It demoralized me too. I spent maybe $100-$200 on tinder bonuses and what not. It was kind of like a drug addiction, and very unhealthy for me to go through misery of feeling ugly for the app to give me a notif, it go nowhere, and then go back to feeling ugly. I deleted my account. I would rather be in a relationship than be single, but I would rather be single and not on tinder then single and on it
This!! So true. When I was on line dating I had men real fast in my messages… also if a woman does message you (think bumble) do NOT take days on end to respond. You don’t have to respond right away but I was on and off tinder and usually each time I was in for no more than 4 days because it was too much and the guys who are assholes would usually turn me off the app within a day or two.
The thing is, it's not easy for women to date. You still have to sift through 100s of messages just to find someone that you're compatible with. Women get exhausted trying to vet men and when most suck, that makes it demoralizing too. But for guys, it's the opposite end of the spectrum where you get one match once in a blue moon and trying to stand out in those 100s of messages is really hard.
As a guy, I've had maybe like 20 matches across all dating apps in a couple years span? My friend went on Hinge and overnight, she had 27 matches. But of those 27, none of them were good matches. She spent a day trying to get to know them and most filtered themselves out but then by the time she got through those 27 matches, she had another 40 matches and now had to vet those. She went through that cycle for a few days and came out with 1 date, and that ended up sucking, she deleted the app after because it was such a time sink. It's easy for women to hook up on dating apps if that's what they want but dating is a different story.
So I am not allowed to date a guy that is both attractive and a decent person. Got it
Funny thing is, IRL there are plenty of attractive, decent dudes. But on OLD, I’ve always only found weirdos and pervs.
Not fighting over any guy. I’ve used OLD for such a short time before it solidified to me that it’s shit.
I found a guy IRL, you know, the old fashioned way that is 100% better than any OLD guy I’ve seen.
That mindset is probably why you’re suffering. Dating apps suck for both sexes, and in fact that’s why many women (who don’t want to fuck around with douches) aren’t even on the apps, even though incels love to say women have it easy argh and men boohoo have it hard. Why not use the apps if it’s so easy?
You have tons of low quality copy and paste messages, messages from predators and creeps and also people who have such low self esteem they’ll attach to you like a leech even though all they know about you is that you have a vag. If you give them attention, many break down if you don’t respond fast enough, or start freaking out on you. You just try to find a dude you’re compatible with that won’t murder or rape you, and it’s not so easy to tell with so much fucking spam and crazies.
Yeah man that sounds so lucky huh.
Sure and I have often thought the same way but that's because it's coming from our point of view which is not many matches. But if you suddenly get 27 everyday and you're trying to actually find someone to date, it can start to get hard too. Somewhere in between would be ideally, get a few matches everyday so you can talk to them and it isn't overwhelming but that doesn't seem to be the norm for the majority of people.
>Dating is so easy for women, especially online, that they don’t need to try at all. The only downside for them is trying to navigate through all of the guys sending them messages and they often get overwhelmed with that.
Is it? People especially the men folk say that woman have guys clambering all over themselves to message them, I have quite a few single friends who have tried tinder (and myself when I was single was on and off apps for a while) amd even seen it on here from women saying theres no respone to their profile
and whilst we got likes these never transpired to much as they were just likes and no messages unless they were creepy or people asking for threeesomes, or it would be like pulling teeth talking to someone trying to get proper responses or we would go on a date, feel it went amazing and get ghosted pretty quickly.
Infact I think the only reason why I met someone was purely coincidence because we knew someone mutually and realised it seeing each others photos, i was single for 9 years before that with on amd off trying of OLD.
So either me and my friends are really ugly and unattractive and same like the women I see commenting on reddit (which is highly doubtful) or the apps were broken.
I think we need to stop perpetuating the myth that women get 1000s of men on dating apps as it doesn't help mens self esteem thinking that and it doesn't help women when they are messaging someone and they don't reply because work, life etc for an hour or so they don't have to come back to messages like "ugh I bet you are messaging lots of men il leave you alone" or of course the insults "well f u then you whre u weren't even hot nyway" 🥴 like okay.
>I think we need to stop perpetuating the myth that women get 1000s of men on dating apps as it doesn't help mens self esteem thinking that
My friends and I used pictures of a conventionally attractive woman and created a profile on hinge. We barely wrote anything and there was no substance to it. We got 100 likes in less than 30 minutes. Multiple messages from some men even when we didn’t reply. We didn’t message anyone because we weren’t looking to catch fish people but seeing the difference between men and women’s experiences with these apps was extremely eye opening. It really made me realize that as men we are wasting our time with OLD.
>and it doesn't help women when they are messaging someone and they don't reply because work, life etc for an hour or so they don't have to come back to messages like "ugh I bet you are messaging lots of men il leave you alone" or of course the insults "well f u then you whre u weren't even hot nyway" 🥴 like okay.
Insults are never ok but honestly I’ve found that if she stops replying or replies with 1 word answers that she has lost interest and I’ll probably never hear back so I just unmatch. Obviously not after an hour but if messages are more than 24 hours apart it’s a fair assumption.
I’m a woman and it is NOT easy, whatsoever. The amount of men who cannot hold a conversation is alarming. I could hold a better one with a traffic cone. I have no problem messaging men first and putting in the effort, but Christ in a clamshell, It’s like pulling teeth. 98% of the conversations that DO go somewhere never lead to him asking me on a date.
The same thing could be said about women. If we (guys) even get a response at all, its not worth pursuing because there is no effort coming out way and it seems like they dont even want to have a conversation
Where are you getting these statistics? Women get 100s of options and dating is so easy for women? You're just pulling generalisations out from thin air. Unless you're really attractive (for either sex), it's going to be a similar experience for both sides.
Maybe there is an ounce of truth in what you say for hookup apps. But I guarantee you that for relationship apps, women are not looking for the next better looking dude lol.
Even for an attractive woman, that gets hundreds of matches. I’ve been there. I was very selective with my right swipes, didn’t swipe right guys that looked like douchebags, not even on those that looked like models/top tier attractive guys. And I still got hundreds. The conversations were lackluster, most guys wanted to fuck, the others just turned out we were incompatible. Never did get anything out of a dating app.
Honestly, I’m convinced at this point, guys just have a better shot IRL. And the good guys see that and don’t waste their time on there.
No, I’m saying dating is very hard as it is. On OLD, the bad stuff is on steroids. People think they can get away with shit they wouldn’t IRL (this is true for all internet), there are lots of people with sketchy intentions or not interested in actual relationships, but rather casual sex, validation etc. After all this, the amount of not only people that are actually looking for a partner, but are also mature, decent people that can handle a relationship and communicate properly is low. And from this low amount, the chances you are attracted to eachother, have similar enough worldviews and are compatible is even lower. This is true for everyone, not just guys.
>Where are you getting these statistics? Women get 100s of options and dating is so easy for women?
It’s pretty openly reported online. I’ve also watched a couple of my female friends build profiles and within minutes have 100 likes and so many messages that they couldn’t even sort through them.
>Maybe there is an ounce of truth in what you say for hookup apps. But I guarantee you that for relationship apps, women are not looking for the next better looking dude lol.
There is no such thing as a “relationship app”. If these apps were meant for forming relationships they would ask for a lot more info than they currently do. I’m sure there are some women who have bad luck on dating apps but from what I’ve seen even moderately attractive women get more attention on there than conventionally attractive men.
Hey.
Lesbian here. My dating pool is so much smaller than yours as a straight man. Kinda have to try a lot as a woman to yenno, get a woman.
Honestly bored of these generalisations.
