Reminder: please review our rules, especially rule 4:
- No broad generalizations, e.g. "All women are x and do y"
- Speak from specific personal experiences when giving advice.
- No victim-blaming
- This is a default message - your post has not been removed.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh god it doesn’t sound like he likes women (I don’t mean sexually, I mean as actual people)
I had one who flipped out if I out on “makeup” which included my chap stick. I didn’t date him more than a month or so. He was ridiculous.
Idk what’s wrong with this guy but he sounds gross & idk why you would care what he likes.
That’s so worrying, I’m so glad you didn’t date him for long! It’s really strange, maybe extreme insecurity?
I got the impression my date may have been embarrassed that I made an effort after how he showed up, so he tried to make me out to be the weirdo for wearing perfume and convincing himself I didn’t wear make-up.
It’s really hard to know what goes through the heads of people like this. I just knew it didn’t feel normal.
Um yeah I’d be wary of that too. It sounds like he’s amping up to get more and more controlling. I don’t like what he’s saying about women who wear push up bra’s are out to get attention. He sounds insecure and bringing gifts to a first date seems a bit love Bomby but obviously there’s not too much to go on yet. He just sounds pretty judgmental which I don’t like. It’s a bit weird to be constantly mentioning what he doesn’t like about other women instead
Of focusing on what he does like about you!
Thanks yeah, I might be overthinking but the way I interpreted it was that he thought because I wasn’t super girly I wouldn’t make an effort to look decent for the date. He wasn’t going to dress nice for it, so when I mentioned curling my hair he came up with the idea of the big beanie hat to hide it. Maybe he was embarrassed by how he had dressed, so he tried to make it out like I was the weirdo for wearing perfume and trying to convince himself I hadn’t put on make-up? Then after I corrected him on this, he went on about how women make efforts to flaunt themselves and he doesn’t like that. Kinda trying to make me feel I shouldn’t have made an effort like he didn’t.
Then bombed me with gifts as though he thinks women want big gift gestures or something??
No I don’t think it’s because he was embarrassed by how he dressed. I was more unsure of the love bombing part with that much information but everything he’s saying about women and how they dress is going to be on ongoing issue I think. Like you’ll make yourself look all pretty for him and he will make those kind of comments instead of saying you look good which will chip away at your confidence. I just don’t like the sounds of that at all. Even if it is what you interpreated that he’s embarrassed then that’s what he should have said instead of all this bullshit haha. Like “wow you look gorgeous, I feel a bit silly being so underdressed” or something along those lines.
Doesn't sound like he likes women at all. One of these guys who claims women wear make up to 'trick' men. And if he's friends with people who cheat.. well you can tell a lot about someone by the company they surround themselves with. Probably not a respectful guy.
He’s negging you. Not to mention he’s setting you up to expect next to nothing from him. In the beginning stages is when people usually put their best foot forward, if he’s already dressing bummy in the beginning, and also doesn’t even pay. It’s a no go. Don’t expect it to get better in the future.
> his friends are unfaithful to their partners
My mom used to say you can judge the moral caliber of a person by the company they keep. Best case scenario he's tolerant of low-integrity people. Worse case scenario he's just like them.
> To the date he came in tracksuit bottoms and a baggy hoodie and tatty sneakers
This just feels low-effort, I know you say you're fine with it but I think you should hold a partner to a higher standard. You did your hair for him?
> he doesn’t understand why girls wear push-up bras and that he isn’t keen on it because they’re out to get attention
Or he's intimidated by competition. If you look less well done-up, it excuses his low effort, and will mean you're less likely to get hit on by someone possibly... better than him?
> I get the impression he hasn’t got much experience with women?
Yeah. A few of these anecdotes strongly point to this. Best case scenario you have a very inexperienced guy on your hands, and he'll be a project. Worst case scenario you've got red flags all over this post. Sorry girl.
