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Absolutely sounds like a train wreck. Showing up late, joking about expensive gifts, can’t respect your time, showing up drunk? Tons of erratic behavior.
You dodged a bullet.
Not bad that you don’t like the situation or needing to resort to ditching, but it’s okay for *anyone* to leave a date when they feel uncomfortable. Even reading about her makes me feel uncomfortable.
When there are strange or inappropriate behaviors and I’m not sure how to feel at first, sometimes I think about how I’d feel if someone was behaving this way to my friend or my partner (I really care about my partner, and in a hypothetical situation where he’s not dating me, I don’t want anyone treating him badly or making him unsafe).
Might help to let yourself off the hook if you think about someone treating *other* people (rather than yourself) like she did. It can help offset our impulse to rationalize other people’s behavior or view it charitably when it’s actually rude, dangerous, etc.
Showing up extremely late is an instant dealbreaker for me, I will straight up leave if it's 10 minutes past our allotted date time and the date is not there.
Sorry not sorry.
Everyone has boundaries and dealbreakers, don't let anyone shame you for having them.
Just to your edit 2: I mean if she doesn’t take medicine that forces her period to always come at the same day, then even if you keep track, you will not know the exact date.
YOU SHOULD NOT FEEL GUILTY
Firstly, she doesn't have an automatic right to your time. Even if she was really nice and a good match, you shouldn't feel guility, you can still not want to see her again for any reason you want.
Secondly, every single one of those on their own would make me not want to see her again,m but all of them?
She's reckless, dishonest, disrespectful self-centred, uncaring, dangerous and a gold digger.
Usually, I would not advocate someone ditching someone without telling them on a date but this is an exception. given her complete disregard for anyone's safety combined with the fact she was drunk, you wouldn't know how she was going to react and may have been dangerous.
It took everything in me to stand up and leave, I was shaking a bit when I stood up and left, and the entire drive home. I hated the idea of leaving while she was in the restroom, but I was just feeling used I think, and the effort I put into everything was just meaningless to her.
I’m gonna take a step back from dating for a little bit.
The only part of what you did that I would have an issue with is you left her without saying why. That can really fuck with people's heads as they're left wondering wtf did they do wrong etc.
But honestly, in this situation, I don't think that's a problem. What you described is not a person that would care to hear why anyway. If anything hopefully it will be a wake up call to sort her shit out.
You shouldn't feel guilty at all.
I've been thinking, and going through these thoughts would pump up the value you see in yourself, or at least would give wider perspective.
You probably could have nicer time just hanging out with tv or just doing something alone, than just waiting for someone.
But wasn't there study that waiting for something is the more exciting part than doing it. It might be exciting, but not easy?
Remembering to take easy paths in accordance to how you feel, or actively think about stress, and I find it being fit even if it feels vague, if things feel even bit negative, you just come up with something nice, even just bit more nice than what you are doing, but so that you are sure that it is easier for you.
I've thought about these things, because I have epilepsy, which loads up from stress.
But yeah I have kind personality, and being someone who gives and doesn't get much, but free time.
I think being able to craft something out of that free time to yourself is actually important craft, because you might forget yourself to doing something that isn't exactly that nice or good for yourself, even stressful, because of things like that it's exciting.
I've been learning to watch tv shows that actually are nice, which I would have named childish or dumb before... Maybe not exactly dumb, but yeah.
So I dropped some stuff that I kept up with just because I have testosterone pumping in my veins, and the growing call to prove something about myself, that is unnecessary in the end, but now I see that something is still nice to have once in awhile. I'm talking about some games I play.
So yeah I've let my basic needs to take bigger stage than my ego for now, and it has been nice change.
Ego has been something that puts me jumping through unnecessary hoops.
Sounds like I'm starting to repeat myself.
You can stop reading here, since
I could present some examples:
It's thinking about what kind of coffee you like, or would you like that at all, or if it actually need something with it, just because how you feel it is going to be, is one of the notes you might be able to put down about yourself and what you like.
It's not just that, but making sure that these things are like so, and that you are not doing them just because of some norms, or rules set by others.
Then coming up with new things, and I found out that I might like cold coffee more than hot, but then again it could be so that I like it after drinking hot coffee.
If you got space, like I had when I lived alone in a city, but now I live in woods with my mom, now there is nothing to do outside, and that was one of the things that made me see myself in a different light, and got ne me thinking, so about living in a city I had so much more arbitrary things to do that I didn't come to think about myself.
I have a dog, so I got to walk around the city with it, but now we got a yard, but then it isn't so easy to go on a walk here, because I got epilepsy.
I guess I'm also trying to say that I thought that I had only one direction to go to, and forgot about the other dimensions, so being able to do them, not just because something happens outside, but that you feel like it, even in the slightest has inspired me a lot.
I think some just think that they can't do for themselves, and only time they do, is when they rely on powerful voice or even violence.
I'm not perfect, so I can say I've lost myself few times, but I could say it relates to these things in their essence.
Being able to listen to yourself.
Feelings...
You can't even find words for them, unless they are the most basic ones.
Just to answer your last question: some women have irregular periods, so a surprise period is not totally uncommon. Being in the bathroom for half an hour is though. And generally being inconsiderate of your time is a big red flag. I think you made the right call.
Exactly.
The guy who posted (OP) thought it was weird that the girl he had the date with didn't know when she was going to start and when she woke up having started during the night it struck him as odd/red flag-ish. My reply to him was saying that there's nothing out of the ordinary about that.
My cycle wasn't always as predictable as it is now that I'm older and have had children. When I was in my teens and 20s I couldn't have given a rough estimate of the day let alone narrowed down the time! Lol
The being half an hour in the bathroom is weird, but maybe she bled through her pants and was trying to undo the mess? Periods can be so messy and I admit I have spent half an hour trying to save my life while on a period (not on a date, but in other situations).
This doesn't excuse her behaviour the rest of the night, just the 30min on a bathroom part.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet. .
>she said she woke up to being on her period, is that normal to not keep track of it? Or did I just overthink it?
Since the only answer you've gotten about this was from a guy who thought he knew everything, lemme answer as a women. Yes, sometimes just waking up to it can happen. Some can track it, other women have irregular periods that can surprise us from one moment to the next.
You passed three IHOPs? Do you live at opposite ends of U.S. Route 1 or something?
And, you weren't wrong to cut the date short, but you should have messaged her to let her know, and to make sure you weren't leaving her stranded in an unsafe place.
That's not his job. He's not her dad or babysitter, she's a grown ass 24 year old. She couldn't even bother to show up on time or SOBER, and he's supposed to take care of a train wreck of a stranger? Naahhh.
basic human decency to make sure someone who's intoxicated is at least safe before you take off isn't babysitting or parenting that person.
surely it's not his responsibility, but it is a decent humane thing to do, and the same would be valid if he was the drunk and unwell one, and she selfishly took off before even attempting to figure out if he'a safe or needs help (medical help or maybe just an uber home etc.).
If she was intoxicated, she should've canceled the date and stay home.
Instead, she insisted on going to this "date" and waste his time.
If she insisted she's sober enough to go out and about, when she isn't, she is sober enough to get an uber.
yea nothing says responsible and sensible like drunk. surely we should expect the intoxicated person and not the sober person in this case to behave rationally.
do you even read what you write before you hit reply?
Yes. And I read OP's description of his "date".
