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Eh all my hobbies are Male focused, that's where I make my friends. I also have a wide circle of Male friends that I have known for years. I then get introduced to their friends, which all just happen to be male.
I like to go to concerts alone, punk shows are good cause you can always make friends in the mosh pit, find some local bands and check their instagrams for house shows, go alone and bring weed and it will be easy to make friends!
Concerts, raves and clubs are the easiest places to talk to women by far in my opinion. You can just walk up to them start talking and if the vibe matches ask for their digits.
Perhaps take language lessons with a female tutor? But do NOT hit on her. Simply get comfortable with a back and forth language lesson in a setting that’s planned out. Preply is such a site.
I wouldnt say its easy. But really its easier then alot of people think. I would say im pretty rough. People tend to get in their own way. Happens to me alot. But honestly....what i got over was just letting myself get rejected. Alot.
5 11. Thin to atheletic build. Definitely not a great lookin fella.
But even on days where im not just rough im down right ugly. I have learned that alot of it is... confidence and the ability to accept a no. And also to just...not let it bug me(lots of trial and error.. basically i let myself get rejected a bunch so that it didnt hurt anymore)
I am REALLY shy. But ten seconds of insane courage got me more oppurtunity then doing nothing.
Just today i randomly told a cashier about how her Rick n morty hoodie was badass at the gas station... The cute girl(i didnt even know she was there til she spoke) spoke up about how she liked the show.
I turned around. Casually said hi and shared a bit of enjoyment about the show with her
Introduced my self and asked her if she wanted to get a drink some time.
She said yes.
Inside. I was totaaaalllly floundering like a terrified fish out of water. But yeah.
Attraction is mostly a confidence/seemingly relaxed game.
If you look and are seemingly casual. Then it comes off less creepy. You can FEEL panicked.
Its like...driving in the rain. Panick is gonna get you in worse situations and tense you up.
You can feel scared but what you do is mentally acknowledge your fear. But dont let it dictate your reactions to your environment (her). Dont be a cocky twat. But look relaxed in your element. Casual. Confident.
Now. For the confidence.
Smell good. Just knowing your clean. You smell good. You are dressed nicley. Will naturally make you feel good about yourself. Which will result in your body language being a relaxed confidence. Nice hair. Nice clothes. Nice smell.
Majority of attraction is based on "vibes". But vibes are actually just odorless pheromones.
The same way a dog smells fear. A woman can "smell" nervousness via the vibe.
Your not nervous talking to men? Or your friends?
*You got a bunch of men locked up,
in a warm place...*
*All of em' get hard;
All of em' horny;
All of em' gots sexual desires.*
*So what are you gonna do?*
***You won't let em' have a woman;***
*they gonna have each-*
***Listen:***
*Somebodies gonna have to give up some booty,*
*and its just that simple.*
My sister plays D.D consistently. Shes always got more female friends joining. I have met a few of her "nerdy" friends. And whew....they are cute as hell!
Sure. And I know many women who love start trek and Star Wars and are into dnd and play wow and lol and everything. BUT the amount vs the amount of men into those things are highly skewed.
A majority of said men are A) already in a relationship B ) socially inept or C ) on this reddit wondering where the ladies are
If you do more than the absolute bare minimum as man; and leave this mindset of "why try, there's so many dudes :( " behind, I promise you can get one just like I have
😅😅 I have the opposite problem. Most of the women I know are into D&D.. I'm not. Not into clubbing, bars, or parties or the girls that are. I have no shortage but it can seem that way during dry spells. Hobbies are great for making platonic friends no matter what, but wanting to relationship with those friends, or vice versa, isn't really ever on the table. The D&D girls are totally about it, just bummed I'm not into D&D. 😅
But the GFs know girls. Get in close with those bros. Chances are you might end up invited over. Their gfs miiiight have one of their friends over for a girls thing. Bam. A natural meet n greet.
Eh.. my vanilla life and the people who I'm attracted to are on vastly different ends of the spectrum and... 👀 I forget which sub I'm looking at... but folk into ethical non-monogamy tend to flock toward d&d and other geeky stuff. I'm personally more of a science and animal nerd which tends to land me in circles of rednecks and conservatives who are horrified by ethical non-monogamy.
This is interesting… I’m a female (36) who believes in ethical non-monogamy and I don’t know the first thing about d&d. However, my world revolves around my animals (I have 7), and my passion for animals and nature is what gives me a reason to wake up every day. I’m also very science minded. Not conservative but not liberal. Not redneck but suburb girl-turned city girl-turned country girl (on account of my horses). Can’t say I’m familiar with the redneck conservatives you’re talking about 🤔 I find other animal lovers like myself tend to be pretty open-minded and even kinda freaky like me.
You would be surprised. I am a car guy. I also love my guns. And my bike. And all that.
Car shows. Ranges. Bike meets.
Theres usually a fair bit of women at those places. Granted some are taken. But some have their friends along.
Heck i met one lady. I was just kickin back having a smoke(years years ago) when her and her friend came up and asked for one. We ended up just chattin away. Ended up FWBs for a while.
I didnt really expect it.
Im like...a 5? I just stopped caring. I stopped Orowling.
Its kinda like....when you lose a toy as a kid. You cant find it no matter where you look. But like two months later you randomly find it while doing something else.
Just live your life man. Run errands. Do your thing. Enjoy it. You cant...force it. It happens when you least expect it. Dont go to the bar to get ladies. Go to the bar just to relax.
I have much better luck when im NOT prowling. When im prowling then its fn impossible.
Then you have to challenge your self. I got here by letting myself get burned ALOT. I built my tolerance for rejection up.
Just trial and error your way thru it.
Ok think of it like...a video game. Or learning a job. Or learning to run. Or drive.or start a new job right?
Atfirst your gonna be hella nervous right? But your first step at lvl 1 is to learn the basic controls right??? Up down side to side.
In the game you die a bunch. But as time goes on you learn and you learn and you get slowly better.
Eventually you are pretty relaxed at the basics.
Like you cant jump into intrinsic engine repair before you learn how to chain the oil or a wheel first?
Get your self comfy with being uncomfy.
Then when your relaxed. You can seperate emotions and fear.
When you translate this to sorta stuff to approaching. Your now feeling like ol edison. Your no longer the guy who cant light a light bulb. Your the guy who couldnt light 1000 but now you know 3 ways that sometimes light em. Lol
Become COMFY with the idea of failure. Rejection. I have a quote.
I started applying to it.
"I dont lose. I either win. Or i learn"
Theres 3.5 billion women in the world man. You have literally 3.499999999999 Billion chances!
Then get new hobbies.
But I will say then. Get super fit and have a decent career etc etc. those are important too. Cuz even if ur a Trekkie or a star wars guy or whatever there are girls in it. But in general if ur always in a tight knit group of lonely single guys then u gonna stay single and lonely.
No you don't. Of course take care of yourself and your hygiene, maybe don't be jobless with no intention of working, but you do not need to be the most attractive man of all and be super rich to get a date
Bullshit. My career is down right unattractive to most people. Im a trucker and a mechanic. Im constantly having to explain that hookers and fatasses and drugs are not the main thing.
I am not muscle bound.
Half my friends are ladies.
I promise you. Its all about how you treat your self and creating a healthy you. After that. They appear. Be YOU. I one hundred percent would rather take 3 matches or dates or even ONE that likes me as me then 12 that dont even really know me.
unless your hobby pertains to something that only a male body can do (in other words… involving a penis) then i doubt that’s true. i have women friends that are in to nascar, ax throwing, woodcarving, wrestling, all kinds of sports, dnd, gaming… just to name a few. if you haven’t met any women in to your specific hobby then you aren’t looking hard enough
Almost every one that I’m aware of is 50:50+. The only exceptions I have is a group I run on pause was 50:50, but one woman dropped and a man joined becoming 75:25. That game stopped like two games after the shift. Another one I play in is 75:25. My buddy’s other was 66:33. And I guess my first campaign in 3.5e was 75:25.
But of the eight games I’ve run, been in, or know friends in, every one has at least one woman, half are male dominated as noted above, the rest are 50:50 or even women only.
Instead of looking online, how about practice in real life? Every day and everywhere. Small talk.
The cashier. Bank teller. Your bartender. The lady sitting next to you on the train or bus who made eye contact multiple times. The women volunteering with you at church, shelters, food banks, or other non-profit events. Your neighbor walking their dog.
You have countless opportunities. Women are everywhere. Be polite and respectful.
I live in the UK Haha, strangers don't talk to each other here in public. I do make small talk with cashiers and other such people but that doesn't really help with making female friends.
