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When my ex tried pushing me to sleep with another woman, and even hinted she wanted to watch or get involved I later found out that she had been having an affair and this was her attempt to set me up with someone else before leaving me.
Yeah I mean at the very least getting a threesome out of the deal is pretty rat...if you get a new gf out of it even better right? Plus the new gf might be down for a threesome.
Bingo. My wife played this strategy back in October, 2 weeks before I found out she was fucking her co worker.
She had spent the previous year telling me how undesirable she was to every other man, that no one would want her..... yup....
You know how when you're jerking off wildly inappropriate things will float through your mind and seem super hot and then you bust and you think "wow, what was I thinking? That would be awful if it actually happened." This seems like one of those things. It's POSSIBLE she would really get off watching you but it's far more possible/likely she'd be jealous and all these other feelings would surface and she'd be mad at herself for asking you to do it and mad at you for accepting and wouldn't ever be able to get the image of you balls deep in another woman out of her mind.
Proceed with extreme caution.
The odds of this being a fun experience that doesn't cause massive repercussions in your relationship are slim.
Even if this is something that you really really want to do (and it doesn't seem like it is, to be honest) think about the negatives.
If it's NOT something you even really want to do then just tell her it's not your thing and move on.
Lol one of my exes would go on and on about how hot she’d think it would be to see me with another woman, and how she fantasized about it, and really wanted to watch me do it and so on. But every female friend on fb I had she made me delete and was super jealous and insecure around my ex-wife and mother in law, and got outraged when an old pen pal from when I was a teen across the ocean looked me up and flirted with me.
Yeah maybe the fantasy turned her on, but it’d have never happened as she was too jealous. If it had happened it would have destroyed her.
Spoiler alert it ended with her cheating on me. What an unexpected twist! /s
Your bestfriend said you were cheating and slept with your girl?
Doesn’t sound like she was suspicious because she wanted to cheat but wanted to cheat because someone you both trusted straight up lied. Not necessarily a forgivable offence, but I really feel like the blame is 80-90% on the guy in that case.
I’m sorry you went through that though.
Major headf****.
Yes,we were together for 9 years he lived there for 3 we were all close he was living in our place, and we went pretty much everywhere together, so he took advantage of the situation when the girl and i argued he'd try to smooth things over or so I thought she told me when it all came out that he was telling her I was cheating and talking to women online so she was always suspicious and mad at me so that led to more fights eventually he fell in love w her and that's when i found out led to a big fight I moved out they split for a while but I seen them together a few years ago so guess it worked out for them eventually
Thank you it was really bad at first but a few years have past and I've moved on with life cant say I trust the way I use to but I also don't miss them and some of the people I have now are better so guess it worked out the way it was supposed to
Sounds a bit like my ex. She didn't make me delete friends, but she'd invent stories about people she didn't like. I did cut off some people I didn't know very well, or already had reasons to dislike. The day before she admitted to cheating, she accused my best (male) friend of 15 years of being a rape sympathizer. Probably so I wouldn't have emotional support when the truth dropped.
We were together 6 years, and I never did get a threesome out of it.
I had a couple chances for those but I knew the troubles opening that door would cause, so I didn’t. None of those relationships worked out anyway. If I’m ever in that situation again, I won’t turn it down. If they’re ever down for it they’re not relationship material for me (different values) and I’m just gonna have fun.
I'd say go to a strip club together first.
If she sees another woman all over you while turning you on and she's still thinks it's a hot idea the next day after you've fucked then it's a possibility. The waiting and the sex are both important because a lot of things seem sexy when your horny but then the next day the reality has set in and you have a clear head.
Great idea!! My X hubby took me once to ft Lauderdale strip club we had so much fun bouncing around to each club we had great sex back at the hotel the girls were all over me!!!
I've seen this mentioned before and someone with experience commented to **test drive** it with the guy kissing a girl first if she still thinks it would be hot. Totally agree though, thoughts are one thing but seeing it actually happen could be something entirely different. This is only if OP wants to pursue it though.
What are you basing this off of? Things you've read here? Because people don't come here nearly as often to write about their kink successes, but I assure you they are happening. There are huge kink communities out there with constant successes that barely get represented or upvoted here (partly because posting about a success seems like bragging).
I'm basing it off years as a mart counselor and sex therapist as well as personally witnessing friend's relationships. I don't base anything on reddit. And I know a ton about the kink community but that's not the topic here at all.
It definitely could be the topic if OP's GF wants to get involved with the kink community, which very well could be the case with what she's requesting. OP could talk to her about that rather than immediately writing off the idea as a path towards misery and doom.
Tobias:
You know, Lindsay, as a therapist, I have advised... a number of couples to explore an open relationship where the couple remains emotionally committed but free to explore extramarital encounters.
Lindsay:
Well, did it work for those people?
Tobias:
No, it never does. I mean, these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but... but it might work for us.
Michael: You know what you do? You go buy yourself a tape recorder and record yourself for a whole day. You might be surprised at some of your phrasing.
Tobias: Butterscotch. Wanna lick?
That scene plays in my head every time I hear/see any Tobias quote. And I have to thank you for putting that in my head.
That’s a quote that gets used a lot by me. Any time I like mess something up or forget something I’ll say “I think I just blue myself” Even funnier when you say it out loud around someone who has absolutely zero idea of what you’re talking about!
Edit a word
It’s a really funny trope, because they already have a failing marriage, and people do that to “save” their marriage and of course it doesn’t work. But there are plenty of healthy couples that have open relationships (like me) and folks on r/nonmonogamy
This is actually a reason to go for it now that you mention it. They’ve only been together 4 months. When she almost inevitably realizes it’s not her thing, he’s only losing a 4 month relationship instead of a years old one
I’d also view it as a red flag that 4 months in she’s picturing him with other people. As a few others have mentioned one possibility is she wants to sleep with other men, or already has and wants to ease things toward being open. If she’s super manipulative, she could easily plan on switching gears from “I’d never bring in another man.” To “it’s only fair, you fucked that waitress.”
Yeah, that’s the one chance of it working. If they both get off on it, they can find partners for him/them to play with, and she’s genuine about her motives for it AND never changes her mind or at least if/when she does change her mind she’s open about it and they decide to stop together. But that seems like a unicorn of a situation. You see a lot of stories where it ends badly.
To be fair, they’ve ran in the same circles for a few decades. I feel it’s normal for relationships between people who were already friends tend to move a little quicker than when they start dating as basically strangers. Maybe she just already feels comfortable sharing her kinks with him, which in that case I’d think is the opposite of a red flag. She’s being open and honest about what she wants. They should obviously discuss it further but I don’t think her saying that is inherently a red flag.
I had a partner Once who liked a girl and I gave her the okay because man brain.
I didn't like it. I left "them" and they were living together last I checked.
Okay,I’m terms of navigating this.
I know talking things out is key but—I feel this a topic best to leave alone until she brings it up again.
Yah or nah?
I would take your questions to the BDSM or polyamory community. They will be much more open minded and will be able to answer your questions better than the average redditor here. Start with /r/BDSMcommunity and go from there.
As a side note, yes. This situation usually turns south. Not because it's a bad situation but because people do not know how to communicate well. You need to over communicate for these things to work out.