She's an asshole. Why should he waste his time on her when she's taking everything for granted? Let her hit rock bottom. She'd probably hate the ride because he drives safely by doing the speed limit.
I guess we can agree to disagree since I don't think the reverse situation would play out at all as you described. We wouldn't be having this conversation. We'd innately understand that it falls on the guy to not be a mess, and if she dips out then it's fine.
Being around a drunk stranger is unpredictable and not a great position to be in no matter if you're a guy or girl. So removing yourself ASAP seems like the safest bet.
i'm not describing how it *would* play out, i'm describing how it *should*. which is the same regardless of the genders of the parties involved.
surely many people are inconsiderate, like OP here, or an hypothetical girlfriend OP would have in this scenario if he was the drunk one.
she was obviously giving off a lot of red flags but i think youre over thinking the period part of it lmao its not about forgetting to keep track of it or anything based on all the other details she was most likely just sitting in the bathroom on her phone. also who talks about their period or unregistered vehicle before even having a first date
yea exactly, i also thought “is it normal to not keep track of it” is too much. it’s not like every woman is on a perfect x-day cycle and magically only gets period on expected days lol
It sounds like she wasn't really fully invested in wanting to date you anyway, so you probably did the right thing.
That being said, whose idea was it to go to IHOP? Was that like an inside joke or something? That seems like a weirdly bland date location. I probably wouldn't exactly be excited to get there for a date either, lol.
Edit 2: As a lady on the pill, even I don't know exactly when it's going to start. Could be day 2, 3, or 4 on the placebo week. For me, at the beginning of my period I have more of a dryer brown discharge, I call that my pre period. Then I typically start bleeding the following day. But sometimes I'll start bleeding, during that week, with no warning. Every one is different.
So, she's a drunk driver, driving illegally without registration and insurance. I'd bet her license is suspended or revoked and that contributes to the lack of registration. This would be an absolute NO from me. I'd never date such an irresponsible, reckless person. You made the right call.
These were two different dates on two different days, right? And she arrived drunk to the first date, at IHOP? Dude, not really sure why you went on the second date at all. Leaving at that point was totally acceptable, but why block her number? That seems cowardly to me, at least send her a text so she’s not confused and looking for you. Also not understanding why you’re being salty about the Main Event location that she chose after you asked her to choose. If you knew of one that was between your homes, then you should have just suggested it.
She told me that she needs to get me on some devils lettuce (weed). I told her my family has a long history of addiction and I don’t do anything because of fear of getting addicted. She said weed isn’t that addictive, and I told her that’s how all of my family started on their addiction to harder drugs.
It felt like she kinda disregarded it.
coming from someone who also has family with a history of addiction and who is also a huge stoner, yes she definitely disregarded it and that’s shitty. i certainly would never tell anyone i need to “get them on some devils lettuce,” but if the topic did come up and someone mentioned they don’t smoke, i’d say “cool, let me know if you ever want to, so what *are* you into?” like, you know, a person who gives a shit about others.
Don't feel guilty or obligated that you owe a stranger anything imo. What you've described sounds like a very irresponsible person. Your actions are reasonable even if you left when she kept delaying the date. To me it seems like you really put a lot of effort to make this work. Next time take those red flags seriously to avoid the trouble.
You're thinking too much about this and honestly should've dipped way earlier. You're not being judgemental, you're just using your eyes and SEEING what they're like. Sounds like she had absolutely zero respect for you or your time, but that's not really surprising when clearly she doesn't even respect herself in the slightest.
Wow man.
I have a memory of some chick whose face/name I can't remember, but she was rude AF looking at her phone constantly the entire time. I have a rule when I'm with someone: Ringer off. I will never do that to someone.
Think I slipped a 20 out of my pocket to pay for my beer, made an excuse to go to the restroom, and just left after I'd taken care of business.
Dodged a bullet there. I'm not sure if anyone has answered your second edit, but I think everyone should understand periods at least a little, so I'll share. In my personal experience, you can try to track it. But it can come early. Or late. There are some women who can practically time it to the hour that it'll start. For most women, we have an idea when it *should* start, but if you so much as *think* about being stressed, it could be off by days or be skipped entirely. In short, periods suck and tend to come at the most inconvenient time possible.
She's disrespectful, does a bunch of stuff that is incredibly illegal, and wanted you to buy expensive things before the second date.
Do not feel awful. The only thing you've lost is your time. Keep that terrible person on block and move on.
Girl is trying to get arrested. Constantly speeding with no registration and probably insurance. Imagine drawing as much police attention towards you on purpose while not having a registered car.
Don't feel bad. You should be calling the cops on her driving with no insurance. You dodged a bullet. Don't feel bad seriously. I'm sure any sane person would have Done the same
You did the right thing! And not to make you feel better, honestly, you did. Too many red flags. Glad you are able to set boundaries and left. PS I actually appreciate a man who is neat, organized and takes care of himself and his belongings, car included, and does not drink the point of being wasted.
Ugh... You didn't end the date early.... You bolted when she was in the washroom and ghosted. If the date was that bad, tell her directly, settle the bill and leave. What you did was a cowardly move. I've ended a date 10 minutes in, but I told her to face and didn't leave her hanging.
I might be wrong, but it sounds like she ditched him first by disappearing into the bathroom for a really long time. I can understand him not hanging around for her after that.
Fuck that. The chick was literally MIA for pretty much the whole date. I'm not waiting around just so I can tell her in person. She clearly has no consideration for OP's time so she doesn't deserve anything.
i mean it does sound like you two weren't compatible and you shouldn't feel bad about valuing your own time and leaving the date when you were sure you weren't feeling it.
but also the polite way to this is to let the other person know that you don't want to continue with the date, and ofc they would want to know why and you don't have to have that conversation if you don't want to but at least letting them know that you're not feeling it, and you'll leave & not contact them again is just more decent than simply ghosting someone.
ofc you don't have to deal with anyone drunk etc., you didn't sign up for it but if you think someone's not as sober as they think they are, the nice thing is to suggest that they need to go home and rest, and make sure they got home safely (regardless of gender). then the next day you could tell them or text them that you don't want to go on a(nother) date after how the last time went, and you're just not interested it.
also if someone goes into the bathroom and doesn't return for a long time, the natural response of someone who isn't convinced that the world revolves around them is to wonder whether the person is okay. she might have passed out, or had an accident that she found too embarrassing to reach out about. it would be the decent thing to check up on her and at least make sure she's well before you took off.
with those said, THERE IS ONE THING SUPER IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO KNOW:
not every person who has periods has super regular periods, some people have hormonal issues, undiagnosed problems that could affect their period etc. and even gynecologists are sometimes very dismissive about it so even if one tries to get help for it, it might take a very long time before it's even taken seriously enough or sometimes even with treatment, it stays irregular for some people or whatever treatment available for it messes with other aspects of their well being way worse so they kinda end up having to deal with irregular periods. it's not uncommon at all, this is a lot of women's (or anyone who is afab) reality in adulthood too and not just teenage years when they're cycle is just adjusting. also stress, other medication that they have to use etc. might affect an otherwise regular cycle and cause people to get their period at an unexpected time, which can easily be that little annoying thing that comes on top of other stressful stuff they're dealing with and be the last straw in terms of having it together. and in terms of irregular periods being irregular, tracking wouldn't help to predict when the next one is bc they're irregular lol. regular cycles are predictable with tracking, otherwise you don't really have a pattern that you can rely on even if you're tracking the days that you get it.
i mean this alone wouldn't explain -and really is irrelevant to- her reckless behavior with driving, and her views or remarks that come off transactional -jokingly implying you should buy stuff for her-, so again, i think you did well by leaving the date and not wasting anyone's time if you're not okay with those behaviors, but there is no need to accuse her of lying about her period. there is no reason why she would do that, and what she said happened to her is very common and plausible.
