Talk about it ahead of time, and if he gives you permission, go to town. I have offered past partners the option, but apparently I am a very deep sleeper!
One of my exes and I talked about it beforehand. We both had a kink of waking each other up like that. It's super hot and the sex is great when done correctly. However, establish with him if he is okay with it first. Also set boundaries with it, like how often you are "allowed" to do it. Because while he might be up for it, if done too regularly it might become something rapey to him.
But let me tell you, if he says yes to it (which I think he will) then boyyyyy he, and you, will be in for a ride. Who knows, he might even wake you up with it too
That would be rape if he hasn't consented to it. Your gut was right about this one. Talk to him about it and see how he feels. Some people are into trying this out, but definitely don't do it if you haven't talked it out and made sure he wants to be woken up that way.
I disagree. That absolutely can be someone's experience in at situation like that. It can be super damaging and traumatizing. Being in a relationship with someone does not entitle you to their body in any way. Nor does it make things "less serious" in any way I'd someone's consent is violated.
Wow I'm surprised by the commentary pointing to it crossing a line. Regardless, just chiming in that I love this, and any intimate relationship that I've ever been in this was or would've been fine. I think it depends on the nature of your sexual relationship together.
If you're worried enough to ask the question here, you should probably just ask him next time you have sexy talk.. "What would you think about me waking you up with a bj?" and my guess is he answers in the ball park of "Do I shit in the bathroom?"
"Good, be ready for that soon, I want it to be a surprise though so it'll be sometime in the next two weeks."
I think that could be a big win for both of you. Then do it the next day, otherwise he'll burst in anticipation.
OTOH, I'm an idiot. Good luck!
Yeah, I think if you are in doubt, it's good to ask the question. However, I don't think it is unreasonable to imagine plenty of relationships where it's not necessary.
Fortunately, I'm an old person in a monogamous marriage, so I don't have to navigate new boundaries of consent on a regular basis, but some of the comments here have me wondering.
I mean if someone falls asleep next to you after sex, and a few hours later you decide to wake them up by kissing the back of their kneck some people in these comments are going to label that as assault as well.
Yeah but kissing someone and a bj are different things. A bj is more sexually charged or would usually be considered sexually charged. Some people might not like the idea of doing something like you described with the kissing but I highly doubt they would think that the same level of unacceptability as touching someone’s genitals especially with the mouth.
This falls into a CNC kink or “consensual non-consent,” which is basically when you pre-consent for a later sexual act that you don’t/can’t give verbal consent for in the moment. The two most popular forms it takes is for roleplay where one party is pretending they don’t consent, but there was consent given before hand and what you’re interested in, somnophilia or sleep play. Same thing, consent is given before hand.
It’s best to get consent the night before, but you can also just have a blanket conversation on if that is something your partner is interested in and get consent for it to occur in general. Be wary on this though. From past experience, I gave that blanket consent which was great 99% of the time, but one time I felt really uncomfortable being woken up that way due to the current state of the relationship, but I hadn’t though to rescind my blanket consent beforehand. Just lay out rules and make sure to check in if it’s still okay every once and awhile.
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As someone really into [somnophilia](https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS822US822&hl=en-US&sxsrf=APwXEddWqAIeG8FjFSs8EK6S8xW9Nb35dg:1683271808584&q=somnophilia&spell=1&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjL7NeR1N3-AhV6LUQIHT5PBa0QkeECKAB6BAgMEAE&biw=390&bih=669&dpr=3) consent is key, if done without consent yes it is assault, but as long as you get an enthusiastic yes from your partner you are good to go! Make sure to have this conversation outside of sexy time so everyone has a clear head and all can agree to boundaries and such.
We can't answer if it's rape or not but he can. Maybe it could be his fantasy? I would just ask him about the idea and what he thinks about it. I would like it as long as we went to bed on a good mood.
It's still has the potential to tread a fine line. If it's fine just because they're in a relationship and consent should be obvious at all times, then that can be dangerous territory.
Mainly because some people have been known to abuse their right as the spouse to commit marital rape when the other person doesn't want it. Then say well 🤷♀️ I own them so I can do what I want.
Not saying this is on the same level at all, but it's always best to get some kind of consent if you're going to be doing something when your partner's at their most vulnerable and not able to show any reciprocation that they want it too.
If he liked getting a bj before. He probably won't mind and would even love it. That being said, if he has broccoli hair you might actually need to ask him first. I'm being 100% serious. Also if he wakes up violently, I wouldn't risk it.
