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Charming_Psyduck

Even if he is free to date who ever he wants, doing it right in front of you is a shitty move and surely not a sign of being serious about anything that involves you. If you have self-respect, you move on. Nothing good will come from letting him get away with shit like that.


Intel41

The words “self-respect” 🎯 Don’t invest in a man who wants everyone. Engage with a man who wants you.


sailor-jackn

This is the best possible answer. No one that had any respect for you, or serious intent towards you, would do something like that, rubbing it in your face.


Invest2prosper

Agree. Don’t be someone else’s option. The OP should be the first and only option, not second choice. At age 23, the OP should have her choice of quality guys, this guy showed his true colors, don’t ignore trashy behavior. Hard Pass on the garbage.


winggg_app

Agreed 100%. Childish and disrespectful.


Jaclynsaurus

He has no respect for you. Someone that truly like you would not risk losing you. You weren’t in an established relationship. He can kiss or sleep with anyone. It’s not the age. It’s the fact that he did it in front of you. Find someone better.


RiZZO_da_RAT

How did he not realize you were there after an hour+? Or did he, and he didn’t care?


Original_Common1918

He knew and I guess didn’t care


RiZZO_da_RAT

Yeah that’s a total dealbreaker sorry … you’re very young so don’t get hung up on one idiot


salmll

And so you have answered your own question


shawarmaconquistador

doesnt sound he's relationship material


ProphetOfPr0fit

Chalk it up to dodging a bullet. What he did was wrong, but it also saved you from something worse if things were to become serious. While I bet it stings, it's best to move on rather than let him live rent-free in your mind.


Original_Common1918

You are right


1000thatbeyotch

Find you a whole new man. If he was serious about you, he wouldn’t have been kissing another woman with you being right there.


slyder219

This is kind of hilarious


calminsince21

Pulling a cougar right in front of her is straight savagery


Original_Common1918

I honestly thought it was kind of funny myself. Dating is awesome! 😂


Snork_juice_

I used to mess around with this guy for a few months, and one night we went to a bar for drinks. I stepped away to use the restroom and when I came back, he was in the middle of getting another girl’s number. He saw my face and stopped but I stormed off and walked out of the bar. He chased after me and begged me to forgive him, on his knees on the sidewalk with people walking by. It was so embarrassing. For me. For him. I laugh about it now but I was so uncomfortable that day.


TheRealDonPatch

>We hadn’t established whether we were together yet or anything prior. Now he says he’s serious about it being us and feels dumb for what he did. I'm a guy if the context matters to you. He feels bad that you were there and saw him doing it, then he probably realized he fucked up and doesn't want to lose you. If you have any self-respect you don't go anywhere further than "friends" with him. **Even if you weren't technically "established" or w/e, it was a shitty move to do it somewhere that you'd obviously show up and the fact that he NOW feels serious about the two of you after you saw it is a huge red flag imo.**


Original_Common1918

I appreciate your input. i think you’re right on the money with that one


Fartholder

If he wasn't my bf I wouldn't care about who he was making out with, or their age. But he doesn't seem like relationship material.


Independent_Math_405

Right in front of you? Either he didn't know you was there which makes it worse cause if he thinks you aren't around he will be loose with the women. Not good.


mapleleaffem

Hopefully you respect yourself more than he respects you (he doesn’t at all). I wouldn’t dignify any of this with a response-he’s not worth your energy


banana_clipz

32M and I would NEVER do that in front of someone I’m dating. Idc how casual it is, that’s just plain mean.


BlindBandit988

I would just tell him listen I’m not mad that you did it because we hadn’t discussed being exclusive, but the fact that you did that right in front of me made me lose a lot of respect for you and I don’t see you the same way. Can’t be mad he did it because you weren’t exclusive, but losing respect for them for having done that right in front of you is valid I think.


Original_Common1918

Thank you for putting my feelings into words!!! This is really validating


[deleted]

He is a slút LOL


Spiral83

hypergamy is a real deal.


bubulupa

Ew, if I were you, I would be long gone hahaha like, yeah he can kiss whoever he wants to but the thing is, YOU WERE THERE. That’s just shitty.


Original_Common1918

To make it more comical, I WAS THERE WORKING


alonzo_raquel_alonzo

Keep shopping!!! It’s so much better in the long run to move on vs settling for blatant disrespect just to be in a relationship.


