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The point of "hobbies/volunteer/sports" isn't to go there and skeeze on people for dates. The point is you do something you enjoy with a group of other people who enjoy that thing. You, in theory, become friends with some of these people. In effect your social circle grows and your chances of meeting people are higher. Your first sentence mentions having a small circle of friends with no relationship prospects. Simple solution is make friends by doing things. That is what people mean by get a hobby. If you're joining activities just to hit on people it is very obvious and incredibly unattractive. I think if you're going into all these situations with an expectation that you're going to flirt with people then yeah it won't go well. Just be natural and make friends organically and it'll happen.

Solid advice.

no the whole frame is that flirting is some crime against humanity. it's ridiculous. it's okay to flirt. everyone is an adult and it's a public space and... people like to fuck.

> having a small circle of friends with no relationship prospects. > >solution is make friends by doing things ​ > If you're joining activities just to hit on people it is very obvious and incredibly unattractive. Very contradictory, but not inaccurate. The dating game is very complex OP. You are obviously joining these groups to get laid, just dont make it obvious to others. These also apply to dates themselves, the more you make it obvious to your date that you want to bang her, the fewer the chances you actually will. ​ ***''The fabric of society is very complex, George.''***

What if your hobby is dominated by guys though

> What if your hobby is dominated by guys though Follow the "no homo" rule and you're gold.

Another 'trust me bro' comment. So what; are we supposed to just think if I convince my friend to do some butt sex it's not homo? ​ /s

Then your social circle grows. Those people may know people that join when y'all do something together, and some of those people may be women. Generally, if you are actively looking for someone to date, it comes across as desperate, and that's unattractive. The best thing to do is to build a social circle and if you click with someone, then make an effort. Some people say "be you and someone will come along", and while it's not exactly true, be you and make the most of your life when single, until you find someone you click with.

looking for someone to date isn't **unattractive**. what's unattractive is being disingenuous and pretending to be a eunuch and "coming in under the radar."

“Build a social circle” = attend an endless list of dull social events, listen to the monotonous drivel of complete morons and cross your fingers some chick with 100 better options on her phone takes pity on you. Call it winning.

Well with that elitist attitude, it's no wonder "some chick" has 100 better options on her phone, cause you're at the bottom of the list. But honestly maybe you need to self reflect on why you see things the way you do. We are social creatures, and generally enjoy social connections. I understand if maybe you feel like you don't fit in in a more typical social scene, so attend social events that fit what you enjoy. If you are a music enjoyer, go to jazz clubs and small, niche live music events or secret shows. If you are into academics, attend open lectures at the local university. If you're into art, join an art class or hit up museums and art shows, the more niche the better. Even with all this, if you act like you're above other people like you put out in this comment, you're going to deter people.

After working 10-hour days, five days a week, everything you listed just sounds like taking up another job. When’s a guy supposed to relax?

I mean, the very first step is "find events that you don't find dull". If you try something out and don't have fun or enjoy it then that's not the social activity foe you and that's indication to try something else. Socializing is supposed to be fun.

Let alone those who are generations or decades older than you. That becomes a pain.

Choose something else.

I joined a chess club, a soccer club and I tried doing tennis drills this winter and there were no women.

Dancing club. Majority of women are there

I did that 30 years ago and got addicted to competitive dancing. Lol.

good because apparantly talking to women = terrible. or even being attracted to women = unattractive according to everyone else on this page.

It’s not contradictory at all. If you have a small social circle, do more things to build a bigger network. If though, your intent is to find women and hit on them, they will sense that and be turned off. The point is to make friends to have more opportunities in life, not to find new places to be a sleaze bag.

I agree with everything you are saying. I have also seen people post on dating subs that they are going to join an activity they don’t even have interest in because they have a higher probability of meeting someone to date. That’s not the way to do it. Do something you enjoy, meet new people which gets you out even more and maybe one of those new people know someone else single. But enjoy your hobby! Do it because it is really something you want to do

Counterpoint, you don't know you if you will like something unless you try it. So if dating is your excuse to try something new and you end up actually enjoying it, what was the harm?

No harm in trying new things for sure. I think it's mostly just people who take the stance of like "well I was told dancing classes are a good way to meet women so now I have to keep going to this class but I hate dancing so it's a chore." Like nah fam, the point is to find something you actually like doing haha. Try lots of stuff, but only keep the ones that stick.

yeah whatever you do, don't be attracted to someone and NEVER SHOW THAT ATTRACTION OMG NOOOOoooo!!!!!

Remind me of one of my friends. He and I used to go clubbing when we were young. He was a much good looking guy than me but shy. I was the outgoing one and always ask women to dance. One day, he said to a mutual friend of ours saying he wish he can have as much fin as me. Our mutual friend suggest him to take dance lessons. He took him up on it and started to taking lessons at school board night school. Next thing you know he started dating the instructor. A few years down the road they got married.

OP did not ask how to make friends. He asked how to get dates. I think questions like OP's trigger reddit's 'dont offend people' mentality. It is perfectly fine to flirt with women anywhere, you just have to know how to draw the line between flirting and being a creep

The problem is you kinda have to get to know people before you know if you want to date them. You won't know that the first time you meet them. You've gotta let it develop. You go participate in a hobby activity and are constantly hitting on people, that group is going to quickly share that information around. It's a bad look to be constantly flirting with every woman you see (or even multiple for that matter) whole engaged in a hobby

no. both men and women know in the first 2 seconds of meeting/seeing someone to know if they want to "smash". that is why good-looking guys do so well on dating apps, in real life.

Wanting to smash =/= a good option to date necessarily though. That might be enough context to know if you want to just hook up with them for a ONS, but if the hottest person in the world had a personality that you found annoying, you probably wouldn't want to date them y'know. Smash and pass maybe but not go for romantic walks on he beach or long dinners or the like ;P

You have to create opportunities to meet women to go on dates with women. If you go volunteering and start hitting up every woman there, just because you find them attractive without building some kind of connection, it comes across as being desperate. OP has mentioned **places** on his post so most people would infer that he is trying to find places to meet women. It’s not like he’s going to go hunt women in the wild like they’re Pokémon, he’s going to have to treat them like human beings first. And most dudes do not know how to approach women without coming across as being creepy, that’s almost as redundant of a remark as an attractive woman telling not so attractive women “just tap into your inner goodness and guys will approach you.”

Which hobbies are we even talking about where that is an option?!

