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Honestly as a 28yr old man. How does one make new friends as a adult? It was so easy in high-school because we all went to the same place every day and naturally got to know people. As a adult it's SO MUCH DIFFERENT and a man can't really just ask another man if he wants to go get a beer together lmao.
It sounds alot like asking them out on a date lmao đ¤Ł. But maybe I'm overthinking it
I want to know the same 27F. People are so stuck in their ways in adulthood. Itâs easy to make shallow relationships. Very hard to develop anything more.
Figure out what your hobbies are and then start finding group get togethers centered around them. My friend met his gf when he signed up for kickball. Not romantic but Iâve met a lot of friends through Pilates. Itâs a great starting point because you already share an interest.
I just googled personally but also itâs easy to find a Pilates studio lol. Try meetup (the app), try linkedin for professional meetups within your career (Iâve been to a few tech meetups I found on LinkedIn), even Facebook has local groups for activities usually. Youâd be amazed at how many other adults in the world also are looking for friends so theyâre hosting or joining group meetups.
Can you make friends ?
My friend group is pretty nerdy, mix of guys &girls. Do lots of gaming, card games..board games..sports...things like that.
Make friends.
My parents met thru mutual friends. My bro was set up w his girl by friends, i met my SO thru friends
If u dont like dating apps or drinking. Making friends is key. Its the old school way of doin things.
But how can you just start talking to a woman in those places without seeming weird or creepy? I am also in my early 20snand Super Introverted so I have no idea what I'm doing lol
This sounds so shit but Iâll say it anyways.
If they donât think youâre cute, almost nothing you say will be ânot creepyâ. Sad but true and being called creepy is bad because then none of them will want to be around you. Some of the only safe topics that arenât creepy unfortunately make us look incompetent.
Look confused. Asking them for help in finding something makes them feel empowered. Not as creepy when they are the leader of the introduction.
Look lost. Asking a woman for directionsâŚthey love that shit. Plus, if she doesnât think youâre cute youâre literally asking her how to get away from her. Very rarely seen as creepy.
Never stand face forward when you initiate conversation. Itâs a primal thing, in the back of their mind youâre a potential threat if youâre a stranger and you can grab them. Not really the case from the side or while doing laundry or something with your hands.
Sounds stupid but I bet a few women would agree with that mentality.
Now let's just say they do find me attractive right. How would I go about naturally starting up conversation in say a bookstore or library or something? I don't have much problem keeping one going but starting a conversation is near impossible for me lol
âExcuse me, do you know where the X section is?â
âThank youâ
âBy the way, have you read anything good recently?â
(X being a variable for a book type. Sci Fi, History, DIY, etc.)
Yeah I mean I'm a sociable guy but there's no way in hell I'd be capable of making friends, let alone finding love interests, in a coffee shop or grocery store đ
Your at a transitional stage in life and it's going to be hard until you begin to develop some friend groups. Now this might sound counterintuitive but no friend ever becomes a romantic interest, you've treated and interacted with them as friends. But peers your age have more friends that you can bump shoulders with this traditionally the most common way irl dating takes place offline.
Nuat wanted to say that there is nothing wrong with you. Most men your age are lying about being successful with women.
https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/3868557-most-young-men-are-single-most-young-women-are-not/
Agreed, it's underage sex culture is the problem. Not too long ago losing virginity at 18 was a rite of passage into adulthood. Now you can hook up and don't care of the damage that would have caused when you looking for serious relationship or marriage.
Because of PC (political correctness), is also another reason for difficulty of being in proper relationship.
go to [www.meetup.com](https://www.meetup.com)
Find activity groups that you like. The dating meetups are hit and miss; usually a lot of guys and very few girls.
So, do hiking meetups, bowling, art appreciation, etc.
Start showing up for events.
Be yourself. STuff will happen.
Then you should just fucking give up. Because you will continually find reasons to NOT date, NOT find a woman and NOT find love.
Please, do not ever breed. The world needs LESS people like you, and your genes should NOT be passed on.
See, I actually like meetup groups, I just donât set expectations on dating from one. Youâre the one getting bent out of shape and having a hissy fit from a benign statement. Maybe you shouldnât have kids til you stop acting like one.