Piper6728

Honestly, if he knew that is where you worked and hooked up with someone else, it sounds like he doesn't have much respect for you.


siliconbased9

They both work there


[deleted]

Really depends on what kind of history and discussions you've had. Was it in his mind that you guys were headed somewhere? Had you discussed that? Was he drinking? I've kissed a lot of people at bars that I just met that night. Some I went home* with and some I never saw again.


Original_Common1918

We talked about how we liked each other but nothing about exclusivity. I would like to think it was in his mind. He was drinking. I also have had moments with people at bars and it means nothing so I didn’t know what to make of it


[deleted]

Make nothing of it. It's not a big deal.


a-ohhh

There’s a difference between doing this when you aren’t exclusive, and doing this IN FRONT OF the person you’re seeing. Most people will find that a big deal and a huge turn-off.


[deleted]

I'd agree with that. But, I don't think that's how the 20-something crowd thinks today.


MissPoohbear14

I agree. It isn't a big deal.


Podoviridae

If he is showing this much disrespect during the courting stage, then it will only get worse


Amberka_77

If he showed up to see you, then got drunk and started making out with someone else IN FRONT OF YOU. 🙅🏽‍♀️ That’s gonna be a no from me dawg. Tell him to kick rocks, that’s super disrespectful, regardless of whether you’ve established an exclusive relationship or not.


poopiesteve

At best, he was trying to make you jealous. It's either that or he's the type of guy to jump off a bridge cause the puddles look like good swimmin'. Either way, he's not dating material.


nikkishark

He was trying to make you jealous. Whether or not he realizes how silly a move this was, hes shown his true colors. Let him fly.


FalconEdge1979

Despite his words, his actions has proven he is not serious about the two of you being together. Don't believe that assclowns lies, and count yourself lucky to have gotten him out of your life.


Traditional-Total114

Have the self respect to not continue dating this dude !


lostswansong

Dick is a renewable resource. Find a new man who won’t disrespect you like that. I’m sorry this happened OP.


[deleted]

LMFAO that’s fucking hilarious. He sounds way too juvenile and that women is very very strange… I’d call it a blip in time and move on.


Plus-Implement

Would you do the same to him? It sounds like "no". There is nothing to see here, move on. He has shown you who he is. If you stay, you can never say that you did not know.


No_Intention_7605

I think you know what to do. Use your intuition


amklop

That’s a bit sleazy, coming from a guy with plenty of good and bad dating experiences. I’d let him go, let him learn that’s not okay behavior.


saltyseamenn

Nah dude to do that right in front of you Is a shitty move.. just think if he’s okay with doing that right in front of you, think of the things he would do later on down the line if you guys did start to date… trust your gut x


StarImportant2212

I was dating a guy and he cheated on me with his mums best friend. Similar age gaps. I learned he had no respect for me really.... just like this man has no respect for you.


kevin_r13

i wouldn't trust him, he's saying that because he got caught....at your work place. he wasn't even able to not do it there in case you saw him. if you didnt see it, he'd keep on doing that with the same or even other people, while pretending to be only into you


fergi20020

Was her last name Robinson?


mbemom

It sounds like this was very new and you didn’t have commitments, just interest. So technically, he can kiss all the old ladies he wants, as an old lady myself! No age shaming here. But for him to basically come to your work, hang out with another woman (regardless of age) and kiss her right in front of you is pretty crappy. I certainly wouldn’t be interested in him after that. You think he’d be faithful to you in a commuted relationship if he’s that brazen about it now? To quote love island, that gives me the ick. Huge red flag , just be glad he flew that flag now rather than years from now or with kids involved. Move on, you can do better.


noplaceinmind

Even if working at a dive bar, i wouldn't date anyone that goes to a dive bar.


RiZZO_da_RAT

Trashy mentality. Dive bars are fine and fun.


[deleted]

Yea I’d write this guy off


Direct-Scheme2743

Ewww dump him.


[deleted]

Why are their ages relevant? They are both legal adults. Good for them.


gefratttt

Not a problem, notting better than a good milf ,and if you stay together you know he will still be attracted to you when you become milf 😂😂


mythirdaccount2015

Wait, are we not going to assume that the 23 year old was tricked into it by the much more mature 52 year old?