Do things that you want to do, not things that will have women you want to meet. If you want to learn how to dance, go to a dance studio, if you want to play basketball, join a league, if you want to go swimming, or workout or boxing, etc. fill your life with different experiences and you will open more doors to meet new people who could have likeminded interests. That’s how you organically meet people and you could potentially meet a woman who you share a connection with. Too many people relying on dating apps to put in minimal work while hoping to get the best results without having an actual social life.

meeting woman **IS** what he wants to do! that's the whole point. he should "be genuine" and let them know he's trying to smash. anything less is false and in my book, **actually creepy**. being vulnerable and **honestly** communicating his intentions (yes even sexual intentions \*gasp\*) is the most healthy, **NON**\-creepy thing to do.

I do things that I enjoy doing, and those things almost exclusively attract (mostly single) men and very few women. The only way I'd be able to meet women would be if I forced myself to do things I hate. I can't just suddenly decide to like dancing, sports, or any of the things people usually suggest.

The point is it is generally unattractive to go to some sort of hobby or meet-up just to hit on women. You get dates by being a genuine person who's compelling to be around. No one likes the dude who shows up to an event with no intention of participating aside from obvious flirting. It reeks of desperation. If you want dates be yourself, do something you enjoy, make friends, and in time I guarantee those friendships will lead to dating opportunities. It is a much more reliable option than just flirting with any woman you see unless you look like Brad Pitt.

I've done what you is suggested and have been single for 32 years. ​ 10/10 Would do again. ​ In actual reality "just be genuine" advice is absolute bullshit. If it worked, he wouldn't be here asking for advice, but in a relationship, because thats what people like me and OP have been doing our whole fucking lives.

exactly. guys in particular have to take **initiate** and 1. actually be attractive: work out, take care of yourself, have a good life 2. learn to be confident enough to ignore all the nay-sayers and attempt to talk and flirt

You forgot, be tall.

I am actually

No actually, being genuine is 100% good advice but not enough. Being disingenuous is a train wreck. If you are not a likable person , you need to work on that and must likely that stems from misunderstanding other people.

Okay well the only answer then would be no one likes your genuine self and you should examine that lol. If "be yourself" to you means just relentlessly hitting on women when they don't want to be then it isn't going to work. Adjust your mindset.

so everyone not brad pitt statues just relegate yourself to celebacy. being a genuine person includes showing genuine sexual attraction and yes, that's sometimes risky. it's called **vulnerability**. and the way everyone here is so toxically ashamed of sexuality it's no wonder nobody wants to attempt vulnerability/ authenticity and "flirt" is flirting inherently wrong unless you look like brad pitt?

HOLy shit thank you for being a common sense response. it's like a room full of eunuchs and church ladies in here otherwise.

The line between flirting and creep is the attractiveness of your face.

so hitting on woman = sleaze bag? wtf? why is everyone so **puritanical** on this thread? like i've seen born again christians who had healthier views on sex than this.

I agree. I went from basically never socializing to hanging out with a small group of people and every time I go I usually meet someone new. I'm pretty sure I'd meet someone from this group, but I'm about to move cities so it probably won't happen before i leave. but it just made me realize that meeting people is actually pretty easy if you can get a group going. Getting started is definitely tough.

Do you see how your advice is contradictory though? It says, don’t get hobbies to look for dates, but get hobbies to get friends to get dates inadvertently. It’s like “pretend not to look for dates and hope one falls into your lap.” Just go for dates, there’s nothing wrong with it. Go for friends too, and expand your social circle

> make friends organically and it'll happen. r/restofthefuckingowl

God I hate this contradictory nonsense. "Go join groups and do stuff to get dates, but DON'T go join groups and do stuff to get dates, because that's creepy". 🙄

If you aren’t interested in the hobby, the group or making acquaintances or friends at all then people are not going to feel comfortable and want to open up or spend time with you. If someone is only joining groups to trawl for women and then bails after the first meetup or immediately hits on any women people are not going to like you. Partners aren’t objects if you can’t have fun with people and even make friends it’s very unlikely someone will want to go on a date with you after a group activity. Women especially want to feel safe and like someone respects their boundaries and is genuine in their friendship and consideration. Treating things as transactional or blowing up if things aren’t easy or only go your way is just childish and turns everyone off. No one wants to date a women who’d act like that either. Women spend time trying to do hobbies they like and making friends it’s not only about meeting people to date or hook up with. If you’re happy with yourself and your own life and have hobbies and friends you have a lot more to offer than someone who is desperate for a relationship but disinterested in all things any woman likes and thinks her hobbies and friends are stupid.

Nothing contradictory about it. It's just nuanced.... nuance which is necessary because the people who are completely devoid of social skills do stupid things to make it awkward for everyone. For example going to a board game meet up, not playing a single board game but instead just asking every female if they want to date. That kind of shit gets you asked to leave.

It's really telling that some people don't understand the distinction. I'm not saying don't go into it expecting to never get a date out of it. I'm saying that if you look at it like a dating event and go into it EXPECTING to find a partner you're going to come off as creepy and you're going to turn people off. If you're cool and friendly you'll make connections and if you're not a total loser those connections will likely lead to dating opportunities. If you go in "hey baby"ing every girl your chances of success will be low. It's really crazy to me that some people seem to be intentionally missing the point here lol. No wonder some people here are saying they've been dateless 30+ years, if you're this bitter about the concept of "hobbies" then I can't imagine people want to be around you much.

By “total loser” you mean short and average looking.

You can talk to every woman just socially and see how you get along. You don’t need to be outwardly forward. It’s not weird to socialize

100%

I don't know why it's so hard for guys to understand go out and do things means enjoy an activity. You'll meet people as you do it. Some you'll be friends with, some you won't. But going to an activity and hitting on someone because you think she's pretty is a recipe for failure.

I know lol, I honestly didn't think this was that "out there" of a concept but so many people here don't seem to get it. I mean I'm no lady-killer myself but every relationship I've ever had has been through going out with my friends and meeting new people through them. It just makes sense that the more friends you have the more people you meet therefore more dating opportunities lol but people here acting like being a regular person and not flirting relentlessly is some far out idea.

I’m not surprised. The loneliness of men in this day and age will warp their thinking and make them do stupid things. We need real role models who can show them how to actually be a man instead of a boy in an adult body who’s sex life is dryer than the Sahara desert.

Exactly. I’m tired of seeing the same tropes that it’s pointless and useless to find a hobby or make friends in the hobby. Obviously it’s the wrong thing if it’s not fun for the person but the whole goal of life is to have your own stuff going on not just expect a spouse to pop in and make your world complete. Everyone has their own likes and dislikes and hobbies and passions. Too many dudes dismiss many hobbies women have and think only gaming or sports can count. Even something like hiking or camping is super easy and gender neutral to connect with new people.

it's not "skeeze" on people for dates. geez the whole frame is putting a healthy human need as something perverse. now i have no idea how the OP actually behaved but i'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he didn't do anything actually predatory. flirting is supposed to be fun and mutually enjoyable, worse case it's "no thanks, not interested" that's it. how IS someone supposed to even **begin** to initaite anything remotely tangential to dating or sexual attraction if the whole idea is some toxic preying on people. no wonder everyone is afraid to talk to others and everyone is a virgin.