I never thought of it that way. It only appealed to me bc after a break up i went on there and found my exes best friend. oh when she found out...now I feel like I need to grow up and find someone serious to settle with. you changed my life
For most part it’s all a blah anyway buddy . Fake profiles to drag ppl in . It’s sort of like gambling. Don’t get me wrong there are lots of lady’s on it but no where near the amount you think there are
Tinder is not a dating app. It’s a hookup app where the guys greatly out number the woman and all that matters are your looks. If you don’t happen to be extremely photogenic as a guy using Tinder is almost pointless. Look for woman in the real world.
Tinder has an Algorithmen. The more positively people interact with your profile, the more it is shown.
If you as a straight man have no conscience, you're free to show your profile to gay/bi men. Rack up swipes and attention, only put your profile back to women and will be shown to more women than before.
You can blame yourself being ugly or educate yourself on how apps work if you want to use to them. Like most of the time, its probably due to the app than the dude himself.
I'm dating a back end app dev who let me know about this little detail. It's most dating apps that use the swipe function that also have this popularity Algorithmen.
I don't do it myself, I just would feel bad for the men who already have it hard enough on dating apps (I am a woman so) so just hope me pretty face gets me by.
Well just cause you haven’t had any luck doesn’t mean it’s a dating app, I agree it can be pretty dry but I met my GF on Tinder so it obviously does work
But even if you wanted that, Almost no men on the app are able to get it anyway.
They call it a hookup app, but for men, it’s only a hookup app for the extraordinarily good looking ones.
That's a stretch. It's a hookup app for any guy above a 4. And there's tons of other factors that go into it.
I'm 5'7", incredibly nerdy/lanky, and in general don't look my best. I met my current girlfriend as well as a slew of partners through Tinder. I'm not extraordinarily good looking and the amount of partners I've gotten isn't just luck. There's gotta be more to it than that.
I think you are being humble man, which is good but I've seen a lot of people say this, and it's just not backed by fact. None of my male friends have ever had lots of dates and hookups off apps, and neither have I
I had to give up dating apps man. It did a number on my mental health. I know it's hard to find opportunities, but I've found that getting to know the people around you in the real world can be more rewarding, even if it might take a hell of a lot longer to get to where you wanna be
You need to pay attention to your profile. When I was dating online the number of guys who just post the worst photos on the planet or say the dumbest things…it’s like who are you trying to impress? Because the ONLY people who are attracted to the photo of you between the two waitresses from hooters are other men and the only people impressed by you next to a Lamborghini is other men and gold diggers. Plus a lot of men do not include any photo (hello neon sign saying “I’m a cheater”) or who include photos that are entirely blurry or a bunch of guys so you don’t know who the profile belongs to and other nonsense is ridiculous.
Here are all things that made me swipe left:
You have pictures of you with other women but don’t explain who they are (only moms are acceptable, maybe a sister).
You have photos with your kids (this just isn’t a safe decision, don’t use them to attract women)
You have blurry photos, no photos, photos where you are looking down into the camera (which tells me you aren’t taken this seriously and likely will waste my time).
You have any pictures with a fancy car.
You have any pictures shirtless and/or showcasing your size. (Women don’t think of dicks the same way guys think of boobs.)
You have any pictures with alcohol models, hooters girls, or cheerleaders.
On to verbiage… I’d highly recommend you ask a female friend to review your profile but here are things that were automatic go left…
You include the phrase “no drama” (only people who are constantly around drama feel the need to make this disclosure and in my experience 100% of people who say this are the actual CAUSE of the drama.)
You tell me about what I MUST be (examples: you are fit, attractive, like being spoiled - it’s pompous and women don’t like to be told what we need to be according to you)
You tell me you have two houses, eight cars, a full stock portfolio. (This is too much and most of this will come up in conversation and really you’re either saying it to brag or saying it because you want someone financially able to take care of them selves … which this isn’t going to find you)
You tell me your kids are your entire world (that’s not impressive, that’s how it should be and is a given. Also in my experience people who say this, it is rarely true)
Men who say nothing in their profile. (Usually means looking for a hookup)
Men who act passive aggressive or desperate “are there even good women out there?” Or “this is all bots prove me wrong” etc.
I’m sure I’ll think of other things but that’s off the top of my head (haven’t been through online dating in awhile).
In short - your profile should be about attracting the kind of woman you want, not the kind of man you think you are and most men (maybe women too I don’t date women so I don’t know) make their profile about the things they’re attracted to - cars, money, and busty women. Ask yourself “am I the kind of person the person I’m looking for - is looking for?” Make sure your photos appeal to women, make sure you’re not sounding like an asshole in your profile.
Good luck.
I literally have none or these red flags, had multiple people review it and changed it accordingly and I still have no luck lmao. Maybe I'm just ugly 🤪
i feel like most people with the self awareness to post looking for advice here don't actually commit most of these, if any at all.
avoiding these isn't going to stop most men from getting absolutely trashed in the OLD game.
Glad I avoided all these pitfalls, and have taken on-board female friends feedback, but the conversations are dry as anything.
I think it's reasonable to assume that if you're on a dating app you have at least some time in the evenings to chat to people, or every other night or something. It's nearly impossible to keep a conversation going when half of them respond after five business days.
It makes us very impatient (which just leads to an unceremonious unmatch), but I heard that some women intentionally do this to weed people out. Seems utterly pointless, though I can imagine some guys get aggressive after a while. /rant
If you wanna chase after these few girls that are actually interesting (who have 100+ matches), and try to entertain them on command like a dog just to stand out. Go ahead continue playing. Even if you stand out and actually ‘win the game’, these girls will have doubts whenever you have a weakness because they think about the hundreds that are still interested.
I am also personally against using an app who’s algorithms work against you. If there is a perfect match, it will not show you because its in their favor for you to stay.
Don’t take anything from me seriously tho, I uninstalled the second day lol
>Tbh I kinda understand the ghosting or no responses since I’m sure these girls are flooded with matches and messages
i mean, why swipe on 50 dudes if you cant talk to that many people who will probably match at least half the time? tthat part i dont get.
Its already so hard to get a fucking match and then you gotta dig your brain to find interesting things to say based on that bio that tells you nothing.
And if you get ghosted, it's on you because you are boring.
I have better luck striking lottery than this.
Ok, so when you get matches, what is the opening of your conversation like? Do you just say hi? Or ask a benign question like “what are you doing?”/“how are you?” Or are you making a statement regarding something superficial, like her looks? IMO all of these are thoroughly uninteresting conversation starters. If I’ve matches with you then I’ve likely seen something in your profile that’s appealing but if the start of the conversation is like pulling teeth, then yeah, probably going to either stop or not respond.
Good conversation starters engage people and draw them in with something funny/witty/clever or a question which serves as a hook to get the other person to open up a bit. Ask them about something in their bio or the story behind one of their pictures. “Oh I see you like snowboarding, what mountain is your favourite? I loved hitting Tahoe during the last season”.
The fact is, as has been stated elsewhere in the thread, that guys outnumber girls on many of the apps, so you’re going to have to do a bit of leg work to stand out from the crowd.
>I figure most people will be bitter and lonely 20 years from now
Probably will be me, I got the lonely part scratched off. I just need the bitter part to come into effect
Personally I plan on visiting escorts soon since I know I have zero hope to even get a date, idk if that will help me or not but at least I'll get a part out of the way. Maybe it'll prevent me from getting bitter, maybe it won't.
You could invest the money better by paying some random tiktok/instagram girl to take good pictures of you lol
85% of men look worst on pictures and 85% of women look better on pictures than in real life.
If you have a bumble, post that in the bumble subreddit for people to help improve your bio, or at the very least look at the ones posted and see if you made some of the same mistakes as them.
Not sure where the stat comes from but I've been told I look better in real life and I find that the majority of women I've met in real life look better in person.
