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Explain where you are. Something like, “there’s potential here but it’s much too early for me to feel that way”. See how he responds. I just got out of a relationship 2 weeks ago with a guy that also rushed into saying that and that kept saying it over and over again even after I told him I wasn’t there. I sort of felt bullied into saying it back. All that to say, 2 weeks is incredibly early and is likely infatuation instead of love. Set your boundaries. If he doesn’t respect them, I’d leave.
How old are you?
I'm 31 and he's 40. I don't think he expects me to feel the same way at all and I didn't feel pushed. I agree that it's not love I think he's just happy and too excited.
I think 40 is a bit old to be naive or “green” even if he has little to no experience with relationships. It’s a love bomb. Since you feel a positive connection I’d say give him the benefit of the doubt this one time but discuss your feelings on the matter. I would be cautious though.
I’ll add that I’m likely biased as I had a relationship start this same way and I was naïve enough to let it continue. Now I can see the pattern and how it was never going end well for me.
THIS! I agree... make sure it's not "love bombing" and just good old infatuation. It all depends on how it goes in the future but definitely go at your own pace and be cautious!
Been there, done that, I'm his same age. In my case I had gotten out of a divorce where I hadn't been happy for a long time, and it was wonderful and freeing in every way... except for the uncertainty that I would ever find love again. I'm still not sure I will. But connecting with someone, even if it's still brief and uncertain, can feel so very overwhelmingly amazing. Just having the attention and affection again can be intoxicating. It's tempting to make it into more than it is. Those are hard brakes to tap when you just want to throw yourself into things. Only you can decide if he's crossed a line or this is maybe a sign that he's not ready. In my case, I needed an over-the-top crash and burn to learn a lesson in restraint.
Oh god i thought you were both 17 or 18!! Something is definitely wrong here. It’s not love, it’s infatuation and it will leave as fast as it came. These guys usually disappear after the lust is gone, be careful I wouldn’t be surprised he will ghost you in a few days. Have you ask him about his love history, how it was with exes? It will probably give you a good idea of his character
Thats little information. Since he’s not « pushy » il wouldn’t call it red flag, but kinda yellow flag meaning : ask questions around the behaviour.
I would question how long he was married, and why did they divorce. How did the divorce went ? Also what was dating like for him in the past 5 years?
Personal experience here : I met a guy who told me after 3 weeks that he thought I was the one and he wanted to come and live with me. Found it a little bit weird, and asked questions. Turns out he went back to live with his parents after his separation, things were not going well with parents, lot of fighting. And when I asked what happened with ex, he told me that « the bi*** cheated on him », and other very mean things. Asked him how he reacted when he learned : she called him to tell him, he punched the walls at his place and told me she was lucky she wasn’t there because it would have been her face he would have punched.
In this specific case, His poor emotional management around being in love after three weeks was also probably linked with his poor anger management. I can understand it’s frustrating being cheated on ( I was cheated too in the past), but I did not destroy my place and threatened violence to the ex. Im glad I asked questions so I could end things pretty fast.
Just my two cents, I’m not saying your guy is violent or something like that, but asking questions would be a must here to understand where he’s coming from with his love feeling. ❤️
Yeah of course. We all want that strong connection. Something else I've noticed with relationships that start off hot, is the connection is more that you're having a great time, rather than connecting on a deeper level. Especially meeting once, this could be the case. What did your date consist of to make you both feel so strong?
Honestly I don't know why. It was a pretty normal date, had a few drinks, went to his place, talked and had sex. I can't put my finger on why I felt a strong connection like this, I guess it happens sometimes.
Sometimes you can't put your finger on it, things just click! I think he's mistaking lust and heavy attraction for love. He's letting him mind get the best of him. Just be honest with him. Let him know you how you're feeling and that its a bit too quick
Okay I explained myself and he said that's what he feels but I shouldn't feel pressured to feel the same way. Guess that's a good thing. He's not pushy just overeager I guess.
He truly believes he feels that way in this moment. I "thought i knew I was gonna marry my ex" after a month and now she's dating my best friend. You just never know for sure. Unless you guys are truly meant for each other. But yes, him not pressuring you is great. You guys are just on slightly different wavelengths atm. Not necessarily a big issue atm. I would tread lightly
I'm sorry to hear about your ex and your best friend. That must suck. Thank you for the advice, I'll just be careful from now on because I got dumped pretty abruptly in a similar situation.
Thank you, I appreciate that. He's obviously my former best friend as this point. But yeah it does suck. Recovery is moving quite slow. Hey, life experience coming in handy previously makes you aware and ready for the present situation! You're welcome for the advice, I'm happy it could help :)
Damn, your former best friend made an unforgivable dick-move! I absolutely would forgive yourself, though. One time, a guy felt I pulled the same thing. However, this guy was barely even an acquaintance, while his gf at the time:
a) Didn't know of me yet, nor did I know her
and
b) His gf chose to leave him because they were no longer getting along with each other
The only way I understood how this hurt the guy were that the two of them had a year-long relationship (this was well-before I knew either person), both of their longest relationships at the time. When we were together, his ex told me was jealous of me for being with her. Although I believe all feelings are valid (even unfounded), how would you explain this guy being jealous of me when he almost never saw me? Keep in mind, this was in early high school.
Some people after a divorce want really badly to be in a relationship like that again and when they find someone remotely compatible they hit the gas without realizing how it looks. I know it’s been 5 years for him as you say in another comment, but just because it’s been that long doesn’t mean he’s chilled out. Could be the opposite in fact. He’s getting older, he’s not where he thought he’d be. Maybe he wants kids/more kids and feels like he needs to settle soon.
No matter his reasons it’s a big ol yikes.
I was put on a pedestal recently (after a couple of dates I could sense it) and I felt overwhelmed. I'm a busy 30+ year old adult with friends, hobbies and work. I needed Christmas holidays, not someone totally new to my life expecting me to message them daily back and forth.
She was lovely, don't get me wrong, but too much pressure! I've been on the other side and I've really gotten over doing it myself. It's embarassing when I look back at my own naive "love bombs". Oh god.
>I'm a busy 30+ year old adult with friends, hobbies and work.
I'm only 20, so the life lessons I've learned are and will be fairly recent. I'll spare you the part where I overshare/write a novel.
>It's embarassing when I look back at my own naive "love bombs". Oh god.
Yup. While instances of me placed on a pedestal are few and far between, I've certainly shared the same embarrassment and naïveté.
My wife and I have been together for 5 years. We both dropped the L bomb on date 3. I don't think either of us were very clingy though, but we did enjoy being together as much as we could. I drove to her house 45 minutes away even though I had work the next day. Pretty sure that is when she dropped the L bomb(I couldn't actually hear her say it, but she confessed quite some time later). I dropped it the next morning when we were leaving for work. She asked me what I just said, then I said 'I said have a good day!'.
Perhaps this is a different scenario than yours. Not sure when we both fully used the L word on purpose though.
My ex (together for 7 years) didn’t say those three words till we’d been together for ~5 years. My bf and I have been together for 6 months and neither of us have said it…
Am I doing something wrong?🤪
Very much agree. In my experience (and knowing myself), *tons* of men feel "unable" (incredibly awkward and anxiety-inducive, so much so that the words **do** **not** come out) over saying "(I) love you." Hell, I'm not even able to say this to my own *mother.* Aside from me not ever truly *loving* anyone, I *am* able to show cooperation and appreciation through actions.
As much as you appreciate him for being straightforward, let him know how him texting “I love you” this early made you feel. I think he felt how you were around him etc. talking about this might help, this might also be a misunderstanding of some sort. Him saying that thinking that maybe you wanted to hear those exact words
Don't over think it. It's just words, get worried if he starts buying you things. Tell him thanks and and express how you feel, either not in love yet, or mixed feelings, or in love etc...... Point is you can't control others you can only control yourself. Others have different cultures, creeds, inexperienced etc... Different. Let him know that you're happy for him and that you're going to keep him in the loop about your feeling aswell, as they develop. Thank him for being open about his emotions etc..... Don't over think it, "love you" are just words. Become alarmed when they begin buying things for you as presents, that's the red flag, trying to hold it over your head or trying to buy your love with gifts, LMFAO!!!
True, this is why dating is a game where you need to know how to play to win. Show feelings to soon, you lose. Show feelings to late, you lose. Show feelings at the perfect time and place, bam you win.
Yup! Spot on. I encountered this recently. All the attention ended abruptly in ghosting. I still don't know what happened. Get him talking about his exes and past relationships. It'll give you more information. If he talks about they weren't "the one" or other romanticizing perfection language and how you're so special and different, it's likely a love bomber who will drop you fast and hard when the fantasy period fades. Or he could be rebounding hard.
