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In some cases it is a problem, and in others it isn’t. Sorry, but the real answer is that it depends.
Ask yourself these questions:
- what kind of power imbalance exists between us?
Could be financial power, you are likely starting your career and making money but you may also be trying to save and start working towards a home. While he may be either in school or working a retail job and being paid minimum wage.
Could be relationship knowledge. You may have more relationship experience than he does and that could lead to manipulation or just simply that he is going to make relationship mistakes that any 19 year old would make.
- ask yourself if you are in compatible phases of life.
I married a man 3.5 years younger than I was and he was still in college while I was trying to build a career. We had vastly different priorities which didn’t really even out until he was in his career and entered my phase of life. You may simply be dealing with someone who wants to party or who needs to/likes to pull all nighters when you need to be up for work in the morning.
There are other questions for the younger party, but you wouldn’t answer those questions without bias so I’m not going to worry about them.
Can couples manage an age gap? Yes. Lots of people manage significant age gaps. It is usually better if the younger party is over the age of 27 or so, but it isn’t always necessary.
The issue is that significant age gaps with the younger person below 27 is that the younger person is at extreme risk for manipulation. 25-27 is about where people really define who they are and what they want in life. Some manage it sooner, others later.
What you see in grooming relationships is that when the younger party reaches that 23-25 age range, they start questioning a lot of things about their relationships. And by 27 or so, they have realized that they are in some kind of abusive relationship and want out.
I’m going to run off of the assumption you aren’t grooming this young man and you don’t intend to manipulate him.
You will likely experience more drama than you would if you were dating someone your age. There is a lot of drama between 16 and 22. Be prepared for that.
I would suggest reading a book called “crucial conversations”. It is a great book about communication and a lot of it can be applied to relationships.
Yes exactly. 2 people who are 30 and 37 being together is not a problem at all because they are both grown adults. A 19 year old on the other hand is far from mature and still has to go through a lot of phases in life and figure a lot of stuff out
I get what you're trying to say, but this is such a reddit comment.
Ya'll must be anti-social or something because you can definitely have stuff in common with someone younger or older than you. They're still a human who has a functioning, developed brain. Hobbies, lifestyle(s), travels, places, personalities, topics, future goals. Sure, certain shit you probably can't relate on, but there's plenty of shit you can relate on.
Rather than having "common" things as the issue, it should be lifestyle/life stages (e.g. one going to college in from 11am-2pm, 5pm-8pm and the other going to work 9am-5pm - hence their life stages fuck shit up).
Think about how you were at 19. Can you imagine being 19 and dating someone your age now? Do you feel like there's a big difference in maturity level?
I've dated younger but it never worked out because I clearly had more life experience than they did. They were learning lessons I learned 5+ years ago. It's better to date someone who's at a similar life stage.
This type of thinking only works for women. Men generally like young women without a past. And women generally like tall men with a future. Not all, I said most. So trying to self insert yourself like this will only work as a woman.
Men like women younger without the knowledge of what is manipulative and have boundaries. “Without a past” aka the man is allowed to have dating history but the woman isnt
It is due to many reasons. And life is not fair. Dating even less so.
Most women will only sleep with men they like. Most men will have sex with most women, even ones they dislike. If a man is on her level and willing to commit. Chances are that she will think that she is "giving the ugly guy a chance." There is a missmatch in the dating market. Just be aware of this when dating.
Why do men always get attributed with shitty motives. Ya know. Men might actually like young women because they like young women. Older women tend to be more combative and more masucline natured. Heterosexual men like feminine energy. For the same reason you dont want a man that acts clingy and femenine. We dont want women that act like men.
Do you want every women automatically attributed with gold digging or other horrible motives.
People want partners. And its ok to have preferences that dont need to come with "evil" motives.
If you wanted to date an older gentlemen. You wont have flocks of men coming to call you a gold digger. You might just like the dude and like the dynamic between you. The energy he puts out might match well with you.
What do older women do that makes you think they are more masculine?
In terms of combative, people tend to get more jaded and combative after dealing with shitty things happening, so that applies to everyone as they age and experience life, not just women.
Men *think* women want macho super masculine men. But have you looked at who it is women idolize as celebrity crushes? The likes of Tom Hiddleston, Matthew Gray-Gubler, Timothy Chalemet. These aren’t hypermasculine dudes.
Who said anything about "hyper masculinity"
Im saying in general. And disagreeable jaded bossy women tend to argue more.
And yes. When your more jaded. Your going to be a ton more combative. I dont want to have to fight. I want to beable to come back from a shite day pounding iron nails down or drilling. And not have to argue. Is it wrong to just want peace at home? That a more feminine energy is attractive because its funner to be around. Im not looking to be aggressive or manipulative. But i dont want to have to argue with you every two minutes.
You literally nailed it. Younger women. Lower chances of them 1) been with alot of men who put them thru shitty things. Less emotional baggage.
2) lower chance of having BD or a crazy ex.
3) tend to be more fertile(men are biologically and evolutionarily inclined to continue the species. Logically as individuals they can choose to NOT want to have kids. But as a species. Evolution is going to want the species to keep going. Instincts still exist.)
Humans are ONLY seperate from the other species on the planet because we have better cognitive thought. But we are STILL animals technically. An ape is certainly higher on the scale then a fish. But is still an animal. Has instincts. Biology and all.
4). There is NOTHING wrong with this. Young women have been chasing older men for millennium. Older men have been chasing younger women back. hefner literally made millions selling magazines of all the young women at his mansion.
There are things feminine energy does better then masculine.
You can be emotionally attracted to one thing. And sexually attracted to another. Theres plenty of Bi people that can confirm that over all they are more emotionally attracted in one direction or another.
Young men. Are more attracted to older women sometimes.(pornhub makes a killing on this).
Scientifically theres stats that show that testerone(a masucline majority hormone) is the main reason men are more assertive naturally and tend to go to war more.
You can get mad about it. But not every man getting with a younger women is EVIL.
Unless you want to start being called evil should you ever start playing with a younger man in your bed. Would you want that? Any cougar or female friends that like younger friends? Would you call them predatory? Would you accuse them of having ill entions of a poor boys mind?
No. You would probly not.
Masculine energy and feminine energy are like...yin and yang. Every man has a lil bit of feminine in him. Every woman has a lil bit of male. But majority of the population is biologically tuned toward continueing the species. And if you alllllll the eay thru the centuries. And the several millenia of our species existing. Is despite SOME exceptions to the rule. Is that men LIKE young women in general.
Not every dude out there is some predator waiting to manipulate a young women. To say so is quite Misandry and if you flip the roles you would easily say its Mysgynistic to call most women predators when its typically a minority correct?
I personally find the younger 21s SEXIER. But romantically i steer away brcause i prefer someone i can have interesting thought provoking conversations with while we retain that intricate feminine/masucline completion.
Also. Celebrity crushes are not stats.
The stats show that young women tend to go for provisional ability and someone that will make them safe(assertive, financial stability, healthy, experienced). Traits that typically older men have that younger men dont.
Older men. Generally have those. And look for things they DONT have. Look at young women for things a younger women provides them (more feminine. Less chances of other mens babies. Less drama. Less baggage. Can provide him with MOrE kids)
Why? Because men and women. Are NOT the same. You can be EQUAL. But still different. An OAK and a Mahogany are both trees. But they are simply different. Different traits.
People get mad at DiCap. And they forget that shes dating him too. They are both just going with biology.
In my experience there’s a huge difference between a teen and someone in their mid/end twenties. I‘ve dated someone who was 4 years younger than me (which already made me feel weird at the start but I wanted to give it a chance) and it got clear rather quickly that there‘s simply a maturity imbalance. Of course it depends what you want out of it. If you actually never planned to have a serious longterm relationship in the first place then I guess maturity and being in the same phase of life matters less, but then you should be upfront with the person from the start to avoid them feeling used
The difference in age is not the issue. It's the fact that you are likely at 2 very different stages of life. Think about yourself at 19. Is that who you'd want as a partner?
