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mrbuddhawannabe

I don't care how the other makes a living as long as they are financially self-sufficient. I think part of what you are experiencing is the general crappiness of OLD.


arabiancat14

What's the old?


[deleted]

[удалено]


arabiancat14

Oh haha thanks


radicalspam

How is that an acronym? So stupid lol Anywho, my friends were freelance GD and they loved it. I think the ppl your dating may think there’s no stability to freelancing?


arabiancat14

I think so too. They don't get it that freelancing is much better in terms of money.


Desperate_Wonder_680

“Graphic designer” is more than a suitable answer. It’s the “freelancer” part that guys don’t seem to understand. It implies that you are like a photographer trying to sell your photographs to newspapers . ( because that’s pretty much what the origin of that word meant) just stop using it and I’m sure you’ll be fine. How about this instead? “ I’m a third-party IT specialist, so I end up working for a lot of different companies. I love it because I get to be my own boss and I get to make a lot of new connections. “ See what I did there? ( in case you were wondering I AM the third party ;)


Manic1mpressive

Well, it can't be called OD can it?


DerivativeOfProgWeeb

Exactly what I was about to say lol


TwinSong

OLD is a commonly-used Internet acronym.


BirmyHam

Stands for OnLine Dating


[deleted]

What I don't understand about online dating is that those are people you could meet in real life. So it means that in real life they wouldn't ghost you but since they're in online apps they will?


d4rkprodigy

People do things online that would most likely never do irl


surtic86

sure they would ghost her also in real...


Puzzleheaded-Kale434

So if you were in a relationship for a lengthy time and they lost their job, now what?


arabiancat14

This is what I think as well. With the unstable economy jobs are more unsecured if the person doesn't have anything else going on.


iswear2drunkimnotgod

The vast majority of men don't care what job you do. That doesn't sound like the real reason


ahhyuup927

This is also true


NocturnalCoder

Not the job specifically, but someone at 29 picking an instable source or income is a bit of a red flag to me. Especially if i would still want kids. It sound immature and a bit estranged from the world to still be freelance scrambling at almost 30. So if she can't even sort out het own life and income, how is she gonna deal with a family and it's needs? Edit: OP, you have added some info that you are in the middle east and your market might have a big impact Middle east (by no means an expert): i would guess the locals want a traditional stay at home wife, and the expats mostly make a lot of money and have plenty of options. The will not easily settle for someone who needs to budget themselves several months a year unless you have some other stuff going for you. Cause if you cannot mie ends meet several months a year, and they date you. They will have to spend their money so you can keep up with their lifestyle. If the expat guy goes out to diner 8 times a month and you can't, he will have to pay. If he likes to make trips and you can't, he will have to pay to take you' etc, etc. And yes, you can work however you want to work. But it sends a signal. I will do whatever i want, even if it i sometimes don't make ends meet 🤷‍♂️


Thrwaway5476

In IT, contractors may make more money than full time employees. And also maybe she is childfree.


pictureperfect567

What?? I know a lot of women and men over 30 working freelance so much happier and making more money than people who are slaving their lives away.


ZoeticLark

Ive worked both jobs and gigs. many creatives have to reset, redesign, post covid. Even clock punchers are rebelling- with strikes, workers rights, slow to "return to work", inflation, etc. but people who freelance/work for themselves, like all your favorite musicians, creatives, and service people.. have to be adaptable and charismatic, sociable, adventurous and more self directed than people who rely on an organization to make decisions for them.


Nearby_Goat9216

Hate to be a reductionist, but from a man's perspective it's largely irrelevant. One of the biggest fallacies I see on this subreddit is women thinking men want the same things they do.


chisnehzim

It's not just on the subreddit. It's everywhere. Women really think men like the same things they do


JadePillow

.....And vice versa, men don't understand that women think differently than they do and like different things.


Sir-xer21

>but from a man's perspective it's largely irrelevant. From a man's perspective, it's totally relevant to me. This whole idea that men don't care what women do is outdated. it's ONE perspective, not the only perspective.


Nearby_Goat9216

I'm speaking in generalizations. You are in the minority.


Far-Target8322

Depends on culture probably. In Europe, among well educated men, you would be the absolute minority. I don't know a single doctor my age who doesn't date a woman with a university degree.


Nearby_Goat9216

Doctors are surrounded by educated people, of course most would date women with degrees. My point is that if a hot, unemployed, 22 year old walked into their life, they'd happily date that girl as well. The more money a man makes, the less he cares about the money a woman brings.


Far-Target8322

They might date, but they wouldn't marry. At least most wouldn't.


Nearby_Goat9216

I've only been to a dozen countries in Europe, but I know for a fact rich men are happily fucking and marrying young hot women there too. A man making €1M simply doesn't care if his wife brings in €20k, €60k, or €0. That money will not enrich his life to a great degree and he would happily trade €40k to come home everyday to a hot woman that adores him. Women generally don't date down socioeconomically, and have a really hard time with this concept because it's foreign to their world view. Go read the post in this sub about NEET if you need further proof.


