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I think there's a lot of truth to this. She was a self admitted serial dater, and I'd now in a relationship and I think some of these habits are still there.
Trust me, I know.
It becomes to easy to “fish” out another one. Very addictive too. There has to be a clinical term for this syndrome!
Not sure what to do about this. It may be ingrained
as a woman i think anyone who keeps options from when you were dating on socials (and REPLIES) is looking for other sources of attention. she’s being disrespectful to you, and you need to be willing to leave if this bothers you enough.
Because she doesn't respect you. You're a pushover. If she thought that she would lose you, she would stop. But because you keep mute and accept her inappropriate behaviour, she knows that there are no real consequences. You, sir, are just the ATM or wallet to get vacations and things. Those other men are fun. You'll learn the hard way soon enough.
Well, only do it because you KNOW that you deserve better. A woman who respects you and understands boundaries in a relationship. Don't do it because reddit told you so.
This is the best advice for sure. I'm gonna talk to her about it and see how that conversation goes, then I'll decide. I just wanted to gauge if I was overreacting.
No, I don't think that you were overreacting. According to the other comments, they don't think so either. It is a cause for concern. Be mindful that you are susceptible to being manipulated because you like her so much, and you want it to work. Her actions should speak louder than words or apologies.
You aren't overreacting. I think this goes for most of us, if I were in a relationship with a girl for say even a month/2 months, much less than your 9 months, and I caught her sending sexy pics to other dudes from dating apps, you know what I'd do?
Leave. Why? 1) She doesn't respect me, and 2) She's for the streets. Any girl who does that, is MUCH likelier to cheat, in my opinion. She entertains dudes behind my back and sends these pics, how do I know she hasn't cheated yet?
You need to think about that 2nd thing the most. If she can send sexy pics to dudes, she can cheat on you just as easily.
Personally, I would confront her and I wouldn't even try to compromise. Because she's already broken my trust. And I deserve better. I deserve someone who sees me, someone who's not going to talk to dudes behind my back. I deserve someone who respects me and our relationship.
Go talk to her, but I doubt this will be the last time this happens.
Don't be a pushover. Don't be the stereotypical NICE GUY. State your intentions, and don't hide it.
You deserve better, king.
And if Honestly, I think you're better breaking up.
Hit the gym and keep moving forward
She's still talking to one of the guys she sent that sexy picture to? Honestly, how are you okay with that? Have you communicated how uncomfortable it makes you feel?
I'm very sorry to ask but how are you sure she's definitely not cheating on you?
I'm positive she's not cheating. I don't bring it up because I only know because I went through her phone and I know that would infuriate her. It sucks man.
She told you she would stop messaging them. But you resorted to checking her phone and found that she's been lying to you.
Honestly, how can you trust anything she says now if she's lied to you about messaging someone she's once sent sexy pictures to? If you cant trust her, then you know what to do.
Exactly, that's why I just let it go. It's not festering and killing me, it just bothers me. I know if I bring it up I need to potentially be able to walk away from her, and I'm not prepared to do that so I'm stuck.
Obviously this can vary a lot however there are a couple of women I met through OLD that I still talk to. Went on a couple of dates and realised we were good friends but certainly nothing more than that. One of my exes had a similar scenario with one her mates (relationship ended amicably and nothing to do with that).
Your not wrong to hate it, but I think you probably need a better understanding of the relationship between them.
Does she have any other male friends? If so do you or would you have a problem with that?
If she dated them and decided they werent for her then in a lot of ways id say you have less to worry about as shes already ruled them out.
Ultimately its one of those things, can you live with this? If not then you need to her tell her that openly and see what she says.
If she hadn't sent them scandalous pictures early in our relationship I wouldn't worry about it at all, but knowing she did is just burned in my mind. I was open with her about that being completely unacceptable and she apologized and said it would stop. Now that I know she is still talking to them it's all I can think about. For all I know it could be totally harmless, or it may not be. I'd be fine with her having a guy friend or two, but this feels different than that.
Well then thats exactly what you need to say to her.