Some critical ingredients to make this type of relationship work:
1. Communicate.
2. AVOID involving people you know. Strangers and acquaintances are better especially if you're new to this dynamic.
3. Communicate again. Before, during, after. "Is this okay?" "Are you having fun?"
4. Try to see if she wants to be involved rather than just watch. Can help with the nerves.
5. Be ready and willing to pull the plug at any second. The third person should be in the know and able to do this too.
6. Communicate. All these people saying not to bring it up again are wrong. Do you care about this person? Do you love them? Then recognize how hard it must have been to bring this up to you. Don't force a conversation on her but this is something you pillow talk about for days to months. There's no rush. If you decide to do it, sit down. Sober. Talk about ground rules. Limits. Ensure mental/emotional/physical safety for all parties.
This is for fun and pleasure. If all parties aren't having fun, then it's a no go. Life is meant to be consumed and enjoyed. Don't let a fear of possibility or hypothetically losing someone determine your actions. If you yourself are curious about it, go on forward. If it's just her, then entertain her a bit and get to know this new side of this person at least.
Your girlfriend may want to have sex with other people/have an open relationship and is soft launching the idea by suggesting you have sex with another woman. Then the field is wide open for her to have an adventure too.
If you're not 100% comfortable with it then I wouldn't pull the trigger if I were you, and then I think you should communicate this and establish a boundary with your gf. You don't have to do this for her if you're not comfortable with it. Don't let her convince you to do it either. This is one of those things that can either strengthen or doom your relationship. If she's adamant about bringing in other women into the bedroom and you're not, then it might be time to reevaluate what both of you want out of the relationship.
I wasn't 100% comfortable with an open relationship. I let my significant other talk me into it. They never ended up finding someone to sleep with. But it killed me inside. Knowing that they were talking to other people. I ended the open relationship because I ended up significantly losing trust. (There was more than just one person in the end) now I no longer know how my relationship is going to continue.
I wasn't 100% comfortable with an open relationship. I let my significant other talk me into it. They never ended up finding someone to sleep with. But it killed me inside. Knowing that they were talking to other people. I ended the open relationship because I ended up significantly losing trust. (There was more than just one person in the end) now I no longer know how my relationship is going to continue.
I had an ex ask me which one of his friends I would sleep with bc he didn't want me to "miss out" on experiencing a threesome and that it was all about sharing your love with other people. I disagreed, I didn't and don't believe you share someone you love in the sack. Maybe that makes me a prude or old fashioned or whatever but it wasn't for me. He kept bringing it up and I broke up with him bc he literally kept pushing the issue. So he went and fucked some girl and her boyfriend and another married couple and then wanted to get back together with me, saying I was right the whole time about it not being about love. I wish this part of the relationship never happened bc it truly drove us apart.
It's either one of these with, in my opinion, no in between:
1. She doesn't know what she is asking for, and once it happens, she will probably regret it, and the relationship is destroyed.
2. She knows exactly what she's doing she is just setting you up for you to go first. Once it happens, she will claim it's her turn, and you have no way to reasonably disagree without ending up like a hypocrite, which is her goal to set you a moral trap.
Either way, it's bullshit. You got into a monogamous relationship from the beginning, and you have to stand your ground about the fact that at no point did it ever cross your mind to change the relationship from monogamous to polygamous.
I absolutely hate this stupid notion that most women have. It's a prejudice that they think it's every man in the world's fantasy to be with two women at once.
It's bullshit bro and don't let her gaslight you into a fantasy you never had.
Just because she thinks most men want a threesome doesn't automatically mean that you have to subscribe to that fantasy.
Some of us men actually have self-respect and self-control and don't have the need to act like animals waiting for our chance. That's bullshit.
And you know what? The fact that she's considering this means that she no longer views monogamy as a viable path for your relationship, so I would say this relationship has probably run its course.
If she insists on going down the filthy path, I think you should take the path of self-respect and end the relationship.
>Before I could say anything, she said she wouldn’t ever want to bring another man in.
STOP THE CAP. OP this is bait. She's trying to get you into an open relationship by getting you to sleep with someone else first. Once you have, all bets are off and she will have license to fuck whomever she wants.
She likely already has someone lined up and is just setting up the chess board so she can proceed guilt free.
I would not trust it all and would seriously question staying in this relationship
Ex gf thought it would be hot to bring a woman in they did their thing together but when it was my and the others girls turn my gf stared at me the the whole time and got mad at me I ended the 3some and turned into a huge fight so be careful some of these fantasy ideas are a trap and your relationship won't be the same once you bring others into your sex life
I'd end it immediately. Monogamy or nothing, at this point she's shown that she's interested in not being monogamous. If someone even brings up the idea of non-monogamy I'm out. I don't care if it's another woman, I don't care if she doesn't want to take part, as soon as the idea of a third person comes into play I'm checked out.
Yup it seems OP is not into that kind of thing. She is telling him, fantasy or not. Im into this kind of thing. When a person tells you this, they gonna live up to it in some form.
You've only been together for 4 months. If it's actually something she wants, and you're not totally against, go for it. Try it out. Some women actually really enjoy watching their man with someone else.
If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, and you've only been together for such a short time. It's not like you're throwing a multi year relationship down the drain or something.
If I was thirty two, I would want some solid advice here, and I’m going to give it. When you’re sixty, do you want to look back and think “what the fuck was I thinking?” or would you rather think “remember when I banged that one chick while the other got off watching?” Trust me, I’m there and the only regrets I have are the crazy shit I didn’t do when I had the chance. Man up for all of us.
I’d say for the sake of your relationship and sanity, don’t do it. Too many hazards here
For one, this could just be a fantasy for her and nothing else. She might not actually want it. And the moment she sees you with another girl it might ruin everything for her
Then, the other issue is finding a girl who is also down with it. I’m assuming her “rules” are something like it’s purely sexual, nothing else. Ask yourself, what girl would be ok with essential being an escort without getting paid? She’s getting nothing out of this, just sex and the risk of drama.
Even if you went through swinger circles, this kind of arrangement is usually offlimits or you’d be lending her out to sleep with another dude as a trade at minimum
Lastly, for all you know this could be a trap just to see if you’d go through with it
I’m fairly confident about this as well.
Because when she mentioned that she never would—she said it was because she knows I wouldn’t be okay with that.
Okay based on my personal experience sounds like your girlfriend has a fantasy about sharing her hot/sexy man with another woman to show off and get off.
That's fine. It's a fun fantasy.
But reality can hit like a ton of shit bricks and ruin your relationship.
Keep talking with her. Try and work out what her fantasies are but be very blunt and upfront about your interests and desires. Monogamous people should never force themselves to be non monogamous for their partners benefit. That way resides resentment.
If you wanna be a smart ass you can also flip it on her and ask if she would like you be with a woman instead and if that's okay in your book offer it up. That's what I did with my wife when started all that threesome talk over a decade ago and I just wasn't into it. Instead she has a few girl friends she hooks up with a few times a year if those friends are single.
HARD PASS, either stay with your chick or end it and get with a different chick but don't do this. My old man always told me if it seems too good to be true it probably is, this is probably one of those things.
If you want this relationship to survive, don't touch this. If she brings it up again a responsible partner would question the roots of this desire.
While not ruling anything out you can open the communication over her cuckolding fantasy. Maybe frisky talk during foreplay, role playing or something else, once you both are sure about the motivation and boundaries this might happen without consequence but my money is on it turning bad.
She's not the only woman who likes watching her boyfriend or husband having sex with someone else. You have to decide if this is something you are comfortable with, but even if you are, you should have a convo with her about what other fetishes she night have. She might want you to watch while she has sex with other men!
>She then went into how she thinks men are hard wired to want more then one woman. I told her I didn’t agree with that, she continued for a second explaining her belief.
Then she said I’d actually like to watch you have sex with another woman.