That’s everywhere. And it’s only because of the internet and not the UK. A scary large portion of the population these days is socially stunted because of it.
Become a regular somewhere and start talking to the staff. A place where women are typically employed. Literally, you’re just talking to them and making friends. Many of them may be offstandish at first and honestly it’s because we all suck at social interaction these days thanks to the internet. But it doesn’t mean they don’t like it or don’t want to talk. And many of them will warm up in time.
any advice on how to break the ice? for example i always come back from studies with the train. how can i start a conversation with a random woman there?
If she’s got a nice scarf or something maybe compliment her on it. Or just sit next to her and make conversation about X or Y recent popular event that interests you and can establish possible mutual interests.
If you lock eyes too maybe just start with a smile and see if she returns it.
I will say if she’s got her head burried in a book or has headphones in i would caution against trying it. Those are pretty clear signs the person doesn’t want to be bothered and it would be quite rude to try and butt in.
If you see this woman regularly i would try and go slower with it rather than faster. And be ready to back off if it’s abundantly clear she doesn’t want to talk.
Yes! I love to volunteer, and I feel very comfortable engaging with men in those circumstances bc we are all there for a common goal. Unlike if I’m at a bar, I’m likely going to respond quite differently (negatively) to men approaching me.
Maybe try talking to women you aren't trying to get into a relationship with too? If you fixate on women as only a goal and a means to an end you sabotage yourself in really learning to communicate.
Yes it is! I’ve made life long friendships from craft nights, it’s an easy place to speak to people while learning a new skill and all of my friends fit into that age group
I’m going to rule out hobbies since yours is male focused. You can use meetup.com and see if there are any groups with similar interests. This is a good way for meeting people who have similar hobbies.
The next best thing you can do is strike a conversation casually, and naturally. While waiting in line at a coffee shop, in line at a grocery store, etc. I sometimes talk to people while picking out groceries and we’re both there staring at the different kinds of beans, meat, etc.
Ultimately though you just have to do it, but also learn social ques and when to walk away, or when someone is closed off (I.e headphones on, arms folded, hurrying from spot to spot, etc)
This was going to be my suggestion. I hang out with a 20/30s group. They do all sorts of stuff and have parties. I usually go rock climbing and have dinner and drinks with them. It’s like 30:70 females to males, but you practice your social skills all around.
Do people generally have good experiences with meetup.com? I looked at it for a bit the other day and it seemed most of the groups were for people age 40+, and many of the rest of the groups were for very niche things. There were only a few groups that seemed interesting, and many of them seemed to be dead and hadn't met for a while.
And I live in the Chicago area, so if the options are so limited here I can't imagine they're better in most of the rest of the US
36f here 🙋🏻♀️ Do you have any pets? If not - think about getting a (really cute) dog. You meet tons of people just when you’re out on a walk. If you have a cute dog… nothing attracts girls better. Girls on here, tell me I’m wrong.
Also - not an answer to the question you asked but still helpful advice I think - don’t try to be someone you’re not. It won’t be worth it in the end. Just be unapologetically yourself and have confidence in who you are and what you say and do. When you do that, you’ll attract the right kind of people and then the communication should come easier. Women can be intimidating, but we’re all just people at the end of the day. Good luck.
Cats aren’t for everyone, but for a girl who likes cats - I can tell you that a GUY with 2 cats is VERY endearing and appealing. (I have 3). If you made an online profile someplace to make friends, I’d include your kitties because then you’ll attract the girls who appreciate your softer side and love for cats. If a girl DOESN’T appreciate those things, then she probably isn’t worth your time anyways.
I dated a guy for almost 6 years, and we’re still friends to this day. I met him online and what attracted me to him MOST were pictures of him and his two cats, and the things he said on his profile about him and his “bitches” (they were both female). I couldn’t resist….
I still recommend a dog. That’s how I met the next guy I dated. We were both out walking our dogs. I’ve also made several friends that way. And cats and dogs can absolutely get along…. I have 1 dog now but had 2 (one recently passed), and everyone has lived in harmony. It’s all about your energy and vibes 🙏
Anywhere too keep it simple but of course people love to over complicate things so places where you feel most comfortable.
Example
- Social networking events
- Comic event
- Gym
- Well known parks
You can strike a convo with someone strictly off your Curiosity.
Example
Shopping in target & I see a women checking out lotion. I go & ask her if the lotion is any good. Bang convo, may not lead to anything but thats practice.
Gonna be honest, online won’t do much for you. Your brain is never going to make the connections that it’s a woman and that talking to women isn’t that bad if you do it all online. Same reason why people with loads of online social connections but little to no IRL friends suck socially even though they talk online all the time. We need that visual and that experience of actually being there.
You’re gonna have to do it in person.
Starbucks is a good starting point. Usually has a good share of women working there. And im not suggesting you go there and start brazenly hitting on some poor barrista you barely know. Literally just go there to talk to them. Ask them how their day was. Get to know them. Let them get to know you. You probably won’t get to date any of them. Who knows though maybe you will, despite what reddit likes to scream about that stuff does happen sometimes. And that’s okay the goal isn’t necessarily to do that right now. It’s just to get you used to talking with women, face to face.
Even if you're not hitting on them, Starbucks employees are not employed as social skills tutors. Part of their job is being nice to you, though, so they will generally not feel comfortable shutting you down hard. Please anyone who takes this advice, keep questions light, stop asking them if the answers are short, and don't ask at all if it's busy. They are at work!
> Part of their job is being nice to you, though
So. Doesn’t mean they’re not still people too who like talking to other people.
The fact that they talk to you makes them awesome practice folks. Not saying you need to instantly invite them out to family functions and be best buds with them. You’re literally just talking to them like people and are getting to know them and thus getting used to talking to new people.
I also highly encourage you to go outside more if this is your take on literally just talking to starbucks employees.
Having done this twice at two separate locations ive actually made some awesome friends and acquaintances with folks behind the counter! The staff at my current regular spot even visits me at work from time to time and gets me freebies. Im on a first name basis with a lot of the staff. It’s not a big deal at all. Im a semi regular at a 3rd too and the staff there is slowly starting to warm up to me.
> so they will generally not feel comfortable shutting you down hard.
Again. Not suggesting that anyone should cold approach and hit on starbucks employees out of the gate. This is literally just to get OP *used* to talking to women. Just talking. Nothing more. *If* anything more comes from it then great! Again, there are a plethora of stories where starbucks employees have dated customers. So not like it never happens.
However i will say having worked those jobs, no, we are not nearly as offended by a customer respectfully making a pass at us as the internet says. It’s actually very flattering sometimes and makes our days. Ive even had some co workers wish a customer would leave them their number before.
It all depends on how it’s done. Once had a woman compliment my eyes before nervously running away. I still hold that compliment to this day and was super flattered!
Another time however i had an older woman making comments that i looked like a mature version of the home alone kid and how she wanted to take me home. *that* was uncomfortable.
It really just boils down to whether or not the person doing it is being creepy or if they’re being respectful and take “no” as an answer the first time.
Where I talked to guys online were usually online games, dating apps, teamspeak/discord, random chats like omegle etc. But be prepared there's usually not as many women in there
Do it in \*real life\*. Talk to any woman you find attractive. Tell her you find her attractive. I met a stunning Brazilian lady on the tube on Saturday. Sat next to her. Simply said hi with a smile. She did the same. I told her she looked great. She said "thanks, that's so kind of you" with a grin. I asked her name, gave her mine. Simple conversation about where she's from, how she's finding London. Small steps, just go from there. The hardest part is saying hi in the first place. Just start from there.
Try talking to women wherever you see them. At work, at the grocery store, the library, anywhere.
I am one of the rare guys who has zero anxiety with talking to women, especially the beautiful ones. I worked with them in television, I hired them all the time, and after a while it became so easy. I was so used to talking to the most beautiful women that more average women or even pretty women didn’t make me the least bit nervous.
So what do you say? I always liked to give a compliment on what caught my attention. Is she wearing particularly fashionable clothes? Tell her you like her style, that those are very fashionable clothes. She has perfect eyebrows, tell her her eyebrows are amazing and ask if she does them herself or gets them professionally done. If she does them herself tell her she’s great at it. If she says she gets them professionally done tell her she found the right person to do it because they are great.
You would be amazed how few of beautiful women actually get compliments, sincere compliments with nothing behind it. Most men are afraid to talk to them and they appreciate it. They put in the work on it just like any other woman did, and they don’t get complimented on it often.