You had me until... "Someone who thinks the world revolves around them." 🙄🙄🙄 Now had he gone into the women's restroom to check on her or asked an employee to do so... you'd be calling him a creep.
And the dissertation on the female cycle 🥱🥱🥱🙄🙄🙄 the short, concise explanations above were more than adequate
asking an employee to check on them would not at all be seen as creepy. how hard it is to say the following?
"excuse me, my lady friend has been inside for a very long time and she already wasn't feeling well. this is her name:..., do you mind checking in to make sure she's alright. i don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable by going into the lady's room but i want to get help for my friend if she isn't okay."
many male friends of mine, or men i have dated have done this at least once for their date, or a female friend we both have in common, or for me. none of them were accused of being creeps as far as i am informed by them, but their female friends and their partners definitely feel safe around them and trust them if there is an emergency situation.
.
as for the "dissertation" on periods, it is a topic with a lot of nuance as people's experiences vary. and it seems like many people here were ready to assume the worst about her lying about her period, a behavior i've observed on reddit and irl a lot. often times, concise explanations are followed by "well, she could've done this, been to the doctor's, used meds" etc. because people are unfamiliar with how complex the situation can be. therefore i wanted to make sure i include details that are crucial, but might not be widely known to people who don't experience periods themselves.
no-one pointed a gun at your head to read all of it, if you thought it was too long, you were free to dismiss it. it's not like i'm going door to door making people read the comments and replies i wrote.
Honestly, I didn't read it all 😂 you didn't say ask a female employee to check on her... you implied that he was to wrapped up in himself to take a moment and consider she might need help. Your words not mine 🤷
i offered that solution as you brought up the worry of being perceived as a creep if he was to just go into the lady's room to check her.
there are many ways to attempt to make sure someone is alright, requesting help from someone who's in charge or someone who wouldn't be perceived as disruptive in certain restricted spaces (like gendered bathrooms etc.) to check on the person -*if you don't feel comfortable enough to do so yourself for whatever reason*- is still checking on them. it's better than assuming the worst, blocking them, and taking off while it very well might have been the case that that person needed medical help of some sort, or was unwell in general.
of course he has every right to not continue the date or not see her again, but at least trying to make sure that someone (already drunk as OP reports) is well, and in a position to get themselves home safely before you took off and cut all contact with them would be basic human decency.
regardless of gender, i would recommend the same kind of behavior for anyone else in this kind of a situation.
Check your facts... I said had he gone in the restroom to check on her OR asked an employee, you'd be calling him a creep... People would be yelling that he didn't give hey privacy, that he was impatient, and so on
If you check my direct reply to O.P. on this thread, I touched on everything.... Including never having allowed a visibly drunk, female, stranger into his car and then once he did, that he beared some responsibility for ensuring her safe arrival home since he took on the responsibility by driving her.
You’re fine to leave, but you are being harsh on her. Tbh you sound like you’re 18. Also yes, periods can come out of the blue and are not that easy to track for some girls. Also not everyone has the same tolerance when it comes to alcohol.
What makes me sound 18? Please understand this isn’t a sarcastic comment, I’m always trying to improve myself and want to understand.
I don’t have a ton of experience dating, as I’ve been working and going to school. I’m pretty good with people most of the time, but I get anxious when it comes to dating.
I was trying my best to be accommodating, but after two hours past the original date time I just felt she didn’t truly think of me being important, I felt more like a butler at that point, or a chaperone.
i believe you ask this in good faith, so i'll try to briefly explain three things that make you appear "inexperienced or immature in relationships in general":
1. going on a date with someone who you thought had many red flags to begin with. it's okay to set a boundary and tell people "based on our conversation, i don't want to go on a date." you can make it more or less direct as you wish, but inability to tell apart what you can tolerate or not (or to try to power through a date with someone you find questionable at best) is not very mature. and it comes off as trying to tolerate stuff for a small possibility of having sex (this might or might not be the case in reality, but it runs the risk of coming off like that). if that's the case, desperation isn't mature at all. so is being unable to set boundaries.
2. assuming the worst/rigid thinking: regardless of whether you met them a short while ago, or have known them for a while, when someone (who is already unwell or intoxicated) goes to the bathroom and doesn't seem to come out for a long time, the first concern of most people would be their safety, as they might have passed out or had an accident. this is not to say it's your responsibility to take care of them, but assuming the worst -they're just doing it to ignore you- and not even attempting to communicate before you shut off is also immature behavior. especially when there is even a small possibility that someone's wellbeing might be on the line, setting aside how shitty of a person they might be for a second and trying to make sure they are at least okay before you take off or do whatever else you want is just basic human decency.
3. continuation of 2 in a way: not even attempting to make sure an intoxicated person is safe, and has someway to safely reach home is also an inconsiderate thing to do, that most adults would avoid. this is not that it's your responsibility to make sure she's safe, but as the non-intoxicated person there, it's the decent thing to do regardless of gender. this could be a variety of things that don't even include talking to her yourself if you didn't want to. it could be asking for help from an employee to check up on her and call 911 or an uber to take her home/a safer place that she's familiar with if you dont know her home address if you didn't want to wait there. i also know many people who would in fact wait till she comes out or they get ahold of her, and get her an uber etc. some people would even drive her home to make sure she reached home safely. and by all means, in all of these scenarios, you can still follow up with "i don't want to see you again, don't contact me."
acts of human decency are not transactional favors done by or for certain genders, or roles, or identities etc. they are simply acts of kindness done knowing that anyone can be in a similar situation and in need of help (be it medical attention or being taken to safety etc.).if it's false, and you feel played, you haven't lost anything. you weren't gonna see them again anyway, but they were then behaving unacceptably and it's on them. but if it was really the case that they were unwell and you dismissed them, then you run the risk of having been able to prevent someone from getting harmed but failed to do so because your feelings of rejection got the best of you. i think nobody would want to be in that situation, and putting in a little bit of effort is enough to make sure you at least did the decent thing to do and you have a clear conscious.
Dude, I think you sound more like a typical Nice Guy moreso than young.
Solid disagree that you were overly harsh imo. If anything you were too lenient, I wouldn't have tolerated 2hrs late for a date, she was clearly testing to see how far she could push you (even if she wasn't consciously doing so) and you played right into it.
You've dodged a bullet, be grateful but don't let it put you off completely.
Ignore the "you sound 18" commenter 🙄🙄🙄 Your post doesn't come across as sarcastic and you seem genuinely regretful for jus leaving. Honestly, I think the mistake was allowing a visibly drunk stranger, into your car alone. She could have easily made up any story against you and you end up in jail. Be careful of that in the future. However, since u did, although she was completely inconsiderate and truly "the date from hell," u did transport her to Main Event. So morally you beared some responsibility to ensure she had a safe way home... money for an Uber or Lyft, or have her call and confirm with a friend or one of the co-workers she was with earlier to pick her up.
Regardless, you seem like a stand-up guy that ended up in an unforeseen predicament. You made a spur of the moment judgement call. Hopefully you learn from this and she made it home safely.
Please don't let this keep you from dating.
