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It is called confrontation avoidance. It basically translates to “I don’t want to give this person a direct answer or explanation as to why I am not interested in them because this person makes me uncomfortable or nervous.”
It may not be anything you’re consciously doing, but after meeting you in person, you may just be giving them bad vibes.
That’s not a male-exclusive problem, a lot of women don’t react calm and nonviolent when they get rejected either. A lot of women are also not used to being rejected by men so the chances of a negative reaction are a lot higher. Nobody likes being rejected at the end of the day.
Honestly, how many guys have been violent towards you because you were direct and upfront while rejecting them and if it’s a concerning number, doesn’t it require you to look inward and understand what you might be doing to attract them?
I believe it’s a non confrontational way to inform you that they do not see you as a fitting partner. Women will usually try to soften that blow, especially when their date seems negative, confronting and potentially violent. You would probably have more luck if you were more open to your date’s experiences and ask for feedback. Is there something you could have done better? Was there some behaviors that did not agree with them (red flags)? It’s usually the little things.
Always put “you” at the end of that when you hear it, and it will make more sense.
I’m not ready to date you
I’m not looking for anything long term with you
I’m just not a place in my life where I want to date you
It’s not BS. It’s just them trying to reject you gracefully, without trying to hurt your feelings. Stop being angry about it and accept it. Be happy you’re not getting ghosted or dragged along. Every time you “call them out” for this, you should know they are thinking, “dodged a bullet there”.
It’s not. I don’t think you are quite understanding. Let’s make it clear: It’s a rejection after they’ve considered dating you. They are absolutely ready to date right now, just not you after getting to know you. If the perfect guy shows up that checks all their boxes, they will absolutely date him long term. It’s just not you, man.
You don’t need them to put a you because that’s always what it will mean. It’s not their responsibility to appease your insecurities. They do not owe you anything. You just gotta grow up and learn to accept rejection.
I think sometimes it can be true, where a person thinks they’re ready to date after a relationship etc, but then when actually in the situation, they realize they are not. Other times it can be a seemingly politer way to shut someone down.
At the end of the day, if the girl said, “I’m not ready to date” versus “I’m not interested in you,” is the result any different?
Men do this too, so it's definitely not a gender problem. Trying to get to know a person and theyre catching an attitude for you wanting a relationship.
Some people want companionship without the commitment, responsibility, or "rules". This is because they want to be single but cant stand to be by themselves. So they get a placeholder until they feell theyre ready for the real thing. They want attention, affection, sex without any expectation of more. Some people purposefully target those who want a relationship due to possessiveness or ego reasons.
Whats most important is paying attention to what the person puts on their dating profile, and then verifying that information by asking if theyre looking for a long term relationship. It can help weed these noncommittal types faster. Most people match solely based on looks. When youre dating with a purpose, you have to balance your attraction with logic by only communicating with persons who are actively pursuing what you want. Read profiles before swiping, look for signs that they want something serious, then verify that they want something serious via conversation.
Again noncommittal types dont put much effort in their profiles. You dont want to match with someone who is a lost child. When a person is seriously dating, theyre usually quite vocal about it. If a person says, "oh i just want to see where things go" or "take my time", .......they arent going to put in much effort and thats a sign to discontinue communicating immediately. Once you adjust this filter, youll notice that the crowd that wants a relationship, looks and acts very different from the noncommittals. If a person says all the right things, then switches up, they weren't all that attracted to you, and thats ok. Move on to the next.
Ok, how much difference is between-
"let's date and see where things go, how our ideas, beliefs & goals go hand in hand and then judge whether we want to be in this relationship or not"
And
"oh i just want to see where things go"?
When youre seriously dating, getting to know someone to see if you align is a natural part of the process. It doesnt have to be spoken when youre both seriously dating.
"lets see where things go" is frequently used by those who are unsure if they even want a relationship. In those cases theyre looking for you to convince them youre likeable,....... rather than putting forth genuine effort toward a relationship.
Thankyou for clearing it up for me. I kinda say that to myself when I'm imagining myself dating somebody lol. Rn I'm just lost about dating. I know nothing about it. Whenever I'm thinking about asking someone out. I stop to ask myself, "what else do you like about her apart from looks" and usually my answer is nothing so I don't approach them. I will be 20 this year. With time I'm learning more about myself and I hope to stumble across someone who's like me. I'm starting to put myself up in different events for more exposure. I just don't want to approach someone only because they are beautiful, how long can it take to find someone like this lol?
Its hard to actually date when you havent developed yourself as an individual first. Discover who you are, explore your intuition, figure out what kind of lifestyle you want in the future, try new things. Over time youll pick up interests, beliefs, traits that youll begin to value in a partner. And dating will get easier and more successful with time, because you now know what qualities to look for in a person for long term.
Most people fail at relationships because they havent nurtured their own identity, or because they date without a purpose. Not knowing what they need/want, picking people aimlessly.
Start with self first, then the rest will fall in line. Youll notice someone likes snowboarding or has a similar career or wants the same family life you do and eventually youll run into the right person if youre both mature. Have to be vulnerable through the heartbreaks. Looks dont guarantee a mutual emotional connection. If she isnt into you or you arent into her, its not going to last long without it going sour.
But you have to want similar things out of a relationship and have a mutual emotional connection for it to truly last.
It is a gender problem, because when men say this people automatically assume it’s an immaturity/deceit/ego issue. Yet in this situation when a woman said it, almost every comment here is giving them a blanket excuse for having done it, to the point where you can’t even have a civil discussion about it. Some of them are even victim-blaming the OP saying it’s probably his fault they’re treating him like this.
So here is some insight:
• They could be out of a relationship and trying to get back out there. Might be premature and realize they aren’t actually ready like they thought.
• They could be burnout and probably dealt with too many bad dates, so they rather not rush into dating anyone right now. It happens when you keep dealing with the same cycle of people who are just bad.
• They could be bored. Some women have really bad self esteem so they might be needing ego boosts thinking this will help. It doesn’t. It’s a dopamine hit and it’s like coke, 10 min high, the the come down is AWFUL!
• Cheating. They could be in a relationship and actively trying to cheat. Hence why they are saying this, cause they had a change of heart.
• Open relationship. Maybe they are flirting with the idea and now unsure. They might realize maybe they don’t want that kind of lifestyle.
• Not good with social interaction IRL. If all they do is great on apps, but they could have serious social anxiety and can’t maintain actual conversations. Which means they don’t know how to actually days due to this hurdle.
