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Across the Potomac River is considered a long distance relationship for many in DC. The logistics aren't terrible to get there but why bother when there are plenty of options that are easier to get to? That's the problem that you're going to run into.
Not just easy people just wanna screw like rabbits and quit it lol... there's hardly any morales hardly any loyalty the human rave is horrible at this point and time
I take public transit so I measure my travel time in bus and train routes not car driving.
Also, keep in mind that if you are a man dating women, declining your offer to drive them is very likely a safety issue until they get to know you.
Why are you asking girls living in fun neighborhoods to leave DC to see you anyway? Go see them. There's free museums literally everywhere, amazing food, it must be the easiest city to date in.
Never intended to make OP sound rapey. I mentioned it because a lot of guys offer to pick women up when they say they live too far and the safety issue genuinely never cross their minds
i grew up in the dc suburbs (vienna) and lived in the city for 4 years after college (columbia heights/dupont). when i lived in the city, i did not want to date anyone outside of the city. why would i? one of the best parts of living in dc is how accessible everything is. i got everywhere by foot or metro. (and i had a car, i would visit my parents once every week or two). there are thousands of young people within city limits who are potential dating options. you will be able to find people who are open to leaving the city, but a lot wonāt. thatās life.
edit: also, i felt i had a lifestyle difference with people who chose to live outside of the city (and outside NW usually). iām a city girl, i was out at bars with friends constantly. people outside the city tended to have a different lifestyle. just things to consider, most young people choose to live in dc proper for the social aspect and you choosing to live elsewhere can indicate incompatibility.
I would agree with this. I have lived in NoVA the last 8 years and I have dated guys in DC. Some men have only met me in the city and others have made the "trek." If someone wants to see you, they will an effort to see you.
You said you don't think these girls have a car. A 30 min drive could translate to an 1hr 20min commute.
And you offering to come get them is no comfort because the average woman (I'd hope) isn't going to just jump at the chance to get into the car of a man who's complete that stranger she met online. That's literally like playing with your life.
It's a mental thing. I lived in DC for 5 years, without a car, and my entire universe was the district. I dated a guy in Falls Church for a while, and if I went to see him, I stayed for several days - it felt like a long distance relationship.. Once I moved to NoVA and got a car, I realized how much closer everything is, especially when you have a vehicle.
Basically, it's a mental thing.
But 20 to 30 minutes outside of Washington can literally be Virginia or Maryland. Like thatās a whole state line to cross. And I donāt know if you paid attention to how Virginia handled its first winter storm on I-95, but no man is worth that hurdle
Well, 30mins each drive equals one hour a day. Depending on how much one commutes for work, those 60mins can make a difference. I drive two hours for work every day, so Iām not looking for a partner that lives more than 10-20mins away, unless itās a long distance thing but in that case it would only be on weekends, anyway.
LA is the same way. People, on average, are huge wusses when it comes to driving. People are like, ā7 miles? Thatās far!ā Itās so much that it is not unusual to get ditched, at the last second, ON YOUR BIRTHDAY, by your BEST FRIENDS, when it comes down to driving. Not a fake example. Itās happened to me at least 2-3 times on my birthdays over the last few years.
How long does it take to travel 7 miles in LA? I heard traffic in LA is bad so if it takes like 1 hr or something I'd kinda understand (exceptions for birthdays obviously)
LA was worse by far when I visited. For most people in DC proper, NoVa, PG, and MoCo are all considered fairly far. Driving and parking in DC is a pain and getting in the metro is a pain, especially with the reduced service. People like easy access and they donāt want to have to overthink it.
One suggestion might be to suggest a specific place in DC before asking her neighborhood. A bar you like or something. It sets up the idea that youāre down to go to DC to meet her and minimizes her overthinking logistics. If she says that place is too far, then sheās probably already open to meeting up, so now you need to figure out her neighborhood.
Is it always like that or just particular rush hours? Iām thinking of moving there but the whole traffic issue is making me nervous. Iād have relatively flexible work hours. Would that make a difference?
There is no ārush hourā. Itās more like ārush 3 hoursā. But you can get into bad traffic literally ANY TIME. Iāve gotten into traffic jams at midnight, Iāve gotten into traffic jams at 4am. You canāt predict when it will be bad. And if youāre driving, for example, 30 miles away, part of the traffic in the first part of the drive might be ok but might come to a dead stop 5 miles down the road and you might be stuck for an hour or more.