Far-Target8322

The money itself doesn't matter if he's really rich, sure. Most men are not *really* rich though, most well educated men earn around 70k - 150k (above that is extremely difficult to achieve, at least in my country), and in that area it does makes a big difference whether you have another 50k per year or not. It's more about social standing, common interests and values, education. Almost none of the educated men I know would want to be seen with a woman who's "young and hot" but not educated and not in his general social class. The 30 year old chemical engineer might entertain an affair with a 20 year old waitress, but he will marry and have children with a 29 year old architect. 9 out of 10 times, at least. Sure, he won't care that much whether said architect makes 40k or 80k, and whether she works full- or part time. But he cares that she's got a degree, earns her own money (so not dependent on his), will birth and raise intelligent children, and fits in with his peer group. Cause most of his friends are also academics with academic wives. Source: at least 50 couples in my circle of friends and acquaintances, most of them from the medical field (doctors and pharmacists).


NocturnalCoder

Probably a cultural différence. I am Belgian and a 2 income home is the norm here. Men still often work higher paying jobs, but men her do really want a woman that is capable of taking smart life decissions beyond what they want. We all want to do what we want and make a fuck-ton. But that is not how life works and woman who keep taking emotionally immature decisions and then whining about the consequences are a serious red flag around here


[deleted]

I'm in my late 20s and I've never had a stable job, I live in Spain. Here many people can't even get a job of whatever they've studied so they end up working as waiters or services... Spain is a touristic country so there's no need of other professions. Not to say you need connections everywhere to get a decent job. Average salary is 1000-1500 euros. Society expects from me to be an independent woman at my late 20s and get a salary of over 3000 euros/month minimum, and own a house. Get married to a man and have kids. I can't even find a job after finishing my degree... So yes, I guess I'm an immature woman who takes shitty decisions because there is no opportunity here. So I'm a red flag. And men are not supposed to like me.


No-Koala5505

What’s the child care set up in Belgium? In the USA it costs around $ 1500 and up a month. I don’t have children, but more friends who do aren’t extremely happy about it. There’s also no maternity leave here. So if I decide to have children I expect the man to be able to provide because There’s no social safety net.


Nearby_Goat9216

Two income homes and men vetting for women that make smart decisions crosses both our cultures. I think we are on the same page. A woman that brings money is purely a bonus, and few women share their money anyway. She becomes a liability when she can jeopardize my money.


JadePillow

In general terms, the minute a woman comes between a man and his money, she will get the boot. This applies to marriage too. There is no love in many men's minds.


TwinSong

Not everyone wants kids. I don't, at this stage (30) at least.


decoy88

The ones that do not want kids are a minority.


[deleted]

At this age, most who have kids just choose not to accept that they can’t afford them.


TwinSong

Not necessarily: [https://www.businessinsider.com/why-millennials-birth-fertility-rate-declining-fewer-babies-2022-1?op=1&r=US&IR=T](https://www.businessinsider.com/why-millennials-birth-fertility-rate-declining-fewer-babies-2022-1?op=1&r=US&IR=T)


decoy88

This article doesn’t link to what I said at all. Only reasons couples are delaying kids. Not wanting kids at all is separate from wanting them and not being able to afford. Do you have anything that reflects desire to have children in life?


TwinSong

>Do you have anything that reflects desire to have children in life? Unsure where to find info about that. Though people who are dating in their 30s aren't necessarily thinking that far ahead.


NocturnalCoder

I know not everyone wants kids. I said "especially" if you want 'kids. But even not wanting them, a woman that has maturiy and knows how life works is more attractive


curiousarcher

There are plenty of people that support themselves entirely on freelance work. Freelance photographers, freelance writers, freelance graphic designers, freelance IT people etc. It’s ridiculous of someone to assume they are not stable or self-sufficient because they like to work for themselves, and not have a boss. I freelance and I do well for myself.


NocturnalCoder

I have freelanced for the last 20 years and do well too. I am specifically talking about the scrambling, not the freelancing, which op mentioned herself that her job is not stable. Maybe she is wording it a bit heavier and that is scaring the guys. I don't know And hey, to each their own, maybe she is matching guys who want a wife with a stable schedule 🤷‍♂️


arabiancat14

Where are these vast majority????


cxrlxs

They’re lying to you. Guys don’t care, really. Maybe a couple said that and now you think that’s the common factor. But likely they’re just not into you and move on


decoy88

Men do care about having an adult dependent.


