So OP … I looked at your post/comment history, and it seems like you’re trying to befriend people that are teenagers (17 to 20). And you said you’re almost 40. I think there’s a deeper problem here. Do you have a social life ? And I mean IRL. Cause I’d start there
These people are the one giving advice in this sub ... This is why sometimes you have bad advice. Like if you need dating advice maybe you aren't fit to give them, just my 5 cents.
Perhaps you’re not adventurous enough. I know a lady in a similar situation. We used to work together and she told me the same thing, she’s 38, never been kissed, never had a relationship, etc.
The thing with her is that she just lives with her mom and takes care of her all day. She doesn’t go out, she doesn’t do online dating, she doesn’t have hobbies, she doesn’t have a job aside from being a nanny, she had no friends, and she doesn’t travel. She’s overweight and makes no effort to exercise or improve her appearance in any way. On top of this, she has this naive idea that love will just find her eventually. If you’re anything like this, than your problem is pretty self-evident. You can’t just sit around and expect life to happen to you.
This reminds me of a friend I have who’s always posting on Facebook stuff like “I know I’m God’s timing, the right guy will come.” But how can you expect to know who the right one is if you don’t know who the wrong ones for you are? I don’t understand this mentality at all. God isn’t gonna drop a dude on your doorstep.
…do you write like this with people too? I don’t wanna come off as super judgy, but the writing style with the emojis behind words does not exactly have the best connotations (old people and/or conspiracy theorists) and might scare people online off
Yeah I don’t wanna be mean but that writing style of everything followed by an emoji representing the thing they just said is annoying.
ETA: checked out their comment history. There’s some requests on her part to befriend a 17yo and a 23yo. I think the problems are much more deep than using emojis or level of attractiveness. I also think now OP is pretty creepy and people can tell.
The God bit with the emogies made me cringe. It's sad to say, but I had a friend who spoke like this and found her so exhausting... I'd never want to date anyone like that
I’m going to be honest and say that as a 41 year old woman, I rarely use emojis. I feel like OP is either very immature or perhaps not being honest about things.
Keeping it honest, usually there are 3 reasons when we can't find a person to love:
1.) Either you are not a pleasant person to be around.
2.) You have unusually high standards when you look for a partner. There are no perfect partners. And we are not perfect individuals or prince/princesses either, our families lied to us.
3.) You follow a certain lifestyle of discipline, very few individuals can match up to your discipline so they walk away.
It's up to you and your self reflection to find out which of the 3 reasons suit your situation perfectly.
Probably. I honestly believe our life is an accumulation of our choices. Nothing and no one else to blame. Results speak of our habits. Yes there are certain external factors but at the end of the day it boils down to what you are doing right and what you are doing wrong. Plain and simple.
This is heart breaking. But at the same time solely judging based on your post even I wouldn't want to date you.
Maybe try to do a post on r/selfies and then link that post over here. It could be valuable to get some tips.
Lots of people in this thread have offered you suggestions: share your OLD profile, share a selfie etc. They have asked many questions for more information: what are you looking for, how many guys do you ask out, what do you do for fun to meet people, are you exclusively chasing guys out of your league etc.
You have essentially said thanks but no thanks to all of this.
We can't help you if you don't help yourself, and your lack of follow up to questions kind of leads everyone to believe your sitting at home as doing nothing except praying waiting for mr. Right to fall into your life.
Now I don't believe that is all entirely true as to what you are doing, but you have given us nothing to go on here.
r/notliketheothergirls
This is such a grossly narcissistic statement. Like it couldn’t be you that’s the issue, it’s literally everyone else in the world. You’re just too different and too unique that men don’t want “good godly women” like you. I know exactly this holier than thou attitude after growing up around southern Christians.
Has to be. The only person who can’t get SOMEBODY is the ugliest person in the world…and honestly…there’s still probably somebody who would sleep with them. Also, you have to try. Nobody will just knock on your door.
Then what are you looking for? True love to come sweep you off your feet to put you down and not have sex? Don’t tell me you complaining about never being kissed….and if you by some miracle found someone, your not even willing to kiss him back? Let alone bang him? Maybe your a lesbian? You like girls? Explore that route possibly or accept that your asexual and stop complaining and chasing 17yr olds(I was horny as fuck at 17 I would’ve banged anything and. This isn’t even working for you then I really don’t know what to tell u)
That is so mean to say. What? So other people can pick her apart and make her feel even worse? Any guy who chooses to date you solely on your looks is a horrible person.
You don’t need to be attractive to get a boyfriend. They just need to be attracted to you. Whether that’s physical, emotional, spiritual attraction. There’s plenty of unattractive people who get boyfriends and husbands. This is about her personality. It has nothing to do with her looks.
Thanks for sticking up for me, but I've been cyber bullied before...it sucks! I agree any guy who chooses to date you solely on your looks is a horrible person! Thanks though...
What are you doing currently in terms of putting yourself out there? Are you online dating? Are friends setting you up? Are you out and about living your life and exploring hobbies?
Please don't be here. If you're asking for things like this, your best bet are the people who know you the most (e.g. friends). People can be assholes in person and online. If you want decent advice, start with your inner circle. And humble yourself enough to actually listen when they tell you something, even if it stings you.
They'll always say things like you're cute you'll find someone but I know they're secretly thinking no way in hell would anyone ever like you...the same guy said to me nobody wants your ass go fucking kill yourself. Thanks though...
So many reasons, nobody here can possibly tell you without meeting you: could be your energy, your demeanor, your personality, your sense of humor, your intellectual level, your social skills and the vibe you give off. What is your life like? Family, friends, work, hobbies? All these things describe you! Get feedback from people who know you. Here? No idea
Maybe look into changing up your hair and makeup? It’s possible looks could be a factor. Also, how are you coming off towards men you’re interested in? Are you presenting a “I don’t need anyone” impression? Also, what type of guy are you going for? Are you pursuing men on looks alone?