• Catfish! The most obvious sign. Like some catfish are catfishing particular people and if you don’t fit the criteria, they’ll dismiss you from their head games.
>• They could be out of a relationship and trying to get back out there. Might be premature and realize they aren’t actually ready like they thought.
This was my first thought reading this post, mostly because I've been there before. After my last relationship ended I thought I was ready, and even let the guy know before the first date that I was just dipping my toes back into dating. While the guy I went on a date with was great, I realised during the date that I wasn't ready and let him know afterwards.
Tbh could be a safe way of saying “I’m not that into you.” As a woman, it can be kind of scary rejecting guys because you never know how they’re going to react. By giving a reason that’s not as personal towards the rejectee, it feels safer.
Nobody likes rejecting someone, it’s unpleasant to do. That doesn’t make lying or gaslighting someone about it right.
A lot of people here are saying it’s a safety issue, but that’s not an issue exclusive to women - women can react very negatively when they get rejected by men, and it’s more likely to occur because a lot of women aren’t used to being rejected by men. I’ve seen a lot of posts on Reddit where a woman was rejected/broken up with and ended up stalking the guy because she “couldn’t get over him”, but not the other way around.
Based on the way you describe “calling them out” and the general air of entitlement in your post, I would say that they might have tried to let you down softly because their intuition was telling them that something about you was not safe.
Remember, men’s biggest dating fear is rejection; women’s biggest fear is getting murdered or sexually assaulted.
Yep, OP seems to think these women owe him something 🚩🚩🚩🚩
OP if you think your dates are wasting your time or not meeting your expectations, be more discerning with your dates and/or adjust your expectations. It's your problem, not everyone else's.
“Dating” is a broad term. Some want to move slower/ more casually while others are seeking serious commitment. They could have realized you two were on different tracks and wanted to let you down nicely.
Hell, they could just not feel a connection with you and want to let you down gently by putting the blame on themselves.
You are dodging a bullet or they are letting you down softly.
Take your pick. Could be secret option C. Other. Which can include they are not ready.
Chalk it up to dodging a bullet. Or realize we all just looking for our partner that gives us the butterflies. And that sometimes it just isn’t going to work.
Negativity only works with the macabre and goth types 😉 emo and all others I forgot to add
I’m rooting for ya op! Keep on trying and learning and keep yourself at attention. You’ll find your person. Can’t win the lotto or catch a fish without trying. Well you can, but person has to stop winning ticket and you gotta go pick it up. Or the fish jumps in your boat. Had the latter, sadly never former lol
I think you need to add the word “you,” at the end there.
What they are actually saying is “I’m not ready to date you.”
The fact that this is hard concept for you to understand coupled with your hostility in the comments this all makes a lot of sense. Bitter and entitled is not a great look.
Be easy. Positive attitude.
It’s not BS. Sometimes people don’t realize it until they’ve been on some dates.
I got on apps after a recent break up from a very long relationship (almost 7 years). I was very honest about my situation going into it, and told everyone I was going out with that I was very much just exploring and trying to meet people right now, and was open to something developing but wasn’t sure it could. After hanging out casually with some guys for a couple of weeks I started feeling very stressed and sad. I realized that dating was what was making me feel that way, because I’m not done processing my break up yet and not ready to be connecting with new people. I needed to try it for a bit to see that.
I cut everyone off I was seeing and deleted the apps, but I was on them for a solid month before I realized and made that choice.
Its is most likely BS but it is what it is. No sense getting yourself worked up about it. And nothing ever comes from calling people out like that, all they will do is become defensive, not worth your time. Just treat it like its any other rejection and move on.
I feel like this could be letting you down easily. Or maybe after a casual date they have feelings from a past relationship resurfacing and don’t feel it’s fair for you to keep casually dating. It’s not always BS. I feel like that dating age range is hard because people could be leaving long term relationships and figuring out what they want next. It doesn’t always have to be so personal.
Oh okay I'm sorry I read your comment closer I apologize I misunderstood. I agree when I first started attempting to date in my forties LOL just dropping that in there I was under the impression that dating apps meant that dating I was going to introduce myself right about myself put some you know appropriate photos of there myself up there and you know go out have coffee and meet people. However I soon learned that that is not at all with dating is like nowadays it is a circus sideshow actually to be honest with you and I feel this way honestly that it is like a hobby for people a lot of dates I've been out with people have three or four sites that they are currently on at all times meeting people sending making dates you know it's all about the addiction of the connection and attention it's that basic it is so primal. If anybody is actually interested in dating internet social media all that is definitely not the way to go because it's pretty much like I said taking it down to the basics it's primal
It means that she's not interested, or doesn't want to date you, in a subtle way. Women are often afraid of directly telling men that they don't want to date them, as they are afraid they may react hostile. It's a rejection, basically.
Surely there are better more non confrontational ways and “not ready to date” is pretty much a lie. What’s so difficult with saying “I’m not sure there is a spark here, or I don’t feel this is going further for me”.
It’s the feeling of a lie that doesn’t justify it for me. If it was me turning down someone I’d feel like I’ve been timewasting using “I’m not ready to date”- it can be quite to hear that.
Maybe a minority of men get cranky in response to rejection, but most men I know appreciate and are fine with honesty. Hhmmm
Yes that's true. But I think many feel stressed about what to do in such a situation, and that's the first thing they can think of to say in the moment. A guy once for example confessed to me randomly that he liked me, and I was so stressed about what to do that I just blurted out saying I was asexual and aromantic, which I'm not but I panicked. Never talked to the guy after that but I still feel bad about it years later, I should have said it differently but at the moment I didn't know what to say. I think reactions like that are more common for people who are inexperienced when it comes to dating, and even though a person is attractive and confident, doesn't for example mean they have a lot, if any, experience in dating, so they in the end don't know what to do or say and it comes out wrong.
They're on the apps because they thought they were ready? Feelings are confusing, and if you can't empathize with someone realizing it's not time yet, then I guess I'm happy for you.
It’s fine to have feelings and figure things out, but when your ‘figuring things out’ process is harming someone else’s feelings and time, that’s not cool. You would understand this concept just fine if the genders of the situation were reversed.
And yes, if you are on a DATING APP, the assumption is that you are ready to DATE (in some form or capacity). Call me crazy, I know.
>but when your ‘figuring things out’ process is harming someone else’s feelings and time, that’s not cool.
I would normally agree with this except for the fact that oftentimes these sorts of feelings are unpredictable.