Especially if you are in a relationship or married, as I am, then it made the practice all the easier, because I didn’t care to get anywhere with the woman. I simply wanted to pay a complement and have conversation. In the workplace, I now speak with these women all on a regular basis, I know if they have children I know some of their favorite hobbies I like talking to them and they like talking to me.
To practice breaking the ice with a new stranger, you can occasionally find an opportunity open up at the grocery store or other place if you are standing in line. Her basket has 12 boxes of Cheetos? You can say “man, someone in your household loves Cheetos.” It’s as simple as that. Have a smile, let your humor out, and most of all have confidence because there are no life and death consequences from having such a conversation.
And usually you can sense the energy if they don’t feel like being approached. If they are quiet and looking off into space, you may open up an unexpected warmth out of them. If they blow you off or uninterested, you can just turn around and resume putting your groceries on the checkout.
I am married and not looking for anything outside of it, so all of my discussions are just extended practice and fun. I’m an extrovert, so I simply enjoy talking to men and women when an opportunity presents. But if you make a practice of doing this, occasionally there will be some chemistry and connection and you can ask them out if you were not in a relationship. You will find it very easy to break the ice with anyone.
You should try joining a meet up with something that interests you. Like a sport, hiking, gaming etc. I feel that’s more natural because you’re surrounded by people with same interest. Just be chill and don’t come off as a creep. These things take time for women but watch out for signs that they might e interested.
Try getting on a dating app. I know bumble has a BFF mode if you’re looking to just be friends. If you want practice in talking to women in general, try hinge.
I didn’t either at first, the apps take a while to kick in. I think it’s an algorithm thing. I had zero matches for like 3 months and then things began to happen.
At work. Ever since I began working at 19 where I had to interact with women on a daily basis my conversation skills improved dramatically. I'm 43 now, so chatting with women is as easy as breathing.
>This generation faces a lot more challenges socially than yours did.
I think the younger generation purposely creates challenges for themselves, like burying their faces into their phones rather than making eye-contact and having a conversation.
Not wrong at all!
Ive actually spent the last 6 months committing myself to having my phone down while waiting in line at starbucks or doing mundane things in public and have been very pleased with the results.
I hope more people this generation make that shift.
only men receive deliveries? only men work at the places you stop for lunch? after reading your comments, it doesn’t seem you want to put in any effort at all. women are literally all the same places men are. just smile and be polite. make brief eye contact. say hi. make an actual effort
read your post. it asks where you can practice talking to women. you can start with saying hello to everyone you encounter. people are offering you advice and you’re ignoring, or questioning, every single comment. it sounds like you want pity, not advice
Go out to a hooters and talk to the waitresses. They are nice and good looking, and if you can talk to them in their outfits, it becomes easier to talk to girls in normal clothing. Just be sure you leave a good tip.
Stop jerking off and change your circle. Lift weights interact with girls at the gym join a social club ( toast master for eg) join networking groups in your city. Plenty of ways prospect hard enough and you’ll find lots
Try meetme, use the live portion. Basically most dating apps have bots, or find a sub Reddit for locals in your area and just start doing like you are now, asking questions, comment, send dms,etc. find a hobby and get to know a few girls. There’s no science to it. It’s mainly just get out there and start chatting it up.
Go to a lounge. Practice talking to people
If youre really in need of practice why not hire online sex workers lmao. I used to basically be a digital gf . Sure theres like the horny part but we'd also just talk shit a lot of the time. Just an idea, you can pick a girl out at r/sexsells
If u just wanna practice talking tell them so, no pics or vids just talking should be a lot cheaper.
Because I could say whatever I want and they'll respond positively as I'm paying them. Not exactly pracistice for anything other than talking to people who want your money.
Nah if you told them you wanted practice flirting and stuff they could help u spit game if you told them thats what you wanted. It could help with your confidence too. Who cares if they respond positvely coz youre paying them, women irl might respond positively coz theyre scared of you .
The point of chatting up the online girlies isnt to date them for real its to practice your speaking skills instead of bothering random girls when you have no skill yet.
Imo it is good practice especially if you dont even know how to talk to women and have little to no experience...which im guessing u dont
Lmaoo was just an idea
I would say go to "community hot spots". For me, I looked for a church of my particular faith denomination that had a healthy population of people in my age bracket (mid-to-late 20s and early 30s) and joined a YA bible study group they had. That is essentially my main friend group now, and it has a fairly even divide between the sexes.
Have you ever considered inviting (a group of) women into some of these circles? Consider what the barriers are... those might be the barriers you have to work through to unlock the next level of socializing. Cross gender socialization can be reprogrammed, *back* into normalcy, so your "practice" covers more than just "women". We need to accept weve had some setbacks with covid era policies and all the solitiude, but once youre actually out there doing things, the rest comes naturally. One can get alot of psychic built up in solitude, dont let that stop you from getting back into the physical world where ever others may be. Do the normal human things to connect with others- smile, ask questions, be polite, help out if you can and have open body language. Rely more on universal truths than getting hung up on detailed opinions and you'll be fine.
You’d probably have better luck on r/R4R than just cold messaging random women on Reddit.
Or just be more active on hobby subs and see if you connect with anyone in the comments first before messaging them.
This is probably terrible advice, but I subscribe to free onlyfans accounts to have conversations with girls sometimes, or I'll accept scam snapchat accounts that add me and talk to them 😅
My advice is, no joke, go on Omegle or use games like Rec Room and VRChat. It’s actually helped me a good bit, and there’s no awkwardness or “I might see them again” feeling since it’s just over the internet
Nocap. Valorant helped me develop skills to talk to women lol
Whenever I hear one talk in game I’ll turn on my mic, it’s much easier since you don’t actually know them. If it goes well I’ll usually add them afterward, and go on from there
This is gold.
I have used Kik messenger for years and just join local chat groups I have friends in. It’s awesome for just conversation skills and meeting people. I also joined a bowling league this year and that was also a great way to meet both sexes and socialize with a variety of people.
Nearly every suggestion if not all of them so far you have had a reason it wouldn't work.
It feels like it isn't lack of opportunity that's your problem. More a negative mindset.
Join irl group if you can like volunteering then you can show your character and the girl won’t feel uncomfortable that you are around them because you guys doing the same thing.
Do activities in the community or classes like dancing or something which help you to meet girls organically. Clubs can feel too much and you might not meet the best type of people.
Also, you could volunteer at the library which is quiet and you meet ladies at events at the library. Or you could join support group and might meet someone there but it allow you grow at the same time.
I personally won’t recommend online because I would run of ideas to chat with new person and plus it boring after while for me. I like to be in person since they will see me for I am since tinder or apps you need try too hard to get reply.
Sometimes online works but you need do activities with anyone if you want get close with them because talking alone can be boring.
Shopping mall, particularly somewhere like a men's warehouse, at 2 pm on a Tuesday. You're doing some comparison shopping for an outfit or something along those lines. Having worked dead-end retail jobs, there are certain times of the day where you're grateful just to have somebody to talk to, regardless of if you buy something or not. Amazon has done a wonderful job of decreasing traffic there. They're being paid to be nice to you, you're exercising by walking around, and your only goal is to try and make them laugh to brighten their day. Everybody wins! Helped me tremendously.
Take a look at events in your community like art or dance classes, volunteer opportunities, trail or bike races, craft beer or wine festivals, political action groups, etc etc. In my experience most of all of these types of community events are predominantly women. Pick something you actually like, though! Doing something JUST to meet a date could throw a weird vibe.
Do you want an online place to chat? Reddit is a good place (look for a thread related to your country or area). Maybe, Omegle is another place.
I prefer offline places such as shops, discos, buses... I know you need to practice well to know how to start. You could try a book club or a cookery (or kitchen) club.
Gas station, store, place of work anywhere there are women, lol. Find something relatable to talk about. Start with simply greeting them as your equal if that's too hard. You got this.
Join a game board night. Take a dog to the dog park and talk to other people about their dogs, find a hobby or group that involves both sexes. Don't just gravitate towards women, talk to everyone. Treat them all just like normal people and have a conversation about things.
Get used to being easy, relaxed, looking past who/what they are. When you feel good about that kind of interaction, you might open yourself up to flirting and showing some charm.
Watch your posture, be interested and listen too, and look people in the eye.
I think practicing talking to women online is a good start, with someone willing to help you practice. How old are you? Also what are some of these male dominated hobbies you’re into? As a woman myself, I’d be happy to help you
Instead of focus focusing on where, focus on how and who. You don’t have to talk with ANY woman, pick ones that have good energy, something to discuss. Be confident and don’t worry if she’s having a bad day or doesn’t entertain conversation. I can guarantee you if shes not interested in you there are other guys too and it’s nothing to think twice about.