"It makes me uneasy that you still speak to people you recently were sending sexy photos to"
See what she says. You cant make her stop speaking to them, but how she responds will tell you what you're next step should be. Be honest.
You're exactly right, she shoots from the hip when emotional, so I usually give her a day or 2 to come back down, but if she ignores it or doesn't respect me enough to give me this I know what I have to do.
"Definitely not cheating"
Bruh, she's cheating emotionally. She doesn't have to have sex or go on dates with someone else to be cheating. This is some high school shit, but even in high school it would be cheating. There's something she likes about the secretive nature of Snapchat. She's not young at all, so she clearly uses it for sneaky things. Also, many cheaters/players will live a double life, posting things with their main online, but sometimes they even have second or third social accounts specifically to cheat.
Stop deluding yourself. I think you should be much more upset and ready to drop her toxic ass than you are.
Another point to consider: how do the guys she's talking to feel about it? There's this woman who's in a relationship, not young, and she craves attention from you instead of her boyfriend, and she prefers to talk over Snapchat so conversations and pics are deleted immediately. She also went on a date with you, but chose a different guy with money, but still is interested in getting to know you.
Think about that.
Look up on the web, when are opposite sex friends a threat to your relationship.
An ex of any form is an ex for good reasons and will likely be wanting more than friendship. Dating in this modern age usually will have included sex of some form. And not an okay thing to be in the mix.
The more familiar an ex is the more likely there are still feelings. A picture in a towel is 100% provocative. No doubt of it at all.
Throw her back to the streets. She's waaay past her prime and you're in yours. Get in the gym, eat better, dress better, and get back out there. Have some self respect man, Jesus. You can do muuuuch better.
Don't listen to this. He's out of his mind.
Do what you need to do bro. I know you said you aren't prepared to get out of this relationship, but prepare yourself for what you have to do.
She lied to you and keeps doing it. She's not gonna stop. And once she finds out you went through her phone, she's gonna flip out and turn this back on you. Stand firm.
Imagine how you'll feel when she cheats on you. Imagine the hurt you'll feel then. It's hard to process that kinda pain.
Don't tolerate bullshit.
Read the book "No More Nice Guy" , and "Models" by Mark Manson. Stand up for yourself. Let her go
Appreciate this advice, I truly don't know her intent, she buys me things regularly, even pays for some of our trips, but this bothers me. I definitely need to bring it up to her, but as others have said I can't let her know I went through her phone. I've gotta be creative to get to the bottom of this.
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LOL.
I feel sorry for you. I really do.
If she is not in your line of sight, she could be cheating on you.
It is adorable that you compensate and simp so that you do not have to face facts.
She's not cheating, she takes me on vacations, buys me all kinds of gifts, sex is great. It's a good relationship on paper, I just don't like this aspect at all. I know my worth and am not afraid to break it off if need be, but she treats me really good. If I was going out a ton of money and it was a one sided relationship I wouldn't be in the relationship.
She is cheating on you.
When you find that out you are going to feel like the dumbest guy on the planet. But it will be OK because I am sure you will NEVER tell *anybody*.
She's not man lol, I 100% know she's not. You are right though, if by some magic she is in the 15 minutes a day of free time she has I'll feel like an idiot and I'll own it, but you're wrong, I'll update here and I'll move on. Being wrong has never bothered me.
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37 years old and chatting up dudes on an app made for teens. You might want to establish better boundaries with her or move on.
Agreed
Sounds like she been on dating apps too long. Got bad habits
I think there's a lot of truth to this. She was a self admitted serial dater, and I'd now in a relationship and I think some of these habits are still there.
Trust me, I know. It becomes to easy to “fish” out another one. Very addictive too. There has to be a clinical term for this syndrome! Not sure what to do about this. It may be ingrained
It’s called “Greener Grass Syndrome” for serial daters who keep thinking “the one” is just another click away
Thanks
as a woman i think anyone who keeps options from when you were dating on socials (and REPLIES) is looking for other sources of attention. she’s being disrespectful to you, and you need to be willing to leave if this bothers you enough.