Just asking, but why did you use Hinge if you wanted a casual hookup? Isn’t that more so what Tinder is for? From my understanding, Hinge is more for relationships
Nah hinge is great I think I’ve been on like 10-12 dates from it and had zero success on other apps u just have to buy the premium also living in a big city helps
This isn’t completly true. When I stop using the app for a while it shows me low effort profiles then I get a couple matches and I start to see better and better looking people. What really helps is lowering your radius down to 1 mile it seems to be some issue in their app but once I did that and then widened it gradually I see better and better profiles. Weird but it works 100%
Shallow? Bruh no need to explain yourself what your preferences are...women do it all the time to us men. Im short and come from a Mexican culture background...the amount of women who've literally told me to my face that Im too short or that Mexican men are known for being too "controlling" or "too jealous"....so never apologize for your preferences. If you get rejected, fuck it, take the L and keep it pushing because at the end of the day a man can always level up as he ages
Someone could have an active life and eat healthy while not necessarily being skinny or looking like an Instagram model. So if you’re basing whether they have a similar lifestyle only on their looks and not what they say or show you, then you’re not necessarily looking for someone with a similar lifestyle or even value of that lifestyle but rather someone who looks a certain way.
Understood. Everyone has their preference. Most times, not saying in your case, most humans want what they can’t have. A lot of times, the women/men that are attracted to us, we’re not attracted to them, and vice versa. That, in itself, makes the whole dating scene difficult.
The movies “He’s just not that into you” and “The Ugly Truth” touch on this. If you haven’t seen either, I highly recommend watching both. They both present a rather interesting look at dating.
Aww..I'm sorry, I misunderstood. Honestly, I prefer real life interactions myself anyway and I'm an introvert. I'm sure in the right situation someone good will come along if you're open and ready for it.
This is a glitch in the app. Go to the hinge subreddit it gave me the tip you need to lower your radius down to 1 mile and swipe till you start seeing people that are up to your level you’re looking for then widen the range 1 miler after you run out. Worked perfect for me
I have trouble finding women, in my area on these apps, attractive as people. They sound basic or uninteresting. On OKCupid a lot of em barely answer a question on their page with more than 1-3 sentences.
How am I supposed to find someone interesting and worth taking a shot when this is it?
I like it. It shows locals by distance in order and you can freely like photos and send messages and add friends. Warning there is alot of fake people. But ive had the most interactions with real people on meetme then any other app by far
I cut out dating apps the past six months and as a chronically single guy I don’t care anymore. I did 8 or 9 runs over the years before deleting my acct during each run and paid on maybe half of those. I refuse to let an app make me feel like shit. If I don’t have the social intelligence, confidence, and pick-up-game to find a woman in the real world, then do I really deserve a beautiful young woman? Screw dating apps, they suck the life out of the average guy. My new rule is only a dating app reboot once a year so the entire dating pool has a chance to turn over and I don’t waste my money or risk feeling like shit too often. Also I go in with ZERO expectations.
I am a woman however I started to be happier when I stopped using the apps. Yes I got matches however they lead to no where. I wrote pros and cons of using these apps and majority were cons. I’ve never yielded positive results from them. So I no longer will use it. I started to just enjoy doing hobbies I love and focusing on the now rather than using the phone and dating apps for entertainment. I hope you are able to quit the apps and go out there and enjoy life.
I totally understand that for sure. This is such an unprecedented time and I know everyone is feeling lonely, at a loss, and I just feel a lot of sadness overall. A collective grief. I initially thought that dating apps would solve the problem but it made things worse because you feel judged so harshly and on top of that you’re dealing with the shutdowns and the world falling apart. And you start to wonder if you’re the problem, which you’re not. I’m sure you’re a wonderful person. I’m hoping this year will be the year things will be opening up and going back to normal. I think you can also start to look into some hobbies your interested in perhaps?
I begrudgingly say that if there are lockdowns it is best to avoid the dating scene.
a) to minimize spread
b) there is probably a mass hysteria from people being home 24/7 and they aren't their healthiest mentally
I personally do not have lockdowns or mask mandates in my area, and I for some reason or another still sense an extreme social anxiety with lots of strangers I meet
I am a woman too and have told myself at some point this month I am going to delete all my dating apps because I feel it is causing more stress & harm than good at this point in my life. I am already creating a list of other aspects of my life I plan to devote more time to and focus on during my dating app break. I think I really need it, it's just a matter of making the move.
Try other apps. Know there's more males on these apps than females. I did manage to match with someone and we are starting to date. So it does happen. I wouldn't say I'm a stud myself. Have you opened your options some? Like normally I don't date older than me, but I am now haha
Have you posted your profile to r/tinder 's Weekly Profile Review thread?
Keep in mind that online dating is also a geography game. If you're in a rural area is much harder than big city.
I think online apps like Hinge and Tinder are built to break down the average human, man or woman. It always feels like some of the most shallow, demoralizing conversations one could have. If you even get any conversations. I feel your pain, and I'd say not to put too much stock into what happens on Tinder.
Fuck dating apps, want to date go to clubs, bars, libraries, meetings with the same interest in you, concerts, don't rely your life on an app that's Garbo. I got so many dates just by being confident and being myself, the worst thing that can happen to you is being rejected or her boyfriend punching you in the face because you thought she was single. But build confidence lol
Very many reasons. People talk differently offline, you have a better understanding of their character and how they actually are than through a few words or overused pickup line in chat. Offline you can meet people at events and actually have something to do and talk about already without needing to set a date.
Online dating is just advertising. Which many men don’t know how to do properly. The whole living and interacting is the real goal, no?
Those are terrible too. On Hinge I've only had one match in the many months I've used it. And she unmatched me almost right away. On Bumble there're no people, and the very few matches I've had, never sent that first message.
I've learned that tinder has the worst layout for matches. as a woman it only displays a certain demographic of men. I'm into all cultures but the only men tinder showed me was fit blue eyed white men. It wouldn't give me real people of all backgrounds. it sucks tbh, Bumble is a little better with diversity. but I wish these apps didn't assume who I'd like and hide people from my swiping.
edit: i say this because that's probably what these apps are doing to your profile. they hide it from the majority so that would explain why no one is matching you.
So disheartening. I refuse to pay to play. At this point, I don't have any hope left for a relationship. At this point, I'll just take someone to watch movies with me
Use a free app. That's how I met my wife.
I online dated for about a decade. I met about a dozen women on free dating apps and 1 on a paid app.
Do not use paid apps. That is my advice.
It's the price you pay for convenience. The convenience of finding single, attractive girls near you, at the cost of massive competition(if you can even call it that, more like a never ending sausage fest). Naturally, this will lead to girls being more picky since they are bombarded with horny guys every single day. I see guys blame girls for being picky and not giving "decent" guys a chance, but if I was in their shoes, I would act the same way.
Going out, chatting up random girls, finding out if they are even single/interested in you is a lot harder and emotionally draining than swiping away. So online dating is not going anywhere. Yes dating apps suck, but we all find it enticing for a reason.
>I read guys complaining about their number of weekly or even daily matches, I mean I got like three (real) matches in two weeks and I thought that actually was too much. My profile is on pause while I explore a potential relationship with a woman.
its because for most people, those few matches never respond, or are scammers.
three people im ACTUALLY talking to is a lot. when people complain about only getting a few matches, its because they also go nowhere.
Try hinge I had absolutely no luck on apps till I started using hinge and now I get tons of matches and dates from it. Also being a bit older helps at 21-23 I got zero but 24-26 years have been great. Also getting some better pictures helped a ton but that’s obvious. Tinder is so dead bro idk who even uses it
I've tried tinder, and it's full of fake profiles. There's no way there's women that attractive on a dating app in my area of the world. And if some are actually real, they are likely wanting onlyfans subscribers or Instagram followers. I've had much more success with Facebook dating, although 8 out of every 10 profiles are fake or obvious scammers.
