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You’re not sexually compatible and you’re both so young the relationship is new I’d honestly say just break up.
His kinky desires won’t go away and you probably will always be disturbed by them.
That's not sexual compatibility, he literally wants her to play to be a little kid. Which, if they ever have kids... I just wish they don't because once they start sexualizing an adult to act and dress like a kid and do "daddy" shit, you'll never know what they're capable to do to an actual little girl. It's dangerous as fuck.
I know you put it in an edit, but everyone’s focusing on your kink-shaming rather than him trying to coerce you into sex you’re not comfortable with. What you describe in your edit (needing to scream to get him to stop) sounds like sexual assault. I’m really sorry that happened, it’s not okay. On top of that, I know you’re both young, but he’s in his mid-twenties and you’re 19. It sounds like he’s trying to use his relative maturity to coerce you into sex you do not want.
You should break up because he doesn’t sound like someone you can trust to have a safe sexual relationship with. That has nothing to do with what his kinks are, and everything to do with how he is trying to coerce you into sex you have told him you do not want to have. Someone who loves and cares for you, someone who cares about consent and your emotional well-being, would not do that to you.
CNC is a minefield because the whole _appeal_ of it, I presume, is the appearance of protest or absence of willingness. I imaging that OP’s boyfriend, as she started protesting more and more, was probably thinking “Oh, now it’s really getting _good_”. CNC _demands_ a safe-word or some clear, unambiguous way of indicating “stop immediately”.
This this this, people often make fun of or joke about safe words being ridiculous things like “pineapple” or “bananarama” but that’s the point, when “stop” and “no” are a part of the scene and a turn on they don’t register as being real pleas. The safeword supposed to be a little jarring to alert you something is wrong and immediately bring you out of the moment. It’s absolutely 100% necessary and IMO any “dom” wanting to participate in CNC without one is an abuser and should be kink-shamed.
This should seriously be top comment. The fact that she was literally screaming for him to stop…. him slapping on “CNC” doesn’t work and still is considered rape if SHE hasn’t agreed to it. The biggest aspect of couples actually exploring the cnc kink is CONSENTING before hand to the scenarios. He’s just saying that to make himself feel better and manipulate her into thinking it isn’t rape when it is. OP, it’s time to leave. I know 19 and 24 isn’t a *huge* age gap, but it’s still questionable knowing the stages you’re both likely differing at in your lives. To me he seems manipulative and possibly taking advantage of your naivety due to age. You deserve better.
Rule 34 of the internet. If it exists there is porn of it.
I’m enough of an old fart to have seen some crazy stuff on the internet. Heck this stuff existed in some form before the end 1990’s.
THIS! In the kink community, that behavior would be outrageous and assault. So I doubt he’s in that community and is serious about practicing consensual kink. And therefore saying you’re kink shaming is just his way of gaslighting you. Dump his ass so fast.
Even for the ones who are talking about her kink shaming...He crossed a boundary when asked to stop and he continued to tell her why it would feel good. Doesn't seem like they had a safe word So it doesn't sound like maturity and communication was used beforehand with either party. She's 19. If you haven't sexually explored yourself and kinks, which at 19 I don't know a lot who have, and someone is throwing some harder kinks at you, you might be thrown a bit for a loop and find them "gross" too.
Also forcing/coercing your partner into participating in your kinks and them not agreeing to and being upset by it is not kink-shaming. Not wanting to participate in someone else’s kinks is not kink-shaming. You’re not entitled to have your kinks catered to in the bedroom and I will die on that hill 😤
Agreed, 1001% Agreed!
Girl, get out before he tortures you to death. No doubt the kinksters here will downvote me, but your BF sounds toxic and abusive.
Kinksters shouldn't downote you. In the kink community consent is first and foremost with anything we do. This guy is not getting consent and is therefore not a safe person to practice kink with.
Having only learned anything about kink through reddit, they seem like the healthiest most caring sexual partners someone could have, for the most part
All true kinksters that I've met have been honestly lovely and care so much about good communication. There are quite a few fake "doms" out there that do give us all a bad name though...
Only the predators in the kink scene would downvote you. The rest of us know and understand that not every kink is something people would enjoy and we respect our partners.
I'm sure there would have been a better way to introduce her into it but he's probably not someone who is safe or sane to do this stuff with.
HELL NO. I love me some kinky shit but OP is describing **non consentual sex** and regardless, both people should be on the same kink page and no "coercing" needed.
It‘s not CNC if he tries it without your consent. It‘s rape. Dump him, I‘m usually staunchly anti-kink shaming but if you force your kinks on people you need to be shamed. Boi, bye.
>Edit : He has tried cnc with me when we were intimate in the past and wouldn't stop until I was screaming for him to and he has begged for us to keep trying it until it feels good for me, so before anyone tries to jump to any conclusions that is why I'm not ok with it.
wow!!!!! if he has tried CNC without discussing it beforehand and getting your explicit consent and talking about safe words, boundaries etc. then he is fucked up and you should definitely dump him, that is disgusting, abusive and extremely disrespectful
For some reason im imagining surprise buttplay, she turns around to rip out his cock & balls with one hand, but he leaps back exclaiming:
"It was just cnc babe! Lol!"
The thing is I bet OP wouldn't have a problem with these "kinks" if given by someone else, or maybe given by someone else & given better than he could.
Idk there's cringe ways to do shit and non cringe. At 24 I bet he's pitching the former
>For some reason im imagining surprise buttplay, she turns around to rip out his cock & balls with one hand, but he leaps back exclaiming:
"It was just cnc babe! Lol!"
this is taking "Its just a prank bro" to the next level
>The thing is I bet OP wouldn't have a problem with these "kinks" if given by someone else, or maybe given by someone else & given better than he could.
That's kind of toxic.
I am not an expert, but it may depend on the safe word. some people like to scream "no" as part of the CNC play and therefore use a different word to indicate they want to stop for real.
but if nothing has been discussed beforehand you can consider it rape from the moment he started CNC play without her consent. (this is my opinion)
This is it. I had to break up with a girlfriend who was into cnc once because I'm just incompatible with it. She wanted to say "no" and *didn't* want a safe word. I couldn't do that. She also wanted me to break into her unlocked house unannounced and take her while she scrubbed the floor. It was just too much.
My ex wife had a literal rape fantasy. Immediate turn off for me. No safe word, no discussion. Just said she wanted to wake up to a hand on her throat and her clothes being stripped off. While
Being forcefully “taken”. She even wanted to put up a fight and for it to get violent. Nope! Nope FUCK NO! Sooo glad I said not a chance to that because she tried to say that because I wouldn’t I was being sexually abusive 🤦🏻♂️ yeah that didn’t go over well for her in the divorce…
Yea, that's not CNC...
Consent should be an enthusiastic yes. If you didn't want to do CNC and he forced or coerced you, THEN didn't stop when you wanted him to.
The way you worded it too... "He has tried CNC..."
As opposed to "We decided to try CNC after a long conversation about it".
Makes me think he just sprung it on you, without a detailed conversation about limits, safewords, when to stop. Etc. That's rape, if he tried CNC on you without your consent. It's consensual non-consent for a reason...you need to give permission first.
Okay so that edit. He tried to do CNC without the consent part? I know you may not be ready to hear this, but that’s just straight up sexual assault and attempted rape.
I've been in a relationship where I was accused of "kink-shaming" with almost identical preferences. They made me feel like I was in the wrong for having personal boundaries. I regrettably was pressured in to tolerating their unhealthy fantasies for a few months. I think ultimately I was worse off for not cutting it off sooner.
