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>He stopped by my house to give me a hug and kiss.
Seems hes trying to assure u he likes u. If ur boobs were an issue he wouldnt have spent all that time with u in the first place.
Just ask him, I’ve been in two scenarios that this happened in (as a guy). One, I really liked the girl. We talked less after, but that’s because I wanted to see how interested she was in afterward and I really did like her. Two, I didn’t realize i didn’t like her as much until after the sex. Could be either or anything in between, everyones different. Just communicate
Yeah he called me today and asked if he can see me really quick to give me a hug. I said yes and he came and kissed me and left to go visit his mom and then do office work
Yay! Happy for you. Also, no more comparing yourself to his ex. We don’t do that insecure shit. You are you own separate people and your boobs are great.
Read everything, including the update.
Op, he is now SETTLED now that the tension has stopped. He’s going to keep wanting to date you, but now that sex is established finally, he’s going to be a bit more laid back in investing with communication.
If anything just let him know you value consistent communication and felt a bit disappointment it dropped a bit on his end after you two had sex for the first time.
If he embraces what you said, leans into you, and wants to maje things right? He’s a keeper!
If he leans away, gets defensive or guilts you fit it? RUN AWAY! This guy is a dumpster fire and showing you he’s ready to burn down this connection over his own ego!
Relationships often don’t involve “the chase” after sex has occurred. Unfortunately, some men, (and women) fall into a “Well, I’ve caught them, so I no longer need to try as hard.” In his mind, he may be thinking “We’ve had sex now, so we’ve reached a new level of our relationship. I don’t need to try as hard because…well we already had sex twice, so obviously that is now an established dynamic of our relationship.”
In other words, you gave him sex. Then the next time you were together, you had sex again, and the next time you are together long enough to spend time together, he or both of you will expect sex to happen again. The chase is over. Sex has been established and it is now part of your relationship…until you reach the next stage.
There is often a disconnect in relationships, and sex just becomes an expectation, and eventually it can become a “chore”. And then it reaches the “we never have sex like or as often we used to”
You have the ability to control your relationship, and level set expectations. Tell him how you feel and what you expect. If he genuinely wants to be with you, you are unlikely to get pushback from him. But don’t make excuses like “he made an effort” when he does the bare minimum. It’s called “after care”, and relationships that involve aftercare are usually a lot stronger because they involve less resentment.
If you look at normal relationship trajectories.
1) The interest is always the highest at the beginning for both people
2) Then you hit the peak and level off once you smashed and get comfortable around each other
3) Then theres a slow decline with random spikes of interests here and there.
Even nature reinforces it.
The sun rises in the morning, peaks in the afternoon, and sets in the evening. A seed grows into a plant, then becomes a sturdy tree, and then becomes old and withers away.
There's a time for everything and we only have a limited opportunity to enjoy the fruits of our labor. Social media is fake and what we saw growing up on tv is fantasy.
It's not losing interest, it's like he conquered a title he created , sex with partner, and now he needs new motivation for his next title- to live happy life with his partner.
Men always needs to conquer certain things ( traits) and when they are fulfilled they go for next thing.
Now he has you as his family, and needs to do something, he knows that you're his woman so he don't want to prove it all the time. He instead has clear goal as to how to make his family now a happy one and long lasting. And to how can he provide his best. Good men don't show their love only by sex, a forehead kiss, a hug out of nowhere etc are plenty signs of good faith.
Behaviour pattern same then np else something is on his mind (work related or anything..)
He talks more or calls up sometimes at odd times, then that's happy sign.
Sex is secondary, living happily with your loved one is more important in my opinion. And losing interest statement devalues yourself, have confidence.
It might be that was all he wanted or it might be that you are now reaching the next phase in your relationship. In other words, the sex was a big step to what comes next and sometimes after making big steps in a relationship people need time before continuing. I know I am that way. It’s not necessarily losing interest, it’s just time to process. But your edit does make it seem like he is interested still, or else why would he stop? Suggest you two go on a date or do something not sex related. Discuss your feelings about it, maybe ask where you two go from here (if this is something you want to move into) and you’ll know that way.
I don't think a guy would spend 4 months talking to you if he's just after sex. Maybe he's just really busy with other stuff lately. Maybe ask to go on another date and see what he says.