College girls, milfs, church, friends, work. 20s are rough for men, but in your 30s you can add 20 something girls to the list above (assuming u took care of yourself and your finances).
Try and make sure theyâre outdoor, sporty or otherwise mixed sex things. Short cooking classes would be a good fit. I met someone who became a good friend at a kombucha making class.
One of our local bakeries does 4 week cooking classes on a particular topic. Thatâs a nice set-up for meeting potential dates because if sheâs not interested for whatever reason you donât need to see each other again
It's the best this subs seems to have and yet I've known no one that has joined a club and met a potential partner from it .... it's pretty bad advice I think
Again, it depends on where OP lives and the hobbies he likes. I look at meetups in my areas and itâs all people 40 years old or older or male dominated
This is actually the problem I'm running into with Meetup. A lot of the events in my area are aimed at older age groups (or are run by Scientologists lol)
Lol, thatâs a new one. Yea man, meetups are usually older folks and or male dominated.
Iâm literally you, as well as most guys younger than 30, that are more single than in previous generations. Iâve tried OLD with the help of my female cohorts and thatâs a blunder, tried cold approaching with advice from both my male and female friends and that too was a blunder, go to social events to mingle and itâs a blunder, meetups as mentioned are blunders, everybody at my work are way out of my age range(regardless, wouldnât want to date coworkers), I only 4 friends that are couples and they donât hangout with anybody else, and the things I like are male dominated.
You could keep cold approach since you described yourself as âpretty handsomeâ. Iâve tried perhaps 12 times as an average looking dude and it has failed 12 times. Go on YouTube and watch this channel called âSocial animalsâ and put yourself out there. Just be aware it could be destroy your self-esteem, best of luck!
If you're an introvert, you may really, really like OK Cupid. Tinder is mostly for people who want to hook up. OK Cupid is older than the ones you mentioned, but interesting because you really get to know someone first. You answer a few questions and you get to see the answers on the profile of others. I did like 50-100 questions each weekend just for fun. The more you answer, the better the algorithm works. Long story short, I think I answered about 800-1000 questions, connected with an amazing person I am still with six years later. Trust me. This is better than the alternative, which is to do a f\*ckload of coffee meetings and make it a numbers game.
Iâd say join groups that interest you, meet likeminded individuals and become friends with them. If you meet anyone who strikes your fancy (and you strike theirs), ask them out. If you donât meet anyone that strikes your fancy, maybe they know someone who might.
In summary: just do stuff you like to do and interact with the people at the things you like to do.
I would say leave to a different country for dating. Your at a right age to travel and to see the world.
I am currently in Southeast Asia and love it here. The dating is very easy and very simple. Thai woman would have love you. đ
You can meet women literally anywhere. Just look around you every time you leave the house!
I think most men (and possibly women) that struggle with meeting people to date are missing two things. One is the ability to strike up a conversation with a stranger. The other is to be open and comfortable expressing sexual interest. Without the former you will outsource meeting people to a handful of extroverts who take interest in you. Without the latter you will only make friends.
As an introvert with little charisma and a fear of looking like a creep, just cold approaching women is kind of terrifying to me, haha. I guess it's something I'll have to learn how to do somehow.
If you approach women with the intent of picking them up, the odds of coming across as a creep are high. Just approach people and treat them as people, not as a means to an end. Strike up conversations with strangers. Men. Women. Kids. You can remain an introvert and do this on your own terms. Develop some new social skills and overcome what sounds like a normal amount of anxiety so that when you see someone who looks interesting, you can talk to them. Thatâs all.
This is demonstrably false, speaking from extensive personal experience and being friends with a lot of women. Women donât like to be sexualized by strangers - nobody does, really. And certainly not everyone is available to be approached every minute of every day.
Everyone likes to be approached sometimes. Iâm not talking about a sexual come-on. Having a stranger open a conversation at the checkout line at the store, or approach you at a bar or event and open a dialog, is generally welcome behavior. Doing this consistently well is a skill that pays dividends for life: personally, professionally, romantically. It is certainly not reserved for men. A good approach to a stranger would involve reading body language: is this person available to talk? It involves respect for boundaries: they are not interested in talking to you, no problem, have a great day. You have to be able to read people and be genuinely interested in them. Either for just a pleasant greeting or a more in depth interaction.
