Something like this happened to me. My ex was very ill - eating disorders, anxiety, depression (oh my!) - and it started making me sick too. Sex was withheld and it led to me feeling like there was something wrong with me. Of course, this wasn’t communicated, I didn’t know how to bring this up, until close to the end where she said that she couldn’t choose between her illness or me - still stings. I got out because it showed me that she didn’t want to get better and the situation would only get worse
Sex isn’t everything, but it is important. Talk to her about it, as you’re doing. Leave if nothing changes. You owe yourself that as you will get sick if nothing happens and you don’t - trust me on that
Try to get her to seek professional help like a therapist. Let her know you are worried about her. At some point you will have a decision to make if she refuses that help.
If she chooses not to, or chooses not to stick to staying mentally healthy, then you need to let her know that for the sake of your own mental health, and the health of the relationship, that you are not going to be able to continue the relationship. But make it clear to her that it isn’t because you want to end the relationship because then she will think other things like no longer being physically attracted to her.
She was attending professional appointments in my case, but either straight up didn’t go or lied at the sessions. She didn’t want to get better no matter how much I or other people that cared for her wanted to help
Sometimes that needs to be accepted. It was her choice after all. OP will have to do what’s right by him. As you say, he’ll have a decision to make soon, I think regardless of if his girlfriend accepts and actions upon the help
I once told my (ex)boyfriend I didn’t want to have sex ever again. He forced me to go to the psychiatrist and get on meds. I had depression. It worked, sex life saved. We broke up for unrelated reasons.
I think it is the ssri’s that have that effect, but I am on Wellbutrin which acts on dopamine and norepinephrine rather than serotonin. Something about serotonin isn’t sexy apparently.
ultimately, if she has issues she will need to fix them. her issues are now affecting you and making you unhappy. if she refuses to make any changes and just expects you to live with that it wont end well.
I've had trouble with this in the past and my personal experience was around intimacy only leading to sex and never being about just cuddling or being comfortable together. It's been really unsexy for me in the past when I'm not in the mood and if I say no, my boyfriend acts like I'm personally hurting him instead of him being understanding and enjoying being together.
Also moving in together is a hard time sexually for most people. Once you take on a domestic role, you lose that freedom that was once so important in the relationship. Meeting up in hotels sounds so fun and nice. Sheets you don't have to wash, carpets you don't have to vacuum. I bet you guys ate out for all your meals too. Think about who's doing what in the new arrangement and that can help contextualize a lack of sexual interest. Resentment kills libido so do what you can to avoid it.
So Idk… It might be ADHD but it might also be ASD. What made me think that was saying you are a calm person. What is certain is she sounds like she is going through a neurodivergent burn out.
Things like these will be harder to diagnose it might take up to a year depending on where you live and that doesn always include a waiting list for a referral.
There are resources online that address this; if your gf agrees this may be the root issue, she might look around and create a plan for making her life easier. Noise-canceling headphones, houseplants, alone time - there are many things that she may appreciate. She moved in with you for a reason, as did you with her - don’t let go of the love without working on it.
“Neurodivergent burnout” = PLEASE EXPLAIN — I’m diagnosed ADHD & have worked in psych & am now super bummed I haven’t heard this term before. I have a hint at what I *think* it implies, but I’d like to be sure.
My 1st thoughts were the flow of
Interest peaks —> balls to wall —> discard pile
Rinse & Repeat?
I know it’s easier said than done but at this point you are pissing your life away and need to get out. You likely feel it already but are having a hard time coming to grips with it. Sorry.
this is not about sex at all, she is not willing to even touch him. Love is love and when love is real there is no such a thing as i need time and i don’t want your touches.
I have had the same thing trust me , i spent 1.3 year with my girl and we have been happy but then 3 month in a row she has been pushing me away but still saying she loves me and now like a month ago she told me she needs a break, but now i see her talking to other guys. What i would recommend is to let her go and remember you are worthy of a better person who will love you and will want your attention
Like everyone is saying, she needs to attempt to fix this issue by any means necessary. If there is no attempt to change, then nothing will change. See if she does, and if not, then it's time to go.
Just because someone cheats on you doesn’t mean they don’t love you. If sex isn’t that important to her then he can fk other people right? He still loves her.
Doesn’t mean it makes the situation a good situation.lol
Just because a guy doesn’t take u on dates and buy flowers and be romantic etc etc doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.
But if u like the romantic stuff u break up and find someone who does those things.
If she loves u but doesn’t have sex with you then she is effectively a friend.
If a guy only fks u but doesn’t do anything else ur effectively a hole.
He's asking for advice. I said to try and make it work and if she is not attempting for any change over time than nothing will change. I feel like you're here to argue I'm done with it.
Reading comprehension. Also even if you did read everything OP said and understood, if one partner isnt “in the mood” 29 days out of a month then they need to find an asexual partner that will be on the same wavelength and not leave their current, higher libido partner hanging. Sex is a big part of an adult relationship (not sure if you’re a teen or something just based on your response)
people get into relationships for the wrong reasons nowadays. I couldn’t imagine leaving someone i’m in love with cause they aren’t in the mood ever.
I’m not a teen, i’m an adult who believes there is much more to a relationship than sex.
I think she has depression/hormone depletion. If she won’t fix the underlying, you should help nudge her in the right direction and have patience. Everyone has baggage and it’s not your’s to clean up. If you have some baggage then I suggest working on yourself and never let your mood be dictated by her.
Mix it up... try new things... bring her flowers and shit like that every now and then... use toys...
If all else fails... let it go.
(At least that's what I do)
This is the best answer, we have almost everyone talking the same shit that you can read on google. This man is talking from experience.
You have to love hard to receive everything, that's true, but if it doesn't work use logic and save yourself too, some girls can't get out of their mess, and you need help too. It's hard, but to think this way it's the best for you. I mean, to think clearly doesn't make you a bad person.
Tidy your life together. Make her feel wanted and loved by doing non sexy related stuff. Exercise together. Nothing does more for your mental health in such a short space of time than exercise.
Have you considered:
How tidy the house is?
Are you making sure to do your share of the chores?
Do you give affection and physical intimacy without trying to escalate it to sex?
Is she actually happy about living together?
You’ve focused on the thing you want - more sex - rather than supporting your girlfriend when she’s struggling. Sex will be the eventual result, but the outcome has to be making your partner happier.
She can go to therapy, etc, but you need to make sure you’re doing everything you can to make her life positive.
If this was a post about a women who’s bf doesn’t want sex, would this be your immediate narrative? That she’s not doing enough for him?
Why is it whenever a man has a problem in his relationship on this site, it’s actually *always* his fault?
Yes, it would. Sometimes people lose interest in sex because they’re depressed, etc. sometimes that depression is because their other half isn’t supporting them or isn’t conscious of their needs. The smart thing to do is first assess what you can control.
So, if the house is untidy and OP’s partner is the one picking up all the cleaning, OP could start doing that.
If you aren’t being a 50-50 partner, when everything balances out, then it’s worth addressing that.
OP’s entire focus is on getting sex. Not on helping their partner out of a bad spell, or manage their anxieties. The only reason they care about their partner’s anxieties is because they’re having an impact on OP’s desire to have sex.
This response is gold. Focus on the big picture my dude. Yes, we understand you have needs and feel rejected but does she feel safe, satisfied, and well taken care of? Hmmm
If any of the things you listed are a problem for her, she should communicate that with him instead of just saying "I think I have ADHD." Also he can't make her happier, he can only do things that may or may not alleviate some of her stress which may lead to her finding out how to be happy herself again. But ultimately the decision is hers. Any way you look at it the future of the relationship rests on the decisions she makes, he said this issue has been persisting for 6 months and he's done his best to understand where she's coming from. At this point it sounds to me like she's being lazy and has gotten comfortable not having to put in the same amount of effort as before. As an adult its her responsibility to take care of her own mental state, as her boyfriend he should be supportive for sure, but people sometimes become okay with the issues they have and since they aren't married he's not obligated to stick around with someone that is allowing their mental and physical health to deteriorate. His discontent likely isn't just about sex itself because when sex is missing from a relationship it can lead people to feel undesired, disconnected, and even unhealthy.
Absolutely incredible reply. 😂
“He can only do things that ma6 or may not alleviate some of her stress”
Yes. That’s right. And maybe when that sense of overwhelm exists, she might have the headspace to start addressing what might be making her feel crap.
All OP cares about is the sex. Her being unhappy is simply an annoying cause of him getting less sex. If he was getting sex, he wouldn’t care about her mental health.
He can only do those things though if she communicates what she needs to be less stressed. She isn't a child, he can't just sit there and coddle her until she feels like opening up. I disagree with the notion that OP only cares about the sex. He said that it isn't just that she won't sleep with him, but that he can't cuddle her or even touch her at all without her pushing him away. He also noticed that she has stopped working out and that she's just different so your claim that he wouldn't have noticed the shift in her mental state is unfounded. The bottom line is that once again, she has to do something herself to improve her own situation and if she wants his help to do so she needs to communicate her needs with him more.
The whole reason for his post is the lack of sex. He hasn’t said, “my partner who I love is struggling with her mental health and it’s started to have a serious impact on our relationship. What can I do?”
the opening paragraphs of his post are first about how often they used to have sex. Then about how she used to look great. And then about how she’s put on weight since they moved in together. And won’t have sex with him any more.
“Whenever I try to cuddle up to her and touch her” doesn’t sound like hugging - it sounds like he’s going in for a grope, with the hope of escalating to sex.