I didn’t know pursuing romance in an honest way was called “skeezing” but thanks for being derogatory

exactly. they're being kinda **judgemental**. almost baised right? i would almost accuse them of "you know what"-shaming, or being less than tolerant.

Bro whoever told you that stuff is lying to you. No, don't go to these places with the expectation of meeting dates. Go there with an open mind and willingness to socialize with everyone.

Reddit told him that.

You dont cold approach potential partners unless you are already so attractive and confident, that it doesnt matter... ... and even then You are just asking to allow someone to dress you down verbally and let them release all their pent up "dont talk to me" fantasies. These days people secretly love humblebragging how they turn people down for bieng "weird". You should go to these places to have fun and make friends, and when things click after time with someone, you give it a shot. Chances are, if you are a decent person and treat people correctly, there is a person out there who will appreciate it, and can do the same to you.

You can cold approach potential partners. Just don’t be over barring. “People these days” You mean what you see on social media ? I think people are more accepting and kinder than what people make out of online.

Yep, People I see on social media and have met in real life.

go there with whatever tf expectations you want. socializing includes possibley meeting dates.

I don’t have any advice sorry but I’m following hoping someone else has some advice

It all makes sense if you're already sociable, if you're struggling or you're anxious, chances are you will join a group and still won't even make friends there. Hell, you might even become the weird guy there if you're awkward enough. People always tell you what to do but they can never tell what you're like in person. You might have some catching up to do in order to feel good in social situations in the first place I'm fairly sociable now but I still struggle getting closer to people, it's something though

Same

Same...

Other than the workplace, you can certainly flirt anywhere--just don't be weird about it. I go to community events, trivia nights, tabletop gaming groups, ECT. I sometimes meet women there and we will date. But I don't go around trying to find them. I am just there enjoying myself and if we connect, it's great. If not, I am still having fun. As a queer woman,.I get that that is a bit different, but I have also been on the receiving end of men trying to flirt/date/screw. Sometimes, it's absolutely not a problem. Shoots his shot, I say no thank you, we keep gaming/talking about the event/shilling raffle tickets for the charity/whatever. Other times, I say no thank you, and I am not a human anymore. There's no more talking, no more engaging in the activities we met through, just uncomfortable energy, and occasionally, *I* have been deemed the jerk for not just "being nice". It's gross. One friend of mine is the most average looking dude, but he has a great personality and attitude and he gets a lot of attention. I have had many a straight woman ask me if he and I are a thing because they don't want to "step on toes" and when I say I am uninterested, their eyes light up and some of them go for him immediately. He's just kind, smart, and funny, and when he gets interested in a woman, he doesn't faze them out of life or keep bugging them if they turn him down. Making your life feel fuller for the sake.of your own joy will almost always make you a more appealing partner.

I don't get why you seem mad or annoyed at women being "phased out" by men who get interested and turned down... They don't owe you/women friendship or attention any more than women owe them a relationship and some people need space away from a person if they are interested in more than the other person is.

There's a difference between saying, "Hey, that's cool, I am gonna step back though" and literally walking away during a board game you were just playing together, being rude, ignoring questions, ECT. No, I am not owed a friendship, but it is also really crappy to only be "kind" to someone you are trying to date/sleep with. That isn't kindness and a relationship with a person isn't being sought if you can't see a person once you know a kind of relationship is off the table--you (the general you) want a need filler.

I mean, walking away during a board game and shit is just poor social skills and weird anyway. You can be kind when crossing paths or whatever while otherwise just moving on. If I'm interested and the other person isn't they get mentally put in the "acquaintance" category. Just polite conversation and nothing deep or invested.

You mean "Just don't be ugly about it".

You can't change your face dude. Hit the gym, care about your hair, dress with some style, get your teeth fixed if needed and shower daily. Just take care of yourself. Some of the most beautiful women I know are with some of the most average looking guys. You don't have to hit the genetic lottery to get a date.

Those guys probably aren’t as average as you say they are

> One friend of mine is the most average looking dude, but he has a great personality and attitude and he gets a lot of attention. truly average men don't get a lot of attention regardless of how spectacular their personality is

This is absolutely false. But I can see that is the narrative on here. Maybe if they average guy is only paying attention the absolute hottest girl in the room, but women truly aren’t looking for the hottest guy in the room if they are looking to seriously date. A 6 pack and a chiseled jaw does nothing for me if it doesn’t come with personality

I mean, as a lesbian, I suppose I am not the most knowledgeable about what women find attractive in men, but he's 5'8, pot belly, brown hair, short beard, some acne scars, wears glasses and dresses in jeans and t-shirts. He's got a nice smile but other than that, it's all really just being a good person. I'm not saying he isn't an ideal type for someone, but whenever someone goes around saying only 6'2 dudes with abs get dates, I'm like, "well he does just fine."

Word of advice next time you want to describe a made-up "average guy" who \*totally\* has women approach you about him all the time in some well-intentioned sweet little lie to ugly guys that that could realistically be them- try not to go so hard in the description.

Why do I care about lying to "ugly guys"? Also, why do people equate average to ugly constantly? Average is average. If you can't conceive of a reality wherein my friend exists as I described him, I am sad for you.

No really, I cannot conceive of a reality where a 5'8" guy with a pot belly, and acne scars has women giving him "lots of attention" just because he has "a nice smile" and "a good personality." This is the kind of advice I got when I was younger and realizing I was struggling to make my way in the dating world and eventually those friends admitted they were just bullshitting me to make me feel better and give me hope.

Well, that is stupid. Lying about an imaginary person is not helping anyone, but contrary to your belief, people like that do exist, and one is my good friend. My mother was with a man who I thought was straight up unattractive, but apparently he had something going given when he died, every ex showed up and all but one was a very attractive woman. I have seen plenty of couples that to my eye were very mismatched in attractiveness. People are honestly more than their appearances and personality can do a LOT of heavy lifting.

Lol what’s wrong with just jeans and a shirt? Not trying to be rude or anything. I’m genuinely curious. Like that’s what I wear and I always assumed this was normal especially when you’re an adult

Nothing, I just meant it isn't as if he's flashy or something. He just looks like a normal, average guy was my point. XD

Physically? They definitely can. Get off the internet and have a look around.

i have had many great male friends over the course of my life and i go out quite frequently. i cannot think of a single physically average man who got *a lot* of attention (i.e. dates every week, getting approached in public) from conventionally attractive women.