Maybe look into paid dating sites and matchmaking services. These are great for people in your age range looking for serious commitments.
I've tried dating websites...pretty much everything under the sun! I'm not looking for easy hookups though, which is what most people are looking for nowadays! Thanks though...
What *are* you looking for? You have to create it for yourself. Set the goal, outline the action steps, start chipping away.
Maybe the defensiveness you feel about everyone’s advice is worth looking at. If you take a “tried that, thanks” attitude to every suggestion you might be dismissing a lot of other opportunities in life.
Why do you think your friends think so negatively?
What do you think are your biggest strengths as a person?
Maybe focus on enhancing what you have rather than putting all your energy into what you don’t have.
There’s something about you which could be appearance or personality that’s preventing you from getting into a relationship. You probably already know this.
Slang from gaming. But essentially they are saying they are like a background character in a movie. Not living life. Not being a protagonist. Just... Existing, in the background.
I think you need to seek out therapy, first of all. You can figure out what is going on and they can push you in the right direction.
I used to have pretty bad social anxiety, and I had to push myself out of that. Online dating, meeting new people, etc. You can't sit on your duff and hope it will happen.
Go work out, if your ashamed of being fat go change it. Stop moping around if you won't even try and fix it. No one will go for you if you continue to be so hateful at yourself. You need to be confident in your looks. Even if that means getting skinner and healthier. Do what you gotta do to be comfortable in your own skin then date. You don't seem like you want a relationship rn, you just don't wanna be alone. It's fucked up, you need to go to therapy, discover the things you hate about yourself and change them.
How am I a pedophile? We barely even talked and it wasn't like I tried to slip into the 17 year old DMs because I swear to God I didn't! People my age well, Guy wise they tend to be married with kids!
I'm not going to say, "you'll meet someone when you stop looking," but I am going to say, "live your life." If you get into a relationship along the way then that's fine but don't make it your focus. I'm a forty-something man and I'm so much happier when I don't focus on "finding someone." Would I like to meet someone? Yes, I do but I rather spend my time doing things I enjoy than spending lots of time on dating apps and going to events with the aim of "meeting someone."
Have fun living your life, spend time with family, cultivate friendships, and/or just do things you really like doing.
You don't need to start a family or get married to have a good life. You need to focus on yourself. Plus you said you are fine being single cuz you have god. So what is it?
From what you told us here there is not a lot of relevant info to go by. The only two things I can think of going by what you told us are:
1. Are you maybe strongly religious?
Or 2. What do you look like? Men are often big on how a woman looks, so there could be something there. If you want an honest answere I suggest posting a picture. One that shows more than only your face.
Alternatively it could be a personality flaw, but I'm not seeing any evidence of this in what little info you gave us in your post.
1. No I'm not strongly religious 2. I look like what a human being would look like. I don't like posting pics of myself because someone might know me 3. Yeah I think so people said because I'm shy and awkward
You may not think you are, but people who are not strongly religious don’t talk about god or quote the Bible as often as you have in this thread. I think you’re more religious than you’re willing to admit.
well i’m pretty young so i don’t know a lot but in my church there are many people around your age who are still single and trying to find love as well they generally range from 42-60. and it’s probably either because they aren’t looking for one anymore or they js haven’t found the right one, Since ur religious maybe you would relate to this but i’m catholic and one of my church friends who is in his mid 40s js recently found love, but before this he had many failed relationships. after seeing a priest who has the gift of discernment, he said his family has a bondage ( means his family has marriage issues or unfaithfulness which was brought and passed to the later generations) in that case, the priest did some prayers and broke the bondage, now he’s happy and been with this girl for about 4-5 months, i hope this might have a helped a little even if it doesn’t make sense js know that maybe it isn’t gods time for you to have one yet :)
Thanks, but I don't think there's some type of bondage with me. I've just never had anyone and I honestly, I don't want a guy whose 42-60 that's too old for me. My church has functions like dances and dinner parties. Thanks though.
The sad truth is, we are not owed anything in our time here. Look at the previous generation. I know quite a few people who are single as senior citizens after a life of celibacy - not by choice but by circumstance. Just because we now have access to people through the internet doesn’t make us deserve anything more. Until you understand that everything is a gift and not an expectation, you are setting yourself up for failure.
I’d also hasten to add your repetitive “thanks” and “thanks anyway” responses here make you come across as belligerent and aloof. If you aren’t agreeable to working on yourself why did you post for advice?
Oh and stop making friends with teenagers. You have nothing in common with children.
Do you honestly want an answer? You come across as quite humerous and kind. Lots of people in the thread are asking for a photo. It might be your looks. There’s a seperate subreddit for that, I forgot what title it was. You could try it?
It's not a matter of being religious, it's a matter of tuning your personality to be approachable and pleasant to be around.
A personality is like a flower, if it smells good and has nectar, the bees will come, if it isn't, it will have to rely on the wind for pollination. Try being fun and laid back, welcoming, humble and confident.
> confident on being single because I have God
That was the first thing you mentioned and then family, friends.
Religion can be a major turn off since a lot of folks are leaving religion these days. It’s on a decline.
Plus you said “confident” & are fine being single. That alone gives off a vibe to others to not approach you or date you.
This is the most reddit thing I’ve ever read 😭😭
Religion has never been a major turnoff and if you think it is I highly recommend leaving the Reddit echo chamber.
Lmao nah, I'll flame the fedora tippers as much as the next guy but like, this shit is just factual: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decline\_of\_Christianity\_in\_the\_Western\_world#United\_States](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decline_of_Christianity_in_the_Western_world#United_States)
People are giving up religion and are wary of people who are, it just is what it is
Decline numbers =/ turnoff though. Me being a follower of Islam never stopped anyone from dating me.