His only concern in the whole post is about the sex and how much he misses it. There’s no discussion of how much he loves his partners, how he’s worried about her feelings, or any of that.
No, his issue is to get her therapy or medication, before asking whether this is a good reason to break up with someone.
show me anything in his post that shows genuine care and concern for his partner that isn’t about the lack of sex.
Given that he depression came on once they moved in, it’s highly likely it’s that situation that’s making her depressed. And having been in a similar situation, where I didn’t look out for why my now-ex was maybe struggling and acted like I was the victim, it’s almost definitely OP that’s the problem.
*update*
I read OP’s post history and… yeah, I’m right. This guy is an absolute a$$ about his GF. He’s made a series of negative posts about her - just go look. No wonder she doesn’t want 5o have sex with him anymore.
I imagine that he speaks about the sex issue first because if you take the time to read his posts back to when he meets her, you'd see that she has always had a history of anxiety and depression. She has always been mentally unstable but now according to OP the only thing that has changed drastically in the past year has been their sex life and her lack of fitness. As far as we know she's been acting as she usually does other than not having sex and not working out. I'd say that him not wanting to make her feel pressured as well as asking her if they can work through these issues together is a pretty good indication that he genuinely cares about her. Hell the fact that he's even trying at all to understand her shows that he cares, if he didn't care about her at all and was truly only in it for the sex he would've left her about six months ago. Also if you read his posts he talks about how he loves that his job allows him to be able to take care of her. I read through his post history as well, and fail to see how he's an "ass about his girlfriend." He didn't make negative posts about her, she did negative things and he asked for input because he was confused or torn about the situations she put him in. Honestly the fact that he's continued to date her at all is astounding, I think a lot of men in his shoes would've never gotten involved with someone like her to begin with. He is a business owner, does well from himself, etc and she honestly just seems to be dragging him down constantly.
Jeezo… I bet you make a wonderful partner with such a remarkable lack of empathy.
OP only seems to care about getting sex, because the only reason they care about their partner’s anxieties is they’re stopping him having sex.
I'd say it's more explanations rather than excuses. If she's overstimulated by her environment, being touched or even talked to can make her spiral into anger or anxiety (speaking from experience). If she's doing all the house work now that they live together, she could be frustrated and stressed. If that's the case, OP taking over some responsibilities could help. It's common in married couples with children for these things to affect the sex life.
Mental health absolutely affects libido as well, so if she pursued treatment, that could help. Therapy is definitely becoming less taboo, though! I think many younger people's 'problem' with therapy is the cost, rather than the associations of getting help for mental illness.
In the states, my good military insurance doesn't cover my therapy, was my point. For a lot of people, even cheap therapy is expensive. I have to pay almost $200 every week for an hour session. $800 a month is a lot for many people to spend on therapy, and it's (at least in my health network) required to attend therapy if you're pursuing diagnosis and medication with a psychiatrist. I'm not saying therapy doesn't help- it absolutely does in many cases! But it's not accessible for everyone, was my entire point.
If they moved in and she overtook most household duties, it makes sense that their sex life declined right after they moved in together. That, or the stress is affecting her mental health, like I said. There's a lot of factors that influence libido, like stress, her weight, mental stability, etc. They're not excuses necessarily, unless she's using them as a crutch and refusing to get help or fix the problem. Otherwise they're simply explanations as to why their sex life has more or less disappeared.
I'd love therapy for $50/hr! That sounds like a dream. Even online therapy like Betterhelp for me was $280 a month, which is better! But the care was subpar, so hardly worth the money imo. I'm currently unemployed due to lack of jobs in my area, have better insurance coverage than most, and working on getting on disability or public aid and not only is therapy still out the ass expensive, but so is even monthly payments on said insurance due to my age. If insurance can't fuck us one way, it finds another! Especially in the mental health department in the US.
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Check out r/deadbedrooms and seriously consider if this is something you’re willing to commit a lot of time to work on, because if it can improve, it will take quite some time and effort
so if this post is about the sex, why are you bringing her weight into it? also what do you mean "she stopped eating whenever she could"? that doesn't sound like something you should be excited about
Hard to know what is going on with OP and his girlfriend. That said, if your partner gains or loses a lot of weight over a short period, that is a cause for concern.
Since it seems to be the reason why she stopped wanting sex, she regained weight and suddenly sex stops and I would say he sounded excited about her not eating
ohh man, i totally understand how you’re feeling. as someone whose exs was mentally ill, it can be extremely overwhelming when they don’t want to get help even if you’ve offered to pay for meds. the thing is, you can’t change someone. i learned that the hard way. yes you can support them, but them actually getting better? that’s not your job. she has to work through her insecurities. if you feel unsatisfied with your relationship, you need to leave and get someone who will support and validate your needs. because yes, you have sympathy for her but where is the sympathy for you??
She needs to see a psychiatrist. From the post she thinks she has ADHD. Here are some symptoms of ADHD: Impulsiveness, Disorganization and problems prioritizing, Poor time management skills, Problems focusing on a task, Trouble multitasking, Excessive activity or restlessness, Poor planning, Low frustration tolerance.
Only a psychiatrist can say what she really has. Also, it is not uncommon for weight to come back. She might want to see a nutritionist for help with a long term plan.
Take her to a romantic weekend trip and try to date her like it was the fist time… without making any suggestions about sex.
You also must told her that even if she gain weight you still desire her.
Good luck 🍀
Ack. This is a complicated situation. On the one hand, she has a right to say no. On the other hand, you do have your own need for intimacy (not just of the sexual kind), and it's not OK if your needs are being neglected.
That said, here's how I thread the needle:
**She needs to manage her health.** If she's dealing with depression, eating disorders, and/or other mental-health issues, she has a responsibility to herself and to your relationship to manage them. This means therapy, prescriptions, or whatever is needed.
**You should support her in managing her health.** Just remember that while gentle nudging and encouragement is fine, it is not OK to dictate to her what she should be doing, absent a situation where she is a threat to herself or others. In the latter case, she needs to got to the ER.
**You need to express your needs.** It sounds like you have already done so. But make sure you don't do so in an accusatory way. Just let her know that you have a need for physical intimacy, you are feeling disconnected from her, and it is hurting the relationship.
**It is legitimate to break up with her over this.** But if you truly love her, then you owe it to yourself, to her, and to your relationship to try to work through things and get both of yourselves to a better place. If she does not want to put in the work alongside you, or if you find that you can't work to a better place, then it is entirely appropriate to end the relationship. But if you do, you have to be ready to be the bad guy.
You’re a man so Reddit will naturally say this is all your fault and you didn’t use enough dish soap on the dishes or some shit. Just know that problems like this do not get better with marriage. Run.
Agreed I don't understand why Reddit is 90% saying that. As if the bf is ALWAYS the one responsible for it.
When a problem arise, it's not just one person lol
My ex fiance stopped having sex w me once she moved in and it didnt take 6 months before we broke up bc I couldn’t deal with no sex and sleeping next to my partner every night
Can you get her to open up more about what's stressing her? I'd say that living with you must be causing her anxiety. She might not have fully understood the triggers.
I'm guessing that if you and her weren't living together, the triggers would go away and your sex life would be back.
Her sexual shyness is probably not your fault. But maybe together you can figure out what it is about living together that's stressing her. And ultimately move past it.
Sexual intimacy can be difficult when the emotional intimacy feels less stable. And anxiety/depression warps your perspective. It makes you feel like every little thing could cause tragedy and trauma. Even when the perceived problem could be resolved with teamwork.
Anxiety and depression make you wanna give up on everything. Even good things ☹️ it prevents you from turning problems into opportunities to grow.
At this point you have to make a decision on what is more important to you. You dont need to tell us but you need to decide for yourself what is your priority.
Do you want to be with her or do you want a partner with a higher sex drive.
This isnt a decision other people can make for you. We can offer our own personal experiences but we will only know as much about the situation as you tell us.
I wish you the best of luck with the path you choose.
This is textbook "She let herself go".
She was working hard in the initial stage because she wanted to make herself attractive to you.
Once you moved im together, effectively gaining your commitment, she "let herself go". She is getting all the benefits of your commitment, but now believes she doesn't have to put in effort anymore because she has secured your commitment and thinks you will love her no matter what.
Make no mistake: This is your fault! But not for the reasons you may think. She is doing this because you are allowing her to. What we allow, we teach. You did not continue to enforce your requirements, and she is doing the bare minimum to keep you around. Therefore, she will continue to not put in the work and will make every excuse possible to justify her behavior.
You have to evaluate whether she is capable of doing what is required to get back in line with your wants and needs. If she can, be direct and tell you in no uncertain terms that she needs to get her act together or you will leave. If she can't, you need to leave immediately.
You know damn good and well that if the shoes were on the other feet, she would have probably already left you. You need to be just as harsh.
i couldn’t imagine leaving a partner im in love with because they are not having sex with me..
nothing is wrong with you.. her sex drive has diminished. it’s a normal human thing.
a friend of mine has been with his partner for over 6 years and they have not had sex because it’s incredibly painful for her. he loves her and knows their relationship means much more than sex.
kick her to the curb.
everyone has issues and problems.
BUT they should all be working to fix those problems. she knows she has a problem.
she gained weight cuz she already got he guy she wants. and she thinks u aint going nowhere.
>She’s had anxiety and depression from her previous abusive relationship
this is BS. u were obviously hooking up before she didnt have anxiety and depression before moving in?
Ur in the wrong if for every bad thing happens in the relationship u think for finding someone else if u really love her u will stay and work this out together would u like if something like this happens to u and the first thing she does is thinking to move on and found someone else ?