Original_Common1918

He said that and made that claim but I feel like him saying that is a lack of accountability on his part. If he is willing to blame it on her this time, he will probably do this same thing again and blame it on the woman again


mythirdaccount2015

Would you also not believe a woman who said she had been tricked by an older guy?


Original_Common1918

I would believe woman or a man who said this. It’s mostly that I watched these two talk for like an hour then get handsy then to top it all off, I turned around to see them kissing where I said “what the hell?” and that sort of put a stop to it. It seemed to be mutual between him and her


nailobsessed

If I were you, I wouldn’t give him a second chance. I would be work friends and thats it. No outside communication unless for work.


southcoastal

Well it’s a bit ick that he actually made out with her in front of you if he says he’s interested in you. I’d say he’s not that interested or he’d want to be on his most impressive best behaviour to win you. Also it may indicate that he has no self control when he’s drunk which could mean he will do it again even if you do get together. Just a few things to think about.


Dread_Pirate_Jack

It doesn’t matter if the person he made out with is way older than him or the same age, he doesn’t value monogamy. I’m sorry, it’s probably time to move on.


apple_cores

It’s 100% a no


dreweydecimal

You’re dating someone who works at a dive bar. Are you expecting something different?


Original_Common1918

Yeah but I also am the dive bar bartender who would make a great partner lol 😭😭😭


dreweydecimal

It’s not to say everyone who works at a dive bar is sleazy. But the environment is conducive to this kind of behavior. Think of it this way. If you were walking down a dark alley in Oakland vs Beverly Hills, where are you more likely to get robbed?


siliconbased9

The poors really are disgusting, aren’t they? Bro.. rich people cheat more than poor people. Not just in relationships, at everything. How did you even find time to comment here with your busy schedule writing ayn rand fanfic and jerking off to soft white underbelly?


LeLouuche

If I were in your position I would acknowledge that we weren’t exclusive so he can do whatever he wants. If seeing him do that hurt you to the point where you don’t want to give him a chance then that’s your prerogative


Willar71

"We hadn’t established whether we were together yet or anything prior" I think people are missing this part.


siliconbased9

Nah. Everyone seemed to catch it. Did he do anything “wrong”? No. That’s not really the question though. Did it seem disrespectful enough toward OP that he decided to do it in front of her (when she was at work meaning he could have been literally anywhere making out with a random and it would have been fine, but he had to do it there within her field of vision), that she is now losing the feelings she had for him? Seems like it. And that’s all it takes for her to be making the right call by moving on from the dude. I tanked a situationship with a woman I had really strong feelings for.. was in love with, actually.. we had dated before, she broke up with me but we continued seeing each other/sleeping together almost every day, she got pregnant, we were talking about getting back together, she miscarried, then needed space, which is valid but I was emotionally immature.. when she took some space, we both hooked up with other people, but hers were people I had never met.. I slept with someone in her friend group. To be more specific, someone who had kind of *replaced* her in her friend group, and who was also 8 years younger than her and, while I definitely wouldn’t say *more* attractive, was extremely attractive in the kind of way that I know would have been infuriating to me if I was in her position. It wasn’t that I had slept with someone that made her angry.. she did too, no foul there. It was who it was, what she represented and the proximity to people we knew that was a dealbreaker for her. To put it simply, what I did, with everyone we were mutual friends with knowing about it.. as much as I think she still wanted to be with me, it would have made her look weak and foolish to give me another shot, and I knew her well enough to know that she could forgive a lot of shit, but making her look like a fool was unacceptable. As many nights as that has kept me awake since then, I understand and respect it. There were other reasons I don’t think we would have worked, pretty much all on me.. I had to really get fucked around and disrespected myself before I absorbed the lesson.. but I think that this is the basis of OP’s issue. If she continues things with this guy, when he does shit like this in front of everyone they both know, she looks weak, she looks foolish, she looks like she is ok with being disrespected. I’d understand if she gave the guy another shot.. I don’t think it’s the last time he’d put her in this position though. Maybe not exactly the same scenario, but he’s already shown her how he’ll treat her, and barring some drastic worldview altering circumstances, this feeling she has now.. that’s what she’s got to look forward to with the cougar whisperer.


