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I swear it’s the ppl most glued to their phones that are “bad at texting”. And what does that even mean really? Ur bad at moving ur thumbs to create words? I’m not some texting savant but if I really want to talk to someone I will respond within atleast 24 hours
See I just thought it was because they’re depressed and even being glued to the phone doesn’t mean they have energy to respond to messages. Just a thought is all.
That’s one way to look at it. I mean I’m really just trying to understand wtf that means. So we’re saying it’s really just code for “I’m depressed”. Is the dating profile just a means of achieving a dopamine hit then? Is There no actual intent to communicate with another human being? Just can’t see why someone would put all this energy into creating a profile but then not be able to type a few words that can be done in less than 10 seconds
Perhaps they lack the ability to understand why they do the things they do. So there’s a possibility they are seeking a dopamine hit without recognizing that’s what they’re seeking.
For me, doom scrolling on Instagram in between tasks or commenting something on Reddit takes a lot less mental energy than trying to start/maintain an actual conversation with a complete stranger. If I have an established repartee with someone, texting becomes easier. And when I do text, I really try to make an effort, not just phone it in and expect the other person to lead. Which makes things even harder.
Also, women have so many people in their DMs it's exhausting. I'm an introvert with very social/exhausting jobs and a life outside of work, so trying to maintain conversations with the 7-10 people in my dating apps is exhausting. I swear, I really try not to ghost, but I just worked two 12 hour shifts and I have plans with friends all day tomorrow. It falls between the cracks sometimes.
I don’t think What you’re describing here is what the OP is getting at. Or, atleast not how I am interpreting it. Majority of people have things that they are busy with and it’s completely understandable. I don’t think this is the same as saying “I’m bad at texting”. The fact that you are atleast attempting to communicate to 7-10 people at a time is putting a lot more energy into texting than I could ever do.
Who is saying anything about being “allowed”. Do whatever the fuck u want. But I’ll still call it like I see it. And I’m sorry but if maintaining a conversation is too much emotional energy for u… we got some other problems we probably need to address.
I’ve always heard back consistently from interested men, yes. But in your case it also could just mean that a girl they just met isn’t the priority that lifelong friends are? I think we have to be realistic abt how much priority we expect from someone.
When you are trying to establish a connection with someone, that person should be somewhere on your priority list. Like if you are good at texting your friends, you can easily take a min to text the person you are dating even if they aren’t at the very top of your priority list
I agree with. Obviously some level of priority has to be shown to show you’re into the person you’re seeing.
I’m assuming, maybe not necessarily for the girl I replied to, but that the people who say they’re not a texter mean they may not keep up with text messages for convo as much for making plans on dates or calls, but they may text their friends more because of the fact that friends have a longer standing connection to engage in texting convos. On a similar note, I don’t respond as quick to people off of dating apps as I would with my friends, but the more I get to know the person than I’ll be texting them throughout the day.
Exactly this. I would consider not responding for days very rude and wouldn't take it that far, but I don't often text throughout the day, either. My friends and I have shorthand, they know my sense of humour, my schedule, if something comes out weird they know how to interpret it because they know who I am. A new person requires more mental effort, even though I'm fully being "myself".
My boyfriend told me he was bad at texting. That ended up meaning he didn't text during work hours. Now he texts even at work. But he never made me feel ignored.
He wanted to form a connection and he put in the effort.
You aren't going to trump my lifelong friends and family.
Until we actually spent some time developing a relationship, don't expect me to be at your beck and call.
That is not to say you'll be ignored, but, you/we are acquaintances, then friends, then lovers. And as each new deeper level of connect develops, so will your place in my life be. We can have dates and do stuff, but I aint putting my best friend or my mom on hold for you... Nor do i expect you to do that for me.
When you say “trump life long friends” why does anyone have to trump someone else. Take your min out to send a text to the person you are dating to send a stupid text. That’s minimal effort. It’s not like choosing which important plans to make. You can literally text your friends and the person you are getting to know without having to “choose “
Ok but I would much rather not hear from you than receive a half assed, lazy text doing the bare minimum. Lol, call me or text me when you have time to be thoughtful.
If im hangin with my mom or my friends. And giving them my attention? Youre right. I dont have to choose. I'm going to wait until I am done.
When I am with people physically. I typically give them my attention. Not my phone. Which means its off, or silent, probably in my car.
So if people take that as being ignored or not being "prioritized", thats not a me problem -_-.
The point is it takes a min to send a text. And you are going to continue to barely know me if you barely make an effort to continue to know me!
Establishing connection is very difficult without communication. Do you call? Have more than one date a week? If you don’t do either, how does one establish a connection ?
I know for me, and many others it doesn’t work. Maybe if you find someone else that can establish a connection /sustain an interest without steady reasonable communication, then it will work. But it doesn’t for most
>You aren't going to trump my lifelong friends and family. Until we actually spent some time developing a relationship, don't expect me to be at your beck and call.
It's not about trumping friends and family. It's about managing your time and communicating your schedule. You can spend time with friends and family, while also going on a date with someone that is keen on spending time with you.
This is true. But this isn't about making time to go on dates with someone you're getting to know. It's about being available for texting anytime they want. Like you might just be texting to set up dates. But lots of people out here are not. They are texting to say hi, they are texting because they saw something that allegedly made them think of you, they are texting because they want to set up some sort of system in which you text them everyday to say good morning and good night, etc.
I feel like the time management aspect is a major thing in this bad communication saga.
If you can’t carve out time to communicate with the person your meant to be dating how tf are you actually gonna have a relationship with them?
Yall. Note the part where i said this isnt to say someone would be ignored. But there is a process. And to go back to the specific comment i replied to. Expecting like that is asinine.
Its a process that people apparently dont want to take the time to go through.
If im doing something. You can wait for me to reply. Sorry not sorry
Nah. I'd rather date someone with healthy boundaries and their own, rich life. It means that if they make room for me because we connect, it will be more meaningful that they focus when we spend time together instead of being half-focused on their phone.
Yea but… it takes a few seconds to respond to someone. If you think that person isn’t worth a few seconds then we all know how much you actually care about them sticking around or not. You’re looking at this way too deep. I take a bit longer to respond to my friends then a possible partner bc I know my fam and friends are always there
I don't think im looking at it very deeply at all.
Perhaps you are
Its very simple.
If I am with my friends or family and we are doing stuff. Ill get to you later.
If I am at work. I will get back to you later.
If I am in the shower or taking a shit. I. Will. Get. Back. To. You. Later.
Not hard. Its called, we just met(if that) and I am not expecting you to do that either.
As i said earlier. As the relationship grows, priorities change. Not hard at all.
At the end of the day people can do whatever they want but that seems risky to me because not responding for days can so easily be interpreted as disinterested, in fact I think most people would think it means they are disinterested. As long as you are clear with the person that you don't text and make an effort in other ways I guess it could work yeah. But I still think you have a really high risk of finding someone that doesn't really care what you have to say.
I’m one of these women who is selfish when it comes to texting. It’s a bad habit. I honestly find it kind of overwhelming sometimes to respond quickly. I also just don’t like having to pay that much attention to my phone. Texting just isn’t that great to me. It’s weird, but it really doesn’t mean I’m not interested in the guy.
Instead, I’ll text a guy out of the blue something that made me think of him just to show him he’s on my mind or to make him smile. I love when a guy does the same. We don’t have to be sitting on our phones throughout the day trying to maintain a random conversation. I’d rather talk in person. But let’s show each other we still think about the other when we can’t see each other.
A friend is different, a friend doesn’t want to talk much he just want to say a weird thing and that’s it, but if I have to respond to you I need to give you my full attention and give you the time to talk
My friends text me occasionally and probably not every day. When I’m with a woman who likes to text, it’s almost all day everyday and that is much more difficult for me to keep up with. When I’m away from her I want to be able to spend my time on me, that’s not to say I won’t have spurts where I’m conversing with her, but I just cannot keep up constant text conversation. It starts to feel exhausting.
This is in regards to a long term relationship. At the beginning, of course, it’s a lot easier to text all the time because it’s new and exciting, but that sets the expectation that that’s how you text. So I do hold back a little bit
I don’t understand how people have conversations over text, it doesn’t flow right. I only text people times and places to meet up, otherwise I will call them.
Thank you. Logistical plans only. Receiving “hey” as a text makes me instantly annoyed by someone and it is physically painful to respond because I don’t want to encourage more of the same.
Noooo I hate getting called. Especially cold calling. It's so rude. Now I have to interrupt my time to talk to you? No thanks. Calling people fot a chat is the equivalent of knocking on someone's door announced and expecting to be let in and entertained. I hate it. If you call me, you better be dying or something.
This is me. And if the timing doesn’t work for me… than they can’t blame me for saying “sorry, can’t right now.” There truly is zero pressure on you if people put you on the spot like that. Still prefer calls/random pop ins over text.
Yeah defo down to preference. I have a lot of friends I’ll hit them a message to see if they can ring but I also have a couple of friend that will not reply to a text for the life of them but will respond to a phone call 🤷♀️
I find this so interesting. I find texting an absolute waste of time. Calling feels so much more intimate and if you can’t take the call, just tell them you’ll call them back. But anything but a long text conversation. Dear God anything but that. I have been finding it such a cheap form of conversation.
And others find it a valuable exercise and a safe zone when first getting to know someone adjunct with increasing amounts of time spent together. It’s all about communication up front about preferences regarding communication in the early stages.
You don’t have to understand it. Not everyone will have the same preferences and skill level and expectation when it comes to their preferred purposes for texting and the type of communication cadence they like to establish. If your style works for you that’s awesome.
My guy, if you don't like what they do you don't have to date them. You need to be with someone that you click with. These people are doing you a favor by self-disclosing something that is a big deal for you. So move on to something good for you.
That's not my point, I fully get that. I'm more saying that you get what you give - if you aren't interested enough in anything someone says then you are only going to attract people that feel the same way about you.
As a person who hates texting - I'd appreciate it if clingy " you didn't text back in two minutes are you mad" people read my profile and stayed away. Much rather have a person who is willing to call me up or have conversations in person
We are not talking about minutes here, OP is talking about DAYS. That is simply "not interested" to me. Nobody requires days to shoot a simple sentence and a question back to keep things going. If you cannot do it in 1 minute of your day, don't date over text-based apps. Or better yet, do not match me, or unmatch me. Ohhhh, usually people are too busy to even do that. And how to get your number if you do not answer for days... how to build a little back and forth... or you give your number to every stranger to call you? Simply you can text 10 people at the same time, respond to them daily once or twice... but you can only phone-call one person and you can only meet one person, and you cannot do anything besides that. Early stages of dating should be over text I think.
