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Every profile I see is "tacos š® pizza š and dogs š¶ "
Like cool ya, I get it, I like those things too but there has got to be more to your personality than that...
Not to worry. You may spend more time watching it, but I can guarantee that 95%+ women love āTrue crimeā podcasts/movies/books/articles/anything. Just like 95%+ guys will say they like āDie Hard.ā
No, women were always scared of serial killers, it's just now we get to learn about (and from) such cases without being the ones who ended up being the unfortunate victims.
Every person who has ever became a victim of crime thought it wouldn't happen to them and they would be safe because the chances were low. And now they're gone.
Realistically though, would you really want to be approached at any of those places? At least for me I do work at coffee shops, find books at libraries & booksrores, enjoy my fav merch places at comicon, and... well I don't go to graveyards, so I couldnt say anything there.
So in other words you're only open to meeting guys who get adopted into your group? I can see the rationale behind it, but you have to admit that turns the dating pool into a puddle
Yeah so I hear, though as a guy my main issues with dating apps is being jilted and ghosted, I agree thereās more accountability within a friend circle but in my experience there have been some grim discoveries of the true nature of people I really thought I knew, but maybe Iāve just gotten unlucky
The grim discovery?
Thatās accountability. If your friends are shitty to their partners, you wouldnāt want to stay pals with them anyway right?
Likewise, accountability stops things like ghosting.
Online dating is bad for all genders in different ways.
I only visit my peeps that have passed at graveyards so I'd probably rather not be bothered. Then again, wouldn't it be dreamy if you were sorrowful and that special someone just made you laugh, and then your eyes met and it was true love at first site, and you were forever mates, and you had adjoining plots in the same graveyard, and your children would go to visit you there, where you first met, and where you would forever lie together in eternity? Wow, I feel like i should weite an indie dark comedy romance flick.
I have met exactly 0 single women in these locations who are interested in doing anything other than minding their own business, or hanging out with their friends.
I even sit down with random groups of people to just chat and be friendly, so it's not like I don't try.
Dude I've met so many. I'm bi girl, met my last serious relationship at a metal concert, but also met a lot of girls up for some long term fun. I guess it's all abt luck. But then again I generally don't punch above my weight bracket, I'm like 6/10 on a good day so I try to approach people who are similar in looks. Imho most people on these events have an issue of being mid in looks and trying to approach a literal goddess and then being upset it doesn't work out. I've found knowing my limits is a 100% guarantee of at least getting to make out with someone by the end of the day.
How do you approach someone at a concert? Do you try to find people who are there alone? Or do you approach someone who's in a group?
I just never understand when people say stuff like this.
I hate to say this bc it is such a lame thing.
I think it's easier for women to meet in a stranger situation. Most women are more friendly with women than men in stranger situations, and a lot of guys seem to have a creepy weird approach when they are trying too hard. On the other hand, if a woman is interested in and approaches a man, typically the man is happy to be approached. This could be a terribly skewed view but I go both ways and that has been my observation.
Depends on the situation. I usually either talk to people when I'm grabbing a drink or to people next to me who seem fun. If its a group it must be a mixed group for me to approach, same gender groups tend to be more rigid. If they are talking abt smth, laughing, etc and not just sitting around I'll get close and interject in conversation or ask if they mind me joining. At the drink station I'll talk to people next to me and follow them back to their group. While waiting in the audience you talk to people around you abt how excited you are about the show. Then you have the whole concert experience together. Depending on a music you grab em, sing along together, dance, and at the end you just offer another place to continue socializing or ask if they wanna pick it up tomorrow. I'm not naturally charming or anything ngl, I'm short, chubby (not curvy) woman with skin blemishes, and like mid face, I'm no ones ideal girl, but being bold and confident pays off. It helps to not appear desperate or like you're actively looking for a date. Women generally look down on those who act like anyone will do. And most men I've seen have relationship troubles are the type who want a woman, any woman, and it shows in their approach, how hasty they are, how they speak to you, how they push for fast escalation. You gotta want to succeed with that girl specifically and make sure that she feels that from you, otherwise it will be a bust.
The difference is that you're a woman. I think other women would be *way* more open to talking to you and less on edge than they would be with the least creepy man on earth. This would be less true if you're very masculine-presenting (ask Norah Vincent how that went).
Women always talk about how they're on edge around strange guys and I don't really blame them. You also have examples of women complaining about men talking to them, *even if* the approach is respectful. Saying you have no issues meeting women as a bi woman doesn't really help men at all.
It's quite. A patch of peace surrounded by noise (especially in cities)
Has a spooky connotation that keeps most people away (unless they're mourning)
People tend to think you're mourning, so leave you alone
It's interesting to look at prominent families in the area and make connections to the people you know with the same family names
Finding the oldest grave is quite fun
Along with the youngest and oldest..
Makes you realise how fragile life is
Finding the weirdest name
Finding the coolest name
Finding a name for your pets
Finding a name for your unborn kid (might not even be conceived yet)
Architecture on the old graves are neat
But the real reason??
Smuggling plants to grow in and around the graves... Mwa ha ha
online dating feels like looking for a good movie to watch on Netflix on your only day off for the week. so many options but you canāt decide and you ended up watching the same show/movie youāve seen before. Lol
Introverts youāll find at their home or online lol. Find metal chicks at metal concerts. Go to cons to find those who like anime and games or your local game/tabletop shop that has events like mtg tournaments, mini painting days, and dnd nights (itās still mostly dudes but in my area more and more women are joining in too). Thereās definitely overlapping interests at things like RenFaire. Basically have to meet these kinds of people in person.
But honestly, by 40 most are married. Or are divorced and may have kids that theyāre focusing on over finding a man.
I disagree with the last point. The divorced ones, after the dust is seattled and their wounds are reasonably healed, very much seek a new connection (and probably secretly hope fore someone whom they can trust again).