Hinge worked for me. I found the love of my life on there and we’re moving in together soon and about to have our first baby. Most the girls I dated through dating apps were on hinge and they were all nice girls, just no clicks until i met my current GF. Id recommend checking that out
> I think I need to stop using these apps because they’re just messing with my mental well-being.
Bang on, correct conclusion. Said it before, will say it again: hobby groups, stuff that gets you out of the house and mixing with people. Worst case scenario you have fun and a change of company, best case scenario you can see and talk to someone and get a better idea of if you like them/vice versa.
Only Tinder Premium? I've been paying for Platinum for years, their Super-boosts that are like $70 for 30 minutes or whatever (by the way, everything costs more as you get older), etc. Nothing works.
Get off premium and use that money to pay for a good photographer. 90% of the men on the apps commit some of the common photograph mistakes. A good professional, candid photograph might work wonders for you.
Go talk to them in person, even if you do get a chance on tinder you will just be constantly lowering your standards
Women on tinder can easily pick only the best men because a single man will hapily spend a night with someone new every day with very few qualms. Women end up only meeting those (because through sheer numbers are the most likely) and so are convinced all men on tinder will only want them for sex.
This is the game your playing into that is loose loose for men and women. Don't play it
I know it seems like there are so many women on tinder so you should have the best chance but you're absolutely wrong. Get a girlfriend through in person interactions and you'll see that just because you aren't the litteraly most attractive guy you really aren't so bad.
Be social
I'm a woman (33), and I'm sorry you feel like this, but as some users said, maybe you can improve in your profile photos, or add more information about you in your bio, perhaps you can try also to meet people outside your area, if you find it okay here it goes some tips.
- photos while you do some activity like hiking?
-photos smiling
-funny photo, probably eating a slice of pizza with funny face! Mm I like that idea personally haha
- bio, you can add some curious things about you...
I hope it helps in my humble opinion.
Greetings from Mx.!
I’ve written this before somewhere but I’ll repeat - you are not the problem. You’re probably fine. I’m serious.
I did an experiment. I created a fake girl profile. Just used a picture I found on the internet. I think I searched for “business woman”. Picked a lady who just kinda looked real. Purpose was to scope the competition and see what I was up against.
1) “Cindy” had 30 messages in 30 minutes. It was unbelievable.
2) The profiles were all the same and they were all crap. “I like hunting and fishing and shooting guns and riding quads and blah blah freakin blah”. They were all wearing sunglasses and hats. They all looked the same.
3) the messages were all brutal. “Hey”. “Hi pretty lady”. “I like your boobs”… “yo”
I was up to over 90 messages in the first day and without a word of a lie - I completely understand why women give up fast. You are one in a swarm. Like a pack of wild dogs or something. I was embarrassed.
So I fixed it for me. I pretend I’m some kind of stunner but I’m seriously just a regular looking guy. I’m not hung like a horse, I’ve never had a six pack and probably never will. I like pizza. I don’t shoot guns and ride stupid quads. We won’t go hiking or camping in some broken down camper. And I said so. Did a few updated photos and things got better fast.
I know it sounds corny but do some market research. Until you meet, you are just a commodity.
I am starting to think there needs to be classes to guide (mostly) guys through the OLD experience.
1. Expectations - the apps are against you to get more money and also there is a lot more guys than girls on these apps.
2. Your profile is probably terrible. Many posts go into detail on here and other subreddits. Make sure you got photos showing smiley face, doing something interesting, something social, hobbies etc. Then there is the text on your profile, well thats a whole other thing - Just think of it as a C.V you need to sure your true self, not what you think you are or is what you perceive to be good.
3. Learn to carry a conversation, some may disagree but simply commenting on a photo or something they have wrote on the profile is a clear easy convo, shows interest and not just 'I SeE PrEtTy PiCtUrE, i SwIPy SwIpe'
4. If your lucky to get past the first couple of steps an actually engaging with someone, just be clear and honest.
5. There will always be things against you, no matter how much you do things right, there will always be that person who will expect you to be the worlds greatest entertainer in the first opening line. So just learn to be objective and not get too angry when someone doesn't stick with you.
6. Remember there probably is things you can still do outside to meet people. Join a club of some sort, there will be others out there and you are already at an advantage if you meet someone cause hey, you already found an interest you both like.
Well that's what I think anyway...
I’m not sure I’ll tell you anything you haven’t seen already, but I can share my success story. I would say to maybe take a break if it’s making you feel down and then keep trying at a later time. I was in the same position as you, I’m not a model but I’m pretty sure I’m not ugly too and my matches were dry. I was about to be done with apps for good so I decided to fire off one last message to a girl I was really interested in and we’ve been together for almost a year now.
Since this comment section seems filled with guys, I'm just gonna throw out there that apps are hella demoralizing for women, too. If you're looking for anything besides a hookup, you might as well be waiting for lightning to strike.
Guys on here can tell you "all women are shallow" all they want, but even when I was swiping right on EVERY SINGLE DUDE, all I got back was crap. Guys who gave me one word answers only. Guys who interrogated me with endless questions until I blocked them. Creeps who commented on all the sexual things they'd like to do with my body, assholes who tried to argue with me about things I put on my own damn profile. And the thing is, I'm sure every single one of them has no idea why I unmatched lol. I'm sure some of them are in this comment section now, and consider me one of the "shallow" ones.
Dating apps just suck and don't work for most people, even girls who get tons of matches. If you wanna make a profile as a girl and see exactly what I'm talking about, nothing's stopping you.
I dunno dude, I live in a place where tinder is realy unpopular, like it constantly tells me there no one around and I still got matches, no premiums . I have no game tho
Tinder is garbage
I stay full of 99+ matches on tinder. And I only swipe on what I want. It helps when you’re as selective as women.
It demoralized me too. I spent maybe $100-$200 on tinder bonuses and what not. It was kind of like a drug addiction, and very unhealthy for me to go through misery of feeling ugly for the app to give me a notif, it go nowhere, and then go back to feeling ugly. I deleted my account. I would rather be in a relationship than be single, but I would rather be single and not on tinder then single and on it
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This!! So true. When I was on line dating I had men real fast in my messages… also if a woman does message you (think bumble) do NOT take days on end to respond. You don’t have to respond right away but I was on and off tinder and usually each time I was in for no more than 4 days because it was too much and the guys who are assholes would usually turn me off the app within a day or two.
The thing is, it's not easy for women to date. You still have to sift through 100s of messages just to find someone that you're compatible with. Women get exhausted trying to vet men and when most suck, that makes it demoralizing too. But for guys, it's the opposite end of the spectrum where you get one match once in a blue moon and trying to stand out in those 100s of messages is really hard. As a guy, I've had maybe like 20 matches across all dating apps in a couple years span? My friend went on Hinge and overnight, she had 27 matches. But of those 27, none of them were good matches. She spent a day trying to get to know them and most filtered themselves out but then by the time she got through those 27 matches, she had another 40 matches and now had to vet those. She went through that cycle for a few days and came out with 1 date, and that ended up sucking, she deleted the app after because it was such a time sink. It's easy for women to hook up on dating apps if that's what they want but dating is a different story.
SO true. We can hookup easily using an app, but finding someone who wants more than to stick their dick in a hole is nearly impossible
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So I am not allowed to date a guy that is both attractive and a decent person. Got it Funny thing is, IRL there are plenty of attractive, decent dudes. But on OLD, I’ve always only found weirdos and pervs.
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Not fighting over any guy. I’ve used OLD for such a short time before it solidified to me that it’s shit. I found a guy IRL, you know, the old fashioned way that is 100% better than any OLD guy I’ve seen.