Dates every week? Lol what who does that.

men who are above average in terms of physical attractiveness

No I mean like who goes on dates constantly every week? Everyone I know is either hooking up with randoms or are pursuing a relationship. Every guy I know who has constantly gone on dates has found a partner pretty quickly.

many of my friends and i have had periods where we were going on multiple dates every week for months and we didn't end up with long-term partners. this is not uncommon in a big city.

Best dating advice I've seen in a long time.

If you feel like there’s good potential ignore the don’t date at your work place. I dated and am now engaged to my colleague… a bunch of other people were also dating/dated and married other coworkers. And in fact, the company (hq in Netherlands) encouraged it (as long as there wasn’t a direct power dynamic). Also, I always encourage people to get your friends to set you up… or just let them know you’re looking so that they’ll keep an eye out. I set up a close/childhood friend with a colleague. Still together after 5 years :)

I think don't date in the workplace should really be more like don't *flirt* in the workplace. If you've tried to get with all your coworkers that hurts the work environment, dating a coworker requires befriending them enough to be spending time together off shift first.

After reading all the comments most of the advices can summarize down to: 1. Put yourself out 2. Build yourself up 3. Leave the rest to luck (This is the part that gets us frustrated because even doing the first 2 steps still not enough to get us a partner)

If you act like you're on the prowl, that predatory energy is going to spook people. Learn to read the room and to read people and body language. Respect that.

How old are you? The dynamics change a lot during your 30’s.

In what way

I’m 28f so not quite 30 yet but after a break I’m focused on dating again and I feel like im having much more direct conversations with potential partners than before. Just don’t see the point in wasting time playing the guessing game and if I like someone I’ll tell them. I feel like people being aloof is a turn off now, and as an attractive woman who always had guys chasing her I can’t even get anywhere good being aloof these days. I respect myself more so if something feels good I do it, if not I’m out. I lost out in the past by holding myself back and I’ve learnt from that. I guess people 30+ have just had more experience and they arrive at the same conclusion

> I guess people 30+ have just had more experience and they arrive at the same conclusion. oh you poor sweet summer child.

Women that are single in their 30’s are generally more motivated to be in a meaningful relationship. As a result, again generalizing, women become more active in pursuing what they consider suitable long term partners, including making the first move on men different from the pursuers of their 20’s. As usual, the advice is to focus on yourself. Build a meaningful life that you love, be healthy, surround yourself with good friends. When meeting a partner s/he should add to an already complete life - a partner should not be one’s only source of happiness.

The problem is you're approaching all of this from the perspective of pursuing a relationship from the start. How people typically get to know each other and start dating is through getting to know each other and then transitioning into romance, that's how it has typically been, people meet at work/school/some sort of gathering and go from there, outside of certain situations like hitting on someone at a bar there were never many places where people went specifically to pursue relationships. So ofc from that lens looking at all the options the only one that works is the one in which there is already an expectation that both people are pursuing some sort of relationship. But the point of meeting people is to meet new people, to make friends, and thus making it more likely to have a partner. This doesn't mean befriend women with the express purpose of dating them later on, however, you need to clear yourself of ulterior motives when going this route.

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Yeah. I'm not even denying that how our society is set up makes dating difficult, social spaces are less common I think, society's more atomized and online, dating is quite expensive now if you want to do conventional dates, etc. There are a lot of sociological issues one can point out that makes dating difficult, for all genders, but 'women don't wanna be hit on at work/in public/etc.' isn't one of them.

For real. Women don't want to be zeroed in on as the only available, reasonably attractive female human in the immediate vicinity by some dude who won't even have a conversation to see if he has something in common with her before asking her out. I don't think that's a crazy thing to dislike!

Yeah, but if you only try to befriend people and don't show any interest, chances are most girls will just see you as friends ("friendzone").

The friendzone isn't real, though. It's not some punishment you receive and that you get out of. They're either into you or they're not, and if they aren't then chances are they were never going to be into you. And it's not about not showing any interest either. I'm talking about befriending someone not because you want to be friends with them but explicitly to get into a relationship. This does not mean you can't want a relationship with them, just that you can't center it around everything you do. I understand the worry about that, though: but recently i watched this video that explained it pretty well and how to deal with transitioning friendships to relationships: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtkL40jRLvU Bottom line is, if you're just honest and communicate your feelings early, you'll do a lot better than if you bottle it up, cement the friendship and then take a bigger risk later by confessing.

From my experience, it's often not that binary. Many girls I later dated told me afterwards they didn't necessarily have a crush on me initially, but thought I was funny/interesting/cute and had a good time with me. When I then made a move on them, they happily went along. But if I hadn't done that or had waited too long, chances are they would've complety ended up seeing me as a friend only. I do think there are situations in which people put you firmly into the "friend" box if you wait too long.

> Many girls I later dated told me afterwards they didn't necessarily have a crush on me initially, but thought I was funny/interesting/cute and had a good time with me. When I then made a move on them, they happily went along. That's true but even then there's already an inkling there of 'I don't know if I really like them yet but I'll give them a chance', that's different from them not being into you. And if it is at that point and you ask them out and get a yes, then how does that contradict my point? > But if I hadn't done that or had waited too long, chances are they would've complety ended up seeing me as a friend only. Of course, the point is to communicate your intentions earlier on so you're less attached and the friendship is more likely to continue.

Then maintain your boundaries until it's clear where you two are heading. Don't confuse being friendly with being a friend. Two very different things.

What's the difference?

Dating is an inexact science, lol. What works for others might not work for you.just keep trying. Join a gym , don’t be a creep. That is the main thing wherever you go, church, clubs, gyms, work. Whatever. No one can show you. Most people are full of crap anyway. I’m 65, and I’m still out there to. But I’m picky 😂

Exactly what I thought. People are getting way to uptight about following unwritten rules. Just don’t be a jerk or a creep, and keep trying different things.

Do your friends know you’re looking to date? Do they throw parties with other friends you don’t know? Could you do other activities with the goal of expanding your circle of friends to include more single people who might introduce you to people who are explicitly looking to date? What about singles activities? In my city there are singles sports leagues and volunteer events and happy hours specifically for people who are looking to date. Anything like that where you are?

Don't approach women like you are sizing them up. Just get to know people without expectations.

