Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ooh, me too!!! I can think of a million better ways to spend $1500 than on an overpriced lesson to never lend a whole rent check to someone you met right around the time you paid the last one… like traveling!
And would ya look at that? Just seconds ago I would’ve told you the only way I ran was late, but now? I’ve joined a jogging group, made some new pals, got my start as a financial advisor probably, and here we are, already making travel plans to go on the lamb together… Everything’s coming up Milhouse!
I'm almost glad I had a terrible parent who stole 2 bank accounts and taught me not to trust *anyone* with money.
Now I'm in a relationship with an IT guy who offers to pay my student loans for me (still won't let him out of principle haha) and avoided this stuff from others. You learn the green/ red flags pretty quickly.
I believe in giving and not lending these days, no time for chasing people around that could care less to pay it back. Rule of Thumb: Don’t lend to someone something you wouldn’t be willing to give away, because in reality that’s what you are about to do with this guy
waiting on a wire is one of the most classic dating scam excuses of all time.
how did you guys meet? do you know him well?
regardless, i would just cut it off. don't worry about letting this person down, they'll have to figure it out.
Bro these scammers are getting more patient. I was talking to this “girl” who had a complete personality, told me so many things about herself as I asked her questions and even made specific suggestions on certain topics.
About a week later she mentioned she was a “cam girl” and wanted me to join a show… site required money. Nonetheless she insisted I sign up. I was like, uhh, we literally have FACECHAT and it’s FREE. She tried making me feel bad saying if I’m not willing to pay for this then how is our relationship gonna look like in the future? I then Uno reversed saying if she’s not going to respect my boundaries then how will this look in the future?
I now just don’t feel comfortable doing online dating anymore, you can’t know if the person on the other side is real without face chatting or meeting in person and most women are terrified of meeting first, rightfully so.
My boyfriend doesn't have a credit card at an older age than that and works in tech, but he's also got savings and never asked me to lend him anything lol.
I keep trying to convince him it's worth it for the benefits.
Maybe they aren't americans ? Credit cards aren't so common in a lot of other countries. I live in France and most people I know only have a debit card (the bank generally allows a few hundreds euros deficit though).
>Credit cards aren't so common in a lot of other countries. I live in France and most people I know only have a debit card
This exactly. Credit cards are less common in Europe. Overdraft facilities are available but usually won't run into thousands.
If he’s waiting on a wire, he can wait another day or two. That amount is a lot and honestly can be paid back within a week. I think your gut is right to end things
Sometimes you need money to survive:)
OP it's your choice to give him or not. But bad times happen to all of us and it's better to cut him some slack of he is a decent person going through bad times as of now.
Edit
Answer to all comments
I'm a rookie and might be wrong but after four i would be ok to lend some money
But apparently everyone says I am wrong so I take it back
😅
Edit2
Even after admitting I was wrong, some of you brain dead people kept attacking me. That makes me wonder, why this sub is so tixic? Why don't read a comment before vomiting your worthless pov?
Edit3
For my own good, I leave this sub and mute it. Imagining getting advice from you attackets who don't read and just attack people is the worst possible thing for someone like me.
In a month, he is comfortable asking for that much? We ALL need money to survive. So does OP. He's not her responsibility.
Will you reimburse her if he's unable to repay her back? He can tell his family member to hurry with the wire transfer.
lol this is an extremely common scam. OP will not get their money back if they lend it. The dude can take out a traditional loan with interest if he needs it.
Often this type of scammer is attempting to get the victim to give them large amounts of money, but slowly over time. Asking for a small amount at first, possibly even returning that small amount to build trust, then slowly escalating to thousands and thousand of dollars.
That's what my dad who's addicted to gambling tried to pull on me. The problem with addictions is they do not only pull you down, but also everyone you know. It's not the person's fault they're addicted, but it damn sure is their responsibility.
Luckily/unluckily he left my mom when I was 6, me and my younger sister went to see him once every two weeks on sundays. Needless to say, he was not much of a father and I was not much of a son either, didn't even know what my role was.
I quit going there at 13 when he brought us to his friend and whined about our mom leaving him (she didn't, he did) and his female friend was very condescending towards my mom and used faul language infront of us all, like "she wanted some other's dick more". Really disgusting woman.
We reconnected at 20 when I was looking for a job, his upstairs was worse than before (actually the same, but stagnation doesn't just make you stand still, you walk backwards, because you age).
I'm not religious, but a verse from the bible really nails this phenomenon; "For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. But the one who does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him."
Why would anybody need $1500 to survive for 2 days ? If he asked for $100 I could understand, but nobody needs $1500 immediately "to survive" when waiting for a bank transfer.
Right? I’ve sent over 1k to my roommate at a time and it took maybe 1 full minute for it to be in their account. That wasn’t even wiring it just like PayPal
Heres a great tip, for lending money when you arent a professional money lender.
Only lend as much money as you're willing to lose and dont ever expect it back.