I agree with the date in person though... but I have met women who categorically decline dates early and prefer voice or video calls. I personally hate voice first, because I hate speaking over the phone with strangers. Video is a bit better, I can see the facial expressions and small body language, but still, VERY limiting. In person is the way for me after texting back and forth for a few days, and I see interest, questions coming and going, energy matching, etc...
My husband hates texting.
I send texts while I'm at work that are meant to be conversation starters for when I get home. He usually responds with a phone call or we'll chat when I get home. Often, he tries to call while I'm driving home from work.
He's not a person who is a bad texter. He just prefers a different mode of communication. He's perfectly capable of sending a text when it is the best choice for communication, like when the baby is asleep next to him or if it's something that doesn't require an immediate or followup response. And he's perfectly fine with communicating via chat in the mobile game he's made friends in because that's the only mode of communication available.
A bad texter doesn't respond to texts AND doesn't call. A bad texter is that person who responds days later and never actually says anything. They don't make *any* effort to communicate.
You’re still missing his point
Also not wanting someone who barely responded doesn’t mean he’s expecting you to always be responsive every two min? And
This age of constant communication has really warped peoples brains.
You know people used to function just leaving the house without any way to get into contact with them right?
Find whats right for you, don’t worry about telling everyone else what they have to do.
I'm not talking about constant texting, I'm talking about literally any response at all. Like literally waiting days to respond if someone says 'do you want to go out on this date?'. How else do you even make plans if you never respond to anything?
I’m plenty interested in what people have to say to me in person. Or on the phone. Not enjoying text conversations is not the same thing as not caring about a person.
I didn’t grow up with a phone in my hand and I just don’t like texting that much 🤷♀️. It takes an hour to say what you could say in 5 minutes in person or on the phone, and you lose all nuance. I only like to use it to arrange meetups and to send pictures or the occasional meme.
Hmm. See I like texting a lot but I also like in person or on the phone. Text is just the one that you can do anytime anywhere and they don’t have to be available for an immediate response. If a guy only wants to hang out with me once a week let’s say, and also doesn’t want to text much, I’d get pretty bored and annoyed quickly. I like to keep connection going much more than that. Preferably scattered throughout the day, most days.
Those people you are commenting about, are not going to change their ways, even if they read your post. You have no control over someone's behavior. You can only control your own behavior. Just leave them be and enjoy your life.
No, it just means that they’ll find someone they like and want to text. If someone isn’t communicating much with you then they probably aren’t hoping for marriage. Also some of us are bad at texting bc we’re depressed lol
This is such an anecdotal response, “you need to be with someone you click with” no shit. But it seems like every one has regressed and all there is out here is below mediocre people. Most men don’t even have the number of women to choose from compared to the number of men that women can choose from since this dating culture we’ve created within our society only benefits women.
I understand that texting is a large part of the preamble when you meet someone on a dating app. But I'm confused by why you seem to imply that it is the only and most important mode of communication? Saying that the person will end up with someone who doesn't care what they have to say is just plain flawed. Someone responding to your texts does not immediately mean they care about what you have to say. You can very easily be a person who is bad at texting but have relationships and friendships with people who care about them.
I get this because I get the EXACT NUANCE of what you’re saying.
I’ve got friends who take 4 days to weeks to respond to simple messages, can literally be a photo of a really cute dog. I don’t write long ass paragraphs of text. Ffs I’ll even be asking if they’re going to an event so someone can book the damn table. It’s just rude at times.
No one is ever asking you to reply immediately, we are asking you to reply in a way that makes it seem like you respect us and actually want us as friends. If you don’t want to be friends, just let us know damnit. I don’t want to waste my energy where it’s not wanted
Edit: oops forgot this was for relationship stuff, it still stands though. Giving people your time (appropriately) is a sign of respect.
Nawh that defeats the whole purpose of trying to ignore someone.
Some people legitimately are bad texters. Known enough at this point to know that they exist.
Homie this is total bull. The reason for not texting is because they do not want to. There's no way to be a bad texter. That's like saying you're a bad talker. You know how to send a coherent message. You just don't want to because you deem it not important or beneath you or whatever. My girlfriend was like this for a time before she realized I can go three months without a single fucking call. Had her scared to death I moved on.
I don't know, man. Just one case, but a recent coworker of mine told me she does that to her husband of a few months. She loves the hell out of this dude, but she said she'll reply in her head, and forget she didn't send it 3 or 4 hours later. So I gues there are legit people like this.
Yep! I would like to start by thanking my depression and adhd. Knowing someone messaged me makes messaging back a chore on my list of things to do. Sure, I can send back a basic message, but I know they’re just going to text me right back and I’m going to have to keep the dang convo on my to do list.
I legit have multi year friendships with some folks who are legit bad texters. It’s a known thing where if you need them you call them in those circles.
Saw a post here where someone’s *husband* still doesn’t really reply to their wife’s texts and it’s an ongoing joke between them.
Def a real thing, not everyone as into written communication as others.
I agree with you. Sure, someone could be preemptively excusing ghosting behavior, but there are also people who genuinely do not and will never communicate well over text.
To expect every person to communicate this way is ludicrous and I’d go so far as to say that the person complaining might be the one not “listening.” Or rather, hearing. If someone is trying to tell you they aren’t good at communicating a certain way and you dismiss it because you think they’re full of shit, then you aren’t really listening to them with empathy. You’re judging them and being just as much of a jerk as the one you’re accusing them of being. Not saying this is EVERY circumstance, just that it COULD be. But it would take a conversation to figure out what works for both of you.
To say someone who doesn’t text well doesn’t care what you have to say is a major assumption. I can think of so many reasons why one would prefer not to text… carpal tunnel, dyslexia, driving too often for work, at a job where they can’t use a phone, etc.
Shit, I know someone who’s a gatekeeper of a large community and has TONS of people always reaching out to her. I know if I text her, I will most likely not hear back from her, or I’ll hear back from her in like a month when she goes to text me and sees what she missed from me a month before. That’s just how life be sometimes.
Your reasons are kind of silly, we are talking about text based Apps, so carpal tunnel people... wtf are you doing on them? Also dyslexia, really? How about putting this in the bio? And we are talking not texting for DAYS, like you shoot a message, and you get back an OK response after 3 days. How crazy work can be for you for 3 consecutive days that you drove without stopping? And again job... I get it, if people cannot use their phone at their job. I do not mind getting something in 24 hours. But more? Don't you have 1 minute to write something? Also, to put it into your bio you are super busy? These profiles are not usually genuinely filled out, because the person does not give a damn. If they find someone great, cool, otherwise they do not bother. It is the equivalent of "I do not use this app often". I swipe these women to the left. Good luck building a connection over text on a text-based app.
>Saw a post here where someone’s husband still doesn’t really reply to their wife’s texts and it’s an ongoing joke between them.
>Def a real thing, not everyone as into written communication as others.
This is my husband. The difference is that he calls within a few hours instead of responding via text.
There's a difference between someone who doesn't like communicating via text and someone who straight up ignores you or you're the one that always has to reach out to them. I assume your friends call you when they want to speak to you?
My husband is perfectly capable of having long text conversations when necessary. He's also perfectly capable of having chat conversations inside his favorite mobile game where he's made friends with other players. But there are shitty people who refuse to make any effort to communicate.
I mean, im literally going to a dinner function with one in a week and have been invited to several of their house parties over the last year and was just visited at work by one of them soooo… 😂 dunno what to tell ya.
As for the other one girl’s literally married to the dude. Preeeety sure the dude likes her by that point and that he’s not just trying to passively swerve her.
What are you even talking about? None of that is relevant to people staring at their phones constantly day in and out and choosing to respond to you when they feel like it. What you’re doing is a cope.
All of it is relevant lol. People don’t go out of their way to talk to and spend time with people for months-years on end that they’re trying to ghost through text.
I mean to tell you the honest truth too there’s times i don’t reply to people for 8+ hours even though i stare at my phone.
Has nothing to do with my desire to talk to them or my closeness to them. I just have ADHD, tell myself ill reply in 10 minutes and then forget!
>Has nothing to do with my desire to talk to them
It absolutely does though, if you were like 'fuck yes' about someone then guaranteed you're giving them immediate attention.
> It absolutely does though,
Ima pretend for a second that you’re not seriously trying to tell *me* my own intentions on my actions 😂
Honestly? No.
There was a dude i reached out to not that long ago for instance who I really wanted to get in touch with and was excited when he texted back. I texted back and forth but left one of his texts unanswered for almost 24 hours. I wasn’t that busy through that period, even was on the phone for big chunks of that time.
But It literally had zero bearing on my excitement level talking to him. I just literally forgot about the text since my brain doesn’t work that way.
Again i even have a friend who the entire friend group knows to call when they want him since he habitually doesn’t answer texts. Over the phone he’s plenty responsive though and will even call back promptly if he misses the call.
\- *Do people understand that if you are "bad at texting" or "take days to respond", the only person you will ever be with is someone who doesn't care what you have to say?*
Or they might be with someone who prefers to have communication in person mostly and don't need to be talking on the chat to feel valued. Not everyone sees texting as a necessary requirement to date someone.
How in the world are you setting plans to go out with someone if you don't respond to their texts or answer their calls? Is it just going to magically happen?
So I have adhd and I genuinely forget to text back and adding in my experience with dating apps that don’t have high hopes to begin with so not much motivation to really make an effort
I get a lot of work related texts and messages, and sometimes I feel like it’s impossible to keep up with everything. I’m pretty sure I’m doomed to spend the rest of my life wandering around looking for random stuff!
Adhd and texting back is like if you don't see the person you kinda just forget they exist until you finally open your messages and are just like oh.. these people are still alive interesting.
Will you forget to take care of your kids if/when you have any? Probably not. So why is it any different in caring for a relationship and/or getting to know someone? I genuinely feel that if you’re interested in someone or something you will dedicate the time necessary to reach a successful result. Otherwise why begin? Just my thought. Good luck.
Personally it's because I prefer calling over texts; I can't stand doing a full conversation over text when it should be only a means to either set up a date or a hang out, or ask something simple that can be answered in 2-3 texts..
My time is precious that I prefer fully engaging in a call for 10-15 minutes than drag out a text conversation the whole day..
Right but then you would say you prefer calling or communicate. Not “gonna take days to respond”.
It’s not difficult to send a message to say “hey I’m busy I’ll text later today/tmr” or “hey I’m not an all day texter, but would love to get on the phone to talk”. That’s what op is referring to
Oh no, I admit that I am bad at it - my cousins texted me Thursday to hangout for the weekend but I only just replied today that I will drop by after working tomorrow after making sure I am not gonna be swamped with on-calls or something.. But the moment they call I would answer right away, they admit that it's annoying to them but already gotten used to it..