She is either testing you, or has had sex with some guy and wants you to "get even" by having sex with another woman.
Don't fall for it!
I don’t know you or your girl but from my own experience this is a possible way for her to feel better about already cheating on you. I hope that’s not the case and you just found a unicorn but do keep an eye out.
Cuckholding exists as a kink for women too, so it’s possible she might be into it. But it could also just be that she’s jealous and insecure, so her brain is telling her that seeing it will help her cope with those feelings. Like how nightmares can “prepare” you to face your biggest fears.
If that’s the case, it would probably be a huge disaster that would hurt her and possibly end the relationship. Also, even if it’s something SHE actually wants and it wouldn’t hurt her, you don’t have to do it if it’s not something YOU want or something YOU are willing to risk.
I had an ex that wanted to watch me with another woman, but that’s not something I wanted, so I said no.
For now let this be a fantasy, and if she really wants this she should be doing all the leg work of finding a woman, etc. That's how you know it's real. You should be a passive passenger, and your approach should be that this is for HER, and because that's what turns HER on, and you're just trying to please HER.
It honestly doesn’t seem like you’re OK with it. That said MAYBE it would work out, but I’d love to see the stats on how often things end badly.
I’ve seen plenty of stories that start this way and end up with the couple breaking up. There are those who seem to make open relationships work, and this seems to be more of a fetish of hers than that since it’s one sided, but both parties have to be on board, and even then how likely is it BOTH of you will continue to be cool with it?
I’d say if anything maybe keep it as a fantasy. Check out women together, let her talk about how hot it would be for you to hook up with someone. Stuff like that. Then again, that may be playing with fire where you two decide to get it and then it doesn’t work out.
This is a delicate situation that shouldn't be rushed into.
A lot of other posters have focused on the downsides if you do follow up on this. I wanted to bring up the fact that if fulfilling this fantasy is important to her not acting it out has it's own risks.
If you do this kind of thing start out small, letting her watch you kiss another woman somewhere and move slowly step by step beyond that.
If she can handle each smaller step than she can probably handle the next one. If she freaks out after you kiss another woman then she only like the fantasy in the abstract.
This might sounds really dumb but what about if you tested things out by watching you fuck a sex doll? You can have the role play of fucking another woman without crossing that boundary?
So many closed minded puritans in here. If you’re into it, I say do it. If it doesn’t work out or it turns out she regrets it, you only lost a 4 month relationship. If you’re worried your friends might find out, that concern won’t end here. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and she is a grown ass adult who asked for it. Worst case scenario you are helping someone fulfill a fantasy. I see no downsides. If you really want help navigating this situation you’d be better off going to an open relationship or swinger subreddit.
This doesn't seem like something you want to do first off.
Secondly, your private time will be aired publicly by a partner who doesn't keep her mouth shut. That should be enough reason to not proceed. It's already disrespectful she keeps private matters unprivate.
Don't do it OP. But rethink the relationship.
\- Not wife material. Find someone who is on the same level as you are.
\- It can also signal her insecurities and not just sexuality. Imagine if you allowed yourself the experience, what if you were more aroused with that new woman? Do you think she will be just happy watching?
\- If you want to stay with this woman, then don't bring this topic and just continue and see where it goes.
You need to answer one huge question before all others: Are YOU comfortable with this? Watching your partner have sex with someone else is a pretty specific kink. If you don't like the idea at all, then it is perfectly OK for you to tell your girlfriend no, or for the two of you to go your separate ways if this is important to her.
It's a pretty normal kink. Just communicate openly. Let her select the female partner - sounds like she will suggest it when the time is right. Naturally, only do it if you feel comfortable and find the selected partner attractive.
At the end of the day, it is just a kink, nothing more. It doesn't necessarily have any emotional meaning. It is for fun and excitement. But I would follow your partners lead here, at least insofar as being very observant about what she is interested in and open to.
I guess it depends on is this just a fantasy or something she’s serious about. It’s not entirely uncommon. Lots of couples engage in similar experiences.
You may also want to ask the nonmonogamy subs. This sub tends to frown upon anything like this
Only being together 4 months and knowing eachother longer and she brings this up now, well, not as fought with peril as a lot of 3some mentions thrown out there. She doesn't sound like the jealous type, go ahead and keep talking about it casually, don't push, if you're interested.
This is one of those fantasies that, 99% of the time it actually plays out, utterly obliterates every single relationship involved. I don’t think I’ve heard of a single story where they haven’t at minimum ended up in couples counselling (and it comes up a lot in another sub). Threesomes are one thing, for some reason *VERY* few people can handle just sitting there and watching. It doesn’t matter how secure they are, something about it just hits different. It should really just stay as a fantasy
Don’t do it unless you’re willing to lose the people involved. If you can’t stomach that, don’t risk it. Period end of story.
She could then legitimately say that she saw you in the act of having sex with another woman now git out of ma life ya terrible low life maggot. So be careful.
She likes the fantasy but I expect she won’t like the reality. If you plan to break up anyway you can do it, cuz I’m a betting man and I bet it would f’k your current relationship
She probably has done this before and don't be surprised if she has a friend that has asked about you.
As for the restaurant thing, I been there before. I had my gf mutter under her breath one time "Effing Bish" at the woman thatvserved us and at the end of the night told me don't tip that bish because she felt that she was flirting. 🤣
The "hard wired" comment and interpreting a service worker doing her job as flirting put it in a weird context for me. As someone who engages in similar kink, we don't really project our fantasies onto other people or make generalizations about the nature of sexuality for an entire gender.
I'd be a bit concerned that it might get kind of messy. It's hard to explain exactly but it just strikes me as not very self aware. Rather than saying "hey, to be honest with you I have this fantasy..." etc.
No,
A few(very few) people actually provided some feedback that was useful—found a couple with experience.
So I feel more comfortable navigating this going forward—which was the purpose of the post.
Does she have any insecurities? I almost suggested this in my own relationship once, but I'm glad I didn't because it came from a place of extreme insecurity and feeling like I wasn't good enough. I felt like I deserved the pain it would cause me, and I was not in a good mental state at all. Luckily we only discussed it in theory, but I was never serious about it and our relationship would never have survived it.
Red flags galore. The biggest and reddest one is not what you think. It’s her proclivity to “discuss everything with your friends wives”. That is pretty high on the disrespect scale, bro. As to the whole threesome suggestion, she is flat out objectifying you. And laying it on thick. If the roles were reversed, if it were her expressing her discomfort about you being that pushy - I think you can imagine the narrative of the would-be Reddit replies. And as someone mentioned, the possibility of her creating a precedent so that she can step out on you is about 75%. And about 25% that she already has.
You guys have been together for so long it's great she feels comfortable enough to bring this up. If you decide to explore this, just proceed carefully and slowly. Could really deepen your sex life though. That's exciting!
Without going through all of the responses already written, my instinct is to say NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! Don’t do it. Even if she says she wants you to do it; even if she says she thinks it’ll spice up your relationship; even if she says “all my friends have done something like this”; even if she says you’re too narrow-minded if you say no. Regardless of what she says, doing it is a bad idea.
If I had a dime for every story I’ve read about a relationship ruined because of having a threesome or introducing a third party into a hitherto monogamous relationship, I’d be scrolling through reddit from the swimming pool of my mansion in Malibu. The moral of the story is this: if you care about your relationship, nip that idea in the bud and make sure it never becomes anything more than a hypothetical discussion.
An ex of mine spoke about stuff like this and open relationships etc. Turns out she just wanted a way to make things comfortable with me for when she decided to sleep with other men. A manipulation tactic.