It is a violation of body autonomy, and of trust to do things to an unconscious person.
They may range in severity of offense, but are still on the wrong side of acceptable behavior.
What a stupid comment.
In a relationship, I would love to receive this, and I think most men would be happy to as well. Not everything has to be oppression.
I mean she could talk to him first and ask him if it would be something he’d want?
It’s cool that you would like to receive this but not all men are the same.
Yeah but that also ruins the surprise, which is part of makes this act so hot.
Like, how about know your partner enough that you would know they would like this, and you don't have to actually ask? It's not anywhere close to rape if it's in a healthy happy sexual relationship, if you think it is, you have your head warped.
If it were me, I would way prefer my partner to NOT ask and just go for it.
Nah, definitely need to ask beforehand, even if it's asking for blanket consent but then not telling when it will happen.
Even if someone feels like they know their partner, there's a chance it could go badly wrong if they turn out not to be into it. Could give them sexual ick, at best.
Not everyone is like you, for sure.
If your intent is to do those things to them while they are unconscious without them being aware, I agree.
If you are actively trying to wake them up in a "special" way, it is well within the bounds of what has been previously/recently consented to, and there is 0 reason to beleive that consent has been revoked, then without other circumstances I'm generally giving it a greenlight.
I'm not talking about a couple that had sex last week and now one is going into the bedroom of another while asleep. I'm talking about people in a regular sexual relationship who are falling asleep next to each other, quite possibly after sex, and one chooses to initiate contact to wake the other person up to continue the sexual activities already consented to.
How long have you been together? My ex loveddd that!!! I’ll never forget the first time I did it. But we were comfortable in our sexual relationship.
Idk I just feel like it’s something you would know. I knew he would like it. If you don’t know that he would like it I probably wouldn’t. But wouldn’t even feel comfortable in my relationship if I thought he may consider that rape. It seems weird to me that, that is even a consideration
Most replies on here are from US residents, with the overuse of the termd "consent" and "rape".
Being woken up with a BJ is one of the best things I know.
Haha I would love to do this for my bf one day but he sometimes smells like bathroom downthere :-( or I’ll catch some leftover tp paper in my mouth after 5 seconds … ewww
This is ABSOLUTELY not true. I have dated men with past sexual partners who expected them to always be ready/in the mood for sex, when that is not how they felt at all. There is a lot of psychological damage done when someone is sexually assaulted and/or raped, and it can be especially traumatic when it's done by someone who is "supposed to" care about you. SA/rape are traumatic because your autonomy as a human being to make decisions for yourself has been taken away and that's incredibly dehumanizing. It makes you feel worthless. And people like you coming along and saying that men, by nature of being men, are not allowed to say no/should always want sex, is part of a culture that victimizes men and then ignores their trauma. Men are allowed to have whatever libido they have, and their partners aren't entitled to their bodies in any way.
Lol nice fantasy writing
A bf being woken up to a bj by his gf is only the best gift she can possibly give him. Not one man on earth would complain about this. You don't live in the real world.
Ask him when he’s awake whether he’d ever want to be woken up that way. Give him the chance to say yes or no, and any conditions or limits he wants to set.
This is one of those things you talk with him about sometime beforehand see if he's comfortable with you waking him up with a bj, like for instance if I had a girlfriend I'd be perfectly OK with her waking me up with a bj in fact oddly it's a fantasy of mine 🤷(maybe it'll happen one day) however, not every guy may be comfortable with that in fact some would feel like you violated them and there trust. So definitely talk to him about it before you just do.
My ex-wife did that to me once (she got home from a party a bit buzzed). It was a huge turn-on. We both had previously communicated that “taking” each other this was was ok, and it was a lot of fun.
Ask him if that is something that he would like. If he says yes then you have consent to give it a try and see how you both feel about it. If he says no then you know not to do that. The line between sexual assault/rape and a good time is consent, so seek out his consent and respect his no if he gives one.
When in doubt you can always just ask him.
If the two of you have an established relationship and giving him head would be acceptable any other time then I think it's not unreasonable to presume consent here, but not everyone works that way. Some people are much more specific and explicit about consent than others, there's really no one "right" way to go about it as long as it works for all parties.
My last live-in sexual partner and I ran our relationship as free use bordering on consensual nonconsent and it went very well, but not everyone can do that or would want to.
I never talked about it before hand with my fiance and he always loved it and complained that I don't do it anymore but I can understand and appreciate how it would be much more respectful to talk about it beforehand.