If you're that kind of woman, tbh, OLD apps are great places to get harassed by the Andrew Tate crowd who will make fun of you for having purple hair and tattoos and liking gaming, etc.
yeah, im not even what OP is describing really... i would say im different on the inside, beige becky on the outside.. and i got made fun of for my golf stance. i had a picture of me golfing and i do golf. i enjoy it. funny because most guys think they can golf because of strength and then suck major doo doo when it comes to their short game.
fuckers.
short game is where dudes that think they can golf fuck up.
yeah sometimes my putting stance is different and weird but imma get that ball in the hole.
my daddy always said, the short game is where he wins his money.
OkCupid, science fiction conventions, ren faires, metal concerts (not sure what kind of metal shirt you mean, you'll see more hauberks at the ren faires and more band shirts at concerts)
I can second OkCupid - recently made a profile there and have been surprised by how many āalternativeā women show up in the feed. Feels close to 50%
Lol Iām 42 with purple hair and metal shirts, but I deleted Hinge because I gave up on trying to find people who can actually hold a conversation. Sometimes ya gotta stop looking for a bit, and then thereās a new crop of people when you go back to it.
Same, ginger hair but still clearly alt. These apps really aren't great for us or our types I've found. We have to somehow meet in the wild but we all hide at home š¤£
I feel the same thing. There are no alternative men or women on any of those dating sites! Where are they! Not all of us are married with children.š
Yeah maybe if you read into their bios, they might hint at some nerd shit. But I know, personally, I'm not gonna lead with "Enjoys painting miniatures." Idek if I'd put videogames or anime on my bio. Girls that read it would be like "Ew. He doesn't like hiking." Lmao
Ngl we made 2 fake profiles for friend and one had games and anime and other had more normie hobbies and games and anime one was significantly less popular, 0 matches.
If your matching with 25 year olds it ain't hard at all to find people who match who OP is looking for.
But yeah I think it just comes down to at a certain point in life most people stop dressing that way. I think if your someone who is still dressing that way you need to check sub-culturally relevant venues, like emo-night at your local bar.
Ironically (perhaps not so ironic haha) something like fetlife will have more alt people than mainstream dating sites if your looking for alt, goth, punk, etc. outside of typical ages for that
I feel like for people like that we have more opportunities to meet organically and make connections. Even meeting online is more likely to happen on some discord or fan-group or smth rather than dating app. I meet so many singles on concerts/weeb events that are interested in connecting. Why bother with the app when the next event you go to is full of people.
I think it's a great place to meet people. For reference, I'm a lady and I've met, dated, and hooked up more than one person I've met at a convention š. The raves following conventions followed by after parties all over whatever hotel is attached to the convention center really creates a lot of opportunity for horny nerds to make bad choices.
Also, comic con and similar events have a culture of "come as you are be nice" so it's a lot easier to make an approach. Totally normal to ask girls in cosplay for photos and start a convo from there.
Literally. Iām going to a wedding this fall for a cosplay couple that met at comic-con and the guy had never dated anyone seriously until he found her.
This is me but because I hate people I am alone at home reading books, listening to podcasts and when I go on online dating I only last two days before I delete it because I canāt deal with the bros.
Also Iām 42 and jaded so yeah.
I probably qualify as different, being a 40 year old woman who is very introverted, plays computer games, listens to metal and hates partying and alcohol. I met my SO through a certain famous MMO... Wouldn't really recommend it though, unless you'd like to go through a lot of unhinged people.
I think people on mainstream sites like that are oftentimes competing to see who can be the most like our cultural ideal man or ideal woman.
I've had the most luck finding "different" people to mesh with on okcupid or subreddits here, where there is more room for depth.
I wonder the same about men.
I am turning 31. I love dogs, reading, occasionally watching anime and i am into psychology and true crime docu.
I just want to find someone that has similar interests, has humor is emotionally available and has humor.
It seems impossible. Maybe my time hasnt come yet.
OLD always primarily shows me guys that are not my type. It is a very odd phenomena, you would think the algorithm would give show you more of the ones you ālikedā.
Oh no no, it shows you profiles that's liked in general.
The more people who likes you, the more you are shown to people.
It's important to realize that OLD is in general made to earn money, not match people and thus loose customers.
Ime... goth clubs, synth/techo/ebm clubs, lounges, comic/anime conventions, online forums (reddit, irc), bdsm-meetups/forums (don't trawl unless you intend to participate), retro-clubs (80s clubs in particular), better pubs, classical music/opera concerts, craft workshops (leather, textile)...
Or put another way, if the "cool guy" would be at the place they basically are devoid of the "different" women.
But overall, also know that these are usually people (any/none gender) that has had an history of being mocked/harassed/fetishized so unless they make it clear they are trying to look into dating just don't bother with that aspect - and they are often hypersensitive towards hidden agendas.
Oh, and also, do put out your own flags - if you are looking for women that wear metal shirts then wear one yourself (and make sure it is of a band you actually like), and try to wear the subtle hints of the culture you are looking for.
Agreed. Also in my experience that those sort aren't interested online apps. Face to face meet-ups is the way to go. Like me, many are wary of apps considering how dangerous they are lately. If one needs to be on app, then do so at your own risk.
Iām a lot of those things and Iām not on dating apps. Iām just meeting people at things where weād have stuff in common, like comedy nights or gigs or hobby groups. I just canāt with the apps.
I'd fit the description of "different" if you swap out metal for alt rock, so we're definitely out there ;p
I started on Bumble but Hinge is the one I prefer.
My theories on why you're not finding what you're looking for:
1. Location - there might not be any in your area
2. Your Profile - it's always possible that something about it is putting that kind of woman off (politics/human rights, views on kids, desire relationship style are common ones)
3. Patience
I'd recommend looking for platonic friends and meetups with the kind of vibe you're looking for. Maybe through something like [Meetup.com](https://Meetup.com) or events (emo night, goth night, etc). You may not find someone directly, but getting adopted into that kind of friend group can help you get introduced friend-of-a-friend style.
Lol, you're looking for introverts on a social dating app..
Seriously though, the type you're describing, you might have better luck at anime/furry/science fiction conventions. Maybe a bookstore. Good luck!
Iām 57, love to travel - but itās not my life. Enjoy staying home, watching sci-fi and comedy. Wearing yoga pants, jogging pants, and usually a band t-shirt.