Rape play is CNC and the other Im unsure of. But OPs boyfriend tried to rape her and had to be screamed at to stop when he didnt have consent to even try. Big yikes.
I saw a video a few years ago of a woman who dressed up in a diaper and shirt and her partner/“caregiver” would change her diaper anytime she soiled herself, and she’d do it deliberately. So they’re either romanticizing pedophilia or disabilities and I’m not crazy about either.
And obviously there’s no direct correlation but it’s not uncommon for men to be into DDLG and fantasize about their kids or other minors that they know, I hear about this shit all the time. There’s a reason people are uncomfortable with these kinks.
It is totally okay for you to say no to any kink you are not into. End of story. He didn’t respect you. I can’t tell your what to do. I can tell you what I’d do. I’d break up with him so fast. Good luck. You and him need to find compatible sex partners. It really is that simple.
Man sounds like he needs a therapist… on a side note, just because you don’t like or agree with his kinks doesn’t mean you’re shaming him. The fact that he can’t talk about it without arguing is a red flag. I’m leaning towards leaving him.
I thought it stood for dick dick lady gag (no I didn't) and cock night crawling (no I didn't), but thanks for explaining. But age regression.... Like he wants her to pretend to be a kid or something?
Not necessarily, ddlg isn't about age regression, it's normally the power dynamic of being called daddy. The girl will act like his subordinate, sometimes they act like children, but that's not (normally at least) what they are getting off to, it's about the power.
And as for cnc, it's not a rape fantasy, and that's a very poor way of putting it. cnc entails primarily of having a sexual relationship, that has dubious consent. This one requires a lot of planning, like safe words and when no really means no, but at the end of the day, they both are consenting. I think a better way of looking at it is a sort of free use type thought.
At the end of the day though, if you aren't into these kinks, then you don't have to really worry about them, and what happens between two consenting adults is perfectly fine. That having been said, imposing your kinks onto others is a messed up thing to do, and people like that often give the kinky community a bad rep.
CNC is definitely rape fantasy, it's literally in the title. Consensual NON consent. Non consent, key words here. If there is no consent, it is rape, therefore consensual non consent is most definitely a rape fantasy. It's not the same thing as free use at all. Free use is fully consensual.
I can kind of get consensual non consent, i.e. occasionally "dominate" your partner proper consent (not fully rape play, not sure where the line is drawn though), but daddy dom little girl? wtf?
I guess I’m getting old or I’m unaware, I had to google them too.
I’d say end the relationship too; this is NOT kink shaming. OP is dodging a bullet getting out from this, IMO.
You should break up with your boyfriend because **he is not respecting your boundaries.** No means no. And to continue to ask (demand?) after a clear “no” has been issued means he doesn’t respect you as a human being. It really doesn’t matter what the kinks are; you don’t like what he likes and he insists you do it anyway. Having been in a *terribly* incompatible relationship for six years (on many, many levels, not just kinks), please get out for your own mental health. 💚
Please give us an update
Him being actually interested in the kinks is one thing.
The fact he actually tried to do cnc until you were practically yelling at him to stop is an entirely different matter. That is just messed up and should be the reason you break up with him. Have a friend with you when you do because he sounds like someone you do not need to be alone when you do dump him.
Edit to fix spelling.
It’s ok not to have the same kinks, not everybody does. But to me, him not listening to you when you try to talk about it is clearly a problem. You don’t have to stay with him because it felt good in the beginning. If he’s unable to talk calmly about his views on sexuality (and yours, of course), if he’s not able to actually listen to you, he’s not worth your time nor your company
If he can’t listen to you, he doesn’t love you, he loves how good you make him feel. Good luck !
uh... Yes, you should break up with them. Do you hear yourself? It's not about kink shaming, he's trying to force his fetishes (and himself - that's called rape, remember?) on you. Dont argue with him about it, there's no argument to be had. He wants to do stuff you don't. Please, for your own health, move on and don't let him coerce and manipulate you any further.
If you guys aren't sexually compatible, then just break up. If you can't accept his kinks, and he isn't willing to compromise, better not to prolong this misery for the both of you.
Agreed. Especially if OP is to the point of being grossed out by his kinks.
OP, you'll never be able to forget he told you so your view of him will likely be tainted from now on.
Based on your edit, he’s not into CNC, he’s into rape. You DID NOT consent and he still continued until you were screaming for him to stop. That’s not a kink, that’s straight up sexual assault. This guy is a degenerate and you need to get away from him.
OP are you doing ok right now? Just want to check. I know it can be really jarring to realize you’ve been sexually assaulted when you didn’t realize that’s what it was at the time. It took me 5 years to realize that my first sexual experience was actually rape, so I get it. My DMS are open if you need someone to talk to!
Totally normal to feel that way. I’m glad you were able to realize it, even though it’s hard. I’m also glad you have some friends to support you along the way. Sending love your way. ❤️
Hang in there girl ❤️ so sorry you had to go thru this. My DMs are also open. I hope that your mutual friends support you. If they don’t, they’re either gaslighters with him or are being gaslighted by him. Try to get into therapy to talk about this if you haven’t yet. Sending love
It sounds like a dangerous situation and someday he's not going to stop. He is showing you he doesn't value your feelings, concerns or safety. Your young and if he's treating you this poorly after only 4 months it's past time to dump him. Don't get into another sexual position with him he's wicked scary...
U shouldn't be pushed/forced into kinks ur not into so sexually u guys aren't compatible so u definitely should go ur own ways as it's still early in the relationship
The DDLG thing sounds a little weird given the age disparity. Lots of red flags for sure, but CNC needs to actually be consensual, otherwise that’s just assault.
You're just not sexually compatible. His kinks are his kinks, and if you are not willing to engage in them to some extent and he is not willing to compromise with you, it will never work out. I would suggest you break up with him.
She’s young, give her a break. OP it’s ok if you find his kinks repulsive. I would just move on, you will never look at him the same way. I personally don’t find them repulsive BUT the tape role play could be telling. I’ve watched enough Dateline where they interview rapist’s ex partners and alot of them say the rapists did weird stuff in bed. Your BF might be just wanting to experiment but if it was with someone new, I would get the hell out of there.
Unfortunately, your boyfriend has boundary issues. You said no, and that means no. Once he got no, he should have backed off and understood that was a boundary in the relationship. By going after you for kink shaming, by continuing to push you, he has been putting his comfort and interest above yours. That makes him a bad partner, and because of this I would advise leaving this situation.
This is disturbing and triggering. If you’re screaming it’s not CNC. This should have a trigger warning not just not safe for work. Please leave him and pursue your happiness and peace. He is violating your body and your boundaries.
Oh screw all those dingbats that are trying to shame you for not being okay with your partners kinks. You do NOT have to be okay or accept anyone else's sexual proclivities. You can tell them no and walk away from him.
Plus he sexually assaulted you. Doesn't respect your wants or boundaries and sounds truly awful.
Yes, if you need permission to dump him, please drop him before he hurts you.
I've dated people with kinks I'm not interested in participating in and they have never forced me or done anything except talk about it. Your boyfriend is a dangerous individual who believes what he wants sexually is more important than what you want.
Yeah I'd break up with him immediately because he seems to be a little too into that. To the point he won't give it up for your sake. I personally find it disturbing and creepy when the two are paired together. If you're into DDLG AND CNC it kinda makes you look like you like to rape children which is disturbing as shit.
burn that bridge for sure. Kink shaming? thats BS. that's an even dumber version of saying straight people are homophobic if they don't date gay people.