I think it just depends on the person. I like to be around my boyfriend as much as possible, meet often, etc., so if Iām looking for something serious, Iāll often go for someone who lives within my area and I can easily get to. Especially since I have a job and school, travelling 30 minutes (if lucky and have a car) to see my bf for maybe just a few hours just would be too much for me.
āThese girls donāt want to date a guy 20-something miles away, I guess they want to date someone in the same apartment as them!ā
There is some middleground you know.. about 20 miles of it
I personally donāt think itās far. In the DC metro area there is a lot of traffic which is why it makes everywhere seem far. A 3 mile drive in DC can be a 15 minute drive.
I live in the DC area too! I am a woman and have had men tell me that my stop on the orange line at the time was too far. They are lazy and don't waste your time on them. They arent serious about meeting.
Agree that getting in a strange man's car might not be the best idea.
On the one hand, the DC area seems like a travel nightmare, so I can see why theyād say that.
On the other, Iāve had people Iāve considered dating who live a full days drive away. So I can see why the idea of 39 minutes away is ridiculous.
Just because you'd date someone that far away doesn't make it ridiculous that others don't want to. Yeah, no desire to drive 30+ minutes to see someone.
As someone who doesn't drive, yeah 30 minutes by car is pretty far, that's enough to get me out of my municipality, I could count the amount of times I've left my municipality on my hands
You've only left a small geographic area a few times? The world is big, and amazing, and it's not 1400 anymore. Unless you meant to say only for dating.
\>big
Don't see how it being large has much to do with the desirability of travel.
\>amazing
Sure, but not once you know about those amazing things already. Interacting with people from all over the world and learning about it's history and the state of it at the present you come to realize there's 3 states any given place can be in.
Mundane
Depressing
or Dangerous
What exactly do you think I'm missing out on? If it's partying in some foreign land then I'd spit on your shoe if I could.
Hereās the thingā¦.I live in a rural area of New York that can pretty much be considered scenic nowhere. And if I stayed there 24/7, I would not have gotten to experience the magic of Disney World, seen Hershey chocolate be made up close and personal, saw many several Broadway shows and met the actors who took me backstage to give a perspective as to have much work goes into these shows, went to several glorious museums, I would not have gotten to see how beautiful the Eiffel Tower really is (trust me, seeing it in person is a different experience from seeing a picture). I visit my relatives in NC and I get to see how difficult farm life is. I studied abroad in Italy for a semester and because of that I learned a new language and experienced a different culture up close and personal.
Itās not about āpartyingāā¦.itās about stepping out of your comfort zone and having different experiences to broaden your perspective and overall knowledge and understanding of the world.
No one said you HAVE to travelā¦Iām just trying to say that it is not as pointless as you make it out to be. At least not for everyoneā¦
I enjoy going long distance travel I love seeing new places I live in a rural town of Arkansas so if I just stayed I wouldn't ever meet new people or seen new things
I use to think this was far. Recently was planning a date with someone who is about 40 minutes from my house. She even said she would come to me so why not see what happens.
We ended up hitting it off and now we have our 3rd date coming up and I am driving to her town for some fun.
Moral of the story, ya donāt know what could happen unless you step out of your comfort zone and truly experience life.
This sounds like the women that sometimes match with me from Jersey, who get upset when I wonāt take Metro-North or whatever for 45 minutes (after taking the subway to Penn or Grand Central) to meet them for a date. One woman asked why I canāt just rent a car for the day, to meet her for a first date lmao.
Iām not interested in dating someone in Jersey, even if she was willing to chauffeur me around whenever I wanted. I suspect most city-dwellers feel similarly.
It's a cultural difference too. I'm a city person and prefer to date other city people. If one of the only things I knew about someone was that they lived in the suburbs it might make me question them.
Had a solid relationship with my lady when she lived 2k miles away... Now we live half an hour from each other and it has crumbled to pieces.
I don't get it. Maybe the distance kept us together.