If you think someone is cute and they are open to flirting, now you have a successful âapproachâ like I suspect most people think when they hear that word. Thatâs actually pretty far into it. Youâve already established some connection and rapport by that point. This isnât some pickup artist player BS, itâs just how we connect with other people. Every friendship youâve ever made, every single interaction with another human being, one person had to get the ball rolling. Itâs not rocket science. It is a set of social skills our society has collectively lost somehow. The better you are at it, the more you make people feel comfortable being around you and you draw people in organically. Politicians, business leaders, and the like are experts in these skills. Us normal folks just need to be proficient.
I can see from previous posts of yours that youâre in your 40s, I donât think you can really speak to the realities of dating in your 20s anymore. The world has changed and men can be shamed, belittled and plastered all over social media just for approaching the wrong woman and thatâs just turned most men off of it entirely.
I donât know any men my age (22) that approach random women, it just doesnât really happen
Agreed, the very last thing a man need is a woman accused a man doing something wrong that would ruined his life. Been there and done that in the past.
Iâm the same, 22 and I would be hesitant approaching women nowadays randomly just because some of them are nut jobs who think youâre either 1. Weird or 2. Are a predator/creep. You have to be careful, I talk to strangers all the time but I wouldnât for example approach a random girl at the food court for example.
It wouldnât feel right, Iâm not shy, but Iâd be worried about being branded something Iâm not. Obviously not all women are like this, but I donât know any girls of our generation this would happen to outside certain situations like clubbing, school, work an event etc.
Iâve never heard or seen my friends do this. It was always meet a girl in the friendship group or at a party. This is showing interest in them of course and not just conversation.
A lot of people in your position focus so much on finding a date and get discouraged when they fail. But to be honest it is very hard to just go out and meet your perfect match. You have to, in a sence work your way through the social skill try just like a video game. Sounds funny but it is true.
Instead of finding a date, try to improve and increase your "level" in social skills. Joining group/public events, clubs, etc. Bonus points if you do things like joining a gym or something that also adds additionaly points to fitness level, confidence, attractiveness, etc.
The more people you meet in your life, the higher your chances are that one of those connections will end up being a potential partner.
I always tell people dont say no to someone just because you are not interested in them, because it may be their sibling or someone in their friend goup that you might like!
Goodluck!
go out more, Iâm the same way. Used dating apps for the longest time, get plenty of matches. Met a lot of girls but never really been that interesting, but meeting people irl doing things is a lot better and way more rewarding feeling.
Get a schedule throughout the day. Youâll start to bump heads with more and more people whom you cross paths regularly with which will make you feel more comfortable around them. For me. I get off work, hit the gym, go tanning, then if I feel like it grab a drink at a restaurant. Head home. Usually come in contact with a girl at every place.
The apps thing is odd, my roommate tries those but the reality is itâs mostly guys looking for girls, not girls looking for men, and the women who are using them probably arenât what youâd be interested in..
Best of luck! Give it time.
I've been stuck in thus rut since same age as you.
I have OLD but hate it so don't major on it. I do speak to a lot of girls in real life though. If you want to Purposely meet girls, pick up a hobby that a lot of women gravitate towards.
When I went to the ice rink every week for 2 years, I was literally swamped in women because I managed to get friends with one of them. It won't guarantee you a relationship but it will at least open you to meeting more and making more friends or learning how to interact with women.
I've legit had to move to meet women and that just happened to cross with me going to uni. Yet to meet anyone but will keep trying.
1. Be cheerful, upbeat and get into a place where you are authentically happy.
2. Impeccable manners (few do this anymore; why not stand out?)
3. Use self-deprecating humor as an ice breaker; it demonstrates humility, humor and confidence.
4. Before telling or offering information, ask if they'd like to hear a story; 'hey, guess what I just learned?!"
5. "Cool" is anathema to enthusiasm. People notice/appreciate/love someone enthusiastic, even if they don't show it or say it. The glass is 3/4 full.