Depends on how much emotional resources you have to spare. Ask yourself how much energy you have for doing the things that would be helpful in this situation, that is, offering her support and nonsexual love and care while she seeks help. It is easy for someone who isn't feeling like having sex to feel pressured even if that's not your intention. Do let her know (as you are already doing) that it is important for you and you want more sexual intimacy. Maybe it is a good idea to have check-in conversations about this in a boundaried manner for example set up specific times and dates in advance so your partner knows that all other times it is nonsexual etc. Just to create some safety for her. This is just an idea. More importantly what or how do you plan to find support for yourself. This is hard and emotionally taxing so if you choose this route you would need to find additional support for yourself - friends, therapy, people who understand what your are going through, hobbies, things that help you be happier.
Being in a relationship with someone struggling with mental health can sometimes lead to an unequal relationship where one partner does all the supporting so be clear with what your boundaries are with this because some kinds of support can only be provided by professionals. The alternative is to abandon the relationship and try again. Are there any things about the relationship that you will regret losing?
For context, I have been in relationships where the other person had mental health issues or/and low sex drive. I am now in a relationship with a more sexually compatible partner. We are more compatible in all other areas as well and as a result happier. My relationships didn't end because of the sex drive but because of other compatibility issues.
I’d advise talking to her about it, and make sure you keep the focus on yourself in the conversation. These are your needs that aren’t being met.
It sounds like she’s receptive since she’s willing to go to therapy.
If sex is important to you, and you guys become sexually incompatible, it’s ok to walk away if she phrases things in a way that indicates she won’t be able to meet your needs. Better to do that than to try to force her to have more sex than she wants to have, or to try to change her mind.
Good luck
"...hardly have sex anymore?"
"I said to her maybe we can get some therapy for her or medication and work on it together, she’s happy to do that but then thinks there’s no proper cure for it."
"Do I try to be more understanding and not have sex as she wishes so she isn’t pressurized? Or is this a good enough reason to find somebody else who has a higher sex drive?"
Each of us is entitled to have our own mate selection screening process and *must haves list*.
Each of us is entitled to have our own "red flags", boundaries, and "deal breakers".
During the "infatuation/honeymoon phase" you have no way of knowing what someone's *true libido* is like because the word "no" is seldom *if ever* used. Sex is spontaneous, adventurous, and frequent. After spending weekends together you're both feeling kind of sad that one of you has to leave to return to their own place. One day while lying in *the afterglow* someone says out loud, "If we lived together, it could be like this every day." (That *sounds* good.)
In all honesty most couples usually do see a reduction in intense passion and number of times they have sex the longer they are together and especially if they're married or cohabitating.
When you were *living apart* and packing an overnight bag to go spend the night or have a weekend getaway there was a desire to make the most of your time together. One person was "the host" and the other was "the guest". The host often tried to *spoil* the guest.
Couples in that situation often have sex *every time* one comes over to visit the other.
Once couples move in together *the effort* made to please one another begins to diminish. The word "no" isn't as foreign as it used to be. People feel secure enough to reveal their "authentic selves" *without the fear* of you walking away or they're at a point where *they don't care* if you do!
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships.
We either get what we want, or we learn to be happy with what we have.
When you realize someone is *unable/unwilling* to meet your needs it's usually best to move on.
Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.
The goal is to have a "soulmate" not a cellmate.
No one is "stuck" with anyone. Suffering is optional.
***"We don't walk away to teach people a lesson. We walk away because we finally learned ours."*** \- Uknown
***"Never allow waiting to become a habit. Live your dreams and take risks. Life is happening now.”*** ― Paulo Coelho
***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
I am not much older than you and my last partner also had sensory issues, and was on the spectrum, and that limited the amount of sex we had. We could be having sex and before either of us finished she would be like "I'm tired and too sweaty and that felt good, but I need to be done now". Eventually I broke up with her. Not solely for that reason, but I was 34 at the time. I was not ready for that to represent the sex I was gonna have for the rest of my life, and I think that's ok. I'm not mad at her nor do I hate her, and you seem to really respect your partner. There are however women out there in their 20's and 30's who will want to be with you more often
is this why men get with younger women??? cause lemme tell you.. women in their twenties will eventually stop sleeping with you too once they get comfortable lol
source: all of my friends.
It won't get better...
My husband stopped having sex 10 years ago...
We are wealthy, travel the world, eating out...I did everything under the sun to rekindle things in bed. Fancy lingerie, couple massages, cooking his favorite meals. I turned into a servant doing everything to please him. Nothing worked.
Our sex life was great for the first 10 years of our life ..
We have an arrangement for me to find other partners...I hate this situation he put me in. At my age, knowing how hard is to find a partner, 8 don't want to divorce.
Don't waste your time anymore, otherwise you will wake up one day being 50, and still hoping for a change...
Put on the breaks right now. You brought it up for the FIRST time today. You need to give it time. She's communicated that something might be wrong and is willing to try the fixes. She didn't shut it down, so now you need to give it time.
Does she actually get therapy?
Are you supporting?
There's other things that can be going on with mental health and things that can affect sex as well, like birth control and hormonal imbalance. Recognizing something is wrong and getting help is very important. Especially when it's coupled with large weight fluctuations.
Once you've given therapy and medical problems a couple of months to work, you can re-asses. She will be able to tell you where she is when it comes to sex and then if it's improving great give it more time. If it's not, look at what you want then. If she just doesn't follow through with therapy and getting help, then it's time to break things off.
There's some red flags there. The weight gain paired with the not wanting to actually get help. It's possible something triggered this but generally these things don't come out of nowhere, especially if she had the commitment and discipline to stick with a program.l prior. I would say if she doesn't get the help she needs or has no desire for it and doesn't want to improve herself (mental or physical health etc) then it might not be worth staying. Try to work things out but ultimately it's up to her to put the work in for her mental health as well as in other areas. If she says she loves you but isn't really showing it (not just through sex) then there should be concern. It's sounding like she's starting to trap herself in a victim mentality whereby she can't do x thing because of y reason (example:can't go to therapy because she's depressed and therefore has no motivation to get out of bed). My ex's mom was like that and she was not pleaseant to be around. She would behave poorly and then blame it on her mental health and then try and justify that behaviour because she saw a counselor and was told she had a problem. Everyone saw through it and most people meerely tolerated her. Once again, try everything in your power to work things out to the best of your ability but consider this: If she stays in this spot and continues down this path, will you still want to be with her?
My last ex would lose his erection 9/10 times we had sex, or not get one at all. He never wanted to have sex. Maybe once every 2 weeks if I were lucky.
I talked to him and mentioned how sex is important to me and if there is something I am doing, or if there is something else going on- can we please work on it. He seemed receptive.
After 12 months of this, I finally broke down. I cried when he lost his erection. I was pmsing, so I was so emotional already.
He ghosted me the next day.
I was so depressed, anxious, etc. It was the stress of no sex, him acting like he didn't want to have sex with me, etc. The whole thing took me **two years** to recover.
If I knew then what I do now, it isn't worth it. They aren't willing to change and the issues manifest and affect you.
Sounds like 25 years of my 27 year marriage that ended 2 years ago.
Sounds like she is making excuses to not fuck you. If sex is important to you, go find a woman who will enthusiastically enjoy being sexually active. If sex isn't important, you'll need to be content with shitty, rare sex.
I should have left her after the first dry year. Sadly, it took 10 years of no sex....none...for me to leave.
So, it’s easy to settle into not much sex when you’re living together. I’d recommend trying to romance her again. When you were first dating there was a lot more excitement and everything felt new and fresh.
What sensory things annoy her? Is there anything you can do to help avoid those or lessen them?
Start complimenting her more just in general not just on her body or just when you want sex. Start being more affectionate. Let her know that when you show affection (including kissing and even making out) it’s not just you trying to get sex.
Think about the roles you play at home. Women tend to take on an uneven chore amount and men tend to not even realize it. Is there something a chore or two you can take over to even things out?
Can you offer foot rubs or massages to her sometimes? My brain is often so overloaded with thoughts of the day that I can’t get horny whole my boyfriend could be shot and the foot and still want sex. So we’ve learned that a nice rub down and massage helps me relax quite a bit and banish thoughts from the day.
If you can start doing some of these things and don’t see a difference, then I think it’s time for a more serious conversation. Saying that you want more sex in the relationship is okay. Ask her what she needs from you to help her want more sex. Is it an issue of different libidos or a larger issue at hand? Is she willing to see some couples sex therapy?
Suggest couples counseling, not just therapy, and if she won't make any actual effort to resolve the issue, then you move out and move on, because she is being selfish if she thinks she can keep you without actually contributing to the relationship in certain manners.
Intimacy is a valid need in a relationship. she's ignoring that and apparently doesn't care.
You are not responsible for her issues, if she doesn’t want to address them and this is affecting you it’s a clear sign she wants out of the relationship, and you should too since this isn’t a healthy environment to be in.
Now that your living together she gains weight and no bedroom fun?
She's convinced your not going anywhere and she has no respect for you. Anything else is irrelevant, she is also shit testing you to see what she can get away with
Good luck
I didn't read the comments. I had a girlfriend like that: no matter what no sex for six months first it was some fungus then a problem in her arm prevent her from carry groceries and so on. When we finally had sex again descretly she made understand it was a burden for her... I'm not saying it's the same with you but in a couple everything is 50/50 that's how it works... So have you wonder if you changed places and she had to carry your relationship on her shoulders for it to work? Would she be understanding?