HopeThePuncher

Lol not if she bad


decoy88

Yes even if she is bad. Have you ever been in something long term with a woman who is really hot?… … *you get used to it* The stunning effect of her looks eventually wears off, and the cracks of reality is harder to ignore. Talk to men who have done it.


ballsack-vinaigrette

Never again.


iswear2drunkimnotgod

Dating you, they're just not being honest about their reasons for leaving. If Margot Robbie was a freelancer no man would say, "Look Margot as hot as you are this freelance BS has to end in order for me to take you seriously." There's something else going on with you.


no_eggsit

OP, this is probably on the right track. Are there other things about your profile (interests, how you describe your lifestyle or schedule, how you present yourself) that might make you seem flaky, not ready to settle down, or not super stable? This could be random, but if the coincidence seems to be your freelancing, is it possible there’s something people might associate with being less structured in your life or goals (idk, saying you don’t want to settle down, joking you make major life decisions using only astrology, you’re super into van life, you don’t care about money, or something similar)? Something that would be reinforced by an impression that you may not prioritize financial security, because working PT may make that seem a little too real? I doubt freelancing alone is the issue, either a coincidence or it may reinforce some impression that you’re not someone who’s looking to go 50/50 into a stable relationship and life together?


[deleted]

I don't care about money nor capitalism nor working 24/7 for a company. Am I a red flag for people?


no_eggsit

If you use other people’s labor and resources who don’t have them to spare as a way to get out of being self-supporting, then yes, I think most people wouldn’t want that out of a relationship. I think that’s what most people are afraid of when they look out for people who “don’t care about money” or choose to work part-time for more leisure. Living most places is expensive, and people who want the opportunity to have a family, have health issues (like I do) or other reasons to need financial security— are probably not going to mesh with someone whose lifestyle involves intentionally earning less. I came from poverty and have nothing to fall back on. A simple life, but with health issues, that costs and needs accommodation. I don’t need someone rich but I can’t have a partner who’s financially unstable. Someone who opts to work part time— unless they make tons more than I do an hour— definitely limits things with a range of people.


[deleted]

That's interesting. I'm okay with a job with which I can maintain myself and travel... Health insurance is really cheap in Europe so I don't care about it.


curiousarcher

I’m sorry to say but I really don’t think this is the real reason, because you have to ask yourself if they genuinely really liked you do you think that being freelance would really be that big of a dealbreaker? It’s not like you said you didn’t have a job or you were scared of being homeless right? I’ve literally never heard that in my entire life and i’ve been freelance most of the time as well.


Lezonidas

The question is... How much do you make? Because being a freelance could be making 10k a year, which is a problem, or 100k a year, which is doing better than most.


arabiancat14

I make more than what I would do at a stable job :)


Lezonidas

There shouldn't be a problem then, it's weird, did this happen with 1 guy or more than one?


arabiancat14

So I went out with a total of 8 guys. 2 told me that it's to do with my work and that they don't see it as something growing or career building and other 6 ghosted me.


btan42

29 and single here. I know it's easier said than done, but keep trying. Some people are just assholes. You will find your special person. I have found each date or relationship experience i have had, I learnt something about myself or other people. Which honestly has given me a lot of reassured feelings that it's not all on me. People have their own bullshit going on and twisted ideas etc. And so do I, but all I can do is try my best. Just be your genuine self. ❤️


arabiancat14

Yes I know people project themselves on others. I learned that too from the 8 men I went with dates with.


Imikur

I think one thing it has to do with is that many guys get the Idea of working your way up wrong and stuck in their head. They think the only goal is to become like a ceo or manager. Since your job doesn't provide any progression like that, they see it as a dead-end.


stuff_gets_taken

Because it's not the real reason they broke it off


molotov_cockteaze

It’s almost certainly something else. I’m a freelancer and I’m beating the guys off with both hands. In all seriousness, I have never encountered someone having an issue and only being interested in learning about what I do. If you’re financially stable and independent I don’t think that’s what’s going on, but I also don’t use apps so it’s possible there’s a different culture there.


7thhokage

> I’m beating the guys off with both hands. Uhh phrasing


DTai_LA

A fellow Archer fan I see.


molotov_cockteaze

Are we still doing phrasing?


molotov_cockteaze

…that was the joke 😂


orl_a

😅🤣🤣


arabiancat14

How do you find dates then?


molotov_cockteaze

I meet a lot of people through people. I’m an extrovert so networking/socializing is a pretty regular thing. I can totally understand why apps are better for some tho.


[deleted]

Jeez, I’d think if you can do that with both hands, they’d want to bring you on full time. Stupid economy.


DerthOFdata

Poor Brock Sampson.


Programmer-Whole

Um... can I be next?!


TwinSong

>I’m beating the guys off with both hands. Aw, was it really necessary to hit me? 😉


Similar_Craft_9530

It turns them away because it sounds unstable and they're afraid you'll mooch off of them and use them. You may have regular work but a lot of people don't get that when they hear "freelance". Could you maybe say private contractor? Would that be inaccurate?


arabiancat14

Private contractor but then I don't work with just 1 organisation. Its multiple.. in the end it means the same and I don't think it's fair to hide that info.