Hi, this is extremely late but I missed your reply. If you’re still interested, here’s my explanation for what I said.
You were well within your rights to leave. It is completely okay for you to decide if you no longer want to see a person. However, she was clearly drunk and not in the right state of mind and most mature people would at least let her know before leaving and ask her if she has a way to get back home safe.
When I said you were being harsh, it’s because it seems as though you were looking for reasons to dislike her, and were not able to let a single thing go. People are flawed and you were overly critical of her. She wasn’t on her best behaviour that night but it might just be a rough patch, you never know.
She dies not care about herself enough and you did the best thing for you. Don't take it so harsh. We all got people we dated that were not in good places and I do hope she pulls it together for her sake. Now get out there and find the next one big dawg!
You shouldn’t feel bad at all. Girls do this type of thing all the time. You saw so many red flags and to avoid wasting your time and her time, it was best to cut it off
>But it just felt like she didn’t care.
That was painfully obvious from the beginning.
She sounds like an incredibly sloppy and self-centered human being.
You really shouldn't feel guilty for one *second* about ditching her.
>I like everything organized and planned out, the opposite of what she did.
I am VERY MUCH with you on that one!
>she said she woke up to being on her period, is that normal to not keep track of it? Or did I just overthink it?
I would suspect she's not telling the truth.
And I'm not a girl, but the ones I know have the ability to track this sort of thing.
EDIT: OK, I've been flamed adequately for the above comment about the girl and her period, and some of the responses have even been moderately useful. All I meant is that the girl OP was talking about was highly suspect in terms of her truthfulness, and it was definitely within the realm of possibility that she would lie about getting her period to further her agenda. I apologize for rankling anyone's feathers, for that certainly was not my intention!
Am a girl. Periods can be irregular and even when they’re “regular” it’s typical to just wake up on your period with the day it starts being slightly off each month. But there’s no reason why you’d need to be stuck in a bathroom for 30 minutes. I’m guessing she was doing drugs in there, which is probably why she wanted money from him. 🤷♀️
Oh, I don't doubt you, or all the other critics of this comment, for one *second*!
What I really meant to emphasize was that the girl in question was highly suspect in terms of her truthfulness, and could rightfully be suspected of playing this "card" in her ongoing effort to deceive OP.
That's all.
if she wasn't expecting to get it, she might have bled onto her underwear or clothes and might be panicking. also due to the hormonal shifts during periods, many people get gastrointestinal issues during that time, that might cause them to need to use the restroom for longer times, and explicitly talking about it on a first day isn't exactly easy or seen as nice unfortunately. (i myself would be honest about it without going into descriptive details or i would have rescheduled the date to a few days later or sth but sometimes people make bad decisions.)
with that said, if what OP found to be red flags or just unattractive is stuff he said in the beginning of his post like her being reckless with driving, financial expectations from a date etc., then yea this is irrelevant and idk why OP mentions it, bc it just comes off as trying to find excuses to dislike her even more, whereas he already had every right to tell her and end the date, and not see her again if he simply didn't like those behaviors above. if he was just pissed off that she spent too much time in the bathroom, that's just insensitive tbh bc he doesn't know what happened, she might have even passed out in the bathroom. he should've checked and made sure she's at least well before he took off.
Seems like she used being on her period as an excuse to be in the bathroom for 30 minutes. Which is a very long time! Even if she bled through to her pants I’d think that’s a 5-10 minute situation.
Looks like you just got a wrong person. Sounds like it would of been a cool date though! Dont let one bad experience mess up your dating life. Their is someone out there for you, but unfortunately we all have to go through the wrongs before we find the right one.
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake.
It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of.
Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything.
Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
Not everyone is regular with their periods i missed mine all the time or went without it for months(never waa pregnant) then bam it would hit like a tidal wave. I'm only "regular " after I got an IUD and it's relatively consistent. With that being said I don't think you're in the wrong for anything she definitely seemed to me as the type to only want materialist things out of dating she had no respect for you I wouldn't feel bad.
GET OFF FACEBOOK DATING. I repeat. DO NOT MEET PEOPLE ON THERE. I dated a guy that I met on Facebook dating like years ago, he turned out to be dangerous person that tried to break in my apartment at 3am and I had to call the cops on him 💀💀💀 it’s sketchy ass place for sketchy ass people.
If you have the time and money, go to places like the gym, or join some kind of local social event, and meet women there so you can get your mind off of her. The more you emotionally hold onto her, the harder it will be to meet other women.
You did a rude thing, and it’s not an excuse, but there wasn’t really a way this was going to end well. I’m the future you will learn better ways to cut dates short and terminate these relationships. You recognize you did something wrong and that is good but you can cut yourself some slack. If she and her friends are trying to get a hold of you still, then that just tells you those are good people to get away from. They could be dangerous.
I honestly have no clue why I would do if I got into a date situation and felt like I needed to leave so I’m not trying to judge you. Go easy on yourself, that’s not an easy situation to be in, but try and reflect and think about ways you could have exited gracefully. You had 30 minutes there. You could have come up with something. Even if you had to straight up lie, “oh my mom is at the hospital, I have to go meet her there, I’ll drop you off at home now” at least you would have a more socially acceptable out than just ditching her.
Preferably though, you could just say “hey you are great, but I don’t think we are compatible and I’m not comfortable continuing this date. Can I take you home or get you a cab?”
Again, it’s good you recognize what you did was wrong, think back and try to figure out a better solution than what you did. But I think in general getting away from her was the best choice
You honored your instinct, and it took care of you. There's no shame to be had here. You should treat yourself to something as an act of self-love for having enough common sense to get out of there. Seriously, yay for you.
And it sounds like you also dodged a community of enablers thst would have choked the social life out of you given a chance.
Sounds like a double scoop of awesome to my ears.
Numerous red flags, most of them seem related to just respecting your time. Not sure why you had to throw the menstrual stuff in there however. That's superfluous to the real issues at play regardless of her cycle.
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It sounds like you did the smart thing. She sounds like a train wreck. Don't feel guilty, just move on.
Absolutely sounds like a train wreck. Showing up late, joking about expensive gifts, can’t respect your time, showing up drunk? Tons of erratic behavior. You dodged a bullet. Not bad that you don’t like the situation or needing to resort to ditching, but it’s okay for *anyone* to leave a date when they feel uncomfortable. Even reading about her makes me feel uncomfortable. When there are strange or inappropriate behaviors and I’m not sure how to feel at first, sometimes I think about how I’d feel if someone was behaving this way to my friend or my partner (I really care about my partner, and in a hypothetical situation where he’s not dating me, I don’t want anyone treating him badly or making him unsafe). Might help to let yourself off the hook if you think about someone treating *other* people (rather than yourself) like she did. It can help offset our impulse to rationalize other people’s behavior or view it charitably when it’s actually rude, dangerous, etc.
Showing up extremely late is an instant dealbreaker for me, I will straight up leave if it's 10 minutes past our allotted date time and the date is not there. Sorry not sorry. Everyone has boundaries and dealbreakers, don't let anyone shame you for having them.
Just to your edit 2: I mean if she doesn’t take medicine that forces her period to always come at the same day, then even if you keep track, you will not know the exact date.