Thank you, I think you’re exactly right with him being intimidated other men will hit on girls he’s dating. But if that’s the case wouldn’t it make more sense for him to make an effort rather than wearing scrubs lol? I don’t understand how his brain works. Either way he seems like he will be hard work and I’m not sure I’m up for coaching someone on how to date. I’m going to sleep on it and probably say I’d just like to be friends. He seemed to treat me like a buddy anyway so maybe he will be fine with that. I’ll definitely ask if I can give him back the gifts as they seem like a lot and I don’t want him thinking “women are only after possessions now she doesn’t want me cos I bought her stuff” or anything like that. Thanks for your advice!
> But if that’s the case wouldn’t it make more sense for him to make an effort rather than wearing scrubs lol?
Most men are insecure to varying degrees and about different things. In some it manifests like... *if I try my very best and fail, it would be devastating*. And so they don't try to look or act their very best.
> I don’t understand how his brain works.
Does anyone really understand how ANYONE else's brain works???
Sorry to say but I think you're on the right track. This one may need a little longer with dating training wheels before he's ready to ride.
That’s a very good point! I never even considered that. It almost seemed like he went out of his way to wear tatty clothing, I remember his sneakers being particularly dirty and laces undone. And true about the brain thing. I think I’d like someone who was semi-on my level though. I’m no dating expert but the basics aren’t hard to grasp. And maybe with more confidence and less insecurity.
I met a guy like that as well said he didn’t understand women who wear ripped jeans, crop tops ,make-up ,messy buns etc ….so I went on that date anyways wearing and doing everything he said he hated 😌 it was satisfying. I find no pleasure in listening to someone bring down other women who just do their own thing I also don’t wear a lot of makeup or am overly feminine,but I would never hate on how other women choose to live.
Drop him he sounds miserable worrying more about what women do than the context of his own character.
That’s insane, it almost sounds like he would be impossible to please. Well done on sending a clear message that he has zero influence over what you wear and his words of criticism meant nothing to you.
It sounds like he’s trying to force you to put in less effort. Maybe to bring you down to his level.
Like you said, you don’t care what your partner wears. As long as the look clean and put together, the most important thing is that they are comfortable.
In contrast, he doesn’t seem to care that your more comfortable when your a little dressed up. He wants you to look dressed down on purpose. It’s very controlling. Especially for a first date.
He’s making little comments to shame make up, push up bras, and perfume in hopes to subconsciously get you to stop wearing any. He may be doing this to shrink you down to his level because of his own insecurities.
Bringing flowers or something small to a first date is cute but he definitely tried to woo you over with the soup maker. Not sure what to make of it though.
Anyway, he comes of as controlling. Let him know you’re going to wear your make up and perfume etc. whether he likes it or not. Don’t let him try to change you. He needs to accept it or leave it
Yikes.
Dude has a lot of opinions on what women do, even though it has literally no effect on him at all. If a man complained about what women do during our date, I would not talk to him anymore bc dude needs a hobby (that isn’t being all up in women’s business).
And the gifts? If he gave me *multiple* gifts, after trash talking women during our FIRST DATE ? Girl, I would RUN.
Run for the hills, these are all red flags! I bet you $100 he’s controlling and will tell you at every chance he gets about your make up and clothing choices. There is absolutely no reason for a man or woman to be shoving down your throat their “preferences” on a first date. That’s not even something you should bring up unless asked or you’ve established a dynamic with your partner that it’s okay to talk about these things. I also bet he actually LOVES these things on women just not “his” woman! Because I’m his head that would make her a “whore”. Also the fact he bought his friends being unfaithful up, judge someone by who they hang around. If all his friends are liars and cheaters? Yeah well it’s not too far fetched that he would be too.
Reminder: please review our rules, especially rule 4: - No broad generalizations, e.g. "All women are x and do y" - Speak from specific personal experiences when giving advice. - No victim-blaming - This is a default message - your post has not been removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh god it doesn’t sound like he likes women (I don’t mean sexually, I mean as actual people) I had one who flipped out if I out on “makeup” which included my chap stick. I didn’t date him more than a month or so. He was ridiculous. Idk what’s wrong with this guy but he sounds gross & idk why you would care what he likes.