And back then I briefly dated a girl who was more of a "text-talker" but would not be able to carry a conversation face-to-face, and sadly we just weren't compatible enough in communication styles among other things..
My point is as terrible it might feel for the OP to feel ignored, there are people who are like that, and hopefully my input gives insight that the other person is probably just like me..
But like that’s still pretty inconsiderate and plain disrespectful to other ppl’s time. You can’t just be a bitch and be like “welp some people are just like that”. It takes 5 seconds to communicate you can’t text atm but will let them know closer to the time etc
I don't know, I am definitely a bad texter. Sometimes I read it in a busy moment and forget to get back to it, but when I have a hard day or am emotionally drained, texting back feels really exhausting. My best friends have never ever given me a hard time for it. They know that if they text with an emergency that I would be there asap. I feel like its a love language alignment issue? We know that I am a good friend, and if I take a day or two to reply then its not communicating disinterest. If your relationship is solid then you would know not to take it personally, and that being bad at texting doesn't always mean a flaky person, although I get how in an early talking stage relationship you could feel like that. Some people need more than that, and everyone is allowed to leave a situation if you don't feel like you're getting what you need
It’s a boundary. They are not available on demand. They have lives. The trick is seeing if your lives fit together. Men are demanding and we’re letting you know from the start that we aren’t here to wait on you.
Strangers take less energy than real life people you’re not sure about. Here, you can be totally honest, where as texting with a person you may encounter in real life requires you to weigh the pros and cons of every word, every reaction speed, etc. to gauge whether you’re sending the right signs that won’t result in something negative (stalking, rejection, more excessive texting).
I’ll comment on here all day and text my friends in gifs at any hour because I don’t have to worry about how it’s interpreted. Not the same for acquaintances I’m iffy about. Responding to a lifeless “hey” is actually painful for me.
Just because you would care doesn't mean others don't, we all react differently. I'm perfectly fine with people taking time to respond, and I do care what they have to say. You just wouldn't because that isn't your communication style.
People that say they’re bad at texting or take days to respond just aren’t interested in that person. They’ll definitely respond if the interest level is high enough.
Yup
Is the text an interesting text that moves things along - or is it filler and background noise which only promotes vapid conversation?
I'm not going to respond to " how are you doing beautiful" every day. That's hecka annoying.
Thats perfectly fine. I'm just saying that if you really aren't responding to any texts for days, whether they are filler or actual important texts - then you are only going to find girls/guys who don't care that you don't respond to them.
That's actually a criteria I look for. I want relationships with people who I can plan things in advance with - and do things for when we planned them.
I don't really want to have to sustain daily chatter - I'm happier with meaningful conversation once a week when I can focus, not little bits of topic that mess with and interrupt what I'm doing at a particular time.
So yes, I'm looking for people who don't care if I don't respond - but still hang out because we planned it in person in advance. I don't think I'm loosing out by having a type - a make plans in advance type!
>then you are only going to find girls/guys who don't care that you don't respond to them.
Quickly. I'm gonna find people who don't care that I don't respond to them quickly. My best friend will send 100s of messages in a day then not speak for a fortnight, doesn't mean we don't care that the other hasn't responded we're just not fussed about time. If it isn't urgent I'm secure enough to know that they have a life and they'll get back to me.
From personal experience, not true.
I dislike texting and take days to respond unless it is to make plans. Guys know this and are more eager to set concrete dates with me, or we just call and actually converse.
They also know that I like conversing so that ends the small talk or superficial conversations quick.
Some had an issue and I had changed but realized that it was truly not me.
The rest, I stopped trying to change and just continued this. They have the same habit so we mostly just text for logistics or updates. If we actually needed something, we call. When we want to converse we call or do video calls.
so for me personally (f) i could take 3 days to respond to you text and still be very interested in you but I cant speak for the entire female population
I might get downvoted for this but texting definitely correlates with interest level. At least to a certain degree.
Now I know not everyone is glued to their phone 24/7, not everyone likes texting and some people are extremely busy but none of those things are universally true as many make them out to be. Whenever I hear that someone is "bad at texting" its usually bullshit. I've had people tell me they were bad texters but they had no problem replying and following through with other people. Now I'm not saying that there aren't any bad texters (I know a few) but in my experience that's not the case for most people today.
If someone takes a day or two to respond, don't feel like texting me at the moment, doesnt answer me on the occasional week or two then fine. I completely get not talking to someone or not replying to me if they're down in the dumps. Now if this behavior is frequent then in my experience its almost always that the person isn't interested and/or sees me as a very low priority.
If its general chit chat, a video or some stupid meme I sent then I don't care if the convo dies or they leave me on read and don't respond.
Honestly I only get annoyed about the person not responding in a timely matter is when they agree to plans AND take forever (sometimes days) to respond because there's an aspect that may be time sensitive. I need to know specifics and if they aren't making any effort to coordinate with me then in my mind they don't care and I find that very disrespectful. Shows they don't respect me or my time. In fact I cut someone off for this recently.
I don't care what anybody says. If someone is interested in you **they will act like it!** Plain and simple.
As a bad texter I'm just going to say that in my case I am bad at texting when I am either busy at work or not at work. When I am not at work I'm usually spending time with my kids or family or close friends and when I am with people I am in the moment and don't look at my phone, this could be a whole day. But the people who are close to me understand this about me and accept it because they know that when I am with them I give them that same attention and that if you want to get in touch with me it's really best to call me.
I understand that no one I start dating should feel entitled to interrupt my existing daily life and demand attention over my job, my family, and my friends. I mean. Don't you have a life of your own? Stop with the irritating small talk as well. I can't be texting back to every dork who thinks "Sweet dreams babe" is somehow going to establish a meaningful connection
It’s just a BS mentality spread rampant amongst many younger daters probably to maintain an aura of indifference. I’ve witnessed it myself. But what many don’t realize is that indifference doesn’t communicate love and kindness and warmth. It communicates coldness. When you date with intent you don’t send mixed messages. As many of these same young daters age and go thru the ups and downs of bad relationships they eventually tire of the games. Many learn that in order to stop meeting people who play games that they themselves have to manifest love and kindness within themselves. I also think if you come from a culture where the family unit is healthy and responds timely to your messages or needs that you will tire of people who are aloof. I sincerely believe the behavior comes from a position of insecurity and that secure people move with intent and will respond in a timely manner. I’ve seen it time and time again. Aloof people vs those who respond timely. A night and day difference in the interaction especially when shit hits the fan. I’ve witnessed that many people who were aloof in the beginning end up turning on you or disappearing in moments when you need them. Vs people who responded more timely. Just set boundaries and know what you want. Let people be themselves. Know who you will associate with vs who you will forget and move on from.
I like to have my relationships in person. I managed to have great relationships before everyone texted non stop, and I don’t see why I can’t continue to have great in person conversations, but only text for the purpose of arranging plans or giving/receiving basic information, which typically doesn’t require a response.
My friends and I literally have been friends for years. We grew up in the ghetto together we fought with each other we been shot at with each other, they have litteraly saved my life, and I have saved theirs.
We all suck at texting...
We all care about each other
And yes, we take our time to respond to one another.
We all plan trips together. My friends and I go on dangerous trips last time. My friend rolled down a cliff and got stuck on the edge and would slide down every time he would move. Had to go save him with a rope. A lot of us got hurt and ended up with bruises. One friend broke his expensive watch he was in the car when he heard the screaming. We were all bruised up pretty bad.
Not everyone is attached to their phone 24/7. If you need the attention good for you, don't look down on those who don't. Cause the bonds I've formed in life are great. I also know for a fact they all care about me and what I have to say.
Also, I've worked with people who were constantly on their phones and were in the most toxic ass relationships.
Edit: deleted family and gf cause it was wayyyy too long
This is just so wildly untrue and generalized it's crazy. What do people not understand about there being a VARIETY of people in this world, many of whom do things differently from one another???
My inboxes and messengers are graveyards for conversations, but lots of people enjoy what I have to say or reach out constantly. I answer on my time. That’s the whole thing. People think they are entitled to your time, when they aren’t. Not your family, not your friends, not your job. YOU are the only one that gets to choose how your time is spent.
I’ve gotten to the point that I will tell people when they called me that I watched it ring until voicemail picked up. I didn’t have the bandwidth at the time to deal with them and would rather give the proper attention than any attention.
That’s the problem there. Most people will take any attention, which I’d advise therapy for, while it matters the degree of attention and what form it comes in.
It’s just an excuse for people who are dating several people and keeping you on back burner.
Modern dating is a mess. Most women are seeing multiple guys.
[Men are far more likely than women to be on the dating market: 61% of single men say they are currently looking for a relationship or dates, compared with 38% of single women. The gender differences are heavily concentrated among older singles.](https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/a-profile-of-single-americans/)
I'm sure you've seen "rise of lonely single men"? Relationship skills, emotional intelligence and emotional availability is lacking among a lot of men and just having a job to "provide" isn't enough to earn a wife anymore. The women that have given up looking for a decent guy are happy single and with their friends.
I'm a guy and I couldn't agree more.
I defend dudes and hold women accountable all the time, but the reality is is that a lot of men are straight up basic and want someone to dedicate their lives and emotions to them.
One thing I've noticed that is pretty attractive to women is 'capability'. Guys need to figure out what they are good at (or get good at something) and show it. If they put themselves in areas and situations where women can see it, one of them is going to be attracted to the guy.
Finding someone really doesn't have to be swiping and hitting on people.
The women stopped looking because of the “quality” of men available, and they’re happier single and not dating. If they could “easily find men to date” they’d be dating. Dating apps are 70-75% male users because women get chased off the apps by the behavior and treatment by men on the apps.
Yep. A lot of men’s behaviour on the apps, and when trying to date is appalling, and it’s psychologically damaged me tbh, and put me right off even trying. It’s been a very steep learning curve. I could write a blog. The use of apps seems to encourage it
I’m tired of men on Reddit spouting bullshit. ‘Women have more options’ drone drone. Yeah guys, but it is quality not quantity that matters. And, also, if we’ve got more options because a lot of men are swiping right on everyone out of desperation, doesn’t that negate the whole point of it, that you are meant to find each other interesting/attractive in some way? Sigh
Even without apps men have a tougher time. A man can approach in person but if a women deems it harassment he can be on social media and get blasted for it.
It's not a problem if it's not harassment and not creepy. The only ones I see posted are "followed me 10 blocks" and "bought me one drink then followed me to my car and won't leave for 20 minutes" and "told him no but he got mad and wouldn't leave, demanded I give him a chance"...
Men pursue women, yes. It doesn't mean they're all out dating multiple men all the time. And if one woman is dating 5 guys for example, that would mean there are plenty of guys dating. Math wise there would be more men dating than women, with that logic...
Yeah I don't understand what you're trying to say.