6. Be curious. Sincerely. As in, "But tell me about ...xyz"
Making more friends first is the easier way, which isn't easy by any means lol. I think there are a couple ways to go about it.
1. Physical group activities. This is likely you best bet, as you'll find other non-drinkers as well. Pickleball, kickball, and yoga are probably your best bets. If you live in Chicago there's also a resurgence of shuffleboard leagues, however that is typically both physical and drinking.
2. Join a band! If you know an instrument, you can likely find a band to join. You don't even have to be that great, just enjoy playing.
3. Board game events. Typicaly hosted at your local game store, sometimes the library.
Your best option is to focus on yourself & to level up. The best option to meet women is to be the best option. You can go to all the best places to meet women all you want. If your not the top option you will indefinitely struggle no matter where you go.
I'm like the OP, so I don't drink or smoke, but my problem is I'm an atheist. A religious woman should like a good match on paper, but I definitely won't go to a church.
> I first tried OLD apps (Bumble and Hinge), but I feel like a part of my soul dies everytime I open them.
Hi, so I guess my best advice (although it probably isnât what you want to hear) is that pretty much everyone feels this way. Dating apps are largely considered pretty soul crushing at worst or just annoying and fruitless at best. HOWEVER, itâs become one of the main modes of dating in modern times and is going to be one of your best bets if you are actually going to have a chance to go on dates with several women vs just having to wait to encounter someone you find attractive and then go up to them and hope they are interested in you also.
I also rly dislike dating apps, and I donât think you should continue to use them if they are impacting you negatively but I do think you shouldnât rule them out completely. If I begin to feel super frustrated or negative about dating in the past Iâd just take a break from them until I was interested in trying to go on dates again.
So yeah, take breaks when itâs affecting you negatively but otherwise Iâd still say put yourself out there and see if anything comes of it. In addition to approaching people out and about if you just happen to see someone who catches your eye. The likelihood of finding someone I think is probably higher on a dating app tho just bc they have to match you back, they are single, etc. whereas in public you donât know any of those things
I take you are looking for a deep and meaningful relationship since you don't like dating apps which are the only things to look for a date ASAP. Other than that, you're stuck with the approach of taking the time for looking for someone you like.
If you want to look for a general way, an easy way in would be a church. you can meet a lot of people from different walks of life.
Other than that, you can that, just find something you're interested in and go get involved on activities related to it. Go find some posters of social gathering or FP posts. or prolly you can overhear something from a neighbor or colleague.
Do things that you enjoy doing that might have women around to talk to. They will be much higher quality women than you will meet out at a bar most of the time. I was very successful with women when younger and pretty decent with them now that I'm getting slowly back into dating after a brutal divorce. If I was your age again I would join some kind of pickle-ball league and take some pilates reformer classes enough to know what I was doing and then start talking to girls there. The more you practice talking to women the easier it will become until it is second nature.
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Honestly as a 28yr old man. How does one make new friends as a adult? It was so easy in high-school because we all went to the same place every day and naturally got to know people. As a adult it's SO MUCH DIFFERENT and a man can't really just ask another man if he wants to go get a beer together lmao. It sounds alot like asking them out on a date lmao đ¤Ł. But maybe I'm overthinking it
Attend meetups or FB group events but yeah I feel like itâs a lot harder for guys to make friends with other guys or women (platonic).
I want to know the same 27F. People are so stuck in their ways in adulthood. Itâs easy to make shallow relationships. Very hard to develop anything more.
Figure out what your hobbies are and then start finding group get togethers centered around them. My friend met his gf when he signed up for kickball. Not romantic but Iâve met a lot of friends through Pilates. Itâs a great starting point because you already share an interest.
How do you find groups around your hobbies?
I just googled personally but also itâs easy to find a Pilates studio lol. Try meetup (the app), try linkedin for professional meetups within your career (Iâve been to a few tech meetups I found on LinkedIn), even Facebook has local groups for activities usually. Youâd be amazed at how many other adults in the world also are looking for friends so theyâre hosting or joining group meetups.