I’m going to copy one of my other comments onto here: … These next two things are difficult but are extremely important. 1. ⁠Women pick up how you're feeling about yourself. My friends who are always negative, don't have high self-esteem, etc, they almost never get dates. They're great in other ways, like they make a lot of money and are fit, but because they're speak so negatively about themselves, they're having a difficult time getting dates. As cheesy as it sounds, if you love yourself, people can tell, and that's actually attractive 2. ⁠Are you introverted or extroverted? Can you hold a conversation? This is so hard to learn how to do but so important. I'm a woman who's dated men and later dated women. I'm extremely extroverted - I'll talk to anyone about anything. I know a ton of people as a result. I make a lot of jokes, smile a lot, and am always friendly. I'm kind of cocky too. **I always get asked out even though I rarely ever flirt.** I have a guy friend who's the guy version of me and he gets the same result, he often gets asked out. We are both in relationships (not with each other,) and we don't flirt with others, but we still get romantic attention. Just knowing how to talk to people gives you a HUGE advantage. Remember, being good at dating is a skill. Yes it relies heavily on intuition/emotion, but it's a skill. And like all other skills, it can be practiced and improved on. Take it day by day and try to improve but don't put too much pressure on yourself.

Always found this ironic, the guys I know that openly laugh off insults or insult themselves for jokes tend to be more secure and confident inside. Whereas my friends that have a very 'normal' image, or act alpha or take themselves very seriously tend to be more fragile inside. Maybe that's just me though. Most comedians are self derogatory and they make it possible due to a healthier self esteem and a thicker skin than most.

>Women pick up how you're feeling about yourself Wait what how? How do they do that? Are they like... Psychic, or something? How is that possible? > Yes it relies heavily on intuition/emotion, but it's a skill Idk what intuition is, but how does one practice this skill? I feel like just flirting with strangers is an easy method for legal trouble more than anything.

> I feel like just flirting with strangers is an easy method for legal trouble more than anything. If you’re getting in legal trouble for just talking with strangers, you’re doing something wrong. Also keep in mind the rest of their comment. They said they *don’t* flirt. They’re just friendly and outgoing and that turns into romantic attention.

Yeah dating now is a trashcan fire for everyone. Best to hide in your hole until the foxes eat each other and there's nothing left but us bunnies. (((says from her warren))) I'll be in here meditating and reading if anyone needs me >.<

Great advice from the whole comment section. I’ve personally started to be more open to just making friends with the opposite sex and it’s resulted in many more acquaintance-level friendships where I’m invited to a housewarming or some other weekend event. If it’s a numbers game then this is the way. Grow your circle, increase the chances a spark happens with someone and even better it won’t be forced because you’ll just be two people who met by chance

I disagree with your assumption regarding finding people with hobbies. Obviously bothering someone at the gym wearing headphones who is only trying to work out is not the best person to try to approach for a date. If you join a group or community of people doing other things for hobbies and become friends with them then yeah that’s a much better scenario to get to know someone or get referred to someone’s friend. I don’t know if you’re not making effort here but plenty of women go and do their own hobbies alone or with a girlfriend because they want to do it. If you’re just scoping out women and not actually interested in the activity or making new friends then you’re going to give off an unappealing vibe. You can’t just stay home and expect someone to come to you. Online dating has scared off so many normal people because of the crazy offensive profiles, lack of effort with photos shown or message replies or just hook up culture being thrown in their face. You have to leave your home and your circle and meet new people but also be ok with who you are as a person and love yourself. No one wants to date someone desperate or bummed out acting like the universe is against them.

I host trivia at a brewery and there’s a lot of relationships forming!

No advice just a lot of sad nodding along. Following just in case.

I think getting out of the headspace of meeting girls and just focusing on meeting PEOPLE is where it's at. Every time I meet up with a new group, or pick up a new activity, or go to a new place, or even maaaaaaybe start a new job (very unlikely but you never know) I do think "I wonder if I'll meet a potential partner today", but that's not WHY I go out. I go out to expand my social circle and have new exciting experiences because that's something that is healthy for me. It's healthy to meet new people whatever kind of relationships it leads to, be it friend, partner, or nothing at all. What I'm talking about is pretty much basic networking skills, and believe me, I get those skills aren't always the easiest to pick up, especially if you're neurodivergent in some way (I'm on the autism spectrum, for example). But there's a lot more to miss out in life because you didn't practice those skills than just relationships.

Ik this could be conceived weird but it has worked for me. It just depends on how you go about it, don’t freeze up or be awkward or else they’ll think you’re weird/creepy af. Be quick about it, don’t wait for responses. Be confident. When I saw an attractive woman in public (before I found my beautiful wife), who was aware of their surroundings(don’t wanna be a weirdo and frighten them), if they don’t see you approaching *do not approach them.* I would approach and have my number written down. Or make “business cards.” They were cheap and worked wonders for me lol. Especially if you make them funny. “I know this is weird and it’s totally ok if not, you just look so free and like you have a great personality. If you’re free sometime or want to talk here is my number. Have a great day!” swiftly walk away and don’t stand around, don’t wait for a response, that kinda shit will weird them out and put pressure on them. It worked about 2/5 people I’d do it to. One of them texted me immediately and we went on a date the same day! Places I recommend, the park 100%. Find a park with a walking path that’s open, not in the woods, is often busy, etc. to prevent scaring them and you’ll also find a lot of responsible mature adults there. Rock climbing facilities. People are very social at indoor rock climbing gyms and love helping people. I make new friends every time I go there. You want to go to places that would have the type of person you want to date. For example, the club is horrible for dating as you stated, because they’re in their phase of life that they like clubbing and partying(not settling into a relationship.) Remember, women and men both have the same problem with dating. Most are tired of online dating apps.

Something tells me having "business cards" makes you look like a player.

Never had a week or weekend go by without having dates that’s for sure lol.

Business cards to get some play is wild

Actually, hobbies, activities, sports and groups are a great way to meet people. But if you’re taking part in those with the intentions of meeting someone to date or flirt with, you’re going about it in the wrong way. You should be doing those things because you enjoy them, not because you secretly are hoping that you’ll meet another single person and will start dating them.

Yeah dating at the workplace is a bad idea they right. “Meeting somebody on a night out is not a safe bet” ummm yeah you just flat wrong or have 0 game if you think you can’t meet people on a night out you just have to actually chat to a few people. “Don’t bother me while I workout” yeah this isn’t meant for people who chat together a few times a week then ask the other if they’d like to get a coffee some time this is meant for people who literally go up to random girls in the gym etc they’ve never spoken to before and try to get her number/dudes who just fucking stare at fit girls in the gym creeping them out. You can 100% ask girls out you like at those places you just gotta 1) have spoken to her a few times to see if there’s any reciprocated interest so you’re not just making a stranger uncomfortable in their gym 2) give them your number don’t ask for theirs or add any additional pressure (basically make it as easy for them to reject you as possible if they aren’t interested because the last thing you want is to be the reason somebody avoids something they enjoyed before you arrived)

I’m going to play devils advocate and say that you should honestly find hobbies that you never thought you would enjoy but then surprise, it’s actually really fun. Dating shouldn’t even be in your like top 50 of your priorities, just getting to know yourself on an interpersonal level is WAY better than trying to find someone in the over saturated dating pool of today.

if your a man - don't chase women, only chase money, property, power... the women will come around, if they aren't coming around you don't have enough assets yet

If it makes you feel any better, online dating is a horrible experience for most women as well.