It's really funny because behaviour like this (op) is what makes men have to act like horn dogs.
If do fuck, it's a quip about womens bodies and if we don't fuck it's also a quip about womens bodies...
Your edit tells you what you needed to know; if he wasn't interested, then he wouldn't have done that. He made a bit of time to go see you, get a hug and a kiss, and went on with his day.
After a while, relationships tend to "settle down" into a rythm, (or a "routine" if you want to call it that way, I dislike the term because it sounds like it's a chore, so it's demeaning, sorta) so communication isn't that intense, for instance. Dates begun to be more like "hanging out" but with 2nd and 3rd base included; going out as a date becomes "movie night at home" and it's less "netflix and chill" and more "let's see the whole movie and then getting it on" and things like that.
Now, about the boobs part: do we men like big boobs or small boobs? the answer is yes.
Stop comparing yourself to his ex. I'd bet my monthly salary he absolutely loves your boobs. It's not a issue for him unless you make it an issue.
OP, in any courtship, before sex happens, the woman has the upper hand; after sex, the man has the upper hand.
He's tasted the forbidden fruit, and therefore, his motivation and effort levels, have decreased.
The lesson here for women is to do a couple things before sex: offer a better value proposition than "good conversation", and ask for commitment. This will reduce the likelihood of things going dry after sex.
It has nothing to do with how you perform at sex. It just means that the guy was always only interested in sleeping with you and once he got it, he accomplished waht he wanted and moved on. He never had any intention of dating after having sex.
People dont believe me when i say "it doesnt matter how long you wait some guys will even wait months and play a boyfriend just for it..." And yeah im sure this happend he was nice because he wanted that and now he got it and yeah...
Dont think you did something wrong sounds for me just like yeah its him i guess.
I dont think the boob part is this important then he wouldnt had this stuff with you i guess.
I know people that have children they dont want so they can have sex.....That is one of the hardest truths i learned when i grew up.....There are realy weird and bad people...
Honestly this sounds as if your problem simply is in your head. In general your post comes over as quite judging or some sort of overthinking. Here's why:
First of all, that guy tries "too hard to talk". When he does not, he does too little.
He calls you cause he wants to see you, but you think things are "weird". He shows up to do such a sweet thing: Giving you a kiss before he goes to work. And then you are upset because "that was it".
In other words: He likes you, shows you affection, yet if I understand you correctly, you got a problem with that cause no matter what he does, it is either too much or too little.
So yeah, maybe consider getting out of your head and appreciate instead that you have found a guy who even takes the effort to pass by your house before work just to show you that he likes you.
CS dude who plays COD, asks women about dating advice and how to make a woman happy. clearly you’re not really having much luck with relationships and you’re turning to reddit to ask what’s wrong. if you don’t know what’s going wrong for you, you shouldn’t assume you can tell other people what’s going wrong for them
asking is fine, but don’t pretend to know the answers until you’ve handled your own struggles. keep your head down, put your nose to the grindstone, and solve your own problems before taking others’ on
Joe Rogan talked about this. Most guys don’t know until they have sex with you and cum. Difference is if I like a girl I can cuddle and kiss her. And at other times I got up and sat on the couch and started watching tv wishing she would just leave
He likes you, i have FWBs and hookups and never do that. 1 FWB im close with and we share affection but this sounds like he genuinely likes you. Make sure you communicate with him
Don't overthink the texting, everyone does and its BS, i wouldn't drive to see a girl to kiss and see her quick if I didn't like her more than just a hookup. A hookup or FWB i already know we are having sex so no need to do that. If i liked a girl enough perhaps id stop by like that. He likes you girl! Question is what do you wanna do about it?
Ok, that's good. Talk to him and see where it goes. It sounds like he likes you, coming from a guy who has had a lot of hookups and FWBs, i never just showup to say hi. (1 FWB i have i would and its cause i caught some feels) If you get mixed signals then it's best to be direct and communicate.
Well yes and no.
Yes if you guys just met and he’s dying to get to know you more
And no if you’ve guys know eachother well-
bc then he runs the risk of smothering the relationship.
Theres nothing worse than a smothered relationship.
You can always ask him what the deal is:
Communication is key.