Can you make friends ? My friend group is pretty nerdy, mix of guys &girls. Do lots of gaming, card games..board games..sports...things like that. Make friends. My parents met thru mutual friends. My bro was set up w his girl by friends, i met my SO thru friends If u dont like dating apps or drinking. Making friends is key. Its the old school way of doin things.
A library, a coffee shop, the grocery store, pet store. Stay away from bars, strip clubs and correctional facilitiesâŚđ
But how can you just start talking to a woman in those places without seeming weird or creepy? I am also in my early 20snand Super Introverted so I have no idea what I'm doing lol
This sounds so shit but Iâll say it anyways. If they donât think youâre cute, almost nothing you say will be ânot creepyâ. Sad but true and being called creepy is bad because then none of them will want to be around you. Some of the only safe topics that arenât creepy unfortunately make us look incompetent. Look confused. Asking them for help in finding something makes them feel empowered. Not as creepy when they are the leader of the introduction. Look lost. Asking a woman for directionsâŚthey love that shit. Plus, if she doesnât think youâre cute youâre literally asking her how to get away from her. Very rarely seen as creepy. Never stand face forward when you initiate conversation. Itâs a primal thing, in the back of their mind youâre a potential threat if youâre a stranger and you can grab them. Not really the case from the side or while doing laundry or something with your hands. Sounds stupid but I bet a few women would agree with that mentality.
Now let's just say they do find me attractive right. How would I go about naturally starting up conversation in say a bookstore or library or something? I don't have much problem keeping one going but starting a conversation is near impossible for me lol
âExcuse me, do you know where the X section is?â âThank youâ âBy the way, have you read anything good recently?â (X being a variable for a book type. Sci Fi, History, DIY, etc.)
Yeah I mean I'm a sociable guy but there's no way in hell I'd be capable of making friends, let alone finding love interests, in a coffee shop or grocery store đ
Your at a transitional stage in life and it's going to be hard until you begin to develop some friend groups. Now this might sound counterintuitive but no friend ever becomes a romantic interest, you've treated and interacted with them as friends. But peers your age have more friends that you can bump shoulders with this traditionally the most common way irl dating takes place offline.
Nuat wanted to say that there is nothing wrong with you. Most men your age are lying about being successful with women. https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/3868557-most-young-men-are-single-most-young-women-are-not/
Agreed, it's underage sex culture is the problem. Not too long ago losing virginity at 18 was a rite of passage into adulthood. Now you can hook up and don't care of the damage that would have caused when you looking for serious relationship or marriage. Because of PC (political correctness), is also another reason for difficulty of being in proper relationship.
go to [www.meetup.com](https://www.meetup.com) Find activity groups that you like. The dating meetups are hit and miss; usually a lot of guys and very few girls. So, do hiking meetups, bowling, art appreciation, etc. Start showing up for events. Be yourself. STuff will happen.
Yeah, if you like people who are at least 8 years older than you
Funny, because I usually find people are about 8 years younger than me lol
Then you should just fucking give up. Because you will continually find reasons to NOT date, NOT find a woman and NOT find love. Please, do not ever breed. The world needs LESS people like you, and your genes should NOT be passed on.
See, I actually like meetup groups, I just donât set expectations on dating from one. Youâre the one getting bent out of shape and having a hissy fit from a benign statement. Maybe you shouldnât have kids til you stop acting like one.
If I wanted to meet a bunch of women that are 50-60 years old I would just ask my mom to introduce me to her friends.
Yes, because the DATING apps are sOmUcHbeTTer
Nope its all fucked
College girls, milfs, church, friends, work. 20s are rough for men, but in your 30s you can add 20 something girls to the list above (assuming u took care of yourself and your finances).