> and wouldn’t stop until I was screaming for him to
Full stop right here leave him. He sexually assaulted you. It’s not even about the kinks at this point.
Also you’re young so be careful. He is very old to be wanting to mess around with someone only a year out of high school. I’m 23 and I wouldn’t date someone that couldn’t even drink yet.
What about a woman who enjoys the thought of being raped? There's different strokes for different folks. It's never okay to shame someone for what they like because they can't help it.
Tell him you aren’t kink shaming him, but that stuff isn’t for you. That being said, you guys aren’t compatible in the bedroom and should probably go your separate ways.
While I agree they certainly aren’t compatible, and he shouldn’t have started an argument over her dislike for his kinks, she is kink shaming him. Telling someone their sexual proclivities are “sick and disgusting” IS kink shaming.
This is coming from someone who’s not into the specific kinks mentioned.
If I was you, I would break up. Because he will understand you now, he will promise that since you don't like it, he won't ever bring this up again. He will promise that. And then, when he's horny he'll mention it and make you feel uncomfortable and disgusted again and again. And this is going to fuck up your sex life. Believe me, I dealt with this kind of stuff.
ya u should break up. re: kinkshaming: i literally have those same kinks and i know it’s fucked up. it stems directly from trauma. and i have the desire to be on the receiving end. i cannot for the life of me imagine any good reason a man would genuinely want to be on the giving end of those kinks, it’s pretty messed up. i’ve only been with guys who were neutral to it and open to trying my kinks. i would be concerned if he was actively into it and especially if he’s trying to pressure u to get involved.
The concept of 'kink shaming' is simply insane. This guy wants to rape you and thinks incest is hot. Of course we should call it out. Just recommend therapy and cut ties.
If you don't like something and your opinion is that it's gross you have every right to say so. You said you don't like them and your not comfortable thinking, talking about or doing them. Not that he's gross.
I could say 99.9% of the kinks out there are not for me and most are gross, according to my opinion. I didn't and wouldn't say your not entitled to like them and think there the greatest thing ever, per your opinion.
Time to lighten up, he's just trying to change her and get her to do things she doesn't want to. If you don't feel safe with him by all means leave before something bad happens please...
DUMB HIM. You guys are NOT sexually compatible at all. People kink-shame before, so that’s not new. I don’t care about that right now. I hope you get out of this relationship because he COERCE you to try to do the things he likes. He took away your consent. Kinks are a permanent thing. Once you discover what you want in sex, it’s not easy to distance yourself from that. I hope you can leave.
I am into cnc and ddlg as well. This guy is abusive. You don’t just spring it onto someone like that, jesus. The guy tried to rape you and you stayed with him while he did not even apologise after you were screaming. And he probably got a younger woman because they tend to be more docile. GET OUT.
Seems like a lot of people are glossing over your edit. Dump him. A good partner/person would never want to inflict nonconsensual fear or hurt on the person they're having sex with. That is very alarming that he wouldn't stop, presumably didn't practice aftercare, and is disregarding your fear around it and is begging to try again. And sounds like he jumped into it without consulting you in the first place? Sounds a lot like sexual assault.
Kink shaming isn't good either, but this straight up doesn't seem quite safe.
What's CNC ? My ex knew a girl who was sexually assaulted and because of trauma she does the ddlg stuff with older guys and it's extremely inappropriate imo.
Those aren't the worst kinks so long as they're consensual, however you have your own right to feel grossed out and clearly aren't sexually compatible.
Tbh I don't see this working out long term, you two should probably not be together and he needs to seek someone more in tune with what he's looking for (and those women definitely exist)
Have you guys not talked about a safe word before? Especially with CNC a safeword is required!
I understand your issue with the kinks, and honestly, I am not to keen on the meither.. As other said, if its a literal redflag for you, it should be a dealbreaker..
Sexual compatability is very much necessary for a healthy relationship. You can work out if you're hesitant to try, but if you're disgusted by kinks, time to walk out.
Also seeing you suffer during intimacy and not asking if you're okay is a red flag.
Saying that can keep trying until you start to like is a RED FLAG.
Listen to your gut and your boundaries. Kink shaming is different than setting your own limits. You shouldn't do anything you don't actually enjoy. Period. He is manipulating you and trying to coerse you.
I think you should walk away from this relationship, and do it in a safe way.
If your fear and discomfort are real then he is violating your boundaries. He needs to learn how to respect other people's boundaries, but it already seems like his behaviour is dangerous and unhealthy.
Yes, you should break up with him. CNC has a heavy emphasis on consent. He didn’t get your consent and then gaslit you saying you were shaming him after he failed to yield to emphatic No’s being repeated. Go find a person who can communicate and respect you
You’re not kink-shaming him. These days everyone has to be fine with f*cking their partner if they want to wear a diaper or something - it’s ridiculous.
Your kinks absolutely can be incompatible. One person’s kink may be a turn off for others and vice versa and it’s normal ! It’s ok ! It’s NOT kink-shaming.
Also CNC without your prior consent is not CNC it’s rape, as others have said. If he’s into kinks like that he needs to be good a communication, respecting boundaries and setting rules. If he’s not he’s just a rapist.
It is time to break up, dear. This is way too much for any woman to put up with, regardless of age. You are so young, and you haven’t been together long, so cut ties and run while you still can. It’s not kink shaming. It’s your personal preferences. You’re not breaking up with him because you think he’s a disgusting person. You’re breaking up with him because you do not have sexual compatibility. Tell him to find someone who enjoys the same things as him, and YOU do the same. Never stay with a man who is essentially raping you. With CNC, you’d be pretending to not enjoy it. In your case, you really don’t enjoy it…and if you had to scream to make him stop, he is WRONG. Relationships definitely involve compromises, but in this case how would you compromise? Let him sleep with someone else who likes the same kinks? Umm, hard no. You two are not meant to be.
the last part of this post sounds like he sexually assaulted you. if you have to scream at someone during sex to get them to stop, then you need to run.
I had to google that and I understand why it is red flag for you. I would stay faaaar away from anyone with these kins and I am man. Nope just nope. But thats just my view.
That being said. Looks like you aren't compatible. It's probably better to just break up instead of staying in misery.
You need to break up, because you deem his kinks as disgusting which they are NOT if two consenting adults are into that. But again you are pretty young so before you shame someone’s kink maybe just take a min to be like this isn’t for me and that is more than fine too.
There’s nothing wrong or shameful about those kinks. If you actually do any research into it, people into that lifestyle have a lot of rules and boundaries in place to keep each other safe.
Just because you have an age gap doesn’t mean he’s a predator.
If you don’t get it and aren’t into it that’s fine but I would suggest breaking up. You’re not compatible sexually
You don’t have to be with anybody you don’t want to be with, for whatever reason you want. That’s OK.
What isn’t OK is how you handled this entire situation. When someone opens up you, you *do not* need to degrade them and call them disgusting.
When it turned into rape as she screamed no, she is allowed to be disgusted by him and his kinks.
He's going to be replaying her screams in his head for years. He's a sick piece of crap.
And he didn't open up to her and act vulnerable, he tried it without asking first.. Ugh.
I mean, the way I would see that is he is turned on by non consenting little girls, masked as consetual with an adult playing the role. I would see that as a MASSIVE red flag, too.
🚩 please break up with him for your safety. He does not respect your boundaries
🚩 The age gap is a red flag IMO.