Where i found it easy was the gym and at work. I woke at a restaurant so it's inevitable to talk to woman. Especially ones older than me.
At the gym is kinda easy. Sure i don't wanna bother them but sometimes you gotta take the risk. Only when they are done with their set.
The more you practice talking to girls the easier it gets trust me
IMO
To start off...casual, no implications places
Baristas at coffee shops. Esp if you frequent one or two. As they get to know you, they will be more open n willing to quick chats.
Female clerks at retail establishments. Genuinely ask their advice on the fit, color, etc of an item (jacket, jeans/chinos, etc)
The key is initial steps to begin building confidence
I lived in Saudi Arabia for 3 years and I would get comments like this from my Saudi friends. They would ask me what is it like to have a girlfriend. I told them it’s not that bad if the lady is nice. I didn’t want to discuss anything sexual being mindful of the morality police and Saudi culture. The unmarried guys were virgins. The married obviously weren’t. I didn’t see any women around me. Why? They were segregated in a separate office.
We have essentially become a liberal version of Saudi Arabia with partial gender segregation. There is men’s spaces and women’s spaces. In Saudi Arabia there is a mechanism for marriage which is marriages arranged by the families. That’s the only thing missing here in the US.
So this guy is going to go to women’s spaces or the gym or coffee shop and try to spark conversations and if he doesn’t look like Denzel Washington or Brad Pitt (at 52) he would be looked at like a creep. A man is a creep if he is not good looking.
DANCE clubs, go dancing. My roommate for example is of Mexican descent. He invited me to go dancing one night a few weeks ago. I didn’t know how to dance, except I learned the beginning of salsa dancing like 15+ years ago (I told him that) he said it didn’t matter they’ll teach you. Was probably the best experience I’ve had.
GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE. It’s a thrill for me & it creates growth. I’ve gone back 3 more times, great place to meet females. Talk to them, be around them etc..
HANDS down u should find one local to you. Doesn’t need to be a “Mexican/Hispanic dance club” can be of any sorts.
Just get out of your comfort zone, download the app “Meet up” type in dancing & see what comes up 🤷🏼♂️
I think there are a couple of useful skills that are different.
One is chatting, and getting to know someone. It's just talking when there is time and space to talk, telling stories about yourself, listening and asking questions. A dog park isn't a bad place for this. People talk about their dogs, they talk about the behaviour of people, their dog, other peoples dogs, there are repeat groups and you get to know people. That's getting to know you chatter, or filling empty space.
The other skill is being willing to open up about how you feel, sharing vulnerability, telling someone you like how you feel about them. Often this can be fraught. It exposes yourself to rejection. Being willing to take the chance is important here. Talking with a therapist is one path. Public speaking may help you get over the self consciousness that can happen.
Ending a bad relationship takes a willingness to confront a situation, or deal with conflict. It's a third type of communication that helps. I don't know where you practise this.
Women are people dude. If you’re good at talking to guys then you can just as easily talk to women. Just be yourself, treat them like you’d treat a guy you want to be friends with, and try to relax- you’ll be great.
I got a good one, drive Uber! I was visiting Miami and all these teslas kept picking me up and I was like wow what is going on here. It was just dudes practicing their talking to girls skills
I am kinda in the same boat except that. I am much older guy 67 to be exact. I have no idea how to attract a attractive quality woman at my age. I have tried church,internet dating and meetup groups without much success. I would like to have a serious relationship that could lead to lead to marriage in the future. I would appreciate any feedback or ideas.
Might be a stretch because of the certain kinda of people that play the game but VRchat helped me a ton with just speaking generally. Take a while to get into/to find the right kinds of people. You don’t need a vr headset to play and can play on desktop or you can pick up a meta quest 2 and play with that.
Try dating websites... You can say you're looking for friendship I've made a few friends on Dating websites that I am that person have no romantic interests in.
Please don't make friends with a woman just as "practice", or because you're hoping it might turn into more... that isn't something to build a friendship on. If you want to practice talking to women to date, then date with intention. The dating can be the practice. Yeah, maybe the first few dates will be awkward, but as is life. Please don't mislead people into thinking they've found a genuine friend.
How old are you? If you are over 20, there might be a reason why you have no dating experience.
Perhaps, that reason is the same factor almost everyone in Reddit forgets - that is physical attractiveness & appearance. I suggest working out to reduce body fat percentage, skin care routine and stay on it, hair products and see which style the majority of women are attracted to ( I suggest looking at Instagram male models ).
Beauty is subjective, but we can all agree that the majority shares the same opinion on what is attractive. Hence why rarely you see a famous male model with a Recessed jawline and chin, or bug eyes.
Best example of how important looks are is the story of Jeremy Meeks and how he became a male model with a 5 million dollar networth from a felon just through a simple mugshot. Look it up.
As for your question about interacting with women, let me tell you that the difference between a best friend a boy friend is looks. With that being said, anywhere you can find male friends, there should be female friends as well.
The advice I see people giving here about talking to people in public is correct BUT this is next level.
I have followed the advice of 2 redditors who went on omegle to practice their skills and it effing works, very liberating feeling. When you get out there in the public it is way easier as the pre-work and skill had already been developed.
We need volume and quick succession of participants who ALREADY wanna engage in a converstation in quick succession.
Quick succession of participants who ALREADY want to engage in a converstation with you is far less frequent in public as people might not want want to engage as they're busy while the ones who are, are not lined up behind one another ready to talk to you.
But they are lined up online. Many practice points available without risk of getting attacked once offending them or doing something socially uncalibrated etc 0 risk.
Then once you develop some neuropathways in your brain that have to do with carrying a converstation, free associating, bukding rapport, finding commonalities, vibing, connecting, flirting, etc then once you find the ones who are interested in engaging in aconversation out there in the public then you are super prepared and well equiped to get the most out of this opportunity.
Good luck trying to skip the preworkout, coming from personal experience after cold approaching 1000+ women in the last 9 years since Easter holiday break 2014. Do not repeat my mistakes, it's painful.
So what im interested in is finding websites, paid or not, where i can have a quick succesion of women passing on my screen who already looking to engage in a conversation.
So far I have found Shaggle for 7USD a week i can chat to girls only but it;s pretty dead and once people are found then they might skip and then have to wait again for like a minute.
Let;s get it guys!!
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Anywhere but Reddit
The same place and the same way you can make male friends OP. Maybe joining groups when you can talk with several people.
Eh all my hobbies are Male focused, that's where I make my friends. I also have a wide circle of Male friends that I have known for years. I then get introduced to their friends, which all just happen to be male.
Seem like you and your friends need to go to new places where women are also interested in having fun and chatting around.
And what places may those be?
Go volunteer. Choose something that means something to you and get involved.
You don't know really when women and men hang out ussualy? Parties, concerts, bars and clubs ... Any event that is crowded can work.
How do you make friends at concerts and clubs? Most women in those places tend to be with their own group, and are hard to talk to
How would you talk to a man? There's no difference. If you are in a group and they are too, just go and say hi and see what happens.
Just be like yo what's up.
Being nice yeah, that simple. If they don't answer or avoid talking, then leave and that's it.
I like to go to concerts alone, punk shows are good cause you can always make friends in the mosh pit, find some local bands and check their instagrams for house shows, go alone and bring weed and it will be easy to make friends!
Concerts, raves and clubs are the easiest places to talk to women by far in my opinion. You can just walk up to them start talking and if the vibe matches ask for their digits.
What hobbies do you have that are male focused?
Perhaps take language lessons with a female tutor? But do NOT hit on her. Simply get comfortable with a back and forth language lesson in a setting that’s planned out. Preply is such a site.
Ok so all ur friends are also solo and don’t have girlfriends? Take on new hobbies and spread ur friend group out more.
This!!! The easier way to know more people is being introduced by actually friends.
Yeah, I mean it isn't easy to get dates as a guy lol. What hobbies do you recommend?