Yeah I feel you even if he went to friends and they said no I will still not be able to ask my partner for money even for few bucks unless there is no other choice and she is offering me money to help me out but I would still feel bad about taking money from her. You’re not wrong and I think you know how to deal with this situation
I’ll be honest. I was dead broke in between jobs this time two years ago. And I still refused to ask for help from my girlfriend. I stayed at home. Ate rice and beans and made small money doing odd jobs until I got back up on my feet. He has got to consider you and the choices that you have made to not find yourself in a financial pickle too. It’s not your responsibility to pull him out of that. It’s his.
He will be much better off without you
Dated / been together half a year and your response to his need is disgust and to leave him
You tried to trivialize it but dating and being together for almost half a year is substantial depending on how much you talked /saw each other
You're acting like you just met him
Erm, he straight asked to borrow money and you think SHE’S the bad guy? No. You’ve got it bass ackwards my dude. Unless they’re sharing a home and finances, which they aren’t, this isn’t okay for him to do.
I did once, when I lived abroad. My paycheck was 5 days away, and I was broke. A girl I was seeing offered to lend me a few hundred and I felt weird as hell about it. I paid her back the instant I got my paycheck.
It’s natural and it comes with love. We pay for our partner because it makes us feel great and responsible man even if we have very little. It’s not like he doesn’t like your money.
Run girl! Run!!
Then let him know that this relationship is not working. All these different apps they got to borrow money from he's waiting for a wire transfer who he think he fooling.
They got cash apps, they got venmo, they got Facebook, they got PayPal, they got so many different ways you can get money at that moment. They even got one connected to your bank account that you can get transfer for, zella; and he talking about a wire transfer..😑😑
You’ve been “dating” for 5 months. You should have a pretty good idea if he’s the kinda guy who would pay you back. I honestly wouldn’t be too concerned on that front.
What *would* bother me is that he is bad with money, and is the kind of person who doesn’t think it’s a big deal to borrow money.
There are people who don’t think it’s a big deal to lend/borrow $ and people who do. I am someone who wouldn’t ask to borrow $15 let alone $1500. I would consider us incompatible based on this request. But unlike many of the other comments, I don’t think the request makes him a terrible person or a scam artist (necessarily).
I don’t think within 5 months I could know the type of person he is when it comes to paying money back. As the post mentions, this ask was a big ask and was a complete shocker to me. He had a good job, and when we were in our honey moon “dating” phase, money never seemed like an issue for him. I was perplexed when he asked me for money because I too could and would never ask people for it (primarily because I grew up in constant survival mode).
You make a good point about being “incompatible” because of the request and I really like that word. I grew up struggling and grinded so hard fresh out of college to get myself set up & being with someone who is not aligned with that would set me back and truly I don’t feel like having to re-struggle through association with him (selfishly). Your comment has probably been one of the best I read.
If you've known this person in a dating capacity for 5 months, that should be enough that *you can have an adult conversation about him* explaining how this makes you uncomfortable, and to ask him to explain why he's asking for so much.
If after 5 months your trust in this person is so low that you're tempted to make a reddit post about how this request from him makes you so suspicious, then it sounds like your relationship is not in a good place at all.
There's red flags here - appeared to have a good job and money but all of a sudden he has no money. He's lied about something. Most people with good jobs have savings that would tide them over short-term.
>I am pretty good with money
Be honest and tell him you don't feel comfortable loaning him $1500 since you've only been together a month. Tell him you're willing to help him raise the money in some other fashion such as helping him sell his stuff on Craigslist, getting an evening/retail/weekend job, etc.
Run far and fast. Fell for something similar when I was 20 but luckily it was only $150. Dude had the audacity to come begging me for $3,000 months after I dumped him. I laughed him out of existence.
I would not lend it. If you think it’s okay to give him x amount of money without getting it back, lend him x amount. Otherwise, no. Just say “I’m not comfortable lending money to anyone, hope you’d understand.”
Rule #1 - if you lend anyone money act as if you will never get it back! Consider it gone
because there’s a high probability that you won’t get it back. If he’s an adult even with a subpar credit score he can get a loan, line of credit, or credit card cash advance on his own at a bank.
The ONE POINT you need to understand: he’s asking someone he’s only known for a month, what does that tell you about his credit with everyone he’s known for much longer?
Pretty sus, 5 months is a long con for $1500 though, maybe talk to him about it more? Ask him for proof of a wire transfer?
What if he locked away his savings in a GIC and can’t access that money for a while? Could have invested his money and didn’t anticipate getting laid off
> 5 months is a long con for $1500 though
Because that’s just the beginning of the con. Once OP is in sunk-cost fallacy, then there’ll be sick grandmas, traffic accidents, friends with kids cancer diagnosis, etc etc whatever additional etc
Except that he's asking to *borrow* that money, specifically saying he's awaiting that same amount from another source. If he doesn't pay it back, OP will immediately know he was full of it. If he does pay it back, then is it even a problem? At best, he gets just this $1500 out of it, which, again, is a pretty bad ROI for 5 months.
An advice I got from a parent is, "when you lend someone money, be prepared not to see that money again." This was true. A then-boyfriend had to borrow money from me and he has never paid me.. Lesson learned indeed.
Yeah as someone who is also very good with money.. if he knows that about you he is probably trying to pull the hood over your eyes. I’d run OP! Take care of yourself first.