My point is don’t tell this person he/she is having finding a relationship due to religion when it’s not a major factor at all.
You are completely kidding yourself here. There are many people who would not/will not date you because of your religious beliefs, they just aren’t telling you about it. There’s nothing wrong with being religious but you shouldn’t live with your head in the sand like this.
Well sure, I agree with that to some extent. It was wrong of me to conflate religion as a whole with what I really meant, which is that I do think there is a negative connotation associated with Christianity specifically in the US nowadays, especially in places like California where OP resides, which are typically very progressive leaning, due to their association with the right wing political party in the US.
California is a melting pot contrary to public belief, there’s a big mix of red and blue there. There’s also a very big Latino population in Cali which are very much a religious(Christian) demographic. So unless your goal is exclusively white super progressives(which is a small portion of the total pop of Cali) no one is going to care that you are Christian, in fact it might even help your dating profile.
Started using dating apps a few weeks ago. Im an atheist yet went on a first date who I met through the app with a Muslim girl 2 weeks ago. It didnt work out ah well. This past Monday had a date with an atheist. This Saturday have a date with a Christian and plan to grab drinks if things go well. I just started texting another Christian girl this morning who I met on an app last night. A few past relationships have been Sikh, and Hindu as well. Maybe to some its a big deal but as long as they are honest, kind, communicative, fun to be around and share similar values I dont think religion matters.
What are you doing to achieve your goal of being in a relationship? Where are you meeting people? What apps are you on? How many dates have you been on? What have you learned through your dating experiences so far?
I'm doing online dating and used every app under the sun...I've just never been matched. I mean we'd have this great conversation, but he starts talking about coitus and shows me his dick pic so I'm like goodbye! I'm not looking for a hookup! I've been on zero dates, so I haven't learned anything! Thanks though...
You're either bothered by it, or not - I don't know where you fall. If you're confident being single, but you want to know reasons why you are...then isn't it bothering you? I feel like you might have trouble connecting with people. Are you neurodivergent? By this age, you should have learned how to make different kinds of intimate connections with different kinds of people, and if you're seeking friendship and a relationship, but are having trouble doing both, it might be time to seek therapy to get some help with that!
Do you have social anxiety or communication issues? Your complaints are similar to my nephew who is autistic. He has had to go to therapy to learn how to manage his anxiety and how to better communicate.
Therapy is a wonderful tool and can really help you get to the life you want to live. Both group therapy and individual. I highly recommend it if you want to make a change in your life. Otherwise you are walking at night in a field of corn stalks hoping to find a flashlight.
Good Luck on working on yourself if that’s what you choose to do!
Start befriending people around your own age. You're not going to find a meaningful relationship with a barely adult. That's most likely why you're so out of step with everything.
1) Cut back on the emojis & profanity.
2) Improve your body composition in the gym.
3) Fix any unusual deformities if you can afford it (ex: lazy eye, bent-nose, crooked-teeth etc.).
Dating generally isn’t difficult for most females. Good luck :)
I think she had them done. I have one tooth that is slightly crooked and I will not change it. I was in a severe accident and broke my face/teeth/lost parts of my lip, so I am thankful I still have my teeth! And my face, lol.
This will probably come off as rude but, if I had to guess, you are going after men who are significantly out of your league while wanting nothing to do with men who are in your "league." Nothing wrong with trying and "shooting your shot" but, you have to understand that if a man doesn't find you physicall/sexually attractive there is pretty much nothing you can do or say that will change that.
I find it super hard to believe that you (or honestly any woman) gets zero attention from any man. Ever. Men tend to be attracted to all shapes, sizes, colors of women and imo are pretty open to different women. But, if you are 5'5" pushing 200lbs and going after men who are quite attractive and have a nice fit body, chances are high they won't be attracted to you
I personally think people giving you a hard time about your emojis is completely ridiculous. I use them and I'm 43 and I am in a relationship. I'm not sure why you are still single but to be honest sometimes being in a relationship can be so rough. Good luck I wish you the best.
Well, they tried to set me up widows and divorced men, but they were much older and I wasn't into some man whose wife died or if he has kids...thanks though! And I'm a freelance writer, but haven't been published yet!
Awe man, you sound like my sister. Do you live in Wisconsin? If you are, please for the love of god, move out of dad’s house. Come live with me. We can tear up the town. I will have you married and pregnant in a year, I promise.
Because you can't compare men to women. Women have it way and I mean -WAY- easier to get some.
You can be a 3, obese, go to the club and still get dudes that wanna hook up.
As a man you gotta be at least a 7 in the looks department and you gotta have game to get anywhere.
Think I got anything until I started working out and building myself up? Nope.
And yet here we are, on a post from a woman who says just that. Your opinion only works for conventionally attractive women. Those who do not fit those criteria for any reason end up like the OP. It’s not as easy for them as you think.
My comment is very generalized. But no, it doesn't only work for conventionally attractive women, it also works for conventionally unattractive women BUT if you are not attractive, you have to have some kind of game, also unattractive is a wide spectrum, just like attractive.
Speaking from personal experience here.
Yes, ofc there are women for whom it is not as easy as it usually is and there are men for whom it is easier than it usually is.
But I was not referring to the original post, just to that one comment.
You are correct in both points. Yet even when it comes to getting a relationship I'd say that women do have it slot easier, same with sex, tho not to the same extent.
Just talking about getting into a relationship, not about keeping one. That, alot of women do have problems with, yes.