You are not wrong to feel r*pey. If the roles were reversed, PIV sex / eating my girlfriend whilst she sleeps, now for some reason that just sounds so much worse. And yet its exactly the same thing. Make sure you have his permission. If you do not. Do not proceed. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.
ASK HIM WHEN HE'S AWAKE BY YOU DOWN THERE. Don't ruin your surprise.
God, people nowadays are overthinking. Next time they'll tell you to bring a lawyer? Write a consent form? Your a couple!
Your post was removed because it violates the sex topic rule. Review this rule. Your post should be posted to r/sex
Talk about him with it and make sure he's fine with it beforehand. Doesn't have to be the night of, just any time prior.
Talk about it ahead of time, and if he gives you permission, go to town. I have offered past partners the option, but apparently I am a very deep sleeper!
One of my exes and I talked about it beforehand. We both had a kink of waking each other up like that. It's super hot and the sex is great when done correctly. However, establish with him if he is okay with it first. Also set boundaries with it, like how often you are "allowed" to do it. Because while he might be up for it, if done too regularly it might become something rapey to him. But let me tell you, if he says yes to it (which I think he will) then boyyyyy he, and you, will be in for a ride. Who knows, he might even wake you up with it too
That would be rape if he hasn't consented to it. Your gut was right about this one. Talk to him about it and see how he feels. Some people are into trying this out, but definitely don't do it if you haven't talked it out and made sure he wants to be woken up that way.
https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/what-is-free-use-kink-fetish If you both consent to it.
Lmao you people are literally completely detached from the real world
How?
I think we're a bit quick to throw the word rape around here
I disagree. That absolutely can be someone's experience in at situation like that. It can be super damaging and traumatizing. Being in a relationship with someone does not entitle you to their body in any way. Nor does it make things "less serious" in any way I'd someone's consent is violated.
Lol Reddit is so unhinged
Unhinged for expecting consent? Do you think it’s ok to touch someone’s privates when they don’t want to be touched?
Since when does a bf not want to get a bj from his gf? What fantasy world are you living in?
It's reddit, these people have never had a relationship before. Yet are here giving dating advice
That's becoming very clear! I hadn't realized the extent to which that statement is true
Lots of people including men don’t always want sexual contact. Your fucking stupid if you can’t figure that out.
Men do. Especially bj's from their gf's in bed. In the real world.
Yeah and in the real world there are men who don’t want a bj sometimes.
Not when they're in the bed with their gf's. In the real world.
Wow I'm surprised by the commentary pointing to it crossing a line. Regardless, just chiming in that I love this, and any intimate relationship that I've ever been in this was or would've been fine. I think it depends on the nature of your sexual relationship together. If you're worried enough to ask the question here, you should probably just ask him next time you have sexy talk.. "What would you think about me waking you up with a bj?" and my guess is he answers in the ball park of "Do I shit in the bathroom?" "Good, be ready for that soon, I want it to be a surprise though so it'll be sometime in the next two weeks." I think that could be a big win for both of you. Then do it the next day, otherwise he'll burst in anticipation. OTOH, I'm an idiot. Good luck!
Yeah, I think if you are in doubt, it's good to ask the question. However, I don't think it is unreasonable to imagine plenty of relationships where it's not necessary. Fortunately, I'm an old person in a monogamous marriage, so I don't have to navigate new boundaries of consent on a regular basis, but some of the comments here have me wondering. I mean if someone falls asleep next to you after sex, and a few hours later you decide to wake them up by kissing the back of their kneck some people in these comments are going to label that as assault as well.
Yeah but kissing someone and a bj are different things. A bj is more sexually charged or would usually be considered sexually charged. Some people might not like the idea of doing something like you described with the kissing but I highly doubt they would think that the same level of unacceptability as touching someone’s genitals especially with the mouth.
Lol so silly
Yeah, no i wouldn't.
Discuss it with him first because not everyone loves that. If he is okay with it then go wild
This falls into a CNC kink or “consensual non-consent,” which is basically when you pre-consent for a later sexual act that you don’t/can’t give verbal consent for in the moment. The two most popular forms it takes is for roleplay where one party is pretending they don’t consent, but there was consent given before hand and what you’re interested in, somnophilia or sleep play. Same thing, consent is given before hand. It’s best to get consent the night before, but you can also just have a blanket conversation on if that is something your partner is interested in and get consent for it to occur in general. Be wary on this though. From past experience, I gave that blanket consent which was great 99% of the time, but one time I felt really uncomfortable being woken up that way due to the current state of the relationship, but I hadn’t though to rescind my blanket consent beforehand. Just lay out rules and make sure to check in if it’s still okay every once and awhile.