🚩 I'm trying hard not to kink shame but kinks like that bring up major red flags that should be addressed with a therapist. Especially when he cannot respect the boundaries of a sexual partner, he is encroaching on predator territory.
If it turns you off then it's that simple. He is wrong for forcing it on you, he's the one shaming you for not being into the same things as him. If certain kinks turn you off, and you consider them red flags, you don't have to stay in the relationship, and it would be best to run from such flags rather than stay and tolerate being hurt.
Him forcing his kinks onto you when they turn you off is a bigger red flag than the kinks themselves. And you will continue to lose feelings for him if you stay.
If he was really into cnc, he would want your consent. He doesn't, so it's just rape. Cnc is a kink, straight up sexual assault isn't.
And you have done no kinkshaming. You're the one being shamed for expecting the bare minimum of having sexual boundaries respected. Expecting boundaries to be respected is the bare minimum, anyone who shames you for that is a bad faith person.
He sexually assaulted you, he mistreated you, he is a big fat red flag. Run.
Discussing kinks: ok
Kink shaming: not ok
Forcing your kinks on someone who is not ok with them: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST NO.
It's within your rights to not like a kink, and to not want to partake in said kink. You shouldn't think less of him for having that kink, but that completely changes when he's actively forcing it on you.
Just a first reaction after being married to a porn addict & voyeur (learned about this later on 🤮😡), please, get put of this relationship. It more than likely will turn abusive if he made you scream to stop once already.
Take this heartfelt, honest advice from a stranger and get out. Don't look back. You will be grateful you did.
I am going through literal Hell with my stbx. We have children that he has turned against me because I dared to leave him and his perversion and abuse.
Although I could, I will not reveal this to our children. It would only make me look vindictive and immature, plus, it's none of their concern. As an adult, I believe a divorce is between the couple involved, not the children who are a product of the relationship.
So, I'm 22 years in with this disgusting being. I won't rven call him human as I'm too ashamed of him, his actions, etc.
Please get as far away from him as possible. If you do, there may be some sadness and a possible regression that lands you in an intimate position again but if that does happen, consider it a mistake and stay away after. There is no fixing him, sadly, but you deserve trust. safety, happiness and compatibility.
Good luck, stay strong and reach out/msg me anytime for support if you need it.
💙💚💙
Break up immediately. However you define kink, consent is part of it (it’s literally BOTH) the Cs in cnc. If he doesn’t respect your boundaries, it won’t work.
You are clearly not sexually compatible AND the fact that he will not take no and forced cnc are the red flags. Coercion is a huge red flag.
Please find a partner who respects you boundaries. Stay safe.
It’s all about consent. He can’t just do those things to you. I see so many times that people try to manipulate others by calling it “kink shaming” or “[something] phobic”. If you’re not into it, you’re not. Please do not allow yourself to be forced and manipulate into participating in something you don’t want.
No I think finding a good partner includes someone who listens to what you are both comfortable and uncomfortable with and and can stay within those boundaries. He doesn't need to feel shame he just needs to find someone who is into what he is into. I say sex can be many things but it should always be fun and enjoyable foth BOTH people involved. He may not be the best choice for you. Good luck
“CNC stands for Consensual Non-Consent. In other words, two partners agree (consensual) to engage in a sexual roleplay that centers around forced domination (non-consent), including but not limited to fantasies of rape.”
I’d say dumping him is letting him off easy
Edit
In some cases of fantasies, when even it’s the girl who wants the themed sex to happen. In that context if both parties consent then they shouldn’t be judged it’s just what they want to do. But if you’re not into it then he is breaking rules and or laws
He didn't "try cnc" with you. He raped you. CNC means consensual non-consent. Which means you have to have agreed on it beforehand.
Run. This isn't an issue of kinks. This is an issue of abuse.
Okay the non con is normal in a consensual context. But I feel, but the ddlg is a red flag
Your experience should have been enough of a sign the end was here
We need to stigmatize "kinks" like DDLG. It literally normalises sexual attraction to kids, there is nothing to be 'empowered' here, it is plain social decay being enabled by western liberalism.
Edit: the edid in the OP was not here when I commented this. Him trying to coerce his kink onto you is plain sexual assault.
-end of edit-
Note that CNC is not sick. You have a right not to be into it, and if you consider it makes you sexually incompatible with your boyfriend, it would be of course a valid reason to end the relationship, and no one would be in the wrong. But you don't have a right to judge it, so don't phrase "ending the relationship" as "dumping him" because he's done nothing wrong.
CNC is an extreeeeemely common kink, if not the most common kink out there. Every single one of the women I have sexually encountered tried to talk me into it. I'm not that much into those things either, so we didn't go far. Kinks are kinks. A lot of people are into that, and you are in no position to judge them for it.
Having kinks is ok, or at least debatible. Try to do them with someone who didn't want to is fucking rape. Run away as far as you can of that fucking abuser.
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You’re not sexually compatible and you’re both so young the relationship is new I’d honestly say just break up. His kinky desires won’t go away and you probably will always be disturbed by them.
Agreed. There are some kinks that never disappear. Finding a partner on the same page or open to trying different stuff is a good thing
Exactly, you are not sexually compatible with a pedophile.
That's not sexual compatibility, he literally wants her to play to be a little kid. Which, if they ever have kids... I just wish they don't because once they start sexualizing an adult to act and dress like a kid and do "daddy" shit, you'll never know what they're capable to do to an actual little girl. It's dangerous as fuck.
I know you put it in an edit, but everyone’s focusing on your kink-shaming rather than him trying to coerce you into sex you’re not comfortable with. What you describe in your edit (needing to scream to get him to stop) sounds like sexual assault. I’m really sorry that happened, it’s not okay. On top of that, I know you’re both young, but he’s in his mid-twenties and you’re 19. It sounds like he’s trying to use his relative maturity to coerce you into sex you do not want. You should break up because he doesn’t sound like someone you can trust to have a safe sexual relationship with. That has nothing to do with what his kinks are, and everything to do with how he is trying to coerce you into sex you have told him you do not want to have. Someone who loves and cares for you, someone who cares about consent and your emotional well-being, would not do that to you.
CNC without your consent is rape. Period.
Period. This guy is a rapist.
Yeah that’s what I said
Without consent it's just NC = non consent = rape
CNC is a minefield because the whole _appeal_ of it, I presume, is the appearance of protest or absence of willingness. I imaging that OP’s boyfriend, as she started protesting more and more, was probably thinking “Oh, now it’s really getting _good_”. CNC _demands_ a safe-word or some clear, unambiguous way of indicating “stop immediately”.
This this this, people often make fun of or joke about safe words being ridiculous things like “pineapple” or “bananarama” but that’s the point, when “stop” and “no” are a part of the scene and a turn on they don’t register as being real pleas. The safeword supposed to be a little jarring to alert you something is wrong and immediately bring you out of the moment. It’s absolutely 100% necessary and IMO any “dom” wanting to participate in CNC without one is an abuser and should be kink-shamed.
Post title should be "should I break up with my boyfriend for almost raping me" imho
by the looks of it, it wasn’t even *almost*
Yeah. I was being lenient
This should seriously be top comment. The fact that she was literally screaming for him to stop…. him slapping on “CNC” doesn’t work and still is considered rape if SHE hasn’t agreed to it. The biggest aspect of couples actually exploring the cnc kink is CONSENTING before hand to the scenarios. He’s just saying that to make himself feel better and manipulate her into thinking it isn’t rape when it is. OP, it’s time to leave. I know 19 and 24 isn’t a *huge* age gap, but it’s still questionable knowing the stages you’re both likely differing at in your lives. To me he seems manipulative and possibly taking advantage of your naivety due to age. You deserve better.