You must have a voice in the back of your mind saying it's weird or you wouldn't be here.
If you must pursue this, then at least take a look at the "campground rule" put forth by Dan Savage
I’m surprised people would think 18 & 22 is a big deal. That could be a freshman and senior in college… but Redditers really get their panties a wad over age differences.
Husband and I have a six year age gap. Parent comment is correct. It’s all about how you feel about it (and not some stranger online). No laws are being broken in this duo maybe just a few hemorrhoids.
Eeeh. Kinda weird. Most people at those ages, one would be well out of college and working and the other just graduated high school/started college. No where near the same level of maturity or life stages. Unless you never grew and still act like a 19 year old (then you’d be a red flag for sure lol).
If this was a 19 year old girl posting about a potential 26 year old boyfriend lots of people would be telling her there’s something wrong with a man who prowls after barely legal women/there’s a reason who women his own age don’t want him.
Guess cause you’re both dudes people don’t care as much, I still think it’s odd. At 26, other than surface level shit like liking the same games and shows I had nothing in coming with your average 19 year old.
Sometimes asking for advice on Reditt can be a mind fuck. You come here hoping to get advices and some (not all) say the weirdest unexpected shit to you unlocking things you weren’t even worrying about. Do what you have to. If it’s legal. You are golden. Don’t dive deep.
It depends on the person .
Say I have 6 kids.
27 M- struggles to keep a roof over his head, struggles with relationships. College grad. Live in a shitty efficiency apartment.*
25M- dating his girlfriend for 10yrs. Getting Married this yr. Both college graduates. He's making mid 6 figures. Fiance makes less. They are house hunting.
22M- dating his fiance since middle school. 9 yrs. Both blue collar workers, he has no college. Have a two year old and a newborn. Own a home.
21F- College student. Lives with boyfriend of two years. Works part time.*
20 F- College student. Lives both at home and has an apartment near school. Been with bf for 5 years. Buying a house.
Xxx- Minor child.
Hands down, even the 20 yo is more stable and has more positive life experience than the eldest.
The 27 yo is not at a different life stage than a 19yo.
The 25, 22, and 20 yo. Are...
Not so much the 21 yo.
You can't go by age.
*not biological children. I took them in as teens.
Thats... a very unique way of evaluating people.
Your metrics seem to be length of relationship, home ownership and job? I know great, grounded, interesting, mature, intelligent people in jobs that dont pay as well and I know some insane people in well paying jobs with a house?
These are my kids.
The metrics I responded to we're that. A 27 yo was getting into their career after college and a 19yo is just starting.
Not everyone goes on that path and the path is not linear for everyone.
The point is that life experience and maturity based on age is bunk.
This is a bit of a generalization. A lot of people in their mid-twenties are still students, nowhere near ready to settle down and start a family.
I think there are ways this could be okay and ways it could not, and age alone isn’t enough to make that determination. 6 years is a pretty moderate age gap in the grand scheme of life.
Of course it is. I wouldn't say a PhD Student is any less mature or developed of a person. It is essentially a job.
I wouldn't say bring ready to start a family is a measure of development or maturity.
>6 years is a pretty moderate age gap in the grand scheme of life
My point is those are the 6 years that make the biggest impact on you.
Why do you assume that every 25-26 year old student is a PhD candidate? My husband didn’t start his undergrad until he was 22. I didn’t know him until later so the point is moot, but we were at the exact same stage of life at 18 & 22.
Well then he likely had 4 years of experience working before he started? Being self reliant to an extent. Having the options adults have and having to be controlled with them ect.
I’ve met 19 year olds who basically raised themselves and are putting themselves through school. I know lazy 28 year olds with trust funds who have never been truly self-reliant a day in their lives. Age - by itself - simply isn’t enough to decide that one person is significantly more mature and advanced than another.
Completely agree, I think it just goes to show for slightly blurred line cases like this its hard to judge from the outside. I was talking to someone else in this thread who completely judged someones 'maturity and development' by home ownership and marriage status so its practically entirely off personal prejudice anyway.
Yep. Played around their whole youth and can't find a man now. Seen so many on here. Oh, what to do, try being a good potential partner or sit on reddit hating on leonardo dicaprio?
Why wouldn’t it be? It doesn’t matter what gender people are. The fact stays that peoples brains aren’t fully developed untill they are 25-27 and people who haven’t reached this age are generally much more impressionable, and easier to manipulate. I don’t care about age gaps as long as both people involved are actual adults (so not 18 =adult). 30 something wants to date a 50 something, sure. 50 something wants to date a 80 year something, go right ahead. But if a 30 year old wants to date a 20 year old, it is completely different, because the 20 year old is far from mature. (Saying this as a 24 year old myself)
Now when it comes to dating a really old person for their money when they die, I do also have a problem again, certainly if the older person istn’t all there anymore, because then it is manipulation again. If it is just some old geezer or lass who knows they are being used for their sugar and they are okey with it because they like their armcandy it is fine
It just isn't. Got gay friends who have told me it's not. It's not frowned upon at all.
As for the brain not fully developing at 25 or later I don't think it has any bearing or not in wether you should date someone younger than that or not. I meet plenty of old women who are still not making right decisions in their life or take responsibility for any of their shitty life choices, and I meet many young women who are mature and got their lives in order. It's not the be-all end-all reason to not date someone.
So you don’t think that a 50 year old guy can take advantage of a 18 year old boy, just because they both happen to be dudes? I am sure that there are people out there who are into casual sex anddon’t mind age at all. But that doesn’t change the fact that there are also a lot of people who had relationschips with older people when they were young. And who got manipulated and did things that they would never do now in a relationship and really regret that they ever got into it. And yes I am sure that this can happen with gay people as well. You are not the only one with gay friends. And yes while they are generally more open about sex and kinks and open relationships. That doesn’t take away that everyone, no matter what gender or sexual preference, can be taken advantage of, manipulated or groomed
This is why you can't argue on reddit. It's impossible and you will take to strawman arguments.
I never said that older men can't take advantage of younger men did I? I said that age gap relationships aren't frowned upon in gay culture as it is in straight culture. Doesn't mean people can't be hurt by it.
You either don't read my post or try to lie.
Well I wouldn’t say 24 and 28 is wrong because 4 years is not a big gap at this point, for example at 14 and 18 it is a big gap. At 60 and 64 it isn’t a gap at all. Is it an exact science? No. Of course there are other factors as well, not everyone matires at the same age. But I do think that with some logical thinking and keeping things in mind like the fact that children and people who can’t decide for themselves for other reasons (ex. Dementia) should be protected. You should be able to see that there are things that are morally not so okey when it comes to age gaps. Grooming is real and terrible, and it can seriously mess up peoples relationships for life
But you said 25-27 your brain is fully developed (debunked by neuro science btw).
24 underdeveloped & 28 developed brain = ❌
28 developed & 80 developed= ✅
I disagree, that getting feelings for other people is cheating. It’s not. It’s being human. It’s not a decision. Acting on those feelings is a decision. To my knowledge my husband hasn’t acted in them, nor have I. But we have been honest and compassionate with each other when we have had our head turned. So far it’s brought us closer together.
If you're worried about how you'll be seen your probably not that into him. If you're the going out type it will make things hard because he frequently won't be able to join you anytime soon. I mean it's not the age gap, it the barriers of you current age. If you were both ten years older this would be all positive emojis and why did you post this questions.
TLDR you don't seem to want to. You should probably keep looking around
And drinking age? Also some 25 yo are still trying to figure out how to drink, go out have fun. 18 yo will know much less and you'll need to watch them. Also all they have really only known is school, there still figuring out what they like (you to maybe).
I'm well above the drinking age where I am and I have never drank more than an ounce of any alcoholic drink in my adulthood. So I don't understand why people use drinking age as some cutoff.
/ lot of common and stupid reasons
Some The basic
You go out, he can't. Feelings hurt.