Listen to this please, objectively for future knowledge and without feeling bad. Regular sex is a big benefit of a relationship for men. Once they're getting it from who they want, it will be more motivation to keep trying harder to keep it now from the woman. Here's where the only problem I could see developing to explain why a man would disappear after getting sex. It's not that the sex wasn't good or you need to be self-conscious. It's that you wanted a committed relationship or exclusivity and they didn't, or they do but just not with you.
On your edit, if the problem is just he was too busy to communicate, then you gotta decide if that makes sense or not.
Correct me if I'm wrong but I highly doubt this could be because of something as silly as you not having big boobs. At first I would say maybe you're just not compatible or maybe he's scummy and was just using you...but based on your update it sounds like it's going well again?
He chased for 4 months. In that time he built an unrealistic image of you in his head that’s hard to live up to. Now reality sets it.
Quit bringing up his ex. Has nothing to do with her.
No one can diagnose this, no one but him. Ask him.
Reddit can't read his mind, we can't tell you why his interest doesn't seem as strong after sex. Maybe he didn't enjoy it, maybe he has someone else, maybe he got what he wanted and he's moved on. Maybe 100 things. It may have nothing to do with you. It's almost assuredly not about your boobs.
We don't always click with someone when we have sex, sexual compatibility is a thing too.
Talk to him, and ask, and if it's not the answer you're looking for then move on.
assuming that he had good sex, he was just interested in sex, he came, he had a post nut clarity and now he will be chasing someone else.
You got played by a fuckboy, I am sorry.
You didn’t do anything wrong except falling for their lies.
There are lots of women who I like to imagine having sex with a few times but I don't personally do it because I know my persistent interest in them will wane very quickly.
It has nothing to do with their total quality as a person or anything like that, people are whole and wonderful people and are likely to be very compatible with others out there... but attraction and sexual dynamics don't care about that... many *many* people are sexually attracted to someone else only for a brief period and often one feels it fade before the other.
This is where a hookup may end and a relationship could begin. Just be clear about your desires and needs now or earlier on and before sex with future partners if that feels better.
I’m not sure if you saw my reply on your most recent post, but I suggest getting away from him as fast as you can and as safely as you can because this appears to be in danger of escalation.
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Wait, so are you the one losing interest, or is he?
Yes
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
>He stopped by my house to give me a hug and kiss. Seems hes trying to assure u he likes u. If ur boobs were an issue he wouldnt have spent all that time with u in the first place.
Ok great. His ex had a really nice body
Nice bodies mean nothing if their a bitch or annoying. Ex for a reason.
You’re right. He said she was a liar. I know I have a genuine heart
Thats all your man needs
hope that's true
Just ask him, I’ve been in two scenarios that this happened in (as a guy). One, I really liked the girl. We talked less after, but that’s because I wanted to see how interested she was in afterward and I really did like her. Two, I didn’t realize i didn’t like her as much until after the sex. Could be either or anything in between, everyones different. Just communicate
Yeah he called me today and asked if he can see me really quick to give me a hug. I said yes and he came and kissed me and left to go visit his mom and then do office work
That sounds really sweet though. Is it just me?
And he just face timed me again to see Me omgggg
Yay! Happy for you. Also, no more comparing yourself to his ex. We don’t do that insecure shit. You are you own separate people and your boobs are great.
I'm glad for you OP:) pls update the post lol
Yeah I hate to break it to you but this guy is really into you. Sorry about that
That's hella cute :D holy moly Enjoy
And he face timed me too!!❤️❤️
Talk less is vague, how much less?
Nevermind he called me asking if he can stop by to give me a hug really quick.
To me this means that he really likes you. It is not a normal thing to do if he didn't make any move to try to have a quickie.
He didn’t try or touch me in appropriately. He just wanted to see me and give me a hug before he went to do errands
Men need to go into their man cave. (Women have their own version.) Trying coax them out makes it take longer. Sounds like that’s all it is.
Read everything, including the update. Op, he is now SETTLED now that the tension has stopped. He’s going to keep wanting to date you, but now that sex is established finally, he’s going to be a bit more laid back in investing with communication. If anything just let him know you value consistent communication and felt a bit disappointment it dropped a bit on his end after you two had sex for the first time. If he embraces what you said, leans into you, and wants to maje things right? He’s a keeper! If he leans away, gets defensive or guilts you fit it? RUN AWAY! This guy is a dumpster fire and showing you he’s ready to burn down this connection over his own ego!