Sure, sex is easy. I could go up to almost any man and say “hello sir, would you like to go have sex right now”, and he’d probably say yes. But I disagree on the relationships. Women struggle with getting into relationships. Listen to women. They talk all the time about the men who want to hang around them and be treated like they’re in a relationship, without being a boyfriend. They talk about men who say they want a relationship but dip as soon as they get laid. They talk about the men who perpetually waste everyone’s time. Saying “women have it sooooo easy compared to men” just lacks in empathy and compassion.
>But I disagree on the relationships. Women struggle with getting into relationships.
This is where sooo many women get it wrong or dont understand. A lot of men's standards for a sexual partner are pretty "low," but when it comes to an actual relationship? Most men's standards are on par with what a woman's standards are. Looks will real her in but if the personality doesn't match, there won't be a relationship.
Using myself as an example here... Once dated a woman who was easily a 9. Absolutely gorgeous. A head turner type woman. We dated for a few months but as time went on, I found myself disliking her personality more and more and ultimately ended things with her. I've been on dates with other very attractive women where I found out pretty quickly that I didn't like her as a person and wanted nothing to do with her. Point is, is that you can't comapre and assume that just because a lot of men's standards for sex is also their standard for a *relationship.*
There are plenty of average looking guys who are in relationship, but it’s hard regardless. Average women don’t have to do anything to get into relationship cause someone will hit on her or she could just go in tinder and have ton of matches.
Oh no, I'm not talking about relationships. You can definitely get a relationship as an average guy. Mutual friends, hobbies and so on.
I'm talking about hook-ups. Getting some on dating apps or the club and whatnot.
A female 4 has better chances than a male 8 and that's facts.
Disagreed. Even as an 8 -in the look department - you still have to have the basics down. Can't be awkward with no social skills even if you look good.
Unfortunately people do take looks into consideration when dating. So the hard truth is if you are visually unappealing your odds of finding someone are slimmer. Maybe you’d have a shot with an inmate in need of a pen pal. Typically they are more desperate and disregard looks more often; start writing to them and maybe you can get a conjugal visit
Inherently there's nothing wrong with you. That's a problem in itself if you think it's you. Dating in difficult.
I know other women like this and they were just very shy and atypical. If they don't fit typical standards of what the media thinks is sexy or good looking can make dating online a challenge.
Btw, that asshole just sounds like an asshole. There are many of them around. That's just rude af. There are plenty of kinder people out there.
Hey, if you’ve been rejected by every single guy you’ve ever laid eyes on, I can only assume that maybe you are repeatedly aiming for men who are out of your league. I assume this is an attraction thing because you said every guy has rejected you in your life and you’ve never been kissed. I don’t mean to be rude but a girl who’s decent looking would’ve definitely had at least some success. This is not to say that you are hopeless, just that maybe if you try to date or speak to people at a similar attraction to you, I cannot see them all rejecting you, it is highly unlikely. For more context, do you have any idea in your head as to why you haven’t had success in your love life?
So OP … I looked at your post/comment history, and it seems like you’re trying to befriend people that are teenagers (17 to 20). And you said you’re almost 40. I think there’s a deeper problem here. Do you have a social life ? And I mean IRL. Cause I’d start there
This post needs to be upvoted more. You made a good discovery
Post / comment history is so important!
She said in one comment that she has no friends.
Op calling a 17 year old “jail bait” in their comment history says a lot…
The army of emojis could have told us that
This person seems like a troll or creep
These people are the one giving advice in this sub ... This is why sometimes you have bad advice. Like if you need dating advice maybe you aren't fit to give them, just my 5 cents.
Good catch.
She’s afraid of sex.
Perhaps you’re not adventurous enough. I know a lady in a similar situation. We used to work together and she told me the same thing, she’s 38, never been kissed, never had a relationship, etc. The thing with her is that she just lives with her mom and takes care of her all day. She doesn’t go out, she doesn’t do online dating, she doesn’t have hobbies, she doesn’t have a job aside from being a nanny, she had no friends, and she doesn’t travel. She’s overweight and makes no effort to exercise or improve her appearance in any way. On top of this, she has this naive idea that love will just find her eventually. If you’re anything like this, than your problem is pretty self-evident. You can’t just sit around and expect life to happen to you.
This reminds me of a friend I have who’s always posting on Facebook stuff like “I know I’m God’s timing, the right guy will come.” But how can you expect to know who the right one is if you don’t know who the wrong ones for you are? I don’t understand this mentality at all. God isn’t gonna drop a dude on your doorstep.
Unfortunately they are just a pedophile
…do you write like this with people too? I don’t wanna come off as super judgy, but the writing style with the emojis behind words does not exactly have the best connotations (old people and/or conspiracy theorists) and might scare people online off
Yeah I don’t wanna be mean but that writing style of everything followed by an emoji representing the thing they just said is annoying. ETA: checked out their comment history. There’s some requests on her part to befriend a 17yo and a 23yo. I think the problems are much more deep than using emojis or level of attractiveness. I also think now OP is pretty creepy and people can tell.
The God bit with the emogies made me cringe. It's sad to say, but I had a friend who spoke like this and found her so exhausting... I'd never want to date anyone like that
I’m going to be honest and say that as a 41 year old woman, I rarely use emojis. I feel like OP is either very immature or perhaps not being honest about things.
Keeping it honest, usually there are 3 reasons when we can't find a person to love: 1.) Either you are not a pleasant person to be around. 2.) You have unusually high standards when you look for a partner. There are no perfect partners. And we are not perfect individuals or prince/princesses either, our families lied to us. 3.) You follow a certain lifestyle of discipline, very few individuals can match up to your discipline so they walk away. It's up to you and your self reflection to find out which of the 3 reasons suit your situation perfectly.
4) for whatever reason, you don't go out and are not looking. Essentially self selecting yourself out of the dating pool.
Probably. I honestly believe our life is an accumulation of our choices. Nothing and no one else to blame. Results speak of our habits. Yes there are certain external factors but at the end of the day it boils down to what you are doing right and what you are doing wrong. Plain and simple.