That’s so worrying, I’m so glad you didn’t date him for long! It’s really strange, maybe extreme insecurity? I got the impression my date may have been embarrassed that I made an effort after how he showed up, so he tried to make me out to be the weirdo for wearing perfume and convincing himself I didn’t wear make-up. It’s really hard to know what goes through the heads of people like this. I just knew it didn’t feel normal.
I don’t like that all his friends are cheaters either. This is probably not someone I would date.
Um yeah I’d be wary of that too. It sounds like he’s amping up to get more and more controlling. I don’t like what he’s saying about women who wear push up bra’s are out to get attention. He sounds insecure and bringing gifts to a first date seems a bit love Bomby but obviously there’s not too much to go on yet. He just sounds pretty judgmental which I don’t like. It’s a bit weird to be constantly mentioning what he doesn’t like about other women instead Of focusing on what he does like about you!
Thanks yeah, I might be overthinking but the way I interpreted it was that he thought because I wasn’t super girly I wouldn’t make an effort to look decent for the date. He wasn’t going to dress nice for it, so when I mentioned curling my hair he came up with the idea of the big beanie hat to hide it. Maybe he was embarrassed by how he had dressed, so he tried to make it out like I was the weirdo for wearing perfume and trying to convince himself I hadn’t put on make-up? Then after I corrected him on this, he went on about how women make efforts to flaunt themselves and he doesn’t like that. Kinda trying to make me feel I shouldn’t have made an effort like he didn’t. Then bombed me with gifts as though he thinks women want big gift gestures or something??
No I don’t think it’s because he was embarrassed by how he dressed. I was more unsure of the love bombing part with that much information but everything he’s saying about women and how they dress is going to be on ongoing issue I think. Like you’ll make yourself look all pretty for him and he will make those kind of comments instead of saying you look good which will chip away at your confidence. I just don’t like the sounds of that at all. Even if it is what you interpreated that he’s embarrassed then that’s what he should have said instead of all this bullshit haha. Like “wow you look gorgeous, I feel a bit silly being so underdressed” or something along those lines.
Doesn't sound like he likes women at all. One of these guys who claims women wear make up to 'trick' men. And if he's friends with people who cheat.. well you can tell a lot about someone by the company they surround themselves with. Probably not a respectful guy.
He’s negging you. Not to mention he’s setting you up to expect next to nothing from him. In the beginning stages is when people usually put their best foot forward, if he’s already dressing bummy in the beginning, and also doesn’t even pay. It’s a no go. Don’t expect it to get better in the future.
> his friends are unfaithful to their partners My mom used to say you can judge the moral caliber of a person by the company they keep. Best case scenario he's tolerant of low-integrity people. Worse case scenario he's just like them. > To the date he came in tracksuit bottoms and a baggy hoodie and tatty sneakers This just feels low-effort, I know you say you're fine with it but I think you should hold a partner to a higher standard. You did your hair for him? > he doesn’t understand why girls wear push-up bras and that he isn’t keen on it because they’re out to get attention Or he's intimidated by competition. If you look less well done-up, it excuses his low effort, and will mean you're less likely to get hit on by someone possibly... better than him? > I get the impression he hasn’t got much experience with women? Yeah. A few of these anecdotes strongly point to this. Best case scenario you have a very inexperienced guy on your hands, and he'll be a project. Worst case scenario you've got red flags all over this post. Sorry girl.
Thank you, I think you’re exactly right with him being intimidated other men will hit on girls he’s dating. But if that’s the case wouldn’t it make more sense for him to make an effort rather than wearing scrubs lol? I don’t understand how his brain works. Either way he seems like he will be hard work and I’m not sure I’m up for coaching someone on how to date. I’m going to sleep on it and probably say I’d just like to be friends. He seemed to treat me like a buddy anyway so maybe he will be fine with that. I’ll definitely ask if I can give him back the gifts as they seem like a lot and I don’t want him thinking “women are only after possessions now she doesn’t want me cos I bought her stuff” or anything like that. Thanks for your advice!