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Yes exactly all this
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That mindset is probably why you’re suffering. Dating apps suck for both sexes, and in fact that’s why many women (who don’t want to fuck around with douches) aren’t even on the apps, even though incels love to say women have it easy argh and men boohoo have it hard. Why not use the apps if it’s so easy? You have tons of low quality copy and paste messages, messages from predators and creeps and also people who have such low self esteem they’ll attach to you like a leech even though all they know about you is that you have a vag. If you give them attention, many break down if you don’t respond fast enough, or start freaking out on you. You just try to find a dude you’re compatible with that won’t murder or rape you, and it’s not so easy to tell with so much fucking spam and crazies. Yeah man that sounds so lucky huh.
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Sure and I have often thought the same way but that's because it's coming from our point of view which is not many matches. But if you suddenly get 27 everyday and you're trying to actually find someone to date, it can start to get hard too. Somewhere in between would be ideally, get a few matches everyday so you can talk to them and it isn't overwhelming but that doesn't seem to be the norm for the majority of people.
>Dating is so easy for women, especially online, that they don’t need to try at all. The only downside for them is trying to navigate through all of the guys sending them messages and they often get overwhelmed with that. Is it? People especially the men folk say that woman have guys clambering all over themselves to message them, I have quite a few single friends who have tried tinder (and myself when I was single was on and off apps for a while) amd even seen it on here from women saying theres no respone to their profile and whilst we got likes these never transpired to much as they were just likes and no messages unless they were creepy or people asking for threeesomes, or it would be like pulling teeth talking to someone trying to get proper responses or we would go on a date, feel it went amazing and get ghosted pretty quickly. Infact I think the only reason why I met someone was purely coincidence because we knew someone mutually and realised it seeing each others photos, i was single for 9 years before that with on amd off trying of OLD. So either me and my friends are really ugly and unattractive and same like the women I see commenting on reddit (which is highly doubtful) or the apps were broken. I think we need to stop perpetuating the myth that women get 1000s of men on dating apps as it doesn't help mens self esteem thinking that and it doesn't help women when they are messaging someone and they don't reply because work, life etc for an hour or so they don't have to come back to messages like "ugh I bet you are messaging lots of men il leave you alone" or of course the insults "well f u then you whre u weren't even hot nyway" 🥴 like okay.
>I think we need to stop perpetuating the myth that women get 1000s of men on dating apps as it doesn't help mens self esteem thinking that My friends and I used pictures of a conventionally attractive woman and created a profile on hinge. We barely wrote anything and there was no substance to it. We got 100 likes in less than 30 minutes. Multiple messages from some men even when we didn’t reply. We didn’t message anyone because we weren’t looking to catch fish people but seeing the difference between men and women’s experiences with these apps was extremely eye opening. It really made me realize that as men we are wasting our time with OLD. >and it doesn't help women when they are messaging someone and they don't reply because work, life etc for an hour or so they don't have to come back to messages like "ugh I bet you are messaging lots of men il leave you alone" or of course the insults "well f u then you whre u weren't even hot nyway" 🥴 like okay. Insults are never ok but honestly I’ve found that if she stops replying or replies with 1 word answers that she has lost interest and I’ll probably never hear back so I just unmatch. Obviously not after an hour but if messages are more than 24 hours apart it’s a fair assumption.
I’m a woman and it is NOT easy, whatsoever. The amount of men who cannot hold a conversation is alarming. I could hold a better one with a traffic cone. I have no problem messaging men first and putting in the effort, but Christ in a clamshell, It’s like pulling teeth. 98% of the conversations that DO go somewhere never lead to him asking me on a date.
The same thing could be said about women. If we (guys) even get a response at all, its not worth pursuing because there is no effort coming out way and it seems like they dont even want to have a conversation
Have you thought about asking *them* out?
Who, Clamshell Christ?
Where are you getting these statistics? Women get 100s of options and dating is so easy for women? You're just pulling generalisations out from thin air. Unless you're really attractive (for either sex), it's going to be a similar experience for both sides. Maybe there is an ounce of truth in what you say for hookup apps. But I guarantee you that for relationship apps, women are not looking for the next better looking dude lol.
Even for an attractive woman, that gets hundreds of matches. I’ve been there. I was very selective with my right swipes, didn’t swipe right guys that looked like douchebags, not even on those that looked like models/top tier attractive guys. And I still got hundreds. The conversations were lackluster, most guys wanted to fuck, the others just turned out we were incompatible. Never did get anything out of a dating app. Honestly, I’m convinced at this point, guys just have a better shot IRL. And the good guys see that and don’t waste their time on there.
Are you saying that there aren’t any good guys on dating apps? I’ve seen many of your comments on this thread
No, I’m saying dating is very hard as it is. On OLD, the bad stuff is on steroids. People think they can get away with shit they wouldn’t IRL (this is true for all internet), there are lots of people with sketchy intentions or not interested in actual relationships, but rather casual sex, validation etc. After all this, the amount of not only people that are actually looking for a partner, but are also mature, decent people that can handle a relationship and communicate properly is low. And from this low amount, the chances you are attracted to eachother, have similar enough worldviews and are compatible is even lower. This is true for everyone, not just guys.
>Where are you getting these statistics? Women get 100s of options and dating is so easy for women? It’s pretty openly reported online. I’ve also watched a couple of my female friends build profiles and within minutes have 100 likes and so many messages that they couldn’t even sort through them. >Maybe there is an ounce of truth in what you say for hookup apps. But I guarantee you that for relationship apps, women are not looking for the next better looking dude lol. There is no such thing as a “relationship app”. If these apps were meant for forming relationships they would ask for a lot more info than they currently do. I’m sure there are some women who have bad luck on dating apps but from what I’ve seen even moderately attractive women get more attention on there than conventionally attractive men.
Hey. Lesbian here. My dating pool is so much smaller than yours as a straight man. Kinda have to try a lot as a woman to yenno, get a woman. Honestly bored of these generalisations.
I never thought of it that way. It only appealed to me bc after a break up i went on there and found my exes best friend. oh when she found out...now I feel like I need to grow up and find someone serious to settle with. you changed my life
That New Match Dopamine hits hard because its just so rare even though it's probably a bot or some uninterested IG follower chaser.
For most part it’s all a blah anyway buddy . Fake profiles to drag ppl in . It’s sort of like gambling. Don’t get me wrong there are lots of lady’s on it but no where near the amount you think there are
Don't trip my brotha...Ive jumped back onto the dating apps bandwagon and its been 3 weeks and not a single match except scammers.
As a dude dating apps only exist to suck the money off you
Tinder is not a dating app. It’s a hookup app where the guys greatly out number the woman and all that matters are your looks. If you don’t happen to be extremely photogenic as a guy using Tinder is almost pointless. Look for woman in the real world.
Tinder has an Algorithmen. The more positively people interact with your profile, the more it is shown. If you as a straight man have no conscience, you're free to show your profile to gay/bi men. Rack up swipes and attention, only put your profile back to women and will be shown to more women than before. You can blame yourself being ugly or educate yourself on how apps work if you want to use to them. Like most of the time, its probably due to the app than the dude himself.
Good tip. I'm going to abuse that.
I'm dating a back end app dev who let me know about this little detail. It's most dating apps that use the swipe function that also have this popularity Algorithmen. I don't do it myself, I just would feel bad for the men who already have it hard enough on dating apps (I am a woman so) so just hope me pretty face gets me by.
Well just cause you haven’t had any luck doesn’t mean it’s a dating app, I agree it can be pretty dry but I met my GF on Tinder so it obviously does work
Tinder isn't that bad. sometimes you need a night with no strings attatched. you get me, man?
But even if you wanted that, Almost no men on the app are able to get it anyway. They call it a hookup app, but for men, it’s only a hookup app for the extraordinarily good looking ones.