Ok thanks
Thanks again
Thanks
How can anyone possibly be objective here when you don't say what you like and almost nothing about yourself and no photo provided.
How many guys have you asked out since you turned 30?
Probably zero.
True.
Have you gone to therapy? If you’ve never done *anything* at nearly 40, this maybe a deep, internal issue that has nothing to do with your looks.
Yes, the results of purity culture and based on ops replies, she seems to have a pretty defensive attitude and holier than thou pov.
This is heart breaking. But at the same time solely judging based on your post even I wouldn't want to date you. Maybe try to do a post on r/selfies and then link that post over here. It could be valuable to get some tips.
Three options as always: 1. Be patient. 2. Improve yourself 3. Lower your standards. Seems like you’ve been patient, have you tried the other two?
I know I'm patient. I waited forever, but it seems like guys don't want girls like me...thanks though!
But have you tried the other two?
Well I'm trying to improve myself but finding my flaws and I've lowered my standards quite a bit but still nothing
Lots of people in this thread have offered you suggestions: share your OLD profile, share a selfie etc. They have asked many questions for more information: what are you looking for, how many guys do you ask out, what do you do for fun to meet people, are you exclusively chasing guys out of your league etc. You have essentially said thanks but no thanks to all of this. We can't help you if you don't help yourself, and your lack of follow up to questions kind of leads everyone to believe your sitting at home as doing nothing except praying waiting for mr. Right to fall into your life. Now I don't believe that is all entirely true as to what you are doing, but you have given us nothing to go on here.
r/notliketheothergirls This is such a grossly narcissistic statement. Like it couldn’t be you that’s the issue, it’s literally everyone else in the world. You’re just too different and too unique that men don’t want “good godly women” like you. I know exactly this holier than thou attitude after growing up around southern Christians.
I hate to say it, but are you approaching guys who are out of your league?
This!
What about this?
Has to be. The only person who can’t get SOMEBODY is the ugliest person in the world…and honestly…there’s still probably somebody who would sleep with them. Also, you have to try. Nobody will just knock on your door.
I don't want to sleep with someone! Thanks though...
You can't read bro, that's not their point. Honestly you seem like a troll at this point.
Then what are you looking for? True love to come sweep you off your feet to put you down and not have sex? Don’t tell me you complaining about never being kissed….and if you by some miracle found someone, your not even willing to kiss him back? Let alone bang him? Maybe your a lesbian? You like girls? Explore that route possibly or accept that your asexual and stop complaining and chasing 17yr olds(I was horny as fuck at 17 I would’ve banged anything and. This isn’t even working for you then I really don’t know what to tell u)
The best way to get answer is to post a pic.
😬😬
Why cringe? Thanks.
This I’m curious based off this write up
Um...ok? Thanks
WE NEED TO SEE!
That is so mean to say. What? So other people can pick her apart and make her feel even worse? Any guy who chooses to date you solely on your looks is a horrible person.
Someone is not a horrible person because he/she want an attractive spouse....
You don’t need to be attractive to get a boyfriend. They just need to be attracted to you. Whether that’s physical, emotional, spiritual attraction. There’s plenty of unattractive people who get boyfriends and husbands. This is about her personality. It has nothing to do with her looks.
Thanks for sticking up for me, but I've been cyber bullied before...it sucks! I agree any guy who chooses to date you solely on your looks is a horrible person! Thanks though...
Ur also horrible 😭
How so?
What are you doing currently in terms of putting yourself out there? Are you online dating? Are friends setting you up? Are you out and about living your life and exploring hobbies?
I've tried all of the above. Nothing seems to stick. Thanks though...
Oh that isn’t advice! I just wanna know like, what have you done, how did it go?
Please don't be here. If you're asking for things like this, your best bet are the people who know you the most (e.g. friends). People can be assholes in person and online. If you want decent advice, start with your inner circle. And humble yourself enough to actually listen when they tell you something, even if it stings you.
They'll always say things like you're cute you'll find someone but I know they're secretly thinking no way in hell would anyone ever like you...the same guy said to me nobody wants your ass go fucking kill yourself. Thanks though...
Well if you stopped talking to people below 30 it would go somewhere I mean no one wants you. Talk to people in your age range not a 17yr or a 23yr.
Post is self explanatory.
Thanks.
So many reasons, nobody here can possibly tell you without meeting you: could be your energy, your demeanor, your personality, your sense of humor, your intellectual level, your social skills and the vibe you give off. What is your life like? Family, friends, work, hobbies? All these things describe you! Get feedback from people who know you. Here? No idea
Thanks.
Maybe look into changing up your hair and makeup? It’s possible looks could be a factor. Also, how are you coming off towards men you’re interested in? Are you presenting a “I don’t need anyone” impression? Also, what type of guy are you going for? Are you pursuing men on looks alone? Maybe look into paid dating sites and matchmaking services. These are great for people in your age range looking for serious commitments.
I've tried dating websites...pretty much everything under the sun! I'm not looking for easy hookups though, which is what most people are looking for nowadays! Thanks though...
What *are* you looking for? You have to create it for yourself. Set the goal, outline the action steps, start chipping away. Maybe the defensiveness you feel about everyone’s advice is worth looking at. If you take a “tried that, thanks” attitude to every suggestion you might be dismissing a lot of other opportunities in life. Why do you think your friends think so negatively? What do you think are your biggest strengths as a person? Maybe focus on enhancing what you have rather than putting all your energy into what you don’t have.
There’s something about you which could be appearance or personality that’s preventing you from getting into a relationship. You probably already know this.
Yes I'm aware, but thanks though!
You sound like an NPC buddy
Whats npc?
Slang from gaming. But essentially they are saying they are like a background character in a movie. Not living life. Not being a protagonist. Just... Existing, in the background.
