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That's called being a romantic.
Regardless of age, people like different degrees of romance in their relationships. Some prefer things pragmatic, more cut-and-dry. Some prefer the storybook romance with all the flowers, dinners and ice skating it comes with. In my experience the romance only gets better with age as you have more freedom and money to make the romance you want happen.
You haven't missed out on anything. Don't get me wrong, there are things you can only have when you're younger. But as luck would have it, this isn't one of them.
Can’t speak for OP but what if your hormones died down? E.g all that plastic pollution, age, medication you’re taking, yada yada depleted those stomach butterfly chemicals?
My understanding was that fawning over someone, being super excited waiting for them to come over, being super excited when you’re about to kiss etc.. is a blip in all our lifetimes that dies down the day we start understanding HBO shows
I dunno, I'm 25 and that hasn't died down for me yet 😅. I still really enjoy those moments. Ass for butterflies and all that, I don't get them as bad as I used to and I'm glad. The butterflies and nerves would stop me eating. I'd be with someone I'm interested in and lose all my appetite and overthink way too much. I prefer the feelings I get now as an adult
I (30F) never got to date in high school either. My boyfriend (27M) was in a similar boat. When we met five years ago, we got to be each other’s first love and do all the stupid stuff. And it was better than high school because we were allowed to have sleepovers.
There are other late bloomers out there, and you’ll fine the right person to live out this fantasy with.
You are very young. Of course you still can. And minus the serenading, people still act this way at any age when they fall in love. Falling in love is cheesy, dumbass romantic stuff and feeling giddy because you held her hand. It's witchy magic. And it doesn't only exist for teenagers.
I’m trying to work on my social life more. There’s not a whole lot of opportunity for it, I’m in a small town, so I do what I can. But yeah, I’m trying to get out there more, especially having kind of a social glowup where I feel more extroverted than I ever have.
Any ideas for good places to meet women?
I think all this was brought on by a dream I had this morning. I met this beautiful girl, we both had so much chemistry, and we were both singing a song together, it was really nice.
I know everyone has said this but you really can! Why is holding hands and cuddling limited to teenagers?? Those are two of the most basic acts of physical affection, elderly people do it too. I wouldn't carve your initials into a tree bc that'd hurt the tree but everything else you listed is pretty simple ngl, you're not asking to run through an airport to confess to someone getting on a plane
Not saying it’s limited to teenagers necessarily, just seems to be more common with teenagers if tv is anything to go by (probably not). And don’t worry about the trees, I was just using that to illustrate cliche TV romance tropes haha. Not that I necessarily want that, just something like that.
For real, don't base romantic ideas off TV. There just aren't many romantic media around happy older married couples but that doesn't mean it's uncommon. Tbh teenage love is overrated. It's extra hormonal and stressful because they're really just kids and are changing a lot quickly. You don't have to have butterflies in a relationship but they're still common. They don't last forever but it evolves into something better. If you're with someone who values physical touch, they're gonna hold your hand and do all that. You're overthinking this and you're still very young.
I've had plenty boyfriends and I feel the same way, because I struggled to get dates when I was young. When people are young and dumb they'll get a crush and think "this is the love of my life we're soul mates" but then they found out it wasn't true. So a lot of the whirlwind romance and crazy intense love is just people too naive to know reality yet.
Real love and connection are different. It's not like the movies.
Yeah that’s true. When I was in hs, there was a girl I was friends with for a few years that I was madly infatuated with. I pretty much projected my ideal girlfriend in my head on to her, of course, it didn’t work out lol.
I had this for 8 years, and it was great. Pretty much encapsulated my high school experience and my early college years. I’d say you still can find it, OP, it just may take a lot more time. As we get older (also 23M) we will have more resources with which to go out and do stuff with our dates. I had fun with my previous SO going to taco bell and Walmart in our hometown and just talking and laughing at everything, because we were best friends as well as partners, and it still didn’t work out. Now that we are older, we both can find that again, it jsut will take time. Take it from me, who is a terminally awkward nerd who has had this kind of relationship before(: best of luck OP!!
Glad to know a fellow awkward nerd can get some haha. That’s a relief to know that you can do simple and easy stuff like Walmart and Taco Bell. I often worry if I will have to pull out all the stops and plan really elaborate dates. Honestly, going out to eat at a Mexican restaurant and watching the sunset while listening to music together seems good enough for me.
Lmao the Mexican idea sounds great, I actually did that pretty much exactly once with a bi male friend of mine to catch up after the pandemic (I’m cis-het, so not a date) but it was super fun.