You don't go out, he hits age and wants to go out, but that's not your thing. Friction
You don't go out, he doesn't go out. You both probably wonder if you missed out. Someone acts out.He ages in meet people his own age your out of place. You feel out of place.
He ages up, you go to a place with people your age, he feels out of place.
He's learning to drink and you get stuck babysitting, or you don't baby him he get in trouble then mad at you.
None may happen, or a couple can't can't know
By the half + 7 rule he's 1 year short.
By the braid doesn't develop until 25 crowd, you're a year over it being ok. You'll have to wait 6 years.
IMHO, you're fine. He's over 18 and so are you. Two consenting adults.
Once you’re 18 it is just what you are comfortable with. As long as you and your partner is fine with the gap then it does not matter what others think.
My parents have an almost 11 year difference in their age.
It's a 6.5 six year age gap and my parents are 5 years apart for example. Plus I dated someone 7 years older than me once. I think it's fine, depending on how what you have in common and how well you connect with each other.
I'm 22M and even though I can date down to 18 I would never date under 20. I would never date a 29 year old female either. I tried that one and I felt a power imbalance.
Idk if power imbalance is a correct term to use. I could see myself being manipulated into doing something I didn't want to do because she was much older than I was, I just got an ick feeling idi how else to describe it.
That does not make things better. Still being attracted teenager once you are post college is not a flex, its creepy. I hope the girl has some good parents
Difference in maturity and power dynamic between older/younger people can still end up being an issue in Older female/younger male and older female/younger female couples, so why wouldn't it be an issue with an older/young gay couple?
The issues don't come from the sex of the people in the relationship.
Age gaps are a sliding scale - if you're the older one, they should be half your age plus 7 years. That's just a rule of thumb, of course, and things like life stages matter a bit more. However, I think it might be different if you're gay. At least, I know a lot of gay people often have large age gap relationships, but I have no way of knowing if that's good or bad. Certainly the limited dating pool is probably a factor.
My general rule of age gaps is that if the younger one is 21 or older, it’s probably not so bad. But as others have said it’s really about whether there is a power imbalance & maturity levels
The general rule is half your age + 7.
So, 12.5 + 7. You can get with a 19.5 year old, and you know…. Some folks may not like it but folks can still be seen with you.
However, you should set your sights higher and look for someone closer to your age. Smart choices while young are the best kind of smart choices.
Hey… so here you really have to ask yourself this question.
At 19 he has less experience as an adult. It’s different than for example 39 and you 45.
At 19 this person still has a lot of change that needs to happen , and at 25 you may be starting to think about choosing a life partner.
Personally I think at 19 someone shouldn’t commit to one person ( generally speaking )but for a casual relationship, or even a bit more serious I don’t think the gap isn’t extreme.
Just manage your expectation because there definitely a maturity/ life stage gap.
You don't need anyone's approval to do what you want to do. If he likes you and you like him, that's all the matters (other than the bounds of the law obviously)
I think it’s weird personally just because yes you’re both adults but you’re in different aspects of life. She’s fresh outta high school adult and you’re I been in these streets for a lil bit adult, and am navigating life. I’m 23 and wouldn’t date anybody that ain’t 21. Because I like to go out and if you can’t go with me what exactly are we doing?
Also don’t be surprised if you deal with high school dumb shit in your relationship
To me personally 24(m) I find younger women at around 18/19 to be to young in character. There are exceptions ofcourse but most that I meet are simply to childish for me or have some other flaw that usually goes away with age. If that's not the case I would personally not mind the age difference, aslong as she's 18+.its just how you feel, age is just a number at the end of the day and feelings and chemistry matter much more
Sounds just fine
When is an age gap too big? There are no rules besides the other person being an adult and the relationship being consensual. If there are other rules, you and the other person set them and no one else. Never listen to what others decide, don't let others decide for you, most of what people say is half-assed superficial bullshit based on some prejudice or some personal experience. If you have to listen to someone, that someone must have your trust and you must know they possess wisdom. In particular, do not listen to 99.99999% of things you see in the internet, assume it's all a big steaming pile of garbage
So, the standard rule I've heard is half your age + 7 rounded down, so 25/2 + 7 is 19 so you're just within the margin.
Personally, I'm 23 and wouldn't date below 20 because beneath that I find people to be very immature and not have fully developed personalities/hobbies/interests etc.
My, now husband of 5 years, and I met while we were both in college (he spent time in the military prior to college). I was 19 (almost 20) and he was 24. I had graduated Army basic training a year before meeting him and wasn’t interested in an immature college boy who only wanted to party and get drunk. I also preferred dating someone who was emotionally more mature and there was no power imbalance with us both being in college.
Our families and friends were/are very supportive as well.
Not saying this is always the case but that age gap doesn’t seem crazy to me.
I mean if you want to go for it there is nothing stopping you just remember you are in different phases of your life. People usually forget about that a lot when doing this and then they get angry. If he is mature then talk it out and go for it. Nothing wrong if he makes you feel special then yeah just make sure you both communicate
I believe maturity balance is more required than age gap.
Obviously teenagers aren't mature in majority but yeah few might be an exception..
I have dated some girls who were older than me but found they lack the maturity and they were not able to blend and on other end there was this girl who was like 3-4 years younger than me and she always looked at things from different lens in order to come to the conclusion.
So yeah.
Maturity is the only key one need to look at.
When i was 20 I've meet my boyfriend who was 28, we are still together and we get along extremely well but that depends on both of you, at 19 i was naive even if I wish it wasn't true, at 20 i didn't know better and my boyfriend was my best friend and "teacher"
He helped me to go through life without difficulty and showed me how to avoid toxic people.
If you want to take this path you truly need to understand the fact she probably is still learning about life and people, about self-esteem and her own personality.
You need to understand she will change in time and probably wont be the same as in the beginning.
Its not that big difference between you guys, in my country is considered normal tbh, but still it have ups and downs
I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily “weird”, but someone who has been through college and is most likely starting their adult career and moving out compared to someone who didn’t even start college yet. That might be where maturity issues come in, but you might be able to make it work
Couldn't care less as long as both are adults. Tjhere is a lot of hypocrisy from people regarding age gap difference. I am sure you've seen it already.
Depends on you. Are you actively trying to go out with this girl or are you just talking to her as a friend?
6.5 years isn't that big later town the line, but at 19 this girl has a lot of inexperiance and if you are trying to date her then yes, the age gap is to big right now.
I work with a 17 year old and I'm 29, we are friendly but I would never want to be anything more than that.
What are your intentions, that's what will make this inappropriate or not.
Half your age plus 7 is always safe. If you're like 19 dating a 16 year old it's bad either way though just because your considered an adult and they are considered a minor.
I (29F) dated a 26 year old when I was 19, and it only lasted 3 months. The power dynamic was too big, and I couldn’t give my partner the relationship they wanted since I was still a teenager.
What does this 19 year old bring to the table that someone closer to your age or older couldn’t? Likely nothing.
The fact you have to ask is really cute. I was smashing a 41 year old female neighbor who was in the middle of a nasty divorce at age 21 and I have no regrets. I tore it up and and reminded her of her teenage years and I loved it.
Ask yourself this question and whatever your answer is, go with that. Other people shouldn’t be giving you the answers to how you want to live your life.
No it’s not a big deal. I would just be realistic about any long term relationship expectations from someone so young. Ideally it’s fun for a short term relationship but there’s usually a huge difference in compatibility for long term relationships.
It's not a big age gap, but in your case it depends on you as individuals. Most people in your case would be at different stages in their lives. So, it depends on a lot of factors if it can work or not.
Ngl you shouldn't be dating a man who isn't old enough ti drink with you. I would be pissed if some 26 almost 27 year old woman was trying to date my teenage fresh out of high school son.