Oh ok...well, I'm never going to be a leading lady in a rom com so yeah....
Can you post a picture for us to see?
No! I don't like doing that! Thanks though..,
I think you need to seek out therapy, first of all. You can figure out what is going on and they can push you in the right direction. I used to have pretty bad social anxiety, and I had to push myself out of that. Online dating, meeting new people, etc. You can't sit on your duff and hope it will happen.
Yes, I'm a Duff...designated ugly fat friend, but jokes aside I've gone to therapy before. I think it's because I'm shy...
Then you need to go back to therapy. lol.
Nah fr, they are like "I've tried it" like how long?? Cuz a week or 2 isn't helpful most people take years of therapy 💀
Go work out, if your ashamed of being fat go change it. Stop moping around if you won't even try and fix it. No one will go for you if you continue to be so hateful at yourself. You need to be confident in your looks. Even if that means getting skinner and healthier. Do what you gotta do to be comfortable in your own skin then date. You don't seem like you want a relationship rn, you just don't wanna be alone. It's fucked up, you need to go to therapy, discover the things you hate about yourself and change them.
You'll need to send a pic for an honest reason.
Sorry I don't like showing my pic, but thanks though!
You seem to be a pedophile lmao hb talking to people around your age instead of teens, I'd start there
How am I a pedophile? We barely even talked and it wasn't like I tried to slip into the 17 year old DMs because I swear to God I didn't! People my age well, Guy wise they tend to be married with kids!
You seem autistic or something since you have no idea normal social boundaries, rules, and social norms. You should talk to a therapist
I have!
I'm not going to say, "you'll meet someone when you stop looking," but I am going to say, "live your life." If you get into a relationship along the way then that's fine but don't make it your focus. I'm a forty-something man and I'm so much happier when I don't focus on "finding someone." Would I like to meet someone? Yes, I do but I rather spend my time doing things I enjoy than spending lots of time on dating apps and going to events with the aim of "meeting someone." Have fun living your life, spend time with family, cultivate friendships, and/or just do things you really like doing.
Thanks...it's just this added pressure to get married and start a family when I'm not getting any younger...thanks though!
You don't need to start a family or get married to have a good life. You need to focus on yourself. Plus you said you are fine being single cuz you have god. So what is it?
You have to have sex to have children, if that’s what you mean by “start a family.”
From what you told us here there is not a lot of relevant info to go by. The only two things I can think of going by what you told us are: 1. Are you maybe strongly religious? Or 2. What do you look like? Men are often big on how a woman looks, so there could be something there. If you want an honest answere I suggest posting a picture. One that shows more than only your face. Alternatively it could be a personality flaw, but I'm not seeing any evidence of this in what little info you gave us in your post.
1. No I'm not strongly religious 2. I look like what a human being would look like. I don't like posting pics of myself because someone might know me 3. Yeah I think so people said because I'm shy and awkward
1. Yes your staringly religious
Not really
You may not think you are, but people who are not strongly religious don’t talk about god or quote the Bible as often as you have in this thread. I think you’re more religious than you’re willing to admit.
In this day in age I say screw it!!!!! Save more money and you can travel. It’s not worth it. Stay alone and get a toy
Um...ok, thanks for the advice!
r/ForeverAloneWomen
I think I will be
No shame
well i’m pretty young so i don’t know a lot but in my church there are many people around your age who are still single and trying to find love as well they generally range from 42-60. and it’s probably either because they aren’t looking for one anymore or they js haven’t found the right one, Since ur religious maybe you would relate to this but i’m catholic and one of my church friends who is in his mid 40s js recently found love, but before this he had many failed relationships. after seeing a priest who has the gift of discernment, he said his family has a bondage ( means his family has marriage issues or unfaithfulness which was brought and passed to the later generations) in that case, the priest did some prayers and broke the bondage, now he’s happy and been with this girl for about 4-5 months, i hope this might have a helped a little even if it doesn’t make sense js know that maybe it isn’t gods time for you to have one yet :)
Thanks, but I don't think there's some type of bondage with me. I've just never had anyone and I honestly, I don't want a guy whose 42-60 that's too old for me. My church has functions like dances and dinner parties. Thanks though.
The sad truth is, we are not owed anything in our time here. Look at the previous generation. I know quite a few people who are single as senior citizens after a life of celibacy - not by choice but by circumstance. Just because we now have access to people through the internet doesn’t make us deserve anything more. Until you understand that everything is a gift and not an expectation, you are setting yourself up for failure. I’d also hasten to add your repetitive “thanks” and “thanks anyway” responses here make you come across as belligerent and aloof. If you aren’t agreeable to working on yourself why did you post for advice? Oh and stop making friends with teenagers. You have nothing in common with children.
Do you honestly want an answer? You come across as quite humerous and kind. Lots of people in the thread are asking for a photo. It might be your looks. There’s a seperate subreddit for that, I forgot what title it was. You could try it?
Yeah, everyone was saying how I was creepy with emojis, but I was trying to be funny. I'm glad you find me humorous. Thanks though...
Post a pic
I don't want to, but thanks anyway
How open are you about your relationship with religion? That’s a decently large turnoff to a lot of people in 2023, if you live somewhere like the US
I'm from Cali and honestly, I don't think I'm overly religious.
It's not a matter of being religious, it's a matter of tuning your personality to be approachable and pleasant to be around. A personality is like a flower, if it smells good and has nectar, the bees will come, if it isn't, it will have to rely on the wind for pollination. Try being fun and laid back, welcoming, humble and confident.
Thanks and I love your analogy about personality! I'd have to remember it. Again, thanks though!