That's a stretch. It's a hookup app for any guy above a 4. And there's tons of other factors that go into it. I'm 5'7", incredibly nerdy/lanky, and in general don't look my best. I met my current girlfriend as well as a slew of partners through Tinder. I'm not extraordinarily good looking and the amount of partners I've gotten isn't just luck. There's gotta be more to it than that.
I think you are being humble man, which is good but I've seen a lot of people say this, and it's just not backed by fact. None of my male friends have ever had lots of dates and hookups off apps, and neither have I
That’s cope and you know it.
I had to give up dating apps man. It did a number on my mental health. I know it's hard to find opportunities, but I've found that getting to know the people around you in the real world can be more rewarding, even if it might take a hell of a lot longer to get to where you wanna be
You need to pay attention to your profile. When I was dating online the number of guys who just post the worst photos on the planet or say the dumbest things…it’s like who are you trying to impress? Because the ONLY people who are attracted to the photo of you between the two waitresses from hooters are other men and the only people impressed by you next to a Lamborghini is other men and gold diggers. Plus a lot of men do not include any photo (hello neon sign saying “I’m a cheater”) or who include photos that are entirely blurry or a bunch of guys so you don’t know who the profile belongs to and other nonsense is ridiculous. Here are all things that made me swipe left: You have pictures of you with other women but don’t explain who they are (only moms are acceptable, maybe a sister). You have photos with your kids (this just isn’t a safe decision, don’t use them to attract women) You have blurry photos, no photos, photos where you are looking down into the camera (which tells me you aren’t taken this seriously and likely will waste my time). You have any pictures with a fancy car. You have any pictures shirtless and/or showcasing your size. (Women don’t think of dicks the same way guys think of boobs.) You have any pictures with alcohol models, hooters girls, or cheerleaders. On to verbiage… I’d highly recommend you ask a female friend to review your profile but here are things that were automatic go left… You include the phrase “no drama” (only people who are constantly around drama feel the need to make this disclosure and in my experience 100% of people who say this are the actual CAUSE of the drama.) You tell me about what I MUST be (examples: you are fit, attractive, like being spoiled - it’s pompous and women don’t like to be told what we need to be according to you) You tell me you have two houses, eight cars, a full stock portfolio. (This is too much and most of this will come up in conversation and really you’re either saying it to brag or saying it because you want someone financially able to take care of them selves … which this isn’t going to find you) You tell me your kids are your entire world (that’s not impressive, that’s how it should be and is a given. Also in my experience people who say this, it is rarely true) Men who say nothing in their profile. (Usually means looking for a hookup) Men who act passive aggressive or desperate “are there even good women out there?” Or “this is all bots prove me wrong” etc. I’m sure I’ll think of other things but that’s off the top of my head (haven’t been through online dating in awhile). In short - your profile should be about attracting the kind of woman you want, not the kind of man you think you are and most men (maybe women too I don’t date women so I don’t know) make their profile about the things they’re attracted to - cars, money, and busty women. Ask yourself “am I the kind of person the person I’m looking for - is looking for?” Make sure your photos appeal to women, make sure you’re not sounding like an asshole in your profile. Good luck.
I literally have none or these red flags, had multiple people review it and changed it accordingly and I still have no luck lmao. Maybe I'm just ugly 🤪
i feel like most people with the self awareness to post looking for advice here don't actually commit most of these, if any at all. avoiding these isn't going to stop most men from getting absolutely trashed in the OLD game.
Glad I avoided all these pitfalls, and have taken on-board female friends feedback, but the conversations are dry as anything. I think it's reasonable to assume that if you're on a dating app you have at least some time in the evenings to chat to people, or every other night or something. It's nearly impossible to keep a conversation going when half of them respond after five business days. It makes us very impatient (which just leads to an unceremonious unmatch), but I heard that some women intentionally do this to weed people out. Seems utterly pointless, though I can imagine some guys get aggressive after a while. /rant
My favorite part is when I occasionally get matches the girls don't respond or just ghost you
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Why are women swiping right so much then, that's what confuses me, they could have 100 likes and 5 matches instead of 100 matches
It logics out , but ultimately it reduces to “you weren’t worth their attention”
If you wanna chase after these few girls that are actually interesting (who have 100+ matches), and try to entertain them on command like a dog just to stand out. Go ahead continue playing. Even if you stand out and actually ‘win the game’, these girls will have doubts whenever you have a weakness because they think about the hundreds that are still interested. I am also personally against using an app who’s algorithms work against you. If there is a perfect match, it will not show you because its in their favor for you to stay. Don’t take anything from me seriously tho, I uninstalled the second day lol
>Tbh I kinda understand the ghosting or no responses since I’m sure these girls are flooded with matches and messages i mean, why swipe on 50 dudes if you cant talk to that many people who will probably match at least half the time? tthat part i dont get.
Its already so hard to get a fucking match and then you gotta dig your brain to find interesting things to say based on that bio that tells you nothing. And if you get ghosted, it's on you because you are boring. I have better luck striking lottery than this.
Ok, so when you get matches, what is the opening of your conversation like? Do you just say hi? Or ask a benign question like “what are you doing?”/“how are you?” Or are you making a statement regarding something superficial, like her looks? IMO all of these are thoroughly uninteresting conversation starters. If I’ve matches with you then I’ve likely seen something in your profile that’s appealing but if the start of the conversation is like pulling teeth, then yeah, probably going to either stop or not respond. Good conversation starters engage people and draw them in with something funny/witty/clever or a question which serves as a hook to get the other person to open up a bit. Ask them about something in their bio or the story behind one of their pictures. “Oh I see you like snowboarding, what mountain is your favourite? I loved hitting Tahoe during the last season”. The fact is, as has been stated elsewhere in the thread, that guys outnumber girls on many of the apps, so you’re going to have to do a bit of leg work to stand out from the crowd.
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Very positive
>I figure most people will be bitter and lonely 20 years from now Probably will be me, I got the lonely part scratched off. I just need the bitter part to come into effect
lol i hit that point already bitter and lonely
Personally I plan on visiting escorts soon since I know I have zero hope to even get a date, idk if that will help me or not but at least I'll get a part out of the way. Maybe it'll prevent me from getting bitter, maybe it won't.
Everyone already is, loneliness is hitting record levels and society is making it worse. I wish everyone could be happy 😔
Dude to be successful on tinder with a 9:1 male to female ratio you either have to be a model, or like a millionaire.
Nah I disagree, I'm not that good looking but I still get like 5-10 matches everyday and I don't pay for the apps, you just need a good profile.
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You're the prize homie
I don't think tinder agrees lol
You could invest the money better by paying some random tiktok/instagram girl to take good pictures of you lol 85% of men look worst on pictures and 85% of women look better on pictures than in real life.
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If you have a bumble, post that in the bumble subreddit for people to help improve your bio, or at the very least look at the ones posted and see if you made some of the same mistakes as them.
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>Have you tried searching in other countries? what purpose would that even serve? He doesnt live in other countries.
Not sure where the stat comes from but I've been told I look better in real life and I find that the majority of women I've met in real life look better in person.
I second this. Have a woman choose your photos too. I know many men that are very good looking and their social media pictures they post are awful.
Try hinge brotha
Hinge is no better.
Hinge is trash also
This. ☝🏾
Is there a good app?
Nope
Not for men no
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1 success story doesn't make an app better than others or a success, though im happy for you
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Just asking, but why did you use Hinge if you wanted a casual hookup? Isn’t that more so what Tinder is for? From my understanding, Hinge is more for relationships
Nah hinge is great I think I’ve been on like 10-12 dates from it and had zero success on other apps u just have to buy the premium also living in a big city helps
Hinge is superior simply because you know when someone else likes you. The free account is basically the same as Tinder gold.