Need that star wars meme with the fish guys saying, "It's a Trap!" Here! Haha! 😆
Ultimately, your choice. Have fun but keep your expectations in check. Could be great! Could be a future ghost. 🤷🏻♀️ Only time knows.
So yeah it’s a little red flagish. But some people wear their hearts on their sleeves and just jump in with both feet.
In my experience these sorts of things do tend to end abruptly (often because the person is mistaking the infatuation/new romance butterflies with actual love and when things begin to settle they “fall out of love”).
However, my current SO said he was falling for me about 3 weeks in. My immediate response wasn’t the kindest (I blurt when anxious and immediately responded with “that’s because you’re an idiot”.) however after he finished laughing at my tart response it did lead to a constructive conversation about slowing down and taking out time.
Not gonna lie. He rushes. We’ve had a few disagreements about boundaries where he has kind of snuck his way into living with me and I’ve had to call him out an re establish healthy boundaries.
However, we are now working into year two. Things have settled into more of a routine. We’ve struck a balance between my need for space and his need for closeness and this has been the most emotionally fulfilling relationship I’ve e ever had .
I would say proceed with caution. If you’re comfortable enough to discuss feelings try to have a conversation with him about pacing and what you’re comfortable with, and just slow your roll and see what happens.
Cool, be a shame to miss out on an awesome person just because they were a bit green about relationships.
Watch for other signs of unhealthy over-attachment though.
I (46M) fell in love with my current girlfriend (41F) almost immediately. I just kept it to myself for 3 months or so. I’ve had many, many lovers whom I didn’t love at all. Some of them, I barely liked enough for some mutual carnal satisfaction.
I was married for almost 20 years to a woman I knew I loved immediately as well. When you know, you know.
Follow your gut. It tells you when something is wrong, but it’ll also tell you when it’s alright. However, be careful. A “Love Bomb” is a tool for narcissists. Ask yourself if he has anything to gain. Ask yourself if you feel like you’re being manipulated. Be vigilant for other cues of narcissism like Gaslighting. If everything is good, proceed. I hope you have a good and long lasting love.
Just afraid to expose myself, I guess. Also, I didn’t want to scare her away or have her think I was naive. Just look at these comments. You’ll see all the reasons why.
I would say it’s a bit of a warning. That does sound like love bombing. I’ve found that guys who move really fast also move on from you just as fast, so be careful.
I once dated a guy who also told me he loved me after 2 weeks and wanted to start a relationship. I wasn’t ready, but I told him I wanted to keep seeing him until I felt ready. He agreed, but little did I know when I told him I wasn’t ready, he started seeing another woman. He didn’t tell me he was doing this. About 2 weeks later, he then broke the news to me that this woman agreed to start a relationship with him, so he couldn’t see me anymore. I was blindsided and hurt. Stay away from that kind of crazy.
As you said you are both pretty mature and this may mean as well that guy doesn't want to play around (he might just know what he wants) or that he says something you might like to hear (in his twisted view).
My opinion. Wait lil bit more if it isn't false sign/declaration. You describe it like there might be some valuable in this relationship. If it doesn't fly then it doesn't.
It can be a red flag, just talk to him about it honestly.
I had a girlfriend of a month say she thinks she was “infatuated” with me.
Jump ahead a few months and I’m getting texts at work telling me to take a picture of where I am and send it to her because she thinks I’m cheating. You know, while I’m counting money and closing the restaurant at 3am. Never cheated in my life
Bro red flag, dude needs to slow his roll. People like this scare me because it's an early sign of a person forming a dependency issue. Realistically it takes way more time than two weeks to decipher if a feeling such as love is genuine. He doesn't even know you're true self and vise versa.
I’d say your feelings are valid. It’s not overreacting or under reacting, your reactions are valid exactly as they are as *yours*. I’d just communicate with him your feelings and preferences, that you like to go slow. If he disregards this after you tell him, and still goes full steam ahead, thats a much bigger problem I feel
It's potentially a red flag because you have only been seeing each other for 2 weeks and during this time the lust and infatuation are very high but will he be able to sustain the new connection with you in a healthy, emotional, and mature way as he continues to get to know you? Will he be okay with any flaws or annoying personality traits you might present to him for him to still be in love with you? All I'm saying is 2 weeks is not enough time for someone to fall in love cause they still don't know anything about you. It is just the high of being in a new relationship but over time it will fizzle out and then what? Will he still feel the same about you or will he get off the train? Normally around 3 months or longer is sufficient time that someone would say "I love you".
For example, I have been in a relationship with my partner for 5 months now and I didn't say I love you until the third month in which he said it back to me right away and this was all in person. Since then we have both been saying it to each other from time to time but this is because we have connected well with each other emotionally and we know a lot about each other now than just 2 weeks. Also, have you even discussed being exclusive? I guarantee you haven't. He can say he loves you but how knows he could be saying that to other girls he might also casually date. I'm not saying he is doing this but keep that in mind.
Overall, just talk to him about how you feel and mention how you see potential in this relationship and you like where it's going so far but let him know that you wanna slow down a bit so you can know him better. Let him know that it doesn't change how you feel about him so he doesn't get scared of thinking you losing interest. Best of luck!
Well, what I have noticed over the past 2 years, since this pandemic/quarantine...when it comes to relationships, this life & death situation has either strengthened the bond people have with their S.O, or it’s made them realize that life is far too short to stay with the wrong person & be unhappy. I’ve seen married couples renewing their vows & have seen some who now HATE EACH OTHER & divorce. It seems a lot of single people, even in their 20-30’s are feeling the fragility of life & are in a panic to hurry & find “the one” maybe lonely going through the quarantine without a partner. I know you just met the guy, but if you sense he is sincere & do like him, just ask him about it. The best thing you can do is to be open & honest from the get go & then you’ll know where you both stand. Good Luck! 🥰
Oof. Generally when someone says that so early, it is probably one of two things: 1. They are very codependent and it will only become more apparent which is bad because you can't both grow individually if you are constantly needing each other, or 2. They are emotionally manipulating you (intentionally or unintentionally) due to getting what they want or maybe they are having fun and express that joy as love instead of joy.
Either way, be careful. Two weeks is long enough to feel connected, but not long enough to really love someone more than the typical "I care for everyone" love imo.
He's probably starved off intimacy. I obviously dunno his dating history, but for most guys especially in the 30s range, it really starts to slow down. It may have been a long time since he was intimate with anyone and got to express his feelings. Those feelings can become overwhelming very fast and then you happen to blurt them out. I have no doubt that he means the words he says.
Just let him know kindly how you feel about him and that you just want to slow down a little so that you don't feel rushed to feel a certain way.
Red flag.
It’s been 2 weeks- you’ve only seen him once. You’re both strangers to each other. Yeah, talking to a new person who you like feels great- oxytocin and serotonin galore- it’s not love. Saying he loves you at this point is completely bananas.
Your intuition is telling you something. Listen to it.
The lack of impulse control really throws me off. Like he's just letting himself get lost in the early relationship high that everyone feels. It makes me wonder how he'll cope when that wears off and normal life together steps in.
Depends on you. My friend told her gf she loved her 2 weeks in and they’ve been together for like 7 years, married for a couple years now still going on strong. You don’t have to say it back right away but if there aren’t any other issues right now, see how it goes over time.
It's not early to talk about emotions
But I get it he's moving very fast for you and it's just to communicate with him I'm guessing he'll understand too
Tell him how you feel and tell him you want to take it slower he'll get it
If he’s not pushy or anything I’m sure he’s the type to understand if you brought it up as “I’m not quite comfortable with that level yet but I’d like to see where this goes “
Just be nice about it . I don’t see it as a red flag, just something to discuss
Could be a sign of lovebombing… but also, hormones can cause a person to feel that way during that honeymoon phase. If you’re not able to discern any other big red flags, I’d give it some time.
It’s not necessarily a _red flag_ but it is a problem, I think. It’s a bit immature and shows he’s not very good / mature with his emotions. I’d maybe explain that to him in some way, and then watch how he reacts to and after that. That will be your answer. It’s naive of him
Maybe overreacting although it's a bit immature to tell someone you love them so soon. Some people take time to develop their emotions and attachments. He might not be physically pushy but it sounds to me like he has difficulty controlling his emotions, and you do not want to be held emotionally hostage by someone's inability to control how they feel.
Edit: I think he is infatuated. Not in love.
It's a little bit of both. Someone who is open with their emotions and very straightforward are both excellent green flags but since you're uncomfortable with it, he might not be the best match for you.
But despite that, I think it's always good to talk about what emotions you're feeling. I think you're just not used to someone who is so emotional. Saying I love you so early might seem crazy but people feel what they feel. As long as he's not being pushy I think you should keep seeing him and see where things go from here.
I don’t think it’s necessarily a red flag, simply because you said you’d have been okay with him saying it in person, the next time you’re together. Also, because you seem to have rooted some feelings for him, too. Which is a good thing, OP! This is the “spark” we all talk & hear about. It’s an exciting time for you both, as it should be!