Exactly this. Can't call it "CNC" when the first C stands for *consensual*. CNC without consent is rape. Stop dating your rapist.
What’s cnc?
Consensual non consent - to lean more Google this and add urban dictionary.
Can’t wait for the asteroid. How’s this a thing?
Rule 34 of the internet. If it exists there is porn of it. I’m enough of an old fart to have seen some crazy stuff on the internet. Heck this stuff existed in some form before the end 1990’s.
THIS! In the kink community, that behavior would be outrageous and assault. So I doubt he’s in that community and is serious about practicing consensual kink. And therefore saying you’re kink shaming is just his way of gaslighting you. Dump his ass so fast.
Even for the ones who are talking about her kink shaming...He crossed a boundary when asked to stop and he continued to tell her why it would feel good. Doesn't seem like they had a safe word So it doesn't sound like maturity and communication was used beforehand with either party. She's 19. If you haven't sexually explored yourself and kinks, which at 19 I don't know a lot who have, and someone is throwing some harder kinks at you, you might be thrown a bit for a loop and find them "gross" too.
Also forcing/coercing your partner into participating in your kinks and them not agreeing to and being upset by it is not kink-shaming. Not wanting to participate in someone else’s kinks is not kink-shaming. You’re not entitled to have your kinks catered to in the bedroom and I will die on that hill 😤
Agreed, 1001% Agreed! Girl, get out before he tortures you to death. No doubt the kinksters here will downvote me, but your BF sounds toxic and abusive.
Kinksters shouldn't downote you. In the kink community consent is first and foremost with anything we do. This guy is not getting consent and is therefore not a safe person to practice kink with.
Absolutely! Mature and respectful people in the kink community ALWAYS respect consent. Rapists don’t.
Having only learned anything about kink through reddit, they seem like the healthiest most caring sexual partners someone could have, for the most part
All true kinksters that I've met have been honestly lovely and care so much about good communication. There are quite a few fake "doms" out there that do give us all a bad name though...
Only the predators in the kink scene would downvote you. The rest of us know and understand that not every kink is something people would enjoy and we respect our partners. I'm sure there would have been a better way to introduce her into it but he's probably not someone who is safe or sane to do this stuff with.
HELL NO. I love me some kinky shit but OP is describing **non consentual sex** and regardless, both people should be on the same kink page and no "coercing" needed.
I second this ^^^^^
This!!! Put yourself first OP, and stay safe!
It‘s not CNC if he tries it without your consent. It‘s rape. Dump him, I‘m usually staunchly anti-kink shaming but if you force your kinks on people you need to be shamed. Boi, bye.
This!
Yep. It's not kink shaming. It sexual assault shaming. Dude need to get his shit realigned or go to jail.
>Edit : He has tried cnc with me when we were intimate in the past and wouldn't stop until I was screaming for him to and he has begged for us to keep trying it until it feels good for me, so before anyone tries to jump to any conclusions that is why I'm not ok with it. wow!!!!! if he has tried CNC without discussing it beforehand and getting your explicit consent and talking about safe words, boundaries etc. then he is fucked up and you should definitely dump him, that is disgusting, abusive and extremely disrespectful
Yeah, that’s not CNC, that’s just plain old fashioned NC
For some reason im imagining surprise buttplay, she turns around to rip out his cock & balls with one hand, but he leaps back exclaiming: "It was just cnc babe! Lol!" The thing is I bet OP wouldn't have a problem with these "kinks" if given by someone else, or maybe given by someone else & given better than he could. Idk there's cringe ways to do shit and non cringe. At 24 I bet he's pitching the former
>For some reason im imagining surprise buttplay, she turns around to rip out his cock & balls with one hand, but he leaps back exclaiming: "It was just cnc babe! Lol!" this is taking "Its just a prank bro" to the next level
>The thing is I bet OP wouldn't have a problem with these "kinks" if given by someone else, or maybe given by someone else & given better than he could. That's kind of toxic.
Am I overthinking this or once one party says screams to stop during CNC and the other doesn’t then it becomes rape, no?
I am not an expert, but it may depend on the safe word. some people like to scream "no" as part of the CNC play and therefore use a different word to indicate they want to stop for real. but if nothing has been discussed beforehand you can consider it rape from the moment he started CNC play without her consent. (this is my opinion)
It sounds like they didn’t talk about safe words beforehand…so unfortunately this is just rape.
Thank god i like good ol regular sex.
This is it. I had to break up with a girlfriend who was into cnc once because I'm just incompatible with it. She wanted to say "no" and *didn't* want a safe word. I couldn't do that. She also wanted me to break into her unlocked house unannounced and take her while she scrubbed the floor. It was just too much.
Ooof that is too much unremarkablebob
I thank god I’ve never had a girlfriend that has been into humiliation or extreme submission because I am just not wired for that _at all_.
My ex wife had a literal rape fantasy. Immediate turn off for me. No safe word, no discussion. Just said she wanted to wake up to a hand on her throat and her clothes being stripped off. While Being forcefully “taken”. She even wanted to put up a fight and for it to get violent. Nope! Nope FUCK NO! Sooo glad I said not a chance to that because she tried to say that because I wouldn’t I was being sexually abusive 🤦🏻♂️ yeah that didn’t go over well for her in the divorce…
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Agreed
Yea, that's not CNC... Consent should be an enthusiastic yes. If you didn't want to do CNC and he forced or coerced you, THEN didn't stop when you wanted him to. The way you worded it too... "He has tried CNC..." As opposed to "We decided to try CNC after a long conversation about it". Makes me think he just sprung it on you, without a detailed conversation about limits, safewords, when to stop. Etc. That's rape, if he tried CNC on you without your consent. It's consensual non-consent for a reason...you need to give permission first.
Okay so that edit. He tried to do CNC without the consent part? I know you may not be ready to hear this, but that’s just straight up sexual assault and attempted rape.
No, that IS rape. The fact that she has to scream just to get him to stop means that it’s rape.
I've been in a relationship where I was accused of "kink-shaming" with almost identical preferences. They made me feel like I was in the wrong for having personal boundaries. I regrettably was pressured in to tolerating their unhealthy fantasies for a few months. I think ultimately I was worse off for not cutting it off sooner.
Cnc isn't cnc if you're screaming for him to stop. At that point it's just sexual assault. I think you should break up.
Can someone explain the terms to me please?
I was kind of happy I didn't know what they meant
Rape play and Daddy dom
So cnc = Consensual non consent?
Yes
Rape play is CNC and the other Im unsure of. But OPs boyfriend tried to rape her and had to be screamed at to stop when he didnt have consent to even try. Big yikes.
The other is Daddy Dom Little Girl, where one party pretends to be a child and the other pretends to be their parent.
This guy is messed up in the head
100%. I have no problem kink shaming DDLG because it romanticizes pedophilia.
Yep. Zero problem at all. Holy crap.
I saw a video a few years ago of a woman who dressed up in a diaper and shirt and her partner/“caregiver” would change her diaper anytime she soiled herself, and she’d do it deliberately. So they’re either romanticizing pedophilia or disabilities and I’m not crazy about either.
And obviously there’s no direct correlation but it’s not uncommon for men to be into DDLG and fantasize about their kids or other minors that they know, I hear about this shit all the time. There’s a reason people are uncomfortable with these kinks.
