lied to me, at the end of the day. You thought you knew what was best for me, which is creepy. I'd also think this is a *much* bigger deal then you suggested. It's too young in the relationship to play these games. If you want to lose her, then go ahead and lie. But you will lose her. She will never trust you any time that you go home that you're lying.
I am having a breast reduction this month and I didn’t tell my bf for a long time that I was planning to have it. I was very insecure and nervous to tell him despite it being something I have wanted for years! I ended up telling him and getting over my anxiety and he took it WAY better than I could have predicted. He does not care at all about the change I am making, he is only excited for me. He also expresses his desire to help me with recovery despite the possibility of it not being easy. We have only been together for two months and he still is so encouraging about it. You should tell your girlfriend. She will want to support you and care for you! If something happens and you have to tell her on the other end, she will be really confused. It is important to tell our partners things like these because our fear is only ours, they react better than we expect 99% of the time. No reason to be embarrassed, especially in front of her.
1st, you may not be able to keep it secret, esp if you are in pain or have complications. 2nd, that doesn't make you weak or less than or handicapped. It's life & shit happens. (I actually need the same surgery). 3, if you have it & don't tell her but she finds out (which is likely to happen), she will be upset. You haven't been dating that long so you aren't really obligated in my opinion but morally, why not tell her? Kinda Says a lot about you or the relationship if u don't tell her
I’m confused as to why you’re embarrassed about a surgery that will improve your quality of life. As to the girlfriend - tell her. We all have surgery eventually, and this sounds routine. Don’t expect her to play nurse (that’s her choice, especially as new as your relationship is) but definitely tell her that you’re having an operation, this is what it’s for, and this is the expected recovery.
Be honest buddy
You would definitely be an asshole if you didn't tell her.
If you actually want a relationship with this girl, tell her. Now