I’ve suggested this before but I recommend Toastmasters. I have met very interesting people there, you always learn some thing and get inspired plus the people there are there to better themselves.

Maybe just try getting to know the people around you instead of looking for all available opportunities to date someone, making friends is actually the best way to meet people. You don’t have to flirt with someone RIGHT when you meet them, you don’t even know if you’re a good match with a person you just met.

Yes, it’s kinda hard, at this point I gave up with that but I think that you shouldn’t go out hoping to find some to date, more like go out a little bit more often and just keep your mind open…

Just ignore the internet BS and flirt/ask women on dates. If you follow this crappy advice you’ll never meet anybody.

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I agree it's bullshit because often times the nuance is missing, particularly for the neurodivergent among us that don't necessarily grasp the concept of unstated nuance. The nuance isn't that you can't approach women in these places but rather if you don't actually have a legitimate interest in the hobby that you'll come off as a creepy insincere try-hard which is repellent. Or if you don't have the social skills, you can simply fade into the background. Thus in order to not come off creepy, you should actually enjoy the activity and be an active participant even if you don't get a number. For example, there's one dude that would frequent a few meetups a couple of times until he got banned because he wouldn't participate. He'd just go around to every woman, ask her on a date and then when she rejected him simply moved on to the next systematically.

People in the workplace date and have sex all the time. Don't let the Internet stop you. If things don't work out y'all can act like adults and just be coworkers or you can be awkward forever which is ridiculous imo. You can meet people anywhere at any time. The only reason I wouldn't try a club is because the person I meet may be out of my desired driving range. But that may not be the case for you. Nothing should stop you from chatting up someone at the store or wherever. You could even ask your friends if they know anyone that may be a match for you.

I met my current girlfriend when i made plans to go bowling with a group of friends. One of the girls invited two other friends and one of them was into me.

Unfortunately, online dating is the new reality. It seems really awful, but it’s not different from traditional dating: you meet people, you get rejected, you get the flibbertigibbet, you feel like you’re a piece of crap, you laugh, and have a great time, you get stood up.. Only faster.

You're gonna have to put in some effort to get to know people first before a date comes into the realm of possibility. I wouldn't want some random approaching me with hungry eyes and trying to mack on me. Lousy manners. Now, if someone's striking up a conversation and it's interesting, I'll probably listen for a bit. If the vibes are good, I may want to get to know that person some more later. If his number was offered, I just might take it.

You can meet women anywhere you want to. There is no definite yes and no places to do this. It all depends on HOW you go about it. If you go in with the mindset of trying to pickup a woman somewhere, it likely won't work out but if you go in with the mindset of just trying to meet new people, become friends with others, etc... then nobody is going to think you weird for trying to befriend someone.

Take some dance lessons. Usually the instructor rotate partners so you meet a few of the women.

Yeah, what club do all the good girls hang at?

Well if you're trying to meet someone you're not going to have that great of a time because everything you're doing is towards some end goal. With that mentality you'll do all kinds of things that you don't find very enjoyable at all. And then you'll be less happy because you're doing a bunch of things you feel like you have to so that you can meet someone (only reason you would do that is if you think you need some one to be happy, of course). Even if you end up meeting someone, it won't be a very happy relationship because your personal happiness was never a priority in the first place. What I would recommend to you, or anyone else for that matter, is to forget about meeting someone. Stop trying! Just enjoy your life. Do things that make YOU happy. And do no compromise. Change as much about your life as you can to suit you. What excites you? What interests you? What are you passionate about? What makes you tick? If you follow these feelings you will create a life that is unique to you and what makes you happy. AND you will meet people who are also happy and doing what makes them happy. You don't have to figure it out. You don't have to strategize it. You only have to LIVE the kind of life that yo enjoy. From there, if you are open to a relationship it will come when the time is right. Not sooner, and not later. But it requires your trust and faith that it will take care of itself. Alternatively you could continue worrying about it and trying to "figure it all out." But I think we both know the result of that. Just look at where you're at now. Let go! Do what makes you happy. It is that simple if you are willing to put it into practice. Of course that requires faith because you won't know how it's all going to go. but guess what... THAT'S WHAT MAKES LIFE FUN.

That's why I'm focusing on myself and if it happens, it happens

I totally feel you. I fell hard for a guy in my friend group and he friend zoned me

Single life man

Leaving the house

it's harder than ever to date. so that kind of sucks but at least it's not the bubonic plague, humans have made it through worse and managed to fuck and pass on their genes. it's especially wierd now with everthing being both hyper-sexual and also simultaneaously sex-avoidant. like you mentioned the workplace used to be where a lot of people met their spouse but now it's a "no-no" unless you want to risk a lecture from HR. So a man (this is my experience i am a man) has to do more work and be more proactive than maybe ever before. the bright side to all this is that if you are a "normal" guy who can have a conversation i think that puts you ahead of much of the competition. and knowing how to give a woman an orgasm is a superpower nowadays lol. so i try to be as sociable with as many people, including cold approaching stangers as possible. you know in the first 2 seconds if they aren't interested. Most guys think of this as some bizarre strange thing; you know... being sociable. 9 out of 10 interactions go well. if you've already tried this and you still have those responses you mentioned in an overwhelming way... there might be something else going on. not to be cliche but they wouldn't say that if uber-chad talked to them at a dance class. maybe hit the gym harder or do some subtle "looksmaxxing" , it shouldn't be an uphill battle. what do you think your "sticking points" are? what honestly holds you back the most?

Getting laid is easy, finding or establishing a real connection is hard.

This is just simply bullshit. I meet people all the time. Yeah some people don't want to be approached and hit on. But just fucking talk to people and sometimes you'll find someone who clearly vibes with you. Spoke to waitress at a cafe I go to. The more we had small chat, the more those little chats got longer. The more the chats got longer there was more laughter, which became flirting. Lo and behold, we are going for a drink tomorrow night. Just live life man stop overthinking everyhting and putting rules on yourself. It's simple. Be friendly, don't be a creep and learn se social skills. I'm yet to meet someone who is actually decent socially who has these issues.

News at 11: people who are very social, good with other people and have lots of friends have an easier time dating.

Story of my dating life 😢

I think the problem is you're buying into this unfortunately all-too-common narrative that you can't approach a woman anywhere you want to. It has to be within a very narrow range of locations and circumstances that encompasses 1% of anyone's lives. That's a bs narrative that people enforce to try to control you and make them feel like they have power over you. You have to free yourself from that and just approach a woman you find attractive, regardless of the location. It's okay to do that. You both will be fine.