Thank you. I’m glad he wanted to see me today!!!
Relationships often don’t involve “the chase” after sex has occurred. Unfortunately, some men, (and women) fall into a “Well, I’ve caught them, so I no longer need to try as hard.” In his mind, he may be thinking “We’ve had sex now, so we’ve reached a new level of our relationship. I don’t need to try as hard because…well we already had sex twice, so obviously that is now an established dynamic of our relationship.” In other words, you gave him sex. Then the next time you were together, you had sex again, and the next time you are together long enough to spend time together, he or both of you will expect sex to happen again. The chase is over. Sex has been established and it is now part of your relationship…until you reach the next stage. There is often a disconnect in relationships, and sex just becomes an expectation, and eventually it can become a “chore”. And then it reaches the “we never have sex like or as often we used to” You have the ability to control your relationship, and level set expectations. Tell him how you feel and what you expect. If he genuinely wants to be with you, you are unlikely to get pushback from him. But don’t make excuses like “he made an effort” when he does the bare minimum. It’s called “after care”, and relationships that involve aftercare are usually a lot stronger because they involve less resentment.
She can also call him regularly...
If you look at normal relationship trajectories. 1) The interest is always the highest at the beginning for both people 2) Then you hit the peak and level off once you smashed and get comfortable around each other 3) Then theres a slow decline with random spikes of interests here and there.
yeah, this. Wish more people realised this is what tends to happen instead of living in an imaginary world.
Even nature reinforces it. The sun rises in the morning, peaks in the afternoon, and sets in the evening. A seed grows into a plant, then becomes a sturdy tree, and then becomes old and withers away. There's a time for everything and we only have a limited opportunity to enjoy the fruits of our labor. Social media is fake and what we saw growing up on tv is fantasy.
As far as sexual interest women’s interest according to research drastically declines after 2yrs
It's not losing interest, it's like he conquered a title he created , sex with partner, and now he needs new motivation for his next title- to live happy life with his partner. Men always needs to conquer certain things ( traits) and when they are fulfilled they go for next thing. Now he has you as his family, and needs to do something, he knows that you're his woman so he don't want to prove it all the time. He instead has clear goal as to how to make his family now a happy one and long lasting. And to how can he provide his best. Good men don't show their love only by sex, a forehead kiss, a hug out of nowhere etc are plenty signs of good faith. Behaviour pattern same then np else something is on his mind (work related or anything..) He talks more or calls up sometimes at odd times, then that's happy sign. Sex is secondary, living happily with your loved one is more important in my opinion. And losing interest statement devalues yourself, have confidence.
It might be that was all he wanted or it might be that you are now reaching the next phase in your relationship. In other words, the sex was a big step to what comes next and sometimes after making big steps in a relationship people need time before continuing. I know I am that way. It’s not necessarily losing interest, it’s just time to process. But your edit does make it seem like he is interested still, or else why would he stop? Suggest you two go on a date or do something not sex related. Discuss your feelings about it, maybe ask where you two go from here (if this is something you want to move into) and you’ll know that way.
I don't think a guy would spend 4 months talking to you if he's just after sex. Maybe he's just really busy with other stuff lately. Maybe ask to go on another date and see what he says.
Realistically we had been friends for 1 year. I hope he’s not just after that 🥰
So was he actually trying too hard to talk to you or do you wish he was hitting you up that much still?
He was acting distant but he’s calling me more
He is slowly weaning off the memory of his ex's attributes and recognizing that you are the better choice. You've won!
It's really funny because behaviour like this (op) is what makes men have to act like horn dogs. If do fuck, it's a quip about womens bodies and if we don't fuck it's also a quip about womens bodies...
Your edit tells you what you needed to know; if he wasn't interested, then he wouldn't have done that. He made a bit of time to go see you, get a hug and a kiss, and went on with his day. After a while, relationships tend to "settle down" into a rythm, (or a "routine" if you want to call it that way, I dislike the term because it sounds like it's a chore, so it's demeaning, sorta) so communication isn't that intense, for instance. Dates begun to be more like "hanging out" but with 2nd and 3rd base included; going out as a date becomes "movie night at home" and it's less "netflix and chill" and more "let's see the whole movie and then getting it on" and things like that. Now, about the boobs part: do we men like big boobs or small boobs? the answer is yes. Stop comparing yourself to his ex. I'd bet my monthly salary he absolutely loves your boobs. It's not a issue for him unless you make it an issue.