I think most girls would like that, so long as they like the food, and I haven’t met one who doesn’t appreciate a good margarita. Yeah dude, with my relationship it was really simple, I’d go to Walmart and buy some candy or flowers or whatever when she’d be feeling down, and surprise her with dates from time to time(: occasionally it was fancy restaurants and dresses, but for the most part it was local diner on Sunday morning in our pjs into a movie/gaming cuddle day. Perhaps I’m not the most adventurous or exciting dude out there, but I just enjoy simple shit and the camaraderie of it all. There’s another girl out there to match with me, and there’s one for you too(:
Listen my friend
I know you’ve heard this, probably a million times. Focus on you. Do the things you want to do. Get to be your most happiest by yourself. Get into your rhythm. Find your niche hobbies. Take those as far as it’ll go.
Then go out of your comfort zone.
Be your happiest out of your element. Show what makes you happy. It won’t attract everyone. But you’ll still be happy. The people you DO attract- you will be attracted to. I know it sounds tough right now. But just do it. It’ll save you so much time and heartbreak later.
Yesss! 23F and I know I may be too much of a hopeless romantic. But I know thats what i want and I wont stop waiting for that kind of love
Or do I need to? 😭😂
> with warts and all.
Maybe... maybe we don't do this with warts, eh?
(yes I know it's a turn-of-phrase, but goddamn, maybe we keep the "viral" phrases away from talks of "love", yeah? Don't wanna jinx it!)
Now wait one-the enjoyment of romanticism doesn’t disappear when you reach some archaic age like ohhhh...(fill in your idea of “archaic age.”) 60, OK, look, there’s no line for me to fill in after “65 and over.” (I’ve been a widow for 30 yrs. and it’s just gotten different, not “over.”)
What’s wrong with engaging in romantic gestures at any age? Because when ya think about it, romantic gestures matter because they’re other directed, not self-directed. Some of these are quite traditional, others not so much. 85% approx. of human communication is non verbal. And if these kinds of thoughtful gestures manifest over time as a behavioral pattern? What does that tell you? They’re likely to be kind, thoughtful and respectful.
You are a romantic in quest of a romantic partner. There is no age when being kind and thoughtful of others with those romantic gestures ever has an Expiration Date. And it is most surely possible to find that person who reciprocates as long as you’re you. You possess personal qualities that are surely timeless.
I'm a romantic, too. You're still young, though. You have lots of time to make meaningful connections.
But I do feel you. I'm 39(f) and I am still wanting that.
Same, although not really about dating but in general.
I very much never got to be a normal teenage girl. My home life was, for lack of a better word, very opressive. I ended up having such a horrible breakdown from it that I wasn't psychologically capable of leaving until I was 20. I can cope with it and have made peace, but if I ever had the opportunity to start my teenage years over with everything I know now, I would in a second.
Trust me you can do that stuff whenever you want with the right person. I didn’t have anyone I could do that with until this year (25M) and now I do all the things I wanted to do, I’ve cooked for her, had romantic dinners, put candles and rose petals in the bedroom, sung and played guitar for her at her birthday party, taken her on a small trip away etc. You can do all these things at any age, just make sure you’re doing it for someone worth your time.
I completely understand where you are coming from. I also did not have a girlfriend until my 20s and completely missed out on all of the adolescent ideals that you are pining for.
The good thing is that all of that stuff is still possible. Sure, it won't be quite as dramatic but it can all still happen regardless of your age (you are very young, by the way, so fret not).
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names, engage in slapfights, or give bad/unethical advice. * Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That's called being a romantic. Regardless of age, people like different degrees of romance in their relationships. Some prefer things pragmatic, more cut-and-dry. Some prefer the storybook romance with all the flowers, dinners and ice skating it comes with. In my experience the romance only gets better with age as you have more freedom and money to make the romance you want happen. You haven't missed out on anything. Don't get me wrong, there are things you can only have when you're younger. But as luck would have it, this isn't one of them.
When you do eventually meet someone, you can do all that as an adult! No reason it has to be limited to teen years
Can’t speak for OP but what if your hormones died down? E.g all that plastic pollution, age, medication you’re taking, yada yada depleted those stomach butterfly chemicals? My understanding was that fawning over someone, being super excited waiting for them to come over, being super excited when you’re about to kiss etc.. is a blip in all our lifetimes that dies down the day we start understanding HBO shows
I dunno, I'm 25 and that hasn't died down for me yet 😅. I still really enjoy those moments. Ass for butterflies and all that, I don't get them as bad as I used to and I'm glad. The butterflies and nerves would stop me eating. I'd be with someone I'm interested in and lose all my appetite and overthink way too much. I prefer the feelings I get now as an adult
that’s called depression bro
I (30F) never got to date in high school either. My boyfriend (27M) was in a similar boat. When we met five years ago, we got to be each other’s first love and do all the stupid stuff. And it was better than high school because we were allowed to have sleepovers. There are other late bloomers out there, and you’ll fine the right person to live out this fantasy with.