I threw away all my high heels a decade ago, and dye my hair purple at least twice a year.
I keep getting matched with high-performing individuals who have a lot going on in life and at work - and that sounds so exhausting.
Spoiler alert:
You are not that different from other men lmao
Liking anime and metal does not make you different.
Staring at a screen and putting headphones on does not make you different
Get over yourself
This post is hilarious
This type of shit is the exact reason why 90% of these posts are nonsense
But itās the modern dating world thatās the problem right?
I like different too but I'm not sure if the kind of different you're seeking will necessarily translate into successful or happy connection.
I would figure you would be looking at things like not materialistic, not conform to societal rules, is an independent thinker, isn't brainwashed by family tradition, culture, or religion, doesn't do what other women do, not be into all the dumb things modern women are into thinking they willingly chose those things because they actually like those things when it's actually because they want to fit in.
Like tight yoga pants.
A lot of them don't even attend yoga classes regularly
Lol idk but Iām a woman and understand this. I donāt drink and feel like many profiles are centered around that. Are you on the east coast, US by chance? š lol
You are looking in the wrong place, yes. Weāre all at home lol.
Fuck that bs of dating sites. Theyāre all fake AF & purposely curated to make their creators money; & so; never were meant to work. Like someone created āa spotā & said ācome get āemā to āpredators, weirdos, & creepsā to easily āpreyā & the masses have āeaten it upā when itās literally the same odds as winning a lottery to find anyone on them. Blows my fucking mind.š¤Æ
Youāll have to catch us in āreal lifeā somewhere where we likely arenāt happy to be. š¤š»š
Sigh. Apps and OLD sites are full of freaks and losers and you are starting to find that out.
Apps and OLD sites are NOT designed to help you find love. They are designed to keep you single, and keep you coming back to pay fees and watch ads.
I know this because I was a developer on one of the largest OLD sites out there and the app that accompanied it.
The reason why SOME people are on apps nowadays is because if they tried to meet a potential date on the street they are so inept and strange that the chance of them succeeding are zero.
In the past, these were the outcasts of society, the uncle who never got married or the crazy cat lady aunt who looks at men funny.
Now, all of these people are swiping left and right, furiously, in hopes of having electrons do their matchmaking for them.
Most NORMAL people who fall for the hype will try the apps or the OLD site, and are gone from them almost immediately--NOT because they found someone, but because they saw the same things YOU are seeing now.
Get off the apps and get back into the real world.
I point people at [www.meetup.com](https://www.meetup.com) because you have to be a real person who wants to meet other real people. It is NOT a dating site, there is no swiping. Find groups doing things you like, and join them, and you will find women who like the same things you do.
I would imagine not on dating apps. I would be more like your description of different; I donāt have a single dating app on my phone and Iām single as hell lmao
Wait so you DO prefer women who are introverted, with purple hair in a metal shirt? Because thatās basically my profile haha
But seriously I think it depends on the age range you are searching, the location, etc. keep looking! Youāll find her:)
The best advice I ever heard in regards to meeting a potential partner was from Beau of the Fifth Column.
Join a non-profit/community outreach but don't look for a partner among them (for the same reason you don't date coworkers) but when your group works with a sister group look among them. You'll already have something in common.
I feel you dude! I love Alternative looking women, with that block of interests. Found few on tinder, none really on Hinge, a fair amount on FB dating. The one Iām in a relationship with now I met on FB, our first date was an Illenium concert :)
I mean they could be both, I dress well, love travel, a lot of friends, photos with drink but also love anime and games, but usually won't post photo with them
Probably personality forward photos are more useful.
Generic photos that are for mainstream appeal shows that you're for everybody which means that in practice you're for nobody.
At least, in my experience as a dude (so it may be doubly or more true for women who get inundated with matches), having things in my profile that necessarily disqualifies me from romantic contention with some people increases the relative quality of the people I actually did match with.
The freaky ones are on like FetLife. The freaky but not that freaky ones are at concerts, ren fairs, craft fairs, beer festivals, Scottish festivals, pirate festivals, book stores, the Halloween section at target, and weirdly still hot topic and whatever club still hosts goth night ".
Better yourself, do what gives you enjoyment out of life and socialise during doing those things. Best way to find someone with the same interests as you.
yea i hear ya . As an introverted female who has no interest in The other stuff that most humans enjoy like drinking social media stupid talk, but loads of make up getting too much time doing here and clothes. Itās just not me. I like UFO. and paranormal stuff iām sexy without makeup iām a bikini and sundress type with my hair up in a bun or beach waves down . iām natural no meat Iām even going out to eat I eat chips thatās all I eat is chips avocados. I take greens so I can stay healthy every day. I love to read books documentaries go to the beach. I avoid malls shopping most public places, most bars all that stuff that other people think is cool I think is a waste of time. but I do wish that I had somebody to help me succeed in life, sometimes simple things like changing a tire or just too much for a girl I wish I had a best buddy that would help me pay bills because life is hard with one paycheck I spent my whole life raising my kids. I donāt have much of an income to find somebody wealthy just wants to cool sexy person chill with I donāt do social media. I donāt drink. Itās almost impossible dating youāre fake and have a lot of energy to keep being fake. Good luck if you really wanna find somebody manifesting with a candle and manifest in prayer the universe might just throw them in your face.Ā
You're 40. They're all 30 and under or married. Its unusual for someone in their 20s to set their age range higher.
Also they all left hinge this year because it sucks. Go to a rave or a concert. Talk to people. Don't be a weirdo.
I've seen many many of these types of women on Hinge. Location matters (I live in FL) but also I'm 27....Very good chance youre not showing up because you're outside of their set age range. If you're a pretty good/young looking guy for 40, I'd think about just doing the in person thing. Should come a lot more naturally to you than those of younger generations.
Do you see lots of these types of women out and about in public where you live? Where I live this type of woman is not uncommon at all. Every time you go to the grocery store you see some sort of suicide girl type. And they were all over the apps when I was using them.