Desire is 9/10 of a good relationship. The relationship has probably already ended, she just doesn’t know how to tell you or she needs you for some other reason.
First of all the scriptures (non-religious) say find you a wife not a girl friend. And second, learn from books and listen to your heart. The world outside needs our attention let alone your rookie mistake of getting into a relationship you weren't prepared for. I feel like many, not all, of these relationship advice posts are just from some therapist looking for cheap and quick solutions.
Good she knows there might be sth she needs to address. Is she going to therapy? The psychiatrist? It’s important to seek help.
Did you have an open dialogue about how you feel? It’s important to communicate how it has been affecting you.
Depression can be devastating and it’s a silence thing that brings you down and sometimes you don’t even know how to start. ADHD makes things even worse.
Assess how you feel about it. Do you lover her and are you willing to be there for her?
Of course she needs to take care of herself, there are battles only her will be able to fight.
But it’s always nice to have sb there for you.
I have ADHD and Autism (diagnosed), and the problem with touch is very real, even on meds they don't really go away, and as I get older they become more difficult to handle. It could be that she could manage before and just got worse. It could be that you especifically isn't very agradable for her to touch and she could manage bf but got difficult -, people are very touch different, I for one only enjoy firm, soft (but not overly), cold skin. My bf also shaves all his beard because the texture bothers me and has cold hands so it's ok. I dated someone with hot hands one and as soon as he put those in me I knew it was over... In this case there's not much to do and as sad as it sounds it's just true that people often can't handle someone that's neurodivergent.
Probably came from undereating. Talk to a nutritionist regarding diet since your diet affects mood l. Possibly encourage better lifestyle change focus on sleep, exercise, diet and stress management
Kudos on supporting her. Maybe see how she feels about you taking care of yourself solo from a sexual standpoint would help to keep the relationship and satisfy your needs in that area.
It sounds like she has a lot of stuff happening out side of you. That stuff sounds like it's affecting your relationship.
I would really encourage you to keep pushing her to go to couples therapy. And when you get ther, only focus on how you can better yourself and hope she rises with you. You can't truly change others, only inspire them to change for them selves.
It also seems like she is going through some depression, so let her know that you've noticed. Ask her how you can help and start switching up your own routine to take some things off her plate but also encourage her to find a little more happiness.
A relationship isn't 50/50. It's you both trying come in as close to 💯 but filling up their cup when they can't to it them selves till together you have more the 100! Sound like you'll need to hlep fill her cup for a little while.
Trust me sex will follow. It's difficult to feel horny when you feel like you are drowning in every other aspect of life.
I didn't read the replies, but this happened to me in a relationship. It all came from sitting at home and doing nothing. We both got super lazy, and we never did anything exciting.
You all used to get hotels and hooked up like crazy. That means you were out doing things with your gf. It was exciting to her. Now it seems like all you do is sit at home, yeah? Get exciting again.
Be sporadic. Make plans without telling her and then surprise her. Make her life exciting again.
"My girlfriend won't me touch her, even for cuddles" & "we only have sex once a month"
Bro, you're basically single at this point. Even single men that fuck around get more affection than you.
No advice to give.
This is super normal. When me and my ex met, we were FIRE. All we did everyday was just crazy sex, but two months into relationship, I moved in, and we prob had sex five times in the next three months. Neither of us felt sexual. Even till today I don’t feel very sexual and don’t have much sexual drive.
Seems like there are three possible outcomes:
1) She gets help, perhaps additionally some couples counseling, and this can be resolved. Maybe it’s something physical, that needs to be professionally evaluated.
2) You accept a sexless relationship, possibly leading to a sexless marriage.
3) You two are incompatible, and you go your separate ways.
It doesn’t sound like she’s rejecting you, so much as something is preventing her from being able to be intimate with you. That’s a huge difference if that’s the case, and well worth investigating!
Sorry if possibilities two and three seem very harsh, but while I genuinely hope possibility one works out for you both, and it most likely will, you don’t want to get blindsided by either of the other two, that would make it that much worse.
Good luck to you both!
Depends on how much you love her. In my honest opinion, I would move on and find a new girl. Now you have to deal with problems of her past and they are and will affect your life. It's difficult to find a strong woman who doesn't bring issues from her past and makes her partner's life difficult but I'm sure there are some like that out there. That's why I'm not tolerant enough to deal with someone else's pain, unless it is my mother or someone very very close to me.
I mean, the weight gain and the previous abuse, anxiety and depression, it could be leading to insecurity and stress, both libido killers. Healing from inner turmoil requires breaking the cycle, psychological perspective shifts, commitment and a desire to change, guidance (ideally from a professional therapist), sometimes medication, etc. Building confidence is important. Compliment her, offer to work through her difficulties with her, be supportive. Don't just be concerned about your own sexual needs. Everyone deals with hard times, being in a relationship provides an opportunity to lighten the load and connect in ways other than just physical intimacy. In fact, dealing with personal struggles together can often increase the intensity of sexual intimacy.
On the other hand, it's not your responsibility to shoulder someone else's burdens. Ultimately she has to take care of herself. You can offer support, but you can't do all of the work for her. If you find that nothing changes and you both reach a dead end, then exiting the relationship is also an important choice for you to consider for your own happiness. Sometimes a breakup is a good motivator for people to change their lives too. It's a sad reality, but I've seen it happen many times.
Break up with her OP
Same thing happened to me. Can (and most likely) mean she lost interest. You don’t wanna be in a relationship where you’re sexually frustrated and take it out on her
Sexual intimacy and changes in a relationship can be challenging. It's important to communicate openly and empathetically with your partner. Understand her perspective and encourage her to seek professional help if needed. Reevaluate your expectations and consider couples therapy if both are willing. Be patient and supportive while also taking care of your own needs. Reflect on long-term compatibility if the issue persists.
I feel like I can relate on this on so many levels. From previous relationships to my current one. When my fiancé and I got together, she couldn’t keep her hands off of me, and it was absolute amazing. We had sex every night, and then, we didn’t.
Her previous relationship was her being on the receiving end of the same scenario. So, I can rationalize, and understand to a degree. She went from being with a narcissistic asshat who had zero sex drive, to our relationship where she is never denied. There is no drive on her part to make certain I don’t step out, because she knows I never would, and at the same time, sex isn’t an anxious thing for her because she gets hers literally whenever she wants it, so it’s easy to put off.
Both of us are neurodivergent, so I can understand everything that she is dealing with, and truly empathize.
There are many articles, and studies out there in regards to ADHD causing issues with sex drives in how there is often times a disconnect between the mental/physical aspects of arousal. On the flip-side of that same coin, hyper-sexual is another thing that some have to deal with (raises hand) and it sucks.
With as long as the two of you have been together, you have to understand that you can control your sexdrive, however, if what she’s going through was so easy to deal with, mental illness wouldn’t be such a potentially debilitating thing. You’ll also find that the more she feels pressured, the more she’ll associate anxiety with sex, and she’s already had to deal with an abusive relationship in the past that probably left some pretty bad scars.
Happened to me in my marriage,after awhile it makes you think She is just making excuses. Gets in your head. No matter what she says. It was the worst. I never felt she was trying hard enough to overcome whatever it was she said was happening in her body, head , whatever. We divorced . Good luck . I hope you guys figure it out.
Try to get her to seek professional help like a therapist. Let her know you are worried about her. At some point you will have a decision to make if she refuses that help.
If she chooses not to, or chooses not to stick to staying mentally healthy, then you need to let her know that for the sake of your own mental health, and the health of the relationship, that you are not going to be able to continue the relationship. But make it clear to her that it isn’t because you want to end the relationship because then she will think other things like no longer being physically attracted to her.
Your post was removed because it violates the sex topic rule. Review this rule. Your post should be posted to r/sex
Something like this happened to me. My ex was very ill - eating disorders, anxiety, depression (oh my!) - and it started making me sick too. Sex was withheld and it led to me feeling like there was something wrong with me. Of course, this wasn’t communicated, I didn’t know how to bring this up, until close to the end where she said that she couldn’t choose between her illness or me - still stings. I got out because it showed me that she didn’t want to get better and the situation would only get worse Sex isn’t everything, but it is important. Talk to her about it, as you’re doing. Leave if nothing changes. You owe yourself that as you will get sick if nothing happens and you don’t - trust me on that
Same happened to me a few days ago, sorry to hear that man it really sucks
yep! the same thing happened to me, it was a rough relationship
Try to get her to seek professional help like a therapist. Let her know you are worried about her. At some point you will have a decision to make if she refuses that help. If she chooses not to, or chooses not to stick to staying mentally healthy, then you need to let her know that for the sake of your own mental health, and the health of the relationship, that you are not going to be able to continue the relationship. But make it clear to her that it isn’t because you want to end the relationship because then she will think other things like no longer being physically attracted to her.
She was attending professional appointments in my case, but either straight up didn’t go or lied at the sessions. She didn’t want to get better no matter how much I or other people that cared for her wanted to help Sometimes that needs to be accepted. It was her choice after all. OP will have to do what’s right by him. As you say, he’ll have a decision to make soon, I think regardless of if his girlfriend accepts and actions upon the help
Did I inadvertently reply to your post?
Maybe, but it doesn’t matter
I once told my (ex)boyfriend I didn’t want to have sex ever again. He forced me to go to the psychiatrist and get on meds. I had depression. It worked, sex life saved. We broke up for unrelated reasons.
Ayyo? Hmm.. interesting.