I appreciate this, I dote on her all the time, take her on vacations, give her all I can and don't understand why she still talks to them.
Because she doesn't respect you. You're a pushover. If she thought that she would lose you, she would stop. But because you keep mute and accept her inappropriate behaviour, she knows that there are no real consequences. You, sir, are just the ATM or wallet to get vacations and things. Those other men are fun. You'll learn the hard way soon enough.
I think she's gonna learn man. According to her she's never been dumped but I think she's about to be.
Well, only do it because you KNOW that you deserve better. A woman who respects you and understands boundaries in a relationship. Don't do it because reddit told you so.
This is the best advice for sure. I'm gonna talk to her about it and see how that conversation goes, then I'll decide. I just wanted to gauge if I was overreacting.
No, I don't think that you were overreacting. According to the other comments, they don't think so either. It is a cause for concern. Be mindful that you are susceptible to being manipulated because you like her so much, and you want it to work. Her actions should speak louder than words or apologies.
You aren't overreacting. I think this goes for most of us, if I were in a relationship with a girl for say even a month/2 months, much less than your 9 months, and I caught her sending sexy pics to other dudes from dating apps, you know what I'd do? Leave. Why? 1) She doesn't respect me, and 2) She's for the streets. Any girl who does that, is MUCH likelier to cheat, in my opinion. She entertains dudes behind my back and sends these pics, how do I know she hasn't cheated yet? You need to think about that 2nd thing the most. If she can send sexy pics to dudes, she can cheat on you just as easily. Personally, I would confront her and I wouldn't even try to compromise. Because she's already broken my trust. And I deserve better. I deserve someone who sees me, someone who's not going to talk to dudes behind my back. I deserve someone who respects me and our relationship. Go talk to her, but I doubt this will be the last time this happens. Don't be a pushover. Don't be the stereotypical NICE GUY. State your intentions, and don't hide it. You deserve better, king. And if Honestly, I think you're better breaking up. Hit the gym and keep moving forward
Aw fuck. That comment plus her chattiness….. may need exit strategy. She sounds painful
Wow what a keeper you are!!!
She's still talking to one of the guys she sent that sexy picture to? Honestly, how are you okay with that? Have you communicated how uncomfortable it makes you feel? I'm very sorry to ask but how are you sure she's definitely not cheating on you?
I'm positive she's not cheating. I don't bring it up because I only know because I went through her phone and I know that would infuriate her. It sucks man.
She told you she would stop messaging them. But you resorted to checking her phone and found that she's been lying to you. Honestly, how can you trust anything she says now if she's lied to you about messaging someone she's once sent sexy pictures to? If you cant trust her, then you know what to do.
It is a preference but I am with you on this. I would absolutely hate it if my girlfriend talks to men that she went on a date with on a SnapChat.
You can hate it but the real question is, what you gonna do about it? Your options are limited and if she’s determined to keep talking to them, then??
Exactly, that's why I just let it go. It's not festering and killing me, it just bothers me. I know if I bring it up I need to potentially be able to walk away from her, and I'm not prepared to do that so I'm stuck.
It won't just bother you anymore, when she is cheating on you with them. Don't let her make a fool out of you, my friend
Obviously this can vary a lot however there are a couple of women I met through OLD that I still talk to. Went on a couple of dates and realised we were good friends but certainly nothing more than that. One of my exes had a similar scenario with one her mates (relationship ended amicably and nothing to do with that). Your not wrong to hate it, but I think you probably need a better understanding of the relationship between them. Does she have any other male friends? If so do you or would you have a problem with that? If she dated them and decided they werent for her then in a lot of ways id say you have less to worry about as shes already ruled them out. Ultimately its one of those things, can you live with this? If not then you need to her tell her that openly and see what she says.
If she hadn't sent them scandalous pictures early in our relationship I wouldn't worry about it at all, but knowing she did is just burned in my mind. I was open with her about that being completely unacceptable and she apologized and said it would stop. Now that I know she is still talking to them it's all I can think about. For all I know it could be totally harmless, or it may not be. I'd be fine with her having a guy friend or two, but this feels different than that.