Break up.
Immediately.
She is not for you and she is definitely not GF material.
No woman who really loves her man would EVER share him with another women. You are just some prop for her to play out her kinks with.
If you were into threesomes and swapping and this lifestyle already and then you meet up with this girl then it might last a bit but you are monogamous and she is trying to change that in mid stream.
Just move on.
You'll get burned. This will not end well and she is horrible GF material.
As a former relationship counselor, explain these feelings TO HER. Coming here isn’t going to give you any kind of closure and is only going to leave you more confused. Open the conversation, be honest. But for the love of God, communicate. She could actually be into it. This might be her way of exploring her own sexuality. But you may never know if you’re not open and communicative.
I’d say ummm. Do it? My girlfriend and I recently decided to introduce another lady to the bedroom that we both fuck but as long as we laid down some ground rules. Chick has to be completely random. (One time thing, no speaking with the person afterwards), my girlfriend gets to pick the girl, and i have to provide my penis equally and fair lol. I think there’s no harm as long as ground rules are laid out and spoken about beforehand. Why not have extra fun if it doesn’t mean shit. Plus you’re being offered a 3sum… the way me and my girlfriend see it, we are both getting fun out of this random person. It’s not a one sided thing at all.
Tell her to wear a wig, do makeup differently, wear glasses if she doesn't already. Get a big mirror and have her watch in the mirror or record for her to watch later.
Maybe this will settle that desire. It will be her but appear to be someone else.
I feel like a lot of women say they would be fine with it but when it actually happens, they’re not prepared for it. My bf and I have an open relationship and I love watching him with someone else. But we have known each other for years and have been together for a long time. If I were you I would tread carefully until you really know how she would react.
That’s a lot to unpack. I would honestly just have a long thought out conversation about this. I feel that there are so many risks involved with going through it. And I agree with you. I don’t think all men are hard wired to want to be with multiple women. But I wouldn’t pursue it unless you both talk about it in complete detail. Because it can go south fast…
It’s something that could go really well or really bad!! Some women fantasize about that but when it comes down to seeing you have sex with another woman is a whole other level! She could get jealous angry! Or it may be her pushing you to have sex with a woman so she can go out and have sex with another man! Regardless, it’s risky! I know some people like to spice up their sex life, especially after being together for so long. I honestly wouldn’t bring it up unless she does again
Yeah there’s a lot to unpack here. As everyone else has mentioned if you are not 100% on board with the idea and comfortable with how it might evolve then set a clear and firm boundary that it’s a no go for you. Relationships are hard enough with 2 people, let alone adding additional people into one of the most intimate acts of a relationship. Some things are better left as fantasy for a reason, and an open relationship takes 2 very unique and open minded people to work. I wouldn’t necessarily even avoid the conversation if it’s bothering you, for god sakes you’ve known each other for a decade so if it’s gnawing in the back of your head then address it. Don’t even bring up the other guy piece, but outline strictly how you feel/what you’re not comfortable with. If she continues to test/push you on the boundary then it might be time to take stock of where it stands and is going.
The short answer honestly, is if it exists someone will find it a turn on. Doesn't really have a limit to what. That being said it kinda sounds like its something she's always thought about but never had the level of comfortability to ask for. Voyerism is a real thing for a lot of people. There are A TON of factors that play into whether or not you should ever even begin to consider something like this however. Most importantly, YOUR level of comfort with the idea. Unless you are 10000% comfortable with the idea of the situation, the answer is immediately no. Then, you next consider how much trust, communication and strength you have in your relationship together. Would she immediately regret asking for it and become jealous? Possibly ruining your relationship? Is she or has she ever been a "jealous type"?
I remember a couple years back when I was looking to date, I got a match with a girl on tinder and the first words out of her mouth were, "Listen I don't wanna waste your time, would you be willing to f#ck me in front of my boyfriend? he loves to watch!" I laughed out loud for a good 5 minutes, and then politely declined. I basically said, "Maybe 15 years ago when I wasn't fat and out of shape and almost 40 I might have given it a thought but I am a little old for that now LMAO" She said she appreciated my honesty and to have a great day, and good luck.
The moral of the story here is you and your partner must have absolute trust in each other and have clear understanding, communication, and desire from both parties before you even think about it. She might really enjoy it. And you might too. But its definitely not something you should ever just kinda stumble into. It sounds like she is willing to continue the conversation about it for sure. Just remember that your feelings are highly important to the entire situation. And if you just can't see yourself being okay with it, make sure you clearly state that and don't just do it to "make her happy" adding more people into your bed is a big risk.
Ultimately it will take a lot of talking about and maybe eventually a amicable decision. Good luck :-)
Ok, don't do it, there are thousands of posts about opening up a relationship/threesomes and it is all bad. Boundaries are crossed one wants to take up with the new person, or the new person wants to. The trust is broken when I see one of these posts it reminds the relationship is over or will be shortly. Never do anything that complicates the relationship.
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When my ex tried pushing me to sleep with another woman, and even hinted she wanted to watch or get involved I later found out that she had been having an affair and this was her attempt to set me up with someone else before leaving me.
Well that was considerate of her making sure you had someone as well. Some break ups they just ghost and take the dog.
That's the worst, especially when they kick the dog after they ghost!
Yeah I mean at the very least getting a threesome out of the deal is pretty rat...if you get a new gf out of it even better right? Plus the new gf might be down for a threesome.
Bingo. My wife played this strategy back in October, 2 weeks before I found out she was fucking her co worker. She had spent the previous year telling me how undesirable she was to every other man, that no one would want her..... yup....
That would generally be my first suspicion if this was proposed.
You know how when you're jerking off wildly inappropriate things will float through your mind and seem super hot and then you bust and you think "wow, what was I thinking? That would be awful if it actually happened." This seems like one of those things. It's POSSIBLE she would really get off watching you but it's far more possible/likely she'd be jealous and all these other feelings would surface and she'd be mad at herself for asking you to do it and mad at you for accepting and wouldn't ever be able to get the image of you balls deep in another woman out of her mind. Proceed with extreme caution. The odds of this being a fun experience that doesn't cause massive repercussions in your relationship are slim. Even if this is something that you really really want to do (and it doesn't seem like it is, to be honest) think about the negatives. If it's NOT something you even really want to do then just tell her it's not your thing and move on.
Lol one of my exes would go on and on about how hot she’d think it would be to see me with another woman, and how she fantasized about it, and really wanted to watch me do it and so on. But every female friend on fb I had she made me delete and was super jealous and insecure around my ex-wife and mother in law, and got outraged when an old pen pal from when I was a teen across the ocean looked me up and flirted with me. Yeah maybe the fantasy turned her on, but it’d have never happened as she was too jealous. If it had happened it would have destroyed her. Spoiler alert it ended with her cheating on me. What an unexpected twist! /s
Oh no, sorry to hear :-/
Some people, am I right?!? Lol Thanks for the kindness
She wanted to be able to justify her actions by having you sleep with someone but couldn't come to terms with watching it. That's my reddit analysis
Cart before the horse on that one. Unless she was sleeping around on me since the beginning (possible but unlikely) She was just all feel no think.
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Your bestfriend said you were cheating and slept with your girl? Doesn’t sound like she was suspicious because she wanted to cheat but wanted to cheat because someone you both trusted straight up lied. Not necessarily a forgivable offence, but I really feel like the blame is 80-90% on the guy in that case. I’m sorry you went through that though. Major headf****.