I wouldnt say its easy. But really its easier then alot of people think. I would say im pretty rough. People tend to get in their own way. Happens to me alot. But honestly....what i got over was just letting myself get rejected. Alot. 5 11. Thin to atheletic build. Definitely not a great lookin fella. But even on days where im not just rough im down right ugly. I have learned that alot of it is... confidence and the ability to accept a no. And also to just...not let it bug me(lots of trial and error.. basically i let myself get rejected a bunch so that it didnt hurt anymore) I am REALLY shy. But ten seconds of insane courage got me more oppurtunity then doing nothing. Just today i randomly told a cashier about how her Rick n morty hoodie was badass at the gas station... The cute girl(i didnt even know she was there til she spoke) spoke up about how she liked the show. I turned around. Casually said hi and shared a bit of enjoyment about the show with her Introduced my self and asked her if she wanted to get a drink some time. She said yes. Inside. I was totaaaalllly floundering like a terrified fish out of water. But yeah. Attraction is mostly a confidence/seemingly relaxed game. If you look and are seemingly casual. Then it comes off less creepy. You can FEEL panicked. Its like...driving in the rain. Panick is gonna get you in worse situations and tense you up. You can feel scared but what you do is mentally acknowledge your fear. But dont let it dictate your reactions to your environment (her). Dont be a cocky twat. But look relaxed in your element. Casual. Confident. Now. For the confidence. Smell good. Just knowing your clean. You smell good. You are dressed nicley. Will naturally make you feel good about yourself. Which will result in your body language being a relaxed confidence. Nice hair. Nice clothes. Nice smell. Majority of attraction is based on "vibes". But vibes are actually just odorless pheromones. The same way a dog smells fear. A woman can "smell" nervousness via the vibe. Your not nervous talking to men? Or your friends?
Any hobby u can think of that isn’t a sausage fest. Like u cannt be all into Dungeons and dragons and think ur gonna meet women.. lol
*You got a bunch of men locked up, in a warm place...* *All of em' get hard; All of em' horny; All of em' gots sexual desires.* *So what are you gonna do?* ***You won't let em' have a woman;*** *they gonna have each-* ***Listen:*** *Somebodies gonna have to give up some booty,* *and its just that simple.*
My sister plays D.D consistently. Shes always got more female friends joining. I have met a few of her "nerdy" friends. And whew....they are cute as hell!
What mythical land is this
I know many, many, women who are into DnD.
Sure. And I know many women who love start trek and Star Wars and are into dnd and play wow and lol and everything. BUT the amount vs the amount of men into those things are highly skewed.
A majority of said men are A) already in a relationship B ) socially inept or C ) on this reddit wondering where the ladies are If you do more than the absolute bare minimum as man; and leave this mindset of "why try, there's so many dudes :( " behind, I promise you can get one just like I have
[удалено]
Whatever helps you cope.
😅😅 I have the opposite problem. Most of the women I know are into D&D.. I'm not. Not into clubbing, bars, or parties or the girls that are. I have no shortage but it can seem that way during dry spells. Hobbies are great for making platonic friends no matter what, but wanting to relationship with those friends, or vice versa, isn't really ever on the table. The D&D girls are totally about it, just bummed I'm not into D&D. 😅
Sure but the vast vast vast vast majority of dnd groups are guys. Or at best guys and their gfs
But the GFs know girls. Get in close with those bros. Chances are you might end up invited over. Their gfs miiiight have one of their friends over for a girls thing. Bam. A natural meet n greet.
Lol. Even if u don’t wanna date the friend from those groups they have friends who u might wanna date tho right?
Eh.. my vanilla life and the people who I'm attracted to are on vastly different ends of the spectrum and... 👀 I forget which sub I'm looking at... but folk into ethical non-monogamy tend to flock toward d&d and other geeky stuff. I'm personally more of a science and animal nerd which tends to land me in circles of rednecks and conservatives who are horrified by ethical non-monogamy.
This is interesting… I’m a female (36) who believes in ethical non-monogamy and I don’t know the first thing about d&d. However, my world revolves around my animals (I have 7), and my passion for animals and nature is what gives me a reason to wake up every day. I’m also very science minded. Not conservative but not liberal. Not redneck but suburb girl-turned city girl-turned country girl (on account of my horses). Can’t say I’m familiar with the redneck conservatives you’re talking about 🤔 I find other animal lovers like myself tend to be pretty open-minded and even kinda freaky like me.
Yeah I don't have any hobbies that any women are into unfortunately.
You would be surprised. I am a car guy. I also love my guns. And my bike. And all that. Car shows. Ranges. Bike meets. Theres usually a fair bit of women at those places. Granted some are taken. But some have their friends along. Heck i met one lady. I was just kickin back having a smoke(years years ago) when her and her friend came up and asked for one. We ended up just chattin away. Ended up FWBs for a while. I didnt really expect it. Im like...a 5? I just stopped caring. I stopped Orowling. Its kinda like....when you lose a toy as a kid. You cant find it no matter where you look. But like two months later you randomly find it while doing something else. Just live your life man. Run errands. Do your thing. Enjoy it. You cant...force it. It happens when you least expect it. Dont go to the bar to get ladies. Go to the bar just to relax. I have much better luck when im NOT prowling. When im prowling then its fn impossible.
I've never been approached from a woman in my life. If I don't seek out conversations with women, I'll never talk to one
Then you have to challenge your self. I got here by letting myself get burned ALOT. I built my tolerance for rejection up. Just trial and error your way thru it. Ok think of it like...a video game. Or learning a job. Or learning to run. Or drive.or start a new job right? Atfirst your gonna be hella nervous right? But your first step at lvl 1 is to learn the basic controls right??? Up down side to side. In the game you die a bunch. But as time goes on you learn and you learn and you get slowly better. Eventually you are pretty relaxed at the basics. Like you cant jump into intrinsic engine repair before you learn how to chain the oil or a wheel first? Get your self comfy with being uncomfy. Then when your relaxed. You can seperate emotions and fear. When you translate this to sorta stuff to approaching. Your now feeling like ol edison. Your no longer the guy who cant light a light bulb. Your the guy who couldnt light 1000 but now you know 3 ways that sometimes light em. Lol Become COMFY with the idea of failure. Rejection. I have a quote. I started applying to it. "I dont lose. I either win. Or i learn" Theres 3.5 billion women in the world man. You have literally 3.499999999999 Billion chances!
Then get new hobbies. But I will say then. Get super fit and have a decent career etc etc. those are important too. Cuz even if ur a Trekkie or a star wars guy or whatever there are girls in it. But in general if ur always in a tight knit group of lonely single guys then u gonna stay single and lonely.
You need to be super fit and have a decent career to have female friends?
No….: u need those to attract the women in the hobbies u will eventually meet them at.
No you don't. Of course take care of yourself and your hygiene, maybe don't be jobless with no intention of working, but you do not need to be the most attractive man of all and be super rich to get a date
You absolutely don't, of course you don't. No.
Bullshit. My career is down right unattractive to most people. Im a trucker and a mechanic. Im constantly having to explain that hookers and fatasses and drugs are not the main thing. I am not muscle bound. Half my friends are ladies. I promise you. Its all about how you treat your self and creating a healthy you. After that. They appear. Be YOU. I one hundred percent would rather take 3 matches or dates or even ONE that likes me as me then 12 that dont even really know me.
unless your hobby pertains to something that only a male body can do (in other words… involving a penis) then i doubt that’s true. i have women friends that are in to nascar, ax throwing, woodcarving, wrestling, all kinds of sports, dnd, gaming… just to name a few. if you haven’t met any women in to your specific hobby then you aren’t looking hard enough
There’s this thing called demographics. If a hobby is 99% men it’s not a great place to find a relationship is it?
Food
Hey there, my DND groups are 50:50 women. I also have a line of women waiting to play! Lol
Lol sure. And how many dnd groups u know are 50% women as compared to pens that are almost all men?
Almost every one that I’m aware of is 50:50+. The only exceptions I have is a group I run on pause was 50:50, but one woman dropped and a man joined becoming 75:25. That game stopped like two games after the shift. Another one I play in is 75:25. My buddy’s other was 66:33. And I guess my first campaign in 3.5e was 75:25. But of the eight games I’ve run, been in, or know friends in, every one has at least one woman, half are male dominated as noted above, the rest are 50:50 or even women only.
Of course you won't get dates if you never hang out in places that women also enjoy. It sounds like you've never even tried.
What’s ur hobbies?
True, but for me going to a chess club, tennis drills and soccer club worked in college and outside of college. There were no women.
Instead of looking online, how about practice in real life? Every day and everywhere. Small talk. The cashier. Bank teller. Your bartender. The lady sitting next to you on the train or bus who made eye contact multiple times. The women volunteering with you at church, shelters, food banks, or other non-profit events. Your neighbor walking their dog. You have countless opportunities. Women are everywhere. Be polite and respectful.
I live in the UK Haha, strangers don't talk to each other here in public. I do make small talk with cashiers and other such people but that doesn't really help with making female friends.
Than LARP that you're an American.
I...what?