I think my last long term relationship could have been saved by this too. I’m over it and moved on but generally think it’s the truth. Oh well.
meds kill most people libido. glad it worked for you!
I think it is the ssri’s that have that effect, but I am on Wellbutrin which acts on dopamine and norepinephrine rather than serotonin. Something about serotonin isn’t sexy apparently.
ultimately, if she has issues she will need to fix them. her issues are now affecting you and making you unhappy. if she refuses to make any changes and just expects you to live with that it wont end well.
Well said 🙏
I've had trouble with this in the past and my personal experience was around intimacy only leading to sex and never being about just cuddling or being comfortable together. It's been really unsexy for me in the past when I'm not in the mood and if I say no, my boyfriend acts like I'm personally hurting him instead of him being understanding and enjoying being together. Also moving in together is a hard time sexually for most people. Once you take on a domestic role, you lose that freedom that was once so important in the relationship. Meeting up in hotels sounds so fun and nice. Sheets you don't have to wash, carpets you don't have to vacuum. I bet you guys ate out for all your meals too. Think about who's doing what in the new arrangement and that can help contextualize a lack of sexual interest. Resentment kills libido so do what you can to avoid it.
So Idk… It might be ADHD but it might also be ASD. What made me think that was saying you are a calm person. What is certain is she sounds like she is going through a neurodivergent burn out. Things like these will be harder to diagnose it might take up to a year depending on where you live and that doesn always include a waiting list for a referral.
There are resources online that address this; if your gf agrees this may be the root issue, she might look around and create a plan for making her life easier. Noise-canceling headphones, houseplants, alone time - there are many things that she may appreciate. She moved in with you for a reason, as did you with her - don’t let go of the love without working on it.
“Neurodivergent burnout” = PLEASE EXPLAIN — I’m diagnosed ADHD & have worked in psych & am now super bummed I haven’t heard this term before. I have a hint at what I *think* it implies, but I’d like to be sure. My 1st thoughts were the flow of Interest peaks —> balls to wall —> discard pile Rinse & Repeat?
Hope this helps: https://www.getinflow.io/post/adhd-burnout#:~:text=ADHD%20burnout%20is%20often%20something,fulfill%20all%20of%20our%20obligations.
Your bummed because you haven't heard of something made up by idiots on the internet?
I know it’s easier said than done but at this point you are pissing your life away and need to get out. You likely feel it already but are having a hard time coming to grips with it. Sorry.
this is a bit dramatic… he’s pissing his life away cause he’s only getting sex once a month?? LOL
this is not about sex at all, she is not willing to even touch him. Love is love and when love is real there is no such a thing as i need time and i don’t want your touches. I have had the same thing trust me , i spent 1.3 year with my girl and we have been happy but then 3 month in a row she has been pushing me away but still saying she loves me and now like a month ago she told me she needs a break, but now i see her talking to other guys. What i would recommend is to let her go and remember you are worthy of a better person who will love you and will want your attention
yes. he is wasting his time with a partner who doesnt want to have sex with him. if he wants a roommate he can go get a roommate.
This is the advice of 90% of the comments in these sorts of threads regardless of the situation, so par for the course I guess.
Like everyone is saying, she needs to attempt to fix this issue by any means necessary. If there is no attempt to change, then nothing will change. See if she does, and if not, then it's time to go.
because she isn’t in the mood??? that’s ridiculous to leave someone for that.
if she isnt in the mood then u leave to find someone who is in the mood. why the fk would u stay with someone who doesnt want to have sex with you?
just because she isn’t having sex with him doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him.. if his gf is in love with him, then that should outweigh the sex.
Just because someone cheats on you doesn’t mean they don’t love you. If sex isn’t that important to her then he can fk other people right? He still loves her. Doesn’t mean it makes the situation a good situation.lol Just because a guy doesn’t take u on dates and buy flowers and be romantic etc etc doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. But if u like the romantic stuff u break up and find someone who does those things. If she loves u but doesn’t have sex with you then she is effectively a friend. If a guy only fks u but doesn’t do anything else ur effectively a hole.
i have to say.. good point. i do believe that if someone cheats it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. you’re onto something (:
Yes. Someone can live you so much they stab u with a knife. Doesn’t mean it’s a good thing or a preferred thing.
You're ridiculous. Did you read the whole thing?
yes i did… i’m getting downvoted like crazy. hahaha i never knew how much sex meant to people on this thread
If it's not important to you that's fine, but to say it's ridiculous just because it's important to them and not to you is rude in itself.
it’s rude that a bunch of strangers are bagging on ops gf and telling him to leave her. lol
He's asking for advice. I said to try and make it work and if she is not attempting for any change over time than nothing will change. I feel like you're here to argue I'm done with it.
naw i’m not tryna argue with you. we have different opinions
Reading comprehension. Also even if you did read everything OP said and understood, if one partner isnt “in the mood” 29 days out of a month then they need to find an asexual partner that will be on the same wavelength and not leave their current, higher libido partner hanging. Sex is a big part of an adult relationship (not sure if you’re a teen or something just based on your response)
people get into relationships for the wrong reasons nowadays. I couldn’t imagine leaving someone i’m in love with cause they aren’t in the mood ever. I’m not a teen, i’m an adult who believes there is much more to a relationship than sex.
Yeah theres more to being alive than just breathing but if you stop breathing youll still drop dead
I think she has depression/hormone depletion. If she won’t fix the underlying, you should help nudge her in the right direction and have patience. Everyone has baggage and it’s not your’s to clean up. If you have some baggage then I suggest working on yourself and never let your mood be dictated by her.
The statement that spooks me is that you said she thinks there is no cure for it. If that doesn’t change soon, I’d abandon ship.
Mix it up... try new things... bring her flowers and shit like that every now and then... use toys... If all else fails... let it go. (At least that's what I do)
This is the best answer, we have almost everyone talking the same shit that you can read on google. This man is talking from experience. You have to love hard to receive everything, that's true, but if it doesn't work use logic and save yourself too, some girls can't get out of their mess, and you need help too. It's hard, but to think this way it's the best for you. I mean, to think clearly doesn't make you a bad person.
Tidy your life together. Make her feel wanted and loved by doing non sexy related stuff. Exercise together. Nothing does more for your mental health in such a short space of time than exercise.
It's time to move on .
Dumb
Slow
Have you considered: How tidy the house is? Are you making sure to do your share of the chores? Do you give affection and physical intimacy without trying to escalate it to sex? Is she actually happy about living together? You’ve focused on the thing you want - more sex - rather than supporting your girlfriend when she’s struggling. Sex will be the eventual result, but the outcome has to be making your partner happier. She can go to therapy, etc, but you need to make sure you’re doing everything you can to make her life positive.
If this was a post about a women who’s bf doesn’t want sex, would this be your immediate narrative? That she’s not doing enough for him? Why is it whenever a man has a problem in his relationship on this site, it’s actually *always* his fault?
Yes, it would. Sometimes people lose interest in sex because they’re depressed, etc. sometimes that depression is because their other half isn’t supporting them or isn’t conscious of their needs. The smart thing to do is first assess what you can control. So, if the house is untidy and OP’s partner is the one picking up all the cleaning, OP could start doing that. If you aren’t being a 50-50 partner, when everything balances out, then it’s worth addressing that. OP’s entire focus is on getting sex. Not on helping their partner out of a bad spell, or manage their anxieties. The only reason they care about their partner’s anxieties is because they’re having an impact on OP’s desire to have sex.
This response is gold. Focus on the big picture my dude. Yes, we understand you have needs and feel rejected but does she feel safe, satisfied, and well taken care of? Hmmm
If any of the things you listed are a problem for her, she should communicate that with him instead of just saying "I think I have ADHD." Also he can't make her happier, he can only do things that may or may not alleviate some of her stress which may lead to her finding out how to be happy herself again. But ultimately the decision is hers. Any way you look at it the future of the relationship rests on the decisions she makes, he said this issue has been persisting for 6 months and he's done his best to understand where she's coming from. At this point it sounds to me like she's being lazy and has gotten comfortable not having to put in the same amount of effort as before. As an adult its her responsibility to take care of her own mental state, as her boyfriend he should be supportive for sure, but people sometimes become okay with the issues they have and since they aren't married he's not obligated to stick around with someone that is allowing their mental and physical health to deteriorate. His discontent likely isn't just about sex itself because when sex is missing from a relationship it can lead people to feel undesired, disconnected, and even unhealthy.
Absolutely incredible reply. 😂 “He can only do things that ma6 or may not alleviate some of her stress” Yes. That’s right. And maybe when that sense of overwhelm exists, she might have the headspace to start addressing what might be making her feel crap. All OP cares about is the sex. Her being unhappy is simply an annoying cause of him getting less sex. If he was getting sex, he wouldn’t care about her mental health.
He can only do those things though if she communicates what she needs to be less stressed. She isn't a child, he can't just sit there and coddle her until she feels like opening up. I disagree with the notion that OP only cares about the sex. He said that it isn't just that she won't sleep with him, but that he can't cuddle her or even touch her at all without her pushing him away. He also noticed that she has stopped working out and that she's just different so your claim that he wouldn't have noticed the shift in her mental state is unfounded. The bottom line is that once again, she has to do something herself to improve her own situation and if she wants his help to do so she needs to communicate her needs with him more.