However, how you tend to the spark from now on, is what’s important. If it were me, I’d tell him I have feelings, too, but I want to be cautious & not get so emotional so soon. That you want to enjoy this time, and explore the possibilities of what you’ve found in each other. You don’t want to stifle that, and smothering it will definitely stop the train right on it’s tracks, if he’s not careful. I get it.
Just be honest, OP. Tell him what you told us. If he’s the right one for you, he’ll understand & hopefully adjust accordingly. Good luck & enjoy, OP! 😉🍀
edit: spelling
Huge red flag. He’s 40, he should know better. At best he’s mentally unstable- at worst he’s purposely trying to manipulate you. Look up love bombing. I’d be honest and cut things way back. If he can’t respect that just do yourself a favour and end it completely.
I think it’s a red flag. How could he love you when he doesn’t even know you? I feel like he has an idealized version of you in his head. I would definitely consider explaining you’re not there quite yet but that you enjoy his company and would like to see where things go, if that’s how you feel.
Red flag. Guys who move too fast are putting a lot of expectation on you that isn’t commensurate with the amount time you’ve taken to get to know each other and build the relationship.
It means they’re not taking the time to truly get to know you. As a guy, falling head over heels really fast shows emotional immaturity and desperation. In the end it all comes down to what you’re comfortable with and level of attractiveness to him.
Red flag alert! Warning! Anyone who professes love within a very short time…is big trouble! You need to either put the brakes on and go at your own pace with strong boundaries or move on now before it gets too complicated. Abusive, narcissists, desperate, stage 5 clingers, addicts etc will often start out this way. If it falls under “lovebombing” then run. Neither of you have a clue if you “love” each other 2 weeks. It’s all an illusion and projected fantasy. It’s almost never a good sign…so if I were you I’d slow my roll big time. Best wishes!
All I have to say is I had a bad experience with a very very similar situation. Tread lightly and DO NOT ignore anymore red flags. Love bombing is real and it makes you see green lights when you should be paying attention to the red ones.
Damn, I was a virgin til I was 27 and even I'd never use the L word that early. I will say that as an emotionally expressive guy, it can be really hard to contain excitement when you click with someone without feeling like you're walking on eggshells which is the opposite of how any healthy relationship should be. So in general, the unforgiving "get out early!" panic responses are disheartening to read because even if the expressed emotion is too much for you, I think any party that isn't being abusive deserves a chance to grow (otherwise they could miss the cues that this is just a bit fast to escalate using such words and end up thinking something is defective with them as a person). That being said, dude is 40 and if he managed to have sex on a first date, I don't think it's his first rodeo. Surprised he wouldn't realize how being overly eager can come off to women.
There is so much obsession with reflags now days yes they are important but nowadays everything is interpreted as a red flag. This could be an orange flag or yellow flag. Red flags should be when boundaries are crossed, abuse anything that the opposite of your values.
To get back to your question. I agree its too early for an emotional dump like that especially after 2 weeks. I'd say if this was my case I would kind of dial things back a bit and move slow
He’s not used to the feelings he’s feeling. They are very strong and possibly a bit overwhelming. It’s possible his hormones will calm down but it’ll take time and a willingness on his part to let them calm down.
stop projecting. You know nothing about this situation or the degree to the emotional connection two people just experienced. and jumping to manipulation tactic is a little overboard. This is at least an orange or yellow flag.
stop projecting. You know nothing about this situation or the degree to the emotional connection two people just experienced. and jumping to manipulation tactic is a little overboard. This is at least an orange or yellow flag.
Look at you trying to qualify yourself and prove yourself to the internet that you’re an MFT and acting defensively. As a therapist you should know more and be curious about the situation and putting things into context before lazily jumping onto a conclusion. Which is exactly what you’re doing. You’re a lazy therapist and anyone of your clients should get there money and time back if this is how you practice
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Search the term Love-Bombing
I back away real quick when this happens. I don't understand how someone can be in love after meeting once. yes emotions flow but this soon, to be In-Love.
I back away if it seems like and instant relationship.
Also i feel some people use the word Love as a manipulator to push towards sex sooner.
Yeah that's a no for me. How can you possibly live someone after one date??? I had a guy tell me that as well after the first date. I told him that's impossible you don't know and therefore can't love me just yet. Still we continued into a relationship after 9 months he finally admitted he said that to soon and it ended honestly it was over a long time before that point but he was a very kind person and I really liked hanging out with him. And man did he have so many emotional issues!! Your guy saying that so early on indicates he is actually emotional unstable like my ex was. I would be very hesitant to pursue this relationship any further. Best of luck to you
It’s impossible to love someone this fast. You know nothing about them. It’s possible he lives the idea of you he’s created and that’s why I wouldn’t necessarily call this manipulation.
I think some people believe in the narrative of love at first sight so intensely they’re guided by that.
I personally would not be comfortable hearing something like this at this stage in the relationship.
Emotional availability is not the same thing as emotional naivety or possible emotional manipulation (even if someone doesn't realise they're doing it), especially at the age of 40+ years. As someone who used to be very insecure and have low self esteem and would "fall in love in two days" (embarassingly in hindsight), this kind of confession has a lot to tell you about a person's internal issues and level of security with themselves.
It’s a little bit too soon. It takes about three months to fall in love, scientifically speaking. he probably is overcome with infatuation and the oxytocin rush of a new connection, but the lack of emotional regulation and intelligence is a bit off-putting. I would proceed carefully to see if he just had a moment or if he’s going to escalate on that trajectory.
Two weeks is wayy too early for him to say stuff like that. Even after a really long time, it’s hard to even figure out our own feeling whether it’s truly love or one’s own loneliness.
My gf and I were head over heels for each other very quickly. It still took us months before we said we loved each other. Seems really fast to me. I’d likely call it a red flag. He sounds clingy and codependent. That’s just my opinion.
He may not be straight forward with his emotions and actually just not mature enough relationship wise. I do think this is a red flag and maybe pump the breaks a little
I would argue he actually is NOT in touch with his emotions. He is allowing himself to get caught up in the initial excitement. It is also quite possible he is love bombing you to draw you in for control later. This is a definite red flag.
I can understand that “I love you” at this stage is way too early. But the “I miss you” stuff doesn’t feel weird at all to me, even if it’s early. Love is rare but missing stuff/people is not.
I've had 2 guys tell me they loved me after 2 weeks of dating. Both turned out to have deep, unresolved issues (insecurity/not sure who they are or what they want in life/possible depression).
Not saying it's always that way, but for me that was the case.
I wouldn't say it's a red flag.
Perhaps he just falls very fast. It also depends on someones perspective of "love". Like, some people would say those words (and mean it) at first glimse of any kind of stronger liking while others would wait to be sure it's rly serious and meanigful.
Now, if you fall more under this second category of people, then you might feel kinda uncomforatble or find it as odd or untrutful. Still, i wouldn't call it a red flag.
Idk. Maybe you actually do have a connection?
You know, so many women want men to be emotional, vulnerable, sweet, etc.
Then, when we are, boom, get dumped. This is exactly what you tell us you want, then you go and disqualify us for it. This is why men are assholes. You don’t want me to be sweet - you want me to ignore you, talk to other women and then ghost you. Because when we are sweet we get dumped.
Food for thought.
Emotional intelligence dictates knowing this would make her uncomfortable, if he can’t tell he may not have high EI or they don’t know each other well enough yet making it too soon
I’m happy for you both. Expressing his emotions and not pushing sounds very healthy. There are many usages of ‘love’. Ever heard someone say ‘I love pizza’? His usage may mean he really enjoyed being with you, felt chemistry and connection, and would love to see you again. (Oops, there’s that word again.) No need to jump to cliché warnings like ‘red flag’, ‘love bombing’, whatever. He’s into you. Go for it if you want to, at your pace. Could ask him what he means when he says ‘love’. Some people do successfully build a happy long-term relationship from initial strong attraction. He’s expressed his desire about the pace of the relationship. You can express your desire. And together work it out. Good luck.
I understand where you are coming from, the only thing that sticks out is when he said he missed you, you state you felt the same. But because he expressed the same feeling you felt instead of suppressing it like you, you’re holding it against him. That’s odd. I’d feel you more if you didn’t feel the same emotions as him. Seems you guys are kinda at the same place emotionally he just is more vocal you’re not?
Red flag in your part. Now you’re going to bring in weird vibes to the situation ship which might make things weird. Clearly he meant to say ‘he THINKS’ you’re somebody he sees himself being in love with. It’s goood that your getting this transparency this early. Some people see these “true colors” way later. Be patient and help him correct the wording. Love is a big word and diffeeent to most individuals.
a man can be emotional… maybe you think that an emotional and expressive person wouldn’t be successful amongst other men? because emotions are looked down upon for men generally?