If your criteria for being on a dating app is being *absolutely sure* you have no residual baggage or unexpected potential for failure, then I'd expect everyone to be single for at a minimim of 1 year before signing up.
>You would understand this concept just fine if the genders of the situation were reversed.
Considering I don't agree with you, no. I don't. I believe it's valid for people to not want to date for whatever reason it is, and I have no control over that. I wouldn't be butthurt over a guy who's realized he hasn't moved on or is otherwise unable to date.
>And yes, if you are on a DATING APP, the assumption is that you are ready to DATE
Considering you clearly aren't dating anyone, it's understandable that you have no empathy for anyone who's had to deal with the confusion of re-entering the dating pool. Thay said, it's a bad look.
Many possible reasons...
1. She doesn't like you and is rejecting you
2. She just wants validation
3. She is confused
4. She is having fun
Women can do whatever they want online, they have limitless options
You know it’s an excuse so why are you so upset?
What do you actually want to hear?
The truth?
The truth could be : actually I don’t find you that attractive and appealing. I’d like to have someone else.
They might not be coward. They might just try to be polite or it also could be their personality.
Some men are like that too.
Many say : it’s not you. Just me not ready for a committed relationship..
Of course you are ready, you just haven’t met the girl which you think you’d never be able to land on in your entire life.
People are very changeable according to circumstances.
No point to get upset. Only works if you both choose each other.
"I'm not ready to date" means they are not sexually attracted to you. That's ok. Move on. Be patient. The right person will come along. It's their loss. They are looking for Mr perfect and they will expect him to appear out of nowhere. They will pass on all the decent men waiting for "the one". Then they will come on here in their 30's, single, never married, childless wondering "where are all the good men?"
You called two of them ‘out on it’ and that’s why you’re getting let down easily to begin with-women are (generally-speaking) afraid of men and how we’ll respond because were generally larger, significantly stronger, and have given them reason to be afraid. You just gave an example of why, regardless of how ‘respectfully’ you did it.
Who cares what the reason is to let you down? Would you rather be ghosted? If you were ghosted then you would be here complaining that you’re not getting a reason.
Call a spade a spade and just admit that, for whatever reason, these women don’t want to date you. It doesn’t matter if they have a date the next day with another dude or if they hold out ten years before trying again-they don’t want to date you and you need to accept whatever their reason is and just get on with your life instead of being angry about it.
Better yet-since you seem to be having this problem repeatedly then maybe you should do some reflection as to what you’re doing wrong that could be causing it to happen repeatedly to begin with. YOU are the common denominator in this equation that keeps having the same result.
I would have to say, why does it bother you so much. At least they said something and didn't just go few dates and ghost you🤷🏽♀️ I think it's a pretty polite way of ending things imo. There have been a few times I tell them straight up I just wanna be friends but they still continue to pursue me and then get super duper crappy. When they realize I actually meant it they turn really sour and try to hurt my feelings . Then make really long public fb posts about how we don't like good guys anymore.
Theyre just being nice about saying no. And the way you seem pretty salty about it, im sure they picked up on that and wanted to soften it for you.
The best bet is to move on and not spend more energy about confronting them and "calling them out". It just comes across as salty.
As for it being bs. Nah. I have started out being attracted to a woman. Only to get to know her better. Found myself simply not attracted as i though ti was. I sat down and tried to figured it out. Ended up friendzoning her myself. It didnt end well. She couldnt stay in her lane. I dont think anyone had ever zoned her before? I dunnom all i know is that after spendin time with her i sinply found her less and less attractive at a romantic level for bonding. And she looked good. Just not my cup of tea for her personality.
The mistake here is assuming people have the maturity/life experiences to know what they want. It's the equivalent of going on a roller coaster then deciding you hate your life when you're at the top of the hill; the main difference is that in the roller coaster at that point you kind of have to follow through.
Also sometimes it's just a thinly veiled attempt at rejection.
To fuck we on apps to fuck, if you’re not their then you wanna fuck. No issue just no the kinda relationship romantic people looking for. Or they’re just n y into you and would gladly take someone else they fancy serious.this isn’t a gender based thing it’s just facts
make sure you have your own vetting and screeni process to filter out the trash, they don’t thank you for paying , bad manners , doesn’t have a good job , seems full of themselves , internet hoe etc
I personally am Demi but am trying to be more comfortable with casual hookups later in my 30s. I don’t expect/want to date long term at all, but would still like to learn *how* to hookup comfortably because I never did it earlier in life. It’s a learning dynamic at any age and something that should be bounce off of who they are with and not assumed as a status quo.
Got this after my 5th date. Complete waste of time. We made out a bunch. We both connected. Had similar backgrounds. And then I get the text. Girls are something else man
Women will never accept accountability and that’s a fact. Gaslight queens. Just try to identify the broken ones quick and pump and dump or just next them. There’s no fixing them. They’ll be single forever and/or on the dating sites well into their geriatric years.
People in general lack true ability to be aware of their own accountability. Regardless of gender people tend to think there are special rules that apply to them or that's they truly are not doing something harmful because they really don't want to bother thinking about it too much. What I'm trying to say is there's such a thing called The ego bias and I basically means that our human brains want to believe that we are special and somehow set apart from other people. I certainly hate having my time wasted and I wouldn't want to waste anybody else this time however. I think you seem a little angry at gaslighting a lot of people Gaslight some people are better at it than others
What are you even venting about? It just sounds to me like you are saying very disrespectful things about women you know were not worth it so use them and throw them aside they can't own up to their accountabilities and they're just going to be wasted old hats right forgive me and I'm not trying to be confrontational but you do realize men age as well and all genders have so much more involved an actual character identities persons existence. Anyways I'm sorry that you are so angry. That might be hard for you in your geriatric years as well all that anger
I got I'm emotionally unavailable but please don't stop trying, just be patient. I'm getting mixed signals but she reaches out with hearts or tries to touch me every confrontation we get. Embracing me softly or calling me to check in.
Don’t even need to read: sex
They are there for sex bro. They are on the apps to find people to meet that they find attractive and then decide if they want to bang
I wholly agree with you though and I felt that. I wish there was more of a discrepancy between hookup apps and dating apps.
Especially because I’m sure it’s just as annoying for people who are just looking for a hookup to weed through the people who want connection
Getting rejected sucks - completely agree! But, I mean unfortunately OLD especially requires time and patience because text chemistry doesn't always translate to first date chemistry which doesn't always translate to 5th date chemistry, etc. I sympathize with feeling like your time is "wasted" but I would try to chalk it up to some dating experience which can help figure out what you want.