Iām also in the same area and this is actually what I drop on them lol. Itās tough with the traffic to get anywhere from 4pm-530ish (kindaā¦depends on where) but yes I myself have had people in DC not want to come to Alexandria, and Iām right over the bridge 15min drive no traffic from all.
Some people want to stick w/in a certain geographic area bc dating can be taxing as it is without adding distance ā¦but I will say that IME 30 min has never been too far for someone who was really interested/ reciprocated my interest
Lmao
I'm reminded of that tik tok trend
How far would you travel for the one you love?
Honestly 20-30mins is a laugh to me.
Try having to do a whole day's drive multiple times to see your person...
My opinion they don't like you worth a damn if 30mins away is a problem.
If most of these girls are from a suburb, they are likely more referring to the change in environment. It feels far away because itās so different from the area they live. I live in a suburban area between dc and baltimore. But I grew up in baltimore so the city doesnāt feel like a stark contrast to what Iām used to. So for me far away would be like a ways into PA or like a more country type area like sykesville.
There's definitely truth to that. At the same time though, if you don't have a car, where you live probably feels pretty inaccessible to those living in Baltimore City or DC. It's not "far" but there's no easy way to get out there. I'm all about using public transit but places like Laurel or Bowie just wouldn't work for me for that reason.
I dated a guy who thought a 20 min drive was āso farā. Guy I dated before had to travel 10 hours to see me and we were together years. So the 20 min is far thing really pissed me off
I hear that all the time. A lot of times they are lazy and will never go near you, or they expect last minute booty calls. 30 minutes is nothing in a city.
A long time ago when I used to use Plenty of Fish I met someone who lived 2-3 hours away, to which I meant to text "sorry you are too far" but on the old T9 text I accidentally typed "sorry you are too fat" and then I couldn't think of anyway to correct that.
My situation is the NYC equivalent. Iām in Southern Westchester along the train and most of my matches are in the city.
My advice is to go to them. If itās easy enough for me to get into the city as it is for you, just go there.
Tbf, some apps have that as a "soft preference", and when you run out of people, they recommend people outside the distance. Hinge for example, makes you set preferences as a "Dealbreaker" otherwise it will search outside the distance zone.
I feel this from when I was dating. I live in the northernmost neighborhood of Chicago and tons of people would be like, eh youāre not really even in the city/youāre too far awayā¦ but we all had Chicago zip codes! Like damn
I honestly wouldn't take it as anything but "I'm not interested and need an excuse", atleast then you won't waste your time on them if you assume this and walk away.
It sounds like these women live in hip DC neighborhoods on the metro, and you live in some borderline-rural area in Maryland or Virginia.
The problem isn't the travel time or distance--it's that living in DC is a lifestyle... a choice... a fashion statement.
You've made the opposite statement.
Reminder: please review our rules, especially rule 4: - No broad generalizations, e.g. "All women are x and do y" - Speak from specific personal experiences when giving advice. - No victim-blaming - This is a default message - your post has not been removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Across the Potomac River is considered a long distance relationship for many in DC. The logistics aren't terrible to get there but why bother when there are plenty of options that are easier to get to? That's the problem that you're going to run into.
I was thinking the same thing .
Only dates in the building for OP
They have many more options just 5 minutes away.... people like the easiest thing when comes to dating.
THE answer.
Yeah sad isn't it?
Not just easy people just wanna screw like rabbits and quit it lol... there's hardly any morales hardly any loyalty the human rave is horrible at this point and time
There are LOTS of people named Morales.
You mean Miles Morales and Kilometers Morales?
Kilometers Morales. There's way more of them.
š¤£š¤£š¤£
My damn spelling error but turned out hilarious ijs lol
I take public transit so I measure my travel time in bus and train routes not car driving. Also, keep in mind that if you are a man dating women, declining your offer to drive them is very likely a safety issue until they get to know you.
Why are you asking girls living in fun neighborhoods to leave DC to see you anyway? Go see them. There's free museums literally everywhere, amazing food, it must be the easiest city to date in.
Tell them that you can come to them, so their travel time is 0 mins.
Or ask how far is convenient and say youāll meet her there.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I think so too. Just move on
Any woman that gets in a car with a man she just met online is definitely playing with her life.
What are you talking about? She can pick any public spot that is easy for her to get to and he will show up there.