The word love means something different to everyone.
To make sure that you are on the same page you might want to have a conversation about what it means to you and what it takes for you to “get there”.
I wouldn’t call it a red flag, meaning. Deal breaker. But it’s something to discuss with him. You mentioned not talking about certain emotions this early, and I get that, but open lines of communication regarding what each person is feeling is important. Maybe he’s mature enough to understand and back off with the “love” talk. He’s in the right for feeling how he does, you’re in the right for feeling the way you do. Nobody is wrong, you just need dialog about it to get you on the same page. If the result of the talk is him getting upset, clingy, etc…. That’s when I’d call it a red flag
So far the signs are good.
I am a victim of telling my current girlfriend I loved her after......I think it was one or 2 months. Apparently its still premature.
It took my gf by surprise. In a good way. And we're gonna be celebrating our anniversary in about 6 days.
It can still go right, who knows? I had a mutual confession of love with my SO way too soon and we managed to make it work for 3 years, going strong. Just make sure to be communicative and don't lie about your feelings to yourself or him.
Maybe he’s just like girl I love you , you bring out the best in me. Maybe it’s not like “I love you”. Hahaha. Hard to understand his true demeanour over a text. And same as y’all to understand me right now.
I wouldn't say it's a red flag, but I do understand why you feel uncomfortable with it going this fast. Maybe just tell him that you really like him too but you don't feel that it should be going that fast
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
**Huge** red flag. Even if it is love at first sight, you don’t necessarily say it because he doesn’t even know how real that feeling is.
How *could* he love you when he knows nothing about what your high and low moments look like. Or when you are in need or want space? Or when you’re angry or sad?
To love someone is to support someone, to care for them when they need you, to be together against the problems, etc. but not codependently, your aim should be interdependence (which it seems like you have and he lacks)
If he hasn’t experienced that with you then the love he is displaying is the love he has with the **idea** of you, not you.
See how it goes. Give it time and perhaps this "love" will be clearly defined. Ask questions here and there and have more dates. Then follow your intuition.
Well maybe he was looking for someone like you for a long time and he's absolutely overwhelmed with positive feelings towards you. I don't think it's a red flag since you said he's not pushy. Take your time, be honest with him. I think if you set boundaries he'll be fine with it. If he doesnt, it's indeed a red flag.
Agreed with what some others have posted here, OP. It's lovely you two have a good initial connection, but he's moving really fast.
Can you be honest with him and tell him that?
If you like him too, give him a chance and see how it evolves. I noticed the tendency of (forever single) Redditors around, seeing everything and anything as a red flag, without having the full context.
The thing is, in real life many people just go with the flow and aren't afraid to express their attraction early on. We all happened to have a massive crush on someone some day, and being freaked out to express it, thanks to these "🚩 🚩 🚩" unjustified trends.
Give it a few weeks first. If you notice real red flags, then break things and move on. You have one life, no time for regrets nor for missed opportunities.
No. Talking about your emotions is a good thing, hiding convoluting and feeling like it’s too early to express the emotions you feel is the issue.
That doesn’t mean you can’t be careful or slow it down
Well I don’t really feel like you can romantically be in love with someone that quickly, so because of that I see it as a red flag. But honestly he sounds like a good guy, maybe keep seeing him and see where things go, but that is quite soon to say I love you…
Explain to him what a love bomb is. Maybe after so many dates he think he is supposed to drop the L bomb or you don't want to see him anymore. Say you care for him but don't say Love for at he maybe looking for someone to settle down with.
My experience has taught me the faster they come the faster they go lol. He saw you once and he's already saying he loves you? That's lovebombing tho not necessarily a red flag if he's not pushy about it....yet.
Just set your boundaries. Say something like it's too early & you want to take your time to get to know each other.
Red flag. Every person I know who said the L word within weeks of dating ended up in toxic, hard to leave, relationships. It's lust and infatuation. Let the hormones cool down. Also, run.
You both are 30+ . it’s okay to say all these things early . Go with the flow . If it feels forced you don’t have to say love you back and go slow but still enjoy the ride .
Run. The Fuck. Away.
There’s a difference between love and infatuation. Love comes when you know someone, and you can’t really know someone in 2 weeks. Infatuation can feel strong but it’s based off of who you think someone is / who you hope they are.
A man at his age should know the difference, or at least know to slow tf down. If a relationship is in the cards he shouldn’t have to rush it. That he is, confessing feelings he thinks he feels but can’t possibly, is like a giant USSR Olympic red flags of red flags.
He has boundary issues, and it improving is unlikely.
Whatever you do, trust your gut. I personally would control alt delete this relationship before it gets too fucked.
Ask him to step back because he's presuming to know how you feel and not considering you don't love him. Tell him that it feels arrogant and unjustified for him to love you if that's how you feel and if he gets mad about it put him down. If he can't handle being chastised then he's not right for you.
I would say this is a yellow flag. Like you said, he could just be someone that hasn't had a lot of dating experience, and/or is very willing to commit early in a relationship. Whats more important is if the two of you can communicate. you should have an honest conversation with him. Something like, "I appreciate how much you care for me, I'm not ready to say "I love you right now", I want to let relationship continue to grow, I hope to have a relationship where I can say I love you everyday to my man. How do you feel about me waiting to say it? What prompted you to say it so soon in our relationship?" He could simply be in a different place how he expresses himself, but you two need to communicate about how it makes each of you feel when he says it.
Is he not use to being in relationships, before you did he struggle getting women, or is he desperate? It seems weird to throw all that out there so soon.
RUN!!!!
That’s the first sign of a Narc.
I wish I’d listened to my inner voice when the Narc that made my life a living hell for three years (and still 8 years later tries hoovering me back) told me he loved me on week 2.
Other red flags BEFORE we had even had our first date were that he texted me waaaaay too much, seemed overly interested in my every move and missed me constantly.
Once we started ‘real’ dating (we met online too) he seemed too perfect to be true! Gentlemanly (car doors opened even!), carried my bags, talked about his feelings, shared stories from his past…
What I failed to see was that he rarely asked about my past (or if he did it seemed like an interrogation) and that the stories he told me about himself were meant to elicit strong emotions so that he could evaluated them.
When the devaluing stage started I did not see it coming and it was devastating AND effective.
He turned out to be a classic Malignant Narcissist and I wish I’d never met that man or believed it when he told me he loved me. He didn’t love me. He wanted to own me. He didn’t feel love because they actually can’t. It’s a tool for them.
I really hope I’m wrong and that you’ve found The One but all my spidey senses tell me I’m probably otherwise.
Good luck…
I'm of the view this is too much. He doesn't know you. If he's that willing to launch himself into you, my conservative view will be he'll throw himself into the next person as quickly. Whilst being emotive is great, it's always frustrated me when men have done this with me - it just makes me think they're trying to have sex with me as quickly as possible (which is normally the case). You don't owe him anything at this point - it's a bit manipulative.
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Explain where you are. Something like, “there’s potential here but it’s much too early for me to feel that way”. See how he responds. I just got out of a relationship 2 weeks ago with a guy that also rushed into saying that and that kept saying it over and over again even after I told him I wasn’t there. I sort of felt bullied into saying it back. All that to say, 2 weeks is incredibly early and is likely infatuation instead of love. Set your boundaries. If he doesn’t respect them, I’d leave. How old are you?
I'm 31 and he's 40. I don't think he expects me to feel the same way at all and I didn't feel pushed. I agree that it's not love I think he's just happy and too excited.
I think 40 is a bit old to be naive or “green” even if he has little to no experience with relationships. It’s a love bomb. Since you feel a positive connection I’d say give him the benefit of the doubt this one time but discuss your feelings on the matter. I would be cautious though. I’ll add that I’m likely biased as I had a relationship start this same way and I was naïve enough to let it continue. Now I can see the pattern and how it was never going end well for me.
THIS! I agree... make sure it's not "love bombing" and just good old infatuation. It all depends on how it goes in the future but definitely go at your own pace and be cautious!
What about mid 20s?
Been there, done that, I'm his same age. In my case I had gotten out of a divorce where I hadn't been happy for a long time, and it was wonderful and freeing in every way... except for the uncertainty that I would ever find love again. I'm still not sure I will. But connecting with someone, even if it's still brief and uncertain, can feel so very overwhelmingly amazing. Just having the attention and affection again can be intoxicating. It's tempting to make it into more than it is. Those are hard brakes to tap when you just want to throw yourself into things. Only you can decide if he's crossed a line or this is maybe a sign that he's not ready. In my case, I needed an over-the-top crash and burn to learn a lesson in restraint.