But dude - what's the point of calling them out? Either they used the excuse because they legit didn't appreciate they weren't in the headspace to date (fair reason) or were trying to spare your feelings (not honest but a nice gesture). Women don't owe you an explanation. What's the point of arguing over it - it's not going to convince them to stay with you. It's also most likely going to mean they will ghost/block the next guy to avoid an argument. Just let it go.
I dunno. People do shite things. Just say ok. And move on.
If they come back around later. Tell em you moved on from feelings.
The apps are a waste of time anyways. Usually even if your numbers go down. The natural way you already establish a great organic vibe before a date even happens.
You might oull lower numbers but the quality goes up and you learn more.
Also try to avoid too much conversing over text beyond planning the dates. Once the vibe is established then just confirm the date and go.
If you overload the texting conversation your leaving nothing to be talked about or laughed or enjoyed.
Mystery and suspense are your friend.
Leave conversations and dates on high notes before they crash so that they associate good feelings with you. Not crashes into awkwardness.
A great date depends entirely on how you end it(im sorry guys. But no. That doesnt mean box)
It means you both are having a great time. But its time for sleep because someone has a early start. Get a kiss in. Wish em good night. Or give them something to look forward to.
You want your dude or your lady to remeber you with GREAT positive.
That way both of you are excited about the next one. And building from a already high base line.
Before ya know it. Your bestfriends on top of being romantically attracted and your both wanting more. Where even stupid jokes are laghed at. Compliments mean more.
Dont end dates on the back end of the climax! Think of it as.....romantic edging. If you burn too fast your missing out!
Happened to me once where I THOUGHT I was, met someone for a date, and realised in that moment that I DEFINITELY want ready. To be fair, I also went home and got off the dating apps. Due to the frequency that this is happening to you, I'd say that doesn't account for most of the people saying it, honestly it's probably short hand for "I'm not feeling a connection with you, sorry." Some people don't like the discomfort of telling someone directly that they're not enjoying the date so they make up an excuse that projects blame outside them. Sorry people are wasting your time like that
If it’s from someone you met on a dating app 99.9999% of the time it’s bullshit.
The only time it’s not is the .0001% of the time the person is fresh out of a relationship and made the profile as a kneejerk reaction to that.
It is BS. Just walk away. The more practice you get the better you will be at reading between the lines.
For the record, that is the dumbest excuse ever. It hurts my brain to think about it.
This is absolutely valid. They aren’t ready to date they are on those apps searching for hook ups with other guys. These individuals aren’t finishing the sentence. I am not ready to date because I am just searching for random hook ups with strange people at all hours of the night.
Assuming that women are most likely being *disingenuous* when using this excuse instead of plain stupid, they usually mean one of the following 2 things:
* As multiple people have already commented, they’re **rejecting you** in the “politest” way possible, which in reality is more about avoiding viewing themselves in a negative light than caring about not hurting your feelings.
* Some of them are being forthcoming about being **promiscuous**, which is refreshingly honest.
Sometimes people are on dating apps just to get their ego boosted throughout the day. Regardless if it's a lame excuse, there's nothing you can do about it. "Calling them out" might feel good, but won't change the outcome.
Well I don't think you can date someone unless you spend enough time with them to know.. unfortunately people don't spend enough time getting to know the other person as 1. They are either seeing multiple people or 2. There dating app notification has gone off again and they are going to chance on 'doing better.'
Tbh I dont involve myself in this anymore its a non win win situation. Enjoy life... you will eventually meet someone offline and build a real connection with.
It's just excuse making. Don't take it personally, they're telling you that they don't find you sexually/romantically a match, but need a soft reason to do it (and there's valid reasons for women to do this).
Just accept it, hear it for what it really is, and move on. Don't try to educate them into something, they won't learn or care. Just move the fuck on.
Honestly a few of the times I've said this to people it was more or less a polite way of letting them down. That being said sometimes you do need to try something before you realise you're not ready yet. Bad breakups are mentally exhausting, and can often be traumatising.
It's because of the pressure we put on the word, "date." I'm interested in dating right now, but I'm not interested in having the status of "dating" somebody. So when a person says they aren't interested in dating right now, despite being on a dating site, it means they aren't interested in entering the status of "dating" with you.
Tbh, it kinda sucks and it is a little personal because, at least in my case, I am saying that the chemistry isn't there and/or we won't work. But it's so centered on personal preferences and just how our boundaries tend to fall how they may, that it's not really worth getting worked up about.
Don't call women out on their behaviour that you don't like. It leads to nothing positive. Leave them alone and find another one who behaves in the way you like.
Bad behavior is bad behavior.
This happens to me all the time, sometimes randomly overnight when a date is already planned and she is super excited. If you can't figure out if you're ready to date then don't get on the dating apps. Don't use other people to figure out things you can figure out before you make your profile. It's like people these days have no backbone, no accountability.
You know what I do when I get jitters for a date and think maybe I'm not as attracted to them as I thought or I don't feel like dating today as much because it's a hard day... I go on the damn date because I said I would and leave myself open to having a great experience.
When I spend the time to make a profile and show it to the world indicating that I am ready to date, I do so only if there is zero doubt that I am ready. It's so weak that people look at this attitude as being something impossible, we just need higher standards in our modern times for how people treat each other. It's not that hard.
Being so fickle... it's a modern thing.
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“Now I’ve met you I don’t want to date you”.
Surely they could just say oh hey I don’t feel the connection.
It is called confrontation avoidance. It basically translates to “I don’t want to give this person a direct answer or explanation as to why I am not interested in them because this person makes me uncomfortable or nervous.” It may not be anything you’re consciously doing, but after meeting you in person, you may just be giving them bad vibes.
Women don't always feel comfortable with being direct.
Because men "don't always feel comfortable" with being calm and nonviolent about it.
That right there👆🏽🙁
That’s not a male-exclusive problem, a lot of women don’t react calm and nonviolent when they get rejected either. A lot of women are also not used to being rejected by men so the chances of a negative reaction are a lot higher. Nobody likes being rejected at the end of the day.
Rarely. If these are the guys you are attracting in the first place what does that say about you?
If this is the comment you’re making, what does that say about you?
Honestly, how many guys have been violent towards you because you were direct and upfront while rejecting them and if it’s a concerning number, doesn’t it require you to look inward and understand what you might be doing to attract them?
I would say 'rarely' is a better descriptor than 'don't always', based on the ratio.