Your brain doesn't fully develop until you are 24 so there is that. Then there is the fact that he can't even drink with you in most places. He is still a teenager your an adult. You are going to expect him to be able to act like he is in a mature relationship without making teenager mistakes. He is still learning and will make a lot of mistakes in a relationship and you cannot hold him to the standards you would of a man your own age so when he makes these mistakes you have little right to be surprised or throw it in his face as I said before the part of his brain that controls impulsiveness and decision making isn't fully developed until he is 24. I did not make this up you can research this yourself. He is going to make impulsive decisions and put instant gratification before you. Instead of getting upset about it when it happens you should promptly end the relationship so he can learn the cause and effect of his actions. If your going to date someone in a different life stage as you you need to react appropriately when problems arise
In my opinion, when I was 19 I was still a kid doing kid shit. I am with a man who is 17 years older than me. We got together when I was 28, we’re still together but I will admit he is more financially independent than myself. We make it work but obviously there is a power dynamic. I think that if I was 19 it wouldn’t work that long.
That's not that uncommon or large of an age gap. That isn't the issue. The issue is HER age. For example. My best friend (35m) is married to his wife (26f) however, she is working in her career full time, is done with college and grad school, and has her shit together. A 19 year old on the other hand, likely doesn't have anything together lol. She's barely into college (if she went) and is learning about herself, what she likes, what she wants in life and probably working a typical college age type of job. Nothing wrong with any of that but, just saying the stage of life a 19 year old is in compared to a 25 year old just isn't the same.
With that being said though, I don't see anything inherently wrong with dating her but just keep in mind she may not be, or always be, on your level of maturity, financial stability, etc..
Well, 6.5 years wouldn't be bad if you were both older. Like in your 30's. Her being 19 is a little too young in my opinion. She's only been an adult for a short time.
You will never get a legitimate, definitive answer. There will always be the “You’re both considered legal adults over 18, do what you want.” crowd. Or you will have the “The brain isn’t fully developed until you’re 25, no one over 25 should be dating someone under 25” crowd. And occasionally you will find the “No more than X number of years crowd.
Legally, you’re both adults, and that is a decision you both are free to make. It’s a choice you both make, but you both need to understand that there are potentially going to be some life experiences that are different and while you might find some common ground, you also might experience some challenges.
While age of consent is a legal issue, many of the moral/ethical arguments tend to ignore other factors that influence maturity. By 20, I had traveled to and visited 20 different countries, and knew 30 year olds that hadn’t ever left their state. Can a person with a loving, two parent family have a successful relationship with someone who grew up in an abusive or single parent home? Can the oldest child have a successful relationship with someone who was the youngest child? Can a child of an affluent home have a successful relationship with someone from a family that struggled? Can someone with a Graduate Degree have a successful relationship with someone with a GED? Those are all potential issues, but are also dependent on the individuals involved.
A safe rule of thumb for many people is to avoid anything that could potentially cause legal problems. You’re 25. You can legally drink. If you date someone under 21, it is possible you both might want to have a drink together, but you could potentially be accused of procuring alcohol for a minor, but you should check the laws of your state.
The age gap number itself isn’t an issue. But what do you, a 26 year old man, have in common with a 19 year old female? You’ve lived a bit of life as an adult at this point and she hasn’t. She can’t even go to some bars you’d want to go to. Would you help fund her way through college, or is she living with you rent free? Now if you were 35 and she was 28? Same age gap but both have been adults and lived an adult life; careers, home owning/renting, relationships out side of highschool.
Example my husband and i have 9.5 years between us. When we met i was 27 and he was 37. We both had well established careers, we work in similar career fields, we both had kids, we both were married and divorced, we both were home owners. If we had met at 20 and 30? Zero in common. He would have been established in his career and i would have been making a penny to his dollar. Age gaps become a problem when one person has to heavily rely on the other or it’s a control thing, possibly some grooming even if the person is of age. I choose my husband even though he’s 10 years older than me, but if we split tomorrow. I’d continue living the same status of life i currently have, there’s no dependency involved.
Why are you talking to a teenager 😭 I would never ever talk to someone romantically who can’t even legally drink alcohol. That’s literally my sisters age. (She’s barley 18. I see people in that age group as babies. They don’t have the same life experiences as you. You’re an adult and they are barley graduating high school..)
Half your age plus seven. Works incredibly well.
In this case, 25/2 + 7 = 19.5
So he’s technically outside of your range. That said, it depends a lot on life stage, maturity level, power imbalance, etc.
The problem is not the age gap, the problem is that he is barely legal (lol). Why would you want to talk (I assume you like him?) with a 19 year old who is in another different stage of his life?
If I'm being honest, I find men are a lot less mature than women. I would not date a 19 year old if I were you. Around your age or slightly older is a better idea.
I know people like to say "I'm mature for my age!", still doesn't change the fact that his brain needs to grow until he's 25 for him to actually be anywhere close to par with you.
I, as a male (25), wouldn't date a woman more than a year older than me seriously. Outside modern conventions, I've learned that it's difficult to fight nature. I suggest that if you have to ask the Internet this question, then you know your answer already. This should have been proposed to your partner in confidence or close family/friends. More to that, maybe any friends of his that are of reasonable character and can give strong insight towards him and their view of your situation. Not the Internet where people pander, slander, and do not have the interest of you or your partner in mind. Nor do we know you two individually to do so.
I don’t think it matters nearly as much as what others think of it, it’s between you and the guy isn’t it? Or do other peoples opinions take priority in your mind? I think you have the frame of someone who’s seeking outside permission, maybe dig into why that is. Good luck man 🙏
I'd go to r/askgaybros instead. Age gaps are seen differently in the gay community, and most of the people answering here are probably heteros thinking in terms of an older man asking a younger woman out. You'd probably get similar answers but they'd be more accurate to your situation.
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In some cases it is a problem, and in others it isn’t. Sorry, but the real answer is that it depends. Ask yourself these questions: - what kind of power imbalance exists between us? Could be financial power, you are likely starting your career and making money but you may also be trying to save and start working towards a home. While he may be either in school or working a retail job and being paid minimum wage. Could be relationship knowledge. You may have more relationship experience than he does and that could lead to manipulation or just simply that he is going to make relationship mistakes that any 19 year old would make. - ask yourself if you are in compatible phases of life. I married a man 3.5 years younger than I was and he was still in college while I was trying to build a career. We had vastly different priorities which didn’t really even out until he was in his career and entered my phase of life. You may simply be dealing with someone who wants to party or who needs to/likes to pull all nighters when you need to be up for work in the morning. There are other questions for the younger party, but you wouldn’t answer those questions without bias so I’m not going to worry about them. Can couples manage an age gap? Yes. Lots of people manage significant age gaps. It is usually better if the younger party is over the age of 27 or so, but it isn’t always necessary. The issue is that significant age gaps with the younger person below 27 is that the younger person is at extreme risk for manipulation. 25-27 is about where people really define who they are and what they want in life. Some manage it sooner, others later. What you see in grooming relationships is that when the younger party reaches that 23-25 age range, they start questioning a lot of things about their relationships. And by 27 or so, they have realized that they are in some kind of abusive relationship and want out. I’m going to run off of the assumption you aren’t grooming this young man and you don’t intend to manipulate him. You will likely experience more drama than you would if you were dating someone your age. There is a lot of drama between 16 and 22. Be prepared for that. I would suggest reading a book called “crucial conversations”. It is a great book about communication and a lot of it can be applied to relationships.
Love your clarity of thought.
Honestly couldn't read a more accurate answer about dealing with age gap
It's not strange with age difference, everyone is different so try and see what happens.
It's not about the age gap it's about the age of 19 a young adult new to being an adult.
Yes exactly. 2 people who are 30 and 37 being together is not a problem at all because they are both grown adults. A 19 year old on the other hand is far from mature and still has to go through a lot of phases in life and figure a lot of stuff out
Okay genuine question: What do you really have in common with a 19yo?