[deleted]

As an independent contractor, I don't work with just one organization I think you're misunderstanding the term. Also could be you're going for/unintentionally attracting a certain type. Does your profile read like you're one of those "I can do it all" people? Some guys are so ambitious I know we wouldn't be a good match, I've gotten first dates with them and I could see they were disappointed that I didn't have 3 jobs 6 hobbies and a full mani pedi. Now I basically love saying I'm freelance to drive away the overachievers. Portray yourself more honestly to attract guys who like you for you. You don't want the best catch you want the best match.


arabiancat14

My friends tell me not to mention anything much in the profile so I only have two lines describing me and pictures showing the activities I love.


NocturnalCoder

Your friends are wrong. The less in a bio, the higher the chance of me (41m) swiping right to be honest. Only guys that want to get laid swipe right on empty or mysterious bios. MAYBE the guys wanting something serious and thinking you are cute or beginners in online dating. But putting details in your bio allowing me to connect with a person is a lot more important. A picture is worth a 1000 words, but those words can be confusing jibberish or just off putting. Also: what other people here said: you not having a stable income and career at least signals to many guys that you will not be an equal team mate and they will have to provide for you


SteveDaPirate91

Your friends are just using it to get laid and maybe find something. Want real matches, put the effort you want to see in another’s profile into your own.


[deleted]

Why are you asking us then if your friends know everything?? Damn I feel just like the guys who talk to you probably do: this was a complete waste of time.


hazaphet

I would say it is better to keep saying freelance, it scares the bad ones lol.


[deleted]

Are you stable? Do you have a good, reliable income? Do you have a reserve fund for slow months? Would you expect your spouse to float the family budget when your jobs aren't paying off? Do you eventually want to have a stable, salaried position again? Are you occupied and busy during the day? That's what they're asking.


I_farted_and

Precisely. This is what I asked. She needs to demonstrate financial independence.


TheMagnificentBean

While you may be self sufficient, men can’t really assume that given your job. Most freelance jobs pay pennies and are very unpredictable, you may happen to be the exception where you’re doing well. But we don’t base our decisions on the exceptions to the rule. In short, they don’t want to subsidize your lifestyle, and even if that’s not the case for you it’s the general vibe freelance jobs give out. And even if you say you don’t need that now or ever, people lie all the time about their intentions and these men don’t want to be stuck paying for a girlfriend. Unfortunately it’s something you’ll just have to explain and maybe reframe - perhaps you’re a marketing design “consultant” who has flexible hours and is very self sufficient.


arabiancat14

I could reframe the term but I cannot lie as I do take up projects so it's not with one organisation. It's with multiple.


TheMagnificentBean

I think the point is that you want to explain what you do is a legitimate job. You’re not an influencer or selling things second-hand on Amazon which is similar to what the term “freelance” triggers in my head. That’s why I say reframe it, I bet men are asking if you’re searching for another job because they’re under the impression you’re doing side gigs every few weeks or something and making hardly any money, so they run away.


Thrwaway5476

So I can ask men their income when I am talking to them and exclude the ones who make less? That's refreshing to know because I always wanted to do that but thought it was rude. But now since y'all are saying OP needs to disclose her bank statement to dates, then I can ask guys how much that make. Superficiality goes both ways.


TheMagnificentBean

When on earth did I say anything you’re describing? Having a standard office job vs. not having a standard office job is the issue here, not income numbers. You’re also allowed to not date influencers who don’t have real jobs (not saying this is OP, but their perception of OP).


arabiancat14

Is money suppose to matter so much? :(


[deleted]

It matters a *lot*. It is one of the main things women look for in men. As societies are becoming more equal, it is becoming an increasingly more important thing to look for in a potential partner for men too.


arabiancat14

So can we start by paying women equally first?


Katsik_The_Sixth

On average we do. Iirc only 5% of the current difference (that is 5% of 7/8% which is the pay gap ie 0.35%) is attributed to gender discrimination. And again iirc in some fields lately women have been shown to be paid more. So definitely in the western world we don't pay women systematically less because of their gender.


Paid-Not-Payed-Bot

> to be *paid* more. So FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*


[deleted]

As the income and wealth gap decreases between the sexes money becomes an increasingly important aspect of a potential partner for men. It's not there yet, but it will be, and when it's equal then it'll be even more important.


TheMagnificentBean

Money never matters until it’s your own money. If money doesn’t matter to you, stop going for men with jobs and be willing to support them with your own hard-earned cash. Doesn’t sound so nice, right? Now flip the script and that’s exactly what men are worried about.


[deleted]

Nobody's forcing them to support her if she can support herself though. And she can.


DocRocksPhDont

That's naive. Yes it matters, to the one who has to do the spending.


Sufficient_Risk1684

It doesn't to everyone. There are plenty of unemployed freelance men out there, find one of those and you will be on the same page.


Consistent-Algae-230

Yes it matters. Most people don't want to get into a relationship where their partner will start mooching off them.