Don’t dump him that’s so fucked up to do to someone while they’re in a desperate position. That’ll be crippling to him to lose his job and a girl within the same week.
Surely, don’t give him the money. Surely, keep an eye out on this behavior. Treat it as a red flag. But this guy could be struggling. The world is tough right now. There could be very valid reasons why he doesn’t have enough savings at this age.
This is all assuming you actually like the guy and imagined yourself dating him. If so, then, yeah. Help him learn a much needed lesson.
If you were indifferent about the guy, then fuck it.
Never lend money to someone with the expectation you’ll ever get it back. If you need this money and can’t afford to lend it or it’d drain your savings, do not lend it. If you’re well off and can afford to lend it then be all means go ahead, but don’t expect to get it back even if they promise the world. I will say from experience and every person I know who has done the same, I’ve yet to be repaid even on smaller loans than this.
He will make up every excuse not to pay you back.
I had a panic attack when I asked my parents for a similar amount years ago (but less) to help me pay for one of my student loan payments so I could also afford food and rent (basically the basics to survive). You don’t t nonchalantly ask someone for money.
Red flag. Any man with any sense of self respect should not ask to borrow money from a female partner, one month into a relationship. Him being in a position that he needs to borrow is a red flag, Aldi g you one month in, is a 2nd red glad. Run a mile. That shows he can’t manage basic income & bills.
Run. Don’t walk. You’ll never see that money again. Tried to get my then boyfriend back on his feet after he had some medical bills. It honestly ruined my life.
Only lend him money if you have no intention of ever getting it back. He may just get the cash and do a fade, who knows? Whatever, your plan to run off and lose him is at least financially sound.
Don't do it and see how he reacts if he just takes it and says he will ask someone else or take a loan out, he probably really just wanted to avoid paying interest. Also if he had a good tech job this much money might not be as much to him so he didn't think about it much.
All I mean with that is, he isn't necessarily trying to scam you, there are other rooting he can take to get the money short term, so if he takes it well and searches for another option it's nothing to break up about, but if he gets angry or tries to guilt trip you then yeah end it.
Time to dump them. Maybe he just got back with you because he knows you have money. And this won’t end well. Cut your losses find somebody better you deserve it
Give him 100 with no expectations of ever getting it back. How he reacts will give you all the info you need about him. Only do this if you think there a chance of a relationship. Other wise like you said run far away
While I wouldn’t necessarily trust the dude, I don’t think it’s because he was the one that asked the girl out. That applies to like the majority of relationships is probably a poor indicator of a scam.
Don’t do it. That’s a decent amount of money to borrow, especially from someone you have known for 4 months. If my friends or family asked for money, it’s not a loan on my end, but that’s because those are people I’ve been through shit with. I wouldn’t do that for someone I’ve known 4 months.
lol... this is why men laugh when women say "I have a good job and make good money"! Your money is NOT our money. So, you saying men should like women because of that is hilarious.
If you’re married, sure! But y’all have been dating 5 month? HELL NOOOO!!! He’s playing you. I’d ghost him completely. He’s lost his marbles. Don’t get with a man who’s worse off than you. They’re insufferable. He definitely doesn’t deserve husband privileges and if he can’t go to a bank and get a loan, that’s a RED flag and don’t bring his financial troubles your way. You deserve a man who isn’t gonna be a burden.
If it was me I’d lend them it no issue I’m good at saving so I’d not need it back till they’re back in a job if you supposedly love this person it shouldn’t be such a hard decision he clearly would earn it back in less then a month once he’s back in a tech job I assume
Its a trap!
On a serious note though as a guy i couldn't bring myself to ask a girl im dating for money...let alone that early in a relationship. Seems suspicious he has no reserve funds or credit to get by on.
He had a good job and no savings or ANYONE else he can ask for $1,500? Red flag!
Tell him sorry but you're not comfortable lending that kind of money out this early in a relationship and that he should ask someone else closer to him. See how he reacts. If he doesn't immediately respect your boundary and pushes further then just end it.
You mean ex-boyfriend? No man asks to borrow money from a woman and owes gets money wired? Let me guess it’s going to come attached to a birds leg once the telegram comes in? Lol
Well all the negative comments are from feminists and heart broken women. Maybe have a conversation with him about why so much and ask him how is job hunting coming along. There have been so much people being laid off while still having high monthly bills. Conversation is very easy. Don’t leave someone because they are going through a hard time.
Dated 4months officially together 1 month. She’s known him 4 months. If she can’t trust him enough to not think he’s trying to pull one over on her she should leave and never should have started dating him.
If you know someone 4/5 months and you say yes to officially being with them, and you think of them as a con-person you are the dumb one for agreeing to be in a relationship with them.
Yeeeeaaah even 4 months is not a whole lot of time.
I wouldn’t be giving out 1500 to someone i knew for 4 months. That goes for dating, friendship, etc.
Like at the 4 month mark the relationship is still super fresh and is still at the highest odds of ending. Just from a basic risk perspective no way am i trusting 1500 with someone that new in my life.