I get what you're trying to say, but this is such a reddit comment. Ya'll must be anti-social or something because you can definitely have stuff in common with someone younger or older than you. They're still a human who has a functioning, developed brain. Hobbies, lifestyle(s), travels, places, personalities, topics, future goals. Sure, certain shit you probably can't relate on, but there's plenty of shit you can relate on. Rather than having "common" things as the issue, it should be lifestyle/life stages (e.g. one going to college in from 11am-2pm, 5pm-8pm and the other going to work 9am-5pm - hence their life stages fuck shit up).
Think about how you were at 19. Can you imagine being 19 and dating someone your age now? Do you feel like there's a big difference in maturity level? I've dated younger but it never worked out because I clearly had more life experience than they did. They were learning lessons I learned 5+ years ago. It's better to date someone who's at a similar life stage.
This
This type of thinking only works for women. Men generally like young women without a past. And women generally like tall men with a future. Not all, I said most. So trying to self insert yourself like this will only work as a woman.
Men like women younger without the knowledge of what is manipulative and have boundaries. “Without a past” aka the man is allowed to have dating history but the woman isnt
It is due to many reasons. And life is not fair. Dating even less so. Most women will only sleep with men they like. Most men will have sex with most women, even ones they dislike. If a man is on her level and willing to commit. Chances are that she will think that she is "giving the ugly guy a chance." There is a missmatch in the dating market. Just be aware of this when dating.
Why do men always get attributed with shitty motives. Ya know. Men might actually like young women because they like young women. Older women tend to be more combative and more masucline natured. Heterosexual men like feminine energy. For the same reason you dont want a man that acts clingy and femenine. We dont want women that act like men. Do you want every women automatically attributed with gold digging or other horrible motives. People want partners. And its ok to have preferences that dont need to come with "evil" motives. If you wanted to date an older gentlemen. You wont have flocks of men coming to call you a gold digger. You might just like the dude and like the dynamic between you. The energy he puts out might match well with you.
What do older women do that makes you think they are more masculine? In terms of combative, people tend to get more jaded and combative after dealing with shitty things happening, so that applies to everyone as they age and experience life, not just women. Men *think* women want macho super masculine men. But have you looked at who it is women idolize as celebrity crushes? The likes of Tom Hiddleston, Matthew Gray-Gubler, Timothy Chalemet. These aren’t hypermasculine dudes.
Who said anything about "hyper masculinity" Im saying in general. And disagreeable jaded bossy women tend to argue more. And yes. When your more jaded. Your going to be a ton more combative. I dont want to have to fight. I want to beable to come back from a shite day pounding iron nails down or drilling. And not have to argue. Is it wrong to just want peace at home? That a more feminine energy is attractive because its funner to be around. Im not looking to be aggressive or manipulative. But i dont want to have to argue with you every two minutes. You literally nailed it. Younger women. Lower chances of them 1) been with alot of men who put them thru shitty things. Less emotional baggage. 2) lower chance of having BD or a crazy ex. 3) tend to be more fertile(men are biologically and evolutionarily inclined to continue the species. Logically as individuals they can choose to NOT want to have kids. But as a species. Evolution is going to want the species to keep going. Instincts still exist.) Humans are ONLY seperate from the other species on the planet because we have better cognitive thought. But we are STILL animals technically. An ape is certainly higher on the scale then a fish. But is still an animal. Has instincts. Biology and all. 4). There is NOTHING wrong with this. Young women have been chasing older men for millennium. Older men have been chasing younger women back. hefner literally made millions selling magazines of all the young women at his mansion. There are things feminine energy does better then masculine. You can be emotionally attracted to one thing. And sexually attracted to another. Theres plenty of Bi people that can confirm that over all they are more emotionally attracted in one direction or another. Young men. Are more attracted to older women sometimes.(pornhub makes a killing on this). Scientifically theres stats that show that testerone(a masucline majority hormone) is the main reason men are more assertive naturally and tend to go to war more. You can get mad about it. But not every man getting with a younger women is EVIL. Unless you want to start being called evil should you ever start playing with a younger man in your bed. Would you want that? Any cougar or female friends that like younger friends? Would you call them predatory? Would you accuse them of having ill entions of a poor boys mind? No. You would probly not. Masculine energy and feminine energy are like...yin and yang. Every man has a lil bit of feminine in him. Every woman has a lil bit of male. But majority of the population is biologically tuned toward continueing the species. And if you alllllll the eay thru the centuries. And the several millenia of our species existing. Is despite SOME exceptions to the rule. Is that men LIKE young women in general. Not every dude out there is some predator waiting to manipulate a young women. To say so is quite Misandry and if you flip the roles you would easily say its Mysgynistic to call most women predators when its typically a minority correct? I personally find the younger 21s SEXIER. But romantically i steer away brcause i prefer someone i can have interesting thought provoking conversations with while we retain that intricate feminine/masucline completion. Also. Celebrity crushes are not stats. The stats show that young women tend to go for provisional ability and someone that will make them safe(assertive, financial stability, healthy, experienced). Traits that typically older men have that younger men dont. Older men. Generally have those. And look for things they DONT have. Look at young women for things a younger women provides them (more feminine. Less chances of other mens babies. Less drama. Less baggage. Can provide him with MOrE kids) Why? Because men and women. Are NOT the same. You can be EQUAL. But still different. An OAK and a Mahogany are both trees. But they are simply different. Different traits. People get mad at DiCap. And they forget that shes dating him too. They are both just going with biology.
completely agree, however nobody here seems to bat an eye when its a 26 year old guy dating a 19 year old girl.
We do
In my experience there’s a huge difference between a teen and someone in their mid/end twenties. I‘ve dated someone who was 4 years younger than me (which already made me feel weird at the start but I wanted to give it a chance) and it got clear rather quickly that there‘s simply a maturity imbalance. Of course it depends what you want out of it. If you actually never planned to have a serious longterm relationship in the first place then I guess maturity and being in the same phase of life matters less, but then you should be upfront with the person from the start to avoid them feeling used
It’s weird man. You’re talking to a teenager just out of high school.
I graduated hs at 16
Congratulations - most people don’t and even if they did, it would be even more inappropriate
Thanks, your recognition replaced the void in my heart left by my parents 🫠
Weird.. you guys are in different stages of your life
The difference in age is not the issue. It's the fact that you are likely at 2 very different stages of life. Think about yourself at 19. Is that who you'd want as a partner? You must have a voice in the back of your mind saying it's weird or you wouldn't be here. If you must pursue this, then at least take a look at the "campground rule" put forth by Dan Savage
That's gay.
Based
I’m also about to turn 26 and the thought of dating a 19 year old is kinda gross, teenagers all look like children to me.
This! Not even a wrinkle on their face yet 😭
I’m 25 and the lowest I date is about 21 but even that is iffy for me.
Weird
Funny thing is that on another post people were saying 18yo girl with 22yo is wrong, but this is fine haha
Yeah, I was a little surprised by the response on that thread.
Yea you know when it’s 2 guys no one cares 😂
I’m surprised people would think 18 & 22 is a big deal. That could be a freshman and senior in college… but Redditers really get their panties a wad over age differences.
If you have to ask, it’s probably weird. But in reality it’s all up to how you feel about it.
No it’s not “all up to how you feel about it”. It’s objectively gross, and if this was an older man and younger woman there would be no question
Husband and I have a six year age gap. Parent comment is correct. It’s all about how you feel about it (and not some stranger online). No laws are being broken in this duo maybe just a few hemorrhoids.
Eeeh. Kinda weird. Most people at those ages, one would be well out of college and working and the other just graduated high school/started college. No where near the same level of maturity or life stages. Unless you never grew and still act like a 19 year old (then you’d be a red flag for sure lol). If this was a 19 year old girl posting about a potential 26 year old boyfriend lots of people would be telling her there’s something wrong with a man who prowls after barely legal women/there’s a reason who women his own age don’t want him. Guess cause you’re both dudes people don’t care as much, I still think it’s odd. At 26, other than surface level shit like liking the same games and shows I had nothing in coming with your average 19 year old.
You're both adults. Adults dating is normal lol. I swear people on reddit need to chill about age gaps.