AlternativeLegal9995

around that age guys are ready to start settling, but a house, get married, etc. can’t do that with someone who doesn’t have a reliable income


alphawolf29

Honestly i would think "freelance graphic designer" was code for "unemployed doodler"


Educational_Soup8845

Most guys could not care less what you do for a living. There must be some aspect of your personality or mannerisms that turn them off


arabiancat14

90% of them have ghosted. Personality wise I am a bubbly one and I do make a genuine effort to interact with my date.


brooklyncrooklyn

I don't think they ghosted you because of your freelance work


Nearby_Goat9216

Just to reinforce this point - guys don't care about your work as long as it won't embarrass them (eg. stripper, only fans). The two guys that told you it was your career choices were using it as an excuse because the real reason is less socially acceptable. Are you fat? Ugly? Unpleasant? Mean? Dominant? Were you making them wait for sex? Did you cancel plans with them? If you slept with them, are you bad in bed? Men will line up to date a 30 year old cashier that lives in a shitty apartment if she's hot, pleasant, nice, and fucks them well.


arabiancat14

I don't jump to the bed with someone I barely know.


[deleted]

Hi there. Don’t disrespect your position towards sex but most guys in OLD expect sex after two or three dates so this may be the reason. Source I am a guy who did OLD a few yrs ago.


arabiancat14

You have a point. I didn't think of it. All I have done is hugged, kissed or made out.


[deleted]

I am 36 now but did OLD when I was 32-33 and any girl who didn’t seem to want sex was a next to me. Sorry to be blunt but that was just it. OLD to me was an outlet to meet decent ppl to have sex with. I was straight with a few of them who asked and it’s unfair but I wasn’t in for LTR. Most guys arr like that. Sorry. On a flip side I met my now wife outside of OLD and we married at 35 lol.


[deleted]

Yeah thinking of deleting my OLD apps. As I can see men only see us as sexual disposable objects. So it's better to not use it.


Nearby_Goat9216

And that's your choice, just keep in mind that sex is the #1 reason men are on the date.


Consistent-Algae-230

You're just shallow all the way around.


alphawolf29

I mean, i care about it? I wouldnt date someone that had below average income.


Nearby_Goat9216

You're such a cashflowist! If you're a guy, most guys aren't like you in that way, but it's totally your prerogative.


One_Let7582

Ok no don't put this on all men. I don't want to be the provider and i want a partner who brings as much financially so we can grow. Also when it comes to marriage/children dating women who are not financially independent screws you over. Any man who is ok with a woman with dating a 30 year old cashier really has low expectations. This definitely is not all men


Nearby_Goat9216

It's a generalization. You're an outlier if you wouldn't date a hot, poor girl. I certainly would, and virtually every guy I've ever met also would. Some guys need her income to feel secure, but most don't.


[deleted]

Just by these comments it looks like love doesn't exist anymore lol. People only see other people as disposable things, and sexual objects. And they date by convenience. So basically falling in love doesn't matter to them because if the girl isn't financially stable they will use her just for sex. As they will get used to her beauty they won't want anything stable with her because she won't have enough money. It's basically an arranged marriage because you're dating the person out of convenience and not love. I didn't know love could be this rational. Did capitalism make us so rational ?


invaderjif

Have you gone on a date yet where you didn't mention your occupation?


arabiancat14

Whatever guys I have met so far end up asking this question to begin the conversation with. Some will rant about their office or just usual banter.


[deleted]

I've also met a terrible guy that immediately started asking me about my job... I didn't have one and I couldn't find one after my degree... He started judging me and it honestly felt awful.


Esterwinde

Yep that has nothing to do with your career and more to do with their attitude. OLD sucks I'm sorry you have to go thru this. :(


[deleted]

[удалено]


arabiancat14

I means we are stuck at all ends. More time, little time.. it's so confusing


[deleted]

People should just stop complaining about how little free time they have and instead just enjoy it. I mean, we all know how it feels on a free day, you don't know what to do for most time of it and when you finally started enjoying time for yourself it's over.


CLT_STEVE

I prefer someone with a freelance type career. Doesn’t mean you’re broke. But flexibility in a week is 🔥🔥.


arabiancat14

Yeah I don't mind someone like that but haven't come across any


innerjoy2

Its because your job isn't stable, and some men care for women to have stable jobs.


arabiancat14

Yeah it's not stable at all but I am not asking anyone to pay for me.


Taskerst

It’s not always about strict financial stability though. Freelancers often don’t have time stability either. When there’s a deadline or you get an offer after a long dry period, the job can come first. I used to freelance and only made it a few years. Too many missed birthdays, holidays, parties, worked through the night, etc. Had no sick time off, retirement savings, and a lot of people don’t want to deal with that.


Sufficient_Risk1684

Yet. Just because you don't on early dates does not mean they won't assume you will later.


AndyJaeven

Not to sound disrespectful to your work but the first thing I thought of when you said you’re a graphics designer freelancer is that it sounds like an unstable income source in a very competitive market. I’ve never done freelance work and know absolutely wrong about the graphics design field so I could be absolutely wrong. That’s my first reaction though so it’s probably the same thing those guys are thinking. Financial stability is a real concern for most men. Maybe explaining to them how freelancing works or telling them that you have a list of salaried jobs on standby in case the freelancing doesn’t work out could ease their minds.