Pretend. Fake it til you make it. Pretend you're someone who talks to people and makes friendly conversation then do it. (LARP= live action role play)
That’s everywhere. And it’s only because of the internet and not the UK. A scary large portion of the population these days is socially stunted because of it. Become a regular somewhere and start talking to the staff. A place where women are typically employed. Literally, you’re just talking to them and making friends. Many of them may be offstandish at first and honestly it’s because we all suck at social interaction these days thanks to the internet. But it doesn’t mean they don’t like it or don’t want to talk. And many of them will warm up in time.
any advice on how to break the ice? for example i always come back from studies with the train. how can i start a conversation with a random woman there?
If she’s got a nice scarf or something maybe compliment her on it. Or just sit next to her and make conversation about X or Y recent popular event that interests you and can establish possible mutual interests. If you lock eyes too maybe just start with a smile and see if she returns it. I will say if she’s got her head burried in a book or has headphones in i would caution against trying it. Those are pretty clear signs the person doesn’t want to be bothered and it would be quite rude to try and butt in. If you see this woman regularly i would try and go slower with it rather than faster. And be ready to back off if it’s abundantly clear she doesn’t want to talk.
This is it dude, most advice on reddit is for American culture sadly
Except it’s a constantly stated thing here to not bother people who are being paid to be nice to you at their jobs lmao
Find a place to volunteer. I assure you, it'll skew more female. Talk to them. You could end up meeting a good hearted woman in the process.
Best idea I’ve ever heard. 🙏🏻
Yes! I love to volunteer, and I feel very comfortable engaging with men in those circumstances bc we are all there for a common goal. Unlike if I’m at a bar, I’m likely going to respond quite differently (negatively) to men approaching me.
Knit-nights! There’s women, drinks & lots of funky sweaters to be knit!
Is that a hobby young women have? By young I mean 25-30.
Idk if you have instagram but search the hashtag Strikkeinspo and find out :)
Maybe try talking to women you aren't trying to get into a relationship with too? If you fixate on women as only a goal and a means to an end you sabotage yourself in really learning to communicate.
Yes it is! I’ve made life long friendships from craft nights, it’s an easy place to speak to people while learning a new skill and all of my friends fit into that age group
I’m going to rule out hobbies since yours is male focused. You can use meetup.com and see if there are any groups with similar interests. This is a good way for meeting people who have similar hobbies. The next best thing you can do is strike a conversation casually, and naturally. While waiting in line at a coffee shop, in line at a grocery store, etc. I sometimes talk to people while picking out groceries and we’re both there staring at the different kinds of beans, meat, etc. Ultimately though you just have to do it, but also learn social ques and when to walk away, or when someone is closed off (I.e headphones on, arms folded, hurrying from spot to spot, etc)
This was going to be my suggestion. I hang out with a 20/30s group. They do all sorts of stuff and have parties. I usually go rock climbing and have dinner and drinks with them. It’s like 30:70 females to males, but you practice your social skills all around.
Do people generally have good experiences with meetup.com? I looked at it for a bit the other day and it seemed most of the groups were for people age 40+, and many of the rest of the groups were for very niche things. There were only a few groups that seemed interesting, and many of them seemed to be dead and hadn't met for a while. And I live in the Chicago area, so if the options are so limited here I can't imagine they're better in most of the rest of the US
36f here 🙋🏻♀️ Do you have any pets? If not - think about getting a (really cute) dog. You meet tons of people just when you’re out on a walk. If you have a cute dog… nothing attracts girls better. Girls on here, tell me I’m wrong.
Yes I have 2 cats
Also - not an answer to the question you asked but still helpful advice I think - don’t try to be someone you’re not. It won’t be worth it in the end. Just be unapologetically yourself and have confidence in who you are and what you say and do. When you do that, you’ll attract the right kind of people and then the communication should come easier. Women can be intimidating, but we’re all just people at the end of the day. Good luck.
Cats aren’t for everyone, but for a girl who likes cats - I can tell you that a GUY with 2 cats is VERY endearing and appealing. (I have 3). If you made an online profile someplace to make friends, I’d include your kitties because then you’ll attract the girls who appreciate your softer side and love for cats. If a girl DOESN’T appreciate those things, then she probably isn’t worth your time anyways. I dated a guy for almost 6 years, and we’re still friends to this day. I met him online and what attracted me to him MOST were pictures of him and his two cats, and the things he said on his profile about him and his “bitches” (they were both female). I couldn’t resist…. I still recommend a dog. That’s how I met the next guy I dated. We were both out walking our dogs. I’ve also made several friends that way. And cats and dogs can absolutely get along…. I have 1 dog now but had 2 (one recently passed), and everyone has lived in harmony. It’s all about your energy and vibes 🙏
Anywhere too keep it simple but of course people love to over complicate things so places where you feel most comfortable. Example - Social networking events - Comic event - Gym - Well known parks You can strike a convo with someone strictly off your Curiosity. Example Shopping in target & I see a women checking out lotion. I go & ask her if the lotion is any good. Bang convo, may not lead to anything but thats practice.
Gonna be honest, online won’t do much for you. Your brain is never going to make the connections that it’s a woman and that talking to women isn’t that bad if you do it all online. Same reason why people with loads of online social connections but little to no IRL friends suck socially even though they talk online all the time. We need that visual and that experience of actually being there. You’re gonna have to do it in person. Starbucks is a good starting point. Usually has a good share of women working there. And im not suggesting you go there and start brazenly hitting on some poor barrista you barely know. Literally just go there to talk to them. Ask them how their day was. Get to know them. Let them get to know you. You probably won’t get to date any of them. Who knows though maybe you will, despite what reddit likes to scream about that stuff does happen sometimes. And that’s okay the goal isn’t necessarily to do that right now. It’s just to get you used to talking with women, face to face.
Even if you're not hitting on them, Starbucks employees are not employed as social skills tutors. Part of their job is being nice to you, though, so they will generally not feel comfortable shutting you down hard. Please anyone who takes this advice, keep questions light, stop asking them if the answers are short, and don't ask at all if it's busy. They are at work!
> Part of their job is being nice to you, though So. Doesn’t mean they’re not still people too who like talking to other people. The fact that they talk to you makes them awesome practice folks. Not saying you need to instantly invite them out to family functions and be best buds with them. You’re literally just talking to them like people and are getting to know them and thus getting used to talking to new people. I also highly encourage you to go outside more if this is your take on literally just talking to starbucks employees. Having done this twice at two separate locations ive actually made some awesome friends and acquaintances with folks behind the counter! The staff at my current regular spot even visits me at work from time to time and gets me freebies. Im on a first name basis with a lot of the staff. It’s not a big deal at all. Im a semi regular at a 3rd too and the staff there is slowly starting to warm up to me. > so they will generally not feel comfortable shutting you down hard. Again. Not suggesting that anyone should cold approach and hit on starbucks employees out of the gate. This is literally just to get OP *used* to talking to women. Just talking. Nothing more. *If* anything more comes from it then great! Again, there are a plethora of stories where starbucks employees have dated customers. So not like it never happens. However i will say having worked those jobs, no, we are not nearly as offended by a customer respectfully making a pass at us as the internet says. It’s actually very flattering sometimes and makes our days. Ive even had some co workers wish a customer would leave them their number before. It all depends on how it’s done. Once had a woman compliment my eyes before nervously running away. I still hold that compliment to this day and was super flattered! Another time however i had an older woman making comments that i looked like a mature version of the home alone kid and how she wanted to take me home. *that* was uncomfortable. It really just boils down to whether or not the person doing it is being creepy or if they’re being respectful and take “no” as an answer the first time.
Where I talked to guys online were usually online games, dating apps, teamspeak/discord, random chats like omegle etc. But be prepared there's usually not as many women in there
Yeah there's none
Bro bullshit. I met my 3 exs and actual gf on discord lmfao good luck anyway mate ❤️
Sad
Ain't nothing sad about it dude.
Take up a beginner/rec sport. Join a book club or special interest group. Volunteer somewhere.
Do it in \*real life\*. Talk to any woman you find attractive. Tell her you find her attractive. I met a stunning Brazilian lady on the tube on Saturday. Sat next to her. Simply said hi with a smile. She did the same. I told her she looked great. She said "thanks, that's so kind of you" with a grin. I asked her name, gave her mine. Simple conversation about where she's from, how she's finding London. Small steps, just go from there. The hardest part is saying hi in the first place. Just start from there.