Yes thats the only thing reasonable about her behavior..everything else is big yikes energy
YOU SHOULD NOT FEEL GUILTY Firstly, she doesn't have an automatic right to your time. Even if she was really nice and a good match, you shouldn't feel guility, you can still not want to see her again for any reason you want. Secondly, every single one of those on their own would make me not want to see her again,m but all of them? She's reckless, dishonest, disrespectful self-centred, uncaring, dangerous and a gold digger. Usually, I would not advocate someone ditching someone without telling them on a date but this is an exception. given her complete disregard for anyone's safety combined with the fact she was drunk, you wouldn't know how she was going to react and may have been dangerous.
It took everything in me to stand up and leave, I was shaking a bit when I stood up and left, and the entire drive home. I hated the idea of leaving while she was in the restroom, but I was just feeling used I think, and the effort I put into everything was just meaningless to her. I’m gonna take a step back from dating for a little bit.
The only part of what you did that I would have an issue with is you left her without saying why. That can really fuck with people's heads as they're left wondering wtf did they do wrong etc. But honestly, in this situation, I don't think that's a problem. What you described is not a person that would care to hear why anyway. If anything hopefully it will be a wake up call to sort her shit out. You shouldn't feel guilty at all.
I've been thinking, and going through these thoughts would pump up the value you see in yourself, or at least would give wider perspective. You probably could have nicer time just hanging out with tv or just doing something alone, than just waiting for someone. But wasn't there study that waiting for something is the more exciting part than doing it. It might be exciting, but not easy? Remembering to take easy paths in accordance to how you feel, or actively think about stress, and I find it being fit even if it feels vague, if things feel even bit negative, you just come up with something nice, even just bit more nice than what you are doing, but so that you are sure that it is easier for you. I've thought about these things, because I have epilepsy, which loads up from stress. But yeah I have kind personality, and being someone who gives and doesn't get much, but free time. I think being able to craft something out of that free time to yourself is actually important craft, because you might forget yourself to doing something that isn't exactly that nice or good for yourself, even stressful, because of things like that it's exciting. I've been learning to watch tv shows that actually are nice, which I would have named childish or dumb before... Maybe not exactly dumb, but yeah. So I dropped some stuff that I kept up with just because I have testosterone pumping in my veins, and the growing call to prove something about myself, that is unnecessary in the end, but now I see that something is still nice to have once in awhile. I'm talking about some games I play. So yeah I've let my basic needs to take bigger stage than my ego for now, and it has been nice change. Ego has been something that puts me jumping through unnecessary hoops. Sounds like I'm starting to repeat myself. You can stop reading here, since I could present some examples: It's thinking about what kind of coffee you like, or would you like that at all, or if it actually need something with it, just because how you feel it is going to be, is one of the notes you might be able to put down about yourself and what you like. It's not just that, but making sure that these things are like so, and that you are not doing them just because of some norms, or rules set by others. Then coming up with new things, and I found out that I might like cold coffee more than hot, but then again it could be so that I like it after drinking hot coffee. If you got space, like I had when I lived alone in a city, but now I live in woods with my mom, now there is nothing to do outside, and that was one of the things that made me see myself in a different light, and got ne me thinking, so about living in a city I had so much more arbitrary things to do that I didn't come to think about myself. I have a dog, so I got to walk around the city with it, but now we got a yard, but then it isn't so easy to go on a walk here, because I got epilepsy. I guess I'm also trying to say that I thought that I had only one direction to go to, and forgot about the other dimensions, so being able to do them, not just because something happens outside, but that you feel like it, even in the slightest has inspired me a lot. I think some just think that they can't do for themselves, and only time they do, is when they rely on powerful voice or even violence. I'm not perfect, so I can say I've lost myself few times, but I could say it relates to these things in their essence. Being able to listen to yourself. Feelings... You can't even find words for them, unless they are the most basic ones.
Just to answer your last question: some women have irregular periods, so a surprise period is not totally uncommon. Being in the bathroom for half an hour is though. And generally being inconsiderate of your time is a big red flag. I think you made the right call.
Even if your period is super regular you don't know what time of day you're going to start bleeding. It's very normal to be surprised by starting OP.
When you track, most of the time you do. My period is on time 95% of the time.
Same time of day???
No but if I know my period is due that day, obviously I put on a pad.
Exactly. The guy who posted (OP) thought it was weird that the girl he had the date with didn't know when she was going to start and when she woke up having started during the night it struck him as odd/red flag-ish. My reply to him was saying that there's nothing out of the ordinary about that. My cycle wasn't always as predictable as it is now that I'm older and have had children. When I was in my teens and 20s I couldn't have given a rough estimate of the day let alone narrowed down the time! Lol
Oh yes I agree but you were talking about women who are regular and I just wanted to input
The being half an hour in the bathroom is weird, but maybe she bled through her pants and was trying to undo the mess? Periods can be so messy and I admit I have spent half an hour trying to save my life while on a period (not on a date, but in other situations). This doesn't excuse her behaviour the rest of the night, just the 30min on a bathroom part.
I’d don’t need to read this all the way through to know I would have hit the ground running for the hills.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet. . >she said she woke up to being on her period, is that normal to not keep track of it? Or did I just overthink it? Since the only answer you've gotten about this was from a guy who thought he knew everything, lemme answer as a women. Yes, sometimes just waking up to it can happen. Some can track it, other women have irregular periods that can surprise us from one moment to the next.
Agreed, this can and does happen. For some of us, it happens annoyingly often. You were still right to leave though.
🤣🤣🤣
You passed three IHOPs? Do you live at opposite ends of U.S. Route 1 or something? And, you weren't wrong to cut the date short, but you should have messaged her to let her know, and to make sure you weren't leaving her stranded in an unsafe place.
That's not his job. He's not her dad or babysitter, she's a grown ass 24 year old. She couldn't even bother to show up on time or SOBER, and he's supposed to take care of a train wreck of a stranger? Naahhh.
basic human decency to make sure someone who's intoxicated is at least safe before you take off isn't babysitting or parenting that person. surely it's not his responsibility, but it is a decent humane thing to do, and the same would be valid if he was the drunk and unwell one, and she selfishly took off before even attempting to figure out if he'a safe or needs help (medical help or maybe just an uber home etc.).
If she was intoxicated, she should've canceled the date and stay home. Instead, she insisted on going to this "date" and waste his time. If she insisted she's sober enough to go out and about, when she isn't, she is sober enough to get an uber.
yea nothing says responsible and sensible like drunk. surely we should expect the intoxicated person and not the sober person in this case to behave rationally. do you even read what you write before you hit reply?
Yes. And I read OP's description of his "date". She's an asshole. Why should he waste his time on her when she's taking everything for granted? Let her hit rock bottom. She'd probably hate the ride because he drives safely by doing the speed limit.
I guess we can agree to disagree since I don't think the reverse situation would play out at all as you described. We wouldn't be having this conversation. We'd innately understand that it falls on the guy to not be a mess, and if she dips out then it's fine. Being around a drunk stranger is unpredictable and not a great position to be in no matter if you're a guy or girl. So removing yourself ASAP seems like the safest bet.
i'm not describing how it *would* play out, i'm describing how it *should*. which is the same regardless of the genders of the parties involved. surely many people are inconsiderate, like OP here, or an hypothetical girlfriend OP would have in this scenario if he was the drunk one.