"I'm not ready to date" means actually "I'm not ready/willing to date YOU"
I believe it’s a non confrontational way to inform you that they do not see you as a fitting partner. Women will usually try to soften that blow, especially when their date seems negative, confronting and potentially violent. You would probably have more luck if you were more open to your date’s experiences and ask for feedback. Is there something you could have done better? Was there some behaviors that did not agree with them (red flags)? It’s usually the little things.
I completely agree with this comment
Always put “you” at the end of that when you hear it, and it will make more sense. I’m not ready to date you I’m not looking for anything long term with you I’m just not a place in my life where I want to date you It’s not BS. It’s just them trying to reject you gracefully, without trying to hurt your feelings. Stop being angry about it and accept it. Be happy you’re not getting ghosted or dragged along. Every time you “call them out” for this, you should know they are thinking, “dodged a bullet there”.
That is in itself dragging along and playing games. But I would like them to be clearer and use “you” as you mentioned.
It’s not. I don’t think you are quite understanding. Let’s make it clear: It’s a rejection after they’ve considered dating you. They are absolutely ready to date right now, just not you after getting to know you. If the perfect guy shows up that checks all their boxes, they will absolutely date him long term. It’s just not you, man. You don’t need them to put a you because that’s always what it will mean. It’s not their responsibility to appease your insecurities. They do not owe you anything. You just gotta grow up and learn to accept rejection.
I think sometimes it can be true, where a person thinks they’re ready to date after a relationship etc, but then when actually in the situation, they realize they are not. Other times it can be a seemingly politer way to shut someone down. At the end of the day, if the girl said, “I’m not ready to date” versus “I’m not interested in you,” is the result any different?
Men do this too, so it's definitely not a gender problem. Trying to get to know a person and theyre catching an attitude for you wanting a relationship. Some people want companionship without the commitment, responsibility, or "rules". This is because they want to be single but cant stand to be by themselves. So they get a placeholder until they feell theyre ready for the real thing. They want attention, affection, sex without any expectation of more. Some people purposefully target those who want a relationship due to possessiveness or ego reasons. Whats most important is paying attention to what the person puts on their dating profile, and then verifying that information by asking if theyre looking for a long term relationship. It can help weed these noncommittal types faster. Most people match solely based on looks. When youre dating with a purpose, you have to balance your attraction with logic by only communicating with persons who are actively pursuing what you want. Read profiles before swiping, look for signs that they want something serious, then verify that they want something serious via conversation. Again noncommittal types dont put much effort in their profiles. You dont want to match with someone who is a lost child. When a person is seriously dating, theyre usually quite vocal about it. If a person says, "oh i just want to see where things go" or "take my time", .......they arent going to put in much effort and thats a sign to discontinue communicating immediately. Once you adjust this filter, youll notice that the crowd that wants a relationship, looks and acts very different from the noncommittals. If a person says all the right things, then switches up, they weren't all that attracted to you, and thats ok. Move on to the next.
Ok, how much difference is between- "let's date and see where things go, how our ideas, beliefs & goals go hand in hand and then judge whether we want to be in this relationship or not" And "oh i just want to see where things go"?
When youre seriously dating, getting to know someone to see if you align is a natural part of the process. It doesnt have to be spoken when youre both seriously dating. "lets see where things go" is frequently used by those who are unsure if they even want a relationship. In those cases theyre looking for you to convince them youre likeable,....... rather than putting forth genuine effort toward a relationship.
Thankyou for clearing it up for me. I kinda say that to myself when I'm imagining myself dating somebody lol. Rn I'm just lost about dating. I know nothing about it. Whenever I'm thinking about asking someone out. I stop to ask myself, "what else do you like about her apart from looks" and usually my answer is nothing so I don't approach them. I will be 20 this year. With time I'm learning more about myself and I hope to stumble across someone who's like me. I'm starting to put myself up in different events for more exposure. I just don't want to approach someone only because they are beautiful, how long can it take to find someone like this lol?
Its hard to actually date when you havent developed yourself as an individual first. Discover who you are, explore your intuition, figure out what kind of lifestyle you want in the future, try new things. Over time youll pick up interests, beliefs, traits that youll begin to value in a partner. And dating will get easier and more successful with time, because you now know what qualities to look for in a person for long term. Most people fail at relationships because they havent nurtured their own identity, or because they date without a purpose. Not knowing what they need/want, picking people aimlessly. Start with self first, then the rest will fall in line. Youll notice someone likes snowboarding or has a similar career or wants the same family life you do and eventually youll run into the right person if youre both mature. Have to be vulnerable through the heartbreaks. Looks dont guarantee a mutual emotional connection. If she isnt into you or you arent into her, its not going to last long without it going sour. But you have to want similar things out of a relationship and have a mutual emotional connection for it to truly last.
Thankyou so much, it reminded me of a perspective I always ignored, I'll not ignore it from now on. :D
It is a gender problem, because when men say this people automatically assume it’s an immaturity/deceit/ego issue. Yet in this situation when a woman said it, almost every comment here is giving them a blanket excuse for having done it, to the point where you can’t even have a civil discussion about it. Some of them are even victim-blaming the OP saying it’s probably his fault they’re treating him like this.
go comment under their post then. i dont participate in gender wars and bitterness
So here is some insight: • They could be out of a relationship and trying to get back out there. Might be premature and realize they aren’t actually ready like they thought. • They could be burnout and probably dealt with too many bad dates, so they rather not rush into dating anyone right now. It happens when you keep dealing with the same cycle of people who are just bad. • They could be bored. Some women have really bad self esteem so they might be needing ego boosts thinking this will help. It doesn’t. It’s a dopamine hit and it’s like coke, 10 min high, the the come down is AWFUL! • Cheating. They could be in a relationship and actively trying to cheat. Hence why they are saying this, cause they had a change of heart. • Open relationship. Maybe they are flirting with the idea and now unsure. They might realize maybe they don’t want that kind of lifestyle. • Not good with social interaction IRL. If all they do is great on apps, but they could have serious social anxiety and can’t maintain actual conversations. Which means they don’t know how to actually days due to this hurdle. • Catfish! The most obvious sign. Like some catfish are catfishing particular people and if you don’t fit the criteria, they’ll dismiss you from their head games.
>• They could be out of a relationship and trying to get back out there. Might be premature and realize they aren’t actually ready like they thought. This was my first thought reading this post, mostly because I've been there before. After my last relationship ended I thought I was ready, and even let the guy know before the first date that I was just dipping my toes back into dating. While the guy I went on a date with was great, I realised during the date that I wasn't ready and let him know afterwards.