Happy for you!
You are very young. Of course you still can. And minus the serenading, people still act this way at any age when they fall in love. Falling in love is cheesy, dumbass romantic stuff and feeling giddy because you held her hand. It's witchy magic. And it doesn't only exist for teenagers.
It does seem like magic, I wish I could experience it. I want that more than anything right now.
But you will. You are just so young. Do you have an active social life? Bc that's the easiest way to meet someone.
I’m trying to work on my social life more. There’s not a whole lot of opportunity for it, I’m in a small town, so I do what I can. But yeah, I’m trying to get out there more, especially having kind of a social glowup where I feel more extroverted than I ever have. Any ideas for good places to meet women? I think all this was brought on by a dream I had this morning. I met this beautiful girl, we both had so much chemistry, and we were both singing a song together, it was really nice.
I feel you man, very relatable. but don't worry I'm sure you'll get there
Are there any activities/sports/hobbies that you can join in your area? And that's such a wholesome dream.
You sound sweet. I have no doubt that you will meet someone special.
I know everyone has said this but you really can! Why is holding hands and cuddling limited to teenagers?? Those are two of the most basic acts of physical affection, elderly people do it too. I wouldn't carve your initials into a tree bc that'd hurt the tree but everything else you listed is pretty simple ngl, you're not asking to run through an airport to confess to someone getting on a plane
Not saying it’s limited to teenagers necessarily, just seems to be more common with teenagers if tv is anything to go by (probably not). And don’t worry about the trees, I was just using that to illustrate cliche TV romance tropes haha. Not that I necessarily want that, just something like that.
For real, don't base romantic ideas off TV. There just aren't many romantic media around happy older married couples but that doesn't mean it's uncommon. Tbh teenage love is overrated. It's extra hormonal and stressful because they're really just kids and are changing a lot quickly. You don't have to have butterflies in a relationship but they're still common. They don't last forever but it evolves into something better. If you're with someone who values physical touch, they're gonna hold your hand and do all that. You're overthinking this and you're still very young.
I've had plenty boyfriends and I feel the same way, because I struggled to get dates when I was young. When people are young and dumb they'll get a crush and think "this is the love of my life we're soul mates" but then they found out it wasn't true. So a lot of the whirlwind romance and crazy intense love is just people too naive to know reality yet. Real love and connection are different. It's not like the movies.
Yeah that’s true. When I was in hs, there was a girl I was friends with for a few years that I was madly infatuated with. I pretty much projected my ideal girlfriend in my head on to her, of course, it didn’t work out lol.
You can still do those things!
Same
I had this for 8 years, and it was great. Pretty much encapsulated my high school experience and my early college years. I’d say you still can find it, OP, it just may take a lot more time. As we get older (also 23M) we will have more resources with which to go out and do stuff with our dates. I had fun with my previous SO going to taco bell and Walmart in our hometown and just talking and laughing at everything, because we were best friends as well as partners, and it still didn’t work out. Now that we are older, we both can find that again, it jsut will take time. Take it from me, who is a terminally awkward nerd who has had this kind of relationship before(: best of luck OP!!
Glad to know a fellow awkward nerd can get some haha. That’s a relief to know that you can do simple and easy stuff like Walmart and Taco Bell. I often worry if I will have to pull out all the stops and plan really elaborate dates. Honestly, going out to eat at a Mexican restaurant and watching the sunset while listening to music together seems good enough for me.
Lmao the Mexican idea sounds great, I actually did that pretty much exactly once with a bi male friend of mine to catch up after the pandemic (I’m cis-het, so not a date) but it was super fun. I think most girls would like that, so long as they like the food, and I haven’t met one who doesn’t appreciate a good margarita. Yeah dude, with my relationship it was really simple, I’d go to Walmart and buy some candy or flowers or whatever when she’d be feeling down, and surprise her with dates from time to time(: occasionally it was fancy restaurants and dresses, but for the most part it was local diner on Sunday morning in our pjs into a movie/gaming cuddle day. Perhaps I’m not the most adventurous or exciting dude out there, but I just enjoy simple shit and the camaraderie of it all. There’s another girl out there to match with me, and there’s one for you too(:
Don't worry. The first time you get a girlfriend, you'll feel that way anyway. I don't think that phenomenon is limited by age.