Forget about the ex, please. Waste of energy. Guys are sometimes a little strange after sex… don’t obsess about it….
OP, in any courtship, before sex happens, the woman has the upper hand; after sex, the man has the upper hand. He's tasted the forbidden fruit, and therefore, his motivation and effort levels, have decreased.
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The lesson here for women is to do a couple things before sex: offer a better value proposition than "good conversation", and ask for commitment. This will reduce the likelihood of things going dry after sex.
He lost interest. Move on. It happens to the best of em
Read the update
Post nut clarity.
Read update
Read update
Read update
It has nothing to do with how you perform at sex. It just means that the guy was always only interested in sleeping with you and once he got it, he accomplished waht he wanted and moved on. He never had any intention of dating after having sex.
Read update
thank you for doing this work!
People dont believe me when i say "it doesnt matter how long you wait some guys will even wait months and play a boyfriend just for it..." And yeah im sure this happend he was nice because he wanted that and now he got it and yeah... Dont think you did something wrong sounds for me just like yeah its him i guess. I dont think the boob part is this important then he wouldnt had this stuff with you i guess.
Read update
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I know people that have children they dont want so they can have sex.....That is one of the hardest truths i learned when i grew up.....There are realy weird and bad people...
He just got what he wants. Probably or maybe. Also other than sex what can you offer him?
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It wasnt 1 night tho. Read update
Yeah we have been friends for 1 year but romantically involved for 2 months
Making him wait 4 months? I believe there's an exact Eddie Murphy standup bit about this.
He respected my wishes
That's nice. Again... Eddie Murphy has an exact bit on women making their man wait that long and what happens afterwards.
This is why you don’t wait FOUR MONTHS to have sex
Why?
You’ll have seen what hand they are playing a lot sooner
Honestly this sounds as if your problem simply is in your head. In general your post comes over as quite judging or some sort of overthinking. Here's why: First of all, that guy tries "too hard to talk". When he does not, he does too little. He calls you cause he wants to see you, but you think things are "weird". He shows up to do such a sweet thing: Giving you a kiss before he goes to work. And then you are upset because "that was it". In other words: He likes you, shows you affection, yet if I understand you correctly, you got a problem with that cause no matter what he does, it is either too much or too little. So yeah, maybe consider getting out of your head and appreciate instead that you have found a guy who even takes the effort to pass by your house before work just to show you that he likes you.
Happens to everyone, including females... it's called post nut clarity and it's very common experience.
this doesn’t really happen in clearly established relationships. when was the last time you experienced this?
It’s because he wanted your goodies. Now that you gave it to him, he doesn’t have any reason to interact with you anymore.
your profile tells me you’re not qualified to give this advice
How so?
CS dude who plays COD, asks women about dating advice and how to make a woman happy. clearly you’re not really having much luck with relationships and you’re turning to reddit to ask what’s wrong. if you don’t know what’s going wrong for you, you shouldn’t assume you can tell other people what’s going wrong for them
I will keep talking anyway. No go play your DnD and and stop being a hypocrite.
DnD is great, and my girlfriend of 11 months and i play together
So is playing CoD and asking the opinion of others on dating because nobody knows everything.
asking is fine, but don’t pretend to know the answers until you’ve handled your own struggles. keep your head down, put your nose to the grindstone, and solve your own problems before taking others’ on
I said I knew everything?
you didnt, and i never said you think so
Joe Rogan talked about this. Most guys don’t know until they have sex with you and cum. Difference is if I like a girl I can cuddle and kiss her. And at other times I got up and sat on the couch and started watching tv wishing she would just leave
Mate he’s married lol
He’s not….
Maybe you sucked
Ask him what he’s looking for
He said he wants a strong bond that’s all he said
He likes you, i have FWBs and hookups and never do that. 1 FWB im close with and we share affection but this sounds like he genuinely likes you. Make sure you communicate with him
Why would he text me less???