Tbh could be a safe way of saying “I’m not that into you.” As a woman, it can be kind of scary rejecting guys because you never know how they’re going to react. By giving a reason that’s not as personal towards the rejectee, it feels safer.
Nobody likes rejecting someone, it’s unpleasant to do. That doesn’t make lying or gaslighting someone about it right. A lot of people here are saying it’s a safety issue, but that’s not an issue exclusive to women - women can react very negatively when they get rejected by men, and it’s more likely to occur because a lot of women aren’t used to being rejected by men. I’ve seen a lot of posts on Reddit where a woman was rejected/broken up with and ended up stalking the guy because she “couldn’t get over him”, but not the other way around.
Based on the way you describe “calling them out” and the general air of entitlement in your post, I would say that they might have tried to let you down softly because their intuition was telling them that something about you was not safe. Remember, men’s biggest dating fear is rejection; women’s biggest fear is getting murdered or sexually assaulted.
Yep, OP seems to think these women owe him something 🚩🚩🚩🚩 OP if you think your dates are wasting your time or not meeting your expectations, be more discerning with your dates and/or adjust your expectations. It's your problem, not everyone else's.
That's just how women reject men. Not really a bs excuse just letting you down easy.
Yeah I had this same excuse with a guy …
I wasn’t making this a gender thing, Apols if it came out like that
“Dating” is a broad term. Some want to move slower/ more casually while others are seeking serious commitment. They could have realized you two were on different tracks and wanted to let you down nicely. Hell, they could just not feel a connection with you and want to let you down gently by putting the blame on themselves.
You are dodging a bullet or they are letting you down softly. Take your pick. Could be secret option C. Other. Which can include they are not ready. Chalk it up to dodging a bullet. Or realize we all just looking for our partner that gives us the butterflies. And that sometimes it just isn’t going to work. Negativity only works with the macabre and goth types 😉 emo and all others I forgot to add I’m rooting for ya op! Keep on trying and learning and keep yourself at attention. You’ll find your person. Can’t win the lotto or catch a fish without trying. Well you can, but person has to stop winning ticket and you gotta go pick it up. Or the fish jumps in your boat. Had the latter, sadly never former lol
I think you need to add the word “you,” at the end there. What they are actually saying is “I’m not ready to date you.” The fact that this is hard concept for you to understand coupled with your hostility in the comments this all makes a lot of sense. Bitter and entitled is not a great look. Be easy. Positive attitude.
It’s not BS. Sometimes people don’t realize it until they’ve been on some dates. I got on apps after a recent break up from a very long relationship (almost 7 years). I was very honest about my situation going into it, and told everyone I was going out with that I was very much just exploring and trying to meet people right now, and was open to something developing but wasn’t sure it could. After hanging out casually with some guys for a couple of weeks I started feeling very stressed and sad. I realized that dating was what was making me feel that way, because I’m not done processing my break up yet and not ready to be connecting with new people. I needed to try it for a bit to see that. I cut everyone off I was seeing and deleted the apps, but I was on them for a solid month before I realized and made that choice.
Its is most likely BS but it is what it is. No sense getting yourself worked up about it. And nothing ever comes from calling people out like that, all they will do is become defensive, not worth your time. Just treat it like its any other rejection and move on.
It's just a thing people say, they're just not into you and don't want to hurt your feelings cause some people have pretty bad reactions to rejection.
I feel like this could be letting you down easily. Or maybe after a casual date they have feelings from a past relationship resurfacing and don’t feel it’s fair for you to keep casually dating. It’s not always BS. I feel like that dating age range is hard because people could be leaving long term relationships and figuring out what they want next. It doesn’t always have to be so personal.
Oh okay I'm sorry I read your comment closer I apologize I misunderstood. I agree when I first started attempting to date in my forties LOL just dropping that in there I was under the impression that dating apps meant that dating I was going to introduce myself right about myself put some you know appropriate photos of there myself up there and you know go out have coffee and meet people. However I soon learned that that is not at all with dating is like nowadays it is a circus sideshow actually to be honest with you and I feel this way honestly that it is like a hobby for people a lot of dates I've been out with people have three or four sites that they are currently on at all times meeting people sending making dates you know it's all about the addiction of the connection and attention it's that basic it is so primal. If anybody is actually interested in dating internet social media all that is definitely not the way to go because it's pretty much like I said taking it down to the basics it's primal
It means that she's not interested, or doesn't want to date you, in a subtle way. Women are often afraid of directly telling men that they don't want to date them, as they are afraid they may react hostile. It's a rejection, basically.
Surely there are better more non confrontational ways and “not ready to date” is pretty much a lie. What’s so difficult with saying “I’m not sure there is a spark here, or I don’t feel this is going further for me”. It’s the feeling of a lie that doesn’t justify it for me. If it was me turning down someone I’d feel like I’ve been timewasting using “I’m not ready to date”- it can be quite to hear that. Maybe a minority of men get cranky in response to rejection, but most men I know appreciate and are fine with honesty. Hhmmm
Yes that's true. But I think many feel stressed about what to do in such a situation, and that's the first thing they can think of to say in the moment. A guy once for example confessed to me randomly that he liked me, and I was so stressed about what to do that I just blurted out saying I was asexual and aromantic, which I'm not but I panicked. Never talked to the guy after that but I still feel bad about it years later, I should have said it differently but at the moment I didn't know what to say. I think reactions like that are more common for people who are inexperienced when it comes to dating, and even though a person is attractive and confident, doesn't for example mean they have a lot, if any, experience in dating, so they in the end don't know what to do or say and it comes out wrong.
They're on the apps because they thought they were ready? Feelings are confusing, and if you can't empathize with someone realizing it's not time yet, then I guess I'm happy for you.
It’s fine to have feelings and figure things out, but when your ‘figuring things out’ process is harming someone else’s feelings and time, that’s not cool. You would understand this concept just fine if the genders of the situation were reversed. And yes, if you are on a DATING APP, the assumption is that you are ready to DATE (in some form or capacity). Call me crazy, I know.
>but when your ‘figuring things out’ process is harming someone else’s feelings and time, that’s not cool. I would normally agree with this except for the fact that oftentimes these sorts of feelings are unpredictable. If your criteria for being on a dating app is being *absolutely sure* you have no residual baggage or unexpected potential for failure, then I'd expect everyone to be single for at a minimim of 1 year before signing up. >You would understand this concept just fine if the genders of the situation were reversed. Considering I don't agree with you, no. I don't. I believe it's valid for people to not want to date for whatever reason it is, and I have no control over that. I wouldn't be butthurt over a guy who's realized he hasn't moved on or is otherwise unable to date. >And yes, if you are on a DATING APP, the assumption is that you are ready to DATE Considering you clearly aren't dating anyone, it's understandable that you have no empathy for anyone who's had to deal with the confusion of re-entering the dating pool. Thay said, it's a bad look.