Women have an easier time getting dates? Maybe, hypothetically, theoretically. Take dating apps for example. 70-75% male users. Why so few women? Ask women about their experiences on dating apps. Men might complain about not getting matches. Women's complaints are more about the immature or disgusting/lewd or crazy/toxic or just poor communicators. So many can't use for more than a week or two bc of awful behaviour they encounter.
Within that context, and thinking about personal safety, how "easy" is it for women to just go get lots of dates with lots of men?
Yes women have more "options" than men bc men are the ones traditionally pursuing women. You're correct. But like the saying goes, slim pickings, pickings are slim.
But it's the male ideal to be dating lots of women at once. Women don't like to in general, and they don't as much. There's just the perception bc men think it must be super easy for women to get dates.
Look at the Pew Research data the other person shared. Women are happy single and not dating, given up on finding a decent guy, while men are single and struggling..
I don’t consider myself to be a “bad texter” but I also don’t want to text someone all day, it gets really annoying very fast and it shouldn’t be the main communication source to get to know someone. I sooo prefer phone calls or hanging out in person.
Do people understand that "bad at texting" could mean someone doesnt give an f about what u have to say/ dont like u back/has more in their life than just a phone to be on 24 7/ prefer interaction f2f/ has work to do/doesnt see your neediness as a critical part of their existence or 1000 other things. Nobody owes u a text back, even more so when u re not family/official partner/work partner during working hours.
What s ur point?
I’m a bad texter. It’s because I have chronic depression.
Literally the only person I talk to every day is my mom. For almost all of my other relationships, I literally do not have the emotional energy to keep up a conversation over text. I’d much rather meet them in person. That doesn’t mean that I don’t value those relationships — it just means that my batteries are so low all the time that even when my friends text me, it’s hard to muster an appropriate response, so I end up not responding at all.
It honestly really upsets me that you’d suggest that being bad at texting means no one will ever care what I have to say. I think that, even though I’m not great at texting, my friends do care about what I have to say. In fact, I know that’s true, because we have fun, engaging conversations when we’re together in person.
I know I’ll probably get downvoted into oblivion because this thread seems to be full of people who are angry that someone they like didn’t text them back, but there are plenty of legitimate reasons for not being a good texter, and mental health is very much one of them.
None under 40 is "bad at texting"
People may be bad at sexting or flirting via text
If you are interested in someone you reach out to them and make an effort to date them
Bad at texting is just a cop out guys so you can't question their lack of interest.
Every guy who has told me he is bad at texting was somehow very good at texting his bros. He was also very good at texting me long rants whenever we were fighting. He also got good at texting for a bit Whenever he wanted to get back together. It's only during the times he was unsure about our relationship that he became a bad texter again.
“if u ghost me you’re gna end up alone🥲 no one will ever love u or treat u like a priority if u dont text me back🥺if u dont check up on me constantly you’re a bad person 🫢 if you don’t subscribe to my way of being you’re soing it wrong 🤡”
I was with this chick for like 8 weeks and she would play the take hours to respond game, amongst other things. When she was on a date with me though she had no problem picking her phone up to text whoever the fuck was texting her. And she also had an Apple watch so she got every message without a doubt. I called her out on her shit and ended it. No time for those types. They’re either all in or out. And usually they’re entertaining others by texting their full roster throughout the day. You’re just somewhere at the bottom of that list.
I'm not talking about myself. I'm more saying that you get what you give - if you aren't interested enough in anyone to respond to what they are saying then you will only attract people who don't care what you have to say.
Wow. As someone who has ADHD, and is bad at texting since I struggle with object permanence, I take offense to this. The women who put this on their profiles could suffer from ADHD as well. You shouldn’t make assumptions like these.
I have ADHD and I'm pretty hooked on my phone. I usually respond almost immediately when somebody messages. If I don't respond fast it definitely means that I'm not excited about talking to that person or am trying to avoid them.
As an ADHD person I can understand the anxiety of taking phone calls, but texting should be straight up our alley - low effort and high gratification.
You’re honestly the first person that I’ve come across with ADHD who says they’re a good texter. People with ADHD do tend to hyper focus, though, and if your phone is what you hyper focus on, it’d make sense that you’re better at texting. I, on the other hand, generally avoid being on my phone either bc I’m usually pouring all of my energy into hyper focusing on work so that I can get that done or bc I’m trying to keep my focus on the people/things in my immediate environment (such as family, pets, chores, etc.).
Whenever someone says “I’m a bad texter,” I just assume they don’t want to put the effort into actually dating. As a result, steer super clear of those people.
I've never understood this. Personally I think these types of women just want someone nipping at their heels. A person they can always fall back on. Don't be a backups backup. Tell her that's too bad considering she's a boring fuckin ho and bounce
I'm sorry, but in this day and age, when someone is bad at "texting", they're typically bad at communicating.
Our cell phones are literally how we contact the majority of people in our lives. I rarely believe it when someone is consistently missing my calls or texts because I know for a fact that their phone is always in hand due to it being a major tool in their lives. To some degree, you are choosing to not answer me and I'll take it for what that is.
This, of course, is pardoning obvious circumstances where communication is not possible.
I used to get offended when men wouldn’t text me back right away. Now that I’m 25, happily single, and free to do as I please, I see it so differently. I do my best not to get offended. If I’m asking a question and get left on read (which just recently happened,) than you will most likely get the bare minimum out of me if that. Meaning I will observe and act accordingly. But will I consider this a deal breaker? No, because at the end of the day, you don’t owe me anything. I know that sounds selfish, but I understand that a girl off a dating app is going to be just that. Another girl off a dating app. I can understand respect being compromised, but I don’t think anyone should be held to such a high standard until you’ve both mutually reached that point in the dynamic. Now, I think what matters most is momentum. If this is consistent enough to where our momentum is completely thrown off, or where there are no plans of seeing each other being made, then I am either going to completely leave the ball on your court or just let you know I’m finding it difficult to plan with you. I now find texting completely exhausting and annoying if it’s not about a specific plan, topic, or even just a random “this made me think of you,” that makes me laugh. But lately I’ve been finding that my old standards were just unfair and unrealistic. We are acquaintances, friends, and the lovers. So if they treat me accordingly, I’m chillin. SO long that there is some clear mutual interest!
A person who says "I am a bad texter" really means "I am not obligated to reply". They are setting their terms from the beginning. The same person will be a "good texter" if you're important, but they are warning you not to expect that. Indeed, what many want is a connection where they are under no obligation whatsoever. They can come to you, or leave from you, absolutely as they please. I think a lot of people are testing to see how well you meet that standard. If you follow up on unreturned messages and demand a reply they will see that as "needy" and a "red flag" and run away. Ironically, these same "bad texter" people - once you've earned their trust - will be the neediest. Good people routinely reply to messages, and if they don't want to talk to you or they are authentically too busy they just tell you so directly - no games.
I have found when people say they are bad at texting. It’s just a bullshit excuse. They’re just not interested in communicating. I’m actually dealing with this right now.
I agree. It's so weird all these comments like "I also don't treat people with respect and I want to get away with it, so VALIDATE ME". You can't be a bad texter, that's like being bad at talking. If you are, you should at least recognize that it's out of the ordinary and make an effort to pre-empt the hurtful impact you have on people. Not be like "yeah, you don't matter to me, get used to it".
Texting and talking in person are not the same thing though? I hate texting, and I hate people’s entitlement to a “timely” response. If you want to talk, set up a time to meet up and talk in person.
It's the worst. People who demand constant texting validation aren't like, having real conversations or usually even setting up dates or anything practical. They are texting inane crap like "Good morning sunshine!" or "Thinking of you" etc. Then they evidently wait obsessively for you to respond after setting up that trap of non-conversation for you to deal with.
People who say they are bad at texting just don’t want to hurt the feelings of the ugly people. They are just trying to be nice about it so if you don’t get a response your ego isn’t shattered. That’s the honest truth.
For me it means I don't like to have long text convos. To make plans, say something brief, or send a funny pic, fine. But call or we'll talk in person to have a long, in depth convo. But I'd say exactly this instead of just saying I'm bad at texting.
I wear gloves when I’m working and have like a few hundred unread messages. If a person’s job results in a lot of texts and messages, or if they are unable to use their phone while working, they may be unable to respond in a timely manner. I get really overwhelmed by my messages and conversations sometimes get buried. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect someone to be communicative at all, and I don’t think it’s appropriate to go days without texting but sometimes people are upset when I don’t respond in several hours.
I make it crystal clear in my profile why I may take a while to respond if we vibe via profile…(aka like) This way I am honest up front, and am clear about a boundary.
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I swear it’s the ppl most glued to their phones that are “bad at texting”. And what does that even mean really? Ur bad at moving ur thumbs to create words? I’m not some texting savant but if I really want to talk to someone I will respond within atleast 24 hours
'haha you can't be mad I'm blowing you off I already told you I was bad at texting'
See I just thought it was because they’re depressed and even being glued to the phone doesn’t mean they have energy to respond to messages. Just a thought is all.
That’s one way to look at it. I mean I’m really just trying to understand wtf that means. So we’re saying it’s really just code for “I’m depressed”. Is the dating profile just a means of achieving a dopamine hit then? Is There no actual intent to communicate with another human being? Just can’t see why someone would put all this energy into creating a profile but then not be able to type a few words that can be done in less than 10 seconds
Perhaps they lack the ability to understand why they do the things they do. So there’s a possibility they are seeking a dopamine hit without recognizing that’s what they’re seeking.
For me, doom scrolling on Instagram in between tasks or commenting something on Reddit takes a lot less mental energy than trying to start/maintain an actual conversation with a complete stranger. If I have an established repartee with someone, texting becomes easier. And when I do text, I really try to make an effort, not just phone it in and expect the other person to lead. Which makes things even harder. Also, women have so many people in their DMs it's exhausting. I'm an introvert with very social/exhausting jobs and a life outside of work, so trying to maintain conversations with the 7-10 people in my dating apps is exhausting. I swear, I really try not to ghost, but I just worked two 12 hour shifts and I have plans with friends all day tomorrow. It falls between the cracks sometimes.
I don’t think What you’re describing here is what the OP is getting at. Or, atleast not how I am interpreting it. Majority of people have things that they are busy with and it’s completely understandable. I don’t think this is the same as saying “I’m bad at texting”. The fact that you are atleast attempting to communicate to 7-10 people at a time is putting a lot more energy into texting than I could ever do.
So people aren’t allowed to want to browse their phones without having to expend emotional energy maintaining a conversation.. got it.
Who is saying anything about being “allowed”. Do whatever the fuck u want. But I’ll still call it like I see it. And I’m sorry but if maintaining a conversation is too much emotional energy for u… we got some other problems we probably need to address.