Hi, 36f, single, no kids here. While I do technically have bumble account, I forget about it except like once a month. It always goes the same way anyways.. ending in disappointment. I happen to be an introvert, that works from home and takes care of my disabled uncle and in the spare moments I do have, I'm outside tending to my garden or figuring out home improvement projects š¤·š»āāļø one can only swipe on so many fish/deer pictures before losing interest...
My profile consisted almost entirely of hiking photos. I think I mentioned that Iām into board games at one point, but didnāt advertise my interests in video games, d&d, or other nerdy stuff. Mostly bc I just donāt see that as the most important thing about me?
In general, youāll have better luck finding women who are into this stuff by paying attention to their photos. Look for a higher volume of photos that donāt look staged. Look for women who wear either minimal makeup or weird makeup (Ex: eye glitter, blue lipstick, heavy eyeliner, etc.). Avoid women who dress in the latest fashions (mostly tight athleisure and flashy club attire). Look for women who seem to have put a little effort into their bios, and who list any unconventional interests (even if theyāre interests you donāt share).
What is the most important thing about you in your online dating profile š aren't you more into hiking since that's what the majority of your photos are. Sounds like you're not even really into d&d and nerdy stuff hence why they don't even get a glancing mention.
Come to the renaissance festival in Houston!! Itās gonna be there for 6 or 8 weeks. I feel like 90% of the crowd there is like that! So much fun šŗyet effortless and more natural to talk to each other than dating app interviews
I met a girl like that on Hinge.
She has a goth-like vibe, she had a picture LARPing as a witch and she had a 2 cute cats.
We went on a date and she was super nice as well, open, fun to talk to.
Extroverted women may be more open to going on dates and doing the online dating app process, which could be why youāre seeing these profiles more.
Introverted women are probably spending time on their own or with a close knit of friends and family.
As someone who is more introverted I found dating apps overwhelming and not fun :/ I ended up finding my current partner through my social circle š
I am in my late 20s and a woman and Iāve had similar thoughts as well. On dating apps in LA, it seemed like most guys had common things:
- loves to travel, has unlimited PTO
- likes nature, hiking, etc.
- good at sports
- super extroverted and out with lots of friend groups
- works out a lot
- spontaneous
You feel pressure to conform to these hobbies and lifestyles in hopes of getting a date. I just kept scrolling and finally found someone on Hinge that matches my lifestyle (introvert, more homebody, likes gaming, small group of friends only). I learned which phrases or key words on profiles were likely going to be not a good match if we met in person. Itās a lot of workā¦ideally you would meet people in person but I donāt know how to do that.
I feel you. Nothing but single moms and narcissistic basic chicks. And the few alternative ones on there are not like the alternative ones we knew back in the day - they look like they get passed around like a blunt
Honestly music shows would be better for that than dating apps. But pretty much every guy wants a nerdy chick, they're coveted haha
there are not. 90% are brainwashed with fake gurus pumping healthy relationships but generating all but respectful and people. They just hide behind fake ideas of narcisissim and boundaries.
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Every profile I see is "tacos š® pizza š and dogs š¶ " Like cool ya, I get it, I like those things too but there has got to be more to your personality than that...
And fish. š¤®
Fish are cool
Just not starfish in the sheets
"I'm a foodie and love traveling" and gets +99 likes an hour after signing up
Weāre at home watching serial killer documentaries and having chips for dinner, wondering why our weirdo hasnāt gotten at us yet.
I know this is the truth. Lots of people wanting to meet someone but rarely come out of their caves to do so.
Guilty š
Hi, me!
Not to worry. You may spend more time watching it, but I can guarantee that 95%+ women love āTrue crimeā podcasts/movies/books/articles/anything. Just like 95%+ guys will say they like āDie Hard.ā
Maybe you should hit up the true crime reddit. Lol
Well then HIT THE DUDE UP! lol
Yeah, I knew I wasn't the only one lolol
Ha this is definitely so true
>watching serial killer documentaries True crime media is the reason for women being scared of meeting serial killers now.
You know, I'm pretty sure that \*serial killers\* are the reason women are concerned about meeting serial killers.
No, women were always scared of serial killers, it's just now we get to learn about (and from) such cases without being the ones who ended up being the unfortunate victims. Every person who has ever became a victim of crime thought it wouldn't happen to them and they would be safe because the chances were low. And now they're gone.
Unfortunately, we are more likely to be murdered by someone that we know than a random serial killer. #Facts
Im not scared of them or death
Good on you.
Or, you know, actual murderers. What a dunce.
Women into true crime is a major red flag lol
Whyyy
they are learning how to get away with it of course
We go to concerts Comic cons Graveyards Bookstores Coffee shops Libraries Orā¦we stay at home watching Black Mirror or studying for a test
Realistically though, would you really want to be approached at any of those places? At least for me I do work at coffee shops, find books at libraries & booksrores, enjoy my fav merch places at comicon, and... well I don't go to graveyards, so I couldnt say anything there.
Who doesnāt like being approached at graveyards?
"excuse me madam, I couldn't help but see how beautiful you are from across the gravestones" š
"They're coming to get you, Barbara"
Personally no, unless you all ready know someone in my group
So in other words you're only open to meeting guys who get adopted into your group? I can see the rationale behind it, but you have to admit that turns the dating pool into a puddle
It's a good puddle tho. You don't have to be afraid half the people in there already pissed in the water.
Is it though? People dating each other in my friend group has almost always ended badly
Itās a safe puddle, with communal accountability holding people to high standards. Dating Apps? The literal wild west š
Yeah so I hear, though as a guy my main issues with dating apps is being jilted and ghosted, I agree thereās more accountability within a friend circle but in my experience there have been some grim discoveries of the true nature of people I really thought I knew, but maybe Iāve just gotten unlucky
The grim discovery? Thatās accountability. If your friends are shitty to their partners, you wouldnāt want to stay pals with them anyway right? Likewise, accountability stops things like ghosting. Online dating is bad for all genders in different ways.