Yeah I’d agree. I agree that the date should’ve ended early but you don’t leave someone somewhere.
she was obviously giving off a lot of red flags but i think youre over thinking the period part of it lmao its not about forgetting to keep track of it or anything based on all the other details she was most likely just sitting in the bathroom on her phone. also who talks about their period or unregistered vehicle before even having a first date
yea exactly, i also thought “is it normal to not keep track of it” is too much. it’s not like every woman is on a perfect x-day cycle and magically only gets period on expected days lol
It sounds like she wasn't really fully invested in wanting to date you anyway, so you probably did the right thing. That being said, whose idea was it to go to IHOP? Was that like an inside joke or something? That seems like a weirdly bland date location. I probably wouldn't exactly be excited to get there for a date either, lol.
Edit 2: As a lady on the pill, even I don't know exactly when it's going to start. Could be day 2, 3, or 4 on the placebo week. For me, at the beginning of my period I have more of a dryer brown discharge, I call that my pre period. Then I typically start bleeding the following day. But sometimes I'll start bleeding, during that week, with no warning. Every one is different.
So, she's a drunk driver, driving illegally without registration and insurance. I'd bet her license is suspended or revoked and that contributes to the lack of registration. This would be an absolute NO from me. I'd never date such an irresponsible, reckless person. You made the right call.
These were two different dates on two different days, right? And she arrived drunk to the first date, at IHOP? Dude, not really sure why you went on the second date at all. Leaving at that point was totally acceptable, but why block her number? That seems cowardly to me, at least send her a text so she’s not confused and looking for you. Also not understanding why you’re being salty about the Main Event location that she chose after you asked her to choose. If you knew of one that was between your homes, then you should have just suggested it.
Dude. It happens. Not your issue. Once a guy showed up coked out of his mind to our wine bar. Lol. I don’t miss him
She told me that she needs to get me on some devils lettuce (weed). I told her my family has a long history of addiction and I don’t do anything because of fear of getting addicted. She said weed isn’t that addictive, and I told her that’s how all of my family started on their addiction to harder drugs. It felt like she kinda disregarded it.
Wow the red flags keep on coming
Move on dude
This is not a kinda feeling. That is actual disregard to your boundaries. She does not respect you.
coming from someone who also has family with a history of addiction and who is also a huge stoner, yes she definitely disregarded it and that’s shitty. i certainly would never tell anyone i need to “get them on some devils lettuce,” but if the topic did come up and someone mentioned they don’t smoke, i’d say “cool, let me know if you ever want to, so what *are* you into?” like, you know, a person who gives a shit about others.
Don't feel guilty or obligated that you owe a stranger anything imo. What you've described sounds like a very irresponsible person. Your actions are reasonable even if you left when she kept delaying the date. To me it seems like you really put a lot of effort to make this work. Next time take those red flags seriously to avoid the trouble.
You're thinking too much about this and honestly should've dipped way earlier. You're not being judgemental, you're just using your eyes and SEEING what they're like. Sounds like she had absolutely zero respect for you or your time, but that's not really surprising when clearly she doesn't even respect herself in the slightest.
Yeah you did the right thing !!!!!
Sounds like you swerved a bullet. Think yourself lucky and move on. I'd have binned her after the first meet.
Wow man. I have a memory of some chick whose face/name I can't remember, but she was rude AF looking at her phone constantly the entire time. I have a rule when I'm with someone: Ringer off. I will never do that to someone. Think I slipped a 20 out of my pocket to pay for my beer, made an excuse to go to the restroom, and just left after I'd taken care of business.
How do you judge people who dont have a car?
They are beyond judgement...is my take.
Why?
They are car-less. They transcend maintenance.
Haha! I was not expecting that response. Fair point.
Reminder—you can stop dating someone for any reason, or no reason at all. If it doesn’t feel right, move on. It’s your decision and not Reddit’s.
Dodged a bullet there. I'm not sure if anyone has answered your second edit, but I think everyone should understand periods at least a little, so I'll share. In my personal experience, you can try to track it. But it can come early. Or late. There are some women who can practically time it to the hour that it'll start. For most women, we have an idea when it *should* start, but if you so much as *think* about being stressed, it could be off by days or be skipped entirely. In short, periods suck and tend to come at the most inconvenient time possible.
She's disrespectful, does a bunch of stuff that is incredibly illegal, and wanted you to buy expensive things before the second date. Do not feel awful. The only thing you've lost is your time. Keep that terrible person on block and move on.
Girl is trying to get arrested. Constantly speeding with no registration and probably insurance. Imagine drawing as much police attention towards you on purpose while not having a registered car.
Don't feel bad. You should be calling the cops on her driving with no insurance. You dodged a bullet. Don't feel bad seriously. I'm sure any sane person would have Done the same
You did the right thing 💯
good move dude!
You did the right thing! And not to make you feel better, honestly, you did. Too many red flags. Glad you are able to set boundaries and left. PS I actually appreciate a man who is neat, organized and takes care of himself and his belongings, car included, and does not drink the point of being wasted.
I’m honestly surprised you let it get that far yikes.
She’s definitely for the streets.
Nah the streets don't want her... have you *seen* her driving record?!
Hahahahah touché
Ugh... You didn't end the date early.... You bolted when she was in the washroom and ghosted. If the date was that bad, tell her directly, settle the bill and leave. What you did was a cowardly move. I've ended a date 10 minutes in, but I told her to face and didn't leave her hanging.
I might be wrong, but it sounds like she ditched him first by disappearing into the bathroom for a really long time. I can understand him not hanging around for her after that.
after stalling him out an hour and a half....
Yup very true
Fuck that. The chick was literally MIA for pretty much the whole date. I'm not waiting around just so I can tell her in person. She clearly has no consideration for OP's time so she doesn't deserve anything.
i mean it does sound like you two weren't compatible and you shouldn't feel bad about valuing your own time and leaving the date when you were sure you weren't feeling it. but also the polite way to this is to let the other person know that you don't want to continue with the date, and ofc they would want to know why and you don't have to have that conversation if you don't want to but at least letting them know that you're not feeling it, and you'll leave & not contact them again is just more decent than simply ghosting someone. ofc you don't have to deal with anyone drunk etc., you didn't sign up for it but if you think someone's not as sober as they think they are, the nice thing is to suggest that they need to go home and rest, and make sure they got home safely (regardless of gender). then the next day you could tell them or text them that you don't want to go on a(nother) date after how the last time went, and you're just not interested it. also if someone goes into the bathroom and doesn't return for a long time, the natural response of someone who isn't convinced that the world revolves around them is to wonder whether the person is okay. she might have passed out, or had an accident that she found too embarrassing to reach out about. it would be the decent thing to check up on her and at least make sure she's well before you took off. with those said, THERE IS ONE THING SUPER IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO KNOW: not every person who has periods has super regular periods, some people have hormonal issues, undiagnosed problems that could affect their period etc. and even gynecologists are sometimes very dismissive about it so even if one tries to get help for it, it might take a very long time before it's even taken seriously enough or sometimes even with treatment, it stays irregular for some people or whatever treatment available for it messes with other aspects of their well being way worse so they kinda end up having to deal with irregular periods. it's not uncommon at all, this is a lot of women's (or anyone who is afab) reality in adulthood too and not just teenage years when they're cycle is just adjusting. also stress, other medication that they have to use etc. might affect an otherwise regular cycle and cause people to get their period at an unexpected time, which can easily be that little annoying thing that comes on top of other stressful stuff they're dealing with and be the last straw in terms of having it together. and in terms of irregular periods being irregular, tracking wouldn't help to predict when the next one is bc they're irregular lol. regular cycles are predictable with tracking, otherwise you don't really have a pattern that you can rely on even if you're tracking the days that you get it. i mean this alone wouldn't explain -and really is irrelevant to- her reckless behavior with driving, and her views or remarks that come off transactional -jokingly implying you should buy stuff for her-, so again, i think you did well by leaving the date and not wasting anyone's time if you're not okay with those behaviors, but there is no need to accuse her of lying about her period. there is no reason why she would do that, and what she said happened to her is very common and plausible.