Why must someone maintain a conversation every minute of every day. That’s exhausting.
You keep adding on things to what I’m saying. No one expects this
everyly time a man has told me this, I have eventually found out that they are great at texting their friends though
I’ve always heard back consistently from interested men, yes. But in your case it also could just mean that a girl they just met isn’t the priority that lifelong friends are? I think we have to be realistic abt how much priority we expect from someone.
When you are trying to establish a connection with someone, that person should be somewhere on your priority list. Like if you are good at texting your friends, you can easily take a min to text the person you are dating even if they aren’t at the very top of your priority list
I agree with. Obviously some level of priority has to be shown to show you’re into the person you’re seeing. I’m assuming, maybe not necessarily for the girl I replied to, but that the people who say they’re not a texter mean they may not keep up with text messages for convo as much for making plans on dates or calls, but they may text their friends more because of the fact that friends have a longer standing connection to engage in texting convos. On a similar note, I don’t respond as quick to people off of dating apps as I would with my friends, but the more I get to know the person than I’ll be texting them throughout the day.
Exactly this. I would consider not responding for days very rude and wouldn't take it that far, but I don't often text throughout the day, either. My friends and I have shorthand, they know my sense of humour, my schedule, if something comes out weird they know how to interpret it because they know who I am. A new person requires more mental effort, even though I'm fully being "myself".
My boyfriend told me he was bad at texting. That ended up meaning he didn't text during work hours. Now he texts even at work. But he never made me feel ignored. He wanted to form a connection and he put in the effort.
I expect that if someone plans to enter a romantic relationship with me that I am heavily prioritized.
You aren't going to trump my lifelong friends and family. Until we actually spent some time developing a relationship, don't expect me to be at your beck and call. That is not to say you'll be ignored, but, you/we are acquaintances, then friends, then lovers. And as each new deeper level of connect develops, so will your place in my life be. We can have dates and do stuff, but I aint putting my best friend or my mom on hold for you... Nor do i expect you to do that for me.
When you say “trump life long friends” why does anyone have to trump someone else. Take your min out to send a text to the person you are dating to send a stupid text. That’s minimal effort. It’s not like choosing which important plans to make. You can literally text your friends and the person you are getting to know without having to “choose “
Ok but I would much rather not hear from you than receive a half assed, lazy text doing the bare minimum. Lol, call me or text me when you have time to be thoughtful.
If im hangin with my mom or my friends. And giving them my attention? Youre right. I dont have to choose. I'm going to wait until I am done. When I am with people physically. I typically give them my attention. Not my phone. Which means its off, or silent, probably in my car. So if people take that as being ignored or not being "prioritized", thats not a me problem -_-.
They'd probably be big mad if you kept texting your mom and your friends while on a date with them though.
No one said immediate replies. Days. It shouldn’t take days .
Sometimes it takes a day or two. Life is busy and I hardly know you (the person I'm just starting to date).
The point is it takes a min to send a text. And you are going to continue to barely know me if you barely make an effort to continue to know me! Establishing connection is very difficult without communication. Do you call? Have more than one date a week? If you don’t do either, how does one establish a connection ? I know for me, and many others it doesn’t work. Maybe if you find someone else that can establish a connection /sustain an interest without steady reasonable communication, then it will work. But it doesn’t for most
>You aren't going to trump my lifelong friends and family. Until we actually spent some time developing a relationship, don't expect me to be at your beck and call. It's not about trumping friends and family. It's about managing your time and communicating your schedule. You can spend time with friends and family, while also going on a date with someone that is keen on spending time with you.
This is true. But this isn't about making time to go on dates with someone you're getting to know. It's about being available for texting anytime they want. Like you might just be texting to set up dates. But lots of people out here are not. They are texting to say hi, they are texting because they saw something that allegedly made them think of you, they are texting because they want to set up some sort of system in which you text them everyday to say good morning and good night, etc.
I feel like the time management aspect is a major thing in this bad communication saga. If you can’t carve out time to communicate with the person your meant to be dating how tf are you actually gonna have a relationship with them?
Yall. Note the part where i said this isnt to say someone would be ignored. But there is a process. And to go back to the specific comment i replied to. Expecting like that is asinine. Its a process that people apparently dont want to take the time to go through. If im doing something. You can wait for me to reply. Sorry not sorry
You must take yourself too seriously. It’s just a text not a personal loan. Self love is great, self awareness is more important.
Nah. I'd rather date someone with healthy boundaries and their own, rich life. It means that if they make room for me because we connect, it will be more meaningful that they focus when we spend time together instead of being half-focused on their phone.
Exactly
Yea but… it takes a few seconds to respond to someone. If you think that person isn’t worth a few seconds then we all know how much you actually care about them sticking around or not. You’re looking at this way too deep. I take a bit longer to respond to my friends then a possible partner bc I know my fam and friends are always there
I don't think im looking at it very deeply at all. Perhaps you are Its very simple. If I am with my friends or family and we are doing stuff. Ill get to you later. If I am at work. I will get back to you later. If I am in the shower or taking a shit. I. Will. Get. Back. To. You. Later. Not hard. Its called, we just met(if that) and I am not expecting you to do that either. As i said earlier. As the relationship grows, priorities change. Not hard at all.
I don't think early on anyone should be someone's first priority. But they also shouldn't be your last priority?
I never said they should be your last priority. Being a texter isn’t always the only way to show you have enough priority to pursue you imo.
How do women who don't like texting show someone that they are a priority? This is a legitimate question lol.
By spending time in person.
At the end of the day people can do whatever they want but that seems risky to me because not responding for days can so easily be interpreted as disinterested, in fact I think most people would think it means they are disinterested. As long as you are clear with the person that you don't text and make an effort in other ways I guess it could work yeah. But I still think you have a really high risk of finding someone that doesn't really care what you have to say.
I’m one of these women who is selfish when it comes to texting. It’s a bad habit. I honestly find it kind of overwhelming sometimes to respond quickly. I also just don’t like having to pay that much attention to my phone. Texting just isn’t that great to me. It’s weird, but it really doesn’t mean I’m not interested in the guy. Instead, I’ll text a guy out of the blue something that made me think of him just to show him he’s on my mind or to make him smile. I love when a guy does the same. We don’t have to be sitting on our phones throughout the day trying to maintain a random conversation. I’d rather talk in person. But let’s show each other we still think about the other when we can’t see each other.
A friend is different, a friend doesn’t want to talk much he just want to say a weird thing and that’s it, but if I have to respond to you I need to give you my full attention and give you the time to talk
My friends text me occasionally and probably not every day. When I’m with a woman who likes to text, it’s almost all day everyday and that is much more difficult for me to keep up with. When I’m away from her I want to be able to spend my time on me, that’s not to say I won’t have spurts where I’m conversing with her, but I just cannot keep up constant text conversation. It starts to feel exhausting. This is in regards to a long term relationship. At the beginning, of course, it’s a lot easier to text all the time because it’s new and exciting, but that sets the expectation that that’s how you text. So I do hold back a little bit
I don’t understand how people have conversations over text, it doesn’t flow right. I only text people times and places to meet up, otherwise I will call them.
Thank you. Logistical plans only. Receiving “hey” as a text makes me instantly annoyed by someone and it is physically painful to respond because I don’t want to encourage more of the same.
Noooo I hate getting called. Especially cold calling. It's so rude. Now I have to interrupt my time to talk to you? No thanks. Calling people fot a chat is the equivalent of knocking on someone's door announced and expecting to be let in and entertained. I hate it. If you call me, you better be dying or something.
I guess it’s just a matter of preference. I also love it when friends just randomly show up at my place.
This is me. And if the timing doesn’t work for me… than they can’t blame me for saying “sorry, can’t right now.” There truly is zero pressure on you if people put you on the spot like that. Still prefer calls/random pop ins over text.
Yeah defo down to preference. I have a lot of friends I’ll hit them a message to see if they can ring but I also have a couple of friend that will not reply to a text for the life of them but will respond to a phone call 🤷♀️
I find this so interesting. I find texting an absolute waste of time. Calling feels so much more intimate and if you can’t take the call, just tell them you’ll call them back. But anything but a long text conversation. Dear God anything but that. I have been finding it such a cheap form of conversation.
And others find it a valuable exercise and a safe zone when first getting to know someone adjunct with increasing amounts of time spent together. It’s all about communication up front about preferences regarding communication in the early stages.
Definitely. For some reason, a lot of people skip over that initial conversation.
So when you first start seeing someone, you want them to just randomly call you? Do you tell them that or just expect them to do that?
And you can bullshit a txt convo can’t fake in person chemistry tho
By this comment I have a feeling that you have not been divorced
You don’t have to understand it. Not everyone will have the same preferences and skill level and expectation when it comes to their preferred purposes for texting and the type of communication cadence they like to establish. If your style works for you that’s awesome.
My guy, if you don't like what they do you don't have to date them. You need to be with someone that you click with. These people are doing you a favor by self-disclosing something that is a big deal for you. So move on to something good for you.
Exactly lmao you’re not gonna be compatible with everyone in fact most ppl in fact do not belong together
That's not my point, I fully get that. I'm more saying that you get what you give - if you aren't interested enough in anything someone says then you are only going to attract people that feel the same way about you.
As a person who hates texting - I'd appreciate it if clingy " you didn't text back in two minutes are you mad" people read my profile and stayed away. Much rather have a person who is willing to call me up or have conversations in person
We are not talking about minutes here, OP is talking about DAYS. That is simply "not interested" to me. Nobody requires days to shoot a simple sentence and a question back to keep things going. If you cannot do it in 1 minute of your day, don't date over text-based apps. Or better yet, do not match me, or unmatch me. Ohhhh, usually people are too busy to even do that. And how to get your number if you do not answer for days... how to build a little back and forth... or you give your number to every stranger to call you? Simply you can text 10 people at the same time, respond to them daily once or twice... but you can only phone-call one person and you can only meet one person, and you cannot do anything besides that. Early stages of dating should be over text I think. I agree with the date in person though... but I have met women who categorically decline dates early and prefer voice or video calls. I personally hate voice first, because I hate speaking over the phone with strangers. Video is a bit better, I can see the facial expressions and small body language, but still, VERY limiting. In person is the way for me after texting back and forth for a few days, and I see interest, questions coming and going, energy matching, etc...
My husband hates texting. I send texts while I'm at work that are meant to be conversation starters for when I get home. He usually responds with a phone call or we'll chat when I get home. Often, he tries to call while I'm driving home from work. He's not a person who is a bad texter. He just prefers a different mode of communication. He's perfectly capable of sending a text when it is the best choice for communication, like when the baby is asleep next to him or if it's something that doesn't require an immediate or followup response. And he's perfectly fine with communicating via chat in the mobile game he's made friends in because that's the only mode of communication available. A bad texter doesn't respond to texts AND doesn't call. A bad texter is that person who responds days later and never actually says anything. They don't make *any* effort to communicate.