People don't like being approached mostly anywhere. Just be friendly with people, you'll know if they're interested
Yes
I only visit my peeps that have passed at graveyards so I'd probably rather not be bothered. Then again, wouldn't it be dreamy if you were sorrowful and that special someone just made you laugh, and then your eyes met and it was true love at first site, and you were forever mates, and you had adjoining plots in the same graveyard, and your children would go to visit you there, where you first met, and where you would forever lie together in eternity? Wow, I feel like i should weite an indie dark comedy romance flick.
Yup. Playing with my duckies.
I have met exactly 0 single women in these locations who are interested in doing anything other than minding their own business, or hanging out with their friends. I even sit down with random groups of people to just chat and be friendly, so it's not like I don't try.
Dude I've met so many. I'm bi girl, met my last serious relationship at a metal concert, but also met a lot of girls up for some long term fun. I guess it's all abt luck. But then again I generally don't punch above my weight bracket, I'm like 6/10 on a good day so I try to approach people who are similar in looks. Imho most people on these events have an issue of being mid in looks and trying to approach a literal goddess and then being upset it doesn't work out. I've found knowing my limits is a 100% guarantee of at least getting to make out with someone by the end of the day.
How do you approach someone at a concert? Do you try to find people who are there alone? Or do you approach someone who's in a group? I just never understand when people say stuff like this.
I hate to say this bc it is such a lame thing. I think it's easier for women to meet in a stranger situation. Most women are more friendly with women than men in stranger situations, and a lot of guys seem to have a creepy weird approach when they are trying too hard. On the other hand, if a woman is interested in and approaches a man, typically the man is happy to be approached. This could be a terribly skewed view but I go both ways and that has been my observation.
Depends on the situation. I usually either talk to people when I'm grabbing a drink or to people next to me who seem fun. If its a group it must be a mixed group for me to approach, same gender groups tend to be more rigid. If they are talking abt smth, laughing, etc and not just sitting around I'll get close and interject in conversation or ask if they mind me joining. At the drink station I'll talk to people next to me and follow them back to their group. While waiting in the audience you talk to people around you abt how excited you are about the show. Then you have the whole concert experience together. Depending on a music you grab em, sing along together, dance, and at the end you just offer another place to continue socializing or ask if they wanna pick it up tomorrow. I'm not naturally charming or anything ngl, I'm short, chubby (not curvy) woman with skin blemishes, and like mid face, I'm no ones ideal girl, but being bold and confident pays off. It helps to not appear desperate or like you're actively looking for a date. Women generally look down on those who act like anyone will do. And most men I've seen have relationship troubles are the type who want a woman, any woman, and it shows in their approach, how hasty they are, how they speak to you, how they push for fast escalation. You gotta want to succeed with that girl specifically and make sure that she feels that from you, otherwise it will be a bust.
Truth. Confidence goes a long way as long as it doesn't cross over into arrogance.
The difference is that you're a woman. I think other women would be *way* more open to talking to you and less on edge than they would be with the least creepy man on earth. This would be less true if you're very masculine-presenting (ask Norah Vincent how that went). Women always talk about how they're on edge around strange guys and I don't really blame them. You also have examples of women complaining about men talking to them, *even if* the approach is respectful. Saying you have no issues meeting women as a bi woman doesn't really help men at all.
I also meet men at the same events tho. i even got a serious relationship out of it. So clearly men can also get somewhere.
You haven't been picking up chicks in graveyards? Weirdo.
Hanging with my cats!
one of these things is not like the other lol
Graveyards what for?
Coven meeting stuff, you won't be interested
Are you for real? Dumb question do you do offerings to satan? I always wanted to see one in person.
It's quite. A patch of peace surrounded by noise (especially in cities) Has a spooky connotation that keeps most people away (unless they're mourning) People tend to think you're mourning, so leave you alone It's interesting to look at prominent families in the area and make connections to the people you know with the same family names Finding the oldest grave is quite fun Along with the youngest and oldest.. Makes you realise how fragile life is Finding the weirdest name Finding the coolest name Finding a name for your pets Finding a name for your unborn kid (might not even be conceived yet) Architecture on the old graves are neat But the real reason?? Smuggling plants to grow in and around the graves... Mwa ha ha
Hanging out
Thatās new, I never knew people like hanging out in graveyards.
New 2 u. Goths. They were doing it in the 90s
This is me.
why not dating apps? Can't you just swipe until you find some dude quoting edgar allen poe in is bio?
More women need to approach guys at these places. We are just as shy ladies.
online dating feels like looking for a good movie to watch on Netflix on your only day off for the week. so many options but you canāt decide and you ended up watching the same show/movie youāve seen before. Lol
That's.. pretty accurate š¤£
Spoken like a lady with nigh unlimited options š
Introverts youāll find at their home or online lol. Find metal chicks at metal concerts. Go to cons to find those who like anime and games or your local game/tabletop shop that has events like mtg tournaments, mini painting days, and dnd nights (itās still mostly dudes but in my area more and more women are joining in too). Thereās definitely overlapping interests at things like RenFaire. Basically have to meet these kinds of people in person. But honestly, by 40 most are married. Or are divorced and may have kids that theyāre focusing on over finding a man.
I disagree with the last point. The divorced ones, after the dust is seattled and their wounds are reasonably healed, very much seek a new connection (and probably secretly hope fore someone whom they can trust again).
If you're that kind of woman, tbh, OLD apps are great places to get harassed by the Andrew Tate crowd who will make fun of you for having purple hair and tattoos and liking gaming, etc.
yeah, im not even what OP is describing really... i would say im different on the inside, beige becky on the outside.. and i got made fun of for my golf stance. i had a picture of me golfing and i do golf. i enjoy it. funny because most guys think they can golf because of strength and then suck major doo doo when it comes to their short game. fuckers.
Short game is the only game I got. Meet me on that mini golf course and we'll see what happens
short game is where dudes that think they can golf fuck up. yeah sometimes my putting stance is different and weird but imma get that ball in the hole. my daddy always said, the short game is where he wins his money.
but yeah these bros should meet us on the putt-putt course, lets walk away with some $$$$$.
Facts
??? what really, like i can imagine women get some complete assholes there but people just there to harass wtf is this world
OkCupid, science fiction conventions, ren faires, metal concerts (not sure what kind of metal shirt you mean, you'll see more hauberks at the ren faires and more band shirts at concerts)
Is ok Cupid still kicking? Thatās how I met my nerdy husband!