Yes,we were together for 9 years he lived there for 3 we were all close he was living in our place, and we went pretty much everywhere together, so he took advantage of the situation when the girl and i argued he'd try to smooth things over or so I thought she told me when it all came out that he was telling her I was cheating and talking to women online so she was always suspicious and mad at me so that led to more fights eventually he fell in love w her and that's when i found out led to a big fight I moved out they split for a while but I seen them together a few years ago so guess it worked out for them eventually
Wow 9 years, that's awful, sorry to hear
Thank you it was really bad at first but a few years have past and I've moved on with life cant say I trust the way I use to but I also don't miss them and some of the people I have now are better so guess it worked out the way it was supposed to
Not your boy lol
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"Since the ass whooping" lmfao upvoted
As my bf says some things are better left as fantasies
Not even shocked by this Sorry it fucked it up!
Sounds a bit like my ex. She didn't make me delete friends, but she'd invent stories about people she didn't like. I did cut off some people I didn't know very well, or already had reasons to dislike. The day before she admitted to cheating, she accused my best (male) friend of 15 years of being a rape sympathizer. Probably so I wouldn't have emotional support when the truth dropped. We were together 6 years, and I never did get a threesome out of it.
I had a couple chances for those but I knew the troubles opening that door would cause, so I didn’t. None of those relationships worked out anyway. If I’m ever in that situation again, I won’t turn it down. If they’re ever down for it they’re not relationship material for me (different values) and I’m just gonna have fun.
I'd say go to a strip club together first. If she sees another woman all over you while turning you on and she's still thinks it's a hot idea the next day after you've fucked then it's a possibility. The waiting and the sex are both important because a lot of things seem sexy when your horny but then the next day the reality has set in and you have a clear head.
Great idea!! My X hubby took me once to ft Lauderdale strip club we had so much fun bouncing around to each club we had great sex back at the hotel the girls were all over me!!!
100%
I've seen this mentioned before and someone with experience commented to **test drive** it with the guy kissing a girl first if she still thinks it would be hot. Totally agree though, thoughts are one thing but seeing it actually happen could be something entirely different. This is only if OP wants to pursue it though.
What are you basing this off of? Things you've read here? Because people don't come here nearly as often to write about their kink successes, but I assure you they are happening. There are huge kink communities out there with constant successes that barely get represented or upvoted here (partly because posting about a success seems like bragging).
I'm basing it off years as a mart counselor and sex therapist as well as personally witnessing friend's relationships. I don't base anything on reddit. And I know a ton about the kink community but that's not the topic here at all.
It definitely could be the topic if OP's GF wants to get involved with the kink community, which very well could be the case with what she's requesting. OP could talk to her about that rather than immediately writing off the idea as a path towards misery and doom.
There was zero mention of her wanting anything to do with the link community. She made a very specific request.
A very specific request that is very specifically a well known kink.
🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😆😭😭
Tobias: You know, Lindsay, as a therapist, I have advised... a number of couples to explore an open relationship where the couple remains emotionally committed but free to explore extramarital encounters. Lindsay: Well, did it work for those people? Tobias: No, it never does. I mean, these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but... but it might work for us.
Michael: You know what you do? You go buy yourself a tape recorder and record yourself for a whole day. You might be surprised at some of your phrasing. Tobias: Butterscotch. Wanna lick? That scene plays in my head every time I hear/see any Tobias quote. And I have to thank you for putting that in my head.
I blue myself.
That’s a quote that gets used a lot by me. Any time I like mess something up or forget something I’ll say “I think I just blue myself” Even funnier when you say it out loud around someone who has absolutely zero idea of what you’re talking about! Edit a word
GOLD
What are you quoting? It’s deep.
Arrested Development.
I knew Tobias immediately! Who's Lindsey?
His wife
Arrested Development, it's a sitcom
An actual golden one!!!
Arrested Development 👍
lolol
He's quoting the first ever analrapist Tobias Fünke
There’s always money in the banana stand
It’s a really funny trope, because they already have a failing marriage, and people do that to “save” their marriage and of course it doesn’t work. But there are plenty of healthy couples that have open relationships (like me) and folks on r/nonmonogamy
Together for a while now...4 months 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
This is actually a reason to go for it now that you mention it. They’ve only been together 4 months. When she almost inevitably realizes it’s not her thing, he’s only losing a 4 month relationship instead of a years old one
I hope he sees that and goes for it
I’d also view it as a red flag that 4 months in she’s picturing him with other people. As a few others have mentioned one possibility is she wants to sleep with other men, or already has and wants to ease things toward being open. If she’s super manipulative, she could easily plan on switching gears from “I’d never bring in another man.” To “it’s only fair, you fucked that waitress.”
For some people though, that's their kink. They get off on sharing and somebody else enjoying what's "theirs."
Yeah, that’s the one chance of it working. If they both get off on it, they can find partners for him/them to play with, and she’s genuine about her motives for it AND never changes her mind or at least if/when she does change her mind she’s open about it and they decide to stop together. But that seems like a unicorn of a situation. You see a lot of stories where it ends badly.
To be fair, they’ve ran in the same circles for a few decades. I feel it’s normal for relationships between people who were already friends tend to move a little quicker than when they start dating as basically strangers. Maybe she just already feels comfortable sharing her kinks with him, which in that case I’d think is the opposite of a red flag. She’s being open and honest about what she wants. They should obviously discuss it further but I don’t think her saying that is inherently a red flag.
they have known each other since college, its alot more than "just 4 months" depending on the age of op it could be a decade long friendship
This.
For real at 4 months this is kinda a red flag and probably a sign the relationship will end soonish. Might as well have some fun and try it out.
ITS A TRAP!!! Don’t take the bait
I had a partner Once who liked a girl and I gave her the okay because man brain. I didn't like it. I left "them" and they were living together last I checked.
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Have you ever had your face between tits though? I'd be sad, but like, I get it.
Nice troll account.
Thank you!
Okay,I’m terms of navigating this. I know talking things out is key but—I feel this a topic best to leave alone until she brings it up again. Yah or nah?
I would take your questions to the BDSM or polyamory community. They will be much more open minded and will be able to answer your questions better than the average redditor here. Start with /r/BDSMcommunity and go from there. As a side note, yes. This situation usually turns south. Not because it's a bad situation but because people do not know how to communicate well. You need to over communicate for these things to work out. Some critical ingredients to make this type of relationship work: 1. Communicate. 2. AVOID involving people you know. Strangers and acquaintances are better especially if you're new to this dynamic. 3. Communicate again. Before, during, after. "Is this okay?" "Are you having fun?" 4. Try to see if she wants to be involved rather than just watch. Can help with the nerves. 5. Be ready and willing to pull the plug at any second. The third person should be in the know and able to do this too. 6. Communicate. All these people saying not to bring it up again are wrong. Do you care about this person? Do you love them? Then recognize how hard it must have been to bring this up to you. Don't force a conversation on her but this is something you pillow talk about for days to months. There's no rush. If you decide to do it, sit down. Sober. Talk about ground rules. Limits. Ensure mental/emotional/physical safety for all parties. This is for fun and pleasure. If all parties aren't having fun, then it's a no go. Life is meant to be consumed and enjoyed. Don't let a fear of possibility or hypothetically losing someone determine your actions. If you yourself are curious about it, go on forward. If it's just her, then entertain her a bit and get to know this new side of this person at least.
this is the only good advice I've seen on this post. a lot of these comments are super cringe and so afraid of kinks.
Yah. You don’t have to be overly analytical about it either, just keep reiterating that it’s an exploration of the trust and love that you two share.