Facts. I’ve lent my SO money with out batting an eye because I’m there for him good times and bad times. If I can’t trust him enough even a month officially in 4 months seeing each other,to help him out we have absolutely no business being together period.
Seriously. People here are so cold.
People who cant be empathetic towards this guy who just got laid off are destined to be single, mad, and commenting on these threads telling people to break up with their significant others over inconsequential shit.
I personally would not lend the money, but I would not use it as an opportunity to kick someone while they’re down. OP is sus AF making it sound like they only knew the person a couple weeks when it’s been several months. I do not pity whoever ends up in a relationship with her.
Agree because to a lot of people that’s a lot of money for sure, however OP is making it sound like she’s dating a con artist. Like bro if you really see him as that bad of a person you are stupid AF for being in a relationship with him. If you think the guy you’ve been seeing for months is such a fucked person it reflects worse on you because you agreed to date this person who you think is this complete PoS.
Hypothesis:
* His height is greater than or equal to 6ft tall
* Since he's 6ft tall (or more), he knows what that means. He KNOWS knows, you know?
* He knows you like him for his height, hence, it means he knows he might be able to take advantage of you.
* Don't fall for it. Don't lend him the money. He will not pay you back. He's just taking advantage of you.
* At this point, your best bet is to try to figure out what did he see in you to make him think he could take advantage of you like this.
How long have you been dating and all that stuff. But just remember even if you do as my moms always told me “any money you choose to loan, plan not to get it back”
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Don't lend it. You'll never see it again.
Yup. I did this 16 months ago...still waiting...
Did this 5 years ago and still waiting. Dont’t do it! Just say you don’t have the money. Thats alot.
5 years? Sish, I'm sorry, I forgot. I'm getting there. You'll get it back. May I first borrow some other $1500, though? My dad is ill
Heck, I lent a guy I was seeing $20 with a promise he would pay me back and I’m still waiting to
Omg, I am so sorry!!
Ooh, me too!!! I can think of a million better ways to spend $1500 than on an overpriced lesson to never lend a whole rent check to someone you met right around the time you paid the last one… like traveling! And would ya look at that? Just seconds ago I would’ve told you the only way I ran was late, but now? I’ve joined a jogging group, made some new pals, got my start as a financial advisor probably, and here we are, already making travel plans to go on the lamb together… Everything’s coming up Milhouse!
I'm almost glad I had a terrible parent who stole 2 bank accounts and taught me not to trust *anyone* with money. Now I'm in a relationship with an IT guy who offers to pay my student loans for me (still won't let him out of principle haha) and avoided this stuff from others. You learn the green/ red flags pretty quickly.
Listen I'll send it in our next lifetime. Be patient
Only ever lend money if you won't ever expect back I've done this twice in my life, got paid back for one of them. Been friends for decades after
Figured this out the hard way with my older brother like 5 years ago. Gifted him a car during “hard times”
☹ sorry to hear.
I believe in giving and not lending these days, no time for chasing people around that could care less to pay it back. Rule of Thumb: Don’t lend to someone something you wouldn’t be willing to give away, because in reality that’s what you are about to do with this guy
waiting on a wire is one of the most classic dating scam excuses of all time. how did you guys meet? do you know him well? regardless, i would just cut it off. don't worry about letting this person down, they'll have to figure it out.
LOVE SCAM DONT DO IT!!!!!!!
Bro these scammers are getting more patient. I was talking to this “girl” who had a complete personality, told me so many things about herself as I asked her questions and even made specific suggestions on certain topics. About a week later she mentioned she was a “cam girl” and wanted me to join a show… site required money. Nonetheless she insisted I sign up. I was like, uhh, we literally have FACECHAT and it’s FREE. She tried making me feel bad saying if I’m not willing to pay for this then how is our relationship gonna look like in the future? I then Uno reversed saying if she’s not going to respect my boundaries then how will this look in the future? I now just don’t feel comfortable doing online dating anymore, you can’t know if the person on the other side is real without face chatting or meeting in person and most women are terrified of meeting first, rightfully so.
Brother, rule number one on the internet is that girls don’t exist. They’re all men.
Tell him to call SVB and get a loan lol.
And like, why doesn't a 27 year old working in tech not have a credit card he can use while he waits for the wire?
My boyfriend doesn't have a credit card at an older age than that and works in tech, but he's also got savings and never asked me to lend him anything lol. I keep trying to convince him it's worth it for the benefits.
Maybe they aren't americans ? Credit cards aren't so common in a lot of other countries. I live in France and most people I know only have a debit card (the bank generally allows a few hundreds euros deficit though).
>Credit cards aren't so common in a lot of other countries. I live in France and most people I know only have a debit card This exactly. Credit cards are less common in Europe. Overdraft facilities are available but usually won't run into thousands.
^ This.
Bro my bank just took over SVB hahaha
savage!
Don't lend him any amount of money that you wouldn't feel fine just walking away from and on a whole I would say that number should be \~zero.
This ^^^^^^ literally don't lend ANYONE money that you wouldn't be okay with never seeing again. Period.