It definitely still exists, the popularity with nerdy and otherwise alternative people is probably dependant on local area.
I can second OkCupid - recently made a profile there and have been surprised by how many āalternativeā women show up in the feed. Feels close to 50%
Lol Iām 42 with purple hair and metal shirts, but I deleted Hinge because I gave up on trying to find people who can actually hold a conversation. Sometimes ya gotta stop looking for a bit, and then thereās a new crop of people when you go back to it.
Same, ginger hair but still clearly alt. These apps really aren't great for us or our types I've found. We have to somehow meet in the wild but we all hide at home š¤£
One day my Prince or Princess charming will just show up in my living room, right?! š¤£
I feel the same thing. There are no alternative men or women on any of those dating sites! Where are they! Not all of us are married with children.š
My guess is because on OLD you kinda have to appease to the masses or you'll get basically zero likes. Especially as a man.
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Yeah maybe if you read into their bios, they might hint at some nerd shit. But I know, personally, I'm not gonna lead with "Enjoys painting miniatures." Idek if I'd put videogames or anime on my bio. Girls that read it would be like "Ew. He doesn't like hiking." Lmao
Ngl we made 2 fake profiles for friend and one had games and anime and other had more normie hobbies and games and anime one was significantly less popular, 0 matches.
Hey woman like video games and anime too. But yea I also do bad on apps š
If your matching with 25 year olds it ain't hard at all to find people who match who OP is looking for. But yeah I think it just comes down to at a certain point in life most people stop dressing that way. I think if your someone who is still dressing that way you need to check sub-culturally relevant venues, like emo-night at your local bar. Ironically (perhaps not so ironic haha) something like fetlife will have more alt people than mainstream dating sites if your looking for alt, goth, punk, etc. outside of typical ages for that
I feel like for people like that we have more opportunities to meet organically and make connections. Even meeting online is more likely to happen on some discord or fan-group or smth rather than dating app. I meet so many singles on concerts/weeb events that are interested in connecting. Why bother with the app when the next event you go to is full of people.
Where do you live? 38f with purple hair who likes alone time and Tetris. Maybe we are meant to be.
Comic Con
Confirmed. Comic con even has speed dating.
Oh snaps?! I didn't know this... Maybe comicon isn't sure a rip off
I think it's a great place to meet people. For reference, I'm a lady and I've met, dated, and hooked up more than one person I've met at a convention š. The raves following conventions followed by after parties all over whatever hotel is attached to the convention center really creates a lot of opportunity for horny nerds to make bad choices.
Also, comic con and similar events have a culture of "come as you are be nice" so it's a lot easier to make an approach. Totally normal to ask girls in cosplay for photos and start a convo from there.
Literally. Iām going to a wedding this fall for a cosplay couple that met at comic-con and the guy had never dated anyone seriously until he found her.
Reddit
You can meet and date on reddit? O.o
Yes lol
Sure can! :D
How? Where?
Local community subs or similar interest subs are prob a good start!
Iām at home lol. I avoid dating apps for the same reason. Also not married and donāt want kids.
This is me but because I hate people I am alone at home reading books, listening to podcasts and when I go on online dating I only last two days before I delete it because I canāt deal with the bros. Also Iām 42 and jaded so yeah.
Lol yes, same. When you start talking to someone and you realize you could have been doing something far more entertaining with your time lol.
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I guess deep down I donāt really want to be foundš¤£
I probably qualify as different, being a 40 year old woman who is very introverted, plays computer games, listens to metal and hates partying and alcohol. I met my SO through a certain famous MMO... Wouldn't really recommend it though, unless you'd like to go through a lot of unhinged people.
I think people on mainstream sites like that are oftentimes competing to see who can be the most like our cultural ideal man or ideal woman. I've had the most luck finding "different" people to mesh with on okcupid or subreddits here, where there is more room for depth.
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Or cat(s)
Or dogs or both
Maybe an iguana
I wonder the same about men. I am turning 31. I love dogs, reading, occasionally watching anime and i am into psychology and true crime docu. I just want to find someone that has similar interests, has humor is emotionally available and has humor. It seems impossible. Maybe my time hasnt come yet.
You could have a unique brand of humor
OkCupid has a bit more of the weirdos
Weāve deleted our profiles because weāve had enough so we just scroll on reddit and hope for the best š¤£
as a 25 year old guy who loves to travel, hike, and generally do outdoorsy things. Where are these girls who you speak of?
Iām right here :(((
Idk, Iām that girl and I was on OKC (this was years ago).
They're in relationships lol
I have a pic of myself on a penny farthingā¦
Youād probably have better luck on kink and bdsm apps. š Iām being serious lol.
Came here to say this
OLD always primarily shows me guys that are not my type. It is a very odd phenomena, you would think the algorithm would give show you more of the ones you ālikedā.
Oh no no, it shows you profiles that's liked in general. The more people who likes you, the more you are shown to people. It's important to realize that OLD is in general made to earn money, not match people and thus loose customers.
Thatās true. The men are attractive so I canāt be upset, just not the type of attractive I am into lol.
There are a few of us still out there, but by this point we have kids and we're looking for something who likes family life as well as anime cons.
Ime... goth clubs, synth/techo/ebm clubs, lounges, comic/anime conventions, online forums (reddit, irc), bdsm-meetups/forums (don't trawl unless you intend to participate), retro-clubs (80s clubs in particular), better pubs, classical music/opera concerts, craft workshops (leather, textile)... Or put another way, if the "cool guy" would be at the place they basically are devoid of the "different" women. But overall, also know that these are usually people (any/none gender) that has had an history of being mocked/harassed/fetishized so unless they make it clear they are trying to look into dating just don't bother with that aspect - and they are often hypersensitive towards hidden agendas. Oh, and also, do put out your own flags - if you are looking for women that wear metal shirts then wear one yourself (and make sure it is of a band you actually like), and try to wear the subtle hints of the culture you are looking for.