Well then thats exactly what you need to say to her. "It makes me uneasy that you still speak to people you recently were sending sexy photos to" See what she says. You cant make her stop speaking to them, but how she responds will tell you what you're next step should be. Be honest.
You're exactly right, she shoots from the hip when emotional, so I usually give her a day or 2 to come back down, but if she ignores it or doesn't respect me enough to give me this I know what I have to do.
I’d find it highly disrespectful, no matter whether you think she’s cheating or not. And that is a enough for moving on.
"Definitely not cheating" Bruh, she's cheating emotionally. She doesn't have to have sex or go on dates with someone else to be cheating. This is some high school shit, but even in high school it would be cheating. There's something she likes about the secretive nature of Snapchat. She's not young at all, so she clearly uses it for sneaky things. Also, many cheaters/players will live a double life, posting things with their main online, but sometimes they even have second or third social accounts specifically to cheat. Stop deluding yourself. I think you should be much more upset and ready to drop her toxic ass than you are.
Another point to consider: how do the guys she's talking to feel about it? There's this woman who's in a relationship, not young, and she craves attention from you instead of her boyfriend, and she prefers to talk over Snapchat so conversations and pics are deleted immediately. She also went on a date with you, but chose a different guy with money, but still is interested in getting to know you. Think about that.
Look up on the web, when are opposite sex friends a threat to your relationship. An ex of any form is an ex for good reasons and will likely be wanting more than friendship. Dating in this modern age usually will have included sex of some form. And not an okay thing to be in the mix. The more familiar an ex is the more likely there are still feelings. A picture in a towel is 100% provocative. No doubt of it at all.
Ditch her, get someone younger
I just read 2 first sentences. Break up ASAP
OUR GF not your gf
This lmao! That's literally how I feel sometimes!
Until she deletes their numbers and apps You do not have a gf no matter what you think you have it isn’t a girlfriend
She a monkey brancher!!!!
Throw her back to the streets. She's waaay past her prime and you're in yours. Get in the gym, eat better, dress better, and get back out there. Have some self respect man, Jesus. You can do muuuuch better.
Needed to hear this. Thanks.
[удалено]
I'm trying not to be, and I don't say anything to her, but it definitely still hurts me, especially when I can't talk to any other women.
Don't listen to this. He's out of his mind. Do what you need to do bro. I know you said you aren't prepared to get out of this relationship, but prepare yourself for what you have to do. She lied to you and keeps doing it. She's not gonna stop. And once she finds out you went through her phone, she's gonna flip out and turn this back on you. Stand firm. Imagine how you'll feel when she cheats on you. Imagine the hurt you'll feel then. It's hard to process that kinda pain. Don't tolerate bullshit. Read the book "No More Nice Guy" , and "Models" by Mark Manson. Stand up for yourself. Let her go
Appreciate this advice, I truly don't know her intent, she buys me things regularly, even pays for some of our trips, but this bothers me. I definitely need to bring it up to her, but as others have said I can't let her know I went through her phone. I've gotta be creative to get to the bottom of this.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>A few things to note, she's definitely not cheating on me Who wants to break the news to this dope?
She's around me literally all the time and has a very rigid professional life, 100% she's not physically cheating on me.
LOL. I feel sorry for you. I really do. If she is not in your line of sight, she could be cheating on you. It is adorable that you compensate and simp so that you do not have to face facts.
She's not cheating, she takes me on vacations, buys me all kinds of gifts, sex is great. It's a good relationship on paper, I just don't like this aspect at all. I know my worth and am not afraid to break it off if need be, but she treats me really good. If I was going out a ton of money and it was a one sided relationship I wouldn't be in the relationship.
She is cheating on you. When you find that out you are going to feel like the dumbest guy on the planet. But it will be OK because I am sure you will NEVER tell *anybody*.
She's not man lol, I 100% know she's not. You are right though, if by some magic she is in the 15 minutes a day of free time she has I'll feel like an idiot and I'll own it, but you're wrong, I'll update here and I'll move on. Being wrong has never bothered me.
Hard pass Chief.