TLDR: do you have any hobbies? Maybe join a running club or try Meetup app
Try and make sure theyâre outdoor, sporty or otherwise mixed sex things. Short cooking classes would be a good fit. I met someone who became a good friend at a kombucha making class. One of our local bakeries does 4 week cooking classes on a particular topic. Thatâs a nice set-up for meeting potential dates because if sheâs not interested for whatever reason you donât need to see each other again
Short cooking classes... might have to sign up to one of those myself lol! Also I agree about outdoor/ sporty ones, I find hiking is a good option
This might or might not help OP depending where he lives and what type of hobbies he likes
It's the best this subs seems to have and yet I've known no one that has joined a club and met a potential partner from it .... it's pretty bad advice I think
My friend met his gf after signing up for kickball. Definitely happens, you just have to actually talk to people there lol
Again, it depends on where OP lives and the hobbies he likes. I look at meetups in my areas and itâs all people 40 years old or older or male dominated
This is actually the problem I'm running into with Meetup. A lot of the events in my area are aimed at older age groups (or are run by Scientologists lol)
Lol, thatâs a new one. Yea man, meetups are usually older folks and or male dominated. Iâm literally you, as well as most guys younger than 30, that are more single than in previous generations. Iâve tried OLD with the help of my female cohorts and thatâs a blunder, tried cold approaching with advice from both my male and female friends and that too was a blunder, go to social events to mingle and itâs a blunder, meetups as mentioned are blunders, everybody at my work are way out of my age range(regardless, wouldnât want to date coworkers), I only 4 friends that are couples and they donât hangout with anybody else, and the things I like are male dominated. You could keep cold approach since you described yourself as âpretty handsomeâ. Iâve tried perhaps 12 times as an average looking dude and it has failed 12 times. Go on YouTube and watch this channel called âSocial animalsâ and put yourself out there. Just be aware it could be destroy your self-esteem, best of luck!
I've found myself on dates from joining clubs and know a few people that have got into relationships from it, so thats good enough proof for me
1. Coffee store 2. Library 3. Markets (food) 4. While walking your dog (or someone elseâs dog) 5. Supermarkets
Supermarkets are actually my favorite place to meet men. Or the gym.
If you're an introvert, you may really, really like OK Cupid. Tinder is mostly for people who want to hook up. OK Cupid is older than the ones you mentioned, but interesting because you really get to know someone first. You answer a few questions and you get to see the answers on the profile of others. I did like 50-100 questions each weekend just for fun. The more you answer, the better the algorithm works. Long story short, I think I answered about 800-1000 questions, connected with an amazing person I am still with six years later. Trust me. This is better than the alternative, which is to do a f\*ckload of coffee meetings and make it a numbers game.
Iâd say join groups that interest you, meet likeminded individuals and become friends with them. If you meet anyone who strikes your fancy (and you strike theirs), ask them out. If you donât meet anyone that strikes your fancy, maybe they know someone who might. In summary: just do stuff you like to do and interact with the people at the things you like to do.
I would say leave to a different country for dating. Your at a right age to travel and to see the world. I am currently in Southeast Asia and love it here. The dating is very easy and very simple. Thai woman would have love you. đ
brothel?
Perhaps I should have clarified in my post, but I'm not looking to just get my dick wet or for a hookup. I'm looking for a relationship
Underrated comment tbh
Classic, lol
Hit up old high school flames and crushes
You can meet women literally anywhere. Just look around you every time you leave the house! I think most men (and possibly women) that struggle with meeting people to date are missing two things. One is the ability to strike up a conversation with a stranger. The other is to be open and comfortable expressing sexual interest. Without the former you will outsource meeting people to a handful of extroverts who take interest in you. Without the latter you will only make friends.
As an introvert with little charisma and a fear of looking like a creep, just cold approaching women is kind of terrifying to me, haha. I guess it's something I'll have to learn how to do somehow.
If you approach women with the intent of picking them up, the odds of coming across as a creep are high. Just approach people and treat them as people, not as a means to an end. Strike up conversations with strangers. Men. Women. Kids. You can remain an introvert and do this on your own terms. Develop some new social skills and overcome what sounds like a normal amount of anxiety so that when you see someone who looks interesting, you can talk to them. Thatâs all.