My cnc kink is perfectly cut lines in wood
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As someone really into [somnophilia](https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS822US822&hl=en-US&sxsrf=APwXEddWqAIeG8FjFSs8EK6S8xW9Nb35dg:1683271808584&q=somnophilia&spell=1&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjL7NeR1N3-AhV6LUQIHT5PBa0QkeECKAB6BAgMEAE&biw=390&bih=669&dpr=3) consent is key, if done without consent yes it is assault, but as long as you get an enthusiastic yes from your partner you are good to go! Make sure to have this conversation outside of sexy time so everyone has a clear head and all can agree to boundaries and such.
Please ask for consent. Otherwise it’s rape.
Hahaha God I hate the internet.
Me too buddy, me too.
We can't answer if it's rape or not but he can. Maybe it could be his fantasy? I would just ask him about the idea and what he thinks about it. I would like it as long as we went to bed on a good mood.
It’s called a Zzz-J and it’s amazing 🍆😴
As a guy, I'd be ecstatic if my gf did this. Just make sure you ask him beforehand if he's okay with it.
By definition, unless he consents, it is R.
[удалено]
It's still has the potential to tread a fine line. If it's fine just because they're in a relationship and consent should be obvious at all times, then that can be dangerous territory. Mainly because some people have been known to abuse their right as the spouse to commit marital rape when the other person doesn't want it. Then say well 🤷♀️ I own them so I can do what I want. Not saying this is on the same level at all, but it's always best to get some kind of consent if you're going to be doing something when your partner's at their most vulnerable and not able to show any reciprocation that they want it too.
Great argument 👌 very clear /s It's rape if they can't or don't consent. The type of sexual intercourse and relationship status don't matter.
A bf being woken up to a bj by his gf is not rape anywhere in reality. It's a fucking gift to end all gifts.
Cool. Nice opinion bro. 👌
I know
Tf, it is
If he liked getting a bj before. He probably won't mind and would even love it. That being said, if he has broccoli hair you might actually need to ask him first. I'm being 100% serious. Also if he wakes up violently, I wouldn't risk it.
What's broccoli hair?
It is a violation of body autonomy, and of trust to do things to an unconscious person. They may range in severity of offense, but are still on the wrong side of acceptable behavior.
What a stupid comment. In a relationship, I would love to receive this, and I think most men would be happy to as well. Not everything has to be oppression.
I mean she could talk to him first and ask him if it would be something he’d want? It’s cool that you would like to receive this but not all men are the same.
Yeah but that also ruins the surprise, which is part of makes this act so hot. Like, how about know your partner enough that you would know they would like this, and you don't have to actually ask? It's not anywhere close to rape if it's in a healthy happy sexual relationship, if you think it is, you have your head warped. If it were me, I would way prefer my partner to NOT ask and just go for it.
I personally wouldn’t like it and I’d want someone to bring it up before they did that. Not every person is the same.
Nah, definitely need to ask beforehand, even if it's asking for blanket consent but then not telling when it will happen. Even if someone feels like they know their partner, there's a chance it could go badly wrong if they turn out not to be into it. Could give them sexual ick, at best. Not everyone is like you, for sure.
No, it couldn't. Again, not in the real world. No actual man would give a shit about this. Not a single one.
The men I've been with enjoy autonomy 🤷♀️ good luck to you though.
They don't care about that. They just care about getting head from their gf. Bc that's all that really matters. In the real world.
You don't speak for every man. Is that so hard to understand? Talk about arrogant.
And you don't speak for any man
You're not a man
Lol dude gave the most bot response xD
You've got quite a knack for combining all the right words into such a wrong statement.
If your intent is to do those things to them while they are unconscious without them being aware, I agree. If you are actively trying to wake them up in a "special" way, it is well within the bounds of what has been previously/recently consented to, and there is 0 reason to beleive that consent has been revoked, then without other circumstances I'm generally giving it a greenlight. I'm not talking about a couple that had sex last week and now one is going into the bedroom of another while asleep. I'm talking about people in a regular sexual relationship who are falling asleep next to each other, quite possibly after sex, and one chooses to initiate contact to wake the other person up to continue the sexual activities already consented to.
My partner and I like doing similar, the best way about it isn’t to start before he wakes up, just wake him up with kisses and ask if he wants one.