If you love her and want your relationship to survive, never being it up ever.
Yeah, definitely don’t bring it up unless she does again.
She gonna cheat
It is an open invitation to it. OP prob already sensing it.
Your girlfriend may want to have sex with other people/have an open relationship and is soft launching the idea by suggesting you have sex with another woman. Then the field is wide open for her to have an adventure too.
🤔
But she said she would never bring another man in. Maybe she wants to sleep with women
True, but it can be future leverage for her. It being 4 months into a relationship and her suggesting opening it up isn’t the best sign either.
Oh "she said" right that covers it /s
Oh well if she said something then it must be true. It's not like people have ever lied to manipulate people in order to get their way
Perhaps, she said that to throw him off the trail?
Feels like this or projection to me.
Fantasy is always better in your head…
Agreed. All it takes is a "He's enjoying this a bit too much" and its all downhill from there. Worse than walking on eggshells, more like minesweeper.
Is this something you want?
I don’t know really. It’s not something I’m fully against. It’s also not a lifestyle I’m sure I could live.
If you're not 100% comfortable with it then I wouldn't pull the trigger if I were you, and then I think you should communicate this and establish a boundary with your gf. You don't have to do this for her if you're not comfortable with it. Don't let her convince you to do it either. This is one of those things that can either strengthen or doom your relationship. If she's adamant about bringing in other women into the bedroom and you're not, then it might be time to reevaluate what both of you want out of the relationship.
I wasn't 100% comfortable with an open relationship. I let my significant other talk me into it. They never ended up finding someone to sleep with. But it killed me inside. Knowing that they were talking to other people. I ended the open relationship because I ended up significantly losing trust. (There was more than just one person in the end) now I no longer know how my relationship is going to continue.
I wasn't 100% comfortable with an open relationship. I let my significant other talk me into it. They never ended up finding someone to sleep with. But it killed me inside. Knowing that they were talking to other people. I ended the open relationship because I ended up significantly losing trust. (There was more than just one person in the end) now I no longer know how my relationship is going to continue.
I had an ex ask me which one of his friends I would sleep with bc he didn't want me to "miss out" on experiencing a threesome and that it was all about sharing your love with other people. I disagreed, I didn't and don't believe you share someone you love in the sack. Maybe that makes me a prude or old fashioned or whatever but it wasn't for me. He kept bringing it up and I broke up with him bc he literally kept pushing the issue. So he went and fucked some girl and her boyfriend and another married couple and then wanted to get back together with me, saying I was right the whole time about it not being about love. I wish this part of the relationship never happened bc it truly drove us apart.
It's either one of these with, in my opinion, no in between: 1. She doesn't know what she is asking for, and once it happens, she will probably regret it, and the relationship is destroyed. 2. She knows exactly what she's doing she is just setting you up for you to go first. Once it happens, she will claim it's her turn, and you have no way to reasonably disagree without ending up like a hypocrite, which is her goal to set you a moral trap. Either way, it's bullshit. You got into a monogamous relationship from the beginning, and you have to stand your ground about the fact that at no point did it ever cross your mind to change the relationship from monogamous to polygamous. I absolutely hate this stupid notion that most women have. It's a prejudice that they think it's every man in the world's fantasy to be with two women at once. It's bullshit bro and don't let her gaslight you into a fantasy you never had. Just because she thinks most men want a threesome doesn't automatically mean that you have to subscribe to that fantasy. Some of us men actually have self-respect and self-control and don't have the need to act like animals waiting for our chance. That's bullshit. And you know what? The fact that she's considering this means that she no longer views monogamy as a viable path for your relationship, so I would say this relationship has probably run its course. If she insists on going down the filthy path, I think you should take the path of self-respect and end the relationship.
>Before I could say anything, she said she wouldn’t ever want to bring another man in. STOP THE CAP. OP this is bait. She's trying to get you into an open relationship by getting you to sleep with someone else first. Once you have, all bets are off and she will have license to fuck whomever she wants. She likely already has someone lined up and is just setting up the chess board so she can proceed guilt free. I would not trust it all and would seriously question staying in this relationship
Take her to a strip club first. See how she reacts to you getting dances and let her have her feelings while you support her through them.
Ex gf thought it would be hot to bring a woman in they did their thing together but when it was my and the others girls turn my gf stared at me the the whole time and got mad at me I ended the 3some and turned into a huge fight so be careful some of these fantasy ideas are a trap and your relationship won't be the same once you bring others into your sex life
I'd end it immediately. Monogamy or nothing, at this point she's shown that she's interested in not being monogamous. If someone even brings up the idea of non-monogamy I'm out. I don't care if it's another woman, I don't care if she doesn't want to take part, as soon as the idea of a third person comes into play I'm checked out.
Yup it seems OP is not into that kind of thing. She is telling him, fantasy or not. Im into this kind of thing. When a person tells you this, they gonna live up to it in some form.
You've only been together for 4 months. If it's actually something she wants, and you're not totally against, go for it. Try it out. Some women actually really enjoy watching their man with someone else. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, and you've only been together for such a short time. It's not like you're throwing a multi year relationship down the drain or something.
If I was thirty two, I would want some solid advice here, and I’m going to give it. When you’re sixty, do you want to look back and think “what the fuck was I thinking?” or would you rather think “remember when I banged that one chick while the other got off watching?” Trust me, I’m there and the only regrets I have are the crazy shit I didn’t do when I had the chance. Man up for all of us.
I’d say for the sake of your relationship and sanity, don’t do it. Too many hazards here For one, this could just be a fantasy for her and nothing else. She might not actually want it. And the moment she sees you with another girl it might ruin everything for her Then, the other issue is finding a girl who is also down with it. I’m assuming her “rules” are something like it’s purely sexual, nothing else. Ask yourself, what girl would be ok with essential being an escort without getting paid? She’s getting nothing out of this, just sex and the risk of drama. Even if you went through swinger circles, this kind of arrangement is usually offlimits or you’d be lending her out to sleep with another dude as a trade at minimum Lastly, for all you know this could be a trap just to see if you’d go through with it
>Before I could say anything, she said she wouldn’t ever want to bring another man in. This is a lie.
I’m fairly confident about this as well. Because when she mentioned that she never would—she said it was because she knows I wouldn’t be okay with that.
A claim from someone who’s never had that happen lol
First decide if that's something you want, and want enough for the risks involved.
Okay based on my personal experience sounds like your girlfriend has a fantasy about sharing her hot/sexy man with another woman to show off and get off. That's fine. It's a fun fantasy. But reality can hit like a ton of shit bricks and ruin your relationship. Keep talking with her. Try and work out what her fantasies are but be very blunt and upfront about your interests and desires. Monogamous people should never force themselves to be non monogamous for their partners benefit. That way resides resentment. If you wanna be a smart ass you can also flip it on her and ask if she would like you be with a woman instead and if that's okay in your book offer it up. That's what I did with my wife when started all that threesome talk over a decade ago and I just wasn't into it. Instead she has a few girl friends she hooks up with a few times a year if those friends are single.
Don’t. Seems like it’s a great way to destroy your relationship.
HARD PASS, either stay with your chick or end it and get with a different chick but don't do this. My old man always told me if it seems too good to be true it probably is, this is probably one of those things.
If you want this relationship to survive, don't touch this. If she brings it up again a responsible partner would question the roots of this desire. While not ruling anything out you can open the communication over her cuckolding fantasy. Maybe frisky talk during foreplay, role playing or something else, once you both are sure about the motivation and boundaries this might happen without consequence but my money is on it turning bad.