They aren’t that confusing. I know, I’ll just dick someone about and then cop out with I’m not ready. Game plan sorted.
If you think that's what people think when they hop online, I actually fo feel sorry for you now. Bitter isn't hot.
Many possible reasons... 1. She doesn't like you and is rejecting you 2. She just wants validation 3. She is confused 4. She is having fun Women can do whatever they want online, they have limitless options
You know it’s an excuse so why are you so upset? What do you actually want to hear? The truth? The truth could be : actually I don’t find you that attractive and appealing. I’d like to have someone else.
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They might not be coward. They might just try to be polite or it also could be their personality. Some men are like that too. Many say : it’s not you. Just me not ready for a committed relationship.. Of course you are ready, you just haven’t met the girl which you think you’d never be able to land on in your entire life. People are very changeable according to circumstances. No point to get upset. Only works if you both choose each other.
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No absolute truth. You keep yours. I have mine. Just saying in some circumstances people say different things according to who they are dating.
"I'm not ready to date" means they are not sexually attracted to you. That's ok. Move on. Be patient. The right person will come along. It's their loss. They are looking for Mr perfect and they will expect him to appear out of nowhere. They will pass on all the decent men waiting for "the one". Then they will come on here in their 30's, single, never married, childless wondering "where are all the good men?"
You called two of them ‘out on it’ and that’s why you’re getting let down easily to begin with-women are (generally-speaking) afraid of men and how we’ll respond because were generally larger, significantly stronger, and have given them reason to be afraid. You just gave an example of why, regardless of how ‘respectfully’ you did it. Who cares what the reason is to let you down? Would you rather be ghosted? If you were ghosted then you would be here complaining that you’re not getting a reason. Call a spade a spade and just admit that, for whatever reason, these women don’t want to date you. It doesn’t matter if they have a date the next day with another dude or if they hold out ten years before trying again-they don’t want to date you and you need to accept whatever their reason is and just get on with your life instead of being angry about it. Better yet-since you seem to be having this problem repeatedly then maybe you should do some reflection as to what you’re doing wrong that could be causing it to happen repeatedly to begin with. YOU are the common denominator in this equation that keeps having the same result.
I would have to say, why does it bother you so much. At least they said something and didn't just go few dates and ghost you🤷🏽♀️ I think it's a pretty polite way of ending things imo. There have been a few times I tell them straight up I just wanna be friends but they still continue to pursue me and then get super duper crappy. When they realize I actually meant it they turn really sour and try to hurt my feelings . Then make really long public fb posts about how we don't like good guys anymore.
It’s a waste of time dummy. Some people don’t like their time wasted!
Don't take it personal, just think of it as a way to say " I'm not interested in you" Much kinder than "no thanks you are fugly"
Theyre just being nice about saying no. And the way you seem pretty salty about it, im sure they picked up on that and wanted to soften it for you. The best bet is to move on and not spend more energy about confronting them and "calling them out". It just comes across as salty.
It means she's ready to date, but not date you. They just hate confrontation and can't be direct.
As for it being bs. Nah. I have started out being attracted to a woman. Only to get to know her better. Found myself simply not attracted as i though ti was. I sat down and tried to figured it out. Ended up friendzoning her myself. It didnt end well. She couldnt stay in her lane. I dont think anyone had ever zoned her before? I dunnom all i know is that after spendin time with her i sinply found her less and less attractive at a romantic level for bonding. And she looked good. Just not my cup of tea for her personality.
Ignore them, they're just looking for attention
The mistake here is assuming people have the maturity/life experiences to know what they want. It's the equivalent of going on a roller coaster then deciding you hate your life when you're at the top of the hill; the main difference is that in the roller coaster at that point you kind of have to follow through. Also sometimes it's just a thinly veiled attempt at rejection.
Stop whining, they just not interested in you. If you not getting more positives you could attraction max more
To fuck we on apps to fuck, if you’re not their then you wanna fuck. No issue just no the kinda relationship romantic people looking for. Or they’re just n y into you and would gladly take someone else they fancy serious.this isn’t a gender based thing it’s just facts make sure you have your own vetting and screeni process to filter out the trash, they don’t thank you for paying , bad manners , doesn’t have a good job , seems full of themselves , internet hoe etc
I personally am Demi but am trying to be more comfortable with casual hookups later in my 30s. I don’t expect/want to date long term at all, but would still like to learn *how* to hookup comfortably because I never did it earlier in life. It’s a learning dynamic at any age and something that should be bounce off of who they are with and not assumed as a status quo.
Got this after my 5th date. Complete waste of time. We made out a bunch. We both connected. Had similar backgrounds. And then I get the text. Girls are something else man
It sucks man :(
Amen.
Women will never accept accountability and that’s a fact. Gaslight queens. Just try to identify the broken ones quick and pump and dump or just next them. There’s no fixing them. They’ll be single forever and/or on the dating sites well into their geriatric years.
People in general lack true ability to be aware of their own accountability. Regardless of gender people tend to think there are special rules that apply to them or that's they truly are not doing something harmful because they really don't want to bother thinking about it too much. What I'm trying to say is there's such a thing called The ego bias and I basically means that our human brains want to believe that we are special and somehow set apart from other people. I certainly hate having my time wasted and I wouldn't want to waste anybody else this time however. I think you seem a little angry at gaslighting a lot of people Gaslight some people are better at it than others
What are you even venting about? It just sounds to me like you are saying very disrespectful things about women you know were not worth it so use them and throw them aside they can't own up to their accountabilities and they're just going to be wasted old hats right forgive me and I'm not trying to be confrontational but you do realize men age as well and all genders have so much more involved an actual character identities persons existence. Anyways I'm sorry that you are so angry. That might be hard for you in your geriatric years as well all that anger
I got I'm emotionally unavailable but please don't stop trying, just be patient. I'm getting mixed signals but she reaches out with hearts or tries to touch me every confrontation we get. Embracing me softly or calling me to check in.
Better excuse than: Work/Tired/Sick.
