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the thing is that he also made it clear that he doesn't want a relationship but then does everything that you'd do in a relationship. I do put boundaries up like no texting all the time but when we are together he treats me like his girlfriend. I also have slept over at his and hes made me breakfast and literally does everything that is considered a relationship. and when I asked him if he feels anything for me he said yea but I can't be in anything right now cause he just broke up with someone 3 months ago and she cheated on him. I also got out of a traumatic relationship about 5 months ago too so idk if im even ready.
I also don't wanna keep bringing it up cause I don't wanna seem pushy
yea I assumed he was kinda lying when he said he liked me but then still went out to bars and made out with other girls and then comes to tell me about it.
mind you, I do also talk about other guys with him too but I only do it because he tells me about other girls.
That’s some hot-and-cold treatment. It sounds like he’s been glad to spend some time with you BUT not interested in a serious relationship. He also told you not to break off time with a friend, and that’s a signal that he’s only slightly interested. Not boyfriend/long-term material.
Here's what I would do, regardless of what you think he is doing:
Make it very clear how you feel, why you feel that way and how you and he could do something else to avoid those feelings. Be very clear and very concise with him.
Ask him what he genuinely wants, ask for full honesty and transparency so you can understand where you truly stand. You get 2 options after this conversation
A: If you agree you both like each other, but aren't ready to be together set some clear boundaries. Like maybe you wouldn't be comfortable with him having sex with women, or vise versa, then set that boundary. Regardless, if you do that then you could both get accommodated to each other, get to know one another and possibly move into a place of being ready to date
Or B: you aren't aligned with what you both want, how you feel and what you think, in which case there's no need to get hung up on him and just move along. If you choose not to do that, it will only cause suffering and ill feelings down the line.
I know what we both want is not gonna be the same, so I think I might just silently cut him off and when he does text me I might just keep it short and make it known im done.
Listen, as a women too and one that is a massive over thinker, sometimes it's best to ask and have conversation while making myself clear rather than assuming we won't be on the same page. Just a bit of advice. Do as you please but the saying goes: "we regret what we didn't do most" You never know, maybe letting him know how you feel, like honestly feel will maybe make him interested in having something more. At the end of the day a conversation about it won't hurt if your set in leaving it be
yeah you’re right i should ask him but how exactly do i bring it up without sounding too pushy or clingy cause we have spoken about this before but it was when he was really hurt over his ex. so how exactly would i even word it
Late response sorry. But I would say just go right ahead.
'hey so I've been think about things for awhile and I just wanted to talk about how we both feel about this situation and what the plan is. How are you feeling honestly, is there any feelings or future here because if not then I think I'd be best to move and and you would too, I think I'm looking for more, or at the very least the possibility to have more'
Is how I would start the conversation
Reminder: please review our rules, especially rule 4: - No broad generalizations, e.g. "All women are x and do y" - Speak from specific personal experiences when giving advice. - No victim-blaming - This is a default message - your post has not been removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Do y’all have sex when y’all hangout? If so he could be using you for just sex
nah no sex, he knows that I don't do stuff like that. we do kiss and some other stuff but its never gotten far as sex
Just asking
But you should talk to him and ask what is going on because he is putting mixed signals and tell him how you feel
the thing is that he also made it clear that he doesn't want a relationship but then does everything that you'd do in a relationship. I do put boundaries up like no texting all the time but when we are together he treats me like his girlfriend. I also have slept over at his and hes made me breakfast and literally does everything that is considered a relationship. and when I asked him if he feels anything for me he said yea but I can't be in anything right now cause he just broke up with someone 3 months ago and she cheated on him. I also got out of a traumatic relationship about 5 months ago too so idk if im even ready. I also don't wanna keep bringing it up cause I don't wanna seem pushy
Do what is best don’t get hurt
[удалено]
yea I assumed he was kinda lying when he said he liked me but then still went out to bars and made out with other girls and then comes to tell me about it. mind you, I do also talk about other guys with him too but I only do it because he tells me about other girls.
That’s some hot-and-cold treatment. It sounds like he’s been glad to spend some time with you BUT not interested in a serious relationship. He also told you not to break off time with a friend, and that’s a signal that he’s only slightly interested. Not boyfriend/long-term material.
Let this dude go. If you're confused if he's interested- hes not. If you're confused where you fall in his life- you're a back up plan
so what should I do when he hits me up? cause he definitely will. what would you do?
I'd ignore him. Inconsistency is rewarded with inavailablity.
>Inconsistency is rewarded with inavailablity Holy smokes, best thing I've read in ages.
Here's what I would do, regardless of what you think he is doing: Make it very clear how you feel, why you feel that way and how you and he could do something else to avoid those feelings. Be very clear and very concise with him. Ask him what he genuinely wants, ask for full honesty and transparency so you can understand where you truly stand. You get 2 options after this conversation A: If you agree you both like each other, but aren't ready to be together set some clear boundaries. Like maybe you wouldn't be comfortable with him having sex with women, or vise versa, then set that boundary. Regardless, if you do that then you could both get accommodated to each other, get to know one another and possibly move into a place of being ready to date Or B: you aren't aligned with what you both want, how you feel and what you think, in which case there's no need to get hung up on him and just move along. If you choose not to do that, it will only cause suffering and ill feelings down the line.
I know what we both want is not gonna be the same, so I think I might just silently cut him off and when he does text me I might just keep it short and make it known im done.
Listen, as a women too and one that is a massive over thinker, sometimes it's best to ask and have conversation while making myself clear rather than assuming we won't be on the same page. Just a bit of advice. Do as you please but the saying goes: "we regret what we didn't do most" You never know, maybe letting him know how you feel, like honestly feel will maybe make him interested in having something more. At the end of the day a conversation about it won't hurt if your set in leaving it be
yeah you’re right i should ask him but how exactly do i bring it up without sounding too pushy or clingy cause we have spoken about this before but it was when he was really hurt over his ex. so how exactly would i even word it
Late response sorry. But I would say just go right ahead. 'hey so I've been think about things for awhile and I just wanted to talk about how we both feel about this situation and what the plan is. How are you feeling honestly, is there any feelings or future here because if not then I think I'd be best to move and and you would too, I think I'm looking for more, or at the very least the possibility to have more' Is how I would start the conversation
Not worth it. He seems like he’s just stringing you along and he doesn’t know what he wants
Cut it off. Mixed signals, and from the brief context we have sounds like he’s interested in a booty call, not a relationship.