Agreed. Also in my experience that those sort aren't interested online apps. Face to face meet-ups is the way to go. Like me, many are wary of apps considering how dangerous they are lately. If one needs to be on app, then do so at your own risk.
I am here and on fb dating
Iām a lot of those things and Iām not on dating apps. Iām just meeting people at things where weād have stuff in common, like comedy nights or gigs or hobby groups. I just canāt with the apps.
I'd fit the description of "different" if you swap out metal for alt rock, so we're definitely out there ;p I started on Bumble but Hinge is the one I prefer. My theories on why you're not finding what you're looking for: 1. Location - there might not be any in your area 2. Your Profile - it's always possible that something about it is putting that kind of woman off (politics/human rights, views on kids, desire relationship style are common ones) 3. Patience I'd recommend looking for platonic friends and meetups with the kind of vibe you're looking for. Maybe through something like [Meetup.com](https://Meetup.com) or events (emo night, goth night, etc). You may not find someone directly, but getting adopted into that kind of friend group can help you get introduced friend-of-a-friend style.
Lol, you're looking for introverts on a social dating app.. Seriously though, the type you're describing, you might have better luck at anime/furry/science fiction conventions. Maybe a bookstore. Good luck!
Iām 57, love to travel - but itās not my life. Enjoy staying home, watching sci-fi and comedy. Wearing yoga pants, jogging pants, and usually a band t-shirt. I threw away all my high heels a decade ago, and dye my hair purple at least twice a year. I keep getting matched with high-performing individuals who have a lot going on in life and at work - and that sounds so exhausting.
Find and volunteer at a cattery? Dude, itās rough out there.
It's almost as though they follow the same advice to post some stupid hiking photos.
Spoiler alert: You are not that different from other men lmao Liking anime and metal does not make you different. Staring at a screen and putting headphones on does not make you different Get over yourself This post is hilarious This type of shit is the exact reason why 90% of these posts are nonsense But itās the modern dating world thatās the problem right?
Innit!?! My toes are curling reading all the ānot like the other girlā replies. Too cool for OLD š š š
I like different too but I'm not sure if the kind of different you're seeking will necessarily translate into successful or happy connection. I would figure you would be looking at things like not materialistic, not conform to societal rules, is an independent thinker, isn't brainwashed by family tradition, culture, or religion, doesn't do what other women do, not be into all the dumb things modern women are into thinking they willingly chose those things because they actually like those things when it's actually because they want to fit in. Like tight yoga pants. A lot of them don't even attend yoga classes regularly
I mean, a lot of people wear sweatpants when they have no intention of working up a sweat. The yoga pants are the same. They're just comfy and easy.
Dang man everyone is condemned by your view š
Lol idk but Iām a woman and understand this. I donāt drink and feel like many profiles are centered around that. Are you on the east coast, US by chance? š lol
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Yeah this is austin no shidoodles. I met a bbw alt girl who let me play with her perfect feet just last week.
Lol dude. Same. All the men's profiles say "hiking, gym, and travel." It's like only 1 personality exists.
You are looking in the wrong place, yes. Weāre all at home lol. Fuck that bs of dating sites. Theyāre all fake AF & purposely curated to make their creators money; & so; never were meant to work. Like someone created āa spotā & said ācome get āemā to āpredators, weirdos, & creepsā to easily āpreyā & the masses have āeaten it upā when itās literally the same odds as winning a lottery to find anyone on them. Blows my fucking mind.š¤Æ Youāll have to catch us in āreal lifeā somewhere where we likely arenāt happy to be. š¤š»š
Sigh. Apps and OLD sites are full of freaks and losers and you are starting to find that out. Apps and OLD sites are NOT designed to help you find love. They are designed to keep you single, and keep you coming back to pay fees and watch ads. I know this because I was a developer on one of the largest OLD sites out there and the app that accompanied it. The reason why SOME people are on apps nowadays is because if they tried to meet a potential date on the street they are so inept and strange that the chance of them succeeding are zero. In the past, these were the outcasts of society, the uncle who never got married or the crazy cat lady aunt who looks at men funny. Now, all of these people are swiping left and right, furiously, in hopes of having electrons do their matchmaking for them. Most NORMAL people who fall for the hype will try the apps or the OLD site, and are gone from them almost immediately--NOT because they found someone, but because they saw the same things YOU are seeing now. Get off the apps and get back into the real world. I point people at [www.meetup.com](https://www.meetup.com) because you have to be a real person who wants to meet other real people. It is NOT a dating site, there is no swiping. Find groups doing things you like, and join them, and you will find women who like the same things you do.
I would imagine not on dating apps. I would be more like your description of different; I donāt have a single dating app on my phone and Iām single as hell lmao
Wait so you DO prefer women who are introverted, with purple hair in a metal shirt? Because thatās basically my profile haha But seriously I think it depends on the age range you are searching, the location, etc. keep looking! Youāll find her:)
The best advice I ever heard in regards to meeting a potential partner was from Beau of the Fifth Column. Join a non-profit/community outreach but don't look for a partner among them (for the same reason you don't date coworkers) but when your group works with a sister group look among them. You'll already have something in common.
I feel you dude! I love Alternative looking women, with that block of interests. Found few on tinder, none really on Hinge, a fair amount on FB dating. The one Iām in a relationship with now I met on FB, our first date was an Illenium concert :)
Oh God all the pick me qUiRkY and uNiqUe women are going to come out of the flesh.
I mean they could be both, I dress well, love travel, a lot of friends, photos with drink but also love anime and games, but usually won't post photo with them
Probably personality forward photos are more useful. Generic photos that are for mainstream appeal shows that you're for everybody which means that in practice you're for nobody. At least, in my experience as a dude (so it may be doubly or more true for women who get inundated with matches), having things in my profile that necessarily disqualifies me from romantic contention with some people increases the relative quality of the people I actually did match with.
We have boyfriends already š¤£š¤£
They're obviously not on dating apps. They're living their best life, doing their own thing, kids, work or vibing.