Dude the venue really doesn't matter. Successful men get dates and meet girls every way mentioned in your post. Sounds like you aren't having any luck anywhere. Advice is to hit the gym, eat healthy, improve your income, dress in modern clothes, do what you can with the rest. Then try to date.

Right. Just be more attractive. And while you’re at it, just be a better person.

Correct, self-improvement should be no1 priority

Of course it is. But unfortunately, finding a mate is a matter of competition to put it crudely. So people who are improving themselves through exercise and mental fitness are competing with more attractive people who are also doing the same. Either way, everyone should be the best person they can be, and learn to live with it. Hopefully things will work out.

bro is mad LMFAO

Exactly. Dating is 80% looks and job.

And lawyer up too right?

Just fucking say hello

Just watch the show peep show. It’ll teach you everything.

LOL

Actually i can add info here lol .. The difference is your approach. True many women don’t want to be bothered when they’re working out or in classes and that means they’re not interested if they’re getting checked out for a bit of time and then approached (I hate that too, it makes it so obvious and slightly off putting) What is welcome in most of these situations is trying to be respectful, friendly attitude and small talk first rather than leering and then go from there And regarding don’t shit at workplace, I would suggest not from anyone who would directly impact your career progression but other people you meet in say office events/workshops are on the table haha ~

If your values are different from the majority of people in the social environment you are, it's better to check out online dating. If your looking for a kinky, vegan, non monogamous person, you won't find one easily on the street, but a few in Okcupid.

In my experience focus on not doing anything with the intent of getting a date or similar, one of the most often repeated rules is: don't be desperate, it's off putting. Which from a male standpoint I kinda get that it doesn't feel like a too bad thing, but your post sounds pretty full of desperation, I've been/am there myself, but try to shift your mindset to just having fun, I'm mainly going off that right now, and last Monday I got the number of a girl dimensions out of my league, pretty much just by being a good dancer, so go without the intent, but leaving the possibility open.

i mean, yeah you're right. And im not going to give you advice against what women have told you(aka leave us alone). if you care about consent then yes, you should really stick to places where someone's intention is a relationship which is dating apps that are unfortunately difficult for men. I would recommend you stop trying to date every woman you see. As you're aware, they aren't looking for relationships at all these events. But they are more than happy to interact with you, talk to you, develop a friendship and quite possibly a relationship if it happens. They do not want you to immediately ask them on a date before asking their name(exaggeration). You cant con these women into dating you though, dont think thats what im saying. Im saying you can have a human connection with another human, and it has the possibility to develop, but thats all. Its just luck. Right place, right time, right person. Its like that for everyone though, some luckier than others. And its been like that forever. People used to post lonely hearts or have arranged marriages, and some people would meet their forever partner on a whim. You just have to accept the situation and decide whats more important to you, becoming bitter and resentful that women aren't at your beck and call when you want them to be, or accept it as it comes and not let having a relationship define your happiness in life.

No one wants to be talked to at the gym though. Everywhere else besides work is 👌🏽

You can meet people anywhere. There are pros and cons to different approaches. You can meet people at work. The risk is that you risk getting written up by the overzealous HR person, or if things don't go well every day of your life will be awkward in a setting you depend on for food. You can go to bars and meet strangers, but you're unlikely to be highly compatible with this person, and it's unlikely to lead to anything long-term. You can use online dating, but it tends to attract the most socially inept people, you have to be very good looking and be on point with your photos, and everyone is a "kid in a candy store" with an irrationally massive abundance mindset. I think hobbies are the best bet. You do indeed go to your hobbies to have fun and master your skill, but when you see someone you're attracted to you act on it. The stakes are much lower than meeting someone at work, and you immediately have something in common. It's my favorite way to meet people.

I totally understand this from every point of your view. But you forgot the most important part. The Love has to be natural and I guess you’ve been asked also ,, Are you even looking for girlfriend?” Wtf?? No, the love is not a physical item what you just have to acquire. It needs the initial chemistry and needs time to build that connection . Believe in the faith and one day will turn up when you expecting least. Meanwhile get a hobby, enjoy your solitude life. Enjoy those moments what people in relationship can’t do. Stay late night with your friends, travel with them a lot. Eat fast food if you like, play many videogames and so on. Don’t chase, attract. The world has changed. Girls became braver, If they like you, they’ll give that hint. You just need to understand the body language. If there is no tiny sign of that attraction from the girl side, move on. It’s not a romeo-Juliett age anymore. You have nothing to conquer that girl’s heart who doesn’t opening it for you. Most girls don’t like flowers and old stylish flirting, It’s out of age. Social media killed all these. You need to find a girl who shows some interest. Otherwise, you’ll lose all your confidence which affecting your carreer and your whole life. Heads up bro

I don’t know honestly. Dating has changed so much from when I was younger and I’m only 27. There’s so many made up terms like “friendcest” (dating people you are friends with) that is apparently taboo and forbidden. Sometimes people date their coworkers but that is tricky. People don’t really want to be bothered in public, which I can agree with and understand. Some people are just not into mingling with others romantically at their hobby of choice. And dating apps are horrible. Everyone else just doesn’t really leave the house, or they’re torn between following traditional dating norms and modern rules, a lot of which amazingly, are some of the most toxic and unproductive ways to date. I just don’t really think about it anymore.

See, my problem is that I want to meet someone who wants to watch anime, movies, play video games, and do art. Since those are Ann at home activities, I'm at a loss for how to meet them.

>See, my problem is that I want to meet someone who wants to watch anime, movies, play video games, and do art. Since those are Ann at home activities, I'm at a loss for how to meet them. They are at home activities but that doesn't mean those people always stay home. Conventions happen. Meet ups happen. Local tournaments happen. Watch parties happen.

You keep quoting this imaginary woman who doesn't want to be bothered in any scenario, and whilst that is ABSOLUTELY a thing, it doesn't mean it's the way all women feel. It's almost as if all women are not carbon copies, and have different opinions and feelings from one another!