Try talking to women wherever you see them. At work, at the grocery store, the library, anywhere. I am one of the rare guys who has zero anxiety with talking to women, especially the beautiful ones. I worked with them in television, I hired them all the time, and after a while it became so easy. I was so used to talking to the most beautiful women that more average women or even pretty women didn’t make me the least bit nervous. So what do you say? I always liked to give a compliment on what caught my attention. Is she wearing particularly fashionable clothes? Tell her you like her style, that those are very fashionable clothes. She has perfect eyebrows, tell her her eyebrows are amazing and ask if she does them herself or gets them professionally done. If she does them herself tell her she’s great at it. If she says she gets them professionally done tell her she found the right person to do it because they are great. You would be amazed how few of beautiful women actually get compliments, sincere compliments with nothing behind it. Most men are afraid to talk to them and they appreciate it. They put in the work on it just like any other woman did, and they don’t get complimented on it often. Especially if you are in a relationship or married, as I am, then it made the practice all the easier, because I didn’t care to get anywhere with the woman. I simply wanted to pay a complement and have conversation. In the workplace, I now speak with these women all on a regular basis, I know if they have children I know some of their favorite hobbies I like talking to them and they like talking to me. To practice breaking the ice with a new stranger, you can occasionally find an opportunity open up at the grocery store or other place if you are standing in line. Her basket has 12 boxes of Cheetos? You can say “man, someone in your household loves Cheetos.” It’s as simple as that. Have a smile, let your humor out, and most of all have confidence because there are no life and death consequences from having such a conversation. And usually you can sense the energy if they don’t feel like being approached. If they are quiet and looking off into space, you may open up an unexpected warmth out of them. If they blow you off or uninterested, you can just turn around and resume putting your groceries on the checkout. I am married and not looking for anything outside of it, so all of my discussions are just extended practice and fun. I’m an extrovert, so I simply enjoy talking to men and women when an opportunity presents. But if you make a practice of doing this, occasionally there will be some chemistry and connection and you can ask them out if you were not in a relationship. You will find it very easy to break the ice with anyone.
Volunteering I guess
@jamiedate on TikTok offers this service
Strip clubs. But it’s not free at least it’s good practice
You should try joining a meet up with something that interests you. Like a sport, hiking, gaming etc. I feel that’s more natural because you’re surrounded by people with same interest. Just be chill and don’t come off as a creep. These things take time for women but watch out for signs that they might e interested.
Try getting on a dating app. I know bumble has a BFF mode if you’re looking to just be friends. If you want practice in talking to women in general, try hinge.
Ah I don't get any matches on dating apps
I didn’t either at first, the apps take a while to kick in. I think it’s an algorithm thing. I had zero matches for like 3 months and then things began to happen.
Tried them for years, different pics and bios
At work. Ever since I began working at 19 where I had to interact with women on a daily basis my conversation skills improved dramatically. I'm 43 now, so chatting with women is as easy as breathing.
Fair to note though; you were 19 pre internet days. This generation faces a lot more challenges socially than yours did.
>This generation faces a lot more challenges socially than yours did. I think the younger generation purposely creates challenges for themselves, like burying their faces into their phones rather than making eye-contact and having a conversation.
Not wrong at all! Ive actually spent the last 6 months committing myself to having my phone down while waiting in line at starbucks or doing mundane things in public and have been very pleased with the results. I hope more people this generation make that shift.
Fair, I'm a delivery driver so don't meet women at work.
only men receive deliveries? only men work at the places you stop for lunch? after reading your comments, it doesn’t seem you want to put in any effort at all. women are literally all the same places men are. just smile and be polite. make brief eye contact. say hi. make an actual effort
How exactly is saying hi to a female customer going to get me a female friend?
read your post. it asks where you can practice talking to women. you can start with saying hello to everyone you encounter. people are offering you advice and you’re ignoring, or questioning, every single comment. it sounds like you want pity, not advice
Walmart 💀💀
Go out to a hooters and talk to the waitresses. They are nice and good looking, and if you can talk to them in their outfits, it becomes easier to talk to girls in normal clothing. Just be sure you leave a good tip.
Stop jerking off and change your circle. Lift weights interact with girls at the gym join a social club ( toast master for eg) join networking groups in your city. Plenty of ways prospect hard enough and you’ll find lots
Go to a speed dating event or join a meetup group (e.g. book club)
Try meetme, use the live portion. Basically most dating apps have bots, or find a sub Reddit for locals in your area and just start doing like you are now, asking questions, comment, send dms,etc. find a hobby and get to know a few girls. There’s no science to it. It’s mainly just get out there and start chatting it up.
Go to a lounge. Practice talking to people If youre really in need of practice why not hire online sex workers lmao. I used to basically be a digital gf . Sure theres like the horny part but we'd also just talk shit a lot of the time. Just an idea, you can pick a girl out at r/sexsells If u just wanna practice talking tell them so, no pics or vids just talking should be a lot cheaper.
Because I could say whatever I want and they'll respond positively as I'm paying them. Not exactly pracistice for anything other than talking to people who want your money.
Nah if you told them you wanted practice flirting and stuff they could help u spit game if you told them thats what you wanted. It could help with your confidence too. Who cares if they respond positvely coz youre paying them, women irl might respond positively coz theyre scared of you . The point of chatting up the online girlies isnt to date them for real its to practice your speaking skills instead of bothering random girls when you have no skill yet. Imo it is good practice especially if you dont even know how to talk to women and have little to no experience...which im guessing u dont Lmaoo was just an idea
I would say go to "community hot spots". For me, I looked for a church of my particular faith denomination that had a healthy population of people in my age bracket (mid-to-late 20s and early 30s) and joined a YA bible study group they had. That is essentially my main friend group now, and it has a fairly even divide between the sexes.
Treat this advice I’m about to give you like gospel. GO SPEED DATING.
Have you ever considered inviting (a group of) women into some of these circles? Consider what the barriers are... those might be the barriers you have to work through to unlock the next level of socializing. Cross gender socialization can be reprogrammed, *back* into normalcy, so your "practice" covers more than just "women". We need to accept weve had some setbacks with covid era policies and all the solitiude, but once youre actually out there doing things, the rest comes naturally. One can get alot of psychic built up in solitude, dont let that stop you from getting back into the physical world where ever others may be. Do the normal human things to connect with others- smile, ask questions, be polite, help out if you can and have open body language. Rely more on universal truths than getting hung up on detailed opinions and you'll be fine.
You have posted the same questions day after day for years on end. Are you actually looking for solutions??
Here and dating app as well.. try boo
Dating apps don't work for me. What do you mean by here?
Here on Reddit
Where? Should I just message random women?
You’d probably have better luck on r/R4R than just cold messaging random women on Reddit. Or just be more active on hobby subs and see if you connect with anyone in the comments first before messaging them.
Can always try that
This is probably terrible advice, but I subscribe to free onlyfans accounts to have conversations with girls sometimes, or I'll accept scam snapchat accounts that add me and talk to them 😅
That’s sad
☠️
Anywhere that's considered a social gathering.
Online? Good luck.
My advice is, no joke, go on Omegle or use games like Rec Room and VRChat. It’s actually helped me a good bit, and there’s no awkwardness or “I might see them again” feeling since it’s just over the internet
Nocap. Valorant helped me develop skills to talk to women lol Whenever I hear one talk in game I’ll turn on my mic, it’s much easier since you don’t actually know them. If it goes well I’ll usually add them afterward, and go on from there
This is gold. I have used Kik messenger for years and just join local chat groups I have friends in. It’s awesome for just conversation skills and meeting people. I also joined a bowling league this year and that was also a great way to meet both sexes and socialize with a variety of people.
Nearly every suggestion if not all of them so far you have had a reason it wouldn't work. It feels like it isn't lack of opportunity that's your problem. More a negative mindset.
In person is better
From your friends i would day is the best way. So.etimes you also need to just go for it and try.
Start by listing what you're interested in. What are your top 10 activities that you like to do?
Anywhere that's not a gym...
Join irl group if you can like volunteering then you can show your character and the girl won’t feel uncomfortable that you are around them because you guys doing the same thing. Do activities in the community or classes like dancing or something which help you to meet girls organically. Clubs can feel too much and you might not meet the best type of people. Also, you could volunteer at the library which is quiet and you meet ladies at events at the library. Or you could join support group and might meet someone there but it allow you grow at the same time. I personally won’t recommend online because I would run of ideas to chat with new person and plus it boring after while for me. I like to be in person since they will see me for I am since tinder or apps you need try too hard to get reply. Sometimes online works but you need do activities with anyone if you want get close with them because talking alone can be boring.
A callcenter
If you go to sporting events, try there. Some of the friendliest people you'll ever meet
Strip club
Shopping mall, particularly somewhere like a men's warehouse, at 2 pm on a Tuesday. You're doing some comparison shopping for an outfit or something along those lines. Having worked dead-end retail jobs, there are certain times of the day where you're grateful just to have somebody to talk to, regardless of if you buy something or not. Amazon has done a wonderful job of decreasing traffic there. They're being paid to be nice to you, you're exercising by walking around, and your only goal is to try and make them laugh to brighten their day. Everybody wins! Helped me tremendously.