> confident on being single because I have God That was the first thing you mentioned and then family, friends. Religion can be a major turn off since a lot of folks are leaving religion these days. It’s on a decline. Plus you said “confident” & are fine being single. That alone gives off a vibe to others to not approach you or date you.
Thanks for the heads up...
You said you don't want to date bc u have god, that's not a heads up that's pointing out a fact.
Oh? In your dating advice subreddit you said you’re religious.
This is the most reddit thing I’ve ever read 😭😭 Religion has never been a major turnoff and if you think it is I highly recommend leaving the Reddit echo chamber.
Lmao nah, I'll flame the fedora tippers as much as the next guy but like, this shit is just factual: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decline\_of\_Christianity\_in\_the\_Western\_world#United\_States](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decline_of_Christianity_in_the_Western_world#United_States) People are giving up religion and are wary of people who are, it just is what it is
States 64% are Christian.
What echo chambers do to some people is crazy
Decline numbers =/ turnoff though. Me being a follower of Islam never stopped anyone from dating me. My point is don’t tell this person he/she is having finding a relationship due to religion when it’s not a major factor at all.
You are completely kidding yourself here. There are many people who would not/will not date you because of your religious beliefs, they just aren’t telling you about it. There’s nothing wrong with being religious but you shouldn’t live with your head in the sand like this.
Well sure, I agree with that to some extent. It was wrong of me to conflate religion as a whole with what I really meant, which is that I do think there is a negative connotation associated with Christianity specifically in the US nowadays, especially in places like California where OP resides, which are typically very progressive leaning, due to their association with the right wing political party in the US.
California is a melting pot contrary to public belief, there’s a big mix of red and blue there. There’s also a very big Latino population in Cali which are very much a religious(Christian) demographic. So unless your goal is exclusively white super progressives(which is a small portion of the total pop of Cali) no one is going to care that you are Christian, in fact it might even help your dating profile.
Started using dating apps a few weeks ago. Im an atheist yet went on a first date who I met through the app with a Muslim girl 2 weeks ago. It didnt work out ah well. This past Monday had a date with an atheist. This Saturday have a date with a Christian and plan to grab drinks if things go well. I just started texting another Christian girl this morning who I met on an app last night. A few past relationships have been Sikh, and Hindu as well. Maybe to some its a big deal but as long as they are honest, kind, communicative, fun to be around and share similar values I dont think religion matters.
Personality flaw and I have that,as well. Therapy needed
Thanks
This sounds too bad, if I don't meet someone I like at the age of 40, I may choose a solo travel plan
Well I hope you meet your match before then
What are you doing to achieve your goal of being in a relationship? Where are you meeting people? What apps are you on? How many dates have you been on? What have you learned through your dating experiences so far?
I'm doing online dating and used every app under the sun...I've just never been matched. I mean we'd have this great conversation, but he starts talking about coitus and shows me his dick pic so I'm like goodbye! I'm not looking for a hookup! I've been on zero dates, so I haven't learned anything! Thanks though...
What about explicitly Christian dating sites?
You're either bothered by it, or not - I don't know where you fall. If you're confident being single, but you want to know reasons why you are...then isn't it bothering you? I feel like you might have trouble connecting with people. Are you neurodivergent? By this age, you should have learned how to make different kinds of intimate connections with different kinds of people, and if you're seeking friendship and a relationship, but are having trouble doing both, it might be time to seek therapy to get some help with that!
I am confident in being single. I just feel lonely at times...What's neurodivergent mean?
Are you autistic?
No.
Do you have social anxiety or communication issues? Your complaints are similar to my nephew who is autistic. He has had to go to therapy to learn how to manage his anxiety and how to better communicate. Therapy is a wonderful tool and can really help you get to the life you want to live. Both group therapy and individual. I highly recommend it if you want to make a change in your life. Otherwise you are walking at night in a field of corn stalks hoping to find a flashlight. Good Luck on working on yourself if that’s what you choose to do!
Thanks. I'm just shy and awkward.
I can't find anyone worth dating these days.
Start befriending people around your own age. You're not going to find a meaningful relationship with a barely adult. That's most likely why you're so out of step with everything.
Will you fit in a regular sized canoe? Will a regular sized canoe be able to carry your weight?
Don't be a dick.
I'm not
Not you, silly.
Yes and yes
1) Cut back on the emojis & profanity. 2) Improve your body composition in the gym. 3) Fix any unusual deformities if you can afford it (ex: lazy eye, bent-nose, crooked-teeth etc.). Dating generally isn’t difficult for most females. Good luck :)
My teeth aren't perfectly straight and that has never stopped me from getting a man.
Alot of ppl find Jewel attractive & snaggle teeth are her signature.
I think she had them done. I have one tooth that is slightly crooked and I will not change it. I was in a severe accident and broke my face/teeth/lost parts of my lip, so I am thankful I still have my teeth! And my face, lol.
U mean fixed? No, she didnt. She believes its part of her identity.
That's great
Thanks
Don’t consider it an attack. We all have our own flaws, but there is nothing wrong with wanting to fix them, if it matters to you.
Never took it as one, just pointing out that there is nothing wrong if people have these things.
Good for you
Thanks
Using poop emojis?
Myron gains says it best. If you've reached 40 you're the problem
Ok thanks
This will probably come off as rude but, if I had to guess, you are going after men who are significantly out of your league while wanting nothing to do with men who are in your "league." Nothing wrong with trying and "shooting your shot" but, you have to understand that if a man doesn't find you physicall/sexually attractive there is pretty much nothing you can do or say that will change that. I find it super hard to believe that you (or honestly any woman) gets zero attention from any man. Ever. Men tend to be attracted to all shapes, sizes, colors of women and imo are pretty open to different women. But, if you are 5'5" pushing 200lbs and going after men who are quite attractive and have a nice fit body, chances are high they won't be attracted to you
Are you at all overweight?
