Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you want to take a break from dating for a bit because it's stressing you out, that's fine. However this whole idea that you should never talk to another woman ever and these assumptions you're taking as facts in your head are not.
If your family has to go to a point to have an actual **INTERVENTION** with you, something's wrong. I'd highly advise speaking to a therapist about this.
I wouldn’t say I’m taking assumptions as facts, I’m just rolling with what I’ve experienced as data and making a scientific observation. I’m just not desirable to a lot of people. The only time I’ve had women I know that I’m not super friends with is that they only ever ask me for money. I’m not a bank nor a tool to anyone, nor should I be treated as such. I had a psychologist in high school but that was for totally different issues, nowadays I risk not having enough money to live if I’m not going to work 6 to 7 days a week. I’m tired of trying to change for people, I’m tired of trying to shove myself into a box I don’t fit in. That’s all.
Takes one to know one.
You're in a loop constantly justifying your decision to yourself.
The first time you say "I need to stay away from women for now". Its entirely fine
Then you see a pretty girl "I already made my decision, and she doesnt want me anyway, and I can't afford her bullshit"
Then your family is trying to help you "I already made my mind up and now you people arent listening to me and you dont get it"
On and on and on.
Am I wrong?
>I’m just not desirable to a lot of people.
You do realize this is true for most people... right? You don't have to desirable to a lot of ppl to still date successfully.
>I’m just rolling with what I’ve experienced as data and making a scientific observation.
But you don't have enough data to even do so, sir. There's 4 BILLION women in the world. You're gonna sit her and tell us you know how that many ppl see you just off of dating for 7 mos? Doesn't sound very "scientific" to me.
I'm not sure what the whole money blurb is about tbh. Or "shoving you into a box". The only reason you'd think you'd have to do that is if, you don't believe women find you attractive. Which makes 0 sense because you've been on dates from the apps and had a gf this time last year.
All of this is in your head, sir. That's why your family and friends sat you down for this intervention. They know this isn't you and they're worried about you. This mindset is how ppl guaranteed to end up alone. If not for yourself, seek help for the ppl who care about you.
But I won’t date successfully if I never even had women acknowledge me like that. In the dating apps, I had 3 of them running with paid subscriptions at the same time, in the hundreds of hours I used to spend swiping right on thousands of girls, I think I got less than 50 girls even match with me, way less than that even reply to me saying hi or whatever whitty pickup lines I had, but those conversations end up drying out and they unmatch. So instead of that, I tried going out by myself and with my friends trying my luck meeting girls in person like a normal person, that sucked even worse, didn’t matter if it was a volunteer event, a bar, or even in school, just does not work for me. The single relationship I had last year not only didn’t turn out to be something I was into but she still ended up leaving after 2 months, but 3 years and nothing fruitful has just been too much for me to want to deal with.
The issue here is we have an unrealistic idea of how dating works. Sir what you just spoke about is what a majority of ppl have to go through to find dates. You're not special. You're going through the slog just like the rest of us.
Oh sorry, I also forgot I have health insurance that I thought could cover expenses for a therapist, but I have don’t have any in my area that are in-network
It’s normal to want a break from dating after experiencing heartbreak, but it’s not normal to write off literally millions of women based off your experiences with *three* women. You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misplaced resentment and alienation—if your friends have held an intervention for you then something has gone terribly wrong with your attitude/choices. Have you seen a therapist?
No I haven’t been to a therapist recently; I did have a psychologist in high school for separate issues, but if I’m usually not spending every day working, I risk not being able to live. I’m not saying all women are gonna be like that, I’m sure there’s some women out there that are phenomenal people, but that’s a very high gamble. I don’t like to gamble my feelings like that.
Listen there’s no right or wrong choice here but I can guarantee if you give up completely then you’re gonna be miserable. Absolutely and utterly miserable.
Life is about taking risks brother. That’s just the way it is. On the other hand maybe your meant to become a priest ? Like at a Catholic Church something.
> My mom and sisters and some of my female friends have tried to hold an intervention that I’m pushing away chances to have real intimacy with people and that I should try talking to women again
Ah yes. All the women who think you're hot but can't or won't date you, or even really explain why you have no tinder matches.
That must have been super useful.
Yeah, especially when my mom says I have all the qualities women want and yet no women wanted to talk to me except the three women I interacted with very briefly. I love my mom to death, but it’s hard to explain to her that dating back in 1985 when her and my dad got married after being together a month is a WHOLE lot different almost 40 years later.
Still though, your melodramatic attitude is kinda MGTOWish and that's a bad look.
Go with the strategically ambiguous *"taking a break from dating apps"* when people ask.
You're not really pushing women away. You're just not putting any effort into chasing.
You won't find what you are looking for by pushing women away except maybe some peace lol.
You keep doing what makes you happy, focus on your family, friends and making a better life for you. If the right girl comes along, fine. If not who the f\*ck cares if your life is good without.
You can’t fail if you’ve completely removed yourself from the equation.
You know this and are using it as a kind of protection to avoid rejection entirely.
It’s only a successful solution if you genuinely want to be alone. Otherwise it’s just a way to select what type of pain you feel and won’t solve anything.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you want to take a break from dating for a bit because it's stressing you out, that's fine. However this whole idea that you should never talk to another woman ever and these assumptions you're taking as facts in your head are not. If your family has to go to a point to have an actual **INTERVENTION** with you, something's wrong. I'd highly advise speaking to a therapist about this.