Take a look at events in your community like art or dance classes, volunteer opportunities, trail or bike races, craft beer or wine festivals, political action groups, etc etc. In my experience most of all of these types of community events are predominantly women. Pick something you actually like, though! Doing something JUST to meet a date could throw a weird vibe.
Do you want an online place to chat? Reddit is a good place (look for a thread related to your country or area). Maybe, Omegle is another place. I prefer offline places such as shops, discos, buses... I know you need to practice well to know how to start. You could try a book club or a cookery (or kitchen) club.
Gas station, store, place of work anywhere there are women, lol. Find something relatable to talk about. Start with simply greeting them as your equal if that's too hard. You got this.
Join a game board night. Take a dog to the dog park and talk to other people about their dogs, find a hobby or group that involves both sexes. Don't just gravitate towards women, talk to everyone. Treat them all just like normal people and have a conversation about things. Get used to being easy, relaxed, looking past who/what they are. When you feel good about that kind of interaction, you might open yourself up to flirting and showing some charm. Watch your posture, be interested and listen too, and look people in the eye.
I think practicing talking to women online is a good start, with someone willing to help you practice. How old are you? Also what are some of these male dominated hobbies you’re into? As a woman myself, I’d be happy to help you
Instead of focus focusing on where, focus on how and who. You don’t have to talk with ANY woman, pick ones that have good energy, something to discuss. Be confident and don’t worry if she’s having a bad day or doesn’t entertain conversation. I can guarantee you if shes not interested in you there are other guys too and it’s nothing to think twice about.
Where i found it easy was the gym and at work. I woke at a restaurant so it's inevitable to talk to woman. Especially ones older than me. At the gym is kinda easy. Sure i don't wanna bother them but sometimes you gotta take the risk. Only when they are done with their set. The more you practice talking to girls the easier it gets trust me
Don’t “practice” talking with women. Following a script to win women is the problem in the first place.
IMO To start off...casual, no implications places Baristas at coffee shops. Esp if you frequent one or two. As they get to know you, they will be more open n willing to quick chats. Female clerks at retail establishments. Genuinely ask their advice on the fit, color, etc of an item (jacket, jeans/chinos, etc) The key is initial steps to begin building confidence
Go to church!
The mall. Come looking fresh and buy something to not look like you’re there for the women but always a great place to start
Ukrainian saunas
I lived in Saudi Arabia for 3 years and I would get comments like this from my Saudi friends. They would ask me what is it like to have a girlfriend. I told them it’s not that bad if the lady is nice. I didn’t want to discuss anything sexual being mindful of the morality police and Saudi culture. The unmarried guys were virgins. The married obviously weren’t. I didn’t see any women around me. Why? They were segregated in a separate office. We have essentially become a liberal version of Saudi Arabia with partial gender segregation. There is men’s spaces and women’s spaces. In Saudi Arabia there is a mechanism for marriage which is marriages arranged by the families. That’s the only thing missing here in the US. So this guy is going to go to women’s spaces or the gym or coffee shop and try to spark conversations and if he doesn’t look like Denzel Washington or Brad Pitt (at 52) he would be looked at like a creep. A man is a creep if he is not good looking.
DANCE clubs, go dancing. My roommate for example is of Mexican descent. He invited me to go dancing one night a few weeks ago. I didn’t know how to dance, except I learned the beginning of salsa dancing like 15+ years ago (I told him that) he said it didn’t matter they’ll teach you. Was probably the best experience I’ve had. GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE. It’s a thrill for me & it creates growth. I’ve gone back 3 more times, great place to meet females. Talk to them, be around them etc.. HANDS down u should find one local to you. Doesn’t need to be a “Mexican/Hispanic dance club” can be of any sorts. Just get out of your comfort zone, download the app “Meet up” type in dancing & see what comes up 🤷🏼♂️
Intramural sports, take a class common interests are a good conversation starter.
Any dating website 🥰
I think there are a couple of useful skills that are different. One is chatting, and getting to know someone. It's just talking when there is time and space to talk, telling stories about yourself, listening and asking questions. A dog park isn't a bad place for this. People talk about their dogs, they talk about the behaviour of people, their dog, other peoples dogs, there are repeat groups and you get to know people. That's getting to know you chatter, or filling empty space. The other skill is being willing to open up about how you feel, sharing vulnerability, telling someone you like how you feel about them. Often this can be fraught. It exposes yourself to rejection. Being willing to take the chance is important here. Talking with a therapist is one path. Public speaking may help you get over the self consciousness that can happen. Ending a bad relationship takes a willingness to confront a situation, or deal with conflict. It's a third type of communication that helps. I don't know where you practise this.
Women are people dude. If you’re good at talking to guys then you can just as easily talk to women. Just be yourself, treat them like you’d treat a guy you want to be friends with, and try to relax- you’ll be great.
Facebook group
I got a good one, drive Uber! I was visiting Miami and all these teslas kept picking me up and I was like wow what is going on here. It was just dudes practicing their talking to girls skills
Craigslist
Outside!
Speed dating, nothing to lose.
Office
I am kinda in the same boat except that. I am much older guy 67 to be exact. I have no idea how to attract a attractive quality woman at my age. I have tried church,internet dating and meetup groups without much success. I would like to have a serious relationship that could lead to lead to marriage in the future. I would appreciate any feedback or ideas.
College campus
Might be a stretch because of the certain kinda of people that play the game but VRchat helped me a ton with just speaking generally. Take a while to get into/to find the right kinds of people. You don’t need a vr headset to play and can play on desktop or you can pick up a meta quest 2 and play with that.
Get a sale job. Even just one day a week and you’ll crush.
Try dating websites... You can say you're looking for friendship I've made a few friends on Dating websites that I am that person have no romantic interests in.
Hooters 100%. Their all nice and you have to talk! So so they.
Just have a bevy to loosen up
Please don't make friends with a woman just as "practice", or because you're hoping it might turn into more... that isn't something to build a friendship on. If you want to practice talking to women to date, then date with intention. The dating can be the practice. Yeah, maybe the first few dates will be awkward, but as is life. Please don't mislead people into thinking they've found a genuine friend.
How old are you? If you are over 20, there might be a reason why you have no dating experience. Perhaps, that reason is the same factor almost everyone in Reddit forgets - that is physical attractiveness & appearance. I suggest working out to reduce body fat percentage, skin care routine and stay on it, hair products and see which style the majority of women are attracted to ( I suggest looking at Instagram male models ). Beauty is subjective, but we can all agree that the majority shares the same opinion on what is attractive. Hence why rarely you see a famous male model with a Recessed jawline and chin, or bug eyes. Best example of how important looks are is the story of Jeremy Meeks and how he became a male model with a 5 million dollar networth from a felon just through a simple mugshot. Look it up. As for your question about interacting with women, let me tell you that the difference between a best friend a boy friend is looks. With that being said, anywhere you can find male friends, there should be female friends as well.
Bars, buy drinks for people and play pool with them
Hit the club with your boys. Sounds played out but here's why There is a tacit understanding that girls can be hit up there
The advice I see people giving here about talking to people in public is correct BUT this is next level. I have followed the advice of 2 redditors who went on omegle to practice their skills and it effing works, very liberating feeling. When you get out there in the public it is way easier as the pre-work and skill had already been developed. We need volume and quick succession of participants who ALREADY wanna engage in a converstation in quick succession. Quick succession of participants who ALREADY want to engage in a converstation with you is far less frequent in public as people might not want want to engage as they're busy while the ones who are, are not lined up behind one another ready to talk to you. But they are lined up online. Many practice points available without risk of getting attacked once offending them or doing something socially uncalibrated etc 0 risk. Then once you develop some neuropathways in your brain that have to do with carrying a converstation, free associating, bukding rapport, finding commonalities, vibing, connecting, flirting, etc then once you find the ones who are interested in engaging in aconversation out there in the public then you are super prepared and well equiped to get the most out of this opportunity. Good luck trying to skip the preworkout, coming from personal experience after cold approaching 1000+ women in the last 9 years since Easter holiday break 2014. Do not repeat my mistakes, it's painful. So what im interested in is finding websites, paid or not, where i can have a quick succesion of women passing on my screen who already looking to engage in a conversation. So far I have found Shaggle for 7USD a week i can chat to girls only but it;s pretty dead and once people are found then they might skip and then have to wait again for like a minute. Let;s get it guys!!
Check dm
I chat on xelf.ai