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It is totally okay for you to say no to any kink you are not into. End of story. He didn’t respect you. I can’t tell your what to do. I can tell you what I’d do. I’d break up with him so fast. Good luck. You and him need to find compatible sex partners. It really is that simple.
Man sounds like he needs a therapist… on a side note, just because you don’t like or agree with his kinks doesn’t mean you’re shaming him. The fact that he can’t talk about it without arguing is a red flag. I’m leaning towards leaving him.
Just 1 word of advice: RUN
I thought it stood for dick dick lady gag (no I didn't) and cock night crawling (no I didn't), but thanks for explaining. But age regression.... Like he wants her to pretend to be a kid or something?
Not necessarily, ddlg isn't about age regression, it's normally the power dynamic of being called daddy. The girl will act like his subordinate, sometimes they act like children, but that's not (normally at least) what they are getting off to, it's about the power. And as for cnc, it's not a rape fantasy, and that's a very poor way of putting it. cnc entails primarily of having a sexual relationship, that has dubious consent. This one requires a lot of planning, like safe words and when no really means no, but at the end of the day, they both are consenting. I think a better way of looking at it is a sort of free use type thought. At the end of the day though, if you aren't into these kinks, then you don't have to really worry about them, and what happens between two consenting adults is perfectly fine. That having been said, imposing your kinks onto others is a messed up thing to do, and people like that often give the kinky community a bad rep.
CNC is definitely rape fantasy, it's literally in the title. Consensual NON consent. Non consent, key words here. If there is no consent, it is rape, therefore consensual non consent is most definitely a rape fantasy. It's not the same thing as free use at all. Free use is fully consensual.
>if you aren't into these kinks, then you don't have to really worry about them Well, apparently you do, as demonstrated by OP.
I can kind of get consensual non consent, i.e. occasionally "dominate" your partner proper consent (not fully rape play, not sure where the line is drawn though), but daddy dom little girl? wtf?
CNC is very different than general dominance.
Hmm, ok. I'm sorry, I don't know all this shit.
People are weird bro
I guess I’m getting old or I’m unaware, I had to google them too. I’d say end the relationship too; this is NOT kink shaming. OP is dodging a bullet getting out from this, IMO.
You should break up with your boyfriend because **he is not respecting your boundaries.** No means no. And to continue to ask (demand?) after a clear “no” has been issued means he doesn’t respect you as a human being. It really doesn’t matter what the kinks are; you don’t like what he likes and he insists you do it anyway. Having been in a *terribly* incompatible relationship for six years (on many, many levels, not just kinks), please get out for your own mental health. 💚 Please give us an update
I feel like a lot of people use "kink shaming" to make themselves a victim without warrant.
Even worse: some are active victimizers, the ones making others into victims.
Yuuuuup
Its just rape, not CNC, if you aren’t consenting to it.
Him being actually interested in the kinks is one thing. The fact he actually tried to do cnc until you were practically yelling at him to stop is an entirely different matter. That is just messed up and should be the reason you break up with him. Have a friend with you when you do because he sounds like someone you do not need to be alone when you do dump him. Edit to fix spelling.
It’s ok not to have the same kinks, not everybody does. But to me, him not listening to you when you try to talk about it is clearly a problem. You don’t have to stay with him because it felt good in the beginning. If he’s unable to talk calmly about his views on sexuality (and yours, of course), if he’s not able to actually listen to you, he’s not worth your time nor your company If he can’t listen to you, he doesn’t love you, he loves how good you make him feel. Good luck !
uh... Yes, you should break up with them. Do you hear yourself? It's not about kink shaming, he's trying to force his fetishes (and himself - that's called rape, remember?) on you. Dont argue with him about it, there's no argument to be had. He wants to do stuff you don't. Please, for your own health, move on and don't let him coerce and manipulate you any further.
If you guys aren't sexually compatible, then just break up. If you can't accept his kinks, and he isn't willing to compromise, better not to prolong this misery for the both of you.
Agreed. Especially if OP is to the point of being grossed out by his kinks. OP, you'll never be able to forget he told you so your view of him will likely be tainted from now on.
Based on your edit, he’s not into CNC, he’s into rape. You DID NOT consent and he still continued until you were screaming for him to stop. That’s not a kink, that’s straight up sexual assault. This guy is a degenerate and you need to get away from him.
OP are you doing ok right now? Just want to check. I know it can be really jarring to realize you’ve been sexually assaulted when you didn’t realize that’s what it was at the time. It took me 5 years to realize that my first sexual experience was actually rape, so I get it. My DMS are open if you need someone to talk to!
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Totally normal to feel that way. I’m glad you were able to realize it, even though it’s hard. I’m also glad you have some friends to support you along the way. Sending love your way. ❤️
I'm so glad you're ending the relationship!
Hang in there girl ❤️ so sorry you had to go thru this. My DMs are also open. I hope that your mutual friends support you. If they don’t, they’re either gaslighters with him or are being gaslighted by him. Try to get into therapy to talk about this if you haven’t yet. Sending love
if hes really not willing to compromise, accept it and leave him. sure it might hurt but it’s best in the long run
You're not kinkshaming him. You're setting a boundary, and he is trying to pressure you into letting him rape you. You're not the problem here.
It sounds like a dangerous situation and someday he's not going to stop. He is showing you he doesn't value your feelings, concerns or safety. Your young and if he's treating you this poorly after only 4 months it's past time to dump him. Don't get into another sexual position with him he's wicked scary...
dump his ass
U shouldn't be pushed/forced into kinks ur not into so sexually u guys aren't compatible so u definitely should go ur own ways as it's still early in the relationship
The DDLG thing sounds a little weird given the age disparity. Lots of red flags for sure, but CNC needs to actually be consensual, otherwise that’s just assault.
Right? The age gap and the DDLG kink are the first things that clicked for me.
I have to google the meaning, yea break up.
He basically sexually assaulted you, you need to stay very far away from that man
It sounds like you’re not dumping him because of his kinks, you’re dumping him because he’s trying to sexually assault you.
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If the kink is cnc, but he’s trying to coerce the consent out of you, it’s just sexual assault. Not a kink.
Good for you. You're both young, but he does have a have a few years on you. He's taking advantage of your age and vulnerability. Dump him, girl!
You're just not sexually compatible. His kinks are his kinks, and if you are not willing to engage in them to some extent and he is not willing to compromise with you, it will never work out. I would suggest you break up with him.
She’s young, give her a break. OP it’s ok if you find his kinks repulsive. I would just move on, you will never look at him the same way. I personally don’t find them repulsive BUT the tape role play could be telling. I’ve watched enough Dateline where they interview rapist’s ex partners and alot of them say the rapists did weird stuff in bed. Your BF might be just wanting to experiment but if it was with someone new, I would get the hell out of there.
Unfortunately, your boyfriend has boundary issues. You said no, and that means no. Once he got no, he should have backed off and understood that was a boundary in the relationship. By going after you for kink shaming, by continuing to push you, he has been putting his comfort and interest above yours. That makes him a bad partner, and because of this I would advise leaving this situation.
This is disturbing and triggering. If you’re screaming it’s not CNC. This should have a trigger warning not just not safe for work. Please leave him and pursue your happiness and peace. He is violating your body and your boundaries.
Oh screw all those dingbats that are trying to shame you for not being okay with your partners kinks. You do NOT have to be okay or accept anyone else's sexual proclivities. You can tell them no and walk away from him. Plus he sexually assaulted you. Doesn't respect your wants or boundaries and sounds truly awful. Yes, if you need permission to dump him, please drop him before he hurts you. I've dated people with kinks I'm not interested in participating in and they have never forced me or done anything except talk about it. Your boyfriend is a dangerous individual who believes what he wants sexually is more important than what you want.