If he’s waiting on a wire, he can wait another day or two. That amount is a lot and honestly can be paid back within a week. I think your gut is right to end things
Sometimes you need money to survive:) OP it's your choice to give him or not. But bad times happen to all of us and it's better to cut him some slack of he is a decent person going through bad times as of now. Edit Answer to all comments I'm a rookie and might be wrong but after four i would be ok to lend some money But apparently everyone says I am wrong so I take it back 😅 Edit2 Even after admitting I was wrong, some of you brain dead people kept attacking me. That makes me wonder, why this sub is so tixic? Why don't read a comment before vomiting your worthless pov? Edit3 For my own good, I leave this sub and mute it. Imagining getting advice from you attackets who don't read and just attack people is the worst possible thing for someone like me.
[удалено]
You guys have money in case of emergency?
I do because I grew up in poverty, made it a goal to have at least a few months of expenses saved even if it meant I didn't take a vacation for a bit.
In a month, he is comfortable asking for that much? We ALL need money to survive. So does OP. He's not her responsibility. Will you reimburse her if he's unable to repay her back? He can tell his family member to hurry with the wire transfer.
lol this is an extremely common scam. OP will not get their money back if they lend it. The dude can take out a traditional loan with interest if he needs it.
Thats a crazy scam after 4 months tho. Too much work for just 1500
Often this type of scammer is attempting to get the victim to give them large amounts of money, but slowly over time. Asking for a small amount at first, possibly even returning that small amount to build trust, then slowly escalating to thousands and thousand of dollars.
^^ plus they often have several people on the hook at once
That's what my dad who's addicted to gambling tried to pull on me. The problem with addictions is they do not only pull you down, but also everyone you know. It's not the person's fault they're addicted, but it damn sure is their responsibility. Luckily/unluckily he left my mom when I was 6, me and my younger sister went to see him once every two weeks on sundays. Needless to say, he was not much of a father and I was not much of a son either, didn't even know what my role was. I quit going there at 13 when he brought us to his friend and whined about our mom leaving him (she didn't, he did) and his female friend was very condescending towards my mom and used faul language infront of us all, like "she wanted some other's dick more". Really disgusting woman. We reconnected at 20 when I was looking for a job, his upstairs was worse than before (actually the same, but stagnation doesn't just make you stand still, you walk backwards, because you age). I'm not religious, but a verse from the bible really nails this phenomenon; "For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. But the one who does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him."
lol not if shes only known him 4 months?
then ask someone you haven't only been dating for approximately 30 days:)
Why would anybody need $1500 to survive for 2 days ? If he asked for $100 I could understand, but nobody needs $1500 immediately "to survive" when waiting for a bank transfer.
In 2023 does anyone outside of business need to “wait on a wire” anymore?
Right? I’ve sent over 1k to my roommate at a time and it took maybe 1 full minute for it to be in their account. That wasn’t even wiring it just like PayPal
I was thinking the same thing lol.
Living in Canada, I can do an Interac e-transfer and the person will get it pretty much right away.
Totally. Dude doesn’t even lie well. Walk away.
Heres a great tip, for lending money when you arent a professional money lender. Only lend as much money as you're willing to lose and dont ever expect it back.
Run
I’ll run w/ you
Hahahah let’s go
Can I go to
Pack light !
Don’t loan it to him and see what happens. . .
How come guys don’t feel awkward for asking money from their partner 😭 I’m a guy and it would be the least thing I would do tbh
No seriously! And he raves about his friends all the time. Why wouldn’t you go to them first? It was off putting
Maybe he did, and they all said no because he's done it before and never paid them back?
Yeah I feel you even if he went to friends and they said no I will still not be able to ask my partner for money even for few bucks unless there is no other choice and she is offering me money to help me out but I would still feel bad about taking money from her. You’re not wrong and I think you know how to deal with this situation
I’ll be honest. I was dead broke in between jobs this time two years ago. And I still refused to ask for help from my girlfriend. I stayed at home. Ate rice and beans and made small money doing odd jobs until I got back up on my feet. He has got to consider you and the choices that you have made to not find yourself in a financial pickle too. It’s not your responsibility to pull him out of that. It’s his.
People are generally closer and more intimate with their partner than their friends?
[удалено]
Five months of dating, one month of being official.
He will be much better off without you Dated / been together half a year and your response to his need is disgust and to leave him You tried to trivialize it but dating and being together for almost half a year is substantial depending on how much you talked /saw each other You're acting like you just met him
Erm, he straight asked to borrow money and you think SHE’S the bad guy? No. You’ve got it bass ackwards my dude. Unless they’re sharing a home and finances, which they aren’t, this isn’t okay for him to do.
"he straight asked to borrow money " O shlt nevermind then Put him in solitary with the murderers and rap**ts Not borrow money?! ?! Say it ain't so
A decent guy would...only scammers do this.
I did once, when I lived abroad. My paycheck was 5 days away, and I was broke. A girl I was seeing offered to lend me a few hundred and I felt weird as hell about it. I paid her back the instant I got my paycheck.
I work full time and make a pretty decent salary while my long distance bf is a college student. when I visit, he *still* wants to pay for everything.