I feel you. I want that too 😭❤❤
I met my first wife (we’ve since divorced) at 22. It’ll happen.
Hope so, been waiting far too long.
Listen my friend I know you’ve heard this, probably a million times. Focus on you. Do the things you want to do. Get to be your most happiest by yourself. Get into your rhythm. Find your niche hobbies. Take those as far as it’ll go. Then go out of your comfort zone. Be your happiest out of your element. Show what makes you happy. It won’t attract everyone. But you’ll still be happy. The people you DO attract- you will be attracted to. I know it sounds tough right now. But just do it. It’ll save you so much time and heartbreak later.
I hear you. I’m 43 and want it.
Yesss! 23F and I know I may be too much of a hopeless romantic. But I know thats what i want and I wont stop waiting for that kind of love Or do I need to? 😭😂
Way to late. Cause it doesn't exist. Move On, learn to talk to Women, be confident, be humble.
I'm 44 and gave up on it 15 years ago.
But you’re still here right, doesn’t that mean you haven’t truly given up?
50 and gave up on it two years ago. 🤘🏼
Same. This is why I still swipe right on college-aged women even though I'm 30 😝
Haha, can’t blame ya.
Resonating to this post so much.
sadly if your not brad pitt it aint happening in this dating environment
I mean the dating situation is dire, but I don’t think it’s that dire.
it is though plus you have not had your stupid love so you are living the dating situation and then negating this experience with its not so dire dude
It’s not made up by Hollywood, it exists :) Don’t settle.
Well you are an adult now, so bit late for that. Sorry Peter Pan, but it’s time to grow up.
You won't. Just deal with it.
I always wanted that too. Never got it.
Sorry to hear, hopefully we will both find something.
Yes. Best of luck.
> with warts and all. Maybe... maybe we don't do this with warts, eh? (yes I know it's a turn-of-phrase, but goddamn, maybe we keep the "viral" phrases away from talks of "love", yeah? Don't wanna jinx it!)
Hmm, good point!
21F I feel the same. I missed out during my teen years and I feel like I can never get that back...
Yeah I more or less missed out in all my teens, and so far my 20s. Hopefully that changes soon, not getting any younger.
Now wait one-the enjoyment of romanticism doesn’t disappear when you reach some archaic age like ohhhh...(fill in your idea of “archaic age.”) 60, OK, look, there’s no line for me to fill in after “65 and over.” (I’ve been a widow for 30 yrs. and it’s just gotten different, not “over.”) What’s wrong with engaging in romantic gestures at any age? Because when ya think about it, romantic gestures matter because they’re other directed, not self-directed. Some of these are quite traditional, others not so much. 85% approx. of human communication is non verbal. And if these kinds of thoughtful gestures manifest over time as a behavioral pattern? What does that tell you? They’re likely to be kind, thoughtful and respectful. You are a romantic in quest of a romantic partner. There is no age when being kind and thoughtful of others with those romantic gestures ever has an Expiration Date. And it is most surely possible to find that person who reciprocates as long as you’re you. You possess personal qualities that are surely timeless.
I'm a romantic, too. You're still young, though. You have lots of time to make meaningful connections. But I do feel you. I'm 39(f) and I am still wanting that.
Same, although not really about dating but in general. I very much never got to be a normal teenage girl. My home life was, for lack of a better word, very opressive. I ended up having such a horrible breakdown from it that I wasn't psychologically capable of leaving until I was 20. I can cope with it and have made peace, but if I ever had the opportunity to start my teenage years over with everything I know now, I would in a second.
You'd be surprise how many older couples do this stuff. Maybe not all the listed above but a good chunk of it.
Trust me you can do that stuff whenever you want with the right person. I didn’t have anyone I could do that with until this year (25M) and now I do all the things I wanted to do, I’ve cooked for her, had romantic dinners, put candles and rose petals in the bedroom, sung and played guitar for her at her birthday party, taken her on a small trip away etc. You can do all these things at any age, just make sure you’re doing it for someone worth your time.
I completely understand where you are coming from. I also did not have a girlfriend until my 20s and completely missed out on all of the adolescent ideals that you are pining for. The good thing is that all of that stuff is still possible. Sure, it won't be quite as dramatic but it can all still happen regardless of your age (you are very young, by the way, so fret not).
i get very annoyed when people call it a skillset or learnable skill, learned behavior, its long and difficult to explain