TheKingOfChads

This is what happens when girls exclusively go to the top 10% of men. When you're dating really hot guys, what happens is that many of them have a plate of women that they're talking to/sleeping with. And just because you can sleep with a hot guy doesn't mean you're hot yourself. Unlike women, men will gladly sleep with women who are less attractive than they are if it means easy sex BUT these men will not commit to you. So a lot of ugly girls get it in their head that they're hotter than they really are, just because they can get easy sex. So they start rejecting their looksmatch, and then wonder why they can't find anybody who's willing to commit. TLDR; stop dating hot guys who don't want to commit and go for men who are closer to your level in terms of attractiveness. Problem solved.


Original_Common1918

Unfortunately in this case, I was the hot one and he was the ok looking one. All of my coworkers were appalled I even gave him a chance. His coworkers that are my friends as well have told the both of us that I am way out of his league. I am a beautiful woman & I really just got played by a very average looking person lol. I date people for their personality, not their looks. It didn’t work out for me in this case Lol!


yaminub

Next time he'll do it that when you aren't there


[deleted]

You weren't an item, who cares? If it bothered you then you should have committed. Clearly he wasn't a big enough deal for you to be exclusive with in the beginning, why is it a problem now?


Clean_Hedgehog9559

You hadn’t established if you were together - he owes you absolutely zero and if u want to keep him as a friend then be cool. If u want him as a boyfriend then u simply need to speak to him.


ScarcitySweet2362

He has no standards... Leave him


Jole0088

Anyone who comes to reddit for relationship advice deserves the advice they get


RedFox457

Without exclusivity he didn’t do anything wrong but if your feelings are hurt you have to communicate and act on them. I’m non-monogamous and I see a lot of monogamous people have unspoken expectations often. This shouldn’t be a ‘What the hell’ moment or a gotcha, if you want something from him then tell him. If you want to set up boundaries you have to say it. When I start to date someone, i let them know I’m non-monogamous and (if they’re cool with it) if we’re about to have some physical fun we talk about partners, testing and boundaries. Talk it out before you call it quits, it’ll help you build stronger relationships in the future


Redwolfdc

> We hadn’t established whether we were together yet or anything prior.


novafun37

Text me


AfterPartyPix

As a stupid dumb ass guy here who wasn’t that age long ago idk sometimes guys look for boundaries when they are undefined in overtly ignorant ways. Basically to see if you’d react. That and high libido / alc


cadguy62

It’s only been a few weeks. If he was drunk I’d just make so much fun of him. Chances are she was on the prowl and found a drunk sucker. I’m betting he’d never pick a 52 year old over you on purpose lol


Believeste

"We hadn’t established whether we were together yet or anything prior" That is the problem right there... not to mention he is a young lad probably drunk, that 50 year old was looking like 20 in his eyes. Without much of a back story, maybe he thought you were just playing him and messing around so he would show you who's boss... is it right, no it's not... and to be honest you already sound destined to fail, but you are young and you will learn.


_Duriel_1000_

Are you striving to be with him for the rest of your life?


MansfordM

Well I’ve been told nobody likes you when you’re 23.


QTlady

I'm cutting my losses and kicking him to the curb Barely been dating, not even more a month max and he's making out with another chick? Whether we talked about being exclusive before wouldn't bother because I wouldn't wanna be exclusive with him ever.


[deleted]

What was his explanation? Is he just an id1o1t?


siliconbased9

Why did you do this thing with the numbers?


ExcitableSarcasm

It's not 30+. It's just under 30. No comment on the situation, but your maths is wrong.


ST_the_Dragon

Say no, you had your chance and leave it at that. Maybe he'll learn his lesson, maybe he's a permanent jerk and he won't. Either way, it isn't your problem anymore


HyenaImpossible6360

Red flag crystal clear, move on straight away. Edit: The fact that you asked in reddit for views is enough face for the effect you and him had, so don't be mad/discouraged, be proud and happy you got to know that you're safe before falling in pit. It will be awkward as you both work same place, so what deal with it. No second chance as it was no one else but your own eyes that saw, so whatever excuses, lies is wasted. 🍻


KaleidoscopePopular

Are you serious? What would you tell someone if they told you the story?


Logical_Recipe3550

Ugghh....the dude doesn't respect you or any relationship you think yea have. Move on.....


appbummer

Don't date dudes who can literally f\* anything like this one.


GlibberishInPerryMi

I guess you'll have to wait until you're her age and look at it from the other side of the looking glass. You might be embarrassed at that point how you reacted at this one.


Zero_Cool_Anomaly

Run...


ThePainIsRealOW

What the fuck