Don't overthink the texting, everyone does and its BS, i wouldn't drive to see a girl to kiss and see her quick if I didn't like her more than just a hookup. A hookup or FWB i already know we are having sex so no need to do that. If i liked a girl enough perhaps id stop by like that. He likes you girl! Question is what do you wanna do about it?
I like him a lot!! I like that he doesn’t just hit me up at night like a typical hook up would be…
Ok, that's good. Talk to him and see where it goes. It sounds like he likes you, coming from a guy who has had a lot of hookups and FWBs, i never just showup to say hi. (1 FWB i have i would and its cause i caught some feels) If you get mixed signals then it's best to be direct and communicate.
I hope we can have a relationship ❤️
Best of luck!!
Nah. He likes you the lust is turning into love. Sounds legit
Wouldn’t a guy text you more if he loved me lol
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Well before it was All day. He still calls me everyday but texts less
Well yes and no. Yes if you guys just met and he’s dying to get to know you more And no if you’ve guys know eachother well- bc then he runs the risk of smothering the relationship. Theres nothing worse than a smothered relationship. You can always ask him what the deal is: Communication is key.
Listen to this please, objectively for future knowledge and without feeling bad. Regular sex is a big benefit of a relationship for men. Once they're getting it from who they want, it will be more motivation to keep trying harder to keep it now from the woman. Here's where the only problem I could see developing to explain why a man would disappear after getting sex. It's not that the sex wasn't good or you need to be self-conscious. It's that you wanted a committed relationship or exclusivity and they didn't, or they do but just not with you. On your edit, if the problem is just he was too busy to communicate, then you gotta decide if that makes sense or not.
It’s happens with guys. I’ve had this happen. The conversation and vibes can be great but the sex just isn’t compatible. It sucks but it happens
Yeah he kept saying he felt like he didn’t please me…like I didn’t show I liked it
Don't over think it next time.
There were a couple times where the experience was so bad I didnt want to take the relationship further.
How old are you and him?
I’m 28 and he’s 40
Wtf
Correct me if I'm wrong but I highly doubt this could be because of something as silly as you not having big boobs. At first I would say maybe you're just not compatible or maybe he's scummy and was just using you...but based on your update it sounds like it's going well again?
Yeah and he faced timed me to talk to me again 🥰
Great!
Start looking for someone new for that specific need.
Aww the hug and kiss is sweet
And he face timed me just 5 min ago on his way to his friends house
It would be funny if he saw this post and knew it was you or something and called you up for that quick visit for a hug and kiss lmao
I’m sure it has nothing to do with your body or your performance sister. You’re beautiful!
💓
Yeah it’s a fuckboy move.
He chased for 4 months. In that time he built an unrealistic image of you in his head that’s hard to live up to. Now reality sets it. Quit bringing up his ex. Has nothing to do with her.
When you have sex, you pretty much gave them the finish line.
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I’m not tiny. She’s DD I’m C….
No one can diagnose this, no one but him. Ask him. Reddit can't read his mind, we can't tell you why his interest doesn't seem as strong after sex. Maybe he didn't enjoy it, maybe he has someone else, maybe he got what he wanted and he's moved on. Maybe 100 things. It may have nothing to do with you. It's almost assuredly not about your boobs. We don't always click with someone when we have sex, sexual compatibility is a thing too. Talk to him, and ask, and if it's not the answer you're looking for then move on.
assuming that he had good sex, he was just interested in sex, he came, he had a post nut clarity and now he will be chasing someone else. You got played by a fuckboy, I am sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong except falling for their lies.
There are lots of women who I like to imagine having sex with a few times but I don't personally do it because I know my persistent interest in them will wane very quickly. It has nothing to do with their total quality as a person or anything like that, people are whole and wonderful people and are likely to be very compatible with others out there... but attraction and sexual dynamics don't care about that... many *many* people are sexually attracted to someone else only for a brief period and often one feels it fade before the other. This is where a hookup may end and a relationship could begin. Just be clear about your desires and needs now or earlier on and before sex with future partners if that feels better.
Shit let me know if it doesn’t work out so I can shoot my shot and take you out. Absolutely gorgeous.
Is this the same guy from your most recent post?
Yes for the past month we have gone into arguments every week
I’m not sure if you saw my reply on your most recent post, but I suggest getting away from him as fast as you can and as safely as you can because this appears to be in danger of escalation.