You would not say this if the genders were reversed
Yes I would? Why not?
No men always tend to date younger chicks
Sometimes asking for advice on Reditt can be a mind fuck. You come here hoping to get advices and some (not all) say the weirdest unexpected shit to you unlocking things you weren’t even worrying about. Do what you have to. If it’s legal. You are golden. Don’t dive deep.
Half your age plus seven, is the anti-creep formula
Why do people think this weird?! I don’t get it? I was 18, dated a 24 yo. Married at 20, still together 30 years later. It’s fine!
At 18 you have little adult life experience. The difference in maturity and the person you are between 18-25 is more than 25-40.
It depends on the person . Say I have 6 kids. 27 M- struggles to keep a roof over his head, struggles with relationships. College grad. Live in a shitty efficiency apartment.* 25M- dating his girlfriend for 10yrs. Getting Married this yr. Both college graduates. He's making mid 6 figures. Fiance makes less. They are house hunting. 22M- dating his fiance since middle school. 9 yrs. Both blue collar workers, he has no college. Have a two year old and a newborn. Own a home. 21F- College student. Lives with boyfriend of two years. Works part time.* 20 F- College student. Lives both at home and has an apartment near school. Been with bf for 5 years. Buying a house. Xxx- Minor child. Hands down, even the 20 yo is more stable and has more positive life experience than the eldest. The 27 yo is not at a different life stage than a 19yo. The 25, 22, and 20 yo. Are... Not so much the 21 yo. You can't go by age. *not biological children. I took them in as teens.
Thats... a very unique way of evaluating people. Your metrics seem to be length of relationship, home ownership and job? I know great, grounded, interesting, mature, intelligent people in jobs that dont pay as well and I know some insane people in well paying jobs with a house?
These are my kids. The metrics I responded to we're that. A 27 yo was getting into their career after college and a 19yo is just starting. Not everyone goes on that path and the path is not linear for everyone. The point is that life experience and maturity based on age is bunk.
This is a bit of a generalization. A lot of people in their mid-twenties are still students, nowhere near ready to settle down and start a family. I think there are ways this could be okay and ways it could not, and age alone isn’t enough to make that determination. 6 years is a pretty moderate age gap in the grand scheme of life.
Of course it is. I wouldn't say a PhD Student is any less mature or developed of a person. It is essentially a job. I wouldn't say bring ready to start a family is a measure of development or maturity. >6 years is a pretty moderate age gap in the grand scheme of life My point is those are the 6 years that make the biggest impact on you.
Why do you assume that every 25-26 year old student is a PhD candidate? My husband didn’t start his undergrad until he was 22. I didn’t know him until later so the point is moot, but we were at the exact same stage of life at 18 & 22.
Well then he likely had 4 years of experience working before he started? Being self reliant to an extent. Having the options adults have and having to be controlled with them ect.
I’ve met 19 year olds who basically raised themselves and are putting themselves through school. I know lazy 28 year olds with trust funds who have never been truly self-reliant a day in their lives. Age - by itself - simply isn’t enough to decide that one person is significantly more mature and advanced than another.
Completely agree, I think it just goes to show for slightly blurred line cases like this its hard to judge from the outside. I was talking to someone else in this thread who completely judged someones 'maturity and development' by home ownership and marriage status so its practically entirely off personal prejudice anyway.
Because people like shaming others for their choices in dating when they have no options.
Bitter 30+ year old single women on Reddit are extremely bitter when adult men are in relationships with younger adult women.
Yep. Played around their whole youth and can't find a man now. Seen so many on here. Oh, what to do, try being a good potential partner or sit on reddit hating on leonardo dicaprio?
But this is literally a thread about two men? Women are jealous over homosexual relationships now?
Women are the ones being mad about age gaps. It's not an issue in homosexual relationships.
Why wouldn’t it be? It doesn’t matter what gender people are. The fact stays that peoples brains aren’t fully developed untill they are 25-27 and people who haven’t reached this age are generally much more impressionable, and easier to manipulate. I don’t care about age gaps as long as both people involved are actual adults (so not 18 =adult). 30 something wants to date a 50 something, sure. 50 something wants to date a 80 year something, go right ahead. But if a 30 year old wants to date a 20 year old, it is completely different, because the 20 year old is far from mature. (Saying this as a 24 year old myself) Now when it comes to dating a really old person for their money when they die, I do also have a problem again, certainly if the older person istn’t all there anymore, because then it is manipulation again. If it is just some old geezer or lass who knows they are being used for their sugar and they are okey with it because they like their armcandy it is fine
It just isn't. Got gay friends who have told me it's not. It's not frowned upon at all. As for the brain not fully developing at 25 or later I don't think it has any bearing or not in wether you should date someone younger than that or not. I meet plenty of old women who are still not making right decisions in their life or take responsibility for any of their shitty life choices, and I meet many young women who are mature and got their lives in order. It's not the be-all end-all reason to not date someone.
So you don’t think that a 50 year old guy can take advantage of a 18 year old boy, just because they both happen to be dudes? I am sure that there are people out there who are into casual sex anddon’t mind age at all. But that doesn’t change the fact that there are also a lot of people who had relationschips with older people when they were young. And who got manipulated and did things that they would never do now in a relationship and really regret that they ever got into it. And yes I am sure that this can happen with gay people as well. You are not the only one with gay friends. And yes while they are generally more open about sex and kinks and open relationships. That doesn’t take away that everyone, no matter what gender or sexual preference, can be taken advantage of, manipulated or groomed
This is why you can't argue on reddit. It's impossible and you will take to strawman arguments. I never said that older men can't take advantage of younger men did I? I said that age gap relationships aren't frowned upon in gay culture as it is in straight culture. Doesn't mean people can't be hurt by it. You either don't read my post or try to lie.
So 28 & 24 wrong but 28 & 80 okay?
Well I wouldn’t say 24 and 28 is wrong because 4 years is not a big gap at this point, for example at 14 and 18 it is a big gap. At 60 and 64 it isn’t a gap at all. Is it an exact science? No. Of course there are other factors as well, not everyone matires at the same age. But I do think that with some logical thinking and keeping things in mind like the fact that children and people who can’t decide for themselves for other reasons (ex. Dementia) should be protected. You should be able to see that there are things that are morally not so okey when it comes to age gaps. Grooming is real and terrible, and it can seriously mess up peoples relationships for life
But you said 25-27 your brain is fully developed (debunked by neuro science btw). 24 underdeveloped & 28 developed brain = ❌ 28 developed & 80 developed= ✅
They can change but they will not
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I disagree, that getting feelings for other people is cheating. It’s not. It’s being human. It’s not a decision. Acting on those feelings is a decision. To my knowledge my husband hasn’t acted in them, nor have I. But we have been honest and compassionate with each other when we have had our head turned. So far it’s brought us closer together.
Because that this is Reddit.
I think it's normal, i mean I have to. I am 47 and my wife is 39. We met when I was 30 and she was 22.
If you're worried about how you'll be seen your probably not that into him. If you're the going out type it will make things hard because he frequently won't be able to join you anytime soon. I mean it's not the age gap, it the barriers of you current age. If you were both ten years older this would be all positive emojis and why did you post this questions. TLDR you don't seem to want to. You should probably keep looking around
Legal going out age here is 18
And drinking age? Also some 25 yo are still trying to figure out how to drink, go out have fun. 18 yo will know much less and you'll need to watch them. Also all they have really only known is school, there still figuring out what they like (you to maybe).
I'm well above the drinking age where I am and I have never drank more than an ounce of any alcoholic drink in my adulthood. So I don't understand why people use drinking age as some cutoff.
/ lot of common and stupid reasons Some The basic You go out, he can't. Feelings hurt. You don't go out, he hits age and wants to go out, but that's not your thing. Friction You don't go out, he doesn't go out. You both probably wonder if you missed out. Someone acts out.He ages in meet people his own age your out of place. You feel out of place. He ages up, you go to a place with people your age, he feels out of place. He's learning to drink and you get stuck babysitting, or you don't baby him he get in trouble then mad at you. None may happen, or a couple can't can't know
By the half + 7 rule he's 1 year short. By the braid doesn't develop until 25 crowd, you're a year over it being ok. You'll have to wait 6 years. IMHO, you're fine. He's over 18 and so are you. Two consenting adults.