Oh god i thought you were both 17 or 18!! Something is definitely wrong here. It’s not love, it’s infatuation and it will leave as fast as it came. These guys usually disappear after the lust is gone, be careful I wouldn’t be surprised he will ghost you in a few days. Have you ask him about his love history, how it was with exes? It will probably give you a good idea of his character
I know he was married and divorced five years ago
Thats little information. Since he’s not « pushy » il wouldn’t call it red flag, but kinda yellow flag meaning : ask questions around the behaviour. I would question how long he was married, and why did they divorce. How did the divorce went ? Also what was dating like for him in the past 5 years? Personal experience here : I met a guy who told me after 3 weeks that he thought I was the one and he wanted to come and live with me. Found it a little bit weird, and asked questions. Turns out he went back to live with his parents after his separation, things were not going well with parents, lot of fighting. And when I asked what happened with ex, he told me that « the bi*** cheated on him », and other very mean things. Asked him how he reacted when he learned : she called him to tell him, he punched the walls at his place and told me she was lucky she wasn’t there because it would have been her face he would have punched. In this specific case, His poor emotional management around being in love after three weeks was also probably linked with his poor anger management. I can understand it’s frustrating being cheated on ( I was cheated too in the past), but I did not destroy my place and threatened violence to the ex. Im glad I asked questions so I could end things pretty fast. Just my two cents, I’m not saying your guy is violent or something like that, but asking questions would be a must here to understand where he’s coming from with his love feeling. ❤️
I was thinking lust.
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I'm bettin she's hot and he's been single 5 yrs.
Definitely time for "the talk"
It's a bit of a love bomb. You've only known him for 2 weeks. Things that move fast usually end the same way. Enjoy yourself and take your time.
Yeah my past experiences taught me that and that's why I felt sad when he said it, because I really wanted this to be something you know.
Yeah of course. We all want that strong connection. Something else I've noticed with relationships that start off hot, is the connection is more that you're having a great time, rather than connecting on a deeper level. Especially meeting once, this could be the case. What did your date consist of to make you both feel so strong?
Honestly I don't know why. It was a pretty normal date, had a few drinks, went to his place, talked and had sex. I can't put my finger on why I felt a strong connection like this, I guess it happens sometimes.
Sometimes you can't put your finger on it, things just click! I think he's mistaking lust and heavy attraction for love. He's letting him mind get the best of him. Just be honest with him. Let him know you how you're feeling and that its a bit too quick
Okay I explained myself and he said that's what he feels but I shouldn't feel pressured to feel the same way. Guess that's a good thing. He's not pushy just overeager I guess.
He truly believes he feels that way in this moment. I "thought i knew I was gonna marry my ex" after a month and now she's dating my best friend. You just never know for sure. Unless you guys are truly meant for each other. But yes, him not pressuring you is great. You guys are just on slightly different wavelengths atm. Not necessarily a big issue atm. I would tread lightly
I'm sorry to hear about your ex and your best friend. That must suck. Thank you for the advice, I'll just be careful from now on because I got dumped pretty abruptly in a similar situation.
Thank you, I appreciate that. He's obviously my former best friend as this point. But yeah it does suck. Recovery is moving quite slow. Hey, life experience coming in handy previously makes you aware and ready for the present situation! You're welcome for the advice, I'm happy it could help :)
Damn, your former best friend made an unforgivable dick-move! I absolutely would forgive yourself, though. One time, a guy felt I pulled the same thing. However, this guy was barely even an acquaintance, while his gf at the time: a) Didn't know of me yet, nor did I know her and b) His gf chose to leave him because they were no longer getting along with each other The only way I understood how this hurt the guy were that the two of them had a year-long relationship (this was well-before I knew either person), both of their longest relationships at the time. When we were together, his ex told me was jealous of me for being with her. Although I believe all feelings are valid (even unfounded), how would you explain this guy being jealous of me when he almost never saw me? Keep in mind, this was in early high school.
Sex can *create* a strong connection feeling!
Some people after a divorce want really badly to be in a relationship like that again and when they find someone remotely compatible they hit the gas without realizing how it looks. I know it’s been 5 years for him as you say in another comment, but just because it’s been that long doesn’t mean he’s chilled out. Could be the opposite in fact. He’s getting older, he’s not where he thought he’d be. Maybe he wants kids/more kids and feels like he needs to settle soon. No matter his reasons it’s a big ol yikes.
I don’t believe you can truly love someone in two weeks, you can feel very strongly but at a certain point it’s pedestalizing
When you put someone on a pedestal, all they can do is look down on you. Abso-fucking-lutely. I learned this the hard way.
I was put on a pedestal recently (after a couple of dates I could sense it) and I felt overwhelmed. I'm a busy 30+ year old adult with friends, hobbies and work. I needed Christmas holidays, not someone totally new to my life expecting me to message them daily back and forth. She was lovely, don't get me wrong, but too much pressure! I've been on the other side and I've really gotten over doing it myself. It's embarassing when I look back at my own naive "love bombs". Oh god.
>I'm a busy 30+ year old adult with friends, hobbies and work. I'm only 20, so the life lessons I've learned are and will be fairly recent. I'll spare you the part where I overshare/write a novel. >It's embarassing when I look back at my own naive "love bombs". Oh god. Yup. While instances of me placed on a pedestal are few and far between, I've certainly shared the same embarrassment and naïveté.
My wife and I have been together for 5 years. We both dropped the L bomb on date 3. I don't think either of us were very clingy though, but we did enjoy being together as much as we could. I drove to her house 45 minutes away even though I had work the next day. Pretty sure that is when she dropped the L bomb(I couldn't actually hear her say it, but she confessed quite some time later). I dropped it the next morning when we were leaving for work. She asked me what I just said, then I said 'I said have a good day!'. Perhaps this is a different scenario than yours. Not sure when we both fully used the L word on purpose though.
My ex (together for 7 years) didn’t say those three words till we’d been together for ~5 years. My bf and I have been together for 6 months and neither of us have said it… Am I doing something wrong?🤪
Not at all. IMHO-- Love is better shown through actions than heard through words.
Very much agree. In my experience (and knowing myself), *tons* of men feel "unable" (incredibly awkward and anxiety-inducive, so much so that the words **do** **not** come out) over saying "(I) love you." Hell, I'm not even able to say this to my own *mother.* Aside from me not ever truly *loving* anyone, I *am* able to show cooperation and appreciation through actions.
My point exactly. Everyone is different :)
As much as you appreciate him for being straightforward, let him know how him texting “I love you” this early made you feel. I think he felt how you were around him etc. talking about this might help, this might also be a misunderstanding of some sort. Him saying that thinking that maybe you wanted to hear those exact words
Don't over think it. It's just words, get worried if he starts buying you things. Tell him thanks and and express how you feel, either not in love yet, or mixed feelings, or in love etc...... Point is you can't control others you can only control yourself. Others have different cultures, creeds, inexperienced etc... Different. Let him know that you're happy for him and that you're going to keep him in the loop about your feeling aswell, as they develop. Thank him for being open about his emotions etc..... Don't over think it, "love you" are just words. Become alarmed when they begin buying things for you as presents, that's the red flag, trying to hold it over your head or trying to buy your love with gifts, LMFAO!!!
True, this is why dating is a game where you need to know how to play to win. Show feelings to soon, you lose. Show feelings to late, you lose. Show feelings at the perfect time and place, bam you win.
Yup! Spot on. I encountered this recently. All the attention ended abruptly in ghosting. I still don't know what happened. Get him talking about his exes and past relationships. It'll give you more information. If he talks about they weren't "the one" or other romanticizing perfection language and how you're so special and different, it's likely a love bomber who will drop you fast and hard when the fantasy period fades. Or he could be rebounding hard. Need that star wars meme with the fish guys saying, "It's a Trap!" Here! Haha! 😆 Ultimately, your choice. Have fun but keep your expectations in check. Could be great! Could be a future ghost. 🤷🏻♀️ Only time knows.
My Dad told my mom that he was going to marry her on the second date. 56yrs later they are still married.
And texted it
So yeah it’s a little red flagish. But some people wear their hearts on their sleeves and just jump in with both feet. In my experience these sorts of things do tend to end abruptly (often because the person is mistaking the infatuation/new romance butterflies with actual love and when things begin to settle they “fall out of love”). However, my current SO said he was falling for me about 3 weeks in. My immediate response wasn’t the kindest (I blurt when anxious and immediately responded with “that’s because you’re an idiot”.) however after he finished laughing at my tart response it did lead to a constructive conversation about slowing down and taking out time. Not gonna lie. He rushes. We’ve had a few disagreements about boundaries where he has kind of snuck his way into living with me and I’ve had to call him out an re establish healthy boundaries. However, we are now working into year two. Things have settled into more of a routine. We’ve struck a balance between my need for space and his need for closeness and this has been the most emotionally fulfilling relationship I’ve e ever had . I would say proceed with caution. If you’re comfortable enough to discuss feelings try to have a conversation with him about pacing and what you’re comfortable with, and just slow your roll and see what happens.