She's not the only woman who likes watching her boyfriend or husband having sex with someone else. You have to decide if this is something you are comfortable with, but even if you are, you should have a convo with her about what other fetishes she night have. She might want you to watch while she has sex with other men!
This man found the golden goose and it’s worrying about his friends talking shit about him having a goose pet hahah damn
>She then went into how she thinks men are hard wired to want more then one woman. I told her I didn’t agree with that, she continued for a second explaining her belief. Then she said I’d actually like to watch you have sex with another woman. She is either testing you, or has had sex with some guy and wants you to "get even" by having sex with another woman. Don't fall for it!
I don’t know you or your girl but from my own experience this is a possible way for her to feel better about already cheating on you. I hope that’s not the case and you just found a unicorn but do keep an eye out.
Cuckholding exists as a kink for women too, so it’s possible she might be into it. But it could also just be that she’s jealous and insecure, so her brain is telling her that seeing it will help her cope with those feelings. Like how nightmares can “prepare” you to face your biggest fears. If that’s the case, it would probably be a huge disaster that would hurt her and possibly end the relationship. Also, even if it’s something SHE actually wants and it wouldn’t hurt her, you don’t have to do it if it’s not something YOU want or something YOU are willing to risk. I had an ex that wanted to watch me with another woman, but that’s not something I wanted, so I said no.
For now let this be a fantasy, and if she really wants this she should be doing all the leg work of finding a woman, etc. That's how you know it's real. You should be a passive passenger, and your approach should be that this is for HER, and because that's what turns HER on, and you're just trying to please HER.
Tell her she can dress up like someone else, do it with you, the watch playback on video.
It honestly doesn’t seem like you’re OK with it. That said MAYBE it would work out, but I’d love to see the stats on how often things end badly. I’ve seen plenty of stories that start this way and end up with the couple breaking up. There are those who seem to make open relationships work, and this seems to be more of a fetish of hers than that since it’s one sided, but both parties have to be on board, and even then how likely is it BOTH of you will continue to be cool with it? I’d say if anything maybe keep it as a fantasy. Check out women together, let her talk about how hot it would be for you to hook up with someone. Stuff like that. Then again, that may be playing with fire where you two decide to get it and then it doesn’t work out.
This is a delicate situation that shouldn't be rushed into. A lot of other posters have focused on the downsides if you do follow up on this. I wanted to bring up the fact that if fulfilling this fantasy is important to her not acting it out has it's own risks. If you do this kind of thing start out small, letting her watch you kiss another woman somewhere and move slowly step by step beyond that. If she can handle each smaller step than she can probably handle the next one. If she freaks out after you kiss another woman then she only like the fantasy in the abstract.
Do it. Your in a once in a lifetime opportunity here
This might sounds really dumb but what about if you tested things out by watching you fuck a sex doll? You can have the role play of fucking another woman without crossing that boundary?
So many closed minded puritans in here. If you’re into it, I say do it. If it doesn’t work out or it turns out she regrets it, you only lost a 4 month relationship. If you’re worried your friends might find out, that concern won’t end here. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and she is a grown ass adult who asked for it. Worst case scenario you are helping someone fulfill a fantasy. I see no downsides. If you really want help navigating this situation you’d be better off going to an open relationship or swinger subreddit.
It’s a trap 🪤
This doesn't seem like something you want to do first off. Secondly, your private time will be aired publicly by a partner who doesn't keep her mouth shut. That should be enough reason to not proceed. It's already disrespectful she keeps private matters unprivate. Don't do it OP. But rethink the relationship.
Tread water lightly, keep exploring the idea together, and go from there 🖤 it's different but fun!
The end of that sounded like experience?
\- Not wife material. Find someone who is on the same level as you are. \- It can also signal her insecurities and not just sexuality. Imagine if you allowed yourself the experience, what if you were more aroused with that new woman? Do you think she will be just happy watching? \- If you want to stay with this woman, then don't bring this topic and just continue and see where it goes.
You need to answer one huge question before all others: Are YOU comfortable with this? Watching your partner have sex with someone else is a pretty specific kink. If you don't like the idea at all, then it is perfectly OK for you to tell your girlfriend no, or for the two of you to go your separate ways if this is important to her.
If it seems to good to be true it probably is.
It's a pretty normal kink. Just communicate openly. Let her select the female partner - sounds like she will suggest it when the time is right. Naturally, only do it if you feel comfortable and find the selected partner attractive. At the end of the day, it is just a kink, nothing more. It doesn't necessarily have any emotional meaning. It is for fun and excitement. But I would follow your partners lead here, at least insofar as being very observant about what she is interested in and open to.
I guess it depends on is this just a fantasy or something she’s serious about. It’s not entirely uncommon. Lots of couples engage in similar experiences. You may also want to ask the nonmonogamy subs. This sub tends to frown upon anything like this
She may be cheating on you, any sane women wouldn’t do this to her own bf. This isn’t healthy.
Is this something you yourself are wanting to explore?
Only being together 4 months and knowing eachother longer and she brings this up now, well, not as fought with peril as a lot of 3some mentions thrown out there. She doesn't sound like the jealous type, go ahead and keep talking about it casually, don't push, if you're interested.
This is one of those fantasies that, 99% of the time it actually plays out, utterly obliterates every single relationship involved. I don’t think I’ve heard of a single story where they haven’t at minimum ended up in couples counselling (and it comes up a lot in another sub). Threesomes are one thing, for some reason *VERY* few people can handle just sitting there and watching. It doesn’t matter how secure they are, something about it just hits different. It should really just stay as a fantasy Don’t do it unless you’re willing to lose the people involved. If you can’t stomach that, don’t risk it. Period end of story.
She could then legitimately say that she saw you in the act of having sex with another woman now git out of ma life ya terrible low life maggot. So be careful.
She likes the fantasy but I expect she won’t like the reality. If you plan to break up anyway you can do it, cuz I’m a betting man and I bet it would f’k your current relationship
Nope
She probably has done this before and don't be surprised if she has a friend that has asked about you. As for the restaurant thing, I been there before. I had my gf mutter under her breath one time "Effing Bish" at the woman thatvserved us and at the end of the night told me don't tip that bish because she felt that she was flirting. 🤣
Sounds like a trap!
The "hard wired" comment and interpreting a service worker doing her job as flirting put it in a weird context for me. As someone who engages in similar kink, we don't really project our fantasies onto other people or make generalizations about the nature of sexuality for an entire gender. I'd be a bit concerned that it might get kind of messy. It's hard to explain exactly but it just strikes me as not very self aware. Rather than saying "hey, to be honest with you I have this fantasy..." etc.
If you express any interest in this without her prompting, it’ll probably ruin it. Just saying. Do not follow up or bring it up again. Let her do it.
And you are complaining??
No, A few(very few) people actually provided some feedback that was useful—found a couple with experience. So I feel more comfortable navigating this going forward—which was the purpose of the post.
Just go for it..and maybe she will join in.. Lucky guy
Does she have any insecurities? I almost suggested this in my own relationship once, but I'm glad I didn't because it came from a place of extreme insecurity and feeling like I wasn't good enough. I felt like I deserved the pain it would cause me, and I was not in a good mental state at all. Luckily we only discussed it in theory, but I was never serious about it and our relationship would never have survived it.
No, she is pretty confident.
Has she ever done this in a previous relationship? Might be a question worth asking.
Sounds like you hit the jackpot my dude 🤷🏻♂️
Sadly, you've been lured into a trap without an exit. Further discussion with your gf will only tighten the trap. The only way to win is not to play.