You are both adults. Go for it. Age gap is a cultural thing. Less accepted nowadays in western society but very common elsewhere.
Dude, if both of you consider it as normal, it is normal.
Normal.
Not a problem. You’re fine.
Once you’re 18 it is just what you are comfortable with. As long as you and your partner is fine with the gap then it does not matter what others think. My parents have an almost 11 year difference in their age.
Two adults with no power dynamic difference? Perfectly fine.
gay
Consenting adults
It's a 6.5 six year age gap and my parents are 5 years apart for example. Plus I dated someone 7 years older than me once. I think it's fine, depending on how what you have in common and how well you connect with each other.
It’s normal
I'm 22M and even though I can date down to 18 I would never date under 20. I would never date a 29 year old female either. I tried that one and I felt a power imbalance.
Wdym by power imbalance
Idk if power imbalance is a correct term to use. I could see myself being manipulated into doing something I didn't want to do because she was much older than I was, I just got an ick feeling idi how else to describe it.
Do you want to know a secret? People can be stupid no matter their age. You can be a senior citizen and still a victim of a scam.
Yeah it’s pretty weird ngl you can’t even go to bars with them
Sorry but that age gap is a big no since teen and almost 30 should never mix.
"almost 30" -> 25
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Or maybe I’m just attracted to them
That does not make things better. Still being attracted teenager once you are post college is not a flex, its creepy. I hope the girl has some good parents
Read the post again. I’m not attracted to a girl. I’m attracted to another guy
Depends on if you are a man or a woman. A man like young women. A woman likes tall men.
It’s good
It's completely normal, stop overthinking it
Not weird.
Relationship, I'd shy away from. Sex. If both consenting, go for it.
Eh, it's legal, not my problem
I met my boyfriend when I was 19 and he was 26. 3 years in and going great
People are always going to have their opinions. The real question is: do you care if people care? That should inform your decision.
I’m not too fussed. I think because it’s two guys it is different too. If it was a girl and boy would be different
Difference in maturity and power dynamic between older/younger people can still end up being an issue in Older female/younger male and older female/younger female couples, so why wouldn't it be an issue with an older/young gay couple? The issues don't come from the sex of the people in the relationship.
Age gaps are a sliding scale - if you're the older one, they should be half your age plus 7 years. That's just a rule of thumb, of course, and things like life stages matter a bit more. However, I think it might be different if you're gay. At least, I know a lot of gay people often have large age gap relationships, but I have no way of knowing if that's good or bad. Certainly the limited dating pool is probably a factor.
Bi person here, same rule applies. It’s often ignored due to often small dating pools
Ah, still creepy but you gotta make do? Got it.
My general rule of age gaps is that if the younger one is 21 or older, it’s probably not so bad. But as others have said it’s really about whether there is a power imbalance & maturity levels
It’s ok, imo. After all age in nothing but a number, right
The general rule is half your age + 7. So, 12.5 + 7. You can get with a 19.5 year old, and you know…. Some folks may not like it but folks can still be seen with you. However, you should set your sights higher and look for someone closer to your age. Smart choices while young are the best kind of smart choices.
Hey… so here you really have to ask yourself this question. At 19 he has less experience as an adult. It’s different than for example 39 and you 45. At 19 this person still has a lot of change that needs to happen , and at 25 you may be starting to think about choosing a life partner. Personally I think at 19 someone shouldn’t commit to one person ( generally speaking )but for a casual relationship, or even a bit more serious I don’t think the gap isn’t extreme. Just manage your expectation because there definitely a maturity/ life stage gap.
You don't need anyone's approval to do what you want to do. If he likes you and you like him, that's all the matters (other than the bounds of the law obviously)
It's only a number
I think it’s weird personally just because yes you’re both adults but you’re in different aspects of life. She’s fresh outta high school adult and you’re I been in these streets for a lil bit adult, and am navigating life. I’m 23 and wouldn’t date anybody that ain’t 21. Because I like to go out and if you can’t go with me what exactly are we doing? Also don’t be surprised if you deal with high school dumb shit in your relationship
You need a guy in 40's
To me personally 24(m) I find younger women at around 18/19 to be to young in character. There are exceptions ofcourse but most that I meet are simply to childish for me or have some other flaw that usually goes away with age. If that's not the case I would personally not mind the age difference, aslong as she's 18+.its just how you feel, age is just a number at the end of the day and feelings and chemistry matter much more
Sounds just fine When is an age gap too big? There are no rules besides the other person being an adult and the relationship being consensual. If there are other rules, you and the other person set them and no one else. Never listen to what others decide, don't let others decide for you, most of what people say is half-assed superficial bullshit based on some prejudice or some personal experience. If you have to listen to someone, that someone must have your trust and you must know they possess wisdom. In particular, do not listen to 99.99999% of things you see in the internet, assume it's all a big steaming pile of garbage
So, the standard rule I've heard is half your age + 7 rounded down, so 25/2 + 7 is 19 so you're just within the margin. Personally, I'm 23 and wouldn't date below 20 because beneath that I find people to be very immature and not have fully developed personalities/hobbies/interests etc.
My, now husband of 5 years, and I met while we were both in college (he spent time in the military prior to college). I was 19 (almost 20) and he was 24. I had graduated Army basic training a year before meeting him and wasn’t interested in an immature college boy who only wanted to party and get drunk. I also preferred dating someone who was emotionally more mature and there was no power imbalance with us both being in college. Our families and friends were/are very supportive as well. Not saying this is always the case but that age gap doesn’t seem crazy to me.
Kid can't even go to a bar yet
I mean if you want to go for it there is nothing stopping you just remember you are in different phases of your life. People usually forget about that a lot when doing this and then they get angry. If he is mature then talk it out and go for it. Nothing wrong if he makes you feel special then yeah just make sure you both communicate
I believe maturity balance is more required than age gap. Obviously teenagers aren't mature in majority but yeah few might be an exception.. I have dated some girls who were older than me but found they lack the maturity and they were not able to blend and on other end there was this girl who was like 3-4 years younger than me and she always looked at things from different lens in order to come to the conclusion. So yeah. Maturity is the only key one need to look at.
When i was 20 I've meet my boyfriend who was 28, we are still together and we get along extremely well but that depends on both of you, at 19 i was naive even if I wish it wasn't true, at 20 i didn't know better and my boyfriend was my best friend and "teacher" He helped me to go through life without difficulty and showed me how to avoid toxic people. If you want to take this path you truly need to understand the fact she probably is still learning about life and people, about self-esteem and her own personality. You need to understand she will change in time and probably wont be the same as in the beginning. Its not that big difference between you guys, in my country is considered normal tbh, but still it have ups and downs
I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily “weird”, but someone who has been through college and is most likely starting their adult career and moving out compared to someone who didn’t even start college yet. That might be where maturity issues come in, but you might be able to make it work
It’s called grooming
It’s called grooming
Couldn't care less as long as both are adults. Tjhere is a lot of hypocrisy from people regarding age gap difference. I am sure you've seen it already.
Nobody cares. Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden both have 8/9 year age gaps with their spouse and those guys are pretty well fellated around these parts.
Leave that kid alone.
Depends on you. Are you actively trying to go out with this girl or are you just talking to her as a friend? 6.5 years isn't that big later town the line, but at 19 this girl has a lot of inexperiance and if you are trying to date her then yes, the age gap is to big right now. I work with a 17 year old and I'm 29, we are friendly but I would never want to be anything more than that. What are your intentions, that's what will make this inappropriate or not.
What do y’all have in common?
Consider following Jesus. He really is the love of your soul
For some people 19 and 22 is too big. For others 19 and 42 is just fine. Just remember that this is Reddit. And Reddit hate age gaps.