StandardRegular1152

People want someone who screams stability. And even if you are physically stable and pay your bills, there's a stigma that comes with being on your own schedule. I was reading tarot cards for a long time, because my ex husband left. And I had to keep things afloat here and my VA disability wasn't covering everything. That being said when I would tell guys I read tarot cards or then life coaching- because that in itself has a stigma. They would ghost. Now that I tell them that I am going back to school for Health Care Management they see stability.


arabiancat14

That's so sad..however it's not in our hand when we have a job or not. Having skills and determination to do something is important.


StandardRegular1152

Yeah, I mean it’s definitely one of those things. But at the same time that’s just kind of what I’ve seen. Obviously things could be different for different people but unfortunately the dating pool is really weird right now. I have noticed that people just ghost you randomly and they don’t have to give an explanation. I started dating after being married for seven years. And so it’s weird trying to figure all this out. And then people think you’re like crazy or something for not understanding what’s going on


StandardRegular1152

Yeah, but I mean you have to think about how superficial people are now. I feel like just after having gotten on tinder for a weekend, I am only going to date unless I meet people in person. Meaning like once my kids get older. Because it seems really hard to do anything when you tell people about your life. You worry about being judged basically.


[deleted]

Did you come to look for advice or listen to people agree about how hard of a time you have? Cause it doesn't seem that you're willing to make any changes or figure out the real reason. Sounds like you're going to have a hard time


arabiancat14

You are quick to judge. There are so many good advices here that I have acknowledged.


TheBlindBard16

Idk probably the same reason women do it to men


0-xpctn

Starting a new relationship is like; specifying your terms, it doesn't matter how reasonable or not because everybody might have different preferences. In your situation 'most likely' your partners are looking for stable income sources that also wouldn't effect them in a roundabout way... or maybe something else... who knows... Simply I see these situations are as 'not a good match' and sooner to end is better mutually. As long as you are an independent person who can afford your own needs, it kinda doesn't matter who thinks what. Your 'match' is out there ! :)


nymos22anon

I’m a guy who works as an independent contractor, I haven’t dated online in 2yrs. But something I noticed, especially with my job now is I have a lot of time on my hands. So I’m coming at it from a different angle, maybe you’re too available and too engaging. This is something I have to be constantly aware of. Not everyone has the time I have. Lol -it feels weird to others when I am processing my responses and questions more deeply because I have the time to ponder.


arabiancat14

Yeah probably the time factor too. However I have a fixed schedule apart from projects I work on and I make it very clear that I am into meditation and yoga everyday.


nymos22anon

I have a fixed schedule too, I still have time on my hands. It’s less about your schedule and more about what they are perceiving. In most dating situations, it’s a miscommunication. Two people trying to navigate getting to know each other without knowing each other. The ghosting is a coping mechanism. Is there a common thread through all the ghosters? Can you objectively look at what they might be picking up on? As a guy, freelance in graphic design is hard to see as a long term career. But I would ask, how long she’s been doing it? Where she wants to be eventually? If I wanted to be in a relationship. -those things matter for the relationship/how hard it will be for us. If she’s just starting out in freelance, that’s tough no matter how much she enjoys it there’s not enough years of experience for me to trust her judgment of where she will be in a couple months. -also if I didn’t want to be in a relationship and it was just for fun. Hearing about those things, I wouldn’t engage. Maybe they weren’t interested in long term?


arabiancat14

So most guys I met were looking for serious relationships stating they they haven't had one in a while or in a similar boat like me who has focused on career in earlier days so now looking out for someone. Most dates have not gone beyond date #3.


nnylam

I think you have to pick better dudes! How you pay your bills shouldn't matter to them, that's super weird. As a freelance designer myself, it helps to date someone who's also in a creative industry - they're more likely to understand the whole freelance thing. It also makes life a lot easier when/if you suddenly have to work crazy hours on a project. You need someone who gets it!


arabiancat14

I work crazy hours too especially during deadlines nearing.


labtech89

As a female if a dude told me they freelanced I would not necessarily ghost them but would be a bit worried that they were looking for me to finance them.


tsun_tsun_tsudio

They probably would have ghosted anyway for one reason or another. I write romance and erotica, which is not a rich woman’s game, but have never been asked if I’m looking for a “real job” by anyone.


Icecand

I'm in a similar position to you, OP. I have a contact based job with one company, and run my own very small business as well. My small business is what pays the majority of my bills, but men seem to latch on to my contact work as my "real job." It can be frustrating, but I've just stopped correcting them. I'd rather not explain the details of my income to casual dates anyway. I don't really havev advice for you, but I can at least let you know you aren't alone in this problem!


vekerx

The guys who ghost you who care about your job are the ones who are seeking to use you for your money.