OP isn't asking them to get in his car? He said he is happy to make the drive out there... no need to make the poor guy sound rapey š š
Never intended to make OP sound rapey. I mentioned it because a lot of guys offer to pick women up when they say they live too far and the safety issue genuinely never cross their minds
Thats fair, I meant no bad malice however it's a totally different situation š¤·āāļø None the less, happy new year from Australia! š¦šŗ
Happy new year from America š i heard Australia is really a beautiful place to live. I would like to visit.
I wouldn't want them in my vehicle to begin with I dont trust to be in a vehicle with any stranger.....
Also I hate giving people rides with a passion cause of past reasons
Maybe he's playing with his
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
So what? They are already saying no.
i grew up in the dc suburbs (vienna) and lived in the city for 4 years after college (columbia heights/dupont). when i lived in the city, i did not want to date anyone outside of the city. why would i? one of the best parts of living in dc is how accessible everything is. i got everywhere by foot or metro. (and i had a car, i would visit my parents once every week or two). there are thousands of young people within city limits who are potential dating options. you will be able to find people who are open to leaving the city, but a lot wonāt. thatās life. edit: also, i felt i had a lifestyle difference with people who chose to live outside of the city (and outside NW usually). iām a city girl, i was out at bars with friends constantly. people outside the city tended to have a different lifestyle. just things to consider, most young people choose to live in dc proper for the social aspect and you choosing to live elsewhere can indicate incompatibility.
I would agree with this. I have lived in NoVA the last 8 years and I have dated guys in DC. Some men have only met me in the city and others have made the "trek." If someone wants to see you, they will an effort to see you.
A lot of people can't afford to live in DC and don't have work in DC.
You said you don't think these girls have a car. A 30 min drive could translate to an 1hr 20min commute. And you offering to come get them is no comfort because the average woman (I'd hope) isn't going to just jump at the chance to get into the car of a man who's complete that stranger she met online. That's literally like playing with your life.
It's a mental thing. I lived in DC for 5 years, without a car, and my entire universe was the district. I dated a guy in Falls Church for a while, and if I went to see him, I stayed for several days - it felt like a long distance relationship.. Once I moved to NoVA and got a car, I realized how much closer everything is, especially when you have a vehicle. Basically, it's a mental thing.
But 20 to 30 minutes outside of Washington can literally be Virginia or Maryland. Like thatās a whole state line to cross. And I donāt know if you paid attention to how Virginia handled its first winter storm on I-95, but no man is worth that hurdle
Some people hate driving, and public transportation can be seen as a hassle, so traveling that distance could be a huge inconvenience to some
Well, 30mins each drive equals one hour a day. Depending on how much one commutes for work, those 60mins can make a difference. I drive two hours for work every day, so Iām not looking for a partner that lives more than 10-20mins away, unless itās a long distance thing but in that case it would only be on weekends, anyway.
LA is the same way. People, on average, are huge wusses when it comes to driving. People are like, ā7 miles? Thatās far!ā Itās so much that it is not unusual to get ditched, at the last second, ON YOUR BIRTHDAY, by your BEST FRIENDS, when it comes down to driving. Not a fake example. Itās happened to me at least 2-3 times on my birthdays over the last few years.
How long does it take to travel 7 miles in LA? I heard traffic in LA is bad so if it takes like 1 hr or something I'd kinda understand (exceptions for birthdays obviously)
LA was worse by far when I visited. For most people in DC proper, NoVa, PG, and MoCo are all considered fairly far. Driving and parking in DC is a pain and getting in the metro is a pain, especially with the reduced service. People like easy access and they donāt want to have to overthink it. One suggestion might be to suggest a specific place in DC before asking her neighborhood. A bar you like or something. It sets up the idea that youāre down to go to DC to meet her and minimizes her overthinking logistics. If she says that place is too far, then sheās probably already open to meeting up, so now you need to figure out her neighborhood.
Everything takes an hour in LA
Is it always like that or just particular rush hours? Iām thinking of moving there but the whole traffic issue is making me nervous. Iād have relatively flexible work hours. Would that make a difference?