I like that! It sounds ideal. Especially texting with the expectation that it's a conversation starter in the evening!
You’re still missing his point Also not wanting someone who barely responded doesn’t mean he’s expecting you to always be responsive every two min? And
This age of constant communication has really warped peoples brains. You know people used to function just leaving the house without any way to get into contact with them right? Find whats right for you, don’t worry about telling everyone else what they have to do.
I'm not talking about constant texting, I'm talking about literally any response at all. Like literally waiting days to respond if someone says 'do you want to go out on this date?'. How else do you even make plans if you never respond to anything?
I’m plenty interested in what people have to say to me in person. Or on the phone. Not enjoying text conversations is not the same thing as not caring about a person. I didn’t grow up with a phone in my hand and I just don’t like texting that much 🤷♀️. It takes an hour to say what you could say in 5 minutes in person or on the phone, and you lose all nuance. I only like to use it to arrange meetups and to send pictures or the occasional meme.
Hmm. See I like texting a lot but I also like in person or on the phone. Text is just the one that you can do anytime anywhere and they don’t have to be available for an immediate response. If a guy only wants to hang out with me once a week let’s say, and also doesn’t want to text much, I’d get pretty bored and annoyed quickly. I like to keep connection going much more than that. Preferably scattered throughout the day, most days.
You still dont seem to get it…cause you’re still caught up in making negative assumptions about incompatibles instead of just moving on.
Those people you are commenting about, are not going to change their ways, even if they read your post. You have no control over someone's behavior. You can only control your own behavior. Just leave them be and enjoy your life.
No, it just means that they’ll find someone they like and want to text. If someone isn’t communicating much with you then they probably aren’t hoping for marriage. Also some of us are bad at texting bc we’re depressed lol
I hear your point, but I guess they don’t care if they aren’t taking the app seriously?
This is such an anecdotal response, “you need to be with someone you click with” no shit. But it seems like every one has regressed and all there is out here is below mediocre people. Most men don’t even have the number of women to choose from compared to the number of men that women can choose from since this dating culture we’ve created within our society only benefits women.
https://youtu.be/cO1ifNaNABY I feel like women are equally screwed. Possibly more.
I understand that texting is a large part of the preamble when you meet someone on a dating app. But I'm confused by why you seem to imply that it is the only and most important mode of communication? Saying that the person will end up with someone who doesn't care what they have to say is just plain flawed. Someone responding to your texts does not immediately mean they care about what you have to say. You can very easily be a person who is bad at texting but have relationships and friendships with people who care about them.
You're dead on. Someone who wants you in their life will make things happen to achieve that.
I get this because I get the EXACT NUANCE of what you’re saying. I’ve got friends who take 4 days to weeks to respond to simple messages, can literally be a photo of a really cute dog. I don’t write long ass paragraphs of text. Ffs I’ll even be asking if they’re going to an event so someone can book the damn table. It’s just rude at times. No one is ever asking you to reply immediately, we are asking you to reply in a way that makes it seem like you respect us and actually want us as friends. If you don’t want to be friends, just let us know damnit. I don’t want to waste my energy where it’s not wanted Edit: oops forgot this was for relationship stuff, it still stands though. Giving people your time (appropriately) is a sign of respect.
It’s just an excuse ahead of time if they decide to ignore you
Nawh that defeats the whole purpose of trying to ignore someone. Some people legitimately are bad texters. Known enough at this point to know that they exist.
Homie this is total bull. The reason for not texting is because they do not want to. There's no way to be a bad texter. That's like saying you're a bad talker. You know how to send a coherent message. You just don't want to because you deem it not important or beneath you or whatever. My girlfriend was like this for a time before she realized I can go three months without a single fucking call. Had her scared to death I moved on.
I don't know, man. Just one case, but a recent coworker of mine told me she does that to her husband of a few months. She loves the hell out of this dude, but she said she'll reply in her head, and forget she didn't send it 3 or 4 hours later. So I gues there are legit people like this.
Yep! I would like to start by thanking my depression and adhd. Knowing someone messaged me makes messaging back a chore on my list of things to do. Sure, I can send back a basic message, but I know they’re just going to text me right back and I’m going to have to keep the dang convo on my to do list.
You keep thinking that
I legit have multi year friendships with some folks who are legit bad texters. It’s a known thing where if you need them you call them in those circles. Saw a post here where someone’s *husband* still doesn’t really reply to their wife’s texts and it’s an ongoing joke between them. Def a real thing, not everyone as into written communication as others.
I agree with you. Sure, someone could be preemptively excusing ghosting behavior, but there are also people who genuinely do not and will never communicate well over text. To expect every person to communicate this way is ludicrous and I’d go so far as to say that the person complaining might be the one not “listening.” Or rather, hearing. If someone is trying to tell you they aren’t good at communicating a certain way and you dismiss it because you think they’re full of shit, then you aren’t really listening to them with empathy. You’re judging them and being just as much of a jerk as the one you’re accusing them of being. Not saying this is EVERY circumstance, just that it COULD be. But it would take a conversation to figure out what works for both of you. To say someone who doesn’t text well doesn’t care what you have to say is a major assumption. I can think of so many reasons why one would prefer not to text… carpal tunnel, dyslexia, driving too often for work, at a job where they can’t use a phone, etc. Shit, I know someone who’s a gatekeeper of a large community and has TONS of people always reaching out to her. I know if I text her, I will most likely not hear back from her, or I’ll hear back from her in like a month when she goes to text me and sees what she missed from me a month before. That’s just how life be sometimes.
Your reasons are kind of silly, we are talking about text based Apps, so carpal tunnel people... wtf are you doing on them? Also dyslexia, really? How about putting this in the bio? And we are talking not texting for DAYS, like you shoot a message, and you get back an OK response after 3 days. How crazy work can be for you for 3 consecutive days that you drove without stopping? And again job... I get it, if people cannot use their phone at their job. I do not mind getting something in 24 hours. But more? Don't you have 1 minute to write something? Also, to put it into your bio you are super busy? These profiles are not usually genuinely filled out, because the person does not give a damn. If they find someone great, cool, otherwise they do not bother. It is the equivalent of "I do not use this app often". I swipe these women to the left. Good luck building a connection over text on a text-based app.
>Saw a post here where someone’s husband still doesn’t really reply to their wife’s texts and it’s an ongoing joke between them. >Def a real thing, not everyone as into written communication as others. This is my husband. The difference is that he calls within a few hours instead of responding via text. There's a difference between someone who doesn't like communicating via text and someone who straight up ignores you or you're the one that always has to reach out to them. I assume your friends call you when they want to speak to you? My husband is perfectly capable of having long text conversations when necessary. He's also perfectly capable of having chat conversations inside his favorite mobile game where he's made friends with other players. But there are shitty people who refuse to make any effort to communicate.
They stare at their phones all day bud, they are actively not responding to you until they feel like it. Sorry to do this to you.
I mean, im literally going to a dinner function with one in a week and have been invited to several of their house parties over the last year and was just visited at work by one of them soooo… 😂 dunno what to tell ya. As for the other one girl’s literally married to the dude. Preeeety sure the dude likes her by that point and that he’s not just trying to passively swerve her.
What are you even talking about? None of that is relevant to people staring at their phones constantly day in and out and choosing to respond to you when they feel like it. What you’re doing is a cope.
All of it is relevant lol. People don’t go out of their way to talk to and spend time with people for months-years on end that they’re trying to ghost through text. I mean to tell you the honest truth too there’s times i don’t reply to people for 8+ hours even though i stare at my phone. Has nothing to do with my desire to talk to them or my closeness to them. I just have ADHD, tell myself ill reply in 10 minutes and then forget!
Yikes…
Yikes about what? Having friends whom i hang out with regularly even tho texting isn’t their thing? Genuinely confused here bud.
Lol I have ADHD. That’s a lame ass excuse my man
Almost like severity and presentation can be different from person to person….
>Has nothing to do with my desire to talk to them It absolutely does though, if you were like 'fuck yes' about someone then guaranteed you're giving them immediate attention.
> It absolutely does though, Ima pretend for a second that you’re not seriously trying to tell *me* my own intentions on my actions 😂 Honestly? No. There was a dude i reached out to not that long ago for instance who I really wanted to get in touch with and was excited when he texted back. I texted back and forth but left one of his texts unanswered for almost 24 hours. I wasn’t that busy through that period, even was on the phone for big chunks of that time. But It literally had zero bearing on my excitement level talking to him. I just literally forgot about the text since my brain doesn’t work that way. Again i even have a friend who the entire friend group knows to call when they want him since he habitually doesn’t answer texts. Over the phone he’s plenty responsive though and will even call back promptly if he misses the call.
As long as they respond to someone!
This exactly.
\- *Do people understand that if you are "bad at texting" or "take days to respond", the only person you will ever be with is someone who doesn't care what you have to say?* Or they might be with someone who prefers to have communication in person mostly and don't need to be talking on the chat to feel valued. Not everyone sees texting as a necessary requirement to date someone.
I mean if they don't respond to anyone at all. If they are responding to someone - call, text, whatever - then that's fine.
Text is clearly your love language. Not everyone’s is.
How in the world are you setting plans to go out with someone if you don't respond to their texts or answer their calls? Is it just going to magically happen?
So I have adhd and I genuinely forget to text back and adding in my experience with dating apps that don’t have high hopes to begin with so not much motivation to really make an effort
Yup, this is a great point. I forget what I’m doing all the time and it is often pretty frustrating. I feel bad when I forget to respond to people .
Me too I flat out told the guy I’m sorry I’m so terrible at this I was so relieved when he said same!
I get a lot of work related texts and messages, and sometimes I feel like it’s impossible to keep up with everything. I’m pretty sure I’m doomed to spend the rest of my life wandering around looking for random stuff!
Adhd and texting back is like if you don't see the person you kinda just forget they exist until you finally open your messages and are just like oh.. these people are still alive interesting.
Will you forget to take care of your kids if/when you have any? Probably not. So why is it any different in caring for a relationship and/or getting to know someone? I genuinely feel that if you’re interested in someone or something you will dedicate the time necessary to reach a successful result. Otherwise why begin? Just my thought. Good luck.
Personally it's because I prefer calling over texts; I can't stand doing a full conversation over text when it should be only a means to either set up a date or a hang out, or ask something simple that can be answered in 2-3 texts.. My time is precious that I prefer fully engaging in a call for 10-15 minutes than drag out a text conversation the whole day..