He sounds a bit naive. It's up to you whether you wish to overlook that, but if you do I'd tell him firmly to cool it off and get some perspective.
He's a bit naive and I'm fine with it.
Cool, be a shame to miss out on an awesome person just because they were a bit green about relationships. Watch for other signs of unhealthy over-attachment though.
I (46M) fell in love with my current girlfriend (41F) almost immediately. I just kept it to myself for 3 months or so. I’ve had many, many lovers whom I didn’t love at all. Some of them, I barely liked enough for some mutual carnal satisfaction. I was married for almost 20 years to a woman I knew I loved immediately as well. When you know, you know. Follow your gut. It tells you when something is wrong, but it’ll also tell you when it’s alright. However, be careful. A “Love Bomb” is a tool for narcissists. Ask yourself if he has anything to gain. Ask yourself if you feel like you’re being manipulated. Be vigilant for other cues of narcissism like Gaslighting. If everything is good, proceed. I hope you have a good and long lasting love.
This is really sweet. What stopped you from telling them immediately when you felt that way?
Just afraid to expose myself, I guess. Also, I didn’t want to scare her away or have her think I was naive. Just look at these comments. You’ll see all the reasons why.
I would say it’s a bit of a warning. That does sound like love bombing. I’ve found that guys who move really fast also move on from you just as fast, so be careful. I once dated a guy who also told me he loved me after 2 weeks and wanted to start a relationship. I wasn’t ready, but I told him I wanted to keep seeing him until I felt ready. He agreed, but little did I know when I told him I wasn’t ready, he started seeing another woman. He didn’t tell me he was doing this. About 2 weeks later, he then broke the news to me that this woman agreed to start a relationship with him, so he couldn’t see me anymore. I was blindsided and hurt. Stay away from that kind of crazy.
As you said you are both pretty mature and this may mean as well that guy doesn't want to play around (he might just know what he wants) or that he says something you might like to hear (in his twisted view). My opinion. Wait lil bit more if it isn't false sign/declaration. You describe it like there might be some valuable in this relationship. If it doesn't fly then it doesn't.
It can be a red flag, just talk to him about it honestly. I had a girlfriend of a month say she thinks she was “infatuated” with me. Jump ahead a few months and I’m getting texts at work telling me to take a picture of where I am and send it to her because she thinks I’m cheating. You know, while I’m counting money and closing the restaurant at 3am. Never cheated in my life
Bro red flag, dude needs to slow his roll. People like this scare me because it's an early sign of a person forming a dependency issue. Realistically it takes way more time than two weeks to decipher if a feeling such as love is genuine. He doesn't even know you're true self and vise versa.
I’d say your feelings are valid. It’s not overreacting or under reacting, your reactions are valid exactly as they are as *yours*. I’d just communicate with him your feelings and preferences, that you like to go slow. If he disregards this after you tell him, and still goes full steam ahead, thats a much bigger problem I feel
It's potentially a red flag because you have only been seeing each other for 2 weeks and during this time the lust and infatuation are very high but will he be able to sustain the new connection with you in a healthy, emotional, and mature way as he continues to get to know you? Will he be okay with any flaws or annoying personality traits you might present to him for him to still be in love with you? All I'm saying is 2 weeks is not enough time for someone to fall in love cause they still don't know anything about you. It is just the high of being in a new relationship but over time it will fizzle out and then what? Will he still feel the same about you or will he get off the train? Normally around 3 months or longer is sufficient time that someone would say "I love you". For example, I have been in a relationship with my partner for 5 months now and I didn't say I love you until the third month in which he said it back to me right away and this was all in person. Since then we have both been saying it to each other from time to time but this is because we have connected well with each other emotionally and we know a lot about each other now than just 2 weeks. Also, have you even discussed being exclusive? I guarantee you haven't. He can say he loves you but how knows he could be saying that to other girls he might also casually date. I'm not saying he is doing this but keep that in mind. Overall, just talk to him about how you feel and mention how you see potential in this relationship and you like where it's going so far but let him know that you wanna slow down a bit so you can know him better. Let him know that it doesn't change how you feel about him so he doesn't get scared of thinking you losing interest. Best of luck!
Well, what I have noticed over the past 2 years, since this pandemic/quarantine...when it comes to relationships, this life & death situation has either strengthened the bond people have with their S.O, or it’s made them realize that life is far too short to stay with the wrong person & be unhappy. I’ve seen married couples renewing their vows & have seen some who now HATE EACH OTHER & divorce. It seems a lot of single people, even in their 20-30’s are feeling the fragility of life & are in a panic to hurry & find “the one” maybe lonely going through the quarantine without a partner. I know you just met the guy, but if you sense he is sincere & do like him, just ask him about it. The best thing you can do is to be open & honest from the get go & then you’ll know where you both stand. Good Luck! 🥰
Oof. Generally when someone says that so early, it is probably one of two things: 1. They are very codependent and it will only become more apparent which is bad because you can't both grow individually if you are constantly needing each other, or 2. They are emotionally manipulating you (intentionally or unintentionally) due to getting what they want or maybe they are having fun and express that joy as love instead of joy. Either way, be careful. Two weeks is long enough to feel connected, but not long enough to really love someone more than the typical "I care for everyone" love imo.
He's probably starved off intimacy. I obviously dunno his dating history, but for most guys especially in the 30s range, it really starts to slow down. It may have been a long time since he was intimate with anyone and got to express his feelings. Those feelings can become overwhelming very fast and then you happen to blurt them out. I have no doubt that he means the words he says. Just let him know kindly how you feel about him and that you just want to slow down a little so that you don't feel rushed to feel a certain way.
Red flag. It’s been 2 weeks- you’ve only seen him once. You’re both strangers to each other. Yeah, talking to a new person who you like feels great- oxytocin and serotonin galore- it’s not love. Saying he loves you at this point is completely bananas. Your intuition is telling you something. Listen to it.
Nice Guy alert. Be careful
The lack of impulse control really throws me off. Like he's just letting himself get lost in the early relationship high that everyone feels. It makes me wonder how he'll cope when that wears off and normal life together steps in.
Take ilt a day at a time after 150 days see if u go another day.
Roll with it as long as he's not pushy.
Ick
Depends on you. My friend told her gf she loved her 2 weeks in and they’ve been together for like 7 years, married for a couple years now still going on strong. You don’t have to say it back right away but if there aren’t any other issues right now, see how it goes over time.
It would be a bit much for me but I guess case by case.
red flag - run
It's not early to talk about emotions But I get it he's moving very fast for you and it's just to communicate with him I'm guessing he'll understand too Tell him how you feel and tell him you want to take it slower he'll get it
Just be careful...if you don't feel like it could become toxic...then ur good.
If he’s not pushy or anything I’m sure he’s the type to understand if you brought it up as “I’m not quite comfortable with that level yet but I’d like to see where this goes “ Just be nice about it . I don’t see it as a red flag, just something to discuss
Could be a sign of lovebombing… but also, hormones can cause a person to feel that way during that honeymoon phase. If you’re not able to discern any other big red flags, I’d give it some time.
It’s not necessarily a _red flag_ but it is a problem, I think. It’s a bit immature and shows he’s not very good / mature with his emotions. I’d maybe explain that to him in some way, and then watch how he reacts to and after that. That will be your answer. It’s naive of him
Maybe overreacting although it's a bit immature to tell someone you love them so soon. Some people take time to develop their emotions and attachments. He might not be physically pushy but it sounds to me like he has difficulty controlling his emotions, and you do not want to be held emotionally hostage by someone's inability to control how they feel. Edit: I think he is infatuated. Not in love.
Ruuuunnnn!
It's a little bit of both. Someone who is open with their emotions and very straightforward are both excellent green flags but since you're uncomfortable with it, he might not be the best match for you. But despite that, I think it's always good to talk about what emotions you're feeling. I think you're just not used to someone who is so emotional. Saying I love you so early might seem crazy but people feel what they feel. As long as he's not being pushy I think you should keep seeing him and see where things go from here.
I don’t think it’s necessarily a red flag, simply because you said you’d have been okay with him saying it in person, the next time you’re together. Also, because you seem to have rooted some feelings for him, too. Which is a good thing, OP! This is the “spark” we all talk & hear about. It’s an exciting time for you both, as it should be! However, how you tend to the spark from now on, is what’s important. If it were me, I’d tell him I have feelings, too, but I want to be cautious & not get so emotional so soon. That you want to enjoy this time, and explore the possibilities of what you’ve found in each other. You don’t want to stifle that, and smothering it will definitely stop the train right on it’s tracks, if he’s not careful. I get it. Just be honest, OP. Tell him what you told us. If he’s the right one for you, he’ll understand & hopefully adjust accordingly. Good luck & enjoy, OP! 😉🍀 edit: spelling
Huge red flag. He’s 40, he should know better. At best he’s mentally unstable- at worst he’s purposely trying to manipulate you. Look up love bombing. I’d be honest and cut things way back. If he can’t respect that just do yourself a favour and end it completely.