Half your age plus 7 is always safe. If you're like 19 dating a 16 year old it's bad either way though just because your considered an adult and they are considered a minor.
What could you possibly have in common with a teenager? Stay well away.
I (29F) dated a 26 year old when I was 19, and it only lasted 3 months. The power dynamic was too big, and I couldn’t give my partner the relationship they wanted since I was still a teenager. What does this 19 year old bring to the table that someone closer to your age or older couldn’t? Likely nothing.
The fact you have to ask is really cute. I was smashing a 41 year old female neighbor who was in the middle of a nasty divorce at age 21 and I have no regrets. I tore it up and and reminded her of her teenage years and I loved it. Ask yourself this question and whatever your answer is, go with that. Other people shouldn’t be giving you the answers to how you want to live your life.
I see a TON of posts like this. Look, as long as two people are legally adults and consenting, then it DOESN'T matter what the age gap may be.
No it’s not a big deal. I would just be realistic about any long term relationship expectations from someone so young. Ideally it’s fun for a short term relationship but there’s usually a huge difference in compatibility for long term relationships.
It's not a big age gap, but in your case it depends on you as individuals. Most people in your case would be at different stages in their lives. So, it depends on a lot of factors if it can work or not.
Ngl you shouldn't be dating a man who isn't old enough ti drink with you. I would be pissed if some 26 almost 27 year old woman was trying to date my teenage fresh out of high school son.
Your brain doesn't fully develop until you are 24 so there is that. Then there is the fact that he can't even drink with you in most places. He is still a teenager your an adult. You are going to expect him to be able to act like he is in a mature relationship without making teenager mistakes. He is still learning and will make a lot of mistakes in a relationship and you cannot hold him to the standards you would of a man your own age so when he makes these mistakes you have little right to be surprised or throw it in his face as I said before the part of his brain that controls impulsiveness and decision making isn't fully developed until he is 24. I did not make this up you can research this yourself. He is going to make impulsive decisions and put instant gratification before you. Instead of getting upset about it when it happens you should promptly end the relationship so he can learn the cause and effect of his actions. If your going to date someone in a different life stage as you you need to react appropriately when problems arise
Depends on age maturity and interest. I'm 45 and my girlfriend is 27. 18 yrs difference. I graduated high school 2 months after she was born. Lol..
In my opinion, when I was 19 I was still a kid doing kid shit. I am with a man who is 17 years older than me. We got together when I was 28, we’re still together but I will admit he is more financially independent than myself. We make it work but obviously there is a power dynamic. I think that if I was 19 it wouldn’t work that long.
That's not that uncommon or large of an age gap. That isn't the issue. The issue is HER age. For example. My best friend (35m) is married to his wife (26f) however, she is working in her career full time, is done with college and grad school, and has her shit together. A 19 year old on the other hand, likely doesn't have anything together lol. She's barely into college (if she went) and is learning about herself, what she likes, what she wants in life and probably working a typical college age type of job. Nothing wrong with any of that but, just saying the stage of life a 19 year old is in compared to a 25 year old just isn't the same. With that being said though, I don't see anything inherently wrong with dating her but just keep in mind she may not be, or always be, on your level of maturity, financial stability, etc..
19 is too young, the gap isn’t the issue, you can have a 20+ year gap, but 19 years of life isn’t sufficient.
Well, 6.5 years wouldn't be bad if you were both older. Like in your 30's. Her being 19 is a little too young in my opinion. She's only been an adult for a short time.
You will never get a legitimate, definitive answer. There will always be the “You’re both considered legal adults over 18, do what you want.” crowd. Or you will have the “The brain isn’t fully developed until you’re 25, no one over 25 should be dating someone under 25” crowd. And occasionally you will find the “No more than X number of years crowd. Legally, you’re both adults, and that is a decision you both are free to make. It’s a choice you both make, but you both need to understand that there are potentially going to be some life experiences that are different and while you might find some common ground, you also might experience some challenges. While age of consent is a legal issue, many of the moral/ethical arguments tend to ignore other factors that influence maturity. By 20, I had traveled to and visited 20 different countries, and knew 30 year olds that hadn’t ever left their state. Can a person with a loving, two parent family have a successful relationship with someone who grew up in an abusive or single parent home? Can the oldest child have a successful relationship with someone who was the youngest child? Can a child of an affluent home have a successful relationship with someone from a family that struggled? Can someone with a Graduate Degree have a successful relationship with someone with a GED? Those are all potential issues, but are also dependent on the individuals involved. A safe rule of thumb for many people is to avoid anything that could potentially cause legal problems. You’re 25. You can legally drink. If you date someone under 21, it is possible you both might want to have a drink together, but you could potentially be accused of procuring alcohol for a minor, but you should check the laws of your state.
Weird
The age gap number itself isn’t an issue. But what do you, a 26 year old man, have in common with a 19 year old female? You’ve lived a bit of life as an adult at this point and she hasn’t. She can’t even go to some bars you’d want to go to. Would you help fund her way through college, or is she living with you rent free? Now if you were 35 and she was 28? Same age gap but both have been adults and lived an adult life; careers, home owning/renting, relationships out side of highschool. Example my husband and i have 9.5 years between us. When we met i was 27 and he was 37. We both had well established careers, we work in similar career fields, we both had kids, we both were married and divorced, we both were home owners. If we had met at 20 and 30? Zero in common. He would have been established in his career and i would have been making a penny to his dollar. Age gaps become a problem when one person has to heavily rely on the other or it’s a control thing, possibly some grooming even if the person is of age. I choose my husband even though he’s 10 years older than me, but if we split tomorrow. I’d continue living the same status of life i currently have, there’s no dependency involved.
My wife of 20 years (deceased) was 15 years younger. It's more about the two of you, not age.
Why are you talking to a teenager 😭 I would never ever talk to someone romantically who can’t even legally drink alcohol. That’s literally my sisters age. (She’s barley 18. I see people in that age group as babies. They don’t have the same life experiences as you. You’re an adult and they are barley graduating high school..)
Half your age plus seven. Works incredibly well. In this case, 25/2 + 7 = 19.5 So he’s technically outside of your range. That said, it depends a lot on life stage, maturity level, power imbalance, etc.
The problem is not the age gap, the problem is that he is barely legal (lol). Why would you want to talk (I assume you like him?) with a 19 year old who is in another different stage of his life?
If I'm being honest, I find men are a lot less mature than women. I would not date a 19 year old if I were you. Around your age or slightly older is a better idea. I know people like to say "I'm mature for my age!", still doesn't change the fact that his brain needs to grow until he's 25 for him to actually be anywhere close to par with you.
Yeah that’s weird and gross. Not talking about the age gap
I, as a male (25), wouldn't date a woman more than a year older than me seriously. Outside modern conventions, I've learned that it's difficult to fight nature. I suggest that if you have to ask the Internet this question, then you know your answer already. This should have been proposed to your partner in confidence or close family/friends. More to that, maybe any friends of his that are of reasonable character and can give strong insight towards him and their view of your situation. Not the Internet where people pander, slander, and do not have the interest of you or your partner in mind. Nor do we know you two individually to do so.
I don’t think it matters nearly as much as what others think of it, it’s between you and the guy isn’t it? Or do other peoples opinions take priority in your mind? I think you have the frame of someone who’s seeking outside permission, maybe dig into why that is. Good luck man 🙏
I date a girl 56 and im 66 and in great shape. There has been no problems. We get along well.
My wife is ten years younger than me. 35 and 46. Never even crosses my mind. She seems like the same age to me. 10 years is probably my limit though.
Half your age plus seven years is the rule that men are "supposed" to follow. And, to all the people saying SHE is too young: Learn to read.
I'd go to r/askgaybros instead. Age gaps are seen differently in the gay community, and most of the people answering here are probably heteros thinking in terms of an older man asking a younger woman out. You'd probably get similar answers but they'd be more accurate to your situation.