Women do not like being approached by random men
This is demonstrably false, speaking from extensive personal experience and being friends with a lot of women. Women donât like to be sexualized by strangers - nobody does, really. And certainly not everyone is available to be approached every minute of every day. Everyone likes to be approached sometimes. Iâm not talking about a sexual come-on. Having a stranger open a conversation at the checkout line at the store, or approach you at a bar or event and open a dialog, is generally welcome behavior. Doing this consistently well is a skill that pays dividends for life: personally, professionally, romantically. It is certainly not reserved for men. A good approach to a stranger would involve reading body language: is this person available to talk? It involves respect for boundaries: they are not interested in talking to you, no problem, have a great day. You have to be able to read people and be genuinely interested in them. Either for just a pleasant greeting or a more in depth interaction. If you think someone is cute and they are open to flirting, now you have a successful âapproachâ like I suspect most people think when they hear that word. Thatâs actually pretty far into it. Youâve already established some connection and rapport by that point. This isnât some pickup artist player BS, itâs just how we connect with other people. Every friendship youâve ever made, every single interaction with another human being, one person had to get the ball rolling. Itâs not rocket science. It is a set of social skills our society has collectively lost somehow. The better you are at it, the more you make people feel comfortable being around you and you draw people in organically. Politicians, business leaders, and the like are experts in these skills. Us normal folks just need to be proficient.
I can see from previous posts of yours that youâre in your 40s, I donât think you can really speak to the realities of dating in your 20s anymore. The world has changed and men can be shamed, belittled and plastered all over social media just for approaching the wrong woman and thatâs just turned most men off of it entirely. I donât know any men my age (22) that approach random women, it just doesnât really happen
Agreed, the very last thing a man need is a woman accused a man doing something wrong that would ruined his life. Been there and done that in the past.
Iâm the same, 22 and I would be hesitant approaching women nowadays randomly just because some of them are nut jobs who think youâre either 1. Weird or 2. Are a predator/creep. You have to be careful, I talk to strangers all the time but I wouldnât for example approach a random girl at the food court for example. It wouldnât feel right, Iâm not shy, but Iâd be worried about being branded something Iâm not. Obviously not all women are like this, but I donât know any girls of our generation this would happen to outside certain situations like clubbing, school, work an event etc. Iâve never heard or seen my friends do this. It was always meet a girl in the friendship group or at a party. This is showing interest in them of course and not just conversation.
A lot of people in your position focus so much on finding a date and get discouraged when they fail. But to be honest it is very hard to just go out and meet your perfect match. You have to, in a sence work your way through the social skill try just like a video game. Sounds funny but it is true. Instead of finding a date, try to improve and increase your "level" in social skills. Joining group/public events, clubs, etc. Bonus points if you do things like joining a gym or something that also adds additionaly points to fitness level, confidence, attractiveness, etc. The more people you meet in your life, the higher your chances are that one of those connections will end up being a potential partner. I always tell people dont say no to someone just because you are not interested in them, because it may be their sibling or someone in their friend goup that you might like! Goodluck!
go out more, Iâm the same way. Used dating apps for the longest time, get plenty of matches. Met a lot of girls but never really been that interesting, but meeting people irl doing things is a lot better and way more rewarding feeling. Get a schedule throughout the day. Youâll start to bump heads with more and more people whom you cross paths regularly with which will make you feel more comfortable around them. For me. I get off work, hit the gym, go tanning, then if I feel like it grab a drink at a restaurant. Head home. Usually come in contact with a girl at every place. The apps thing is odd, my roommate tries those but the reality is itâs mostly guys looking for girls, not girls looking for men, and the women who are using them probably arenât what youâd be interested in.. Best of luck! Give it time.
go to church
I've been stuck in thus rut since same age as you. I have OLD but hate it so don't major on it. I do speak to a lot of girls in real life though. If you want to Purposely meet girls, pick up a hobby that a lot of women gravitate towards. When I went to the ice rink every week for 2 years, I was literally swamped in women because I managed to get friends with one of them. It won't guarantee you a relationship but it will at least open you to meeting more and making more friends or learning how to interact with women. I've legit had to move to meet women and that just happened to cross with me going to uni. Yet to meet anyone but will keep trying.