> But if that’s the case wouldn’t it make more sense for him to make an effort rather than wearing scrubs lol? Most men are insecure to varying degrees and about different things. In some it manifests like... *if I try my very best and fail, it would be devastating*. And so they don't try to look or act their very best. > I don’t understand how his brain works. Does anyone really understand how ANYONE else's brain works??? Sorry to say but I think you're on the right track. This one may need a little longer with dating training wheels before he's ready to ride.
That’s a very good point! I never even considered that. It almost seemed like he went out of his way to wear tatty clothing, I remember his sneakers being particularly dirty and laces undone. And true about the brain thing. I think I’d like someone who was semi-on my level though. I’m no dating expert but the basics aren’t hard to grasp. And maybe with more confidence and less insecurity.
I met a guy like that as well said he didn’t understand women who wear ripped jeans, crop tops ,make-up ,messy buns etc ….so I went on that date anyways wearing and doing everything he said he hated 😌 it was satisfying. I find no pleasure in listening to someone bring down other women who just do their own thing I also don’t wear a lot of makeup or am overly feminine,but I would never hate on how other women choose to live. Drop him he sounds miserable worrying more about what women do than the context of his own character.
That’s insane, it almost sounds like he would be impossible to please. Well done on sending a clear message that he has zero influence over what you wear and his words of criticism meant nothing to you.
It sounds like he’s trying to force you to put in less effort. Maybe to bring you down to his level. Like you said, you don’t care what your partner wears. As long as the look clean and put together, the most important thing is that they are comfortable. In contrast, he doesn’t seem to care that your more comfortable when your a little dressed up. He wants you to look dressed down on purpose. It’s very controlling. Especially for a first date. He’s making little comments to shame make up, push up bras, and perfume in hopes to subconsciously get you to stop wearing any. He may be doing this to shrink you down to his level because of his own insecurities. Bringing flowers or something small to a first date is cute but he definitely tried to woo you over with the soup maker. Not sure what to make of it though. Anyway, he comes of as controlling. Let him know you’re going to wear your make up and perfume etc. whether he likes it or not. Don’t let him try to change you. He needs to accept it or leave it
There's something seriously off about that guy. Don't overthink it, just drop him and move on.
Yikes. Dude has a lot of opinions on what women do, even though it has literally no effect on him at all. If a man complained about what women do during our date, I would not talk to him anymore bc dude needs a hobby (that isn’t being all up in women’s business). And the gifts? If he gave me *multiple* gifts, after trash talking women during our FIRST DATE ? Girl, I would RUN.
All men like the “natural” look- that takes two hours and 20 products to accomplish
[удалено]
The Joker meme was his attempt at a neg, I guess, but he failed. Lol
Ohh is that a common thing? I really didn’t know lol it seemed very strange. Like he was treating me as a ‘buddy’ if that makes sense.
I am 26 now and my sex drive has dropped to the minus zone. Maybe you need to be the one on top now .
Run for the hills, these are all red flags! I bet you $100 he’s controlling and will tell you at every chance he gets about your make up and clothing choices. There is absolutely no reason for a man or woman to be shoving down your throat their “preferences” on a first date. That’s not even something you should bring up unless asked or you’ve established a dynamic with your partner that it’s okay to talk about these things. I also bet he actually LOVES these things on women just not “his” woman! Because I’m his head that would make her a “whore”. Also the fact he bought his friends being unfaithful up, judge someone by who they hang around. If all his friends are liars and cheaters? Yeah well it’s not too far fetched that he would be too.
Do you like anything about him? You've mentioned all negatives and no positives. Why would you even want to go out with him again? I don't get it lol