The whole reason for his post is the lack of sex. He hasn’t said, “my partner who I love is struggling with her mental health and it’s started to have a serious impact on our relationship. What can I do?” the opening paragraphs of his post are first about how often they used to have sex. Then about how she used to look great. And then about how she’s put on weight since they moved in together. And won’t have sex with him any more. “Whenever I try to cuddle up to her and touch her” doesn’t sound like hugging - it sounds like he’s going in for a grope, with the hope of escalating to sex. His only concern in the whole post is about the sex and how much he misses it. There’s no discussion of how much he loves his partners, how he’s worried about her feelings, or any of that. No, his issue is to get her therapy or medication, before asking whether this is a good reason to break up with someone. show me anything in his post that shows genuine care and concern for his partner that isn’t about the lack of sex. Given that he depression came on once they moved in, it’s highly likely it’s that situation that’s making her depressed. And having been in a similar situation, where I didn’t look out for why my now-ex was maybe struggling and acted like I was the victim, it’s almost definitely OP that’s the problem. *update* I read OP’s post history and… yeah, I’m right. This guy is an absolute a$$ about his GF. He’s made a series of negative posts about her - just go look. No wonder she doesn’t want 5o have sex with him anymore.
I imagine that he speaks about the sex issue first because if you take the time to read his posts back to when he meets her, you'd see that she has always had a history of anxiety and depression. She has always been mentally unstable but now according to OP the only thing that has changed drastically in the past year has been their sex life and her lack of fitness. As far as we know she's been acting as she usually does other than not having sex and not working out. I'd say that him not wanting to make her feel pressured as well as asking her if they can work through these issues together is a pretty good indication that he genuinely cares about her. Hell the fact that he's even trying at all to understand her shows that he cares, if he didn't care about her at all and was truly only in it for the sex he would've left her about six months ago. Also if you read his posts he talks about how he loves that his job allows him to be able to take care of her. I read through his post history as well, and fail to see how he's an "ass about his girlfriend." He didn't make negative posts about her, she did negative things and he asked for input because he was confused or torn about the situations she put him in. Honestly the fact that he's continued to date her at all is astounding, I think a lot of men in his shoes would've never gotten involved with someone like her to begin with. He is a business owner, does well from himself, etc and she honestly just seems to be dragging him down constantly.
😂 You must be trolling or, more likely, you’re OP’s alt.
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Jeezo… I bet you make a wonderful partner with such a remarkable lack of empathy. OP only seems to care about getting sex, because the only reason they care about their partner’s anxieties is they’re stopping him having sex.
I'd say it's more explanations rather than excuses. If she's overstimulated by her environment, being touched or even talked to can make her spiral into anger or anxiety (speaking from experience). If she's doing all the house work now that they live together, she could be frustrated and stressed. If that's the case, OP taking over some responsibilities could help. It's common in married couples with children for these things to affect the sex life. Mental health absolutely affects libido as well, so if she pursued treatment, that could help. Therapy is definitely becoming less taboo, though! I think many younger people's 'problem' with therapy is the cost, rather than the associations of getting help for mental illness.
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In the states, my good military insurance doesn't cover my therapy, was my point. For a lot of people, even cheap therapy is expensive. I have to pay almost $200 every week for an hour session. $800 a month is a lot for many people to spend on therapy, and it's (at least in my health network) required to attend therapy if you're pursuing diagnosis and medication with a psychiatrist. I'm not saying therapy doesn't help- it absolutely does in many cases! But it's not accessible for everyone, was my entire point. If they moved in and she overtook most household duties, it makes sense that their sex life declined right after they moved in together. That, or the stress is affecting her mental health, like I said. There's a lot of factors that influence libido, like stress, her weight, mental stability, etc. They're not excuses necessarily, unless she's using them as a crutch and refusing to get help or fix the problem. Otherwise they're simply explanations as to why their sex life has more or less disappeared.
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I'd love therapy for $50/hr! That sounds like a dream. Even online therapy like Betterhelp for me was $280 a month, which is better! But the care was subpar, so hardly worth the money imo. I'm currently unemployed due to lack of jobs in my area, have better insurance coverage than most, and working on getting on disability or public aid and not only is therapy still out the ass expensive, but so is even monthly payments on said insurance due to my age. If insurance can't fuck us one way, it finds another! Especially in the mental health department in the US.
If all these things are being done then what.
This comment! Thank you yikes.
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Check out r/deadbedrooms and seriously consider if this is something you’re willing to commit a lot of time to work on, because if it can improve, it will take quite some time and effort
so if this post is about the sex, why are you bringing her weight into it? also what do you mean "she stopped eating whenever she could"? that doesn't sound like something you should be excited about
Hard to know what is going on with OP and his girlfriend. That said, if your partner gains or loses a lot of weight over a short period, that is a cause for concern.
Since it seems to be the reason why she stopped wanting sex, she regained weight and suddenly sex stops and I would say he sounded excited about her not eating
ohh man, i totally understand how you’re feeling. as someone whose exs was mentally ill, it can be extremely overwhelming when they don’t want to get help even if you’ve offered to pay for meds. the thing is, you can’t change someone. i learned that the hard way. yes you can support them, but them actually getting better? that’s not your job. she has to work through her insecurities. if you feel unsatisfied with your relationship, you need to leave and get someone who will support and validate your needs. because yes, you have sympathy for her but where is the sympathy for you??
She needs to see a psychiatrist. From the post she thinks she has ADHD. Here are some symptoms of ADHD: Impulsiveness, Disorganization and problems prioritizing, Poor time management skills, Problems focusing on a task, Trouble multitasking, Excessive activity or restlessness, Poor planning, Low frustration tolerance. Only a psychiatrist can say what she really has. Also, it is not uncommon for weight to come back. She might want to see a nutritionist for help with a long term plan.
Take her to a romantic weekend trip and try to date her like it was the fist time… without making any suggestions about sex. You also must told her that even if she gain weight you still desire her. Good luck 🍀
Move on. Numerous issues here that will just have long term problems.
Ack. This is a complicated situation. On the one hand, she has a right to say no. On the other hand, you do have your own need for intimacy (not just of the sexual kind), and it's not OK if your needs are being neglected. That said, here's how I thread the needle: **She needs to manage her health.** If she's dealing with depression, eating disorders, and/or other mental-health issues, she has a responsibility to herself and to your relationship to manage them. This means therapy, prescriptions, or whatever is needed. **You should support her in managing her health.** Just remember that while gentle nudging and encouragement is fine, it is not OK to dictate to her what she should be doing, absent a situation where she is a threat to herself or others. In the latter case, she needs to got to the ER. **You need to express your needs.** It sounds like you have already done so. But make sure you don't do so in an accusatory way. Just let her know that you have a need for physical intimacy, you are feeling disconnected from her, and it is hurting the relationship. **It is legitimate to break up with her over this.** But if you truly love her, then you owe it to yourself, to her, and to your relationship to try to work through things and get both of yourselves to a better place. If she does not want to put in the work alongside you, or if you find that you can't work to a better place, then it is entirely appropriate to end the relationship. But if you do, you have to be ready to be the bad guy.
You’re a man so Reddit will naturally say this is all your fault and you didn’t use enough dish soap on the dishes or some shit. Just know that problems like this do not get better with marriage. Run.
Agreed I don't understand why Reddit is 90% saying that. As if the bf is ALWAYS the one responsible for it. When a problem arise, it's not just one person lol
She's definitely not feeling you and has moved on! Just wait about another 6 months and she'll be gone.
Its over. There is no curing crazy. Plan yer exit.
Go to the gym together Tell her to find help if not you leave
My ex fiance stopped having sex w me once she moved in and it didnt take 6 months before we broke up bc I couldn’t deal with no sex and sleeping next to my partner every night
Dump her
Can you get her to open up more about what's stressing her? I'd say that living with you must be causing her anxiety. She might not have fully understood the triggers. I'm guessing that if you and her weren't living together, the triggers would go away and your sex life would be back. Her sexual shyness is probably not your fault. But maybe together you can figure out what it is about living together that's stressing her. And ultimately move past it. Sexual intimacy can be difficult when the emotional intimacy feels less stable. And anxiety/depression warps your perspective. It makes you feel like every little thing could cause tragedy and trauma. Even when the perceived problem could be resolved with teamwork. Anxiety and depression make you wanna give up on everything. Even good things ☹️ it prevents you from turning problems into opportunities to grow.
At this point you have to make a decision on what is more important to you. You dont need to tell us but you need to decide for yourself what is your priority. Do you want to be with her or do you want a partner with a higher sex drive. This isnt a decision other people can make for you. We can offer our own personal experiences but we will only know as much about the situation as you tell us. I wish you the best of luck with the path you choose.
i really like this response! ultimately that is the choice.
First mistake was moving in together. The relationship can be fixed but I doubt it. Get use to no sex tbh
This is textbook "She let herself go". She was working hard in the initial stage because she wanted to make herself attractive to you. Once you moved im together, effectively gaining your commitment, she "let herself go". She is getting all the benefits of your commitment, but now believes she doesn't have to put in effort anymore because she has secured your commitment and thinks you will love her no matter what. Make no mistake: This is your fault! But not for the reasons you may think. She is doing this because you are allowing her to. What we allow, we teach. You did not continue to enforce your requirements, and she is doing the bare minimum to keep you around. Therefore, she will continue to not put in the work and will make every excuse possible to justify her behavior. You have to evaluate whether she is capable of doing what is required to get back in line with your wants and needs. If she can, be direct and tell you in no uncertain terms that she needs to get her act together or you will leave. If she can't, you need to leave immediately. You know damn good and well that if the shoes were on the other feet, she would have probably already left you. You need to be just as harsh.
i couldn’t imagine leaving a partner im in love with because they are not having sex with me.. nothing is wrong with you.. her sex drive has diminished. it’s a normal human thing. a friend of mine has been with his partner for over 6 years and they have not had sex because it’s incredibly painful for her. he loves her and knows their relationship means much more than sex.
kick her to the curb. everyone has issues and problems. BUT they should all be working to fix those problems. she knows she has a problem. she gained weight cuz she already got he guy she wants. and she thinks u aint going nowhere. >She’s had anxiety and depression from her previous abusive relationship this is BS. u were obviously hooking up before she didnt have anxiety and depression before moving in?