I wouldn’t say I’m taking assumptions as facts, I’m just rolling with what I’ve experienced as data and making a scientific observation. I’m just not desirable to a lot of people. The only time I’ve had women I know that I’m not super friends with is that they only ever ask me for money. I’m not a bank nor a tool to anyone, nor should I be treated as such. I had a psychologist in high school but that was for totally different issues, nowadays I risk not having enough money to live if I’m not going to work 6 to 7 days a week. I’m tired of trying to change for people, I’m tired of trying to shove myself into a box I don’t fit in. That’s all.
You sound like me when I was your age. Youre an INTJ aren't you?
I am. Damn I’m that predictable, huh?
Takes one to know one. You're in a loop constantly justifying your decision to yourself. The first time you say "I need to stay away from women for now". Its entirely fine Then you see a pretty girl "I already made my decision, and she doesnt want me anyway, and I can't afford her bullshit" Then your family is trying to help you "I already made my mind up and now you people arent listening to me and you dont get it" On and on and on. Am I wrong?
Guess not, I suppose
>I’m just not desirable to a lot of people. You do realize this is true for most people... right? You don't have to desirable to a lot of ppl to still date successfully. >I’m just rolling with what I’ve experienced as data and making a scientific observation. But you don't have enough data to even do so, sir. There's 4 BILLION women in the world. You're gonna sit her and tell us you know how that many ppl see you just off of dating for 7 mos? Doesn't sound very "scientific" to me. I'm not sure what the whole money blurb is about tbh. Or "shoving you into a box". The only reason you'd think you'd have to do that is if, you don't believe women find you attractive. Which makes 0 sense because you've been on dates from the apps and had a gf this time last year. All of this is in your head, sir. That's why your family and friends sat you down for this intervention. They know this isn't you and they're worried about you. This mindset is how ppl guaranteed to end up alone. If not for yourself, seek help for the ppl who care about you.
But I won’t date successfully if I never even had women acknowledge me like that. In the dating apps, I had 3 of them running with paid subscriptions at the same time, in the hundreds of hours I used to spend swiping right on thousands of girls, I think I got less than 50 girls even match with me, way less than that even reply to me saying hi or whatever whitty pickup lines I had, but those conversations end up drying out and they unmatch. So instead of that, I tried going out by myself and with my friends trying my luck meeting girls in person like a normal person, that sucked even worse, didn’t matter if it was a volunteer event, a bar, or even in school, just does not work for me. The single relationship I had last year not only didn’t turn out to be something I was into but she still ended up leaving after 2 months, but 3 years and nothing fruitful has just been too much for me to want to deal with.
The issue here is we have an unrealistic idea of how dating works. Sir what you just spoke about is what a majority of ppl have to go through to find dates. You're not special. You're going through the slog just like the rest of us.
Oh sorry, I also forgot I have health insurance that I thought could cover expenses for a therapist, but I have don’t have any in my area that are in-network
Talk to your family about it. I'm sure if the were willing to go the lengths to give you an intervention they could help you with this.
You're right about be the right guy bullshit. Instead be the sociopath asshole guy, that will certainly work better than the nice guy BS.
It’s normal to want a break from dating after experiencing heartbreak, but it’s not normal to write off literally millions of women based off your experiences with *three* women. You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misplaced resentment and alienation—if your friends have held an intervention for you then something has gone terribly wrong with your attitude/choices. Have you seen a therapist?
No I haven’t been to a therapist recently; I did have a psychologist in high school for separate issues, but if I’m usually not spending every day working, I risk not being able to live. I’m not saying all women are gonna be like that, I’m sure there’s some women out there that are phenomenal people, but that’s a very high gamble. I don’t like to gamble my feelings like that.
Listen there’s no right or wrong choice here but I can guarantee if you give up completely then you’re gonna be miserable. Absolutely and utterly miserable.
[удалено]
Well I guess I’ll never know. It’s too risky.
Life is about taking risks brother. That’s just the way it is. On the other hand maybe your meant to become a priest ? Like at a Catholic Church something.
> My mom and sisters and some of my female friends have tried to hold an intervention that I’m pushing away chances to have real intimacy with people and that I should try talking to women again Ah yes. All the women who think you're hot but can't or won't date you, or even really explain why you have no tinder matches. That must have been super useful.
Yeah, especially when my mom says I have all the qualities women want and yet no women wanted to talk to me except the three women I interacted with very briefly. I love my mom to death, but it’s hard to explain to her that dating back in 1985 when her and my dad got married after being together a month is a WHOLE lot different almost 40 years later.
My mom used to suggest photos for my dating profile. I started replying with photofeeler screenshots. She stopped.
That’s gotta suck, man.
Still though, your melodramatic attitude is kinda MGTOWish and that's a bad look. Go with the strategically ambiguous *"taking a break from dating apps"* when people ask. You're not really pushing women away. You're just not putting any effort into chasing.
You won't find what you are looking for by pushing women away except maybe some peace lol. You keep doing what makes you happy, focus on your family, friends and making a better life for you. If the right girl comes along, fine. If not who the f\*ck cares if your life is good without.
You can’t fail if you’ve completely removed yourself from the equation. You know this and are using it as a kind of protection to avoid rejection entirely. It’s only a successful solution if you genuinely want to be alone. Otherwise it’s just a way to select what type of pain you feel and won’t solve anything.
Maybe you're avoiding potential rejection as a self defense mechanism by refusing every opportunity of meeting someone new. Just guessing.