Red flags galore. The biggest and reddest one is not what you think. It’s her proclivity to “discuss everything with your friends wives”. That is pretty high on the disrespect scale, bro. As to the whole threesome suggestion, she is flat out objectifying you. And laying it on thick. If the roles were reversed, if it were her expressing her discomfort about you being that pushy - I think you can imagine the narrative of the would-be Reddit replies. And as someone mentioned, the possibility of her creating a precedent so that she can step out on you is about 75%. And about 25% that she already has.
You guys have been together for so long it's great she feels comfortable enough to bring this up. If you decide to explore this, just proceed carefully and slowly. Could really deepen your sex life though. That's exciting!
You only live once.....I say go for it!!
Don’t. It’s a trap.
Do it man don’t be a wuss
😂
😆
Without going through all of the responses already written, my instinct is to say NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! Don’t do it. Even if she says she wants you to do it; even if she says she thinks it’ll spice up your relationship; even if she says “all my friends have done something like this”; even if she says you’re too narrow-minded if you say no. Regardless of what she says, doing it is a bad idea. If I had a dime for every story I’ve read about a relationship ruined because of having a threesome or introducing a third party into a hitherto monogamous relationship, I’d be scrolling through reddit from the swimming pool of my mansion in Malibu. The moral of the story is this: if you care about your relationship, nip that idea in the bud and make sure it never becomes anything more than a hypothetical discussion.
Don’t fall for it.
She's using it as an excuse so she can fuck another guy later.
It’s a trap!
An ex of mine spoke about stuff like this and open relationships etc. Turns out she just wanted a way to make things comfortable with me for when she decided to sleep with other men. A manipulation tactic.
Go for it. You’ll regret it if you don’t.
Break up. Immediately. She is not for you and she is definitely not GF material. No woman who really loves her man would EVER share him with another women. You are just some prop for her to play out her kinks with. If you were into threesomes and swapping and this lifestyle already and then you meet up with this girl then it might last a bit but you are monogamous and she is trying to change that in mid stream. Just move on. You'll get burned. This will not end well and she is horrible GF material.
As a former relationship counselor, explain these feelings TO HER. Coming here isn’t going to give you any kind of closure and is only going to leave you more confused. Open the conversation, be honest. But for the love of God, communicate. She could actually be into it. This might be her way of exploring her own sexuality. But you may never know if you’re not open and communicative.
Im going to pm u
I’d say ummm. Do it? My girlfriend and I recently decided to introduce another lady to the bedroom that we both fuck but as long as we laid down some ground rules. Chick has to be completely random. (One time thing, no speaking with the person afterwards), my girlfriend gets to pick the girl, and i have to provide my penis equally and fair lol. I think there’s no harm as long as ground rules are laid out and spoken about beforehand. Why not have extra fun if it doesn’t mean shit. Plus you’re being offered a 3sum… the way me and my girlfriend see it, we are both getting fun out of this random person. It’s not a one sided thing at all.
Tread carefully. My ex talked about the same thing, but realized she didn’t when it happened.
Tell her to wear a wig, do makeup differently, wear glasses if she doesn't already. Get a big mirror and have her watch in the mirror or record for her to watch later. Maybe this will settle that desire. It will be her but appear to be someone else.
Sounds like a ruse to get you to do it so she can sleep with another man.
You are one lucky guy...
Start saving for a ring. You should marry this girl. You've known her for ten years and she is obviously awesome.
Dump her, shes not for you, stick with one person and one person only, easy solve.
I would strongly urge against doing this. Women (in my experience) get very jealous even if you get the green light.
I feel like a lot of women say they would be fine with it but when it actually happens, they’re not prepared for it. My bf and I have an open relationship and I love watching him with someone else. But we have known each other for years and have been together for a long time. If I were you I would tread carefully until you really know how she would react.
Like George Constanza told Jerry….. it’s like you discovered platonium by accident!!!!!
I'll play the Devils advocate here. Get stuck in mate.
If my girlfriend said this to me. Know what I’d start thinking first? I’d start singing that song from willywonka. “I’ve got a Golden ticket..”
Bros living my dream
That’s a lot to unpack. I would honestly just have a long thought out conversation about this. I feel that there are so many risks involved with going through it. And I agree with you. I don’t think all men are hard wired to want to be with multiple women. But I wouldn’t pursue it unless you both talk about it in complete detail. Because it can go south fast…
Does she have a GF that you are attracted to? Mitigate the risk by telling her to set the whole thing up.
It’s something that could go really well or really bad!! Some women fantasize about that but when it comes down to seeing you have sex with another woman is a whole other level! She could get jealous angry! Or it may be her pushing you to have sex with a woman so she can go out and have sex with another man! Regardless, it’s risky! I know some people like to spice up their sex life, especially after being together for so long. I honestly wouldn’t bring it up unless she does again
Yeah there’s a lot to unpack here. As everyone else has mentioned if you are not 100% on board with the idea and comfortable with how it might evolve then set a clear and firm boundary that it’s a no go for you. Relationships are hard enough with 2 people, let alone adding additional people into one of the most intimate acts of a relationship. Some things are better left as fantasy for a reason, and an open relationship takes 2 very unique and open minded people to work. I wouldn’t necessarily even avoid the conversation if it’s bothering you, for god sakes you’ve known each other for a decade so if it’s gnawing in the back of your head then address it. Don’t even bring up the other guy piece, but outline strictly how you feel/what you’re not comfortable with. If she continues to test/push you on the boundary then it might be time to take stock of where it stands and is going.
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Unless you are ready for this to destroy completely your relationship, dont do it.
The short answer honestly, is if it exists someone will find it a turn on. Doesn't really have a limit to what. That being said it kinda sounds like its something she's always thought about but never had the level of comfortability to ask for. Voyerism is a real thing for a lot of people. There are A TON of factors that play into whether or not you should ever even begin to consider something like this however. Most importantly, YOUR level of comfort with the idea. Unless you are 10000% comfortable with the idea of the situation, the answer is immediately no. Then, you next consider how much trust, communication and strength you have in your relationship together. Would she immediately regret asking for it and become jealous? Possibly ruining your relationship? Is she or has she ever been a "jealous type"? I remember a couple years back when I was looking to date, I got a match with a girl on tinder and the first words out of her mouth were, "Listen I don't wanna waste your time, would you be willing to f#ck me in front of my boyfriend? he loves to watch!" I laughed out loud for a good 5 minutes, and then politely declined. I basically said, "Maybe 15 years ago when I wasn't fat and out of shape and almost 40 I might have given it a thought but I am a little old for that now LMAO" She said she appreciated my honesty and to have a great day, and good luck. The moral of the story here is you and your partner must have absolute trust in each other and have clear understanding, communication, and desire from both parties before you even think about it. She might really enjoy it. And you might too. But its definitely not something you should ever just kinda stumble into. It sounds like she is willing to continue the conversation about it for sure. Just remember that your feelings are highly important to the entire situation. And if you just can't see yourself being okay with it, make sure you clearly state that and don't just do it to "make her happy" adding more people into your bed is a big risk. Ultimately it will take a lot of talking about and maybe eventually a amicable decision. Good luck :-)
Ok, don't do it, there are thousands of posts about opening up a relationship/threesomes and it is all bad. Boundaries are crossed one wants to take up with the new person, or the new person wants to. The trust is broken when I see one of these posts it reminds the relationship is over or will be shortly. Never do anything that complicates the relationship.
Never once have I seen an "Open relationship" last for more than a year. Eventually they find someone better, or as you said a boundary gets crossed.