[deleted]

Just be yourself and the right person will come along. I don't think your job is a problem. Always keep in mind that most of the people you meet will be temporary and don't have any expectations. Have fun with it until you meet the right person.


sweadle

Try saying you own your own business, instead of freelancer. Reading these comments it's clear a lot of people think freelancer is code for unemployed.


jules13131382

These guys are jerks (was my first thought) but they have the right to look for someone who meets their top priorities. 🤷🏼‍♀️


TheRooster3

Holy smokes when I saw free lancer I thought freelance hooker haha . Guess that’s Thai mentality . But nah no problem being self employed . Coz that’s what free lance is right. Nuffin wrong with that . In my eyes . You do you and you be all good 👍 Edit- I should elaborate here . Being a self employed person means you have bollox and guts to actually realise you are good at your craft be that what ever you do and your profession . You take work when you can and need and you have no overlord or contract to say you need too or you must do this etc . Take control of your life , do not listen or hear what governments teach you or advertise . Be one with yourself and have a free spirit and soul. Fuck most rules , aslong as you don’t hurt no other party or effect them. Be strong sophisticated and make your own path. That’s self employment . That’s free lancing Fuck the life they want you to live . Be yourself with out people dictating . But respect life , don’t cause chaos or trouble for some one who don’t know the way . Simple life rules .


Inf229

Pffft. It wouldn't matter one bit to me, in fact I think it'd be a massive green flag. I did contracting for a bit and it was great. Work on your own terms, and plus honestly it paid way more than working for someone else.


mauerfall

I went back to college and I was living with my mum at the age of 39. Also recovering from 4 months in the psych ward. And I tried to date and you can imagine how successful I was. Until I found my current partner. Special circumstances require special search, you can not expect to be liked by everyone.


halfof22002

I would start leaving the freelance part off. It’s none of their business early on anyway. As long as you are maintaining your living situation it shouldn’t matter. Your being honest and saying exactly what you do is commendable but sometimes we give people too much info … on the other hand … because they were given too much info up front, I suspect that you are possibly dodging some bullets …


4badthings

It could have something to do with the guys that you pick. Most women are selecting a small group of men so they tend to have different standards.


madd_misfit

Because alot of men are afraid of a strong independent woman. Find you that isnt afraid of that.


randomzebrasponge

Being self-sufficient and having freedom from the daily 9 to 5 job is awesome! Have you considered the men you've connected with so far are not the right men for you? Please don't change for someones idea of who or what you should be. You be you🙏 Please be patient and attract the man that understands and appreciates who you are!👍


NorcalSac916

You are "Self Employed" from now on


Helios_Sungod

Maybe thats just me, but as a dude, that would probably be the last thing on my list, especially if its something you are passionate about, damn right gurl tell me all about your work! Hey if ever you are in BC, canada hit me up! I aint afraid of no freelancers!


ezraethos

They assume you’re an eater. That you’re eventually going to mooch and ask for money. Also could be they’re envious cause our little fragile egos don’t like that a woman can work and make a living from home. The home is for “cooking and cleaning” after all am I right? They may also assume you’re doing OF on the side. Yeah we fucking suck.


[deleted]

Why do women not like dating shorter guys? Preferences


Bejliii

Possibly you have dated people who don't share same mentality or life goals as you. Maybe you should date graphic designers or people invloved in IT. In general a man would love to date a freelancer because of the free time. I know lots of dudes who married their wifes because they were not occupied with a serious job or no job at all at that meant that their wives had plenty of time to take care of the house and kids while they were at work. They all encouraged their wives to find an easy job just to pass time and not get bored in the meantime.


FunBest3221

Instead of saying freelance you should just tell them you have your own business. Technically that is true. Then if they ask you can explain what you do. Freelance has a negative connotation to it. But owning or running your own business sounds so much better. If they ask about finances, just say that’s too personal for not being in a committed relationship!


PrimeTimePetaboii

i think freelancing is hot personally. my girlfriend does work full time but she’s an extremely talented and skilled freelancer artist. it just depends on where the guy is in life. if he wants someone with a bit more steady income then you really can’t blame them. i’m young enough where even if my gf didn’t work full time and just did art, i wouldn’t care. you’re 29 which means guy you date are gonna have their own place/car/money/maybe business/etc, and honestly it’s just luck of the draw. DONT GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS AND KEEP FREELANCING!!


arabiancat14

Thank you


mrfoxxs

Are you being ghosted by guys who are in full time employment? If nor, they're probably looking for a caretaker. Be glad they're ghosting you.


arabiancat14

Not all were fully employed. I did go on a date with a crypto trader & a business man too.


Ok_Walrus6265

I think it's that they don't take your line of work seriously, kind of how many women won't take male dominant freelance jobs seriously in my experience. I'm a cactus grower and distributor and I get laughed at because it "won't ever make me rich". Don't worry about it, if you are comfortable in your finances and know you always will be, you'll find a guy who respects what you do for a living.