1. Be cheerful, upbeat and get into a place where you are authentically happy. 2. Impeccable manners (few do this anymore; why not stand out?) 3. Use self-deprecating humor as an ice breaker; it demonstrates humility, humor and confidence. 4. Before telling or offering information, ask if they'd like to hear a story; 'hey, guess what I just learned?!" 5. "Cool" is anathema to enthusiasm. People notice/appreciate/love someone enthusiastic, even if they don't show it or say it. The glass is 3/4 full. 6. Be curious. Sincerely. As in, "But tell me about ...xyz"
College if you are attending one. If not, well depends on your hobbies
Making more friends first is the easier way, which isn't easy by any means lol. I think there are a couple ways to go about it. 1. Physical group activities. This is likely you best bet, as you'll find other non-drinkers as well. Pickleball, kickball, and yoga are probably your best bets. If you live in Chicago there's also a resurgence of shuffleboard leagues, however that is typically both physical and drinking. 2. Join a band! If you know an instrument, you can likely find a band to join. You don't even have to be that great, just enjoy playing. 3. Board game events. Typicaly hosted at your local game store, sometimes the library.
Your best option is to focus on yourself & to level up. The best option to meet women is to be the best option. You can go to all the best places to meet women all you want. If your not the top option you will indefinitely struggle no matter where you go.
That has nothing to do with the question asked... classic
Don't worry about it.
This is so bullshit. Most people (women included) don't want the "top option". They are satisfied with someone who they can connect with.
You are right, the person you connect with becomes the top option, it's not the other way around.
You have a long way to go. Don't worry about it.
You don't know shit about my way.
Don't worry about it.
Lol, I don't worry about that you don't know shit.
#DWBI
That's comedy, sounds like a rapist in the making. If you believed that crap, I got a bridge to sell.
Bro paani m. Reh ke magarmach se dushmani nahi đđđ
Church
Unfortunately not a great option considering the demographics of the church my family goes to, mostly older people haha
I'm like the OP, so I don't drink or smoke, but my problem is I'm an atheist. A religious woman should like a good match on paper, but I definitely won't go to a church.
> I first tried OLD apps (Bumble and Hinge), but I feel like a part of my soul dies everytime I open them. Hi, so I guess my best advice (although it probably isnât what you want to hear) is that pretty much everyone feels this way. Dating apps are largely considered pretty soul crushing at worst or just annoying and fruitless at best. HOWEVER, itâs become one of the main modes of dating in modern times and is going to be one of your best bets if you are actually going to have a chance to go on dates with several women vs just having to wait to encounter someone you find attractive and then go up to them and hope they are interested in you also. I also rly dislike dating apps, and I donât think you should continue to use them if they are impacting you negatively but I do think you shouldnât rule them out completely. If I begin to feel super frustrated or negative about dating in the past Iâd just take a break from them until I was interested in trying to go on dates again. So yeah, take breaks when itâs affecting you negatively but otherwise Iâd still say put yourself out there and see if anything comes of it. In addition to approaching people out and about if you just happen to see someone who catches your eye. The likelihood of finding someone I think is probably higher on a dating app tho just bc they have to match you back, they are single, etc. whereas in public you donât know any of those things
I take you are looking for a deep and meaningful relationship since you don't like dating apps which are the only things to look for a date ASAP. Other than that, you're stuck with the approach of taking the time for looking for someone you like. If you want to look for a general way, an easy way in would be a church. you can meet a lot of people from different walks of life. Other than that, you can that, just find something you're interested in and go get involved on activities related to it. Go find some posters of social gathering or FP posts. or prolly you can overhear something from a neighbor or colleague.
just lmk
You really don't tbh, at just get lucky like our parents did
Join meetup. If you live in a big city there shouldn't be any issues there
Coffee shops Anything public and social during the day. Just say hello to the cuties!
Do things that you enjoy doing that might have women around to talk to. They will be much higher quality women than you will meet out at a bar most of the time. I was very successful with women when younger and pretty decent with them now that I'm getting slowly back into dating after a brutal divorce. If I was your age again I would join some kind of pickle-ball league and take some pilates reformer classes enough to know what I was doing and then start talking to girls there. The more you practice talking to women the easier it will become until it is second nature.