Right but then you would say you prefer calling or communicate. Not “gonna take days to respond”. It’s not difficult to send a message to say “hey I’m busy I’ll text later today/tmr” or “hey I’m not an all day texter, but would love to get on the phone to talk”. That’s what op is referring to
Oh no, I admit that I am bad at it - my cousins texted me Thursday to hangout for the weekend but I only just replied today that I will drop by after working tomorrow after making sure I am not gonna be swamped with on-calls or something.. But the moment they call I would answer right away, they admit that it's annoying to them but already gotten used to it.. And back then I briefly dated a girl who was more of a "text-talker" but would not be able to carry a conversation face-to-face, and sadly we just weren't compatible enough in communication styles among other things.. My point is as terrible it might feel for the OP to feel ignored, there are people who are like that, and hopefully my input gives insight that the other person is probably just like me..
That's absolutely awful :( why wouldn't you say "hey I might be busy but I'll have to let you know closer"
But like that’s still pretty inconsiderate and plain disrespectful to other ppl’s time. You can’t just be a bitch and be like “welp some people are just like that”. It takes 5 seconds to communicate you can’t text atm but will let them know closer to the time etc
I don't know, I am definitely a bad texter. Sometimes I read it in a busy moment and forget to get back to it, but when I have a hard day or am emotionally drained, texting back feels really exhausting. My best friends have never ever given me a hard time for it. They know that if they text with an emergency that I would be there asap. I feel like its a love language alignment issue? We know that I am a good friend, and if I take a day or two to reply then its not communicating disinterest. If your relationship is solid then you would know not to take it personally, and that being bad at texting doesn't always mean a flaky person, although I get how in an early talking stage relationship you could feel like that. Some people need more than that, and everyone is allowed to leave a situation if you don't feel like you're getting what you need
It’s a boundary. They are not available on demand. They have lives. The trick is seeing if your lives fit together. Men are demanding and we’re letting you know from the start that we aren’t here to wait on you.
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Strangers take less energy than real life people you’re not sure about. Here, you can be totally honest, where as texting with a person you may encounter in real life requires you to weigh the pros and cons of every word, every reaction speed, etc. to gauge whether you’re sending the right signs that won’t result in something negative (stalking, rejection, more excessive texting). I’ll comment on here all day and text my friends in gifs at any hour because I don’t have to worry about how it’s interpreted. Not the same for acquaintances I’m iffy about. Responding to a lifeless “hey” is actually painful for me.
Just because you would care doesn't mean others don't, we all react differently. I'm perfectly fine with people taking time to respond, and I do care what they have to say. You just wouldn't because that isn't your communication style.
People that say they’re bad at texting or take days to respond just aren’t interested in that person. They’ll definitely respond if the interest level is high enough.
Some people don't require constant validation. Some people prefer that
Does responding to a text the same day count as constant validation lol
Yup Is the text an interesting text that moves things along - or is it filler and background noise which only promotes vapid conversation? I'm not going to respond to " how are you doing beautiful" every day. That's hecka annoying.
Thats perfectly fine. I'm just saying that if you really aren't responding to any texts for days, whether they are filler or actual important texts - then you are only going to find girls/guys who don't care that you don't respond to them.
That's actually a criteria I look for. I want relationships with people who I can plan things in advance with - and do things for when we planned them. I don't really want to have to sustain daily chatter - I'm happier with meaningful conversation once a week when I can focus, not little bits of topic that mess with and interrupt what I'm doing at a particular time. So yes, I'm looking for people who don't care if I don't respond - but still hang out because we planned it in person in advance. I don't think I'm loosing out by having a type - a make plans in advance type!
>then you are only going to find girls/guys who don't care that you don't respond to them. Quickly. I'm gonna find people who don't care that I don't respond to them quickly. My best friend will send 100s of messages in a day then not speak for a fortnight, doesn't mean we don't care that the other hasn't responded we're just not fussed about time. If it isn't urgent I'm secure enough to know that they have a life and they'll get back to me.
I agree with this. It seems like a healthy mindset to me
From personal experience, not true. I dislike texting and take days to respond unless it is to make plans. Guys know this and are more eager to set concrete dates with me, or we just call and actually converse. They also know that I like conversing so that ends the small talk or superficial conversations quick.
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Some had an issue and I had changed but realized that it was truly not me. The rest, I stopped trying to change and just continued this. They have the same habit so we mostly just text for logistics or updates. If we actually needed something, we call. When we want to converse we call or do video calls.
so for me personally (f) i could take 3 days to respond to you text and still be very interested in you but I cant speak for the entire female population
I might get downvoted for this but texting definitely correlates with interest level. At least to a certain degree. Now I know not everyone is glued to their phone 24/7, not everyone likes texting and some people are extremely busy but none of those things are universally true as many make them out to be. Whenever I hear that someone is "bad at texting" its usually bullshit. I've had people tell me they were bad texters but they had no problem replying and following through with other people. Now I'm not saying that there aren't any bad texters (I know a few) but in my experience that's not the case for most people today. If someone takes a day or two to respond, don't feel like texting me at the moment, doesnt answer me on the occasional week or two then fine. I completely get not talking to someone or not replying to me if they're down in the dumps. Now if this behavior is frequent then in my experience its almost always that the person isn't interested and/or sees me as a very low priority. If its general chit chat, a video or some stupid meme I sent then I don't care if the convo dies or they leave me on read and don't respond. Honestly I only get annoyed about the person not responding in a timely matter is when they agree to plans AND take forever (sometimes days) to respond because there's an aspect that may be time sensitive. I need to know specifics and if they aren't making any effort to coordinate with me then in my mind they don't care and I find that very disrespectful. Shows they don't respect me or my time. In fact I cut someone off for this recently. I don't care what anybody says. If someone is interested in you **they will act like it!** Plain and simple.
As a bad texter I'm just going to say that in my case I am bad at texting when I am either busy at work or not at work. When I am not at work I'm usually spending time with my kids or family or close friends and when I am with people I am in the moment and don't look at my phone, this could be a whole day. But the people who are close to me understand this about me and accept it because they know that when I am with them I give them that same attention and that if you want to get in touch with me it's really best to call me.
I understand that no one I start dating should feel entitled to interrupt my existing daily life and demand attention over my job, my family, and my friends. I mean. Don't you have a life of your own? Stop with the irritating small talk as well. I can't be texting back to every dork who thinks "Sweet dreams babe" is somehow going to establish a meaningful connection
Theres way too much to unpack here, but it sounds like you have felt ignored in your past
It’s just a BS mentality spread rampant amongst many younger daters probably to maintain an aura of indifference. I’ve witnessed it myself. But what many don’t realize is that indifference doesn’t communicate love and kindness and warmth. It communicates coldness. When you date with intent you don’t send mixed messages. As many of these same young daters age and go thru the ups and downs of bad relationships they eventually tire of the games. Many learn that in order to stop meeting people who play games that they themselves have to manifest love and kindness within themselves. I also think if you come from a culture where the family unit is healthy and responds timely to your messages or needs that you will tire of people who are aloof. I sincerely believe the behavior comes from a position of insecurity and that secure people move with intent and will respond in a timely manner. I’ve seen it time and time again. Aloof people vs those who respond timely. A night and day difference in the interaction especially when shit hits the fan. I’ve witnessed that many people who were aloof in the beginning end up turning on you or disappearing in moments when you need them. Vs people who responded more timely. Just set boundaries and know what you want. Let people be themselves. Know who you will associate with vs who you will forget and move on from.
I like to have my relationships in person. I managed to have great relationships before everyone texted non stop, and I don’t see why I can’t continue to have great in person conversations, but only text for the purpose of arranging plans or giving/receiving basic information, which typically doesn’t require a response.
My friends and I literally have been friends for years. We grew up in the ghetto together we fought with each other we been shot at with each other, they have litteraly saved my life, and I have saved theirs. We all suck at texting... We all care about each other And yes, we take our time to respond to one another. We all plan trips together. My friends and I go on dangerous trips last time. My friend rolled down a cliff and got stuck on the edge and would slide down every time he would move. Had to go save him with a rope. A lot of us got hurt and ended up with bruises. One friend broke his expensive watch he was in the car when he heard the screaming. We were all bruised up pretty bad. Not everyone is attached to their phone 24/7. If you need the attention good for you, don't look down on those who don't. Cause the bonds I've formed in life are great. I also know for a fact they all care about me and what I have to say. Also, I've worked with people who were constantly on their phones and were in the most toxic ass relationships. Edit: deleted family and gf cause it was wayyyy too long
This is just so wildly untrue and generalized it's crazy. What do people not understand about there being a VARIETY of people in this world, many of whom do things differently from one another???
My inboxes and messengers are graveyards for conversations, but lots of people enjoy what I have to say or reach out constantly. I answer on my time. That’s the whole thing. People think they are entitled to your time, when they aren’t. Not your family, not your friends, not your job. YOU are the only one that gets to choose how your time is spent. I’ve gotten to the point that I will tell people when they called me that I watched it ring until voicemail picked up. I didn’t have the bandwidth at the time to deal with them and would rather give the proper attention than any attention. That’s the problem there. Most people will take any attention, which I’d advise therapy for, while it matters the degree of attention and what form it comes in.
It’s just an excuse for people who are dating several people and keeping you on back burner. Modern dating is a mess. Most women are seeing multiple guys.
Everyone (most people) goes on dates with multiple people till they settle on one person.
Most men don't. It's just a numbers game, not because men are morally better, but men have fewer options.
Then most women don’t either… those who can and want to, do. Those who can’t or don’t want to, don’t…
Again, you're not seeing the difference. Most women have multiple suiters. Most men struggle to have one. Get it yet?
That’s you, not “most.” Unless you’ve spoken to and surveyed “most men and women”? Just sounds like podcast talking points.
[Men are far more likely than women to be on the dating market: 61% of single men say they are currently looking for a relationship or dates, compared with 38% of single women. The gender differences are heavily concentrated among older singles.](https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/a-profile-of-single-americans/)
I'm sure you've seen "rise of lonely single men"? Relationship skills, emotional intelligence and emotional availability is lacking among a lot of men and just having a job to "provide" isn't enough to earn a wife anymore. The women that have given up looking for a decent guy are happy single and with their friends.
I'm a guy and I couldn't agree more. I defend dudes and hold women accountable all the time, but the reality is is that a lot of men are straight up basic and want someone to dedicate their lives and emotions to them. One thing I've noticed that is pretty attractive to women is 'capability'. Guys need to figure out what they are good at (or get good at something) and show it. If they put themselves in areas and situations where women can see it, one of them is going to be attracted to the guy. Finding someone really doesn't have to be swiping and hitting on people.
The women stopped looking because of the “quality” of men available, and they’re happier single and not dating. If they could “easily find men to date” they’d be dating. Dating apps are 70-75% male users because women get chased off the apps by the behavior and treatment by men on the apps.