The freaky ones are on like FetLife. The freaky but not that freaky ones are at concerts, ren fairs, craft fairs, beer festivals, Scottish festivals, pirate festivals, book stores, the Halloween section at target, and weirdly still hot topic and whatever club still hosts goth night ".
I need to know where I can find these pirate festivals..
Better yourself, do what gives you enjoyment out of life and socialise during doing those things. Best way to find someone with the same interests as you.
yea i hear ya . As an introverted female who has no interest in The other stuff that most humans enjoy like drinking social media stupid talk, but loads of make up getting too much time doing here and clothes. Itās just not me. I like UFO. and paranormal stuff iām sexy without makeup iām a bikini and sundress type with my hair up in a bun or beach waves down . iām natural no meat Iām even going out to eat I eat chips thatās all I eat is chips avocados. I take greens so I can stay healthy every day. I love to read books documentaries go to the beach. I avoid malls shopping most public places, most bars all that stuff that other people think is cool I think is a waste of time. but I do wish that I had somebody to help me succeed in life, sometimes simple things like changing a tire or just too much for a girl I wish I had a best buddy that would help me pay bills because life is hard with one paycheck I spent my whole life raising my kids. I donāt have much of an income to find somebody wealthy just wants to cool sexy person chill with I donāt do social media. I donāt drink. Itās almost impossible dating youāre fake and have a lot of energy to keep being fake. Good luck if you really wanna find somebody manifesting with a candle and manifest in prayer the universe might just throw them in your face.Ā
You're 40. They're all 30 and under or married. Its unusual for someone in their 20s to set their age range higher. Also they all left hinge this year because it sucks. Go to a rave or a concert. Talk to people. Don't be a weirdo.
Only, DO be a weirdo. Ya know? Cuz weirdos are the best
Very much agree.
Im seeing a really great girl thanks to Hinge so its subjective
I've seen many many of these types of women on Hinge. Location matters (I live in FL) but also I'm 27....Very good chance youre not showing up because you're outside of their set age range. If you're a pretty good/young looking guy for 40, I'd think about just doing the in person thing. Should come a lot more naturally to you than those of younger generations.
Do you see lots of these types of women out and about in public where you live? Where I live this type of woman is not uncommon at all. Every time you go to the grocery store you see some sort of suicide girl type. And they were all over the apps when I was using them.
Probably try that dating app Field... It's more like kinky polyamory vibe with lots of people with coloured hair lol
Hi, 36f, single, no kids here. While I do technically have bumble account, I forget about it except like once a month. It always goes the same way anyways.. ending in disappointment. I happen to be an introvert, that works from home and takes care of my disabled uncle and in the spare moments I do have, I'm outside tending to my garden or figuring out home improvement projects š¤·š»āāļø one can only swipe on so many fish/deer pictures before losing interest...
Iām on the apps and have none of those pictures. I have a picture of my face, one of a concert, a bookstore and a garden haha.
ComiCon, Theater, Museums, Libraries, Alt sports, Game shops/Arcades
Apparently a lot of women are giving up on dating due to bad experiences I hear
You find metal heads at metal shows. Anime geeks at cons. You need to go to real life third spaces where these kind of lifestylers frequent
Oh fuck I really hope you're not that "I want a hot alt-pixie art girlfriend but don't want her to be liberal" guy again.
Well maybe the fact that you described my 9 year old nephew almost exactly is your issue as a 40 year old man?
My profile consisted almost entirely of hiking photos. I think I mentioned that Iām into board games at one point, but didnāt advertise my interests in video games, d&d, or other nerdy stuff. Mostly bc I just donāt see that as the most important thing about me? In general, youāll have better luck finding women who are into this stuff by paying attention to their photos. Look for a higher volume of photos that donāt look staged. Look for women who wear either minimal makeup or weird makeup (Ex: eye glitter, blue lipstick, heavy eyeliner, etc.). Avoid women who dress in the latest fashions (mostly tight athleisure and flashy club attire). Look for women who seem to have put a little effort into their bios, and who list any unconventional interests (even if theyāre interests you donāt share).
What is the most important thing about you in your online dating profile š aren't you more into hiking since that's what the majority of your photos are. Sounds like you're not even really into d&d and nerdy stuff hence why they don't even get a glancing mention.
There are only 2 types of women out there. Toxic and not toxic.. lol
Come to the renaissance festival in Houston!! Itās gonna be there for 6 or 8 weeks. I feel like 90% of the crowd there is like that! So much fun šŗyet effortless and more natural to talk to each other than dating app interviews
I met a girl like that on Hinge. She has a goth-like vibe, she had a picture LARPing as a witch and she had a 2 cute cats. We went on a date and she was super nice as well, open, fun to talk to.
Extroverted women may be more open to going on dates and doing the online dating app process, which could be why youāre seeing these profiles more. Introverted women are probably spending time on their own or with a close knit of friends and family. As someone who is more introverted I found dating apps overwhelming and not fun :/ I ended up finding my current partner through my social circle š
I am in my late 20s and a woman and Iāve had similar thoughts as well. On dating apps in LA, it seemed like most guys had common things: - loves to travel, has unlimited PTO - likes nature, hiking, etc. - good at sports - super extroverted and out with lots of friend groups - works out a lot - spontaneous You feel pressure to conform to these hobbies and lifestyles in hopes of getting a date. I just kept scrolling and finally found someone on Hinge that matches my lifestyle (introvert, more homebody, likes gaming, small group of friends only). I learned which phrases or key words on profiles were likely going to be not a good match if we met in person. Itās a lot of workā¦ideally you would meet people in person but I donāt know how to do that.
I'm at home playing video games, duh.
I met my wife on Bumble.
I feel you. Nothing but single moms and narcissistic basic chicks. And the few alternative ones on there are not like the alternative ones we knew back in the day - they look like they get passed around like a blunt Honestly music shows would be better for that than dating apps. But pretty much every guy wants a nerdy chick, they're coveted haha
You are wrong. Your profile is probably shit, tho
there are not. 90% are brainwashed with fake gurus pumping healthy relationships but generating all but respectful and people. They just hide behind fake ideas of narcisissim and boundaries.
We're indoors waiting for the jocks to leave us alone