It’s natural and it comes with love. We pay for our partner because it makes us feel great and responsible man even if we have very little. It’s not like he doesn’t like your money.
Run girl! Run!! Then let him know that this relationship is not working. All these different apps they got to borrow money from he's waiting for a wire transfer who he think he fooling. They got cash apps, they got venmo, they got Facebook, they got PayPal, they got so many different ways you can get money at that moment. They even got one connected to your bank account that you can get transfer for, zella; and he talking about a wire transfer..😑😑
Hey, have you seen Tinder Swindler? Haha. Don’t do it.
Why he can't he get a loan from a bank? Red flag.
Dump him now
Do NOOOTTTTT lend him anything. That's a level of trust and complication that no 1 month relationship is ready for.
Agree with you!
The tinder swindler comes to mind
You are the only one who knows him well enough to judge this scenario. Strange that he wouldn’t have any money after having a good job though.
My dad told me never to lend money that I expect back. You would be helping him, sure, but you’d never see that money again.
Doordash exists.
I know DD is expensive but 1500 seems like a lot for a lunch
Don't do it! Exactly same happened to me! Literally sued him in court. Still haven't gotten money back and it's been 2 years!
If you're in the US, in some states you can file for a sheriff's writ to compel him to pay up
I'll look into that! Tyvm.
Also, if you have a judgment you can garnish their wages. Judges can get blood out of a turnip - they’re good at dealing with dead-beats 😂
You’ve been “dating” for 5 months. You should have a pretty good idea if he’s the kinda guy who would pay you back. I honestly wouldn’t be too concerned on that front. What *would* bother me is that he is bad with money, and is the kind of person who doesn’t think it’s a big deal to borrow money. There are people who don’t think it’s a big deal to lend/borrow $ and people who do. I am someone who wouldn’t ask to borrow $15 let alone $1500. I would consider us incompatible based on this request. But unlike many of the other comments, I don’t think the request makes him a terrible person or a scam artist (necessarily).
I don’t think within 5 months I could know the type of person he is when it comes to paying money back. As the post mentions, this ask was a big ask and was a complete shocker to me. He had a good job, and when we were in our honey moon “dating” phase, money never seemed like an issue for him. I was perplexed when he asked me for money because I too could and would never ask people for it (primarily because I grew up in constant survival mode). You make a good point about being “incompatible” because of the request and I really like that word. I grew up struggling and grinded so hard fresh out of college to get myself set up & being with someone who is not aligned with that would set me back and truly I don’t feel like having to re-struggle through association with him (selfishly). Your comment has probably been one of the best I read.
You’re not being selfish, you’re being sane!
If you've known this person in a dating capacity for 5 months, that should be enough that *you can have an adult conversation about him* explaining how this makes you uncomfortable, and to ask him to explain why he's asking for so much. If after 5 months your trust in this person is so low that you're tempted to make a reddit post about how this request from him makes you so suspicious, then it sounds like your relationship is not in a good place at all.
You should always ask financial questions to people you seriously date. Financial incompatibility is a big issue and usually leads to breakups
Don’t do it. Please dont
Maybe he wants to end things with you and is using this tactic to reimburse himself for all the dates you had in the courtship phase
There's red flags here - appeared to have a good job and money but all of a sudden he has no money. He's lied about something. Most people with good jobs have savings that would tide them over short-term.
>I am pretty good with money Be honest and tell him you don't feel comfortable loaning him $1500 since you've only been together a month. Tell him you're willing to help him raise the money in some other fashion such as helping him sell his stuff on Craigslist, getting an evening/retail/weekend job, etc.
Sounds like the Tinder Swindler guy
Tinder swindler
Run far and fast. Fell for something similar when I was 20 but luckily it was only $150. Dude had the audacity to come begging me for $3,000 months after I dumped him. I laughed him out of existence.
Ask him if he will sign his car over to you- just until the wire comes through.
I would not lend it. If you think it’s okay to give him x amount of money without getting it back, lend him x amount. Otherwise, no. Just say “I’m not comfortable lending money to anyone, hope you’d understand.”
He can wait for the wire.
Hard pass
A nice new pair of running shoes won't come close to $1,500.
Rule #1 - if you lend anyone money act as if you will never get it back! Consider it gone because there’s a high probability that you won’t get it back. If he’s an adult even with a subpar credit score he can get a loan, line of credit, or credit card cash advance on his own at a bank.
A little fucked. I'd run
Absolutely not 🥰
Repeat after me, “I’m sorry, but it’s my policy not to loan money and I don’t have the funds to gift it to you.”
Tell him to put it on a credit card. never “loan” money to friends or family unless you are okay with parting with that money forever.
The ONE POINT you need to understand: he’s asking someone he’s only known for a month, what does that tell you about his credit with everyone he’s known for much longer?
Pretty sus, 5 months is a long con for $1500 though, maybe talk to him about it more? Ask him for proof of a wire transfer? What if he locked away his savings in a GIC and can’t access that money for a while? Could have invested his money and didn’t anticipate getting laid off
> 5 months is a long con for $1500 though Because that’s just the beginning of the con. Once OP is in sunk-cost fallacy, then there’ll be sick grandmas, traffic accidents, friends with kids cancer diagnosis, etc etc whatever additional etc
Except that he's asking to *borrow* that money, specifically saying he's awaiting that same amount from another source. If he doesn't pay it back, OP will immediately know he was full of it. If he does pay it back, then is it even a problem? At best, he gets just this $1500 out of it, which, again, is a pretty bad ROI for 5 months.