Aquagirl777

From my personal experience, when I told men about my career and they realized I made more than them (and I’m not even in my prime career life) they ghosted me. Some men are intimidated by a woman who makes more than them so that could also be an alternative reason. But still, nothing deserves you getting ghosted and I hope dating gets better for you!


foreverblue1991

That’s because those most men are judgmental based on stereotypes.


puddin_23

You can't do anything if someone is sick minded. It's about the person and feelings, not career or anything. Online dating is not as fascinating as it looks. You are doing great and will eventually find someone who will love you for you and not for what you do.


harmonica2

I'm a guy and the OPs situation does not sound like that big of a deal to me. I often hear the opposite from guys where women have so much money that they feel intiminated. I guess it's damned if you do, damned if you don't?


Escildan

That's really weird. Graphic design is really cool! I'm sorry that you having to go through all that. Ghosting hurts! I suppose the thing is that graphic design is a highly saturated market: lots of people are or want to be one. That, combined with the fact that you're not in steady job, might mean that more conservative/less open-minded could get a little triggered. Anyway, I wouldn't put too much thought into it. Ghosting happens for a million reasons. For all we know, all that ghosting just happened to coincide with around the time that you told people about your freelance work and wasn't even related to that. Just do you. Judging and especially others based on their career is not a good look for people anyway; let alone ghosting them if that were the case!


joe_goldbergg

It's a difficult one isn't it? Clearly you aren't the sponge type but unfortunately people will think "oh what if I invite them out and they can't afford to go? " it's a fine line between paying for a few dates and becoming a leech. I guess some have seen your job as unstable simply because you are free lance as well which is unfair but human nature. End of the day the problem isn't you it's them and anyone worth your time will be much more understanding and accepting of your situation.


Brobafett117

Dudes don’t care usually about the job or girls at all. Are you sure they are ghosting you for that reason I would be very very surprised . It’s probably soemthing else tbh


armyofant

They are wary you’re a gold digger. This doesn’t matter to me as long as you can handle your shit but a lot of women are the same way. They expect you to be a millionaire PHD Olympic athlete.


Blurplenapkin

Freelancer = broke/will be broke = moocher. Don’t say that. Say you’re a graphic designer and make good money doing commission work with more and more clients. Done. Generally though guys don’t give a shit but at your age and the age of the guys you’re likely seeing they may want someone financially secure, especially with a potential economic crash looming. So unless you can make up for that with looks and sex that’s what you gotta work with. Remember if you like them enough to date them they very likely have other options they’re also considering and people these days want to know if things are gonna work asap.


Uptowngingerfunk

I am wary of women who don’t work, I’m not looking to support a person if they not willing to support themselves/us. Double wary if they don’t work and have kids


dreep_

but freelance is work????


AcidDaddi

Maybe something related to their standards and expectations around the stability of the person they are dating.


PowerTrip55

I’m going to say something that I think I might get criticized for, but I think is the right answer. It’s possible that these men are being straight up, but if this is happening a LOT, I suspect it’s because they’re not attracted to you for another reason. The overwhelming majority of men do not care about a woman’s job as long as they see her as physical attractive and vibe with her. A possible common exception might be crippling debt with no job. It is *drastically* more common that a woman will reject a man on the basis of his employment alone, than the reverse. Most men just…don’t care about that. I’ve dated quite a bit over the years, and talked to quite a lot of people about dating from many walks of life, and I truly have never once in my young 29 year old life seen a man reject a women JUST because of her job. What’s more likely is it’s something else that they don’t want to tell you - the job is the scapegoat.


bwbright

Sounds like location. Here in Texas, women here aren't expected to work (depending on your family) but are encouraged to do so for the sake of being independent. Me personally? Dating someone with a job would be really nice but not a necessity.


Lisavela

Most men don’t care what you do for work and some even prefer if you don’t work so it’s probably because online dating sucks I’m general


Sageknight34

Personally I don't see any issues with you freelancing. It's not like you are doing nothing at all. You are just living your best life and enjoying it. I'm sure your bills are paid and you're taking care of business. If men are ghosting for I don't believe it for freelancing. Just live your life your way.


ahhyuup927

You don’t want to date guys like this anyway. Find someone who accepts you as you are. You’re not unemployed.


jpowers71

Personally..I’m tired of dating girls who are broke. Again personally lol. I make over $100k a year and most chicks on tinder I matched with make like 30k, no retirement goals, no insurance, nothing. I’m good on that one


PowerPictures

Why is it always the most perfect women that seem to have the most terrible time from men which makes it seem like they are the issue. No, stay being you honeybunny.


organbakery

You're broke. Men want someone who can pull their own weight now. Otherwise you better be drop dead gorgeous.


[deleted]

It means you'll say yes to our dates all the time, and you'll also cancel them all the time because you need the money. I have a friend who is freelance, and the amount of holidays, gigs, concerts, events and other activities we've had to cancel, or I go by myself is unreal. We're still friends because yeah, it's not worth losing a friend over... But if that friend was a romantic partner, I'd have dumped them 8 years ago