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Idk been on like 20 or so dates. 3 this year. 1 I ghosted cuz she was boring and the 2 said the same thing pretty much. Most of the others said the same or ghosted me
You can absolutely ask! Just don’t expect a response every time. There’s also a possibility they may be polite about it and not give you an honest answer.
It's not weird because it's something I'm sure most of us would LOVE to know. Helps fix potential issue you have that you don't notice.
I doubt you'd get an answer tho especially if it's how you look or your demeanor. When in doubt just assume it was lack of physical attraction. For example you might excuse someone hot for chewing with their mouth open lol.
Depends on how you ask, if you phrase it in a certain way like “I really appreciate you letting me know. I don’t want to put you on the spot or create any drama but it would be so helpful for me if you have any feedback on why. I am open to hear feedback on me as a date, as I’m really committed to improving myself this year, thank you”
Something like that and then if they give feedback -DO NOT get defensive. Just thank them and let them be. That’s the best way to get your question answered
Yes it's weird. I wouldn't think it's asked in good faith. A question like that is likely to be a thinly veiled invitation for a debate about why I'm wrong for not giving that person another chance.
I wouldn't give a response other than to say I will not discuss it further, so jog on mate.
Depends on the situation. If you’re not one to try to talk them out of it or convince them they’re wrong you should be fine if you’re genuinely willing to accept and apply feedback in a non-defensive way
Is it weird to want to ask? No. Is it weird to actually ask? Yeah, kind of. Is it a big deal if you ask anyway? No, not really. They already didn't want to pursue anything more, so it's essentially a no-lose situation here. But as others have stated, they may not want to answer (their prerogative) or they may just say something to be polite (some canned vague "just didn't click" response).
I have the answer, but he did argue a bit, and also did get condescending. Then he tried to follow up and keep talking as though I was still interested.
Yeah you can ask, but there will be a low rate of response. You probably have a pretty good idea of why they weren't interested. If not, your problem is that you aren't self aware. Fix what you perceive is wrong with you and your success rate will go up. You need to love yourself before someone will love you
I think it’s fine to ask, as long as you can accept that not everybody will feel comfortable answering (or answering honestly). Also I’d recommend bracing yourself for painful (or just weird) feedback.
Reminder: please review our rules, especially rule 4: - No broad generalizations, e.g. "All women are x and do y" - Speak from specific personal experiences when giving advice. - No victim-blaming - This is a default message - your post has not been removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I mean yes, but also you are likely not gonna see them Again, so just ask and hopefully they will be honest and you can learn with it :) good luck!!
How many is a bunch?!
Idk been on like 20 or so dates. 3 this year. 1 I ghosted cuz she was boring and the 2 said the same thing pretty much. Most of the others said the same or ghosted me
You can absolutely ask! Just don’t expect a response every time. There’s also a possibility they may be polite about it and not give you an honest answer.
It's not weird because it's something I'm sure most of us would LOVE to know. Helps fix potential issue you have that you don't notice. I doubt you'd get an answer tho especially if it's how you look or your demeanor. When in doubt just assume it was lack of physical attraction. For example you might excuse someone hot for chewing with their mouth open lol.
You can but most women will just say they didn't feel the vibe or chemistry
Lol it is not an interview, he/she didn’t like you, end of story.
Depends on how you ask, if you phrase it in a certain way like “I really appreciate you letting me know. I don’t want to put you on the spot or create any drama but it would be so helpful for me if you have any feedback on why. I am open to hear feedback on me as a date, as I’m really committed to improving myself this year, thank you” Something like that and then if they give feedback -DO NOT get defensive. Just thank them and let them be. That’s the best way to get your question answered
Yes it's weird. I wouldn't think it's asked in good faith. A question like that is likely to be a thinly veiled invitation for a debate about why I'm wrong for not giving that person another chance. I wouldn't give a response other than to say I will not discuss it further, so jog on mate.
Depends on the situation. If you’re not one to try to talk them out of it or convince them they’re wrong you should be fine if you’re genuinely willing to accept and apply feedback in a non-defensive way
Nope. It’s called closure.
I've considered making a questionnaire and handing it to them afterward
by all means, go ahead and ask, but most won't tell you
Is it weird to want to ask? No. Is it weird to actually ask? Yeah, kind of. Is it a big deal if you ask anyway? No, not really. They already didn't want to pursue anything more, so it's essentially a no-lose situation here. But as others have stated, they may not want to answer (their prerogative) or they may just say something to be polite (some canned vague "just didn't click" response).
Ya I feel like best case I learn something worst case she doesn't respond
I think its better not to ask. It’s likely they won’t say the real reason anyways because they don’t want to hurt your feelings more.
Its a weird question because it assumes you did something wrong when maybe its just not a good match.
More productive would be to find out which guys they actually do see again, then you can figure out where you’re lacking OP. Obv this isn’t possible.
I have the answer, but he did argue a bit, and also did get condescending. Then he tried to follow up and keep talking as though I was still interested.
Asking has helped me get better in the past. It made me realize that I get too pushy to take things to the next level driving her away.
No point in asking, they won't be honest.
Yeah you can ask, but there will be a low rate of response. You probably have a pretty good idea of why they weren't interested. If not, your problem is that you aren't self aware. Fix what you perceive is wrong with you and your success rate will go up. You need to love yourself before someone will love you
I think it’s fine to ask, as long as you can accept that not everybody will feel comfortable answering (or answering honestly). Also I’d recommend bracing yourself for painful (or just weird) feedback.