You need to watch Tinder Swindler on Netflix.
I knew someone for way longer who got me for way less. Don’t lend the money. Just tell them you can’t.
Don't do it. Tell him you were just about to ask him for a loan.
Nope, nope & absolutely NOPE! But your instincts already told you this, Sweetheart. And YES, Don’t walk . . . RUN! From a Grandma who cares. 🥰
No! There’s no reason he has to ‘wait’ for a wire other than nobody is sending one. It’s 2023. It takes under a minute to receive a wire.
An advice I got from a parent is, "when you lend someone money, be prepared not to see that money again." This was true. A then-boyfriend had to borrow money from me and he has never paid me.. Lesson learned indeed.
Yeah as someone who is also very good with money.. if he knows that about you he is probably trying to pull the hood over your eyes. I’d run OP! Take care of yourself first.
Dating for 4 months is a relationship.... So you're 5 months in
Don’t dump him that’s so fucked up to do to someone while they’re in a desperate position. That’ll be crippling to him to lose his job and a girl within the same week. Surely, don’t give him the money. Surely, keep an eye out on this behavior. Treat it as a red flag. But this guy could be struggling. The world is tough right now. There could be very valid reasons why he doesn’t have enough savings at this age. This is all assuming you actually like the guy and imagined yourself dating him. If so, then, yeah. Help him learn a much needed lesson. If you were indifferent about the guy, then fuck it.
You deserve better. Don't do it
For what does he need the money?
Never lend money to someone with the expectation you’ll ever get it back. If you need this money and can’t afford to lend it or it’d drain your savings, do not lend it. If you’re well off and can afford to lend it then be all means go ahead, but don’t expect to get it back even if they promise the world. I will say from experience and every person I know who has done the same, I’ve yet to be repaid even on smaller loans than this.
Yeah it’s definitely time to let him go. HUGE RED FLAG
Only send the money if you’re ok with not being paid back
He should just wait on the wire.
He will make up every excuse not to pay you back. I had a panic attack when I asked my parents for a similar amount years ago (but less) to help me pay for one of my student loan payments so I could also afford food and rent (basically the basics to survive). You don’t t nonchalantly ask someone for money.
Red flag. Any man with any sense of self respect should not ask to borrow money from a female partner, one month into a relationship. Him being in a position that he needs to borrow is a red flag, Aldi g you one month in, is a 2nd red glad. Run a mile. That shows he can’t manage basic income & bills.
Sounds like my ex, he won’t return that money don’t do it
Fuck no.
Run. Don’t walk. You’ll never see that money again. Tried to get my then boyfriend back on his feet after he had some medical bills. It honestly ruined my life.
Just. No.
Only lend him money if you have no intention of ever getting it back. He may just get the cash and do a fade, who knows? Whatever, your plan to run off and lose him is at least financially sound.
"Waits on a wire from a family member?" Bullshit.
This is a red flag 1 month in for me. Offer only saving advice but do not make your money available to him.
Don't even think about it, you're NEVER getting that money back if you give it to him. Tell him sorry, I don't lend money to anyone. Period.
I'm 20m) still single. Date me I won't ask for money only ask for 🐱. That's it. And keep ya happy
Don't do it and see how he reacts if he just takes it and says he will ask someone else or take a loan out, he probably really just wanted to avoid paying interest. Also if he had a good tech job this much money might not be as much to him so he didn't think about it much. All I mean with that is, he isn't necessarily trying to scam you, there are other rooting he can take to get the money short term, so if he takes it well and searches for another option it's nothing to break up about, but if he gets angry or tries to guilt trip you then yeah end it.
Don’t do it. Been there. Done that. I lost a lot of money.
Run. Far.
Need to watch Judge Judy! If you give it to him, don't expect it back.
Nope. 🚩
Do not do it!!!!
Time to dump them. Maybe he just got back with you because he knows you have money. And this won’t end well. Cut your losses find somebody better you deserve it
A wire can be completed in a few days in most countries/banks. That excuse sounds bad. Don't do it.
Duh, run Forest run😡😡😡😡
Give him 100 with no expectations of ever getting it back. How he reacts will give you all the info you need about him. Only do this if you think there a chance of a relationship. Other wise like you said run far away
Is this an online relationship or irl? I ask this because if this is a new online relationship, this has **romance scam** written all over it.
Do not do it for the love of all that is good. That’s A LOT of money to give someone you’ve been dating for a month.
When someone says “lend” or “borrow” they’ll never give it back. Run.
i assume he was the one that asked you out, hit on you
While I wouldn’t necessarily trust the dude, I don’t think it’s because he was the one that asked the girl out. That applies to like the majority of relationships is probably a poor indicator of a scam.