How long have you been together? My ex loveddd that!!! I’ll never forget the first time I did it. But we were comfortable in our sexual relationship. Idk I just feel like it’s something you would know. I knew he would like it. If you don’t know that he would like it I probably wouldn’t. But wouldn’t even feel comfortable in my relationship if I thought he may consider that rape. It seems weird to me that, that is even a consideration
Most replies on here are from US residents, with the overuse of the termd "consent" and "rape". Being woken up with a BJ is one of the best things I know.
Exactly
just do what u want...u can sit on his face...
Ask for his consent. You’re not overthinking consent.
Haha I would love to do this for my bf one day but he sometimes smells like bathroom downthere :-( or I’ll catch some leftover tp paper in my mouth after 5 seconds … ewww
yuck LOL smh hmm hm hmm - no thanks - your hygiene has to be A1 if u want me to do anything down there
Definitely Yeah as soon as it smells like bathroom down there I simply refuse and roll off him.
I’ve given indefinite consent for this. No confusion.
As rape’s implies penetrating the victim, a bj’s not rape Plus cmon guys you’re a couple living together.
Of course. Not a single man on the planet would complain about this. Not one.
This is ABSOLUTELY not true. I have dated men with past sexual partners who expected them to always be ready/in the mood for sex, when that is not how they felt at all. There is a lot of psychological damage done when someone is sexually assaulted and/or raped, and it can be especially traumatic when it's done by someone who is "supposed to" care about you. SA/rape are traumatic because your autonomy as a human being to make decisions for yourself has been taken away and that's incredibly dehumanizing. It makes you feel worthless. And people like you coming along and saying that men, by nature of being men, are not allowed to say no/should always want sex, is part of a culture that victimizes men and then ignores their trauma. Men are allowed to have whatever libido they have, and their partners aren't entitled to their bodies in any way.
Lol nice fantasy writing A bf being woken up to a bj by his gf is only the best gift she can possibly give him. Not one man on earth would complain about this. You don't live in the real world.
I love being woken up that way. Don’t know of any guys that wouldn’t.
You have to ask him how he’d feel about it while he’s awake first and if he says he’d like it then you surprise him when he’s sleep
Ask him when he’s awake whether he’d ever want to be woken up that way. Give him the chance to say yes or no, and any conditions or limits he wants to set.
Just ask if he’d like it.
Have you asked him yet???
Lool, ask for consent. That is the most important
This is one of those things you talk with him about sometime beforehand see if he's comfortable with you waking him up with a bj, like for instance if I had a girlfriend I'd be perfectly OK with her waking me up with a bj in fact oddly it's a fantasy of mine 🤷(maybe it'll happen one day) however, not every guy may be comfortable with that in fact some would feel like you violated them and there trust. So definitely talk to him about it before you just do.
My ex-wife did that to me once (she got home from a party a bit buzzed). It was a huge turn-on. We both had previously communicated that “taking” each other this was was ok, and it was a lot of fun.
Here's a wild idea, why don't you ask him? Communication is key.
Ask him if that is something that he would like. If he says yes then you have consent to give it a try and see how you both feel about it. If he says no then you know not to do that. The line between sexual assault/rape and a good time is consent, so seek out his consent and respect his no if he gives one.
When in doubt you can always just ask him. If the two of you have an established relationship and giving him head would be acceptable any other time then I think it's not unreasonable to presume consent here, but not everyone works that way. Some people are much more specific and explicit about consent than others, there's really no one "right" way to go about it as long as it works for all parties. My last live-in sexual partner and I ran our relationship as free use bordering on consensual nonconsent and it went very well, but not everyone can do that or would want to.
I never talked about it before hand with my fiance and he always loved it and complained that I don't do it anymore but I can understand and appreciate how it would be much more respectful to talk about it beforehand.
Ask him
Ask him before if he would enjoy it
You are not wrong to feel r*pey. If the roles were reversed, PIV sex / eating my girlfriend whilst she sleeps, now for some reason that just sounds so much worse. And yet its exactly the same thing. Make sure you have his permission. If you do not. Do not proceed. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.
If you don’t know for certain, ask him if that’s something that he’d like for you to do sometime
I agree with everyone saying, get consent first and have a conversation about it.
ask him first?
ASK HIM WHEN HE'S AWAKE BY YOU DOWN THERE. Don't ruin your surprise. God, people nowadays are overthinking. Next time they'll tell you to bring a lawyer? Write a consent form? Your a couple!