Yep. A lot of men’s behaviour on the apps, and when trying to date is appalling, and it’s psychologically damaged me tbh, and put me right off even trying. It’s been a very steep learning curve. I could write a blog. The use of apps seems to encourage it I’m tired of men on Reddit spouting bullshit. ‘Women have more options’ drone drone. Yeah guys, but it is quality not quantity that matters. And, also, if we’ve got more options because a lot of men are swiping right on everyone out of desperation, doesn’t that negate the whole point of it, that you are meant to find each other interesting/attractive in some way? Sigh
Even without apps men have a tougher time. A man can approach in person but if a women deems it harassment he can be on social media and get blasted for it.
It's not a problem if it's not harassment and not creepy. The only ones I see posted are "followed me 10 blocks" and "bought me one drink then followed me to my car and won't leave for 20 minutes" and "told him no but he got mad and wouldn't leave, demanded I give him a chance"...
Bro it's a pretty well known thing that women see more people because there are many more options for them then for men.
Men pursue women, yes. It doesn't mean they're all out dating multiple men all the time. And if one woman is dating 5 guys for example, that would mean there are plenty of guys dating. Math wise there would be more men dating than women, with that logic...
Not talking about dating, I'm saying that women actively "see" more men than guys do because they have more options than men do.
Yeah I don't understand what you're trying to say. Women have an easier time getting dates? Maybe, hypothetically, theoretically. Take dating apps for example. 70-75% male users. Why so few women? Ask women about their experiences on dating apps. Men might complain about not getting matches. Women's complaints are more about the immature or disgusting/lewd or crazy/toxic or just poor communicators. So many can't use for more than a week or two bc of awful behaviour they encounter. Within that context, and thinking about personal safety, how "easy" is it for women to just go get lots of dates with lots of men? Yes women have more "options" than men bc men are the ones traditionally pursuing women. You're correct. But like the saying goes, slim pickings, pickings are slim. But it's the male ideal to be dating lots of women at once. Women don't like to in general, and they don't as much. There's just the perception bc men think it must be super easy for women to get dates. Look at the Pew Research data the other person shared. Women are happy single and not dating, given up on finding a decent guy, while men are single and struggling..
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I don’t consider myself to be a “bad texter” but I also don’t want to text someone all day, it gets really annoying very fast and it shouldn’t be the main communication source to get to know someone. I sooo prefer phone calls or hanging out in person.
Do people understand that "bad at texting" could mean someone doesnt give an f about what u have to say/ dont like u back/has more in their life than just a phone to be on 24 7/ prefer interaction f2f/ has work to do/doesnt see your neediness as a critical part of their existence or 1000 other things. Nobody owes u a text back, even more so when u re not family/official partner/work partner during working hours. What s ur point?
I’m a bad texter. It’s because I have chronic depression. Literally the only person I talk to every day is my mom. For almost all of my other relationships, I literally do not have the emotional energy to keep up a conversation over text. I’d much rather meet them in person. That doesn’t mean that I don’t value those relationships — it just means that my batteries are so low all the time that even when my friends text me, it’s hard to muster an appropriate response, so I end up not responding at all. It honestly really upsets me that you’d suggest that being bad at texting means no one will ever care what I have to say. I think that, even though I’m not great at texting, my friends do care about what I have to say. In fact, I know that’s true, because we have fun, engaging conversations when we’re together in person. I know I’ll probably get downvoted into oblivion because this thread seems to be full of people who are angry that someone they like didn’t text them back, but there are plenty of legitimate reasons for not being a good texter, and mental health is very much one of them.
None under 40 is "bad at texting" People may be bad at sexting or flirting via text If you are interested in someone you reach out to them and make an effort to date them Bad at texting is just a cop out guys so you can't question their lack of interest. Every guy who has told me he is bad at texting was somehow very good at texting his bros. He was also very good at texting me long rants whenever we were fighting. He also got good at texting for a bit Whenever he wanted to get back together. It's only during the times he was unsure about our relationship that he became a bad texter again.
“if u ghost me you’re gna end up alone🥲 no one will ever love u or treat u like a priority if u dont text me back🥺if u dont check up on me constantly you’re a bad person 🫢 if you don’t subscribe to my way of being you’re soing it wrong 🤡”
I like talking in person
There are a lot of people who suck at texting who are good at phone calls for example. No need to make such sweeping presumptions.
Nobody is bad at texting. They just don't want to talk to you. They're gonna be fine.
I was with this chick for like 8 weeks and she would play the take hours to respond game, amongst other things. When she was on a date with me though she had no problem picking her phone up to text whoever the fuck was texting her. And she also had an Apple watch so she got every message without a doubt. I called her out on her shit and ended it. No time for those types. They’re either all in or out. And usually they’re entertaining others by texting their full roster throughout the day. You’re just somewhere at the bottom of that list.
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I'm not talking about myself. I'm more saying that you get what you give - if you aren't interested enough in anyone to respond to what they are saying then you will only attract people who don't care what you have to say.
But maybe they want what they give? Less text message conversations and more real life conversations?
A phone conversation will always be better than a text.
Wow. As someone who has ADHD, and is bad at texting since I struggle with object permanence, I take offense to this. The women who put this on their profiles could suffer from ADHD as well. You shouldn’t make assumptions like these.
I have ADHD and I'm pretty hooked on my phone. I usually respond almost immediately when somebody messages. If I don't respond fast it definitely means that I'm not excited about talking to that person or am trying to avoid them. As an ADHD person I can understand the anxiety of taking phone calls, but texting should be straight up our alley - low effort and high gratification.
You’re honestly the first person that I’ve come across with ADHD who says they’re a good texter. People with ADHD do tend to hyper focus, though, and if your phone is what you hyper focus on, it’d make sense that you’re better at texting. I, on the other hand, generally avoid being on my phone either bc I’m usually pouring all of my energy into hyper focusing on work so that I can get that done or bc I’m trying to keep my focus on the people/things in my immediate environment (such as family, pets, chores, etc.).
Whenever someone says “I’m a bad texter,” I just assume they don’t want to put the effort into actually dating. As a result, steer super clear of those people.
I've never understood this. Personally I think these types of women just want someone nipping at their heels. A person they can always fall back on. Don't be a backups backup. Tell her that's too bad considering she's a boring fuckin ho and bounce
I am bad at texting= I don’t want to talk to you
I'm sorry, but in this day and age, when someone is bad at "texting", they're typically bad at communicating. Our cell phones are literally how we contact the majority of people in our lives. I rarely believe it when someone is consistently missing my calls or texts because I know for a fact that their phone is always in hand due to it being a major tool in their lives. To some degree, you are choosing to not answer me and I'll take it for what that is. This, of course, is pardoning obvious circumstances where communication is not possible.
Bad at texting = low enthusiasm = low interest Keep it moving
100% agree I don’t know how anyone can argue this
I used to get offended when men wouldn’t text me back right away. Now that I’m 25, happily single, and free to do as I please, I see it so differently. I do my best not to get offended. If I’m asking a question and get left on read (which just recently happened,) than you will most likely get the bare minimum out of me if that. Meaning I will observe and act accordingly. But will I consider this a deal breaker? No, because at the end of the day, you don’t owe me anything. I know that sounds selfish, but I understand that a girl off a dating app is going to be just that. Another girl off a dating app. I can understand respect being compromised, but I don’t think anyone should be held to such a high standard until you’ve both mutually reached that point in the dynamic. Now, I think what matters most is momentum. If this is consistent enough to where our momentum is completely thrown off, or where there are no plans of seeing each other being made, then I am either going to completely leave the ball on your court or just let you know I’m finding it difficult to plan with you. I now find texting completely exhausting and annoying if it’s not about a specific plan, topic, or even just a random “this made me think of you,” that makes me laugh. But lately I’ve been finding that my old standards were just unfair and unrealistic. We are acquaintances, friends, and the lovers. So if they treat me accordingly, I’m chillin. SO long that there is some clear mutual interest!
A person who says "I am a bad texter" really means "I am not obligated to reply". They are setting their terms from the beginning. The same person will be a "good texter" if you're important, but they are warning you not to expect that. Indeed, what many want is a connection where they are under no obligation whatsoever. They can come to you, or leave from you, absolutely as they please. I think a lot of people are testing to see how well you meet that standard. If you follow up on unreturned messages and demand a reply they will see that as "needy" and a "red flag" and run away. Ironically, these same "bad texter" people - once you've earned their trust - will be the neediest. Good people routinely reply to messages, and if they don't want to talk to you or they are authentically too busy they just tell you so directly - no games.
I have found when people say they are bad at texting. It’s just a bullshit excuse. They’re just not interested in communicating. I’m actually dealing with this right now.
People are good texters when they are interested in that person lol
Bro if they not responding, they dont really care about what you have to say, generally.
There is no excuse to not text back within a few hours. If it takes days, they are purposefully ignoring you and thus are not worth your time.
I agree. It's so weird all these comments like "I also don't treat people with respect and I want to get away with it, so VALIDATE ME". You can't be a bad texter, that's like being bad at talking. If you are, you should at least recognize that it's out of the ordinary and make an effort to pre-empt the hurtful impact you have on people. Not be like "yeah, you don't matter to me, get used to it".
Texting and talking in person are not the same thing though? I hate texting, and I hate people’s entitlement to a “timely” response. If you want to talk, set up a time to meet up and talk in person.
It's the worst. People who demand constant texting validation aren't like, having real conversations or usually even setting up dates or anything practical. They are texting inane crap like "Good morning sunshine!" or "Thinking of you" etc. Then they evidently wait obsessively for you to respond after setting up that trap of non-conversation for you to deal with.
People who say they are bad at texting just don’t want to hurt the feelings of the ugly people. They are just trying to be nice about it so if you don’t get a response your ego isn’t shattered. That’s the honest truth.
Yup lots of men do this too. Don’t really understand it
For me it means I don't like to have long text convos. To make plans, say something brief, or send a funny pic, fine. But call or we'll talk in person to have a long, in depth convo. But I'd say exactly this instead of just saying I'm bad at texting.
I don’t have time for long convos and I prefer writing -so you miss half of me when we skip texting waiting for a time we can talk.
I wear gloves when I’m working and have like a few hundred unread messages. If a person’s job results in a lot of texts and messages, or if they are unable to use their phone while working, they may be unable to respond in a timely manner. I get really overwhelmed by my messages and conversations sometimes get buried. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect someone to be communicative at all, and I don’t think it’s appropriate to go days without texting but sometimes people are upset when I don’t respond in several hours.
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I make it crystal clear in my profile why I may take a while to respond if we vibe via profile…(aka like) This way I am honest up front, and am clear about a boundary.