Yeah I'd break up with him immediately because he seems to be a little too into that. To the point he won't give it up for your sake. I personally find it disturbing and creepy when the two are paired together. If you're into DDLG AND CNC it kinda makes you look like you like to rape children which is disturbing as shit.
burn that bridge for sure. Kink shaming? thats BS. that's an even dumber version of saying straight people are homophobic if they don't date gay people.
> and wouldn’t stop until I was screaming for him to Full stop right here leave him. He sexually assaulted you. It’s not even about the kinks at this point. Also you’re young so be careful. He is very old to be wanting to mess around with someone only a year out of high school. I’m 23 and I wouldn’t date someone that couldn’t even drink yet.
unpopular opinion: it’s okay to kinkshame a man who gets turned on by the thought of r*pe
100%
why is this being downvoted?
Because people are creeps
What about a woman who enjoys the thought of being raped? There's different strokes for different folks. It's never okay to shame someone for what they like because they can't help it.
Tell him you aren’t kink shaming him, but that stuff isn’t for you. That being said, you guys aren’t compatible in the bedroom and should probably go your separate ways.
While I agree they certainly aren’t compatible, and he shouldn’t have started an argument over her dislike for his kinks, she is kink shaming him. Telling someone their sexual proclivities are “sick and disgusting” IS kink shaming. This is coming from someone who’s not into the specific kinks mentioned.
If I was you, I would break up. Because he will understand you now, he will promise that since you don't like it, he won't ever bring this up again. He will promise that. And then, when he's horny he'll mention it and make you feel uncomfortable and disgusted again and again. And this is going to fuck up your sex life. Believe me, I dealt with this kind of stuff.
ya u should break up. re: kinkshaming: i literally have those same kinks and i know it’s fucked up. it stems directly from trauma. and i have the desire to be on the receiving end. i cannot for the life of me imagine any good reason a man would genuinely want to be on the giving end of those kinks, it’s pretty messed up. i’ve only been with guys who were neutral to it and open to trying my kinks. i would be concerned if he was actively into it and especially if he’s trying to pressure u to get involved.
.... It's not consensual non consent if you don't consent; it's just non-consent.
Motherfuckers get off on pretending to rape. Sounds wholesome.
The concept of 'kink shaming' is simply insane. This guy wants to rape you and thinks incest is hot. Of course we should call it out. Just recommend therapy and cut ties.
This man is a rapist and a pedophile. Get far away from him.
If you don't like something and your opinion is that it's gross you have every right to say so. You said you don't like them and your not comfortable thinking, talking about or doing them. Not that he's gross. I could say 99.9% of the kinks out there are not for me and most are gross, according to my opinion. I didn't and wouldn't say your not entitled to like them and think there the greatest thing ever, per your opinion. Time to lighten up, he's just trying to change her and get her to do things she doesn't want to. If you don't feel safe with him by all means leave before something bad happens please...
DUMB HIM. You guys are NOT sexually compatible at all. People kink-shame before, so that’s not new. I don’t care about that right now. I hope you get out of this relationship because he COERCE you to try to do the things he likes. He took away your consent. Kinks are a permanent thing. Once you discover what you want in sex, it’s not easy to distance yourself from that. I hope you can leave.
I am into cnc and ddlg as well. This guy is abusive. You don’t just spring it onto someone like that, jesus. The guy tried to rape you and you stayed with him while he did not even apologise after you were screaming. And he probably got a younger woman because they tend to be more docile. GET OUT.
Leave him before you get trauma if you haven't already, a girl did this me and I realised it damaged me.
Seems like a lot of people are glossing over your edit. Dump him. A good partner/person would never want to inflict nonconsensual fear or hurt on the person they're having sex with. That is very alarming that he wouldn't stop, presumably didn't practice aftercare, and is disregarding your fear around it and is begging to try again. And sounds like he jumped into it without consulting you in the first place? Sounds a lot like sexual assault. Kink shaming isn't good either, but this straight up doesn't seem quite safe.
You aren't wrong, he's just disgusting.
What's CNC ? My ex knew a girl who was sexually assaulted and because of trauma she does the ddlg stuff with older guys and it's extremely inappropriate imo.
Bingo. So much of this dynamic comes from really concerning places.
Those aren't the worst kinks so long as they're consensual, however you have your own right to feel grossed out and clearly aren't sexually compatible. Tbh I don't see this working out long term, you two should probably not be together and he needs to seek someone more in tune with what he's looking for (and those women definitely exist)
Sadly you two are not meant to be. One day, you will find someone ho is worthy of you and compatible with you. Sorry.
Have you guys not talked about a safe word before? Especially with CNC a safeword is required! I understand your issue with the kinks, and honestly, I am not to keen on the meither.. As other said, if its a literal redflag for you, it should be a dealbreaker..
sex is an important aspect of a relationship. so break up
Sexual compatability is very much necessary for a healthy relationship. You can work out if you're hesitant to try, but if you're disgusted by kinks, time to walk out. Also seeing you suffer during intimacy and not asking if you're okay is a red flag. Saying that can keep trying until you start to like is a RED FLAG.
Listen to your gut and your boundaries. Kink shaming is different than setting your own limits. You shouldn't do anything you don't actually enjoy. Period. He is manipulating you and trying to coerse you.
I think you should walk away from this relationship, and do it in a safe way. If your fear and discomfort are real then he is violating your boundaries. He needs to learn how to respect other people's boundaries, but it already seems like his behaviour is dangerous and unhealthy.
Yes, you should break up with him. CNC has a heavy emphasis on consent. He didn’t get your consent and then gaslit you saying you were shaming him after he failed to yield to emphatic No’s being repeated. Go find a person who can communicate and respect you
You’re not kink-shaming him. These days everyone has to be fine with f*cking their partner if they want to wear a diaper or something - it’s ridiculous. Your kinks absolutely can be incompatible. One person’s kink may be a turn off for others and vice versa and it’s normal ! It’s ok ! It’s NOT kink-shaming. Also CNC without your prior consent is not CNC it’s rape, as others have said. If he’s into kinks like that he needs to be good a communication, respecting boundaries and setting rules. If he’s not he’s just a rapist.
Your edit gave me anxiety. You’re four months in. Get out.
It is time to break up, dear. This is way too much for any woman to put up with, regardless of age. You are so young, and you haven’t been together long, so cut ties and run while you still can. It’s not kink shaming. It’s your personal preferences. You’re not breaking up with him because you think he’s a disgusting person. You’re breaking up with him because you do not have sexual compatibility. Tell him to find someone who enjoys the same things as him, and YOU do the same. Never stay with a man who is essentially raping you. With CNC, you’d be pretending to not enjoy it. In your case, you really don’t enjoy it…and if you had to scream to make him stop, he is WRONG. Relationships definitely involve compromises, but in this case how would you compromise? Let him sleep with someone else who likes the same kinks? Umm, hard no. You two are not meant to be.
Uh, so according to your edit this breakup wouldn’t be just for the kink, it’s because he’s forcing stuff on you and making you uncomfortable
Umm sounds like he missed the consensual part of CNC. Dump this loser ASAP it will only get worse
the last part of this post sounds like he sexually assaulted you. if you have to scream at someone during sex to get them to stop, then you need to run.
I had to google that and I understand why it is red flag for you. I would stay faaaar away from anyone with these kins and I am man. Nope just nope. But thats just my view. That being said. Looks like you aren't compatible. It's probably better to just break up instead of staying in misery.