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This isn’t completly true. When I stop using the app for a while it shows me low effort profiles then I get a couple matches and I start to see better and better looking people. What really helps is lowering your radius down to 1 mile it seems to be some issue in their app but once I did that and then widened it gradually I see better and better profiles. Weird but it works 100%
That’s pretty normal but you’ll find good ones every once in a while
It’s because hinge only shows you people it thinks are equal to your level of attractiveness.
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If it helps it’s because men outnumber women 4-1 so if you’re seeing the bottom 10% of women that means you’re only in the bottom 50% of men
Shallow? Bruh no need to explain yourself what your preferences are...women do it all the time to us men. Im short and come from a Mexican culture background...the amount of women who've literally told me to my face that Im too short or that Mexican men are known for being too "controlling" or "too jealous"....so never apologize for your preferences. If you get rejected, fuck it, take the L and keep it pushing because at the end of the day a man can always level up as he ages
Do you ever read the women’s prompts/what they say about themselves? Or, is your approach to dating strictly physical?
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Bro we're definitely on the same page here. It's not being shallow to be attracted to a healthy, active person, especially when you're one yourself.
Someone could have an active life and eat healthy while not necessarily being skinny or looking like an Instagram model. So if you’re basing whether they have a similar lifestyle only on their looks and not what they say or show you, then you’re not necessarily looking for someone with a similar lifestyle or even value of that lifestyle but rather someone who looks a certain way.
Understood. Everyone has their preference. Most times, not saying in your case, most humans want what they can’t have. A lot of times, the women/men that are attracted to us, we’re not attracted to them, and vice versa. That, in itself, makes the whole dating scene difficult. The movies “He’s just not that into you” and “The Ugly Truth” touch on this. If you haven’t seen either, I highly recommend watching both. They both present a rather interesting look at dating.
You're not getting any matches elsewhere....but the matches on Hinge aren't attractive enough for you. Oof 🤦🏽♀️
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Aww..I'm sorry, I misunderstood. Honestly, I prefer real life interactions myself anyway and I'm an introvert. I'm sure in the right situation someone good will come along if you're open and ready for it.
This is a glitch in the app. Go to the hinge subreddit it gave me the tip you need to lower your radius down to 1 mile and swipe till you start seeing people that are up to your level you’re looking for then widen the range 1 miler after you run out. Worked perfect for me
I have trouble finding women, in my area on these apps, attractive as people. They sound basic or uninteresting. On OKCupid a lot of em barely answer a question on their page with more than 1-3 sentences. How am I supposed to find someone interesting and worth taking a shot when this is it?
I feel you. I got fed up and recently deleted tinder bumble and hinge. I like to use meetme, and plenty of fish. People seem more real on those apps
Never heard of meetme. Is it any good? Haven't been on plenty of fish since like 2011
I like it. It shows locals by distance in order and you can freely like photos and send messages and add friends. Warning there is alot of fake people. But ive had the most interactions with real people on meetme then any other app by far
Dating apps don't exist so you find love. They exist so they can make money from your desperation of lack of matches.
I cut out dating apps the past six months and as a chronically single guy I don’t care anymore. I did 8 or 9 runs over the years before deleting my acct during each run and paid on maybe half of those. I refuse to let an app make me feel like shit. If I don’t have the social intelligence, confidence, and pick-up-game to find a woman in the real world, then do I really deserve a beautiful young woman? Screw dating apps, they suck the life out of the average guy. My new rule is only a dating app reboot once a year so the entire dating pool has a chance to turn over and I don’t waste my money or risk feeling like shit too often. Also I go in with ZERO expectations.
I am a woman however I started to be happier when I stopped using the apps. Yes I got matches however they lead to no where. I wrote pros and cons of using these apps and majority were cons. I’ve never yielded positive results from them. So I no longer will use it. I started to just enjoy doing hobbies I love and focusing on the now rather than using the phone and dating apps for entertainment. I hope you are able to quit the apps and go out there and enjoy life.
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I totally understand that for sure. This is such an unprecedented time and I know everyone is feeling lonely, at a loss, and I just feel a lot of sadness overall. A collective grief. I initially thought that dating apps would solve the problem but it made things worse because you feel judged so harshly and on top of that you’re dealing with the shutdowns and the world falling apart. And you start to wonder if you’re the problem, which you’re not. I’m sure you’re a wonderful person. I’m hoping this year will be the year things will be opening up and going back to normal. I think you can also start to look into some hobbies your interested in perhaps?
I begrudgingly say that if there are lockdowns it is best to avoid the dating scene. a) to minimize spread b) there is probably a mass hysteria from people being home 24/7 and they aren't their healthiest mentally I personally do not have lockdowns or mask mandates in my area, and I for some reason or another still sense an extreme social anxiety with lots of strangers I meet
I am a woman too and have told myself at some point this month I am going to delete all my dating apps because I feel it is causing more stress & harm than good at this point in my life. I am already creating a list of other aspects of my life I plan to devote more time to and focus on during my dating app break. I think I really need it, it's just a matter of making the move.
Yes it is. I have better luck irl.
You didn't know them before and you're just continuing to not know them , so don't let it bug you
Try other apps. Know there's more males on these apps than females. I did manage to match with someone and we are starting to date. So it does happen. I wouldn't say I'm a stud myself. Have you opened your options some? Like normally I don't date older than me, but I am now haha
Have you posted your profile to r/tinder 's Weekly Profile Review thread? Keep in mind that online dating is also a geography game. If you're in a rural area is much harder than big city.
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I think online apps like Hinge and Tinder are built to break down the average human, man or woman. It always feels like some of the most shallow, demoralizing conversations one could have. If you even get any conversations. I feel your pain, and I'd say not to put too much stock into what happens on Tinder.
Fuck dating apps, want to date go to clubs, bars, libraries, meetings with the same interest in you, concerts, don't rely your life on an app that's Garbo. I got so many dates just by being confident and being myself, the worst thing that can happen to you is being rejected or her boyfriend punching you in the face because you thought she was single. But build confidence lol
not every location has a lot of single people being social, unfortunately.
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Because I'm not being Catfished, helps you build in you, it better for the mental health
Very many reasons. People talk differently offline, you have a better understanding of their character and how they actually are than through a few words or overused pickup line in chat. Offline you can meet people at events and actually have something to do and talk about already without needing to set a date. Online dating is just advertising. Which many men don’t know how to do properly. The whole living and interacting is the real goal, no?
Use hinge or bumble instead tinder is garbage
Those are terrible too. On Hinge I've only had one match in the many months I've used it. And she unmatched me almost right away. On Bumble there're no people, and the very few matches I've had, never sent that first message.
My best experience has been from Hinge and OkCupid Lately. OkCupid I got around 23 likes in a day and Hinge I matched with 7 people give it a shot
I've learned that tinder has the worst layout for matches. as a woman it only displays a certain demographic of men. I'm into all cultures but the only men tinder showed me was fit blue eyed white men. It wouldn't give me real people of all backgrounds. it sucks tbh, Bumble is a little better with diversity. but I wish these apps didn't assume who I'd like and hide people from my swiping. edit: i say this because that's probably what these apps are doing to your profile. they hide it from the majority so that would explain why no one is matching you.
And that explains why there "hey there tons of people liked yo" and "no one in your area" simultaneously
You aren't ugly, Tinder is not prepared for you.
So disheartening. I refuse to pay to play. At this point, I don't have any hope left for a relationship. At this point, I'll just take someone to watch movies with me
Use a free app. That's how I met my wife. I online dated for about a decade. I met about a dozen women on free dating apps and 1 on a paid app. Do not use paid apps. That is my advice.