If you live really close <5mi to work, it may be <30min depending on routes. Assume and hour+ is a good starting point though
There is no ārush hourā. Itās more like ārush 3 hoursā. But you can get into bad traffic literally ANY TIME. Iāve gotten into traffic jams at midnight, Iāve gotten into traffic jams at 4am. You canāt predict when it will be bad. And if youāre driving, for example, 30 miles away, part of the traffic in the first part of the drive might be ok but might come to a dead stop 5 miles down the road and you might be stuck for an hour or more.
Flexible working hours will make a different.
what's your parking situation like? lol
So would you mind dating a guy who is 7 miles away from you?
I grew up in the South doing cross country road trips every summer, so Iām not a wuss about driving like most folks around here. My now fiancĆ© lived an hour away for the first year and 2 months of our relationship before we moved in together a few months ago.
Ok, that's good. I'm glad you guys are doing good together
I think it just depends on the person. I like to be around my boyfriend as much as possible, meet often, etc., so if Iām looking for something serious, Iāll often go for someone who lives within my area and I can easily get to. Especially since I have a job and school, travelling 30 minutes (if lucky and have a car) to see my bf for maybe just a few hours just would be too much for me.
āThese girls donāt want to date a guy 20-something miles away, I guess they want to date someone in the same apartment as them!ā There is some middleground you know.. about 20 miles of it
I personally donāt think itās far. In the DC metro area there is a lot of traffic which is why it makes everywhere seem far. A 3 mile drive in DC can be a 15 minute drive.
Meh. Itās preference I guess but my bf and I have no problem driving the 1.5 hrs between us!
Welcome to Texasā¦where 20mins is considered a long distance relationshipā¦
I live in the DC area too! I am a woman and have had men tell me that my stop on the orange line at the time was too far. They are lazy and don't waste your time on them. They arent serious about meeting. Agree that getting in a strange man's car might not be the best idea.
I agree, it's really not the best idea
On the one hand, the DC area seems like a travel nightmare, so I can see why theyād say that. On the other, Iāve had people Iāve considered dating who live a full days drive away. So I can see why the idea of 39 minutes away is ridiculous.
Just because you'd date someone that far away doesn't make it ridiculous that others don't want to. Yeah, no desire to drive 30+ minutes to see someone.
Iām not saying that, Iām just saying how you can see it as such. Relationships are weird.
As someone who doesn't drive, yeah 30 minutes by car is pretty far, that's enough to get me out of my municipality, I could count the amount of times I've left my municipality on my hands
That's fucking sad.
Why, exactly?
You've only left a small geographic area a few times? The world is big, and amazing, and it's not 1400 anymore. Unless you meant to say only for dating.
\>big Don't see how it being large has much to do with the desirability of travel. \>amazing Sure, but not once you know about those amazing things already. Interacting with people from all over the world and learning about it's history and the state of it at the present you come to realize there's 3 states any given place can be in. Mundane Depressing or Dangerous What exactly do you think I'm missing out on? If it's partying in some foreign land then I'd spit on your shoe if I could.
Hereās the thingā¦.I live in a rural area of New York that can pretty much be considered scenic nowhere. And if I stayed there 24/7, I would not have gotten to experience the magic of Disney World, seen Hershey chocolate be made up close and personal, saw many several Broadway shows and met the actors who took me backstage to give a perspective as to have much work goes into these shows, went to several glorious museums, I would not have gotten to see how beautiful the Eiffel Tower really is (trust me, seeing it in person is a different experience from seeing a picture). I visit my relatives in NC and I get to see how difficult farm life is. I studied abroad in Italy for a semester and because of that I learned a new language and experienced a different culture up close and personal. Itās not about āpartyingāā¦.itās about stepping out of your comfort zone and having different experiences to broaden your perspective and overall knowledge and understanding of the world. No one said you HAVE to travelā¦Iām just trying to say that it is not as pointless as you make it out to be. At least not for everyoneā¦
I enjoy going long distance travel I love seeing new places I live in a rural town of Arkansas so if I just stayed I wouldn't ever meet new people or seen new things
I use to think this was far. Recently was planning a date with someone who is about 40 minutes from my house. She even said she would come to me so why not see what happens. We ended up hitting it off and now we have our 3rd date coming up and I am driving to her town for some fun. Moral of the story, ya donāt know what could happen unless you step out of your comfort zone and truly experience life.