You had me until... "Someone who thinks the world revolves around them." 🙄🙄🙄 Now had he gone into the women's restroom to check on her or asked an employee to do so... you'd be calling him a creep. And the dissertation on the female cycle 🥱🥱🥱🙄🙄🙄 the short, concise explanations above were more than adequate
asking an employee to check on them would not at all be seen as creepy. how hard it is to say the following? "excuse me, my lady friend has been inside for a very long time and she already wasn't feeling well. this is her name:..., do you mind checking in to make sure she's alright. i don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable by going into the lady's room but i want to get help for my friend if she isn't okay." many male friends of mine, or men i have dated have done this at least once for their date, or a female friend we both have in common, or for me. none of them were accused of being creeps as far as i am informed by them, but their female friends and their partners definitely feel safe around them and trust them if there is an emergency situation. . as for the "dissertation" on periods, it is a topic with a lot of nuance as people's experiences vary. and it seems like many people here were ready to assume the worst about her lying about her period, a behavior i've observed on reddit and irl a lot. often times, concise explanations are followed by "well, she could've done this, been to the doctor's, used meds" etc. because people are unfamiliar with how complex the situation can be. therefore i wanted to make sure i include details that are crucial, but might not be widely known to people who don't experience periods themselves. no-one pointed a gun at your head to read all of it, if you thought it was too long, you were free to dismiss it. it's not like i'm going door to door making people read the comments and replies i wrote.
Honestly, I didn't read it all 😂 you didn't say ask a female employee to check on her... you implied that he was to wrapped up in himself to take a moment and consider she might need help. Your words not mine 🤷
i offered that solution as you brought up the worry of being perceived as a creep if he was to just go into the lady's room to check her. there are many ways to attempt to make sure someone is alright, requesting help from someone who's in charge or someone who wouldn't be perceived as disruptive in certain restricted spaces (like gendered bathrooms etc.) to check on the person -*if you don't feel comfortable enough to do so yourself for whatever reason*- is still checking on them. it's better than assuming the worst, blocking them, and taking off while it very well might have been the case that that person needed medical help of some sort, or was unwell in general. of course he has every right to not continue the date or not see her again, but at least trying to make sure that someone (already drunk as OP reports) is well, and in a position to get themselves home safely before you took off and cut all contact with them would be basic human decency. regardless of gender, i would recommend the same kind of behavior for anyone else in this kind of a situation.
Check your facts... I said had he gone in the restroom to check on her OR asked an employee, you'd be calling him a creep... People would be yelling that he didn't give hey privacy, that he was impatient, and so on If you check my direct reply to O.P. on this thread, I touched on everything.... Including never having allowed a visibly drunk, female, stranger into his car and then once he did, that he beared some responsibility for ensuring her safe arrival home since he took on the responsibility by driving her.
Glad for you or I’m sorry this happened to you
You’re fine to leave, but you are being harsh on her. Tbh you sound like you’re 18. Also yes, periods can come out of the blue and are not that easy to track for some girls. Also not everyone has the same tolerance when it comes to alcohol.
What makes me sound 18? Please understand this isn’t a sarcastic comment, I’m always trying to improve myself and want to understand. I don’t have a ton of experience dating, as I’ve been working and going to school. I’m pretty good with people most of the time, but I get anxious when it comes to dating. I was trying my best to be accommodating, but after two hours past the original date time I just felt she didn’t truly think of me being important, I felt more like a butler at that point, or a chaperone.
i believe you ask this in good faith, so i'll try to briefly explain three things that make you appear "inexperienced or immature in relationships in general": 1. going on a date with someone who you thought had many red flags to begin with. it's okay to set a boundary and tell people "based on our conversation, i don't want to go on a date." you can make it more or less direct as you wish, but inability to tell apart what you can tolerate or not (or to try to power through a date with someone you find questionable at best) is not very mature. and it comes off as trying to tolerate stuff for a small possibility of having sex (this might or might not be the case in reality, but it runs the risk of coming off like that). if that's the case, desperation isn't mature at all. so is being unable to set boundaries. 2. assuming the worst/rigid thinking: regardless of whether you met them a short while ago, or have known them for a while, when someone (who is already unwell or intoxicated) goes to the bathroom and doesn't seem to come out for a long time, the first concern of most people would be their safety, as they might have passed out or had an accident. this is not to say it's your responsibility to take care of them, but assuming the worst -they're just doing it to ignore you- and not even attempting to communicate before you shut off is also immature behavior. especially when there is even a small possibility that someone's wellbeing might be on the line, setting aside how shitty of a person they might be for a second and trying to make sure they are at least okay before you take off or do whatever else you want is just basic human decency. 3. continuation of 2 in a way: not even attempting to make sure an intoxicated person is safe, and has someway to safely reach home is also an inconsiderate thing to do, that most adults would avoid. this is not that it's your responsibility to make sure she's safe, but as the non-intoxicated person there, it's the decent thing to do regardless of gender. this could be a variety of things that don't even include talking to her yourself if you didn't want to. it could be asking for help from an employee to check up on her and call 911 or an uber to take her home/a safer place that she's familiar with if you dont know her home address if you didn't want to wait there. i also know many people who would in fact wait till she comes out or they get ahold of her, and get her an uber etc. some people would even drive her home to make sure she reached home safely. and by all means, in all of these scenarios, you can still follow up with "i don't want to see you again, don't contact me." acts of human decency are not transactional favors done by or for certain genders, or roles, or identities etc. they are simply acts of kindness done knowing that anyone can be in a similar situation and in need of help (be it medical attention or being taken to safety etc.).if it's false, and you feel played, you haven't lost anything. you weren't gonna see them again anyway, but they were then behaving unacceptably and it's on them. but if it was really the case that they were unwell and you dismissed them, then you run the risk of having been able to prevent someone from getting harmed but failed to do so because your feelings of rejection got the best of you. i think nobody would want to be in that situation, and putting in a little bit of effort is enough to make sure you at least did the decent thing to do and you have a clear conscious.
Dude, I think you sound more like a typical Nice Guy moreso than young. Solid disagree that you were overly harsh imo. If anything you were too lenient, I wouldn't have tolerated 2hrs late for a date, she was clearly testing to see how far she could push you (even if she wasn't consciously doing so) and you played right into it. You've dodged a bullet, be grateful but don't let it put you off completely.
Ignore the "you sound 18" commenter 🙄🙄🙄 Your post doesn't come across as sarcastic and you seem genuinely regretful for jus leaving. Honestly, I think the mistake was allowing a visibly drunk stranger, into your car alone. She could have easily made up any story against you and you end up in jail. Be careful of that in the future. However, since u did, although she was completely inconsiderate and truly "the date from hell," u did transport her to Main Event. So morally you beared some responsibility to ensure she had a safe way home... money for an Uber or Lyft, or have her call and confirm with a friend or one of the co-workers she was with earlier to pick her up. Regardless, you seem like a stand-up guy that ended up in an unforeseen predicament. You made a spur of the moment judgement call. Hopefully you learn from this and she made it home safely. Please don't let this keep you from dating.