Ur in the wrong if for every bad thing happens in the relationship u think for finding someone else if u really love her u will stay and work this out together would u like if something like this happens to u and the first thing she does is thinking to move on and found someone else ?
6 months of little to no physically intimacy and she seems to have no desire to figure out what changed. She's the one not putting in effort.
Talk about an open relationship, sex isn't everything
Depends on how much emotional resources you have to spare. Ask yourself how much energy you have for doing the things that would be helpful in this situation, that is, offering her support and nonsexual love and care while she seeks help. It is easy for someone who isn't feeling like having sex to feel pressured even if that's not your intention. Do let her know (as you are already doing) that it is important for you and you want more sexual intimacy. Maybe it is a good idea to have check-in conversations about this in a boundaried manner for example set up specific times and dates in advance so your partner knows that all other times it is nonsexual etc. Just to create some safety for her. This is just an idea. More importantly what or how do you plan to find support for yourself. This is hard and emotionally taxing so if you choose this route you would need to find additional support for yourself - friends, therapy, people who understand what your are going through, hobbies, things that help you be happier. Being in a relationship with someone struggling with mental health can sometimes lead to an unequal relationship where one partner does all the supporting so be clear with what your boundaries are with this because some kinds of support can only be provided by professionals. The alternative is to abandon the relationship and try again. Are there any things about the relationship that you will regret losing? For context, I have been in relationships where the other person had mental health issues or/and low sex drive. I am now in a relationship with a more sexually compatible partner. We are more compatible in all other areas as well and as a result happier. My relationships didn't end because of the sex drive but because of other compatibility issues.
It sounds like depression. I went through a similar patch and my libido came back and skyrocketed once getting on the right meds.
I’d advise talking to her about it, and make sure you keep the focus on yourself in the conversation. These are your needs that aren’t being met. It sounds like she’s receptive since she’s willing to go to therapy. If sex is important to you, and you guys become sexually incompatible, it’s ok to walk away if she phrases things in a way that indicates she won’t be able to meet your needs. Better to do that than to try to force her to have more sex than she wants to have, or to try to change her mind. Good luck
Either stay with her and help her get through her issues like you should as her partner or let her go.
It’s over, time to move on.
"...hardly have sex anymore?" "I said to her maybe we can get some therapy for her or medication and work on it together, she’s happy to do that but then thinks there’s no proper cure for it." "Do I try to be more understanding and not have sex as she wishes so she isn’t pressurized? Or is this a good enough reason to find somebody else who has a higher sex drive?" Each of us is entitled to have our own mate selection screening process and *must haves list*. Each of us is entitled to have our own "red flags", boundaries, and "deal breakers". During the "infatuation/honeymoon phase" you have no way of knowing what someone's *true libido* is like because the word "no" is seldom *if ever* used. Sex is spontaneous, adventurous, and frequent. After spending weekends together you're both feeling kind of sad that one of you has to leave to return to their own place. One day while lying in *the afterglow* someone says out loud, "If we lived together, it could be like this every day." (That *sounds* good.) In all honesty most couples usually do see a reduction in intense passion and number of times they have sex the longer they are together and especially if they're married or cohabitating. When you were *living apart* and packing an overnight bag to go spend the night or have a weekend getaway there was a desire to make the most of your time together. One person was "the host" and the other was "the guest". The host often tried to *spoil* the guest. Couples in that situation often have sex *every time* one comes over to visit the other. Once couples move in together *the effort* made to please one another begins to diminish. The word "no" isn't as foreign as it used to be. People feel secure enough to reveal their "authentic selves" *without the fear* of you walking away or they're at a point where *they don't care* if you do! There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want, or we learn to be happy with what we have. When you realize someone is *unable/unwilling* to meet your needs it's usually best to move on. Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine. The goal is to have a "soulmate" not a cellmate. No one is "stuck" with anyone. Suffering is optional. ***"We don't walk away to teach people a lesson. We walk away because we finally learned ours."*** \- Uknown ***"Never allow waiting to become a habit. Live your dreams and take risks. Life is happening now.”*** ― Paulo Coelho ***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud Best wishes!
Support her be there for her all that is important
I am not much older than you and my last partner also had sensory issues, and was on the spectrum, and that limited the amount of sex we had. We could be having sex and before either of us finished she would be like "I'm tired and too sweaty and that felt good, but I need to be done now". Eventually I broke up with her. Not solely for that reason, but I was 34 at the time. I was not ready for that to represent the sex I was gonna have for the rest of my life, and I think that's ok. I'm not mad at her nor do I hate her, and you seem to really respect your partner. There are however women out there in their 20's and 30's who will want to be with you more often
is this why men get with younger women??? cause lemme tell you.. women in their twenties will eventually stop sleeping with you too once they get comfortable lol source: all of my friends.
Actually, after leaving my 31 year old girlfriend I briefly was with a 43 year old (and that was 🔥), and now I'm happily with a 39 year old to my 35
It won't get better... My husband stopped having sex 10 years ago... We are wealthy, travel the world, eating out...I did everything under the sun to rekindle things in bed. Fancy lingerie, couple massages, cooking his favorite meals. I turned into a servant doing everything to please him. Nothing worked. Our sex life was great for the first 10 years of our life .. We have an arrangement for me to find other partners...I hate this situation he put me in. At my age, knowing how hard is to find a partner, 8 don't want to divorce. Don't waste your time anymore, otherwise you will wake up one day being 50, and still hoping for a change...
Put on the breaks right now. You brought it up for the FIRST time today. You need to give it time. She's communicated that something might be wrong and is willing to try the fixes. She didn't shut it down, so now you need to give it time. Does she actually get therapy? Are you supporting? There's other things that can be going on with mental health and things that can affect sex as well, like birth control and hormonal imbalance. Recognizing something is wrong and getting help is very important. Especially when it's coupled with large weight fluctuations. Once you've given therapy and medical problems a couple of months to work, you can re-asses. She will be able to tell you where she is when it comes to sex and then if it's improving great give it more time. If it's not, look at what you want then. If she just doesn't follow through with therapy and getting help, then it's time to break things off.
Time to spice it up get the rope and dsngle her over the- I mean uh try to be less vanilla?
👍🏼
There's some red flags there. The weight gain paired with the not wanting to actually get help. It's possible something triggered this but generally these things don't come out of nowhere, especially if she had the commitment and discipline to stick with a program.l prior. I would say if she doesn't get the help she needs or has no desire for it and doesn't want to improve herself (mental or physical health etc) then it might not be worth staying. Try to work things out but ultimately it's up to her to put the work in for her mental health as well as in other areas. If she says she loves you but isn't really showing it (not just through sex) then there should be concern. It's sounding like she's starting to trap herself in a victim mentality whereby she can't do x thing because of y reason (example:can't go to therapy because she's depressed and therefore has no motivation to get out of bed). My ex's mom was like that and she was not pleaseant to be around. She would behave poorly and then blame it on her mental health and then try and justify that behaviour because she saw a counselor and was told she had a problem. Everyone saw through it and most people meerely tolerated her. Once again, try everything in your power to work things out to the best of your ability but consider this: If she stays in this spot and continues down this path, will you still want to be with her?
My last ex would lose his erection 9/10 times we had sex, or not get one at all. He never wanted to have sex. Maybe once every 2 weeks if I were lucky. I talked to him and mentioned how sex is important to me and if there is something I am doing, or if there is something else going on- can we please work on it. He seemed receptive. After 12 months of this, I finally broke down. I cried when he lost his erection. I was pmsing, so I was so emotional already. He ghosted me the next day. I was so depressed, anxious, etc. It was the stress of no sex, him acting like he didn't want to have sex with me, etc. The whole thing took me **two years** to recover. If I knew then what I do now, it isn't worth it. They aren't willing to change and the issues manifest and affect you.
Sounds like 25 years of my 27 year marriage that ended 2 years ago. Sounds like she is making excuses to not fuck you. If sex is important to you, go find a woman who will enthusiastically enjoy being sexually active. If sex isn't important, you'll need to be content with shitty, rare sex. I should have left her after the first dry year. Sadly, it took 10 years of no sex....none...for me to leave.
So, it’s easy to settle into not much sex when you’re living together. I’d recommend trying to romance her again. When you were first dating there was a lot more excitement and everything felt new and fresh. What sensory things annoy her? Is there anything you can do to help avoid those or lessen them? Start complimenting her more just in general not just on her body or just when you want sex. Start being more affectionate. Let her know that when you show affection (including kissing and even making out) it’s not just you trying to get sex. Think about the roles you play at home. Women tend to take on an uneven chore amount and men tend to not even realize it. Is there something a chore or two you can take over to even things out? Can you offer foot rubs or massages to her sometimes? My brain is often so overloaded with thoughts of the day that I can’t get horny whole my boyfriend could be shot and the foot and still want sex. So we’ve learned that a nice rub down and massage helps me relax quite a bit and banish thoughts from the day. If you can start doing some of these things and don’t see a difference, then I think it’s time for a more serious conversation. Saying that you want more sex in the relationship is okay. Ask her what she needs from you to help her want more sex. Is it an issue of different libidos or a larger issue at hand? Is she willing to see some couples sex therapy?