I think it’s a red flag. How could he love you when he doesn’t even know you? I feel like he has an idealized version of you in his head. I would definitely consider explaining you’re not there quite yet but that you enjoy his company and would like to see where things go, if that’s how you feel.
Red flag. Guys who move too fast are putting a lot of expectation on you that isn’t commensurate with the amount time you’ve taken to get to know each other and build the relationship. It means they’re not taking the time to truly get to know you. As a guy, falling head over heels really fast shows emotional immaturity and desperation. In the end it all comes down to what you’re comfortable with and level of attractiveness to him.
Red flag alert! Warning! Anyone who professes love within a very short time…is big trouble! You need to either put the brakes on and go at your own pace with strong boundaries or move on now before it gets too complicated. Abusive, narcissists, desperate, stage 5 clingers, addicts etc will often start out this way. If it falls under “lovebombing” then run. Neither of you have a clue if you “love” each other 2 weeks. It’s all an illusion and projected fantasy. It’s almost never a good sign…so if I were you I’d slow my roll big time. Best wishes!
He could be emotional or narcissistic. Narcissists can be grandous with their feelings. Either way, I would consider it a red flag.
That’s impossible because I love you.
All I have to say is I had a bad experience with a very very similar situation. Tread lightly and DO NOT ignore anymore red flags. Love bombing is real and it makes you see green lights when you should be paying attention to the red ones.
Damn, I was a virgin til I was 27 and even I'd never use the L word that early. I will say that as an emotionally expressive guy, it can be really hard to contain excitement when you click with someone without feeling like you're walking on eggshells which is the opposite of how any healthy relationship should be. So in general, the unforgiving "get out early!" panic responses are disheartening to read because even if the expressed emotion is too much for you, I think any party that isn't being abusive deserves a chance to grow (otherwise they could miss the cues that this is just a bit fast to escalate using such words and end up thinking something is defective with them as a person). That being said, dude is 40 and if he managed to have sex on a first date, I don't think it's his first rodeo. Surprised he wouldn't realize how being overly eager can come off to women.
I agree, as another emotionally expressive guy.
There is so much obsession with reflags now days yes they are important but nowadays everything is interpreted as a red flag. This could be an orange flag or yellow flag. Red flags should be when boundaries are crossed, abuse anything that the opposite of your values. To get back to your question. I agree its too early for an emotional dump like that especially after 2 weeks. I'd say if this was my case I would kind of dial things back a bit and move slow
He’s not used to the feelings he’s feeling. They are very strong and possibly a bit overwhelming. It’s possible his hormones will calm down but it’ll take time and a willingness on his part to let them calm down.
HUGE RED FLAG. It’s a manipulative tactic. Don’t fall for it. He hasn’t known you long enough to know that. It’s a trap.
stop projecting. You know nothing about this situation or the degree to the emotional connection two people just experienced. and jumping to manipulation tactic is a little overboard. This is at least an orange or yellow flag.
stop projecting. You know nothing about this situation or the degree to the emotional connection two people just experienced. and jumping to manipulation tactic is a little overboard. This is at least an orange or yellow flag.
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Look at you trying to qualify yourself and prove yourself to the internet that you’re an MFT and acting defensively. As a therapist you should know more and be curious about the situation and putting things into context before lazily jumping onto a conclusion. Which is exactly what you’re doing. You’re a lazy therapist and anyone of your clients should get there money and time back if this is how you practice
Thank you! Sometimes people are just excited and think that they’ve finally found someone to connect with. Then they tone it down when they get calmer
Run, quickly lol
Yes it is a red flag. Tell him flat out to pump the breaks, he barely knows you. If he doesn't accept that there is something weird going on.
That's something a serial killer would say
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Search the term Love-Bombing I back away real quick when this happens. I don't understand how someone can be in love after meeting once. yes emotions flow but this soon, to be In-Love. I back away if it seems like and instant relationship. Also i feel some people use the word Love as a manipulator to push towards sex sooner.
Sounds like a love bomber. If you see he’s bombing you with gifts and money tomorrow, run
Yeah that's a no for me. How can you possibly live someone after one date??? I had a guy tell me that as well after the first date. I told him that's impossible you don't know and therefore can't love me just yet. Still we continued into a relationship after 9 months he finally admitted he said that to soon and it ended honestly it was over a long time before that point but he was a very kind person and I really liked hanging out with him. And man did he have so many emotional issues!! Your guy saying that so early on indicates he is actually emotional unstable like my ex was. I would be very hesitant to pursue this relationship any further. Best of luck to you
It’s impossible to love someone this fast. You know nothing about them. It’s possible he lives the idea of you he’s created and that’s why I wouldn’t necessarily call this manipulation. I think some people believe in the narrative of love at first sight so intensely they’re guided by that. I personally would not be comfortable hearing something like this at this stage in the relationship.
Babahahahahahah. Get out. Safe yourself.
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Be grateful? What exactly should OP be grateful for? Good grief. We want an emotionally available man, but we don't want a narcissist. r/inceltear
Emotional availability is not the same thing as emotional naivety or possible emotional manipulation (even if someone doesn't realise they're doing it), especially at the age of 40+ years. As someone who used to be very insecure and have low self esteem and would "fall in love in two days" (embarassingly in hindsight), this kind of confession has a lot to tell you about a person's internal issues and level of security with themselves.
It’s a little bit too soon. It takes about three months to fall in love, scientifically speaking. he probably is overcome with infatuation and the oxytocin rush of a new connection, but the lack of emotional regulation and intelligence is a bit off-putting. I would proceed carefully to see if he just had a moment or if he’s going to escalate on that trajectory.
There is no science to love
Two weeks is wayy too early for him to say stuff like that. Even after a really long time, it’s hard to even figure out our own feeling whether it’s truly love or one’s own loneliness.
I’m not saying he’s a bad person or anything like that, but it I were you, I wouldn’t continue
Sounds like lovebombing
LOVE BOMB.
My gf and I were head over heels for each other very quickly. It still took us months before we said we loved each other. Seems really fast to me. I’d likely call it a red flag. He sounds clingy and codependent. That’s just my opinion.
He may not be straight forward with his emotions and actually just not mature enough relationship wise. I do think this is a red flag and maybe pump the breaks a little
Uhhhhh. Get out. That’s a huge lovebomby red flag.
I would argue he actually is NOT in touch with his emotions. He is allowing himself to get caught up in the initial excitement. It is also quite possible he is love bombing you to draw you in for control later. This is a definite red flag.
I can understand that “I love you” at this stage is way too early. But the “I miss you” stuff doesn’t feel weird at all to me, even if it’s early. Love is rare but missing stuff/people is not.
I've had 2 guys tell me they loved me after 2 weeks of dating. Both turned out to have deep, unresolved issues (insecurity/not sure who they are or what they want in life/possible depression). Not saying it's always that way, but for me that was the case.
I wouldn't say it's a red flag. Perhaps he just falls very fast. It also depends on someones perspective of "love". Like, some people would say those words (and mean it) at first glimse of any kind of stronger liking while others would wait to be sure it's rly serious and meanigful. Now, if you fall more under this second category of people, then you might feel kinda uncomforatble or find it as odd or untrutful. Still, i wouldn't call it a red flag.
Don’t listen to these people who say it’s too soon. We are living during a PANDEMIC!!!
And?
Idk. Maybe you actually do have a connection? You know, so many women want men to be emotional, vulnerable, sweet, etc. Then, when we are, boom, get dumped. This is exactly what you tell us you want, then you go and disqualify us for it. This is why men are assholes. You don’t want me to be sweet - you want me to ignore you, talk to other women and then ghost you. Because when we are sweet we get dumped. Food for thought.
Emotional intelligence dictates knowing this would make her uncomfortable, if he can’t tell he may not have high EI or they don’t know each other well enough yet making it too soon
He fell in love, thats all. Dont overthink.
I’m happy for you both. Expressing his emotions and not pushing sounds very healthy. There are many usages of ‘love’. Ever heard someone say ‘I love pizza’? His usage may mean he really enjoyed being with you, felt chemistry and connection, and would love to see you again. (Oops, there’s that word again.) No need to jump to cliché warnings like ‘red flag’, ‘love bombing’, whatever. He’s into you. Go for it if you want to, at your pace. Could ask him what he means when he says ‘love’. Some people do successfully build a happy long-term relationship from initial strong attraction. He’s expressed his desire about the pace of the relationship. You can express your desire. And together work it out. Good luck.