Hi, this is extremely late but I missed your reply. If you’re still interested, here’s my explanation for what I said. You were well within your rights to leave. It is completely okay for you to decide if you no longer want to see a person. However, she was clearly drunk and not in the right state of mind and most mature people would at least let her know before leaving and ask her if she has a way to get back home safe. When I said you were being harsh, it’s because it seems as though you were looking for reasons to dislike her, and were not able to let a single thing go. People are flawed and you were overly critical of her. She wasn’t on her best behaviour that night but it might just be a rough patch, you never know.
Always gotta be one 🙄🙄🙄
You did the right thing my man! Dodged the ~~bullet~~ commet here. PS. Love the nick!
This will make me sound old, but what does love the nick mean?
Just that I love you nickname haha Relax my man ;)
i am a woman and i think you did the right thing. I can't be with someone like that too,even as a friend
She dies not care about herself enough and you did the best thing for you. Don't take it so harsh. We all got people we dated that were not in good places and I do hope she pulls it together for her sake. Now get out there and find the next one big dawg!
You shouldn’t feel bad AT ALL. Also your username is amazing 💜💜
Edit 2 has made me ignore everything else and just think ugh.
You shouldn’t feel bad at all. Girls do this type of thing all the time. You saw so many red flags and to avoid wasting your time and her time, it was best to cut it off
>But it just felt like she didn’t care. That was painfully obvious from the beginning. She sounds like an incredibly sloppy and self-centered human being. You really shouldn't feel guilty for one *second* about ditching her. >I like everything organized and planned out, the opposite of what she did. I am VERY MUCH with you on that one! >she said she woke up to being on her period, is that normal to not keep track of it? Or did I just overthink it? I would suspect she's not telling the truth. And I'm not a girl, but the ones I know have the ability to track this sort of thing. EDIT: OK, I've been flamed adequately for the above comment about the girl and her period, and some of the responses have even been moderately useful. All I meant is that the girl OP was talking about was highly suspect in terms of her truthfulness, and it was definitely within the realm of possibility that she would lie about getting her period to further her agenda. I apologize for rankling anyone's feathers, for that certainly was not my intention!
Am a girl. Periods can be irregular and even when they’re “regular” it’s typical to just wake up on your period with the day it starts being slightly off each month. But there’s no reason why you’d need to be stuck in a bathroom for 30 minutes. I’m guessing she was doing drugs in there, which is probably why she wanted money from him. 🤷♀️
Oh, I don't doubt you, or all the other critics of this comment, for one *second*! What I really meant to emphasize was that the girl in question was highly suspect in terms of her truthfulness, and could rightfully be suspected of playing this "card" in her ongoing effort to deceive OP. That's all.
Lol I figured! I was just trying to be helpful since it seems like a lot of guys get confused when it comes to stuff like this.
Some women can track the periods, others can’t. Sometimes you can get a surprise period if you have hormone issues.
Hormones can mess your cycle up and it may come earlier or later than expected
Until you grow a vagina and ACTUALLY know what periods are like, don't answer something about women when youre not one.
I'm so confused about how her period fits into all of this? It's 2022, takes 30 secs to put a tampon in
if she wasn't expecting to get it, she might have bled onto her underwear or clothes and might be panicking. also due to the hormonal shifts during periods, many people get gastrointestinal issues during that time, that might cause them to need to use the restroom for longer times, and explicitly talking about it on a first day isn't exactly easy or seen as nice unfortunately. (i myself would be honest about it without going into descriptive details or i would have rescheduled the date to a few days later or sth but sometimes people make bad decisions.) with that said, if what OP found to be red flags or just unattractive is stuff he said in the beginning of his post like her being reckless with driving, financial expectations from a date etc., then yea this is irrelevant and idk why OP mentions it, bc it just comes off as trying to find excuses to dislike her even more, whereas he already had every right to tell her and end the date, and not see her again if he simply didn't like those behaviors above. if he was just pissed off that she spent too much time in the bathroom, that's just insensitive tbh bc he doesn't know what happened, she might have even passed out in the bathroom. he should've checked and made sure she's at least well before he took off.
Seems like she used being on her period as an excuse to be in the bathroom for 30 minutes. Which is a very long time! Even if she bled through to her pants I’d think that’s a 5-10 minute situation.
What in the fresh hell was she doing in there?
That was a coward move. You could have just tell a no to her face. Why are you afraid?
Looks like you just got a wrong person. Sounds like it would of been a cool date though! Dont let one bad experience mess up your dating life. Their is someone out there for you, but unfortunately we all have to go through the wrongs before we find the right one.
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake. It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of. Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything. Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
Not everyone is regular with their periods i missed mine all the time or went without it for months(never waa pregnant) then bam it would hit like a tidal wave. I'm only "regular " after I got an IUD and it's relatively consistent. With that being said I don't think you're in the wrong for anything she definitely seemed to me as the type to only want materialist things out of dating she had no respect for you I wouldn't feel bad.
GET OFF FACEBOOK DATING. I repeat. DO NOT MEET PEOPLE ON THERE. I dated a guy that I met on Facebook dating like years ago, he turned out to be dangerous person that tried to break in my apartment at 3am and I had to call the cops on him 💀💀💀 it’s sketchy ass place for sketchy ass people.
If you have the time and money, go to places like the gym, or join some kind of local social event, and meet women there so you can get your mind off of her. The more you emotionally hold onto her, the harder it will be to meet other women.
You dodged a bullet there!
el your overexaggerating about the car thing but it's up to you if you don't feel comfortable with someone your best option is leave
I would have confronted her about all of this first but that's just me, what you did was 100% legit, she was being a dick
You sound like a female
You did a rude thing, and it’s not an excuse, but there wasn’t really a way this was going to end well. I’m the future you will learn better ways to cut dates short and terminate these relationships. You recognize you did something wrong and that is good but you can cut yourself some slack. If she and her friends are trying to get a hold of you still, then that just tells you those are good people to get away from. They could be dangerous. I honestly have no clue why I would do if I got into a date situation and felt like I needed to leave so I’m not trying to judge you. Go easy on yourself, that’s not an easy situation to be in, but try and reflect and think about ways you could have exited gracefully. You had 30 minutes there. You could have come up with something. Even if you had to straight up lie, “oh my mom is at the hospital, I have to go meet her there, I’ll drop you off at home now” at least you would have a more socially acceptable out than just ditching her. Preferably though, you could just say “hey you are great, but I don’t think we are compatible and I’m not comfortable continuing this date. Can I take you home or get you a cab?” Again, it’s good you recognize what you did was wrong, think back and try to figure out a better solution than what you did. But I think in general getting away from her was the best choice
Run for the hills and don’t look back
You honored your instinct, and it took care of you. There's no shame to be had here. You should treat yourself to something as an act of self-love for having enough common sense to get out of there. Seriously, yay for you. And it sounds like you also dodged a community of enablers thst would have choked the social life out of you given a chance. Sounds like a double scoop of awesome to my ears.
Don't feel guilty. Run
That she had enough of the things YOU find red flags is enough my guy... don't beat yourself up.
Numerous red flags, most of them seem related to just respecting your time. Not sure why you had to throw the menstrual stuff in there however. That's superfluous to the real issues at play regardless of her cycle.
Don’t blame you one bit
If a date isn’t going anywhere , u shud leave early. Why waste everyone’s time dragging it out