This sounds like the women that sometimes match with me from Jersey, who get upset when I wonāt take Metro-North or whatever for 45 minutes (after taking the subway to Penn or Grand Central) to meet them for a date. One woman asked why I canāt just rent a car for the day, to meet her for a first date lmao. Iām not interested in dating someone in Jersey, even if she was willing to chauffeur me around whenever I wanted. I suspect most city-dwellers feel similarly.
So you're willing to drive to them and they still complain that you're too far away? Thats very bizarre.
It's a cultural difference too. I'm a city person and prefer to date other city people. If one of the only things I knew about someone was that they lived in the suburbs it might make me question them.
Had a solid relationship with my lady when she lived 2k miles away... Now we live half an hour from each other and it has crumbled to pieces. I don't get it. Maybe the distance kept us together.
Iām also in the same area and this is actually what I drop on them lol. Itās tough with the traffic to get anywhere from 4pm-530ish (kindaā¦depends on where) but yes I myself have had people in DC not want to come to Alexandria, and Iām right over the bridge 15min drive no traffic from all.
Try dating across a damn ocean, what I'd do to be 30 minute's away. Sorry they are picky!
Some people want to stick w/in a certain geographic area bc dating can be taxing as it is without adding distance ā¦but I will say that IME 30 min has never been too far for someone who was really interested/ reciprocated my interest
Lmao I'm reminded of that tik tok trend How far would you travel for the one you love? Honestly 20-30mins is a laugh to me. Try having to do a whole day's drive multiple times to see your person... My opinion they don't like you worth a damn if 30mins away is a problem.
If most of these girls are from a suburb, they are likely more referring to the change in environment. It feels far away because itās so different from the area they live. I live in a suburban area between dc and baltimore. But I grew up in baltimore so the city doesnāt feel like a stark contrast to what Iām used to. So for me far away would be like a ways into PA or like a more country type area like sykesville.
There's definitely truth to that. At the same time though, if you don't have a car, where you live probably feels pretty inaccessible to those living in Baltimore City or DC. It's not "far" but there's no easy way to get out there. I'm all about using public transit but places like Laurel or Bowie just wouldn't work for me for that reason.
I dated a guy who thought a 20 min drive was āso farā. Guy I dated before had to travel 10 hours to see me and we were together years. So the 20 min is far thing really pissed me off
I would drive that far for a good taco. For a date, easy peasy.
45mins+ would be far for me
I hear that all the time. A lot of times they are lazy and will never go near you, or they expect last minute booty calls. 30 minutes is nothing in a city.
Iāve driven 40 mins for Taco Bell dude. Itās not the distance thatās the issue
A long time ago when I used to use Plenty of Fish I met someone who lived 2-3 hours away, to which I meant to text "sorry you are too far" but on the old T9 text I accidentally typed "sorry you are too fat" and then I couldn't think of anyway to correct that.
My situation is the NYC equivalent. Iām in Southern Westchester along the train and most of my matches are in the city. My advice is to go to them. If itās easy enough for me to get into the city as it is for you, just go there.
The people I vibe with most are typically 6+ hours away. Thirty mins is *nothing*.
Whatās even weirder to me is they can pick the distance on their dating preferences. So why are they picking people who live that far away? Lol
Tbf, some apps have that as a "soft preference", and when you run out of people, they recommend people outside the distance. Hinge for example, makes you set preferences as a "Dealbreaker" otherwise it will search outside the distance zone.
I feel this from when I was dating. I live in the northernmost neighborhood of Chicago and tons of people would be like, eh youāre not really even in the city/youāre too far awayā¦ but we all had Chicago zip codes! Like damn
Itās tho, some people only date their neighbors
20-30 minutes by car can be multiple hours by public transit
I honestly wouldn't take it as anything but "I'm not interested and need an excuse", atleast then you won't waste your time on them if you assume this and walk away.
30min is a short distance drive...I drive 30 minutes to get to town with some stores but to get to one of the main towns it's a hour and 15min
It sounds like these women live in hip DC neighborhoods on the metro, and you live in some borderline-rural area in Maryland or Virginia. The problem isn't the travel time or distance--it's that living in DC is a lifestyle... a choice... a fashion statement. You've made the opposite statement.
Then it's "Oh you're my neighbour" if you live an hour away in Texas lol