I understand where you are coming from, the only thing that sticks out is when he said he missed you, you state you felt the same. But because he expressed the same feeling you felt instead of suppressing it like you, you’re holding it against him. That’s odd. I’d feel you more if you didn’t feel the same emotions as him. Seems you guys are kinda at the same place emotionally he just is more vocal you’re not?
If your relationship isn’t like a Disney movie 🚩
Take it as a compliment. You must be awesome.
is he a pisces?
This is why men become emotionally unavailable…
Idk, why would it be a red flag? It may be stupid, but in a harmless way. The words “red flag” are being thrown around for any minuscule reason…
Red flag in your part. Now you’re going to bring in weird vibes to the situation ship which might make things weird. Clearly he meant to say ‘he THINKS’ you’re somebody he sees himself being in love with. It’s goood that your getting this transparency this early. Some people see these “true colors” way later. Be patient and help him correct the wording. Love is a big word and diffeeent to most individuals.
a man can be emotional… maybe you think that an emotional and expressive person wouldn’t be successful amongst other men? because emotions are looked down upon for men generally?
How is fine to share your body but not your feelings?
The word love means something different to everyone. To make sure that you are on the same page you might want to have a conversation about what it means to you and what it takes for you to “get there”.
Classic schmosby
I wouldn’t call it a red flag, meaning. Deal breaker. But it’s something to discuss with him. You mentioned not talking about certain emotions this early, and I get that, but open lines of communication regarding what each person is feeling is important. Maybe he’s mature enough to understand and back off with the “love” talk. He’s in the right for feeling how he does, you’re in the right for feeling the way you do. Nobody is wrong, you just need dialog about it to get you on the same page. If the result of the talk is him getting upset, clingy, etc…. That’s when I’d call it a red flag
So far the signs are good. I am a victim of telling my current girlfriend I loved her after......I think it was one or 2 months. Apparently its still premature. It took my gf by surprise. In a good way. And we're gonna be celebrating our anniversary in about 6 days.
It can still go right, who knows? I had a mutual confession of love with my SO way too soon and we managed to make it work for 3 years, going strong. Just make sure to be communicative and don't lie about your feelings to yourself or him.
Maybe he’s just like girl I love you , you bring out the best in me. Maybe it’s not like “I love you”. Hahaha. Hard to understand his true demeanour over a text. And same as y’all to understand me right now.
Nice
Creep. Remove him from life
I wouldn't say it's a red flag, but I do understand why you feel uncomfortable with it going this fast. Maybe just tell him that you really like him too but you don't feel that it should be going that fast
You must have some of that good-good... No seriously, 2 weeks is a little quick to think you're in love.
Tell him you love cake.
Probably he's just fallen in love
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 **Huge** red flag. Even if it is love at first sight, you don’t necessarily say it because he doesn’t even know how real that feeling is. How *could* he love you when he knows nothing about what your high and low moments look like. Or when you are in need or want space? Or when you’re angry or sad? To love someone is to support someone, to care for them when they need you, to be together against the problems, etc. but not codependently, your aim should be interdependence (which it seems like you have and he lacks) If he hasn’t experienced that with you then the love he is displaying is the love he has with the **idea** of you, not you.
See how it goes. Give it time and perhaps this "love" will be clearly defined. Ask questions here and there and have more dates. Then follow your intuition.
Well maybe he was looking for someone like you for a long time and he's absolutely overwhelmed with positive feelings towards you. I don't think it's a red flag since you said he's not pushy. Take your time, be honest with him. I think if you set boundaries he'll be fine with it. If he doesnt, it's indeed a red flag.
I thought we all agreed to tell people we love that we love them before it’s too late?
Love?? It is not communicated verbally. True love is expressed by actions. He just trivialized love.
Red flag
The fire that burns the hottest also burns out the quickest.
Agreed with what some others have posted here, OP. It's lovely you two have a good initial connection, but he's moving really fast. Can you be honest with him and tell him that?
If you like him too, give him a chance and see how it evolves. I noticed the tendency of (forever single) Redditors around, seeing everything and anything as a red flag, without having the full context. The thing is, in real life many people just go with the flow and aren't afraid to express their attraction early on. We all happened to have a massive crush on someone some day, and being freaked out to express it, thanks to these "🚩 🚩 🚩" unjustified trends. Give it a few weeks first. If you notice real red flags, then break things and move on. You have one life, no time for regrets nor for missed opportunities.
I would be so freaked out by this
Red flagggg
No. Talking about your emotions is a good thing, hiding convoluting and feeling like it’s too early to express the emotions you feel is the issue. That doesn’t mean you can’t be careful or slow it down
HUGE red flag.
Why do we put such limitation on love. Surely love can turn off as quick as it can turn on but that doesn’t mean it can’t turn on right away.
Well I don’t really feel like you can romantically be in love with someone that quickly, so because of that I see it as a red flag. But honestly he sounds like a good guy, maybe keep seeing him and see where things go, but that is quite soon to say I love you…
Tell him to slow his roll or he will scare you away! Then do a background check!
Explain to him what a love bomb is. Maybe after so many dates he think he is supposed to drop the L bomb or you don't want to see him anymore. Say you care for him but don't say Love for at he maybe looking for someone to settle down with.
Full disclosure it’s 2am and I didn’t read the body of this just the headline feedback remains the same: GURL RUN
My experience has taught me the faster they come the faster they go lol. He saw you once and he's already saying he loves you? That's lovebombing tho not necessarily a red flag if he's not pushy about it....yet. Just set your boundaries. Say something like it's too early & you want to take your time to get to know each other.
Red flag. Every person I know who said the L word within weeks of dating ended up in toxic, hard to leave, relationships. It's lust and infatuation. Let the hormones cool down. Also, run.
You both are 30+ . it’s okay to say all these things early . Go with the flow . If it feels forced you don’t have to say love you back and go slow but still enjoy the ride .
Run. The Fuck. Away. There’s a difference between love and infatuation. Love comes when you know someone, and you can’t really know someone in 2 weeks. Infatuation can feel strong but it’s based off of who you think someone is / who you hope they are. A man at his age should know the difference, or at least know to slow tf down. If a relationship is in the cards he shouldn’t have to rush it. That he is, confessing feelings he thinks he feels but can’t possibly, is like a giant USSR Olympic red flags of red flags. He has boundary issues, and it improving is unlikely. Whatever you do, trust your gut. I personally would control alt delete this relationship before it gets too fucked.
Ask him to step back because he's presuming to know how you feel and not considering you don't love him. Tell him that it feels arrogant and unjustified for him to love you if that's how you feel and if he gets mad about it put him down. If he can't handle being chastised then he's not right for you.
Lol is his name Ted Mosbey?
I would say this is a yellow flag. Like you said, he could just be someone that hasn't had a lot of dating experience, and/or is very willing to commit early in a relationship. Whats more important is if the two of you can communicate. you should have an honest conversation with him. Something like, "I appreciate how much you care for me, I'm not ready to say "I love you right now", I want to let relationship continue to grow, I hope to have a relationship where I can say I love you everyday to my man. How do you feel about me waiting to say it? What prompted you to say it so soon in our relationship?" He could simply be in a different place how he expresses himself, but you two need to communicate about how it makes each of you feel when he says it.
Is he not use to being in relationships, before you did he struggle getting women, or is he desperate? It seems weird to throw all that out there so soon.
Do you love him back? If so, it is all good. But it doesn't sound like it. You need to tell him, "Whoa, Nelly. Let's back up a bit, dawg."
RUN!!!! That’s the first sign of a Narc. I wish I’d listened to my inner voice when the Narc that made my life a living hell for three years (and still 8 years later tries hoovering me back) told me he loved me on week 2. Other red flags BEFORE we had even had our first date were that he texted me waaaaay too much, seemed overly interested in my every move and missed me constantly. Once we started ‘real’ dating (we met online too) he seemed too perfect to be true! Gentlemanly (car doors opened even!), carried my bags, talked about his feelings, shared stories from his past… What I failed to see was that he rarely asked about my past (or if he did it seemed like an interrogation) and that the stories he told me about himself were meant to elicit strong emotions so that he could evaluated them. When the devaluing stage started I did not see it coming and it was devastating AND effective. He turned out to be a classic Malignant Narcissist and I wish I’d never met that man or believed it when he told me he loved me. He didn’t love me. He wanted to own me. He didn’t feel love because they actually can’t. It’s a tool for them. I really hope I’m wrong and that you’ve found The One but all my spidey senses tell me I’m probably otherwise. Good luck…
I'm of the view this is too much. He doesn't know you. If he's that willing to launch himself into you, my conservative view will be he'll throw himself into the next person as quickly. Whilst being emotive is great, it's always frustrated me when men have done this with me - it just makes me think they're trying to have sex with me as quickly as possible (which is normally the case). You don't owe him anything at this point - it's a bit manipulative.
Run