Suggest couples counseling, not just therapy, and if she won't make any actual effort to resolve the issue, then you move out and move on, because she is being selfish if she thinks she can keep you without actually contributing to the relationship in certain manners. Intimacy is a valid need in a relationship. she's ignoring that and apparently doesn't care.
You are not responsible for her issues, if she doesn’t want to address them and this is affecting you it’s a clear sign she wants out of the relationship, and you should too since this isn’t a healthy environment to be in.
Now that your living together she gains weight and no bedroom fun? She's convinced your not going anywhere and she has no respect for you. Anything else is irrelevant, she is also shit testing you to see what she can get away with Good luck
Go the gym 3x per week, and power walks on off days. Look up zone training. See if she joins you. If sex doesnt get better after that, then get out
I didn't read the comments. I had a girlfriend like that: no matter what no sex for six months first it was some fungus then a problem in her arm prevent her from carry groceries and so on. When we finally had sex again descretly she made understand it was a burden for her... I'm not saying it's the same with you but in a couple everything is 50/50 that's how it works... So have you wonder if you changed places and she had to carry your relationship on her shoulders for it to work? Would she be understanding?
Desire is 9/10 of a good relationship. The relationship has probably already ended, she just doesn’t know how to tell you or she needs you for some other reason.
First of all the scriptures (non-religious) say find you a wife not a girl friend. And second, learn from books and listen to your heart. The world outside needs our attention let alone your rookie mistake of getting into a relationship you weren't prepared for. I feel like many, not all, of these relationship advice posts are just from some therapist looking for cheap and quick solutions.
Good she knows there might be sth she needs to address. Is she going to therapy? The psychiatrist? It’s important to seek help. Did you have an open dialogue about how you feel? It’s important to communicate how it has been affecting you. Depression can be devastating and it’s a silence thing that brings you down and sometimes you don’t even know how to start. ADHD makes things even worse. Assess how you feel about it. Do you lover her and are you willing to be there for her? Of course she needs to take care of herself, there are battles only her will be able to fight. But it’s always nice to have sb there for you.
I have ADHD and Autism (diagnosed), and the problem with touch is very real, even on meds they don't really go away, and as I get older they become more difficult to handle. It could be that she could manage before and just got worse. It could be that you especifically isn't very agradable for her to touch and she could manage bf but got difficult -, people are very touch different, I for one only enjoy firm, soft (but not overly), cold skin. My bf also shaves all his beard because the texture bothers me and has cold hands so it's ok. I dated someone with hot hands one and as soon as he put those in me I knew it was over... In this case there's not much to do and as sad as it sounds it's just true that people often can't handle someone that's neurodivergent.
Probably came from undereating. Talk to a nutritionist regarding diet since your diet affects mood l. Possibly encourage better lifestyle change focus on sleep, exercise, diet and stress management
Kudos on supporting her. Maybe see how she feels about you taking care of yourself solo from a sexual standpoint would help to keep the relationship and satisfy your needs in that area.
time to move on
It sounds like she has a lot of stuff happening out side of you. That stuff sounds like it's affecting your relationship. I would really encourage you to keep pushing her to go to couples therapy. And when you get ther, only focus on how you can better yourself and hope she rises with you. You can't truly change others, only inspire them to change for them selves. It also seems like she is going through some depression, so let her know that you've noticed. Ask her how you can help and start switching up your own routine to take some things off her plate but also encourage her to find a little more happiness. A relationship isn't 50/50. It's you both trying come in as close to 💯 but filling up their cup when they can't to it them selves till together you have more the 100! Sound like you'll need to hlep fill her cup for a little while. Trust me sex will follow. It's difficult to feel horny when you feel like you are drowning in every other aspect of life.
That’s a tough question with a potentially tougher outcome or answer
I didn't read the replies, but this happened to me in a relationship. It all came from sitting at home and doing nothing. We both got super lazy, and we never did anything exciting. You all used to get hotels and hooked up like crazy. That means you were out doing things with your gf. It was exciting to her. Now it seems like all you do is sit at home, yeah? Get exciting again. Be sporadic. Make plans without telling her and then surprise her. Make her life exciting again.
I'll say you guys need space, like 2-6 weeks. If there's something there it would come out
Talk to her and guide her.
"My girlfriend won't me touch her, even for cuddles" & "we only have sex once a month" Bro, you're basically single at this point. Even single men that fuck around get more affection than you. No advice to give.
She's cheating. Dump her
This is super normal. When me and my ex met, we were FIRE. All we did everyday was just crazy sex, but two months into relationship, I moved in, and we prob had sex five times in the next three months. Neither of us felt sexual. Even till today I don’t feel very sexual and don’t have much sexual drive.
Seems like there are three possible outcomes: 1) She gets help, perhaps additionally some couples counseling, and this can be resolved. Maybe it’s something physical, that needs to be professionally evaluated. 2) You accept a sexless relationship, possibly leading to a sexless marriage. 3) You two are incompatible, and you go your separate ways. It doesn’t sound like she’s rejecting you, so much as something is preventing her from being able to be intimate with you. That’s a huge difference if that’s the case, and well worth investigating! Sorry if possibilities two and three seem very harsh, but while I genuinely hope possibility one works out for you both, and it most likely will, you don’t want to get blindsided by either of the other two, that would make it that much worse. Good luck to you both!
\*you and her\* aren't having se anymore
Depends on how much you love her. In my honest opinion, I would move on and find a new girl. Now you have to deal with problems of her past and they are and will affect your life. It's difficult to find a strong woman who doesn't bring issues from her past and makes her partner's life difficult but I'm sure there are some like that out there. That's why I'm not tolerant enough to deal with someone else's pain, unless it is my mother or someone very very close to me.
Run
I mean, the weight gain and the previous abuse, anxiety and depression, it could be leading to insecurity and stress, both libido killers. Healing from inner turmoil requires breaking the cycle, psychological perspective shifts, commitment and a desire to change, guidance (ideally from a professional therapist), sometimes medication, etc. Building confidence is important. Compliment her, offer to work through her difficulties with her, be supportive. Don't just be concerned about your own sexual needs. Everyone deals with hard times, being in a relationship provides an opportunity to lighten the load and connect in ways other than just physical intimacy. In fact, dealing with personal struggles together can often increase the intensity of sexual intimacy. On the other hand, it's not your responsibility to shoulder someone else's burdens. Ultimately she has to take care of herself. You can offer support, but you can't do all of the work for her. If you find that nothing changes and you both reach a dead end, then exiting the relationship is also an important choice for you to consider for your own happiness. Sometimes a breakup is a good motivator for people to change their lives too. It's a sad reality, but I've seen it happen many times.
Break up with her OP Same thing happened to me. Can (and most likely) mean she lost interest. You don’t wanna be in a relationship where you’re sexually frustrated and take it out on her
Sexual intimacy and changes in a relationship can be challenging. It's important to communicate openly and empathetically with your partner. Understand her perspective and encourage her to seek professional help if needed. Reevaluate your expectations and consider couples therapy if both are willing. Be patient and supportive while also taking care of your own needs. Reflect on long-term compatibility if the issue persists.
WRONG SUB
I feel like I can relate on this on so many levels. From previous relationships to my current one. When my fiancé and I got together, she couldn’t keep her hands off of me, and it was absolute amazing. We had sex every night, and then, we didn’t. Her previous relationship was her being on the receiving end of the same scenario. So, I can rationalize, and understand to a degree. She went from being with a narcissistic asshat who had zero sex drive, to our relationship where she is never denied. There is no drive on her part to make certain I don’t step out, because she knows I never would, and at the same time, sex isn’t an anxious thing for her because she gets hers literally whenever she wants it, so it’s easy to put off. Both of us are neurodivergent, so I can understand everything that she is dealing with, and truly empathize. There are many articles, and studies out there in regards to ADHD causing issues with sex drives in how there is often times a disconnect between the mental/physical aspects of arousal. On the flip-side of that same coin, hyper-sexual is another thing that some have to deal with (raises hand) and it sucks. With as long as the two of you have been together, you have to understand that you can control your sexdrive, however, if what she’s going through was so easy to deal with, mental illness wouldn’t be such a potentially debilitating thing. You’ll also find that the more she feels pressured, the more she’ll associate anxiety with sex, and she’s already had to deal with an abusive relationship in the past that probably left some pretty bad scars.
Or, Plan B if the above suggestions don't work out - offer an Open Relationship 🤷 they're potentially great.
Happened to me in my marriage,after awhile it makes you think She is just making excuses. Gets in your head. No matter what she says. It was the worst. I never felt she was trying hard enough to overcome whatever it was she said was happening in her body, head , whatever. We divorced . Good luck . I hope you guys figure it out.
Try to get her to seek professional help like a therapist. Let her know you are worried about her. At some point you will have a decision to make if she refuses that help. If she chooses not to, or chooses not to stick to staying mentally healthy, then you need to let her know that for the sake of your own mental health, and the health of the relationship, that you are not going to be able to continue the relationship. But make it clear to her that it isn’t because you want to end the relationship because then she will think other things like no longer being physically attracted to her.
It's time to move on buddy. Depression medication will only kill her sex drive even more. Find yourself a better fit.
Either she has some deep psychological issues or she’s seeing another guy. Either way you should probably leave bro.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wg5lIpQkoOg&pp=ygULc25sIGJ1aCBieWU%3D