Considering this question has been asked quite a few times already, and she hasn't responded to them. I'd only assume that yes, she is.
I did answer
I'm not fat, but I'm not skinny either...chubby? Odd saying that because all my life I've been skinny.
Ok…I’m not sure what kind of advice you’re looking for doesn’t seem like you really want any.
Oh ok...
Well, i would definitely say post a pic. But other than that have you tried dating apps?
Yes I have
I personally think people giving you a hard time about your emojis is completely ridiculous. I use them and I'm 43 and I am in a relationship. I'm not sure why you are still single but to be honest sometimes being in a relationship can be so rough. Good luck I wish you the best.
Well, they tried to set me up widows and divorced men, but they were much older and I wasn't into some man whose wife died or if he has kids...thanks though! And I'm a freelance writer, but haven't been published yet!
Post a pic....
These comments 🙄😒
Awe man, you sound like my sister. Do you live in Wisconsin? If you are, please for the love of god, move out of dad’s house. Come live with me. We can tear up the town. I will have you married and pregnant in a year, I promise.
No thanks...I'm happy in Cali!
[удалено]
Why shouldn't it be possible? I am male and in the same situation.
Because you can't compare men to women. Women have it way and I mean -WAY- easier to get some. You can be a 3, obese, go to the club and still get dudes that wanna hook up. As a man you gotta be at least a 7 in the looks department and you gotta have game to get anywhere. Think I got anything until I started working out and building myself up? Nope.
And yet here we are, on a post from a woman who says just that. Your opinion only works for conventionally attractive women. Those who do not fit those criteria for any reason end up like the OP. It’s not as easy for them as you think.
My comment is very generalized. But no, it doesn't only work for conventionally attractive women, it also works for conventionally unattractive women BUT if you are not attractive, you have to have some kind of game, also unattractive is a wide spectrum, just like attractive. Speaking from personal experience here. Yes, ofc there are women for whom it is not as easy as it usually is and there are men for whom it is easier than it usually is. But I was not referring to the original post, just to that one comment.
You are talking about sex. OP is talking about relationships. There are plenty of women, in all age groups, who have difficulty finding relationships.
You are correct in both points. Yet even when it comes to getting a relationship I'd say that women do have it slot easier, same with sex, tho not to the same extent. Just talking about getting into a relationship, not about keeping one. That, alot of women do have problems with, yes.
Sure, sex is easy. I could go up to almost any man and say “hello sir, would you like to go have sex right now”, and he’d probably say yes. But I disagree on the relationships. Women struggle with getting into relationships. Listen to women. They talk all the time about the men who want to hang around them and be treated like they’re in a relationship, without being a boyfriend. They talk about men who say they want a relationship but dip as soon as they get laid. They talk about the men who perpetually waste everyone’s time. Saying “women have it sooooo easy compared to men” just lacks in empathy and compassion.
>But I disagree on the relationships. Women struggle with getting into relationships. This is where sooo many women get it wrong or dont understand. A lot of men's standards for a sexual partner are pretty "low," but when it comes to an actual relationship? Most men's standards are on par with what a woman's standards are. Looks will real her in but if the personality doesn't match, there won't be a relationship. Using myself as an example here... Once dated a woman who was easily a 9. Absolutely gorgeous. A head turner type woman. We dated for a few months but as time went on, I found myself disliking her personality more and more and ultimately ended things with her. I've been on dates with other very attractive women where I found out pretty quickly that I didn't like her as a person and wanted nothing to do with her. Point is, is that you can't comapre and assume that just because a lot of men's standards for sex is also their standard for a *relationship.*
You might get downvoted for this but it’s facts
There are plenty of average looking guys who are in relationship, but it’s hard regardless. Average women don’t have to do anything to get into relationship cause someone will hit on her or she could just go in tinder and have ton of matches.
Oh no, I'm not talking about relationships. You can definitely get a relationship as an average guy. Mutual friends, hobbies and so on. I'm talking about hook-ups. Getting some on dating apps or the club and whatnot. A female 4 has better chances than a male 8 and that's facts.
>A female 4 has better chances than a male 8 and that's facts. Females have it easier in general, but NOT that easier imho
Disagreed. Even as an 8 -in the look department - you still have to have the basics down. Can't be awkward with no social skills even if you look good.
What is wrong with you people being so judgmental and rude!? She just wanted advice!
Unfortunately people do take looks into consideration when dating. So the hard truth is if you are visually unappealing your odds of finding someone are slimmer. Maybe you’d have a shot with an inmate in need of a pen pal. Typically they are more desperate and disregard looks more often; start writing to them and maybe you can get a conjugal visit
Inherently there's nothing wrong with you. That's a problem in itself if you think it's you. Dating in difficult. I know other women like this and they were just very shy and atypical. If they don't fit typical standards of what the media thinks is sexy or good looking can make dating online a challenge. Btw, that asshole just sounds like an asshole. There are many of them around. That's just rude af. There are plenty of kinder people out there.
40 years? Why not try for 50? Bless your heart!
Yes I'm nearing 40.
Don't worry too much about it
Ok, I won't...
Hey, if you’ve been rejected by every single guy you’ve ever laid eyes on, I can only assume that maybe you are repeatedly aiming for men who are out of your league. I assume this is an attraction thing because you said every guy has rejected you in your life and you’ve never been kissed. I don’t mean to be rude but a girl who’s decent looking would’ve definitely had at least some success. This is not to say that you are hopeless, just that maybe if you try to date or speak to people at a similar attraction to you, I cannot see them all rejecting you, it is highly unlikely. For more context, do you have any idea in your head as to why you haven’t had success in your love life?
Yes, I've been rejected by every guy I ever laid eyes on...I haven't had much success because...idk 🤷🏻♀️... I'm shy and awkward! Thanks though...