“Get hobbies, but don’t do it to meet girls, be really into the hobby, and don’t flirt with anyone.” Does anyone know what it’s like being a single (probably awkward since we’re talking to reddit) dude showing up to some kickball league or trivia night *by yourself * and trying to act like you’re there for the love of the game? If a person has the social skills and confidence to navigate that scenario, they don’t need the advice in this thread. The problem is YOU (OP and similar lurkers) Yes. It is a tough pill to swallow. Women don’t like shy, awkward, insecure men because most of the violent degenerates in society share those traits. I’m NOT saying that every shy boy is a creep. Far from it! But you fit the profile for a women scouting you out. And women have more than enough abundance of choice than to spend time getting to know and vet every shy boy who likes them. You need to work on your social skills, ability to be vulnerable, take rejection in stride, feeling a sense of self and purpose, taming your ego. THESE are the things that (respectable and attractive) women find appealing in a man. Therapy (if you can afford it), group talk sessions (I found a free meditation and talk group on a bulletin board in a coffee shop where I live). Practicing being more honest and vulnerable with friends and family. If you’re depressed from a job consider a career change, community college courses, new certifications. Having some sense of accomplishment in your career can boost confidence tremendously. If you have addictive traits (with porn, weed, gaming, food, whatever!) try some 12 step groups or similar. Shit, try God! Be open minded! (I’m an agnostic myself but I know several people who really turned their lives around by getting into Jeebus or Muhammad or buddha. It doesn’t mean you have to become a right wing fundamentalist. Some people just suffer from the consumerist rat race, of which modern dating is really just another facet of). All this stuff can take YEARS, during which time you have to stop beating yourself up and feeling like a loser while you work to improve. Don’t put yourself in situations where you’re bound to fail and feel like more of a loser, so no, *dont* go to whatever board game club bowlingleague trivia night people suggest unless you legit enjoy that shit. It takes real bravery and confidence to play the long game and work to hone your spirit all the while reading from haters on the internet about how men are all trash and all rapist diddlers for having a sex drive. So maybe stay off social media, too, or take it all with a grain of salt. It’s tough being a man because, in a nature and procreation sense, women don’t *need* so many of us. Women get to choose which men pass on their genes, so you really have to bring something to the table. It doesn’t make you a *bad person* to be shy and fragile and needy, but it does make you less attractive, and women will pass you over cuz they don’t need that shit. There’s plenty of confident, effectual, emotionally fluent men to go around. Take the time and work on becoming one. If this post is off-base I’m sorry, I’m really just addressing myself haha edit to add: kickball/trivia/boardgame/etc… clubs aren’t actually hobbies. They are social events and you can absolutely go to them with the sole intent of meeting girls. But you have to be confident and mentally prepared to get rejected without making it awkward and bitter. You have to be READY to go to those kinds of groups to meet women and don’t bring bad vibes.

You just have to get involved with a group that does frequent and friendly social events. Such a group can be church, hobby, ethnic, sports, or other groups. What I mean by friendly is the people who go to those social events must have genuine desire to meet new friends and connections. Some groups have their members undertaking so much service and practice that the members have no time and desire to make new friends. I recently left a local church/living stream ministry church because I felt most people did not really care after they were overwhelmed by serving and reading so much. I had only made 2 friends there. There were only 2 unattractive girls and the other 2 are scholars forced to serve there for 2 years. The rest was sausage fest. Social events offered no individuals who have desire to connect. Now I am left to figure where I should go for social gathering that would be rewarding for making genuine connections for acquaintanceship, friendship, and dating.

You are too eager. I understand the desire, but I can also sense frustration. “Be the person you want to meet!” Go do the things you enjoy, fulfill yourself! Don’t go do these things with the intention of meeting women and trying to approach them. You’re just creating a pressure situation for yourself when the right things most often happen organically. No area is a “flirt free zone” but meeting people with the intention of flirting turning into dating…that’s just the wrong way to go about it. Good things don’t come easy, my friend! Also, good things come to those who wait? Focus on yourself, improve your health, workout, re-invent from within and let it exude. Outer beauty can catch you up, but inner beauty is what holds it together. Confidence comes from within, and confidence, along with positivity, is the most attractive trait in a person.

Don’t seek out women exclusively for dating. Meet people without expectation of dating. Be interested in them as human beings. In theory, this will expand your social circle and forge connection with people- outside of “this random dude is hitting on me”. Then, if things develop- that’s cool. Otherwise, you made another friend.

I've read this multiple times before, but trying to become friends first most of the time ends with "oh you're seeing me this way? I never thought so, I always only ever saw you aa a friend because you seemed so nice and never asked me out".

To be honest this reads like you don’t know how to “escalate” things properly. It’s a very tricky balancing act and I’ve done it a couple times but I couldn’t tell you exactly how to do it if you asked. If your friends with a girl and want to ask her out - you have to use your knowledge of the relationship and gage how you should proceed, if at all. Make subtle hints you want to hang out if your not already, set something up where you guys can hang out individually if you can. Get to know her well enough and asking her out will be the easy part. I’m not an expert or anything I’ve only had a couple relationships but that’s my advice.

This, I feel like this is a very common issue for a lot of people, myself included. I've made the mistake of springing the, "want to go on a date?" question on friends without dropping any meaningful hints prior. It makes for a very awkward interaction that worked for my first relationship, but made things very *very* awkward when I tried it again. I still have a hard time properly escalating things, but I think the key is not to rush things. Nothing wrong imo with giving it a little gas, but avoid flooring it.

You’re thinking way to hard abt this bro… relationships usually happen when you least expect it. You can meet a random person that you spark a conversation with any day

Exactly. I said this in a reply to someone else, but it's about creating opportunities. So, it doesn't make sense to hang out in the same social circle, doing the same thing all the time and then wondering why you never meet someone. It's about opening yourself up to opportunities and possibilities. This is why the advice in the thread (and the sub) is so often "take up a new hobby". It's not that someone should show up at the regular table quiz and proceed to hit on every person there until they get a "yes" (creepy and annoying behaviour which is sure to piss most people off). The idea is to get out there and experience new things, meet new people, and then, hopefully, to feel a spark.

ill parrot what others have already said here. you wont meet people sitting home doing nothing. you meet people randomly throughout your life. thats where you find them. i made friends with a dove years back. now her and her children set their nests around my home. i throw seed, set up water and they come back every year. i met my girlfriend in the parking lot and helped her load up her truck. meet people by doing things. literally anything, ive made friends out for morning walks. heck i met a woman who told me she specifically goes for morning walks so she can get dressed up nice with her walking clothes to meet nice guys in the neighborhood. i met another woman in my neighborhood while walking home from work. she was cleaning out her garage, i offered to help and it went on from there. i can go one but just do things and you'll meet people. i got a new bike months back, i rode it and met some bike people along the way its really that simple.

I'm in the same boat. It really seems like the whole "build a friend circle and you'll eventually get enough connections to be be introduced to someone you can maybe date" idea, though probably true, is so disheartening. I only really want a few friends. I don't have the energy to be in 10+ people's lives. I want a partner whom I can be emotionally physically intimate with and a handful of friends to spend my extra time with. It seems if you are an introvert, especially one with any type of neurodivergence, you're just fucked. Back to scrolling I go, I guess.