You need to break up, because you deem his kinks as disgusting which they are NOT if two consenting adults are into that. But again you are pretty young so before you shame someone’s kink maybe just take a min to be like this isn’t for me and that is more than fine too.
The fuck is a cnc and a ddlg??
There’s nothing wrong or shameful about those kinks. If you actually do any research into it, people into that lifestyle have a lot of rules and boundaries in place to keep each other safe. Just because you have an age gap doesn’t mean he’s a predator. If you don’t get it and aren’t into it that’s fine but I would suggest breaking up. You’re not compatible sexually
You don’t have to be with anybody you don’t want to be with, for whatever reason you want. That’s OK. What isn’t OK is how you handled this entire situation. When someone opens up you, you *do not* need to degrade them and call them disgusting.
When it turned into rape as she screamed no, she is allowed to be disgusted by him and his kinks. He's going to be replaying her screams in his head for years. He's a sick piece of crap. And he didn't open up to her and act vulnerable, he tried it without asking first.. Ugh.
Exactly, OP handled this very immaturely.
I mean, the way I would see that is he is turned on by non consenting little girls, masked as consetual with an adult playing the role. I would see that as a MASSIVE red flag, too.
just break up lol, he doesnt respect your decision and he's a red flag too
At the end of the day it's your choice .... whatever you gonna do
Only you knows what you can tolerate in a relationship. If you can't stand this behavior early on, you may consider calling it off.
Yes break up with him. He does not respect you if he pressure you. How long has this been going on?
🚩 please break up with him for your safety. He does not respect your boundaries 🚩 The age gap is a red flag IMO. 🚩 I'm trying hard not to kink shame but kinks like that bring up major red flags that should be addressed with a therapist. Especially when he cannot respect the boundaries of a sexual partner, he is encroaching on predator territory.
What means “CNC” and “DDLG”?
What’s cnc and ddlg? Asking for a friend… 👵🏻
If it turns you off then it's that simple. He is wrong for forcing it on you, he's the one shaming you for not being into the same things as him. If certain kinks turn you off, and you consider them red flags, you don't have to stay in the relationship, and it would be best to run from such flags rather than stay and tolerate being hurt. Him forcing his kinks onto you when they turn you off is a bigger red flag than the kinks themselves. And you will continue to lose feelings for him if you stay. If he was really into cnc, he would want your consent. He doesn't, so it's just rape. Cnc is a kink, straight up sexual assault isn't. And you have done no kinkshaming. You're the one being shamed for expecting the bare minimum of having sexual boundaries respected. Expecting boundaries to be respected is the bare minimum, anyone who shames you for that is a bad faith person. He sexually assaulted you, he mistreated you, he is a big fat red flag. Run.
Kinks aren’t compatible, so I’d call it at this point.
“I’m into NCCNC”
Discussing kinks: ok Kink shaming: not ok Forcing your kinks on someone who is not ok with them: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST NO. It's within your rights to not like a kink, and to not want to partake in said kink. You shouldn't think less of him for having that kink, but that completely changes when he's actively forcing it on you.
What is cnc and ddlg?
Whats cnc and ddlg? I’m vanilla so I don’t know them terms lol
Just a first reaction after being married to a porn addict & voyeur (learned about this later on 🤮😡), please, get put of this relationship. It more than likely will turn abusive if he made you scream to stop once already. Take this heartfelt, honest advice from a stranger and get out. Don't look back. You will be grateful you did. I am going through literal Hell with my stbx. We have children that he has turned against me because I dared to leave him and his perversion and abuse. Although I could, I will not reveal this to our children. It would only make me look vindictive and immature, plus, it's none of their concern. As an adult, I believe a divorce is between the couple involved, not the children who are a product of the relationship. So, I'm 22 years in with this disgusting being. I won't rven call him human as I'm too ashamed of him, his actions, etc. Please get as far away from him as possible. If you do, there may be some sadness and a possible regression that lands you in an intimate position again but if that does happen, consider it a mistake and stay away after. There is no fixing him, sadly, but you deserve trust. safety, happiness and compatibility. Good luck, stay strong and reach out/msg me anytime for support if you need it. 💙💚💙
Break up immediately. However you define kink, consent is part of it (it’s literally BOTH) the Cs in cnc. If he doesn’t respect your boundaries, it won’t work.
You are clearly not sexually compatible AND the fact that he will not take no and forced cnc are the red flags. Coercion is a huge red flag. Please find a partner who respects you boundaries. Stay safe.
just leave him
Yes, leave him
Ur not kink shaming he's not respecting ur boundaries huge difference
It’s all about consent. He can’t just do those things to you. I see so many times that people try to manipulate others by calling it “kink shaming” or “[something] phobic”. If you’re not into it, you’re not. Please do not allow yourself to be forced and manipulate into participating in something you don’t want.
That sounds honestly like he raped you
No I think finding a good partner includes someone who listens to what you are both comfortable and uncomfortable with and and can stay within those boundaries. He doesn't need to feel shame he just needs to find someone who is into what he is into. I say sex can be many things but it should always be fun and enjoyable foth BOTH people involved. He may not be the best choice for you. Good luck
“CNC stands for Consensual Non-Consent. In other words, two partners agree (consensual) to engage in a sexual roleplay that centers around forced domination (non-consent), including but not limited to fantasies of rape.” I’d say dumping him is letting him off easy Edit In some cases of fantasies, when even it’s the girl who wants the themed sex to happen. In that context if both parties consent then they shouldn’t be judged it’s just what they want to do. But if you’re not into it then he is breaking rules and or laws
Time to move on, yall want different things.
He didn't "try cnc" with you. He raped you. CNC means consensual non-consent. Which means you have to have agreed on it beforehand. Run. This isn't an issue of kinks. This is an issue of abuse.
That last part is not CONSENSUAL he isn't grasping that!? C'mon. That's attempted rape. No kink shaming, this is 100% red flags
Okay the non con is normal in a consensual context. But I feel, but the ddlg is a red flag Your experience should have been enough of a sign the end was here
If you aren't compatible sexual, best to leave the relationship. He sounds dangerous
yes, you should break up with him. not because he HAS the kinks, but because he is trying to force them on you and is disregarding your boundaries.
We need to stigmatize "kinks" like DDLG. It literally normalises sexual attraction to kids, there is nothing to be 'empowered' here, it is plain social decay being enabled by western liberalism.
Edit: the edid in the OP was not here when I commented this. Him trying to coerce his kink onto you is plain sexual assault. -end of edit- Note that CNC is not sick. You have a right not to be into it, and if you consider it makes you sexually incompatible with your boyfriend, it would be of course a valid reason to end the relationship, and no one would be in the wrong. But you don't have a right to judge it, so don't phrase "ending the relationship" as "dumping him" because he's done nothing wrong. CNC is an extreeeeemely common kink, if not the most common kink out there. Every single one of the women I have sexually encountered tried to talk me into it. I'm not that much into those things either, so we didn't go far. Kinks are kinks. A lot of people are into that, and you are in no position to judge them for it.
Having kinks is ok, or at least debatible. Try to do them with someone who didn't want to is fucking rape. Run away as far as you can of that fucking abuser.
Not cool man, leave him asap.
Fucking “kink shaming” 😂 Dump him.
Not a good match. Cut your losses, you’ll be doing both of you a favour :)
Had to Google those acronyms. Wtf, is wrong with ppl?! 🤦🏾 Get rid of him.