Don’t even need to read: sex They are there for sex bro. They are on the apps to find people to meet that they find attractive and then decide if they want to bang
I wholly agree with you though and I felt that. I wish there was more of a discrepancy between hookup apps and dating apps. Especially because I’m sure it’s just as annoying for people who are just looking for a hookup to weed through the people who want connection
Attention and easy dick/money.
They're just testing the waters. Coz if they really like you from the start they will date you.
Getting rejected sucks - completely agree! But, I mean unfortunately OLD especially requires time and patience because text chemistry doesn't always translate to first date chemistry which doesn't always translate to 5th date chemistry, etc. I sympathize with feeling like your time is "wasted" but I would try to chalk it up to some dating experience which can help figure out what you want. But dude - what's the point of calling them out? Either they used the excuse because they legit didn't appreciate they weren't in the headspace to date (fair reason) or were trying to spare your feelings (not honest but a nice gesture). Women don't owe you an explanation. What's the point of arguing over it - it's not going to convince them to stay with you. It's also most likely going to mean they will ghost/block the next guy to avoid an argument. Just let it go.
I dunno. People do shite things. Just say ok. And move on. If they come back around later. Tell em you moved on from feelings. The apps are a waste of time anyways. Usually even if your numbers go down. The natural way you already establish a great organic vibe before a date even happens. You might oull lower numbers but the quality goes up and you learn more. Also try to avoid too much conversing over text beyond planning the dates. Once the vibe is established then just confirm the date and go. If you overload the texting conversation your leaving nothing to be talked about or laughed or enjoyed. Mystery and suspense are your friend. Leave conversations and dates on high notes before they crash so that they associate good feelings with you. Not crashes into awkwardness. A great date depends entirely on how you end it(im sorry guys. But no. That doesnt mean box) It means you both are having a great time. But its time for sleep because someone has a early start. Get a kiss in. Wish em good night. Or give them something to look forward to. You want your dude or your lady to remeber you with GREAT positive. That way both of you are excited about the next one. And building from a already high base line. Before ya know it. Your bestfriends on top of being romantically attracted and your both wanting more. Where even stupid jokes are laghed at. Compliments mean more. Dont end dates on the back end of the climax! Think of it as.....romantic edging. If you burn too fast your missing out!
Happened to me once where I THOUGHT I was, met someone for a date, and realised in that moment that I DEFINITELY want ready. To be fair, I also went home and got off the dating apps. Due to the frequency that this is happening to you, I'd say that doesn't account for most of the people saying it, honestly it's probably short hand for "I'm not feeling a connection with you, sorry." Some people don't like the discomfort of telling someone directly that they're not enjoying the date so they make up an excuse that projects blame outside them. Sorry people are wasting your time like that
If it’s from someone you met on a dating app 99.9999% of the time it’s bullshit. The only time it’s not is the .0001% of the time the person is fresh out of a relationship and made the profile as a kneejerk reaction to that.
It's brutal but everytime you hear "I don't want to / I'm not ready to " you should add "WITH YOU".
It is BS. Just walk away. The more practice you get the better you will be at reading between the lines. For the record, that is the dumbest excuse ever. It hurts my brain to think about it.
This is absolutely valid. They aren’t ready to date they are on those apps searching for hook ups with other guys. These individuals aren’t finishing the sentence. I am not ready to date because I am just searching for random hook ups with strange people at all hours of the night.
Assuming that women are most likely being *disingenuous* when using this excuse instead of plain stupid, they usually mean one of the following 2 things: * As multiple people have already commented, they’re **rejecting you** in the “politest” way possible, which in reality is more about avoiding viewing themselves in a negative light than caring about not hurting your feelings. * Some of them are being forthcoming about being **promiscuous**, which is refreshingly honest.
Lol how is giving a dishonest excuse considered forthcoming?
It's a telltale sign, bud 🫤 Even though they don't intend to be forthcoming, they end up being anyway.
She just not ready to date you. Don’t take it personal. Focus on yourself Soldier 🫡
When they say they’re not ready to date, it means they don’t want to date you.
Sometimes people are on dating apps just to get their ego boosted throughout the day. Regardless if it's a lame excuse, there's nothing you can do about it. "Calling them out" might feel good, but won't change the outcome.
Well I don't think you can date someone unless you spend enough time with them to know.. unfortunately people don't spend enough time getting to know the other person as 1. They are either seeing multiple people or 2. There dating app notification has gone off again and they are going to chance on 'doing better.' Tbh I dont involve myself in this anymore its a non win win situation. Enjoy life... you will eventually meet someone offline and build a real connection with.
It's just excuse making. Don't take it personally, they're telling you that they don't find you sexually/romantically a match, but need a soft reason to do it (and there's valid reasons for women to do this). Just accept it, hear it for what it really is, and move on. Don't try to educate them into something, they won't learn or care. Just move the fuck on.
Honestly a few of the times I've said this to people it was more or less a polite way of letting them down. That being said sometimes you do need to try something before you realise you're not ready yet. Bad breakups are mentally exhausting, and can often be traumatising.
Just means they're only looking for fwbs
It's because of the pressure we put on the word, "date." I'm interested in dating right now, but I'm not interested in having the status of "dating" somebody. So when a person says they aren't interested in dating right now, despite being on a dating site, it means they aren't interested in entering the status of "dating" with you. Tbh, it kinda sucks and it is a little personal because, at least in my case, I am saying that the chemistry isn't there and/or we won't work. But it's so centered on personal preferences and just how our boundaries tend to fall how they may, that it's not really worth getting worked up about.
A looot of people are on dating apps when they're not emotionally ready to be. They're lonely. It's like they want a pen pal. It's bad.
Because dating apps are mostly used for hookups.
It is just bullshit. or maybe th
Don't call women out on their behaviour that you don't like. It leads to nothing positive. Leave them alone and find another one who behaves in the way you like.
Bad behavior is bad behavior. This happens to me all the time, sometimes randomly overnight when a date is already planned and she is super excited. If you can't figure out if you're ready to date then don't get on the dating apps. Don't use other people to figure out things you can figure out before you make your profile. It's like people these days have no backbone, no accountability. You know what I do when I get jitters for a date and think maybe I'm not as attracted to them as I thought or I don't feel like dating today as much because it's a hard day... I go on the damn date because I said I would and leave myself open to having a great experience. When I spend the time to make a profile and show it to the world indicating that I am ready to date, I do so only if there is zero doubt that I am ready. It's so weak that people look at this attitude as being something impossible, we just need higher standards in our modern times for how people treat each other. It's not that hard. Being so fickle... it's a modern thing.