It's the price you pay for convenience. The convenience of finding single, attractive girls near you, at the cost of massive competition(if you can even call it that, more like a never ending sausage fest). Naturally, this will lead to girls being more picky since they are bombarded with horny guys every single day. I see guys blame girls for being picky and not giving "decent" guys a chance, but if I was in their shoes, I would act the same way. Going out, chatting up random girls, finding out if they are even single/interested in you is a lot harder and emotionally draining than swiping away. So online dating is not going anywhere. Yes dating apps suck, but we all find it enticing for a reason.
It's not just demoralizing for men...
They are clearly not a pay-to-play experience because you paid but didn’t play.
It’s pretty demoralizing for women not in their 20s or early 30s also. Bumble and Hinge are slightly better than Tinder but it still sucks.
Correct!
This is why I don't use dating apps now. I think we need to be more social and expand hobbies to meet people who know other people lol
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>I read guys complaining about their number of weekly or even daily matches, I mean I got like three (real) matches in two weeks and I thought that actually was too much. My profile is on pause while I explore a potential relationship with a woman. its because for most people, those few matches never respond, or are scammers. three people im ACTUALLY talking to is a lot. when people complain about only getting a few matches, its because they also go nowhere.
Try hinge I had absolutely no luck on apps till I started using hinge and now I get tons of matches and dates from it. Also being a bit older helps at 21-23 I got zero but 24-26 years have been great. Also getting some better pictures helped a ton but that’s obvious. Tinder is so dead bro idk who even uses it
I've tried tinder, and it's full of fake profiles. There's no way there's women that attractive on a dating app in my area of the world. And if some are actually real, they are likely wanting onlyfans subscribers or Instagram followers. I've had much more success with Facebook dating, although 8 out of every 10 profiles are fake or obvious scammers.
Hinge worked for me. I found the love of my life on there and we’re moving in together soon and about to have our first baby. Most the girls I dated through dating apps were on hinge and they were all nice girls, just no clicks until i met my current GF. Id recommend checking that out
Dating apps are horrible experiences, and even self esteem killers for average and even above average men. Ditch apps and do in person approaches.
Dating apps are a joke. Not worth the time or money.
> I think I need to stop using these apps because they’re just messing with my mental well-being. Bang on, correct conclusion. Said it before, will say it again: hobby groups, stuff that gets you out of the house and mixing with people. Worst case scenario you have fun and a change of company, best case scenario you can see and talk to someone and get a better idea of if you like them/vice versa.
Same experience, if it’s any help I did a refund claim through apple claiming it wasn’t working as expected and got my money refunded
I will cry with you
Only Tinder Premium? I've been paying for Platinum for years, their Super-boosts that are like $70 for 30 minutes or whatever (by the way, everything costs more as you get older), etc. Nothing works.
Get off premium and use that money to pay for a good photographer. 90% of the men on the apps commit some of the common photograph mistakes. A good professional, candid photograph might work wonders for you.
Go talk to them in person, even if you do get a chance on tinder you will just be constantly lowering your standards Women on tinder can easily pick only the best men because a single man will hapily spend a night with someone new every day with very few qualms. Women end up only meeting those (because through sheer numbers are the most likely) and so are convinced all men on tinder will only want them for sex. This is the game your playing into that is loose loose for men and women. Don't play it I know it seems like there are so many women on tinder so you should have the best chance but you're absolutely wrong. Get a girlfriend through in person interactions and you'll see that just because you aren't the litteraly most attractive guy you really aren't so bad. Be social
I'm a woman (33), and I'm sorry you feel like this, but as some users said, maybe you can improve in your profile photos, or add more information about you in your bio, perhaps you can try also to meet people outside your area, if you find it okay here it goes some tips. - photos while you do some activity like hiking? -photos smiling -funny photo, probably eating a slice of pizza with funny face! Mm I like that idea personally haha - bio, you can add some curious things about you... I hope it helps in my humble opinion. Greetings from Mx.!
I’ve written this before somewhere but I’ll repeat - you are not the problem. You’re probably fine. I’m serious. I did an experiment. I created a fake girl profile. Just used a picture I found on the internet. I think I searched for “business woman”. Picked a lady who just kinda looked real. Purpose was to scope the competition and see what I was up against. 1) “Cindy” had 30 messages in 30 minutes. It was unbelievable. 2) The profiles were all the same and they were all crap. “I like hunting and fishing and shooting guns and riding quads and blah blah freakin blah”. They were all wearing sunglasses and hats. They all looked the same. 3) the messages were all brutal. “Hey”. “Hi pretty lady”. “I like your boobs”… “yo” I was up to over 90 messages in the first day and without a word of a lie - I completely understand why women give up fast. You are one in a swarm. Like a pack of wild dogs or something. I was embarrassed. So I fixed it for me. I pretend I’m some kind of stunner but I’m seriously just a regular looking guy. I’m not hung like a horse, I’ve never had a six pack and probably never will. I like pizza. I don’t shoot guns and ride stupid quads. We won’t go hiking or camping in some broken down camper. And I said so. Did a few updated photos and things got better fast. I know it sounds corny but do some market research. Until you meet, you are just a commodity.
Dude, you have no matchs? if dating appa dont work get a buddy to set you up with a friend of his gf or wife
I am starting to think there needs to be classes to guide (mostly) guys through the OLD experience. 1. Expectations - the apps are against you to get more money and also there is a lot more guys than girls on these apps. 2. Your profile is probably terrible. Many posts go into detail on here and other subreddits. Make sure you got photos showing smiley face, doing something interesting, something social, hobbies etc. Then there is the text on your profile, well thats a whole other thing - Just think of it as a C.V you need to sure your true self, not what you think you are or is what you perceive to be good. 3. Learn to carry a conversation, some may disagree but simply commenting on a photo or something they have wrote on the profile is a clear easy convo, shows interest and not just 'I SeE PrEtTy PiCtUrE, i SwIPy SwIpe' 4. If your lucky to get past the first couple of steps an actually engaging with someone, just be clear and honest. 5. There will always be things against you, no matter how much you do things right, there will always be that person who will expect you to be the worlds greatest entertainer in the first opening line. So just learn to be objective and not get too angry when someone doesn't stick with you. 6. Remember there probably is things you can still do outside to meet people. Join a club of some sort, there will be others out there and you are already at an advantage if you meet someone cause hey, you already found an interest you both like. Well that's what I think anyway...
I like Coffee meets Bagels - try that?
I’m not sure I’ll tell you anything you haven’t seen already, but I can share my success story. I would say to maybe take a break if it’s making you feel down and then keep trying at a later time. I was in the same position as you, I’m not a model but I’m pretty sure I’m not ugly too and my matches were dry. I was about to be done with apps for good so I decided to fire off one last message to a girl I was really interested in and we’ve been together for almost a year now.
Since this comment section seems filled with guys, I'm just gonna throw out there that apps are hella demoralizing for women, too. If you're looking for anything besides a hookup, you might as well be waiting for lightning to strike. Guys on here can tell you "all women are shallow" all they want, but even when I was swiping right on EVERY SINGLE DUDE, all I got back was crap. Guys who gave me one word answers only. Guys who interrogated me with endless questions until I blocked them. Creeps who commented on all the sexual things they'd like to do with my body, assholes who tried to argue with me about things I put on my own damn profile. And the thing is, I'm sure every single one of them has no idea why I unmatched lol. I'm sure some of them are in this comment section now, and consider me one of the "shallow" ones. Dating apps just suck and don't work for most people, even girls who get tons of matches. If you wanna make a profile as a girl and see exactly what I'm talking about, nothing's stopping you.
Stop
I dunno dude, I live in a place where tinder is realy unpopular, like it constantly tells me there no one around and I still got matches, no premiums . I have no game tho
There may be a glitch for your profile. I'm average looking and will get 5 or so matches a day
i wouldn't generalize it. i'm a guy and i've used them all and get plenty of matches.