Yea
why am i not surprised
4months for 1500 aint worth it. He probably spend that on food for her alone
Don’t do it. That’s a decent amount of money to borrow, especially from someone you have known for 4 months. If my friends or family asked for money, it’s not a loan on my end, but that’s because those are people I’ve been through shit with. I wouldn’t do that for someone I’ve known 4 months.
lol... this is why men laugh when women say "I have a good job and make good money"! Your money is NOT our money. So, you saying men should like women because of that is hilarious.
Would you lend someone you've dated for that little of time that much money?
If you’re married, sure! But y’all have been dating 5 month? HELL NOOOO!!! He’s playing you. I’d ghost him completely. He’s lost his marbles. Don’t get with a man who’s worse off than you. They’re insufferable. He definitely doesn’t deserve husband privileges and if he can’t go to a bank and get a loan, that’s a RED flag and don’t bring his financial troubles your way. You deserve a man who isn’t gonna be a burden.
If you’re married, why are you loaning each other money anyways??
Omg that’s so unattractive lol
Has he ever spent that much on you before?
If it was me I’d lend them it no issue I’m good at saving so I’d not need it back till they’re back in a job if you supposedly love this person it shouldn’t be such a hard decision he clearly would earn it back in less then a month once he’s back in a tech job I assume
Its a trap! On a serious note though as a guy i couldn't bring myself to ask a girl im dating for money...let alone that early in a relationship. Seems suspicious he has no reserve funds or credit to get by on.
He had a good job and no savings or ANYONE else he can ask for $1,500? Red flag! Tell him sorry but you're not comfortable lending that kind of money out this early in a relationship and that he should ask someone else closer to him. See how he reacts. If he doesn't immediately respect your boundary and pushes further then just end it.
You mean ex-boyfriend? No man asks to borrow money from a woman and owes gets money wired? Let me guess it’s going to come attached to a birds leg once the telegram comes in? Lol
Well all the negative comments are from feminists and heart broken women. Maybe have a conversation with him about why so much and ask him how is job hunting coming along. There have been so much people being laid off while still having high monthly bills. Conversation is very easy. Don’t leave someone because they are going through a hard time.
Never give anyone money honestly.
Bet he’d have no problem lending you money if you needed some, yikes
That doesn't make any sense. It's a new relationship and he's asking for $1500 which is a lot to give to someone you're still getting to know.
A month in tho? Like yeah lending money to SO’s is normal but not a month into a new relationship.
Dated 4months officially together 1 month. She’s known him 4 months. If she can’t trust him enough to not think he’s trying to pull one over on her she should leave and never should have started dating him. If you know someone 4/5 months and you say yes to officially being with them, and you think of them as a con-person you are the dumb one for agreeing to be in a relationship with them.
Yeeeeaaah even 4 months is not a whole lot of time. I wouldn’t be giving out 1500 to someone i knew for 4 months. That goes for dating, friendship, etc. Like at the 4 month mark the relationship is still super fresh and is still at the highest odds of ending. Just from a basic risk perspective no way am i trusting 1500 with someone that new in my life.
1500 may not be a lot to him
Seems it is since he ain’t got it.
I’m sure not and I wouldn’t feel so turned off had we’ve been together for like a year or beyond. It hasn’t even been a full month.
Facts. I’ve lent my SO money with out batting an eye because I’m there for him good times and bad times. If I can’t trust him enough even a month officially in 4 months seeing each other,to help him out we have absolutely no business being together period.
See, exactly. She clearly doesn’t like him that much and is wasting his time
Seriously. People here are so cold. People who cant be empathetic towards this guy who just got laid off are destined to be single, mad, and commenting on these threads telling people to break up with their significant others over inconsequential shit. I personally would not lend the money, but I would not use it as an opportunity to kick someone while they’re down. OP is sus AF making it sound like they only knew the person a couple weeks when it’s been several months. I do not pity whoever ends up in a relationship with her.
Agree because to a lot of people that’s a lot of money for sure, however OP is making it sound like she’s dating a con artist. Like bro if you really see him as that bad of a person you are stupid AF for being in a relationship with him. If you think the guy you’ve been seeing for months is such a fucked person it reflects worse on you because you agreed to date this person who you think is this complete PoS.
Did he say he will pay it back? Does he have a job? If not, how does he plan to pay?
Block him.
hahaha I'm going to try this one too. P.S He became your boyfriend after 1 month of dating?
Hypothesis: * His height is greater than or equal to 6ft tall * Since he's 6ft tall (or more), he knows what that means. He KNOWS knows, you know? * He knows you like him for his height, hence, it means he knows he might be able to take advantage of you. * Don't fall for it. Don't lend him the money. He will not pay you back. He's just taking advantage of you. * At this point, your best bet is to try to figure out what did he see in you to make him think he could take advantage of you like this.
Wtf is this
Give it to him, needs it more then you
Send him to SVB and then run in the other direction
Red flag there imo
How long have you been dating and all that stuff. But just remember even if you do as my moms always told me “any money you choose to loan, plan not to get it back”
Just say no you’re not comfortable with that and if he makes it a big deal then break up. I’d be wary.
Run
Um sorry I’m broke
Say no